How Did This Get Made? - The Big Hit

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Christina Applegate star in the 1998 action-comedy The Big Hit—a movie that tries to make a farce out of kidnapping and murder while giving off vibes of a rejected Mountain Dew commercial. Paul, June, and Jason analyze Marky Mark breakdancing mid-gun fight, the locker room masturbation convo, the video store clerk, if Keiko was in high school or college, the "romantic" kosher dinner cooking scene, and so much more. Plus, a discussion about a bathroom with two doors leads to a rare June traumatic childhood story. JASON'S COMPANION VIEWING RECS: Videoheaven (2025) Film Club (2025) • Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Leave us a voicemail at speakpipe.com/hdtgm• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Pour some milk all over yourself because we're about to bust some caps. We saw the big hit, so you know what that means. Now is time for How did this get made? We're going to have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, because you know you wonder, how did this campaign? Let's want to win the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made.

I am Paul Shear. Today we are talking about the 1998 classic, the big hit where Mark Wahlberg plays a mild-mannered hitman who works for Avery Brooks. You might know him as Hawk from Spencer for Hire or Cisco from Deep Space 9. He's this very powerful crime boss. And Melvin is a people pleaser, to a fault, actually. He will never say no to anyone, not his fiance or his girlfriend who he is supporting. And when his people, he's crew run by Lou Diamond Phillips, Boekeem Woodbine, and Antonio Sabato Jr. talks them into kidnapping for some quick cash. It seems simple enough. However, the catch is that the girl that they kidnap is the daughter of a wealthy businessman, but also the girl's godfather is their own boss. So they've essentially kidnapped their employer's goddaughter without knowing it. Now, everything spirals from here.

Mark Wahlberg is on the run for kidnapping. he didn't even conceive, and Lou Diamond Phillips is trying to place the blame on him all while his girlfriend's parents are in town, and we'll get into it all. And please don't forget that he's also busily falling in love. Oh, right. This is a rock con. This is a romance. Let me introduce my co-hose. Please welcome Jason Van Zuckus and June, Diane Rayfield. Wow. Wow, you two.

Wow. Every once in a while, we, you know, we're recording, you know, mid-morning. And so we will be, we will have an earlier recording. And so I will watch one of these movies at like 8 a.m. Oh, wow. And I know you guys have done it even earlier still. Top of the morning to, yeah. But to watch this movie, thank God, because a version of the movies that we watch

that are true dog shit can really color the whole day. You know? And this was like, I was like, okay, this is fine. This is, I have plenty to say about it. Sure. But I'm not, I don't feel as though my day was ruined. No, it's not a, it's not a wrecker of days. But what I will say is, it's a time capsule of a moment that I would like to erase from my memory.

Right. And that's where I guess, yeah, if I could say, I, it did ruin my day. And I watched it yesterday in the afternoon. And it did ruin my day. And I thought, what this came out in 1998. Like I was 18 years old. There's formative, these were formative years for me. It's a weird moment.

And so to swatch it. Yeah. And that's why, you know what, I, I know that a lot of people can get really down on the moment of time we're in. And I don't, for not one second, mean to minimize what we're going through collectively as a, as a, you know, region, as a. a culture as a community. Like, these are serious times with serious things happening. Yeah. And, and.

And, but you can hold two truths in the same time. Yes. If we could expand, if we could expand our sort of points of view and remember that, yeah, there was a time in history where, you know, babies didn't live, most babies didn't live past two. And there was a time in history where this movie was written, made and, you know, on screens for people to see. And not only that, but it was a movie.

Go ahead, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, again, you say rom-com and I say statutory rape. So I... June, she's in college. Is she in college? Is she? She's wearing a high school uniform. Why is she in a uniform?

Well, the original intention was for her to be in high school to kind of pair up with like much more of like a Japanese anime kind of character of like a young girl hero, but they felt like that wouldn't actually play. So it is college, even though it's a college that requires uniforms. I mean, like all girls college that requires uniforms, I was like this is, that makes no sense. She's a high school student. Well, just doesn't exist. She's a high school student. She's a high school student. Her friends seem like high school students. I mean, maybe the actual school they said was college, but that's not what they're presenting to us. There is such a casual relationship to all of the sketchy, like everything that is hard-edged,

kidnapping, murder, statutory rape, all of these things. This movie rounds all of those edges away and tries to be like, isn't this funny? Isn't this a farce? And you're like, no. Well, this is the thing. And I very rarely do this. But when I was watching it, there was a moment in me looking at the fonts and hearing the music. And I was like, what was going on in this year?

Because it does seem odd. And if you look at 97, like 97's kind of normal. But 98 goes off the rails. And 99 is still like in that zone. But this is what's happening here. This is the year where, you know, the Clinton Lewinsky scandal is going on in sync. And Britney Spears are, like, exploding. TRL is like a must-see show.

Sex and the City premieres, Dawson's Creek premieres. Will & Grace comes on. IMAX are first released, like the candy ones. And Furbies are like the number one toy. And what, do you have any chance? I'm curious, like, what other movies? Well, that's what I got right here. Thank you.

Thank you. Can't hardly wait. Very bad things. Sour grapes. 54, that movie about Studio 54, half-baked. basketball, you know, so this is... I feel like it's an era, because I saw also that John Wu's a producer on this. So it's got like that big, huge, stylized action stuff.

But it also is a place, it's a time when there was a real glib attitude towards murder. You know, like a real, like, the people that are being murdered either deserve it or, like, when they blow up the, when they blow up the entire floor of the hotel or the apartment building, whatever it is, or for that matter, the video store. They completely blow up these places that I'm like, dozens, if not hundreds of people, collateral damage must be dying throughout this movie. The number of casualties has to be enormous, but we're meant to, but everything's tossed off with like glib, quippy jokes. Well, I think this is like kind of what's going on in the culture, in a sense, where we've had

great success with movies like face off and 97, right? and gross point blank, and even something about Mary. And these are kind of like the rip-off. It's like a copy of a copy of a copy. It doesn't feel earned like those other movies do, but you can tell the people are like, this is what people want. They want it raw.

They want it this way. And so much so that the movie opens with, you know, with Mark Wahlberg picking up garbage bags full of a human. And he's then bringing it to his second house. not his main house, because he has a girlfriend house and he has a fiancé house. He brings it to his girlfriend's house. And I don't know what he's, he's emptying the garbage bags in the bathtub. Yeah.

And he's also wearing an apron, but not like a butcher apron. He's wearing like a, I'm making cookies. Well, I feel like the movie wants to do, these are the hit men that you might recognize from, you know, mafia movies or murder movies. but these guys, they live in the suburbs. They're doing suburban living. Which is fine, but what was his plan with those body parts? I assumed he was going to put, like, lie in there and melt them away or something like that. Well, that's what I thought, too, but then he started bringing...

Melt an entire body away. You got to chop it up. You got to chop it up. It looks like it was chopped. For easier movement. Well, he definitely was in different bags, but then he seemed like he was bringing some stuff into the shower. That's what I'm saying. The plan for these body parts was just utterly baffling.

Well, okay. Same with the plan for the kidnapping. I fully agree. If these are, if they're making hundreds of thousands of dollars, okay? Seems like they're not making that much. Like, you made $25,000 for that thing where they blew up a building. I think that was just the bonus. Oh, okay.

That was the bonus, yes. I mean, listen, I think the main problem I had. There's so many problems I was really upset by this. I was really upset by this. I just as wasn't in the right place for it. Were you more upset when his girlfriend came in and they started making out and she accidentally

put her toe in the human body trash bag and it went squish? Oh. And she doesn't get like crazy or angry. She knows it's a human body and she says he's cute. Who is that? the head in the bag.

