KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Are you a Doer or a Don'ter

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

Are you a doer or a don'ter? Have you ever caught yourself saying, hey, that may work for them, but it's never going to work for me? Or I'd like to do XYZ, but I just can't. Today we're going to talk about how a simple mindset shift can change how you feel when you wake up, how you serve your customers, and ultimately how much money you make. And this one is kind of close to home for me, so let's go. Welcome to the influential real estate marketing podcast, where agent entrepreneurs come to learn how to generate and convert more leads by using the latest in technology, social media, and lead generation systems.

Here are your hosts, national speakers and veteran agents, Amber and The Rook. Oh, how do, everybody? Oh, man, today's episode is being sponsored by Spirit Influencer, the single most effective sphere marketing system to build relationships and get more referrals than ever before. You get more information at get sphereinfluencer.com. All right, you guys. Today's topic is one that is close to home for me because, well, I'm kind of going

through this this week. And honestly, if I'm being vulnerable with you guys, this is something I actually have to evaluate in my life on a daily basis. Heck, sometimes, even every hour. And that is my mindset. So today we're going to talk about the mindset of a doer, of a donter, and even maybe a middle category that people don't really talk about a lot, which is the wire. The wire.

These sounds like houses in Game of Thrones. Like you have Baratheans and then you have the Tiberians and then you have the donters. The don'ters. The wires. And the wires. And the wire. Now, now don't.

Don't go to another podcast episode because this is when we're all tempted to be like, I don't need that. I need a new marketing idea. But can I challenge you for a moment? Marketing ideas don't matter if our mindset is wrong, right? I mean, mindset, we're like, oh, kumbaya, Amber, mindset. But it's a big deal. And just a tiny shift can make a huge difference.

So if we take the time to evaluate our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions, then we'll find that we're in one of these three categories at all times. Okay. So being able to identify that quickly and pivot is crucial to our marketing, our customers, our income. And really, this is a business podcast, but this affects our personal relationships. True. So true. So, Jason, I'd like you to give the audience a story. of when I was a don'ter.

Just kidding. Are you trying to kill our marriage right? Nice. I was about to go, that feels like a trap. It is. No, actually, if you would think of a story for you personally, I will tell one for myself.

And then you can tell. When I was a don'ter? Yeah, so I'm going to let you think about that for just a second. But for me, honestly, I hate to say, but it's like a daily and hourly evaluation. It could be something really huge that I'm being a don'ter on or it could be something really small and I don't even realize I'm doing it. Kind of a silly example is when I did not want to do my grocery shopping online.

And Jason was like, you know, you would save so much time. You hate going to the grocery store. Just order them online and get them delivered. And I'm like, no, because, you know, by the time I go online and find every single item, I could have walked in and got it faster and made sure it was correct. Well, that was really, I didn't know that, right? I don't know that for a fact. That's just what I thought in my head.

And I was being a donter, right? Like, it's just not going to work. And I know that's kind of a silly example. But that's when I say it can creep into your life on a small or in a large scale. That would be a small scale. But when I actually tried it, it was obviously I spent a fourth of the time of me actually going. And I opened up my mind to that.

And it was so much better than I actually thought, but I spent so much time telling you why it wasn't going to work versus saving a lot of time. And that might be a small example, but really is it? Because it's saving me hours a week that I could be spending with my family versus going to the store that I don't really like to do anyway. So it is kind of a big deal, even though it was a small example. But this really is in our business, you know, on a daily basis of we'll be speaking at a conference, right? and there'll be some brilliant top agent on stage, and we're listening because we're there as speakers too. And they'll be talking about how, you know,

they're laying out their formula as to how they sold 376 homes the year before. And Jason and I, I promise you, will be sitting next to somebody in the audience listening because we're not speaking yet. And one of the first things we hear from them, do you know where I'm going with this, Jay? Oh, yeah. is, you know, what do you hear?

So it's funny because we talk about this. As speakers, we hear this, but even when I started in real estate, I heard this, we'd be at a convention and they're laying out exactly what they're doing, which is actually very rare. Oftentimes, top agents are like, well, I just do this and like, what do you mean? It's vague. It's very vague. So even though when they're going to details, I remember vividly this agent leaning over, it's like, yeah, you know what?

