KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Achieving Elite Performance Through Mindset Wins

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Summary:Host John Kitchens sits down with performance coach and former professional athlete Jacob Newton to discuss the foundational role mindset plays in achieving elite success. Newton shares how high achievers often fall into the trap of outcome fixation, losing sight of the transformative process. Agents will learn tactical mindset exercises, including deep belly breathwork to clear mental triggers, daily visualization techniques to build professional confidence, and a morning "reprograming" routine that utilizes positive self-talk before touching digital devices.

Seven-figure success starts when you start thinking like a CEO. Welcome to the John Kitchens Coach podcast Experience. This is your host, John Kitchens. You're ready to think bigger and transform your business into a path to lasting freedom. What is happening, man? Cool. Well, I'm excited to have you back on. And for those of you got Mr. Jacob Newton in the house and got plugged in an introduction through Al Stasic.

We had a great conversation in middle of December on the One Big Fire conversation, One Big Fire podcast. And you and I, if we got to get you back on, you and I need to talk a little bit more. And so I appreciate you jumping in here as we kick these conversations back off in the new year. And you get to kick off with us. I was like, hey, we're going on mindset first. First conversation I'm having as soon as we get going is with Jacob. So welcome, man.

I appreciate you. Appreciate you jumping in. Yeah, yeah, well, thank you so much. I know we had a really good time in that last one there with Al. And it's just kind of crazy to me still that I even know Al, not being in the real estate world whatsoever, but having all the connections here in the real estate world that I do. But yeah, no, thank you for the opportunity to come on and talk some more. It was great last time and I anticipate that it's going to be even better this time.

Yeah, me as well. And, you know, selfishly, you know, definitely want to get into this conversation and unplug more as it's. definitely, you know, for me, maybe borderline obsession, you know, really around the mindset side of things and the personal development, but really just pushing the performance and what we're capable of. I've been on this crazy endurance journey, I think really started off in going into 2018. I was getting ready to turn, getting ready to turn 40. And my, my, just more of more so of a not, oh, midlife crisis turning 40 type of thing.

It was more of a, I want to do something to honor my mom. She passed away when I was 11. She was too much shy for 40th birthday. And, you know, we lost her, you know, to breast cancer. And I was like, you know, I want to, I want to push myself something to, you know, really do, get out of my comfort zone. and so it was due a marathon. You know, for me at the time, I, you know, Jacob, I had never, you know, I mean, maybe run, maybe a mile.

I would do the fun 5K beer runs and, you know, the, you know, those, those type of things and just, just have some fun with it. So, you know, going 26.2, that's, that was a big, that was a big deal for me. And, you know, made the decision, made the commitment to go that route and, didn't want to just run any any type of marathon ended up getting into the new york city marathon and i'm i'm a turtle man so i'm slow so you know obviously being able to figure out a way to get in there's there's always a way and we ended up going the um the route of raising money so you know the new york city marathons just a it's a massive moneymaker for for the city of new york as well as

all of the clubs and everything that it goes but i ended up getting into with Fred's team. So it's the cancer research in New York. And I was like, man, that feels right. That makes sense. And so we, you know, ended up raising enough money to get our ticket and get into the race. And had an incredible time and took my dad. It was the only time he was ever to New York City.

But what I found during that journey as I was continuing to push myself in a mindset, it put a lot of things into kind of perspective. I thought I was doing it for my mom, but I really uncovered that it was more about my dad and who he had, you know, who he was and what he had to endure, you know, losing my mom, having to bury his best friend, you know, two months shy of her 40th birthday.

And then he remarried for over 25, almost 25 years to my stepmom. And then he lost her to cancer as well. And so just being able to go on that, that journey and it's just it really stuck with me and I remember we were in L.A. shortly after that and Jesse Itzler, it was the first time I ever saw Jesse speak on stage. And Jesse, it was just one of those moments, right? He's speaking to me. And we've all had that. And he, he was like, listen, you know, one of the worst things for us to do as human beings is accomplish a major milestone

and not immediately reset the goal to continue to keep pushing ourselves. I was like, I'm coasting out here, right? I did my, you know, I did this marathon, which was monumental for me at the time. What's next? I got to reset the goal. And so we just stayed on the endurance journey. Ended up going down the Iron Man path for a while. And then, you know, now we're into 100 mile races, trying to get our, you know, into bad water.

So being able to do, you know, going down that path. But what I love about it, and this is, you know, kind of in your wheelhouse and where you're at and why I want to continue to talk more about this is what it's done to my mindset when you accomplish really hard things, right? Like when I first got that first 100 mile distance and then, you know, we've gotten 400 mile races in now that little things don't bother me anymore. when you do hard things. And I think the other key thing here, and I love your take on this and where you're seeing a lot of, you know, high achievers,

people that want to accomplish big things in their life, where they're getting hung up. And like the humility that doing hard things. And I remember early on in my life, you know, just, you know, as we push and we're trying to be better, just comes with a lot of ego and comes with a lot of, damn, I was an idiot.

I wish I would have thought about things or looked at things a little bit differently than that. But now I have such a perspective and humility. It's really interesting. So, you know, for me, and I know you playing professional, you know, professional sports at a high, high level. And then, you know, I don't believe. you get there without a mindset that you've cultivated and developed over time.

