How Did This Get Made? - Underworld: Blood Wars LIVE! (Classic)

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Kate Beckinsale stars in the fifth and final installment of the Underworld franchise in the 2016 action horror movie Underworld: Blood Wars. LIVE from Boston, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the UV bullets, the vampire cunnilingus scene, werewolf/vampire hybrid babies, if vampires have blood in their circulatory systems, and so much more. (Ep. #235 Originally Released 03/12/2020) • Join our Vulture Movies Fantasy League at vulture.com/hdtgm • Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more • Leave us a voicemail at speakpipe.com/hdtgm • Submit your Last Looks theme song here • Join our Discord at discord.gg/hdtgm • Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/ • Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma • Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com • Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer • Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer • Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer • Subscribe The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb • Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com • Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast • Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane • Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer • Jason is not on social media • Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodes Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Suck your own blood and remember a time when you didn't actually watch this film. We saw Underworld Blood Wars, so you know what that means. The people of Boston! Excited to be here tonight in Medford, where all the cool shit happens, to talk to you about a very exciting and sexy vampire film. If you're a fan of that episode of Game of Thrones where you couldn't see anything, then this movie is right up your alley.

It is number five or four? It's definitely over three in this film's franchise. And it tells the ongoing tale of the vampires and the Likens, aka werewolves. Apparently, they don't get along, but I guess if you drink somebody's blood, then you get some powers and a whole bunch of bullshit. Here's the thing that you need to know ultimately.

Not much. You just need to know that Cape Eccansal kicks ass and then stops for a couple minutes and then comes back and kicks ass again. That's all you really need to know. The arc of that character is set. We are going to talk about this movie. We're going to deconstruct it in every which way.

And to do that, I need to bring out my two co-host. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukis. What's up, jerks? That's what I'm talking about. Medford. Yeah, right. That's right. Jason,

Underworld, is it the first one you've seen? Yes. Yes. Was I confused? Absolutely. I had some passing knowledge of it in that I knew it was vampires versus werewolves?

Yes. Here's my hot take. Vampires suck. I am pro-likin. You're liking the likens. Boo. Yeah, vampires, like, all they want to do is, like, throw dumb parties and, like, drink everybody's blood.

Why does every... By the way, guys, in the back, we've got vats of blood. Just go back there, scoop out a cup, drink it on down. If you want to donate, we've got registered nurses, bleeding people in the back of this auditorium. But we ask you, when you do drink the blood, don't let it spill all over the floor. There are giant glass goblets. They're comically sized. Like, yes, exactly.

Like, hilarious. Like, as if they brought the prop and they're like, no, no, no, make it bigger. It's like you grab something off the wall of a TGI Fridays or a Beniggins and you try to drink out of that. Is that possible? I mean, they don't say specifically, don't do it. Like an old football helmet or something? That's funny that you think that. I've never been to a Benegans.

I was thinking of like a boot. I would love to drink out of a boot. I'm sure you can. What? I'm sure you can. Fuck it. Let's do. do it. Let's drink that...

Take off your boots. Let's drink that boot juice tonight. It's oh positive. Give me a boot full of blood. There's one person on this podcast who says to me, Paul, I love the movies we talk about, but can we have more vampire and werewolf films?

And that person is my other co-host. Please welcome Ms. June Dan Rayfiel! How are you, June? I'm okay. How are you, Paul? Very well. June, Underworld, where do you jump in? Do you jump in here? So...

You said you watched one through four just to prepare for this? Had to. I, listen, I'm in a weird place right now. We're on a tour of this podcast. So just to, like, a little context, I think, is necessary because we've watched so many terrible movies at this point. In such proximity to each other. Yes, like two a day.

sometimes three a day in preparation for the next day. I am... You're not well. Actively. I'm actively depressed. I don't even feel things anymore. This is our tenth movie that we've done. I live in like some fugue state of not understanding time.

Yes. I don't know what day it is. That's not a lie. I have a pimple forming on my chin from the amount of pizza I've consumed in the the last seven days. You have a pizza pimple. You ate pepperoni pizza last night and said you haven't eaten meat in years. I'm a vegetarian.

You are not. I have an update. You are not. June and I have been together for 15 years. I've never seen... Thank you. I'm a lucky man. Why go so low?

I'm a lucky man. I'm a lucky man. I've never seen her touch meat except for last night. I have to say I was shocked. I was like, no one was more surprised than me. And then today, today you slow-cooked a brisket. June, what did you think about Underworld, Cullen Blood Wars? I did not mind this movie.

Really? Wow. I am, I am shook. First, you eat pepperoni as a vegetarian last night in New York, and now you like vampire movies? I don't know if it was the pepperoni. I mean, that taste of meat, that taste of meat made you want to, like, get into, like, blood. I don't know if it, like, sparks something in me, like, oh, I am a carnivore, like, I should be eating.

What did you like about it? I liked the feel of it. I liked the... Could you see it? I could see a lot of blues and a lot of grays. The movie looks like it shot through an Instagram filter. Like everything is blue, and when it's not blue, it's dark. And I was like, oh, it's clearly my computer monitor,

and I jacked up the brightness so high, it's still dark. I did the same, and it was crazy. It was absurd, actually, to look at how dark every scene was. and everywhere they went, there was more people from Game of Thrones. This movie's got... This movie's rotten with Tully's, Tarleys, the fucking everybody's here.

