How Did This Get Made? - Samurai Cop LIVE!

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Keep it warm listeners! The HDTGM crew finally analyze one of the best bad movies ever made—the 1991 cult action classic Samurai Cop. LIVE from San Francisco they discuss all the gross kissing, the lion head prop, Alfonso the waiter, the ADR, Samurai Cop's ever-changing wig, the bonkers flirting, all the mid-scene location changes, the real-life heist of a Rembrandt painting that sent the film's star Mathew Karedas to prison, and SO MUCH MORE. To quote Jason, "The fact that this movie exists and we hadn't done it yet means that there's still work to do." #LadyCopLatkes Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, and more.Pre-Order Paul’s book about his childhood, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, wherever books are soldFor extra Matinee Monday content, visit Paul's YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerHDTGM Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerFollow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Check out Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch (www.twitch.tv/friendzone) every Thursday 8-10pm ESTSubscribe to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson here: listen.earwolf.com/unspooledSubscribe to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael here: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastCheck out The Jane Club over at www.janeclub.comCheck out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmWhere to find Jason, June & Paul:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on Twitter

Righteousness, loyalty, honor, respect, honesty, courage, consistency. These are the seven rules of the samurai. However, in this movie, they've replaced those rules with cooking, running, shooting, fucking, fighting, ponytail maintenance, and soft, soft kisses. We saw Samurai Cop, so you know what that means. This is a source of native wool, baby, in this belly. Rock a wild stove, that's wild ripping Justin and Kelly. Or maybe see a bird last show with Nick Crowe. And take a photo, speed to hitting, who is controlling? J.D., Big Paul, and the Booster Drew.

Gonna take you from the pool while the way is the road. Rain again, the street fighter hope to blow off steam. Just a sucker punch the iron life, attempt it. Three shots, and then it's a birdemic. How you staying alive? They call me when they're bad're badass and he's on the line Cranking they skate limits cause they cool as ice Cause they're bad, Jeff Bonny looking kind tonight

Calling June, getting literal, Jason is getting lame June is making sure all the monkey shots get the pain They're just a bunch of movies, why we making the grade? Here's a real question for you, how did this kid pay? Hello people of Earth. I am tall John Shear and welcome to How Did This Get Made. 1991 action drama classic samurai cop a movie lost for many years and then discovered recently in a vault we'll get into that in a little bit I won't list the actors because it won't make a difference. But they are all fucking great. What is this movie about?

Well, it's simple. It's about a cop from San Diego via Japan, which I have questions about, who comes to get a gang who has one briefcase of cocaine. And then seemingly, in about two days, a body count of epic proportions just goes higher and higher every moment as they try to get to the bottom of this case, which they knew who was behind it from the beginning. This movie is action.

This movie is sex. This movie is fun. And it also is a lot of lethal weapon too. To break down tonight's film please welcome my co-host Mr. Jason Manzoukas! What's up jerks? That's right, give it to me San Francisco, how we doing? Fuck yes Jason I told this crowd before we started the show this is these motherfuckers right here. Yes

These San Francisco motherfuckers got lucky with this movie. This is a movie that people have talked about for a long time here on this podcast. I'll be honest with you. I had an experience watching this movie, which was so interesting and is such a part of this show, which was the high-low reaction, the highest of highs. Oh my God, this is a blast. How have we never done this before?

Holy shit, this is incredible and then the lowest of lows if at 13 years in we still have gold like this We're gonna be doing this shit forever Then this that this exists and we haven't done it means there's still work to do This is why I'm excited about to the bone We need it. We need to do it I mean look, you know, this is why we do this show to unearth relics like samurai cop and there's a person Who loves cop movies who loves soft kisses? And loves a good wig, please Please welcome to the stage my other co-host June Diane Lavio!

Welcome, June. How are you, Paul? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm okay. I actually, I just want to get one thought out there real quick. After I saw this, I turned to Paul and I said, I don't think I like kissing. I don't think I like it. I don't like it as an idea.

Why do we have to kiss? Here's the thing. Kissing is gross. Kissing, watching kissing like this was gross. It made me sick. That being said, that being said, I would take every single soft, gentle, tongue-filled kiss Ew.

In this movie than all of the sex scenes combined in the Fifty Shades of Grey movies that we did last week. This movie was better sexually than all three Fifty Shades of Grey movies combined full stop. Here's the thing about the kissing before we move away from it. No, I only wanna talk about the kissing. I's the thing about the kissing before we move away from it.

No, I only wanna talk about the kissing. I only wanna talk about the kissing. I think it was shock, I think what I was so confused by was to see so many naked bodies or near naked bodies only kissing. Well, that was like- I'm so sorry, June, I hate to say, I hate to come down so hard on you,

but there was also soft caresses. Well, that is what I want to talk about. I wanted to talk about the hand on leg, and I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life than when his little finger went into her thong underwear. I was like, what is happening here? I don't like him forming a hook none of it no one none of their underwear but yet they seem know they do

fucking so hard there's there we see Bush in this movie why oh yeah she's the only one but she unrobes and I feel like most people most people are in bed in black underwear. Black underwear or white underwear. And I was watching it and thinking to myself, it's so sexual but so chaste because there's not even tongue kissing. Well, that's the thing. There is tongue kissing.

There is, oh, there's extreme close up of tongue action. His tongue in particular. Like the movie, I think, wants the tongue penetration to be the penetration. Yeah. And that's where it is. And I was like, this is a time when the eroticism of the, wait, did you say 91? 91.

The 80s, the late 80s, I guess the early 90s, is tongue kissing and gentle, soft gentle caresses to soft gentle music. This is where you hear like kind of like this like saxophone kind of playing. Now I'll say this, as somebody who, I'm a hairy man, I have hair on my body. I was uncomfortable by that one man's weird hair on his body where it was just, it seemed like he had a landing strip of hair down like the calf of his leg.

I was like, you know what, do this man's, at that point, you gotta have hair all around or you gotta shave it. Like I feel like that's a choice. Well, as Jessica Sinclair always says, I want all the hair or none of the hair. Yes. You know, it's gotta be one or the other.

We gotta put that out as a t-shirt. If it's not already, that's a t-shirt. I do think, though, what I liked about this movie was... Everything? Yes. And maybe I'm wrong about this, but I'm going to go out and boldly say, it didn't feel exploitative because it felt like everyone was kind of like, I know what I'm in for and I'm doing it. Like the sex scenes are long.

They were so long. I mean, the first one that we see when he's fucking the helicopter pilot. Holy shit. We know. Don't you mean girl cop? Lady cop. Sorry. I kept writing lady cop.

When he's fucking the lady cop, we know that they're both wearing underwear. We see it. There's no movement to take off underwear. And then I feel like I was watching a mime version of sex. It was like, just like, yeah. Yes. But there was also like, she gets on top of him, and they both stop moving.