Which, by the way, what a, what a compliment. Is that a threesome? I would say yes. What a compliment to have been but let's keep going, but I'm going to dip my toes in and out of this, this dead guy's mouth. What's up? Okay, again, can we just, this is the moment that I really took like a beat to wrestle with. Can you imagine the smell in that bathroom? You have a, like, a still bleeding out.

Man, Ian, like, the smell would be... I don't know if it smells right away. I think that's when decomp starts. Oh, so you think there's no smell? You don't think that the hot garbage bags that have been sitting in the back of one person's trunk, then going to another person's trunk, and then being dumped out, like, swam at a factory. You say hot, and we don't know what the temp is. Okay, sure.

We never know what the temp is. They barely wear shirts in this movie. They never wear shirts, so I'm listening to it's very hot. They never wear shirts. It is a zero-shirts movie. So much so that by the way, when his girlfriend comes upstairs, comes into that apartment, which I guess is his apartment, her apartment, who knows, she's wearing a dress that's just inexplicably opened to her bra. There's no, it's like you can't, it feels like once you go into a home there, you can't have your shirt button. You got it.

You got to have it out. You got to be in a certain state of disrupt. I will say, I wasn't caught up, Paul, in the smell of that bathroom. I was just caught up in the parts of it all and the bags of it all and also the why of it all. Okay, well, then maybe I am more of a smell person, but I will say the opening moment when we meet Mark Wahlberg, he does greet, you know, the person giving him the bags. He goes, oh, who is this? Big Johnny? And he go, he sniffs. It goes, oof. Now, also, why would you ever sniff a dead? Like, why would you sniff a dead body? It seemed to identify him? Maybe to identify it. Like his cologne, his dog?

Is he a dog? Or, you know, something like that? It seems like his head isn't very, like, if we're saying that this is an attractive man, we can see that it's clearly this person goes, ooh, oof. I mean, that's, and I think we're supposed to be like, oh, it's a, oh, yeah, being a hitman isn't as glamorous as you think. It's like, I don't think anyone has been thinking that it's glamorous. Right.

Yeah. And he's, it's so. Oh, man. Sorry, Jason, but just to go back. Yeah. It's so light. And to go back to the premise of it all, the why, the sort of like, what is it, what are we following here? Sure.

The character, the character of Melvin Smiley. Of course. Melvin Smiley. It's just so hard. His name kind of gives you a little hint about what kind of person he is. But boy, is it hard to root for him. Is it just because he has red hair, June? No.

And in fact, like, I didn't think he had red hair. until certain shots. Right, certain shots. Yeah. Certain shots he does have right hair. Certain shots. He's the hair we know. It's certain shots.

There are moments where like, did you go to David Caruso's trailer and grab his wig? Like, because it is Caruso NYPD blue hair. And I'm like, oh, wow. I didn't notice that. And it's weird for me to notice that your hair has changed color mid movie. Mid movie. But the other thing is like he, it's so hard to sympathize with this man who is cheating on his fiance.

with another woman. And the reason we are told that, like, the why of that is because he can't, he cannot take people not liking him. He's a people pleaser, he says. He's a people pleaser. But men who cheat and have multiple partners, the reason is never because I'm a people pleaser. Right.

And that's not. I agree. I agree. And that's why this movie is so interesting because it. profiles one of the very few men who is in multiple relationships against his will. Right. Because he's simply too much of a people pleaser. And what a rarity.

Wow. He's such a people pleaser that he single-handedly raid style takes down a building, you know, murders everyone, blows up the building, saves the day, gets all the money. And then Lou Diamond Phillips simply says, no, I did that. And he goes, all right, yeah, he gives him the money. Like it's, it's actually. And also, Lou Diamond Phillips and Anthony Sabato Jr. are like, they don't even help him.

They sit outside the firefight, drinking espresso. Or espresso, while Mark Wahlberg does literally all of the work. So he is inexplicably a beta alpha, right? He is a beta presenting alpha. in that he's an expert at the killing meaning, you know? Right, and he's very, very good. He's never, like, he's on top of it. He's, he's kind.

He's working out. Like, he is a guy by the book. Like, at one point when they're like, hey, do you want to do this side gig? He's like, I don't know. I don't want to get in trouble. He doesn't. He's nice to Elliot Gould, who plays his fiancé's father, which. His fiance, you mean Christina Applegate?

Yes. Let's just not forget that this movie attracted Mark Wahlberg, Christina Applegate, Bokkeen would buy, like, this is a lot of people, this is a great cast for a movie that is very unsuccessful. And also a movie where everyone, I feel like for a couple days, really committed to a hard accent. And there are moments where I'm like, is this racist or is this anti-Semitic? Because I'm like, there are, I'm like, I don't even know what stereotype I'm offended by,

but these are stereotypes. Like, these are, like, I thought Christine Applegate was Italian. and then I found out that she was Jewish. And then I was like, okay, she's doing like a married to the mob thing. But then he, like, but then Lou Diamond Phillips. Yeah. I love her in everything. She's just not the first person I would cast to play a Jewish woman.

Like a practicing Jewish woman. Right. You know, like they are, so much so that she doesn't. Yes, she ends up wanting, you know, to end the relationship because he's a goyum. Lainie Kazan and Elliot Gould are her parents. I mean, it is. Okay, so I love him so much. It was very tough to see him have to do this.

That's where, like, when I say it ruined my day, it was like, I love this actor. I love this. I love everything about him. I thought he held it together pretty good. Of course he did, Paul. That's not my God. He did the best he could do. but I'm like watching him puke all over.

Yeah. I just don't want to see him do that. I felt bad that his whole character driving engine was he needs a drink and no one will let him have one. Well, this is the question I was going to ask you both. They say you can't give him a drink because something weird happens. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, well, that's interesting. right? What could it be? Like, does he become violent? Does he become this other person? Like, it would be very funny for the third act climax to be that he does drink and then he be,

you know, whatever. He has to join in. And he, guess what? He's an adept hit man. A hundred percent something. But no, it's just that he gets a little nauseous. Like he gets, he gets, he gets, and he tells the truth. I think it's that. Okay. I think it's that. Okay. I think it's that he speaks his truth. It's truth serum, but what you're right about is it doesn't get us anywhere. It does not. It doesn't help us because the movie doesn't need a truth teller at that point because we don't really at that point in the movie care about any relationship that Mark Wahlberg is in because at that point he's in the relationship with the kidnapped girl. He's in the relationship with the girl who is using him and he's in the relationship with his fiance.

And at that point. He's so open to love. And that's what I will say. Mark Wahlberg and my co-star in Infinite, of course, is not a character that oftentimes feels open to love in movies. I agree. I would not say Mark Wahlberg has convincingly played a romantic lead necessarily. I would, yeah. But boy, somehow, he's got three going relationships in this movie.

Maybe this was it. Maybe they used it all up in this one movie. I mean, and one of the arcs of the character, which I don't think they fully pay off, is that this is a character who's always getting blue balls. He's always getting, like, there's that opening sequence when the girl, before she puts her toe in the dead man's torso or wherever it was, like when they separate, it's like, oh, you brought your work home. He is grabbing and massaging his dick. Like, ah, I've fucking got to deal with this hard on now in the bathroom. To a point that I was like, I'm uncomfortable with this. Like, there's some things I don't need to be, yeah, I don't need to see him, like, fixing his hard dick in his pants for that long.

See, that's the thing. I think that was so great to show us. Movies almost never show us men's dick management. You, that you have to be managing this thing all the time. Right. This is not just, yeah. It's over here. It's over there.

