KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Is Being a Perfectionist Keeping You From Growing in Your Real Estate Business

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Is being a perfectionist keeping you from growing your business? Oh, guilty party of one. Welcome to the influential real estate marketing podcast, where agent entrepreneurs come to learn how to generate and convert more leads by using the latest in technology, social media, and lead generation systems. Here are your hosts, national speakers and veteran agents, Amber and The Rook. Oh yeah. What's going on, guys? Coming back at you with a topic that has me guilty. Oh, now today's episode is being sponsored by Sphere Influencer, the single most effective

sphere marketing strategy to build relationships and get more referrals than ever before. You can get more information at getSphereinfluencer.com. Okay, guys, how many people heard that title and we're like, ooh, that is me? Well, today we're going to talk about how being a perfectionist can kill your business's growth. And shout out to all my perfectionists out there. Is being a perfectionist, you guys, really a strength or a weakness? This is a daily struggle for me, and I believe for so many others. So let's dive right in.

Shout out. Shout out to the perfectionist, although we're not sure we're going to be, yeah, that's a good thing or a bad thing based on the content you're about to hear. So let me tell you, have you ever been guilty or have you ever said any of these things. You know what? You know, I can just do this better myself. Or how about this?

I can't do X, Y, Z until it gets better. Or by the time I train someone to do this, I could just do it myself. Or faster, do it myself faster. I hear that a lot. Well, you guys, the definition of perfectionist, I look this up online, thanks to Google. Hey, Google.

It's a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection. Oh, I like that. Now, when I say the word perfectionist, does that give you guys a negative connotation or a positive connotation? Jay, what do you think? What would you say? When you think of that word, what is it? A perfectionist? I think it can go either way.

I think that if you have a standard for yourself that you want to make sure that you have things that are going to be done right and you have a standard of excellence, I guess that could be a good thing. But I think that when you start to project that outwardly and it starts to affect everything else, that's when you have like a really good trait go wrong. That's the way I see. Almost every positive in our life can also be a weakness that, you know, I think is what you're saying. So I love this quote, you guys. You don't need to accept mediocrity, but excellence does not require perfection. Oh, I like that. Do that again.

So you don't need to accept mediocrity, but excellence does not require perfection. And the reason this is such a powerful quote, you guys, is because for myself and anybody who might be a perfectionist, we can give ourselves the excuse of, well, I'm just not going to lower my stuff. standards or I am just, you know, I'm proud to have high standards. Well, being a perfectionist does not mean you're lowering your standards or accepting mediocrity. Excellence doesn't have to be perfection, right? I like that. So why do we feel the need to have, sorry, why do we have the need to have perfect work?

What made us be a perfectionist in the first place? Well, God, that could be like a therapy session. Well, it's really into the splitting of the hairs. I think a lot of times that the focus on perfection is the fear of failure, that there's no way I want to failure or relive an experience where I failed so much so that I'm absolutely going to make sure that it's done right the first time. I tend to think that there is an embarrassment. I know that oftentimes it's if we're afraid of doing something,

It's not that we're actually afraid of doing a specific activity or a thing. We're actually afraid of what people will think about us when we fail at that thing. And so I can't help to think that if you've got someone who's a perfectionist, that there was a pretty jarring experience where either they were embarrassed or something really bad happened to them. And so they are so do not want to relive that, that they are absolutely crossing their eyes, dying their teas. They're going over and over and over again because they don't want that same experience.

And I think that could be the reason for a lot of personality types. But there is no blanket reason, you guys. I mean, everybody has different experiences in their life. I know for me, it's not about failing. For me, that may be especially an SC personality type. It's just really wanting to have everything perfect. Right. But even for the DIY, and we're talking about the disc scale, the personalities.