But where are you seeing achievers? Where are you seeing people now? I mean, with as much noise and distractions, I mean, where from a mindset, what do we need to be to really serve ourselves at a high level and to perform at an elite level in today's day and age? Yeah, I would say so much of that. And first, before I dive into it, thank you for sharing, you know, all that you did there in regards to your mom and stepmom and everything, you know,

it's uh i can't imagine i've been fortunate in my life to not lose anybody to my knowledge i know my grandpa uh you know he passed away from cancer but outside of him i don't i don't recall so uh kudos to you and kudos to your father for enduring that's and the mental stamina that it takes to get through things like that but one one thing that you know initially comes up for me is i think so many people fall in love with the end result and they lose side of the process of a um getting there and who they become along the way, in my opinion is far more valuable and far more important than whatever the end result is. And I think in today's society is that we get so hung up on wanting that instant gratification. Like, I work hard this whole week. I should be getting

something at the end of it. Or I strive to reach my goals and I don't get it. That means I'm a failure. And I think that is just the wrong way of viewing things. Again, like I said, who you become along the journey of getting to the destination or to achieve. achieving that goal, I think is going to set you up for a lifelong, you know, perspective shift that you've experienced, that I know I've experienced and that I know so many people are experiencing. But I think we just got to get out of this mindset that it only, I'm only successful or I'm only a good person if I get the thing, you know, because in truth, you could do all the work and still not get the thing. But again, who you became along the way of trying to get it, again, is going to be

forever in my opinion, you know, and so I think, again, so many people are getting hung up on that, lacking patience and lacking true understanding of what it takes to even set yourself up for the opportunity to get whatever the thing is. I love that. So when I was hearing what you were saying there, it's conditions. It sounds like you're only doing it because of something in it's, there's a condition tied to it, right? It's almost that level of leadership. kind of a barter type of leadership to where, Jacob, I'll do this for you as long as you do this for me.

And so when I'm hearing you kind of talk about that, but how do you overcome and become unconditional with the thing? I'd say to a, you know, in a lot of cases, it's obviously having that vision in mind about what, what is it that you're trying to achieve? What is it that you view as success,

you know, and I don't think enough people have that. I don't think they're very clear and they don't have a lot of clarity around exactly what that looks like, whether that's, I want to get a promotion, I want to finish a race, I want to get to the NHL, to the elite level and whatever sport. And so so many of them kind of have that, that why, that excuse for continuing to show up. But I don't think enough people are putting into their goals in regards to the person

that they're going to become or the person that they want to be. Because in truth, I can set a goal. And then if I achieve that goal tomorrow, well, I'm the same exact person. You know what I mean? Or if I achieve it in a month, sure, I went through three weeks, four weeks of discomfort. But in a lot of cases,

I'm probably just the same person. So I think if we can have a more human approach, a more human perspective, and perhaps even a broader approach when it comes to these different goals and destinations that we're trying to get to, don't lose sight of you. Don't forget you and the person, again,

that you're going to become along the way and allow that to be how you gauge success or not. You know, because again, I could have worked as hard as I possibly could in hockey and never reached the NHL. But the 10 years, 12 years that it took for me to sign my NHL contract, just imagine that the maturity that took place, you know, the overcoming of hurdles and setbacks and whatnot. And I still had that choice and made that choice to continue showing up and putting in the

work that was necessary to just get me the next day, you know? And I think, you know, one thing I like to talk. to my clients about is just taking a one-day contract approach. Just win the day. What do you got to do to win today? Tomorrow is going to take care of itself, but we're still here. We've got to be present with this day before we're even looking into tomorrow or heck next year. How do you, how do you, how do you know, I want to come back to kind of maybe foundationally kind of where to start with clarity.

But just as you were you were saying right there, be present today, right? It's the whole, you know, you can quit tomorrow, but be present today. you know, put in the work today. Don't think about that. Get through today. I mean, again, it's easy, but how do you help keep the mind focused and not letting the mind race off into the future or default into the past? How do you like, what are some things to develop or work on or reminders to be like, no, right here. It's not there. It's not back here. It's right here. Yeah, well, I know for me, you know, in regards to what I do and to the things that I've done in the past, breathwork has been such a transformative practice for me to,

start my day with breath work and how it allows me to be just far more present throughout the day. It opens me up to being more aware of my breathing patterns throughout the day. And if I'm ever starting to drift towards the future or dip back into the past, in most cases, 99% of the time my breath is very shallow and which opens you up to attaching more to the thinking mind, the unconscious thoughts that, you know, are just coming all day long. So the deeper I can bring my breath, the more I can slow the mind down, stop the negative thoughts or the anxious thoughts or the depressive thoughts of the past. And then come over top of that with some positive self-talk. That certainly helps me.

And I know that that's helping a lot of the clients that I work with as well. Yeah. So you were saying, hey, you know, I hear what you guys are saying. This is great. Where do I start? You know, how do I, you know, I don't want to go run a hundred mile race. I don't want to run a marathon. I don't want to, you know, commit to what it takes to.

You know, I just, you know, I'm struggling right now because I think that's, that's a lot what I'm seeing. And you look at even with the agent to CEO kind of concept, you know, first step is mindset, right. You got to, you got to have that, you know, mindset the right. But how? Like, what's the tactical things that we can do to really start to help sharpen that and at least get on the right path in, in the direction that's going to serve us? Well, I think in order to get in control of mindset, you have to understand the mind. You have to understand the thoughts, you know, that are literally coming all day long. We're going to experience roughly 60 to 70,000 thoughts a day.