It's like, oh, are they not allowed to now engage in motion or does that somehow make it like an X-raying or something because god forbid like if someone gets up on top of me, that's when movement is happening. Well, I believe yeah that she was that he wasn't there. Wait what? That's wonderful news actually. Yeah. Oh, you mean because it was the camera. Yes. I'm sorry. Yes, because I really thought to myself that one actress who was in the black bikini who I guess becomes his love interest. The restaurant owner? Yes, the restaurant owner of Blue Lagoon. Even though I thought he was in some sort of a casual relationship with the lady cop. But that woman inexplicably has a black bathing suit

with her on her way to church. But that's, put that over there for now. He picked her up from church, brought her to his home, midday for a dinner he's cooked. In the afternoon. That includes, I believe, a chicken and some sort of casserole in a pyrex I'm gonna say this you say this guy has made a casserole you're you're

saying picked up I say kidnapped oh yeah I was been of I wrote as well this woman has been abducted but I also understand that Sunday is often people's laundry day and she probably was wearing a bathing suit underneath because she'd run out of under. I was wondering does he have a bikini at the house? It's like oh you can throw this on if you want because we're gonna go in both the ocean and a pool Here at my house. I am a San Diego cop on loan to the Los Angeles Police Department because I am a quote unquote samurai?

Okay, there's so much. You guys, I really like, I wish we had an agenda or something because there's so much to get into. I wish we had six hours. Thank God we do. I took the most notes on this movie. I really was like, I keep on going. I wrote so many just lines of dialogue out wholesale.

I also, I watched it today in the hotel and the way, and I set up, I plugged in June, you gave me an Apple TV when I got COVID in Houston. Thank you very much. Give it up for June. I brought, I brought my Apple TV with me. I technically bought it. June brought it. No, June. It was June. June did it all. I technically bought it June brought it. No June. It was I bought it June brought it all I got it all at Target. What are you talking about?

Oh, you're right. I was with the kids. Yeah, I said June got it for me Paul pissed on it. I hooked it up. I play I started playing the movie for some reason the movie would only play at 100% volume on the TV. I watched this entire movie in a hotel at 100% volume, which when you know the movie is A, completely 80 yard, and B, full of gunplay, I was like, what must the people in the other rooms think is going on? And then every once in a while, me stoned, barking out, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just laughing so hard while this movie is screaming at me. Okay. Wait, just to go back to that's hilarious, Jason.

100%. That is so funny. Couldn't turn it down%. That is so funny. Couldn't turn it down. That is so funny. At the end, I realized I could put my AirPods on and send it directly to my AirPods. And I did that for the last six minutes. Well, that's a pretty loud scene.

That's a pretty loud. So, okay, to go back to the black bathing suit, the black bikini for a second. So there was a point I was really, and I also thought, what church is she going to To go back to the black bathing suit, the black bikini for a second. So there was a point I was really, and I also thought what church is she going to in Beverly Hill? The Episcopalian Church in Beverly Hill. It's also the way she was dressed, not to shame a woman ever, but I was like, that's

an interesting church outfit. It's just interesting. It's up note. But I was like, maybe she goes to one of the Kardashian churches, you know, they go to specific church in Beverly Hills, Calabasas. And when she put that black bathing suit on, I was like, Oh, maybe those are his bottoms. Like, maybe there's a world in which he's putting on those bottoms and for some and he's purchasing like tops. Wait. But he's wearing women's bottoms. He's wearing the bikini bottoms as underwear?

I don't know. No. He's definitely wearing banana hammock. He's wearing like a speedo. He's in the banana hammock style underwear. We've seen it a couple times. It opens up in that black. Like I was... This guy, Joe Samurai. Right, but what I'm saying is their bottoms were way too similar from my comfort level. I got what you're saying. By the way, I wanna say that I wish women would bring back that style of bikini. Oh, okay, Paul, I'm listening.

Any other requests? Like a super high cut? Any other requests? I'm listening, I guess. Any other requests for women, Paul? What else do you want from us? Let them own restaurants, let them fly helicopters, let them do the things that women can do.

When the lady cop turned to the weird, like, older cop and was like, well, we don't have to be anywhere, you want to fuck? I was like... I was stunned to make porn, on what planet has this movie existed and why is it playing so loud? But also, that comes on the heels, because I think at a certain point you're like,

at least I feel like, oh they have a thing, lady cop and samurai cop, I like this. And then the next scene after their sex scene, samurai cop's like, yeah so is fucking this other woman,. And she's like, Hey, he's like, don't worry, babe, you're still good. Oh, he's like, all right. And then he proceeds to hit on every woman he grabbed the woman by the hair and is absolute garbage at it. I think the movie thinks he's got some sort of Riz. That's right.

But he does not. And I love my favorite scene is when he's flirting with a doctor who immediately is like, yeah, you want to take me out? Yeah, you want to fuck me? And then she grabs his dick and is like, nah, too small. What are you circumcised? Did they chop off too much? I was like, go what?

That scene I have I have not stopped thinking if I assume I assume he has every other scene after that he has no dick as far as I'm concerned let's take a look at that scene just we can refresh our memories three not much sir this guy is giving everything to the movie Can we pause for one second and just give an applause break for this cop? He he's doing Next-level stuff in one scene. He's like this

He leans on nothing He is by the way, whoa. This is supposed to be a hospital. It looks like an actor's waiting room. I've never seen a hospital where they line up 12 chairs down the hallway for you to wait. My favorite thing about this hospital though is that the patient they're protecting has had like serious, serious burns, surgery burns. And is in like an intensive ICU level wound care center. And I'm like, wow, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. has had like serious, serious burns, surgery burns, and is in like an intensive ICU level wound care situation, but right next to him is a dentist's office. But, oh, and here's the thing, when they, and when they exit the hospital that they're in,

it's very clearly an apartment building. This is nothing. It's not a hospital at all. Every location is five locations. I will also point out that before they go in to see the burn victim who's next to the dentist's office right in front of the waiting area is a cigarette machine. Oh yeah. I don't think that they would have a burn victim next to like they would keep them on in a different area. And I will say this when we watch this scene and if you won't be able to see it if you're just listening just know that in the burn victims room they have a nice like one of his shirt hung up on the wall as if like this man was on fire clearly that shirt burnt but they're like well we got to save his shirt and so his shirt is hung up on the wall, which is great. Here you go.

Take a look at what happens with the nurse, the doctor, and our samurai cop. Hello. Hi. How is he? Do you think he'd be able to answer a few questions? No way. His lips are burned.

So what, he'll never be able to talk again? Oh, he'll talk again, but you just have to give him a couple of weeks. Do you like what you see? I love what I see. Would you like to touch what you see? Yes, yes I would. Would you like to go out with me?

Uh-huh, yes I would. Can you pause for one second? I'm so sorry. The partners reactions going forward, everybody who's... This movie is shot all in singles, and everybody you can clear, they're just running through facial expressions. Like, do this, do that. Everything from now on is incredible. Go ahead. It is truly... I respect it, and I'm uncomfortable by it. And I don't know why I brought this comparison,

but I will say, like, what Michael Winslow does with sound in the police academy movies, he is doing purely with faces. And that's probably the best way I can describe it. It's very Commedia dell'arte. Here we go. Fuck me? Bingo. Well then let's see what you've got. Doesn't interest me. Nothing there.

