Jessica Kaylee - If you could become a GOD

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

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My stomach hurts. I'm so nervous. What times you're sorting? Three o'clock. What time's yours? One, I can't wait. I hope I get the goddess of earth. I don't know what'll do if I don't. Relax, you will. Just like your mom. I wish you could be here. I'm sure she's looking down on you.

Did you decide what you want to be the goddess of? Uh-huh. Fire. Of course. What? You're always hitting up the room. Is that a good thing? I'll let you decide. Hey!

There you are. You haven't moved? I think if I move, I'll puke. Guess who got what they're the god of? What'd you get? Fire. I knew you would. Oh my God, it's almost time for you to find out. I know.

You'll be fine. Welcome, darling. Hold this candle, and when it lights, it'll reveal your god. That's weird. What's weird? Usually it lights instantly. What does that mean? Well, it means you're the god of nothing.

What? That can't be right. There has to be something wrong with the candle. The candle is never wrong. I'm sorry. But today's sorting day. If I don't get a god, that means... You have to be sent to Earth. Rules are rules. Jess? What's wrong? Where are you going?

I'm not the god of anything. What do you mean? I have to go to Earth. I didn't get a God. How did you not get a God? I don't know. I'm so sorry. I'll watch over you. Thanks. There's the portal to Earth. Whenever you're ready.

When do I get it come back? Oh, sweetheart. What? You don't get it come back. Only gods can live. live with the gods. I thought this was only temporary. You're saying I'm never going to be a god? Unfortunately, no. You're not a god. No, please, don't make me go. Welcome to Earth. We will be your Earth family. I don't need an Earth family.

Jess, are you in there? Don't come in. We know how you feel, sweetie. We were once supposed to be gods too, but life had a different plan for us. I think you'll enjoy Earth. I have to be a goddess. Why? Because it's the closest thing I have to my mother. My mother was the goddess of Earth, and everyone loved her. Everyone wanted to be her. What happened to her? She died. I'm sorry.

But knowing someday I would be a goddess too, she never felt really gone. I know you're disappointed, honey, but I really think you're going to like it here. Tomorrow you have your first day of school, and you can make some friends. I am not going to school. You must be new. Yeah. Harmony. Jess.

Oh, look who's coming. Who are they? The meanest girls in school. Hey, Harmony. Who's your new friend? Hi, new girl. What do you want? Now, that's no way to make friends.

But stay out of our way and you'll have a good time here. No. No. No. How about you stay out of my way and you'll have a good time here? You're going to regret that. Jess, I can't believe you said that. Let's get to class.

You guys! You're home early from school. You have to help me get back to the goddesses. Jess, you're not a god. I'm a goddess of fire. Look! Jess, come on. Well, I don't know how to control it yet. But when I was at school, fire started coming from my palm.

I'm a god! Jess, we know how much you want to be a god, but you can't fool us. Just drop it. You don't believe me? Give yourself some time. You'll like it here. See? What?

I have to convince them that I'm a goddess. I wish my mom was here. Is that water? Jess, is everything okay? Everything's fine! I can manipulate water too? Alright, class, to page 13 in your books and begin reading.

You're ugly? It's Morgan, right? It's Brittany, bitch. I think this was... meant for you. Oh my god, ow, my eye. You stabbed a girl in the eye. It was a paper airplane. I can't control it. Plus, she threw it at me first. You're lucky she wears huge false lashes. You could have caused serious damage. So what's her punishment? This is her first offense. We're letting her off with a warning. Are you sure you don't want to suspend me?

I could really use the time off. Back to class. Just thank God you didn't get suspended. I mean the gods don't really control that kind of stuff, but I guess. You would have Miss the Valentine's Day dance on Friday. Speaking of which, have you thought about who you might want to go with? Maybe him. Andrew? You can't. That's Britney's boyfriend. Oh.

She'd literally. Hey, Jess, right? Hey, Andrew. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me on Friday. Andrew, you're dating Britney. Don't be a homie hopper. I'm mad in love with Jess though. So do you want to go?

Um, sure. Yeah, I'll go. Jess. I mean, Britney can't hate me any more than she already does, right? Come in. Guess who? What are you doing here? And how did you get here? Long story, but I had to come because I think you're a god. Me too. I can control fire and love and water and...

Yes, I knew it. You're the god of everything. Wait, what? You know Miss Marvin? Yeah, the one that does the sorting. Apparently her daughter Emmy is the god of everything this year. So you think there's two? No, I haven't seen Emmy ever use her abilities. I don't think she's a god at all and I think they sent you and her her place. We have to get back there. I kind of feel bad leaving without saying anything, but it sure feels good to be back home. You too. You know there's punishment for going to Earth without approval. I'm going to have to report you to the god of everything. We'll come with you

actually. We need to talk to her. Jess, what are you doing here? Miss Marvin, where's the sorting candle? Sweetie, why would you need to know that? There's been a mistake. I am a god. Oh, we've been over this. The candle doesn't make mistakes. Jess, I found. It here, catch. Then you won't mind if we do it again. Now, Jess, come on. Give it back. No. So it's true. I am a god.

Oh, Jess. Now I'm going to have to get rid of you just like your mother. What? They said my mother died traveling through space. An asteroid hit her. An asteroid I threw. Don't worry, Jess. You'll be with her soon.