And 90% of the thoughts that you'll experience today are the same exact ones you experienced yesterday. And unfortunately, 70% of them are negative. You know, so if 70% of them are negative, the mind-body connection says that what I think in my mind, I'm going to feel in my body. So if you're experiencing 70% negative thoughts, 70% of the time, then as a result of that, you're feeling negative. So if you have a better understanding of the power of thinking, then it can, I think, lay the foundation for you to get into a place of controlling your thoughts, which we can always be. We always have that choice. We've always had access to that choice. But unfortunately, just not enough people are aware of that.

They think that just the thoughts that are coming all day long are them. In my opinion, they're not. They're based on the first seven years of your life and how you were spoken to by your closest caretakers, the subconscious mind, the unconscious. thoughts where everybody's voice is outside of us, we were in absorption mode. You know, so so many people identify with the unconscious thoughts, again, just because they're going on in their mind. But again, that's not you. So the more you can be the active thinker.

And if we're actively thinking, if we're consciously thinking, chances are very high there. We're going to choose positive thoughts. And in time, just like on the negative thinking, there's a negative release of chemicals throughout your body as a result of the negative thinking. And eventually those chemicals are going to make their way back. up to your brain to confirm to your mind that I've matched you. And now we're just caught in this negative loop. The thinking is driving the feeling and the feelings driving the thinking. So on the other

side of that, if you're producing then your own positive thoughts, you then as a result of that, get to experience a different feeling, which is going to allow you, it's going to inspire you, it's going to motivate you, it's going to empower you to continue going and chasing whatever the thing is. So I don't think there's really any true change in life without the awareness around that. If you're not aware of the power you possess, you'll stay small. for for all of your life how do we how do we find that awareness i agree with you 100% right it's it's kind of like knowledge in in in power right it's wisdom it's awareness and then to me power is choice right you have a choice to choose what you want to do about it but what so how do you because a lot of

people are just not problem aware and they're not solution aware they're just lack of awareness how can we cultivate a higher level of awareness oh i you know meditation is going to be a power powerful one. I know that's been kind of at the at the root of my transform transformation that I've gone through ever since my divorce. Meditation was such a massive part. And for me, it was just literally sitting down. You don't have to sit down cross leg, you know, with your hands like this. Like everybody seems to think there's many different forms of meditation. But for me, the base was to get into that position and just experience. Just see what comes in my mind. Did I, did I will this thought in there or did it just automatically come? And again, again, again, Again, 90% of the time, 95% of the time, the thought just came. Okay, what is that thought? Where does it come from? What does it stem from? Can I question it?

Can I analyze it? Can I see if there's any truth rooted in it? And most of the time, you're going to find out that there is no truth in it. So I think becoming more aware requires us to actually do less. I think we're caught in this society. We've got to be doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. And again, I think I said it on the one big fire podcast. We are human beings, not human beings.

human doings. We got to give ourselves time to just be and just sit and sit with ourselves and sit with our thoughts, you know. So meditation has been super powerful for me in regards to slowing the mind down, getting a better understanding. It also opened me up to being far more honest with myself as well. And I think for any type of success that we're trying to achieve, whether that's personal or within a job or a relationship, is you've got to be willing to be honest with yourself, too, about who you are as a person. Is this how I want to be? Is this who I want to be? Is this who I want to be? this is who I want to be remembered as? And if the answer is no to some of those,

okay, well, then that opens you up to some change. What are some areas in your life you don't like? And that might be whatever job you're in. That might be what relationship you're in, you know. So yeah, I know I kind of went over the place there. But meditation, and I think, unfortunately, there's so many people that will sit in meditation. And because the thoughts are coming,

they think they're bad at meditation. So so much of meditation is just making the unconscious, conscious again, you know, and go ahead. Do you utilize, I mean, is there, is there tools or anything that you utilize that helps you with, you know, kind of setting into that practice? I mean, timer apps, anything that, you know, you've started with that have been really beneficial, really helpful. Yeah, there was.

When I first tapped into meditation, I certainly needed some more guidance on it. I'm trying to remember the calm app. Is it a calm app? I mean, there's so many different meditation. app, apps out there now where, you know, they'll count for you, you know, as you're inhaling, you're counting one, two, three, as you're exhaling, you're counting one, two, three. So I think in a lot of cases, if there's anybody out there that maybe doesn't want to involve themselves in the apps, that you can just do it for yourself.

And I think the ground, the base for meditation would be a breathing practice to start for a minute, two minutes, where you're just aware of the breath coming in and you're aware of the breath going out. And through the breath, you're able to slow down, you know, your brain waves to get you out of a higher frequency into a lower frequency. And when we're in that lower frequency, the mind is slower, therefore the thoughts aren't coming quite as quick. And as often, you know, so again, going back to the breathwork. The breathwork is, I think every single person on this planet should be practicing breathwork. It is super healing. It grounds you into yourself. It grounds you into the present moment. And when you're in the present moment, you'll find pretty quickly that there aren't

