Jessica Kaylee - Best POVS of 2024

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Best POVS of 2024 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Happy birthday, sweetie. Your beauty score is about to appear. Needs plastic surgery? That's rude. Come on, we have to go. Go where? You need to get surgery now. Why? I don't care what my score is. You might not, but the government does. They will kill you if you don't. She'll have a little bruising for a few days, but it's a good thing you brought her in when you did. 15,000 people were killed today for not completing their plastic surgery in time.

How are you feeling, sweetie? In pain. come back and get the bandages off in a week. Whoa, Jess, what happened to you? I'm ugly. That's what happened. Oh, well, I can't wait to see your new face. I hope I look like Taylor Swift. Otherwise, this pain is not worth it.

Three, two, one. Tada! Whoa, I look like a whole new person. That's the point. Do you score 100%? Now if your score gets below 100, you must come back immediately. Okay, I got it. 99% that's fine right?

Put your hands up! Okay, adulting. Billy Jean, eyebrows on Fleeck. On what? Girl, no one has said that since 2016. Swerve! Why are you sounding like my 30-year-old sister? Wait, can you only speak in millennial? Yes!

Just usually I will defend you, but today I cannot. There's thing one, but where's thing two? Billie Jean just bounced, Becky. Bounced? Hondo P. You're being weirder than usual. R.T. Huh?

Bye, Felicia. My name's Becky. Yes. Do you like Danny? Nah, fam. Oh, really? That's too bad. Spill the tea, Charlie.

I don't know for sure, but I think he's going to ask you to the dance tomorrow. Bet? Well, he was, but maybe he shouldn't if you're on your challenge week because you're being kind of cringe. Ugh, the struggle is real. Don't worry, I was a mess on mine, too, but I also wasn't about to go on my first date. Mood. How was jail? Horrible.

Also, the only reason they took me yesterday was because Becky told them I had makeup on. That girl has always been out to get you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I will not survive today without this. Then you better start chugging before anyone sees. That was not a good idea. My stomach hurts. Yeah, I was kidding when I said to chug it.

That was a terrible idea. Assignment, please. Here you go. Is that coffee I smell? It is. Someone around here drink coffee and it's banned. What if they drink it before was banned? All coffee is banned. Coffee drink, coffee breath, coffee spills, coffee smells.

I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this. Everyone, breathe in my face. I'm doing a stiff test. Jess, here, eat this mint. Thank you. Jess, your turn. Breathe in my face. my face. Okay class, we have found the cop- What? It's Patrick. What? No, it's not. It was coming from this area and it wasn't Jess. I've never even drank coffee before. That's exactly what a guilty person would say.

Come with me, you're going to jail. We're Patrick. Class, today is YouTube Assessment Day. You'll try out six different niches to determine if you have what it takes to be the next YouTuber. Oh my gosh, Billy Jean. Could you imagine if we gotta be YouTubeers. Bye-bye, Mr. Beast. Hello, Billy Beast. Everyone, your assessments begin now. Good luck. Oh, I have a really good feeling about this one. You will have five hours to practice before we will grade you on your ASMR live stream. Oh, I don't need to practice. I see a lot of ASMR. Are you sure? There are no penalties for taking time to practice. I'm positive. Welcome to ASMR with Jess. have the helicopter. Christopher 999 says, don't ever make that... Anyone want to trade for a Band-Aid?

Is it used? No. Then I don't want it. Jess, look at my new kicks. Olivia Rodrigo Uggs? What did you trade to get those? I traded for my Stanley, but worth it. I need a better item, but I don't have anything more expensive to trade.

Ow! I have a paper cut! I have a Band-Aid. Oh, thank you. But you're gonna have to trade me your earrings for it. Fine. Oh Brian! I'll trade you these earrings for your Gucci cologne.

Why would I want your earrings, Jess? Because it's your girlfriend's birthday and I overheard her saying you didn't get her anything. Fish sticks, that's today? Yeah, I completely forgot. Okay, I'll trade you, Jess. But she better like these. Finally getting somewhere. But this still isn't gonna pay for college. Whoa, miss, is that the new Gucci Cologne? Yeah. I'll trade you. Please. I've been dying to get my hands on that.

What do you got to trade for? Hmm, this. Oh, what the? Oh, what the? No, I'm not taking your newborn baby. One, I don't want it. And two, that's illegal. Yeah, you're right, sorry. It was just the first thing I could think of. It's not even my baby. I'm just babysitting. You do realize that's worse, right? Okay, just hang on. But what if I trade you my purse? Now that, I'll take. Getting closer, but I still have to get a yacht if I want to trade for a bachelor's degree. Hey, I'll trade to your car. for this purse. No way, get out of here. Whoa, your apartment is nice. Yeah, it's nice. Do you want to sit down? We could chat. We could. Or we could trade your apartment for this purse. No way, get out of here. I need a better strategy. I'll trade you this limited edition, modern laptop case designed by the Kate Spade herself for your motorcycle. I'm not trading you my motorcycle, but I'll trade you this bike. I'll take it. Jess, that's a sick bike. It's super expensive. It is? Cool. I'm finally making progress. Straight up. I got scammed and ended up with a poopy diaper that no one will trade me for, so you're really winning.

Excuse me, I would love to trade you for your bike. I'll give you something ten times the price. Ten times? Are you kidding me? What is it? Just close your eyes and put your hands up. But once you agreed to trade, no tradebacks. How do I know you're not scamming me? I am a woman of my word. Please, I remember when I was young and broke. I just want to help you out. Fine. What is it?

A ring worth half a house. So worth a yacht? Most definitely. Enjoy your yacht. Bye. Thank you. One yacht, please. Now hang on a sec.

What do you have to trade for? This. And this is real? Yes, sir. All right. Now let me just check this out. Ah, darn. The currency changed.

Unfortunately, we can't trade anymore. We only take diamonds. How am I supposed to get diamonds? Easy. Just take your item to the diamond currency trader, and they'll give you what it's worth. Fine. I'll be back.

