Jessica Kaylee - Best POVS of 2023

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

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Please be something normal. Please be something normal. Chocolate? I hope I see no one with that today. Aw, Billy Jean, you got coffee without me? Because I got to school early today. But it's not coffee. It's hot chocolate. Did you say chocolate? Is that okay?

Get that away for me. Hey, that was $8. I'm sorry, Billy Jean. I can't be anywhere near that. Wait, is chocolate your fear? Yes, and just the name makes me cringe. Hey, Jess. Jared, is that chocolate? Yeah, homemade.

Jared, if you want to live, I would run away or... Ow! That was a close one. I was so close to it. You know when people are scared, they have that fighter flight. Yeah? Yeah, well, I think you should try more flight and less fight. I'll try.

Class, look what the PTA donated, a chocolate sculpture. Everyone back the heck up! Why, Jess? I'll save you. Oh my God, she's destroying it. Yes, stop. Quit that. There.

I think the coast is clear. Jessica? Yeah. Detention. Now. Let's hope my fear is better than yesterday. Blood? But it's my time of the...

Hey, Billy Jean. Jess, are you good? Oh, yeah. I'm good. My fear today's blood. And I'm on my... You know what? So they gave me some medicine to chill out, not be so afraid.

Enjoy the day. Thank goodness. Too many people got hurt. You're forgetting that I saved a lot of people from that chocolate sculpture yesterday. What's your fear today? I can't say. Billie Jean, you are my BF, F, F, F. Tell me.

It's underwear. It's embarrassing! I knew I shouldn't have told you. Billy Jean, your secret's safe with me, but does that mean you're not wearing it? Just the thought of wearing it gives me the ick. Your commando! Shhh, I swear to God, if you tell one single person. Class, your test today should take approximately five hours.

Any people that finish early probably failed. Take out your notebooks, please. Jess, is your medicine wearing off? Jess, it's okay, just deep breaths. Blah! Billy Jean? You know, now that I think of it, she is terrifying.

Jessica, why aren't you at school? I'm not going today. I'm sick. You don't sound sound? sick? I am. Hachoo! So sick. What is this really about? There's just someone at school today I really don't want to see. Just stick with Billie Jean. You'll be fine. Don't say her name. Oh no. Is she your fear? Well good luck with that because you're still going. Jess, wait. Stay away from me. Wait, am I your fear? Yes, now get back. But it's my birthday. I don't care. Just stay away.

I can't believe she's avoiding her BFF on her birthday. No wonder she doesn't. have any friends. I have friends and I just never realized how scary she is before. Ooh, that's harsh. Everyone's acting like they've never been scared of a person before. I know Billy Dean will forgive me when I don't have this feeling anymore. Everyone can't see you or everyone can't touch you. As someone who's love language is physical touch, sweetie, can you, oh, she must have already left her school. She can't see me, but can she can she? She hear me? Who's there? It's Grammaging, and I'm coming to tell you that you need to go to Chitch, you filthy, sitter. Grandma? Okay, I'll go right now. Please don't haunt me. This is going to be way too much fun.

Ow! What? Ow, it feels like I'm getting flicked in the back of the head. No one's near you. Oh, Miss Johnson, can I go to the nurse's office? What for? I'm having a lot of pain right now. Oh my God, what's that smell? It smells like tuna and coffee. Oh, God. That is bad. Billy Jean, can you tell me the answer to number three? Uh, 21. Billy Jean, that is so, so, so incorrect. You know what, just go. You're going to have to go to sixth grade math now.

Sixth grade math, but I'm a 10th grader. I'm sorry, Billie Jean, but you're just not getting it. Everyone can hear my thoughts or everyone can see through my clothes? One of those is a whole lot more suss than the other. Wow, Mr. Franklin is looking really good today. I love that color shirt on him. Maybe I should say hi. Hi, Jess.

Hi! And thanks for thinking my shirt looks nice. Wait, how did he? I totally forgot everyone can hear my thoughts today. Which means he can hear them right now. No problem. See you in class. I'm gonna go die in a hole now.

Jess, I got 100% on my English test. Wow, that's amazing. She's never gotten anything that high before. I wonder if she cheated. I did not cheat. I never said you did. I just hurt you. Oh, I am in big trouble now.

You sure are. I can't believe you would think that. I don't actually think that. Well, for the record, I didn't cheat. Dang it, Jess. Can you try not to lose all your friends today? Hey, Jess. Is football Freddy really talking to me?

Yeah, I am. Hello, Earth to Jess. Hi. Hi. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to. His lips look so soft, like pillows. I could probably just take a nap on them. Those muscles, don't know.

Uh, never mind, Jess. I have to go. No, wait. What were you going to say? Freddy, I love you. Mr. John. nose is so big. I wonder if it makes it hard to see things. I bet it does with that massive pimple on his nose. Jessica? Yeah? Principal's office. Now. What? I didn't do anything. It's not what you did.

It's what you thought. Oh! Please tell me you got words this year. On the bright side you get out of every presentation again. Okay, okay. I know a sarcastic clap when I see one. Maybe you'll have better luck next year. Class, your final is going to be a presentation. Please raise your hands if you do not have enough words. to complete the final. It looks like just Jess. Do you think she's lied about not having words? Probably. Uh, Jess, aren't you gonna say sorry for running into me? Oh, wait, you can't. I meant talk with your mouth, Jess, not your fists.

But I know you don't have the guts to hit me anyways. What, Becky? It looks like you want to say something. Oh, wait, you can't. Now you know what it feels like to not be able to defend yourself. I can't believe she punched you in the face. How are you doing? It hurts. I bet. She got you good. I probably deserved it. I stole Becky's words. You did? That's so totally awesome. It's not awesome. I feel really guilty about it. Jess, how long is Becky been making fun of you? My entire life? Exactly. Don't feel bad. And now you can finally ask out Sebastian. What? No. Oh please, cut the act. I know you're in love with him. It's that obvious.

Yeah, you reapply your lipstick every time you see him. Oh my God, I'm gonna kill you. Hey, Sebastian! Whoa. What? I've never heard you talk before. Oh, yeah. Your voice, it sounds really annoying.