Nothing there? Nothing there. Nothing there? Just exactly what would interest you? Something the size of a jumbo jet? That's a take two camera! Yeah I have, why? Well your doctor must have cut a big portion of it off. No he was a good doctor. Good doctors make mistakes too. That's why they buy insurance. Hey, don't worry. I got enough. It's big. I want bigger. Now... Incredible! Incredible stuff! I will say this. You all read it like she was taking him down a peg. I read it like this is a woman who likes to fuck guys with big dicks and he's not packing enough for her.

I feel like, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, right. So she was into it until she felt his dick, which we have no coverage of. And he has a reaction to. Everything happens below. They frame out when there's so much stuff that they just frame out just there's so much stuff that they just

frame like out just just to the waist yeah and then they're like well stuff's going on under there like when the guy comes on and and to this partner they're gonna cut his dick off they're like all right and the guy reaches below frame with his knife and it's like you better tell us what we want to know we're gonna cut this off and it's like just below frame. But also when they do cut wide, he's wearing underwear, black underwear. And he gets, and we start that scene with him getting out of the shower with a towel around his waist. So they make I just like the idea of your underwear on first and then you

dry off. Yes. And then you put a towel on just in case someone's trying to cut your hair off. Here's the thing about this woman. I had a different reading of it. I think she intended to humiliate him. I don't think there was any size that she was going to be comfortable with. And I love her and I don't... I feel like, I feel like it really frames Joe Samurai in a very different way in all the subsequent sexual interactions.

It's a shocking scene, absolutely. It is a really surprising scene and... For your like third scene of the movie to basically emasculate your lead character. Who you've said already with the helicopter cop is like getting women. Like he's like meant to be like a... That's supposed to be his thing. Yes, he's supposed to be a playboy. She's the only one not interested in. I wanna know why.

How does this go? How does this go? When I watch this movie, all I kept on thinking was he envisions himself as Sylvester Stallone, but like his life is actually this. He's like, I'm pretty cool. He carries himself without the same thing. I think he thinks he's Steven Seagal.

That's where I feel like in June, this is where I'd love your opinion because I wrote here very early, we may need to start with wig talk. Because I don't know what's up in this movie, but this hair is some real nonsense. I know, and I'm so worried about time. I feel... Okay, so... I think he has the hair of every Charlie's angel over the course of the movie I mean so crazy. Okay, that these are so good Thank you

The baseball hat and the ponytail are exceptionally bizarre. I Mean that's wild. This is the sexual lead of the movie and What's next? What makes it even weirder is he does have that hair for some of it. Like he has a real hair. He has hair. He doesn't have that hair. Right, not that hair. This is so much hair and, you know, I have found it honestly, first of all, I want to say something, but I want

to preface it by saying no disrespect to the wonderful hair artists and wig artists who work in our industry. And they are, it's a beautiful craft. But I can only imagine that the person who was responsible for doing this wig had never worked with a wig before. Well, can I tell you what happened, June? I know this to be true. What happened was this actor thought the movie had wrapped and he cut his hair. And then he shaved his hair, yeah. And then they called him in eight months later and said, not even reshoots. We have to finish the movie.

Shoots. Just shoots. Shoots. We've got shoots. And the director flipped out. He's like, you cut your hair. He goes, yeah, well, the movie's over. He's like, no, it's not.

And how much was left? Because he's wearing that wig for, I'm going to say, 85% of the movie. Like over 60%. And so the director grabbed him by the hand, put him in a car, stopped at the first wig shop, grabbed the first wig they saw off a mannequin and said, that's your hair now.

And that was it. You can't tell that. You absolutely can. It's terrible. I mean, there's a fight scene, scene six here, where his wig comes off and on. Yeah. Yeah.

No way. So that's real hair. Yeah. I mean, not the, that's real hair. That's real, real. Incredible stuff. This guy sells the whole movie. This guy sells the whole movie. This guy makes the whole movie work.

He's got the hair legs. Real. So much just posturing. I love this. I loved it. I love the movie. Full stop. Oh, nope.

Oh. Also, can we pause for one second? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where did all the green go? They used to be in a lush green environment, and now they are in some sort of desertscape? Every scene is cut. The scene is, it's inception.

The world is changing around them at every moment. And they match those shots with music changes. It's so abrupt,'s like different cut different song we're sorry go ahead oh there it was all right wig and now wig all the way green green lush green what is that a whole other place this is where railroad tracks are well i mean this is this movie they open this movie by showing you this villain as like this is the big bad and he has a house that overlooks a public basketball court like a everybody's house every crime Lord's house is more depressing than the next well that's none of them are successful

they are the cop paid with tax dollars has the nicest home in this movie. How does Joe Samurai have that house? Yes, the beach house. How does Joe Samurai have the beach house? Well, he says he owns it. How does he have it? He owns it from month to month. Well, that's fine if he rents it, but even still.

But it seemed like he was only there for a day. And I will say this. And is that in San Diego? Is he commuting? Well, I am. Maybe he took her all the way back to San Diego. It's easier to abduct people in San Diego. From church?

Beverly Hills to San Diego is a quicker trip than Beverly Hills to downtown. It's true, you gotta look it up. I will say that the other cop whose wife is brutally killed in front of him. The captain or whatever he is? No, no, no, he's not the captain. He's like- Not the captain,

he's just another street cop. They come into his house and he's lifting like five pound weights He's lifting five pound weights while his wife is not watching TV in a recliner not watching him But also with her top completely open. Yeah. Well, no that they they they rip it open Oh, they do they go full droogs on her Okay, but that a house if you look at all, at anything in that house, it's all karate magazines, framed karate magazines, and a giant karate trophy

in the living room. And this character doesn't do karate, this character doesn't, that is not part of his story, but everything, like you're waiting for him to like, well, you'll do karate, of course. I genuinely felt so bad for this guy. Because when they cut his wife's throat. Okay, so the bad guy is his name Robert Zidar?

Yes. Is that his name? Zidar? I know his last name is Zidar. Robert Zidar, who is from Tangon Kache. Yes. I was like, I know we've seen him before. He is the bad guy enforcer, who's the other samurai.

Of course, this movie has two samurai in it, and it is Robert Zadar and this fucking guy. When Robert Zadar, he's got a katana to the wife's throat, and he just slowly drags it, it's just like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, it's so crazy. The way that they chop off people's heads in this movie, it's like slicing deli meat. It's even when they cut out that burn victim's head, it's like, and I'm going to cut. Why would you cut his head off in the hospital? Easier. I don't know.

Here's the weird thing, and maybe you notice this at 100% volume, Jason, but all of the deaths are so silent. Silent. Even the wife, like the cop's wife when she's getting her throat slit, she doesn't cry out. No. She doesn't fight. She's not gonna give him the satisfaction of that. There's so much soft violence. And soft kisses.

And soft, gentle kisses. But there is so many loud footsteps. They're putting at 100% volume, do yourself a favor. There is like every time there's like in the hospital, it's like. Clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop, clop He is flawless. I think the Foley work on this movie is absolutely bananas. Well, here's the thing. A lot of the actors wouldn't come back to do their ADR lines. So the director just decided to disguise his voice

and tone it up and tone it down. When the New York guys, when the gang of New York toughs arrive, they all speak like this. Hey, you're great. They speak like when Pee-wee Herman has a cameo in his Beijing Mr. Herman, Mr. like they're all doing that voice. I do want to talk about San Diego for a second. And the fact that this cop is from San Diego and is a samurai expert

and an expert at trained in Japan, trained in Japan, just living and working in San Diego Japanese but but is confused on how to say Fujiyama hey you mr. Fuji Fuji it was just such an interesting choice cuz I'm like I've never known any experts to come from San Diego like it doesn't seem and I don't mean to be rude I just don't I don't know that June you and I remember we met that FBI agent is a federal booty inspector in San Diego. He had that shirt on.