It's bigger. It's small. You really, and movies shy away from showing us those truths. Oh, and we're seeing and we're hearing. It's not fixed. It's not like a still life. It's broken. This movie is about asses and dicks.

We see a lot of male ass in this movie. I mean, we also open, and I'm so bummed. Why do we spend so much time in the beginning of this film with Mark Wahlberg doing Jim Cotta? And then it never comes into play in the fucking movie. I'm like, we got Jim Codda. His training montage is literally on a pommel horse. And I was like, this.

This is going to be instrumental to the move. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Nothing. No moment. I mean, that locker scene. Yo, you just stand there and tell me you ain't never jerked your dick in your whole life until last week? That's bullshit, man.

I never needed to. I've been fucking since I was 10. You know, I can't relate to that. Whoa. She scores. Let's go. Yo. I can't wear green, baby.

Catch from my eyes. You know what I'm saying? It's going to look on you, though. What's the move, man? We're gonna be late. Shit. Hey, yo, Vinny, you hear the news? What's that?

This fool claimed he don't bone females no more since he just now discovered ringing his rag. Is that true? No doubt. You smell a maintenance, ass. The locker room scene to me was really, again, this is where I had a tough time. This is where the movie ruined my day. When one of the guys, the guy who's like just found out how to masturbate and then spends the whole movie. And this is very, there's something about Mary.

Like, I could see. that 90s sort of like every scene you have a new like way into this joke um kind of the payoff of it was pretty great the payoff was probably one of the best what was the payoff when they're fighting in the video store and then these the poster on the wall is number one customer of our adult section and it's bokeem woodbine like put the thumbs up oh that's that's true okay fine he's been in this video store so much to jerk off that he's they made a poster of what a prolific jerk off guy he is to say the number one renter of adult videos in the store but there was but here's the thing I just felt like okay that's where it felt very Austin powers you know that kind of 90s comedy but that scene that scene where they're all speaking to each other the way that they are and he's talking about jerking off and then he says he's been fucking since he was 10 Yeah.

And that was also, that was something that you used to hear in movies all the time about men and boys. And, you know, it's just tough because it's like, well, you were, well, sir, you were raped. You were raped. It's like, I don't know what you think happened there or was someone. Well, I mean, like, perhaps not if the, if the partner was similarly aged. So it's just so hard to watch. And that was my experience, the whole movie. which is like things being presented lightly and feeling so bereft.

It does. It feels as though someone wrote a movie that was for Goodfellas style acting. Yes. And then somebody did a joke pass on it and they cast people and told them, it's light. You know, these are jokes. Keep it like gliding right by it. Because if in Goodfellas, Joe Pesci said, I've been fucking since I was 10, I'd be like, yeah, yeah, that tracks. Right. These are monsters. These are monster people who behave monsterably.

Okay, great. But when people are saying that in this movie, you're like, it's a real head scratcher because you're like, okay, now actually, let's interrogate. Who are these guys? Well, this. Because. So many bad things have happened to them. If I'm Boki Mudbying, I wouldn't allow my video store to put that poster up. I'm a murderer like that.

That already is a problem. Well, I mean, he seems like he's lost track of everything. What the masturbation has really set him on a path where he is not good at his job anymore because even the first hit, is it a hit? Yeah, I guess it is. The first of all, they're not subtle or smooth about anything. The first hit, they blow up a fucking building. Yeah. But they also come in.

To kill a guy who appears to be like a human trafficker. You know, who's trying to buy three women. for $50,000 each. Three blondes under 20. Yes. Three blondes under 20. Midwestern no tattoos. And then when the price is 50,000 each, one of the women goes, hey.

You know what it's crazy? And this is in like a hotel or, I think it's a hotel. And there's like a big giant like hot tub in the middle of the floor of the hotel room. And surrounding the hot tub, I've never seen. this are glass screens. Like the whole room is covered in glass screens so that when the shootout starts, there can just be exploding glass everywhere. But the look of it before that is so strange and odd because you're like, why would you surround this tub with a weird, you know, the kind of screens you might get dressed behind except that they're glass, you know, it was really weird.

Well, it is who knows what's happening design-wise. But I, I, it is who knows what's happening design-wise. I did laugh when one of the bad guys, like, appeared out of the hot tub. Oh, yeah. Incredible. Like, he had been hiding in there, which did be a LOL. A very long time. He was underwater for a very long time. And then his machine gun worked flawlessly.

This is the one where Mark Wahlberg does shooting while doing what is unquestionably breakdancing moves. So I wanted to ask you, June, how did you feel about combining breakdancing with pin-perfect assassinations. I didn't mind it. I got a guest with you. I think maybe that's the best use of it. Well, it felt very John Wu-coded. Like this movie, right?

And there's something about it. This is also just in case you were wondering, this is the end of Marky Mark. The single that is over the credits is the death of Marky Mark. So this is the end of this era, maybe the end of the rom-com, you know, Mark Wahlberg or the romance. and then we go into Mark Wahlberg,

or Marky Mark may have been more of the rom-com guy. But what's so interesting about that sequence is, the plan is we're going to shut off the power, he's going to go into the room, and he's got the night vision goggles, so he can see everybody, and they're going to be in the dark. I get that.

I like that. And then, you know, so he gets a foot up on them, or a leg up on them. I like foot. And then he takes off the night vision goggles because he knows that they're going to, going to be blasting light in. So he's wearing sunglasses.

But his, and then there's just a lot of manipulation of light. And he doesn't seem to be affected by any change of light. But yet he is. Well, I think his team is making all those light changes show. So he thinks he knows when to use what. Okay. Because he's still opening a curtain. Yeah, because there's a lot made of him opening those curtains.

Well, because what you have to realize is when the light gets cut, he comes in with his night vision goggles, but the other guys, the bad guys, put on their night vision goggles. Right, they just had them just in case. So when he's opening the windows, he's flooding their night vision goggles with light, which makes them blind.

But he also, he's not wearing sunglasses. No, he takes, the first entry into the room, he's wearing sunglasses. But then by that point... No, that's the next one, when he throws in the flash bang. Oh, right. He throws in a flash grenade.

I thought he ran across those... I mean, you're right. It's a lot of on and off. Yes, there's a lot of, there's a lot of light play. It's a lot of light play. It's a lot of erotic light play. To just watch guys get shot, like they are attached to the fender of a car that is furiously pulling out of a parking lot.

That is a question I had. They are blown back. Yes. Style, baby. Six feet. Oh, easily. Easily. The impact.

of a bullet hitting their body sends them backwards in motion, I'm going to say 15 miles an hour. You should watch out. They should almost be hitting other people like bowling balls. Because there's also Mark Wahlberg is able to,

this is a pre-parkour kind of dominating action movie style. So he's doing the thing that used to happen, which is he's jumping around but clearly launching himself off of trampolines. because he's getting length and height of these jumps that are enormous.

But he's really just crossing a hotel room. But it's clearly he's being launched off of trampolings. And my favorite moment, and I know I shouldn't get down to this kind of nitty-gritty because I'm going to go down my same rabbit hole with the glasses and the night vision goggles. But when they say, let's synchronize our watches, they just all put their watches together. But they don't look at the time. They don't. Nobody has to adjust. Nobody has to be like, oh, I'm a minute ahead or I'm a minute behind. They don't. They just, it's as if they think from the movies, synchronizing your watches just means putting them all in one shot. And like somehow the watches will sink themselves. It was like, it was like magnets or something like I love that moment. And I loved that. And I also loved the, there's an audible record scratch in this. Oh, yes. I know what I was like, what the fuck are they up to, man?