I'm thinking about trying that, but I'm probably going to tweak and change this. And then the other one on the other side is like, that's not going to work. That'd never work. That's not going to work. I'm like, why not? But see, it is working for the guy on stage, you know? Exactly.

Now, it might be a reality that that's not an avenue that you want to try. Yeah. But we know it works or he wouldn't have sold 376 transactions and he's on stage. So I, you know, to be honest, I'm really struggling to, you might have to help me with this one because I, every time I try to think, think of something that I didn't think was going to work or or looked at something of how it can't be done. I am I am like conditioned to hear my mother's voice saying there's no nothing as can't. And so you're a Mexiccan. Exactly. And people read people listening are like,

I cannot believe she just said that. But I got to I got to complete the story because feel like, I cannot believe Amber just said that. Um, when I was when I was little, okay, we were not allowed to say the word can't. Okay. And that's a true story. It was a, it was considered a bad word. You know,

there's no such thing as can't. I remember my mom telling me one time, you know, there's no such thing as Mexicans. You know, and I was like, I was like, oh, okay,

and it just kind of, I was like, oh, okay, then there it is. So it goes to our household, you know, is one of things that is a trigger for me for the kids if they say,

well, I can't. I'm like, there's no such thing as can't. You know, so. So you're telling us you have no don't-er moments in your life. Boo! I'm trying to.

I'm trying to seriously think about it. No, I hear you. You are very much a doer, babe. And I, but I realized whether it was something small about my groceries or something huge about how a shift needed to happen in my business or the way I was doing marketing needed to change. Like when I first started doing video, you guys, I didn't like it. I did not like it at all.

And I would sit there and find the reasons why. That can work for other people, but video isn't going to work for me because I don't like how I sound. I don't like how I look. I don't want to do it. I don't sound good. I, you know, I look silly on camera. You know, I was sitting there thinking about all the reasons why I couldn't do video. And here is the thing, you guys.

This is the reality. We can sit and make excuses all day, but I was being a donter. And my mindset was costing me opportunity. Is your mindset cost. costing you opportunity. Well, can we break down what these things mean, like the do or they're doing the wire? Because I'll make sure that I'm in the right. So let's break it down, y'all.

Break it down. Now, this is really simple. That's what I love about. I love simple things because it can really help me implement right away versus something that's more complex. It's going to take me a while to have a new habit where this is simple, you guys. Let's evaluate. There's three types.

There's the doer. Yeah. And the doers ask, how can it be done? And that's you, Jason. Like, you're a doer, right? then there's the donter which ask can it be done that's very similar similar but they're they're they're asking can it be done ultimately usually to to not do it right where but then there's a temporary category or stage that I think is just as important to talk about which I don't think they talk about

because this part's not on the t-shirt there is a wire and wire ask why should I do this? Yeah, like, why am I doing this? Right. Why are you asking me to do this? And Jason, you have to admit you're a wire. I'm a very, I'm very much a wire. I'm like, why?

That's natural. Hey, can you do this for me? Why? Hey, we're going to try this. This is it. Why? And that's my, that's the analytical part of my brain going, okay, I need to understand why I'm doing it.

Like, I need to break it down the details, the process. Yeah. So it really is amazing during our business meetings. when Amber's trying to go big picture, and I'm like, okay, wait a minute. He wants to detail it out. I want to detail it out. And she's like, now we're just big picture. I'm like, I don't know the big picture part.

I can't contribute. I got nothing. So here's the thing, you guys, if you're on the disc scale, if you've ever taken the disc personality assessment, the S's are definitely huge into why. But all categories can want to know why. but let me tell you this, there's a healthy why and then there's an unhealthy why. So this is important to evaluate if you feel like you're a wire or your kids are or your staff members are at your office. The healthy why is, and a lot of times the S's are doing this, is they want to know the why, not because they're combative. They want to know the why so that if they know the why behind something, they're going to be able to implement even better and please you even more.

Yeah. Okay. Whereas the unhealthy why is, and you all know, usually when me, the D is asking the why, honestly, if I want to know the why, it's usually so I can find a reason why it won't work and to move on to my idea. Ooh. And again, you're being quiet to save our marriage. That's revelation right there.

