KILL TONY - #478 - SARA WEINSHANK

Episode Date: October 30, 2020

Sara Weinshenk, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Michael Lehrer, Jessie Johnson, David Deery, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - 10/19/2020THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:MINT MOBILE! – To get your new unlimited wireless plan for just 30bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go toMINTMOBILE.COM/KILLTONY

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have everything Kill Tony, including past episodes, video portions to the show, and you could also click on tour dates to see if we're touring anywhere. That's DeathSquad.tv. Tony has his own website, go to TonyHinchCliff.com. There you have everything Golden Pony, including his own tour dates and his merch. That's TonyHinchCliff.com. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode and he sells prints of them or books. Go to RyanJEbelt.com and pick up some cool Kill Tony stuff. And last but not least, the official merchandise of the DeathSquad universe is ShopSquad.tv.

There you got some DeathSquad hats, shirts, and you also got some Kill Tony shirts left. That's at ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. A beautiful Monday here in sweet, sweet Los Angeles, California. The fires have subsided. The president is back in the White House and the state of Kill Tony is strong. Joining us this evening as with every single episode. Ladies and gentlemen, look who it is, guys. It's the one. It's the only Ryan J. Ebelt. Look at him, Ryan J. Ebelt. Oh, man. That's my good news for you. It's just a classic turn of the camera of Ryan J. Ebelt. The southern charm of a true Texas gentleman.

Every single episode of the show is drawn by Ryan J. Ebelt in a beautiful, beautiful way. And all those prints are available at RyanJEbelt.com, including all the tour posters of all the past shows and every single one of your favorite episodes of Kill Tony. All RyanJEbelt.com. Sometimes he does fun options. He has some cool, a few new limited edition t-shirts for sale. A brand new hinge clips, notes, throwback t-shirt that I absolutely love. It's my new favorite t-shirt. I very rarely get a chance to wear t-shirts nowadays due to golf habits. But when I do, I go with Ryan J. Ebelt t-shirt though. I am stuffed up to the gills today on delicious Vitos pizza. Charlie's here, everybody. There's pizza here. I think it's just incredible.

We eat that stuff from fricking warlords over here. We eat pizza like warlords. Warlords. Attended warlords. Hey, what's up? I'm gonna tell you warlords. We have pizza. We have lots of pizza. And two days ago, I ordered a ziti. I didn't. Every week. I am addicted to their big ziti. I had it. I didn't even bother you, Charlie. I ordered the normal breadsticks this time, so I didn't even want to bug you. It was early. I had it for breakfast. It was like 11, 11.15 a.m. Absolutely loved me some ziti. Gives me fricking power. The great Gino is here for Speed Week. He better off steered. I kept the momentum of the show rolling for us when we were indeed of a slightly larger than small studio. And we had a lot of fun over there. A lot of memories. Remember

that? The Tiger King came out. The band was the Tiger King. It seems like just yesterday. Absolute insanity over there. All the people zooming in and all that wacky stuff. And thank you, Gino. He's here tonight. We're gonna have fun. Five people are in the bucket, pre-selected. They've been waiting weeks for the opportunity to go on this show. We even had a guest. But before we get to that, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors of Kill Tony that make this episode even possible. Breaking up with your old wireless provider just got a whole lot easier thanks to Mint Mobile. They were the first company to sell premium wireless service online only. And now Mint Mobile is introducing their unlimited data plan for just 30 bucks a month. Let that sink in.

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fall in love with their amazing product. So go to lucy.co, use promo code killtony at checkout and get rid of your old cigs or vape, save your own life, start to breathe better, start to live better. Lucy.co, promo code killtony. And we're back. Wow. I feel like I was just shot out of a cannon. I'm so excited to start tonight's show with us tonight as a guest, one of the first ever regulars on the show in the show's history. A young lady that has gone on to be a full-time comedian, full-time podcaster and a gosh darn charismatic sensation that everybody wants to hang out with and be around. One of my favorite human beings on the planet, one of my favorite top young rising comedians. Make some noise for the great Sarah Wine Shank, everybody.

Shank is in the bank. Welcome back to the world famous comedy store. Thank you so much. So excited to be here. We're excited to have you. You're the host of the podcast, Shank. That is right. S-H-E-N-K. Yes, Shank. Not to be confused with Jeremiah's character, who always just escaped from prison, who's known as Shank's. Oh. But that's with an A. We're gonna have a Shank off. He's Shank's people. You're just Shank. Yeah, I'm just Shank. Like a slightly Jewish Shank. S-H-E-N-K. Yeah, I'm a Jewified Shank. So welcome back. You used to write and perform a brand new minute every single week back when this podcast was just a gosh darn experiment. Yeah. And here you are. What's been seven years? It's been even longer, right? Yeah. Oh, has it been seven years? I mean, we've been

doing Kiltoni for seven and a half years. How soon into it did you start episode? Right around episode like 16. Wow. Look at that. Just three months, four months into the show. And then there you are right there. That's crazy. So it has been, it has been seven years that we've been working together. That's crazy. And we get to work together tonight. You know what's only been a part of the show about six, six and a half years? The band. There's a band on this show. And every single week, they commit to being different characters. We never know what they're going to be. They were running behind on time tonight on, you know, on these shows. I mean, it's incredible. They had all the time in the world to prepare. They're out here freaking eating the crust of their pizza.

Yeah. Sharing crusties. And it's time to start the busties. Ladies and gentlemen, let's see what characters are committing to tonight. It is the best damn band in the land. It's the Kiltoni band. Jeremiah Watkins, Jorber Drillman, Jesse Johnson, and oh my goodness, they are golfers. Wow. Oh man, I would have joined the band this week if I knew you guys were going to do this. How much fun are you guys? This is very exciting. This is the first time we've ever had golfers on the show. I think I would remember this if it happened before. So welcome to Peerless. Oh, this is a caddy, I do believe. Some type of hybrid caddy that keeps his bag on his arm while pulling out a golf club and wearing the glove, not on his hand,

but in his hand. He's holding on to the golf. This is a very interesting strategy I have yet to see on the course, keeping the golf bag on. Is he a caddy? I think he's a caddy. Are you a caddy? Best there is dumb. Wow. What's your name, caddy, man? Flynn. Flynn. Okay, Flynn. So welcome to the show. This is your first time here. I'm positive of that. I have somewhat of a decent memory, and I remember that it's your first time. Have you ever seen the show before, Flynn? Big fan, Tony. Big fan. Awesome. Well, I'm glad you could join us. And then back here, we have what appears to be a young female professional golfer. What's your name? Hi, I'm Veronica, and I love golf. What do you love about golf, Veronica? I love writing the cards and getting drinks and

fresh air. It is a big heart of it. Well, welcome to the show, Veronica. We're excited to have you. What's this young man back here? This looks like a young Bill Billingsling. What's your name? The name's Cat Lumber, Tony. Cat Lumber? Now, what? How do you think you ended up with a name like that? Well, Tiger Woods was already taken. Oh, wow. I fell right into your little trap. Also, Tony, we heard that you've been having some trouble holding on to your clubs, so I got yourself. Oh, I've been having trouble holding on to my clubs. Did you let him in the golf club? This is very interesting. Holding on to the clubs. Oh, wow. This is beautiful. Look at this. It's a driver with a chef of the famous Purple Nildo. It's a butter. Oh, my goodness. A butter. Look at that.

It's got no butter. You'll let her lose it again. Look at that. That is very bachelorette. There you go. You thought all the way up to handing it to me. Now, what are we supposed to do? There you go. Thank you, Cat Lumber. You thought you were going to swallow it, Tony. I love that you would decide to give it to me instead of just coming out with it yourself. I only like sandwiches. Okay. Sandwiches. Yeah, sandwiches instead of sandwiches. Look at this. We got the pun man, Brian Redban, here today. So, Flynn Veronica and Cat Lumber joining us golfers in the first time in the show's history. For sure, not in the first time in the show's history. The great Sarah Wineshank, Redban, and his soundboard. Everything's ready to go. So,

what do you guys say? Should we start the show live for the Purple Nildo family story? So, the return of the great David Deary has happened tonight. He's back from Yellow Springs, Ohio. The big hand from David Deary, everyone. And he has just spent months with David Chappelle in the middle of Ohio. And now he's back. And how about a hand for Lieutenant General Zach Bogus is here. He is a little salute slash looking for things with the sun in his eye. So, let's start the show. I have a bucket with five names in it. But you know what? Why would we start with that? And we can start with something that's sure to get the party started here. This young man, one of the longest tenured regulars in the history of Kel Tony. He is an unbelievable

joke writer and unbelievable performer. He has his first ever headlining gig coming up. I believe at the end of this week, is that correct? Ladies and gentlemen, here to date you a brand new, never heard before a minute before doing his first ever long 45 minutes to an hour headlining. So, a guy that I'm very proud of that I love deeply. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the big red machine, William. I recently got back on Facebook. Apparently, my entire family is dead. I saw a picture of my new baby cousin and I can tell he has his mother's eyes and his father's penis. I enjoy seeing white and black people come together. But enough about my porn preferences. So, my phone died recently. I guess I should have been wearing a mask.