Yes, they fear failing. But for me, like, why am I a perfectionist on a flyer that's going to go out or on a video that's going to go out? well I'm not going to fail if it's not perfect it's just a video right well why am I still a perfectionist about it that has to do more with not failing because the video is the video it's about having a certain standard attached to my name if that makes me sense well we could dive deeper why don't as you're listening tell me about your relationship with your mother let's get a couch hold on when you were eight tell me about the first time you got bullied and you know to be honest, I have not really, even as we're doing this podcast, I have not really sat and really

pondered, why am I like this? Why do I need that perfectionism in my life? And honestly, I still don't know the answer. And so maybe as doing this podcast, I'll start exploring myself. But more importantly, rather than exploring where it came from, what can I do about it? Because the reason we're doing this podcast is I have learned part of our growth has been stumbling. because of my perfectionism and I think this could be the case for a lot of people so I think that's a really amazing ownership that you've got and personally I love the fact that's not recorded mm-hmm you love how your husband was like okay I'm gonna play this back every night boom boom yeah I like how you take my vulnerable moments and make them fun

Jason. No, because here's the thing, is that that is huge. There's so many times when we talk to realtors where it is painfully obvious that they are getting in their own way. And for, at least from my experience, the hardest nut to crack is talking to a realtor who's got some continued success, but they cannot, they, they, they, they, they, they cannot. It's a struggle to get them to see that, hey, you need to start working yourself out of this equation in order for your business to grow. And that iron grip that they got, and I know I'm talking to some of y'all out there, that iron grip that we have on our business is, you know, we're frustrated with the lack of growth in our business, but there's no way that my fingers are going to let go of my business in order to make that happen.

And that's got to be frustrating. That's a struggle. So the ability to identify that, that's, I think it's a very rare thing. I feel like you're going to do the G.I. Joe. Or what, not the G. The Kung Fu G. No, the knowing is half the battle.

Oh, knowing is half the battle. Is that the 18? Yo-Joe. That was G.I. Joe. No, that was G.I. Joe. Okay, so you guys, this really applies. I need to get the sound effect for the more you know. This really applies to anyone.

But you know who I see this a lot in realtors. Because I'm being vulnerable. that it's applying in my life, but also what I see it applying to is realtors who are already successful. You know, they've reached a certain success level. Yeah. But for years, they've been at the same success level, which success is great, right? But they're frustrated because they've been doing the same volume or the same units year after year. And even though it's a successful amount, they've wanted to break through that ceiling and get to the next level.

And what's preventing them from getting to the next level is by doing the things the same that they've always done, which is doing it themselves, right? And what gets you from point A is not from point A to point B is not usually what's going to get you from point B to point C. And what keeps us from going from B to C is usually our lack of leverage. Yeah. And our lack of leverage is because if we go deeper, because we can talk about leverage all day long. And I think we're going to do several podcasts about that because it's so important. But honestly, you guys, if you go deeper than that, a lack of leverage is most the time due to our perfectionism and not thinking that anyone can do it as good as we can or our control issues. So let me tell you this.

In business, perfection will more likely inhibit your chances of success rather than take you there. Oh, my guys. That's so good. you all need to pause this jump on Instagram and just that's it was going to say Instagram but you know Instagram perfection will more likely inhibit your chance of success rather than take you there according to a lot of studies so let's go over some reasons why perfection being a perfectionist can actually be a weakness in your business so here's what's interesting is perfectionism can lead to a lower self-esteem because you're not

achieving as many tasks and you beat yourself up oh man did you write that for me was that for my Is that what that's, is that way you have me right then? Yes, Jason. I wrote the word Jason next to it in bold letters. I deal with this on a daily basis, the fact that I didn't get enough done. Do you ever lay your head on your pillow and that's when you really start thinking about work, which is weird? Because the day is over. Because you actually slowed down for a second.

You slowed down for a second. And it's not about, oh my gosh, I accomplished so much today. That would be awesome. I'd love to have that thought. I think it may be flashes in there for half a second until it's, but you didn't. didn't do this, you didn't do this, this wasn't done right, you could have gotten this better. And it is, it's a massive loop. And I thought about what you were saying where, you know, this is the first time you've ever

really stopped and thought about how being a perfectionist can handle your business. And for my personality type, I will get stuck in a mental loop about why I get stuck in mental loops. Which you laugh about, but really all these are patterns that we have to figure out the solution right but first let's go over why it's a problem which it's not just I think what that first bullet points out we're not talking about just being having a perfect flyer right we're also talking about requiring perfection of yourself like you said where you laid down you had a kick butt day but yet it wasn't good enough right because you're a

perfectionist so it could also be just your mindset that's a perfectionist right well the next one is that could also be a weakness is perfectionism leads to procrastination now here's what I mean by that. How many of you have wanted to start a project or wanted to explore something new for your business? But because you don't know how to do it perfectly, because you haven't researched the crud out of it, because you know, because you're, like, let's use example of video, because that's what we do here at. I was just about to say video, my meld, my meld. Mine. Mine. Mine meld. And this is like the number one thing we hear. Well, you know, I'm just not good at video yet or I just don't have my lighting or I don't feel like

