How Did This Get Made? - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Hello, my freaky darlings! This week Paul, June, and Jason are breaking down the listener picked movie, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The crew discusses if listeners should be allowed to have a say in what they watch, the surprise of Tom Sawyer being an Extraordinary Gentleman, their love of Captain Nemo, and much more!  HDTGM Spring Tour 2025 tickets are now on sale for Austin, Denver, Seattle, Boise, San Fran, Portland, & LA at hdtgm.com.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaCheck out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmJoin the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerVisit Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Friend Zone w/ Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch every Thursday 5pmPT / 8pmET: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Listen to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: https://www.unspooledpodcast.com/Listen to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social media Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

It's a who's who of who cares. We saw the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, so you know what that means. Now it's time for How Did This Get Made? We're gonna have a good time, celebrate some failure, not just be a hater, cause you know you wonder how did this get made? Let's follow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth, and welcome to How Did This Get Made? I'm your host, Paul Scheer, and today we are talking about The League of Extraordinary

Gentlemen, a movie picked by you. That's right, the fans on the Discord. Yes, yes. They did? Okay, now this makes sense. A hundred percent. Well, without any further ado, my co-hosts Jason Manzoukas and June Diane Rayfield.

How are you both? Well, now I have someone to be mad at, the Discord. I knew it, I knew it. Okay, so that makes sense, because for a minute I thought Averill had betrayed us. Well, I watched it with Paul. I knew it because I knew it, but I also knew it because Paul told me,

because he said Avril didn't pick this. And it shows. Yes. What a joyless movie. What a dud. This is why Avril is truly... Wait a minute, June disagrees? Do you need to advocate for this movie, June? I will say this.

All right. Again, in the context of watching all of these movies, I did find this, I had a couple really like hard laughs. Wait, that's shocking. I'd love to hear, intentional? Like the movie made you laugh on purpose or? Well, hold on a minute. The line where that gentleman who's walking on the Nautilus says very loudly, reading the transcript from the Invisible Man, hello, my freaky darlings.

I laughed so hard. I laughed so hard at hello, my freaky darlings, which is how I want to start every conversation. By the way, hello to both of you, my freaky darlings. Oh, and hello to you, my freaky darlings. Hello, my freaky darlings. That's the way we introduce the show from now on. Instead of people of Earth, hello my freaky darlings.

I think that's how we should start referring to the audience. They are freaky. Hello my freaky darlings. So the other point where I laughed, Paul, I mean, you didn't, I guess it wasn't laughed, but I was so stunned that in the, when we meet Alan Quartermaine, played by Sean Conner in the very beginning, I was so stunned that in that sequence in Africa, there was, I don't know, no less than like 25 to 30

elderly men slaughtered. Slaughtered. And Alan Quartermaine doesn't give it a thought. His friends, all of his friends who were there, the number of civilian casualties, collateral damage, is astronomical in this movie. And I guess I just have to say, like, I've never seen that many... I mean, it was very sad to me to see all of these older people die. Not just that, but like, what about all of the people of Venice? They knew the risk just by living in the world. I'm gonna say two-thirds of Venice fell into the water. I don't know if that's true, just by living in the world. I'm gonna say two-thirds of Venice fell into the water.

I don't know if that's true, because all of Venice was at the... at Carnival. Right. They were all out of their house. But the buildings were falling like dominoes. It was like a dominoes game with... I don't know. It was a dominoes game. Let me just take it back for one second. If you've not watched The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,

and you should have because you picked it. This is a movie that hypothesizes in a alternate world, a bunch of characters from literature have gotten together. You have the Invisible Man, Alan Quartermaine, Dorian Gray from the picture of Dorian Gray, Harkness that not Jonathan Harkness, but his wife who was bitten by a vampire and is also a vampire. Okay.

And Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, Captain Nemo. As well as Captain Nemo. All have come together. Tom Sawyer. Tom Sawyer, which by the way, this is not in the film, it was in the deleted scene. The bad guy in this apparently killed Huck Finn in this world Oh, and that's how Tom Sawyer gets

All of the extraordinary characters in literature, I did not expect to see Tom Sawyer nobody did not Sawyer was Stunned I said it was Billy the kid. I was like, oh, maybe it's But would also make sense it would make sense more of like a quick shooting gunman if it was a, yes, a Western hero like that. Yeah, that's what I couldn't remember. Is Tom Sawyer a, well, is he a bad shot? Is he notoriously a bad shot or a good shot?

He's not a shot. I don't think he shoots much. I think he shoots BB guns. Yeah, Tom Sawyer's not a gunman. He's a child. He's painting fences. Yeah. Now, I'll tell you not a gunman. He's a child. He's painting fences. Yeah.

Now I'll tell you this much. The movie hypothesizes these characters are like the Avengers and they have been put together to solve this mission. Now I will say that I knew we were in for trouble when I saw the opening text, which I just want to share with you here. It says, 1899, the great nations of Europe

share on an easy peace. For hundreds of years, wars have been fought with the same weapons. Okay, that's all right, I'm getting it. And then, and then- Are those weapons machine guns? No, I think that those are the new things. Okay, okay.

Because then it says single shot rifles, calvary and horse drawn cannon. Yeah. All right, that's what that is the thing. But this century is to drawn cannon. Yeah. All right, that's what, that is the thing. But this century is to end soon. Okay. And then what we get is this final line,

a new age dawns. That's a lot of info that I was immediately confused by because it doesn't play into anything because the first thing that we see is an anachronistic weapon brought here by, and it felt like to me in the beginning, a tank, a World War II tank, or maybe World War I tank, it felt to me like it was time traveled here.

Yes. Everybody seemed to be terrified of it. The people that come into contact with the tank seemed to think it was a living being. Yes. Like they were reacting, the soldiers were reacting like they were seeing like an alien spacecraft. Yeah, or like it was like a reptile

that had come up from the ground or something. There's men inside, they say. What? What do you think? What do you think is happening? It's basically a boat on land. You know what boats are, idiot. Yeah, you know. Or do they? I mean, this thing... Oh, whoa. Well, I mean, this thing- Oh, whoa.

Well, I mean, it's just so, I couldn't get a hold of, I knew we were in the turn of the century, but I really couldn't get a hold of what they, because Nautilus was completely a new idea. So I actually didn't know where technology and transportation especially was. I mean, I guess it's so confusing. Cars are brand new. Cars are not existing. I mean, it's essentially a train.

It's a train off the tracks. You know what I mean? You would recognize it as a vehicle at the very least. You wouldn't think, oh no, there's a living metal beast breaking into the bank or whatever they were. Right. Well, it is 1899, right? So I guess cars were introduced in 1899, I guess, right?

I just typed that in. Yeah. You know, so here's the thing that this movie hypothesizes, ultimately, I just wanna bring this one thing to the forefront. These characters are brought together to stop a world war, right? That's the mission of the movie. Now, spoiler alert, they do, but World War I did happen. So I don't also understand.

It's coming. Well, we don't know. Maybe in this... It hasn't happened. Maybe in this world, maybe in this timeline, the world wars are not going to happen in the near future. Got it. So this is, okay, that's what I need to understand. This is alternate history, 100%. But it also posits that the wars are happening because of an arms race.

