Jessica Kaylee - If Normal Things were BANNED (ALL SEASONS)

Episode Date: October 10, 2026

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Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 And then my grandma did a backflip and... Spit out your gum! Give it to me! I'll throw it away. Hang on. I think I have a pack of gum in my bag. Okay, well, hurry! I can't be caught with this. Oh, no. What? I gave my pack of gum to Becky this morning. She says that helps her perform better on tests. Well, hopefully she remembers it's in her bag. Jessica, you're needed in the principal's office. Immediately.
Starting point is 00:00:20 What's that about? I don't know. I don't have any gum on me. Thanks for coming down here. Becky was caught trying to dispose of this earlier. Do you recognize this gum? No. Really? Because she said she got it from you this morning. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Well, I did, but I gave it to her way before the 24-hour ban was in place. Right, Becky? No, she's lying. She hid it in my back. She's trying to frame me. What? Well, there's only one way to squash this. Yes.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Check the cameras. No, someone could have tampered with those tapes. Unlikely. What we need is a staring contest. Is he for real? The first person to blink is guilty. Okay, hold up. Three, two, one.
Starting point is 00:00:58 She blinked. No, I winked. With both eyes, I don't think so. Take her to jail. Becky, don't worry, you'll get out when gum is legal again. Jess, back to class. Jess, why did the principal want to see you yesterday? Long story short, Becky's a backstabber. Man, come on, we have to throw our phones away. No, I just got the new iPhone for Halloween. I'm not gonna throw it away.
Starting point is 00:01:21 Wait, you get gifts on Halloween? Yeah, trick-or-treating. Who was giving out the new iPhones? Mr. Bees is my neighbor, so I, always get the good stuff. Well, unless you want to go to jail, you better throw it away. Fine. Do I hear a cell phone? Jess, why do you look extremely guilty? Because it's my phone. What? I saw you throw your phone away. But then I went back for it and put it in my bag. Girl. Silence. We're going to have a bag search. I heard a
Starting point is 00:01:56 phone. Billy Jane, I can't go to jail. I have an idea. Just whatever you do, don't speak. Why? Because when you lie, your voice gets all high pitch. It does not. It does not. You. I'm not. I'm not. I don't. I have a See? Miss Honey, can I go to the bathroom? Sure, Billie Jean, but I'll have to check your bag before you go. Fine. I'll be back. Still no phone. On to the back row. Billie Jean, where are you? All right, Jess, you're next. Just give me your bag. Let's go. Everyone evacuate. I'll have to check your bag as soon as we get back. That's fine. I pulled the alarm. Did it work?
Starting point is 00:02:28 For now, but she's still going to search for my phone when I get back. Well, then quick. Give it to me. No, I don't want you to get in trouble. It'll be fine. She already searched my bag. Fine. Hurry. Jessica? Billy Jean? This could be your ad, reaching a brand new audience on Spotify.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Launch your first campaign in minutes today with Spotify Ads Manager. What? Hurry up. Everyone's gone back inside already. That was a close one. Billy Jean, I need to know how your grandma's backflips are going. Terrible. She broke both her big toes last...
Starting point is 00:03:01 What's going on? Why is the hallway so quiet today? Hey, get your hands off me. Talking is not allowed. You're coming with us. Hey, I didn't know. Today sucks. Tell me about it.
Starting point is 00:03:17 I hate not talking. Why do they still make us go to school when no one can talk? Great question. Let's ditch. We can't. Hey, staff. Miss Honey, she's stealing my stuff. You're coming with us.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Whoa, what? You're arresting me? She stole something out of my bag. Yeah, but you're the one that talked. You're disobeying the ban. Come on, let's go. So are you. You're talking.
Starting point is 00:03:42 We have to to enforce the orders. Come on. I heard the jails are really bad, super overcrowded, and barely any food. I would never want to go there. Ever. Girls, in the back, are you talking? Writing is a form of talking. Both of you, you're going to jail.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Come on. If you're going to put writing under that rule, then you'll have to rest. everyone in here that's texted today. There won't be enough room in jail. Fine. Take this as a warning. Yesterday was a close one. No talking was torture. That means no Taylor Swift today. Or Olivia Rodrigo. I'm convinced they want us to go insane. It's believe I'm still bejeweled when I walk in the... Billie Jean, stop singing. I can't help it. It's so quiet in here. Listen to me, you can sing all you want in your head. I'll try. Joy to the world.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Billie Jean, if you keep singing, they're gonna send us all to jail, because it would be considered listening to music. Sorry, it's a bad habit. You think they'd really send everyone to jail for someone singing? I wouldn't put it past them. Hmm. Bap, pop, pop, bop to the fat. Slipping, slip and slide. She's singing.
Starting point is 00:04:49 They've all been exposed to music. Load them up. Billy Jean, Jess. Since you had your earplugs, you don't have to go to jail. For now. Why would Becky do that? I think she's trying to get me sent to jail. She does seem to have a vendetta against you.
Starting point is 00:05:01 I wonder why. I have no idea. Jess? Becky, aren't you supposed to be in jail? I convinced the officers that you can't listen to yourself while singing, so therefore I wasn't listening to music. Wait, huh? He was so confused, too, that he let me go. Bummer, you two didn't have to go, though.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Maybe there's a way to change the officer's mind about that. Guess I'm staying home from school today. There's no way we're supposed to go to school if clothes are banned. Jess, hurry up. The bus is almost here. Mom, I can't go to school today. Sure, you can. and everyone's going to be in the birthday suit. See?
Starting point is 00:05:35 Oh my gosh! Out of my room! Fine! I really wish I couldn't see that. Billy Jean, that suitcase might be covering up your front side, but not your backside. You're fully exposed! I am not! I taped an Amazon box to my behind.
