How Did This Get Made? - VelociPastor (HDTGM Matinee)

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 2019 comedy horror action film The VelociPastor. They talk about not knowing when they were being winked at, daylight VelociPastor, June’s sauna bed viewing experience, Tik Tok, and more. (Originally released 9/10/20) HDTGM Spring Tour 2025 tickets are now on sale for Austin, Denver, Seattle, Boise, San Fran, Portland, & LA at hdtgm.com.Order Paul’s book about his childhood: Joyful Recollections of TraumaCheck out new HDTGM movie merch over at teepublic.com/stores/hdtgmJoin the HDTGM conversation on Discord: discord.gg/hdtgmPaul’s Discord: discord.gg/paulscheerVisit Paul’s YouTube page: youtube.com/paulscheerFollow Paul’s movie recs on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/paulscheer/Friend Zone w/ Paul and Rob Huebel live on Twitch every Thursday 5pmPT / 8pmET: www.twitch.tv/friendzoneLike good movies too? Listen to Unspooled with Paul and Amy Nicholson: https://www.unspooledpodcast.com/Listen to The Deep Dive with Jessica St. Clair and June Diane Raphael: www.thedeepdiveacademy.com/podcastWhere to find Paul, June, & Jason:@PaulScheer on Instagram & Twitter@Junediane on IG and @MsJuneDiane on TwitterJason is not on social media Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using the link: siriusxm.com/hdtgm.

Part Incredible Hulk, part Jurassic Park, 100% Sharknado, we saw Velocipastor, so you know what that means the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps you'll find the answer to the question, how did this get made? Hello, people of Earth and welcome to How Did This Get Made? Quarantined Edition. I am tall John Shear.

And boy, oh boy, do we have a movie for you. It is called Velocipaster, not Velociraptor. And man, at 75 minutes, this 2019 release really is trying to be a B movie. It's about a priest who sees his parents violently killed. He also gets- Does he though? Well, I mean, this is part of the question.

Yeah. Does he though? You know what, that is a good question. And I don't even think I need to describe it more. Just that you know, it's about a priest who can transform into a velociraptor who takes vengeance on crime in the city. And even that is giving it more credit than it deserves.

But let's get into it with my two co-hosts. Please welcome Mr. Jason Manzoukas. How are you Jason? Well, Paul, you know, uh, 75 minute runtime. Terrific. I don't mind that at all. Um, but this was, this was, I'm excited to talk about this because this was, I, if you told me this was like a sketch that someone had shot, I would believe that.

This was bananas to watch. Um, this was a wild ride of 75 minutes. Like I would say 10 minutes of it are just the main character, the velocipaster covered in blood screaming directly into camera. Like that's a huge portion of the movie. Well, I think we wanna kind of break down this idea of it feels like a sketch. I think it was intended to be a sketch, but let's break it down even more with somebody

who has a lot to say about dinosaurs. Please welcome Miss June Diane Rachel. How are you June? I'm okay, Paul. How are you? I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Uh, Velocipastor thoughts?

Well, so I'm also curious about the intentions behind the movie. You know, I watched this movie, I watched the first 60 minutes of it in a sauna bed. What's, what is, June, what is that? At our home. At our home. Just be clear. In an in-home sauna bed in our basement. What is a sauna bed?

I'm genuinely, I don't know what a sauna bed is. Happy to talk to you about it. So a sauna bed, have you ever heard of, again, I have no stake in this company, but have you ever heard of the Shape House in Los Angeles? No. Okay, so it's a place you go to and they put you in these little cubicles and you lie in a sauna bed and they wrap you up like little cubicles and you lie in a sauna bed and they wrap you up like a little burrito. Oh, so it's like you sweat it

it's like a sweat but it's not a it's not a room it's a you you're swaddled in a sweat. You're swaddled in a sweat. A sweat swaddle. Yeah it's such a wonderful sweat swaddle and they bring you you have a bottle of water next to you about five minutes. Wait, are your hands free? How do you get through it? Yeah. Well, you have a button that you always, you can sort of, they swaddle you up pretty good, but your hand, you have access to a little remote control for a TV.

This is actually why I started watching the Sopranos because you have a TV. Yep. Welcome to my world. You're welcome, David Chase. The only way to watch The Sopranos is when you're sweating like balls wrapped as a little burrito. I guess I'm a sweaty burrito. Sure, I'll watch Sopranos. I was in there and for some reason I was in a bed where I could only access HBO. And so I was tootin' around, and I saw Sopranos.

You could only access, no, I believe that you have like a Roku box in there, right? You do. You do have a Roku box, but for some reason, I was only able to access HBO. So I started watching The Sopranos, and then I started booking sweats almost every day just to get to my Sopranos.

So, wow, that doesn't sound healthy. And then is that when you were hospitalized for severe dehydration? Well, listen, unfortunately, since the pandemic shape house and I think most sweat establishments have temporarily closed. Yeah, I'm gonna guess that that's probably a real COVID passer if you can imagine. Yeah, you think? A small room where the air is filled

with aerated particles? Yeah, they shut down pretty quickly. Probably not a thing. June, I don't wanna reveal you, but I will say that way before COVID, you came to me and said, well, no, you didn't even tell me, you just said, we now have a sauna bed in the basement.

And I was expecting some sort of thing that you might see in a movie, like a tanning bed or something like that, but no, it's almost like a deflated air mattress in our basement. Yeah. Oh. Now the only problem with the one that I purchased

is I'm not sure if it was one size fits all, but I think I purchased an extra large one. Very large. It's very large. Very large. The idea is that it's got Velcro on both ends, so you should be able to swaddle yourself. Listen, I'd love to be able to swaddle myself.

I've never seen her in it, and I do that out of the respect of our marriage. No, I know, but there have been several times, Paul, where I've almost asked you and texted you with that one free hand that I can use. Well, that's what I was gonna ask. Who has the, when you push the button at home, who answers it? Well, there is no button at home. You just have to work your way out of there.

But I've almost asked you a number of times, Paul, to put me in, because I feel I'd get a much tighter wrap if you would get me in there. You'd get me real tight in there. Look, part of me knows that as a father, I was very good at swaddling, so I would love to swaddle you. I also don't know if I wanna see you in that position.

It seems to be a very bizarre position. I feel like you're gonna be like, someday you're gonna be like, you know what? I fell asleep on the couch. June said she was going down hours ago. You're gonna go down and June is gonna be like in a pile of a puddle of sweat, like severely dehydrated, unable to muster the strength to un-Velcro herself. Let me tell you, it is a powerful, powerful in-home machine because I have to. And what I usually do is I set myself up, I try to swaddle as

good as I can, and I put a little yoga block right behind my head to prop me up a little bit. I have tried a number of times to keep my hands and arms in there the whole time. It's next to impossible. It's so hot. So I anyway, long story short, I wanted to sweat last night and I wanted to get in my sauna bed and I also needed to watch the movie. So I watched the first 60 minutes in a full body sweat. Wow. Did that have a visceral reaction to you watching the movie? You know, there were many times I thought to myself, rewind, rewind, but I couldn't quite get to my phone

and I couldn't quite muster up the energy because of the deep sweat I was in to rewind. So- So can I just point out one thing that this sauna bed is only good or you enjoyed the Sopranos. So Velasa Paster and pastor and the sopranos are sharing the same creative space for you as far as the sauna. Like, did it bring up those kind of soprano issues?