Here's the thing. We never get a sense of the team, really. No. Because you know he's a sort of a bad guy. You know he's like an asshole, but he's also the leader. But then like Antonio Sabato Jr. just disappears for the rest of the movie. We don't see him at all. And then so it's like I was kind of attached to him.

Yeah. He was my favorite one. You loved when he came to those girls and said, I want to pour milk all of you because you're a part of my balance breakfast. Yeah, he was my favorite one. Yeah, of course. And then he disappeared. Disappeared. And then we're introduced to this, like, young tech guy, like the computer nerd.

Weird. Who has a stutter. And I guess that's something we all saw and was very distressing. Well, they also call him Gump in the movie, which is very strange. Wow. Very, very upsetting. And then, but then he. Could have been a coincidence.

Could have been a coincidence. And now we're with him for most of the movie, really. and then Antonio Sabato Jr. we see a gun at the very, very end. And I was like, well, what's the team here? It makes no sense. I agree because what should happen is they should be hunting down every member of the team

until they get to Mark Wahlberg. That's it. Like the good guy, the bad guys should be hunting down the team that is responsible for kidnapping the girl and blah, blah, blah, blah, but they don't. And so everybody, you're right. Anthony Sabato Jr., at some point was like, Where is Vince?

We need Vince to get in the mix. I mean... Oh, are you... Are you kidding me? He's electric on screen. I'm sorry. He is great. Now, the other thing is like...

You guys might be... I hate to ask this question. He's the best actor of our generation. I thought he was wonderful. I thought it was great acting. Really wonderful acting. But the other thing is like... I guess...

So I guess her dad kidnapped her. What do you mean? What? Wait. How do you mean? Well, okay. Let me ask. Let me put this to both of you.

Who arranged her kidnapping? They just, they, Lou Diamond Phillips. Lou Diamond Phillips. Like, just did the most minimal research on the richest person in town. And he was like, oh, it's this, like this Chinese millionaire.

And then it was like, let's kidnap his daughter and we'll get a lot of money. And then what the, the issue with the movie is, you fucking idiot, you didn't do any research on this? I thought he was hired. Yours makes better sense, June, but go ahead.

Let me just pitch. Are you sure about that? Because Paul, I thought he was hired. And that's why when, when Melvin's Smiley was like, well, we're moonlighting with this other job. I thought they've been hired

to kidnap someone. We don't know who hired them, but Lou Diamond Phillips does. And then they realize, oh, that's their actual boss's goddaughter. Because then at the end, at the very end, when her college friend, quote on quote, is walking out of school with her,

she says, I hear your dad's in L.A. making the kidnapping a big movie. And then I thought, oh, her dad arranged this so he could get out of financial debt. I like that. Interesting. I really, I don't mind that idea at all. I don't think that's what the movie's trying to do.

I think I got it so Lou Diamond Phillips is just is not a hired contractor he's completely going rogue He's going rogue and trying to make side money and that's why in the beginning So I thought he was hired to kidnap her no when he says hey you should do this job with us tomorrow Mark Wahlberg is like no I'm not doing that our boss would get mad at us because we're not supposed to be freelancing or moonlighting or whatever they call whatever he says right but I thought moonlighting with someone else who had hired. Right. No, no.

So, and yes. And then you're right, Paul, the coincidence that somehow the crime lord that they work for is involved with so much so that he's the godfather of the businessman's daughter. That makes, I don't understand. Now that really is a coincidence. Now this all seems so small-worldy that I'm like, I don't understand. I mean, it seems like they could be doing, they could be hit men in a very small town. I don't know what town they're in Canada.

Oh, that would be so funny if this was an entire group of Hitman that were all in Cincinnati. That's what it kind of felt like to me. It felt like a very small group. Now, I will say that that storyline was my favorite storyline, that the Giro Nishi was this like enormously wealthy person who was so wealthy. He made the most expensive movie of all time cast himself in it. The jokes of that were great. And then the fact that, like, he only printed posters on gold leaf paper. He made, like, a movie theater standee out of gold.

Like, he... The idea that you are a multi, multi, multi, multi, millionaire. So business successful millionaire, but you could bankrupt yourself on one movie is... It was very funny. But it was also... And the fact that he had a shirt off and was, like, kissing this girl was, like, the taste of my juice or whatever the name of that movie was. I loved every moment of whatever that was. All the way till when he's going to commit ritual suicide because of the shame.

And he keeps being interrupted by the phone call. But again, I agree. Some of those jokes worked. Also, did not know at certain points if I should be offended by this because it was every stereotype in this movie is being played. I mean, we are doing it. And I guess maybe if we're just saying every character is up to a 10, then maybe you can't say anything about any of them. because everyone, everyone is playing something aggressive. Oh, big time, yeah.

Like, right, and this, like, what we then get into, because the movie I want to be clear, like, it has all of the hallmarks of a John Wu action, operatic kind of big explosions movie, but it thinks it's a comedic farce. So, like, when Marky Mark's girlfriend drops, she's leaving him for her side piece, and she drops off the bagged body parts that have not yet been destroyed and the very living kidnapped girl, all of which have been at her apartment, the girlfriend's

apartment. She drops them at Christina Applegate and Mark Wahlberg's house. So now Christina Applegate's parents have arrived, the kidnapped victim has arrived, and bags full of body parts are arrived that the dog becomes obsessed with. And the next 15 minutes, of the movie are just a farce, where Mark Wahlberg is Inspector Cluzzo trying to keep everything in order, and that also was funny to me. Well, Jason, you didn't say my favorite part of that, which was set to ska music. Oh, yes. So it's a farce set to, I think, real big fish.

I'm going to bet it's real big fish. And that was, to me, I was like, this should be the whole movie, because whatever this was. And this movie does aggressively put you in a moment that you're like, oh, right, this is all cool. This is very cool. The best part of that sequence was that there is in Mark Wahlberg's house,

which is set up to be, you know, very suburban house, suburban living, regular guy. There's a bathroom and I'll never forget this as long as I live. That has two doors and two entrances. I've just never, have you ever been in a bathroom and a residential

home that has two ways in. June. June, hold on one second. Uh-oh. Think about our house. Wait a minute. We have a bathroom that has two entrances.

Your own house? Yes. Oh, okay. But that's a Jack and Jill situation. Okay, that's two connecting veterans. You're just talking about it. That I can accept. Wait, does that mean that it's at the top of the hill?

Every time you go there, you have to roll down. That's a Jack and Jill situation where, by the way, one of my favorite movies. But like, that's totally. Totally different. This is two entrances from a hallway. Okay. Got. All right.

So that's your issue. I'm not talking about connecting bedrooms. Yeah. That was pretty wild. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. I mean, that's such a set house. What is the anticipation?

What are you built? Why are you building it like that? What are you thinking? Oh, my use case is that I want two people to be able to enter and or leave at the same time. And can you imagine having to go to the bathroom in there and like sitting down on a toilet and just like the terror of of knowing there's two ways in. Are you always, when you're on the toilet clocking, what, what, how many possible points of entrance are there? I have had, I'll never forget, I had a very traumatic experience at a friendlies when I was, like, in fifth grade.

Not as friendly as you'd think. Where I had to go to the bathroom and there was one, it was a single stall type situation just to, you know, you open the door, there's the toilet. And I went to the bathroom, sat down, you know, got everything ready. And a woman walked in on me. And, you know, sometimes you're close enough that you can say, oh, oh, oh, excuse me. And but she was too far, the door was too far away. And she stood there for too long. I was completely vulnerable.