I don't know that. Okay. So, no, no. So I don't mean that that's 100%. Like there are really times where I'm like, hey, now why did you do that? And it's really just because I don't understand. But there are times where some of us get stuck and we don't even really know we're doing it in the why so we can find a reason why it doesn't work. So which one are you?

Because it changes often, you guys. If you may think in general you're a glass half full that you are a doer. But let me tell you when under stress or when you're financially low on funds, Or when stress. It's very stressed. Yeah. But for different reasons, I guess, you're stressed. Or you're in the midst of massive change.

It is easy to go to the dark side, y'all. Which is the don'ter side, the dark side. The dark side of the forced young Jedi. That was my emperor. Wow, that was really good. So when trying something new or examining your existing commitments, our brain is, what's crazy is our brain. unless we retrain it, is actually trained to go to the don't side. Yeah.

And a lot of us don't realize that. I think that's a revelation right there. Now, Ken, do we have the power to change that? Absolutely. We tell our bodies and we tell our brain how they're going to be. But as far as what it goes to naturally, it'll naturally go to the donter side during those times of stress. And do you know why, Jason? I do not.

Yes, you do. Well, it's a protection method. if we go back to the core of our psyche being a fight or flight broken down is very interesting that you know for the longest time we were engineered in a binary situation which means that it's something isn't going to be this way or this way right or wrong life or death fight or flight so the fact that and even in listening to this podcast you know we're sitting here talking about are you a dear or you a don't or are you a wire and there's bad kinds of wires because we don't want to be seen as bad or we see being a don'ter as a bad thing, then your brain right now

for some of you is trying to justify the things that you're going to say, well, that's not me because I do this. Because you don't want to be. Because I don't want to be. Because I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to be wrong. So my mind is going to go, well, I'm like we talk about having a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset.

Most of our crowd is like, would you guys say you're fixed or growth? They're like, oh, totally. I'm great. I'm good. But when you start breaking it down and giving out the situations of what is a fixed mindset, that you're like, well, I guess I've got, okay, I get that. I got a couple categories. I got the one guy.

Reservette. So inside of this, it truly is understanding it is your nature to protect yourself for survival. And in that protection mode, now you understand why, when you ask why, you will naturally gravitate to the dark side. And again, no, it's not that when they ask why they're going to go to the dark side. That's okay to ask why. as long as they keep it on the healthy side. True.

What I meant was is when they're under stress and when they have change or new habits or when they're not reaching their goals they set out for themselves, it's easy to go to the dark side and make excuses as to why I can't do it. So pretty much daily in life of real care. So how if we are really being, yes, if we're really being vulnerable, we all, we might have been raised a doer, in general we're a doer, but we've got to evaluate in our business with us and our team on an hourly basis, even, am I, which side am I going on? Because it's so easy to go back and forth to protect ourselves.

So for example, in our sphere influencer program, we do a lot of video. We're doing 21st century marketing. So for those that are like looking to do just postcards and an occasional newsletter mail out, they're not going to like our program because that stuff is not working anymore. Now, am I saying black and white? You can't get some referrals off that? No, I'm not saying that. But I'm saying the way that people have communicated is changed. But a lot of people don't want to admit that because then I have to admit what I'm doing is wrong.

And then I also have to admit that I need to change. And those aren't fun things. So we instantly go from a doer to sometimes wanting to be a donter or finding the reason why it won't work because I don't want to change. Right. Welcome to House Donter. Party of one. So you can see how everyone can be guilty of this. I am so guilty, you guys.

I could list like six things yesterday that I was a donter on. I'm not going to do that and include you in all my drama. But I will say one of the things. It's so funny because the minute you said that people are going. drama drama they want the drama but i'm definitely guilty of saying that and somebody else said this last week directly to me but i've said this you know it's just really hard to eat healthy on the road you can't you know when you're out speaking you just can't exercise like you want to and you know or when you have kids i mean you just can't eat healthy you know they don't like this i don't like

