KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Conscious Communication with Jamie Miller

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

SummaryDiscover the game-changing power of "conscious communication" with renowned coach and speaker Jamie Miller. This episode dives into the crucial mindset shifts and intentional language that allow you to build instant trust, close more sales, and lead with authenticity. Learn how to stop talking past the close, ask the right questions, and use real-world tools to turn conversations into conversions without ever sounding scripted or salesy.Bullet Point TakeawaysCommunication That Closes, Not Sells: Understand the difference between talking at a client and communicating with them. Jamie reveals that conscious communication is about helping clients feel heard enough to choose you, not getting them to say "yes." This is done by focusing on empathy and asking questions that uncover their true motivations.The Power of Asking the Right Questions: Learn why most salespeople "talk past the close" by asking the wrong questions. Discover how to use intentional, emotionally intelligent questions to find out what your client truly values and what is driving their decision-making process.Mindset is the Foundation of Influence: Jamie emphasizes that the way you communicate with others is a direct reflection of how you communicate with yourself. Learn practical mindset shifts and internal dialogue exercises to reframe negative thoughts into confident action, ensuring you show up as your best self in every conversation.Authenticity in a Digital World: Explore how to apply the principles of conscious communication in a digital-first world. Get insights on how to build trust through DMs, video, and social media posts, and learn what phrases to cut from your language immediately to avoid creating friction with potential clients.The Psychology of Sales & Relationships: The episode dives into the psychology behind successful communication. It covers everything from using specific words to evoke emotion to building rapport in 60 seconds or less, all designed to create a predictable and positive outcome in both your professional and personal life.Topics:Jamie Miller Conscious CommunicationSales Communication SkillsReal Estate Communication TipsCommunication for LeadersConscious Communication StrategiesCall-to-ActionReady to get what you want in business and in life? Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform and start mastering conscious communication today!

You're listening to the Coach Code podcast, and this is your host, John Kitchens. Join me as we unlock your greatest potential, collapse time, reveal your blind spots, and become the best version of yourself. Boom. What's up? Hey, I like that intro, John. Yeah, it definitely gets you going for sure. It already got me thinking or something.

It's already got me thinking of something. The rapport build there during. this show. I love it. Welcome guys to another episode of Coach Code podcast. I'm really excited for today's conversation. I met this gentleman. We were both sharing the stage at mutual friends of ours, Jacob Barnhill in Columbia, South Carolina for him and Noah Harris, their re-up event. So we had the opportunity to present. And I took, I think I took four pages. of notes while you were up on stage. And it was just, it just, everything just resonated, just boom, boom, boom.

And, and I was like, God, dang, you know, if we can just incorporate some of the things in the philosophy and the methodologies and how, you know, everything that you were sharing, it'll just, it'll dramatically change, change lives, be able to connect at a higher level. And, and so I'm really, really excited to have you on and, you know, just kind of pour more into it. Like, I haven't, I mean, I could have took a page of notes before we went live, just, just listening to you. So, like I said, your, your hip video of the intro already got me thinking of something that I do and it links to what you do, John. It was like instant, you're like, you know, when you're, you're talking about the sequence, like combination, like, for what I

teach, there's no script. It's not word for word. Like, and a lot of people in the, you know, if we're talking to the realtor industry, a lot of them are told be authentic. And, then they handed a script. And so that audio fantastic goes out the window. So I teach just a framework. It's sequence. Build rapport. Evote some kind of emotion. And then you can have a seamless call to action. But it doesn't have to be a word for word with that scenario. So from that standpoint,

if people actually thought, hold on a minute, if I say, if I start my phone call, hi, this is so and so and so with so and so, the first thing that any time anyone hears, I'm so and so and so and so. The first inclination, even if the person stays on the phone, the first inclination in their head is, I want to hang up on this call.

It's a cold call, all right? So it's like, how do you build a, like how do I quickly make someone the same as me? Then how do I evoke some kind of emotion? And then how do I ask the right question that doesn't frame the words, I want to meet with you, all right, which no one cares about what the other person wants.

So, John, this is, organic for me. Any questions? I love a channel. So anything you think your audience would love to hear. Yeah. I'm happy to. I love it. I love it. And we'll unpack a lot. I know we will. And, you know, really the goal of the podcast is really just to be able to help the listeners, people tuning in to connect some dots. And just everything you just shared right there was a perfect example. And so, you know, as many combinations, as many, things that we could help people connect the dots in their life and their business, their fitness, their relationships. That's really the intent and the goal of these episodes is to just be able to give people,

you know, real world actions that they can to help them, you know, connect the dots and move their lives along and find happiness. So let's jump in. Let's kind of share a little bit about yourself, your story. and, you know, kind of what's light us up to this point today. Okay, so it's funny you asked that. My mind has gone for three different places in the spectrum. You're talking about fitness, and I'm thinking I went to the gym this morning,

then I'm thinking it's teaching people habitual stuff. Like, going to the gym should be like, it should be like brushing your teeth. You know, most people who start in New Year's resolutions, gone. They go by three week mark, they're driving around the car park, not wanting to go in. So you get yourself, when I get up, when I get up, on an aeroplane and it's not to go off to cuff, but hopefully it has a method to its madness for me sharing this because from a

fitness standpoint at 44 almost 45. I get on an aeroplane, I land somewhere and then the first thing I do is I look up where's the healthiest food store from regards to where I'm staying and I look up on my phone where's the gym that I can go to and you're not in your head, yes, it's so simple

but it's part of that, you know, like to borrow from atomic habit, it's, you know, James Clear, like, it's not something I invented. It's just, like, do these things routinely. And then, you know, thankfully, I'm borrowing my girlfriend's father's truck. And he's not up, like, he's up in the morning, but he's like, just go off at 7 a.m. But it's not having a struggle or fight to do those things. And you get yourself to a place.