I mean, this is about family, it's about vengeance, it's about doing the right, but faith, about doing the right when doing the wrong. You know, there's a lot of unrequited love, but there's a lot of forbidden love in this. I mean, they're very similar as properties. Both feature men of the clergy whose faith is challenged by their relationship with a woman,

a woman who is somehow corrupted, or they feel like perhaps they should save or something like that. So like, do you thematically see a lot of similarities between the Sopranos and Veloci-pastor? Well, listen, the Sopranos is so much about sort of the monster in all of us. And the monster of masculinity and the, you know,

men trying to find their more feminine, caring sides. And, um, yeah, I think there are a bunch of really easy comparisons. And I think both should only be viewed in a full-body sweat. I feel like we're getting dangerously close to you promoting your soprano's Watch Along podcast. And I really, I want to hold... Watch Along, Sweat Along! I'm getting dangerously close to you promoting your Sopranos watch along podcast.

And I really, I wanna hold- Watch along, sweat along. Sweatin' with Tony it's called. Sweatin' with the Sopranos. You'll lose a salami every time, you'll lose the weight of a salami every time you watch an episode. Is that about the right amount of weight

that you're losing? And everybody's in a sauna bed eating gaba gool while they watch. Listen, as you know, as I hope both of you know, I am not promoting any crazy weight loss techniques. Sweating has so many, saunas have so many. What is going on? So many.

Jason, when I say- How does it affect on your health that are not just about water weight. Jason, when I tell you that it looks like a deflated air mattress with a children's set of buttons on one side of it, it is not, you really need to picture just wires going into a deflated air mattress. It sounds dangerous.

It sounds like dangerous because you would be sweating an amount of water around these wires. No, that actually reminds me, Paul, can you text our nanny right now, I won't say her name, and make sure it's unplugged? I unplugged it this morning. I unplugged it when I came down. Okay, thank you, because I just realized

I didn't unplug it. Oh, God. Yeah. I look at it, I often go down to make sure that the sauna bed is off after a good steam in the house. And I will say, you come up, you look very refreshed. And I will add, again, it's not just about, um, getting rid of some water or weight.

And for all the women out there who are on, you know, crazy hormonal cycles and retaining water, I do find it's helpful, but beyond weight loss and all of that, it is really my sleep better, my skin looks better. Sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's tons of benefits to sweating. There's tons of health benefits. That, you know, that I think is undeniable. Should I get in the steam burrito?

Should I go in that? Oh, boy. I just picture your children finding the two of you in there weak from sweating so much, unable to get yourselves out of there. Honestly, Paul, it's big enough for both of us to get in at the same time. Really?

We could have been watching Velocipastor together and sweating too, this priest in his crisis of conscience? Oh my God. Oh my God. Just like the priest and Carol, it could have been the two of you. It really could have. Well, anyway, this movie was a true fever dream for me.

Yeah, I bet. I didn't know what was happening. We did take about 11 minutes to break down Saunas and we haven't even gotten into this film, which I just wanna call it out. Which is fine. Yeah, by the way. Which is fine. Totally fine.

I wanna call it out and tell you what my issue was with it at the top. I think it's trying too hard to be the thing that we all want it to be, right? That was my issue with it. It's like- It has like a, it has hard to be the thing that we all want it to be right that was my issue with it It's like it has like it has just to be clear it has like a the the the look and the feel of like a Like a birdemic or a Neil Breen movie, but it definitely feels like the makers are in on the joke Yes, and I feel like

That would be okay, but I also feel like it misses the mark because the first joke of the movie I loved, which was the priest is performing his sermon. He goes outside and sees his parents. His parents blow up or we don't know, but it says VFX missing explosion. And that to me made me laugh really hard. I'm like, oh wow, they're gonna really be meta about creating a B film. Because that's actually- Yeah, so just to be clear what that means is instead of showing the explosion of the car, there is text on screen that traditionally happens when a VFX, when a visual effects shot has not yet been placed into the movie,

there will be a placeholder, there'll be placeholder shot where it's just the, the framing of the scene and then it'll say across the screen as it does in this movie, VFX car on fire. Right. Awaiting, which I thought was really funny. Awaiting that, um, that piece of visual effects to be put in and plugged into the movie, but that didn't happen.

And that movie, this movie does that over and over, versions of this over and over again. Right, but I feel like they didn't even dive into that as deeply as they wanted to, but I guess we have to judge it on the fact that it does go like hand in hand with like trauma films or Sharknado. Like they know what they're doing, they're creating something crazy.

Everyone is trying, I mean, in my opinion, and I can't quite figure it out, are these people trying to imitate the stilted acting or are these people actually stilted actors? I can't quite tell. And I felt that way about the writing, the writing as well. I was like, now, are these lines purposefully bad?

Or are these lines just like, like when the, when they go to, when Doug, the priest goes to China and the, um, the woman is shot through the chest with an arrow and he looks at her and he says, are you hurt? And she's like, there's an arrow protruding from her chest. She's covered in blood. Look, it is clear she is hurt. You know, like the, there's stuff that I'm like, well, now is that like just bad writing? That's fun.

Or is this like intentionally bad writing? You know, is this where I kind of- Right, because they do things that wink at the audience. Like he's walking through clearly like a field in New Jersey or like Pennsylvania, you know, very East Coast forest. And then like a title comes across the screen that says China, you know, clearly a joke.

Like they're not in China, right? But I don't know, I don't know where the line is. And it was kind of irritating me throughout the whole film because I wanted to enjoy it for the birdemic nature of it, but then I felt like, are you trying to be clever? And then I was mad at it. Yeah. You went through a lot, and you weren't in a sauna bed.

Yes. I mean, I was watching as completely sweat-free. I was cool as a cucumber. So I feel like just because I understand where you guys are coming from, I just wanna tell you how I interacted with this movie. So I have a cryo tank in my attic. Oh yes, I love those. So you are quite cold. So I watched this in a deep freeze

and you're only supposed to spend like three to five minutes in like a cryo setup, but I watched the whole movie in there. Well, I mean, that is not good. I mean, I've just done it for- Because I'm trying to get that, I'm trying to get, you know in Snowpiercer, when they stick that person's arm through the window

and then it breaks, so yeah, yeah. I'm trying to do that, you know? Wow, you want to break yourself? You really want- I'm trying to turn myself into the X-Man Iceman. I don't think you can do it. I don't think you can do that by freezing your body. You don't think I can turn myself into the X-Man Iceman. I don't think you can do it. I don't think you can do that by freezing your body. You don't think I can turn myself into Bobby Drake?

Just watch me, Paul. Oh no, Jason, your arm looks extremely unhealthy. I'm looking at it in the zoom. It is, it looks almost- That's an elder I've never seen. You know what? It's COVID baby. I'm coming out of this with superpowers.

Watching this felt like I kept being like, things that were enjoyable, I was like, I think you're doing it. It was, it kind of was going, it was neither nor, which is I think a little bit of what you're saying too, Paul. It's obviously winking at you repeatedly through the film, but some of the winks are, some of it was very, making me laugh very hard. Like, all of the... I totally agree. Just as in, cause I laugh, I had a bunch of laughs too. But this is the thing, that some of the winks, I mean, it's kind of like when people, when you don't know if someone is

winking at you in person or not, it's very uncomfortable. So there were times where I was like, oh, I'm really enjoying this. I get what they're doing. This is really fun. And this is working. And then there were other times where I couldn't tell if I was being winked at or not,

or it wasn't happening as often as it should. That's why when I wink at like a woman in a bar in like a scenario in the real world, I scream the word wink when I wink. You need to do that. And I think right now we've really come together as a society to know that we need to say the word wink when we are winking at them.

I point at the woman I'm winking at to make sure nobody else intercepts the wink and I scream, wink, as I'm winking. Good. sure nobody else intercepts the wink, and I scream, WINK! As I'm winking. Good. Good. That is clear. You, you, wink!