My girlfriend ovulating so hard, she barked. I didn't know how to end that. Yeah. That's it. She's ovulating so hard. That she what? She barked. She barked. Like a dog. I think you should say that part. Barking like a dog. Yeah. I didn't understand what the last things that you said. She barked. I would say that you should say. I mean, I don't even think that she's barking like a dog makes it any funnier, but I think you should at least say it so that people understand. What does ovulating even mean? That means that they're having, it's what happens, I believe, after the period or during the period. No, it's right before you get your period. Right before the period. It's when you're most fertile. It tastes the best. It's

when your egg starts moving down. It's when you can fit three balls in the hole. It has already begun Flynn nailing a golf joke from three point range. Is that when it gets creamy, also? Oh, God. Red band. Yeah, probably. What does that even mean? Don't ask red band questions, William. I don't even get it. I don't get the barking part. Yeah. Why would she bark like a dog? Because she's ovulating. She's wanting a kid. She sees me walking in the bedroom naked. She's barking like a dog. Can you do an impression of what type of bark that she does? That seems more like a howl. I know. Wow. It's like a hound dog. It's like a hound dog. You are a smart man, William. You said that you made a joke about interracial porn at one point.

You like to see black people and white people come together. I do. Is that true? Do you watch interracial porn? Do you watch porn, William? I do. I think I've said it before. I'm a big handjob fan just because I feel like it's the most accurate thing I could be watching because I'm doing it to myself. Because that's what's happening. You are getting a handjob. That is an interesting way of thinking about it. I'll watch that. I'll watch the mature stuff. Do you ever watch handjobs given by people that have red hair on their hand? Because if you're watching that, then it's even more accurate. I was scared you were going to ask me if I watch handjobs given by guys and I have accidentally seen a couple of those. Accidentally? Not really.

How much do you think you watched of one of those? Oh, God. Hours? Hours. Wow. No, 30 minutes. Do you remember any of the names of these handjob porn that you watched? One guy's name was Sean Dragon. Sean Dragon. Shout out. Really good. Love you, Sean Dragon. Wow, it was a good handjob. It seemed like it. Now, was Sean the guy giving the handjob or getting the handjob? Getting it. Very interesting. Really cool video. Why do they call him Sean Dragon? Does fire come out of his wiener when he comes? I don't know. I don't know. No, it doesn't. That's impossible. Yeah, I don't know why they call that. I don't know. I like that. Sarah? Are you watching interracial

handjob porn? Good question. Yeah, I watch that sometimes. Let me ask you this. Is it a black hand on a white penis or a white hand on a black penis? It's both. Oh, you like to switch it up. Oh, yeah. My goodness. I love that. What's your preference? I can't stop. Oh, wow. I really can't fucking stop. Oh, my goodness. How often do you watch handjob porn once a day? I don't know. Five times a day. Okay. That's a full-time handjob. It's a full-time job. William, how's your life going? You seem very present today. You seem... Yeah, doing good. Yeah. I've taken Adderall the past two days. I've been writing literally 10 hours trying to compile all my jokes. I don't know how 45 minutes is going to go with a bunch of short jokes. It's going to go faster. I'm worried. I'm

nervous. It's going to go faster than you think. It's going to be very... That's what I'm talking. What? Did I can hit 45 minutes or did I can't? You're definitely going to hit 45. You think? You need to no longer worry about hitting 45 minutes. I know. I'm generally confident, but I've been... Whatever you do, you can't get off early. I have heard a rumor that you have a weird habit of sometimes bailing early. I believe you did it in the window the other day or something like that or in the parking lot. Not tonight. If it happens tonight, I got it all written out. I'm good to go for tonight. Well, you're not going to do 45 minutes here at the comedy store. That's impossible. No, that's what they told me. No, they didn't. They said I could practice

tonight. Nobody said that. Tony, the only thing... I was on the show on showtime. They said I could practice. They saw my name on the credits. Kat Lumber has something he wants to say. Go ahead, Kat Lumber. Unfortunately, the time has passed. Let's move on. What were you going to fucking say? I was going to say that the only thing you look like you bail is, hey. There you go. Clearly, the time has not passed. From now on, if I tee you up, just do whatever you were going to do. Good because daddy's liquored up, baby. Here we go. Kat Lumber continuing where he left off last week. I had six tee up jokes ready to go later in the episode, but Tony, thanks a lot. I love that green. I love that green shirt. I love that red. I swear

to God, I didn't even notice that I literally didn't even... I forgot you guys are golfers when I did that tee up thing. You're such a golfer at this point. Is this part of your comedy? No, it's just a saying. It's a natural thing. No, no, no. I think it's... You tee somebody up. I think it's the golf. Well, you know what? Yeah, it's just part of my... Part of the course. Tony, I've been watching. Tony, I've been watching your stories. Are you actually flying on those? Go ahead, William. Are you actually flying on these planes or is that a flight simulator? Tony, be careful. That's how you're going to die. That's how you're going to die. What if the plane's just going to go down? I've had a dream. I've had a dream. I've had a dream. I'll let you run out of oxygen. Keep

repeating it. You good? I just want you to be careful. I care about you. Be careful. Thank you so much for the care. Do you know who thinks planes crash? You know who says things like that? Dumb white trash people. So don't be a dumb white trash person. It's a 737 Boeing business jet. You never hear of those crashing. It's almost absolutely impossible. It literally never happens. Never say never. Oh, okay, William. Again, this is an ignorant way of thinking that you're shouting. You know what? I don't think you're going to be able to hit 45 this weekend when you have line for the first. Yeah, I don't think I am either. I think you're going to start... Not if you're flying him to Eureka. Listen, Tony, he's hitting at least 103. You know what I'm

saying? I think you're going to fucking try to bail out at 28 minutes. I think I am too. No. It's not an option. Worst comes to worst, keep your fucking jokes written out and glance at it. Also have a couple of stories. That's fine to do, isn't it? It's fine, but be very weary of leaning on it. Yeah. Just have the in-between talk also. When you're doing material, just don't be afraid to talk to a couple of people in the audience. A little bit. And then go right back into it. Yeah. Be comfortable. Try not... Because I have a feeling you're just going to speed through everything and then you're going to be like 20 minutes away. What are you going to open with? Let's do a little thing. Let's tee up his intro music one more time. Son of a bitch. Oh, Jesus.

That's twice. What? Tee up once again. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Very good. So here he is, ladies and gentlemen, headlining here in Eureka. We want to see your opening joke. We want to see your opening energy. Put the mic in the mic, Stan William. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy is headlining. You know him from the comedy story. You know him from Kill Tony. Here he is, the great William Montgomery. Eureka, how are y'all doing? I've heard about your castle. That's good. That's good. What else? Give us one more. What are you going to follow that up with? I obviously got the recessive gene. The interesting thing is both of my parents are black. Wow. Okay. Starting straight with the right. Yeah. You should probably maybe go, you know,

I looked up a lot about this place, you know, continue the Eureka thing a little. Yeah. A little bit of Eureka. I know. I know. I agree. I came here today. As you could tell by the way I look, I came here on a hot air balloon. You could say that. That'd be a great follow-up joke. All right. I was thinking doing some Eureka Springs Arkansas jokes, pretending like I'm in Eureka Springs. Nope. Nope. Okay. Nope. Do the hot air balloon thing because it's on you. What do I say? What do you mean? It's a little bit self deprecating yet it's adorable. You know, the person who brings you up is naturally going to say, you know, that you live in LA or whatever, that you perform at the comedy store. They're going to know that you had a little bit of a trip to Eureka. So

you say after the Eureka thing, I love your castle, blah, blah, blah. As you could tell by the way I look, I came here today on a hot air balloon. That's what you say because you do. You have a hot air balloon look to you. Am I right? No, a thousand percent. I don't know what it is. There's something whimsical. There's a glimmer in your eye. It definitely looks like you. Really, Sarah? Yes. Yes. Tony, what if, what if he goes, I knew I was in Eureka because I went into a store and a guy said, man, Eureka. Nope. Don't do that either. Don't do that. Don't do the other thing. You were going to do it. And so the castle and then the balloon stuff, the castle, hot air balloon. And you go right in. As you could tell by the way I look, I came here on a hot air balloon. Say it

straight to that camera right there. Hey, what's up, Eureka? As you can tell, I, uh, nope. What is that? Hey, what am I supposed to say? As you can tell by the way I look. Okay. As you, okay. Hey, Eureka, as you can tell by the way I look, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. It took about eight hours. Nope, nope, nope. The punchline should be at the end. As you can tell by the way. You don't need to. What should be the punch? What should I say? Eight hours. The hot air balloon is the punch. As you can tell by the what Jeremiah, Jesus Christ, as you could tell by the way I look, I came here today on a hot air balloon. Hey, Eureka, really nice to be here is, is the castle joke and then do the second show. Okay. Um, this is headlining headliner training