Starting point is 00:05:49 You can't see anything. Although it does make it difficult to sit down. Good idea with the trash bag, though. That would have been way better than chugging around a suitcase all day. What was that noise? Jess! Is that a poodle on your booty? It's a birthday!
Starting point is 00:06:02 Mark. Becky cut open my trash bag. You have to figure out what her deal is. First, I need to cover myself up before I moaned the entire school. Well, Billy Jean, looks like we're twins today. Let's get to class. Whatever it is, it can't be worse than yesterday. I saw enough naked people for a lifetime. Drinking? I really hope I don't get thirsty today. Billy Jean, are you good? Yeah, why? Because you're eating jello faster than a star-nosed I woke up with the worst dry mouth this morning and Jello's the closest thing to water I could think of. Jess, Billy Jean. What, Becky?
Starting point is 00:06:42 My grandma baked cookies for everyone. Would you two like one? No offense, but I wouldn't be surprised if those had poison in them. You think I would murder you in a school hallway. Jess, you're so funny. Hey, Becky, I'll take a cookie. No, I already offered them to Jess and Billy Jean. It's fine, Becky, really, just give him a cookie.
Starting point is 00:07:00 But my grandma's gonna be so sad that you wouldn't try her cookie. Fine, I'll eat one if it makes you leave us alone. Okay. Jess, are you good? So it might not have had poison, but it had the best closest thing. Ghostbuckers. It's bad, huh? Shut up, Becky.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Jess, what do you need? Do you need water? Give me the jello. Becky, what is your deal? Wait, you didn't cave and drink water? No, Billy Jean's jello was awfully refreshing. Ugh, bummer. Why don't you just leave me alone?
Starting point is 00:07:32 No. Why? Because when I got busted for having your gum, jail went on my permanent record. Harvard will never accept me now, let alone any college. My dream of being a nurse is crushed because of you. Oh my gosh. That one piece of gum ruined my life.
Starting point is 00:07:47 I am so sorry, but maybe you can look into doing community service and get it off. You think that would work? It's worth a shot. Plus it's a way better place to put your energy than getting revenge on me. I don't know. Revenge is kind of fun.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Jess, Jess. Oh my god, Becky, you smell awful. I know. My community service job is cleaning up all the bird poop on the sidewalks. Well, that explains the smell. But they said if I do it once a month until graduation, my record will be clean. Really? Yeah, thanks for the idea, Jess. I'm going to college. Well, I'm glad it worked out for you, but I'm gonna go over there so I don't have to smell bird caca.
Starting point is 00:08:22 I'm telling you, my grandma does the splits better than Barbie. Quick, we have to remove our makeup. Here, I have a makeup wipe. But I really like how I did my makeup today. Just wipe it off before we get caught and sent to jail. Billie Jean, does your face burn? No, why? I don't know, mine just feels really hot.
Starting point is 00:08:45 Oh, sweet pineapple. What? I think you're having an allergic reaction to the makeup wipe. Good call about rinsing my face off with cold water. I feel much better. Well, that's good. Why is your voice high? No reason.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Your voice always gets high when something's wrong. It's just, it didn't help the redness. I look like a tomato! Hello, Jess, Billy Jean. Hello, Principal Franklin. Jess, you're gonna have to come with me for wearing makeup today. Oh, no. I'm not wearing any makeup.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Oh, so you just expect me to believe that you naturally look like the devil. I don't think so. Come with me. Excuse me. You can't hold me here. I'm not wearing any makeup. We have an eyewitness saying that she saw you put it on. Who?
Starting point is 00:09:24 This girl right here. Becky. She claims she saw you doing this makeup look in the bathroom and it looks identical to me. Just give me a washcloth and I'll prove I'm not wearing any. See? Clean as a whistle. Whoa, you really aren't wearing any makeup. I told you it's just an allergic reaction. Now let me out.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Bess, how was jail? Horrible! Also, the only reason they took me yesterday was because Becky told them I had makeup on. That girl has always been out to get you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I will not survive today without this. Then you better start chugging before anyone sees. That was not a good idea. My stomach hurts. Yeah, I was kidding when I said to chug it. That was a terrible idea!
Starting point is 00:10:08 Assignment please. Here you go. Is that coffee I smell? It is. Someone around here drink coffee and it's banned. Well, what if they drink before it was banned? All coffee is banned. Coffee drink, copy breath, coffee spills, coffee smells.
Starting point is 00:10:25 I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this. Everyone, breathe in my face. I'm doing a stiff test. Jess, here, eat this mint. Thank you. Jess, your turn, breathe in my face. Okay class, we have found the culprit. What?
Starting point is 00:10:40 It's Patrick. What? No, it's not. It was coming from this area and it wasn't Jess. I've never even drank coffee before. That's exactly what a guilty person would say. Come with me, you're going to jail. Poor Patrick. No backpacks.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Does that mean I have to carry everything that's in here? Billie Jean, where's all your stuff? At home, I didn't bring it. Why? We have so many assignments to do today. But we could bring our backpacks. What was I supposed to? to do carry around my stuff all day and look like a weirdo?
Starting point is 00:11:09 First of all, yes, that's exactly what you're supposed to do. And second of all, it's not that weird. Everyone's carrying their stuff. Why isn't everyone carrying their stuff? Told you you look like a weirdo. Class, your assignments aren't going to be due today after all. Since the backpack ban, we understand that would be a lot to carry around. Can I just turn mine in anyways because I did bring mine to school and it was a lot to carry?
