KGCI: Real Estate on Air - Navigating Difficult Interactions Strategies for Handling Challenging Business Relationships!

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Hello, savvy listeners and welcome to another empowering episode of The Simple Truth with Stuart. I'm your host, Stuart, and today we're diving deep into the art of handling challenging business relationships. Now, get ready for a masterclass in navigating the stormy seas of professional intreactions. Now, have you ever found yourself in the midst of a tricky business interaction, Feeling like you navigating a minefield blindfolded. Well, fear not. In this episode, we're not just talking about challenges. We're sharing practical strategies to turn those difficult interactions

into opportunities for growth and success. Now, think of this as your survival guide for that corporate jungle, if you want to call it. We'll be unpacking the tactics, dissecting the dynamics, and equipping you with the tools you need to emerge, victorious from even the toughest business encounters. From handling conflicts with grace to building bridges on the face of adversity. These strategies are the compass that will guide you through the turbulent waters. Whether you're dealing with difficult clients, colleagues or competitors,

these insights will empower you to navigate with confidence. So grab a seat, maybe a notebook and pen, and let's dive into navigating difficult entry actions. This is the simple truth with Stuart's and where we believe that every challenge is an opportunity for growth and every entry action is a chance to shine. So let's embark on this journey together and stay tuned. We're going to give you those insights, inspiration and strategies that will empower you to handle challenging business relationships with finesse and confidence.

So this is Stuart, keep it simple, keep it real, and let's navigate those difficult interreactions together. Remember, in the face of challenges, you have the power to rise above and thrive. This morning I want to talk about something that I've experienced, a lot of my clients have experienced, and it's how to deal with these difficult people in business. You see, we have so many people around us, different people. personalities and there are certain individuals that you just don't want to work with. You've just got this almost this burning desire to leave the room when you see them walk into the room. And it's these type of people that sometimes we actually need to almost have them in our circle to help us grow our

business. And it's quite difficult. You see, if you've got that emotional, almost that negative emotional feeling towards somebody. How do you actually go up to them and have that conversation, knowing that they may be, they're like heavily sarcastic and they're going to come back at you with such a sarcastic response and it just makes you feel down. You just don't want to deal with this in your life and in your business. So how do we actually go around and work with these individuals? So this is something that I've worked with a number of my clients and there are actually five

different methods that you can actually work with these particular individuals to help you in your business. Now, if you've got the option that you can find somebody else that is more open and appealing, somebody that you know is going to work in your business and be successful and help you to grow, well, those are obviously the individuals that you're wanting to have in your circles. But life does not always just give us what we want. else those streets will definitely be lined with all those golden nuggets that we could just pick up as easy as just walking the path. So now, how do we actually deal with these individuals? And I'm sure you've actually identified one or two of them.

So what I would actually like you to do is I want you to take about just a half a second or so and write down the name of that individual that has really got under your skin. Every time you have a conversation with them, all you want to do is just walk. out the room. However, you have to have a conversation. They could be a colleague, there could be someone in a management position, maybe they're even a client and you've got to grin and bear it as you're going through that particular conversation. So how? How do we have these conversations? So now you've written down that name and the reason why I get you to write down that name is because that individual then become more vivid in your mind. And the process that I'm going to assist you

with is going to assist you to work with this individual. But remember, in order to remove all those anxieties and stresses and all that uncomfortable nature, you have to be in control. So that's why I'm sharing this particular session with you because this is how you can overcome that struggle to actually work with these individuals. So how do we work with difficult individuals? Well, it's five little strategies that I'm going to share with you. So yep, it does take a little bit of homework, but you will find that these will actually help you when you're going through. So number one, this is actually probably the easiest one, and it's the one whereby you can actually just by having a simple conversation with this person, whether you like that conversation or not, you can have this conversation. And really what it is, number one is identify a common goal.

So you know your goals. You've had them written down. You've identified them. You know exactly where you're going in your journey that lies ahead. So what is their goal? And it's something where you need to start investigating. Maybe it's a series of questions that you ask them or you're asking them the people around them. And what you're looking for is a common goal.

And really with that common goal, it starts to get a common alignment of activities that needs to actually occur. Now, when you're having a common goal with somebody, you can then start to have those conversations in that common area. So if your common goal is to close a successful contract, but you just can't stand working with this individual, then all of your conversations is about how do we close this particular contract. It's all business related. There's no emotions that associated. It's all focused towards that common goal. Once that conversation has been completed, well, then you depart. It's as simple as that. So the first part about it, is finding that common goal.