So that's where the fitness goes. With regards to tell me about yourself and make it a lesson for people, John. People go for interviews, all right, for instance. I help people get jobs with their interviews. because part of the thing is the interview is going to ask questions, right? So they say, like, tell me about yourself. And then here's what people will do. They start going off on a tangent about everything about themselves.

And they don't know if the person in front of them actually values those things. You know, so if I was just go, oh, I was like, no one knows anything about my past, John, when they invest in me. And the lesson I teach is don't overshare. Don't, like, it's not, like, if I, even me coming on, they can tell, oh, he's got an accent. Is he putting it on? Has he been in the country? Like, what's the story there? No, I'm not putting it on.

But if you're going in front of someone, they say, tell me about yourself, you're better off, not about posing a question back like it's robotic to just ask a question back, John. Would your viewers want to know more professional stuff? Would they want to know more about my personal story? And now look what I've done. I've posed it back to you. And now you can say, you know what, my viewers would like to know more about this

typically? Great. And now, do you see the different? I don't know. You do these podcasts, John. So the idea is like to be a lesson for people. I could share plenty. It's what would someone like yourself think that your audience values?

Because I know this is a giving back nature to it. Yeah. And, you know, I love what you did there because that's what that's what you did. And you taught it in when we were in Columbia. And I wrote it down. and then I changed it up because I had the opportunity to go on. You know, I think I was just a little bit. You did one of the,

I was actually singing your praises to Mike Glasby, who was up there. And I said, because he does presentations too, and I said, you've got to keep it current. I said, do you notice that when John went up there after me, he kept sharing different points. Do you remember when Jamie shared this? And here's what happens.

even though your PowerPoint, it's the same PowerPoint, John. Look, if someone sees my power, you see me talking four years, son, maybe the same slides. It's not going to change, but what you did, which was fascinating, and again, it's about edification. I'm happy to edify you on this platform. You got up there and you started talking about me during your bit and you brought me up in different points.

Here's what now you're sublimally planting in the audience mind. This is fresh. It's not a robotic scenario. So, no, kudos. on that play because it's not something that everyone does when they get in front of an audience, John. Yeah. No, it's, I think, you know, just to that point where, you know, what you had did and then,

you know, I kind of turned it around a little bit too is, is you find out what they're really wanting to get, right? What's important to them? And, you know, we try to bring in and, you know, we ask Noah, we ask people, hey, what is the audience want, you know, who is the audience, what's their problem? How can we help them solve it? Do I have a concept that can help them solve what they're wanting to solve? But what I loved what you had done is that you got out there and asked and asked and asked just a couple questions and you're like, I agree. And you went right into feeding them what they wanted. And I think

that's, I'll do something fresh for you, John, that I don't usually do on these podcasts. since you should just share. So the audience has an understanding, very quick of this. Most speakers, when they get up, they do one-way traffic. It usually comes from an ego place. I wanted to start the first 15 minutes, 20 minutes. Let me tell you, all about everything I've ever done in life, and this is why you should listen to me.

The first thing up my mouth, so the audience on sense, your audience on sense, building rapport, make someone the same. So the first, if your audience, if I ask them, hey, when you watch this back, right, just raise your hand or nod your head if you agree with it. How many of you like me think that communication is important for what you do for a living? Show of hands.

Now everyone's going to be like, raise their hand. I'm like, I just made you all the same as me. It doesn't matter what your background is. And then the next question, to find out what the audience wants, rather than a shoe, and I don't care whether your audience are realtors listening to this or from whatever background. In a sales environment, the idea is focus on the other person and you want them doing all the talking. So I know what I'm going to talk about. I just say before I start teaching this stuff, what benefits would you come up with for being better in the area of communication?

Now, if I let your audience settle on that, pause the video for a second, think of the benefits that you would get, being better in communication, and talk to yourself, share them out loud. All right. And then I'd say, then I'd be able to elevate the conversation next to be like, that's terrific. I agree with all those things, like you say. All right, what I'm not doing is going in with an assumption. they should love this because of this. Or they should love, you know, we've got heavy ties, you more so than myself with EXP, all right?

And so for example, if someone from EXP is watching this, it's just an analogy for everyone, they might go and say, you want to join our brokerage because you can make money this way, this way, this way, this way, right? And that's telling, John, they're better off just going, hey, before I start sharing all the glorious things with ESP, have you come up with it? What benefits would you come up with for being in front of it? me today and they will share the things that they've heard of that are positive. Oh, terrific. Let's say, I've heard you can make money through stocks. Oh, terrific. What do you love about that?

Oh, and my daddy, he owns stocks all the time. They're telling you, not you telling them. So I know I can see in your face. You're getting one putting down the hope is your audience can see. It doesn't matter what the scenario is. Start with them, get them to share what's in it for them. and that will tailor and lead your conversation to a predictable outcome that they'll actually come on board. What trips people up from grasping that concept? And, you know, because you've taught it. I mean, I understand it. You know, I try to, you know, talk about from a leadership, 80, 20 principle, you need to, you know, your question to statement ratio.