Well, because this guy, the Phantom, has been blaming everybody else. He is instigating on both sides. Well, because this guy, the Phantom, has been blaming everybody else. He is instigating on both sides. He attacks France and then blames it on Britain. Then Britain attacks France and then he blames it on, he plays both sides. He's trying to start a world war.

Yes. Like the Phantom, and spoiler alert, the Phantom is revealed to be M, Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes is arch-nemesis. Yes. And Moriarty, M, also M is the James Bond bosses moniker as well, which was confusing to me. Yeah.

Regardless though. Especially because Sean Connery is in this film and he goes to meet with M. Yes. And there seems to be a little bit of a cheeky acknowledgement like, oh, you have to see M, but it's not, they don't really lean into it either way.

But what's interesting is M creates the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and is also the phantom, so is also sowing the seeds of civil unrest across the world. But so is he using the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to further his goals of instability? Or is M, are the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to further his goals of instability? Or is M, are the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen actually trying to stop him?

Like what I can't understand is why do both when you can use the League in service of your goals? Well, because he offers the League to join him. He's like, join me. They say no, so plan A really was, I just need to get them all in the same room so I can take little skin samples and, and then, and, and build another army of like mutant league. He asked all of them before he got them together privately.

Well, no, in the Endorian Grey study, the Phantom comes down the stairs and goes, wait, this is your one chance. I see what you're saying. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I said, yeah, yeah. And I said to myself, when I watched this opening sequence that Jason was talking about with the tank,

I said, man, oh man, this is the most action packed, a boring start of a movie I've ever seen. Like, I mean, this whole movie felt like, I'm like, I should be, I should be like, oh yeah, oh yeah. And really not feeling it, not feeling it in any way. Well, the take move so slowly, it's hard. And I'll say this, we've gone this long and we haven't mentioned it.

These stories are based on incredible Alan Moore graphic novel, like comics. These are based on a comic series by maybe the greatest comics writer ever, Alan Moore. The Watchman. And these are an absolute blast to read. And they're so fun, and they are exactly what this movie is not.

They are high adventure swashbuckling. They are taking all of the tropes that are part of all of these old stories and mashing them all together. And it's fun and it's wonderful. And this is not. the tropes that are part of all of these old stories and mashing them all together and it's fun and it's wonderful. And this is not. Well, Jason, would you be surprised to know that this movie, the entire script was written before the first issue was even released.

So they had no idea what the comic book would be. They just immediately bought the IP and then ran in a completely different direction. So, to me, that is truly... That says it all. That says it all. I mean, because also in the comic book, I believe that Nemo is much more of the leader of the brigade. And I don't think that Harkness is a...

Or Harker, I I should say is a vampire. Like it's- No, they're doing their own thing and it's terrible. And that's the thing is this movie promises, you know, big action set pieces. You know, there's so much high adventure in the realm of like what you would consider like, and you know, Alan Quartermaine

is an Indiana Jones type adventurer. All, Captain Nemo is the nautilus, the submarine, the underwater, all of these places, monsters and vampires. What the promise of all of that? And none of it bears. Well, here's the other thing. Nothing is interesting.

I like in this world, it's like at one point we meet Captain Nemo's like number two, and he introduces himself as Ishmael, which is from Moby Dick. But then I was like, wait, what's the logic here? So like Ishmael, like he went off and went to go work for Nemo after he worked for Ahab? I think at a certain point they're like, just name them.

Like everybody gets a character name. Like everybody, if you're a character in this movie, you're gonna get a recognizable character name. There apparently was going to be a James Bond in this movie. Cause in the comic books, there is a commander Bond who is like the great great grandfather of James Bond. And they were gonna have that character played by Roger Moore.

And then they didn't ever do that because, and this is, I guess, the big, the big thing here, uh, this movie made Sean Connery retire from acting. This is a movie where Sean Connery got $17 million to make it. And this is the movie that, uh, when faced with, uh, two choices, uh, oh, actually three choices, Lord of the Rings, The Matrix and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Sean Conner, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Sean Connery chose League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Who was he meant to be in The Matrix?

Morpheus. Whoa. Yeah. Well, I did, now I did ask you, Paul, when we were watching and we were watching Alan Quirtermaine, by the way, I don't know if there are any general hospital girlies out there who watched general hospital in high school, but I'm just remembering that Alan Corder Mane

is character in general hospital as well. And I think he's British and now I'm having to like revisit that all over again. But I said to you, Paul, I said, what does he do? And I know he doesn't like imperialism and he does, you know, there's a lot of disdain for the United Kingdom, but what is he there to do? Is he a hunter?

And you said, find treasure. Yeah. I stand true by that. Is that true? I think that that's... I think that... I mean, he is like... I thought he was a big game hunter.

He is all of those. He is like an Indiana Jones, a big game hunter. He is a... Indiana Jones is a big game hunter? He's a... No, Indiana Jones is a big treasure hunter. Yeah. And Alan Quartermaine is too,

searching for cities of lost gold kind of guy. But in doing so, we can look it up, but he is like a, Indiana Jones is a Alan Quartermaine riff. That's Lucas and Spielberg and Kasdan riffing off of an Alan Quartermaine type character. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna say. Well, only because I kept on waiting, I kept on waiting for his skillset to then come into it.

You're right, in this movie he does none of it. Aside from catching Jekyll and Hyde, like he doesn't, and I guess having that one moment with the animal at the end, where he tells us I think he's just an adventurer who is up for treasure and adventures. Now, I'll tell you this much. I only know Alan Quartermaine because when I was a kid, there were these movies called Alan Quartermaine and the Lost City of Gold and Alan Quartermaine was the only character I knew that was in the movie. I was like, oh, I'm going to die.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going this much. I only know Alan Quartermaine because when

I was a kid, there were these movies called like Alan Quartermaine and The Lost City of Gold and Alan Quartermaine. And Solomon's Mind. Yes. And it was like Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone, right? And I believe this is like in my mind and I am probably wrong, but I believe that the sequel was made out of the deleted scenes from the first film It's a canon movie. So it makes sense ultimately, but I remember watching these on HBO because it was like I love Indiana Jones I guess I'll get this like the the

The Kmart version of Indiana Jones. Yeah, I mean that's what this is like them They because Indiana Jones was such a massive movie, like the Alan Cordermaine movies were like pumped into theaters to draft off of that, you know? And I went and saw King Solomon's Minds as well, thinking this is gonna be an Indiana Jones type thing. And it was dog shit. Yeah, it's really, really bad. I wish we were doing that movie right now.

I would love to do that. I would say that our listeners forced us to watch this. Did we take a poll or was it just a write-in situation? It was a poll, and this is what they do all the time. The last time they did this to us was Dracula 2000. Gerard Butler's Dracula 2000. Well, that's Jerry Butler.

It was that, but it was also, eh, fine. This is the, you know, all I'm gonna say is this, we appreciate you. How often do we let them choose? Once a year. Or roughly once, eh, fine. This is the, you know, all I'm gonna say is this. We appreciate you. How often do we let them choose? Once a year. Or roughly once a year, yeah. Why don't we do it once every other year? Okay, I think that that's a...

Now, uh... Maybe this is a, like, two-strike situation? Yeah, right. Maybe we'll give them one more shot. But guys, this is... this was boring. Well, this is the way that... this is the way it goes. I see the list and I looked at it with Cody, our producer, and I said, all right, yeah, we'll do this one.