here at kill Tony. Here we go. Uh, okay. So at the very beginning, walk up to the mic, get the microphone. Ladies and gentlemen, William Montgomery, big round of applause. Here we go. Here comes William Montgomery. Eureka, what's up? Really nice to be here. Uh, where's y'all's castle? Uh, but seriously, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. Fucked it up again, William. That seemed good. What do you mean? As you can tell by the way I look. As you can tell by the way I look. The joke is about what you look at. What did I not say that? So they wouldn't assume that you came here on a hot air balloon. Say by the way I look, as you can tell by the way I look, you could say that if that makes you more comfortable. As you can tell by the way I look, remember the BG

song, as you can tell by the way. Thank you. Thank you, Flynn. Thank you, Flynn so much. Let's try it again. Shoehorning another song into a segment that does not need singing. Uh, so as you could tell by the way I look, I arrived, I came here today on a hot air balloon. Hey Eureka, as you can tell by the way. Do the castle joke. Crazy. Eureka, nice to be here. Where's y'all's castle? As y'all can tell by the way I look, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. Good enough. Good enough. Eureka, you've got it. You know what? We got some mail for you here today. I'm opening it up. What's in there? William's wearing one of his new pairs of shorts. I am. Thank you so much for shorts. It's become a weekly segment on the show. By the way, Eureka is known for Brendan Frazier,

so. Is he from there? Yep. Good to know. I mean Lloyd Bridge is pretty much the only people. That's interesting that he's from Eureka. I always thought he was more of an Encino man. Yeah, I thought he was an Encino man. There you go, see. There you go. Do that as a joke. Do that. It's a good Eureka joke. Hey, y'all, I found out that Brendan Frazier's from here, from Eureka, but you know what? I always thought he was more of an Encino man. Yep, just like that. Perfect. What do we got there? Be careful. There's like a shirt this week. Looks like a shirt. Are you going to throw it at it? Let's see. All right. So you go try on that shirt and we're going to do another fashion party here in a little bit. Okay, William, you're going to kill it. Congratulations

on your headliner set. You can tell by the way I look, I arrived here on a hot air balloon. Very good. Okay, pulling a name out of the bucket. William, you're going to go, you're going to get that on for us. Okay, there we go. And to the bucket we go. You guys excited? All right, starting off tonight's show, ladies and gentlemen, your first comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Camden Pace. Here we go. Camden Pace. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Camden Pace. Here he is. Everybody, I'd like to do a one minute comedic improv. If I could get a word from the panel. A dog. Dog. There was once this young lady, and she was walking through New York City and

stepped over this dog shit left by this really huge dog. And it really pissed her off. And then she's like, you know, I've got to go just get out of here. I need some something that looks like the country. So she starts walking across Central Park. And she's noticed everyone having picnics and they're out because of course, by now they're not wearing masks, hopefully. And everything's going fine. It's a beautiful afternoon. And she knows this guy. He's peeking at her from behind a tree and he's just totally gunning her down. And she's like, oh my God, she's so distraught and she takes off and runs six city blocks all the way up to her mom's apartment there on the upper east side. And she's crying and she's hysterical. She says, Mom,

I was walking across Central Park and this guy was jacking off to me. And she's crying and her mom said, Oh honey, just enjoy it now because one day that'll all come to a stop. There you go, Camden pace with a little improvisational minute there. Okay, there you go. Hi, Camden. Welcome. Hey, Tony. Thanks for having me. You took a big risk. You, uh, improvise a minute. You've been asking me for weeks if you can have one of these spots and look at you. You came in guns ablaze and light on your feet. Camden, how long have you been doing stand up and or improvisational activities? Um, so it's been since June of last year. So what is it? Maybe 13, 14 months? Yeah, I think I started June of last year. You started what stand up? Started, started doing stand up,

fell into it completely by accident. Where at? Where were you over at Flappers? Flappers. Okay. I got talked into going to an, what I thought was an open mic and, um, I actually just wanted to see everybody do it. I didn't want to do it. You didn't know you were going to be the best comedian that Flappers had last year, your very first time ever on stage. So how did you find the time to Tenacious? Do you take a break last year or? I'm sorry. I missed that. No, it's okay. He says, he says that you look like the, uh, the, uh, the, the unfamous guy from Tenacious. Yeah. Okay. I get, I get that. But yeah, I just went by Flappers and, um, everybody was doing this thing and they had material prepared. Did your cousin Jimmy Kimmel give you the spot?

No. Cause you look like cousin Sal. Do you get that a lot too? Yeah. That I've heard. Right. Yeah. I've actually heard that a little bit. Okay. That makes sense. But I, the way it all started, someone said, once you sign up and go up there and just do three minutes, I was like, well, I don't have any material. I just, I've never even, I'd never been in a comedy club. I was 50 years old and never been in a comedy club. And I got up there and, uh, Josh was overseeing everything. He was the booking agent and I basically told three minutes off just off my hip on what it was like. Do you remember anything that you talked about in that three minutes? Can you give us a little one-liner from it? Coming, my experience coming from Georgia and moving to LA and how

it's okay to smoke weed out here, uh, but you can't smoke a camel because every, the most judgmental people it seemed were the ones who I'd light up a real cigarette and everybody would like just shoot me away. And I thought, you know, I thought it was the strangest thing because I'm from Georgia. I wasn't, it was a whole different culture. Yeah. You know, completely. But anyway, I got booked on my first gig from that improv and then it just happened. What did you get booked on? What exactly, what the fuck exactly did you get? Someone gave him a joke writing book. It was, it was, it was a little five minutes set on a Friday night in the Yuhu room. A little tiny room over there. Very good. And you love,

you love drinking Yuhu, don't you? I love Yuhu. I grew up on Yuhu. It's a chocolate drink. It is. Redband, uh, Redband drinks it while these were riding his e-bike. It's gross. I used to love it, but then I found out there's no milk in it. And then it made me, made me really hate it. Yeah. No, it's just like water. It's chocolate water. Yep. It's a chocolate drink. It's called. Yeah. And if you let it sit out, it gets like, there's a gummy residue at the bottom. If you don't really shake it good, it's weird. It's like, what do you think about all this Yuhu talk? I think that my question is this, you really wanted to come on the show. Did you think about perhaps writing something before doing it? Yeah. Did you have anything prepared?

Yeah. I've got some, I had some jokes I thought, I thought, but you know this, I want to challenge myself and just fly into something. Did you barely even cover the dog thing? You turned dog into dog shit and you said everything like incorrectly. Yeah. I hate when I, when people do that. You said that the lady was in a park and she stepped over dog shit. You didn't say stepped in dog shit. I am a really big dog though that left that pile there. Stepped over it and that it made her mad. Why would she be so mad if she stepped over it? Cause she almost stepped in it with those really nice shoes that I left out. Oh, you left that part out. I left out that part about the really nice shoes. Leaving parts out. Can you retell it again, but include the, the nice shoes? No,

no, don't, don't, don't. He's kidding. We could all imagine that. He's kidding. The really nice shoes. I just feel sorry, but I feel like if you're going to talk about jacking off in this climate, we got to have some punchlines. It's true. Yeah. Like maybe the greens were a little bit slicker than usual that day. Or maybe she slipped in those brand new shoes. Yep. She slipped and come, just say it. She slipped and come to say it. She slipped up like, yeah. Say she had nice lady shoes on. She slipped in some cum and she started vomiting uncontrollably. She slipped in a tad, a pull of tadpoles all over her new Maybelline face. And she just got down. Okay. Flynn, Flynn, Flynn, Flynn. If you keep this up, we're going to take away your country club membership.

There we go. I know how to threaten a golfer. So Camden, what have you been doing your entire life? You're 51 years old now. You started at the age of 50. So what have you been up to this entire time? Have been acting, getting some actual gigs. What have you acted in that we might recognize you from? That you would recognize me. The first thing that got me into the Screen Actors Guild was finding Steve McQueen. I was actually a stunt driver. Wow. So when you say driver? I was a driver. My goodness. Yeah. Then I got a comedy. Actually, I was on your show last July and that got me booked on a comedy web series called The Vamps Next Door. How does this guy keep getting booked? This guy gets booked on everything. This show launched my actual comedy

acting career so far and I've had some pretty, got one audition just came in today. So I've got to turn that over. What's that audition for? It's an untitled feature film at this point. I'm playing like an alcoholic dad. A little bit more than what you are. I'm trying to get more information from him. Keep going. Yeah. It's a feature film where I'm playing like an alcoholic dad but he's like funny dad. He's not a mean thing. Do you have a take on the character already? Can we see a bit of it? It just came in this afternoon so I have not looking at. Can you just say something like a drunk father would? Let's say I'm coming in late and I'm your son and you're mad at me. Tony. I'm so proud of you. Have you ever gotten drunk before?

This guy's on mushrooms. My father's on mushrooms. I came home late from a party and my dad's on mushrooms. He's crying telling me how much he loves me. My dad's on mushrooms coming to Nickelodeon. I just worry about just that your mom fucking walked out. Dad, you're on mushrooms again? We definitely need some character work on this one. Tony, this is how I started golf. I just showed up and they were like, Hey, do you want to play? And then there's a long line of people who never got to play because we held up the course. That happens. That is a thing. I did get stuck behind a group of seven, a Korean family yesterday, a group of seven. They booked back to back tea times and then they played together.

