Jessica Kaylee - If Halloween Candy gave you Powers
Episode Date: October 6, 2025If Halloween Candy gave you Powers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Where did you get that?
Aunt Sabrina sent me a bag full of finger gummies and eyeballs.
Do not eat that, Jessica.
Those are not gummies.
Sure, she sent me real severed fingers.
She might have your aunt's a witch.
Just because you two don't get along,
doesn't mean she'd try and big me real body parts.
I wouldn't put anything past her.
Now give me the bag.
Sorry, Mom, but you need a better hiding spot.
What does that mean?
Ew, Sebastian, why are you letting her pick your nose?
Who?
Her.
Jess, there's no one picking my nose.
Wait, you don't see that girl right there?
Do you?
He can't see dead people, Pumpkin.
Just you can't.
Hello!
Do you see something?
Uh, no.
Carry on.
Stop it.
So you died in the 20s?
Jess.
Who are you talking to?
Margaret.
My great, great grandma's best friend.
Please tell me you're joking.
No.
Since when?
Since today?
Well, my aunt gave me these body part gummies
that give me special abilities.
Do you want one?
No way.
It was like a little too real to be gummies.
Well, you're like, you're like.
because that ghost leprechaun dancing on your head has sick dance moves.
Get off my head! Get off!
You can't touch them, Billy Jean. They're translucent.
Haven't you ever seen Caspar the Ghost?
Aw, all the ghosts disappeared.
Oh well, time to try another.
I really hope you're not a real finger.
Principal Franklin, why do you smell like sweat, cheap coffee, and baby diapers?
My wife just had a baby, so that's all I've been around for the past 48 hours.
Well, I know.
money's probably tight with the new baby but invest in some cologne my guy P you
Kloss there will be no homework tonight after all yes miss Peppa's the best she's
actually only doing that because she's too hung over to grade papers and she just
wants to get home to her leftover pineapple pizza before crying herself to sleep
again let me guess you can read people's minds no I could smell people's
odors you'd be surprised how much B.O. will give away does that mean you could
smell my odor yeah and let me tell you not the date of
forget to brush your teeth. Jess, I just thought of a genius idea. You know how the
school's been speculating that Coach Frank and Miss Pepper are having a secret
relationship? Well, now you can figure it out for everyone. So? Does he smell like her?
He doesn't smell like Miss Peppa, but I know that perfume. He smells like my mom.
No! That must be who she sneaks out to see some nights. Maybe not. Maybe it's
someone who wears her exact perfume. He doesn't
just smell like her perfume though Billy Jean. He smells like her toe jam. Ew, T.
TMI. You're telling me. I had to smell it. My nose is back to normal. Let's see what a
green finger does. What does that mean? Becky, do you need a hand? Not from you. Come on,
your hands are clearly full. Just hand me something. Fine here. Ah! Did you just tase me?
No. I mean not on purpose. How do you electrocute someone on accident? And you
wonder why we're not friends.
Becky, wait, I'm sorry.
Jess, do you know why Becky's crying?
Yeah, it's because I tased her.
You what?
On accident.
My hands have electricity today.
It's my special ability.
Are you sure you don't want to try one of those fingers?
It's really fun.
Hmm.
Seeing dead people and tasing people with your touch.
Yeah, I'm good.
Someone help.
My dog was running and his heart stopped.
I can help, but back up.
I don't want you to get hurt.
What are you gonna do?
Restart his heart.
Okay, thank you. I owe you one.
It was my pleasure.
Good boy, Max.
Ow!
Why did he zap me?
Looks like someone got into my candy.
He might do that for a few days.
Days?
What kind of candy was that?
I could touch metal without being electrocuted.
It finally wore off.
I wonder what the zombie does.
I feel weird.
It's payback time.
Did you just pepper spray me?
Yeah.
Why aren't your eyes burning?
Even mine are burning from being downwind.
I don't know. I guess I'm immune.
Well then take this.
Becky.
Get the taser off my arm.
Is this thing not working?
Nope. Test it out on yourself.
Screw you, Jess, you painless freak.
I could have picked a better time to eat that zombie.
Jess!
Oops! Sorry, I stepped on your toe.
Don't worry about it. I can't feel pain right now.
Really? Can I test it out?
Go for it.
Hit me as hard as you can.
Ow!
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!
I punched you as hard as I could!
I'm just kidding!
I didn't feel a thing!
Ugh!
You got me!
Jessica!
Why is Becky driving a bulldozer screaming your name?
I'm guessing she wants to figure out if I can feel that.
Are you gonna let her?
Absolutely not!
I might not be able to feel pain, but I could get squashed!
Run!
Run!
I need to keep that zombie gummy close by in case Becky finds me.
But in the meantime, let's see what's see what's...
See what ghosty does.
Has anyone seen Jess?
She found me already.
Jess, come out, come out wherever you are.
Wait, can she not see me?
Who's talking?
Hello?
Who's there?
Your great, great aunt sister,
telling you to leave Jess alone and be the bigger person.
Being the bigger person's overrated.
Then I shall haunt you forever.
On second dot, no it's not, I'll leave her alone.
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girl ew what is that philly jean it's me i'm a ghost right now so i need you to cover for me in miss pepice class
fine but what do i say say i had like a family emergency or something
Billy Jane, do you know where Jess is?
Uh, yeah, she had like an ulcer in her mouth and it started spreading horribly.
And she had to leave really quickly without telling anyone.
Ow!
Well, hopefully she gets her herpes cure.
I don't have herpes!
Who said that?
You couldn't have thought of a better lie?
Hey now, you didn't get written up, did you?
No.
See, you should be thanking me.
Whoa, I could see you again.
That means my ability wore off.
I have one more finger to try.
Does this one do?
I don't...
Whoa!
Are you limiting?
I'm not touching the ground!
This is so cool!
Hold on, don't get too high.
You could hurt yourself.
Only if I fall back down.
Billy Jean, the bell rang.
Off to class.
Wee.
I need to start getting more sleep.
I'm hallucinating flying students.
Jessica, it is your turn to tell us your special talent.
My special skill is I can fly.
Very funny.
Now come on, hurry up.
I can.
Can.
See?
Holy Harry Potter.
Okay, okay.
Where's the optical illusion?
There's no optical illusion.
It's magic.
Good try, but I believe in science, not wizardry.
Here, grab my hands.
I'll prove it.
See?
Look how small everyone is.
Oh, set me down.
Set me down!
Fine.
Ow!
Oops!
I quit!
Jessica!
Where is the candy?
I know you took it back.
You took it back.
Oh, she's gonna take it away for good this time.
Jessica Kaylee, give me the candy.
Sorry, Mom, there's nothing you can do.
I ate it all.
Jessica!
Since today, when my aunt gave me these body part gummies...
Doesn't just smell like her toe jam though, Billy Jean.
He's...
Wait.
He doesn't just smell like her...
Not toad...
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