And remember, this professional goal, it helps you to keep those discussions into that alignment and those activities towards achieving that particular common goal. So number one, that common goal. Just ask them questions. The second one is really one that it actually becomes a backup to that common goal. And it's establishing these boundaries. Now, what I mean by establishing these boundaries,

There is areas where you are comfortable in having a conversation with this individual. And those conversations ultimately would be aligned to achieving that particular goal. So, what do you actually do? You actually set up some boundaries. For instance, if they start talking about something that really gets you emotional, it is totally off topic and you really don't want to have conversations with that. you've got two options. Option number one is you try and bring them back into alignment and say,

you know what, I don't want to talk about that right now. I'd like to focus on this particular common goal. And that common goal, that's that boundary area that you're comfortable and working with. If they actually refuse and they still remain outside, then you're in the conversation. It's quite simple as that. So sets up those boundaries. What are you comfortable in having a conversation with this individual? Set up those boundaries, identify, know what it is.

But you've got to make sure that you do understand that common goal that you're working towards. And that will help you to keep within those two boundary lines. You see, when they start stepping outside those boundary lines, you start becoming emotional. And when you start becoming emotional, if you haven't identified those boundary lines, it's going to start to have a negative effect on you. and we want to remove that. So you've got to go into a conversation knowing exactly what those boundary lines are,

what you are willing to talk about and what you're not willing to talk about. I actually had a conversation with a client who was going into an interview and he was absolutely petrified going into this particular interview because he wasn't too sure what they were going to ask. So I said to him, right,

here's what you need to sit down and do. Number one, obviously, your goal in what you doing. That is what you're really going to discuss. You're then going to have these boundary lines. What are you comfortable talking about? What are you not comfortable talking about? And we actually identified them before he went into this particular interview. Now, when you went into the interview, there were three people asking him questions. And one of the interviewers actually asked him a question that was in one of those uncomfortable topical areas. And we'd actually address that and said if they go to those particular areas, you can actually respond

with no comment or I would actually like to revert and pull it back to this topic. So you actually have a prescript put in place to bring it into alignment. And if they refuse to go into alignment, you're actually in the conversation right there. Sorry, no further questions from yourself. Let's have us chat with somebody else. So that's exactly what he did. And as I mentioned, he did have one of the interviewers that did cross that boundary line. They asked the question outside.

He pulled it back in and the rest of the interviewers actually caught wind of that. That was not a topic that they're going to get any valid information out. So they actually went onto that alignment, had that interview. He came out. He said that was absolutely amazing. He cannot wait for the next interview to happen because now he knows how to handle it. So, you know, having conversations with clients, have those boundaries. in place. Absolutely, absolutely important. Now, that was the second one. So the third one. Now,

the third one is sometimes when somebody is getting under your skin, you need to try and establish why. Why are they actually getting into your skin? What is their motivation to provoke you to such a level that it creates this level of anxiety? Maybe even, and I've had this once or twice, where clients say, I get to a level of hatred. And really, we don't want to get to that particular point. So we need to understand why. What is motivating that individual to take the steps to have this conversation that actually goes outside of those boundary areas?

Now, sometimes it's trying to identify and understand the person a little bit better. Maybe it's asking questions with their colleagues. Maybe if you know their family and if it's a family friend, you're asking with their friends, their family, etc. To get a better understanding. You see, with all human beings, we all have this personal side and we've all got these little bits inside of us that's hurting and almost crushing us on the inside.

And generally what we do is we take that out on certain individuals. And if we find an easy target, then all we do is we're offloading that all the time onto that individual. And many times we don't realize that we do. doing that. It's normally only the sadistic person that would say, hey, I'm doing this on purpose. I really want to ruin your life. Well, those individuals, you just obviously can them and push them to one side. But when you understand that, maybe you can actually get a clear understanding of the reasons why they're actually getting under your skin. So go through and see if you can

understand their motivations why. Because when you can start to understand that reason why they're getting under your skin, the reason why that they make certain comments, maybe it's something that you can actually address with them in a private conversation. And maybe it's something that's through their family, their friends, colleagues, whatever the case may be, this could be something that could be addressed that could actually help them, which ultimately means that you could turn that relationship from an uncomfortable relationship that you really don't want into a relationship where you know what, they actually become a friend and actually a close colleague that's going to help you to move forward in your career, in your business, whatever the case may be.