And then I point at my eye, and I point at her. That's it. Because the worst thing would be is if someone intercepted it and took that wink. Oh my god, because then that person, now we're contractually obliged. I have to follow through on that wink. You have to flirt. Whoever catches the wink earns the wink.

I mean, that's part of the problem about meeting people in bars. I like, you know, and I think people really get into meeting people online because that wink will not be intercepted. Wait, Paul, are you still meeting people? Well, I mean, I'm always just trying to see what's out there, you know. What do you mean? What's out there in what context? Like, just dating? You know, it's for a research project I'm doing.

Oh, okay. That makes sense. For what? Is it for a movie or a television show? Yeah, yeah. One of those. Oh, that's so cool. Congrats.

Thank you. Do you wanna announce now what it is? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow, that's a lot of those. And that has nothing to do with that other phone that I always see and ask you about. That's my emergency phone for agents and managers. And they always say, do not let your wife answer this phone.

Do not let her pick it up. If you do, we're not gonna give you that job. Are you repped by Commissioner Gordon from the old Batman TV show? Look, obviously there's a lot of issues going on with police right now. Dude, not let your wife answer this phone. A lot of them are retiring and getting into

the agent and management business. And so yeah, I have a couple of former police officers who now are very protective of the calls coming in and coming out. Wow, okay. Well that all ends up. Yeah, thank you, thank you. You don't need to blow that up for me.

No, he works so hard. Everybody, honestly, I know I'm gonna get a lot of tweets about this and a lot of, but you, thank you. Yeah, you don't need to blow that up for me. No, he works so hard. Everybody, honestly, I know I'm gonna get a lot of tweets about this and a lot of, but really, babe, Paul, you work so hard and I see it, I see it. Thank you, and that's why I'm out so late so much. I know, especially during the virus. It's been shocking that you're willing to take that risk for your family, so thank you. I need to support the family and you know.

That's so important. So I just wanna like talk about that. June asked me a question last night and I said save it because I didn't know how to answer it. June, do you remember the question that you asked? I do not. You said, how did he become a dinosaur? And I said, oh, well, he went to China.

And you said, no, no, that was a dream. And then I was like, wait, it was a dream. So now I'm really confused. He went to China, because the old priest says from your travels, does it? He does, but then, but that those travels only happened in his dream. He never actually went somewhere. Oh, I think he did.

But no, because then he woke up and he was in his bed staring at Father Stewart. Right, or so like in my mind- Wasn't that after a trip? Because Father Stewart's like, so your parents died, Doug, it's what parents do. They die on you. And then he's like, why don't you go out and see the world? And then it cuts to China, and then the lady in all white

who's been shot with the arrow hands him some sort of talisman, which cuts him, and he turns into the velocipass. But it didn't seem like he turned into the Velociraptor. But it didn't seem like he turned into the Velociraptor until that dream? I mean, by the way, Father Stewart. What is he waking up from then? I think from- A nightmare?

I think he's waking up, I think, wow. Yeah, I think he's waking up from being the Velociraptor. I think this is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You already think that he was out that night as the Velociraptor, you didn't realize it? Oh, wow. I think he's, yeah, that's what I think, yes. I thought the first time he turned into it.

I think this is like an Incredible Hulk scenario. I thought the first time he turned into it was in the park. Me too. In China. No. No. No. In Central Park with Carol? Yeah, Monster Joe or whatever that guy was.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry, with Carol and the first rapist. Frankie Mermaid. Oh yeah, not Frankie Mermaid. Oh no, not Frankie Mermaid. Doesn't he turn into the Velocipastor in China though, when the thing cuts his hand? No, I just think he screams and then he wakes up from the dream.

So he cuts his hand and he screams, but I guess the idea is that bone can turn you, I mean, and this is kind of the fun of this movie because I do believe two things can be true, that they are winking at the audience, but then they also aren't fully able to wink. So it would be like someone who can't wink, who is trying to wink.

And that's maybe the secret sauce of this movie, because it's not fully- That's me, by the way, I can't wink. Can any, I think if I try to wink, I would get both eyes. And this is why I don't, again, go to bars. I do it online for research. For research, because you can just press the wink emoji.

The other thing I also do is I just write the word wink on little pieces of paper, and I just hand deliver them. Yeah, that's actually the best way to do it. But all right, so- I love when he wakes up from the dream, and he's all disoriented and he's back in the place and the old priest comes in and he says, feed a fever, starve a cold, which I was like, what is this in regards to?

And then, then the priest gives him an awkward hug and then they ADR a smoochy kiss sound. I was like, what is this? What's, what is this about? This is weird. You see that to me feels like the joke on the joke on the joke. Like Father Stewart, I wanna give props to this actor

because I think that whatever he's doing, he's nailing it always. Actually the whole cast I think is actually doing- I gotta give props to the whole cast. Yeah, the whole cast is doing a great job. Carol loves Carol. Love Carol. Carol is also a beautiful woman. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Yeah. She was great. She was great in the fight scenes too. She was great at the choreography. She was everybody. And to be clear, the priest, the young priest, the velocipastor priest, is straight jacked.

The guy is, when he's not in priest's robes, he is in a white tank top and jeans that when he's not wearing them hang on a single hanger in his room. I love that. And by the way, you knew he wanted to show off that physique. And by the way, he should. It's a good looking physique. Oh, he's fucking jacked, man. He's ready for a fight, which is great. I mean, he reminded me of Michael C. Hall in a way. I was like, this guy's got a Michael C. Hall look. Very much. Very much. Total C. Remaker.

The thing I get to like was like in the post-coital scene, when he's wrapped up in Carol's arm and they do this like loving shot of his legs. Again, I don't know if this was a wink or not, but seeing those baggy, tidy whiteys, it was just, it was not what I wanted to see. Well, June, I wanna throw something to you. I know that you have an issue with baggy underwear,

but I also had an issue when he wears the leather jacket at the end. I thought his jeans were too baggy. I didn't see, like I felt for a man in that good of shape. I wanted to see more of an ass shape. And not to say that I just felt like he deserved a better pair of jeans. I just deserved-

I wanted to see more of an ass shape. I wanted to see, I felt like- Is that what you call it? Ooh, look at the shape of that ass over there. Look at that ass shape. Ooh, you know what I haven't seen in a while? A shapely ass. Where does the butt start?

And I need to know where it starts on a human. No, I was surprised that his jeans were as baggy for his shirts being as tight. Yeah, that's what I guess. You're surprised his jeans were as baggy for his shirts being as tight. Yeah. I mean, that's my own personal, you know, look.

You're an ass man. We all look for our own things in these films And that's what I also wears a tight-fitting orange Like polyester shirt at one point with the jeans that are too baggy as well Oh, I thought you were talking about the outfit that he that he Changed into when he slept over Carol's apartment. Oh no, that was the orange dress. That, I'm obsessed with that.

Well that's straight up Mel Brooks, right? Like that's a straight up like, ba ba ba ba, you know like. That's when you're like, okay, this movie is in on the joke, you know? Like of course, cause he's like, do you have any clothes that I can wear? And then boom, cut straight to he's in like a tight fitting,

knit orange, like mini dress. I did love that scene where he wakes up and plays into the trope of did I have sex with you? Like what's going on? Like when Carol comes in with that cup of tea, she does so much business with a cup of tea where I think she's bringing it to him, but then she drinks it herself, which that really made me laugh. I don't even know if that was intentional.

And they're playing this moment of... They're not expressing what actually happened, so it's this very long scene of them both being confused about what they're talking about. Let me be fair and say that... this can never happen again. So it was just a one time thing? Yes.

Honestly, it never should have happened at all. That's for sure. Was it bad? Well, it was weird. Oh. Honestly, it all happened so quickly. I was very scared. I think I even peed myself.