too many problems. All of your problems come from your mind. You're either experiencing life or you're experiencing mind. And if you're experiencing mind, 70% of your day is going to be pretty negative. Yeah. And I think too, you know, having that level of awareness, but like you said, getting to a space to where you can, you can kind of recognize it and see it. And I know one of visual exercises that my coach really is like, listen, the thought is like a, it's like a leaf in the river. And he goes, you, you travel a lot. He goes, do you just kind of sit back at the airport and do some people watching? I said, yeah, it's entertaining as hell. Of course I'm doing some people watching. He said, well, that's kind of like your thoughts. It's kind of like the interesting characters

at the airport. And you just kind of let them be. And, you know, they come into your site. And they, then they leave your sight, just like the thoughts and the empowering thoughts, but also, you know, the disempowering thoughts as well. So really, really beneficial. Yeah. And I think so many people need to understand that wherever they put their focus on, wherever your focus goes, that's where your energy is going to flow. And literally everything is energy. Our thoughts, our words, our choices, our actions are everything. It's all energy. And if you focus on one thought, right, it's not so much about that initial thought. It's about what is the thought that comes after that and then after that one and then after that one.

And then before you know it, like I was saying earlier, you're caught in this negative pattern, this negative way of thinking, this negative loop. And again, so many people don't understand that. And they experience so much anxiety and so much nervousness and depression and so on and so forth. And typically those symptoms are just symptoms of the unconscious mind. And your lack of awareness and focusing your attention on one single thought leads to those symptoms. You know what I mean? When you catch that negative spiral, I mean, at what point?

I mean, you're just like, oh, shit, that's not that's, is it, is it the question, is that true? Is it is like what happening here? Is this actually what's happening? Like, are there certain triggers that will bring you into awareness and, and allow you to course correct? Yeah. You know, for me, I've been, I've been on this path now of working on myself and helping people for the last, again, ever since my divorce back in 2017.

It's been powerful. So I know for me, the course correct is always going to be my breath. Why would I need to use anything else? Because it's right here with me every single day. You know, and again, like I said earlier, I know that when I start to feel rigid or tense or negative, I know my breath is shallow. And the moment I bring that breath deep into my belly,

Within seconds, I feel instant relief. And then when the relief is there, then I can analyze whatever the situation was that caused the trigger. But if you're trying to view the situation from the lens of disturbance of frustration, anger, sadness, whatever you're experiencing as a result of what happened out there, you're not going to see it for what it is. You're going to see it for what the mind is telling you about it, which is very rarely based in truth. You know, and so again, the more you tap into the breath and take that breath deep into your belly, okay, the lens clears. I can see it differently now. Now I know what the next best choice is to make. You know, and it's again, it's these aren't things that are taught in school. And so to get somebody to believe it, they have to be willing to practice it themselves, you know? And, and I just hope that there's people out there that,

you know, don't wait for rock bottom. Don't wait for. catastrophe to start just changing things that your life might be good, right? You might have a lot of success, right? But just because we have external success doesn't necessarily mean that we have internal success, you know. And so I just think tapping back into yourself and trying to cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself is always going to be, in my opinion, the highest level of success you can get to. I agree. And I absolutely love that. What other type of habits and practices? I mean, obviously, you know, the level of awareness and breath, root everything in that, right? Bring everything into that first and foremost. Once you, once you can create the awareness and

catch yourself, what's kind of the next habit that can really help to serve to start to layer, right? You know, what's the thing to continue to build and continue to grow that's going to serve us to perform at, you know, that elite level that we're all wanting to strive to be at? Yeah, I think there's a level of, you know, visualizing. that can be brought in, regardless of what you do, whether that's in sales, if it's in an athletic sports or sales or owning a business, I think just creating a visualization for practice for yourself because we know we're going to have, especially if you're in like a sales role, you know you're going to have sales calls, you know you're going to interact with people that potentially want to buy

something, whether that's a house, a car, insurance whatsoever. And get yourself into five minutes. It doesn't require a lot. minutes of just kind of seeing how that call is going to go based on the previous calls that you've had in the past, you know, or the previous situations that you've found yourself in. And the more you tune into the visualization because the mind and the body doesn't know the difference between a mental rep and a physical rep. So the more you do it in your mind visually, you're then creating a level of comfort and confidence for whenever that future situation presents itself.

You know, again, that was something that I tapped into a lot in regards to hockey. not at the beginning of my career, unfortunately, but more towards the end. Again, after my divorce is when I started opening myself up to all this stuff, you know. So visualization, I think, is going to be very powerful. I know exercise is always going to be another thing that I just think when it comes to your life, the better you feel about yourself, the outside world is going to begin to match that in time. It's not going to be instant. It's not going to be that instant gratification that everybody wants it to be.

So exercise, and I mean, it doesn't require a lot either, 30 minutes a day, 20 minutes a day, however much time you have. And I think all too often people are always saying, oh, I'm too tired to exercise. Well, you're so tired because you don't exercise. Exactly. You know, so. And then, you know, I know we kind of touched on it a little bit as well, but, you know, the first 20 to 30 minutes, this could be another part of the base in regards to being more present and being more in control of your thinking. first 20 to 30 minutes after waking up is when your subconscious mind is the most aware. So within those first 20 minutes, if you can go through some positive self-talk to start your day,

you're then reprogramming your mind to automatically produce those thoughts throughout the rest of your day. You know, because in those first 20 minutes, the brain waves that we are experiencing very slow are exactly how they were in the first seven years of our lives when we were absorbing everybody else's voice is spoken to us, which in turn became our internal voice, the inner voice. So the more you get into this practice within the first 20 minutes after waking up, don't get on your phone, don't do none of that stuff. Just tap into some positive I am statements. I am an incredible person.