And I was like racing to try to get over. She couldn't understand what was happening. It was absolutely horrified. She couldn't understand. Wait a minute. I mean, she couldn't understand. I think if I walked in and saw, I would be like, I understand every, I don't like that I'm here for this, but. Picture her walking in kind of with her back to me.

Like she's still kind of with the restaurant. So she got too far in. Wait, she doesn't get all the way to be, she doesn't sit on your lap, does she? She doesn't get that far. It traumatized me for life. She has heard back to you the whole time. And since that moment, I've never felt safe in a public restaurant. Now, now I will say this.

June, I was that woman. And as a little boy, the first time I ever saw a woman naked from the bottom down was on an airplane because I just boldly opened a door to a woman on a toilet and airplane. It's burned in my memory and I stood there frozen. There was nothing erotic about it. There was nothing. I was like, and I didn't know what to do. And then I didn't know how to close the door because it's like one of those, it's not like a open close. it's like a collapsible, like a folding door.

And then she was trying to close and she yelled at me and I was like, I didn't know what to do. And I was, and I was shook, shook. Okay. So you get it. I agree. I don't think like bathroom stuff is you're just too vulnerable. It's just too. It's one of, especially as a child, it's one of the great unknowns.

That's why we never see Kiefer Sutherland take a pee or a poop in 24 because it's too vulnerable for him. It's also, what a stressful day. Your body just shuts down. Right, yeah, you're not really producing good poop on that day. You know what I didn't like? If I'm a hitman, if I'm like a hitman team, if I'm a really good hitman team, here's my reality. I'm not putting body parts. If I'm going to the length of chopping up a body, I'm not putting it in white kitchen bags.

I'm putting it in the double black heavy-duty, duty, yard bags. Because that kitchen, when I, I mean, when I try and empty my kitchen, the bag rips, coffee grounds leak out, they are fragile. Now, these are body parts with, I'm assuming,

sharp-edged bones that have been cut in there. Like, these should be leaking every, the dog bites into the bag, no leaking. Come on. Either get better garbage bags for body parts or... Get a black bag. Stop this nonsense.

What are we doing, guys? And why are we bringing Why are we doing so much work with this? At least bring it to the basement. Like give me some. There was a lot. By the way, there was a lot of transporting of things and people. Like for no good, as far as I could understand, no good reason.

Yes. Other than just like, I don't want it right now. I don't want it in my house right now. I mean, she was leaving town to go to Hollywood to make her fortune. This is Mark Wahlberg's sidepiece. and with her side piece, or I guess maybe her main piece, and so they're going off to Hollywood,

but before we leave the house, I'm going to go bring this girl to you and this body. Yeah. Like, why not just call and just be like, go get it? But no, they have to be in the room. Like, she has to drop it off. Also, they then go and drive for hours.

Four hours. But somehow wind up back where they started? Because he knew a shortcut. Yeah. He knew a shortcut that got them nowhere. Well, that was the thing. thing. She's like, you know how long it's going to take four days to get to L.A.?

And then he says, don't worry, I know a shortcut, which to me is one of the most insane things to say when you are driving four days away. Like, well, there's no short, there's no real shortcut. So they are not in L.A. They are four days drive

from L.A. So that's interesting. I do think that they're Cincinnati. The Midwest, yeah, because first of all, they're also asking the, our first crime boss is asking, for Midwestern women. Now, I assumed when he said that, that he wasn't from the Midwest,

but now I'm like, oh, I guess they were right there. Yeah. He wanted a local flavor. I mean, or maybe he's visiting. That's maybe why they did the hit. He, because he's at the hotel. Oh.

Get me some of these Midwestern girls. And I do like that this is a movie that I do think skates on this line of it was supposed to be a high school student. They just say, she's college, although they don't change anything else about her. When do they say that, Paul?

I do need to know. When did they say that? I never heard that. And I felt I was listening pretty good. All right. I mean, you know, look, I will double check. But I know that that was in the production notes I have about the movie. Oh, so you're relying on your production notes.

I'm really, yes. I see production notes. And why do you keep putting that in quote? Well, I think that one of the things that is absolutely true, though, is whether she's in high school or whether she's in college, I do understand and firmly believe that when two people make a kosher dinner together, they cannot help but fall in love. Oh. It was the sexiest.

It was so gross. Watch me. Oh. There's so much handling of the raw chicken. Oh. The fingering of that chicken was so disgusting. It really actually had to turn away. It was disgusting.

The raw chicken that they're manipulating with their hands was treated with the same erotic charge as the Potter's wheel in ghost. And I will say this. It wasn't done over the top enough for it to be funny and it was done too realistically that it made me

uncomfortable and again sick to my stomach because it was like it was neither here nor there and I think the middle ground was worse than either side of it right? Because if it was sexy and it's a chicken it's like naked gun style like I'd be like oh that's funny but it was like too sexually charged. They get like so sexy.

charged, but their hands, again, salmonella-wise, their hands are covered with raw chicken grease. You know, like, this is dangerous. They don't show them cleaning the prep areas. They don't show them switching cutting boards. Like, this is a dangerous meal. I'm going to be honest. I mean, and then, and they really seem that they're into each other, but that is just a ruse by her because she, like, she's actually in charge because he then spills some sauce on her leg, so he has to like take off her bondage gear, not sexual bondage gear, but like just her tied feet

so he could clean her legs. But he does that by putting her entire physical body laying down on the countertop. I was like, why would you do this? This is a very strange way to just clean a spill off someone's leg, just lean down and wipe it with a towel. But it makes it such that they can do like romance stuff.

But he's injure. I mean, that's the whole thing. thing. I mean, you know, this is the thing. Remember when during the farce period where the dog is dragging the body and this and that he at one point places the kidnap victim in

the trunk of the car in the garage. And then the Christina Applegate and her parents load into that truck and leave. The kidnap victim is in the trunk, but it's not a trunk because it's an open truck. So they have gotten into

and are driving around with just a person visibly in the back of the car. That's right. And that, I was like, what's this? If I'm the kidnap victim, I just make one noise and they know I'm there. Well, I think she was knocked out at that point. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah.

But, but yeah, I had the same question because there's also like a lot of different sort of configurations of how that family was sitting in the car. Big time. Christine Applegates driving. mom's in the passenger seat, dad's in the back. Okay, now both parents are in the back. Now there's a shopping bag in the front. Like, there were many, they were using that car in many different ways to get to Temple.

I mean, and they're trying to get to Temple. And I will say that I don't know what I'm supposed to think about in this plot line because we know that their relationship is over, right? It's not like a meet the parent situation because it seems like. We're not rooting for that. We're not rooting for them. It's so hard. Here's the thing. Here's my big question about him.

Was he a hit man before he met these women? Or did he meet these women and get so sort of lost in his, you know, romantic issues, which is he could never say no, that he got into financial debt with both of them and then had to become a hitman to pay for them. Interesting. Maybe. I mean, it certainly seems like he is like adept at all of this. So like, yeah, how did he get drawn into being part of this like hit squad, this Cleveland based hit squad? Or, yeah. It's such a good question, too. It's like how much work is there? Yeah. Well, it seems like they're working constantly. Nonstop. His girlfriend knows exactly what he does. There's dead bodies in the house, etc. But Christina Applegate doesn't seem to know that he's a hitman, right? No, she doesn't know at all. I don't think so now.

Okay, okay, okay, good. Well, now, I will say this, that in case we're just, you know, just to put it in perspective, in the original script, Melvin did have more of a backstory to explain why he was afraid of people disliking him, and it dealt with the fact that his parents were both dead. But due to budgetary restrictions, this element was cut before shooting began. I don't understand how the budget could have cut in there. So really all we get from Mark Wahlberg about Backstory is a line where he goes, I need to people please. And then he goes there.