It's also two hours long. It was so long. So long. June, to answer your question, Alan Quartermaine is an English-born, professional, big game hunter and occasional trader living in South Africa. He's an outdoorsman who finds English cities and climate unbearable, and he prefers to spend his life in Africa where he grew up under the care of his father, who is a Christian missionary.

That's not my Indiana Jones. Nope. No. Not interesting. That's very different. Yeah. That's very, very different. He's physically small, wiry, unattractive, with a beard and short hair that sticks up. His one skill is marksmanship and he has no equal. Wow. Wow.

It's really, it's a bummer. And it's like. It's like the opposite of Jack Reacher. Tiny, ugly, but a real good shot. And also I guess from the final shot of the movie, immortal? Yeah. Well, there's been a curse placed on him

that he cannot die in Africa, I believe is what he says in the movie. Oh. And so... That's why they bring him all the way back to Africa? But he didn't die in Africa. I don't know. I don't... Jason, he didn't die there.

There's not a sequel, right, Paul. Jason, he didn't die there. There's not a sequel, right, Paul? No, there is not a sequel. They wanted to, they signed the cast into three picture contracts, but that just went away. Can you imagine being locked in to do two more of these and this is what the first one was? Oh, by the way, not only did this movie put Sean Connery

into retirement, it also put the director into retirement. He's like, I don't want to ever direct actors again. And like, like the fights apparently on set were intense. And because Sean Connery took so much money, they couldn't afford to make any other interesting casting choices. Cause you do look at this and you go, Oh, this movie would, this should be like Dorian Gray should be Johnny Depp. Like there's a lot of, you know, it should be, like there's a lot of, you go, oh, this movie would, this should be... Yeah, like Dorian Gray should be Johnny Depp. Like, there's a lot of Mila Jovovich should be...

Like, there's a lot of, you know, other characters who should be... You want the Ocean's Eleven vibe. But you're really not getting that. You're getting a lot of British people who... And look, I apologize to the Brits who listen. I couldn't tell them apart. I was like, wait, is that... I'm like...

You know what? I don't apologize to the Brits who listen. These are all the same person. Every single one of them. Jason, the number of times Paul would look at Dr. Jekyll and say, now that's the guy that brought them all together. And I said, no, that's... He's an extraordinary gentleman. Well, no, and you were thinking when I said that I meant Em, I meant the guy who went to Africa. The other guy. Yeah.

I agree, like, there were three people that looked similar. They all, yes, yes. There were a couple of people that looked similar. I think what we're saying is all of us, we can't tell British men apart. They're all the same. They're all the same. British men, all the same. No, I have to say about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

There were so many mirrors around. No, I just have to say about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, there were so many mirrors around. Oh my gosh. So many mirrors. So many reflective surfaces. Surfaces, I was like, wow, if I'm looking around right now, I can't see, aside from the Zoom box, I can't see myself in anything. Well.

Like at every turn, he had somewhere to glance. I'm gonna say here that if I'm gonna give anything to this movie, that the way that they played the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde stuff, I thought was actually very well done. And here's a little clip of it. You scratch me. Better me than him.

Well, this is nice. Mr. Hyde. You've done terrible things in England. So terrible that you fled the country. And I'm ashamed to say that Her Majesty's government is willing to offer you amnesty in return for your services. You want to go home. Home. Home is where the heart is, that's what they say. And I have been missing London so.

Its sorrow is as sweet to me as a rare wine. I'm yours. Don't be afraid. Who says I'm afraid? You stink of fear! Quite the parlor trick. You wait to see my next one. Dr. Jackal, at your service.

That back and forth to me was fun. I don't know. I like that. I like that character. I had one big issue. I liked him too. One big issue with that character. Yes. When we first capture Mr. Hyde, Mr. Hyde looks a little bit like Beast from X-Men meets Hulk, right?

He's like kind of a big, I guess the- But with, I would say like 15% the Elephant Man. Oh, yes, you're right. Yes. Very much so. He has a real like body horror element to him. And giant shoulders. Only on one side, only on the right side. Has a little bit of a hunchback of Notre Dame energy

coming at me, but here's the moment that I really wanted to explore, side has a little bit of a hunchback of Notre Dame energy coming at me. But here's the moment that I really wanted to explore because hide is jumping from building to building and they capture them in this interesting action sequence. Throw a net around them, throw a net around them and just kind of scoop them up into a giant submarine. That's so large at one point, the periscope. Why even have a per that at one point the periscope, why even have a periscope? Because the periscope is higher,

the ship is out of the water. It also looks so thin. It's so thin. But so big, but so thin as to be able to, to go through the canals of Venice. Really scoot around. The submarine itself is able to navigate the twisty, turny canals of Venice.

No, absolutely not. And it just barely scratches one tunnel at the end. Just why don't they just submerge? Well, anyway, when they capture Hyde, his hat falls off. Hyde's hat falls off. And I would say it is one of the most comical things because the hat is so large. It's like, it would be, it's almost like the torso

of one of the actual actors. And you know, with the Hulk, you get it. He bursts out of his clothes, his pants stay on, sure, whatever, but this would hypothesize. Who's making the big hat? That he's going out and getting a hat. Like that hat isn't turning into that. Like the fact. He turns into a giant Mr. Hyde.

He goes straight to a Habitatian. Give me your hat. A bigger hat. More sever hat. And he's jumping around so much. By the way, he does sound a little bit like Venom. Uh, and Bane, and he's like the big, he's the Hulk of the team.

Now I did love the one sequence that I, the action sequence that I genuinely enjoyed was when Hyde jumped, when they were about to seal off that submarine because it's sinking, Hyde unseals it, jumps in and physically turns the submarine upright. Now is that because he's the only person who can pull the giant lever?

If that's the case, why build a giant lever? If you need a Mr. Hyde level guy on board to pull the lever, then that's a faulty design, Captain Nemo, I'm sorry. Well, I think because the- Because that's what he does. I wanna defend the action. Also, can Mr. Hyde breathe underwater? Real question.

Well, that's why I think you couldn't, the lever, the rest of them couldn't get there in time, even if a number of them were needed, because they couldn't breathe for that long. Sure, but Mr. Hyde can both transform underwater and have plenty of breath to do the giant lever? No way. Absolutely not. Now, look, Dr. Hyde, we only know some of the things that he did, and maybe we never got to see the full version.

I will also say that it was an interesting thing because just luckily, the bombs were placed in three strategic areas that were not underwater if the subs, like reemerge. Like the bomb holes, or if we just get it up, we're fine. Like that's a faulty bomb. And the bombs- They basically like blew out a couple windows. Yes, and the bombs also very apparent.

Like they were- In suitcases with timers on them. If you see something, say something. In a hallway, they weren't like put up on a shelf. They were just dropped. They weren't tucked into anything. No, they were making ticking sounds. Like the crew of the Nautilus is to blame here.

Also, the minute one of those bombs goes off and the hull is open to the pressures of the deep sea, the whole Nautilus is gonna cave into itself. What do we, does this exist in a world in which like the pressure of the deep sea is not a, bearing is not brought to bear on the Nautilus? Come on everybody. It's alternate reality, Jason.

