Jessica Kaylee - 30 minutes of Soulmate POVS

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

30 minutes of Soulmate POVS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anything less than 20 and I'll be happy. 568? That's a lot. I just know Becky will make fun of me for this. I'm gonna make it private. Hey Jess. Hey Olivia. Why is your soulmates count on private? Because it's personal to them. It's no one else's business.

The whole point of making it public is to find your soulmate quicker. Yeah, well, I'll find them when the time is right. Will you at least tell me how many people your soulmates loved? I don't know. Come on, I'm your best friend. I'll tell you how many my friends. left zero I'm gonna be there first isn't that so romantic yeah I'm happy for you now your turn how many 5168 568 yeah I'm trying not to judge them now I see why you

made it on private Becky this is an A B conversation see yourself out fine I already got all the gossip I needed you don't think she's gonna tell anyone right she is Big Beak Becky Jess is it true your soulmate loves 516 No. Really? Then why don't you show us? Because I don't have to. Sounds like Becky was right if you asked me.

I guess it's everyone already knows I might as well make it public. Maybe I can find them faster. Um, Jess, your soulmate's love count is going up as we speak. Dang, look at our count! How is that possible? Ha-ha, look who's making it private again. Class, settle down. We have a new student I want to introduce you to.

Everyone say hi Charlie. Hi, Charlie. You can sit wherever you'd like. you'd like. Hey, is this seat taken? No, go ahead. It's Jess, right? Yeah. Charlie. How do you know my name? I saw it written on your not pad. I hope that's not weird. It is. Miss Peppa recommended I asked you for notes for this week's lesson. She said you have the highest grade in the class. Oh, yeah, you can have them. Thanks. Did you want to come over? After school to get the notes? To your house? Yeah? Sure, I'll see you then. You did what?

I was trying to be bold. My soulmates loved over 700 people. I can love one before meeting them. Yeah, you're right. Just be safe. He's here. Dad? What's this?

Your soulmate symbol. If you don't find your match by the time you turn 18, you die. Die? Like... Huh? Yes. Like what happened to Mr. Fisci? I don't want to get flushed down the toilet.

Then it's extremely important you are always on the lookout to find your match. Jess, I found my match. Who? The new kid, Stinky Sam. Ugh. I know. Well, at least you won't die now. Jess, Jess, Sam asked me to Homecoming.

I'm so happy for you. Remember when we used to call him Stinky Sam? Yeah. Oh, how things have changed. For you, I still haven't found my match, and I only have three years left. You will. Happy almost birthday!

What do you want to do for your last day as a 17-year-old? Just say what you really mean. What do you mean? You mean my last day on Earth, because it's a year old. It's my 18th birthday tomorrow, and I never found my match. Well, maybe today's the day. Or not. Billie Jean, seriously, stop being so positive.

My hours are numbered unless some new kid we've never seen before walks through those doors with a diamond on his hand. What's with the face? A new kid just walked through those doors. Did he have a diamond? I don't know. I couldn't see. But let's go find out.

All right, let's see what my hint is. Mom? My soulmate's my mom? I guess that's fine, right? It doesn't have to be romantic. No, you're right. Hey, Mom. Did you get your soulmate's hint?

Yes, I did. And? Surprise, surprise. It's your father. Oh, God. What? I'm in a thruple with my parents. What in the devil are you saying, child?

My hint was Mom. Oh, Lordy, Jess. That doesn't mean I'm your soulmate. What do you mean? That means your soulmate's name rhymes with Mom. Oh. I can't believe you thought I was your soulmate. You're nice.

Oops. That's great. That saved me a lot of therapy. You and me both. Okay, so my soulmate's name rhymes with mom. Tom. Tom! My soulmate's probably Tom. Hey Tom. Did you get your soulmate's hint yet? Yeah, I did. And? And it's Lucas. Oh. You sound disappointed. I thought it was going to be me. You? Why? What was your hint? Mom? Sweet home Alabama. No, it's not like that. Well, good luck finding them. Well, if my soulmate isn't my mom and isn't Tom, who could it be? All right, class, please welcome our new student. Why do we get so many new students at the school? Everyone, please give Dom a warm welcome. Dom?

