How Did This Get Made? - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets w/ Jessica St. Clair & Doug Benson (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Doug Benson (Doug Loves Movies) joins Paul, Jason and guest co-host Jessica St. Clair to discuss the 2017 sci-fi flick Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. LIVE from the Theatre at Ace Hotel for Pee Cast Blast ’17, they cover everything from Rihanna as Bubble, to a shapeshifting alien entertainer, to the movie resetting itself every 15 minutes. (Ep. #237 Originally Released 04/09/2020) • Our holiday virtual livestream is on Dec 10th! Get tix at veeps.events/hdtgm• Go to hdtgm.com for tour dates, merch, FAQs, and more• Have a Last Looks correction or omission? Call 619-PAULASK to leave us a voicemail!• Submit your Last Looks theme song to us here• Join the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgm• Buy merch at howdidthisgetmade.dashery.com/• Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of Trauma• Shop our new hat collection at podswag.com• Paul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheer• Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheer• Follow Paul on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer• Subscribe to Enter The Dark Web w/ Paul & Rob Huebel: youtube.com/@enterthedarkweb• Listen to Unspooled with Paul & Amy Nicholson: unspooledpodcast.com• Listen to The Deep Dive with June & Jessica St. Clair: thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcast• Instagram: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & @junediane• Twitter: @hdtgm, @paulscheer, & msjunediane  • Jason is not on social media• Episode transcripts available at how-did-this-get-made.simplecast.com/episodesGet access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A stunning sci-fi spectacle that engages the viewer on every level, except for character, plot, and pacing. We saw Valerian, so you know what that means. Remed! How did it? Schwarzenegger Grove, baby in his belly. Rock a rindstone vest while ripping Justin to Kelly. Or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crowe.

and take a boat with speed to hitting cruise control. J-man, Big Paul and the beautiful June gonna take you from the goof all the way to the room. Brander games and street fly that helped to blow off steam. Just a sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green. Shark needle, the bird demic, how we stand in the lock. They call it in the badass and he's on the line. Cranking 88 minutes because they cool as ice.

Because a bad gym, Barney looking kind and nice. Paul and June getting literal. Jason is getting laid. June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid. They're judged a bunch of movies while they're making the grade Here's a real question for you how did this get made? Hello people of Los Angeles We are here at the Ace Hotel Theater

for the very special P-cast Blast We watched the movie Valerian Wow it's like Fifth Element if it did didn't make sense. And that movie barely made sense. So we'll get into all of that, but first, let me welcome my co-host. Please welcome Jason Manzukas. What's up, Jerks?

How are we doing, Balcony? It's a big, big balcony up there. Big balcony. Who here's been here all day? Yeah. Who here's been wearing a diaper? Who's living that hashtag dipe life? And look, if you're listening right now, yes, they've been here all day.

Since three, it's now eight. It's not that big of an accomplishment. Who's been here? It's like seeing one. Five hours of podcasting. it's like seeing two Lord of the Rings movies you're fine which I'm sure none of these people have seen

JK you're fucking nerds speaking of nerds Jason this movie Valerian were you familiar with it did you see it

oh yeah I was familiar I had never seen it until this I was familiar with it in theory from watching the trailers and being like well I don't know what this is and then I watch watched it and felt very much the same. It ended after, I think, about a four-hour runtime.

And I was confounded. I watched the movie in four separate viewings. This is the one with Dane DeHan and Carre Delavine, right? Tulip Fever? No, not that one. Tulip Fever. I'm sorry. I don't know.

They are also the leads of the movie Tulip fever. First of all, did not know that that was a thing. Fuck you. Second of all. Their chemistry

so electric it has now been the basis of two different love stories, both of which savagely unsuccessful. They are the Bogian Bacall of now. They are the millennial.

They are the millennial Harry Met Sally. Jason, we have a big show. How big is this show? You guys got to get your energy like 10 million times more ants. Thank you. We have a very special guest host filling in for our normal co-host, June Diane Rayfield.

We have a very special one. She has been on the show in the past. She has talked about films like Pluto Nash. She is the star of one of the most hilariously funny shows on TV. It's called Playing House. Please welcome Jessica St. Clair! Welcome, Jessica. Here we go.

This guy is very excited. The audience is giving you, doing kisses. The audience is on their feet. They're rushing the stage. If you're listening to this at home, the audience is freaking out. They're tearing me limb from limb. They are rending their clothes and losing their minds.

They are very excited. to see you. Womp it up his back. Whop it up his back, bitch. I feel so sick. I just finished this film in an abandoned parking lot because I put it off. For so long.

You were giving hand jobs this actually? And I was also giving $5 hand jobs just to try to make... Oh, your prices went up. And the clients were kind of into it because you were playing a movie at the same time. Yes. It was a bunch of podcast nerds being like, wait,

I can get a handjob and watch a sci-fi movie? My dreams are coming true. Coming true, indeed. Yeah. Oh, guys. Talking about that jizz in your pants. And people could argue this movie is a little masturbatory. So, Jessica, I know that we've put you through the ringer with the future movies.

This is not this topian future. No, no. you hasn't aired yet, right? But you've made me watch now, Pluto Nash, which I found more enjoyable than this film, which says a lot. Although the costume design was very similar. To be fair, this picture is what's on the big screen up here, right?

It's a lot like the guys I jerked off earlier. You did over there say these three characters made you the most turned on you've ever felt in cinema history. Yeah, that's true. That's true. This is the magic mic, these three Stooges characters, from the movie Valerian are, you know, they're sexy, they're fun,

they're flirty. They kind of reminded me of, oh, hello, didn't they? Did they have an oh hello vibe to anybody? They were like, oh, too much tuna. Anyway, yeah, I feel sick. I hated this movie,

and I hate you guys for making me watch so many fucking movies about the dystopic future. I would take so many trash cans on fire, so many iced teas with, you know, what was that shit-ass movie you make me watch? It was a dolphin who was addicted to

or the internet or something. Oh, right. What was this? What is that even title of that movie? Johnny Mamanick. That's coming. Anyway, I would take a thousand of those movies for one of this space bullshit. Jessica, all I'll say is at least it's short, only two hours and 16 minutes.

And I'll tell you what, I watched every one of those credits with glee. I was like, these poor people worked so hard. I mean, who was the jelly wrangler? Who had to just, like, clean that jelly off of everybody? A lot of people are getting slimed in this movie. The slime ratio is very high.

More so than on any Nickelodeon show ever. We have a very special guest tonight. He is a how did this get made All-Star? You know him from his amazing comedy specials, his own podcast, Doug Love's Movies. and from our episodes here of Twilight, Doug Benson. Welcome, Doug!