If you're wondering how awesome that is, it's not. So shout out to that awesome Korean family that literally held up me and two unbelievably incredibly great golfers. South or north. They were very suspicious. Oh, this is the music that they were playing in their golf carts. They didn't have a Bluetooth. They had a single tooth. Did any of them get a hole in Oon? Yeah. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you. So Camden, is there anything else crazy about your life or your history, a fun fact about you that we need to know about before we let you go? I did 10 years in federal prison for arm bank robbery. Wow. Awesome. You should lead with that. All right. Let's go back to the woman slipping and

cum, okay? Wow. This is very exciting. Was this in Georgia? Yeah, it was in Georgia. And you had a gun? I had a fully automatic AR-15. Oh, my God. And you went to the teller with what, a note? No, I went in. It was a takedown. It was a takedown. You said, give me all your fucking money. Yeah, I got in the vault. Did you go in with a gym bag? It was like an Army Seabag. Wow. Did you take the money? Yeah. And you walked out? Yeah. Well, I ran out. You ran out and were you by yourself? By myself. Holy shit. And you put the bag in your car, van, truck, and then you sped away. How far did you get? I went, they had a helicopter on me in no time because I didn't realize. Yeah, I didn't realize that it was across the street. Somebody was behind a gas pump and

called it in. And then when I went down the road, how did they call it in? You put a ski mask on before going in. Yeah, I had a mask and a huge bag of cash with a fully automatic AR-15. Oh, my God. So they called it in. They go, I just saw a guy with a ski mask and a gun and a giant bag running into the bank. I think he might be robbing it. They had a helicopter on your truck. How long do you think you were in in the bank for before escaping? How long do you think the whole take down was about three minutes, seven minutes? 90 seconds. 90 seconds. You're running out with a bag and they already had a helicopter on you? Yeah, it was probably about eight minutes after I left the clinic. I went through a crossing guard at school and I looked in the mirror and I could

see him get on the radio like that. And I was just, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. How many stars in Grand Theft Auto is that? Did you think you- Actually, actually, Gamology, I did four shoots for him on the Grand Theft Auto series on Bank Heist. That's on Gamology on, if you looked that up on YouTube. Wow. Did you think you could get away with it? Like, were you 100% like, oh, this is easy? You know, a lot of people do. A lot of people get away with it. If you go in with a gun, though, it really raises the stakes. The big difference between- Well, this was my second one. I had to, part of the plea deal was I pled to the one I didn't get

away with. Wow. So you got away with one and you're like, and then how much was, how much did you make out with in the first heist? Oh, I'm here to tell you people, they don't carry more money than they actually need to operate with. So it's not like the movies. No, I know. That's like- About $6,000. $9,200. $9,200. See, this is good. Jesus. Yeah, it does not. Yeah. How about the second one? What do you think you had in the bag? Did they count it? My guess is- $25,300. Wow. That's a good one. Jesus, you almost had it. But you could also just take somebody's wallet as a credit card. You that has that much on it or something, you know? I have a question. Yeah, go right ahead. Okay. You should, in my opinion,

write jokes about how you're a shitty bank robber because that's actually funny and interesting. Absolutely. Versus coming on here and being like, give me a word, dog. Let me talk about- Right. You have such an interesting history. You could literally be the bank robber comedian. The shitty bank robber comedian. The shitty bank robber. Stealing our time. That's what all my trolls say. All my trolls say he sucks as a bank robber because he got caught, which, yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah. Don't do it. There's actually, there are a lot of- No, I'm desperate. There's a spot in the marketplace for a comedian that steals a lot because Carlos Mencio is a, anyway. So you were in federal prison in Georgia. That must have been

rough, huh? Well, actually, they, federal, the thing about the feds is it's not like state jurisdiction. They can put you anywhere in the country because you're in the federal bureau of prisons. Okay. So where'd they send you? I was in six different penitentiaries there in those 10 years. Wow. Started off in Atlanta. They went to FCI Edgefield, South Carolina. Okay. It doesn't matter. Let's ask, let me ask you this. Is what is your least favorite memory of all your prison time? Was there a time in which you were threatened or perhaps, you know, you dropped a soap or anything like that? Did someone try to take advantage of you? Because you do have a nice fat ass on you. It would be a good bottom. I, yeah, I had two correctional officers handcuff me and

put my head underwater. Oh, wow. Toilet water? No, it was out in the yard. It had rained that night and there was a lot of water. Why'd they do that? They had their knee on my neck underwater because I wouldn't cuff up and so does the operations. Lieutenant two correctional officers took me down and put my head in the water until I finally, you have to write about all this, dude. You have to write a little tiny book and then go through it and figure out what's jokes and what's not. Yeah. I mean, it's, you can perform in prisons. Yeah. People told me, you know, you could write jokes about this, but if I guess from my side, I've yet to see the funny part of so much of that. Yeah. That's what, that's what's interesting. You know, there's a lot of people

when they first start there that way. I have one friend, for example, that when he first started, he didn't want to talk about the speech impediment that he had because he's been dealing with it his entire life and I'm like, you don't get it. You have to do it months and months and months and months and then a couple of years went by and then he really started talking about it and he's had a career ever since. He works continuously. Did a fucking baseball stadium last week talking about the great Josh Martin, Kilt Tony, Legend, one of the first producers of the show. And you'll feel like a real comic then I feel like. Yes. You have something of value. It's, it's very therapeutic for you. It's going to help you get over that time and utilize it. You can turn that, all that prison

time and all that negativity into a true positive by having your own voice and brand. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Camden Pace. On to the next one we go. Very interesting. Come back again sometime, Camden. There goes Camden and here's music from the band that plays when someone's done performing. Hey, fucking awesome. It's only a, it's only a 14 and a half minute long segment there. Totally makes sense that the band wouldn't be present. Got to be honest. It's hard to tell when you want us to play and not to play on the show. It's very, very easy. It's been the same ever since. It's when the comedians come up and when they go down other than the two.

Unless Tony's already talking to somebody, like when William was over and he was in mid conversation, then of course you wouldn't. Now during the interview part, there wouldn't be songs. There wouldn't be singing unless it's a short, quick, very funny thing. There wouldn't be musical parts then. And then when they're done, you would play. And when I pull another name out of the bucket, you'd play on which I'm going to do right now. So I think you know this. I think we could all just keep it down a little bit. It's been years. What do you mean? You don't know when to play. Okay. That's a real conspiracy theory there. Very excited to pull another name out of the bucket. And here we go. The name that I have

pulled out goes by the name of Bobby Ludlow, everybody. Bobby Ludlow. Here we go. And like an eagle, let that spirit carry me. Hey, it's Bobby Ludlow, everyone. Hello. Hey, how's it going? My name is Bobby. I talked to aliens, but I think they muted me. People say I sound like Mitch Hedberg. I'm not as funny as Mitch Hedberg was, but I'm funnier than he is now. All right. For $10, you can get one gram of weed or 40 quarters worth depending on how you look at it. I'm writing a sitcom about a narcissistic Asian. He has a speech impediment. It's called, everything is wrong. Rape whistles do not work underwater. I almost drown. We need to fix this. Dolphins rape.

Only the good die young. I'm sorry, grandma. They say that you block out traumatic memories as a child. I hardly remember being told I was adopted the first time, but the second time I I found spray paint before I was prescribed Ritalin. We used to play a game called become a ninja school. We weren't good at naming games because we were high huffing paint. There you go. There's a minute for Bobby Ludlow. Like an eagle unto the sea. Hey, fly like an eagle. Let that spirit carry me. Welcome to the show, Bobby. Hey, thank you, Tony. How are you? Where are you from? I'm from Pomona originally, but I've been kind of traveling all over the place for a while.

Okay. Stuck in a little desert town for the last too long. Wow. What little desert town? Ridgecrest, California. It's a Navy kind of affiliate. Is that near 22 palms? 29 close. Yeah. 29 palms. On the way to a mammoth kind of mammoth. A thing you drive past. Right. Okay. What made you set up shop out there? I got drug out there by my family basically. Everyone either goes there for the Navy or like my grandpa had health problems. So we went out there for the weather.

Okay. What kind of health problems did grandpa have? He was just getting old. He couldn't remember shit. Right. Okay. So now you live out in the middle of nowhere. How do you keep yourself busy? What do you do out there? What do you do for work? Right now I'm doing like construction, mostly tiling, bathroom, showers, floors. Okay. Awesome. And what do you do for fun? For fun, I'm doing all kinds of stuff. Dirt boarding, skateboarding. Dirt boarding. Yeah, dirt boarding.

Oh my goodness. It's dirt boarding. You go down like dirt hills on boards. I just got into it. So it's just like skateboarding, but with bigger like aired up wheels. Wow. This is exciting. That's like fucking white trash golf right there. Dirt boarding. Dirt boarding is like a classy fucking sport up there in Ridgecrest. You have friends that you dirtboard with? No, no one. No one does anything. It's a very lonely sport out there, dirtboarding, but you have fun with it.