Dom, you can find a seat wherever you'd like. He can sit by me. Hi, Dom. Welcome to the new school. Have you met your soulmate yet? No, not yet. Really? Yeah.

Well, I'm Jess. I'm Dom. Nice to meet you. Do you know who your soulmate is now? Nope, still no clue. Well, what's your hint? My hint is that they're a mess. I'm not exactly eager to meet them. I don't think it means she's a mess.

Maybe it rhymes with mess. There's not that many names that rhyme with mess, so I really don't think so, but thanks. Really, soulmate gods? You couldn't have given him a better. hint like bless? I'm always going to think I'm a mess. Okay, I just need to figure out a way for him to realize that his soulmate's name rhymes with mess, not that I'm a mess. I got it. Ms. Jane, can you please make an announcement letting everyone know that their soulmate's name rhymes with their

hint? People are getting very confused. Wait, it's supposed to rhyme? Yes. Oh, that makes so much sense. Why? What was your hint? My husband's named Dennis. I'll let you figure that one out. I don't think that rhymes. Regardless, I'll make the announcement. Okay, thank you. Jess, you were right about the whole soulmate thing. I know. I wouldn't have been able to find her without you. Well? All right, Tess, let's get out of here. Wait, Tess? She's my soulmate. No, she's not your soulmate. I'm your soulmate. No, Jess. She's my soulmate. Well, what was her hint? Uh, what was it again, baby? My hint was pawn. Pawn? See, she's my soulmate.

Pawn doesn't rhyme with Dom. Well, it's close enough. Close enough means she's not your soulmate. I am. Sorry, Jess. I know you want a piece of this, but Tess got me first. My soulmate's dumber than a rock. Oh, lordy. Oh, gross. Let me guess. You don't like them together either.

Did I say that out loud? I feel you. Get this. Tess was supposed to be my soulmate, but... Dom was supposed to be my soulmate. They think pawn and Dom rhyme. Idiots, right? That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm John. Jess.

Wait, you know your soulmate doesn't have to be your boyfriend, right? I know. So could I take you on a date sometime? I'd like that. Was that good for you? The best. Only two more to go. Are you done with your kiss list yet?

Almost. You're so slow. I finished my 10 so fast. Wait, 10? I've had a kiss a thousand. Oh, yikes. Who do you have to kiss next? Emma.

That shouldn't be too hard. She's had a crush on you forever. Yeah, but it's going to break her. Hey, Emma, you're on my kiss list. Cool, but how do I get on your Let's Have Seven Kids and Live Happily Ever After Together list? Maybe if it's a really good kiss, then you can make it on that list. Awesome. Come here.

Did I make it on the list? TBD. Okay, only one more kiss to go before I meet my soulmate. That shouldn't be too hard. Edward, you're on my kiss list. You're doing that dumb thing too? Yeah, everyone is. Not me. I don't care who my soulmate is.

I'm saving my kiss for marriage. What? But if you don't kiss me, I'll never find out who my soulmate is. Don't make me feel bad about a decision I made for myself. Edward, I'm sorry. It's just I kiss 999 people to get to this point. It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus,

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And you don't think you were compatible with any of them? I don't know. I was just waiting for the system to tell me my soul meet. Maybe you shouldn't let the system define your happiness. So what do you suggest? I kiss them all again and this time actually think about compatibility? Oliver, can we kiss? We already did.

I know, but it's going to be different this time. If you say so. Ugh, but still just as awful as the first time. Emma, could we kiss again? I thought you never ask. Would you want to... Grab dinner sometime? Cool.

Where have you been? Long story, but Edward wouldn't kiss me. Oh, why don't you just get a new person to kiss? Wait, you can do that? Yeah, it happens all the time. Who is it? Emma's brother. Trevor?