And I believed in Captain Nemo's engineering there. Oh wow. I love Captain Nemo, don't get me wrong. I loved Captain Nemo. One of my favorites. I will say one of, there's a recent comics, a beautifully drawn and written comics book about Captain Nemo by the writer, author, Junya Ba that I recommend. It's a big picture book, beautiful, beautifully drawn book about Captain Nemo and it's terrific. So well, this is the troubling thing about the movie, right? there's all these references and characters that you sort of know and are interested

in, but everything that you're interested in takes place somewhere else in a different time in a scene we've never seen. Like with, with Alan Quartermaine, I'm like, well, how did his son die? I haven't seen that. What happened? I can't quite understand. Was he responsible? Yeah, we don't know. What went on? Boy, I would have loved to have seen that. Didn't train him enough. That's so much I would love to see.

But is that true? I guess that's my question. Is that true that he actually didn't train him enough? I feel like the arc of his character leads me to believe that that is true. Well, then I'll tell you, he didn't train Tom Sawyer enough either. Yeah, oh no, he didn't train Tom Sawyer enough either. Yeah.

Oh, no, he didn't. He's learned no lessons. He has such a casual relationship to the death of the people that he cares for. There's like so many, so many people die. Well, and none of these people care for each other. That's the main problem with the movie is that when they are all standing around his grave in Africa and they all walk away, It's the most casual scene I've ever. It's like they're leaving a Starbucks.

Like there is no, there is no sense of loss, of grief. I would love it if the Starbucks mermaid logo was part of the team. If it's Alan Quartermaine, it's Dorian Gray, it's the Starbucks mermaid, it's Alan Corder-Maine, it's Dorian Gray, it's the Starbucks mermaid, it's everybody. We need energy! And she's just, is making, well, by the way,

in a movie that is so futuristic where they're on the submarine, they're building bombs, that when a record is presented, they recall it like, oh, interesting, a recording device. I'm like, what? I love that the record also is a message. The record is the message from the baddies, you know? And laying out the plan, just like every bad villain.

A new way to do exposition, it's on a record. I guess, but even when they're finding out on that record that playing the record's release is gonna release some sort of a sound wave that's gonna activate the bombs, they do listen to the end of it. Oh yeah. You know, they stay around to hear all of it. Here's the thing, a movie like this,

all of these devices, all of this, it should be fun. That should be the fun of it. Isn't it fun to watch these characters from stories interact? Isn't it fun to see all these gadgets and steampunky nonsense brought to bear on a story like this? Nope, it's boring.

I mean, you're getting the noddles, boring. None of the promise of what these- But you can't tell me though, Jason, that you didn't laugh during one of the promise of what these- But you can't tell me though, Jason, that you didn't laugh during one of the last sequences in M's lair when the invisible man, not the invisible man actually, but someone else who's taken his potion- The second invisible man.

Is having a knife fight, and it's just a knife. Yeah. Fighting Tom Sawyer. I truly was like, this is absolutely outrageous. And Tom Sawyer has a gun. Tom Sawyer has a rifle. That's the thing is the power rankings for everybody are off the charts because our guys have like six shooters and a couple of rifles and every single, dozens and dozens of bad guys have the equivalent of like AK-47s.

They have limitless ammo and machine guns, but the movie plays by like the A-Team rules. Nobody is shot ever. Nobody catches a bullet unless it is to prove, a la Dorian Gray, that he can be shot a dozen times and not die. He's immortal, you know, essentially. How did this come in? How did this come in?

How can our gentle woman go outside during the day? What are the rules? What are the rules? Is she a vampire? Cause she's also not just a vampire. I mean, I guess maybe I don't know this about Jakul, but can you just turn into bats, multiple bats? I mean, like guess maybe I don't know this about Jakul, but can you just turn into bats, multiple bats? I mean, like, an army of bats?

I... I mean, sometimes she's big, the bats, though. So, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. The movie, here's the thing. I don't know. The movie should have made me believe she can be a flock of vampires, one, I mean, a flock of bats, one of the bats, anything.

The movie should just tell me what to know. And if it does it well enough, I will believe it. I'll be on board. Well, that's the thing. They kind of withhold a lot of the information throughout the film. Like, and then all of a sudden, like, I guess they felt like, oh, it'd be really too hard to have seven characters tell you what their deal is. So throughout the film, like you'll hear like Dorian Gray will be like, oh yeah, so I do have a portrait and this is what happens. And, oh, and like, but it's too late

because it's often right before they die or right before they do something, then we learn about it. We're like, oh, well, okay. Like every time, every time there's a moment there's an exhibition. Did you understand why Dorian Gray wanted that portrait back?

Yes. Why? Because it'sian Gray wanted that portrait back? Yes. Why? Because it's the only thing that can kill him. Right. If he's shown his own portrait, he will die. Then why try to get it back? Why not stay far away from it?

So nobody could use it as a weapon against him, I think. I guess, just seemed pretty wild to go through all that work and then have it and then have someone be like, bup, see it? Yeah. It's seemed pretty wild to go through all that work and then have it and then have someone be like, bup, see it? And it's just so close to him. I agree. If that was me, I'd want to keep it far away. The original idea of Dorian Gray was that the picture aged and Dorian Gray didn't, but it wasn't that he couldn't see the picture. I thought like every night he came home and

saw the picture, right? I don't think the, I don't think the story. I don't think it was a faithful adaptation of the picture of Dorian Gray. No, but if the movie worked, that wouldn't bother me. No. If the movie worked and it was like, oh, okay, we're gonna take these stories

and we're gonna pivot them a little bit here or there for fun, I'd be like, oh, what a clever use of Dorian Gray. Oh, he's immortal, so he can't be killed. So yes, it's good that he could be a superhero type analog, but no, the movie's having no fun with it. It's just a bummer. Even he and, what's the, it's not Harker, is's Harker, is it Harker in this? Yeah, they have like a love story

that is also very- They had a relationship before I guess, I don't know. They, like, I don't, I wanna feel his betrayal for the team, for her, like none of it matters, none of the juice of what could be interesting in the movie is explored. It is so interesting because Harker was married

to Jonathan Harker from Dracula, but then it seemed like she had a previous relationship with Dorian Gray, so it's like, okay, so in between, like, it just, it's a weird thing to be like, if it was her ex-husband, there's an interest, like, we, this is all stuff that we have to infer and pull together, where they could have just made it that they had a kind of an energy together.

I don't know. Like what, why lay a backstory that we don't even fully fully understand? No idea. But it's, you know, the one thing I did enjoy was when our invisible man put on his like pawns face cream. By the way, not, and not invisible man. What his like, Pond's face cream. By the way, not,

not Invisible Man. What? They could not use that because that was the only character that was not in the public domain. So they could never refer to him as the Invisible Man. They had to change his name. They could just call him an invisible person. Oh wow.

Yeah. So they just call him Skinner instead? That was an interesting thing that Universal made them not do. I did. Yes, the invisible man. Well, I was sort of fascinated by the fact that he put on that face cream. The ponds, because it's like, well.

White face cream. Why? You know, why? Why? Why? Yeah. Why not just put a jacket on? Sunglasses and a hat.

Must be uncomfortable for him to have like a caked face of sticky cream? Mustn't that be disgusting? Well, and it seems like it kind of comes off very easily, and it's like, just, we don't need it. Or, you know, let's go back to the old school, wrap your face up like a mummy. Bandages, yeah. Yeah, get some bandages on there.