And they just make such a big deal out of it. And yet it was so hard because I'm like, oh, I absolutely believe this guy is from San Diego. Like that's. But then by default, then he cannot be good at his job. There's no way he's an ec... He's like, he is... If he is as good as he is, what's he doing in San Diego? Why would he ever land there?

Well, he's like, he just busted the Yakuza in San Diego. He's on it. He knows everything that's up. By the way, this Yakuza is the dumbest organization of all time because the Yakuza... They're doing a drug deal. Well, this is just the Katana Gang. Oh, sorry, the Katana Gang. What's Katana short for? Japanese sword. It's not though.

Nehito is Japanese sword. Anyway, I looked it up. The... when they're doing this drug deal, well this is the first scene that we kind of see, there's a guy in a van, he may have the money or the drugs, I'm not quite sure. They're meeting up with two other guys who are getting on a rental boat, not a regular boat, and it looks like they just went like a block away from the marina. A water block. A water block by boat to an area where they are so much more conspicuous because they're the only people, like they are terrible. And especially to the helicopter. The helicopter should be

able to see everything that's going on and And she's like, we lost them. And they're like, we lost them too. And when you look at the morons who are perpetrating the drug deal in broad daylight, you're like, this is insane. What then happens is a montage, a chase montage. This whole montage of the drug deal and then the chase incorporates every mode of transportation

that exists currently in the world. It felt to me... It's vans, cars, choppers, boats, everything, and none of it makes sense. It felt to me like an old game that you would play in an arcade where it's like, because it's like, here's a guy, oh, he's hanging out of the van. Bang, bang.

Bang, bang. What was amazing is because the movie is 80 yard, they do a thing where they use lines over and over again. So in this section, shoot, shoot him is one of them. Joe Samurai says it that phrase, shoot, shoot him. Over and over, they just plop it in over it and then you got him, yeah, I got him. They use that multiple times.

It's just cutting and pasting ADR lines just over shit. Did you think, did you all think that the first time the lady cop in the helicopter and Joe Samurai met was in that scene? Because it seemed like they were meeting for the first time and exchanging some very like sexually charged. Keep it up and ready. Keep it up, keep it warm. You keep it warm, I'll keep it warm and ready. All this stuff, that stuff is happening in that scene,

but she's in a helicopter. There at the end of the scene, at the end of the scene, he is outside of the car now. He's not on the radio. He's outside of the car. Him and's not on the radio. He's outside of the car. Him and his partner, they've done the chase. They've shot the guys. They've done all this stuff. And then he has a conversation with the woman in the helicopter. He has no method of communication. He's not doing this. He's not doing this. There's no walkie talkie. there's no... He's just saying things out loud. Just talking to her.

And she is responding. In kind. What? I felt for her in that helicopter because clearly they didn't afford a helicopter can fly. They had to shoot different scenes. I think a lot of those scenes were shot with that helicopter either just on the ground and just tight on the window.

And it could... What was so smart too is the very first scene She's like, I'm just landing So all they did all they had to shoot in the helicopter was this Because and then like oh don't land take off again and she's like, okay And then what world in the middle of a bus would you be like one landing? I thought that was the whole thing there going on a bus but anyway, they're in that helicopter and what I recognized and what I see in this movie

the entire time is very hot locations. So she's in this helicopter, doors are closed, and everybody's sweating right under the eyes, right on the nose. It's like, I'm like, guys, get a tissue. Everybody just needs to- Pat everyone down. Everyone needs to be patted down.

This movie is full of sweaty, sweaty people in a way that I was like, yeah, it looks hot. I mean, they ran over, the good guys ran over someone and didn't even attempt to swerve. Listen, there was, at the very end, Joe Samurai's partner says to him, before he almost kills this guy with a sword, he says,

you're a cop! Yeah. And I was screaming that the whole time. Oh, yeah. The casual disregard for human life is shocking. When they... In the section where he's like, shoot him, shoot him, you got him, like it's a video game.

And then the bad guys throw the guy out the back of the van, which is what we're talking about. The guy gets in the street and they don't swerve to avoid him. They run him over completely. Gagung, gagung. Yeah, no, they kill him. And then they cut back to him like, oh.

Because this movie is also A-Team rules. Everybody's like shot shot but okay? Nobody seems to really die? I don't know. I thought a lot of people died. I actually get a certain point, was trying to calculate the loss of human life. Yeah. Too many! I mean, a man's head was cut off,

and I just was dying to see it on the piano. Oh, yeah, we never... I was gonna say this, we never saw that. I feel like this movie is made by and aimed at amateur stuntmen. I feel like that's what the movie seems to be, a series of amateur stuntmen performances. I mean, amateur.

Okay, this seems like a YouTube backyard wrestling style. It's got a lot of WWE big wrestling energy. There is a moment when that guy is on fire. And I was like, whoa, they got a fire effect in this movie. And you could tell that the guy was like, oh, is the scene over? He's like, ah, ah, ah. He looks up. Totally fine.

And they cover everything but his head. When they go to put him out, it's like, we'll put out his body, not his flaming head. They're terrible cops. The best cop in the movie is the captain. Is the guy who just, every time they cut to this guy and he's chewing someone out. I was like, give me this all day every day. The guy who he shot all of his because he's really only one he's in one location.

There's one angle on him and he's standing at the desk or sitting at the desk screaming, you know, and that's it. And I was like, oh, wow, he might have shot out all of his scenes in one day. I hope for him. I hope so. Because he was electric to watch. He really was. I hope he wasn't inconvenienced by a nasty film schedule. I mean, what he did is the single best piece of acting

I've ever seen where he goes, he's like, get the fuck out of here! And then he holds his finger, and you're like, oh, any minute, they're gonna cut away from the scene. Beat, beat, beat. He's holding. Beat. It's like, well, I guess they're not. And then he realizes, I guess they're not gonna call cut. And he goes back in his chair, sits there,

and he starts laughing to himself, like, ha ha ha, crazy son of a bitch. It's like, the captain, behind the captain on his left hand side is a pencil sharpener that lived in my house for my entire life. It was so evocative to me. I was like, whoa, I'm having a Proust's Madeline scenario, where I was like, I am having a having a Proust's Madeline scenario

where I was like, I am having a sense memory about that pencil sharpener. Me too, it was so evocative. The other prop that we're gonna need to talk about is the lion in the office. Oh. I really, yes. I almost texted you, Paul, to say,

can the lion head be the screen saver for the show That would have been great because the lionhead I wrote about it And I wrote this in this is a real note I wrote in my notes if you are in the room next to me I apologize for the fact that my TV is stuck so loud and also that I am laughing hysterically and that I wrote that At the moment where the lion head was established because this blew my entire mind the lion head is Framed so much in the shot that I was waiting for it to go well

I would yeah, I would go out a date with him if I were you. I would say the lion gives the most human performance in the movie. Look at those eyes. The lion and the lion. Those soulful eyes. The lion is so compelling to watch. I was 1,000% more interested in the lion,

more attracted to the lion. I wanted to know why. Than Joe Samurai. I wanted to know why the lion, where did the lion come from? But this director constantly does this. He is incapable of framing a shot where the actor is the center of it. Even that woman who checks out his dick, the doctor,

she is framed by a dentist office sign. Like you can't take your eyes off the dentist. Like you are like- See, here's what he does so well. And I really want to shine a light on this director for a second. I know we're all having our laughs and we're all having a good time.