Just whatever, just try to give them different models to where maybe it connects with them. But what stops people from understanding that? Okay, so this is, again, when I say it kind of feels like a luxury to share new information, you could watch any other person who's interviewed me and I've not shared this concept, John. And we're all limited between what's one here and what's between two ears, all right? And my humble belief is this, kids are the best salespeople on the planet. All right. Why?

They ask questions about everything, all right? And then my theory is this. And it's not totally fair because it's, In my opinion, teachers are underrated. They are heavily underrated. I agree. But there becomes this point in time where kids go from being inquisitive and asking questions, which is the whole point in getting someone else to what we should be doing sales,

asking questions of the other person, getting them talking more about what they value. I actually have a theory that we get conditioned in society to go into a classroom and get told that's a silly question. And people don't want to, and they suddenly get programmed. John, they might get a teacher who's not like, don't ask questions or you get to this place. And then all of a sudden, they've been programmed away from asking questions. They're then getting in society to ask, to ask questions again. The problem, John, is they're conditioned to either shoot from the hip in the questions that they ask or they're giving a robotic script. All right. And I'll give me an example where I think the most amateurism happens.

it's a shooting from the hit when a parent has kids and the kids do something naughty it's the parents saying why did you do that for the realtor it's when the people are working with buyers a buyer will say we're going to hold off the market's going to crash and every realtor on the planet saying why do you think it's going to crash now that's a question it's just not a question that you want the answer to John all right like if you think of the actual question you're asking so I just think we're conditioned to ask to shoot from the hip and ask the wrong questions. I don't, I, I, I, I, I think that we, we don't take time to think about our question.

And then we get in our car and leave a meeting saying, oh man, I wish I would have said this. I would have, could have said that. I think if people just took 15 seconds of time before answering the question, they would, and let's say they felt, oh, 15 seconds seems uncomfortable. You could, I could teach you in terms of, of a rapport build in your audience. Let's say I wanted to take more time to answer the question. Because, all right, rather than shoot from the hip, I'll say, John, have you,

have you ever had a situation where you've left a meeting feeling like, damn it, I wish I could have said this. Right. You know what your laugh tells me? Hey, if you ever see me just thinking like this, it's just so we can have a good communication so that moment doesn't happen. So if you never see me thinking, all right, it just means I'm thinking, so I don't get in the car afterwards and have that feeling of, I wish I could have sort of.

Now I've got an understanding from you. Now I can take my time. I don't have to shoot from the hip. And you've made yourself the same. But I don't know if people picked up on these words. Has this ever happened for you? I didn't say, hey, John, I don't like it when I leave meetings. And I feel like this has happened.

I'm making it about you first. Has this ever happened for you? Yes, because you're human. You've got blood going through your veins. Great. If I said to you, John, have you ever been nervous in life? Have you ever gone into a room and being nervous, apprehensive.

If you say no to that, I don't want to be around you for a long period of time. Does that make sense? If I couldn't do an interview and have my girlfriend's father walk behind me in this day, or my daughters go behind me,

what kind of, the idea is, let's remove being robotic, all right, from the equation. And I think people have been programmed in society just to shoot from the hip. I have my theory about schooling because kids are the best salespeople on the planet, and then I think they lose it,

and then they come across people like you and me, but it's almost like they have to be repro. A lot of my clients will say, Jamie, it's so simple what you're teaching, but I feel like I have to reprogram, I have to reprogram, you know, what I'm asking. So we're can, so understanding that, and obviously, you know, getting connected with you,

working with you, but what are some of the things that people can kind of do on their own? own to help the reprogramming of themselves. How can they, you know, the pause and, and then also learn to ask better questions. Okay. Well, one of the things I like, I kind of like teaching from a comprehensive standpoint. So it's the wax on, wax off. Yeah.

All right. One of the things I prove in society is the programming, all right, and the best way. So when I say to people, I get better at sales and communication and bring on clients because I teach this stuff all day every day. you know hopefully i teach a lot of different things during this podcast and then i'll ask everyone who's watching this hey let's say during this podcast i share something with you all and you're like oh i like that love that oh i learned something from jama there in order for you to get better at something what should you be doing if you were to answer one word what you should be doing to get better at something

or your audience is now thinking of the word practice i've proved it time and time again in a room of people, they all aren't to practice. And then they prove to me they're not doing the one key skill, which is listen, because I clearly said, I get better because I teach this stuff. So, John, to help your audience, when they want to get better at something, it's not about practice and waiting for opportunities to practice it on potential clients or stuff. It's teach it to other people. I teach my kids. I could literally, if my daughter was awake, tell you what, this is something I've not ever done on a podcast, we'll be real organic.

Watch this. I'm calling my daughter Ruby. She has a purple heart after her name. If she picks up, please God she picks up. 1121. All right. When she picks up,

I will ask her, what is the golden rule of communication? And she will say, if she picked up, she's not, it's ringing, it's fine. She will say,

always ask for, permission. Just a simple act if you want to share something with someone saying, is it okay if I share something with you? Someone says to you, I think the market is going to crash. Hey, before, is it okay if I share something with you? Rather than shooting from here or my kids do something naughty, rather than say, what are you thinking? Is it okay if I ask you something? Yeah. Why shouldn't you have done that? And it's a reverse, it's a complete opposite. Like people think, I am asking that. No, you're asking them why they did it. I'm asking them why they shouldn't have done it. Now their head, now they have to go in their head.