Hey, everybody. Doug, I believe, the only one of us who saw the film in the theater. Oh, yeah. If not opening weekend, close to it. Because I am a Luke Besone completist. I'll see every crazy piece of shit movie he makes until one of us is dead.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that there was an element about this movie that I legitimately enjoyed. Was it the fifth element? But there is something about this movie on a visual level that is like if I was in like an Indian restaurant and this was playing like on a monitor and I didn't hear it or wasn't invested in

I'm like, that looks cool. Like, that's how I thought. I'd be like, excuse me, could you turn the subtitles off? Yeah. You'd be like, I'd love more chicken teakamasala, and what is this movie? Can I have a side of Valerian with my teakamarsal? Some Sag Panir and some Dane Dahan. Is that his name, Dane Dahan?

Yeah. Who is that? Who is that? Kare Delevin is not in tulip fever. Isn't she? It's another lady. Oh, I don't know. Is it really?

That's a Lisa Vicander. Oh. nuts. That's why I didn't get the joke. Is she not in it as well? She is, right? Oh, okay. They're both. It doesn't matter. But I was wrong. You're right. I don't blame any actor in this film

for this movie. That's not their fault. They're just doing, they're there, they showed up to work on time. They got into hair and makeup. How do you know that? Are you just a set PA on this movie? Yes. It's an interesting movie because I'd argue that from out of the gate

it has all this but, well, it's crazy. I mean, the first thing that we're watching is like literally 10 solid minutes of no subtitles and no English. Right. It's just aliens who wash with pearls,

they mine pearls, they have pets that shit pearls. Wait, is that... It's Avatar on the beach. It's a beautiful avatar. It really is. Is that before or after we watch aliens shaking hands with people for conservatively 13? Oh, yes. There's the lost art of shaking hands montage.

30 minutes. 30 minutes. Door opens, three people walk in, shake hands. No. Door opens, beep, beep, shake hands. Nope. So many actors got to just shake hands. And then at the end of all of that, even still it goes 400 years later. What?

Why did you do this then? Why do this? This was the passage of time. You don't then also say also 400 more years. imagine all those hands shaking and by the way there was something very odd about this movie like just on the premise level

I mean I'm hard pressed to understand why you even needed to see the passage of time at all because they I mean so I guess the idea is there was a space station then it kept on growing and growing and growing and then Rucker Hauer who's like

top build in the movie has one scene as he should be he's the guy with the earring he is the gut That does not narrow it down This is, by the way This is a continuation of a conversation We started over there

Where Jessica goes Who was the man Who was the club owner Where Rihanna was? And I said Ethan Hawk And you went That's Ethan Hawk? And then I said

He got his teeth fixed Because in reality I think those were fake teeth For this movie Yeah he had future teeth Because you know who he looked like who's the singer, he's got real bleached blonde hair. Who, Sugar Ray?

Mark McGrath, yeah. Yes, that's who I thought it was. And I actually thought to myself, he's not a terrible actor, but now that I know it's Ethan Hawk, he should be ashamed of itself. Oh, boy. When Ethan Hawk is the comic relief character

in your movie, you're in trouble. Blaine future organ? He's playing future organ He's playing an organ But it doesn't seem that organ Is the music that is playing In the scene It seems like a full orchestra is happening

But he's like Bip Bip Bid a Doo over on the side I mean There's so much here And the good news is If you ever get lost Characters will stop the movie Dead to give you

Three to Four minutes of Exposition at a time. And flashback. And flashback. Oh, yeah. That's the thing is you can be so dumb about movies as I am. Doug, you know this. I was on Doug Love's movie once and I haven't been able to meet his gaze. Once. But you can be really

dumb and still kind of understand what's happening in this movie. Oh yeah, because they tell you at the last five minutes, they're like, oh, here's the entire plot of the movie. It's almost like you're like you're explaining it to your parents. Like, okay, pause it.

So remember those characters from before? So they're over here, and that guy is bad. Oh, he's bad, yeah, he's the bad guy. But then if your parents were like, well, that would insinuate that the middle hour in 40 minutes was irrelevant. And it was. This movie resets itself every 15 minutes

into a different place and movie, none of which is cumulatively important to the movie's journey at all. You know what I felt like... The DVD could have like a late chapter that says, recap here. Yeah. Like, go ahead and start here.

If you started the movie really in the last 20 minutes, you could get everything. It would be a great episode of television. Well, let me talk about, to me, I mean, we can get into the pearl eating people, but the real issue

that I have with this movie is, it's like, I'm giving it the real benefit of the downgoing. It's like, Bond in outer space kind of story, but there is nothing energetic between these two characters. They have so much witty repartee that is not said the way that you would say witty repartee. It's the deadly. It's like when Harry met Sally, but they're just, it's like a staged reading, and they just got the script that day.

Oh, I'm sorry, that was my line. Oh, right, right, right. No, no, that was you. Go ahead. What are you doing? So a princess was guiding you? Yeah, then a woman's inside you. Okay, we got it.

Moving on. Okay. You guys, your chemistry is off the charts. Every scene in this movie was shot in one take or less. Yes, we know. It's like, we need to get this to the effects guys as quick as possible. They have a lot of work to do. The most important thing on this movie is effects.

They are not interested in performance at all. But it's crazy. because, like, the main actor, he is, like, should be roguish. His lines are written to, at least... He's supposed to be like a Han Solo charismatic, you know,

charming space rogue. And he sounds like Keanu Reeves, if you close your eyes. By the way, we... I can't wait for him to say he's not an FBI agent. We literally... April Halley, who puts all of our stuff together, the genius behind all of these great things and movie bitches. She,

put together this short comparison. Take a listen. Federal agent on duty. I am an FBI agent. It is exactly the same. I did not know you were going to do that when I said that. It's insane. And right from the get, I don't get these things

when they want to show how couples are really into each other. I've never like aggressively wrestled. That was their meat. Like, we're wrestling, like, they're wrestling a drink. With a full drink in their hands. Which is a solid, it's solid. Whatever they're drinking is solid. The frequency with which the glass with the drink has to drop out of frame

because it couldn't be there still, because they would drop it or smash it or it would spill or whatever, just so that they can then put it back in, bring it back, whoop. They literally are doing UFC-style fight moves with their legs, like flipping each other over. Okay, Paul, now, this is, so you're telling me. Yes. And you're telling you, all of us.

You and June don't aggressively wrestle at home? You guys don't like... And when we first met, we were wrestling all the time. Right. Now it's fallen off. With the kids, you don't wrestle as well. She wasn't sure for a while. Yeah, when the girl's not sure, she'll wrestle with you.

Yeah. You know, when I talk about my playlist, my playlist, which was an odd choice. It's not like your partners... Playlist has a meaning currently. Yes. So to say your playlist, which is like, is that is the yank bank of old? old exes. I think it's all the people that he had sex with, right? But why would

you call that your playlist? Right. Because they just wrestle. His playmates. And they oddly all, like when he mentions his playlist, they all pop up on the wall like trading cards. And do you think like, because he also has the ability

do you think if he like clicked on one of those things, you would then see it? Because he also has the ability to see, like the computer can project the dream that he had to him outside of his head. Remember that? So are we to assume these are files of his, like, are these all sex tapes that he has?