Yeah. I think recently I was the first person probably I think to skateboard down the California aqueduct. Oh, wow. How far did you go down the aqueduct? 60 feet. Oh my goodness. Probably. I don't know. Not that far. Wow. Wow. What's your love life like? Do you have yourself a little country girl out there in the middle of nowhere, some little white trash girl? Oh, you know, actually I moved into a trailer recently so I could get laid more. God damn right. How's that working out for you?

It's all right because the wife's still in the main house. Oh, okay. Look at that. How long you been married for? Actually, not even really married, but we've been together probably on and off like 14 years. On and off, 14 years. When you say on and off, what caused some of those breakups that you went through? Prison. Oh, you went to prison too. Look at this. This is a very special episode of jail Tony. I know this show is becoming just... This is very exciting. This is the clientele that's willing to come do this show during a pandemic. It's a very, very high quality people. Where was it? Grand Theft Auto?

No, no. I was drunk. I was like basically the first 21 years of my conscious life I just spent as a selfish piece of junk. And now you're sober? Yeah, two and a half years. Almost three years. Wow. Look at that. Very cool. Congratulations. Look at that. How do you stay sober? What helps you? Don't drink alcohol. Oh, I like that. That's a very simple way of doing it. That's a very... I live in a trailer way of thinking. I like that. And so you dirtboard, what else? What else are we talking about here? I've been hanging out on Discord a lot lately with the Kill Tony people. Oh, cool. You guys shout out. Shout out to the Discord. Absolutely. And so 14 years on and off, are you guys still having sex? You and what you

call a wife? Yeah. How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? I'm real inventive. Like how? Costumes and like... What kind? Surprise. What kind of costumes have you worn recently? Recently... I'm a dinosaur. Recently, I tried to do like a Will Smith. I felt bad for him after the whole Jada pink. Oh, shit. I tried to come in all fresh. A blackface? No. Just this one hat with a little... I felt dirtboarding. Wait, you did role play as Will Smith? Yeah, just to like boost his ego. Hey, just came in from a cab all the way from Philly. Oh man, did that guy smell you later? Like that? Yeah. Or was it like men in black? What Will Smith are we talking about? The men in the blackface. It seemed like... Wild Wild West. Wild Wild West. The worst Will. Yeah. So you come in

as Will Smith. Who is she? Good question. So she takes turns being... Jada Stinkett. DJ Jazzy Jav. She takes turns being lots of things probably. I don't know. Say that again? But she probably takes turns with like being a lot of things in my head. So like, give us an example. You come in with a spinny hat and she's laying in the bed, right? She's like, I want to have sex, Bobby. And then you come in from another room with a spinny hat and what do you say? I say, West Baltimore, born and raised at art school. There you go. I mean, I like what he's doing. Yeah. Will Smith, what else? Give us some more examples. He's a character. So basically, yeah, just trying to like surprise her with things like put little notes in her bag and in her clothes. So she reads

them all day with like little sexy sayings. Aww. Like I'm going to rip your bra off as soon as you come through the door or something, you know? Just like little sweet things. And then you also live in the trailer so you can fuck other bitches too. Yeah, these are jokes. Mostly jokes. Right. Mostly jokes. Very, very interesting. Not here, but like the trailer jokes kind of. Yeah, absolutely. What's your favorite beverage? Surge. Mountain Dew. I wish I had any beverage right now. My favorite beverage would be like anything. Anything. This lip is stuck to this tooth. Is that true? They're becoming friends. I don't like it. Wow. Ridgecrest problems. That's what we call that right there. Bobby. All that dirtboarding. Yeah. The PG gay tour hooked me up.

Look at that. I'm just kidding. Oh, shit. You brought you water and you call him the PG gay tour? You woke Steven Dragon over here. He's not going to let that slide like a dirtboard. So Bobby, how long even don't stand up comedy? First time. Wow. First time ever. Look at you. How old are you, Bobby? I'm 33. 33 years old. And is this something you've always wanted to do? It is. I did a little bit of improv and I did like some theater stuff a long time ago, but then what kind of theater stuff just plays like Shakespeare and can you be a drunk dad? I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. Go to your room. What do you mean it's morning? I don't care. Where's mom?

Whoo. That's how you play a drunk dad. Where the fuck's Camden pays that? You see that Camden? Take notes from Bobby Ludlow. How long has your dad been selling propane and propane accessories? Damn it, Bobby. Oh. Well, Bobby, so much fun to have you on. Very, very, very smooth performance. You know, I would definitely, you know, you acknowledged Mitch Hedberg and then you sort of did a little bit of like very Mitch Hedberg style. I would try to really, you know, tap into you. You're a super likable guy. You're very charismatic, right? Yeah. I definitely think that you have a lot of potential. I think that you, especially for your first time doing stand-up, you had some great jokes. Your perspective, you have to own it. You know what I mean? You know

that you live in a trailer. You know that you go dirtboarding. You know what you are. Ride it out. That's not Mitch Hedberg at all. You're your own thing just because you're a Mitch Hedberg fan doesn't mean that you have to, you know, write and perform along that type of pathway. Ladies and gentlemen, what is his last name again? Ludlam. Ludlam. Ladies and gentlemen, that's Bobby Ludlam. His Kill Tony debut, his stand-up debut. You know, before we get to our next comedian, why don't we check in on the sensual and sexual stylings of the great William Montgomery? Let's see what his new outfit looks like. Here he comes. Where is William at? Here comes William Montgomery. Here he comes. He's coming out. Wow. Look at this. There he is. Did someone order a,

did someone order, did someone order a tree stump? A tree stump delivery man is here, a guy wearing, okay. Dude, this guy looks like Uncle Herschel off the menu. Yeah. Uncle Herschel is one of the items at Cracker Barrel. If you knew anything about Cracker Barrel, yeah, unlimited biscuits and gravy. This guy's dressed like a young Carmel Machi Otto. Very exciting. Is that from the kid? Oh, cool. There was a little weed in there. My goodness. People just shipping weed. Very exciting. Oh, blood, blood in the bag. There you go. That's not as exciting as a blunt. Look at how he's standing. William, this is it. That's a power stand. This is a new segment. He's very, very sensual. He's very sensual.

Yeah. Oh my goodness. William is yelling. He's double de-jointed. William, you look like if Bigfoot had small feet. Whoa. Ryan, I don't think I've ever seen him laugh so hard at a joke than the Bigfoot small feet joke that Joel just did. This is incredible. Loves a good Bigfoot joke. Yeah, you liked it a lot. Hey, how's the Birkenstock market this season? What size shoe do you wear, William? You sort of do have tinier feet than I would expect for a larger man like yourself. That's not a 12 and a half. You're lying. That's not a 12 and a half. Jeremiah wears a 13. Okay. I'll allow it. His toenails are the longest part of his foot. He'd wear an 11 if he trimmed his toenails.

But all right, there he goes. William Montgomery, everybody. And now it's time for me to bring up his cohort in crime on the hit podcast Brothers in Curse of the Other Regular on this show. Unbelievable joke writer. Very, very, very strategic surgical roast star. Ladies and gentlemen, this is David Lucas. There he is. Here's to David. Yeah. If you drink white claw, I'm convinced you'll suck a dick. White claw is white people's Hennessy. They love that shit. Cleavage on women is sometimes better than seeing their actual titty. Like cleavage be looking so good and then a girl take her broth and that shit looked like it was put in a blender. What the fuck happened to your titties, bitch? I like that. I like big areolas on the girl. Like if your areola don't look like a

McDonald's sausage patty, don't come holla at me. And if my titties are bigger than yours and you try to fuck me, I don't respect you. I'm not wearing a condom. And after we finish fucking, I'm gonna throw the condom on your back like a Uno card. I'm convinced that women get fake titties for other women. No man gives a fuck how a tittie looks. Do you know how many fucked up titties guys suck on? Like the other, the other day I sucked on a girl's tittie. I don't know. There we go. Yeah. There you go. David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Jesus. Really on the high register on the horns on that one. I get that fucking police police funeral music. Whatever. What song was that bridge over troubled water, Simon and Garfunkel.

They gave me the saddest, the saddest shit they don't play tonight. They play it for me. Nick, I thought a police was being buried the way they was playing that. 21 guns salute after that. Let's go back to Red Band's pre-recorded soundboard. Let's go to the songs that he can just access rather than use the light band. Oh shit. Just saying. It doesn't matter. Forget it. Right, bro. Old white woman's funeral. I was confused. You said you don't like wearing condoms, but when you're done fucking with her, you're going to throw it on her back. Did I say that today? Yeah. No, I didn't. Yeah, you just did. Wait, say, what do you, what do you say? I said if my titties are bigger than yours. No, no, no. You said, you said I refuse to wear a

condom and then you said, but when I'm done fucking, am I pull it on the back and flip this? That's a joke I've done before. You did tonight. You just did it. No, I'm pretty sure I did. What do you think you said? The joke that I said is if my titties are bigger than yours, I don't respect you if you try to hook up with me. After I'm done fucking you, I'm going to throw the condom on your back like a uno card. Right. You said you didn't like condoms awesome before that. I don't like condoms, but that is nobody likes condoms. No one's like, I can't wait to put on this condom. I said not wearing condoms tonight. And then you said, then you're going to throw it on her back. And I was like, I probably did. I don't know. I'm not

wearing a condom. And after we finish fucking, I'm going to throw the condom on your back like a uno card. This is the inception of podcasts right now. I can't remember. It really was. And it's very true. Sometimes, uh, you see the middle of that chest and it's like, wow, look at the, look at the fun that's going to be had here. And then all of a sudden it takes a turn for the worst. Sometimes the, sometimes the areolas, you know, they look like a, they look like a, you know, a bad like a tie dye T shirt or something like that. Or she pulled them titties out and they hanging like a black man in 1960. Oh my God. Well, I don't ever really say that is your joke. I can say that. I can say that. I didn't say the N word tonight. That's good. That's good.

