Jessica Kaylee - If people had super powers

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

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Wow, there she is, Stinky Sage. Leave me alone. What are you doing walking by yourself? I said, leave me alone. Why doesn't anyone want to walk with you, huh? Is it because you have no friends? You know, hurt people, hurt people, which is why I'm choosing to be the bigger person

and ignoring all of you. It's Stinky Sage again. How many times do I have to tell you guys to leave me alone? Whoops. Looks like you didn't see my foot there. You purposely tripped me. Oh yeah.

And what are you gonna do about it? Stinky Sage. Don't call me that. Stinky Sage, Stinky Sage. That bus just came flying out of nowhere. How did it get inside? It almost landed on us. I told you not to call me that. Wait, did you do that? You're a freak.

Ah! Mom, I don't want to switch schools. I know, honey, but when you're accused of of throwing buses at people, it can be rather hard to prove your innocence. I didn't throw the bus at him. I swear. I just happened to be really mad and at the same time, a bus happened to levitate into the air and almost land on him. A mere coincidence, if you ask me. A coincidence, huh? Sage, you were kicked out of school for having special powers. They said you're in danger to the other students. But I don't have special powers. Ugh, it was just a freak accident.

I don't know what to tell you, honey. But there is a damaged school bus and a very angry mayor that say otherwise. Dad, you don't want me to have to go to a new school, do you? Look on the bright side, sweetie. You were bullied at your other school. I'm sorry. How was that a good thing? It's not like you were happy at your old school. Starting a new one means you get the chance to make new friends and start a whole new chapter.

I guess when you put it that way, fine, I'll go to the new school. That's my girl. I really think you're going to love being out of super school. A what? You never mentioned I would be going to a super school. You threw a buzz at someone, dear. Where else would you go? So I have to go to a super school with a bunch of weirdos?

It's official. I'm never going to have any friends. Don't be dramatic. You'll make friends there, as long as you pass the strength test to get in. I have to take a test? You must be sage! I'm Professor Muffin.

I will be instructing your strength test today. Any questions or concerns before we start? Yes, actually, this has all just been one huge, huge misunderstanding. You see, I don't have any special power. This has all just been one big mistake. Does this mistake have something to do with a thrown bus at a student? Something like that, but it wasn't me who threw the bus. We don't know who did it.

But if I find them, I will point them in the right direction. Your parents paid a lot of money for you to be here, Sage. And given the outcome of the test, it will be up to me to decide whether you belong here or not. Are you ready to begin? I guess so, since no one's listening to me. I thought you said we were going to begin the test. We have. We have.

Okay, well, what am I supposed to be doing? Seriously, you're not going to tell me? How am I supposed to pass the test if you won't tell me what to do? Huh? You're just staring at me. Kind of creepy, I might add. Do you want me to fail? Is that what this is?

Oh no, I know. You're hoping I'll get so mad that I'll throw a bus at you and then I'll make you talk, right? Well, guess what? Jokes on you because I wasn't the one who threw the bus, okay? Okay, test is over. Oh. Well, did I pass? No. It was to test your ability to read minds, and you failed. You know, I'm not surprised I failed out reading your mind, considering I don't have any powers.

Like you keep saying. Is this next test a mind game, too? No, the next task is to put out a house fire. You will have 60 seconds. Wait, so if I don't get it out in time, someone's house is just going to burn down? That's not okay. Ready? Set? Wait, no, no. I'm going to... And go.

Well, your superpower isn't listening. How do we turn this hose on? Oh, you're not plugged in. Well, that would explain it. And where do I plug you in? Hydrant? Excuse me, where's a hydrant to plug this in at? Oh, I forgot.

You don't help me, you just stand there. Helping you is not part of the test. You have 30 seconds. Well, at least tell me where to plug it in, so I have some sort of chance. Over there. Thank you. Whoa.

And time is up. No, no, no, no. Hold on, just a few more minutes. I think I almost had it. You didn't and you failed. This test was to see if you had pyrogynesis, and you do not. Clearly, I told you, I don't have anything. So far, I'd say you're not excelling at these tests.

You're telling me. So what do you say? You put me out of my misery and let me go back to my old school? Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not an option. It knew it was too good to be true. Lazzang sur-gillet, puissance-moyance-minute, we're like to dojo.