Well, was he killed at the end, by the way? Was he? Yes. There was a point where I thought... He is blown up. Yeah, and so you see a pile of, honestly, charred skin. Oh, that was so grotesque. I remember being utterly upset, like, because you could just, like, at certain points you'll see, like, an outline of him,

and you see flayed flesh. And the only way you're seeing it is in the reflection of the fire. It was real. I was like, oh, movie. Yeah, it was very upsetting. Yeah, he saves Tom Sawyer, I believe, from a man in an Iron Man costume who has a flamethrower, basically. Like, this movie has characters who, characters who are in, like, giant metal suits who are bulletproof, who are...

I thought that those are just robots. Whoa. Yes, because I... Are they? No. Yes, because I thought, I thought he was creating an army of robots. Cool. Because at one point when they do that overview of the castle and the invisible man's, like,

telling them the story, there's like a lines of robots there. So it's like, I'm building robots and I'm building tanks. And I also have at my disposal hundreds and I would say almost a thousand sharpshooters because there's a sharpshooter on every multiple sharpshooters on every building in Venice. So he's got an army. Yeah.

And also all of the scientists that he kidnapped. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, he should win easily because our team hates each other, does not have a clearly defined plan whatsoever. They just walk into every location and just start shooting. Yeah, hoping for the best. They don't, yes. And they don't seek cover. They just stand and shoot at people who are in cover and have better guns than them.

Yes. And multiple times, Captain Nemo fights machine gun men just with a sword, just running around with a sword. And chooses to. I feel like there was one point where he was handed a gun and he was like, no, thank you. Not for me. I'd rather run these men through with my scabbard. I don't understand what's up.

Like, everybody should be dead in this movie by minute four. I mean, the heroes. I think you're right. The main problem is that they are not connected to each other, I guess with the exception of Tom Sawyer and, um, on quarter rain, but they all seem to not just not like each other, but have a lot of disdain for each other and they see irritated with each other.

Which, which I love as a first act problem, but by the second and by the second half of the second act of this movie, they need to start trusting each other. This is boring. I kept on writing, when is this movie going to start? It just felt like, movie, they need to start trusting each other. This is boring. I kept on writing, when is this movie gonna start? It just felt like, okay, well now we'll get the mission. Now we'll get the mission. The mission, I guess, was to stop the bombs in Venice, but they didn't stop the bombs.

They created, and this is when you say, if you just tell me something is true, I'll believe it. And I'm, I will believe it. I will go with it, I feel that way too. But this movie tells me something. It, I'll believe it. And I'm, I'm a hundred, like I will believe it. I will go with it, I feel that way too. But this movie tells me something. It was hard to believe. I don't understand what they're saying. So there are bombs all over the city,

but if they could drive their car into one of them, they can push one building backwards and then stop a domino? So this is what they're saying. This is what they're saying. They're basically saying the bombs are setting up a dominoes style catastrophe where each building hits the other building. So if we can get in front of it and knock a building down between two buildings, then

it will stop the cascade of buildings. So it will basically create a stop in the future. You know what I mean? So you've got to, they've got to get ahead of, it doesn't matter, but that's why Shane West is driving the car. But boy, it also seemed like they got most of the buildings at that point.

Really? It felt to me like they had lost. I mean, Venice is supposed to be a small city. There seem to be a lot more buildings in Venice because they really are blowing it up. And here's the other thing. Obviously, Tom Sawyer never driven a car and is all of a sudden like Dom Toretto racing through.

Tom Sawyer, I don't know what his skillset is. There is no skillset that we know of Tom Sawyer. He's young. He's American. His skillset is America know of Tom Sawyer. He's young. He's American. His skillset is America. Thank you, Jason. Thank you.

But this is the problem. When they're driving that submarine into, or sailing that submarine into Venice, we see the ground, we see the shore floor, or not the shore, but the sea floor, and it's full of explosives, like tons and tons and tons of bombs. So it wasn't like there was a bomb in every house.

There also seemed to be bombs under the entire city of Venice. You're right. And that's what I could not understand. I mean, I got the dominoes of it all and how they were gonna thwart that, but I thought they were going to Venice because all of the world leaders were going to be there. At Carnival?

Yes, didn't they say they were all going to be there and that's why they were gonna try to blow up Venice? Just don't get it. Maybe, maybe, but I don't even know. Not only do I not know, like I also felt like I'm unclear what the goal is and I'm also unclear why our particular set of heroes skills should be brought to bear on solving it because none of their expertise is handy in this whatsoever. They don't have a water person, they just have fighters. They don't, nobody knows technically

how to drive so the fact that it's a driving thing, my favorite thing in the driving was that there are multiple instances of Tom Sawyer careening through Venice, driving this like gigantic Rolls Royce looking car that's a convertible. And twice, twice people jump out of the car to run away and provide cover or something like that. But the car is going 30 miles an hour and they jump off and land like, sure-footed.

They jump off and they're like, got to go. Like Sean Connery, a man who appears to be 85 years old in the movie, leaps out of a car going 35 miles an hour and just stands up straight and starts shooting. I was like, what world is this? Well, the other thing I was bummed about is that when we get to M's lair at the end, and I did like that it was super snowy there. I thought that was interesting. Very inception. But when we get to that lair, we do see that, okay, a couple of people have taken the invisible powder.

They all fight the super version of themselves. But do they? Because I didn't really see Sean Connery's doppelganger in there. Sean Connery had nothing that they were trying to take from him. Well, nor did I see other vampires. No, I didn't either. I agree.

So they did get her blood. I guess, what did they take from Sean Connery? Or other Tom Saw, or other Americans. We also barely saw the vampire fight in the library scene as well. I think some people's skills would have required too much CG, work too much, too much, like, and they spent clearly all of their money on the Mr. Hyde transformation stuff. Sean Connery.

Some of the, like- And Sean Connery. And Sean Connery. And Sean Connery himself. I feel like they were in the very beginning of the movie, they were like, they showed us a hanger full of blimps and then they blew it up to be like, don't worry, we won't be on any blimps in this. We don't have the money for blimps.

They're all done. We're just blowing it all up. And there is an interesting thing here because the way that she comes out at that fight scene, the Harker, is like, they're all bop, bop, bop, punching, shooting, things are going around, and then she just kind of steps out of the shadows, wipes her mouth, and like,

oh, took care of those guys. Like, that is a... Yeah. That's like Venkman walking out at the end of Ghostbusters and having like, just a dollop of marshmallow on his head and being like, whew, it's crazy. Like, it clearly did not, Bill Murray did not wanna get

marshmallows on him. I did like that sequence though, because I've never seen a library letter be used to fight people. I thought that was cool. There are cool things in it. I liked all the pages of the books raining down. I loved that.

I thought that was a great place to set a shootout or an action set piece, but geographically, I couldn't tell who was who, I couldn't tell who was where, I couldn't tell who was winning or losing, I didn't understand any of it. Well, now we are told that Nemo is a man of science and he's very smart scientifically, but it seemed like his science began and ended

with the Nautilus. Like, like that seemed to be his side. Like at one point they, they find out there's a spy who took some pictures of his instrumentation. I mean, that's, they just took a picture of like the, the three, the three steering wheels, like the, like, it's like, what, what are you getting from that? Like what, like what that looked like to me, regular, uh, regular ship's front.