Like, what's doing? The more we talk about it, it sounds like you guys are so hoping and wishing that that is a possibility either now or in the future. Here's what I want to know. Is it on the special features? Exactly. I didn't get the special features. Maybe you can click on them and see some, like, super alien dirty nastiness.

I did watch some special features because I did buy. on iTunes. I spent the $19 a more expensive iTunes purchased than normal. Why? Why did you buy? Oh, so you could do your four viewings? Yes. You had to dip in, dip out. Well, yeah, I was like, I don't know where I'm going to be able to

watch this. I watched half of it on an iPad. I watched half of it on the TV in my bedroom. I watched half it on TV. You've got tons of screens. Oh, you're dripping in screens. You took a break. You wrestled June. You went back to watching. You get it. You know what, can I just say this?

I watched an old Apple Newton. Sure. I had a theory, which was that they had almost like a focus group of all of these movies, of which I've not seen all of them. But it's like, for those of you who like Star Wars, we've got like that little bar they go to where everyone's like... Right. The ship looks like the Millennium Falcon. Right. And then there's if you like Avatar.

Yeah, I know that. I know that, which I thought they should have updated that. That's so dumb. Like, what's your favorite character of Star Wars? What is this? What's your favorite character for Star Wars? Hold on. What's? Like, if you had to pick one character from Star Wars.

It's Star Wars. What's your favorite character? Princess Leia. Oh, good job. RIP. Yeah. She really knows her stuff. Is that dead? She really got it?

Yes, she is. Wait a second. Oh, God. I forgot Carrie Fisher was dead, and then I remember it and I'm sad again. She's not dead. We have terrible news. God. Well, Princess Leia's not daddy in this storyline.

Great. Where are you ripping on Debbie Reynolds? My God. Here in the Ace Hotel. No, but, and then you've got your avatar, right? That's all the tall people. Yes. The pearl people are the avatar people.

Right, and I would have seen a whole movie of those Pearl people. I thought that was nice. She wakes up in, like, an ear canal, and then, like, and then she's, like, stretching. I was like, this seems like a good life. Did you think that was in Ear Canal? She got a very sexy half shirt on? The sexy half shirt was odd They didn't seem like creatures that needed to wear clothes

Here's the thing And she was wearing a very blousey top Yeah, everything's very gossamer Those, those, that race of beings Did not have nipples That's interesting, I didn't even look at it Right? So like then, why

Why wear shirts? Right? Like what do we do in here? There was no reason for them to be wearing clothes You only wear shirts To show off your nipples Yeah, like the only reason I wear a shirt is to cover my nips.

And same with you guys, because, God, I don't want to see any of these gross nips. So thank God for shirts. But without nips. I have a lot of issues about this world. While beautiful, it was like, she wakes up, she goes to her sink to wash her face in pearls.

That'd be a great, like, cosmetics commercial if I was just like, oh, get those pearls on me. But then she goes outside, and then there's water. Yeah. But then they're getting pearls. out of the water, yeah.

So, but there is a world where there is water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just use that. The pearls are not water, even though they seem to turn into liquid. And they also have an energy, like a powerful energy, more powerful than like an atom bomb or something like that, you know. Right. That one could blow up. Well, there is a moment in this movie that I was like, no, I could have fallen asleep at any given point.

But when that one pearl blows up and everyone's in the space station, like, when they're, interrogating that one pearl person, they, everyone, like a big explosion happens, and then they don't ever reference it again, right? Am I right at that? Right? Am I right in that? When? When they're, like, interrogating the person in the cell. Yeah, when they're interrogating

the pearl man, but where is the pearl at that point? I think they take out a pearl at one point, and then it's like, oh, really? Oh, maybe. That might be when they die. Do you remember that? People remember that? I think when they die is when they do that. It's a different pearl? It's not a pearl. It's not a pearl. Oh, it's not the pearl.

Oh, okay. They die in an explosion. They die in an explosion. We normally mic up our audience. They die in an explosion, yes. Oh, wow. So the brutal explosion. Did you guys know that John Goodman is one of the voices?

Yes. And they just repurpose all of Sully's lines from Monstruz Inc. I'm not going in for that. Just take old Rosan Ticks and Sully lines. Like the how they did, like, Grandma Tarkin in, like, Rogue One. I wrote down, like, this movie was so kind of based on a certain level that I started to write that. My notes have devolved into things like this.

Uniforms are stupid. Yeah. Like, I was, like, the idea of the uniform is really... It's 500 years in the future. and people are wearing dumb clothes from now. They look like Nazis, straight up, right? The bad guys? Oh, yeah, those uniforms?

Yes. Anytime you're going to be in an olive green. That's a bad choice. What is the chest piece that Clive Owen? Clive Owen cannot catch a break. This dude is a phenomenal actor. He is in trash. Yeah.

Except for Croupier and the Nick. Okay. Otherwise, like, I don't know what's up with him. I felt so bad him putting on that giant hat every time and that weird golden, like somebody glued a bunch of nuts and bolts onto a chest placard, and he has to, like, clip it in and wear it around the rest of the movie. I was like, give up, dude, it's over.

But what I liked about Clive Owen was he didn't know what side he fell on. Like, when you first met him, like, could he be good or could he be bad? I'm joking. He was playing fully bad from moment one. There was no confusion. I love the moment where the camera comes around the second time and you realize it's him that ordered the attack on the planet

and you were like, no fucking do it. Because I haven't met any other antagonist yet. There's no reason for a real. Like Jessica thought they were all bad guys from the beginning. Even from immediately. And Valerian's with them in the beginning.

Like they're all supposed to be good and then they're bad. Later. I don't like a movie where they keep a character's back to camera and then he turns around but they're not anybody that you know like when Valerian

goes to meet his first person I'm like who's it gonna be oh I don't know this person I also didn't understand Herbie Hancock I didn't really ever understand oh that's right yeah ever understand who

Valerian and Cara Delavine worked for What was, oh, the name's Laureline. And the graphic novel that it's based on, this is a classic example of Hollywood sexism, or French sexism, the

book it's based on is called Valerian and Loreline, and then the movie is called Valerian and the City of A Thousand Plano. Like, fuck that girl. She's only half of the whole movie. People are either coming for the dude or the city of a

thousand players. Yes. And she has to be in a bikini all the time, at work, and when she's not, she has to wear that very uncomfortable metal bra. Yeah, she's not in the bikini enough of the time, if you ask me. Well, but I'm also, like, because he treats her as if they're not equals.

Like, but they seemingly are... She has to wait for the takeout guy, or, you know, she has to like always be out in the in the lobby. Yeah, they also are... Wait for me in the lobby. Yeah, wait for me in the lobby. Go outside to have a smoke. Get me some Reese's pieces and wait for me in the lobby.