Yeah, you don't think she'll be mad, right? Emma. Hey, cutie. Still on for Cheesecake Factory tonight at 8? Sounds great. I just wanted to let you know, though, that I need to kiss your brother. What? Why?

Because once I kiss him, I'll find out who my soulmate is. Okay, so you kiss him, and then what? What if I'm not your soulmate? I... I don't know. Whatever. Go ahead and kiss him, Jess. But do me a favor and decide if you want to be with me before our date tonight. Yeah. For sure. How'd it go with Emma?

Kind of good, kind of bad. She said I need to decide if I want to be with her by tonight. You better go find Trevor then. Trevor. There you are. You're my last kiss. Well, then we better get to it. Emma. So my gut was right. Thanks, Trevor. Emma!

Has anyone seen Emma? No, sorry. Emma? What's wrong? I don't want to talk about it. Come on. Just tell me. Everyone's trying to complete their kiss list,

but you know what happened when I tried to complete mine? What? Not one single person wanted to kiss me. I even used all my rematches. I know this probably all sounds really stupid, but it just hurt. It's not stupid. They're stupid for not wanting to be.

kiss you. Thanks Jess. It just sucks because I'll never get to figure out who my real soulmate is. I think you will. Yeah, right. Because I'm your soulmate. Really? Yeah. So I guess we're still on for tonight. See you there. See soulmate's search history or see soulmates recently watched? Both are going to really expose them. Soulmate searched. How to trigger FaceTime reactions? Well, that's relatable. I still don't know how to do those. Soulmate searched. Does toothpaste work on acne? Good luck, buddy, because from my experience, it does not. Billy Cheen, what can you see about your soulmate today?

I can see their screen time. And let me tell you, they have to be a gamer. Because they already have four hours of screen time. Or they could have insomnia. I guess. My soulmate is the most average person ever, which makes them perfect for me, but it's going to be hard to find them. Soulmate searched. Where's the best place to hide a body? On second thought, I take that back. That is not a normal thing to search.

What is it? Where's the best place to hide a body? Oh dear. Soulmate searched. Serial killers that never got caught. You know what? I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. Maybe they're just a crime junkie who loves true crime just a little too much. Soulmate searched. How to not leave fingerprints on things.

Who am I kidding? They're totally a serial killer. See Soulmate's body cow or Seasolmate's last meal? I'm not ready to know how many people they've killed, so... Soemate's last meal. Bacon. Okay, so he's a carnivor. Hopefully not a cannibal, but a carnivor's fine. Soulmate's last meal.

Chicken. Do they eat anything besides me? Like, it's 8 a.m. Holy guacamole. My brother is on this all-meat diet that he saw on the internet, and it's like totally disgusting. Wait, Becky, did you say all-meat diet? Jess, I wasn't talking to you.

Just answer this. Did he eat bacon for breakfast? Yeah. Oh my gosh. What's her problem? Billy Jean, things are really, really bad. Your soulmate killed someone, didn't they? That part's still unclear, but I think my soulmate might be Becky's brother.

Gross, isn't he like 35? Talk about an age difference. I have to find a way to change my soulmate. But maybe it's not him. Let's just wait and see what your options are tomorrow. Maybe you'll get a better clue. Soulmate's last meal. Pig ears.

Ew! That's the mouth. You want me to kiss? Oh. See what soulmates doing or see soulmate's time left? If I see what they're doing, it'll be easier to find out if it's Becky's brother. Is that? Oh, gosh.

Some things are TMI. Please show me soulmate at school. Okay, so they're in the car. But are they driving to school? or work because they're a 35-year-old man. Jess, are you okay? No, not knowing who my soulmate is is driving me bonkers.

Tell me about it. Any luck on finding out who yours is? Not yet, but I can see their heart rate. It's at 40 beats per minute. Isn't that kind of low? Yes! Jess, is there something you'd like to share with the class? Um, my soulmate is not a full-grown man.