I'd like to trade my item for diamonds. Alright, I'll take a look. Okay, your diamonds will appear in just a sec. Five diamonds? That must be a lot, right? No, that's equivalent to like a roll of toilet paper. Gold toilet paper? More like one ply, so thin that you have to use the whole wall.

that you have to use the whole role when you go number two. I got scammed! I have to find that woman. See what soulmate's doing or see soulmate's time left? If I see what they're doing, it'll be easier to find out if it's Becky's brother. Is that... Oh gosh, some things are TMI. Please show me soulmate at school.

Okay, so they're in the car. But are they driving to school or work because they're a 35-year-old man? Jess, are you okay? No, not knowing who my soulmate is is driving me bonkers. Tell me about it. Any luck on finding out who yours is? Not yet, but I can see their heart rate. It's at 40 beats per minute.

Isn't that kind of low? Yes! Jess, is there something you'd like to share with the class? Um, my soulmate is not a full-grown man. Okay, now let's pay attention. Hi, Miss Fitz, sorry I'm late. It's all right, Jason, just don't let it happen again. Wait, Jess, didn't your soulmate just get to school?

Uh, yeah. Yeah. All right class, welcome Jason. He's new to the neighborhood, so everyone be nice. Hello, Jason. Hurry up and eat it. The seeds look like a bunch of eyes. Then close your eyes.

You have a lot of fears around food. Well, excuse me for not wanting to have diarrhea. Oh my gosh, it smells funny. It's one day past. It won't hurt you. We hope. Finally, one that's not food. Well, we haven't seen you in a few years.

It looks like you have about three to four cavities, but don't worry, we will get those taken care of today. Actually, I'll schedule the follow-up out of later day. I have to go. When can we schedule you? Never. Time is ticking. Why haven't you gotten a new fear yet?

I don't know. You don't think it's like a glitch, do you? Hurry up! This is wasting your time. It's been over an hour. I don't know what I'm going to do. Finally! It's overcast today.

How are you going to complete that? I can get sunburn anywhere. Let's go. It must be completely. Quick, give me the aloe. You're barely burnt. You don't need it. Just give it to me. Lazzang sur-gely,

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Are you girls excited to meet Smiley the clown? Nope. Not one bit. In fact, Jess, I think I'll stay out here for this one. Please don't make me go in there alone. You're the one that signed up to do this? Not me. I am not going in there.

Alright girls, it's your turn. I'm not back in 60 seconds. Call the police. It's okay, don't be scared. Smiley, the clown won't hurt you. Just open your eyes. Ow! Belly Jean, run! Run! Why? I may have hit the clown in the nose and now he's chasing me. Come back here! Will you at least let me go back to Earth?

Okay, okay. I don't do this very often, but I'll make you a date. Do you accept? Yes, I accept. Now what's the deal? I'll let you choose. You can go back to Earth and live for eternity. I choose that one. Now hold on, I didn't say the other option. I don't want to stay another second in this hell hole, pun intended. I'm getting out of here.

Are you sure you don't want to hear the other option before you press that button? Bye. Mom, Dad, I'm back! Who are you? And why are you in my house? Mom, it's okay. It's me, Chloe. Your daughter. I don't have a daughter. Now get out or I'll call the police. You're joking, right? Is this because I died?

I know this is probably very confusing, but I... I... Never had a daughter. What are you talking about? That's it. I'm calling the police. No, it's fine. I'll leave.

Now! Hello? Mary Jane, thank goodness you're home. I was just at my parents' house and for some weird reason they don't remember me. Can I crash here for a while? I'm sorry, but do I know you? Yeah, we've been best friends since like the third grade. I know this is probably weird because I did die and all, but...

I think you have the wrong person, but I hope you find that. No, no, no, Mary Jane! No, no, Mary Jane! No! no one remember me? I really hope Billie Jean's lucky number is lucky again. Sorry, no service. Pick one. I think they're gonna choose twos this time. Perfect! Can I get ten orders of cheeseburgers and animal fries? Someone's hungry. This is probably my last meal. I'm sorry to hear that.

The chooser has chosen. No, no, no, no, no. I haven't even got my meal yet. They picked corner three. Three? Three? I get to live another day! Here's your meal, ma'am. You know what? Keep it.

I didn't have the money to pay for it, and I wasn't expecting to be here to deal with the consequences. Pick a corner! I think we should pick two again. But you've picked two the last two times. And it's kept me safe. Your lucky number is becoming my lucky number. Fine. The chooser has chosen.

That was quick. The corner chosen was... Where did you get that? You get that? Aunt Sabrina sent me a bag full of finger gummies and eyeballs. Do not eat that, Jessica. Those are not gummies. Sure, she sent me real severed fingers.

She might have your aunt's a witch. Just because you two don't get along doesn't mean she try and feed me real body parts. I wouldn't put anything past her. Now give me the bag. All right, Mom. But you need a better hiding spot. What does that mean? Ew, Sebastian, why are you letting her pick your nose?

Who? Her! Jess, there's no one picking my nose. Wait, you don't see that girl right there? Do you? He can't see dead people, pumpkin. Just you can't. Hello!

Do you see something? Uh, no. Carry on. Stop it. So you died in the 20s? Jess. Who are you talking to? Margaret.

My great, great grandma's best friend. Please tell me you're joking. No. Since when? Since today, well, my aunt gave me these body part gummies that give me special abilities. Do you want one? No way.

It was like a little too real to be gummies. Well, you're lost, because that ghost leprechaun dancing on your head has sick dance moves. Get off my head! Get up! You can't touch them, Billy Jean. They're translucent. Have you ever seen Casper the Ghost? My stomach hurts, I'm so nervous. Mine too, but it's because I eat too many Christmas cookies.

What if we don't get the same elf occupation? Then we'll hang out a bunch after hours. Pickles, you're up. Good luck. I got it! I got what I wanted! You're a toy elf? Yours truly. I'm gonna make the best dolls. I really hope I get that one too.

Eh, my life is ruined. She must have gotten a reindeer elf. I hope I don't get that one. I do not want to scoop reindeer poop the rest of my life. Eloise, you're up. Come on in, have a seat. The scanner will begin shortly. Huh, that's weird.

We're gonna have to do it again. Hold still this time. I'm not moving. And no talking. Does it normally take this thong? No, it doesn't. Something is very, very wrong. What's wrong?