A little career spotlight. I do think that there are moments in this film where, you know, like that woman outside the dentist office, that doctor, and what happened between the two of them, it forced me to ask so many questions of her, of myself. And the same thing happened to me with this lion where I was like, I think I understand her dad committed suicide. Yeah. Oh, so beautifully handled by the way. So that Alfonso.

OK, the actor. Do we have it? Do we have? Yes. OK. As long as I know we have it, June, please continue. No, but I'm just saying there were choices made in this. Well, here's the thing that you might think, like, oh, they improvised a lot. The main actor of the film, Joe Samurai, said, they were forbidden to change any word perfect. Thank God.

Thank God. And I love that about this movie because it is a complicated relationship. Yes, and why this lion is here. And at points I thought, is this lion her father? Oh, yeah. Was this, why is this lion in the office of the restaurant? Arguably a seafood restaurant.

It feels to me like the kind of thing that I did feel like, and this occurred to me in the scene with the drug deal where there's the suitcases full of drugs or money, it felt to me like everything in the movie, the set decoration was all, they emptied out a salvation army. Everything, they took everything and were like,

whatever's in here, it's in the movie. Okay, because here's my question about this lion, is I don't think that this is a piece that was meant to be mounted on a wall. Where do you think it should be? You think it's a mask? I don't know.

That's definitely supposed to be mounted. Here's what I'll say. I don't know. One of our fans will be able to. Will someone recreate and send us this lion's head? I feel like this is some sort of arts and crafts type of thing. It's not like a replica of some sort of big game that you'd hunt and put on a wall. But that's what it's, that's what it's aping. It's aping a car.

Like a lion's head on the wall, like I shot this on Safari, but instead it's yarn. I knitted this, I knitted this on Safari. I knitted it by watching the Animal Planet. It just forces me to ask so many questions. Did they redecorate after her father's death? The lion is the most interesting actor in the movie. I will say this, while you were questioning the lion, I was questioning that he walked out of her office,

which seemingly was on the second floor, and into a dance club? Yes. Where they were maybe having dance. I mean, he all of a sudden encounters men who I think are about to audition for Chippendales. And I'm like, what is this seafood restaurant that looks... Like every cut, it seems to be a different location. Like again, that this office doesn't look like it's

the office of the seafood restaurant, the dance, the discotheque that they walk that he walks into afterwards. Also, he gets all the way to the guys where they put a gun against his head before he seems to notice that they're even there. He's a terrible cop. He's bad at his job. He's garbage as a flirt. This guy's a real pile of dog shit. I genuinely wonder what he thinks his job is. Like, what he thinks that he's supposed to be doing. Also, I'd like to know what he thinks sex and flirting is, because this movie has a number of things and says a number of things, one of which is this idea about keeping it warm like it comes up never want to hear that

times he says I may stop by later so it warm he does want to keep it warm what do you mean point I like somebody arrests this man we all know that old adage that women's vaginas are bread boxes and guys digs their loaves of bread. Right. Keep it warm. Well that's the thing is like if you're not prepared like the vagina can get so cold. Keep it, keep your legs together. I might come by later so keep it warm. Yeah I don't want to have one of those

cold vaginas. You know from a cold LA night. I love that this movie had a gang who brunches. And when we see that gang at brunch, Love it. which is one scene which is shot in at least seven different locations. One of them being the director's office on the last day of shooting the movie. Is that right? Yes.

Wow. So, we watch, let's just watch for a second just to see, that's scene four, the restaurant scene, see how many locations you can pick out and also pay attention to the sweat. Innocent until he's proven guilty. You have nothing on me. Oh, I got a lot of shit on you. I'll sue you and the department. Oh, I got a lot of shit on you. What room is Ian? Can we pause for one second? Now I'm telling these son of a bitches that we respect the Japanese of this country.

Can we pause for one second? Just keep in mind, he's in a room with molding around the doors. Every single is a different location completely. It's as if this one private dining room was all walls. There's no way in or out. And various styles of walls. Who are honest businessmen. And yeah, this is the land of opportunity for legitimate business, not for death merchants who distribute drugs to our children in schools and on the streets.

Now I'm telling these motherfuckers- Why? He's talking to seeded people. To make their precious millions that they deposit in their secret Swiss bank accounts. Why? He's talking to seeded people. What's up there? It's cue cards, right? Got it. Got it. I mean, that monologue is incredible. It is, because I do think that that's the movie's attempt at giving us some backstory on why he does what he does, which I guess is for the children.

Yeah, I guess so. I guess this group has that one suitcase of cocaine is going out to all the kids of California. Well that's the problem with the movie. Is like the drug dealers are, like the drug industry, the illegal drug industry is not doing well. I'm rooting for the drug dealers to succeed because compared to Joe Samurai who lives in a mansion on the beach, they are living in shared hovels.

Joe Samurai walks out of his living room down a couple of rocks and is at the Pacific Ocean. Like the movie- And he has a pool. Yeah, the movie is made an egregious error. If you have that location, give it to the bad guys. That is a total bad guy layer. No, the bad guys layer is a defender arcade machine with a Poland spring water bottle, like a bubbler next to it.

I got creeped out of it. And then you have three bodyguards in there. Oh, God, why would you even need three bodyguards? All of it was upsetting. And I'll talk about this. They pour hot oil on the lady cop. And I kept on thinking, what is she making, french fries? How come there's so much hot oil in there?

Hang on. She's at the stove, right? She takes the thing, frying pan, off the stove, goes to the freezer. She goes to the freezer, opens it, bends down to do I don't know what. Cool it off. Comes back up and is back up at the thing.

I was haunted by that. Doing what? She also has a large bandage on her calf. I didn't see that. Which I was on her calf. I didn't see that. Which I was unsettled by. I didn't see that. Maybe Joe Zemra tried to put it in the wrong place. He did? Right here?

Yeah. With his little dick? I really wonder. So when she went to the freezer, I was like, is she cooling off the oil? Like, did it get too hot? But that amount of oil. It's just business. Just business. What was she doing with it? Latkes? I mean, how does she?

I had to make sense of it. Sunday is Latke Day. Frozen latkes. Of course. It's the only thing that makes sense. She's preparing frozen latkes. By the way, can we just talk about the timeline of that day? Our lady gets out of church.

Let's say conservatively, she gets out of church at 10 a.m. Holy shit! That should be the shirt Lady Cop Lacas. Oh my God! I love that! Just her with a pan, smiling. All right, so the timeline of Sunday. Let's say she gets out of church conservatively 9.45, 10 a.m.