I said it. And we're like, yeah, yeah, we know. We know that. We've said it. Yeah. This is another movie in the pantheon of movies that we've done where none of the action of the movie would be necessary if a man could admit he would have benefit from regular therapy. Yeah. He could just go to therapy.

He would not need to engage in any of the bad behaviors in this movie. Well, I think he actually, I think that he likes, I think that he likes his job. He makes a killing. Oh, boy. Which is what he says in the movie. And I think that he is a, he, he is not apologetic for what he does. But what he's, what he's learning is that he's got to make his own path. He's got to stand up for his own self.

And that's what we're following. That's the part that's inspirational. It's like, yeah. I'm sorry. I identify with this character, sure. Okay, because I know that she was, when she was first kidnapped by him and he's the driver, I know that she was being sexually assaulted by that young man, thought he was a high school student. College.

Who inexplicably has crystal in his suitcase, or his bag. But don't know why. I thought that was going to come back. I thought that was going to come back. That would be like something. I said that this movie has the energy of rejected auditions from Mountain Dew commercials. Very much so. But I thought, okay, he is going to stop this and he did, but he stops it and then executes that very young man.

Yeah, he does shoot him dead. In front of her. In front of her. And she is. She, like, is alarmed, but then totally normal. And then, like, repeatedly people point guns right in her face. And she is, her look is like, oh, whatever. Well, the idea is, like, she's also really tough to a point.

Like, she can hold her own with him. Like, you would want it to be like, oh, yeah, this is the daughter of a guy who trained his daughter, like, never get kidnapped. And she had all these skills. And that's a funnier, like, I mean, not taming the shrew, but it's like, but this idea that they kidnapped some of them. that they can't even handle. Well, it would have been great if her, you know, skills with biology or whatever,

you know, came back in any sort of... College-level courses she's taking. Well, she brings it up while they're cooking kosher. But, like, that never returns. That never plays into anything that happens at the end. Yeah. When she says, I'm in AP English. She doesn't.

She might as well. I just have to ask. I just never, this is the issue I have with them saying that she's in college, if there was a line, which I didn't hear, Paul, despite your production notes. Sure.

Like, I, I just, like, even if there was a line, like, everything you're showing us tells me high school. Correct. The movie wants it both ways. The movie wants her to be a uniformed high school girl.

And it all. also wants you, the audience, to be invested in their love story as an opportunity to show that he's choosing a better partner. She's a better partner to him, you know, or something like that. That's what I think the movie's trying to do is like he's breaking his bad habits because he's fallen for her and she sees him for who he really is. You know, da, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. But to have both be true means that he is a reprehensible human being. Well, I, before, I mean, we've talked about a lot of...

He's a criminal, you know. Yeah, he's a criminal. And also, like, like, no, there's no mention of, like, Stockholm syndrome. Is she really falling in love with him? Or is it just because he's kidnapped her and she's... She seems to have her own issues because she says to him, like, he... Because he's like, I'm a hitman. Like, you have to be okay with this lifestyle.

Like, it's constant, you know, are you okay with this? Like, this is what I do. And she's like, he's like, he's like, like, you're asking me if I, like, want this kind of adrenaline rush every day for the rest of my life? Yes. Yes. A million times. Yes. No, that is not what is happening. What? Also, you know, they started handling that meat. And she, I think she'd been up at that point for, like, 24 hours. And I was like, what? If you haven't showered, you can't wash your hands or? Well, she's not going to eat it.

She's been in and out of trunks. I mean, she's, yeah, and those trunks are literally always carrying garbage bags full of leaky dead bodies. I mean, we know that to be true. Paul, a few moments ago, you said that you really identify. Yeah, I want to go back to. Thank you, Jason. I want to go back to them as well. I think, Paul, if I'm not mistaken, there might be another character in this movie that you might identify.

Oh, yeah. Be kind, rewind. I was like, Paul, how did you feel that the final set piece of this movie was set in a video store? I fucking loved it. I loved it. I loved the, again, this is like going back to the projected mountain duads, like whoever that guy was, like they're shooting him like with a fish eye lens. And he is, he is the nemesis of Mark Wahlberg throughout the entire movie. Like, hey man, you got to.

Like, we just play a clip of that now. Melvin Smiley, please. This is me. Mr. Smiley, big top video. We're calling to inform you that you had our copy of King Kong lives out for over two weeks now. Return it immediately, or we will have you kill. Like, that character, to me, is amazing because he's trying to chase down King Kong lives, like, which is at this point an old movie.

And what I love about Mark Wahlberg, and this is where I feel like, Mark Wahlberg's like, yeah, I got to save this girl. I got to kill my friend, but I also have to rewind that VHS tape. And June and I have gotten into many discreetment. I got to, I get that. I'm like, got to get that videotape back. I got to make it sense. It really is, it inserts again all of the elements of suburban life into the narrative of a crime hitman story. Like the idea that you're right, Paul, he's juggling all these.

life, you know, ending level catastrophic events, while also having to constantly field calls from an increasingly annoyed video store clerk, you know? And then when they go and have to do the final shootout, explosion, everything at the video store, I was like, this is incredible. Like, this is a part of our lives that was so ubiquitous. It could be the final movie set piece,

and it's now just gone. I mean, and what I love about, of two is that it is, as somebody who loves a video store, a two-story video store is really just, I mean, a relic of... You could spend a day there. It was exciting. I mean, although it seemed like they

only trafficked in trauma films, which I also really loved it. It was only trauma movies that they had there. I didn't notice that at the time. I guess you're right. I can see some similarities where it's like everything to you well, and I don't say this as a, well, I guess it is a critique

of both you and Melvin Smiley, which is like not being able to necessarily prioritize what's really important in terms of time management. What we're saying is that it is important. I have to get that VHS date back. I get my name off that wall. That is priority number one for that gentleman. That's not maybe my priority number. But video stores are never sending you into collection.

Like there's no, are they? Did they? Yeah. Really? Would you have to call people? Oh, I did. Oh. the time. Did you take that kind of attitude with them? I mean, he seemed like he had memorized the number and

the name. I was always looking at a screen. He was Mr. Blockbuster. Like he had some sort of like investment in this. Well, because back when I was working in the video store, there was no email, so you couldn't just like pop an email or shoot a text. You did have to make that physical phone call. And we were chasing down a lot of new releases, but you had to make that call. And the thing that was really hard and one of the hardest parts of the job is charging people because they would return it really late. And then they'd rent their next movie and you say, hey, it's going to be, it's $57. And I wait, $57 for one movie. It's like, no, you didn't return the River Wild.

So for over a week. And then they're like, I'm not paying that. And you're like, well, I have. And then you have to call for your manager. But those late charges were pretty astronomical, though. That seems like they were a little bit predatory. Supplying demand. Two, like an individual copy of a VHS movie to buy it costs like 80.

120, which is crazy back in the day. I mean, I just want to not that. That's what always blew my mind is that they were so expensive to purchase. And so, you know, but also it's supply and demand, June. It's like, I am working at a video store where I am telling you, we are going to have it in. And if we don't have it in now, we're going to have it in tomorrow. And the minute. Audience, audience, Paul is the minute.

I never seen it's a locked. The joy that existed while we were talking about the movie has evaporated. He is in a full body. I am ready to. And look, and this, I'm saying this as someone. Paul, we don't have any of your movies. And I always had late charges. You know my family.