It's crazy. You've got Charles Dance in the house. It's... It is wild. I mean, they essentially go to a Game of Thrones set where they're like... And there's somebody dressed like the Calisi. There's somebody literally who's like,

I'm the Calisi of this movie. I mean, this movie is wild because when I was thinking about it, I was like, if you took away the voiceover, I don't think that the lead character speaks for more than 10 or 15 lines. Kate Beckinsale? Yeah, Kate Beckinsale does not really speak. I want to refer to her as her name, Selena. And I really love a movie where Selena is the good person and the bad person is Samira. So you have two characters that are really, like, too closely named.

I felt like everyone looked alike. I was like, is that the good guy or is that the werewolf guy? Everyone is looking similar to me. Maybe it's just dark, I don't know. It was. It was dark and it was also like, well, all of the, like, the vampires are all just like

clean-cut hunks. Right. You know, you've got, what's his name? Theo James? Theo James, yes. As David. Yeah. Who's from the Divergent movie.

Joe James, who has the best line in the whole movie. Fah! Yeah. A fucking vampire going like, you blew his mind? This guy's been around for thousands of years. What you blew his mind with is a big gun. Oh.

Oh, nuts. They found big guns? But he also has my favorite scene in the movie where he faces off with Marius, right, and they're shooting guns at each other. Edmere Tully. When they're firing guns at each other at point-blank rage, and then they both get angry and all the bullets are going,

they basically flex the bullets out of their body. There's a great incredible Hulk story where he shoots himself in the head and then falls, Bruce Banner shoots himself in the head and then the Hulk gets up and spits the bullet out. It reminded me of that. Yeah. Well, that's the thing.

if you're looking to watch this movie for a story to hang on to or chemistry between characters and, you know, and light and details of faces and features, like, you're definitely not going to find it at all. But if you're into hair, oh, we got something for you. This movie is about hair and vampire politics. If you like the politics of the fair, Menta Menace will buckle up.

You are in for a treat. So, just so unclear, because again, although I did not mind this movie, I'm in a weird place. I'm in a very weird place. I think I've made that clear. Yes, Medford, Massachusetts. I did not, I did not mind it, but...

I forgot what I was going to say. Well, I'll say this. Were you going to ask, what's the story of the movie? Oh, there are the vampires, and then there are the werewolves. What are the other subset of creatures are there? I felt like there was a lot of discussion around, like, this vampire from this bloodline, who's a hybrid. Yeah, that's basically it.

So it is vampires and werewolves. And then within each of those things are sects of different. So, like, all the blonde people up in the north, whatever. Also vampires. They're also a different coven of vampires. But they seem to have other, like, they can do that, like, um, teleportation or whatever. They like to hang out in pits of water.

Kate, why? Why is he in that pit of water? Why can Kate Beckinsale and Theo James be in sunlight? I... Can somebody tell us? Guys, it's so easily set up in the first four minutes, which I needed to rewind three times

because it felt like I was being told all the information they needed for a test, but by like a speed reader. I was like, wait, what? Hey, hey, what? Okay, uh, did I get it? Okay, yeah, and I was writing down so quickly. I think I even...

It is an exposition dump that covers four full movies. That's crazy. I mean, at this point, why would you even go to see this movie? They're making no effort to catch you up. They're just like, if you've got to go watch those other movies, there's no other way. She's like, then I had a baby that I didn't know I was going to have, and then I lost that baby and now,

and there was just so... She also talks about so many characters that I was like, do I need to know who these characters are? And then she'd be like, and then he was killed, and I'd be like, I didn't need to know who that was. Literally mentions two characters that are not in this movie in a very big way, but I believe the voiceover felt fast.

I want to play just a little bit of the voiceover, just so you can hear it. I was an elite soldier in the vampire army. Got it. Okay. The death deal. And I was good at it, but I was betrayed. Victor, our leader.

and the most powerful vampire was not the savior he had led me to believe. By the way... Wait, is that Bill Nye? Bill Nye. This series of movies appears to have like every great British actor in it

doing what amounts to a bunch of quote unquote nonsense? Well, because here's what happens. You say to an actor, hey, how would you like to come to the Czech Republic for three months? And actors are like, oh my God, Czech Republic, I'm there. Cold, wet? Sure. All right. Sign me up.

Lots of stews? I'm in. I get to stay at a hostel? All right. Let's do it. I can smoke weird, dark cigarettes? Sign me up. But that doesn't explain why she can be out in sunlight. Well, hold on. That part, I understood. Like, she's a vampire inter. She's been betrayed by her leader. And now information starts coming fast and furious. The Allies turn in. Tokyo drift. The vampire elders I have.

had once protected, wanted me dead. Then I found Michael Corvin, neither vampire nor like him. Michael became a hybrid. Can you pause here? That character's not in this movie, right? No, but that's the guy she's looking for. But already now I'm confused, because there's another person she defeated, I'm like, I don't quite know what he was.

Okay, another question though. When she tastes the werewolf's blood at the very end of the movie, Does she see him kill him? Yes. All right. But that's the weird thing about, is that only hybrid blood? Wait, Paul, that is shocking.

That you had the recall in the blood fantasy of a character who we have not seen in the movie yet. Because isn't... That is just, you loved this movie. I feel like that's overstating it. I will say, say joyfully, I did not mind it. But that's, so that's the man she fell in love with and had a child with.

Right. So here we go. It killed the elders. But then everything changed. I was captured, not knowing that I was carrying Michael's child. Eve, our daughter. Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you a question here, because I know they have a daughter, but in that scene, it looks like there are normal people in this world. Are there regular people in this world?

I'm assuming. Yes. I've never seen them though, right? We're in the underworld. We're not in the world. No, no, I think the world exists. They're down there, you guys. June, they're up here.

No, they're down there. Please say they're down there. No. Oh, no. No, they're not down there. They're up on the surface. It's underwear. It's, no. Well, I know they're on a surface, but it's not this plane.