They have to start thinking of why they shouldn't have done it. And now they're going to start talking and showing me they have a greater understanding of that scenario. That's powerful. So teaching it, John, is one thing. And the second thing, hopefully they grasp. You get to use this in all walks of life. Communication isn't just, it affects. Every single person I said, are you like me?

Do you think communication is important for what you do? Every single one of your audience, background industry is going to answer yes to that. So the key element for them is when they learn something from me today, teach it to another individual so it becomes more second nature for them. Secondly, use it in all walks of life. You know, like there's so many opportunities, I guess, is what I would say, to use it. Yeah. Creeping in. I love it.

Yeah, there is. I think it's the whole, you know, how you do anything is how you do everything. And so it's just the example of like you get off the airplane. You're like, hey, where's the health store? Where's the gym? You know, I'm the same way. Like when I book a hotel, like I look and see what's the gym facilities look like? What is if that's not sufficient, what's close?

What's the running terrain? I rent my own to add, I rent my own car, even though I was going away with a team, John, renting your own car. So you're not, you create a scenario. And it's got to be something, I don't believe in the word diet. It's got to be sustainable. Something you actually enjoy, I enjoy doing the stuff. I enjoy my own meal every morning.

I enjoy it. It's not a, I'm having an internal fight to do those things. So yeah. No, that's great. I love that with getting permission. And so kind of talk us through what that does for the communication that's going on. I mean, you touch on it just a little bit, but I want people to really understand how important this is because, you know, one of the things from, like,

even from leadership conversations and, you know, open and real conversation, kind candor, whatever, whatever you want it to, you know, whatever label you give it, we had a great mentor of ours, how they would approach a difficult conversation that they need to have. They just, they called it, hey, can we have a buckle up? You need a buckle up. Can we, can we have a buckle up conversation? But I think this is really important for people to get, because most people just, just come at them because I've seen this used as a weapon.

And, you know, one of the core values was open and real communication. And in what would happen in the scenario is that somebody would just attack another person and they would say, hey, man, I'm just being open and real. It's like, no, you're not. You're being a douchebag. Like step back for a second and, you know, always get permission and declare maybe what kind of conversation. So I would love for you to kind of expand and maybe unpack that for everybody because

it's really, really powerful in our communication. Great. call it like a buffering play. Someone throws up an objection. We all face objections. I'll give you a good one. I get someone turn around to me saying, Jamie, I love it. I love your training.

I know it can help me. I'm not going to do it right now. All right. That's what they say, right? And then I'm going to say these words on purpose. All right. But now I've got to a place where it's not about being smooth. It's not gifted the gab.

All right. You guys literally could take word for word what I'm about to say. make it your own or yes you could use the same words in this scenario but understand when i share these words you're giving your and you share these words you're giving your brain a chance to process your thoughts so you don't just go he did it no you did it no he did it no he did it no you did it all right someone says something i don't agree with Jamie i love you training i'm just not going to do it right now first thing i'm going to do is absorb it i'm not going to agree with them i'm not going to disagree them i'm not going to say the word but i'm not going to use the amateur question well when are you

going to do this thing, all right? Because that's what an amateur would do. When are you going to do it? Oh, two months. You're like, you know, all right, you're thinking you're here, what's going to change? Here's where I go with this. I'm like, I call it now the Viviana play because she was the most recent student that I did this with. She goes, Jamie, I love your training. I know it can help me. I believe in it. I'm going to wait until later. I said, Viviana, I said, look, I get it. I can see where that can be a thought process right now. There's something around this. I've not had a chance to share with you yet. Is it okay if I share something with you? So I'll repeat that again, John, four people. So they, all right, it's I get it. I'm not agreeing. I'm just saying I get it.

I'm absorbing. I get it. I can see where that could be your thought process at this moment in time. There is something I've not had a chance to share yet. Maybe during the podcast I'll teach about the word yet. There's not something I've had chance to share yet. Is it okay if I share something with you? They say yes. But then I'm going to go to question mode. Hey, sharing, me someone, I'm not going to tell them, what do you mean, here's what amateur, what do you mean you're going to wait? Successful people don't wait, all right? Like, that would be amateur, or asking them a question that's broad-based. If you say, when do successful people take action, your person in front of you tells you a lot if they answer with the word,

when they're comfortable, they're telling me, yeah, we're not going to be a good fit. But I ask them the question, when do successful people take action? It's, if they say when they're comfortable, we're at loss. Watch this. I turn around to them. This is what's going to give your audience ability to sleep peacefully at night, hopefully too. Viviana, I go, hey, tell me someone, Viviana, that you admire that I would have heard of. And she goes, Kobe Bryant. I said, perfect. I love Kobe Bryant. That's awesome. Have you ever read the book, Seven Habits of Highly effective people. She goes, I haven't read it. I've heard of it. I said, it's fine. I said, in that book, it shares this principle. It says, don't reinvent the will. It said, go out there,

find people that you admire, all right, success-wise. And if you copy their values and habits, then you're more likely to have similar success. Does that make sense to you? She goes, it makes absolutely logical sense. I'm like, great. Now, Viviana, imagine Kobe Bryant stood in front of me telling me everything that you just told me. Jamie, I love it, I value it, I believe in it. Could you ever imagine him next saying, I'll wait till later to do it? She goes, probably not. When should you be doing this? She goes, right now, and I say, I agree with you. All right, those words, I agree with you. Now, we kind of threw it out there. We didn't explain it. The idea is it's more sophisticated not to tell someone to do something and better off to get them to a place where it's their idea.