Was it your first time too? Yeah. As I said, I'm a priest. So we can never say you've saved me. Wait, what are you even talking about? What are you talking about? The time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone. What? This is what I wanna ask about this thing.

Okay. In turning into the velocipaster, when he turns into the velociraptor, all he does is eat people, right? So he's a cannibal. This man is a cannibal. Well, the dinosaur is. Well, but I mean, the dinosaur turns into him.

So do we think they share the same stomach? Oh, so you- Well, he always says he's- Oh! When he takes a shit in Carol's apartment, are that human remains? Wow. Now, by the way,

that's something I wanna get to the bottom of. I felt like they really did a transformation with him because he doesn't even... I mean, he kind of American werewolf in London is his body, right? Because at certain points, his arm... Well, there's multiple scenes where only his hands are the Vosraptor's hands. ["HELL IN THE SCI-FIG!" BY THE VOSRAPTORS PLAYING ON VIDEO GAME PLAYS ON SCREEN.] I mean, this movie is so silly and fun and dumb.

Yes. And I think obviously, if you're a fan of this show, I think you'll like all the tropes that they're doing here because it clearly is a lover of bad movies creating his own B movie. My favorite thing about the Velociraptor was the first time we got to see his eyes. Well, first of all, it's crazy at the end to see him in daylight.

Oh, daylight was the best choice. The Velocipastor was crazy. But at nighttime, when we first see him, the way they, and I don't think this was a choice. I think this was the best they could do. I think the way they made that puppet's eyes, he looked so friendly. It was like a little cartoon like Barney the dinosaur face. It reminded me of Theodore Rex, another movie we did in this podcast, would be Goldberg.

He was a really lunky, like dinosaur. Loveable. And fat, like velociraptors, at least the version that I'm used to seeing in Jurassic Park, the lean kind of like cheetah-esque creatures. And this was like a paper mache Barney running around, wobbling around. There's like one of those inflatable dinosaur things

that people can wear. It looks like that, but heavier. We're like, those things look better than this does. This looks like really rubbery and it, I agree. It looks friendly. It doesn't look threatening. It doesn't, it's not articulated at all. Like none of the movements are possible. Like it can't even open and close its mouth really.

You know, in a way that it's convinced. Everything is done in cutaways. Like every moment where an arm is being ripped off or anything, you're just seeing a part of it. You're not seeing the full creature. And I think it really made me laugh. The final fight scene really made me laugh. But the budget of this movie is $35,000

financed by the director, editor, producer, his mom's friend. But- I did not expect his mom's friend at the end of that sentence. They tried to crowdfund this film twice in 2011 and 2016. They were unsuccessful and then his mom called and said, we got the money from one of my friends. So at 35,000, I imagine at least, what,

eight to 10 is on that velociraptor costume. I mean, that was, no, you think that that's too much? No way, no way too much. Where is you think that that's too much? No way. No way too much, Paul. Where is the money then? Where's the money going? It's literally the inflatable, I don't know, but literally the inflatable blow up one that Gus wears.

Yes, our son. Is, yeah, is scarier and... Yeah, there's no way. They spend no money on the thing. The money is for like, equipment rental and like, I don't even know what else. It feels like you could have shot this movie if you were really at a good clip three days. Oh yeah. There's only like 12 people in the movie total. Yes. 12 people about four sets. Yeah, and there's a minimal set dressing except for the one they go to like the witchcraft guy.

And I'm gonna guess a bunch of those locations are like, you know, their own home or whatever. Yes. So, you know, I don't think they're spending a lot of money on location rentals or anything. Could you understand where this movie even took place? The city. Okay.

Right. I thought at a point it was New York, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it because they definitely stole that shot of Carol outside of a church, like when she was across the street. Like they were stealing some shots on New York City streets for sure, but then when they were in the forest and that final fight final fight scene is like, where are they? Like, they're just in an open field. Oh my God, so much, like, the bad guys,

that the bad guys are like ninjas who want to control, this is the bad guys plan. The bad guys plan is I want to flood the market with drugs to create a people who are become so addicted to drugs that they will seek out rehabilitation programs that are Christian in basis so that then I will have an army of Christian soldiers who I had previously made drug addicts. I mean, that's incredible.

I love that. That's incredible. But listen, it did make me think about religion and just sort of recruitment rates. Well, I know that they are not recruiting priests and nuns anymore. I don't think people are signing on to the order in the numbers that they had been given 10 years ago. They're gonna need to start recruiting. They're gonna need to start going to amateur, priest and nun competitions and looking at the young talent

and see who's out there. You gotta see. And they have to start scouting at an early age. But I mean, this is an indictment, June, I agree with you, an indictment about maybe a 10-step program. Like, who is really behind it? What do they want from you? And I feel like I'm glad that we are talking about this.

And Paul, how is a 10-step program different from a 12-step program? Well, that's a good question, because a lot of us are in a very intense time right now, and we can't do the 12. You can't do the 12. You gotta do 10. 10 is easier, that's how many fingers you have. Listen, I got to 10, 10's good enough, you know?

You know, the good old 10 step program. 10, good old, you know, things were tough, but now I'm in a 10 step program and everything's great. We give you a menu of 12 steps to take. You pick the 10 that you wanna do. Like you don't wanna maybe apologize to everybody that you're wrong. So let's sign that one off the list. Oh, you pick the 10 that you wanna do. Like you don't wanna maybe apologize to everybody that you're wrong.

So let's sign that one off the list. It's fine. Oh, you can pick and choose? Oh yeah, yeah. Which of the, which ones you wanna do? 10 of 12. You get the choice. 10 of 12. And that's when I'm running it.

When I run my 10 step program, I'm like, forget about the 12. Let's just focus on you. What do you wanna do? And that's why my rehab house, while it's incredibly, we have a high return rate at our place because some people say we shouldn't let them leave.

We shouldn't let people come in. We shouldn't let them have their phones. But to me, that's part of the fun is like, hey, let's talk about stuff. Let's have our phones out. So that's a rehab house because you usually just call it your party palace. Yeah, well, we had to change it.

Okay. Yeah, me and Jake Paul did it together. Yeah, right. And so we've been running this thing and with, you know, mixed results and I think it will get, I'm hoping to grow it. You still have access to the TikTok house, right? Oh, I mean, yeah, I'm in there all the time.

I mean, a majority of the work I do right now is on TikTok and I'm really proud of it. Yeah, yeah, I'm in there all the time. I mean, a majority of the work I do right now is on TikTok and I'm really proud of it. Yeah, yeah, 10 steps on TikTok. I'm sure you'll plug it at the end. Your 10 step program available on TikTok. If you follow the 10 videos, you can cure yourself of any addiction.

And I'm serious about that, any addiction. And each video is 30 seconds. So we're asking about a 300 second commitment. Yeah, and June got me into TikTok. I saw it and I was like, this is a great way for me to get information out there and it's been really great. And it's fun, you put all those dances to it.

I will say I do catch June now more and more on TikTok, just going down wormholes. Like I went into the room the other night and it was late and you were still up and I was like, what are you doing? And you're like, just on TikTok. Well, that's because I have fallen into an algorithm on TikTok and I don't know how to get out of it, but I-

What is it showing you? Jason prepare, Jason prepare for, wait, can we just ask Jason, can you just guess based on what you know of June, what you think the videos are, and then June will reveal it because it's worth one guess. Okay, so here's the thing. So primarily, I don't know if I'm gonna be good at this

because I don't, other than my very broad strokes understanding that TikTok is someplace where people go and do like those, it's like lip syncing to things that already exist, right? Or dancing to things that are already. So what do you think that June would be engaging on that? Maybe like watching cool dance moves or.