Early morning church, she's going to church at like 730 mass I'm gonna mind the night before was her birthday no no today is her birthday I know the cake but I thought the night before Sunday is when he asked her for Saturday night didn't she say it's in my birthday she said she works Sunday is her birthday I see I'm so mistake I'm so sorry San. But I was upset that he didn't say happy birthday when he first saw her. So all right, so she gets out at 10 a.m. Then they drive to his house. So now it's about 11. They have a nice dinner at about noon. So about noon, then they go to the beach, which probably is close by. So all right, they get in the swimsuit,

they go down to the beach, they gingerly walk over rocks. Say it's been about an hour there, they figure, we're done with the ocean, let's go to the pool. They go to the pool, it's about... And they have fun in that pool. And you know, I appreciate adults having fun in a pool setting. I liked her. I really... I love her. I thought she was the best actress. I did too, when she went to go dive off that board

and did a funny, you know, jump in. I can't find a thing about her anywhere. She does not exist online. She was disappeared after this movie. Yes. They brought back her character, but not the actress in the sequel. What do you mean? There's a sequel?

There is a GoFundMe sequel that came out a couple years ago. Oh, a recent sequel? Yes. 2015. Wow. Samurai Cop 2. Blink, blink, blink what? But I think it's like Birdemic 2. They're in on the joke. Oh, they get it? Okay. Yeah, so it's not that good. You're going to get your mind blown when I tell you some other details about what's happened since the end of this movie. But she... disappeared. You can't find a picture of her.

This is the only credit she has on IMDB. Oh my god, she was great. She's amazing. She's really good. But again, timeline. So then they come back for birthday cake. It's like three... I'm now, I'm really rushing the day. And then they have sex. And... for birthday cake it's like three I'm now I'm really rushing the day and then they have sex and and let's say that's five minutes right bright sunlight it's

so slow it's so slow and tender it's lots of like delicate butterfly kisses like down her body I was like I don't know what's up. I felt like I was watching him just lying on bed sideways, kissing the entire movie. And it was very distressing. I felt like he also had hover hand over every woman's ass, which I appreciated as being kind to, you know, his fellow performer, he doesn't want, but it also felt like he wasn't fully comfortable

to be grabbing ass. It was just like, it's here. It's here, but it's not gonna, it's not gonna. There's also a crazy shot that is like, they're moving and it moves, the camera goes like almost into her ass, right? It goes like, it's close up close, it's extreme close up on her ass,

then it reverses and it's on his ass while he carries her to the bed. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? And you know the director is like, I know exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna match cut these two asses. And it's gonna, and everybody's gonna cream. When her ass, when her ass comes into frame, match cut these two asses. And it's gonna, and everybody's gonna cream.

When her ass, when her ass comes into frame, no camera should be that close. It was fine, but it was like, is it still coming into frame? It's still coming. It felt like I was watching a car accident. No, no, no, no, it's gonna come. It's coming too close, it's coming too close.

Like, it was, like the ass filled the frame. There's a lot of shots in this movie that I was like, oh, this scene, this shot rather, worked up until this moment. Now it's either too blurry, too much. Why didn't they edit prior to this? Why are they, they're going to the, it's case in point when the wig comes off

and then goes back on. Why include that? Why not edit just before that mistake happens? Yeah, and why not take that wig, Why not edit just before that mistake happens? Yeah. And why not take that wig, like what I would give to have had some time with that wig. And I'm not a wig crafts person, but like I would, I feel I could do something. I could cut into it. I could take out that wig.

They needed to take out roughly 85% of the hair. Yeah. Oh yeah. It. Oh, yeah. It's too much. It looks like malignant. It looks like there's so much hair. It looks like there's so much hair that it's trying to cover up a face on the back.

Maybe there's a good cop on the back of him. He's the cop that is coming out. And that's why we don't see him at night. Before we go to the crowd to take some questions, get your questions ready. And that's why we don't see him at night. Before we go to the crowd to take some questions, get your questions ready. Oh my God, but I have so many other notes. I do. Looks like this is his last fuck.

And they go, let him finish. He's like, nope. And then he wrestles with the sliding glass door for way too long. Oh yeah. Why not just shoot him through the door? He's like, hey, get out of there. Sliding glass doors. If they're not open, it's a real embarrassment. I mean, the movie is, I think, mocking his impotent rage. He can't even get through the door. This guy's dick doesn't work so much. Okay. We'll play this scene. I'll go out into the audience. Scene five. And you'll know what it is.

Her name is Jennifer. She's the boss? Yep. The boss? You mean she owns this place? Her mother owns the place. Where's her father? BANG! Killed? Who shot him?

He. Who? Him. Who's him? Himself himself? Oh he committed suicide. Yes Listen When you see Jennifer alone tell her Tell her I think she's very lovely. I'll do that tell her Tell her the same hair good. I'll help you. Oh yeah? Yeah, I like cops.

My cousin's a cop. Oh really? Where? In Costa Rica. Oh. Good. What's your name? Alfonso Ropal El Federico Sebastian. This is my first name. What's your last name? That's alright, we just need your first name. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I was enjoying it so much. This is a rip on Bronson Pinchot in Beverly Hills Cop. Oh yeah. They're like, oh, we need our crazy, oh, don't be ridiculous, Axe male. It's also got some real like who's on first elements to it

where there's a lot of confusion amongst what's being, like what the details are. But here's the thing about this performance, it's realized. After seeing this, I was like, June, like take more risks. Yeah. Like.

I'm gonna, whenever, I will say, whenever I'm on set, from now on, whenever I'm on set, I'm gonna think, what would Alfonso do with this? Truly. He banged himself. He banged himself. He banged himself. I mean, he banged himself is the best way to talk about suicide. It takes some stigma off of it.

Yeah. Todd, he banged himself. Todd, he banged himself. Is that what the Ricky Martin song is about? All right, let's go to the crowd. Let's see what questions you have about Samurai Cop. All right, here we go. Hi, how are you? You have a notebook.

Hi. All right, so what's your name and your question? Shane. The question was, did you guys read the Wikipedia page where they were talking about the fact that the actors were purposefully ruining scenes? This is what I think is revisionist history, right? The actor's like, well, I made myself be a terrible actor because he said, oh, I thought the dialogue was so bad, I would do a terrible line read of it.

No, no, no. It's like Tommy Wiseau going, the room was a comedy. I don't believe it for a second. I don't think so. And the answer is no. I didn't read the Wikipedia page. I did. I didn't read the Wikipedia page. Because I don't prepare. I read it. Unless it can be screamed at me from the TV, I am not reading. Okay, yes, your name, your question. Hi, my name is Erica Ishii, and I was wondering if you could speak to Joe Samurai's actor's history as a Sylvester Stallone bodyguard

and then a perpetrator of an art burglary? Wait, what? Okay, so I was about to bring up the art burglary. What? I will bring up, so I was about to bring up the art burglary. What? I will bring up, because I have my notes about, yes, Joe Samurai served prison time for being a part of an art robbery in Beverly Hills. After this movie? After this movie.