to make two meals you know there's so many things that i've said and when you really stop think about it, you guys. Is that really true? Or is it easier to say that so that I don't have to admit to myself that I'm a don'tter? No. I mean, that, take a look at that. I think that when you make statements like that, it's almost a subconscious thing. Like, sometimes you don't even know that's what we're doing. Because you really believe that. Because I believe that. Because I subconsciously, you know. Yeah. And so you say, man, we're on the road a lot, you know, so it's so hard to keep a diet, so I'll work out. And then I'll be on YouTube watching like, you know, CrossFit people, Brooke Entz, who is traveling around the globe, signing in and finding a gym

so that she can get her workout in and, you know, still going to the grocery store in whatever country, making her own meals and eating healthy. I'm like, well, whatever. Okay, see, I'm about to be a donter on you. See, okay, I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm having a don'ter moment right now, going, well, Brooke Inns, her career is working out. She doesn't have kids. So you see how my brain instantly went to don'ter. Like, oh, easy for Brooke. No, I'm not saying it's easy to be committed, but she doesn't have kids. It's her career.

So when we're doing content for eight hours a day or speaking, her career is eight hours a day of working out. So I instantly went to a don'ter versus, now, are those things true that Brooke really does have more time than we do to work out? Not more time in the day because she's a career woman. And she is amazing. So I'm not trying to down her. I'm making excuses for myself to protect myself.

But I see a direct correlation into what you just said because so often we'll see a top agent or I'll even be in, you know, speaking and give an example of a top agent and I'll have someone's like, well, does he have an admin? I'm like, what does that matter? Well, he's probably got a team. Well, he's probably got an admin. Well, he's probably got that. I'm looking to find an excuse immediately.

I am now. Why I'm not that way. Exactly. And so for Brooke, now is it true that she has more time to work at not more time in the day, but that her career is to work out. Yes, that is true. However, a don'ter does what I just said. A doer would say, you know what, I don't have, it's not my career to work out. I actually have a different job career, but a doer would say, but how could I make it work for me? How could I make it work with kids? How could I eat better on the road? You know, it's more like tweaking.

and it's brainstorming how you could make it work. So our brain is protecting us from getting out of our comfort zone, you guys, that flight or die like Jason is saying. So here is an easy formula of how you can evaluate. Because again, maybe you're better than me. Maybe you don't have to evaluate this very often. But if you don't, I'm thinking maybe you don't even know what's happening. So here's how you can evaluate very quickly.

Okay. here's just like four things you could ask yourself am i doing this you would say so are you a doer who ask how it can be done or are you a don'ter who finds reasons why it can't be done are you a doer who embraces experiences or are you a donter who embraces excuses because if you literally said that to yourself am i being am i finding a way it can be done right now or am i finding a way it can't be done. Am I embracing what could happen or am I making excuses? Because here is the truth, you guys. This is the hardcore truth. Excuses are just lies in disguise. Oh my gosh. Put that on T-shirt. Excuses are just lies in disguise. My mom taught me this. Like one of, shout out to mom.

Shout out to mom. Who is amazing in my life. And she's always telling me about. about, you know, we all have different feelings about things. And it's really just this black and white. There's the truth and then there's a lie. Okay, now she's coming from a biblical standpoint, which is true. But you can apply this biblically to your business and to the things that you're doing of doing and don'ting. So there's a truth and a lie.

So we just said, I said, I can't work out because I'm on the road. Is that a truth or a lie? Because it's really that black and white. So the truth is, you know, I may have to make some adjustments in my life to work out on the road. But how could I make it work versus the lie of I just can't? Yeah. Right.

Now, I think it's important to also say that sometimes we're a donter because we're beating ourselves up. Okay. There are, I have seen agents who just beat themselves up. So it's like an endless cycle of, well, Amber, I just don't have time to make my contacts to my sphere of influence because you should be contacting your sphere of influence. because you should be contacting your sphere of influence personally, quarterly, right? And they're falling behind and they're falling behind.

And they know it's important, right? Their mindset is correct that they need to do it. But they don't make it a priority. And then we make excuses as to why we can't make it a priority. That way we are admitting to ourselves that we keep failing. Yeah. Right? Or on the opposite side, that's what we already talked about.

But just for a quick side note, that's very important. There are also people who aren't doing it because they don't want to admit. their failure, there's the opposite side of, I just failed, I admitted it, and now I'm beating myself up. I am not good enough. I don't do enough. I'm not a good enough person. And then they're beating themselves up, which keeps them in the donter because they're upset, because depression even comes with that. So I think it's important that we address that side of it too, because that can happen to all of us. Yeah. Like how many of you right now, aren't where you want to be, right?