My guess would be that June would be watching people doing like impersonations of funny things, not dancing. All right, well, like Sarah, like, yeah, okay, great. Like that is my, my exposure to TikTok is Sarah Cooper for the most part. Yeah, okay. All right, so June. Yeah, no, I do follow Sarah Cooper on TikTok,

but I have two very special, well, one of my special interests in life is a very, well, it's actually pretty common, a disease called endometriosis that affects women and where tissue basically grows where it's not, tissue that's supposed to grow in your uterus ends up growing outside of it. And it's incredibly painful. And I've done a lot of research on it just for my own personal knowledge.

So, and I don't suffer from it, but this is just an area I'm curious about. So, imagine a million different videos on endometriosis. But wait, what? Wait. Oh, so, okay. So, they're just, these are just videos about endometriosis. So, I follow a number of hashtags called like...

Tune is on... ...endo warrior, endo queens, like endo... What? And then also doctors who specialize, because so many women have not been able to get proper, um, diagnoses for this. Why is this on TikTok? There's so much on TikTok that both of you don't know about.

There's a lot of educational material. Oh, true. I misunderstood. I would see. OK, got it. Go ahead. Sorry. TikTok will have great iPhone tips or cooking.

And sometimes. Oh, I misunderstood what it was. Well, you're not totally wrong, though. Well, yes and no. You can put any video up of anything that you're interested in. Sometimes, though, sometimes, though, I'll see, you'll see an OBGYN or just a gynecologist doing a dance.

But during that dance, they are also dropping facts about uterine lining and all sorts of things. Like they're blocked texting information while they're doing a popular dance. While they're dancing? Correct. Okay, so you can jerk off to it too then.

Oh, oh man, I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna, ah man. Wait a minute, so these are people who are hoping that their message about in this case, endometriosis will be heard better if they are dancing as- Yes, wow. Cause you can be impressed with the dance. I've watched a lot of these over June's shoulders and I've watched a lot of, look,

I've gotten deep into the medical part of TikTok as well, just because June has opened it up. I'm like, well, what else do they have? Medical TikTok is blowing, you're blowing my mind right now. I had no idea this would even be part of it. Yeah, a lot of doctors, a lot of nurses sharing wonderful information on TikTok,

people sharing information about all sorts of things on TikTok in really sort of bite-size accessible ways. So end of the day, it's just- I will tell you, it helped me. It oddly helped me. It helped me diagnose something that I had and I feel really- It did, Paul.

Definitely did. Yeah. I mean, I went to the proper- Changed your life, I would say. I went to the proper doctors after I saw some stuff on TikTok. I don't know if I'm to the proper- Yeah, change your life, I would say. I went to the proper doctors after I saw some stuff on TikTok. I don't know if I'm being fucked with right now, but this is why.

You are not, Jason. You are not. I promise you, Paul. This has been super informative because I really, naively, I guess, just thought TikTok was for lip syncing and dancing videos. That's the least of it. That that's what kids are doing. It's all young people doing dance routines.

The front facing version is, and by the way, I'll say that the tone of this podcast is really the tone of the loss of pastor, which is this, we're going off on tangents. They're not gonna know who is pay off, but we're just gonna kind of explore some things on the side here, because that's how I felt in this movie. I feel like this is a very symbolic one.

Yeah, here's the thing. This movie is not, we don't need to, we don't need to dig in on Velocipast or much. Yeah, there's not much to say. There's still some funny stuff I would talk about, but I'm being, I'm enjoying very much being educated about TikTok right now. Now, Paul has made a few TikToks.

See, I've never created content on TikTok. I have made a couple TikToks. See, I've never created content on TikTok. I have made a couple TikToks. And I am known as a content creator. Yeah, June is, you know, people look to her for her content. Always. And she does a great job with it. But yeah, but TikTok, you haven't jumped in. You did tape a dance that I thought was actually very good,

but you did not upload it, you saved it. I was worried it was a little too thirsty. Now, it was just a little too sexy and I always struggle with that. Sometimes I, you know, it's when you have a body. We all do, we all do. As undeniable as mine, it was just a little too. It was post sweat, it was ready to go, you know.

It was just like, and I was like, you know what? I don't think this should be my first foray into the world. So you're doing a dance, but then are you also talking about some health issues? Or something that is very complicated medical? No, I was so, so Jason, yes, a lot of, there's a lot of amazing education on TikTok. I actually think it's been great for a lot of teenagers during the pandemic

because so many teachers are on TikTok. Um, but anyway, my dance, then you just have people who are along with getting their education out every once in a while, they're also just doing a dance. So this was just a dance. That would be like to me, if you were, if you always saw your doctor, and then you went to your doctor's office one day,

and instead your doctor was like, instead of checking you out today, I would just like you to watch me dance for the next 15 minutes. I would be like, hey, great news, I'm never coming back here again, because this is inappropriate. But wouldn't you be like, oh my gosh, my doctor's so cool,

instead of just delivering terrible news to me, they're also putting in a really fun package. Instead I would be like, the time you spent learning this dance could have been time better spent learning about the disease I have. Hmm. Like, I want my doctors to be bad dancers. I want my doctors to be amateur in everything else.

Or Jason, how about this? Your doctor's so good, they have spare time to learn how to dance. I'm saving lives. No, see, I don't trust that. It's like we all have a friend who got his pilot's license. Oh, yeah. And he was like, oh, you should come up with me.

I have a plane now. I'd love to fly you around. And I was like, never. Never once in my life will I do that. Because I think you are so funny. You are one of the funniest people I've ever met that you can't be as good a pilot as you are a comedian And that must mean I shouldn't be defying gravity with an amateur

So you don't believe it's possible to be like a Renaissance woman or a Renaissance man. I mean Da Vinci was a doctor He was That's how far Pat like that's how far ago we have to go to to find a person That's how far ago we have to go to find a person. Dr. Phil is a doctor and- Not really. The answer to that is actually not really. He is in fact not really a doctor. And he's actually not a good dancer either.

So I don't know where I was going with that point. I love that you were gonna use Dr. Phil as your example of someone who can do it all. I mean, when I, look, when I tell you that my only, the only show, there's two shows that my family want me to be on that would prove to them that I have reached a level of success in this world. And one of them is the show Doctors.

My grandma is like, can you please get on Doctors? And I'm like, I don't even know if they bring people out to plug stuff on Doctors. I think Doctors is just a round table of Doctors. Kind of- Yeah, I was gonna say, does she not, does she, like, as in like, you need to be a patient? Is it-

I don't know exactly what she wants. She just wants me on a show that she watches. Yeah, it's not like a talk show. No, it's- That would be so funny. Just to be on Doctors. You should tell whoever books you on stuff to make sure that whenever you're promoting,

you get onto Doctors. Well, by the way, I did ask one time, because I thought it would be fun. And then they wanted me to do a Best of Doctors recap show of funny bloopers and outtakes, where I would be like, oh my gosh, remember when this doctor said that? And I couldn't get behind that.

Yeah, that's too much. Yeah, I was like, that's gosh, remember when this doctor said that? And I couldn't get behind that. Yeah, that's too much. Yeah, I was like, that's more work. That's more work. And also, is that the point of the show? Like remember when these doctors made some goofs and gaffs? Like, I don't know if that's what we should be celebrating. Because by the way, my understanding,

my understanding of what doctors goofs would be would be like, that patient then died. That was, yeah, that, I don't wanna see my doctor falling down. Like, you don't wanna see your doctor dancing. If they're capable, I don't want to see my doctor falling down. Like, you don't want to see your doctor dancing. If they're capable, I don't mind it. I don't want to see my doctor, like, put a fork in his eye or something like that. Yeah, when you're in surgery, you can't go back to one and start the scene again because

you cracked up in the middle of it. By the way, speaking of dancing, I want to call out the lethargic ninjas in this movie, who, at certain points, there's just like activity going on in the background of Velocipastor, and they clearly are, you know, just trying to keep kicking for as long as they can, but don't have any real skill in kicking. So when they do like the walk down the line of ninjas, it's just, it looks like you've just walked by a strip mall karate class on day one of a white belt class of people over 40.