Okay, now let's pay attention. Hi, Miss Fitz, sorry I'm late. It's all right, Jason. just don't let it happen again. Wait Jess, didn't your soulmate just get to school? Uh, yeah. All right, class, welcome Jason. He's new to the neighborhood, so everyone, be nice.

Hello, Jason. See soulmate's body count or see soulmate's time left? I'm gonna have to know eventually. Okay, now does three make him a serial killer or just a murderer? You know what? I don't wanna know. Girl, you've been on the phone for hours.

What are you doing? I'm trying to see if I can change my soulmate. But it might be Jason, and Jason's cute. Yeah, for a serial killer. So it's confirmed. He's killed people. Jess and Billy Jean, right? Jason. Yeah, that's us. Unless you want to hurt them, then we don't know them.

Ow! So you heard the rumors about me. What rumors? Oh, it's dumb. Someone started a rumor that I was a convicted killer or something. Well, are you? Ow! No, of course not. That's ridiculous. I was never convicted.

It was nice meeting you both. See you around. He was joking, right? That was sarcasm. Don't ask me. I've never understood sarcasm. Csulmate's last text or Cisolemate's heart rate? Last text.

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This way, if I can get Jason to text me, then I can match them up and see if he's my soulmate. Soulmate's last text. Meet me tonight. Don't bring anyone. He better not be planning another murder. I do not want to be an accomplice by a accomplice

by association. Hey, Jason. What? Could I get your number? Why? Um, to ask you homework questions, I can add you to the group chat. Yeah, that'd be great. I'm really behind all the math stuff.

My old school didn't even teach us fractions. Oh, yikes. Here, I'll send you a text right now, and how about you reply to it, and we can make sure it's working. I'm sure it's working. Yeah, well, why don't you just reply to it right now and we can just double check? Okay.

Ah, shoot. What? I left my phone in my locker, and I'm not going to have time to get it before class. Well, as soon as you get it, text me, okay? Okay, Jess. Has he texted you yet? No, so I'm on to Plan B. Which is...

Spam texting him and telly response. Oh gosh, Jess, if he is your soulmate, you're going to give him the ick. That's a problem for another day. Soulmate's last text. I think they're onto me. Oh, yes we are, Jason. Now text me back. He texted me back.

What did he say? Stop spamming. I'm blocking this number. Well, that's fine. Now I just have to wait for the alert to come through. Has it yet? No. It's been three hours and the last text never lined up.

I don't think my soulmate's Jason. Well, that's good, I guess. But how are you going to find your soulmate? The last text my soulmate sent was an address. So I think that's where he's meeting someone tonight. Please don't say what I think you're going to say. I have to. It's the only way to find out who my soulmate is.

But what if whoever it is is someone dangerous? Then I won't let them see me. Thanks for coming with me, Billie Jean. Yeah, well, friends don't let friends stuck serial killers in the woods alone. So-mates' last text. I'm almost there. He's almost here. We have to hide. I think I hear someone coming.

Yeah, look, over there. Who is it? No idea. But here comes Jason. Thanks for not bringing anyone. I really don't want to get caught. I get it. Now, how much do you want for it? Is he a hit man?

Maybe. Billy Jane, no. Hold it in. Who's there? You brought someone? Is this a setup? Huh? Answer me! Don't hurt him! Jess? Are you following me? No. I'm following him. He's my soulmate.

I don't think so. I don't even know you. Well, you are? Was your last text almost here? No. Mine was. But that doesn't make any sense. Earlier you texted me, stop spamming, and I never got a soulmate alert. Oh, yeah! I forgot to tell you. I accidentally gave you my mom's number. I get them mixed up sometimes. They're really similar.

Oh. Well, that's. Well, that does explain that. So you followed me here so you could figure out who your soulmate was? Yes. And to see if you were a murderer. Billy Jean, really? Wait, you two do know when I made that joke I was being sarcastic, right? You don't have to lie to us.