It does? Yeah, maybe you should go back to not talking. Why was he being so weird? I guess if my voice is so annoying, I'm not gonna be needing these. Wait. Happy birthday! Is that the gift from your ancestor? Who's it from?

Grandma. It's from Grandma? Oh, I'm going to hold on to this one. But it's my gift. The gifts from Grandma go to Mommy, okay? Mom, my gift from my ancestor arrived. It's from Grandma, but can I please open it? No, give it here.

Did your gift from your ancestor arrive? Yeah. Is it from your grandma? Yeah. You know the rules. Hand it over. But why can't I open it? I'll tell you when you're older, okay?

Is that from your grandma? Yeah. Give it here. You know the rules. Mom, I was wondering if I could open up all my gifts from grandma this year. No, you can't. But I'm 16. I'm old enough to know what you're keeping from me. Jessica, can we please not have this fight every year? Jess, is everything okay?

You know how we get a gift from our ancestor on her birthdays? Yeah. Well, every year mine comes from my grandma, and every year my mom doesn't let me open it. What do you mean doesn't let you? Like she takes it from me and hides it. Sounds like there's a big family secret she does not want you to know about. And then my grandma did a back flip and spit out your gum. Give it to me.

I'll throw it away. Hang on. I think I've a pack of gum in my bag. Okay, well, hurry. I can't be caught with this. Oh, no. What? I gave my pack of gum to Becky this morning. She says that helps her perform better on tests. Well, hopefully she remembers it's in her bag. Jessica, you're needed in the principal's office. Immediately. What's that about? I don't know. I don't have any gum on me. Thanks for coming down here. Becky was caught trying to dispose of this earlier.

Do you recognize this gum? No. Really? Because she said she got it from you this morning. Oh, right. Well, I did, but I gave it to her way before the 24-hour ban was in place. Right, Becky? No, she's lying. She hid it in my back. She's trying to frame me. What? Well, there's only one way to squash this. Yes. Check the cameras.

No, someone could have tampered with those tapes. Unlikely. What we need is a staring contest. Is he for real? The first person to blink is guilty. Okay, hold up. Three, two, one. She blinked.

I winked. With both eyes, I don't think so. Take her to jail. Becky, don't worry, you'll get out when gum is legal again. Just back to class. Yes, I got my brother. Okay, what's my first question? What's his favorite color? Blue or green? Definitely green. My next question, what was his first word? Mama or Poo-Poo? Mama. What's his height? 5-11 or 6-1? I think he's 5-11, but he swears he's 6-1, so...

I knew it! That little liar! I'm sorry, brother, I got the questions wrong. Jess, I got you as my person. You better guess all those questions, right? I know, right? Straight up. I really want that $1,000 in my bank account.

But don't worry, I'll give you some for guessing correctly. You didn't hear? They changed the... the rules this year. What? This time the person doesn't get money. There's no prize this year. No prize. Then why are we doing this? Because if you get it wrong, that person you got is penalized. And what is the penalty exactly? And what is the penalty exactly? They unfortunately lose one of their fingers. They what? So we can't lose. Oh my God, I just caused my brother some severe suffering. You lost the game? Yeah. I'm home. Oh. Mark. Mark. Mark.

Are you okay? No, I'm not okay. Someone lost the game and I lost my finger. Dang, I wonder who got you and lost. No idea. But I want to know why they want our fingers. Another day, another person. Please be someone easy.

My mom! Okay, now let's not make her lose a finger. Favorite food? Strawberries or chocolate? Chocolate. First pet. Goldfish or hamster? Hamster?

Favorite flour? Daffid. or rose, daffodil. Last question. Favorite condiment. Ketchup or mustard? Mustard. Yes, I got them all right.

Ow! Ow! But someone got my questions wrong. Hey, Jess. I heard you lost a finger yesterday. Yeah, probably karma for making my brother lose one. I hope no one gets my questions wrong today. Who did you get today?

I haven't gotten it yet. Hopefully someone easy. My dad. Could. I should be able to get these. Right. Favorite season. Summer or winter? Summer, of course. Occupation, doctor or lawyer. My dad isn't either of those. But I guess he kind of does legal stuff, so... Weird.

Your dad died? My dad's not dead unless... Mom? Tom's not my dad. Of course he's your dad. Not my birth dad. Well, no. I don't know what's more alarming. That you've kept this from me my whole life, or if I get this wrong, they're going to cut off a dead man's finger. I forgot this was happening today. Are tomatoes a fruit or vegetable? Easy. Fruit.

What is the name of the fairy in Peter Pan? You mean Tinkerbell? My soulmate's name is ten letters long. This is going to take forever. Oof. Luckily, mine's only five, and the questions have been pretty easy so far. How many letters do you have? Two. Well, good luck. The closer you get to finding out their name, the harder the questions are.

I really hope I can guess mine. Which planet in our solar system is known for having a ring? Hmm. Saturn? Thank goodness. Two more questions left. How many colors are there in the rainbow? Five?

Six. Seven? Last question. What is the name of your twin? I don't have a twin. Mom, please give me a lot of lives so I can live the reckless life I deserve. One? Oh my God, my life is going to be boring.

How many lives did you get? Ten, you? Five. Mm, sucks to suck. Well, at least I didn't get one life like Natalie. Yeah, that would have been awful. So, can I count you in for Squid Games tonight? Oh, sorry, I can't.

I have much more dangerous plans for my life, so I'm not going to waste them on Squid Games. Like what? Top secret. Sorry. Jenny, is it true you have 10 lives? Mm-hmm. Cool, because only people with more than 10 lives can come to this murder mystery party I'm throwing tonight. That sounds so fun. Oh, it's going to be epic.

Can I put your name on the list? Actually, sorry, I can't. I already have plans, but I hope you get murdered tonight. Aw, you're so sweet. Hey, Natalie, is it true, you only have one life? Yeah, did you come to make fun of me too? No. People that use all their lives quickly are lame.

Literally so lame. I know the super fun thing we can do tonight, and it's very safe. Want to come? Yeah, that sounds fun. Great. I'll text you the deets. Come on, Jenny! Oh my God!

The wheels on the bus go. It is your turn to play. Duck, Duck, Goose. Duck, Doc. Gust. Bailey's goose. Bailey's goose. Round in round.