Wait for me in the lobby. the big market. I wrote down and I was like, there's so much sarcasm in this movie, I don't know what's real or not, and I don't know if they're good at their job or they're terrible at their job. Because nothing made sense. I don't know if they understand sarcasm.

I also think, and whatever, I think these are both very talented people and I have seen them be good in other things. It was like someone let two kids onto a movie set, and they were like, fuck it, let's do the movie with them. I was like, I was like,

Say whatever you want, kids. I couldn't crack it. I couldn't figure it. Well, here's a big problem. The stakes for them seem to be for most of the movie that they're trying to get to their vacation. Yes. That they just got to get to the beach.

Well, also, is she going to accept his marriage proposal because this is clearly the love story of the century? Yeah. By the way, there's nothing more sad than someone being, why won't you marry me? And the first thing, it's like, oh, all right, well, you laying it all out on the line. right from the get go. Like, are they even

a couple at the beginning of this movie? No. No, they're partners. They're just partners, right? But they're inseparable, and they wrestle in their underwear on the beach. They, like, honestly, they both have more chemistry with the robot that runs their ship. Alex. Alex.

Oh, my gosh. I want to talk about some of the tech because I believe that the movie, well, first all, this performance was one of my favorites. The the, hold on there. I'm going to Oh, I love that. I don't like when she almost gets her brain either.

This is my favorite performance. This guy here, play it. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, please. Gather around, gather around. Now, my name is Tazit. Yeah, Russell Brand was busy. Okay?

Now, whose first time is this at Big Market? Okay, lovely, lovely. Wonderful, wonderful. Now let me remind you that Big Market is in another dimension. You won't be able to see it without your helmet or touch it without Your gloves. Please watch the letters at the top and verify that the U for human is full green, okay? So everybody, please get together right behind your guide, whose name is?

Tami! Come on, let's go! And Tzzi, I don't know what... Watch is right to camera. Optimate your system, wonderful, okay, okay? He goes, come on, system activated. Can you think of my favorite little... Wow.

Welcome. To big market. Why didn't Jason get this job? Were you up for this part? There were two parts you could have gotten that one and the jellyfish hunter. I was up for both of these parts, you know. I just, you know, I missed it by, I guess, you know, just came down to me and him and he had all of the,

all of the wardrobe already. You didn't, yeah, you didn't have enough beads in your beard. He's like one of those guys that came in character, you know? He just came with like a doubleback full of old towels and then wrapped them around. It was undeniable. Have you guys been to the whole Universal Park, the Valerian Universal Park where you did,

oh yeah, so yeah, big market? It's just a big empty piece of sand. So here's my issue with the big market. So the premise is it's in another dimension. Cool idea. You got to put on. glasses and then you can explore. But basically, even though it's in another dimension, you're still in this dimension walking around. So it's almost like VR that you're

experiencing something, but you're existing in a space. So, when all this shit happens where they're like robbing John Goodman from Monster Sink, like he's being chased, but at any given point, couldn't he just take off the glasses? No, because his hand is stuck in the thing. Oh, so his hand it always be in that dimension. Yeah. That's why he can't just jump right out. Oh, okay. He's stuck. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Because otherwise, that's all he would have had to do is go like, and he could take his arm out, and he could then... He needs Loreline to go at it with a pliers or something that, who knows where she pulled that out of and fix it so it comes off. And she's real calm when she's doing it, he's panicked. So fun. And then repartee

is flawless. It's like old school. Joel Silver writing, lethal weapon style. I wrote down, I was like... It's like Amy Sherman Palladino level banter. I wrote down... I said real slow. You know, like, that crackling

patter of a screwball comedy slowed real down. Like it's, like it's been... Like it's taken a bunch of syrup in Houston. I wrote down, I wrote... It's like Sorkin dialogue as written by like,

Michael Bay. Like, it's like, there's an energy to it that should be there, but there's no there there either. It's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, there, every time they open their mouths, I was like, I don't, and it all feels like it's made

to be enjoyed in any language. Well, you know, we're like, I wonder if there are people that it really would have, like, one of my things always, when I see stuff that doesn't connect with me, but then I'm like, Because, and I don't think we've said this exactly, but there's a lot of very cool, fun, sci-fi ideas at play in this.

A lot of these segments are really interesting, really great kind of ideas and execution, but it's just kind of so flat, and I keep being like, who would I have liked to see in this movie? Like, would it have changed if, and again, I want to go on record, I like both of these actors, but if Sam Rockwell was in this movie, would this movie be so much better? Like someone who can handle it? Sam Rockwell, Francis McDormand, let's see Valerian. Valerian in the city with three billboards. Three billboards outside of a thousand planets. No, but I almost think, like, visually John Luke Bisson is amazing. It's like, it's like, you just want somebody to come in there and be like, let's just

rewrite this a little bit. Let's just kind of put a little flavor to this. Because it's like, it is, I think as far as. like a special effects, a movie that's so special effects heavy. It is one of the most beautiful movies that doesn't feel like I don't know what's CGI. It feels great. It looks very bright

and vibrant. But it's the same way I kind of feel about James Cameron movies sometimes too. I'm like, I wish there were like Avatar. I wish there was like more there. Well that goes back to also what St. Claire was saying about like stakes. I was never really nervous or afraid for anybody. It never really hooked me.

I never, I wasn't invested in their love story. I wasn't invested in their mission. There was nothing that I could watch on to. So I just kind of end up being like, and it's very vignetti. You know, each piece is its own little piece. And so some work, some didn't. And it's all, they don't, I mean, they really don't go on their mission. They don't ever go on a mission.

They go on one thing that leads them to the next thing. So they don't even, they're just like, along for the ride. Like, they don't go higher there. They take turns saving each other. Yeah, that's, oh my gosh. There's a lot of, like, I felt like there was a one. scene where Carra de Levine's like, go through that

wall, and it was just an excuse to run through all the world that they had mentioned, but they had no discernible plot for any of it. Like, well, it would be cool. He just runs through all of them, right? Wouldn't that be like, at least we did it? But to be honest, that was my favorite part of the movie.

Real? That suit was the only thing I thought would be cool to have. You want that? Yeah, then he could be like, oh, I'm swimming now. Now I'm running really fast. Now I can go through. walls, you know? I was like, okay, that's something interesting. I'll tell you what I don't need as a sky jet. What is they called?

What'd you say to? Something about hand jobs in a fucking line. But through it all, no matter how far the world to get, you still get some BGs with staying alive when you're walking through the cool 42nd Street, Bazaar. The Red Light District. Well, here,

we'll just be out here. He has to turn down a lot of action. People want to have sex with aliens. That's what this is telling us. It's the truth. Hi, Sugar. They shot this at the rap party. How are you?

Hey. Hey, do you want to fly? I'm allergic to feathers. That? Wait, Paul, we just pause for one second? How about that? Hey, baby, do you want to fly? I'm allergic to feathers.