Was it the art gallery in Beverly Hills Cop 1? And Bronson Pinchot was there. No, but yes, so he was a part of, and I believe, and my notes are up there, but a group of stuntmen who... See? The stunt coordinator from this movie put together a group of stunt people to rob a painting. By the way, fuck yeah. Home run idea.

Wow, where's that movie? Wait, hold on. I know, I actually was like, this is a great movie idea. It really is. And they were, what painting was it? I have it up there. I'll tell you more about it,

but it is a, he went to jail for quite a long period of time. Oh my. Missed out on the success of this film, because, or the cult success of this film because he was in jail. And then got out, but many people thought he was dead. Because he was in jail, because he was still out of... Is there any way that our lead actress, his love interest is in jail? No because he's been interviewed extensively. I don't know if

anyone has any information about her, please let me know, but I don't know about her. And also call the authorities. But he, he, now I didn't know about the Sylvester Stallone thing. What's the Sylvester Stallone thing? So supposedly since he was a bodyguard for Sylvester Stallone, that's how he got into acting, and then how he got a taste for the rich life and why he decided to steal the painting. Wait, so he stole... Okay, wait, hold on.

He stole the painting to get some money because he was already living this 1% lifestyle. As a bodyguard? Being Sly's bodyguard gave him access to that kind of life and he then wanted more. Yes. I'm surprised he didn't steal one of Sly's paintings. If you are in costume, I do come to you and we do have a samurai cop right here. Stand up, show everybody your samurai cop. Oh wow. Wig, everything, perfect. Amazing. Great costume, everything. Amazing. Down to, and with a samurai sword or a part of it.

Oh, God. All right, part of it. All right, don't worry about it. He doesn't have the full thing. All right, do you have a question? I do. My name's Mike. So my question really is knowing that you're gonna tell us

in a few minutes how the budget. I will, I don't know if I will have the answers for this. It's $5,000. That was it? That's $5,000 on this movie. Did you make this movie. It's $5,000. That was it? That's $5,000 on this movie. Did you make this movie? The best $5,000 ever spent. $5,000 on this movie.

That's a 91, so that's like $12,000 now. So my big question is, did everybody on set know that they were making a turd burger? Or did they think that they were making the next lethal weapon? You know, I think that with all these movies, people don't set out, they don't know what's going on. I think retroactively people say different things. But I think a lot of the times you're working on these things.

Maybe. Maybe it will be great. Oh, and I think it's exciting. I'm sure a lot of these people were very excited to be in a movie that was happening. That's got to be wild and exciting news. It's finally happening. But at some point where they're like, wait a minute. All right. Hi, your name and your question. Hi, my name is Chris. So at the scene where they were going to cut that gentleman's business off, did anybody notice that the switchblade was a comb? What?

Really? Oh my god. I believe it. I love it. I love it in that they just like combed his pubes. Well imagine how long it would take to cut off someone's dick with a comb. Oh yeah. Very painful. It would break a lot of those teeth.

Your name, your question. My name is Andrew. Oh, yeah. Very painful. It breaks a lot of those teeth. Your name, your question. My name is Andrew. If they had double the budget, what do you think the director would change or do, or what would you want them to do? Double the budget. I mean, I think, and this is not.

So we're talking about $10,000. This is not a hilarious answer, but it's very clear in the movie that they were not able to record sound during the filming of the movie, because the whole movie is 80 yard and folied like top to bottom, T to B. So I think they probably maybe would have wanted sound.

They would have been able- One of the key elements. The ability to capture sound on the day Must have been something they were disappointed to not be able to do I would say By like a movie from the 30s I would say buy more props because Clearly the guns are being reused which is why every villain can only be in frame

one at a time. But Paul, you run the risk of losing the lion's head. You run the risk of losing some iconic things if you can have real props. I'm saying just guns. More guns so you can at least have two henchmen fighting someone. It seems like everyone, like, I die, then you took my gun,

and then you run into the next scene. Like, it was a gun baton. Like, they're passing the baton from scene to scene. June, for $10,000, what would you do? $10,000. Um... Okay, with that extra five grand, I think I would... I think I would equally disperse it between all of the actresses who had to do all the

slow kissing with the men in the movie and just give them pay bumps. That just feels like the right thing to do. All right. So you would have increased the kissing budget. I guess so. I can't believe I would have saved it. Would you be charging per kiss? Oh god. Those kisses and you can only imagine if that's the length of kisses that were on screen, how long did they shoot those

kisses for? And the kisses were slow. They were like... That's what it's like. Now I know everybody in here is drenched right now because I did that. And they're gonna have to mop up the Masonic Auditorium. Because the floors in here don't have sawdust on them, even though I said it's gonna get gushy. We say keep it warm, not keep it wet. Keep it warm, not keep it wet. Keep it warm. Okay, obviously we'll hear more about the making of this movie in just a little bit, but now it is time to hear about people who love this movie, which we do. It is now time for second opinions.

This is a song for the lady cops. But samurai, listen close. You don't fuck with Robert Zadar That's the first samurai rule that you learn Keep a couple extra wigs in your car And wait to buy Merlin the return. And when you choose which to bed, the horny cap, porno dock or big red, you pick the one that gives that good lion head. And slip into matching swimwear Instead of doing church on Sunday

Master a blank stare That's your foreplay Bingo. I gave it Pfizer, dog! Wow! What is your name, sir? What's your name? What's your name? My name's Jed, like Jed-I without the I. This is fucking awesome. Give it up for Jed. Give it up for Jed.

Who gives it fives the dars? Incredible work. I got to say, I am out Incredible work. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. I gotta say I was bummed. I gotta, they got a fuck you out of Jason, a fuck you out of Gina, and get a fuck you out of Paul. Nothing for you, babe.

Nothing for you. Wow. That was amazing. Thank you, sir. All right, so here we go. These are five star reviews, cold from Amazon. There are 666, 666 total reviews sign of the devil and the sign of a great film 84% of five-star 2% are one star and it goes something like this

Peter O'Brien titles his review keep it warm captain Frank was the man he had a gift he had a vest he had had lines. He delivered. He survived. In some ways, this was a progressive movie. A woman co-piloted a helicopter. A woman owned a restaurant. Some women even got a name. The fourth sex scene does end eventually. Five stars. Wait, I didn't think she was... Gosh, maybe I have to interrogate my own reading of this movie because I didn't think she was piloting that helicopter.

Felt like she was a part of the co-pilot. I thought she was just saying like, it's time to land here and we got to go there. She's like conducting the helicopter. She's like the boss. I thought she was a passenger. Charles Kapowski, titles his review 63% Samurai, 48% Cop. And his review is, I made the bold claim that I'd have to give this movie five stars if it had a ritualistic suicide in it. Here I am, five stars.

I don't know what this is, but I'm going to end on this one from Kevin, written in 2017. The title is Five Stars. The review goes like this. Best ramen ever. Konishiwa. This movie is cinnamon. Five stars. Obviously people love this movie. I have some conflicting information that the budget was actually $7,000. But here is what I have found here about the painting. So the painting was, okay, hold on, let me find it right here.