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The conditions apply. So what's this next test? You are to save a cat from a tree. Oh, I'm actually allergic to cats. And begin.

Is your superpower because it's honestly rude. Here, kitty kitty kitty. Come on down. Come on, Sage, that's not going to inspire anyone to come down. It sure as heck wouldn't make me come down the tree listening to you shake a dish. Look who's finally got an opinion on what to do.

Well, don't worry, this works for my friend's cat all the time back home. I got this one. Come on down, kitty kitty kitty. I'll give you some milk or maybe a nice mouse to chase. 30 seconds. Come down here right now or you'll get no treats for a week. No, no, no, no.

I was just kidding. Don't climb higher. Kitty, please come down. And time. Clearly you don't have the power to talk to animals or levitate. Clearly not. Seriously. Now you come down.

This is going horribly. I don't even want to know how many times I've failed. So far, you've had three failures and zero passes. So what's the next test I get to fail at? Next, you are to save the world from nuclear codes being released. Nuclear what? You will have five minutes to hack into an encrypted computer to save humanity. Of course I do.

Okay, I need a password to get into the dang thing. Four minutes and 30 seconds to save humanity. Okay, well breathing down my neck isn't going to make me do it faster. And if you're going to do that, may I suggest a mint? Four minutes. Oh, I'm going to try password as the password because I heard that's a popular one. Not that I've used that for any of my passwords, but I've just... I've heard it.

Didn't work. What about password one? Still know. Password two? If I had an encrypted computer full of information I didn't want to be hacked, what would I use? Maybe. I love chicken nuggies is not the correct password. How did you know that's what I was going to choose?

I know everything. You failed to save the planet and now humanity is a race. Thank goodness these are just simulations. What super ability was I supposed to show on this one? Having a super high IQ, which you do not. From my observations, it seems you have a below average at best. Rude! I'm not going to lie to you, Sage.

This is not going well. I tried to tell you I don't have any superpowers. That's it. I fail at this. I feel at being normal. I feel at everything. I didn't say to throw yourself a pity party. You have two challenges left.

The next challenge will be to fly a superjet. Fly a superjet? I can't do that. I haven't even got my driver's license. yet and not because I haven't tried but because I failed at that too four times okay you don't have any pedals so one of these buttons has to make you go why don't you just light up which button and I'll press it are you having trouble in there we're just getting to know each other before we fly off

together this test is time to remember maybe get to know each other later she is so annoying what do you say jet why don't you just fly yourself Take me back home. What's taking so long? I don't know which button to press. I give up. Are you quitting? Yes, I quit.

If you wish to surrender, that's an instant fail. Well, I either fail because I can't fly the thing or fail because I give up. Either way, I'm a failure. Come on down then. That's five failures and zero passes. I'll be honest with you, Sage. You might just get your wish to go back to your old school. You seem so attached to it.

attached to it. You must have a lot of friends there. Not really, but at least those bullies don't have superpowers. I could only imagine the bullies you have here. You will not get bullied here, Sage. We have a strict policy. And with our teachers having mind-reading capabilities, no one gets past us. Okay, on to the last challenge. What's this one? You are to move that car without touching it.

I should have known that was coming. Move! I don't think that's going to work. I don't know what you expect me to do, okay? I try telling you, I can't do it. I don't have any special powers, okay? I'm just stinky, Sage. You can ask anyone. What's happening?

The car. It's turning on, Sage. How? Stay with it, Sage. Get angry. I'm doing it. The car's moving. This is so cool.

Does this mean I actually have powers? It does indeed. I am pleased to tell you that you are telekinetic. What does that mean? It means you can move. stuff with your mind. That is why none of the other challenges worked on you. It is all about your mind and when you get angry enough your power unlocks, which explains the throne bus. Well, I failed everything and passed one so that can't be good for me. On the contrary,

you passed the test. I did, even though I got like 10%? You only needed to pass one. Congratulations. I'm good to start practicing right away. See that book over there? Remarkable. And that pencil? This is just the kind of power we're hoping to find. Ooh, let me see if I can live to you. Okay, that's quite enough. Thank you. I think you will fit in very well at the super school. Does that mean I got in? It sure does.

We will send you back home to pack, and you will spend the next four years here with us. Wait, I have to live here?