That's, it's, this is. This is supposed to be crackling dialogue. I'm allergic to me. He really, he's just trying to let him down gently. He's got a real legit reason, motherfucker. He doesn't want to put... I don't want to sneeze in your face while you. I would love to fuck you, but it's, yeah, you know,

you and down pillows, I can't do it. Now, if you were made out of my pillow material, that, you know, contours... Bring me one of those... Bring me one of those... Temperpedic horse. Essentially, Rihanna is. Rihanna is a morphable pillow.

By the way, I think Rihanna, MVP of this movie. Best scene in the movie. Yes. She is a little blue creature, but I'm all in on, like, I thought that, like. Bubble. Bubble.

I was sad that bubble died so soon. And so anti-climaticly. Spoilers, Jessica. Sorry. She dies so anticlimactic. Like, they kill everybody, like, where's bubbles? And she's like, oh, I'm here.

I love that she raises one finger almost like, over here. One tentacle. But she is dying. I'm the best performer. He's like, you were a great performer. You're one of the best actresses I've ever seen.

Like that was like her final send-off to bubbles. Of course, you're a great actress if you can be anything. Well, by the way, she turns into whatever she wants to. He like... But she needs to practice. Yeah, he comes up with his plan to like,

they're going to be that crazy, like, weirdo creature, they jump in and like two minutes before a massive Matrix-style fight scene, they can't even walk straight, they're like and then like a literally a minute later

these running and jumping and chopping people's heads off. She's good. She's real good, is what I'm saying. That segment where Loreline is trapped in with those beasts that are like you can't get in. The fat ass piece.

And it's just the fashion show? Nope, nope, nope. I was like, now, what are they up to here? Nope, no. Why did this get through? What are we doing here? Because she doesn't even, there's like

eight beats where she doesn't, the creature doesn't change its reaction at all. And then spit on her. And then it finally just blows snot in her face. Yeah. She gets snod.

People get slimed. Like, again, in this movie, there's a lot of slime. There's jizz guns. There are, there's, like, and then that little, that scene with the baby, like, when he, like, when Valerian runs into a toy store. Oh, yeah, that weird noseless baby. Yeah, and he's, like, playing with a kid,

but there's, like, also snot on that kid's face, and then the mom comes in. A lot of fucking slime. This movie was originally supposed to be in French. What? Yes. John Luc Basin decided. to get a wider audience.

I think you're saying his name is Jean-Luc-Luc-Bissan. Oh, sorry. John Luke Picard and John Luke Passan. Sorry, Luke Massan. I'm so excited that maybe John Luke Picard might come back for the Quentin Tarantina Star Trek. It's been on my mind. Oh, my God.

Sorry, Luke Passan, Luke Passan. But, yeah, he thought it would be great to put in English because it would be a broader film. But it did not work. The budget of this movie was $210 million. Whoa. The opening weekend was 17. Oh, no.

Well, it probably did better internationally, though. Yes. Now, this is the thing. The worldwide gross of this movie was $225 million. So it made... They broke even. Yeah, they just kind of broke even. And, by the way, John Luke Bassan,

also took no money for this movie. Oh, no. Because he wanted to make this vision, so he did not... Maybe, is there something French about this movie we're not getting? I recently saw the movie that was like an Italian comedy. It was like the most depressing thing I'd ever see. I'm like, maybe if I'm Italian, I'd be like, ha, ha, ha. So, like, maybe there's something...

That's your impression of you as an Italian person? That's how you left when you're Italian. Pepecheetah. But, like, maybe there's a... And then you just say... Cappuccino. You as an Italian lady, ha ha ha ha, cappuccino.

Really phenomenal acting. By the way, just to put a button on this, when the movie did come out, even though it made $225 million, the company that made the film, their stock dropped by 40%. And the CEO immediately stepped down. And killed himself.

Oh. At all, yeah. Oh, that's a shame. Oh, God, Doug, it's a surprise to him. Doug, are you okay? Doug, have you gotten into another dimension? His arm's in the box. Get his arm out of that box.

This movie's going to make me sick tonight. I feel it. I feel that it's gotten into my veins. Did you feel like as you were watching it, you understood what was happening? Yes, and that was unfortunate. I was really hoping to have, like, kind of a blackout experience,

like I've had with some of these films. Sure. But I could follow it enough that it really made so much thicker. You've said they are traumatic experiences for you. This one just makes me feel like vaguely nauseous. And Italian? Yeah, and Italian.

There's a real Tantan feeling too when she slices him out of that way. A Tantan. What a specific reference for me. I feel like you just learned what a Tantan is. That's what Chief Slices Open. I have like a very vivid memory of being five in the movie theater. Who slices? Somebody slices open

at Tons. That's what Chief Slices open, right? No. Princess Leah doesn't or no, no, no. Doesn't Luke, he slices it open, makes a home in it? Yeah, well, I'm. Hot Solo, but yeah. It was Hans Solo who did that? He sliced it to put Luke into it.

But by the way, you're very close. Hauntz? Did you just call it Hots? Who cares? Is his name really Hots? Lo-Olo? Oh, I thought they smelled bad on the outside. John Luke Solo.

How did this can be? How did this can be? Oh my gosh. I feel like we should talk to our audience, because they're here, and I'm sure they have a lot to say, because we've got to talk about Bob the Pirate, we've got to talk about the jellyfish head. We've got to talk.

There's a lot to get into it here. So let's go on to our crowd right now, and let's see what they have to say. I'm going to come down here. Okay, who has something? Really think about it. Is your question good? All right.

You know, there are over 200 alien races in this film. So I'd like you to say your name, and come up with an alien race name that could be in this movie and your question. My name's Brian, the Goobbles. Great, love it. That was great. If you said it with more confidence,

it would have been better. Remember, guys, be confident. And have your questions on paper, please. Have your glasses ready? I want to know your opinions or thoughts on Laurelines and Valerine's indifference to their teammates.

You know at the beginning, they're getting off the desert planet and like 10 people die and then they escape leaving them behind and then Laurelien just says shoot he ruined my dress yeah that was pretty cold-blooded of them right yeah they have no regard for human life no but were those guys supposed to be dicks those guys on the bus well they were wearing silly hats that's true at one point she does go nice hat yeah nice hat and that hat never seems to have any reason at all no no couldn't Like, it doesn't do anything.

All right, here we go, sir. It's like a jolly rancher on his head, a green jolly rancher. That would be amazing. Mike? Alien name. Alien name, charismaids. Great.

That was a good one. Glyve Owen wipes out all life on this planet, covers up all record of it, and Laurelien says she knows how the mule converter works because she learned about it in school? Oh, wow. We're peeling back the layers now. Well, are our mule converters

only on that planet? Yes. So how did she learn about that? Or maybe they were more maybe they were something that was more in use? No, we found a loophole. She went to like a Waldorf school so they were very like alternative stuff.

If that doesn't make sense, it's the only thing in the movie that doesn't. I know and I'm surprised you cross that tea. You really found that flaw. I really would have like to see. more that little creature. I liked him. Yeah. I liked watching him like his face struggle as he pooped out whatever he ate.

