Jessica Kaylee - I Survived Back to School

Episode Date: September 19, 2026

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Cyber attacks have changed. Most cyber recovery plans haven't. 12,000 customers trust Cohesity everywhere. Cloud, identity, AI, and now, agents. Cohesity.com slash resilience. Resilience everywhere. My virtual ASB card already came out so much better than last year. I can already hear my mom when I show our mind. Back in my day, we had physical ASB cards, and you had to pay a fat fine if you lost one.

Oh, my mom already gave me the lecture. Back in my day, you know, we had to walk to school. I'm like, didn't Healy's come out in the 2000s? You were fine. Hey, does anyone know where room 113 is? I can't find it anywhere. Sebastian, are you not in our classes here? I don't know.

Were you guys held back too? No. Mr. Hansen failed you? Right? Mr. H. Dunn did be dirty. Wait, so do you guys know where room 113 is or no? No, sorry. Yes, I liked you better in the purple shirt you had on.

Purple shirt? Do you mean the pajamas I woke up in? Yes. Very demure. Do you think we should be scared that she stalks us? Nah. She stalks everyone. She's like the friendly neighborhood stalker.

I don't think friendly and stalker should be in the same sentence. So, new year, new us. Do you have any big aspirations for the year? I've been kind of thinking about being more involved. Like maybe joining the school. the school government or doing the school play. The school play, huh? And that doesn't bring back flashbacks from last year

when you were played the turkey in the Thanksgiving play last year. Yeah, that was embarrassing. But I am trying to grow from that. That kind of sounds like something your therapist would say. Oh, that was a direct quote from what my therapist said. There's the five minute warning bell. I have to drop some stuff off at my locker,

but I'll see you in class. See you in there. perish forever. But now get your head out of summer and back to school because that's what you are. Back to school. Today for lunch we have tuna salad, yuck, and hot dogs. Probably undercooked like last year. So I hope you brought a lunch from home. Now go and take on the day like a tiger hunting a rabbit in the forest or whatever. Happy Monday. Sebastian? I thought you got held back. Apparently not. When the front office saw that Mr. H wrote that I passed, they just assumed he made a typo, so they told me I got held back.

But get this, Mr. H didn't make a typo. Can you believe that? Wait, where's Jess? Did she actually get held back? No, but I don't know where she is. Hi, class! Who is that? I am Miss Risen. So Miss Riz for sure. You're doing too much, lady.

Yeah, what's your real name? Aw, you guys are gassing me up already. Look, I know that having a super trendy last name can be a little confusing, but I promised you, I do not have any more Riz than any of your other teachers. So sorry I'm late. I forgot my locker combination, so I had to go to the front office. Oh, that's okay.

I know the first day in school can be very overwhelming. So everyone, let's all close our eyes, So our new friend can find her seat without everyone staring at her, okay? Oh, I'm okay. Everyone close them, close up, close them. Okay, go ahead. Thanks. There is no need to feel embarrassed that you were 20 minutes late in disrupting the class.

No one is even thinking about it and no one is even looking. And our new friend has found her seat. Everyone, you can open your eyes now. Why is she talking like we're in preschool? Uh, Miss Riz. Jess wants to know why you're talking to us like we're in preschool. Dude! Wow!

Thank you for sharing Jess's feelings with the class, Sebastian. We want to make sure everyone here feels heard. Jess, would you mind sharing a little more about what might make you feel that way? Uh, your aura is just kind of giving Miss Rachel, and we're in high school. Hi, Rachel. I hear you. And we're gonna table this discussion so you and me can talk later. But first, we don't want any more disruptions, so let's start with our first activity

of introducing ourselves and telling me what you did this summer. Let's start with you. My name is Charlie and I did summer school. You went to summer school, but isn't that only for kids that are behind? Well, yes, but I went for fun. Fun? Yeah, it was a blast.

I gotta see Sebastian there too. Way to blow my cover, dude. Okay, yeah, I was there, but I also spent a lot of time at the skate park. Did lots of kickflips, got a few concussions, But I've almost stopped seeing double. All right, and how about you? Hi, I'm Brittany, and I did a lot of hiking,

and I also worked a summer job as a lifeguard. Excellent job, Brittany. Now that is a productive summer. And what did you do? Oh, I learned to talk to ghosts, better than I did before. There's no such thing as ghosts. There's one in the classroom right now. Ha ha.

He says over the summer, he possess some one. Stop that right now. Are you scared of ghosts? There are no ghosts in here or anywhere! Let's all clap for Rachel! Jess, what did you do this summer? Wow, everyone did such cool stuff, and I did too. I traveled around Europe this summer.

What? No, you didn't. Shh! Whoa, cool. Did you see that rat restaurant from Ratatouille? That isn't a real restaurant. So no. But my trip to Europe really wasn't that interesting, so we don't need to talk about it anymore.

Let's move on. No. Europe is way more interesting than anything we did. So please tell us all about it in detail. But Brittany, I already told you about it. But in Europe, I saw a lot of cool buildings and walked a lot, eat a lot of good food, ate croissants. Okay.

Let's move on. Thank goodness. We are so talking about this later. Just so you know, I am ashamed of myself for lying. As you should be. Now we're going to be doing some ice breakers to get to know each other. Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I think I'm in this class. Come on in and have a seat.

There's one open right here. Should we all close our eyes? Why would you do that? Oh no, because I was just late and everyone closed her eyes while I walked to my seat. Tursa, guys, no one's gonna back me up on this. This just happened. I'm Sebastian, by the way. Big fan.