That's very good. Versatile. As a woman, I will say I didn't realize that there's so many different kinds of boobs out there. Oh, it's, it's truly unbelievable. It's unbelievable. There's many things that can go wrong with boobs. Sometimes they point different directions. Sometimes ones, you know, and by the way, sometimes it's hot. Sometimes an offset of a boob is, is adorable on a girl. Sometimes it's frightening. Sometimes, uh, sometimes, you know, it's perfect. Sometimes it's not so perfect. Also real shit, bro. I like smaller titties. Yeah. Cause when a girl on top, they don't be beating you up and shit. You know what I'm saying? What do you mean? You, you're sick of getting hit in the face by massive boobs. That's the kind of life you have. How old are

the women that you're dating where they're just hitting you in the face every time they're on top of you? You get a 26 show to have one kid that got some big knockers that will. You're absolutely right. Sometimes, sometimes it's not about the banger. It's about the hanger. That's what I always say. Thank God, cock and balls always perfect. Sometimes things never look weird. There are, right? Yeah. It could be out there. What's something that you've seen that scared you? Well, personally, I prefer not to deal with a four skin. Right. Four. There we go. Perfect. Right. Right. Four skins of thing that's out there for some people. They have to deal

with that. You are born with it. You know, it's not an extra part or anything. Oh, Joel's got the four skin, huh? You got the old, you got the old fucking, you got the old five skin where I'm from. You got the old wet burrito back there, huh? Girls that he's got the five skin, the mole skin. Girls say that should feel much better though. Thank you. They say that it feels better with four skin to each their own. I say that too. How could it possibly feel because you got like, you know, you need to come faster than you already do. Like, why would you want that? I want to cut more off my dicks. You know, I'm not. I said, what? All I'm saying is, Brian, next time

you buy something, throw some of the parts away. Why not bad rolls around his dick? No, I'm just saying that the people always say that, hey, it feels better. Like I don't need it to feel any better. It feels great as it is. You got a foopa. What? Brian's got everything. He's got every extra accessory. It's like his e-bike down there. He's got everything extra cushions and fucking that. He's got a headlight down there. Bro, like I keep saying, can't nobody fuck better than a fat dude that's in decent shape. Oh, there you go. You got the, you got the, I mean, you guys are both halfway there, it seems. I'm in better shape than Red Band. I don't know. I don't know. Can you suck your own dick because Red Band can't. Well, pre-corona. I know for a fact, Red Band,

I know for a fact, Red Band can't get me in push-ups. No, probably not. That's absolutely true. Oh, he just gave up. That was fast. Is there any, Red Band, let me ask you this, is there any physical competition at all of any kind that you think you can beat David Lucas? Definitely e-biking. Yeah, of course. Oh, look at that. You don't want to race. You don't, you don't want to lift me. I will outforsk in all of you. Yeah, that's it, bro. That's, you're not going to get me in. That's fun. What else is going on in your world, David Lucas? Shit had wrestling practice today with grappling practice. I was supposed to have a match Sunday to do kind of like didn't want to wrestle me. You wrestle with Jay Moore on Friday, right?

Yeah, I tapped him with a fucking torso motion. I don't know why you kids that think you're wrestling keep talking about tapping people. That's not wrestling. No, I do catch wrestling. So you have submissions in catch wrestling. I guess so. Yeah, it's kind of like Brazilian jujitsu. It's basically Brazilian jujitsu. So you have submissions in catch wrestling. So you can submit somebody. Are there like rounds? Like, what are you talking about? So when you catch wrestling match, you'll probably wrestle like three people, 10 minute rounds each. One round per person, one round per person, 10 minutes straight, no breaks, no breaks. But, you know, if you submit them or tap them, or it's a long time. Yeah, it's very long. Well,

you try. That's what Josh Barnett does. Yeah, you try to tap them or pin them before the 10 minutes is up. You just get 10 minutes. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I've never went 10 minutes is a very long time. It's a long ass time. Yeah. Okay. Well, David, fun times. I'm excited that you're getting exercise. Oh, yeah. And I'm also headlining in Miami, November the 13th through the 16th. Oh, that's awesome. Hit me up, y'all. Very exciting. And also, everybody who follows Brothers Incursive and also follows Kill Tony makes you sign up for our Patreon, Patreon.com slash Brothers podcast week. Boom. Red Band and Janice have cooked up so much stupid shit for us to do, bro. That's very exciting. I donated my floor scan if they get enough subscribers. There you go.

I saw you guys eating hot foods on it. Bro, that's only that's like bottom level. The shit that they're submitting us to now is like that's very I wore makeup on the whole episode, bro. I hope my mom never sees it. Very excited. Yeah. David, you're amazing. We love you. The great David Lucas, everybody. There he goes. David Lucas. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Okay. Thank you guys. Thank you. See that that's when we don't know is like if you are when you're saying the name, do we keep playing or would you like us to reset? Nope. Nope. You got it. It's very, very simple and it's been this way for years. Pulled another name out of the bucket,

make some noise for your next comedian, Eric G. So now you would play. Here we go with music. Okay. Eric G, everybody. Beautiful. It's great to be here for this capacity crowd here at the comedy store and it's been great. I've been doing a lot of zoom comedy, zoom comedy. It's interesting. It's been giving comedians all across America a unique opportunity that terrorists have been wanting to do for decades. Because zoom comedy is giving comedians the opportunity to bomb in multiple states simultaneously. But it's been entertaining. It's been entertaining to watch. But speaking of entertaining, we all been home watching a lot of TV, Netflix. We're running out

of good shows to watch. Don't worry. I heard they're coming out with a new season of the real world. MTV just finished it. It's coming out next season. Do y'all hear about this? See the preview? It's a real world special edition 2020. Seven strangers picked to live in a house, live together and have their lives taped. No one has a job and one of them has COVID. Let's see what happens when people stop being real and start being locked down. Thanks. I'm Eric G. There's Eric G. Here's a little stinger from the band. There he is. Eric G. Welcome to the show, Eric. How are you? I'm fucking awesome. I love it. Best day of my life.

I love it. Well, welcome to the show. It's very exciting. We all remember you having being two face at the end of one of the Batman movies. And now your face is back to normal. What is that guy's name? Aaron Eckhart. What was his name? Aaron Eckhart. But his character was the mayor, right? Harvey Dent. What was that, Ryan? District attorney and his name was Harvey Dent, of course. That's what I was trying to think of. Thank you for smoking too. You were talking for 50 seconds after the start of your set and I was trying to think of Harvey Dent that entire time and I gosh darn couldn't. I'm glad you're thinking of that the whole time I was talking. You ever get that from a lot of people? In fact, the host of the Zoom

mic that I did the first time, he goes, yeah, it's good to have Harvey Dent on the Zoom comedy. Yeah, you really, really, truly look like Harvey Dent. How does that make you feel? Beautiful. He's a good looking guy. I'll take it. How old are you? Some guy outside told me he goes, you're too good looking to be doing comedy. I'm like, I'll take it, bro. I can't imagine how hideous that guy must be. He's outside right now. Shout out, buddy. You're beautiful. He's so pretty. What are you doing here? Yeah, you're already got enough going for you. Yeah, exactly. So, Eric, tell us more about you. Where have you been all this time? So I live in San Diego and something interesting about myself. I'm going to ride my bicycle from

Miami to San Diego in 14 months. Wow. Not an e-bike, Redbent. You should try it. It'd be a lot easier. People suggest that. They're like, you should get one of those electronic bikes. It'll be way easier. Or a motorcycle. Exactly. Yeah. A lot of things. A lot of things will be easier. A lot of things would be easier than a peddling bicycle. Redbent, how many times do you think you have to charge? Every 100 miles. A long time. How long does it take for that to charge from zero to 100? I got a fast charger, so it takes about 20 minutes. 20 minutes and then you get another 100 miles. Wow. And I have two batteries. My goodness. There you go, man. Wow. I got two batteries right here, man. My Chevrolet.