He eats the pearl willingly and then looks surprised when he starts shitting out all that stuff. It really is like the animal seems to be in distress. It is cruel to do what they're doing. And the animal seems to then have like violent

diarrhea. Sarah McLaughlin could watch those scenes. In another world, these are poor. Like, I mean, imagine if if we go see The Last Jedi, all the porgs do is just shit out like lightsaber crystals. I would believe it. Just like, just shitting

out Khyber crystals. All right. These people are from the balcony. They've come down with their questions. Your name, your alien race. That's some ambition. My name's Christina. My alien race is what is Consentiazoid.

Nice. And so at the very end, Valerian's like, I'm a soldier. I play by the rules when they're debating, giving back the converter, but when in the entire movie has he actually played by the rules? Yeah, and when

he never really seemed much to me to be a soldier. Like he seems to be like a, you know, like a play by his own rules kind of guy. Like at least Luke, right? He wants to figure out who's status, right?

Go on. But he's like... Are you talking about Jean-Luc? Yeah, Jean-Luc. But there's like a dark force. He's like, we've got to defeat this. There's a dark force, yeah? Yeah, right?

What is the dark... Who are they fighting? Who's who fighting? This guy. Valerian. They're fighting their own guy in charge. Yeah, they're fighting Clive Owen. He turns out to be the bad guy.

But like halfway through, yeah. But who is? Larry's dad. Is that what you're asking? Also, here's what I want to know, too. Like, when they are doing the mission where the school bus people are bringing them to the big market, who are

the school bus people? Like, who are, they are rebels but in service of what fight? Exactly. I thought we were, at that point, these are like the good guys that are trying to overthrow some bad guys, but no, that's not true. No, you're right. And those guys got eaten by a dog, so who cares?

Yeah. A space dog. Space dog. What about space dog's slowfall? I love that. I'm going back to my theory about why I couldn't take off... Why I couldn't take off... Sarah McLaughlin hates this movie. Her ads on Alpha Planet are amazing.

I'm going back to why his hand was in that box. If he took off the glasses, though... I mean, couldn't they just... They would shoot at the box, but he wouldn't get shot, right? Yes, he would. The glasses don't... Just so he could see where he's going. Oh, okay.

So there is, like, so someone could kick you with the glasses off. Remember he's like saying, she's not wearing glasses, and he is, and he's saying, hurry up, hurry up, because he can see... Space dog, space dog. Right, but she wouldn't get hurt. She would not. But he would die? Correct. If you have your hand in that box...

But it was just a hand in the box. Wouldn't you just your hand die? No, because isn't he still, he, I believe, is still in the big market dimension. No, but he can take off the glasses. No, the glasses aren't, you, the glasses just like, oh, boy.

Oh, can a nerd explain this? No, I get what you're saying. Because once they walk past that little thing, that entrance gate. We need a nerd to explain this, Paul. You are not fit for this. All right, sorry. I'm learning.

All right, sir, yes. Your name, your alien race, and your question. My name is Tim. I would say based on the number of women in his playlist, maybe a race called the venerials. Oh. And then here's my question. So Rihanna is a specialized and arguably a one-of-a-kind exotic dancer.

Jolly the Pimp is a Pimp, but also the club promoter, musical accompaniment, and possibly the owner and proprietor of this club. bubble performs her act for exactly one person who doesn't pay how is this business profitable dude Tim no more SAT questions Tim

we're not doing math for you if this movie leaves a train station oh Jesus okay the rent on the club is 74 thousand cubits per month I need scratch paper how many dances Oh, sir.

At least one organ was getting touched in there. Oh, hey. All right, sir, your name, your alien race, and your question. Hi, my name's Steve. My alien race would be something like snoozel or something weird. No, you got to sell it, Steve. Something weird. Just go, Steve, snoozel.

Okay, hi, I'm Steve. I'm a snoozel because I like, you don't have to be it. We're not asking you to be it. You don't have to be it, you have to live it. Has to not living that snoozele life. Snooze it up, y'all. All right, so like you said, there's over 200 aliens in this movie, and apparently the director, John Luke Basson,

he wrote... Make it so. He wrote a 600-page book detailing each one of these aliens. What? Yes, according to the IMDB. And he made each one of the actors read this book, so they could alter their acting when interacting with us

Mr. Gaelian. My question... Did that pay off? Do you think it helped? Wait, Jessica, you also... Did that pay off how much? How much money do I have to pay? Is this another math question?

No, no, no. Was it worth writing that book and making these actors read it? What do you think, Steve Snoozel? I think you know the answer, dumb, dumb. We're doing it on the podcast. Sit down! Jesus, Christ!

Don't ask questions you think we all know the answers to, guys. Sir, your name, I want you to forcibly say your alien race, and then your question. Tim and Swamp Whalikin? Love it. Yeah, I like that. Did they, after they attack the space you in, did they make any effort to save any of the other people's lives that got like... I thought that, too, yeah. No.

they're cold-blooded motherfuckers yeah are we to assume everybody else is just still in those jelly cocoons and do those jellies you die in that thing or you just stay asleep I think it just puts you to sleep I'd love to get a nice nap in a jelly cocoon I just like the idea that your husband

comes home and you've covered yourself in jelly and you're just like trying to sleep on the bed and he's like fuck yeah my dreams have come true by the way because he's covered in peanut pie Yeah. Yeah. Then we wrestle a bunch.

You guys wrestle on a breadbed? Yeah. Yeah. By the way... Hashtech jelly cocoons. Just living that type life. He puts in like a breathing device. That was one thing, but then the breathing device opens and then like a little robot spider comes out.

Nope. I love that. See, that's the stuff I liked in the movie. I agree. I love everything. There was cool stuff at play that I was like, oh, too bad. bad. This is a, this movie, I was like, too bad there's cool components. I like elements of this. I just, fifth elements. I just wish that, that's Doug's joke. That's just, I was, ah, boy, this was a bummer. Your name, your alien race and your question. I'm Sophia. The jizzotars. I got real stuck on the jizz gun. The jizzitars? I got stuck on the jizz gun. The jizzatars. Like a guitar? They would have like the jiz guns. No, like an avatar that's a jizz that has made a jiz. out of guns, I don't know.

No, do we, do you set it and we take it? Yeah, okay. I'm just, I'm honestly curious, how long in the movie did it take you to realize the plot? Because for me, it was an hour and 40 minutes. Like, I, like, stopped it before I put all of it together.

What the through line is. And then there was still 40 minutes left. When the movie ended, I was like, oh, well, okay, thank God. And then I looked, 20 more minutes. Right. So, so how long? I was shocked.