I agree, 100%. Like the, all of the ninja stuff is terrible and slow and cut weirdly. All of the action set pieces are really bizarrely staged and choreographed very poorly. Nobody is, like for example, when, and it is, it's played for comedy, when the big bad guy comes out who has a Hitler mustache, or no, he doesn't have a hitler that guy has a bit hitler mustache but the guy comes out with a sword and he cuts down Carol the the prostitute with a heart of gold who's fallen in love with the velocipastor they have their fine it's the final big fight at the oh if the bad guys are doing their whole

drug operation out of like two tents in a park which is weird yes they're like their whole drug mega drug operation is set up in two tents in a park, which is weird. They're like, their whole drug, mega drug operation is set up in two tents in a park. Anyway, so they go, there's a big fight. The guy comes out, he slashes Carol with a sword, and Velocipastor like cradles her in his arms, and the ninjas just stand around watching sadly. They watch, like, they get emotional

when Carol seems to be like... I didn't understand that, yeah. Well, I think that was part of the joke. I feel like that... I think so too. And that's why, again, this movie is... And Paul, by the way, you do such a good job of explaining comedy to me,

and I just want to say I really appreciate it. Oh, no. No, but I mean... No, you do. Pfft. I know, but I, it was like, that I think was having I was having a hard time doing like I want these moments to be Dehydrated people don't understand comedy. No, I know and he's so great He's like babe, babe, please drink this Gatorade and let me explain let me show you jokes, this is a joke

Okay, so this is now the setup. This is called the setup. No, no, drink that coconut water. Come on, okay, here we go. That's a hilarious joke. No, and I guess, I just mean, I'm frustrated with the movie because I feel like even on Sharknado,

they were trying for a level of competency. And I feel like in this movie, they're just trying to be weird, like the ADR with the kiss and the crying. And the crying. Or even the better, the best example to me of the true absurdity of this movie, which I believe is set in contemporary times, is that there is a Vietnam flashback.

Or TBD, because it seems very different than Vietnam, right? Or I guess it's Vietnam. No, they say it's Vietnam. They call it out. So the old priest, this was my favorite part of the movie. That guy was amazing by the way. That's the director's dad. The exorcism scene and the old priest Vietnam flashback. So the priest, so when Velocipastor is like conflicted, the old priest, his mentor says, you know, you might need an exorcism.

So he calls in his old buddy. And he then, the old priest suddenly has voiceover. Multiple people throughout this movie have interior monologue voiceover work, which is very rare. So he says, I haven't seen this guy since the war. And then they cut to the Vietnam War. So we're talking late 60s, early 70s, right? Yes. So that is 50 years ago. The old man who's playing the priest

is playing himself as a young man with a wig, with a blonde wig and a blonde. I enjoyed that. I love that. This was making me laugh. So All I want to see is more of this actor. Me too. I mean, Father Stewart was pitch perfect. Yes, he was. If he's acting for real, God bless him. If he is acting for comedy, he is a straight up genius. Yeah, he was amazing.

His buddy and him standing up against a tree, and the guy goes, have 11 kids. Spend 15 minutes a day with each of them. And then that guy basically says, this is the one they lean into, like, movie tropes, which I did enjoy. He's like, you tell him, you name him after me, and you tell him that I'm the guy that got through

all of the Vietnam War never being shot once, and is, like, immediately shot in the chest. And then falls down to the ground still smoking the cigarette cigarette is in his mouth continues to smoke yes by the way that also that has one of my favorite parts of the entire film which is the the father the priest is looking forward to seeing his sweet Adeline or Adelaide and he's and she had a line Adeline and she's running towards him. In Vietnam.

She's in the jungles of Vietnam. And she looks age appropriate to father Stewart in modern times. Yes, she does not look like the picture he just showed of his sweetheart at home. Right. And so when she runs to him, she steps on a landmine and explodes in just red paint, and this guy holds a frozen, like, mouth open. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

That killed me. She explodes. She explodes, like, I'm not kidding, three feet from where he is. And she explodes into just blood. blood like her body is vaporized No, like there's no body parts. There's nothing she is vaporized but for blood and he is he's not blown back He's not he's he's in the he's immediately in the vicinity of the explosion as are two other men and none of them are Impacted by it other than blood is splattered on it.

And the two guys are like, we can't do anything for her right now. Like, no, like it's so that scene is great. The guy says, the guy says this, this is, this blew my mind. The guy comes up at the guy, the old priest is covered in blood and he goes, what do you think she was doing in the forest? And then the other guy goes, I don't know, maybe she was trying to start a family. What? Maybe she was trying, because the old priest was just saying how he wanted to start a family with Adeline. So then it's like he conjured her to Vietnam to just be exploded by like a trip wire. And meanwhile, he is still frozen. The old man is frozen for that entire conversation. Oh, that really, that made me laugh. And the other thing that really made me laugh was we are with Carol, uh, later

in the movie and Carol comes home to her apartment, she turns the lights on. She's getting ready and the priest is there, Veloci-pastor is there, but he's in her single room apartment, covered in newspapers. He's covered, he's hiding. That was such a funny bit. He's hiding in her apartment under newspapers as if he's like a homeless person,

like for warmth or something, but like, why? Like, no idea. And that was like, and I do like that kind of meta, like, Tim and Eric style of just absurdity. I wanted more of it. And I also really love the end. We're talking about doctors. Like, she gets sliced in half, the Carol,

at the climactic battle scene by a guy who is revealed to be like a big bad that we've never really met. And he doesn't seem to do anything to her. Like, he just walks out and just cuts her in half. the climactic battle scene by a guy who is revealed to be like a big bad that we've never really met and he doesn't seem to do anything to her. Like he just walks out and just cuts her in half. Like she puts up her fists. There's no fight. It's like an Indiana Jones,

like a gun to the guy with the swords. It's like a very quick moment. And the velocipasser is literally four feet away from her and it's just like, she doesn't call out to him. She just lets the sword guy walk up to her and slice her down, it was crazy. And then they fix her and she's totally fine with no scar and that was like the doctor's like,

we did it, we did it. And he sits down and starts smoking a cigarette. That was so funny. Such a, like there's so many funny things and I feel like consistency is the issue that I was missing. Like anyway, but oh, by the way, I did have a thought. I wanted the dinosaur to be wearing a priest collar.

I thought that would have really, really stepped it up. Oh, Paul, yeah. Yeah. Like, a hundred percent agree. Yeah. Oh, well. And more, and actually wanted more of those VFX missing shots and things like that too. Like, you know, I feel like that sort of stuff really made me laugh.

Like, because at the end, when he goes to visit her in the hospital and she's on the bed, she looks at him and she goes, I'm fine. And then a big graphic on the screen pops up and says like, she's fine. Yeah! And that was like, well, clearly we're all in on the joke

because that's not even a trope That's just like weird for weird sake and I'm not mad at it I just like but more of that then more of that That's all why why was why was the? Okay, so why was the big bad's right-hand man? Veloci pastors brotherastor's brother? Oh yeah. I didn't, I couldn't, and then,

cause then they do that, they double the flashback. So like, so like there's a point where the priest is like, ah, my parents, I loved my parents or whatever. And it's just a flashback to them, like just laughing and laughing and laughing. That was really great too. And then they're in the car, and he's like, why don't you get out?