I am a successful salesperson. I am a whatever you fill in the blank, just make sure that whatever you put, it's what you believe to be true of yourself of whatever. thing you do. If that sells, if that's owning a business, if that's being an athlete, whatever the case is, and just repeat those over and over and over and over again for five minutes. And in time, what's your mind going to do? Your mind's going to begin to memorize that. Remember it so that you no longer need to look at it on the sheet of paper. You've programmed it into your mind. You know, it's no different than studying for an exam. You're studying with the intent to retain information.

So you have to study many days in a row so that come test time, it's boom. It's right. It's right. there with you. I know that answer. Let's see. Boom. The next one's D just based on your studying, you know. Um, so yeah. That's, that's so good, right? It's like it's, it's the, the, the reprogramming, the reset of, of every day and being able to, you know, create the conditions and set, set yourself up for the, for the most amount of success and starting that, that morning. But you're spot on, right? I mean, so many just reach for the device, right? That's the first go-to. It's hard.

And a lot of people are just not disciplined enough. Like even utilizing the phone as an alarm to hit it off, but don't touch it again. It's super hard to do that. So if you know that that's an issue, they do make a thing called an alarm that you can plug in and set on your nightstand. That doesn't have to be your phone. and being able to tap back into to have that. How do you, you know, kind of work through that overcoming that negative, that negative vision, that negative talk that we have?

And is it doing the things in the morning, starting to put the vocabulary in? Because you said it right from jump, who do I have to become in order for me to be able to achieve the things that I want to achieve, right? So like you want it, I mean, if you had this skill set early on, then you would have been like, okay, what, who do I have to be to play in the NHL at the highest level, right, to win that. So who do I have to become? I mean, that's, that's really the question that we have to keep asking ourselves is, if I want to achieve X, what type of person achieves X? who do I have to become? Is that kind of the starting point to be able to think about? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's kind of too layered there because what you're asking brings up something

that I had mentioned before we started the podcast here today is that, you know, when it comes to being who we want to be, I think we already are that person to a certain degree. We have to unlearn a lot of things that were taught to us growing up. You know, we took on so much from our closest caretakers so much from our parents and their level of belief in themselves. And if we were, you know, at one point as a young kid trying to go and do whatever, reach a goal, make a team, you know, get into a prep school or a boarding school or anything of that nature. And if our parents experienced a lot of distress in their life and didn't reach their goals, they might have said to us, oh, that's not realistic. You'll never be able to achieve that. And if that was said to you at such a

young age, that is ingrained in your mind that I can't go and get the thing that I want. Especially somebody that you admire and look up to that's giving you, that you're taking their word as truth. Exactly. And so their story of them wound up becoming your story of you, but that's not yours to carry. So there is a way to go back and relive those experiences. And in a sense, reparent yourself, speak to yourself in the most healthiest, conscious way, become your parents and speak to yourself.

and you do that over and over and over again until that story begins to dissipate, sheds itself, it's gone. It's no longer something that you're carrying emotionally. And then through that, you're going to be far more present in achieving and going towards whatever it is that you want to do. And so I bring that up because I know that that's so deeply rooted within so many people. When you think about it from the moment we could walk, we were told no, no, no, no. Don't go here.

Don't go there. Don't climb on this. Don't touch this. It was just constant no, no, no. And as a result of that, so many people, A, don't know who they are, and B, are so afraid to go in a reach for a goal because we've just been constantly shut down, not because our parents didn't love us. Of course they did. And they cared about us and they didn't want us to climb on the things. I'm not trying to say that to make our parents seem bad. It's not the case whatsoever. What our parents were was unaware of how they spoke to us and how that was going to reflect in our teenage life. life in our adult life, you know. So I think that's one part of it. And then what was the original

question? Yeah, no, I mean, I think it's, it's the, you know, who do I have to become, right, in order for me to achieve the goal. And it's, I don't think that question is, is early on, right? That's one of the questions you kind of, you got to get some foundation built. You got to get the breathing. You got to start, you know, the bigger future. You got to start, like you said, addressing some of the these you know unwiring some some some truth that we have but at some point that question has got to you know enter into kind of kind of our thinking of who in the hell do I need to be in order for for me to achieve X, Y and Z. Yeah.

I think so much of that too is just understanding that when we're trying to achieve such big things, it's it's very rarely going to happen in the short. term. It is more of a long-term thing. You know, again, when I reflect on myself, my dream, my vision was to get to the NHL. Well, I had that at the age of 12. It took me nine years to achieve that goal. You know, obviously there was a process. I couldn't just go at the age of 12 to the NHL, obviously, you know. So I would say for so many people, it's understanding, okay, let's get, let's just get clear on exactly what it is that you want. How do you view success? What is that, you know, external success look like to you? And then I think it's about backtrack.

from there. Okay, what do I got to do every year? What are we got to do every month? What do I got to do every week and every day? And I think so much of the battle is just staying consistent with the day-to-day monotony and the consistency that is required to continue showing up to get you through the week, to get you through the month, to get you through the year until you achieve whatever it is. But again, I want people to understand that just because you have these goals in mind and this vision and you've got this relentless attack on life, it does not mean that you're going to get the thing, you know, but you might get if you're, so for me, the dream was the NHL, right? I might have only made it to the AHL and only got to play for the monsters, but that is still

something to celebrate and that is still something to be proud of and there will be too many people around us that say, oh, you didn't reach your goals, you're not a success. Uh-uh, yes, I am. You bet your ass I am because I showed up every single day and the, the path to getting there was not a linear, it's not straight. There's going to be setbacks. There's going to be detours. There's going to be days off. There's going to be times where I take weeks off, months off, because I need to rest as well. And that's valuable. Rest is a weapon, you know.