Thanks. Fan? What, are you like famous or something? Oh, no. I post on social media. That's all. She has over 6 million followers on all her platforms. She goes by the handle, It's Me, Molly. She first went viral for a lip singing video, but now she does get ready with Mease. She posts on average five times a day and has an engagement rate of 11%, which is just a little. very high. Good job. Aw. Thanks. What's your name? That would be Rachel. Our friendly

neighborhood stalker. She's basically Spider-Man if Spider-Man saw ghosts and stalked people instead of saved people. Oh, cool. Well, it is so nice to meet a fellow influencer. I create content too. I'm your teacher, Miss Rizzle, and that's also my handle, and I've I've been recording you all the whole time for my channel. That's illegal. That's a big accusation, Charlie! Now we are moving on to our ice breakers. We're gonna be playing two truths and a lie.

Has anyone played that game before? We're teenagers. Of course we know what two truths and a lie is. Actually, I'm not familiar with it. Is it trivia? Is it a test? No, it's not a test. Well, maybe, and I'm just thinking out loud here,

Instead of doing a bunch of extra homework for yourself, you could do my homework. Miss Riz, could I? No. So close. Well, Charlie, it's exactly as it sounds. You say two truths and one lie and we all guess what the lie is. Now who wants to ice break first? Weird way to phrase it, but I'll go first. I was born in Maine.

I've broken two bones and I have three siblings. Which one's the lie? Hmm. I think the lie might either be the broken bones or the siblings. The numbers are too specific. Or that's what she wants us to think, and she was really born in Maine. I've never taken a test without studying first. I don't know the answer.

I always know the answer. That's the point, Charlie. You have to guess. Guess? Mm-mm. I think it's the bones. I've never seen you in a cast in your videos. The ghost and I guess that it's you having three siblings.

And the truth is, I was actually born in Tennessee. Tennessee, huh? Is that why you're the only 10? I... Don't even think about it. My apologies. I'll go next.

I have never owned a pet. I'm allergic to shellfish. And my middle name is Claire. Jess shouldn't be allowed to answer. What? Why not? You guys are obviously best friends. You would know it. That is a good point. Jess, you cannot answer.

This is so unfair. And Brittany can't answer for Jess either. Unbelievable. Okay everyone, make your guess on what Britney's lie is. Brittany Claire sounds pretty good as a name. I don't think it's that one. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

Does anyone recall Britney ever eating shellfish? Is pizza considered shellfish? Not unless you put anchovies on it. Hmm. I could see you owning a pet bat. I bet you've owned a pet bat before. Definitely haven't. owned a pet back. Oh you should. They're delightful. Okay, ready? The answer is...

My middle name is Janice. I wanted to tell everyone so bad. Brittany Janice? Now that doesn't roll off the tongue very well. Okay, I'll let my parents know. Thank you. All right, who wants to go next? Oh, I'll go. All right. Are you ready for this? I know what a skateboard I'm right-handed and oh I've never gotten a concussion Sebastian you already told everyone that over the summer you got a lot of concussions yeah so we know that's a lie I thought I had a concussion once I turned out it was just the voices oh man you guys are good at this okay I think I got it I want to go next Charlie go ahead I do my own laundry I play saxophone and I

I stole bubble gum from a store once. Well, we all know which one the lie is. What? Is it that obvious? Yeah. There's no way you've stolen anything. Yeah, I just met you and I already know that cannot be true. How do you guys know what it is? Because you're...

Charlie. So you all think stealing bubble gum is the lie? Yes. Well, then... You all fail! The lie is I play saxophone? I play trumpet. What?

What? I was really young. I didn't know. You, Charlie, the guy who asks for homework, stole something? It's my biggest regret. Alright, let's not discuss any more illegal activities during the Icebreaker. We are live streaming. I shouldn't have said anything.

Continuing on, Jess, Rachel. I'll go. Oh boy. I've been possessed. I've possessed someone, and I have several vials of blood in my backpack. Do you want me to tell you? which one? I think we can all agree that we don't want to know the answer. Yeah.

I could give you three different ones. No! Jess, okay. And remember, Brittany, you can't answer. Yes, I remember. Oh, okay. I've met Selena Gomez. I've never been out of the country. And I'm really good at ice skating.

Uh, Jess, I think you forgot about something. What do you mean? Well, we know the lie is you've never been out of the country because you went to your this summer. Oh. Whoa. You met Selena Gomez? Yeah. Actually, after a concert of hers when I was a kid. Wait, you're really good at ice skating? I didn't know that about you. Uh, yeah. Totally. Do you really want to keep up this lie? Do you have any videos of you skating? Actually, sorry, I lied. Uh, ah, you have to win the game. It's called two truths and a lie. I thought you played this before.

I've played this before. No, I mean before, about my summer. I didn't go to Europe, and I forgot that when I said my two truths. Wait, what? Why did you lie? Because. I was embarrassed about what I did this summer. I just sat on the couch and watched TV and collected squishies.

That's nothing to be embarrassed about. If I got screen time, I never stop watching TV ever. Jess, you should not have lied, except for in this game. I know. I'm sorry. So you're not good at ice skating? I am. not, Sebastian. I was really looking forward to what a skateboard on ice looked like.

What do you think ice skating is exactly? Well, based on all of your judgmental looks, I'm guessing not what I thought it was. Miss Riz, please report to the principal's office. Miss Riz, please report to the principal's office. That's strange. Students, stay putt, I will be back. What do you think it's about? Do you know?

How would I know? I don't know. I thought the friendly neighborhood stocker would know everything. Hi guys! Did you miss me? Mr. H? Unfortunately, Ms. Rizzle has been fired because she was filming you guys while teaching. Fired on the first day of school is T. Are you our teacher now? I don't know yet, but I will be taking over for the rest of the day while the board straightens everything out.

This is gonna be a crazy school here, isn't it? I think so.