For some reason it's not able to read your elf Oh, well, that's okay. I could just be a toy elf. No, no, it's important your match correctly so you're set up for success, which means we're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. Which is? You're going to be given an occupation test and you will try out all the different occupations to see which one best suits you. Any questions? Yes, actually. Too bad, your test begins now.

Wait! What am I supposed to wear for that? Mashed potatoes? Why are you wearing chicken wings on your head? They're turkey legs. Duh. Okay. Why are you wearing turkey? legs on your head. Because the theme is Thanksgiving dinner.

I do not think the AI is going to get that theme. Billie Jean, I changed. This looks more like a turkey, right? You do look like a turkey. But why do you look like a turkey? For Thanksgiving dinner. You're supposed to wear what you would wear to Thanksgiving, not what the turkey would wear.

I can't be the only one who was confused by the theme. You're the only one that looks like a Macy's Day parade float. Time for theme check. Oh no. Theme not found. I've literally worn this to dinner before. It's not what you would wear to Thanksgiving, but as Thanksgiving dinner. I knew it!

I have to tell Billie Jean before it's too late. Excuse me, move it! Coming through! You there, in the turkey suit. Just one second! No, get in here. You're up. Scanning theme. Being found.

Next. I really hope Billy Jean passes. Need subway surfers now! Your brain rot's only 50,000 L plus ratio! How are your guys as brain rot's already in the hundreds of thousands? We went to brain rot brunch. That place where they play Skibbitty toilet on every TV? Yep, and they had bottomless, talky, severed fingers, and pickled ears.

Why didn't you guys invite me? We have a higher brain rot, and we didn't want you to feel uncomfortable by your lack of rottenness. Mom, how can I get a higher brain rot score? I've been trying everything. How many devices have you been using at once? One? Well, there's your issue. You need to be using at least five at a time.

Here. Guys, my brain rot broke 100K. You're a cook. How? That's pretty rotten. I was thinking we could all go to the brain rot arcade later. Zoe, you're trying to be so Sigma, but our brain rot has doubled since we last saw you. Good effort though. No matter what I do, my brain rot isn't enough. I have an idea. It's payback time. You're just pepper spray me? Yeah. Why aren't your eyes burning? Even mine are burning from being downwind. I don't know. I guess I'm immune. Well then take this.

Becky. Get the taser off my arm. Is this thing not working? Nope. Test it out on yourself. Screw you, Jess, you painless freak! I could have picked a better time to eat that zombie. Jess! Oops! Sorry, I stepped on your toe. Don't worry about it. I can't feel pain right now.

Really? Can I test it out? Go for it. Hit me as hard as you can. Ow! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I punched you as hard as I could. I'm just kidding. I didn't feel a thing. Ugh, you got me. Jessica? Why is Becky driving a bulldozer screaming your name?

I'm guessing she wants to figure out if I can feel that. Are you gonna let her? Absolutely not. I might not be able to feel pain, but I could get squashed. Run! Run! Does the person controlling this hate Christmas? Hurry, Cassie, take off your cloak! No! I don't care if they take me away. This is my favorite. You can wear it again once the band is over. Now go change.

You there. Elf. You're wearing red. Come with me. He's already locking people up. I need to get to my room. Knock, knock. Just a minute. Why is every shirt I own red? Open this door, Cassie. Finally.

Ugh, it's hideous. That's it. I'm coming in. What it'll have to do. Four, three, two, one. I'm coming in. Cookie crumbs. My lipstick. Hello? Hi, Charlie. So sorry to keep you waiting.

I was just finishing knitting you this hat. I thought you might get cold. hold here at the North Pole. How thoughtful. But next time when I give you an order, you need to do it. That's two times now you've been insubordinate. Well, duty calls. I'm sure there are a lot of elves out there sipping on this right now. Wait, the elves are going to tell you that they're drinking hot cocoa, but it's really coffee. We just call it that for the Christmas spirit. You really expect me to believe that? It's the truth. Drink out of their cups if you don't believe me. I will. Thanks. Drink out of their cups? Really, Cassie? I woke up with this count.

Do you know what it means? It's how many hours left the planet has to survive. Why are they showing us that? So people pay attention and start caring about the planet. Make sure you're doing your part, sweetie. 13,887? That means there's less than two years left before the Earth explodes. Why aren't more people panicking?

My new stepdad said that the time can fluctuate. The countdown is more of a scare tactic. He thinks we have way more than that, and they're just not disclosing it. Well, for everyone's sake, I hope your stepdad's right. It went down 2,000 hours in a day? As you all can see, the planet is dying at an alarming rate. Everyone will be volunteering at local cleanups until we can get it under control. So no more school.

Everyone, follow me. Miss Peppa seems really worried about this. I know. What happens if it gets to zero? We all die? Girls, come on. The rate it's going down for get about next year. We won't have next week.

That means today's the last day. Miss Peppa, there's got to be something we can do. We don't want to die. I hear you, and I wish there was more we could do for all of our sakes. The government is working hard on the solution. All we can do is hope it'll be ready by the end of the day. And what is their solution exactly? Unfortunately, no one knows.

Billy Jean, there's no one else I'd rather spend my last 45 minutes with. Aw, same. But hurry up and play the movie, because I want to see if the world finds out she's Hannah Montana before we all spontaneously combust. It's almost time. I'm really scared. Hold my hand. Go to Mars or Pluto? What's this? The government must have came up with a solution. Pick one!

Which one are you gonna... Billy Cheed? I really hope she picked the same one. Sweetie, because you're in high school now, you have to start following the beauty standard or you'll be shunned from society. But mom, you always told me to be myself. Yes, while you still could. But now that you're in high school, you're in school. you're an adult, it's time to fit in. White teeth. I have just the thing. Here, you can borrow some of my teeth whitening mouthwash. Now swish it around your teeth real good. Ew, that tasted disgusting.

I know, sweetie, but beauty is pain. You'll get used to it. Now come on, show me those white teeth. Good, good. Now make sure you're paying attention throughout the day because the beauty standard can change at any moment. Do you understand? Excuse me, miss. It's time for your beauty standard check. Smile for me, please. All right, you're good to go. Have a great day. Thanks, you two. Pink? What does that mean?

