Jessica Kaylee - I Dodged Death

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Lazzang sur-gillet, and, Puisance-Moyon for 15 minutes. Oh, you'd say that's the Dojo? Prere to play! Vive the pleasure with Leo Jo! The casino in-line
Starting point is 00:00:09 that proposes the most recent machine-a-sou and the games to get-a-bys-Bos-Bon-Anz Bonanza, without exonation. Hey, I've got to miss, and with the payments,
Starting point is 00:00:17 instant-a-hue! Hey, I've got to enjoy! 10-0-10 and plus, 1-Depo only depots only depots only depots only on the machine-a-soubizabeth-Bas-Bonanza. DePo minceeusonononzee DeVos
Starting point is 00:00:27 and we... I've never dodged death before. That was terrifying. Sweetie, I made you breakfast. Thanks. Mom, what is this? It smells rotten. Raspberry pancakes, your favorite. I'm actually not hungry. I'll see you after school.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Have a good day. What is going on today? Billy Jean, you'll never believe it. I dodged death twice today. Wait, what? How? You're the most careful person I know. It was the weirdest thing. First, my crinley and iron caught on fire.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Then my mom tried to feed me expired pancakes that probably had salmon in them. I know you're freaked out, but to be honest, it's really impressive that you've made it this far without dodging death before. What's your count up to? 6,570. I dodged death once a day. But that's because I live next to an unconvicted serial killer. Your life is so strange.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Look out! Sorry, I didn't see you there. I'm telling you, babe, something is up. I go 18 years without dodging death. and now I've dodged it three times in the past eight hours? So, you're having a bad day. I'm sure you'll be back in your group tomorrow. Sweetie, don't forget to take your vitamins.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Please don't be a repeat of yesterday. Is this stoplight not working? No, so just cross when no cars are coming. Whoa, what happened to you? I got hit by a car! You what? Well, technically just a side mirror hit me, but right in my eye! That is so unlucky.
Starting point is 00:02:24 Babe, this isn't a coincidence. and something's changed and I've had terrible luck all of a sudden. You know what I like about you? Is that you're not dramatic like other girls. But right now, you're being dramatic. I don't think I am. I've dodged death a lot lately. Why don't we just relax a little and go to make-out peak tonight?
Starting point is 00:02:42 It'll be fun. I can't. I have a lot of homework. Fine. I'll see you later. Billy Jean, I have to break up with Pete. Why? You're like obsessed with him.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Something in my life is giving me bad luck and I think it's him. You think it's Pete? I refused to hang out with him tonight and my dodged death count went up. That's a sign. That he was going to kill you? No, that we shouldn't be together. The universe is trying to tell me that he's not the one. Or they're trying to tell you that he wants to kill you.
Starting point is 00:03:13 He's not a serial killer, Billy Jean. He's not your neighbor. It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-Fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. You have to find Pete. Have you seen Pete? No, sorry. You broke up with me over text? I didn't have a choice.
Starting point is 00:04:00 I've been looking for you all day and I need to stop facing death. You think I'm responsible for your Dodge death count being so high. No. Yes, I think it's a sign that we should have been together. We'll all give you a sign. Please don't kill me. What? I'm not gonna kill you. I was just gonna give you the middle finger, but now you made it weird.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Oh, bye Pete. How'd it go breaking up with Pete? Not well. I'm sorry. I know how much you liked him. Hopefully things could just go back to normal now, and my count will stop going up. How? Literally how! Did I have like 500 hard?
Starting point is 00:04:36 heart attacks last night? Sweetie, are you okay? You don't look well. I'm not well. I went 18 years without dodging death once and in the last two days I've dodged it hundreds of times. Something is very wrong in my life and I've misread all of the signs. How about you stay home from school today? I think you need the rest. Thanks mom. My count didn't go up when I decided to stay home from school. That means school's safe. Mom, I changed my mind. I I actually am gonna go to school today. Are you sure? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Oh my gosh. It wasn't Pete who was bad for me. It's my mom. Billie Jean, can I please come live with you? You can, but sometimes I think you forget that my neighbor's a serial killer. Well, so is my mom. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:05:24 Not really, but I do think she might be trying to kill me. First Pete, now your mom? No, turns out it wasn't Pete. I misread the signs. So what are you gonna do? Pete, I am so sorry. I realized it wasn't you after all. Do you want to get back together?
Starting point is 00:05:40 Sorry, Jess, but I'm already dating Becky. We broke up yesterday. I know, so I really think it's time you move on. It's been like 14 hours. Jess, I'm so sorry, but my mom said no to you living with us. It's okay. Thanks for trying. Guess it's time to go confront my mom. Be safe.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Oh, good. You're home. I made you some dinner. Is it poisoned? Poisoned. Every time I'm in this house, my Dodge Death Count tripped. I don't think that's a coincidence. Sweetie, I do not know what is going on with you today,
Starting point is 00:06:11 but I can guarantee I'm not trying to hurt you. I don't believe a word you say. I'm gonna go live with Grandma. At the nursing home. Yes. I knew it. Hi, Grandma. Sweetheart? What are you doing here?
Starting point is 00:06:27 I'm just trying to hide away from death. Well, you didn't come to the right place. Marjorie died today. Pts, Barb, should I cut her head off? Grandma, what's in your hand? A voodoo doll of the nurse. here. My roomy Barb made it. We hate that nurse, so we've been doing all sorts of things to it. Barb accidentally cut its eye open, so we had to repair that, but I stuck a needle through its heart at least 500 times.
Starting point is 00:06:51 That's horrible! Oh, don't worry, sweetie. Nothing's even happened to Nurse Jackie. In fact, she's happier than ever, unfortunately. Grandma, this isn't a voodoo doll of Nurse Jackie. This is a voodoo doll of me. Don't be ridiculous. That looks nothing like you. Barb, do you think that looks like her? No. See, it's Nurse Jackie. I'm keeping this. You want to give Nurse Jackie a good beating too? That's my granddaughter.
Starting point is 00:07:16 You're back? How was staying with Grandma? Eye-opening. Grandma had this. A voodoo doll of you? She thought it looked like Nurse Jackie, who apparently she hates! Your grandma's blinder than a bat. Sweetie, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm just glad it's in my hands now. Time for you to go where no one will find you.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Lucy, come on. We're gonna be late. gonna be late hang on mom i see something uh we're gonna be best friends behind the scenes plunges stomach extremely hard relation to burn that to myself take two it's not a serial killer biller biller jean we're never ever ah

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