Jessica Kaylee - POV: Your Roomate is a VAMPIRE...

Episode Date: October 18, 2025

POV: Your Roomate is a VAMPIRE... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yes, Mom. I know. I know how to use a dishwasher. Why is it so dirt in here? Mom, I gotta go. No, everything's fine. I'm just gonna go let in some light. I love you too. Bye.

I just thought I'd let in some light. Enjoy the sunshine? That was a stupid assumption. No, close them! Okay, okay. Are you Belinda? And who is asking? I'm Jess. I'm your roommate. I've been...

So excited to meet you. Roommate, huh? Sounds despicable. No, not at all. It's like a built-in friend. Hmm. The only built-in friend I've ever had was my twin. Oh.

Whom I ate in the womb. Oh. Oh. Get it now. Boom mate. Yeah. As long as you don't eat me. No promises.

Can I ask you something? Why don't you want the curtains open? Because? The sun will burn my skin. Oh, my. Are you allergic to the sun? If you call bursting into flames and allergy, then yes, I'm allergic. I get it. I'm allergic to peanuts.

I see you've already filled up the fridge with your... Blood bags. Wait. Are you? Canadian? Because I know they sell liquid in bags there, like milk and stuff. No, I'm not Canadian. I am from Transylvania. Oh. I didn't know they sold liquid in bags in Transylvania too. Well, are you okay if I move some of your stuff around? Just want to make sure I can bit my stuff. I have this amazing garlic cookie. Garlic? Yeah, it's to die for.

Do I? Were you always wearing a cape? No garlic must enter these home. Whoa. No garlic or sunlight? You sound just like... My cranky old uncle. He also hates those things, so I get it.

But anything for my roomie. I'll just get rid of this. Oh my goodness. Is that... Your friend? You didn't tell me you were a friend over? He was never my friend. I just... Drain him. Drain him? Drain him?

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Via-Rai, the voice that we love that we love. I can't believe you already started studying for classes. That would really drain me too. Well, I better start unpacking my stuff. Do you happen to take arm supplements? Sure do. Gotta keep that red blood cell count high.

It's been like five minutes. Sorry, I gotta take this. Yes, everything's fine. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm gonna start unpack my stuff right now. I've finished unpacking. We can hang out now. We should really talk about this decor.

You must repack and move out immediately. Now! What? Why? You cannot live here. But we're supposed to be roomies. Wait. Is this about the sunlight and the fridge stuff? Look, I am really sorry.

But now that I know... No! You're not safe here. Did you find black bolt? No. It's because I want your blood. My blood? My blood oranges, they are my favorite, but you can have one.

No biggie. No! I mean the blood from your veins that I drink from your body when I bite you because I'm a vampire. You cannot live here because I'm a vampire. vampire. The sun burns my skin, I can't eat garlic, and my friend, well, I drank his blood. Because I'm a vampire. So? Wait, what? Did you just say so? Yeah, so you're a vampire. So what?

And you're okay with it? Yeah. I mean, as long as you don't bite me or drink any of my blood, we could still be great roomies and friends. Nobody's perfect. I mean... I know I have my quarks. There's nothing that can stop me from drinking your blood. Sometimes I lose control and I can't help who I eat. Wait here. Okay, Belinda.

Go ahead. Try and drink my blood. What? Go ahead. Trust me, just try it. Are you sure about these? I'm 97% positive? Okay. If you say so. Is that?

Garlic. As long as I'm wearing this, you won't want to bite me and I'll be safe. We could still be roommates. Really? You'd do that for me? Of course. Living with someone is all about hearing and understanding them and making compromises. Nobody's perfect, but we can just try to be the best roommates we can for each other. Deal?

Real. Now how would you feel about watching all the Twilight movies? I love those movies. Me too. But what should we do about the body? I know a guy.