Starting point is 00:11:32 No, no, no, we're not taking any early work. Just bring it back tomorrow. Jess, are you okay? Do you want some help carrying that stuff? Sebastian, that would be great. I've been struggling all day. I'll just put all these assignments in here and now you can carry this around instead. What are you doing? If I get caught with that, I'll get in trouble. But this will make it much easier to carry all your books. Of course it would if it wasn't banned.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Oh, right. Hmm. Well good luck with that. See ya! No, no, no, Sebastian, get back here. Take my stuff out! I can't just leave my homework in that backpack. Someone can take you. it. Jessica? Principal Franklin. Why do you always have the worst timing? Why are you always such a pain in my behind? I don't know, but you should really get that checked out. My office. Now. Racia? No. I have decided not to turn you into the police under one condition. Yes, I'll do anything. As long as I don't have to go to jail the rest of the day. You become home monitor for your free period the rest of
Starting point is 00:12:35 the week. What do you say? Do we have a deal? If we don't, Don't do I have to go to jail? Yup. Then we have a deal. Great. I just still don't get how your grandma can still do the splits. Good thing it's not allergy season. Hachoo!
Starting point is 00:12:54 Philly Jean, you can't be doing that. I can't help it. My sister keeps letting her cat in my room, even though she knows I'm allergic. I think I have cat hair all over my clothes. Huh? Huh? Next time you think you have to sneeze, finger under nose.
Starting point is 00:13:08 It really helps. Let's switch outfits in the meantime in case it is your clothes. Jess, are you sick? No, I'm borrowing Billy Jean's clothes today and something that is really bothering my nose. You know what might help? Let me guess. Sneezing!
Starting point is 00:13:23 No, I'm not cruel. Then what, Becky? Taking allergy medicine. Do you have some? Of course. But I'm not going to give you any because I really want to see you sneeze. I don't know why I fall for your baloney
Starting point is 00:13:35 every single time. Me neither, but it's so fun. Billy Jean, I need my clothes back. I almost keep sneezing. I can't give them back. I'm finally not sneezing. And being near the clothes again is definitely making my nose itch. Then what are we gonna do? Hachoo! Was that a sneeze? Run! We have to be more careful today. We almost both went to jail.
Starting point is 00:13:58 No! I can't live a day without being your BFF. We're gonna have to avoid each other all day. Jessica, here is your badge. And remember, any other, Anyone without a pass gets detention. Sir, yes, sir! Don't do that. Jess! Pilly Jean, what are you doing in the hallway without a hall pass?
Starting point is 00:14:17 Chemistry sucked. They actually wanted us to do stuff today. I'm gonna have to write you up. Yeah, right. We're be- Shh. Not today, we're not, remember? You're seriously gonna write me up?
Starting point is 00:14:30 I don't have a choice. It's that or we both go to jail. Okay. I liked detention anyways. We really don't have to do anything there. I know you do. It's the only place you have perfect attendance. Claudia, you are too funny. Did you hear that?
Starting point is 00:14:44 Yeah, Principal Franklin and Miss Puppa aren't following the ban rule. We have to report them. I'm not sure you should tattle on the principal. Why not? They always tattle on us. I'm gonna do it. Now quick, get back to class so they don't see us together. You're sure? Mm-hmm. Jess, what's all this commotion?
Starting point is 00:15:01 Principal Franklin, you are coming with us for violating the BFF ban rule. I witnessed you and your BFF ban rule. BFF Miss Peppa breaking the ban so as Hall Monitor I had to do my due diligence and report it immediately Jessica you are fired as Hall Monitor when I get back sir yes sir enjoy jail mom do you know what this means I sure do oh my Lanta why are you wearing a turkey outfit because we have to wear anything but our normal everyday clothes today but don't worry while I was out I picked you up a turkey outfit too wow that that is really nice
Starting point is 00:15:39 but I think I'm good. Are you sure? Mm-hmm. Billie Jean? Wait, why aren't you naked? The better question is, why are you? I think my brother led me astray. He said you couldn't wear anything today.
Starting point is 00:15:53 Nope. You definitely can't. You just can't wear normal clothes, but you can wear clothes. What am I gonna do? I guess I'll cut some leg holes in my backpack and you can wear this. Jessica.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Principal Franklin. How is your time in jail? Not great, thanks to you. Hey, now I'm not the one who didn't follow the band. It's water under the bridge. The real reason I wanted to talk to you is because I need your help spreading the word about a Taylor Swift competition happening today. Whoever is the best dressed in her merch will get free tickets to her concert. Free tickets to our concert?
Starting point is 00:16:28 But wait, wouldn't that go against the band though? No, no. That wouldn't be considered street attire. That would be considered fan attire. I guess that makes sense. Okay, I'll let everyone know. Jess, why did you change? Because Principal Franklin said that there's a chance to win Taylor Swift tickets if you're wearing her merch today. So I gate kept it, so I'm the one that wins.
Starting point is 00:16:48 That's definitely gonna count of street wear. No, he said it wouldn't. Jessica, this is the police speaking. Come with us for violating the ban. No, stop! What's going on? Principal Franklin, thank goodness you're here. Tell them that my outfit's okay and it's just for the competition.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Oh yeah. There was no competition. You tricked me? Yeah. I figured I should get a little payback after you sent me to jail. Now it's your turn. Have fun. This isn't Grandpa doing the splits, Mom.