And you're like, now, here's what happened. She goes, I'll go and grab my card. All right. I'm like, great. If she doesn't go and grab our card, let's say the person doesn't go and grab their card. All it's telling me is this, I get to sleep very peacefully that night. Why? Because she told me who she admires.

I didn't tell her who she should admire. And she agreed with the principle that that person, if they're in front of me, wouldn't say they'll wait till later. So if they don't take the action of someone they admire, they have to have struggled sleeping at night, looking in a mirror, knowing they're not doing what's conducive to who they admire, all right, based on the wording that they've shared with me. And so as an example, John, hopefully people can see that it's the buffer play of the I get it first. You know, I'm going to do it later. First words, I get it. I can see where that could be a thought process. Someone says,

I can't afford, like, you know what, Jamie, I want it. I've got a mental block on spending that money. I get it. I can see where that's a full process. There's something around this. I haven't had a chance to share it yet. Is it okay if I share something with you? Yes.

Hey, did you go to college? Yeah, I did. Okay, would you agree? Most of my clients, I agree. The stuff I teach, it wasn't taught in a college classroom. Would you agree with that? Absolutely, I would. I said, would you say the stuff that I'm going to teach you is more valuable for what you're

looking to do in life than what you learn in college? I'd agree with that. Okay, so when I put it that way, can we say it's a very sensible investment? Jamie, when you put it that way, you're right. It's a sensible investment. It doesn't matter. I'm not saying we force round pigs into square holes and we've got to do things ethically. If someone ever approached me, John, said, teach me how to manipulate people.

I'd be like, we are not a fit. We're not going to be a fit. But thankfully, most of the people that I work with, they're doing things from an ethical standpoint. They're providing a legitimate service. I'm just helping them with what comes out your mouth to get to, your place so that you're not reacting. You're more proactive in the sequence to use a word, coin a term that you, you use, John. It's just a sequence of conversation that if you have it in that order, you're more likely to get predictable outcomes for yourself. I love it. I love it.

And that's kind of where my mind was going as you were kind of walking through it. and because I could see where some people would lean, oh, that's, you know, they're manipulating and, you know, they're getting people to do what they probably shouldn't be doing. But when you... Well, there is one habit that I didn't get a chance to share. All right, funny enough, practice, is it okay, if I share something with you?

Yeah, absolutely. I just shared what I do when a rejection comes my way. So I either go with two, I either go with multiple choice, story time, but it's always buffered with the, I get it, I can see where that can be a full process. There's something I'm not had a chance. yet what your audience might not have picked up on it for instance with the viviana play i've already asked her what benefits will you get from being better in communication she shared me do you how would you feel

as a result of doing that what kind of value do you place in this stuff very high and she's answering me in questions and then i'm asking her do you actually believe i can help you factually yes these are all words that are coming out of their mouth right so your audience when they watch it you can't well Well, the idea is to ask them. I believe it's more manipulative if I tell someone to do something they don't want to do and get them to do it, or I just tell people to do it and it's just not sophisticated, telling someone. My belief is, am I manipulating, if I'm a realtor and I'm going to a listing presentation, am I being manipulative if I can actually get the house sold?

But instead of going in there saying, let me tell you everything I can do for you, I'm asking you, what do you look for in a realtor that you would value more than anything in the world? And now they're telling me, and I just happen to be someone that actually ethically can provide that service for them. I don't believe that's, you know, the fact we've been using the negative connotation of the word minifflation is just to express to the audience that if you're finding out what someone wants and you can provide it, can we agree that's ethical. All right. And hope, yes. Okay, great. Absolutely. We're never going to resonate with 10 out of 10 people, John.

My goal is if someone is only bringing on one out of 10, can I help them to do three out of 10? A big part that we haven't talked about yet, which I don't know if we will or won't, is conscious communication. It actually ends up becoming more. How do we talk to ourselves is more critical than how we actually engage with somebody else. I definitely want to go there for sure. I said, I definitely want to go there. Okay, but the idea is what, why, how is the best way to get someone to an emotional state, John.

But just to give you a credence, the objection, overcome an objection is only easy to do or easier to do based on the information you've already gathered from someone that they already want your help. You're not just, so hopefully that. It does. I didn't see any manipulation in there at all, but I could see where somebody without understanding, you know, the process. you're asking and do you believe that you have a viable ethical solution to help them solve their problem? I think that's the other thing. And so that's where I love kind of what you just said, just transition. And it's the thing, right? Like, I don't believe that you can lead another human until you can lead yourself first. And it has to- There's scary individuals out there that know

how to do what's called NLP. John, I don't teach NLP at any mastery level. There's a couple of things that I illustrate in that arena. I stay away from that purely because I don't want to become that person. The idea is there has to be content that actually helps another individual. I'm sure you've got testimony. I know for a fact you've got testimony after testimony because I met them. All right. You talked about very highly, John, from the Michael Colliers of the world and the Jacob Barnhill's.