Jess, why are you wearing pink? I was already at school when it changed. Nah, uh, broccoli has two Cs. No, it doesn't. It only has one. Why did you disagree with me? Because you're wrong. Well, now everyone has to vote on who's right.

Billy Jean. Broccoli has two Cs in it. Agree or disagree? Definitely agree. There. Thank you. Ms. Smith, can you vote? Does Broccoli have two C's? Yes, Jess. I agree.

Thank you. Time's up, Dalton, and everyone agrees. I'm right. Yeah, I know. You don't have to rub it in my face. Dalton, you lost the disagreement. Goodbye. What happened to Dalton? I thought I was just supposed to get bragging rights.

In our attempt to alleviate conflict, we will eliminate those who are wrong. Whoa, Jess, are you okay? No, Tolton just lost her disagreement, and then the system changed the rules, and he died! Nobody dies, Jess. You just get bragging rights, that's all. Did you not just listen to what I said?

The system changed the rules. No, it didn't. No one is going to agree with you on this one. But don't worry, Jess, because you're not gonna die. Billy Jean, you have to believe me. The system changed the rules, and now you die if you lose a disagreement. Wait, for real?

That sounds absurd. Yes, so please vote you agree with me. Okay, I agree. I believe you. Thank you. But unfortunately, Becky's getting a lot of people to agree with her too. Larry, I need you to agree with me. Now wait a second and let me see here.

People die over disagreements. Agree or disagree. Now I'm gonna have to disagree, because that simply ain't true. It is true! This isn't fair, even though I'm right. I'm going to die. See Soulmate's body cow or see Soulmate's last meal? I'm not ready to know how many people they've killed, so... Soulmate's last meal. Bacon. Okay, so he's a carnivore. Hopefully not a cannibal, but a carnivore's fine.

Soulmate's last meal. Chicken. Do they eat anything besides me? Like, it's 8 a.m., holy guacamole. My brother is on this all-meat diet that he saw on the internet and it's like totally disgusting. Wait, Becky, did you say all-meat diet? Jess, I wasn't talking to you. Just answer this. Did he eat bacon for breakfast? Yeah. Oh my gosh. What's her problem? Billy G. Things are really, really bad. Your soulmate killed someone, didn't they? That part's still unclear, but I think my soulmate might be Becky's brother. Gross. Isn't he like 35? Talk about an age difference. I have to find a way to change my soulmate. But maybe it's not a lot. him let's just wait and see what your options are tomorrow maybe you'll get a

better clue so late meal pig ears you that's the mouth you want me to kiss oh dad what's this your soulmate symbol if you don't find your match by the time you turn 18 you die die like huh yes like what happened to mr. Fisci I don't want to get flushed down the toilet then it's extremely important you are always on the lookout to find your match Jess, I found my match. Who? The new kid, Stinky Sam.

I know. Well, at least you won't die now. Jess, Jess, Sam asked me to Homecoming. I'm so happy for you. Remember when we used to call him Stinky Sam? Yeah. Oh, how things have changed. For you, I still haven't found my match

and I only have three years left. You will. Happy almost birthday! What do you want to do for your last day as a 17-year-old? Just say what you really? What do you mean? What do you mean? You mean my last day on earth because it's my 18th birthday tomorrow and I never found my match.

Well, maybe today's the day. Or not. Billie Jean, seriously, stop being so positive. My hours are numbered unless some new kid we've never seen before walks through those doors with a diamond on his hand. What's with the face? A new kid just walked through those doors. Did he have a diamond? I don't know.

I couldn't see. But let's go find out. There. There he is. Where? Right there. There. Yes, are you blind?

Billy Jean, he's not new. He's not. No, that's Henry. He's been in our class since kindergarten. He doesn't have a diamond. He has a star. Oh. Oops.

Come on, let's go. Why aren't you guessing? Are you coming to terms with the fact that you're going to disappear? No, Becky. I'm just having a hard time focusing right now. Because of your fight with Billy Jean? We're not fighting. We just had a disagreement.

Best friends don't fight. Maybe she doesn't want to be your best friend anymore. Have you ever thought about that? That's not true. Leave me alone so I can focus. Viola Davis. Gina Rodriguez. Jenna Ortega.

Oh my gosh, yes! I made it to the final round. I have to tell. No one. Congratulations, you are a finalist. Please make your way to the arena now. I wonder if this is going to be the same way they did it last year. Billie Jean.

Welcome our five finalists. I must say I'm impressed to see last year's winner here again. Welcome back, Jess. Thanks. To review, you are all competing for a prize of $100,000, but if you lose the round, you unfortunately die. What if we don't accept? Can we go sit in the audience with our loved ones?

Oh no. You've already made it this far, so forfeiting the game now would be forfeiting your life. Jess, come on, you're going to have to open your eyes eventually. What if I have no eye color and they send me away? Those odds are extremely low. Come on, open up. Green.

Wait. Why don't I remember hearing about green? You need to cover those up. Here. Why? I'll tell you after class. But whatever you do, don't take off your glasses. Why do you have shades on inside? No reason.

Are you trying to hide your eye color? What did you get? Black like you, Becky. Let me see. No. Miss Peppa. Becky, don't. Yes?

Isn't there a rule against shades in class? Jess, you know the rules. Take off your glasses. I have a migraine, and these are helping. Fine. You can keep them on. for today only. I'm gonna figure out the truth about you. Billy Jean, tell me what's going on. I looked it up online and I can't find anything about green eyes anywhere. That's because

they're... That's because they're extinct. Extinct doesn't explain why they were wiped from the internet. Green eyes means you have powers. I can't remember what kind, but I remember my parents saying that after the government got rid of them, they got rid of all the evidence of them ever existing. You can't show anyone your eye color. Yeah, well I can't wear these forever either. People are starting to ask questions. Jess, shades off and P.E. I have a migraine. I can't. Then you can sit out, but you'll get it out for the day.

Fine. I cannot get this eyelash out of my eye. Do you have green eyes? No? Yes you do. I saw them. Why aren't they black like everyone else's? I do not have green eyes. No, your eyes are black. You're right. That must be the power Billy Jean was talking about.