Sweetie, did I hear you playing Duck, Duck Goose? Yeah, the AI asked me to play. But you haven't played it yet. Have you? I played. Bailey's goose. Bailey's goose. Oh no.

Mommy, why are you crying? It's used for population control. Bailey's gone. Pest, isn't that the girl that goosed her best friend? I was six. No one explained the game to me. Then maybe your parents are partially to blame, but the blood's on your hands. Jessica, I got your name as one of my options.

You did? Yeah. And I'm gonna pick you as goose. Why would you do that? Justice for Bailey. Bailey. It was 12 years ago. Come on, Jack. Duck. Duck. Bro, quit playing and say it. Goose. Freeze. Daniel, stop. That's not funny. Unfreeze me. Hmm, I would, but there's the bell. Sorry. Seriously, none of you guys are going to unfreeze me? I really have to go to the bathroom. Why has no one came into the hall yet?

Hey, you. Why aren't you in class? Principal Howard, please unfreeze me. Freeze me. Unfreeze. Thank you. You know you shouldn't be playing that game. It's deadly. I wasn't. I don't want to hear it.

Now get to class. And where have you been, young lady? Daniel froze me and I've been stuck in the hallway. No, I didn't. We're not supposed to play the freeze game. He's right. You shouldn't be playing that. But I-

Stop interrupting and have a seat. Tattletale. I'm so getting you back for this. Freeze! Jess, come on, unfreeze me. No, you froze me in the hallway and almost peed my pants. Okay, but that wasn't after school when no one's around. Have fun being stuck out here all night. Wait. Freeze! Just, come on. Unfreeze me. No, you froze me in the hallway and almost peed my pants. Okay, but that wasn't after school when no one's around.

Have fun being stuck out here all night. Wait! Do you think someone unfrozed Daniel? It's getting kind of late. I'm sure somebody did. He has so many friends. Don't worry. I feel like I should go check on him. No, you shouldn't. It's not safe to go out at night. I would hate for him to actually be stuck out there all night. He could get hurt. There's no way he's stuck out there. Where are you going so late? Kelsey's. I forgot we have a project due tomorrow. Don't be out too late.

People have been playing that freeze game and it's deadly. I won't. Daniel? Daniel. Are you still frozen? Good. He must have gotten home because no one's out here. Freeze!

Who's there? Daniel? Is anyone out there? Hello? Someone unfreeze me, please. I think I'm. might be stuck out here all night. Unfreeze.

Oh my gosh. Thank you. Daniel? Were you the one that froze me? It wasn't me, but someone else is out here. We have to get out of here. Cover your ears so they don't freeze you. Hey, you too. Run.

I think we lost him. What were you doing there still at school? Were you there all afternoon? No, Billy unfrozed me shortly after you left. But when I got home, I realized I dropped my lucky keychain, so I came back for it. That's when I saw someone freeze you. Thank goodness you were there to see.

Did you want me to walk you home? No, I'll be fine, but thanks. Okay, just be safe. Everyone just have a seat. We don't have much information. Just that Daniel is missing. What? He went out last night and never returned home. The police will be questioning all of you to see if you know anything.

Happy birthday, sweetheart. Sour Patch Kids? Thanks, Grandma, but you didn't have to get me anything. Read it again. Sour Patch Kix? You're the only one that can eat someone. Okay? Why?

Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over. But it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Let me know if you like them. I wonder what's so special about this candy. Whoa. Class, it's extremely important that you pour the chemicals in nice and slow. Can I go to the bathroom?

You'll have to hold it. We're in the middle of an experiment. But it's an emergency. You can hold it for ten minutes. Oops. Oops, principal's office now. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to Principal Franklin. Do you want to tell me what happened today, Jess?

The truth? That'd be nice. I breathed fire and made the experiment explode. Okay, now what really happened? That's what really happened. Then you can think about that in detention. One week of detention? Ugh!

I think the red ability finally wore off. Time to see what Blue can do. Read people's minds or teleport? I've always wondered what people were thinking. Mom! Mom, I've been calling you. Sorry, sweetie. I must have tuned you out. I hope she was going to miss this is wine.

Why are you up so early today? Because today's special ability day at school, and I didn't want to miss out on any of the chaos. What ability did you get? Mine reading. Enjoy your wine. It's not alcoholic. Francesca, are you making my...

notebook levitate right now? Yeah, it's my special ability. I hope she doesn't meet my better this dollar. Cool, right? It's super cool. What special ability did you get? Mind reading? BFFR. Could you please tell me what Jeff's thinking right now? Sure. Basketball, sandwiches, gurus. I don't know what you see in that guy. Why? What was he thinking? Sports, food, and girls. He's a man of simplicity. Come on, let's get to class. Don't forget your projects are due tomorrow. I wonder where Mr. Franklin thinking. Why don't you find out? Good try.

I'm not put in my mind. You'll never look like anything. That's weird. What's weird? Didn't work. Maybe try again? You'll never know. Oh!

Oh! Is his head on fire? That wasn't me, was it? Happy talk to your future self day, my princess. Or past self. Angelica, we've been over this. It's better to look to the future than the past. Promise, Mommy, you'll look towards the future.

Angelica. Promise. I promise. I want to know what she's so afraid I'll find out. I'm squishing on my baby bumblebee won't my mommy. Hi princess. Stranger danger, stranger danger. No, no, it's okay.

I'm you from the future. Oh, dang, we never grow. Yes, we do. Angelica, give me a hand with the windows, will you? Ooh, there's mommy. Do you want to say hi? No, we have to keep this just between us. Those are the rules. Okay, one second, mommy.

Mom's cleaning? The queen never clean. never cleans mom's not the queen she's not she's the maid no I wasn't finished let me go back how was the future uh class today is occupation assessment day you'll try out five different occupations and the one you perform the best in is the job you'll have the rest of your lives I really hope I get a good job me too I heard if you don't perform well in the round you might be jobless really all right everyone you'll be given your first job now Whoa. Surgeon? Cool. Hey, you, get in here.

Me? Yes, you. You're a surgeon, aren't you? I mean, yeah, but I have no training. It doesn't matter. Today you're tested on your natural ability. Here's your first patient. Oh, gosh. Is her, like, supposed to look like that? What do you think?