Starting point is 00:17:17 This is AI. I'm deleting this off your phone. Are you sure it's AI? People who use walkers aren't doing the splits on the reg. They break a hit. Hey, Siri, how do you tell if something is AI? No, you can't ask Siri either. I'm disabling it.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Next you're going to tell me that I can't use chat GTP. You can't! My TikTok algorithm is so weird today. It's like it doesn't know me at all. It doesn't. The FYP is AI learning, so with AI being banned, it can't tailor your feed to what you like. That explains why I keep getting
Starting point is 00:17:49 how to grow a garden in Alaska videos. Guys, can you hop in 99 nights in the forest? There's no one to play with me right now. We can't. We have detected AI being used over here. That's weird. I'm just... Studying for an exam.
Starting point is 00:18:01 Jess, give me back my laptop! If we catch anyone using AI, it's jail for a week. Aw, I lost the game because of you. You can't play Roblox games today, Sebastian. Those games use AI. Next, you're going to tell me I can't play 20 questions with my meta self. I'm starting to think people don't even know what AI is. Billy Jean, I just got an email saying I won a trip to the Bahamas to attend Taylor Swift's honeymoon.
Starting point is 00:18:26 All I have to do is put in my information and it's all mine. Are you sure? That sounds way too good to be true. Normally, I would be skeptical too, but my email is very good at filtering spam. So, I think it is. Do you want to be I plus one? Uh, duh! Students, as you are all adjusting to the AI band, here are some things that you might not know are AI.
Starting point is 00:18:44 Text predictions, Google Maps, and email spam filters. Your emails will now be filled with spam, so make sure you're staying safe. Uh, Jess, you don't think that email was a scam after all, do you? No way! Taylor Swift invites her biggest fans to these types of things all the time. But do you really think she would have her honeymoon in the Bahamas? Check the email address that sent you that. sent you that? It was from Swifty, 67, GIFT-O-A-At Gmail.com. And away is spelled wrong.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Girl! You didn't give them any personal information, did you? I just gave them our social security number, birth certificates, home address, and names? What? They needed that to book the trip. Our identities are for sure getting stolen. Oh, don't be dramatic. Who would want to have your identity? Pecky, for once, I hope you're right. Um, so I just got an email from the state. and it says, thank you for getting your new ID. I guess someone is trying to be me. Well, I guess I was wrong. I hope the new you is cool.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Oh, they attach a picture of the new ID. It looks like newbie has a beard and is fault. At least his eyetaps kind of cool. Banned? Personal space? Uh, how did you guys get in my house? I hired them. I didn't want you to get sent to jail for having personal space. Where did you find these people?
Starting point is 00:20:06 This one smells like it hasn't showered in years. On eBay. Look at my sister. Yikes. How come Jerica got to use her friends and you hired two strangers for me? Don't make me answer that, sweetie. We know Billy Jean is your only friend. I have more than one friend.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Name another. Sorry, I can't hear you. Carla over here is breathing down my throat. Okay, move, guys. I'm gonna be late to class because of you. Jess, why did you breathe? Why did you bring your grandma to school? This isn't my grandma.
Starting point is 00:20:36 I don't even know her. Yikes. Blink twice if you need help. I'm blinking. Oh, I don't actually care. Come on. Move! Jessica, you're late.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Yeah, well, it's a little hard to get through the hallway when you have two people pressed up against you. I'm surprised your mom did realize personal space could be taken up by objects and not just people. I wish. Instead, she thought I needed people and a dog. How come they just stare and don't talk? talk. Mom said it costs extra money for them to talk. So instead they just stare. A new band is loading.
Starting point is 00:21:11 You two out of here. Jess, the cops found the person who stole my identity. Quick, put your phone in here. It'll kill everything with the UV light. Bring it with us. We need to wash your hands. This line is way too long to wash our hands. Do you have any hand sanitizer? Yes, I have cotton candy, vanilla, peach blossom, or... Just give me one. Do you really think we need to wash our hands? How can they tell if we have germs? Uh, microscopes? A-hooo! Ew! Sebastian! You need to cover your sneeze. That's how germs spread!
Starting point is 00:21:39 I didn't know I was going to sneeze. No matter how much I washed, I still feel like I have germs everywhere! We are checking everyone for germs today. You two, come with us into the blue light! I hope we scrubbed enough. Ew, with the blonde hair. Step through! Ew! I washed, I swear, but I could wash again! Quiet, step to the right. Next person, step through.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Looks like we're both covered in. Both covered in germs still. No talking. Step to the right. Wait here until I return. At least we'll be going to jail together. If we didn't pass, there's no way the rest of the school is passing. Half of them don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:22:19 You two, you're free to go. Wait, really? But we were covered in germs. Jess, do you want to go to jail? Don't argue with the man. Let's go! You were covered in good germs. Everyone has good germs and bad germs.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Oh, cool. Does that mean I was covered in good germs too? No. This gentleman needs to spray down. Spray down, bring in the germ team. Spray down. No, thanks. You're gonna have to try and catch me if you want to do that.
Starting point is 00:22:40 I will never understand why Sebastian thinks he can outrun them. I will never understand Sebastian. Mom, school's banned for the day. No! Wow, okay, don't act too excited. You girls need to leave the house all day. No way. No school means I will be on my iPad in bed.
Starting point is 00:22:59 See ya. I'm with her. No, you will not. If school is banned, then you're coming to work with my. me. What? Mom, we're almost adults. I think we can stay home by ourselves for eight hours. And not, fine. I wish that were true, but I know I will be getting calls from you to arguing. We promise we won't, Mom. Stop whining and get in the car. Oh, I didn't know it was bring your kids to work day. Hi, Deborah. Unfortunately, that's what happens when they banned school with no notice. Don't worry,
Starting point is 00:23:27 you won't even know they're here. No, this is great. We can use the extra help. Girls, this way. You can work on making copies for all these and then sorting them into the mailboxes. Ooh, sorry, but we already made plans to play Pokemon go on our phones all day. Thanks, though. I think you should do this if you don't watch your mom to get fired for bringing her kids to work unprompted. Are you blackmailing us? Of course not. But it is up to you if your mom loses her job. I cannot believe her. Mission Get Deborah Fired is on. Jerica, I don't think we should cause any waves at mom's work. Clearly, they're already upset that we're here.