Okay, so the lead actor was unable to get any substantial roles after Samurai Cop and withdrew from the entertainment industry for two decades. In 1992, he took- Even that framing, like, I withdrew, is- I think he was escorted out. Yes. So in 1992, he took part in an armed robbery stealing a Rembrandt painting from tele-evangelist

Gene Scott's University Cathedral in Los Angeles. The painting was found in the home of Khrush Jidali, a stunt coordinator who worked on the set of Samurai Cop. The Samurai Cop was arrested and sent to prison. He was largely unaware of the cult status the Samurai Cop had attained over the preceding years. And so that was what happened. That was the... Imagine if you went to the house of the stunt, the Samurai Cop actor, who's been doing a lot of press, you can watch plenty of interviews with him, he did say upon walking into the director's office for the first time, he was told he was perfect and handed the full script.

Despite the film being titled Samurai Cop. He had no experience with weapons and all of his formal practice would be classified as MMA. As a result, his lack of experience and Shervin's inability to direct any of the combat scenes, that meant that everyone choreographed them quickly 15 minutes before every scene was shot. That's, I will say, not surprising at all because many of the fight scenes are so, so, so long and nothing happens. There's just a lot of like, ah, ah, pushing, pushing.

There's a lot of like contact, but then just movement based on the contact. Yeah, it really is a bizarre film to also cast somebody as a samurai cop who doesn't really do any sort of karate at all And then every shot in the movie was done with a single take to conserve as much film as possible This movie was shot on film

So the bloopers flubbed lines and mistakes are all left in the final cut Also knowing that all of these actors got one take. I'm like I'm even more impressed with a lot of them. The tagline of this movie was great. You have the right to remain silent. Dead silent. I would have loved it if someone had said that. The movie did come out in 91, which is the same year Terminator 2, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, and Home Alone came out. So there we go. That did not break the top 200. The gross is 384,000. I don't know where they got that from,

but that is the gross of this movie. And it was found in a vault in China. What? Yeah, that's the thing. I don't understand the COVID-19 virus. I think when they opened the vault, that's when it got out that there are rumors that are you saying the virus is part of the marketing campaign for this movie? I mean, that's what happened.

That's what you gotta do now to get a movie out there, you know. Basically, this movie was found in Wuhan? In a wet market? Gregory Hananaka, who is the founder of Cinema Epoch, had a vault and one of his employees is going around and they found it. That's it. They just found it.

What a find. And that was, you know, so that was a little while ago, I guess, when they re-released this movie on Blu-ray. So that's... There are so many montages and action sequences in this movie that use the exact same backing track as the soundtrack to those things. And I became truly like obsessed with it.

I was like, this is the best music. I want video game music. Also, it was hitting me so hard. It was on your insides. Out of the speakers on the TV, it was assaultive in every way. But I genuinely started to be like, I think I might wanna come out to this music

for the rest of time to the show. I want the samurai-con music to play when you introduce me. I love it. Because it's so propulsive and exciting. I was like, I love this. I mean, it really, this is a perfect film. Would you recommend it? I guess is the next question. You know what? Yes. Yes.

Yes. I, yes. I would. I said, you know, when Jason said this before, when he came out, when you two were talking in the introduction, like, it's so shocking that we haven't covered, as journalists, this movie before, because it's so iconic that it was, it does make me feel like, oh wow, I guess we will be doing this forever.

I guess this is- It's like if things like this are possible, we're fucked. Yeah, our sentence is so much longer than I thought. We have to keep doing this. It was shocking. It was shocking to know that something this good was out there that we had never seen.

I enjoyed it. I would put this in a very, in rarifiedied category which is I think we should do it again. I would I feel like I feel like we will get more out of this movie on a second watch in two years. I am. When of course we will all be dead. I also recommend this movie highly. I will tell you that Samurai Cop 2 Deadly Vengeance, also titled Revenge of Samurai Cop, is a 2015 American action film directed and co-written by Gregory Hatanaka. It's a sequel to the cult film Samurai Cop. It stars...

We got our two cops back. Okay, we got all the original roles back with Bailing, Kaden Cross, Tommy Wiseau, Lexi Bell, Joe Estevez, and Mindy Robinson. And it is... Wait, not Robert Zadar? Has Robert Zadar passed away? Yes, yes, he has passed away. And this takes place, basically, Joe is going to settle down in LA with his girlfriend, when suddenly she's murdered. Then 25 years pass, and shit goes down. Well, but you said earlier that it feels like they're in on the joke by this point.

So that, I don't necessarily want to do the sequel. I like what's... This feels pure in a way, but you said something earlier that I think I didn't realize upon watching. Was this not released in 91? Was this released much later in a Miami connection style? I think it was released in 91 and then lost. And then it was refound and re cherished. So it hasn't been like playing on basic cable for a long time. No. Okay, got it. But this sequel does look insane. Okay, so San Francisco, it's been fantastic being here once again. We did it! Thank you for coming. We will be back San Francisco.

Thanks for being such a great crowd. Good night. Eat shit, San Francisco! Thank you so much to the staff at the Masonic, our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas, and our recording engineer, Michael Day. If you want the t-shirt we created for this episode, which is pretty great, it's Lady Copalocas. Keep warm, go to teepublic.com slash store slash HDTGM.

My book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma, is coming out very soon. Please pre-order it now. It actually makes a giant difference. I beg of you, no. I appreciate everyone who's pre-ordered. You can go to my website if you have pre-ordered and get access to my super secret scrapbook where I am posting a bunch of extra things for the people that have come up and shown up for me.

I will be reading the audiobook. The audiobook comes out on the same day with a ton of extra special features. And here's the best part. No matter where you live in the world, I am doing a worldwide signing. That's right. Go to Premier Collectibles and you can get a relatively cheap ticket to go see a live show, a Q&A, and I'll sign books virtually for only 35 bucks. And the book retails for $29. So that's, you know, $4 more.

I don't know. Here's the thing, people. I'm on a tour. You can see me and Jason doing improv in Portland and Seattle. You can see June and Joel Kim Booster meeting each other for the first time in LA at Chevalier's Books. You can see Adam Pally and I in Chicago talking about my book and doing a fun show at the Den on May 29th. You can also see me in Brooklyn and you can see me at The Strand in New York City with Busy Phillips. So much fun stuff coming up for the book tour. I'd love to see you all out there. I've kept the prices down as much as I can. Some are free, some are not, but it's going to be fun. I will

sign whatever you have. Well, primarily my book. Buy my book and then we'll talk about what I'll sign. Anyway, go to my website paulshear.com to find out where you can sign up for these events or buy tickets for them. Whatever. You know how it works. Anyway, if you have a correction or a mission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619-P-A-U-L-A-S-K or write a comment in our Discord at Discord.gg slash H-D-T-G-M. And then make sure you tune in next week to our Last Looks episode as we talk more about Samurai Cop and I respond to your messages. Also next week on Last Looks, we'll be talking to Todd Glass. He's going to chat with us a little bit about his new project.

Remember, you can find us on social media everywhere at HDTGM, and if you love the show, tell your friends to listen too. Word of mouth helps. And last but not least, I gotta say thank you to all the listeners who support this show every week and our entire team, to whom this show could not be done without. I'm talking about our producers Scott Sonny, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer Avery Halley,

our engineer Casey Holford, and our associate producer Jess Cisneros. That's all I got. We'll see you next week on Last Looks. Until then, bye for now.