I look good enough. I want to lose 10 pounds. I need to have a better teleprompter. And because it's not a perfect scenario, they will just not do it at all. So perfectionism can lead to procrastination in your business, and procrastination leads to not growing, right? And I want to do this,

and maybe I can help someone out there right now, that if you want to get better at video, start doing video. It is in the quantity that will have quality. that if we are knocking out a fracton of video, I promise you, you'll get really good at it. Fracton. Fracton. That's a lot.

Well, we want to keep the lyrics clean. Plus, we always say your perfection is in your imperfection. Absolutely. So just take imperfect action. That's what we need to be doing to grow our business, not perfection. So what's the next one? Well, perfectionism can lead to high stress for you and everyone around you. Oh, my gosh.

Are you stressed? You're a realtor, yes. The answer is yes, always. But I found that when you are pushing and wanting something to be so perfect, you cannot help but have your stress level raise up. And here's what's interesting. I'm going to talk about you right now, you, is that when you're stressed,

if you don't think is affecting everyone around you on your team or in your environment, that is lie straight up because you act differently. you're shorter, your patient level for other things. It's like, what did you just say to me? I'm like, good morning. I don't, was it wrong? I don't, what happened? And so, because we haven't even talked about how it, how your perfectionism that you're

pushing onto other people affects them. I'm just talking about you right now. How many of you guys out there know what it's like to deal with someone who is volatile? And, and you're like, oh, I totally know that person yells and gets mad. Yeah, but if there's also that quiet, volatility where someone knows that you're overthinking or knows that you're stressed. If you know someone's stressed out, you can't help but walking on eggshells. And that's not a really awesome environment.

Well, and it leads to the next one because if perfectionists can lead to high stress, well, high stress is not good for your health. So you risk damaging your health by being a perfectionist. And health, you guys, why do we do anything we do if we're not healthy or we're not around to enjoy the benefits of it? So that's not good. What's the next one? I love this. You will become risk averse because you don't want to fail. And most top

entrepreneurs take risk and fail often before hitting it big. This is such a big thing that I hope you fail a lot. And you're like, how dare? Like, how dare you say that? But it's true because when you fail, you learn. Learning is tied hand in hand with failing. Now, it might be a painful lesson. It might sting a little. We're listening to an entrepreneur that made a mistake and it cost them like almost half a million dollars. And I'm like, I would like be in fetal position. Yeah, but you'd get out of it eventually, but what did you learn from that? I think that oftentimes we become risk averse or afraid of trying something new because not only did we fail from it, but I think and whenever we consult that we hear over and over again, I'm not willing to try it again. And, and

And I can't help but think, then you didn't learn. You did not learn the lesson you were supposed to from that experience. I think that whenever you learned, yeah, it sucks and I didn't like it and it stung. But you know what? I'm going to learn better for the next time. There's a massive difference in talking to those two different types of people. The one who failed, learned, and moved on to bigger and better things, or the one who failed didn't learn and is now bitter about trying anything new. Yeah.

That's why no as a newer agent, someone taught me, Shelly, Shelly Dudley, if you're out there listening. When I met her, she was teaching a group of newer agents and she said the word no just as an acronym for next one. So when you think you've failed and you've heard the word no, that just means next one. That means you're one step closer to getting a yes. So also, you guys, being a perfectionist slows your productivity. So the task that could be completed in two hours can take up to five or even six hours because now I'm going to be a perfectionist at it. And that could be another reason we're not breaking through the ceiling.

What's the next one? Well, I like this one. Perfections can create a screeching halt to your business because you can only do so much before you hit a ceiling. and that is monumental. Because even though you're pushing forward, if you're the only one doing it, you are going to hit a wall.