Starting point is 00:24:03 We're not the ones who started it. Deborah is. We're just the ones finishing it. So what did you think of coming to work with me today? Great. Super fun. I'm still shocked Deborah got fired. It seems so out of the blue.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Yeah, well, I guess that's what happens when you memeify your boss into a love island bombshell and send it out to the entire network. I have to say, it seemed out of character for Deborah. I know. Who knew Deborah had it in her? Hello? Yes, this is she. You saw what on the cameras? Mom's work as cameras.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Girls, did you hack into Deborah's computer? We play the fifth. Who changed the Wi-Fi password? I can't get it to work either. Dad, can you restart it? I'm trying to watch the summer I turn pretty. Do you kids ever pay attention? Wi-Fi is banned today.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Ugh, I'll just use my hotspot then. Same. No, you will not. You two already used all of your data for the entire month. Then what are we supposed to do all day? You know, back at our day, we didn't even have Wi-Fi. Yeah, because you had dinosaurs. I'm so bored.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Hey Alexa, play music. I seem to be having a connection issue. Ugh! Even listening to music requires Wi-Fi. Come on, let's go outside, like they did in the olden days. Do you think you can die of boredom? Dude, quit complaining. You're like addicted to Wi-Fi. Are you not losing your mind?
Starting point is 00:25:20 No. I got the K-pop demon hunters ingrained in my brain, so all I have to do is close my eyes and it's like watching TV. Whoa, I wonder if I can play DTI in my brain. Ah! What's wrong now? My opponent's outfit? is hideous. Is that a fire alarm? It's coming from the house.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Are you guys okay? What did you burn? Dinner! I couldn't use the cooking robot because it required Wi-Fi. It's fine. I'll just order DoorDash for everyone. What do you guys want? I already tried.
Starting point is 00:25:48 No Wi-Fi, remember? Someone's going to have to call them. No-noes! That's not fair! My name is Jess, and I would like to order a large pizza, no basil. Hi, my name is Pizza and I'd like to order a large Jess, no basil? Huh?
Starting point is 00:26:06 What happened? Why did you hang up? That was traumatizing. We're gonna starve. I traded my butter squishy for a nice cue. No. Quick, throw it away. No way!
Starting point is 00:26:18 I just got this one! You can get another one next week. You act as if these are easy to get your hands on. They've been sold out for months. Jess, put the fidget down. This is the worst day ever. Since fidgets are banned today, if you need something to fiddle with, I will be allowing doodling.
Starting point is 00:26:35 in class today. I bet the government banned them because they wanted fidgets and they were all sold out. My dad works for the government and he said he would give me all the needos that they compensate once the ban's over. That's not fair. They should be giving them back to the people who bought them with their own money. Excuse me, this class requires a fidget check. Everyone open up your backpacks. Jess, why do you look suss? We throw away my needo. Do you want to go to jail? No, I was just really hoping they weren't going to check, but I'll throw it away as soon as he turns his back. have terrible aim. It landed in Becky's backpack. What should I do? Should I tell her? You would get in trouble for having it. Ma'am, is this a needo? I have no idea where that came from. Someone's
Starting point is 00:27:21 framing me. Yeah, right. You're coming with us. No, I swear, that isn't mine. Look, it has someone else's initials on it. J.K. That's not someone's initials. That means just kidding. You're getting extra time for trying to prank an officer. Prank an officer? I'm calling my lawyer. This is an outrage. Do you think I should have said something? She's going to jail because of me. Relax. Becky's dad runs the government. There is no way he's going to let her spend an hour in jail. It still doesn't feel good. This guilt is going to eat me alive. Jess, don't. It was my Nito in Becky's bag. See, I told you I was set up. J.K. stands for Jessica Kaylee. But it was an accident. I meant to throw it away. I just have really, really bad aim and it
Starting point is 00:28:03 landed in Becky's bag. Lire. She did this on purpose. She's clearly trying to frame me. If I was trying to frame you, I wouldn't be confessing, Becky! So you were getting rid of the needo as you were supposed to? Yes! Then you did nothing wrong. But thank you for telling us. Let's go. Wait, shouldn't I be free now? It wasn't my fault, remember? It is your fault for not checking your belongings for any banned items. You're still going to jail. I'm going to get you for this, Jessica. Can I cheat? I think I somehow made everything worse.
Starting point is 00:28:34 At least you cleared your conscience. But I would definitely try and keep your distance from Becky until these bands are over. CO2 is banned? What does that mean? Here, everyone needs to be using these CO2 bottles. What are these for? You're not allowed to put CO2 into the world or there is consequences.
Starting point is 00:28:52 These bottles capture the CO2 so you're not exhaling it into the universe. Jericho, where is your CO2 bottle? They ran out of them. I'm going to get sent to jail. Here, you can have mine. Then what are you going to do? I'll find another way.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Here, take it. Thanks, Jess. That's what big sisters are for. Why are you holding that plant near your face? Because plants breathe in CO2, so as long as I'm talking or breathing out near it, they're breathing it in, I think. That's not going to work.