I think she needs surgery. Well, you all heard the surgeon. Get her prepped. Where are you going? To go check on my other patients? No, you just said that girl needs surgery. And you're the surgeon. That seems very unsafe.

That's your last stitch, Doc. I did it. I'm a natural. Uh, doc? What? I think you sewed her leg on backwards. Oh, we're gonna have to cut it off. I'm ranked one higher than yesterday.

I'm moving up. I'm moving up. I'm moving, moving. Seriously, that was a great dance. Jess, Billy Jean got herself stuck in a locker and the fire department is here to pry her out. You have to come see this. Come on.

Please stay super still while we cut you out of here. I still don't understand how she's ranked higher than me. I know she's a little odd, but she's really cool. I'm cool. Uh-huh. What? I'm like the coolest of cool. Jess, who cares if you have a low ranking, okay? It's not like it's used for population control.

There's the bell. See you after class. All right, class, it saddens me to say that the rankings will now be used for population control. Bloody hell. I'd hate to be ranked in the 5,000s. So if her ranked low, we're killed? Killed? Oh, God, no. You've been watching way too many YouTube shorts. You just said it was going to be used for population control.

To control the population of the school, Francis. If you're ranked low, you're going to have to go to a different school, not die. The school you will be sent to is called Weed High. Dope. Sign me up, dude. It's not that kind of school stoner. I mean, Scott, it just has a very unfortunate name. Oh, well, still, sign me up. I don't want to have to go to a different high school than you.

Maybe you won't have to. Please. You're consistently ranked in the top 100, and I'm consistently ranked in the bottom. Why are you looking at me like that? I have an idea. Follow me. I am not pulling the fire alarm. Billy Jean is always high in the ranking, right?

Right. It's because she's always doing random stuff that makes people have to skip plus. So? So you want to stay at this high school, don't you? Yeah. Then it's time you start acting like Billy Jean. Pull the fire alarm. Don't you have a plan B? Just pull it. I think my idea worked. People are really happy.

Does anyone know who pulled the fire alarm? They're a goat. Tell them. It was me. No shot. You're pretty cool, Jess. Told you. You. My office. Now. It's me? Hi. I'm the problem. It's me. Jess, I did a really, really, really bad thing. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Okay, okay. Just promise me you won't judge me. Betty, I won't make assumptions. Jess, you're a real one.

Okay, I may have kissed Mr. Jacobson. You made a revel of the careless man's careful daughter. My curse made me do it, and I have him next period. What should I do? I know the bravest thing I've ever done was run. I can't believe we just skip school. We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time. Wait, can you only speak Taylor Swift?

Date the obvious. How did I just get that? Betty, are you home from school? Oh no, my dad. You're on your own kid. Jess! Jerica, that's my shirt. Finish the song lyric for a prize?

Count me in. Picture, picture, smile for the picture? Pose with your brother, would you be a good sister! Yes! I am so gonna win this prize. I work all night, I work all day? Is that really a song lyric? It sounds like something my mom would say in therapy.

Maybe I've heard her sing this song in therapy before. What else does she say in therapy? Um, I wish my husband didn't cheat on me with my best friend. Maybe not. Mom, can I go to the mall with Serene after school today? No, we need to save so I can pay the bills I have to pay. That's it. Pay the bills I have to pay.

Thanks, Mom. What did I do? I wonder how many of these I have to complete. I'm thankful for my sister, even though sometimes we fight. I know this one. Why can't I think of it? I know. It. Stuck on the lyric game?

Yes, and I know the lyric, but my brain is having the biggest fart. You might as well give up now. Apparently, Sebastian's already on his fourth lyric. I'm on my third. I could pass him. Yeah, you could. When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived. Yes, okay. Give me another good one. I am your mother. You listen to me. Yes, that means I'm tied with Sebastian now. I could win the prize.

What's all the cheering? What's going on? Sebastian just became one of the finalists. What? How many finalists are there? Only two. There's one spot left. Come on, give me a new lyric. Did you get your new lyric yet? Not yet. Hurry up! Oh, you...

Stop! Don't upset it more. Just be patient. Finally! There will come a soldier who carries a mighty sword. He will tear your city down. O lay, oh lie, oh Lord! It didn't work. But that's correct. I know it is. You have to sing it to be a finalist. You do? Yeah, that's how Sebastian completed his. I really won that prize. They will tear your city down. O'le, oh lie, oh Lord. It's still thinking. Yeah, I don't think it counts if it wasn't on tune. She sounded like a dying cat. Don't disrespect cats like that. Please work. It worked. It shouldn't have.

Sebastian, are you worried I might beat you in the finals? Not even a little. Mom, I got my name. What is it? Robin. And what's your last name? DeBank. Robin DeBank. I think it's really pretty. It's beautiful, sweetie.

Hi, I'm Robin DeBank. Oh my god, it's awful. Why? It sounds like robbing the bank. Oh. It's okay, sweetie. You don't have to accept it. You can get another name.

Bestie, did you get your name? Yes. Well, what is it? El Lainis. Oh, that sounds like a celebrity name, Miss El Lainis. You're so lucky. I know. Did you get yours? I had one option come through, but I had to pass. It was not good.

My other option just came in. What is it? I'm a hog. No, no, no, I can't have that as my name. I'm gonna have to pass on this one too. Wait. What? You only get two passes. I do?

Yeah, so you'd be stuck with the next name no matter what. So you think I should keep, I'm a hog. I'm just saying your next option could be a lot worse. Who am I kidding? There's no one. way I'm keeping I'm a hog. I'll take my chances. You, did you get your name yet? I'm still waiting for a better option. Did you get yours? Yeah, you can call me Tessa Stickles. I hope nobody calls you Tess. Why do you say that? No reason. Okay, weirdo. I got my name. Anita Dump.

Finally, something normal. Bestie, did you get your name? Yes. I finally got it and it's normal. What is it? Anita Dump. It's way better than I'm a hog or Robin DeBank. What? Why are you so quiet? Say your name very slow. A need a dump. You need to dump? No, you don't think it sounds like that, do you?

Yeah, I do. Anything less than 20, and I'll be happy. 568? That's a lot. I just know Becky will make fun of me for this. I'm going to make it private. Hey, Jess. Hey, Olivia. Why is your soulmates count on private?