I've seen your search history. I know your body count. You don't have to pretend. My search history? Wait, are you talking about when I was Googling serial killers? That was for a history assignment on our criminal justice system. And my body count, I mean, that's like. little personal but it doesn't mean kill. Then what does it mean? Oh. Sorry to disappoint, but I've

never killed someone. Then what are you two doing out here in the middle of the woods? If you must know, I was doing homework for him to make a little cash. And this is two minutes from our houses, so it's the closest undisclosed place to me. Just happens to be the woods. That's an extremely boring explanation. Well, I'm kind of a boring guy. You're my boring guy. Great. I'm I know that look. She's falling in love. Come on, Jess. Let's call it a night before your parents find out that we stuck out. Bye, Jason.

Bye, Jess. See you tomorrow. Oh, wait. Here. This is my real number. This was happening today. Are tomatoes of fruit or vegetable? Easy.

Fruit. What is the name of the fairy in Peter Pan? You mean Tinkerbell? My soulmate's name is 10 letters long. This is going to take forever. Oof. Luckily, mine's only five. And the questions have been pretty easy so far.

How many letters do you have? Two. Well, good luck. The closer you get to finding out their name, the harder the questions are. I really hope I can guess mine. Which planet in our solar system is known for having a ring? Hmm.

Saturn? Thank goodness. Two more questions left. How many colors are there in the rainbow? Five, six, seven? Yes. Last question. What is the name of your twin?

I don't have a twin. Mom! Oh, Cindy! Cindy! Yes, stepmother? Finally, your ears work. I just want to make sure you're going to pick Siren and not mermaid. But my dad was a mermaid.

And look where that got him. Regardless, mermaids are soft and weak. You wouldn't want to embarrass us with that, would you? Of course not. I wouldn't want to embarrass you. Good. Now, do me a favor and go polish the hairbrushes, would you? I already have.

Then do it again. Cindy. It's your favorite step-sister. Did you do our laundry yet? No, why don't you do it? Because we haven't busy stealing from the mermaid. Look what we stole. Is that the prince's crown?

Yeah. He's going to be looking for that. Good. I hope he never finds it. Don't forget to do our laundry. I don't care what they say. I don't want to be anything like them. Just like my father. But I'll have to cover it up around them.

Good, you picked siren. Much better than a mermaid. Yeah, you're right. I know I am. Mermaids have no personality. They're boring. Mother, mother, look what we stole today. What is it?

An invitation to the sea festival. All mermaids are allowed to go to see if the prince will take their tail in marriage. Let me see that. This is wonderful. But it's in an hour. Girls, go get ready. But your sirens. So they'll change their marks for the night.

Now hurry up. We don't want to keep the prince waiting. Cindy, where do you think you're going? To get ready. The prince would never want a girl like you. Besides, I need you to finish the laundry. I already have. Then do it again.

Kauaima, k'a-m-it. Crime committed. Zero. Mom, my soulmates committed- Finger, out of nose. My soulmates committed zero crimes. Yes, and that's good, sweetie. No.

That's not good? Yes, because that means he's a good young man. No. Get that finger away from me. I want a bad boy. A bad boy? Why would you say that? Because then he can keep dad company in jail.

Sweetheart, your dad's not in jail. Yes, he is. I hear him talk about it all the time. Honey, he works at a jail. He's not in jail. Same thing. Just saying my dad's in jail is easier. Well, that explains why your teacher asked me if it's

okay for you to write him a letter. My soulmate just committed a crime. Lucky. Jess, that's not good. I don't want to marry a criminal. One crime doesn't make them a criminal. Why do you want a bad boy anyways? You know they're not all they seem to be in the movies? Well, I want to find that out for myself. Finally, we're getting somewhere. Really? How many crimes did they commit? Two. But at least I know he's not a goodie two shoes now. Billy Jean. Guess who Soulmate's crimes committed? Hit quadruple digits. Girl, he went from zero to a thousand in less than a week. I know. I said I wanted a bad boy, and he delivered. A thousand is a lot. What kind of crimes did he commit?