Starting point is 00:29:22 That plant doesn't breathe at the same rate you do. I don't have a lot of options because they're all out of CO2 bottles. I have something that would work. Follow me. You could stay in this chamber. It doesn't do the exact same thing as the bottles, but close enough. Girl, that's not a chamber. That's a coffin.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Yeah, so all I need to do is give you one small bite and you'll be much more comfortable. Whoa, wait, bite? Are you trying to change me into a vampire? I'm trying to help you so you don't need oxygen and therefore will not breathe out CO2. You know what? I actually would rather go to jail so you can just stay away from me. Oh, thank goodness. I managed to not get caught that entire band.
Starting point is 00:30:02 I wonder how many more days we have of this. Yeah, we're on our way now. We'll be at Disneyland in like, 20 minutes? Everyone? Out of the car. Mom? What's going on? Gas is banned.
Starting point is 00:30:13 We can't keep driving. Are you sure they mean car gas? I'm pretty sure they don't mean butthole gas. Now out! Oh! I'll call you back! How are we supposed to get to Disneyland now? It's still like 20 miles away!
Starting point is 00:30:24 We're going to have to walk to the closest store and see if we could find a bike to transport us. None of these places have bikes, Mom, and I'm starving! Let's go grab a bite to eat then. We'll wait out the band together. Welcome to Chish! Chilies, what can I get ya? I mean, does anyone come to chilies and not get chili? You'd be surprised.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Two chilies, please. You're bold for ordering that today. What does she mean by that? No idea. Wait, Mom, we could rent an electric car. Look, none of those cars are getting pulled over. You know, you have a very good point. Woo!
Starting point is 00:30:57 That chili is making things move. Ma'am! Was that what I think it was? A little flatuance, yes, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Excuse you is right. You're gonna have to come with us. I told you it was human gas. It's all gas. Gas is gas. I'm sorry, officer.
Starting point is 00:31:12 We had no idea. Doesn't matter. The law is the law. We really did pick the worst day to get chilly. Jess, you want to watch the new Minions movie after school? I have a feeling they're not going to be airing that tonight. Wait, your outfit. The jean?
Starting point is 00:31:27 I don't have a change of clothes. Then naked you shall be. Do you think I can make it home without it ripping? You should be okay as long as you walk very carefully. Uh, but I think we're... might have a bigger issue. Bigger issues than me being naked? Yeah, your teeth are looking real yellow. You don't think that would count, do you? Yellow is yellow. Did these white new shirts really work? Someone must have worn yellow today. This is so going in the yearbook.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Whoa, Philly Jean, you got the mega pack of fireworks? I thought that was illegal. Jess? What? You jinxed me. I spent my college savings on these five. fireworks. Why would you spend that kind of money on something that literally blows up? How is this any different than me paying for a college I would fail out of? At least this I get to enjoy. Well, not anymore you don't. You need to get rid of those. What are we going to do all day if we can't light off fireworks? We could still roast marshmallows and hot dogs. You guys going to the fireworks show tonight? No, Sebastian. And don't rub it in that fireworks are banned. These ones aren't.
Starting point is 00:32:29 What kind of fireworks are not banned? The ones that they're doing tonight? You'll have to come see for yourself. Billy Jean, I think we should go. I don't know. We could get in trouble if we watch fireworks that are illegal. They can't possibly be putting every single viewer into jail. True. Come on, it's the Fourth of July!
Starting point is 00:32:47 Let's go! This isn't a fireworks show? I mean, it kind of is. It's just using drones instead of fire. Technology is wild. Look, the band's over. Lily Jean, that means you could still light off all your fireworks if you want to. I would if I didn't trade them all for Squishies since they were banned.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Of course you traded that for Squishies. Billy Jean, it's April 1st. You know what that means? Only 43,269 minutes until summer. Are you seriously counting how many minutes of school we have left? What? Isn't it normal for prisoners to count down until they're released? I'm talking about April Fool's Day. We have to top what we did last year. Oh, we're going to. I already made a list.
Starting point is 00:33:29 Good try, girls, but I made sure you would not be putting live snakes in my house again. I talked to the government and we decided to ban pranks for the next 24 hours. But Principal Franklin... So if I catch you disobeying, you go to jail. I'm serious. This can't be happening. There's no April Fool's Day without pranks. That's why we're still going to pull them. What?
Starting point is 00:33:50 So what if we have to go to jail for the day? We will not let this ruin the best day of the entire year. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to go to jail. You only go to jail if you get caught. What if we don't get caught? It's not worth the risk. Oh, come on. I dare you to pull one prank.
Starting point is 00:34:05 You can't dare me! How come? Daring isn't banned. Ugh, fine, just one prank. Yes! What's first on the list? Replace all the toilet paper in the bathroom with fake toilet paper. I love this one. But remind me to use the bathroom before we replaced them, because last year I ended up in quite the situation.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Yeah, my sweater was never the same after I let you use it. Sebastian, why do you have a bucket full of water balloons? Uh, no reason. Why do you guys have a ton of toilet paper? No reason. You're pulling a prank, aren't you? Shh. Someone could hear you. I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's April Fool's Day. It should be illegal not to. Oh, we agree. Don't worry. Your secret is safe with us. Who is responsible for this?
Starting point is 00:34:48 She is soaking wet. Whoever put a bucket of water balloons above the teacher's lounge come forward immediately. This has Sebastian written all over it. Sebastian? Was this you? No. Really? Because your face is as red as a tomato. You look guilty. Okay, it was me, but I'm not the only one in. here that's been pulling pranks.
Starting point is 00:35:05 He did not just say that. Stop making excuses. You're coming with me, young man. I really hope we don't get caught for a prank. Please, our poker face is way better than his. What's next on the list? No, we said we'd only do one. But we're having so much fun.
