Jessica Kaylee - Follow the Beauty Standards

Episode Date: May 16, 2026

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free of charge. BetMGEMGEMP operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Wait, what? Beauty Standard? I thought that wasn't a thing anymore. LED shark mask? On one of those. Mom, did you see the new beauty standard?

I don't have an LED mask. What should they do? Don't worry, honey. I was worried this would happen again, so I got us some. Open up. Beauty standard check. Quick, put it on. Come in.

Avoiding the beauty standard check is punishable by law. We weren't avoiding it. You just caught us when we were still getting ready. Yep. Check away, officers. You pass, but be quicker next time or there'll be consequences. Thanks, Mom. Of course, sweetie.

Now you need to get to school. No, you have to have your mask on at all times. You never know when they might check again. Oh, right. And there's one other thing you should know. What? And there's one other thing you should know. What?

This is actually great for your skin. Bruh, I thought it was going to be something serious. Billy Jean, everyone looks the same wearing these masks. It's kind of freaky. Totally! It's like when Plainton brainwatches everyone in the SpongeBob movie. Or the masks from the Mr. Beast games? I heard that Peter from our English class thought the beauty standards was an actual shark mask, so he showed up wearing a Halloween costume of a shark and they took him away.

I wonder where they take them this time. The Bahamas. Really? No, you clowns. Becky, do you enjoy being annoying? Yes, Billy Bean. I do. Well, at least she's honest. But for real, where do you think they go?

No clue, but I kinda wanna find out. No, you don't. Put your mask back on. Relax! A new beauty standard is loading. Oh, pimple patches? Oh, that's not too bad. Those star ones are actually pretty cute. True. Always change the beauty standards when we're at school and we've already gotten ready for the day. I have the circle ones. Do you want some?

Thanks, Billie Jean. You're a lifesaver, literally. Okay, how do I look? Like Cinderella. Aw. After the bippity boppity booby boo. Becky? Get a check. Come on.

We're ready to be checked. You both pass. You're next. Wait, I don't have any pimple patches on. Here, take these. It's too late. You already failed. You're coming with us. No!

No! Well, if they die, I hope they know that they had really clear skin. Lily Gee! What? They didn't need a pimple patch. True. So, quick story time about those pimple patches. I was actually going to get the star ones for the skit, but I was scrolling online shopping at like 1 a.m. at 9.

as we all do, and I went to check out and I don't have my credit card number saved or memorized. And I was not about to go downstairs and get got trying to get these pimple patches. So instead, I just use the pimple patches I have, but it just goes to show that I really only shop if I see that purple pay here button because when I see that, I know my information is saved and it's going to be as easy to check out as a click of a button. And you can get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps build beautiful beautiful online stores that match your brand style. And what if you get stuck?

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A pierced tongue? That's literally the craziest thing I could think. Did you just pierce your own tongue? Yes, for the beauty standard. I could pierce yours next. Yeah, I'm not sure about that. That looked very painful. It's either that or get taken away. Why can't there be a third option? I can't believe the beauty standard was getting our tongue pierced today.

Huh? I can't understand you. Well, no, but they don't want to get a little. Oh, no. Beauty standard checks! You pass. Thank goodness. Stick out your tongue, ma'am. Stick out your tongue. What did she say?

Beats me. Stick out your tongue. She's disobeying. Bring her in. Wait, no! She did pierce her tongue. She just got an infection. Can't you use like a metal detector or something over her mouth to check? I mean, the poor girl can't even stick out her tongue. Metal detector?

She's fine. You pass this time. But go see you, doctor. I still can't believe we had to pierce her tongues today. Did you actually pierce your tongue? Yeah, we had to. Nah, look. Your piercing's fake?

Yeah, I just clipped it onto my tongue and made it look real. I wish I had thought of that. Jess, look, a new beauty standard is loading. No! My tongue is only finally starting to heal after taking out that piercing. Shaved eyebrows? Everyone is shaving their eyebrows already. No, there's got to be a way around this.

Kind of like the piercing one. I don't think there's a way around this one. Quick, shave my eyebrows. Are you sure? Just do it before I die, Bessie. So look. I mean, surprisingly, looks kind of cheap. Okay, now your turn.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jess, they're coming. We have to do it now. Beauty standard checks. The whole class passed. Yes. I don't want to know what I look like. You look like a...

Becky? I said I don't want to know. But thank you. It looks pretty chic. Really? Actually... Becky! Jess, I had to borrow press on nails from Ruby to pass this one.

Will you be okay? Yeah. I actually haven't cut my nails in a while, so they're actually kind of long. You call those long? Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. You passed. Your turn. You passed, but barely.

Barely? So now you have to wear this until the next beauty standard check. What? Why? Because you are currently the worst of the beauty standard. Do better. I am NOT going to wear this. Just be thankful you passed. Because you barely did.

The only good thing about today is being able to draw back on my eyebrows. Huh, huh, nice hat, Jess. Looks like someone barely passed the beauty standard. Lay off, guys. The headband's cool. Wait, do you really think it's cool? Of course not. But they don't need to know that.

Finally, I can take this hat up. I never thought I'd be so excited to see a beauty standard. Blonde hair? I don't have to change a thing. Nice hair. You got lucky with today's beauty standard. I had to bleach all my hair this morning, even my leg hair. I don't think they care about your leg hair.

You can never be too careful with these things. Beauty standard chick! You pass, and you get this. Please don't be another hat. You are the epitome of the beauty standard for having naturally blonde hair, so you get a special gift. Oh wow, what's the gift? To choose the next beauty standard. Really?

Yes. So what would you like it to be?