Yes, it is. Like, like something. Like, one of them could be listening to Taylor Swift. No, that's not correct. All right, hold on. Boston, is that correct? Oh, I don't like this movie anymore. I liked it a lot more when they were contained.

The Lichens are Team Katie Perry, though, in the Taylor Swift-City Perry feud. I mean, that is, that's what I was realizing. Well, yeah, that's what I realized midway through. I'm like, we have not seen a person. Well, that's vampires all the time live amongst us. They feed, well, don't they have? have to feed off of our blood? We never

there's blood bags around. They drink each other's blood. She bites herself. I didn't know until this movie. What? I always thought that vampires had to feed just off of humans' blood. That's what I assumed as well.

I was surprised that they had. My assumption is vampires don't have blood. They just drink blood as food. If they drink your blood, do they also have a circulatory system of their own blood? I'll tell you, I was also thinking about the warmth of their body, is it cold?

And then I was like... Wait, they're cold-blooded. Right. They have... They say because the people in the north are like, oh, the lichens won't come here because they're warm-blooded. I'm not going to even say what I was thinking, that. Say it.

I was just thinking, like, when that guy goes down on that other vampire, I was like, what a weird sensation that must be, like, so cold. loved it if he came up for air and went, so cold. Like as if that's what is sexy to say to a vampire? Not so hot, but so cold. Oh, you are freezing down here. So they can drink each other's blood. And I think...

Well, they drink their own blood. She bites into herself to remember. Well, that's just to remember, but... Why? Why is she remembering her own blood? thoughts. Why does she need to drink her blood? Does she have amnesia? My favorite part

was when the guy brings in his little vial of blood and he's like, I am the rightful air. And I was like, well, let's drink it. Everyone takes a sip from what appeared to be just like a postage size stamp of blood. All of a sudden, it's in cups.

No, I think they eat had their own vials of the blood. He drank the ring's blood. Yes. I think the blood he gave to them was like individual shot glasses of his mother's... His blood? His mother's blood? His mother's blood?

His mother's blood. I do think it's weird that you never see any civilians, any people in the world. You never see them. Like, they board a train. There's nobody else on that train? Right. There's no conductor. Why is this movie called The Underworld

if it's not taking place in the Underworld? But that is the Underworld. They are part of the underworld. The underworld is vampires and likenes. People don't know they exist. They're like the wizards in Harry Potter. The Muggles don't know they're there. I've never seen it, Jason.

No, but Jason, she hasn't. But she promises one day she will. Jason, but the difference with Harry Potter... I'm so fucking mad right now. I am so mad. Our dear friend Daniel Radcliffe was on this show. I'm honestly, I'm going to experience the Harry Potter series with my children. I think that's good.

I support that. But I was going to say the difference between Harry Potter and this is that Harry Potter, like there's a world that we can't see kind of behind. Like there is a whole society. Oh, I'm not saying they're equal. Okay. I'm just saying like it. I like it.

I suspect the lichens and the vampires exist in our world, but people don't, like, we're not seeing news reports about another vampire. Well, fine, but in the world of the movie, though, they could be sitting right here. On the table? Like, on stage with us? How many Likens are here? Where my Likens at?

See, that's about the right amount of Likens. Where my vamps at. But that's the weird thing because the movie looks so, dark, so post-apocalyptic that it feels like, oh, this is a time in which all these humans are done. I mean, there's also such a mix of, like, technology and machine guns and swords and daggers that it's really hard to locate where we are. Self-propelled bullets that looks medieval in its design. Like, it has a little rotor on it, like, and if it was moving that quickly, he would have been dead. There are bullets that have UV rays.

in them? Oh, that was my favorite part of the movie because you needed to tell the audience what was going on. Because he, you know, he strikes her with nightshade, she's on the ground, she's in pain, and then he goes, UV bullets. Okay, weird. And then he kills

everybody. But if he just started killing people, be like, why are it, what's happening? He needs to say like, okay, to be fair, don't freak out, I'm going to kill them with UV bullets. Now, we still haven't gotten to the bottom of why they can, those two can be in sunlight. Yeah, can somebody

concisely tell us, why can... Kate Beckinsale's not a hybrid and nor is... Hold on, hold on, this gentleman knows. This gentleman is going to represent everybody in the audience. All right, sir, tell me, why can she be in the sunlight? So in the second movie, the leader of all the vampires and the werewolves

gives her his blood, which lets her walk in sunlight. Got it. Wait, in the second movie, there was a leader of both vampires and werewolves? That's Bill Nye, right? Derek Jacoby.

Derek Jacoby? Yeah. So, he dies and gives her his blood, which allows her to walk in the sunlight. So within the context of these films, at one point, Lycans and vampires

were both controlled by one person? So he was the father. They had brothers. So there was a vampire brother and a werewolf brother. Can you believe you guys have watched all these movies? What's wrong with you? This movie is, look, it's layered. We shouldn't be able to jump in at number four.

But I just didn't ask about that because I just felt like, okay, she can do that. Like, it just felt like you got it. And I also had a problem with the end of the movie when the Likens attacked the fortress. they go inside to blow out the windows. Shouldn't your approach just be, let's just blow out all the fucking windows?

Just come in from the windows. If you're likens, if you're likens, and they seem to have access to like pretty high-powered weaponry, call in a drone strike. Boom, drone strike, boom. Whole thing, dunzo.

They're all in one building. Wipe out that building and they're gonzo, you know? Well, they can't The problem is they can't kill Kate Beck and Tell because they need to know They did! They did only after they found out that she actually,

truthfully, did not know where her daughter was. Well, that's a good... Thank you. But... Thank you. But June, we're talking about the attack after they knew that. Yes.