Starting point is 00:35:21 It's put a whoopee cushion under Miss Peppa's chair. Oh, it is a bad day for Miss Peppa. There's no one in the class of right now. You keep watch. This prank is all mine. It's gonna be so funny when she sits down. Why are you two weirders just waiting outside the classroom? Oh, we were just about to go in.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Did you hear Sebastian is in jail for life? He's so stupid for pulling that prank. No, it's just jail for the day. No, they changed it for life. They're taking these pranks seriously. Wait, Becky, don't go in there. Why? Because a Billy Jean and I were just about
Starting point is 00:35:53 have a super secret top mission meeting in there and we need to use the room. We'll do your secret suss stuff somewhere else. What should we do? Clause, Miss Puppa had to go home for today because she was soaking wet. So I will be teaching your class today. Let's all take a seat and we can begin. Oh no, we cannot let him sit down.
Starting point is 00:36:12 I think we should have class outside today. I agree, it is such a nice day out. No, we will have class inside. Now quiet. Maybe we'll get lucky and he won't sit down. Oh my gosh, Penceville Franklin. Is your stomach okay? There's no toilet paper in the bathroom, so it's gonna be a rough day for you. Okay, not funny.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Who put the whoopee cushion on my chair? That counts as a prank. And last I checked, pranks are banned. So you're going to jail for this, Becky? What? I didn't do it. Really? Yeah, why would you think it was me? Because you were laughing the loudest.
Starting point is 00:36:45 There's tears in your eyes. It was really funny. Oh yeah? Well, let's see how funny jail is. I can't believe Becky went to jail for something I did. I need to tell Principal Franklin the truth. Why? Becky is a bully.
Starting point is 00:36:57 She had it coming for her. That may be the case, but to let her spend the rest of her life in jail, I don't think I could live with myself. Think about it this way, Jess. If you got framed for a prank that Becky pulled, she wouldn't think twice about it. She'd probably escort you herself to the prison cell. True, but I'm not Becky.
Starting point is 00:37:15 If someone who is really not a nice person got framed for something you did, would you speak up or would you just take the consequences? I said green beans or sardines, missy. Listen, lunch lady, I'm in the middle of a crisis. I can't think about your questionable food options right now. Then move it. She'll take the green beans.
Starting point is 00:37:31 I put halopino seasoning in all of the sardines so people's mouse are going to be burning. Oh my tongue, it burns! You're still pulling pranks? It's still April Fool's Day, and with Principal Franklin and Miss Peppagon for the day, it just got a whole lot easier to get away with them. I feel really bad about the whole Becky's situation. Then do what your gut is telling you. You know I'll come visit you every day if you decide to go to jail for life.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Sell 8,008? Jessica, did you come to visit Becky? How nice of you! Ew, I'm already in jail. jail, don't torture me more. Nice to see you too, Becky. Why am I even here? Why are you here?
Starting point is 00:38:07 Principal Franklin, it wasn't Becky who pulled the prank on you. It was me. I put the whoopee cushion under your chair. See, I told you. Lock her up. Give her a double sentence. There's not a longer sentence than life, Becky. But thank you.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Look, I couldn't let Becky go down for something I did, no matter how much she may bully me. You heard her. Let me out of here. Wow, Jess. I'm very disappointed in you. But I should have known you were the one behind the whoopee cushion. Come on, Becky.
Starting point is 00:38:34 Jess is going to take your place in jail. I'm so bored and I've only been in here an hour. Thanks for the- Reaching your audience on Spotify with display ads is easy. Use your existing creative and launch your first campaign in minutes with Spotify Ads Manager. A reminder. Jessica? Principal Franklin?
Starting point is 00:38:55 What are you doing here? Did you pull a prank too? No, I'm here to let you out. Let me out, but I pranked you. Even worse, I let Becky take the fall for it. Well, I may have taken the prank banning thing a little too seriously. You shouldn't be in jail for life
Starting point is 00:39:10 for making me fart in front of the class. It was a harmless prank. Principal Franklin, are you warming up to being pranked? No, but they are running out of jail space with the banning, so anyone who did harmless pranks is getting set free. Interesting, so harmless pranks are okay now. Well, that's good to know, because I got seven,
Starting point is 00:39:30 well, six. Pranks I could still pull today. Now wait a minute Jessica that is not what I don't worry principal Franklin you're gonna love them Oh no oh no no no dad you need to throw away the ornaments they're banned. I am not throwing them away The elves worked very hard on making them then hide them but you could get in trouble the government never comes in checks on us Cassie They know we follow the rules most of the time Santa the government is here to make sure we're following the ornament band reindeer droppings Cassie go stall them Evie Help me hide the ornaments.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Hello, sir. I'm Cassie, Santa's daughter. Before you can go see Santa, we're going to check to see if you're on the naughty or nicest this year. The name's Charlie, and let's not. Well, Charlie, it is best to know ahead of time before you wake up on Christmas with Cole in your stocking. I'm an atheist.
Starting point is 00:40:21 I don't celebrate Christmas. Now Santa, please. Right this way. Before you go in there, are you sure I can't get you some hot cocoa? A cookie? A reindeer ride? Open the door, or you will be taken away for insubordination. After you.
Starting point is 00:40:39 Ho! Ho! Oh! Sorry to keep you waiting. As you know, it is our busiest time of year. Happy to see you are following the rules, Santa. We take these bands very seriously. As you know, it is a very long way for us to travel to check up on the North Pole. Oh, yes, and we appreciate you making the trip, but there is no need to waste your time on coming back. Well, that is why I've been assigned to stay here for the Christmas season, so I could be here to make sure everyone is following the bands at all times. Unfortunately, we don't have space. We're very busy getting to be here. ready for the Christmas season. Cassie's right. No visitors. Sorry. Oh, I'm not asking. I'm telling.