So again, I think so many people just need to, again, get clear on exactly what that thing is and then understand it's just a day-to-day process. What do I got to do today that's going to bring me 0.1% closer or 1% closer to reach in that goal? What am I going to do today that's going to help me to build momentum towards the big dream? because I think ultimately that's what we need. We need momentum. So if that's a to-do list, okay, two, three things. Don't make your to do-lis the 10, you know, checks on the sheet of paper. That's too much, right?

That's too many things. And what's happening unconsciously there is that you're setting your mind up to perceive this daily task is too much. It's too stressful. Oh, okay, that's fine. Well, then when you only do five, it's not about the fact that you did the five. It's about how you feel about not doing the other five. which is either going to inspire you to go and attack the next day or it's going to deflate you

and now you don't even want to show up the next day. So it's about having, you know, realistic day-to-day goals. And at times, up in that up a little bit to see, see what you can get out of yourself, see how you can push yourself a little bit closer to that. Jacob, how do you, how do you arm yourself or prepare yourself for setback? Because, you know, I mean, inevitably, I mean, it's just, you know, two step forward, you know, 10 back, two forward. I mean, it's just constant, right?

you know, we're making progress. We get we get kicked back a little bit. And especially as we're trying to grow and getting uncomfortable outgrowing kind of our current ecosystem, outgrowing the people in our circle as we continue to just kind of level up. And I think it's it's one of the things knowing setback is going to come, right? Knowing that there's a season that is going to come. But how do you anticipate? How do you handle it? How do you deal with setback? Well, I don't know if you can necessarily anticipate setback because I think so much of it is, again, out of your control. but I think having the understanding that those things are going to happen. So you almost see that as a part of the vision, understanding that, you know, in a month, six

months, something's going to happen. It's inevitable. It happens to everybody. So if you go into chasing whatever dream it is that you have and you don't have that expectation that you're going to experience them, then the discomfort is going to be at such a high level that might stray you from, from again, showing up the next day. And it's again, it's an understanding that setbacks are a part of the journey. but it's a choice to stay there or not.

You know, and again, how strong is that excuse? How strong is your why? How strong is that goal and how bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough, you're going to continue going and showing up, and that's your excuse. And I think when these setbacks happen, everybody is searching,

they're searching for every excuse to not show up. Oh, this is too hard. Oh, the other person, they stop too. So it's okay. I'll validate. I'll do whatever. I have to do is justify the decision of not showing up when all you really need is just one reason to continue showing up. So that's why I believe your excuse, your why, your dream, your vision has to be

strong enough. And if you yourself aren't strong enough to do that, then who can you, like for me, sometimes I get tired and I don't want to show up, but I've got two kids. And so they at times, when I'm not strong enough, they are my strength. And I think about them in the, life that I want to provide for them. And that helps me, that it creates that inspiration, which inspiration is long term, you know. So my kids inspire me every single day, even when they're not with me. Just thinking about them, okay, you know what? Yeah, I am going to go send those emails. Yeah, you know what? I am going to go work out. Yeah, I am going to do the breathwork on the days when I don't want to, you know? So yeah, it's again, you just have to understand that there is

no path, regardless of what you do, that is not going to come with setbacks. So make sure that you're being fair and honest with yourself in regards to what expectations you have for the journey. I love that. And you know, you were talking about, you know, like visual cues. And I know, a little bit earlier we talked about the visualization and, you know, growing up playing golf, you know, I played, I think picked up a club when I was seven, right? And if played at pretty, pretty high levels competitively. And I know from a mindset perspective, you know, the visualization of, you know, in the mind's eye, right? You know, having that visual. I'm sure you did the same thing with your hockey career, right? You mean, you could just, you see it happening. And that's one thing in your mind.

But how important, like you mentioned the kids, but how important is it to have visual cues as much as you can in your ecosystem and your environment that keep your mind, right? Like as you were talking right there, you know, part of my little, you know, daily process of kind of that I work through, who's depending upon me, right? That's a visual reminder of when, when I kind of get stuck. You mentioned your kids, but how important is it to having these little visual cues all over the place, the vision boards, the things like that to, you know, to center us back up when we kind of fall off the path a little bit? Yeah, I think it's super important because as we know, we're going to experience things on a day-to-day basis that are going to avert us from the path

and that are going to avert us from the present moment. So heck, what is the thing that you're trying to get? Is it a job? Is it a promotion? Is it a car? Is it a house? Is it whatever? Draw that.