Your mother and I will drive around a little, and then we'll pick you up from Priest College, he says. Again, so many... Seminary. Like, yeah, somebody is a genius at writing bad dialogue lines in a few of these moments. Like, some of these are, I believe, purposefully... Oh, absolutely....expositional bad writing. Like, of these are, I believe, purposefully expositional bad writing.

Like we'll pick you up from priest college. Yeah, and I think that's the thing. It's like, it's walking this line of, I don't know if you can do this. And I think this is my issue with this. I don't know if you can walk yourself into something as pure as Miami Connection, The Room, Birdemic. Like these movies hold a place because there is a purity

in the thought from the director and the performers and there is some just realness there. And you know, cause I think anyone can, like what you said, it's a sketch. Everyone can parody the bad version of it, but to kind of make a B movie, I don't know. I mean, is it more like a trauma film? But trauma films, I guess they have a similar sensibility

to like Toxic Avenger and Sergeant Kabuki Man, where they are very extreme and silly, but also, yeah. The thing that I think those are a little bit better at executing the genre. And this, while obviously very much living within the genre, is not always... You know what it is? They're breaking the rules too much in a way. So in a way that is, it just gets a little flat, you know? Right. Even at 75 minutes, you're like, OK, you've exceeded, you've run out here.

You've run out of the room. I believe this could have been even much better at 40 minutes. Mm hmm. You know, just like really just keep hitting, keep hitting, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. But there's just like flat stuff in here that is Neither nor. Yeah, it's neither. It's neither forwarding the genre archetype nor is it

joke Joke scene some of this is just kind of stalling in a way, right? It's sort of like if you're gonna make a comedy version of it, you have to then go, we're making a full comedy, we're pressing ahead, we are, everything is going to be for a joke. And I think here, what they did was allow themselves just to imitate and not necessarily always comment on. Yes, that's a good point. And that to me feels like we're, like while I did have some big laughs, I think that the people

probably, the title is great and the poster is have some big laughs, I think that the people probably, the title is great and the poster is fun. Uh, and the trailer, I mean, this whole movie came out of a trailer, right? This, uh, this guy, Brandon, Brandon Steer, um, he was basically in film school, his phone auto corrected velociraptor to velocipaster. He was like, oh, that would be funny. He made a grind house trailer be funny. He made a grind house trailer. What? Yeah, he made a grind house trailer for it. That's like if we made a movie called Stellar Skateboard. 100%.

And this video got over 45,000 views on YouTube. So he's like, oh, I should make this into a movie. And I think because it was so crazy, like Snakes on a Plane, like where it is, like one of those things where you're like, we're just gonna, you know, Snakes on a Plane, I think walks in that same line too. People go and get excited about it. Like, I wanna see it, I wanna see it. And I, Snakes on a Plane, I think, walks on that same line too. People go and get excited about it.

Like, I wanna see it, I wanna see it. And I think Snakes on a Plane missed it as well, which is like, you're trying to create some thing that's really hard to do, but it worked to a certain degree. I mean, because now they've given him a two million dollar budget for a sequel. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Okay, good.

And they've already like... I mean, I'm... What? Who's given him that? He just said he's got a two million dollar budget for it. And so... Paul, you said that a lot of that money was coming from you. I did invest in it.

That's kind of a nighttime activity where I'm funneling money through different avenues. That's, yeah, that is one of the things. And I just want to say, Paul, I just appreciate you taking total control of different avenues. That's, yeah, that is one of the things. And I just wanna say, Paul, I just appreciate you taking total control of our finances. Thank you, June. And I don't want you to be looking, don't look in there, don't look in those bank accounts. Yes. No, and I've worked really hard

and it's just nice to know, especially with Grace and Frankie, since I work 16 hour days, 18 hour days, and it's so nice, you know, six years in, to know that you are such a responsible steward of that hard work, so thank you. I really appreciate that. And my understanding is a lot of Velocipastor 2

takes place when the Velocipastor gets loose in the Jane club, Paul? Yeah, we're gonna shoot a lot in the Jane club. June, I'll talk to you about that offline. Sure thing. Yeah, that's great. You know, I will say one other thing too, that there is another spiritual sequel that he is making.

Like, this man has created a… Spiritual, because it's religious in theme as well? Yeah. It's called Outback Dracula, set in the 1880s. In Australia, a psychic schoolteacher teams up with the world's greatest adventurer to save her girlfriend and defeat Dracula and his golden army of the undead So this guy might be a genius. I think that there is a part of it there like when he was putting together the movie He said, you know

he put the film in an oven and baked it at 200 degrees for 10 minutes to achieve the old aged look and He also what he took away the old aged look and he also... What? Yeah, he took the film. Well, there's no way he didn't do that. He took the film into his windowless bathroom and ran it across different surfaces to physically scratch the film before developing it. So it had a look to it.

Wait, there's no way this guy shot on film. I mean, if they shot on film, I mean, you're right. As I'm reading that right now, like they couldn't. There's no way this movie was shot on film. They couldn't have shot it on film. No, that would be so, that would be prohibitively expensive. Maybe they shot it on digital, transferred it to film, and then he screens that one, I don't know.

Nah, that would be crazy. So, I mean, this is it. The poster looks pretty great. I would read you five-star reviews, but they're all very much in on the joke. But I think it might be time for a second opinion. Tell me what is the message? Maybe that art is subjective. I need a second opinion. Thank you, John Lajoie. This is a second opinion. That's a different opinion.

We normally do five-star reviews, but these are, I guess, third opinions, because these are one-star reviews of people who just did not get it. And I think that is kind of the fun ones here, where people are like, this is the worst movie I've ever seen. All the budget went into the creation of the poster, leaving nothing left for the script, costumes, special effects, or acting.

Think twice. No, three times before viewing this stinker. One star written by Lee Dunning. Or, Bohefus writes, this is the worst movie I've ever watched. The cover art leads you to believe that there will be a quality dinosaur with gore and the price leads you to believe

it will be a quality horror movie. Neither could be further from the truth. The acting, the story, the paper mache dinosaur are a very low quality not indicative of the price is this supposed to be a parody and then it goes and if so then why is the price and cover art so misleading so this person really has an issue with the cover art and and the title of the review is, a third grader could make a better dinosaur. And then this one is just from Ricky. If I could give it zero stars, I would,

because that's an hour of my life I can't get back. That is a one star review. I think if you're in the right mood, this movie is fun. But it also, don't go into it thinking like, oh, you just stumbled upon a new, you know, Neil Breen film or Tommy Wiseau. This is a person like us who enjoys those movies, who made this movie. I mean, Jason June, what do you all think?

I agree with that. I think you're on the money there. I don't think this is the kind of bad movie that is somebody trying their best and accidentally came up with this. I think this is somebody intentionally using the tropes and the pitfalls of the bad movies that we've talked about in the past a lot.

And I think Miami Connection or Birdemic are great examples of this. This is somebody knowingly leaning into that as its own genre. And I think, you know, Miami Connection or Birdemic are great examples of this. This is somebody knowingly leaning into that as its own genre. Like this is someone purposefully making a bad film and in some ways successfully. You know, like there's a lot of this that I enjoyed watching and not for nothing, the fact that it's 70 or whatever 75 minutes long makes it tolerable. If it had gone on much longer,

it would have worn out its welcome. Even at this length, it's a little too long. But no, I laughed a bunch. There are obviously smart people are making this. It's terrible. But in a way that I found enjoyable, you know? Yeah, I definitely, hard laughs were had. Like, they got me.