Billy Jean. I found out what my power does. Like electrical power? What? No. You know how you told me green eyes have powers? Green eyes? What are green eyes?

Everyone has black or red? You don't remember? That means someone used their power on you. That means I'm not the only green eyes at this school. Pss. Jess, come here. Danny? Why are you hiding in a corner?

I know you have green eyes. Who told you that? Because that's not true. Billy Jean. She did? It's not like her. What a backstabber. She did.

told me because she saw my green eyes. You have them too? Wait, are you the one that erased it from her memory? I didn't mean to. I was trying to erase my green eyes from her memory, and I accidentally erased all green eyes from her memory. Well, good job, because she's the one person I trusted to know. Look, we gotta get out of here.

We're not safe here. Why? We can just use our mind control to erase it if someone sees them. I overheard there's going to be an eye check later today. Apparently the green eyes are making a comeback, and the government doesn't want anyone to know. We have to leave now. Do you know somewhere we can go?

Yes, my house. So are your parents green eyes too? I don't know. They died a long time ago, but I'm starting to think their death wasn't an accident. Mine are dead too. Ditching school, are we? No, we're headed to class now. Mm-hmm.

What's with the glasses, you two? Anything you might be hiding? It's for an experiment in sociology to see if people would treat us differently with them. Hmm. Get to class. Meet me in the courtyard and find me. What's going on? Why is there a line outside the classroom? They're doing eye color checks before we enter the classroom. They're being super thorough about it, so it's taking a while.

I have to go to the bathroom. Do you want me to tell him that you'll be back soon? You never saw me. I never saw you. Danny, there you are. They're doing the eye checks early. I saw. Let's get out of here. So what's the plan? We can't hide in your house forever. I don't know. This was just a bias in time. Are you expecting anyone? No. Who's there? Shh! They could hear you. You go hide and I'll answer the door.

No way! We'll both open it. Okay. Hello? Sweetheart. It's us. Mom? Dad? I thought you were dead. What are you doing here? Where have you been? We had to go into hiding. But now that you're of age, we came to see if your green eyes came in.

They did. Oh, they're beautiful. Look at you all grown up. We'll have to catch up later. It's not safe here. We have to go now. Where? To a hideaway place that no one knows. about but green ice. You'll be safe there. And Danny, your parents are waiting for you there too. They're alive? Yes. Now hurry up. Come on. We're about to start a new life together. Miss, it's time for your beauty standard check. You passed. Excuse me? Where did the people go when they don't pass?

We're not allowed to say. Now keep it moving. Thick eyebrows? I must have taken my eyebrow pencil out of my bag. I guess you're gonna have to do. Jess, what are you doing? Why do you look like that? Oh, don't worry. The red hair was just for the beauty standard and it changed. No, I mean your eyebrows. The beauty standard says thin brows, not thick. Did it change? I swear it said thick eyebrows. No, it didn't. Time for your beauty standard checks. Pelly Jean, what am I gonna do? Ew! Did you just spit on me?

Yes, now rub. We have to get that Sharpie off your brows. Don't be late. Ew, gag me with a spoon. What did you just say? Your outfit is totes grody to the max. Okay, I'm not the one who looks straight out of an 80s magazine. Thank you. That wasn't a compliment.

If I look like I belong in just 17, it is. Wait, 1980? That can't be right. It's 2024. What's got you bugging? Jerica, what day is it? September 7th, 1980. That button must have made me switch decades.

How do I switch it back? I don't know what's got your panties in a twist, but I'm going to school. Little advice? Don't wear that. Uh, Jess. What are you wearing? Philly Jean, I am so happy to see you. You know that button I pressed yesterday?

Button? Yeah, the do not press button that I pressed. Doesn't ring a bell. Well, it made us switch decades. Yesterday, it was 2024, and today it's 1980. You sound like you're straight out of Freaky Friday. I feel like it. Maybe I'm dreaming or something.

Wake up! Well, were you? Nope, not dreaming. Bummer. The button reappeared. Please take me back to Rehap. I'll be with you in one second. Ahem, miss, you're spilling water all over my shoes.

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. You better be. There's water everywhere. How about I get you a complimentary dessert? Sure. And while you're at it, bring us the manager. No, please. It's only my first week, and I really need this job. And I really need dry shoes. So I guess we're both at a loss.

Did you talk to them? Yes, I talked to them. Thank you. It won't happen again. I'll do better next time. You're right. It won't. Because there won't be a next time. What? You're fired. Uncle, please.

This is my fifth job this year. I need this job! I'm sorry, JJ, but I need to be honest with you. You're a horrible waitress. Maybe the next job you'll be better at. I doubt it. I'm not good at anything. Now this is Bernard.

He's 13 years old and he shouldn't cause you any trouble. But just make sure the leash is secure when you walk him because he's a puller. What a good boy. I'll keep him safe, this Nelson. Maybe Uncle Tom is right. Maybe this is my calling. Bernard? Bernard, get back here.

Miss Nelson, I'm sorry. I looked everywhere for him. You are fired. I was really hoping you weren't going to say that. I don't longer have a dog for you to walk. What did you expect? That is a very good point. I will see myself out.

Just this. That'll be $5. I only have three. Then sorry, you can't get it. Please, I've been trying to keep a job. I'm just not good at any. It's $5 or there's the door. Can you put this back?

Sure. Bread? Four words. Then no bread for you. Next. Miss, this is all I have to spare. Stay safe. Everyone?

I got some food. Gather round. That was so good. You finished yours already? Mm-hmm. Here. Are you sure? Now save your words.

Your words. We need more words. There's too many mouths between us now. Below for bread doesn't even last us a meal. Mabel's hungry. She stopped growing. She needs more. She also likes to talk, which doesn't help.

So do we. Keeps us sane. We need diamonds if we're going to fill our tummies. Maybe that's it. What? If I could sneak into the palace and get my hands on one necklace, we'd have enough words for a month, at least. It would give us time to save up and maybe get ourselves out of this mess.

It's not that easy. If you're caught by the queen's chest, She'll have your head. But if I don't, Mabel might not make it till winter. What do you think you're doing? I can explain. Please do. I just need some words for food.

I don't mean any harm. Show me what's behind your back. Show me. You're stealing? That's a deadly offense. Mother! Please, please don't kill me. I don't have a choice.

