Jessica Kaylee - If Grades were Deadly

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

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O-N-E No E Jessica I'm sorry No no don't cry But it's very important that you work very hard in school because getting a bad grade is deadly.

Billie Jean, how do you think you did on the test? I'm hoping I passed, but I couldn't remember the capital of like half the state. That's not good. Why didn't you let me help you study? Class, I will be passing back your tests now, but unfortunately, more than one of you failed the assessment. Please don't be me.

Please don't be me. Roger, I'm sorry, but... Did he just spontaneously combust? Yeah! Billy Jean, not your best work. But I passed. I gotta see. Anything lower than that, and you would have ended up like Roger. I suggest you study more.

There's still at least one other person who failed in this class. I wonder who it is. You don't think it's me, do you? Jessica, here you are. I passed. I got an A. Amanda, you only got one right. Yay!

Out of 50. Boom. I'm sorry. Absolutely horrifying. You're telling me. Class, we're no longer going to be doing participation grades in P.E. For now, while on your grade will be determined by your physical strength. That's not fair. Not all our bodies were created equal.

And the guys are gonna be naturally stronger than us girls. We've taken that into consideration. That's why for your first PE assessment, as long as you get under eight minutes on the mile, you will pass. Eight minutes? I don't think I've ever ran the mile in ten minutes. I already ran five miles before school. I don't want to have to run another? Why did you already run this morning?

My mom's new boyfriend refused to drive me so I had to run to school. You know you could always call me and I'll give you a ride. Okay. Hey, can I have a ride tomorrow? You don't think he's going to drive you again tomorrow? I was so mad I slashed his tires, so we can't now. All right, on your mark, get set, go. How are we doing on time?

It's already been four minutes so far, and we've only done one and a half laps. We have to pick up the pace. We're either going to die from failing or die from exhaustion. Eight minutes on the clock, the longer it takes you, the lower your grade gets. We have to keep going. It hurts to breathe. And time. Please tell us we passed, right?

Billy Jean, Jess, you both got a C. You better pick up the pace next time if you want to survive this class. Angelica, you on the other hand, failed by five seconds. Is 13 a prime number? It's Taylor Swift's prime number. This is serious, Billy Jean. If you fail, you die.

Yes, 13 is a prime number. Good, now, give me one. What's a factor of 25? No, give me one from the study sheet. This is on the study sheet. It's on the back. There was a back? I have 30 minutes to learn all of this!

Jess, you look like a mess. Not now, Sebastian! Why are you stressing so hard? Just write the answers on your hand. That's cheating. Cheating doesn't kill you. Failing does. Okay, Klaus, take out your pens.

The test is about to begin. You got this, Jess. Don't stress. Thanks, you too. How do you think you did? I think fine, but the ones I didn't know, I didn't know. The AI bots have already graded your papers. That was quick.

Well, the following students, please come up and see me. Anthony, Sam, and Jess. You don't think that's bad, do you? I don't think it's good. Thank you all for coming up here. Anthony, let's start with you. I'm sorry to say this, but you failed the test. What? No, please.

Too bad. I really liked him. Some, you also failed. I did? And Jess. I failed too, didn't I? Please don't do this. We don't have to tell anyone. Unfortunately, I can't do this.

that that's against protocol but you didn't fail I didn't but you did only pass by one point so I wanted you to come up here and show you how important it is that you study next time Jess you want to go to the movies after school I heard there's a new tangled movie out with Sabrina Carpenter I can't I barely pass today I need to focus on school four times four is eight no it's four times four is 24 no it's I know this why isn't it coming to me whoa Jess you look tired. I was up all night working out and studying. I have to push myself harder so I don't fail. But you also need rest. You can't be your best self if you're exhausted. Class, today we're

going to be doing an endurance test. Everyone will need to do jumping jacks for five minutes in order to pass. Jonathan, you stop jumping at 45 seconds. You failed. I'm feeling really tired. Just don't think about it, Billie Jean. Think about puppies. I'll try. How much longer? It's only been two minutes come on we have to keep going willie you stop jumping you failed i can't keep going 150 seconds left you can do it 150 149 100 1001 100 that's it that's it i'm done billy jean no yes billy jean you both stopped jumping but it seems you made it past the cutoff point for failing so you both get seized today we barely made it why did you stop you could have kept jumping because i thought it was going to lose you i couldn't even think about jumping

Five minutes of jumping jacks after no sleep got me feeling woozy. Well, you better perk up because we have our vocab test today. Vocap test, no, it's our math midterm today. No, that's next Tuesday. Today is vocab. I'm toast! Kahn is a prefix of connection, which... I told you once and I'll tell you again,

you will stress less if you write it on your hand. Works every time. Are you cheating? Mirabelle, I'm talking to you. talking to you. Um, no. Let me see your desk. You've written the answers on it?

That's an automatic failure, young lady. What? No. Sebastian, you said you couldn't die from cheating. You can't. That's not true because mirror Bella just died from cheating. No, she died from failing. But she failed because she cheated.

Still, her cause of death wasn't cheating. It was failing. So my statement stands, cheaters don't die. Unless you get caught. Precisely, so don't get caught. Jessica? Principal Franklin. What is that on your hand?

Oh, I was doodling in class. I should go wash it up. Let me see. Show me your hand. What is this? Are these test answers? No. You're coming with me.

We do not allow cheating at our school. Professor Potter, you have a cheater in your class. See? Jess, were you cheating on the test? Please, I don't want to die. I forgot to study, but I'm not a failure. Thank you, Principal Franklin, but I'll take it from here. We don't know.

allow cheating on tests. It's an automatic failure. But you know that. I know. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. Unfortunately, sorry doesn't change that you did it. Are you going to kill me? You saw what happened to Mirabelle earlier today. It would be unfair of me to let one student live and not the other when they're both in the wrong. Rules are rules. I know. Who else knows that you cheated? Just Principal Franklin and you obviously? No one else. No, why? So no one saw you cheat. No? So you didn't cheat. You just had the writing on your hands to practice, but you didn't use it on the test.

And there are no witnesses to prove otherwise. No, but I... Didn't cheat, right? Right. I didn't cheat. Then I have no reason to fail you because we have no proof. Now go wash your hands. What about Principal Franklin?

Don't worry about him. He won't be an issue. What's going on? Principal Franklin was fired. What? Why? They found him guilty of something. It's high profile,

So they're not telling us. Either way, the deadly grades will be postponed until we have a new principal. Well, hopefully we don't find another before we graduate. Oh, it's gonna happen sooner than that. Don't be such a downer, Sebastian. I'm not being a downer. Professor Potter already applied to be principal. Jess, what's with that face?

Um, nothing. I just don't think we want Professor Potter as our principal. He seems like he's up to something. Do you know something you're not telling me? Nope, nothing. But let's go. Looks like school's canceled for the day. Jess, can I talk to you?

Uh, Professor Potter. I'm kind of busy. It will only take a second. I'll catch up with you guys. I told you, Principal Franklin, wouldn't be an issue. Look, I appreciate what you did for me, but you didn't have to get Principal Franklin fired. No, that was more for my own benefit. What are you plotting?

You know what? Don't tell me, because I don't want any part of it. Oh, but you will be a part of it. Because I saved your life, remember? Are you blackmailing me? Something like that. What kind of evil plan are you plotting? Evil. I'm not a villain. I'm going to be a hero. A hero. Last I checked, heroes don't blackmail people.

I'm going to take down the system for good. Are you in or not? I thought you said I don't have a choice. Oh, you have a choice. It's your in or you're dead. Then I'm in.