They got me in a way where I was like, oh, I didn't expect that. Like, one of my favorite scenes is at the end when he kills the bad guy and he rips his head off. And you think, oh, it looks so fake. It's like a mannequin head. But then he turns it to camera and it's even like, it's aggressively a mannequin head.

Like it's like... It's just, yes. It's worse. Like they never, they lean into things looking as bad as Paul. And they also lean into just like that poor guy who's the lead actor has multiple scenes where they're just spraying him with blood

for so much time. He's just covered in red. And it's like old school, like 1960s red blood, like before they figured out how it's... It looks like Sriracha. It looks like he's covered in... Covered in Sriracha. June, what do you think?

Would you recommend this movie? What are your final thoughts? Um, yeah, I think, like you said this movie? What are your final thoughts? Um, yeah, I think, I think, like you said, if you're in the right, if you're in the right frame of mind, if you're in the right size sauna bed, if you're in the moment where it feels right, throw it on. If you're trapped in a hotbed. If you're trapped in a sauna bed,

and you can't get to Sopranos. Then throw it on. If you, you know, and it is enjoyable, and, um, yeah, I agree. I wish it was. If you, you know, and it is enjoyable and, yeah, I agree, I wish it was a little shorter, but I wish most of these movies were a little shorter. Like, I enjoyed this a lot more than I enjoyed, say, um, Ultraviolet or, you know. 100%.

It was one of the movies we did a while ago. Like, those, like, terrible, like, CG nonsense movies, I'm like, who cares? This at least is fun. 100%. we did a while ago, like those terrible CG nonsense movies. I'm like, who cares? This at least is fun. We is having fun. 100%. Yeah, I totally agree with you. This is better than most movies that we watch.

It is even better than most movies that try to be bad. I would rather watch this than Sharknado. I think that Sharknado is trying in a different way, but I enjoyed this more than that. So it's an unfair representation because it is a comedy. I think if you have to look at this movie as a comedy first and then, and I think you will enjoy it a little bit more. In the vein of, I think Sharknado is a good reference point.

I think the money plane, which we did recently is also like is in on the joke a little bit. A little bit. I mean, I. A little bit. A little bit. I think a little bit. Like I think,

but I think that they're actually trying to make an action movie. Like this one is like, I think it's comedy first and playing into, you know, and then doing what it is second. I mean, and look, it worked. I think people want these movies. We want more birdemics.

I think that Birdemic 1 to Birdemic 2, this is the issue that I have with it. Birdemic 1 was beautiful because it was pure. Birdemic 2 is not as great because too many people are involved in it. Same way with Tommy Wiseau when he got to make his sitcom for Adult Swim. It's like, ah, you've interfered too much.

You've messed up the magic sauce of this insane person. Uh, you know, uh, but that's, that's my, my two cents. I mean, I think the, and I hope they tackle this in Velocipastor 2 because I think like this movie concerns itself with a lot of religious stuff, you know, like at a certain point, the Velocipastor says that he doesn't believe in dinosaurs. I mean, you know, which is a wild statement. And then he goes and gets a book about dinosaurs, which is crazy from the library, I'm assuming. I hope the second one delves deeper into that and really seeks to examine and unpack how

this man feels about the fact that he is living when he he turns into the velociraptor, it's because he's hungry. And when he's hungry, he's hungry for the taste of human flesh. This is a cannibal. He might be a vigilante. I want to get into that. He might be rescuing the people that he loves, but at what cost? He's also, you know, he also rips out the older priest's eye and eats it.

Like, what is this? He could hurt Carol, and I wanna explore that more. Averill Halley, one of our producers who picked this film, she brought up a very good point. She's like, I want you to notice that, I don't know if it's intentional or not, but at the end of Miami Connection, and at the end of this movie,

they both share the same quote from Gandhi. Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace. And to me in Miami Connection, I believe that is honest. And here I feel like it's a joke, but I feel like that's the level of nod. My guess is this person put it in as a nod to Miami Connection.

I 100% agree. So that's that. Oh, that's funny. That's that. Let's, I would say it's on Amazon Prime, so it doesn't cost you anything. You don't have to worry about these reviews that are really upset about how much it costs. So you can watch it for free on Amazon Prime.

It is... If you have Amazon Prime. If you have Amazon Prime. You're right, exactly. And I think it's a fun watch. Like, it's 75 minutes. You can fast forward. You can have fun.

And every one of these actors, I want to just tip my hat to, really solid work. June, anything to plug? No, just that of course November is coming. And I just encourage all of our listeners to find out if they're registered to vote and if they need to request their mail-in ballot, absentee ballot, they can head to vote.org to see, to make sure they get it in time and to figure out exactly how to get

their ballots in this November. Jason? Yeah, don't think because everything was fine the last time you voted, it's fine now. Look into it now to make sure your polling place is still your polling place. Make sure whatever it is, do your due diligence now so that you're not caught by surprise day of. And if you're feeling any discomfort with the postal service at all, you can also, uh, drop off a ballot at a polling place where you can make sure that everything is correct and that it will not be rejected.

So you can do a myriad of different things, whatever works for your lifestyle, but it's most important that you double check that you are registered to vote. And have a plan. Have a plan. And, but by the way, last presidential election, my stepfather passed away right before the election

and I was planning on voting in person, but I had to drive out to wherever I drove out to, 40 minutes away from the house, to get my ballot and put it in there. And I'm so happy that I did. There are ways to get there, but you can't vote unless you are registered. And besides that, I just want to say

that I'm also on the new CBS All Access show, Lower Decks, which is kind of a Star Trek cartoon. It's not kind of, it is a Star Trek cartoon. That's based in- Yeah, I've heard it's great. There's a lot of people who are loving it, I've heard. Yeah, it's, you know, it has a great cast of really funny people,

and it is created by Mike McMahon, who has been behind Rick and Morty and Solar Opposites. He's worked alongside Justin Roiland for a long time. This is kind of his breakout show where he can embrace everything nerdy about Star Trek. It is very much a Star Trek show with comedy, not a comedy version of Star Trek, if that makes any sense. And I love it for that.

That's great. And I'll just throw out, The Long Dumb Road is now on Netflix and Close Enough, the animated show on HBO Max, both of which I'm on, which are terrific. Can I just say one more thing about what you just said, Paul, about you can't vote unless you're registered?

Yes, everyone should register to vote, but you can even find out more information because there are some states where you can do same day registration on election day. Thank you. You should just head to vote.org to find out all the information on where your county registrar is if you're dropping it off or where drop off locations are or you know ideally mailing in your ballot ahead of time. But definitely just check out vote.org for all of the information on where you live. And I want to say one more thing too to add to the voting thing which is take an interest

in your local politics. There's so much going on on a local level and that's where you can really achieve a lot of change. And a lot of people who've been in power, who maybe need to be taken out of power in your local area. I know that June and I are involved literally in our own district in LA about that.

You can go really localize. It's important, I think, to keep your eyes open, not just on the big ticket items, but also all the races that are going on. Just inform yourself before you get in there, because there's a lot of big decisions happening. Yes. All right, well, if you wanna talk about Velocipaster,

you wanna talk about TikTok, if you wanna talk about any of these things that we have talked about, you could join us next week on the mini episode. Jason, I hope you can join me again. We could talk a little bit about what we've been up to because we've been a couple of weeks off there. So give us a call at 619-PAUL-ASK, 619-PAL-ASK.

I can talk to you about your life, your love, your jobs, whatever you wanna do. And a big shout out and thank you to Nate Kiley for doing all the research here. Our producer, Cody Fisher, Devon Bryant, our engineer, Molly Reynolds, and Jalai Diaz, everybody who works behind the scenes on this show over at Earwolf.

We love you, thank you so much. And tune in next week for How Did This Get Made, mini episode. Bye for now. How Did This Get Made?