The law is the law. I have to turn you in. Please, there's this little girl. Mabel, she's an orphan, and she loves to talk. and sing and she doesn't save her words for food. Sounds like she's immature. She's just a kid and she's starving. The only food she gets is the food I give her.

If you kill me, you kill her too. You're risking your life for an orphan girl. Why? She's like a sister to me. Fine. That's how I roll. Hey, I was just calling to check in. What challenge did you get today? You are so Generes. Generes?

Generes? What? Billy Jean. Generes? Generes? No! You got dead. bad jokes, didn't you? It might sound cheesy, but it's the greatest.

Try to tell as little jokes as possible, okay? He's on his way now. I'm gonna meet you there. Wow, Jess. Oh, my god, are you okay? My eyes. What's going on? Oh, yeah, sorry, it's just that I can't see with that fire fit. Oh, thanks. You look great too.

Thanks. Jess, this is my sister Annette. She's gonna be driving us to the dance tonight. Hey, what do they call a girl? a girl in the middle of a tennis court. I don't know. What? Annette! Okay, let's go to the dance.

Mommy, what's this? It's your number. It tells you how many lives you have. Is that a lot? It's a lot. You're part of the 1% that gets to live their life however you want. Most of us only get 10 lives. We have to be a little more careful, but you're special.

Cool. Hey, do you guys want to go go karting after school today? No way. Why would we want to do that? Because it's fun? Duh. But it's also dangerous. You could lose a life. That's not very likely, Margaret. It's still not worth the risk. Who wants to lose a life over go-karting? Okay, so what are you guys gonna do?

Probably go home, eat snack, and weed. Boring. We also want to tell you that we don't want to be your friend anymore. You're way too reckless for us. Yeah. Jessica, please report to the principal's office. Told who she was reckless. Ah!

Scaredy cat. Whatever it is, I didn't do it. I promise. Jessica, it's your mom. She's in the hospital. What? Mom? What happened?

I wasn't paying attention when I was crossing the street. I got hit by a bicyclist. I should have been more careful. But you're going to be okay, right? No, I'm not. It was my last life. It's time to say goodbye. No, I'm not going to say goodbye.

Take some of my life. I don't need them all. No, sweetie, keep them. You're going to live an adventurous life. I don't care. I'm not giving you a choice. Doctor, give her some of my lives. I'm sorry I can't do that.

She's a DNR. Do not receive lives. Mom, tell him. It'll be okay, Jess. You're the 1% for a reason. Don't worry about fitting in. But promise me, sweetie, that you're going to use your lives for fun adventures.

Promise me. Don't let anyone stop you. Promise. I promise. That's my girl. According to the will, you'll be staying with your Aunt Janice. Have you stayed with her before? I've never met her. I see. Well, she's on her way to come get you now.

Now, where's my little Jesse? I'm right here. Go ahead, grab your stuff. You're coming with me. What is that? You didn't mention she's one of those reckless with lots of lives. I can't take her. Ma'am, you're her only option. Well, this isn't fair.

that all of this has to land on me. But fine, I'll take her. Come on, get in the car. Welcome to your new home. If you want to live here, you must obey. You go to school and then you come straight home. Do you understand? I understand.

Good. If you lose a life, you're out on the streets. I don't care how many lives you have. You are not to use them. We don't live recklessly in this house. I'm serious. I'll kick you out. Do we have a deal? Use your words.

Use your words. Deal. Good. Oh, and one more thing. Yeah? Cover your life's up, would you? We don't want to be associated with people with that many lives. No problem.

Jess, we're going to go to the park after school today. Nathan's going to be there. Do you want to come? I can't. Sorry. Come on, you never come. I can't lose the life. Uh-uh, not so fast, Missy.

Let me see your lives, move your hair. Good. I don't have to kick you. to the street tonight. You didn't lose a life. Never do. What was that? I said I'm going to my room. Good. For a second, I thought you were talking back. You're the one percent for a reason. But promise me, sweetie, that you're going to use your lives for fun adventures. She never wanted me to live like... Brian, come on, you want to go cliff jumping tonight? No, dude, I don't want to die. Come on,

you're not going to die. It's really safe. I'm not coming. Nobody has as many lives as you. Fine, I'll ask Peter. I will. You'll what? I'll go cliff jumping with you. Jess, what are you doing? You could lose a life. Only if you miss.

I'll do it. Okay, Cliffs Peak, 5 p.m. See you then. Yes, are you forgetting that if you lose a life, your aunt will throw you out on the street? I don't care. My mom wouldn't want me to live my life like this. She'd want me to do these things. But she also wanted you to live at your aunt's house.

That's why she's your guardian. I'm gonna do it. Oh, wow. That's a big cliff. It's not too late to chicken out. No, I'm gonna do it. All right, you can go first. One?

Oh, shoot, Jess! Are you okay? You missed the water! Doc, is she gonna be okay? Yes, she should be fine. Lucky for her, she only lost 100 lives. A hundred lives? How is that possible?

Didn't she only have seven? Seven? No, she had 700. She's waking up. Jess, are you okay? What happened? You missed the water. You landed straight on the rocks.

I'm looking for my little Jesse. Is she okay? She's fine. She's in there. Well, move your hair. Let me see your lives. I told you if you lost a life you'd be out on the streets. Don't expect to come home with me tonight. Do you hear me? Fine. Fine.

Fine. Kick me out. But what I'm not going to do is not live my life. because you're too scared to live yours. Watch your tone, young lady. You better think about what you're saying because you're gonna regret that. No, I'm not, because my mom wouldn't want me

to live my life like this. Okay, then. Where are you gonna go, huh? With me. She can stay with me. Whatever, I'm leaving. Well, we both got a lot of lives left, so what should we try next? I'm telling you, I didn't mean to. Sweetheart, you say that every time. And I mean it every time.

every time. How am I supposed to believe you when your count doesn't reflect that? Mistakes starting over. In three, two, one. Look, sweetie, I forgive you okay? But please, try not to make as many mistakes this year. I'll try. I can do this. You see that girl over there? She has a million mistakes. It's a new year, Elliot. I'm not that girl anymore. It might be a new year, but you're still just the mess. People don't change overnight. Watch me. Jess, how to How does it feel to be back at zero and leave last year in the past? Was last year really that bad? Girl, last year you accidentally did an entire presentation on intercourse.