Because I'm right there with you. You know, we're not working hard enough. We should be at a different place. Is that your perspective? That's my perspective. I'm speaking about me. The team just got really discouraged. I'm in house,

I'm in house, don'ter. It is that, it is that constant battle of not feeling good enough, not feeling like you're where you should be or where you want to be. And that takes us toll after time. Yeah.

I'm not a lie. So I think it's okay to, to know that you're going to need to evaluate which side you're on. But here is the good news, you guys. Whether it's because you're beating yourself up, you do admit failure, but you're sitting in that failure for longer than you need to, or whether you're on the side of, I'm not going to admit I'm wrong.

Instead, I'm going to make excuses why it can't work. It doesn't matter what side you're on. It's keeping you from growth and it's lies. So the good news is, regardless of the side you're on, you can quickly make a pivot and change everything. immediately. Oh, who's ready to pivot. So it sounds kind of like a negative connotation because we hear that in the news a lot. Oh, pivot, like when it comes to politicians. But there are positive pivots. We have what we call pattern interrupts in the office. I'm about to show you one of them when, you know,

pattern interrupt would be you don't even realize you're doing something and someone else in the office will be like, hmm, we have little bells and it's like that might be a pattern interrupt. It might also be a celebration, but it might also be a negative thing. Like you just said something really hurtful and you need to correct yourself you need to pivot so at first starts off with hitting the bell twice if that doesn't help then the bell gets thrown really at the person so healthy no no we do not throw bells so once you see where you are it's easy to make a quick pivot now is it easy I'm saying it the change can be immediate as long as you recognize so once you've identified where you are and remember it's are you asking how things can be done

or are you finding reasons it can't be? Are you embracing experience or you embracing excuses? You'll know immediately based on those answers, are you being a doer or a don'ter? And once you identify that, all you have to do is, oh my gosh, I'm being a donter right now. Don't beat yourself up. Don't wallow in it. Go, oh, my goodness, I'm being a donter. Let me quickly ask instead of no or no it can't be done or excuses.

Okay, listen, I don't know if this is right for our team. but let's brainstorm for a moment all the things that this could do for our team. Let's brainstorm for a minute all the ways this could work for our team. You see the difference? And I'm not saying every single idea is going to be a do, but are you being a doer or a don'ter as far as exploring that or are you just making excuses? So how can I make this work and how can I tweak this idea to my audience? That's a better way of saying it.

Like that. Yeah, don't be in house don'ter. has don't her sides with the lannisters and no one likes the lannisters oh my gosh so here's some things you could do not only could you pivot quickly but i want to challenge you to be thinking about throughout the day everything that comes out of your mouth i want you to be the word police for a little while yeah i want you to be the word police and and none of us are perfect and evaluate am i making excuses am i finding a way and also affirmations are really important, you guys.

Like, I reach toward opportunity. Ooh, I like that one. I'm committed to my goals and I find ways to make it happen. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. And I am a doer. A doer. Okay? I am a doer.

Because in the end, you guys, mindset is everything. It's that old saying, if you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you can't. That is absolutely true when it comes to your marketing, when it comes to your relationships, when it comes to growing your business. So at some point, we have to get out of the Y phase. We have to get out of the getting ready to stage.

And we have to get into the Dewar stage because we can spend all day thinking about why it will or why it won't work or we can just move forward with imperfect action. Yeah, House Dewar just, FYI, is in the north. I've got a, I got, that's the game of throwing. Right. So how are we talking about biblical stuff and game of things? Thrones. I don't know. That really does not go together. Jason, I really does not. So I want to leave you with

this today. Indecision to action kills opportunity. Are you a doer or a don'ter? Because while the don'ters are stuck in the can I or wise, the doers are already doing it and passing you by. Oh man, that was just truth. You guys just got some dropped on you today. Hey, thank you. much for joining us today. Now, guys, if you like what you heard, remember to subscribe to the podcast to listen to future episodes, please leave us a review and share with a friend today. And if you want exclusive content and free tips on the latest in real estate marketing and lead generation, then join our insider's email list by going to influentialagent.com.