It's out there. It's a ceiling wall, whatever. There's a big object that's going to knock you on your butt because you're so into what you're doing that you're just digging and digging and digging and digging and you're not even seeing what's around you. Right. Here's the last one and the biggest one of all.

You won't find happiness if you want perfection. you guys because perfect is a myth it's a facade there is no such thing not in relationships not in business not as parents and so if you are expecting perfection you're going to be highly let down okay so that's not a good place to be in now there are a lot of different bullets that we may not have mentioned but those are really some key highlights of how perfectionism could really be hurting you so now that we've established, you know, how that could be hurting you. And I can tell you guys, like I said, this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. So I thought it was important. What are some practical tips that we can put into place in our business and in our lives

so that if we know we have these perfectionism tendencies, okay, while it's good to know where it came from, it's even better to know, okay, well, what do I do about it so that I can, you know, I am who I am, but what are the practical steps I can put into place so that I can make sure I can break through that ceiling. Now, here's some of them. Well, here's the thing. Before you go into this, here's what I want you guys to do, all right? Take a deep breath and listen.

And do not have the knee-jerk reaction you are about to have when you hear these next words. Which is what? The first book. Oh, the boy. Okay. Oh, yeah. This is a biggie. Right?

I thought you had something else. No, no. Okay. Yeah, you guys, because when I read this, I was like, well, I'm done. I don't like that. This is crap. I'm out. All right, here's some practical tips.

We're just going to give it to you straight. Ready to go? Lower your standards. Okay? Now, some of you, they're screaming at me right now. I'm not going to lower my standards. That's what makes me such a successful agent. Well, listen, you guys, instead of aiming for 100,

percent aim for what looks like 90 percent effort to you then analyze what happened afterwards because what looks like 90 percent effort to you effort to you is probably like 200 percent to everyone else yeah you can still be an excellent agent you can still have excellent customer service but not every single aspect of your business has to be at 200 percent I know that that doesn't even exist 200 percent but I have to get them an example or otherwise they're not going to understand what I mean. If that flyer's logo was two centimeters over, which these are the little things that I look at, right? Oh yeah. Is that going to make a difference in your client's life? No, it is not, but yet it's slowing you down.

So hear me out. Lower your standards instead of aiming for 100%, aim for what looks like 90% effort to you and then analyze what happened. Did the sky come from? crashing down? Did a client complain? Was there a negative consequence? And if everything is fine, yes, I'm going to say it. Now try lowering your standard to 80% because it's still above what everyone else is doing. Now I know this is hard, but decide that you'll do something imperfect. And if you want to improve it later, you can because imperfect action will always beat out perfect inaction. That's bears repeating because, guys, this is something that we say all the time. And when we go out to speak someplace, we try to get this message out and beat this drum.

It's not ours. It's not our phrase, but it's something that we find that we have, that we talk about in our business a lot. Because we struggle with the same things that you guys struggle with. Perfection is something that we have to constantly be checking ourselves. So the phrase is, imperfect action will always beat out perfect inaction. You can take that. Now, we're not talking about contracts. Okay, we're not talking about, hey, return their phone call,

return the client's phone call 80% of the time. We are not saying that, you guys. You know what we're talking about, those daily tasks that are behind the scenes that you're over-analyzing because of your perfectionism, but it's not affecting your client. All right, you guys, so we have a daily exercise that you can do to help putting this into place. So at the end of the day, we ask ourselves,

at the end of our day, I'm talking about it, influential agent. We ask ourselves, just so that this is something we're examining daily, out of all the tasks I did today, was there anything that I should have leveraged to someone else? In other words, I really will look at my calendar, but I also think about, well, if it wasn't the calendar and I was actually doing something else, what was I doing? And should I have been doing that? or should I have leverage that to someone else? Because if someone else can get you 80% of the way there and you can do the last 20% to get to your perfection, then you're actually getting more done, right?