Because it's personal to them. It's no one else's business. The whole point of making it public is to find your soulmate quicker. Yeah, well, I'll find them when the time is right. Will you at least tell me how many people your soulmates loved? I don't know. Come on, I'm your best friend. I'll tell you how many mine's left.

Zero. I'm going to be there first. Isn't that so romantic? Yeah, I'm happy for you. Now your turn. How many? 568. 5,68.

Yeah, I'm trying not to judge them. Now I see why you made it on purpose. private. Becky, this is an A-B conversation. See yourself out. Fine. I already got all the gossip I needed. You don't think she's going to tell anyone, right? She is Big Beak Becky. Jess, is it true your soulmate loves 568 people? No. Really? Then why don't you show us? Because I don't have to. Sounds like Becky was right if you asked me. I guess it's everyone already knows. I might as make it public. Maybe I can find them faster. Um, Jess, your soulmate's love count is going up as we speak. Dang, look at our count. How is that possible? Ha-huh, look who's making it private

again. Class, settle down. We have a new student I want to introduce you to. Everyone say hi Charlie. Hi Charlie. Hi, Charlie. You can sit wherever you'd like. Hey, is this seat taken? No, go ahead. It's Jess, right? Yeah. Charlie. How do you know my name? I saw it written on your your not pad. I hope that's not weird. It is. Mommy, can I go with Sasa's house at the school today? Of course, sweetie. Sasa! My mom said I could come over at the school today. Only people who can say my name are invited. I can say it. Really? Say Sasha. Sasa. Not my name. Sasa. Mommy, I didn't go to Sosses. Jess, you're home. Who is he? And why were you kissing him?

Sweetie, there's something I need to tell you. Hold hands, hold hands, hold, hand. Yay! Your hands are really sweaty. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I can't be with someone who has sweaty hands. Guess I'm single. Sup, ladies. It's senior year. Who are you gonna go to Homecoming with?

I think I'd rather just go alone. Just because your heart percentage is low doesn't mean you can't find love. I think that's exactly what that means. I forgot this was happening today. today. Reveal my options. Mom or dad? This should be an easy choice. Did you make your selection yet? Not yet. You didn't get me, did you? No, I didn't get you. I got mom or dad. That's easy. Right. But? But I've always wanted to meet my dad. And if I forget him, I never will. What are you gonna do? I don't know. Hey mom, I'm home. Hi, I made you a snack. Thank you.

Did you make your selection yet? Not yet, but I know what I'm gonna do. Oh, good. She's always been there for me. I can't forget her. Hello? Hey, I'm almost to your house. Okay, I'm on my way out.

Hey. I thought your mom was gonna drive us. She has a migraine. Well, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Green. You've met my dad before. I have? You don't think that my dad is your... No.

No. No. Yeah, I do. Oh, M. G. We are sisters. We have to go confront him. No, wait. Why? I don't want to hear his side of the story. Not yet. I want to talk to my mom first. You don't think they cheated on my mom, do you? I don't know what to think. Mom, I know you told me to quit asking about it, but is Mr. Green my dad? What would make you think that? Because I chose forget dad, and turns out I forgot Mr. Green. The Greens were having trouble getting pregnant, so I became a surrogate for them. But when I found out I was having twins, they couldn't afford both. We were going to give the second one up for adoption, but I fell in love with you the second I saw you. They didn't want you to think you were unwanted, so they told Emma she had a different birthday and hopes you guys wouldn't find out. But it's not our place to tell Emma. You have to keep this between us, okay? Did you talk to your mom yet? I really want to confront my dad.

What, Emma? Girl, I've been trying to get a hold of you. Yeah, I saw 56 miss calls. What's the emergency? I talked to my dad. You did? Get this. We're twins. I know. You know? Yeah, my mom told me, but she told me not to tell you. Hence why I was ignoring your calls. Sorry about that.

It's okay. I just can't believe this. We should make a YouTube video and tell everyone. I don't think we should tell anyone. What? Why? Because if we tell people that will become our entire identity. Do you really want people to just think of us as long-lost sisters?

I don't care. It's a cool story. Not really. My dad said you were going to be like this. Like what? Like jealous of my life and that I grew up with our dad. I can't believe you just said that. And I can't believe you want to keep us a secret.

Darn. Hey, Jess. Don't. I just want to say I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday. I know I was a... Devil? I was gonna say jerk. But sure, truce.

These challenges make it super hard to communicate. Definitely. Jess, our date last night was... Delightful. I couldn't have said it better. I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend. Down? Great. I'll walk you to class.

Dope Jess Can you please read question 8 Out loud to the class Drunk Are you implying you're drunk Drink Do you need to go get some water?

Dry Okay, we'll be quick You can read when you get back Daddy Excuse me Doppelganger Just go get your water $100

Take or double Take Thank you Jess dot Why are their bats flying around the school? There's only three. And you know that how? Please don't tell anyone, but I was the one that took them.

Why? I thought they were baseball bats, and I really needed a new one. I love double it day. The weirdest things happen. 900 socks? That's a lot of socks. But I don't want them. Double it and give it to the next person.

Hey, have you seen Linda? We have a group project and I can't find her. She decided to take 10 cars. But when they came down, landed on her. Oh my gosh, is she okay? No, a car landed on her. Of course she's not okay. 70,000 used Starbucks cups. These questions are getting out of hand. This year they're having major issues. The numbers are surpassing demand. They've been taking away the double adoption. Wait, so if you don't have the double adoption, you're like stuck with an absurd amount of something?

Yeah, pretty much. I really hope that doesn't happen to me. I only have two questions left. When I'm home, what in the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory is this? I got stuck with one million sugar datties. My only option was to take it. I don't know if I'm happy or sad it was the candy. I think you should be happy. Actually, I know you should be happy. So, do you want a candy? I'm okay.

But you should probably donate some of these so we can have our floor back. Do you know anyone who loves sugar daddies? Not the kind you got. I wish it was the other kind. A hundred thousand diamonds take it? There's no other option. Well, if I have to be stuck with something, at least it's something that will make me rich.

Let's see what a hundred thousand diamonds looks like. It's time to take some of you to the poncha. Next. How much money can I get for 10,000 diamonds? Whoa, where'd you get so many diamonds? The game. Wait, are you the one that accepted a hundred thousand diamonds? Why?