Like, nothing happens by accident, all right? I don't look to bring on every client on the planet, John. I just look to hold to be, whether it's virtually holding someone's hand or in person holding someone's hand. But the things that I share have to resonate from an ethical standpoint and they have to understand you're going to get objections. It's how do you overcome that objection? And using the buffer play that we talked about gives them your brain a chance to process

something rather than shooting from the hip, which is what most people do. But before that comes the building of rapport and evoking of emotion. how do you evoke emotion? You just ask someone, why do they want what it is that they told you that they want? So amateur realtor, what are you looking for? Maybe I'm using the wrong example. You're always using realtors. It just so happens, John, that I know we work with realtors.

So it just seems like an easy go-to. A realtor's get asked, do you have any three-bedroom, two-bar from homes in this zip code? And here's what a realtor do. So I know what you want. Yep, I'm going to send you everything in the MLS that fits that model. You've made it too logical. and when we're everyone on the planet including anyone who watches this and I don't care who you are what you think about yourself we all do things on emotions if I was to share something that I would

actually debate about we all do something on emotions first and then we justify it with logic after the fact if I ask most people in your audience do you have more shoes in your closet than what you need you're going to answer yes all right we don't do in life what we need to do we do in life what we want to go to a gym they won't everyone every parent on the planet in my opinion, needs to have life insurance. They don't, all right? We do what we want. People always find a way we're a resourceful to do what we want to do from that standpoint.

So with regards to communication, you know, ask someone, what do you want? I want a three bedroom, two, bathroom. Hey, if I'm not mistaken, you live, you don't have any kids, you're not married. No, okay. Hey, why are the three bedrooms? Oh, my, my brother comes to visit me sometimes from, so and so, and I've got a pet parrot, and it can't be in the same part of the house as a dog. Now I'm listening, and I'm saying, now when I showed them around the home, I can actually,

I've elevated the emotion. Hey, do you think that your brother would like this room? Oh, Jamie, you actually pay attention to the things that are important to me, rather than making it logical. And again, you know, it's interesting. And to practice what I preach, there's no such thing as perfect. We've been at it 34 minutes and 12 seconds. And the truth of the matter is, it's not. not like one of my speaking engagements where it's methodical from start to finish. All right. I'm throwing a lot of stuff out there. And the idea is if you and me and invited by John, you'd probably, would I be accurate?

And look, I pose it to the question. Would I be accurate to think you'd want to deliver a lot of value and deliver a lot of moments? Okay. Can you see where my thought is maybe people have to play this back to be like, what did he actually put down there? Because that was interesting, all right? Maybe I need to play it back. And that might be your case.

just know guys that you're watching this my goal is just to provide tons of value it can it can come quick and fast during this and I feel like that's what's uh happening a tiny bit John but and that's just as a conscious communication play what's happened I'm like Jamie you're teaching so many concepts it might seem like overwhelmed so just uh get some buying from the audience that uh because couldn't you understand John not everyone has your experience in life to have spoken in rooms you might get someone watching this who's a complete novice starting out. All right. And so it's like grasp that process. Yeah. Yeah. No, it, it definitely is. I've been writing down minutes to go back and listen, relisten to. I have seen you taking, like,

during this, like, where you're actually like that. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So, so transition this a little bit to the communication with ourselves. I just think, You know, even personal experience, you know, sometimes we can, we can be hard on ourselves. And, you know, I have had my coach on the podcast last week. And we talked about a lot about communication. We talked about, you know, dialogue theory. We talked about emotion. We talked a lot about those things. And, you know, understanding, really getting to happiness. And it really has to start with ourselves. And so, you know, I love your take on that and how we can better communicate with our. ourselves. Some of my clients, all I do is the first few sessions, like therapy sessions to a degree. And I'm not a therapist per se, all right. I'll give you an example. I teach something that I was taught called what, why, how. All right. It's very simple. You may have been taught it in your life. It's just a way you ask someone, what is important to you when it comes to communication? Why is that important to you? How would you feel as a result that? That's me selling. If I was a

realtor, what characteristic do you value most when selecting a realtor? Why did you select that? How would you feel as a result of that? That's an external conversation. Now, watch this transition self-talk. During the pandemic, I happened, you know how there was people where you'd do post on social media if you're in need of any help, of any nature. I just happen to be someone where my sister said, everyone's in a low depression. So anyone, and anyone who watches this podcast, I'm happy if I can my goal in life is make people feel better it doesn't it I know I've mentioned about clients the truth matter is I believe in the karma that 10 years later as a result of making everyone feel better and learning something as a result why teach it's an abundance mindset there's no

scarcity all right with that ask yourself these questions all right in an internal self-talk and see how you feel afterwards and you might have to have this talk several times throughout a day all right it's not like just a one time in the morning let's say you ask yourself you're having a negative thought you start with a multiple choice question because multiple choice questions right from a formulaic standpoint steer a conversation the best what the only way I know how so I would ask you go ahead and ask yourself is what I'm currently thinking is it helping me or is it hurting me when you very quickly answer it's negative it's hurting me then you merely transition to what should I be thinking. All right.

And then you have to answer it. But to yourself, I should be thinking this. Then the next thing is where you really need to do self-talk. Why should I be thinking this? And talk to yourself. I should be thinking this because of da-da-da-da-da. How do I think I'm going to feel as a result of doing what I just told myself?