She's dead. By all intents and purposes... This is when she comes back with frosted teeth. and it's like, I can do invisible shit now. No, she becomes like Ezra Miller from like the DCU. She's flashing around like, phew, phew, pf, and they don't explain it. They don't explain anything.

I think that's what happens because the, the calisi can do that trick as well. So I think because the calisi sends her into the spirit world, she comes back and is like, oh, I can fuck Edmere Tully all the fuck up. because I can do Calisi's shit now. I can walk straight out of the fire. Yeah. And, you know, uh, I mean, this... Once she went into that,

I'm assuming she went into one of those cocoon wraps. The mummy world. Yeah, and then... Which is a whole other world next to the underworld. That's... What did they call it? It was like the in-between world or some... Secret world?

Secret world? Secret. Sacred. Sacred? You know the guy that writes. These writes them in like an afternoon. I actually worked with the guy. Kevin Gravo

who created this world. He's a very cool guy. And the first underworld is very good, right? Or... What? There's no way it can be. It's Bond 5 sequels.

Jason, it's got a... So has Resident Evil! I can't tell you the difference between either one of these movies besides the fact that I guess it translates internationally really well.

When this movie started, I genuinely said, No, not Milojovich. Because I thought we were going to be watching one of that. Right. I thought it was fully going to be that. Oh, wow. Have they ever intersected?

That's a movie. Milojovich versus Kate Beckenzail? I mean, Alien versus Predator? It should be like Resident Evil versus Underworld. I'd love to see that. This movie franchise is so interesting that Kate Beckensale left and then someone just replaced her, right? and then she came back again.

Who replaced her? Oh, there's a prequel. Yeah, she's like, I'm not doing it anymore because she was originally married to the writer-director of this, Len Weissman, or just the director, and then they got a divorce, and I feel like she's like, I'm out.

And then she came back, and then Len Weiss was like, she's back, and we're going to do another movie, and she's like, no, I'm out again. So she, like, really teeters in and out of this world a lot. Well, they really set it up at the end.

I really thought the daughter was going to be an integral part of the story. I thought for sure we were going to see

the daughter come in as part of the fight at the end and she's going to have mega powers or something. Nope. Why?

No, we never see her and I was a bit confused. She keeps on saying that she's lost her daughter, that she never had her daughter.

Did she ever get to spend those formative years with her daughter? The flashback, the daughter, looks to be about 10 or 11 years old. Does the movies traverse that time, or do vampires age quicker? I need a resident evil expert. Do they age slower?

She's frozen? Okay, so is that why she slipped? I'm assuming that's why she slipped into the ice to freeze herself, right? I literally, I wrote down here, Thank God they keep on saying everybody's names because that really was helpful to me. Like, right, Marius, got it. Samira, got it.

Elder Voldar, got it. Varga. By the way, did you like the danger room that they had in here? There was a moment where they're all shooting like hologram lichens and there's no movement in their body. It's like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Bang, bang, bang. No one's moving. I feel like they didn't understand what the CGI. could possibly be. So, like, just don't cross. Straight ahead. Just stay.

We'll put something in, just like, look straight ahead and shoot. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And she's like, you have to, you can't just shoot at them. You have to know where they're going. But they don't move. There's no, like, crouching,

side swaying. Nope, bang, bang, bang, bang. And that was a great setup for the end where basically Kate Beckinsel just continually just grabs guns. off the wall to fire. That was wild. Because here's the thing. They can't

neither vampire or lichen can be killed by I mean, I know vampire is going to be killed by a bullet that has a UV bullet. And I assume a werewolf could be killed with a silver bullet. Or if you rip out its fucking spine

like mortal combat. I was like I was like, what? When that happens, I mean, let's us play that scene because... That was right. And this is a little mash-up of it for you to enjoy the inspiration. Look how dark this is. We're in a theater where you should be able to see it.

It's an enormous screen. People lit this movie. People were hired to hang lights. Okay, okay. We'll save money. We'll save money by not hiring anyone to do lights for at least two movies, and then we can make it all back. All right, so she rips out the spine.

I mean, that Mortal Kombat is brighter than the actual movie. That is like an 8-bit video game that is more clear than the $40 million movie that was made last year. Yeah, that was like, you really... really, and to be fair, I watched most of this feature film on my phone, as it's intended to be watched.

I'm sure the filmmakers are loving that. But I was like, no, what's going? Whoa! When she's just holding the spine. Brutal. That is a savage, savage move. So her memory gave her that

power? What? Hang on. What now? What are you saying? Her memory gave her power? Yeah, because when she sucked her own blood, she was like, got it. Like, and then she then she ripped out.

That's my right. Am I right or wrong on that? No, why? Should we bring someone up on stage with us and just have someone sit here? I mean, ladies and gentlemen, gave back and sad. Wait, but so she just has that power inside of her? I don't know how she was able to punch through his back

and rip out his spine. But it didn't seem like that power came from anywhere but just within and sheer will. Well, what I'm saying is, her memory made her so pissed off. She was like, fuck, this guy. She went for it. I'm not saying like, I'm not saying like...

It gave her like the incentive to go to. He fired her up. Yeah, fired her up. It was like a psych up song. Like a Taylor Swift's psych up song. It's like she put her earbuds in and played something like really high energy. Shake it off. What I was trying to figure out was why when Edmere Tully comes and starts to fight her,

does she, he transforms into his lichen form. And she says, what are you? Why? I didn't know, because that's why I was asking about the subspecies, because it seemed like he was a little bit different. Well, he had more of a human face. He has lichen blood. Isn't he liking?