Because my buddy was gonna accept the 50,000, but then he sneezed and pressed double it. Those diamonds belonged to him. Wait, stop! This is only 10,000. Where are the rest of the diamonds? If you tell us, we'll let you go. I'm not telling you. Fine. Take her phone. Hey!

Call the last person she talked to. the last person she talked to. Hello? Jess. Hi, is this Jess's friend? Yeah, who's this? She left her phone at the store, and we'd love to return it to her. Could you give us her address?

Yeah, it's 19305 Berkeley Drive. Great. Let's go, boys. 200 scissors, take it or double it? Perfect timing. And I'm free. I hope I can get to them before it's too late. Police, there's robbers on the way to my house right now.

I need your help. Mom, what happened? Those two men tried to rob her house. Are you okay? I'm fine, but they ate some of my sugardatties. I think you have plenty. I think these belong to you. Thank you, officer, for getting here so quick.

No problem, but you better put those in safekeeping. Otherwise, this won't be your first burglar. I will. Where are all the diamonds? Do this. Spin in a circle. Billy Jean. What? Spin in a circle. She said do that. No, she said do this. Hurry!

There. You have to do this. to listen, Billy Jean. You almost didn't make it. Do that. Clap three times. Billy Jean? Yeah. Was that you who just clapped? Yeah? No! Hey, I heard about your friend, Billy Gene. I'm really sorry.

Thanks. She was a really good friend. She was dumb as a rock. It's a miracle she made it this long. Do this. Touch your nose. Do that. Stop. No, don't. She said do that. Oh, shoot. You don't think she saw me, do you? I think she saw you. Do this. Stop. Do that. Freeze. Nobody freeze. She said do that. Do this. Run.

We've been running for hours. I can't go any longer. Come on. We have to keep going. Why? So she can torture us more? Yeah. What's the point of this anyways? My too. Stop running. Did she say do this or do that? I don't know. No one heard her. You already use all your words?

No. Then why aren't you like talking a mega bunch? Because I'm not mega weird. You have to like totally use up all your words by the end of the day. Otherwise there's mega consequences. What kind of consequences? Each word left gives you a paper cut. And a thousand paper cuts, you know what.

And I'm just hearing about this now? They say it every morning on the announcements, but you're always mega late. Amber, do be a favor. Quit saying mega. Katie, let's chat. I have a lot of words I have to use up by the end of the day. I'm almost out of words, but I can listen. On second thought, never mind.

One-sided conversations give me the hebi-jeebies. Jane looked at her with eyes full of sorrow. Are you talking to yourself? I'm reading. I'm trying to use up all my words. We'll come to the kitchen. It's a family emergency. What kind of emergency?

Just come. I'm coming. What's wrong? Your sister still has 100,000 words left. Oh my God. She's not going to make it. She can give them to me. Are you sure?

Yeah. I could stay up all night talking to myself. It'll be fine. Okay, if you insist, go ahead. Transfer them. You idiot, that's not 100,000. That's one million. Did you already use all your words?

No. Then why aren't you, like, talking a mega bunch? Because I'm not mega weird. You have to, like, totally use up all your words by the end of the day. Otherwise, there's mega consequences. What kind of consequences? Each word left gives you a paper cut. And a thousand paper cuts, you know what.

And I'm just hearing about this now? They say it every morning on the announcements, but you're always mega late. Amber, do be a favor. Quit saying mega. Katie, let's chat. I have a lot of words I have to use up by the end of the day. I'm almost out of words, but I can listen. On second thought, never mind.

One-sided conversations give me the hebi-jeebies. All right, Green. Let's see what you do. Oh, hey, you just hit me with that door. Maybe don't stand in the doorway then. That didn't hurt. I can't feel pain. All right, class.

Then pour the sauce over the noodles. Jess, OMG. Use the pot holders. You're going to burn yourself. Are you okay? Yeah, I didn't even feel it. Okay, well, that's not normal. You should get that checked out.

Let me show you something. I got these sour patch kicks, and they... Where are my sour patch kicks? Where'd you leave them? They were right here. I don't see them. Jess, it's going to be okay. I'm sure you can buy more.

No, you don't understand. I have to find these ones. Yeah, I just found them. I've never seen them before. Becky. Becky, are those my sour patch kicks? No, these are mine. No, they're definitely.

Definitely mine. Now give them back. Get your hands off. They're mine. Well, that didn't even hurt. You hit like a baby. Then take this. Is that all you got, Becky? Yeah, my hands hurt. Then you should work on that. Never take these again. Thanks again for letting me borrow your toothbrush. Any time. Did you do the homework? Jinks! Knock on wood! Shoot! I can't believe we just jinks.

Hurry, Billy Jean. You have to knock on wood before the time runs out. Yeah. I know. No, I just don't see anything made of wood. Hang on, I might have a pencil. Just hurry, the timer's running out. I don't have one. No, but that means... Sebastian?

Here. Jess? Here. Billy Jean. She's no longer with us. Jinks, knock on wood. Huh, I was first. You have to knock on wood.

No, I said it before you. No, I said it before you. You're jinxed. I am not. And if I'm knock on wood and I'm not jinxed, I'll die. I guess we're about to find out which one of you was actually jinxed. I knew I wasn't jinxed.

Can we get the body pickup patrol? Hey mom, hey sis. How is your day, sweetie? Not good. Billy and I jinxed today, and she didn't knock on wood in time. I always liked her. Jinx, knock on wood. Oops, you got me, sweetie.

Mom, knock on wood. Yeah, mom, don't forget. Mommy, hurry, the time's running out. I'm fine. That's not funny. I can't believe. I've overslept. I'm gonna be so late for school. Excuse me. Jinks, knock on wood. Shoot, I do not have time for this. There. What? Why didn't it work? Because the floor's

made of laminate. You have to knock on real wood. Out of my way. There. Jessica, please tell me you have a good reason for disrupting the class. I do. If I didn't interrupt, I would have died. Okay, well, just go sit down, please. Did I miss anything important? School-wise? Not at all. Gossip wise? Hmm, Sebastian jinxed Emma and she didn't make it. No shot. Oh, it gets worse. Then Jason started bawling his eyes out.

