Infamous America - Introducing "This Is Actually Happening" from Wondery

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

What would you do if a singular moment changed your life forever? This is Actually Happening is a weekly podcast from Wondery that features extraordinary life-changing stories told by the people who lived them. We’ve all had powerful moments in our lives that have given us the feeling of, “Nothing is ever going to be the same.” This is Actually Happening explores these moments head-on. These immersive, gripping stories will have you on the edge of your seat, waiting to hear what will happen next. This is just a preview of This is Actually Happening, but you can listen to the full episode at wondery.fm/TIAH_InfamousAmer  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What would you do if a singular moment changed your life forever? This is Actually Happening is a weekly podcast from Wondry that features extraordinary true stories of moments that changed everything for ordinary people. The stories are told in first person, so you can experience them through the eyes of the people who lived them. In an all-new episode, you'll hear the story of a woman who grew up in a toxic household. To cope, she acted out. She drank and partied and ended up falling for the,

the wrong guy and getting pregnant. But the relationship was a wake-up call. She turned her life around, found a better guy, settled down, and had another child. And then, just as everything seemed to come together, she experienced a moment that is every mother's ultimate horror. You're about to hear a preview of this is actually happening, a show that explores these kinds of moments head on. They're immersive stories that will keep you on the edge of your seat. So while you're listening to the preview. Follow This is Actually Happening on Amazon Music or Apple Podcasts, or you can listen ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app. Wondry, feel the story. There's really no way to explain how it feels when you realize one decision you made in an

instant altered the life of everyone around you. From Wondry, I'm Witt Misseldine. You're listening to this is actually happening. Episode 201. What if you believed it was all your fault? I grew up in a small town. I lived here pretty much my whole life. My parents have been together since they were 14 years old. Very salt of the earth people, the hardest workers I've ever met.

My mom was an ER nurse. My dad was a railroad conductor. I had lots of stability when it comes to. to housing and things and material possessions, but my dad had some unresolved childhood trauma that created a lot of chaos when I was growing up in regards to drinking. He drank a lot, and my mom, who was very meek and mild and docile, her main goal on earth was basically to placate him. there was a lot of tiptoeing walking on eggshells and I just thought that's how every dad was

my childhood was great in a lot of ways we went on vacations we played in the creek we played sports but there was always that dark part like when we saw my dad's headlights pull in the driveway at night we had run and hide in our rooms because we didn't know what kind of mood he was going to be in what would trigger him and how ugly it could potentially get you know the smallest thing. My mom didn't make his corn the way he liked. If my mom picked up a new bottle of shampoo and he would start accusing her, why are you buying new shampoo? Who are you trying to impress? My dad, when I was 16, he punched me in the mouth and knocked my front tooth out because I was defending my mom. There was a lot of hostility there for a long time. I forgive him now,

but it was just very unpredictable. My mom had a full-time job trying to keep the peace and just keep him calm. And me, my brother, felt emotionally neglected because she was so invested in keeping him calm. We kind of sat on the sidelines and didn't get the attention. She showed us she loved us in a million different ways. But to verbalize it or physically show affection, she just, didn't have it in her because I think my dad just sucked her dry. As ironic as it sounds, even though my dad was the volatile one with the serious drinking problem,

he's the one I never doubted his love. I was always very secure in his love for me. No matter how bad things got between us, I knew his love for me was unwavering. Whereas my mom for a long time, I doubted that that love even existed. So as angry as I would be at my dad a lot, the end of the day, no matter how bad it got, my dad would tell me he loved me. Growing up, I've always been a larger girl. My brother and I were both overweight growing up and we are as adults.

My mom, since she couldn't verbalize her love or show physical affection, she showed us through food, through feeding us, down home southern mama cooking. Because the guilt she had of not being able to be readily available, she wanted us to eat our feelings. She dealt with a lot of food insecurity, and I think that's one thing she had with her mom growing up is that feeling of uncertainty. because the food security, not knowing if she was going to be able to eat. So I think it just exacerbated her need to feed me and my brother even more so. The consequences it caused for my self-esteem. Growing up and in my early adulthood, you know, I was always the fat friend. You know, I was smart.

I was pretty. I was funny, but I was the fat one. Growing up like that and being overweight really did give me a self-image that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough to be my mom's daughter because I wasn't a cheerleader and a homecoming queen and small and petite. I wasn't good enough to be a girlfriend. It was hard to be at that critical point in your life and just feel like you have nothing to offer anyone. I was an extrovert. I had a lot of friends.

I was kind of the loud and boisterous one. I liked to have the attention. And I just really tried to make my mom's life easy because her hands were so full that I just, I tried to be a good kid. So that's the type of child I was. And then all hell sort of broke loose. I went buck wild. I was tired of the toxicity of my home life. I was tired of not receiving the attention and love that I felt that I needed.

I would not come home at night. I would be out drinking. I was having a lot of fights with my mom and my dad, just letting them know how angry I was and how I felt cheated. out of love. Somehow, I managed to be rebellious and keep a really good cover on it for a long time. I maintain fantastic grades in school. I really lived in a lot of capacities, kind of a double life. My friends in high school did not know about the extent of the permiscuity, the drinking, the occasional drug use. I mean, I was even telling stories that weren't

true. I was making up stories just to get attention, just to get some kind of recognition because I felt empty. That was a preview of this is actually happening. Listen to the rest of the episode wherever you get your podcasts.