Hybrid blood. Michael. Michael's blood. He has Michael's blood. Oh, so he's got like a store of Michael's blood. That's what he's running out of. Michael is the hybrid just like the daughter, and that's why he wants the daughter's blood.

All right. Wow. I'm not going to lie, guys. I'm not going to lie, I am shot. This tour has destroyed me mentally and quickly, physically. So, okay, so he just needs more, but what does he ultimately want from the experience

to be a hybrid? He shoots it and acts like he's on drugs. That's what confused me. I was like, is he a junkie? or is he like getting something from this? And now it's clear he's getting something from it. Right, he's turning into... A more powerful creature?

Yeah. A hybrid creature? That's Marius. Does he have... Marius gets to turn into like a navi at a certain point. Like he's like seven feet tall with like weird features.

Wow, we're just piling on other movie TV references. I love this. Okay, okay. So he... So both... So, okay, okay. So both Kate Beckinsale and Marius both have, they are each alike in a vampire, but who both now have drank the blood of each other.

No, because Kate Beckinsale is not a hybrid. She's not? No, Cape Beckinsale. She's pure blood. But she made a hybrid baby. Yes. She got it. Is she pure blood, though?

I don't know, because she can walk in the sun. I think she is. But you got the power. Why did they play walking on the sun? Bang, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. But no, she is... Ladies and gentlemen, smash mouth. No? No? You don't want to sing?

Okay. Well, okay. All right, fine. They just want to watch a show, Jason. Let them watch a show. Yeah, they just let them enjoy it. So she's a pure blood who is given power by the elder, not Bill Nye, but Derek Jacoby, to be able to walk out in the world because they needed to shoot some stuff during the day because Kate Beck and Sal is getting pissed off about her shooting schedule.

And then she met up with a lichen. They had a baby named Eve. That is the most powerful baby because she's a pure blood and he's a lichen. So that baby is the first hybrid. No, because Michael's a hybrid. Shit, Michael's a hybrid. Guys, we've been here for an hour.

We haven't even... This is insane. This is crazy. crazy what's gone on. I feel like lost. I feel adrift. Can someone succinctly break it down? Is there a person?

You can. Okay. Come over here, sir. All right. Here we go. Another underworld expert, sir. How are you? All right, so break it down. Give us the facts as we need to know. Come closer to me. Here we go, because I can't reach it. Here you go.

I'll hold the mic. I'll hold the mic. Okay. So, in the first of the first. fourth movie, she gets blown up with Michael, and then they get Frozen. She wakes up 12, 13 years later, finds out she has a daughter who is a hybrid.

Oh, so she... She didn't know. She had that child? She gave birth frozen? What a dream. Wait, just let... So she was pregnant and then blown up. So he said, I guess,

when I said she was pregnant when she was blown up. Well, because she says, and that makes sense for that voiceover, because she says, I did not know I was pregnant with his baby. Now I'm understanding her detachment from mothering a bit more. This is making a little bit more sense. So what are they after? What do we want from this? They want to all basically be hybrid so they can be super powerful.

But then if they're all hybrids, then wouldn't they all just get along? possibly I don't know because if they're hybrids then they're both and at the end they do have that party where they all bring out

those old school coffee urns yeah what was that about yeah what was that about do you know? I have no idea like they were like we just had the big

all right thank you we just had the big battle we just had the big battle great work we just had the big battle everybody needs like we just had the big battle Like, we got to spark up these percolators and start making some coffee.

I mean that ending. But they make blood? Well, God. I mean, when Marius says to Kate Beckinsale, it did make me laugh. When he says, all I want is her blood about her child. Right. It's like, that's a lot, buddy. You're asking for a lot.

Doesn't he want her blood in order to wipe out vampires? Right? But he will be half vampire. No. I don't get it. I don't get it. I'll be honest, because I suspect the audience is like, this is not that complicated.

It is, because every single person we've brought up disagrees with everybody else. Every person who comes up to explain this to us says two sentences confidently, and then they start to trail off. Well, it's like each of them. This movie is like Catcher in the Rye. It's open to your interpretation. This is like, yeah, no, that's not the way I see it. I mean, no one knows.

No one knows. Movie that seems, for a movie that seems so simple, it's really confusing. Needlessly so. I was not sure, and again, to be fair, we have not watched movies one through four. So we missed certain components that are, I'm sure, integral to the storytelling, vis-à-vis Michael and the elders.

By the way, I mean, she says the entire movie, she doesn't know where her daughter or she doesn't where her daughter is. How does she find her daughter? She finds her daughter, I think, through someone's blood? Does she lick someone's blood and find out? Or did she find it through that spirit world? The spirit world. Plain.

Sacred plane. Psychic. I'm hearing psychic quink. I'm hearing Spirit plane. I'm hearing. You motherfuckers

don't know. That's the thing. Boston? That's Boston for you. I fucking know. I fucking know everything. Fuck you. I'll tell you what's up.

And then, guess what? They don't know jack shit. This is the end of the movie. The monologue from the end, because I think we should try to break this down on it. She holds the head of marry us up. It looks like something you would find

in a Halloween costume shop. This is the funniest thing about this movie. People are fighting with big ass broadswords, and then people are just like guns, like, bam, bang. Like, there's a person fighting off a machine gun with a sword, like on a shield, like, blocked it, blocked it, blocked it, blocked it, blocked it, blocked it.