What happened? Protection shield. Is she okay? She's still breathing. Looks like the wind got knocked. out of her. We gotta get out of here. No. Why? Jess, you're the god of everything. We come to you now. You have to fix this. Jess, what is the verdict for Emmy and Miss Marvin's punishments? Emmy, you're not a god, so you're going to have to go live on earth, but do me a favor. Give this

love potion to a boy named Andrew, otherwise he's going to be in love with me his whole life. And Miss Marvis, your punishment for killing my mother is you also have to live on earth, but take away her powers. Jess, I can't tell you how good. Glad I am your back. Me too. I can feel her when I'm here. She would be so proud of you. Just, we need your help.

Hubert, leave me alone. I'm on vacation. Living in IKEA doesn't count as vacation. Do you want to say that again? How'd you get in here anyways? I thought you were on the do not return list. I made friends with security. I'm not surprised. It's something important. I came because you received a letter. Who's it from?

I don't know. I stopped pre-reading your mail after the god of water set you a spicy letter. Oh yeah It's the 10th letter they've sent It must be important What does it say? Dwayne Johnson Found by mom Wait, what? Let me see

Jess, this says DG Johnson starts with a J Then who's it from? This is from the death god You should get rid of it You came You wanted to meet me? Yes, I have your mother

And thought you might want her back You can bring back my mother Well, of course, I'm the death god. I can bring anyone back. Well, then please do it! Well, I'm not going to do it so easily. Something's got to be in it for me. I'll make you a trade. A trade?

Yes. What do you want? Three souls for the price of one. Choose three people to die, and you'll get your mother. Your first selection will appear now. Go ahead, choose. I'm not going to trade three lives for my mom. Well, it sounds like you don't want her back that bad then.

Don't worry, I'll keep her cozy. Tootles. A man on death row or a baker? I mean, the guy on death row is going to die anyways. So it wouldn't be like the worst thing. Lazang surgellet, puissance-moleaned for 15 minutes. Oh, it's their dojo.

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The conditions apply. Right? There, I made my first election. Good girl. Too bad you picked the innocent one. What? I didn't. I picked the one on death row.

Yes, but he was falsely accused. You must not have been watching the news. Spoiler. The baker did it. Oh, don't cry. You're two people away from meeting your mommy again. Happy picking. Miss Honey or Harmony?

These are the two people I made friends with on Earth. Are you okay? Yeah, why? You just don't have a lot of color today. Oh, I'm probably just getting sick. You kind of look like you're fighting death. Excuse me? Jess, it's a joke.

Oh. I can't waste time. I need to make a selection so I can get my mom back. How many is only 16? I made my selection. I'm so proud. Only one more to go. And then I get my mother?

Of course. I'm a man of my word. Happy picking on your final selection. The god of fire or the god of thunder? He wants me to take out a god. Are you okay? I'm fine. Would you stop asking me that?

God, you're acting like my mom. Speaking of your mom, Hubert told me that you got a letter from the death god. Hubert. You didn't make a deal with him, did you? You don't play with the death god. Of course I did. I'll do anything to get her back. Jess, you have to stop.

He's tricking you. It's a game. Every time you do what he says, he enchants you a little more. He's not going to bring back your mom. He's going to take over you. He wants to be the god of everything. But a man like that can't have this kind of power. You have to stop.

Otherwise, you'll bring us down with you. I wouldn't let that happen. Jess, come on. Jess, stop. What? It's me, sweetie. Mom? Yes, I'm here.

I've been watching over you this whole time. Don't do this, okay? You're tricking me. You're not really here. It's not a trick. I am here. My spirit is here. Just doing this won't bring me back.

He's going to take over your soul completely. He already has. Look at you. You're lying to me. He said if I did this, I would get you. Because he's killing you. You'll get me, Jess, but not on earth. I need you.

It's not what you think. Sweetie, Jess, she's right. Not only would he kill you, but he would take over the gods. Please, don't do this. Just don't make a choice. I'm sorry, but if there's a chance I can get her back, I have to. Jess, no! There's my girl.

There, I completed it. everything. Indeed you did. I am so proud. Now give me my mother. How about you come get her yourself? Follow me to deathland. Great idea. Mom. Jess, are you okay? I'm okay. I've missed you. Got a fire. Jess, you killed me. How could you? I know, but I'm gonna get us out of here. I don't believe you. You played with the death god. You completed his tasks. He's controlling you. I mean, look at you. It's makeup. What?

Before I went and met him for the last time, I had Hubert give me a life spell. He can't control me anymore. So you're really going to bring us back to life? When do we make the great escape? Now, follow me. Wait, we have to get two more people. Miss Honey, you were the guy that was on death row, right?

Yeah. Come with me. I can't believe that worked, but aren't you just a little worried he's going to follow us? There, he'll have to send us letters again if he wants to reach us. Thank God. Sweetie, it's been so long.

I can't believe I'm back. I can't believe Ms. Marvis killed you. I can't believe her and the death god almost killed you. Fair enough. We have so much to catch up on, my god of everything. Oh, Hubert. Yeah? Make sure these two get back to Earth.

You got it. And I'm going to take a vacation. This time, don't bother me. Just how many times do I have to tell you, IKEA isn't vacation? Where are we going to take vacation? Hey, you know you're banned from here, right? What happened to you? I'm the god of death.

Make me leave and I'll kill you. They don't really take jokes here.