Draw it on a sheet of paper and just hang it up in your house. Hang it up somewhere you know you're going to look so that when you can begin to feel that you're getting off path, you're losing the focus. Oh, I see this thing. boom instantly what I want is right there before me. Now, am I going to choose the focus on that or not? Or am I going to become a victim to the aversion? You know, so I think that just helps with so many people in regards to staying in the

moment and staying in the here and now. You know, one thing that I use for my clients is that when you start to recognize that you're getting off the path of the present moment, can you have a word or a phrase that's going to snap you back into the moment? You know, one thing I always suggest is just here now. When you recognize, okay, my thoughts are going bananas, here now, here now, here now. You're no longer in the neurosis. You're right back into your voice and right back into the present moment.

Dude, I love that. That's so good. Having those triggers to get you back on and get you back on on the path that's going to serve you. Because it really is. I mean, there's so much noise, so much distraction. it is so easy to get to get hit i mean some days it feels i mean you you got your armor on but sometimes it's still not enough how you know looking at kind of this you know awareness and in having this you know how to how to how does is it the bigger picture is it the inspiration is it the bigger

purpose i mean is that really what it always has to come back down to is is understanding you know why we're doing this, what we're doing this for? Or is it, is it something else? You know, it's hard to say it's ever just one thing, you know, because I think so much is connected. Obviously, having that big, that big dream, that big goal in mind is always going to be beneficial for anyone. But then, you know, again, like I said earlier, I think you have to be willing to unlearn so many things. You know, reprogram the mind to be more positive. And that's why, you know, that suggests and I threw in there to start your day is, is, is, we'll do exactly that, you know. And again, the more you meditate, your mind's just going to be slower throughout the day.

You know, you're, you're firing different pathways. I think it's like the gray area in your mind. I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to bring that up because I don't know all the science behind it. But there's just, again, like, yeah, there's, there's, there's so much stuff. And we always think it's all just connected to one thing. But I think sleep. Sleep is another thing. Are you focused in on your sleep and understanding that when you do not sleep while,

you struggle to fall asleep, you wake up repeatedly throughout the night. You're going to wake up feeling tired. You're not going to wake up feeling motivated and inspired to go and attack the day and do whatever it is that you need to do to win the day to get one step closer to your goal. So what are your sleeping habits like? What are your nutritional habits like? All of these things play a massive.

role in the person that you are and the energy levels that you feel, you know. So yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I think you're spot on. How important, Jacob, when it comes down to, you know, we're only, a lot of us have, I mean, it's discipline, it's consistency, it's that strong will. But really, you know, the big purpose. But how important is accountability?

And how important is it, is it to surround yourself with, with people that are going to tell you what you need to hear, not what. you want to hear people that know your goals are going to hold you to those standards. How critical is it to have that high level of accountability, you know, close to you? I think it's very, very important, you know, we can do so much on our own. We can do so much more when we've got good people around us. People that have that shared vision, that shared work ethic, that shared discipline. And like you said, people that are going to hold you accountable, tell you what you need,

not necessarily what you want. And I think we need to be surrounding ourselves with people that are calling us forward, letting us know that they believe in us. I don't want to be around people that don't believe in me. I don't want to be around people that are super negative all the time. So you got to surround yourself. I mean, I don't know what that one saying is you are the sum of the five people you surround yourself with, something like that. So it is super important. And I know for myself that the more I elevate and the more I grow, people fall away.

And conversations don't even need to be happy. You know, the more you elevate, the more you become more emotionally mature and the more you become just focused on having a good life and feeling good about yourself, so many people will fall away that served a role in the older version of yourself that needed you to be a certain way in order for them to feel okay about them and where they're at in their life. How do you, how do you, you know, because I know a lot of people struggle with that, right? And one of my, the favorite thing that I heard about that is did you, did you, did you leave them or do they choose not to come along? And that was just a great reminder for me. It's like,

you didn't leave them. They just chose not to grow and come along on the journey. And knowing that we do, we outgrow people. I mean, that's just kind of the evolution and that's just life. And I mean, that's agent to CEO concept, right? You're just evolving and essentially, I mean, you're just evolving and leaving your old self. How do you, you know, how do you, it's hard, right? I mean, I've done it. I've let go of people that, you know, how would you ever let go of them? It's like, well, they just, I'm continuing to grow. And they, like you said, they just stopped showing up.

But people feel, some people feel bad about that. How do you, you know, what's the context to like, man, don't, you can't feel bad about that. Like, what, what's kind of the context that you help, that helps you, you know, continue to move on as people fall off? Well, I think it's an understanding what that is. That's people pleasing. I think we all have a people pleaser within us. That, again, is available for you to go and unlearn. You don't have to please all the people around you.

Yes, there's maybe some certain people I know for me. It's pleasing my kids. I want my kids to be happy with me. I want to please myself. I want to do what's best for me. I want to please God. I want to do what he wants me to do, you know? And so I think if you can understand that, okay, I've found and recognized that I've

caught in patterns of always making sure that people outside of me were okay and happy. meanwhile I was miserable the whole time. Always saying yes when I truthfully wanted to say no. You know, so it's an understanding that you've got to have that boundary with yourself that I'm willing to do this. I'm not willing to do that. And if I'm constantly being asked to do something I don't want to do,

stay that. No, thank you. I'm not wanting to go. Thanks for the invite. And allow them to deal with the disappointment. Because that's their disappointment. That's their problem. You don't need to absorb and take on their problem.