Also, if, because, like, so much of the gun fight is done with real regular bullets, rather, Everybody's just getting shot and like squeezing them out. Yeah. So why not, if you're the Likens, why not make every bullet UV? Every shot's a kill shot. That's expensive.

Yeah, they just don't have access to those resources. They are sending people to fucking Norway to scale the ice cliffs. But no one's buying those tickets to that Norway train. They got it at a bargain. That's Expedia. The lichens, um, are the lichens, like, hurting for cash? Look, all I'm saying is that the vampires are probably using Hotel Tonight. They're getting on that train, they're just finding a little thing.

Are we sponsored by Hotel Tonight? Don't worry about it. Anyway. I don't think we should be. Your leader is dead. Take your wounded. Leave. That's a Voldemort line.

Straight up. Like, and walking out is pretty amazing. Just kind of like, mum, bo-do-do-boom. Like, honestly, if you're gonna walk out, like transform back into a guy. Yeah. You know, and just kind of like walk out like with some dignity. Here's a question before we watch the rest of it. Are all werewolves men?

I think... Yes, yes. No, no, no, yes. Love it. Love you, Boston. Never change. Here we go. Here is more of the monologue. By the way, it's weird to whisper... It's weird to whisper your VO. You know, it's like... I'm leaning into here.

You don't have to whisper. It's does. Is it so that like the other people watching the movie won't hear? Like this is not this is not dialogue

to anyone. Yeah, here we go. I'd argue that she's had it twice because wasn't she blown up in an ice plane too? She's always dying, it seems like. This score is also very Game of Thrones.

I am reborn and my eyes have been open to the sacred world and to the promise of what is yet to be. There is no beginning. There is no end. There is only the coming. So is she in the sacred world right now?

No, that's in Norway. That's where Kalee lives. I know, but that's also where the sacred world is too, right? Because, I mean, that's where she gets put into... Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought you meant was she, like, mentally... Because she's in the, you know, meditation boat. So the daughter just

is there the entire time? How? Where did the daughter come from? I mean, it would be so much better to be like on a beach in like you know or something like at Disney World and her daughter's like running the Matterhorn or something. If this movie ended at Disney World, if the only link to contemporary culture

was at the end, Theo James goes, we're going to Disney World. And then they are just At Disney? That'd be pretty great. I would love it. And all of a sudden it shot really well. Fully lit. I mean, there's so much to talk about, but I want to get to the audience and see what you have to talk about. Because clearly you're also confused.

Let's go out here right now. All right, so let's see if you had to be a lichen or a vampire. Who would you be? Kelly, are you a vampire, a werewolf, or a hybrid? Great answer. And your question? It's where she was like fondling this hair circle. A lock of hair from her daughter.

But I don't understand it. And it's just... Where did it come from that hair? Right, where did it? She just found it and somehow knew it was her daughter's hair. Well, and she was also super surprised. Like, oh shit, I found this hair circle, but then there's whispering, but then she hides it. Yeah.

I don't think it was like intended to be a circle of hair. I think it just kind of fell into that shape. Oh, see, it looked to me like it was like a It was like almost like a number of strands of hair That had been like worked into like a circular shape No? Yeah My question remains if you're a vampire and you find a hairbrush

Are you like getting all these images at all time? Like if you brush your hair and more than one person used it? Well yeah, I didn't know those rules either because she seems to get information from just touching the hair. Obviously, when you taste blood, you get information. But also does the evil vampire, the female villain,

when she kisses the other female vampire, does she know that she betrayed her from that kiss? Is there like any contact give you... Does any contact get... I don't care. You know what? I don't care. Don't even answer me, because I don't give a fuck. All right, who in the balcony?

I'm here in the balcony. balcony, ma'am, would you like to be a vampire, a werewolf, or a lichen, or none of the above? I would like to be a twilight vampire. Ooh, sparkly vampire. Thumbs down from people in the balcony. That can answer this, that's bigger than me, that can answer this question. So the whole premise of this movie is that Edmere Tolly needed Kate Beckinsale's daughter's

blood because she was a hybrid. Why didn't Edmere Tolly, who was a lichen, just bang his vampire girlfriend and make their own hybrid? Why? I have the same question. Do you have the answer to that? I have the same question. And that's, I love that because my question was going to be, why haven't they been doing that for centuries? Does anyone have an answer to that?

Does anyone have an answer of why you do? There's some clown in the back here who thinks he knows something, but I don't like it. Paul's in the balcony, so chill out. All right, hold on, I got this guy. All right, sir, you think you can answer this? I believe so. I watched the wrong movie because the poster was so dark. I couldn't read bloodlines.

Blood war. Wait, did you watch the Netflix show Bloodlines? No, I watched the... That's like when I was on VEP, my mom watched every season of Madam Secretary and was like, you're not on it. I've watched it. Well, what do you mean? She's like, well, the dog?

And I go, there's no dog on Vee. She's, yes, the dog. And then we realized it was mad. I'm stuck with it. She likes it. Okay, so you can't just make a hybrid by having a vampire bang, a werewolf. It doesn't work that way.

There's a special bloodline that has to come from. In the original movie, Scott Speedman, comes from the long line of these people who can be the hybrids. So it's like a dog. show almost, like that kind of like, you have to have the right connection.

Very much like that. So in the original movie, Jason, you're going to like this. Michael Sheen tells, or he bites Scott Speedman. So there's another British actor. He bites him. And then later in the movie, he's shot with bullets filled with silver nitrite. And as he's dying,

what's Cape Beckinsale bites him. So she saves him by turning him into this hybrid. So it has to come from that line of blood. Got it. Got it. All right. Fair enough. Ma'am, your name, what you like to be, and your question.