Are you doing it for any reason, like a charity or something? So, I'm on the board of a nonprofit and doing it to raise a half a million dollars for a medical clinic, built it in Haiti. Oh, very cool. So, a bike. I've done it a lot of endurance sports and then we long story short, we built this medical clinic in Haiti with some friends of mine after the earthquake and then biking and philanthropy and all these crazy ideas mixed up in one. I was like, I'm going to ride a bicycle from Miami to San Diego. Hater's going to Haiti. Bingo. That's right. Don't hate the Haiti. Hate the game. Exactly. Very exciting stuff. What's something that you've done before that takes high endurance? High endurance. Well,

something that's fun and just something that comes to mind and part of what I speak to young people about. I used to be a super fat kid. Wow. Really? How fat are we talking? We're about a deuce, deuce and a half. Wow. 250. My goodness. I was a big boy and I liked a party. Look at that. So, how did you? My party, I mean, I'd sit at home every Friday night, eat a whole pizza to myself. Wow. Yeah. It was great. That's exciting. I do some jokes about Fat Camp. I did Fat Camp for four years. Four years. You really did. You four years in Fat Camp. Oh, yeah. Locked up. So, what does that mean exactly? What do they do at Fat Camp? Tell us about this. It means it's a lot like prison. Yeah. It's great. There's a lot of subtle similarities. It's great. And don't get

me wrong. Shout out Camp Shane. That's not Camp Shane. Camp Shane. You should probably change it, right? Yeah. Yeah, right? It was close. People say that all the time. It's like, do they shame you out of it? So, tell us about Fat Camp. It's like normal camp. I did a summer camp before that. It's like a normal camp, but literally just full of fat kids and a lot less food. Right. High walls. Real high walls because kids were trying to escape and shit. So, did people like order things or like try to sneak around? Like that's like, you know, in rehab clinics, I hear that there's a lot of drugs that go on there. There are people like sneaking, smuggling foods in, things like that. You talking about the fucking black market? Yeah, like sour cream,

African American. We would say where there's a will, there's a way, and where there's a fat kid he will pay. Wow. That's the truth. So, what are, what are some of the things that you snuck into? For real? Tell us about what you snuck into Fat Camp. Tell us about some like binges that you went on. So, I didn't fuck around with any of the big things, but I had, I was so, I legit sold gum. That was a gum guy. Wow. Look at that. What kind of gum? Oh my goodness. Try it and wait. Wow. You still a gum guy. I'm brand loyal. You said it was like, I would say four to five dentists recommend you pay me $5 for that pack of gum or get the fuck out of my bunk. Flynn, now you said it was like a prison. Was there lemon bars on the window?

We wish. We wish. Now, there was like, they'd search your shit occasionally or at high walls because like kids would, this is comedy if a kid would show up to Fat Camp. Yeah. But his parents wouldn't tell me he was going to Fat Camp. Oh my God. So, now all of a sudden there's just this giant fat crying kid. It was like, you know that scene in Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. When all the new fish come in. Yeah. Exactly like that. Wow. Yeah. But no, it was great. I had a great time. Lost weight. You know, but like prison too, it's like a system, right? You lose weight, but they don't teach you how to be healthier. Yeah. It's co-ed, right? You just come back. Yeah. And also, yeah. It just kind of starved you for like a week or two,

right? Basically. You're in there for like three weeks, six weeks, nine weeks. You lose weight. But you stayed for four years. I don't understand. We went back. Oh, repeat offender. I lost 200 pounds at Fat Camp. Oh my God. Over four years. But you just from crying, right? I gained back the weight in between. It's a vicious cycle they get you in. So, you see their buddies the next year, you'll be like, oh my God. Now is your diet different? Obviously, I mean, other than you, you know, riding your bikes and shit like that. Now you eat just open red band and I'm like, he still eats mac and cheese and he looks good, right? No, I'm just fine. No, I do a lot of vegetables. How about bacon wrapped cream cheese stuffed jalapenos at 3 a.m.? You ever do that?

That's the plan tonight. That sounds good. How old are you? I'm 32. More people. Two days ago. But no, I just ate for my birthday a fucking giant thing of mac and cheese. You really did? Shout out to my girlfriend. Yeah, for real. Wow. I'm a fat kid at heart, man. I will eat. By the way, so am I. Give me one of those meatless pizzas. I understand completely. I've just never gotten fat. I just eat like a fat kid all the time. We respect you. Look at that little belly though. You know what's so funny? A photo came up on Facebook where it says your memories and it was like me, you, I think Jeremiah and Josh Martin were standing in the middle of the highway and you had the biggest little pot belly. Do you remember that? Yeah, probably. I mean, on the road, you

know what I mean? And that only lasts like literally about an hour or two. You poop and then it's gone. It really does. It'll just sit there for a second if I eat fucking in and out with cheese sauce and animal style. But it immediately just consumes itself. I know you've heard this before, but there's like millions of fat people listening just fucking hating you right now. I know. No, I get it. Do it. Do it. Avenge us. Avenge us, Tony. I mean, I'm a goddamn animal. I mean, talking about fat camps could be really funny. Yeah. I think there's so much there. I think that's a great subject for you to explore. And just the way that you're talking about fat camp, you just seem like, I got a chance to hear the radio more. And the interesting thing is you're

such like the blatant thing about you is that you're a good looking guy. You have a bunch of like skin that you keep tucked into your pants or something. Not that much. No, lose it slowly. This guy has four skin on his body. Yeah, I got a Fupa just tucked in with four skin. No, I'm just. You lost it slowly. So how long did it take you to lose the skin? Four years to lose the weight Well, it's a funny thing. I didn't like lose. I lost weight at like fat camp. But still, this is the harsh thing. So I was then you had to go to the extra skin camp. I was from New York. I lost a bunch of weight at fat camp. I moved to California and I was like, all confident. I'm like, I just lost a bunch of weight. I moved to California and I was instantly the fattest kid

in my ninth grade class. I was like, fuck California, man. Gotta go back to New York, where I'm just medium fluff. Right. But yeah, no, I do it in my in my stand up and cool about fat camp. And it was great though. It's good times. I love it, man. Well, this is very exciting. Go ahead, Flynn. I'm curious. You said it was around eighth ninth grade. What's the oldest age at this back camp? So it was young kids all the way from up to like 1718. So do you think that some of the campers were sexually active during this time? 100%. Oh, wow. You got laid at fat camp, huh? I did. It was a meat market. It was a you put all these desperate, horny fat kids together in just a matter of time. Oh my God. Slapping skin and no, it was brutal. The only thing you could

eat there was pussy. Exactly. Oh, there. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So it was, it was, it was pretty wild. Lots of. Talk about oatmeal cream pies. Hello there. Lots of firsts at fat camp. Little Debbie, get over here. Hey now. Dude, I dated a ho ho or two. Yeah, you got damn right. Get over here, Aunt Jemima. Give me that twinkie. Every day, every day. We would talk, we would talk about food like you talk about sex though, like, oh, damn it. Yeah. Oh, what I would give Sarah lamb shakes. All right. Well, this has been a lot of fun. Come back again sometime. Hey, shout out to Tony and the whole crew and being an inspiration to rising comedians everywhere. We appreciate y'all. Thank you, Eric. That's very nice. There you go. Very nice, man. Eric G,

everybody. Jesus is a friend. I know that one. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Ladies and gentlemen, your final comedian of the night out of the bucket goes by the name of Christy Belich, everybody. Here we go. Here she is. It's Christy Belich. Perfect. Thank you. Global warming is a thing. We all know this because retarded Nazi Greta Wilde Thornberry told us that it is. But I was wondering if global warming is something else. I wonder if it's just Mother Earth going through menopause and the Pliesta zone period or wherever where there were giant ferns and Jesus rode T Rex's to church was literally the time when she was actually going through her period. And now we fuel our cars with the spooch period blood of Mother Earth herself that rains upon us

when we fuel our cars, you know. And maybe that's why there's a psychedelic movement going on because Earth is sending out signals because she wants us to get conscious because she wants us to build better spaceships and move to Mars with dad. She's like, fuck you. Get these Chick-fil-A represents the ground. Get out of here. You never did anything for me anyway. Fuck you. Exactly a minute. Christy Belich. There it is. Christy, I loved that performance. Very enthralling. Very, very charismatic. You took us on a trip. You were lost in your set there and it feels good

when watching someone that doesn't look like they're thinking or trying to find words or looking at their notes. I mean, you really gave a true performance there and very, very awesome. Remind us how long you've been doing stand-up comedy? Six years. Six years. All of it here in Los Angeles? No, East Coast, New York City, Maryland and the road. Very cool. Absolutely. Awesome stuff. Did this go better than your last time? You've been on the show once before during this pandemic. Yeah, I was on it, but I did not get my minute. I went over the minute. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Okay. Tell us more about you, Christy. Remind us of your backstory a little bit. I'm a former primate researcher from Baltimore, Maryland. I worked

for the Department of Defense under contracts. I was supposed to be a veterinarian, but I ended up here instead. That's right. And I'm an astrologer by day. Whoa. Uh-oh. I love that. I'm into this. Do you have any questions you want her to astrologize you? Yeah. Go right ahead. What do I do? What do I even ask? Oh, when's your birthday? April 19th. So you're an Aries. Yeah. I'm a birdie. Does that mean anything to you right now? Well, I'm an Aries as well. You're a fire sign. You're at the end of Aries, so you're probably like 28, 29 degrees of Aries. So that kind of makes you sort of Torian as well. I'm a cusper. Sort of. Yeah. You're a cusp sign. For Aries this year, we're going through something called Mars retrograde, which will end on November

the 13th. That I know, which is going to be kind of a difficult. It's okay. I like the music. But yeah, it'll be, it's going to be a difficult time for you, but it's regarding career. Obviously, we're all going through the COVID bullshit, but for Aries this year, it's up to us to like find our warrior, our kind of like ours. What is it? Zina, the princess warrior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm in Gemini June 8th. Tell me what, tell me what's going on with me. June 8th, you are. Same birthday as Kanye West. You're a mid Gemini, so for you. It's the day Anthony Bourdain hung himself. Well, you're a very karmic person. You're just not a Gemini. You're a little bit of something else. You're a deeper Gemini than other Gemini's.