So getting to understand some causes, it's never easy. And remember, you're not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. You're not there to sit down and put them onto a comfy couch, pull up that light, shine it in their eyes and start asking all those hypnotic questions to get deep into their mind. It's not about that. it's sometimes just trying to understand, which sometimes why do you always ask me that? Why do you always say that comments? You know, sometimes when you're having those conversations with somebody

and they keep on making a reference to some part of your body or maybe the way you dress or the car that you drive or where you live or something of that nature, you can actually pause the conversation and say, look, why do you always ask me questions about that? Why do you always take the conversation in this particular direction? and sometimes just being very, very blunt and asking them, they actually get to realize, hey, I didn't know I was doing that. And you can then basically understand it.

You see, in life, we don't want to isolate ourselves by saying everybody's against us. We need to understand these reasons why. Why is their conflict sometimes? And yes, there are some cases where, unfortunately, there's nothing that we can do. And we want to have these conversations in a positive manner. So the fourth or the third one is it's understanding their motivations. There are reasons why they are doing this. The reasons why they're actually having these particular conversations in this light.

Now going through all of this, you've now established, you know, you've got a common goal to see if you can have those common conversations with activities to keep you into alignment. You're establishing those particular boundaries and keeping them in those boundaries, there might be certain areas that you're still a little bit comfortable. You can have a conversation there. Or maybe there's conversations where, hey, no, it's definitely. We go there, it's end of conversation. And we're going through this process. We're understanding the reasons why they keep on crossing those particular boundary lines. And then we find that we can start having conversations with them.

Now, unfortunately, there are certain individuals where the goal, well, there is no common goal. It's basically we are in two separate planets, if you want to think of it from that side. when it comes to boundaries, they actually don't care. It's them and it's only them. So there are no boundaries. They will always cross that boundary line. They will always go to that particular point. They will always get underneath your skin. And to understand their motivations, well, there is no ways that you can understand their motivations. Why? Because it's just the individual. They actually don't really care about you. And I'm saying that in quite a light, hardened way. but they're at that point where there is no breaking through.

But unfortunately, this may be a professional relationship with a colleague or maybe with a client, and you need this particular individual to get to that next step. You need this individual to make contact. Maybe it's somebody that's making calls or opening the door and allowing you into a certain company, etc. So you really do need this individual. But unfortunately, any conversation with them, goes in a direction that's not productive and it's not positive. So what can you then do?

Well, the last resort, and this is the fourth strategy and tip that you can actually do, is you actually find an intermediary. An intermediary is a person that will be in between you, somebody who can communicate with them, somebody who actually has an ongoing relationship, understands them, somebody that might even be able to take all of the nonsense that is actually given out and you start to work through that particular person. We find this when I've worked with a number of companies

and within the company there's conflict between the various colleagues and staff members and because they're in the same team they just cannot work with each other and it actually creates this negative environment. And ultimately what we've done is we've actually managed to identify these intermediaries that are the people. We like to call them, they're the green zone. They're the people where there is no conflict, no war, it's always love and peace. These are the individuals where everyone can talk to them and it seems to actually pass through in a very positive manner.

So you may have to, if you cannot get through to this particular individual and have these positive, productive calls and discussions, you may need to then find this intermediary, a person that you will then speak with and they will, then speak with this particular individual. It is a little stepping stone, but sometimes we need that final person, which we just can't have a conversation with for whatever reason, but we need that particular person to help us move forward, get through an obstacle, get to that next level to get us closer to that particular goal. Now, finding these intermediaries are not easy.

And it's something where you've got to do it over time. You've got to ask the questions with a number of people, having conversations, to see who can actually work, who has had success with this particular individual, and you'll slowly start to identify these people. You'll build relationships in a professional manner, and then you can start to actually work with them. And ultimately, they become in-betweeners, between you and that person. And you start building trust, you understand the common goal.

You use those same common goals, the boundaries, understanding those motivations of, why would that individual actually even do that for you? So having all of these particular conversations with this intermediary, it really helps to move forward. And you will find that you'll start to get a lot of traction when you're actually moving forward. And something that actually happens. I worked with a company where they did have an intermediary.