Hey, in my defense, Mr. Johnson mumbles. I didn't hear Catcher in the Rye. I heard Catcher in Rye, I thought it was an idiom. But we had been reading Catcher in the Rye in class. Yeah, but we both know I don't read, especially when it's assigned. But it doesn't matter. That was last year. This year, I'm gonna be better.

You're home. How is your day? Awful? Why? What happened? No one thinks I can change. They're just sitting around waiting for me to make a mistake. Well, you have to remember, Jess.

You believe in yourself and that's what's most important. Thanks, Mom. I know the perfect outfit! Jess, cool outfit, but where are your wings? I don't have wings. Well, everyone who doesn't have wings is failing the theme check. Why? Some fairies don't have wings.

Really? Name one. Exactly. You can't. Billy Jean, I don't have wings. I need your help to get into the drama club again. We can't. The teachers are staked outside it today. We must not been the only one stealing step yesterday.

What am I gonna do? I know. What if I go first and then I run my wings around back to you so you can use them too? Yeah, I don't see why that wouldn't work. I owe you one. You can go in front of me. I'm waiting for someone. Okay, thanks. Billy Jean, where are you? The not found. Miss, you're coming with us. You didn't pass.

No, please. I did my best. Next. Oh, go ahead. I'm not quite ready yet. Too bad, it's your turn. Come on, hurry up. Scanning theme. She was a fairy. No talking! Theme found a wingless fairy.

I knew not all fairies had wings! Yes! Can I feel myself doing my everyday makeup? Nope. For this challenge, you will be doing this look. I can't do that. That would take me all day. You have two hours. I really hope I can pull this off. Alright, this is the makeup look she was given. Now let's see how she did. Oh my, what happened? I was so nervous I started sweating really bad and then my makeup started to run.

Clearly, you look like a melted can... I just still don't get how your grandma can still do the splits. Good thing it's not allergy season. Hachoo! Philly Jean, you can't be doing that! I can't help it! My sister keeps letting her cat in my room even though she knows I'm allergic. I think I have cat hair all over my clothes.

Huh? Huh? Next time you think you have to sneeze, finger under nose. It really helps. Let's switch outfits in the meantime in case it is your clothes. Jess, are you sick? No, I'm borrowing Billy Jean's clothes today and something that's really bothering my nose.

You know what might help? Let me guess. Sneezing! No, I'm not cruel. Then what, Becky? Taking allergy medicine. Do you have some? Of course.

But I'm not going to give you any because I really want to see you sneeze. I don't know why I fall for your baloney every single time. Me neither, but it's so fun. Billy Jean, I need my clothes back. I almost keep sneezing. I can't give them back. I'm finally not sneezing. And being near the clothes again is definitely making my nose itch. Then what are we gonna do? Hachoo! Was that a sneeze?

Run. Am I Barbie? I knew that other costume must have been a fluke. Now this is more like me. Nice costume. Yikes Jess, zero for two. What do you mean? I'm Barbie.

Yeah, weird Barbie. Say what now? Didn't you look in the mirror? No, I just assumed I was like hot disco Barbie. I've been strut my stuff all over the school! I mean, she could be hot if you're into that like messy hair and smelly pits. Sweaty pits were me. I forgot to put on deodorant this morning. Whoever is you, Billy Jean, must love you.

I mean, first a princess and now a goddess. I know, my costume rocks! Wait, you know who might know who has you? Who? Gabby. That girl never shuts up, but she all. up, but she always seems to know all the gossip. You're right! Gabby!

Hello, Jessica! Let me guess you're looking for the hot gossip today. No, actually... Don't worry, you came to the right place. Keep your ears closed and your nostrils open. I think it's the other way around. And don't talk when I'm talking. Hot gossip number one.

Sebastian's older brother is in jail for the second time because he was caught moth hunting again. Were he went to jail for that? Yes. It's a very serious crime in California. Now... H-h! Hossop number nine.

The twins Bridget and Bianca are fighting because Bridget's boyfriend accidentally kissed Bianca. That is juicy. And this isn't gossip, but fun fact, your costume is 50% you. That is so nice because I'm Barbie? No, because you're weird. Wow. Thanks, Gabby. Look, I actually wanted to know if you know who might be controlling me.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but that is the one thing I don't know. My ego is kind of hurt. But not that hurt because who's controlling you isn't really considered hot gossip. Like literally no one cares, Jess. What is with the sass, Gabby? Wait, you're not controlling me. Are you? Oh, no.

I'm controlling Sebastian. That's why it looks like a total ten right now. I must say, get it good. Stay away from my man. Or I'll put you on the hot gossip call in for being a crush stealing. I don't want him. Trust me. Custom loading.

Gotta go. Pay $1,000 to find out a family secret? But I'm broke. Mom, could I have some? money sure here's ten dollars thanks could I have nine hundred and ninety more is this for the family secret thing maybe Jessica you know our family doesn't have any secrets besides that is way too much money now get to school Jess are you gonna pay it I can't that's all the money I've saved up for

college apparently Becky paid it and found out that her dad wasn't really her dad see that's exactly why I'm not gonna do it spend all my money to ruin my family yeah No thank you. Two plus two doesn't equal three. Jess, what's your family's secret? I didn't pay it. Oh, because you're poor.

Because my family doesn't have secrets, Sebastian. So if I gave you $1,000, you wouldn't do it? I mean, I guess if you gave it to me, then I'd have to. Jess, what are you doing? Relax, Billy Jean. He's not really gonna give me $1,000. Okay, here you go. Holy quackamole.

I can't believe you just gave me $1,000. So, what's your? What's your family secret? Hang on, it's loading. My mom's boyfriend, he's a... Is it what, Jess? What does it say? A murderer.

Could you imagine if he tried to murder you? I just saved your life, Jess. You're welcome. Mom, I need to talk to you. Sweetheart, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Vlad. More like Voldemort. Jessica Kaylee, be polite to our guest. Can I talk to you?