Starting point is 00:41:12 You wouldn't want to spend Christmas in jail now, would you, Santa? No, no. Evie, please show Mr. Charles to his room. Does the person controlling this hate Christmas? Hurry, Cassie, take off your cloak. No! I don't care if they take me away. This is my favorite. You can wear it again once the band is over. Now go change. You there, Elf, you're wearing red. Come with me. He's already locking people up. I need to get to my room. Knock, knock. Just a minute! Why is every shirt I own red? Open this door, Cassie!
Starting point is 00:41:45 Finally. Ugh, it's hideous. That's it. I'm coming in. What it'll have to do. Four, three, two, one. I'm coming in. Cookie crumbs, my lipstick.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Hello? Hi, Charlie. So sorry to keep you waiting. I was just finishing knitting you this hat. I thought you might get cold here at the North Pole. How thoughtful. But next time when I give you an order, you need to do it. That's two times now you've been insubordinate.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Well, duty calls. I'm sure there are a lot of elves out there sitting on this right now. Wait! The elves are going to tell you that they're drinking hot cocoa, but it's really coffee. We just call it that for the Christmas spirit. You really expect me to believe that? It's the truth.
Starting point is 00:42:25 Drink out of their cups if you don't believe me. I will. Thanks. Drink out of their cups? Really, Cassie. Edel, Evie, dump coffee in every cup you see. We have to save these chocolate-loving elves. We're on it. Cassie.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Where's Charlie? Did he take away any elves? No, he said he had to go lay down because he drank too much coffee. His stomach was doing donuts. Yes. Hopefully he'll leave us alone for a while. Cassie, what do we do? Leave them for now.
Starting point is 00:42:54 But if anyone sees him up and about, come find me. We wish you a merry Chris. Cassie, he's up and headed for the stables. Already? Charlie, wait. The reindeer aren't in there anymore. They've already been taken care of since they're abandoned all. their band and all.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Then it should be no problem if I check in there. You really need to work on telling better lies. Thanks, Evie. Good job. What did you do with them all? I really don't know. Well, I am very impressed on how seriously you all are taking the bands. Good work.
Starting point is 00:43:25 Cassie, where are the reindeer? I was gonna ask you the same thing. Should I go tell Santa? No. I'm supposed to be keeping everything under control. I will. Dad, we have a little bit of a... Why are there reindeer in your office?
Starting point is 00:43:39 I saw the reindeer band and figured he would never look here. Would you help me take them back down to this table though? Comment already left me a present. Ugh. I hope this guy leaves soon. He's ruining Christmas. There you go, big guys. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Oscar, if you're going to eat a cookie, you have to eat it in one bite so he doesn't see. Whatever you say, my love. For the last time, we're not dating. You sure know how to break an elf's heart. Evie, give me that! Oh, my tongue! It was fresh out of the oven!
Starting point is 00:44:10 Cassie, is that a cookie in your hand? No? Let me see. Open up your hand. It was my cookie. She took it from me because of the band. Oscar, what are you doing? Saving your life, sweet stuff. You know I don't date elves. I know, but maybe this will change your mind.
Starting point is 00:44:27 It was me. Take me away! Okay then, you're going to jail, Oscar. I did it all for love! Don't worry, Cassie. I'll come back for you. Oh, brother. Everyone back to work. And no singing.
Starting point is 00:44:42 He can't take away the elves. I have to do something. Santa, what are we gonna do? They can't just ban elves that's inhumane. We have to hide them. Hide all 1,000 of them. Get in line. You are all going to jail.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Charlie, stop! Cassie, I'm just doing my job. You are ruining Christmas. The elves have been nothing but kind to you. How dare you even think about taking them away. It's only until the band is over, then they can come back. They will lose precious work hours right before Christmas. If you take them away, some boys and girls won't get their toys made in time for this year. I'm sorry. I don't make the bands. I just enforce them.
Starting point is 00:45:19 I know you don't celebrate Christmas, Charlie, but a lot of people do. And now they won't get a wake up to a gift from Santa because the elves won't have time to make them all. I could get in a lot of trouble if I don't. But you're right. I don't want to be responsible for ruining people's Christmases. So go ahead. Don't follow the bands the rest of the season. I won't tell anyone if you don't. Horry! What's wrong? I said it was okay. Hurry up. Get your sling! But the bands aren't just for the North Pole. If Santa delivers the presents, all the boys and girls will be in danger. That would be part of celebrating Christmas. Okay, so we wait for it to change. They change pretty
Starting point is 00:45:56 quickly. It won't be too long. I appreciate the spirit, Charlie. But I would need to leave in ten minutes to make it to all the houses in time. It's over. There will be no Christmas this year. Dad, I'm telling you, banning Christmas is a mistake. You're taking away people's joy. You've gone too far. Then I quit. And I'm going to tell everyone I know I quit, too. Your dad runs all of this?
Starting point is 00:46:21 He's on the board with those who do. I tried to talk to him, but it didn't work. I'm sorry. Well, thanks for trying. It must have worked. He switched it. Is there enough time for Santa to still deliver the presents? If he gets out of here in the next 30 seconds, he just must be. seconds, he just might make it. Bye Santa!
Starting point is 00:46:39 Ho! Oh, ho, oh! Merry Christmas! Charlie, is everything okay? More than okay. My dad just quit, too. He doesn't want to be a part of the system anymore either. Maybe things will finally change.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Well, I should probably get back. Merry Christmas, Cassie. Merry Christmas, Charlie. Now, elves, let's get this party, see.

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