And yes, it's going to be on. comfortable at first, but that's okay. It's okay to be uncomfortable. And what can you do when you're uncomfortable? Get out of your thinking mind and get into your breath. Get out of the clouds come back to the earth, come back to your body. And a lot of the times when it comes to that people pleasing stuff, we get triggered and we get activated into a fight or flight mode. Right. Our heart rate starts elevating like crazy. I'm super nervous. There's something I need a fight or flight from. Well, no, there's not. You're safe. So while you're breathing, you can be affirming in your

I am safe in my body. I am safe in my body. I am safe in my body. Ooh, we're calm. Nice and calm now. Right. And then we can realize, oh, shoot, that wasn't that hard. It wasn't that hard. It took me three minutes to calm myself. I'm no longer a victim to the story that was being created in my mind about how this person's receiving my no. It's not got anything to do with me. It's got everything to do with them and their previous life experiences. So I think, again, to answer the question, so much of that is the people pleasing, you know. And then again, it's also with an understanding that not everybody is meant to be in our lives forever. Because they were such a cherished friend for such a long time, and I had such love for this person, we get caught and thinking that this person's going to be

my friend forever. And sure, and sure, some of them might be, but most of them will never be. And that's okay. Right. And then we just continue growing and attracting people that are going to match us in our current version. Right. You know, always. evolving. Yeah. Like that's, that's the game. You got it.

You have to be. The only constant is change. Are you comfortable with it or not? Yeah. It's always evolving, man. It's, it's so powerful,

so amazing. And, you know, to your point, right, the accountability piece, having the people and in having those tools, one of the things that you just said right there,

I think is one of the most important things is, is being able to, once you catch it, have, you know, where you can walk yourself back down to be able to breathe. It's almost like you're, you're so,

engaged, you can't see it. But as soon as you can catch the breath, to me, that's the disengagement. That's where you're able to sit back and go, ah, okay, here's what's going on. Then you can start to see and then you're able to process it. But when you're in it, it's so hard. But I think being able to have those tools, being able to have accountability, but also, you know, I figured out how to run a marathon on my own. And that was one of the worst being rewarded, you know,

for bad behavior that could have happened because I thought then I could figure out how to run a full Ironman by myself. And I got three or four months into it. I actually got about a month and a half away from the event. I was like, how do I get my bike there? What's my nutrition? How do I transition? I am lost. And it was one of those aha moments. And it was like, dude, you're an idiot. Like, you're a coach. And like, why are you trying to figure this all out on your own and for what you do and a lot of the things that we just went through, it sounds easy for us, but I know you and I have, we've put in so much work. You have, I mean, you're talking about just even the last seven years, eight years on this

journey that you've been on, the work that you've put in and you just scratching the surface, right? And same, you know, for me, even in on this and in the mindset side of things, it's something that I'm obsessed about, thinking about all the time and catching myself. But it's been a process. And what I would tell, you know, anybody's listening, connect with Jacob. Get into a conversation with them. Get into that accountability.

Get some coaching. That's what I always tell people, no matter what situation you're in, you want to collapse time. Get around, one, get around great people, great framework, model the success. They have great success. You want to model it. But get a coach. Get around a coach when it comes to mindset.

and obviously, you know, kind of the journey and the path you're on right now. Talk a little bit about how, you know, where you really help people get that foundation and that springboard to help them in their lives. Yeah, yeah. So for what I'm currently doing, you know, it's mainly it's one-on-one work. I do work with different, you know, hockey teams here in the Cleveland area. I've got a team I work with over in Massachusetts. But, you know, in the end, my work is to just guide the individual back to them.

I don't want to work with you for two years, three years. If I do that, I don't think there's any true value. I want to set you free and allow you to, again, cultivate that healthier relationship with yourself. So, you know, again, a lot of the stuff that we've talked about on here are the same things that I'll take into my sessions with my clients. Again, get them to become more aware, get them into a better understanding of their thoughts, their feelings, their emotions, get them into a level of emotional understanding because everybody's always talking about emotional. control. And in my opinion, you can't control something you don't understand. So you got to start understanding your emotions as well. You know, I work with, I work with hockey players. I work with non-athletes. You know, I think I mentioned it in the one big fire podcast. I worked with a former secret service agent. And I, when he first reached out to me, I was like, uh-uh, you saw things. I didn't. You'll live the life. I never will live. But we just went for it. And now he's off helping people. And we worked together for, I think, max of one year.

So yeah, it's something that I'm deeply passionate about. As I share it, I've got two kids and they are my first. But second to that is just being of service to people and getting them to remember just how damn powerful we are. God created the human body and it's perfect. The mind is so powerful. The human body is so powerful. And this society is trying to distract us from that.

And I want to help wake people up to that truth that is forever. I love it. Brother, I appreciate you. Jumping in here. This has been obviously selfishly for me as is always good. I really appreciate you jumping in, adding a ton of value. And, you know, guys listening in, you know, connect with Jacob, Instagram, Newton's Mind 55. Reach out to them, get plugged in.

I promise you it'll be well worth the time and in the investment for sure. Absolutely. Well, thank you, John, for your willingness to have me on here, brother. It's been great. And who knows, maybe we'll do another one. We'll do it again for sure. But yeah, the more we learn, the more we'll be able to talk about. I know.

We'll have another conversation soon, for sure, for sure. Awesome. Thanks, brother. Awesome, guys. Thank you. We'll see you. Bye. That's a wrap for today.

I hope you got something valuable from this episode. If you did, hit follow and visit johncitchens. dot coach for more ways we can work together. See you on the next episode.