Can we talk about the ending? What is the ending? That last seat's amazing. They're just standing around talking and then they kiss, pan out from the spaceship. The end. But so those K-trons

kill everybody. Yes. And then where do the earwax people go? Where did the pearl people go? Why do, why does nobody's gun but Valerians work against the K-trons? The army guys are like,

the K-trons are like, nothing affects us, and he's just like, boo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo! And hit, and each one explodes every time. Well, it's in the six-inter page novel. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah. Welcome Paul Shear back to the stage, everybody. Thank you, guys.

It's real great. I like the I like the scene where Valerian is hanging by a fishing pole that an alien he's dangling him, and his solution is to shoot the alien

in the face, who will then let go of that pole, and then he will fall to his death. Instead, they just cut to the next thing that happens. This movie has the harshest cuts of all time. It literally goes from an alien princess dying in, like,

a collapse of her world, to a heart cut of, like, that funny, like, on the beach sex scene. It's like, oh, like, I don't know how to feel. They just are like, ah, fuck it. We don't need to bridge it. And the whole thing is when she dies, like projects her soul

into Valerian? Yeah. Seems kind of random. What the what? That's so dumb. There literally is a six minute explanation of the entire plot

with the last 10 minutes of the movie. It's like, all right, stop. We'll explain it. So this end will have some meaning to you. And when he gets in Rihanna's body, he just

really lets loose with his feelings for Laurelene. He's like, yeah, I really like her. She's like me, but I don't know if I can commit to her. I think that's my issue. He has a full therapy session that was all done in ADR. Why also, why also is it important for him to delete his playlist? Like, why does that matter?

I think there must be sex videos, right? No, because she says I should be the only woman, yes. Right, right, right, right. I get it. But what I'm saying is like, why is that such? a demonstrable show of like I only care about you like he's done all this stuff

that's right it's like saying you would need to go and get rid of kill all of your exes to be with me which I don't think is crazy or like white piss me wait what I don't think that's crazy

to say like I don't want them I don't want them to be living in this realm so like that they can't contact you that's a movie right there you know yeah if you want to to me to kill all your exes. Yeah. So there's no way you can get back together with anybody. Exactly.

It's called Scott Pilgrim versus the world. We had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It's now time for second opinions. Valerian in the sky. What girl would fuck this guy? He's full of smirks. He's just a jerk. Second opinions.

His gadgets do everything. breakthrough walls of interdimensional malls Second Opinions Yeah Second Opinions Give it up for Tim

Great work Tim Great work All right these are five-star reviews Cole from Amazon.com They are great 42% of the reviews are five stars There are 536 total reviews

for the movie. Let's get right into it. This is from James Rasmussen and the title of the review is Miss Delavine is quite the flower. Now, I will say this in all my time in reading these,

this is the first review that included a picture of Carr Delavine. All right, so this is how it goes. And it's not as creepy as all of that implies, but it goes, a lovely film. This Dahan kid is cool.

I dig his voice. The movie is imaginative. It reminds me of a 70s black exploitation drumcom which I don't think is a thing. It reminds me in none of those things. Nothing about that. Great

characters and casting, visually, it's stunning, it's grandiose, great story. Aliens are super cool and believable. Alright. The Space Ranger tech suit that Valerian wears is really cool. I agree. There's a great sequence to showcase it that would appeal to all the gamers.

And I was really impressed with this flick. And Cara Delavine is one fine woman. Five stars. This is, let's see here. here. Okay, this is from Phoenix. Phoenix Angel. I love the movie. I've always, or for as long as I can remember, believed in the possibility of us not being alone. That there's life among us and beyond the stars. Oh, so this is a documentary. Yes. This movie, I believe, is a possibility of tomorrow. Mask is fiction to help expose what could be. Five stars.

conspiracy theory. And the title is phenomenal movie. Must see for open minds. If you're a Gaia.com person, you will like this. I don't know what Gaia is. A yoga website.

So that review is like... If you like yoga, you like this other boring thing. Can you imagine so many pissed off yoga people be like, why are we watching? This fucking sucks. Let's stretch. Mark Chavez came in and really took the haters to task. Don't believe the negative reviews.

They're from people who still have a Luke Skywalker or Captain Kirk figurine in their office. Or, better yet, wear pajamas and underwear with Darth Vader on their crotch. Bang! Trust me, this movie's great, five stars. I love that those people have those toys in their office. on their croft, Darth Vader on their crotch.

At least it's breathable. Happy back on, Doug! She's back. Brought to you by McWeldon, breathable Darth Vader underwear. For all you Valerian haters out there. Push the front, it makes the sound. This is one of my favorite.

favorite reviews I've read in a while because it's very, it goes deep. This is by Wallace Guy says, Big Reward for Forgiving the Flaws and Going Deeper. This is one of my... You can say that about any piece of shit. This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I watch it for the first time a few days ago, and I've already seen it thrice.

Not enough going on in Wallace's life. To Trash Valerian is like expecting a poem to adhere to the structure of a proper essay. Introduction, content, conclusion, proper grammar, proper spelling, logical flow. A poem might have none of those but be a great poem. A poem requires little more than active engagement from your heart and bypasses the aspects of your mind. That's Valerian. There are two aspects of Valerian that stand out for me. creativity and metaphors

I love the world that was created and I see layer upon layer of really insightful metaphors and allegories whether or not those layers are there or I'm just making stuff up doesn't matter but here's an example the movie centers around an animal a mute converter which replicates whatever it eats

it's ambiguous exactly how it does this but what I saw was an animal that poops out whatever it eats I found the contrast between the high-value nature of what it was eating and the excrement nature of the replication. Absolutely hysterical. The metaphor of we poop what we eat

being made cinematically explicit is profound. This guy takes some amazing shits every day. You know what? Thank God. Somebody is willing to put on film that which we know. No to be true, we poop what we eat.

Finally, a filmmaker brave enough to document it on film. Watch it on the toilet and wake up. Because if you like the movie but are having trouble, I suggest that this movie is a good candidate for some herbal assistance. It might free you from the prison of Mores. Five stars for Valerian. Wow.

A really in-depth review. So, just to give you a little bit of background, then we'll go to our final thoughts here. The movie got a 49% on Rotten Tomatoes. 49? That's not bad. I would like to reiterate. The House got 17.

Oh, which reminds me, just very quick, if everybody could be quiet. Alexa, please buy the House on Blu-ray DVD. Yes. Thank you. The top three movies of the last year, because this movie came out this year, are Rogue One, Beauty and the Beast, and Wonder Woman, and this movie came in 66, 66 of all the movies that came out in the last year,

and it was beaten by Fast and Furious and Return of Zander Cage, and it beat nothing that we talked about on the show. Final thoughts, everybody. Would you recommend this movie in the sense of why we do the show to watch something that's interesting, good, bad, whatever you want to say about it. Would you recommend this movie? Jason.

You know, here's what I'll say. If it's on TV, watch it until you're like, I don't care for this anymore, and then watch something else. I wouldn't say, like, we exist in a world right now where you would have to buy it.