I'd rather actually let you end with the 80% and not have to have perfectionism. But if you're like, nope, got to be perfect. Well, then at least leverage other people to do the task. And if you're like, they can't do it as good as me. Well, then let them get you 80% of the way there. and then you 80 to 90% of the way there. And then you can just come back and do the last 10% or the last 20% and you've still gotten triple the amount of work done

even by implementing that small task. Because have you ever like sat down to work on something? And if you had a blank piece of paper, it took you forever. But if somebody got you 80% of the way there, how quickly you could just go in and edit 10 to 20 because the work was already there. You just had to make sure it sounded like you. This is a deep dive.

I mean, this is something we probably appreciate for a different podcast in and of itself. The fact that you gave like the tip of the iceberg, but it's so awesome the fact that, man, take your skills of just tweaking and taking to the next level and leveres those to your benefit. So, yeah, it is like I don't, I don't, like, we talk about this a lot is I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want. To me, that's the phrase of a perfectionist. I don't know what I want. I know what I don't want. I say that all the time. But when I look at it, I'll know I don't want that.

And Jason's like, do you know how frustrating that is for somebody? So when you get help or leverage someone, identify your must have versus the nice to have. Okay. Okay. That's important. That's a good one. I got one for you. Compare yourself to yourself, not others.

And are you making progress? And in the age of looking at the highlight reels of life from a lot of life from a lot of other people on Instagram, I am a complete loser. However, when I look at myself and what I am doing and the progress that I am making, I think I found out the other day that, like, Jeff Bezos is, like, a couple years, you know, younger than me. And I'm like, what have I been doing? And, you know, it's like, well, yeah, sure, if you want to compare it that way.

But what did you do compared to yourself? What was your life like a year ago? What was it like six months ago? What were the activities that you were doing? And stick with that. And I promise you, that's going to take you a lot further in your business when you're looking at it that way. Yeah.

We were at a wedding the other night. And we were hanging out, waiting to go into the reception room. There was like cocktails and appetizers. And somebody came to us and said, oh, they had gotten a new boss. And they were like, yeah, they're younger than me. What have I been doing with my life? It's like, okay, we can't compare ourselves to other people, you guys, because everybody has their own journey, right?

But like you said, compare yourself to yourself. What progress are you making? All right, here's another tip to put into place. Celebrate what you're getting done and your progress, not focus on where the flaws are. So don't focus on the flaws. Celebrate what is getting done and the progress that you are making. That is hard. That's a hard thing to do.

But once you get in the habit of that, that's a pretty good, strong mental state to be in. because and with anything it takes practice because you know you're sitting and listening and go man that's man that's so good that sounds good all this sounds good but this is a struggle this is the struggle that if you are perfectionist and you are you know got that iron grip on your business then you're going to have to exercise the muscles to get your hands to release and so while these tips are amazing they are going to be something that need to be done on a daily basis and we're talking for the long haul. Yeah. Not only does it beat yourself up in that, but it beats the team up. Have you ever had, for example, somebody's like, oh my gosh, we just had 20 listings this month.

This is awesome. Da-da-da-da-da. And you got that person in the room's like, yeah, but we should have gotten 30. And you're like, I think you have a sound effect for that. I do. I do. And that is such a beating, not only for your own self-esteem. And I'm not saying you shouldn't have goals and that you shouldn't reach for higher but take a moment to celebrate the progress that you've made all right this next one is a big one this is huge this is something that you help me with because this with my psychosis it it helps it does um except that you will never be finished and that is that is so difficult you want to know why because we're to do list people we like to do list and when may you can check off everything on to-do list.

Your life is good. It's like I've got so much accomplished. Then you like with passion, crumple that piece of paper up and throw it away or whatever. Delete everything off your screen. It depends on how you roll. But if you can accept that you'll never be finished, it's... Life's going to be better. It is better whenever I can figure that out.

It's just tomorrow's another day. Tomorrow's another opportunity that I have to take down some more things and just chisel away at this mountain, this in front of me. You know, so that is so cool because there's always going to be that next challenge. You know, I say this, but I tend to, we tend to, I tend to think about it in my head as a joke. It's like, you know, when we get here, and I can't help but think that if you are constantly, you know, looking at that next season when you'll be successful, that once I get this finish, then I'll do that thing, or once I get this accomplished, I'm just waiting on this one moment

and then I'll do this. The n-then's I'm going to do X, Y, or Z. When I get my microphone for my camera, then I'll start doing video. When I get that setup, then I'll start doing this. My listing appointment is better. I will start calling people. Exactly.