How would I know? If you click on the number, it will tell you everything they've done. Really? Yeah. That's how I knew my soulmate was a cannibal, among other things. You should click it. There's the bell. Tell me after class. All right, time to see what you did for those 1,000 crimes. It's not gonna be like a thousand murders, right?

Theft borrowed a pencil and didn't return it. Indecency? wore shoes without socks. Violence stepped on someone's toe? He's not a criminal. He's just a normal teenager. There's got to be something bad in here. Vandalism? Sharpie bled through on a desk. Attempted murder? Went whale fishing in Ohio? Like, really?

Violation, violation, violation. All jaywalking. You've got to be kidding me. So is your soulmate the baddest bad boy? Not even close. His crimes are hardly crimes, mostly just bad luck. What do you mean? For example, one of the times he didn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom

and they wrote him up for the attempt to spread infectious diseases. Okay, but that's really gross. Oh, I'm not arguing with that. But like, that's the type of crimes he has. has. Like, really? I didn't want a bad boy who doesn't wash his hands. I wanted a bad boy who might trespass in order to watch the pretty sunset. I told you, bad boys are not like they are in the movies. What's that look? His numbers just doubled. Doubled? How was that even possible? I don't know. He's got a talent for committing crimes, that's for sure. What do you think you're going to do?

I'm going to have to see if they can change my soulmate. You did ask for a bad boy in the system delivered. Yeah, I learned my lesson. Don't ask for a bad boy because you might get a semi-good boy who just has really bad hygiene. Hey, watch where you're going. You ran into me. Whatever. Hey, wait up. Hey, I'm talking to you. If this is something to do with me running into you, don't be a caring you were blocking the hallway. Wow. Okay, so not only have you committed 2000 crimes, but you're a jerk, too. Wait a second. How do you know how many crimes I've committed? Lucky guess.

Don't play with me. Someone had to have told you. You're right. Someone did. Okay. Who? The system. The system, but that would make you my...

Solely. It's nice to meet you, too. Hey, let me restart, okay? I'm Gabe. Jess. You're not going to shake my hand? No offense, but I know you don't wash your hands after going to the bathroom. Hey, that was only twice, and it was to get my count up.

I had heard they considered it a crime. I just didn't realize. I'd get fined for it. They find you? Yeah, being a bad boy comes at a cost. They find me $10,000. Oh my gosh. So why exactly are you trying to get your count up?

I mean, I think $1,000 was a pretty good place to stop, don't you? I'm in this little off-the-grid competition. Whoever gets the most crimes in seven days gets half a million dollars and a job. $500,000? Yep. Which I really need now, because these crime fines have racked up quite the bill. Plus, this job will have me set for life. It's an 18-year-old's dream.

And what exactly is the job? It's for the mafia. You're doing a competition for the mafia? Hey, shh! Quiet, no one can know about this. Or they will kill me. I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who's involved with the mafia. Well, is your soulmate everything you dreamed he would be?

A little too much. I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm still going to see if the soulmate counselors can change it. Jess, hey, I can't stop thinking about you. And look, if you don't. want me to be in the mafia? Fine, okay? I won't take the job, but I still need to win this competition, because otherwise I'm about to start college with a bigger debt than student loans.