That particular intermediary left the company, not for any negative reasons. They actually just got a better job offer. I came back into the situation to have this conversation with all the start. And what I'd actually realized is that little intermediary had actually started to resolve so many of these little obstacles. Why? Because we needed to achieve certain goals, certain tasks. And the communications between all the stuff actually started to get better because we all started to find, hey, we've got this common goal. We've got these boundary lines that we can all start to work in.

everyone's motivation was actually focused in those activities and we actually found that using intermediary and not to say that we actually used them in a negative way we actually used them in a positive way they actually went onto a better managerial position which they were very thankful for because they had that experience within the company but when I spoke to the actual staff

and it was amazing it was nearly nine months after we had the first conversation if I put them in the same room it was almost like we're going into fist fights. Nine months later, after we'd had all of this, they were actually shaking hands and hugging and having a conversation that actually almost put a tear in my eye because I couldn't believe they were almost like friends

within that work environment. And productivity in that particular department actually started to soar because everyone was working on the same page. Now, that happens. And sometimes we get to that, particular point where we've got to mean intermediaries. However, even with an intermediary, that

individual still doesn't have anything. And they just don't want to work with an intermediary at all. So the very final point. And this is a point where we start getting to the point of looking at what we call common

interests. And common interests is something whereby hey, maybe they love a certain sport and you love a certain sport. It's got nothing to do with business. It's actually outside the environment. It's actually in the personal scope. And in that particular personal scope, what you're actually looking at and saying, hey, we actually both enjoy this. We actually support the same team, in fact. And what you start doing is you start having those common

conversations, not related to business, because every time we go down that business path, bang it turns into some kind of sarcasm or a fight or you really just feel this like it's disgruntled inside of you. But when you start looking at saying, hey, there was a great game this weekend and they look oh yeah, it was a great game. And you leave it as that. You're finding those common interests where you can have that conversation at a very different level.

There's no common goals. There's actually no boundaries in this area because it's really a pass-by type of conversation when it comes to personal interests, hobbies, etc. And really, if it's something where, hey, it was a great game, they say, oh, it was a great game, hey, did you see they got a penalty or this person did this, or they got injured, or that was an amazing time, or something like that, and then you carry on walking off. And what actually happens is we start to get into the person's mind

from a personal level of interest. And this is a very last resort that I actually share with a lot of, of my clients, especially when they need to build up relationships with their clients, you know, trying to actually close a particular deal and their client is such a hard client. Even negotiations becomes difficult. They start getting into this particular interest space to see what they can do as a conversation and then suddenly it starts breaking down a lot of barriers. And the reason why we add this as the last resort is you must remember, we're all human beings,

we all have a personal life. And things that happen in our personal life, we like to keep it personal. And sometimes in our personal life, there's negative sides and there's positive sides. But when you find an interest and you tap into someone's personal interest in something that is a positive personal interest,

it actually starts to grow inside that particular person and they will then over time, they'll actually see you as a different type of individual. They'll actually see you as part of their team in a very distant manner to start with, but you'll find the conversations will then start to come together. And then once you can actually see that you can have a conversation, whether it's about the sporting team or a hobby, etc., you can then start to slowly introduce that business, that professional element into it.

And what you'll find is that those conversations will actually start going a lot better. So just quickly luck, summary up on everything that we've spoken about today. Number one, make sure, you know, when you're dealing with all these difficult people, find that common goal where you can actually have that path and that journey together, which actually helps you in discussions straight towards that common goal. The second is establishing those boundaries so that when you're going into that particular conversation, it could be an interview, etc. When you're going into those particular conversations, what you're actually doing is you know your boundaries,

You know how if they start talking outside those boundaries, hey, we need to pull it back. If we don't pull it back, we're ending that particular conversation. So we establish those particular boundaries. We then start to look at their reasons why they are so grumpy. We know that they're one of the seven dwarfs. We know why they're so grumpy. Well, we want to change them from grumpy to happy. And in that particular journey, we need to understand their reasons why.

We need to understand that motivation that actually gears them to be. that negative person towards you and gets you under your skin. If all of that fails and you just cannot have those conversations, you go through to the fourth element, which is getting one of those intermediaries that will help to fill the gap. It's that stepping stone person between you and them that can have that conversation, passing that information, it comes backwards and forwards, and they actually will then mediate and be able to work so that you can still have that common goal achieved. And the final one, when you really want to say, hey, you know what, I really do need this individual in my game, in my pocket, so that we can have this productive relationship, achieve these bigger goals in the future.

We start looking at those common interests and seeing if it's a sport, if it's a hobby, something that's of interest that touches into their personal side that then you can start to work together. Now, don't fall into the trap of creating an interest just because I'm. That's what they do. It needs to be something that's true and authentic to yourself. So remember, dealing with these, let's call it difficult people, you can make it easy. If you just follow these little five steps, you can actually take a difficult person and actually make them a person that you want to speak to almost every single day so that you can actually overcome that struggle so that you can actually achieve your goals.

So go out there, you've written down name, start seeing how. how you can change that relationship into a positive relationship and turn that word hatred into like. This is the way we want to go forward in life so that we can have the most productive time ahead. So wishing you fantastic in your journeys and I cannot wait to chat to you in our next session.