Apparently, Emma and Jason were having a secret affair. Emma was a little devil. Girls, quiet down. Does anyone know the answer to number 67? 4927. That is correct. Why is there a countdown? Jess Anna jinxed you.

No, she didn't. Yes, I did. I'm pretty sure she did. I didn't hear you. I said it, I swear. Jess, come on, knock on wood. Is this some kind of sick joke? Because you both know if I knock on wood when I'm not jinxed, I die.

I would not joke about this. Jess, we're being for real. Come on. I want it now! Give it to her before the house catches on fire. There you go, sweetie. I love it. Earthquake. We have to keep her neutral or she'll destroy the earth.

Doctor, we can't control her emotions. You can give her one of these pills each day. It'll prevent her from feeling emotion. So we'll never hear her laugh again? Sweetheart, it's for the best. She's dangerous. Here, sweetie, take this. Jess, don't forget your pill. Thanks, Mom. Have a good day, okay? Every day's the same. They're just days. Is Ben looking at me? Don't look. Okay, fine, just a quick look.

He's looking at you. Oh my gosh. How does my hair look? Fine. What does it feel like? To have good hair? To be happy. What do you mean? You're happy. You smile all the time. I smile because it makes others comfortable, but I don't feel anything. That's not normal, Jess. You should be happy. You probably talk to the nurse about that. Maybe. So you never feel happy?

No. Are you taking any medications? Yeah. This one. That's strange. SOMEIT controls your hair or your eyebrows? I'm concerned what they would do to my eyebrows, so... Soulmate wants you to dye your hair?

Okay, never mind. I choose eyebrows. Really? This is going to ruin my hair. I can't believe you may. made me do that. And the bangs, really? Jess, are you okay? Why? You dyed your hair and got bangs. That screams crisis.

My soulmate made me do it. Does it look horrible? No, you look like Annie. Like the orphan? No, the other one. What other one? Oh, there's the bell. See you later. There was no bell. Whoa, Jess, I almost didn't recognize you there for a minute.

Yeah, you're like the 20th person to tell me that today. Your soulmate controls your hair? Yeah. Wait, I think I might know who your soulmate is. Who? I think Jason. I overheard him saying he was gonna mess with his soulmate all week. Great.

Hopefully today's options are better than yesterday's. Soulmate controls your eyebrows or your mouth. If I pick mouth, they might make me say peculiar things. We're going eyebrows. And we're going back to blonde. To the salon. Thanks for getting all the red out. I finally look like myself again.

Mm-hmm. Although something looks different. About that. Where are my eyebrows? It was really strange. They kind of just fell off. off when I was washing your hair. Do you know why that happened? Jess, you know the rule. No hats in class. Why? It's not distracting anyone. I don't make the rules. I just enforce them. Take your hat off.

Thank you. Now, Jess, can you tell us what X equals? 45. I can't hear you. Forty-five. Please look at me when you're speaking. The answer's 45. Thank you for answering. What? You've never seen a girl with shaved eyebrows? Jess, your eyebrows aren't shaved. They look like someone doodled on your face. I'm gonna find my soulmate and then punch him in the face. Why are you so violent today? Why do you think, Becky? I don't know.

Jess, just forget her. She isn't worth your time. Didn't Luke tell you something about Jason? You're right. Jason. Whoa, someone forgot it wasn't Halloween today. Are you the one that's choosing my eyebrows? Why?

Are you hoping I'm your soulmate? Just answer the question. Sorry to disappoint, but it's not me. I control my soulmate's toes today. But if it's not you, then who? Thank goodness yesterday's over. Let's see my options. Somate controls my eyes or soulmate controls my nose?

Well, at least it's not eyebrows. I guess we're going with eyes. Jess, ah! What? You need to put these on now and not take them off. Jess, you know the rules. No sunglasses in class. Mr. Fitz, trust me.

You don't want me taking these off. Trust me. I do. Take the glasses off. Put them back on. Put them back on! Please put them back on! I warned you, Mr. Fitz! You keep those glasses on the rest of the day, okay? Hey, watch where you're going!

Sorry, I can't see anything in here with these shades on! Why are you wearing those inside? Because my soulmate controls my eyes today. Really? Let me see. Oh. What did you just do? Nothing. You just touched something above your head.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did. What's your name? Paul. Paul Potter? Paul Potter. Are you my soulmate? I think so.

Why did you hit me in the face? Because I told everyone I would after everything you put me through this week. And I am not a liar. I guess I deserved that. But now you gotta kiss me so we can find out if we're actually soulmates. Girls are weird. Well, soulmate found. Soulmate no longer controls you.

Well, Paul, looks like you are my soulmate. Then why are you putting those back on? Because Mr. Fitz is letting me wear these the rest of the day, and I've been napping in this class. Bobby, did you forget? You're my line buddy. No, I didn't forget. I'm going to be Sarah's line buddy today. But you're my boyfriend. Yeah, not anymore. Here's your heart back, Beth.

It's broken. Princess Beth, I told you to be careful. You only have two hearts left. Don't let another break, okay? What happens if they all break? Something very bad, so don't let it happen. You got a Valentine. I did? From who? I don't know. Here, there's a note.

Wanna be my Valentine. Meet me by the bleachers. Charlie. Charlie, here's my heart. And here's mine, Beth. Put it away. What's everyone looking at? Elsa's Insta. She's with a boy that looks like Charlie. Let me see.

It's kind of hard to tell since they're kissing. No, that's not him. And he wouldn't cheat on me. Did you think I wouldn't find out? Like, really, Charlie? She accidentally posted the pick. I want my heart back. Fine. Here it is. Mom, have you seen my phone?

No, and you're not allowed to have it. Why not? Because you're not allowed to have anything that has a reflection on it. You must guess your symbol without looking at yourself. Okay, well, give me a hint. No giving hints either. You and the other person would both die. Well, then how am I supposed to guess it?

Just start guessing things. Star. Heart. Circle. Yeah, good like guessing that one. Is mine hard? Not hard, but I've seen easier. What's the point of this anyways?