Always had life. And I took such pride in getting that money out of those people. I loved it. I loved it. I think my Brooklyn video store closed because I did not pay my life. I would, now, now if it's me, what I'm doing is, and I think I've talked about this, maybe I'm here on the show, I would go early in the week when I was just a renter before I was a seller. I would go early in the week and I would hide. I know.

We all know that hack. Yeah, and I would hide it in the store. So then when I came in on Friday, it would be perfect. So good. You know, that's the way you got to go. Before I know we're getting close to the end here, I just want to, I do need to talk about Lou Diamond Phillips. Because this is, honestly, I've loved Blue Diamond Phillips on the chair company. Oh, so good.

I've loved him in Young Guns. I am a Lou Diamond Phillips fan, even Renegade, when we did Renegade. This performance... He was great on a recent season of Goliath, the Billy Bob Thornton show. Nothing bad to say about him, but wow, this character, like, I've never seen him in a way so free. And he is wearing for the majority of the film, something that looks like that, you know, a Vegas showgirl would wear, like he is wearing some sort of

sequin patterned shirt. I mean, he is in the, I think all these dudes are just buff as fuck. Everybody's jacked, and it's always funny to let dramatic actors play larger than life comedic characters.

Yes. You know, and that, and for the most part, everybody's struggling a little bit, but Lou Diamond Phillips, I thought, was the one who was genuinely got it, got what his guy was about, and was able to be both funny and scared. No, I didn't know why he deserved to be stabbed at the end. I thought, geez, Mark Wahlberg, like he was your friend.

Give him a quicker death. You know he's got to die here. But he was putting him through the ringer, though. Oh, yeah. He's been hunting him down. He's trying to kill him. He activated the, what was that bomb that? Mark Wahlberg carries around some sort of...

It was like, yeah. Weird device. Weird bomb device. I don't know what that was. I just felt like it was a big jump for Melvin Smiley to... I agree. Stab him in the heart and watch him bleed out. Yeah.

You know, and like gently sent him off into the afterlife was so bizarre. Not, I would say not very much. Well, I guess not so gently, but he was sort of talking through it. Oh, oh, oh, sorry. He was sort of side coaching him. You're doing great. just if you see the light, yes, and it. Well, he, to me, what's so fun about him is,

I feel like I understand the bravado and the dumbness, and he crosses that line with, I think you're saying, Jason, like where he gets really evil. And he was going to sacrifice Mark Wahlberg in a way. So I didn't have a problem with him being stabbed in such a way because he left him for dead first, and it didn't work. He jumped into the water. So now he's like, I got to get the job done.

I tried to do it this simple way, which is just get his head decapitated from a car fong from a tree. That didn't work. Now I must take matters into my own hands. Because I can't trust it. I can't trust this guy. Yeah, because he's only out for himself and his boat. Which is called Big Pussy.

I mean, in Spanish. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. That's the name. I will double check what it was written for. Yeah. It's hard because it's like, he's clearly the biggest bad guy of the movie in terms of like, you know, antagonist.

But he is over the course of the movie, the person who I come to like the most. Same. You know, who I, it's not that I'm rooting for him. I'm just enjoying him most. Yeah. Can I, can I, I also need to just call out Avery Brooks, who Jason, I know that you love for hire. I love from Deep Space Nine.

Yeah. Uh, Cisco. He to me is such an untapped talent because I actually think, and I say this with so much love, that he is a little bit insane. And I feel like he's improvising within this character. He's like, Paris must have. House of Paris. Play that clip.

When the rules are broken in the house of Paris, the machine breaks down. Discipline must be enforced. Order must be restored. In my house, there has been a transgression, an unauthorized kidnapping in my house. Who could be that stupid? It gets worse in this particular case.

The transgression is personal. In this case, the kidnapping happens to be my god daughter. Oh, fuck, no! Some rock, some dote, some less than senseless thing has decided to come to my house and kidnap my god daughter, and I am looking. I am searching for a motherfucker stupid enough to fuck with me. Hey, yo boss, what's this kind of do with me? I want to know what you would do to that son of a jackal.

Me? I wouldn't, you know, I would, um... What would you do to someone who decided to fuck with you in your own house? A boss some caps! Puss some cats. Give this man a gold star. And the two of them together, like when he pulls Lou Diamond Phillips in, Lou Diamond Phillips thinks that he's going down for this kidnapping, the energy between this man who is borderline insane

and then Lou Diamond Phillips playing like this big character is so much fun to watch. I always think about this clip of Avery Brooks from a Star Trek documentary where he starts talking and then just starts playing the piano and singing a song like in the middle of his answer. Like, I'm like, this is what I want. Like, I just feel like that kind of scenery, I am all in for. And I would have liked,

and one of the things that's hard about the movie is, even though this is a unit of guys who do these hits and stuff, after that first hit, they're never together again. I mean, when Lou Diamond Phillips is hunting down Mark Wahlberg, he's not with Anthony Sabato, Jr. and Bochene Woodbine.

They're not, it's not his team. is hunting him. It's that everybody is like scattered to the wind and now has to talk to each other on phone calls, which makes no sense. Also when they hang up the phone in this movie, you do get a dial tone and they are using cell phones. I love it.

Well, we also didn't discuss the tracing technology. Oh, they took everything from this man except his patented call tracer, which when effectively works, it dials up a face image of the person. that is calling you?

That whole thing made me laugh. Oh, God. And the trace buster couldn't were, I mean, it was so wild. The trace buster buster? It wasn't that what he had because they had a trace buster,

and doesn't he have a trace buster buster? Buster, yes, that's right. And that's what I felt like this movie had jokes that were written by non-comedians. This movie's jokes were written by like uncles. I mean, I mean, it is.

I mean, that hip men joke, I make a killing. Like, that is it. Like, they're in the straight jacking and all that kind of stuff. It just feels like, it does feel like we want to be bad, but we don't know exactly how to be bad. There's another way to identify when this movie was made. And it's during peak, every kitchen has a hanging pot rack. Do you remember this? This is a real moment where hanging pot racks became a thing.

And then every movie kitchen. Pot rock. Yeah. Over an island. And so there's a scene in this movie where there's a fight that happens in a kitchen. And then there's a hanging pot rack that is just swaying in and out of the – it's so funny. And I was like, that's what – this movie lives in the time of pot racks. You know what?

Bring him back because I hate searching through a drawer for a pot. Me too. I want to hang that up. Hang that rock. Hang that pot. I do want to just, you know, say that this movie brought love into our world because China Chow. That is the actress's name who is kidnapped by Mark Wahlberg. This is her first film ever. And her Mark Wahlberg did date for four years after this film. Oh, wow. They did have chemistry.

Yeah, they were good. That's why I actually think it didn't work. I mean, she is the best part of the movie in many ways. I agree. Because she just seems like a real person. I agree. Yeah. Yes. She seems like the movie she's in is the closest movie to reality. Yes. And everybody else is in a cartoon movie, including all their clothes, everything they're doing, looks like they are cartoon characters. I like this character. I like her in this movie. I feel like if they gave her more to do even, it would be great to see that she had some skills. I think I would have liked to see some skills. But obviously, we had opinions about this movie, but there are other people out there who might have thought differently. It is now time for our second opinions.

You talk a lot about what makes a movie good or not. But everyone knows they're actually full of shit. We need a second opinion. We need a second opinion. Give me a second. We need a second opinion. Thank you, Wolves of Glendale. All right, this movie has an average rating of,

4.5 out of five stars on Amazon. There's over a thousand reviews, and 74% of them are five stars. And this one written in 2015 by Reid, VIP Brown, starts with my favorite movie to date. Just note that this was written in 2015. This review was written in 2015. My favorite movie to date, love marking mark doing break dancing as he saves the day and shooting up those bad guy mobsters.