You're really going to turn down the mafia for me? You just met me. Yeah, but you're my soulmate, and I want to try and make this work. I don't know where I'm supposed to end up in this life, but ending up with you feels right. Okay, well, how far are you in the lead? I'm not. I'm actually 500 behind. Five hundred behind first place? We can work with that. 500 behind third place. So fourth place. One more behind that. Fifth place? Times two, I'm in 10th place. You're in last place, aren't you? Yeah. Well, it's a good thing you've got me by your side now. Your quickest crime so far have either been the violent ones where you run into people or the attempted murder where you spread the virus. Those are going to be your best vet for getting ahead. They said if I tried to

spread an illness again, they'd send me to jail. Lucky for you, that might be okay. What do you mean? I know a guy. You know a guy in jail? Who? My dad. So here's the plan. You're going to go into the bathroom and not wash. Then you're going to try and shake as many people's hands as you can before security catches you. Once security catches you, we already know they're going to take you to jail. Once you get to jail, you're going to ask for my dad. And then you're going to give him this. Tell him it's for me. If all goes well, he'll get you out of there.

And why exactly is your dad in jail? Should I be scared? No, he works there. Oh, so he's not in jail. Yeah, technically it's at jail, but it's just easier to stay in. But time is ticking, so go. Thanks, Jess. If all goes as planned, I'll buy you something nice after. Just focus on winning, okay?

I'll be watching your count. I really hope this goes well. His score's going up. It's working. It stopped going up. He must have got caught already. Now to wait and see if he gets out. Any updates?

No, I haven't heard anything from my dad, and his count hasn't gone up. in three hours. And you're sure he didn't get hurt or something? I mean, what would be the plan for that? There's no plan for that. Hello? Dad?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Thank you. I owe you big time. We're back in business, baby. He's almost out of a million crimes. He has to be in the lead. I am.

In fact, I won. What? The competition's over? Yep. ended a few hours early. Everyone else was locked up and they didn't have a girlfriend's dad to get them out. Oh, so I'm your girlfriend now. I mean, if you want to be. Actually, I don't. For real? Well, just not yet. You haven't even taken me on a proper date yet. How about this? We go to the courthouse so I can pay off all these fines. Then I take you out on a date. I'd like that.

What do you have in mind? Dinner, movie? I was actually thinking if you were comfortable, we'd sneak into this old abandoned school and watch the sunset. It has a lot. It has a lot of the best view. But if you don't want to, I could think of something else. That sounds perfect. Presenting Prince Oscar Meyer. Your Highness. May I have your hand? We're not compatible. Good day, princess. This is ridiculous. Patience, my king. She's not going to find her compatible prince overnight. Luckily, there are still dozens of more princes traveling to check their score with her. You're right. Send in the next prince. Your Highness. We're not. We're not. We're not compatible next may I oh dear what is it are you compatible not even in the slightest good

day now this next prince is a wonderful entrepreneur and warrior manifest that for yourself before you take his hand and check your score okay yes father next may I have your hand well what is it we're not compatible I wish you luck on this journey thanks Your Majesty, we only have five more princes left. Lila, if you aren't compatible with any of these princes, you are going to be shunned from the kingdom. But Dad! No buts. I don't make the rules. Section 13, page 649, paragraph B, says if a princess cannot find a compatible prince,

then she must not continue her duties as a princess. But where would I go? All of my friends and family are royalty. Don't get upset, dear. I am sure one of these next five princes will be the one for you. Now let's all get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow. Next. Next. May I have your hand?

52%. That's not horrible. It's not good enough. Next. Again? Your Highness, we're on to the last Prince. Well, let's hope they are compatible. Otherwise, she will be banished. Presenting you, Prince Jonathan. Your Highness. May I take your hand? To me.

Say we're compatible What? If you don't want to get banished, say it They could check if I'm lying Have they done that before? No, but that's because I'm a terrible liar Oh please, you can't be that bad What's all this whispering about?

Are you compatible? Well, are you? We are absolutely compatible Lila, why are you acting strange? She's just excited she finally met the one I guess I've never seen you like this You two do make an awfully cute couple Well, we'll let you two get to know each other more.

You weren't kidding. You are a terrible liar. I told you. Now what? Oh, that part's easy. We get married. But we wouldn't be happy. We're not compatible. Who says? Society? Oh, the same society that will shun their princess if she's not compatible with the prince? Yeah.

Sounds like a bunch of bologna if you ask me.