I'm Casey, and I suppose I'll claim the like and claim. Okay, great. And then tell me you're the bloodline. Really, really drilling it there. It's just a little thing, but I'm so hung up on where the flying hell did the horses come from? Great question. Yeah. I was curious about that as well.

Where and why horses? Couldn't crack it. I liked this movie. It's funny, I came into tonight, having enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Now that I've been forced to talk about it for an hour and 20 minutes, I think I hate it. We talked about the conalingis scene. What's happening right now? Boston is...

I don't. I don't feel safe. I don't want to be forced to talk about a convalingus scene. Boston, that's what? That's Boston, though. I don't want to answer those demands. Aggressively, aggressively horny. That's Boston.

You, you, hey, you. Excuse me. Felacio. Hey, what's your fucking problem? There we go. Oh, you, ma'am, okay, yes. Your name, your creature, and your question. Wendy, vampire, because, well, they're the fucking heroes.

Okay. So in vampire lore Fuck you all She gets it In vampire lore They're dead How do you have a fucking baby? Boom

She just threw some knowledge I guess it's part of the hybrid part right So are you saying that vampires never procreate Or can't? They just, they're sexual They don't have sex for There is no huh town, man. This town is the fucking best.

Well, that was a journey out in the audience. This audience is obsessed with oral sex in the least sexy way I've ever heard. So today when I was watching this, I asked Averill. I said, Aval, can you just do me a favor and cut together a compilation of something that I noticed in the film? and she said, yeah, I can. She put it together, and I want to show it to you right now.

Here we go. His blood could end the war. We're finished with this war. Losing the war. The war. The war. This war has followed you here. This war.

The war. Damn war. A lot of war talk. It comes up a lot. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. I actually need some audio.

participation. Can you guys give me a snap? Gonna go at this beat. One, two, three. How's a disaster? Failure. Box office. Bomb and a flop film dropped in the middle of the roster spot on movie listings without making back its dignity or budget. Turn out to be your favorite and you love it. The $5 bin at Walmart thought it would sell if it was buried deeper but being a lot cheaper, you thought it was a ex-keeper. It made Jason

a weeper but I guess you found this movie's message me deeper well the word got around they said this movie's insane man took it to the internet to see who felt the same man looked at low reviews and then decided to reclaim and the world's gonna know your name what's your rate man five old stars on amazon yeah i know you think i'm really wrong but just you wait she crushed That is Mcany Monsters Wow Lauren killed it Great job

Underworld Blood Wars There are One There are 1,000 285 reviews I believe that is an all-time high 53%

are 5% are five-star reviews. I'm gonna say prepare yourself. Some of these reviews are a little problematic. And this is showing you where we're going with the first one. Written by Joe, Kate Beckinsale, more like Kate's sex and sale. Is that S-A-L-E or S-A-I-L? Like, let's go sex and sale?

It's sex and sale, yeah. And it goes better than the previous movie, but not as good as the first two. They stayed true to the sexy vampire ladies, but it's hard to replace Victor as an antagonist. Remember when Victor said, what's this ruckus? Five stars. This one is written by someone called Gamer Dude. And Gamer Dude writes, chick movies are so sexy and beautiful. Five stars.

Oh, and that's a gamer dude. Interesting. This one is written by 3G Honda. Can't go wrong with Cape Beckinsale. Hot, hot, hot. Five stars. And this one is... Wait, can I ask a question?

Yeah. Is this movie where Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen met? They had a child together. That she does know about. I think so. She does know about her daughter with Michael Sheen. The hybrid? She knows where she is.

I believe so. Yeah, okay, good. Sorry, Paul. No, please. This is written by Great Lady 50-60. I have completed this series now. Five movies, and I've enjoyed these movies. First, I'm into vampires.

And second, I think these are some excellent vampire movies. An interesting exploration into the relationship between vamps and Lycans, aka Warwolves, their history. characters are so easy to get to know and the action starts before the title of the movie is revealed, so it gets you right into the action. This is the case in all the movies. They have a film

nor look to them, which I found added flavor. I keep on hoping there'll be at least one more. With the daughter, a hybrid who's revealed in the fifth film, you like vamps or werewolves, you will like this. Five stars.

I don't like people that call them vamps. Not interested. And then the last two, Hugh Maren writes, if you're into vampires and Kate playing Selena, then this movie is for you. Five stars. If you're into Kate playing the character in this movie,

then yeah, it's definitely for you. That's not something you get in other films. I'm kind of into when Audrey Hepburn played Selena. Well, Kate Beckinsale did play Selena in the follow-up to the Jennifer Lopez Selena movie, I believe. Too soon? Not soon enough, sir.

This one's written by Heather Paul. I loved it. Like the rest, it was a little different but just as good. And I can't wait for another. Exclamation, exclamation, exclamation, exclamation, all the way through the page. And, for those people out there bitching

about, you know, the story? It's fiction. It's action. Kate's hot. It's kick-ass vampires and lichens. If you want a friggin' story, then sit with my wife and watch Lifetime. Five stars.

It's impossible. All of those reviews are from Boston. Underworld Blood Wars comes in at a brisk 91 minutes. I would say, after you take out the credits and the top, which is about four minutes of exposition, we're in rocking 80 minutes. territory, came out in

2017, and the budget was 35 million, and the worldwide growth was $81 million. I feel like these movies must do huge business abroad, too. That's why I feel like

there's so little dialogue and so much just, like, action nonsense. Yeah, I totally agree. This movie came in 80th out of all the movies made in 2017. It ranks fifth out of all five underworld movies and domestic gross. The

order there is awakening evolution, the original rise of the lichens, and blood wars. The top three movies of 2017 were Last Jedi, Beauty and the Beast, Wonder Woman. This movie was beaten by the Fate of the Furious, The Great Wall, and Triple X the return of Xander Cage,

Valerian, and Geostorm. But this movie beat the snowman and the disaster artist. The tagline is, I know, well, there we go. It's an independent. The taglines were Protect the Bloodline.