Buy this and remember the late 90s as they were the best time for this country and for hip hop. You can hear and see Mark and Mark in my music album called Speed Kills Power Corrupts, which can be downloaded on Dat Pift. If you like this movie, you will love my album, which represents the 90s and great hip hop.

Rock on Mark and kudos to read VIP Brown. which is him. So he also thanks himself at the end of his own review for the big hit. And he is not in the big hit. Wow. This one from Shane in 2022 just says so great. What could happen when you get a whole bunch of bad guys together to do some bad, like a kidnapping.

Everything can go wrong. Five stars, title, full of excitement. And then L.J. writes, this has to be the most fun and fatal frolic any group of hitmen could have in the course of a two-hour movie. It's a great ride from start to finish, and I hope the guys had fun making the flick. Mark is cute.

Lou is crazy. Bo Keem's got soul, and Antonio is so fine. Pass me the hot. Hot buttered popcorn. Five stars. This one's a keeper. Oh, wow. Well, I mean, yes.

I mean, it is hunks on parade. That's very true. I mean, we didn't talk about the fact when they do their first hit, I would say they are conspicuous. They are not inconspicuous. They are dressed as, I didn't even know what, workmen?

Workers that are not wearing shirts. Or sleeveless shirts. They're all wearing aprons. Oh, my God. And they didn't need to enter the. building through the front door. That's the other thing. They didn't need to enter the, and why would,

oh boy, front door and guest elevators. I would love to know, I would love to know, like, from our audience, are you guys all doing like, like a lot of hangout time naked in the locker room chit-chatting?

Is that part of normal life? I mean, when Lou Diamond Phillips came in and dropped that towel and had to, I mean, every guy is trying not to show their dick, but they're also trying to show, show off their ass. They're all happy about their ass. And they are, they're getting those underwear on quick. Even though Marky Mark is wearing like very baggy, like a boxer briefs, everyone else is in the tightest. Well, this is his Calvin Klein era of, uh, right. A boxer brief ads. Or maybe it's not.

But when I watched and put those pants over the boxer briefs, it reminded me so much of the trouble that I had as a child to tuck those fuckers in because they were so loose. You're basically wearing shorts under pants. Oh, yeah. But I think that these guys work their ass. And tuck those fuckers in. You mean the boxer briefs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not my balls.

Not my numbers. Not my numbers. I got to tuck these fucking balls in. Oh, my God. They also that locker room was in a, all windows. Locker room was in a, was completely in a glass. Not that anyone could see that high up,

but it still was funny to me that it was all windows. The movie was made for $13 million and made $27 million. It was a modest hit. And of course, the tagline was, hit happens. Okay. And it does. Okay. And I'll say this is one of the very few instances of a movie where I had that kind of

itchy brain of like, oh, how much time is left. I feel like I'm going to click the thing and it's going to be like four. minutes is still left. I clicked the thing and it was only 10 minutes. And I was like, I did it. They did it. This movie has just flown by. It's basically like four set pieces, most of which kind of don't make sense.

So it went down pretty smooth this morning over my morning coffee, I will say. I enjoyed the watch, but it also gave me that thing where I want to forget 97 and 98. I don't like being back in that time. it felt unsafe to me or just felt cringy to me in a way that I don't know. It feels like this could have had an entire soundtrack that was rap rock, you know?

But thank God it didn't. Yeah. And I mean, for me, it really, like, it made me kind of reframe the timeline we're currently in. And, and like, just take a second to, you know, appreciate some of the advances we have made. Wow. Meaning we can stream movies now not have to go to the video story.

Yeah, and like numbers pop up on your phone. You don't need the trace machine or the trace roster. You got a blocker. You got a burner. Very easy. Look, this is trying to be all things. And I think that I always put these kind of movies in the camp of we're trying to be Quentin Tarantino, and we don't quite know exactly what that means.

At this point. Yes. Yes. There's a lot of like eight heads in a duffel bag. Yeah. Very bad things. That movie with Christian Slater where they kill a stripper, yeah. Yep.

The other one that, two days in the valley or whatever, these are all movies that are, that are trying to crib off of Quentin Tarantino's ability to be funny and light inside of horrific violence. And I think the difference, what you said earlier about like, oh, it's like uncles writing jokes, I think what that is is a pass on a serious script. I think that they have this script and they go, okay, we'll make it, Quentin Tarantino, we'll make it funny. And that's what's going to get people involved. And then people look at it and they go, oh, that we got to be in the next verse of our dogs. Like, us talking about jerking off is like us jerking about tipping. It's like you can see all

those little machinations going on. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find out if that this was written first as like a straight ahead action movie and then somebody did a joke pass. Because I did not know that this was a comedy until... No. Until maybe... I didn't know it was a romance. I didn't know that there would be a love story between the assassin and the high school student. College.

No, yes. I will say, June, there are no colleges that require uniforms besides medical schools. Play the clip. You keep on saying we're playing clips. Play the clip. Molly, Cody, if we have a clip, we should play that clip. Play the clip. I need to pick up my dad.

cottage. Here's what I'm going to say. If you enjoyed the component of this movie that took place in the video store and they have nostalgia for movies and watching movies at home, or just video stores in general, this movie is on Criterion right now. It's on other things too, but this movie is on criterion. And one of the other things that's on Criterion right now is the new documentary that Alex Ross Perry made called Video Haven. And it's a documentary about video stores inside of movies and what it was to have access to video stores and all this stuff. And it's all about the video store.

So, and it's a fantastic documentary. It's worth watching. And then another thing that I'm going to plug that I think is related just as a person who loves movies is Amy Lou Woods BBC series called Film Club. This is an absolutely hilarious and heartbreaking sitcom, six episodes. There's only one season about a young woman and her friend who every Friday night watch movies together, but it's really about what is going on in their lives and what are the struggles that they're kind of going through in their friendship, their relationship, but it's all tied

to the movies they're watching. So every week, whatever movie they're watching, aliens, the Wizard of Oz, infect their dynamic and their relationship and it's really incredible and beautiful and devastating and a wonderful watch. Oh, okay. Film club. Film club, got it. Yeah, I think people would absolutely love it.

It is beautiful. And she is fantastic. Everybody's great in it. But, and she wrote it, it's like her show. It's very, it's really great. Cool. Amy Lou Wood from White Lois and Sex Education. All right, so I think we like this movie at Rec June's Day.

Jason and I are a little bit easier. We all agree, Antonio Somato Jr. Is the star or the untapped star of this? It could have been a better movie with more Vince. Give me more Vince. A thousand percent. I will say this, that I know Jason just recommended a bunch of things,

but Columbia Pictures, I think, did put together a box set of Lou Diamond Phillips movies, and it is La Bamba, the big hit, and that movie that we did with the bats. So those are... Oh, wow. And Lou Diamond Phillips did a lot of... press for it and said this is a great box set because it shows off my range. And I got to say,

he's right. Yeah. Oh, he's great. I think he's fantastic. And that's the thing is the movie has great actors in it. It's just unsuccessful. All right. Thanks so much for listening to how to this get made. If you have a correction or omission from this episode that you want us to hear, well, just go to speakpipe.com slash hd-tgm to leave us a voice message. Okay, you can use your phone or a computer. The link is in the show notes, but if you don't want to leave messages, and just go to our Discord at Discord.g.g. slash HDTGM. Tune in next week to listen to our last looks episode. Will we respond to all of the best messages that you have left for us? And we'll announce next week's movie that we'll be covering on the show. Plus, Jason is always

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one and only April Hally. That's all I got, people. See you next week on Last Looks. Bye for now.