Like, there's nothing different. I don't know what he's doing. No. Well, he, I feel like, he is the pirate. He is transportation. He is swashbuckling. He doesn't want to be called that, Jason. Swashbuckling, yes. No, I know.

But I feel like Mina Harker is, she's our vampire, but she is introduced as the chemist, as the scientist. And someone says, oh, good, so we're going to be blowing stuff up. So I'm, I keep looking to her to say, okay, are you going to start blowing stuff up yet? Like, are you ready to do your chemistry and your science? She never does it. Never once. She does test one thing. I can't remember what it was. She does have some test tubes at one point, but they fall on the nautilus.

She's got a beaker. But then meanwhile, so does... I wish beaker from the Muppets was here. Like, he's like, Me, me, me, me! Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde also has beakers. Like, they have doubled up on the run. There are a lot of aisles.

There are a lot of beakers. How funny would it be if it was like, we've got a vampire, we've got Dr. Bunsen E. Honeydew and beaker. I also think that like, I mean, Quartermaine, does Quartermaine do anything? Like sharp shooter. He's a sharp shot.

That's what I think. If someone's running far away. I mean, that's really the only, like, we set up that... Can I say something, though, Paul? I'm sorry I didn't interrupt. His whole strategy of, wait, wait, is to me a little flawed, because especially at the end, when M is so far away when he's running away from his lair, I'm just like, buddy, every, every second you're waiting,

he's getting further away. You gotta unload some ammo on this guy immediately. Yep. And I just couldn't like get behind that as a concept. It's also like, Tom Sawyer, Alan Quartermaine isn't even looking at Tom Sawyer. He's passed out on the- Yes.

How could he possibly give him any feedback on what's happening? My other issue is when we meet Tom Sawyer, I don't get the sense that he's like, I shoot at anything I see. Because when they first- No. When they first get to the top of the Nautilus

and they're doing target shooting, he goes, all right, here, here's the gun, you shoot it. The most important thing is to wait and give it, you know, give it a breath, let the gun tell you when to shoot. He shoots it, he comes damn near close. It was like, oh, if you just waited a second more, you would have gotten it.

That's as far as an arc for a character, that's a small one. It's like, oh, if you just waited a second more, you would have gotten it, not like- Just patience, just learn a little patience. It's like a little more patience, because he had patience. Like he took to it very quickly.

He was like, ah, god damn it, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I loved when the bombs go off on the Nautilus. And this movie, again, this movie is so, so long. There is, I'm going to say, a 10-minute sequence of the movie where we just watch them do repairs. Yeah. I don't need this. I don't need to see them doing repairs on the Nautilus.

Like, find a way to keep moving forward. You know what you don't do in a movie at this point in time? Grind to a halt to repair the Nautilus. Come on. Yeah, we're just gonna accept that it kept moving. Again, the Nautilus. Yes, or get in a different boat and keep moving.

Didn't you love though, that when they all got out, they were all in similarly themed snow suits? I like that. I did love that. And they had diver guys. Yes. Like when they were in Venice, a platoon of diver guys came off,

which was cool looking. There's so much cool setup in this. There's so many cool ideas in this. The follow through is, I would say, disastrous in every aspect. Yeah, and I kind of wish. Which is the pull quote for the movie. I kind of wish that Alan Corderman's story, just because he is Seldarly, and that's great, that's fine.

But I wish his story had been either about, like, accepting that he has some limitations and that there are areas in which he's fine, but I wish his story had been either about like accepting that he has some limitations and that there are areas in which he both has limitations, but he has room for growth or something. And there was just no art to his character. I did not understand it all. They laid it out in the beginning with that line and I'm gonna butcher it, but, and it's like poetry. It's like when you're doing Sorkin, you don't wanna butcher the line.

But I believe he said- You gotta get it worth perfect. When he said like when lions are old and they believe they're gonna die, that's when they fight the hardest. And so that's what we were led to believe, but I don't see him fight the hardest either. I don't see Alan Quartermaine doing anything

aggressive in this movie. He's patient, sees whatever. I don't see him fight the hardest either. I don't see Alan Cordemain doing anything aggressive in this movie. He's patient, he's whatever. He- And again, if you want to tell me that he trained, his lesson was that he trained Tom Sawyer, like he wished he'd trained his son. He didn't.

Yeah. He didn't. If anything, he was mid-training session with him on the Noddle lesson, was like, I gotta go. If anything, I wish Tom Sawyer had been killed. Oh! So that Alan Cordemain could know that he failed again. Dammit.

So I guess my question is this. What would the sequel have been? Right, cause, all right, the sequel would be like, guessing now you have like a zombie Alan Quartermaine, but they don't have any organization that they work for. So who's sending them out on missions? No, I think he just, yeah, I think Alan Quartermaine comes back to life normal.

And he's the leader. I don't think it's a zombie, I agree. You know, I think it's a Kinsman-style, you know, world in which they just have adventures and it's a team-up and all the mission. I do think that, but, well, there's gonna be another villain, but I do think that the exciting thing of the sequel

is that because there's no invisible person anymore, we have room for Beaker. And Dr. Bunsen-y Honeydew. I would love that. And that's the thing is, like, Alan Moore has written these books for years. Every couple of years, he puts out a new story and they're fun.

They're fun adventure stories. And I think this is a world you could explore, a la The Kingsman or a similar type of things that are stories that would be fun to dig into. But this movie takes all of the wrong stuff and highlights that. You know, this movie is not about the fun swashbuckling adventure. It's about like machine guns and exposition and none of the fun of the team, none of the fun of the, what would be a good time.

It's not interesting. I get the idea of what you love about Sherlock Holmes ultimately, you know, even the Benedict Cumberbatch one, it's like, okay, they're in this time. Oh no, that is actually this time, but. Oh, you mean Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes? Oh, the fighting, I love the fight. But that's the version of this movie

that would have been awesome, is if this movie had been made by Kyra Rich. I'm down with that, the gentleman. Exactly. Give me something that has these components, but in the hands of someone who's interested in telling a fun, exciting, zippy story. Right, there's nothing fun about it,

and I guess what I was saying was, these characters just wind up fighting with guns. Like, there's nothing about it. Like, no, you're right. There's no skillset used. Like, Ocean's Eleven, they each do a thing and it all works together. Here, they just all have different guns. They all, like, Sean Connery has a single shotgun.

That guy's got a machine gun. She bites people, but they're all just fighters. It's the least interesting thing to do. And then, you know, she wipes her mouth and she's like, don't worry, I already ate enough people today. It's like, oh, are you also a threat to these people? I don't know. She, I think she is, cause she's got, you know,

a woman's gotta eat. Yeah, I believe she can fly. Like definitely fly. I think she definitely can. Why doesn't they, why don't they use that to greater effect? Yeah, why didn't she fly up to the other, you know, levels of the library or the lair? She was, it was just off camera. That's the, but I think that's what they want you to believe

is that they just didn't show her, you know, doing incredible stuff. And that's the thing is they are such a powerful team because of all their, their special skills, but like they are constantly outmatched or outgunned by just 12 guys with machine guns. Hundreds of faceless people with machine guns. And the other thing is, too, you know, she kills Dorian Gray. You know, she shows him his own face. And that makes him like go, you know, he kind of like, he just kind of immediately crumples and turns to dust.