It's like, okay, you don't have any leads, so none of that stuff matters, all right? So there's the harsh coach coming out in me, but that's a big one, right? Because this was a harsh lesson for me as a newer agent, where when you're a brand new agent, you're very overwhelmed, you've just been through school, you're learning everything, you're nervous, just like any new home or new business owner would be.

Right. And you're like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to get past my first year because I'll, I'll have this long to-do list done, which is get my listing presentation done, get my sphere together, get the perfect marketing system for this, have my website launched, have this done. And you're thinking, as soon as all this is done, things are going to be so good. Well, for those that are listening that are not new, you learn the harsh lesson very quickly that your to-do list never ends. The things that you finally accomplished after you are new has now grown to something else, which, well, now I've got to find this thing, now I've got to find an assistant to help me with social media,

now I've got X, Y, Z. That list never ends. And I'll warn you, if your list is ended, it's a red flag that your business is not growing. Okay, that's a really important thing as a coach to tell you. If your to-do list is always done, you're probably not growing and your business could be stagnant. Because if you're growing, there is always things on your to-do list and always new things to implement. All right, let's move to the last tip of how to really put some practical things in your life if you're a perfectionist. Okay, so how about this? Get accountability to move yourself forward.

Okay. Now when we say get accountability, you definitely need to be watch who you're you're hanging out with. And in this industry, man, we make friends, right? We got, we got our friends, we got our frenemies, we got our people that we love to hate, we've got our nemesis, but you've got to be extra careful on who you are bringing into your circle. Because if they're also a perfectionist, because you might be hanging out with other people that have similar traits to you, they could be enabling your perfectionism. Oh, I can't hire somebody because I can't do it better myself. Oh, I know. I encountered the same thing. If you're hearing those types of statements, then you're hanging out with people that are not pushing you to grow.

As far as full accountability, I would say get an accountability coach. Not only watching you hang out with, but get a business coach. Although Jason and I are business coaches, we also almost always have a coach ourselves. Yeah. Because if you're a perfectionist, what you need someone to do is to push your limits. You need someone to give you accountability dates for things because if those dates are not put into place, your perfectionism is going to take over and you're going to delay the progress of a project that's going to propel your business forward.

So having that accountability partner, you're like, well, it's not exactly like I'd like it to be, but it's due today to my coach, so I've got to turn it in. And then you look down the, even though that made you really uncomfortable to do that, you look down the road a year from now and be like, look how much I've accomplished. Look how many more deals I'm getting, even though you are turning in stuff that, and your own mind was even low as 50% of your normal standard and you and the sky's the limit and you're crashing through ceilings because of that accountability. Yeah, I would much rather have you guys be very leery of not the people that want to see you fail because there are people out there

we call them the haters, whatever you want to call them. I would be even more cognizant of the enablers. Like if you find yourself or you get to talk about your business and small groups and no one disagrees with you, to me that is that just causes me anxiety. to be able to talk and you know when no one's like I'm I'm not sure about that idea you're like what I mean if you if you do you have no opposition whatsoever in your business you have no one who gets to say I don't know I don't know about that I don't think that's a I don't think that's a great idea you might have that one friend is like that's stupid well then maybe we get right up

hang out negative people exactly there's a there's a massive difference between hanging out with someone who is negative versus someone who is going to sharpen you. I like the idea that iron sharpens iron. Now, I do want to tell you guys, since I was vulnerable and said that this is, but in one of my struggles, I'd like to say that this was a struggle and I've overcome it. But you guys, this is something makes me sound like an alcoholic. Hi, I'm Amber and I'm a perfectionist. Oh my gosh. But I will tell you guys, this is not a one and done. This is not find a solution. If you know that you're a perfectionist out there, then you need to be putting practical steps

into your business on a daily basis because I can tell you you're going to be so uncomfortable when you go through some of these tips and put it into place, but you're going to reap some major benefits. So ask yourself, is your being a perfectionist causing you to suffer in any of these areas? Yeah, what practical steps are you willing to take to have a better business and a better quality of life. And remember, guys, your perfection is in your imperfection. Ooh, all right, guys. Thanks so much for joining us today.

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