I think I'm going to feel pretty amazing. And then end with the question. what should I be doing right now? I should be doing X. All right. So I'll give you an example with working out. We talk about fitness. Oh, I don't want to get out of bed. Is what I'm currently thinking, is that helping me or hurting me? It's hurting me. Why? Because I made a news resolution to absolutely get in shape because I've got my wedding coming up and I have to get in this dress and da-da-da-da-da. How do I think? I think I'm going to feel. I think after a workout, I'm going to feel amazing about myself and

I'm on my journey. Great. So what should I do right now? I should get out bed, put my running shoes on and rest of my clothes. I'm not going in the gym, just naked with my head shoes. And the idea is that's an example hypothetically of self-taught, but it starts with what questions are you asked? And the first one is, is what I'm currently thinking helping me or hurting me? And then you transition. And look, my daughter, I tried calling her, I don't know, if she, oh, miss call. All right. Do you mind if I just call just.

We're going to get some proof in something, one. Hey, Ruby, real quick. I'm on a live on a podcast real quickly. I think what is the golden rule of communication? Communication is always ask for permission. Boom. Love you, princess. Always on that.

Always ask for me. The idea is legacy. teach our kids this stuff. If I may share, my daughter's 13, she's going to be 14 in August. The reason I bring her up right now, John, is this. She turns down to me and says, Dad, after every time we talk, I always feel better. And I'm going to let your audience know and you know.

The secret for me is I don't ever tell her anything. I just guide her to the questions that are internal in her. And for those you out there have got teenage daughters, you all know, no matter what they look like to you, no matter what they always have insecurities all right in insecure moments all i ask her are questions about herself like about like big picture and she'll always say what the answers are all right to herself and then afterwards she'll say i always feel better right as a result of that and and here's the truth matter the question i'm asking her are just what any therapist would ask her all right i'm just

sharing and self-talk, guide yourself to the answers that you know are internal, right? But make sure on that Y part, you really sell yourself authentically on that part and talk to yourself a lot, because it will get you to a place. You can even do, and again, I don't mind borrowing from people. Anyone who's read the book of Tomic Habits by James Clear, he says it better than I can. And I don't know where he, I don't think he invented this, all right? But watch this. If you say, I have to do this phone call, that sounds kind of negative. If you turn around to yourself and say, I get to do this phone call.

You know what? I'm not in jail. I'm healthy. I've got this opportunity. Yeah. Immediately your psyche changes in yourself talk with that. The word yet is the sweetest little word in self-talk. This is one of the things I've,

non-stop since you've said that I've used this. Like, this is a golden little nugget. Okay. First, three reasons behind the word yet. It's the sweetest little word on the phone. planet. No one likes the word but if you ever have an argument with someone, oh, I feel like there's a butt coming. So just substitute the word but for the word yet and they, yet no one's offended by the word yet. All right. The second thing, for those you're in selling something,

halfway through your meeting, just turned out, hey, have you heard everything you need to hear yet? Right, from me to feel confident to go with my services. Your prospective client could turn around and say, yes, they have. And it's now very, you're not nail biting to ask for the business. You're just like, great. The next step's so simple. if they say no to you because you use the word yet you say that's still terrific what would you want to hear from me so that you feel that sense of confidence now i didn't get to teach a lesson on i said what do you want to hear from me i didn't say what do you need to hear from me right there's an extra lesson in there for those people and then the the last part of the word yet which is amazing self-talk if you turn around and say i haven't reached

my goals for 2022 that can come across as really negative if that you out there watching this and you turn around and say, you know what, I haven't reached my goals for 2022 yet. What's your internal psyche completely shift is June. I've still got six months of 2022 to hit my goals. And it's just one word difference. That's where I feel. That's why I love what I do because, you know, I believe people care more. I think we're going to, you're going to get more alive in how you leave people feeling.

I do believe that. All right. And feeling is not just about what your words coming out of you now. yet words are important. All right. So, and the idea is stop saying things people are programmed. If you've got a kid and you say, how do you know you don't like that broccoli? Have you ever tried it?

Guys, think to yourselves. Everyone's using those questions. And you already know what the answer is going to be. Have you ever tried it? No. How do you know you don't like it? I just know. All right.

That's the answers to it. And the word yet, for anyone who works in retail watching this, I feel I should, if there was any area, I felt I should be paid millions and millions and dollars for a five-minute training. It would be to go to Neiman Marcus or Macy's, John, and just be like, hey, I've got a five-minute training for your staff, right? Because everyone, you go in a store and what does someone say, may I help you? All right, it's what, and 10 out of 10, not nine out of 10, 10 times they're going to hear

the words, no, I'm just looking. Thanks. All right. Every time. They get paid commissions, so meaning they get to put food on their kids' table. So if you, if someone's watching this and you have a friend, family member that you care about, working retail, just teaching this. All right. And then you'll get better at it.

Have you seen anything that you love yet? Because if the person says no, you can now read their body language. Don't be robot. If you're saying that, yeah, if you came up to me, I'll be miserable and want to look for myself. I've still got an answer for you. But I'd go up to you. Like, have you seen anything you love yet? Like, no.