Well, he swaps parts. He basically becomes the, what's in the painting. Right, exactly, right? So that's the moment. She looks so horrified by that. And I'm like, isn't that what you were doing? Like you were doing, like that was the plan, right? Like you wanted to kill him. Like you had doing? Like, you were doing, like, that was the plan, right? Like, you wanted to kill him.

Like, you had the painting there, you did the whole thing. She's like, oh, oh. It's like, you know, you know. Come on, people. Don't fuck with me like this. Yeah. So, every, basically, everything's a gun, including the portrait of Dorian Gray.

Is basically a gun. Oh. Now, it did seem, though, weirdly, before he saw the picture, that that stab, the stabbing of him, had more of an effect on him than like the bullets had, which I couldn't quite understand. Agree. I think it was, I think they were trying to play it

because he couldn't dislodge himself from the wall. He was stuck almost. Right. He just couldn't pull it out. He was in mortal danger from the sword. It seemed like he couldn't, he couldn't get unstuck. Dr. Hyde strength.

And he knew, but you know, the other thing too is I think the other element that really is missing from this is this should be a secret organization, but everything that they do is so aggressive. Like the Rolls Royce is in the center of a town that doesn't seem to have cars. This submarine is barely ever underwater. I would argue always above water. Like everything is attracting tremendous attention. They never try to do anything quietly.

Even the invisible man. The invisible man, yeah. By the way, sometimes the invisible man would put the cream all around his head, and sometimes just in the front. And I was like, well, we don't need to see the back of your head too. I mean, we don't like, and he had like stubble.

So that also means that the invisible man is shaving sometimes. The invisible man is also used for, like, comic relief in that he's constantly referencing the fact that he's naked when he's in his invisible state. He's talking about, I'm naked and it's so cold up here in the snow. I'm naked and I'm here. He's, that's part of it in a way that is very weird.

It's so odd because you think of him running around shoeless. Didn't he sneak into Sean Connery's room at one point? Yes, and he does kind of, he's always nude. He's copping a feel of what's-her-face. It's like, it's too much. What was that movie that we saw? Yeah, the animated movie, Ronald the Barbarian, didn't his balls go around? Or like, yeah.

Or like, yes. That was a big, yeah, the genitals were big, somehow a bigger deal in Ronald the Barbarian. I, I, I. But I guess that's what I couldn't really understand. Sometimes it seemed that he didn't have a body, like that his body didn't exist in space. And sometimes it seemed like he could hit people, move through space, like a physical, like he had physical matter.

He should have been a circus performer. That would have been a more interesting story for him. Like, he was a circus performer who got, you know, and also a jewel thief, like make him a cat woman or something, like, you know, give him like, or like Robin. Like, give him some sort of skill. He just seems to be a real like, whatever that might, I'm taking money. It's like, just didn't seem like he had... A very good impression.

Thank you. And you know, something I've been working on a lot. You know, all my voices. I think they should cast you as Skinner in the next, in the sequel. Yeah. But again, I would love to see this as an adaptation of the comics,

which seemed like we are, we so struggling for IP that we just liked the idea and then run with it. But I would also argue that, you know, at this point, you know, you know, as much also argue that, you know, at this point, you know, you know, as much as I love, you know, these books, like, you know, From Hell, The Watchmen, V for Vendetta, you know, they don't really translate into great films. You know, Watchmen, the TV show is great, but it's hard to kind of, like, kind of capture what, why am I forgetting his name, what he does so well, Alan Moore, you know?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alan Moore, I mean, so, you know, this is the writer of Watchmen and the pivotal writer of Swamp Thing. And, you know, like a truly exceptional writer who's so smart and so interesting and so curious about stuff that to watch this in service of that material is like very bizarre because like I said,

I pulled the comics after I watched the movie just to be like, what's going on here? I read like the first 10 pages of volume one of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, it's dynamite. It's so fantastic and so exciting and so cool and beautifully drawn. It's not at all what this movie is. And what a shame it is to have this be the adaptation.

I mean, it really is rough, but you know what? There are people out there that loved it. People out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. a different opinion. It is I need a second opinion. Well well well well. Here we go. Six thousand five hundred and sixty two total reviews.

Seventy nine percent are five star. Seventy nine percent are five star. 79% are five star. This is unheard of. And Chandler Cobb back in 2021 writes this review. I left my husband home alone and lo and behold, he purchased this movie via Amazon Prime. First of all, I was impressed that my sweetie pie had figured out how to work our fire stick.

Second least, this is a good movie. This movie reminds me of the Indiana Jones series of movies and that the title is leaving your husband at home. Five stars. Oh, now this is from yawn written 2021 right off the bat. This movie had my attention. And while there were some parts that made me wanna skip forward, I didn't.

Seems like some things are at odds there. Amazing movie with the wrong title. I saw that critics hated it, and Sean Connery, God rest his soul, also hated it. And it's exactly the kind of movie I want to watch. After scanning through all the free movies for the zillionth time and not seeing a single one I wanted to watch, nor had seen before through the corner of my eye, it was this movie that had Sean Connery in it so I gave it a go. Because of the title, I'd always skip right over it. The gentleman in the title

suggested the movie was saturated in feminism, when in fact, it has some because the one main female character had extraordinary power, and that made her practically invincible. But then again, a lot of the males were in the same, or damn close, five stars. If critics hate it, I love it.

Wow. Oh gosh. And then, I don't know, I think they also don't understand feminism there too. I think that was a few things off the base there. Don W. Brown in 2024 says, shows how effective you can be when you apply what you know for good.

And the title? Met Expectations. The stars? Five. Met Expectations. Wow. And then, and then I guess this is the one that I will leave you with.

Danny Barani too in 2020 writes, excellent movie that brought joy to the ending even when the main character appeared to go elsewhere. Elsewhere? As in the great beyond? I guess so. And I guess in a little snow globe. The idea of, I guess, well, you know what?

What Danny is saying is, hey, even though the main character died, it still brought me a lot of joy. And, you know, like, life goes on and... And also, the main character clearly didn't die at the end. Well, we don't know. Also, like, who cares? Like... Yeah.

They could have lost anybody and I wouldn't care. You know, like, it doesn't feel cohesive at all. Um, the team, I mean. I would care about Captain Nemo. That's the only character I would care about. I like a little Captain Nemo. I mean, I like the way he was. You know, it's...

I was interested in the movie that Captain Nemo was in. That's, yes. And it felt like he was very much in a different movie, and I was curious. Oh, you know who I wish had made this movie? I was Nemo curious. I wish Gore Verbinski had made this movie. The guy that made the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Yes, yes.

You know, if this had the same feeling that the Pirates of the Caribbean movie had, like all those Davy Jones, and again, characters from storybooks and characters from, you know, that have all these kinds of powers or mystical things or this is and that's, you know, octopus faces or long dead armies. That, I don't question it at all in those movies

because it's just good fun. This movie in not having any fun whatsoever, I just wanna nitpick and quibble with every nonsensical decision they've made because I'm like, all I want is for you to have made the choices that would have given us Pirates of the Caribbean tone. And ironically enough, this movie opened in second place

the weekend it came out behind Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl. So there it was. And this also feels like a movie that, when you say like those movies, I'm like, oh, those were made recently. This I guess was too. I mean, it was 2003, I guess, I don't know.