I agree. But also the North Note of Fate is going to take you into 2021. And I think the last time we did talk about like how, you know, your job is to help a community, but your job is to also change the voice of a community as well. That's right. So with that, it's like the Kiltoni platform that you're bringing other people towards. You're going to have two different things because you're Gemini. So that's true. That's one of the things. So did any of these horoscopes see COVID coming or what the fuck? Yeah. 2020 is the year of the great conjunction that starts on, you know, there's a couple of different ones. January 12th, April 4th, June 30th. And then the next one coming up is November 12th, the day before Mars goes direct. What about a vaccine? What do you have for a

vaccine coming out? Okay. So this gets into conspiracies and weird stuff that I saw on. I saw that the, oh fuck, your people are going to come after me. They're going to be like this. There is no my people. We're split 50-50 here. This is a very centrist podcast. So the biotech industry is going to be pushed in the year of 2021 through 2024. But because of the biotech industry, what they're going to start doing is gearing vaccines towards more genetic markers, something called mRNA markers, which so people who invest look at something called mesoblasts, because that's going to help you. But yeah, they're going towards more biogenetic messenger RNA markers. So I think it's like they're changing the game basically. Yes. Yeah. What about August

4th? Oh, that's my mom's birthday. It's also President Obama is the best president of the world in the whole wide railroad. And I think it's also the Queen of England. So you're a seven degree Leo, seven degree, wait, seven, seven, eight degree Leo. For you with the compassion that you hold, the hardest part of you is having to cut away the people that sit on your back, if that makes sense. No, it's easy for me to do now. But like the people that sit on the back of his e-bike, is that what you're seeing? Are you seeing an e-bike? I just go over a bump real fast. I see an electric motor on a bicycle. I see two unused pedals. Can you guess what my sign is? You feel like a fiery spirit. There's a lot of fire around. He's a flaming homosexual.

What are you looking in a mirror? I feel fire, but I don't know your sign right now. I'm a little nervous. It'd be so cool if you did. I'm so nervous right now. Give her the sign. Tell her what you want. I need a little more. I'm skeptical. With astrology, what we do is we read birth charts. And when I read birth charts, I look at time. My birth chart is... No, I'm a Capricorn. You're wrong. He's like Capricorn. Street corn, though. He's Mexican. I'm December 15th. That was good. You're the fire. So you're Sagittarius. You're fire. So Capricorn is where the year of the great conjunctions that we're going through right now are all in the sign of Capricorn, which is basically capitalism itself, which right now we're seeing the fall or change. Over 70% of the COVID cases

in Los Angeles is our Capricorn. Latino people. The Capricorns, if you will. And what about our Sagittarius friend Flynn over here? What do you got for him? So for you, Flynn, with your lime green shirt, you're going to be experiencing eclipse cycles that begin on June 5th that are taking you through June and November of this year, end of November, early December, and through May of next year. And what that's doing is that's basically remagnetizing you and redirecting you because you're Sagittarius. You do have to take the full sleep into your own sort of like way. You're so your journey. Wow, look at that. I want to take mushrooms with her. Yeah, it sounds like fun. Get Reiki. That's all she does in the

desert. You do eat a lot of mushrooms, correct? Yes. Absolutely. She's like one of the Mario brothers over here. Yeah, I can tell by her set she does a lot of mushrooms and I loved every second of it. I loved every second of it too. This is a very, very special segment. I think we need to get our horoscopes read on this show more often. Yeah, we should start doing that. Get a little taste of our future. Yes. Got to lock you into a spot or something like that, like some type of monthly. How about the first Monday of every month from now on? How about that? I would love that. You'll come, you'll do a minute, and then you'll tell us. We bring your cards. Isn't there cards and stuff? Yeah. Yeah, bring your tarot deck. Yeah, bring something with you next time. How about

a big hand for Christy Bellach, everybody? Really? Yeah. All right, so this is an exciting time. That's it. That would be where it ends. Thank you. There you go. Okay, so ladies and gentlemen, this is a very exciting time. This young man who I'm going to bring out right now just in a wild turn of events had to go back home for a little bit to Wyoming and he sent us in his set this evening. You know him as my favorite comedian on the planet earth and truly one of my best friends and one of my favorite humans of any kind anywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, sending in a set, I present to you the great, the one, the only, Michael Larrer. And that's it. An amazing set by Michael lights out Larrer and we did it again. That's another

episode of Kill Tony live from the world famous comedy store. Make sure you check out everything Michael Larrer and Michael Larrer comedy.com. He is one of our favorite humans and he will be back with us very soon. Hey, let's check out tonight's drawing from Ryan J. E belt. Here it is. Wow. Look at all the golf happening. You got me and my back swing there. The band is golfers. Sarah wine shank, putting in the front. Oh yeah. That's accurate. Very, very cool. Unbelievable. The complexity of these prints. I feel like you could literally watch it increase every single week. Ryan J. E belt, Ryan J. E belt.com to check out every print, the limited edition T shirts and everything else that he does. He's absolutely incredible. How about a hand for Ryan

J. E belt everybody and keep the applause going for the great kill Tony legend and icon. The great Sarah wine shank was with us all night tonight. She is the host of the podcast shank available absolutely everywhere. What else Sarah follow me on Instagram and Twitter at princess shank. That's princess like normal and then another S H E N K. I post jokes. I post my podcast all that shit. Yep. Check it out. She's a legend. One of our favorites of all time. How about a big hand for the leader of the band Flynn Jeremiah Watkins. He's got Jeremiah wonders. He's got eating breakfast with Jeremiah. He always has amazing guests. Dan Soder. I noticed came out a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Pete Holmes. Yeah. I have my debut one hour special coming out on December 8th and you can

preorder it now on my website. Jeremiah Watkins.com is through Comedy Dynamics and it'll be available on Apple TV and Amazon and all that stuff. There you go. It's coming December 8th. The debut one hour special from Jeremiah Watkins. Hey, you know what I just noticed is that that wasn't that wasn't Veronica. That was Jetski Jesse Johnson the whole time. Everybody has Jetski. She's Jetski Johnson on everything social media. She has brand new decorations. She has ornaments. So they are anytime ornaments. I'm putting them all over my Christmas tree. I have a couple cacti that they're hanging from right now. How many have you bought? I lost track. I've now bought nine of them. Wow. Yeah. It's incredible. It absolutely is. And they all arrive. There's only about four left.

Oh my goodness. You only made 14. Wow. 24. Okay. No, that's cool. But I really appreciate your all your support and check it out JetskiJohnson.com JetskiJohnson.com for those. They really are. They're super awesome handmade. Every single part of the craft is made by the great Jetski Johnson who's been killing it in the window, killing it at standup comedy. You're just, you're just so much fun and such a little positive firecracker here on Kill Tony. Speaking of firecrackers, you know who loves lighting off firecrackers or Latino people and Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez was on drums all night tonight. How about a big hand for Joel? He's mostly sorry on everything social media. He also has mostly sorry the podcast. What else Joel?

Nothing. Love you guys. Stay safe. There you go. Chroma Chris has a new music video out. Make sure you check that out. Follow him on social media and all of that good stuff. What else, Red Band? Check out Brothers and Cursive on Patreon. It's Brother's podcast. Also, I do Brian Holtzman's podcast. He's a really funny guy. Holtzman, Tony's going to actually be doing his podcast tomorrow. Check it out Desquad. Yeah, Wednesday, Desquad.tv. And I have a Patreon as well. Patreon.com slash Hingecliff. And a lot of fun stuff happening there. In fact, I just recorded a recent episode with the great Jeremiah Watkins. We talk about our entire history of roasting. I mean, this guy's been part of everything. Kill Tony, roast battle,

historical roast, absolutely everything. Very interesting that an unbelievable character, silly comedian has such a fluent roasting background. But that's what happens when you do all the shows and you got your hands in all the cookie jars like this guy. Go ahead, Jeremiah. November 1st through 7th, I'll be in New York if you want to come catch me at a rooftop show or something. I'll be making rounds out there. And I am doing stand-up comedy in Dallas, Texas, November 13th through the 16th. Those are all stand-up comedy shows. And I'm going to go spend some time in Texas, maybe look around at some special places, November 13th through the 16th. Love me some Texas. I hope everybody had fun here tonight.

Have a good night, y'all. you