Do you know what? Someone came in the other day. I showed them this section over here. and they absolutely loved it. Oh, by the way, if you don't see something over there, I'm sure we'll find something and make it we, all right, that you love. If I read their body language, and I'm just going to build rapport, but you know what? You like me, sometimes you just want to peruse for yourself when you see something. When you see something you love, just know I'm here to help you. All right, with that, great. So you cover your basis, but it's have you seen something

you like yet? All right. The idea is they can say no or yes, and you still get. to continue dialogue. So hopefully people just hold. That's absolutely cold. That's good. That's good. So Jamie, I want to just kind of get your take before we kind of wrap up today. What is from the communication side of things like, you know, what's the elephant in the room that people just, they're not willing to have the conversation about? The elephant in the room. Well, the funny, in terms of practicing my preach, I've got a slide that shows an iceberg. All right. If you ever go in an office, you see the word success, you've got the iceberg, right?

And it's got what people see in success. And then it's got all the underneath. It's like fitness. People might see external, John, you're in shape. But they don't see the internal struggle you had at the start. They don't see all the things. So as a lesson, and this again is something I've not shared on a podcast, I think that The whole point of the elephant in the room is anything you see or witness in the communication,

you have to bring up. All right. And people say, you would actually do this. I'll be like, 100% I'll do this. If I'm in front of someone and they cross their arms, all right, whilst I'm in front of them, most people are going to think, I'm going to cross my fingers, pray and hope in my head that I can still get into the finish line and then they get in their car after the meeting and they leave and they're like, I know the moment I lost them, that elephant in the room.

and I didn't address it. Okay. So here's what I would do, and it's a formula, and it's, all right, and the idea is, is I'm calling it out in a diplomatic way using positive connotation, which we don't have much time, but I'll just share this. Someone crosses their arms in front of me. I'll be like, you know, very interesting. I couldn't help yet notice.

As I was sharing X, all right, you cross your arms. It could be a few things. One, like, would you like me to adjust the temperature in here? Would you like a little bit more clarity based on something that I just shared? Or is that just how you sit sometimes? Here's what I didn't do. I didn't say, you just crossed your arm. So what upset you?

That's negative. I said, and I went with multiple choice. Give them options so they can just say, oh, no, that's how I'm going. But what you're not doing is ignoring it. You're not ignoring the elephant in room. If I see, there's a flip-side positive, if I share something, I'm like, hey, John, I'm noticing, I just shared this. and I noticed you just turned away to write up. Now, you know,

what were you thinking? And now you're like, oh my God, Jamie, no, I was loving this and I was taking down now the rapport is going through the roof. If you're really to go around the home and you're saying, you're talking about, oh, I had one of these when I was a little girl walking around the kitchen and you watch your prospective client's eyes go in a thought process. You're like, hey, as I was talking about this, I couldn't help you notice.

You were having to, it looked like, I could be wrong, but you look like you're having to thought, oh my God, Jamie, when I was a little girl, I had, and now you don't realize how much you're elevating that emotion in that moment that it's likely they're going to be like, this is a home for us in that example. So elephant in the room, John, my practicing my preachers, call out what you see, but do it, think about it in a diplomatic way. If I, I actually have, I could show you, I did a post on social media the other day where I have two text message, no ghosting, from me. All right, for any of your people, like, ghosting is a negative. That's an elephant in a room

thing. I don't get ghosted on. Why? Because at the end of a call, when someone's not coming, I need to talk to my wife or like, uh, uh, it's not right. I'm like, hey, have you ever had this happen for you? You go to, like, I think they call it the term ghosting. All right. And so about being an actor and they're like, oh, that sucks. I'm like, great. I agree with you. All right. So let's make sure that doesn't happen, but you're consciously actually communicating that. What I'm not saying is, I hate it when I get ghosted. They don't care. So you make it about them.

Have you, like, so the idea is if you're going to bring up the elephant in the room, raise it in a way that they can garner understanding from where you're coming from with it in terms of how they experience it. And the chance of, they've got red blood going from their veins, they've experienced it. So hopefully that was a nice, uh, It was that. Yes. Yes. I can't think you enough. It's, you know, absolute gold. I knew I knew we were going to be jam-packed of just value and nuggets. And I'm definitely going to go back and watch it and have my team go back and watch it as well. And, you know, for all of you guys that get to tune in, make sure you guys connect with Jamie. Best way to kind of connect and follow you everywhere, conscious Jamie. John, look, you know, from a conscious standpoint, and hopefully your audience takes this as a lesson. You want to start with as warm as possible connection as possible.

So emailing someone is very cold, all right? Just go to a website. It's cold because then you have to take multiple actions, all right? So for those where they resonate with me, I'll phrase even question, could you see a benefit in at least having a phone call? And if you're answering yes to that, here's my number. 407-620-7862. So you don't have to play it back.

407 6207-7-862 and then here's what happens as a result that people text it doesn't happen by accident all right and and that's and now when they get in touch with me here's what they're telling me I can start oh what's to I'll share you what I'm going to say it's not Rockiesland what stood out for you positively oh my god Jamie I love when you shared this okay great you're going to be able to do the same you're hopefully your perspective your audience is like I can see where I can this for my own business. That's the point of that. I love it. Awesome. Make sure you guys connect with Jamie. Just absolute gold and can't thank you enough, man. Thank you. Cheers. John, thanks for having me on, mate. Thanks for listening to the Coach Code podcast.

This is John Kitchens. Hope you enjoyed this episode. Let's keep making it happen and I'll see you on the next one.