Which kind of blew my mind when I saw that. Mine too. I thought it was like a 90. I would have guessed like 1994, you know? Just for how, also how shitty it looked. Yeah. I mean, wow, oh wow. And this is just, you know,

I know I said the director quit making movies, but before he quit making movies, he did make Blade. Oh, Blade One? That's who, this is the director of Blade, Blade One. So, you know, there you go. Okay, yeah. Any final thoughts y'all, like about- The only thing I'll say is,

even if all of like the action sequences were botched and all of, and there wasn't enough fun what I really wish was that the characters the performances felt you know like electric and joyful and interesting and that to me was the biggest failure yeah that it just felt the stress of the set yeah like it feels like it feels like this movie was primarily shot in Malta. No one got to go home. And everyone was yelling at each other.

Like there's a heaviness to this movie. There's no lightness. There's no fun. I would say the only scene that has a little bit of fun is the first meeting of Alan Quartermaine. That is I think an awesome section. Like a really cool section. Yeah, I feel similarly, I feel like,

what a bummer that this is a joyless experience. And I think that, you know, my final thoughts are for the audience. First of all, you fucking blew it. You blew it. You idiots blew it. You blew it. I think that the audience thinks

the movies we do are just bad and They're right. This movie is bad, but this is not a good movie for the podcast because it is joyless There is there's nothing here to have fun with it is just boring and flat and yes You're right. It's bad, but not bad enough that it makes for a fun, a two hour, two hours? We shouldn't let them. We gotta take away the vote. We've got to take away their vote.

You know, Gina comes down to you, do you wanna take away their vote? It's hard, I don't think I agree as, I'm gonna stand with the audience here. I'm gonna stand with the audience here, because although, yeah, it's not a, it's not a fun, bad movie to watch, it's also a lot better than many of the joyless experiences we've had. Sure.

Sure. I just wanna put it in historical context. I mean, I would much rather watch Madame Webb again. Oh, well, but that's an ACES movie. I mean, that's fun. I will say this, Sean Connery, even if he was miserable, I like watching him on screen. Like, he is there.

He is present. He's Sean Connery. And I'm all in on that. Like, I feel like I was on board with this. I love that he read these scripts. And I guess this is like something that had been really funny to him because he admitted he doesn't know how to pick movies anymore when he turned down Lord of the Rings and The Matrix

just by going like, those two movies don't make sense. Wow. Now, Lord of the Rings is a harder argument to make because that's a huge part of literature. Matrix, I get. Like, oh, I don't understand what this is. But Lord of the Rings, say yes. I wonder who, do we know who he was meant to play in Lord of the Rings? Do we know?

Yeah, it was Saruman, right? I think it was supposed to be, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, I think, or it was, yeah, let me see. Oh, Gandalf in the notes. Gandalf, sorry, Gandalf, yeah, sorry. Oh, I'm actually so glad that he didn't play Gandalf. No, it would have been...

Because he's now, at this point, he's in that kind of Highlander zone, you know, or Highlander 2, I guess, or whatever. He's in a zone where he feels like he's just lost in this movie, in a way that... Even though I love Sean Connery, boy, am I glad he's not doing this kind of stuff in Lord of the Rings.

I don't know. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, because I feel like he's showing up. Apparently, the director at one point said, can you do that again? And he goes, why? You didn't get it? And he goes, we're paying you $17 million.

You can walk down the street again. And then they said Sean Connery's reaction was unprintable. Like it literally was this walk down, like do a second take. So maybe, you know, maybe, yeah, I don't know if he would have liked being in New Zealand for three years.

Oh my God. Incredible, incredible stuff. I don't recommend this movie. I do not. No. I think that's what your next question's gonna be. And it's, I don't recommend this movie. I do not. I think that's what your next question's gonna be. I don't even think in order to enjoy this episode, you should watch the movie. You just watch some of these scenes maybe, but.

Well, clearly this is what they picked it. They probably are, this is one of their fan fay. You've already seen it, Jason. This is our fan base's favorite movie. This is the movie that in 15 years of not covering it, they were like, you simply must. Well, Jason, maybe this move, this episode is going to throw you into a chair. Yeah, I mean, yeah, maybe.

Cody was in charge of making sure that the vote count was on the up and up. But what were the other ones? Do you remember, Cody? Yeah, I scrolled through a year of the Discord and the list was Doppelganger. Sorry, Cody. Blame Paul. Thank you. Doppelganger. Sorry, Cody. Blame Paul. Thank you. Doppelganger, which was Drew Barrymore, which was the second one voted when you guys did Dracula

2000. So I thought maybe that one would come through. Then my super ex girlfriend, which was Uma Thurman. And then The Exorcism, which was the more recent movie. And then the big hit, they really want to Mark Wahlberg movie. Wow, these are interesting.

I mean, I, yeah. I think a lot of people came through, Paul, when we were pushing the discord to come vote. So my theory is a lot of people who don't watch the movies just came and voted. That's my big theory. I'm going to tell you this. I just pulled up Doppelganger in 1983 and there's a picture on here. I'm going to show it to you guys real quick and then we can get off it. But this is the picture that comes up for Doppelganger in 1983, and there's a picture on here. I'm gonna show it to you guys real quick,

and then we can get off it. But this is the picture that comes up for Doppelganger. Take a look. Oh. What? How are we not doing that? It's Drew Barrymore with her arm around a skeletal or a muscular. Like one of the bodies exhibit people.

Yeah, with a smile on her face. Yeah, she's that... Skeleton's a woman. Yeah, she has breasts. Oh, yeah, wait a minute. No, I mean, actually send me that. Huh, hang on. Oh, no. Can I message that skeleton lady? We're off of this. We're stopping the share.

All right, so you messed up, Discord, but we love you and thank you for always weighing in. But I guess this just proves one more time, Avril knows how to pick them. And that's why she is great. We love Avril, although she did not pick this movie. Do not blame her, blame yourself. Disband the Discord.

Anybody wanna plug anything right now before we go? No, just start tour. As always, we are gonna be we go? Now just start tour. As always, we are gonna be on tour, a big spring tour. If you're gonna be at the Tree Fort Music Festival, you can come see us. But if you're just in Boise, Idaho, you can buy a ticket. You don't have to get the whole festival ticket.

So I just wanna make sure that is clear. We are gonna be in San Francisco and Austin, all these great places, Denver. Tickets are still available, so get them and you'll see what movies we're covering. It's gonna be a blast, I'm really excited for it. And I will shout out Invincible Season Three, available right now on Amazon Prime,

and Taskmaster Season 19 coming to YouTube very soon. Get ready. Oh, I love it. And also you can watch Rob Hubel and I every week on the dark web, is a new video series that we are making. You can check it out on YouTube. You just go to watchthedarkweb.com if you, it's just easier to find it maybe that way. All right, thanks so much.

Thank you, June. Thank you, Jason. Thank you, Cody. Thank you, Molly. And I guess next week I'll jump back in with your corrections and omissions on this movie. Oh God. I don't even. I don't even...

I don't envy you that. I'm sure the audience is gonna have thoughts. Maybe the shirt should be I Picked League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Just like... I think the shirt should be, um, no shirt. I think this choice doesn't deserve a shirt. That's it. You don't get a shirt.

And with that... It's just a shirt that says, you don't get a shirt. We don't deserve a shirt. With that we say adieu. See you next time. Bye for now. Adieu.

Adieu.