Watch it if you're enjoying it. Yeah, but I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say rush out and buy it, but if it was on, like, HBO. It was on, like, the USA Network, it came on. Sure, yeah, yeah. It's a Saturday after. commercials. Then there'd be commercials and it'd be like seven hours long.

Okay. But like if it's on HBO or something or on an airplane, sure, watch it. Like there is some really cool like sci-fi stuff. You know, like there's elements of this that are so interesting and so well executed that I think it's worth watching on a visual level. But it is so not satisfying as a cumulative watch that I feel like check in and out on it and who cares is kind of my deal. Like clean your house and keep it on in the background. Yeah. I agree. I I think that the movie is like, I can't go on enough to say how great it looks for a movie

that is. You can tell it's completely CGI, like they were never in any real location, and it just looks great. I just wish there was different actors and plot. But, yeah, Jessica, what do you think? I mean, does this movie

make me as sick as the other movies you've made me watch? I guess not. I think if you're a fan of aliens, if you're like the kind of guy or a girl, whoever wrote that thinks maybe there's other worlds out there, you want to see a variety of aliens. If you have dreams of having sex with an alien,

I feel like this would be a good watch. You know, give you some ideas for your playlist, for your alien playlist. Why are you looking at me when you're saying? I'm not trying to have sex with aliens. Maybe if you have like a fetish for getting, covered in jelly or slime, this would be something that would be good for you. Otherwise, I think it's a pass.

Do you like perfect eyebrows? Yeah, sure. Hers are pretty amazing. Oh yes, good looking people. I would have liked a different bang on him on that actor. I don't like a boyish bang. You'd like to bang differently? A boyish bangs on somebody I don't like.

But again... You can see him in the chair. Give me bangs. Thanks, like anyway. Well, the good news for all of you is that John Luke Basin has said that he is going to finance another movie. Really? Why doesn't it say Valerian will return at the end? It was supposed to be

one of the trilogy, and I think it's doubling down on it. It will not be with those actors. There's no way they're going to sign on it. Can I ask an audience question very quickly just by applause? Is this like a beloved property, this comic book to people? The comic book started in 1960. in France and ended in 2010. So it's been a very

long-running successful French comic that is known for being smart and funny and on every level like what sci-fi should be. Comments on society, it's like very highly regarded. Sure, so just like

this movie. Yes. Doug, would you recommend this movie? You saw it in the theater. Well, yeah, now that it's not in theaters anymore, I agree. with everybody here, that it's a great coffee table movie, that it, you know, it looks great all the way through. The visuals are really good, but, you know, the monsters also feel a lot like we've seen them before,

a lot of them. Yeah, I like, what was your favorite monster? Rihanna. Yeah, Rihanna's, like, her scene, like, seek out her scene. Maybe it's available on YouTube. Oh, I'm sure, yeah. By itself, the scene where she performs. Because she keeps changing outfits, different sexy outfits, and it's pretty entertaining.

I was all in for that, just because, like, again, I think that she had some life to her as a performance. I was like, and even Ethan Hawk or Mark McGrath, whoever it is, like, I loved when the energy just came in. That's right. It's just like, oh, yeah, right. That's how these things work, these movies. Yeah, and I love how he gets murdered right in front of bubble, and she's like, I don't want him to be mean to be anymore. And he's like, he's not going to. I think you're going to be all right now.

He's fucking laying there dead. Yeah, they really kill people with reckless abandon. So I guess this movie is a solid, maybe, to watch across the board. I give it a thousand stars. Let's just go and talk. Doug, what do you have that you want to? You have obviously your amazing podcast, Doug Loves Movies. Doug Loves Movies is still going strong after 11 years.

Wow. Wow. And it's really fun to see a live show. The show's out in about a bunch. It's always live all across the country, and I've got some shows come up in L.A., too, and Jessica's going to be back on soon. I'm available. And Jason and Paul and June are always welcome.

I love it. Tim could come on and sing a song. Tim is the best. Tim, come on. Yeah, that was amazing. Be careful. Tim will show up. He lives here in L.A. I'm into it.

I would love that. Just come up and sing a song, dude. Tim, the gauntlet has been thrown. Yeah. Let's see how many podcasts Tim can sing poorly on. Oh, I'm not being mean to Tim, everybody. You're being nice to music. Everybody's so sensitive.

Don't be such a snooze. But Doug Lovesmovies.com for all the future dates. Perfect. Jessica. Well, we've got a new wamp-it-up coming. Every week, hot and fresh, much like a Dejorno Pizza

that's not delivered to your door. I don't know when this is airing, but Jason's is the next one. Gutter Balls comes back for his own episode. We really get into it. Don't you worry. And just to give you,

to toot your horn here, in the end year of the best shows on TV playing house I've has been written up in so many great publications. The New York Times, everything. Very exciting. Thank you so much. Yes, and please go watch season

three. All the seasons are on iTunes and Amazon. And you can go, Alexa, buy playing house. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Jason, what do you want to talk about? I am on the TV show Big Mouth on Netflix.

The best. It is an animated puberty-based comedy that is very dirty. It's super dirty and really funny. Yeah, if you're wondering if I get a pillow pregnant after I have sex with it, I do. If you're also wondering if that pillow

has the voice of Kristen Bell, it does. And I would also like to plug something that I am not even remotely involved in, but it is the marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It is on Amazon, and it is... You just told me about it.

It's fantastic. So if you haven't... wants the I go watch that. Very excited for that. I will plug the disaster artist, which we, Jason, June, and I all have the ability to be in. And I think it's really, really good.

We did a special episode about it here, but if you see it, make sure you stay until the very end of the credits, not just the beginning end credits, like until the credits are over because there's a scene that you don't want to miss out on there. I messed up. I didn't wait for it. It's really good, too.

be a fucking MCU scene at the end. I know. I was shocked that Loki was there. Loki comes to Tommy and goes, you gave birth to Ray.

You have to save her. She's the last Jedi. So, you gotta fuck this porg. And the pork will shit out Khyber crystals. Oh, actually, I want to plug one more thing.

Yeah. Paul and I did another episode of the Chris Gethard show. It's, I, honest to God, I don't know even know where to tell people to go watch it. I think you can find it on the True TV app or you can find it. You can buy it on Apple, but you can find it. It's Chris Getherd's talk show. Paul and I just did an episode.

We did an episode last year called Another Man's Trash. Right. I don't know what this one is called, but here's the set up is. Show us your pets, actually. It is what it is called. Chris Getherd leaves the show within the first 10 seconds. and gives Paul and I one full hour of live television to control.

We had no prep time. We had no rehearsal. We did not know what was happening until he walked off and they revealed it to us live. We were live on television. And if you think we didn't fucking destroy that show, check it out if you can.

You can definitely watch the five-minute clip reel of it, which is on YouTube right now, but it's really good. Chris gathered from the Jazz Singer episode. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Los Angeles. Thank you for watching, Valerian.

We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. P-cast, get it.