In private? Mom, your boyfriend is a vampire. A vampire. There's no such thing. That's what I thought too, until I paid to find out the family secret, and that's what it told me. Look, I know it can be difficult seeing your mom dating again, but making up these lies, this isn't like you. I'm not lying. Why don't you try and get to know him first before completely writing him off?

Pilly Jean, what do I do? My mom doesn't believe me, and now she's making me have a one-on-one with him in the living room. Say you're sick. You need to be as far away from him as possible. Am I interrupted? Yes, actually. And as much as I was looking forward to this, I need to go lay down, so we'll have to do this. So you know I'm a vampire?

Yes, and I'm not scared of you. Then why are you trying to run away? Because I don't know you, and I don't wish to know you. Just stay away from me and my mom. Can't do that. Your mom and I have a deep love for each other, which is why I plan on changing her, so I can be with her forever. Mom! Mom, get in here!

What's going on? She just admitted to me that he is a vampire. No, I didn't. You're such a liar, and I can prove it. And I can prove it. What are you doing? Vampires don't show up in pictures. Mom, see?

You took this right now? Where is he? Carol, I can explain. You don't have to. The picture says it all. Sweetie, give us some space, would you? Bye-bye, Voldemort. Sorry about your boyfriend, Mom.

I know how much you liked him. I did. And I do. Which is why I'm going to let him change me. What? This isn't like converting to Mormonism, Mom. This is becoming a blood sucker. It's a huge thing. decision. Exactly why I'm not taking it lightly. Sweetheart, there are pills I can take so I don't crave human blood.

I don't have to hurt anyone, and I won't hurt you. Is there any way I can talk you out of this? No, he's going to do it tonight. Okay, well, if this is what you want, then I support you, but don't you think you should get married first? $10,000 for a bigger family secret? I wonder if Sebastian would give me that kind of money. See Soulmate's search history or see Soulmates recently watched? Both are going to really expose them. Soulmate searched. How to trigger FaceTime reactions.

Okay, well, that's relatable. I still don't know how to do those. Soulmate searched. Does toothpaste work on acne? Good luck, buddy. Because from my experience, it does not. Billy Cheen, what can you see about your soulmate today? I can see their screen time and let me tell you they have to be a gamer because they already have four hours of screen time

Or they could have insomnia. I guess my soulmate is the most average person ever which makes them perfect for me, but it's gonna be hard to find them Soulmate searched where's the best place to hide a body on second thought I take that back That is not a normal thing to search What is it? Where's the best place to hide a body? Oh dear Soomate searched Serial killers that never got caught. You know what? I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Maybe they're just a crime junkie who loves true crime just a little too much.

Soulmate searched. How to not leave fingerprints on things. Who am I kidding? They're totally a serial killer. Make five people smile for a reward? Hey, Grandma, do you know what this is? Oh yes. It's a competition. If you're the first to complete the challenge, then you get a reward. Then you get a reward. What kind of reward?

Any reward, up to a $5 million value. I could finally get some new shoes. And me, a new coat. Are you gonna do it? Oh no. There is a reason I don't do it, but I can't remember. Well, I'm going to. Oh, I hope you win, sweetie.

My first person. Hey, Mr. Mailman. Oh, hey Jess. Great job delivering the mail today. Well, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate that. Was there something else you needed? else you needed.

Um, yeah. Did you get a haircut? I sure did. Wow. Thanks for noticing. Have a great day. I'm feeling really good about this challenge. Billy Jean.

Yes. Billy Jean. Girl, I am so happy to see you. And I'm happy that you're happy. I'm doing the Make Five People Smile Challenge and it's going so well. Wait, what? You're doing the challenge? Yeah, why?

Well, the buy-in to play is so expensive. What do you mean expensive? What buy-in? When you accept a play, it costs $5,000. That's how they get their money for the winner. 5,000? I don't even have $5. Why didn't it say that on the screen? It's in the terms and conditions,

but my parents would not let us play because of that. I have to win now. If I don't, me and my nanda are gonna be out on the streets. It's brutal out here. Jessica, come on, hurry up. You're gonna be late for school again. All I did was try my best. Well, you need to do better.

You're making your sister late, too. Yeah, and I get ready quick, so I've been ready for like 20 minutes. Well, good for you. What's with the attitude, young lady? You're the one making us late. All I ever wanted was to be enough. Sweetheart, come back. Let's unpack that.

Jessica, I see you. You're late for the fifth time this month. Do you get deja vu? Not funny. Now, why don't you tell us all what the answer is to number eight? Go on, hurry up. My brain goes, eh. Well, maybe it wouldn't.

if you were on time. Code Red! Code Red! Don't look, but Danny is coming this way to talk to you right now. Hey, Jess. Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist? Oh, wow, that's really nice. Um, I was just coming to tell you that you have toilet paper stuck to your dress. I'll see you around, though. God, Lovis is embarrassing as hell. Yeah, that was really hard to watch. I just want to make him jealous. I want to make him feel bad. Yeah, well, you have to make sure he's into you before you can make him jealous. Maybe you can talk to him again tomorrow. Each time I step outside, it's social suicide. Jess, you've never looked more like yourself. Ha ha, very funny. Aw, you're so cute. Let me guess your Vixit. Comet? Blitzen? I have a bright

red nose. Oh, your donner! I'm Rudolph, Billy Jean. Rudolph, the red nose reindeer? I don't remember that one. Please tell me you figured out who's controlling me. I've been keeping my ears open and I think I might have a lead. Really? Spill. Ronald, can I talk to you? No. Rude. Are you controlling your soulmate?

No, I'm not the one controlling you if that's what you're thinking. Then why did Billy Jean saw you drawing this in class when I was dressed as the Grinch just a few days ago? We were all supposed to be drawing the Grinch. It was an assignment. And Billy Jean would have known that had she been listening instead of spying on me. I'm going to kill her.

Billy Jean. Whoa. Your soulmate really nice. knows how to pick them out bits. Speaking of Sulemy, was it Ronald? No, it wasn't him. Are you sure? Because he seemed nervous and suspicious.

He said he was nervous because you wouldn't stop staring at it. He said you weren't even blinking, Billy Jean. Hey, I take my detective work very seriously.