Is that what this movie's about? I don't think it is. I mean, unless Theo James represents the bloodline and they're supposed to protect him, but that's not what the movie's about. We haven't gotten any closer to it, you guys.

I will leave this confused. Yeah, we're wrapping up, and we haven't gotten anywhere. But what I think we've taken away from it is we've all kind of enjoyed it. We've all had completely different experiences. I'm not even sure we all

watch the same movie. I think I'm in an active blackout. I feel like... Or I may have passed. I'm not sure. I like the contentious relationship of the creator

of this franchise, Len Weissman, and Kate Beck and Sale, and now that they are not together, the fact that she is in and out of this franchise, he's like, you know, like I said, will she come back? Will she not? We don't know, and I'll be there. Well, now I guess they could make the movies about her daughter if they wanted to. They could age it up and have the next, you know,

five movies be starring that character, I guess. Right. I guess that. I mean, I do think, I don't know, I joined some of these reviewers in feeling like Kate Beckinsale was a perfect, like, a perfect vampire warrior. Like, she's British and has fine features, and yet she delivers those fight sequences so well. To me, she's like the perfect,

there is no underworld series without her. Wow. I'm going to say it right now, having only seen one. Wow. Huge, huge, hot tape. I love it. Two things I want to tell you before we kind of wrap it all up here. This is the first time ever a Resident Evil movie and an underworld movie

both had been released in the same month. So they're getting closer to franchise. And the next film will definitely tell us where Michael Corvin has been since he disappeared. Wait, he's not dead? Michael's dead. We saw him in a flashback die. They say he'll be revealed where he is. remember when they are fighting

and Kate Beckinsale accidentally gets Edmere Tully's blood on her lips and she sees his whole life and is shocked by it. Why? I think she just didn't like having blood on her lip. Like if you ever got, like, it's like someone like, you know, giving you a hug that you didn't want. You're like, uh, I got to see your whole life.

Oh, yes. That is, that is the story of the meet and greet. Um, Jason... Doesn't she learn in that moment that it was him that killed Michael or maybe not? Yeah.

I think that's what she's surprised by and that's what gives her... Didn't we go over this already? What's happening? Sorry. No, it's okay. You know what? I don't know.

We're in a fever dream. Is this the end or the beginning of the show? I don't know. It's all a parabola now. So, Jason, June, would you recommend this film? Ooh. Probably not.

Probably not. It is not... I mean, it's not... Listen, it's not super long. It doesn't wear out its welcome. There's some fun, action-y, set-piecey nonsense. In that regard, it's fine. But it's not...

It didn't have, like, the juice that I wanted. It never got so bad... It never got so bad that it got really fun. Right. I agree with that. It kind of walks this... line, this has been more fun talking about it. I said to you afterwards

it percolated with me. This movie stayed with me throughout the rest of the day and I kept on thinking about it and going, yes, right, I'm confused. But when I was watching it, I was not enjoying it. Yes. I mean, I don't know. I didn't.

I think I enjoyed it. I think it went down very easily for me. There were things I really liked. I loved Kate Beck and Salon it. I loved more like Samira. Was that her name Samira? Yeah, well Samira was the one that we really

didn't talk about. We didn't even talk about. I thought she was incredible. You know what we didn't talk about was that oral sex scene. Oh. Well, during that scene or right before it, when she says to that other guy, whoever he is, when she says something along the lines of don't think

you could hurt yourself, she delivers it so well. I mean, I loved her character. She was great. She was so great. I liked all of the, like that coven of, that's her and Charles Dance and Randall Tarley and all of those. I thought that scene where they're bickering with each other was awesome. Like that was, they do a good job getting good actors.

Then they give them absolute trash to say, but they make it work. But Samira, like, she really does, like, even her death when she opened the, the window and she finally sees the light and then that fucking sword comes out of her mouth. I'm like, yeah. A lot of people are getting sneaky sneaky killed. They're like, I did it.

A lot of swords through the back. In this world, when you are stabbed or whatever with a sword or your throat is slid with a blade, blood pours out of your body at a rate that is shocking.

Like Charles Dance gets and his mouth opens and blood pours out like the scene in carry. This goes back to do they have a circulatory system? That's what I'm wondering. Because maybe it's just like one bag right here. Right, that's what I think it is. Is that their feed bag? Yeah.

Maybe. Are they like squirrels storing blood for the winter? It's like when you go out and you see one of those skeletons trying to have a beer. Wait, what? You know, like a skeleton. You know, in those cartoons, like one of the skeletons. like one of the skeletons trying to have, like, a beer? What cartoons are you watching?

Where skeletons have a beer? You know, you get, like, you know, Mani and Jack and Carol, and they go out to the bar, the three skeletons, and they, you know, they order their favorite drinks, and they're up on the floor, you know, because they don't got anything in there, but they still want to drink, they want to have fun.

Okay. I feel like this is a cartoon someone showed you in the back of a bike shop. That's a different strokes Molestation episode joke, everybody. Well, people, I think we have covered everything we need to cover. Have we? And with that, we say, good night, Boston.

You did it, Boston! That's our show. If you are listening to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please rate and review us, and make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on. the show settings, it helps us. And we also just simply appreciate it a lot. We'll see you next week. Bye for now.