You guess your symbol? You're safe. You cheat or don't guess in time? time, you die. In time? How much time do we have? Until sundown. Would you like to switch bodies with your soulmate? Now this is going to be interesting. Why do my teeth hurt? I have braces? How you doing? Has anyone seen Jess? Um, I'm right here. What? Oh, um, I mean, she's probably in class. Oh. Hey, braces kid. You're looking. Looking good today.

Ow! How did you do that? I have the ability to switch bodies with my soulmate. Oh, so that's your soulmate. Yeah, Becky, you backstabber? I didn't know. You're uninvited to my birthday. Ah!

You know, this could be a great way to figure out how people act behind my back. Hey football players! Why are you talking to us? You want us to give you a wedgy? What? No! Then don't talk to us, Braceface! Dang! I didn't realize my soul. My homemate was getting bullied by those guys. He's always so positive.

Hey, Janice. Hi, braces, kid. What do you think of Jess? The one with blonde hair? Yeah? The one who doodles on her paper? Yeah? The one who wet her pants in the second grade?

Yeah? She's ight. But did you hear the rumor about her? No, what? That is not true. Wait, Jess? And even if I was practicing kissing in the girls' bathroom, it doesn't make me a bad kisser.

Being in my soulmate's body isn't as fun as I thought it would be. But maybe I could do one good thing for my soulmate while I still have some time left. Hey, football players! We've been telling you not to talk to us, braces, kid. I'm telling you that you're never going to pick on me again. Oh, really? Get him, boys. Wedgie, wedge.

Wait, Jess. Where'd you come from? Excuse me. Were you just going to wedgee, Jess? Yeah, they were. No, it was someone else. Uh-huh. My office now. Racist kid is a weirdo. He's a shapeshifter.

I might have just made that worse. But hopefully they never pick on my soulmate again. Okay, let's see what ability I get today. Control love? Sending tools now. A bow and arrow? I wonder what this does. How? What was that for? Sorry, Mom. Just testing out my new ability.

Well, be careful where you aim that thing. I'm still not sure what you do. I'll get it. Well, hello, Mr. Mailman. You are looking different today. I am? It makes you fall in love with the next person you see. Besides me, of course.

Hey, Jess. Hey, Alice. What ability did you get? You can't tell anyone, okay? Okay. I can control who people fall in love with. No way. Girl, you have to make Jake fall in love with me.

I've been obsessed with him forever. Girl, I got you. There he is. Did you mean to hit Gross Garrett with that? Arrow? Run! Hey, Alice! I love you! A hairdresser? Now this? I might be good at. So how much are we thinking off today? Maybe two inches? You got it, girly pops. Hey, can you hear me that? Yeah. What was there? That better not be my hair. Have you ever thought about a wig? Have you ever thought about jail? I know I messed up the first client, but just give me one more

chance. Fine. You can do the girl in chair three. Thank you. So I heard you want to go flound today. Yeah. Do you have any inspirational pictures? Uh, here. Oh, Alex Earle. You got it. And ta-da! What do you think? I said I wanted blonde hair. It's slightly overtoned, but it'll fade. My hair's ruined. Oh, don't be dramatic, Krista. A one out of ten again? I have to be better at this next occupation. Or I might not end up with a job. I can only say four letter words or I can only say dirty words? I'd rather go with the four letter. Oops. Sorry, Jess. Poop. Jess, congrats. You got the lead in the play. Nasty! Nasty? Is that like the new fetch?

Nasty. Well, good job. You were nasty. Jess, what were your thoughts on last night's reading? Unhygienic. Really? Huh. Can you go more in depth on why you thought that? Toxic, contaminated mud. Interesting. Becky, what are your thoughts? I disagree. Hey Jess, want to grab some food before we have to go to rehearsal? Greasy? Yeah, we could get something greasy. What about Buffalo Wild Wings? Messy.

Yeah, you're right. What about Taco Bell? Wait, no, Chipotle. Belfy. Bowl or burrito? Spoiled. Spoiled, really. We have to make you sign a waiver if you're going to buy that.

But here you go. And here's the waiver. What do you want to be when you grow up, little one? I... No, she can't answer that yet. She's too young. She seems like a smart girl. Well, she's not.

Hey, ma. If I eat a pumpkin seed, will I poop pumpkins? Yes, sweetie. Jess, what do you want to be when you grow up? My mom says I'm not allowed to answer that question until my brain's fully developed. Why? She's worried I'm going to say something like, I want to be a shark. Oh, good, you're here.

Ethan loves sharks, and he's turning six today. We're really hoping you can sing baby shark for the first hour. For an hour? You're right. That might not be long enough. How about two? Baby shark. Do do do do baby shark do more baby shark no no more baby shark died Thank you again so much for coming. I'll get you your check. I'm gonna need you to pay me extra for that kid paying on my tail

Oh of course here you are how did you get into this job anyways it all started when I was a kid Jess hurry up the bus is almost here mom I can't go to school today sure you can everyone's going to be in the birthday suit see oh my gosh out of my room Fine. I really wish I couldn't see that. Billy Jean, that suitcase might be covering up your front side, but not your backside. You're fully exposed. I am not. I taped an Amazon box to my behind.

You can't see anything, although it does make it difficult to sit down. Good idea with the trash bag, though. That would have been way better than chugging around a suitcase all day. What was that noise? Jess, is that a poodle on your booty? It's a birthmark! Becky cut open my trash bag! You have to figure out.

what her deal is. First, I need to cover myself up before I moon the entire school. Well, Billy Jean, looks like we're twins today. Let's get to class. Jess, what's my number? A seven. Ugh, everyone told me a different number. You can't trust anyone here. I don't even know who to believe. Danny, believe me. We both can win this if we're 100% honest with each other. Neither of us have to die. Yeah, you're right. Your number is a three. A three? Yes. Now promise me, mine's a seven. Promise. I promise. Jess, you've been awfully quiet. Everything okay? I don't need you getting in my head, Tina. I already know what I'm going to guess.

Well, hopefully it's right, because your life depends on it. And so does yours. So how about instead of lying to people, you gain someone's trust and tell them the truth? I didn't lie to anyone here. I told Benny at a four, Danny a seven, and you an eight. You told Danny he had a seven? Yeah. But Danny said everyone told him a different number. Well, maybe everyone did. No, I told Danny he had a seven too. That's the problem. You can't trust anyone in here.

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