Jessica Kaylee - Becoming a God

Episode Date: May 23, 2026

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Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment. Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. Mistress Gianna, your parents are asking for you at breakfast. Good morning, Mother, Good Morning Father. Ah, there she is, my birthday girl. Happy 21st birthday, Gianna. Thank you. I'm so excited to find out what I'll be the god of...

Us too. I remember my 21st birthday very well. I never thought I'd be a god of the stars, but here I am. And of course, you know, I was hoping to be the god of victory, and, well, I am. I certainly lived up to that name. Do you have any hopes of what you'll be named the god of? I mean, anything arts-related, I have such a connection to that. Well, whatever it is, you will be good. Great, and you will complete all your challenges with triumph.

What challenges? Did we never tell you about that? Well, you need to get going. The Council of Gods is expecting you any minute. Yes, hurry up. You don't want to be late to meet the Council. This way, Gianna. But wait, what challenges?

Welcome, Gianna, to the Council of God. Thank you. It is an honor to be in your presence. Are you prepared to receive your assignment this day? Yes, yes, I am very prepared. Are you ready to commit to the life of Godhood, serving whatever is chosen, chosen for you?

Yes. Before we begin, what are you hoping to be the god of? Oh, I mean, I'd really be happy with anything. I'm not super picky, but anything arts related would be great because that really sounds like my calling, but again, I don't really care. Hmm, not picky, eh? Nope, just super easygoing. I believe we have your assignment.

Gianna, you will become the god of... God of Earth? Which one's that again? It's where the humans reside. Oh, that little tiny blue and green one. Cool. Thank you. Are you disappointed? Oh, no, no, no.

I'm just, I'm happy to be the god of anything. You will not officially become the god of earth until you complete your five challenges. If you don't complete all five challenges, you will be given a new lesser title. Can you handle this task? Absolutely. As a part of your challenges,

you will have to live on earth. Oh, I have to live with those... What did you call them? Humans? Humans. Humans. Humans. Humans.

Humans. Human. Humans. Human. Forget. Great. Your first challenge is to make at least one genuine friendship. The rest of your challenges will be sent when you complete the previous one.

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Good luck on your journey. Well, so you have 48 hours to be all of your choice. Wait, 48 hours? What? Why is it so loud? Hey, watch where you're walking. Oh, sorry. Hey, do you want to be friends?

No, get lost, weirdo. Weirdo? I wonder if that's a compliment. Oh, hi, weirdo. Want to be friends? I'm learning so many new words. Should we be friends? No.

Hey, do you want to be friends? Why would I be friends with someone who's making fun of me? Welcome in. Can I help you? find anything? Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm looking for a friend. What do they look like? Well, I don't know. I haven't met them yet. Security. Ma'am, you need to leave. Change your danger. Please, please be my friend. Please, please, please be my friend. Sweetie, that's a mannequin. If it's talking to you, then you have some serious issues.

Will you be my friend? No. Oh, excuse me, are you okay? Yeah, I've just had a really rough day. Oh, that's a the worst. What happened? Well I was just working really hard at something and I felt like I got nowhere. Do you want to get squishies and we can talk about it more? I have no idea what that is but sure. It's nice to meet you. I'm Polly. Gianna. Come on. There's a really cute squishy shop down the street that I love. Wait, so explain it to me one more time. I am the daughter of the gods and on my 21st birthday I got a sign to be the god of earth but if I don't complete my

challenges in the next 24 hours I might be the god of nothing yep it's honestly weirder the second time okay so what's your next challenge to make slime from scratch that's easy have you ever played with slime before is that like the green stuff that comes out of your nose sometimes because if so absolutely not no slime is way more hygienic I think he Gianna whoa how did you make such a big mess I was gone for five minutes I just followed the recipe. And there's ketchup in the recipe?

I don't know what that is, but I thought it was food coloring. Okay. I completed the challenge? I'm not sure how, because that's the runniest slime I've ever seen, but... Yay! My next challenge is skincare. I do that all the time as God. Perfect.

Then that's an easy one. Definitely. Do you have any dragadule? What for? To exfoliate. Yeah, no. Girl, I'm gonna show you how we do it here on Earth. Whoa.

What is this place? Sephora. Isn't it beautiful? I won it all. Yeah, well, we don't have money for that, so you get one thing. Come on. My skin feels so good, but honestly, Dragon Drill is still superior. I'll have to send you some. I'm good. I completed it! What's next on the agenda?

Win a Woon-Bl-X game? Whatever that is. Oh, that's gonna be the hardest one yet. Why? What is a Robo X game? It's like an online game, but the kids on Earth are really good. I've never won a game. Well, if you've never won one, how am I supposed to win one? I know someone who might be able to help.

Nevin, open up! Hold on! I'm about to make this adult rage crit and cry to his mama! I'm scared. Who's this? My new friend, Gianna. Hi, Nevin. The name's Gamer Nev 6-7 to you. Oh.

What do you want? You're wasting my precious dub time. How old are you? Six and a half. I'm in my prime. Can you teach Gianna how to play Roblox? Do I look like I'm in the mood for charity work? I'll do the dishes for the next month so you can have extra gaming time after dinner.

Gigi, come on in. Let me show you how we make kids need therapy after playing against us. Oh, okay. I got one star. Is that good? Yeah. No, it's embarrassing.

You should give up now. No, I'm not gonna give up. Wait, it doesn't say you have to win by yourself. Maybe you can start the game and Nevin can take over and help you bring in the win. Would you do that, Nevin? It's Gamer Nev 6-7. Sorry.

And no, I don't do it. handouts, you gotta win the dub on your own. Nevin? Don't make me tell Mom that you stay up past your bedtime playing Robox. You wouldn't. I would. I'm not sure we should threaten him. He's fine.

Now help you on out. Ugh, fuck. Well, thank you, Gamer Nev 6-7. Yeah, yeah, now get out of here. I have kids I need to crush the dreams of. I'm just gonna use the rest of her before we go. Trick a human to survey the gods? That can't be right.

I wish to speak to the Council of Gods. Welcome back, Gianna. You wish to speak to the Council of God? Yeah. Thanks for hearing my call. Um, it's about my last challenge. It says to trick a human into serving the gods, but that doesn't seem correct. So maybe there's a misspelling, you forgot a word, lost a word, something. It is no mistake. Every God's last challenge is to trick a human into serving the gods. It's how we get our servants.

No, I can't do that. We've been watching and Polly is the perfect candidate. She already trusts you. What? No, she's my friend. You either do this, or I'll have to reassign you to a lesser god position. Goodbye! No, I! Oh, hey, Chiana, there you are. What's your last challenge?

Oh, I have to... Bring a human to the Council of Gods with me so they can advocate for me and tell them how good I've been doing. Really? Well, take me! I'm the perfect person to bring. I mean, I've been with you this entire time. I can confidently say you're going to be the best God. Thanks. Follow me. I'm so excited to you.

to meet the gods. I can't believe I finally get to meet the Council of Gods. I mean, what an Otto! Wait, Polly, I'm sorry, you can't come with me. Why not? Is it what I'm wearing? Is it because I was too excited? Does my breast sting? It's because my actual challenge is to trick a human into serving the gods. What? So you were trying to trick me? Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Wait, if you don't complete this last challenge, what happens? I don't know. I guess I get a lesser position?

So you're sacrificing your godhood to keep you. me safe? Yeah, because I care about you. You're my friend. Gianna, I... Giana, you have failed your final challenge and therefore are no longer eligible to be the God of Earth. So what happens now? We will determine your fate. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. Every home