KILL TONY - #628 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, Jessie Johnson, Kam Patterson, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, William Montgomery, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 08/21/2023 --THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:DRAFTKINGS! – Download the DRAFTKINGS app, new users create an account, and use code KILLTONY. Bet $5 and get $200 worth of bonus bets instantly. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code KILLTONY.—TALKSPACE! – As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code “TONY” to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.–ZIPPIXTOOTHPICKS.COM – CODE: “KILLTONY10” FOR 10% OFF ORDER!—ZIPRECRUITER.COM – TRY IT FOR FREE AT ZIPRECRUITER.COM/KILLTONY—KACHAVA – Nutrient-Rich Superfoods – 10% OFF FIRST ORDER – https://www.kachava.com/collections/kill-tony-podcast—FACTOR! – Head to FACTORMEALS.COM/KILLTONY50 and use code “killtony50” to get 50% off your first box.—FIRSTLEAF – Sign up at FIRSTLEAF.COM/KILLTONY to get your first SIX bottles of wine.—GAMETIME! – Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code KILLTONY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code KILLTONY for $20 off.

Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. All are merch can be found for Kill Tony at Kill Merch.com. Tony's on a brand new Tories going all over the place to check out TonyHingeCliff.com for everything Golden Pony. And last but not least, don't forget I have a new comedy club called the Sunset Strip. We have a bi-weekly show with the Killtony Band and the Secret Show is every single Thursday Get Tickets at SunsetStrip ATX.com.

And now a brand new episode of Killtony. ton. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it.

I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. Hey, this is Redbait, company alive from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony Hitchclam! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yeah, but a hand for Red Band everybody. Hi, 69 degrees Fahrenheit in the room. Another beautiful day, 69.1 degrees, as summer starts to chill here in Texas.

You're here at the number one live podcast in the world, everybody. You're at Killtoni. Welcome, everyone. This is brought to you by Gel Blaster, the Red Rose, the Yellow Rose, the two fast strip clubs in the world, AustinPools.com, where you can get a brand new pool in your backyard. A lot of pool companies take a year. they guarantee it start to finish in three months. The whole law firm gets you out of a DUI here in Austin, Texas, the Austin Security Guard Service. Make sure that you didn't drink too much

before you get a DUI and have to call the hall firm. Connect mobilehealth.com, use the promo code KELT10, save 10% on an IV drip, get recovered, feel good. CM Smokehouse, the best barbecue joint in the city, and Screwball peen up at her whiskey, which proudly presents the best standband in the land. This is the Killtony band. The great Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Mewling on the electric guitar. Paul Deemer on the horns. John D's is with the great Gary Clark Jr. doing massive stadiums right now. Luckily the backbone is here.

That's a D madness on the basic guitar everybody. We have people we have people yawning in the audience already very good. Very good. What an exciting person to have at the show. Just a lit up blonde yawning chick in the corner. You all right? Jesus Christ. You know, you can get an IV drip at connectmobilehealth.com. Use the promo code KIL-10. You'll be in better shape. It's only 8.20 pm at night. Thank you, Michael. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Before we start the show, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all available for you here right now.

Hey, this is Red Band and my comedy club, the Sunset Strip in Austin, Texas is now open. The Killtony Band has two shows a month now. So come check out their music and every Thursday we have the secret show. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets, shows every night. Hey y'all, have you ever stopped yourself

from seeking a therapist because you didn't have the time to actually find one or afford them? Try Tox Space. By doing everything online, Tox Space has made getting the help you want easy, accessible, and affordable. I know for a fact it's helped a lot of people, I don't want to give away any names, but there's some people that we know of that have been on this show, that maybe, you know, who knows, maybe one of the band members are two that really, really needed some help.

And they signed up online at Talkspace.com and got a personalized match with a provider. And you typically it always happens within 48 hours. Red band. Have virtual sessions with your licensed therapists from the comfort of your home. You can even send messages to your therapist so you don't have to wait for your next session. Talkspaces the number one online therapy platform

with licensed therapists and over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and more. Talkspaces secure and private using the latest end-to-end bank rate encryption technology to store client information and complying with the latest HIPAA regulations. Talk space is affordable and in-network with most major insurers. Kill Tony listeners, get $80 off your first month with Talk space. When you go to TalkSpace.com slash Tony,

to match with the license therapist today, go to TalkSpace.com slash Tony. To match with the license therapist today, go to TalkSpace.com slash Tony to get $80 off your first month and support the show. That's TalkSpace.com slash Tony. Hello everyone. Celebrate the new season with delicious meals that take two minutes and practically zero effort. Factored, America's number one ready to eat meal kit helps you fuel up with chef-prepared

dietician-approved meals delivered straight to your door. You'll save time, eat well, and stay on track with your healthy lifestyle. Choose from over 34 weekly meal options that are fresh and never frozen that you can even level up with their gourmet plus options with premium ingredients like leeks, truffle butter, and asparagus. I know that my favorite right now is the sun-dried tomato chicken with zucchini noodles. plus options with premium ingredients like leeks, truffle butter, and asparagus. I know that my favorite right now is the sun-dried tomato chicken with zucchini noodles.

Healthy, protein, everything's good, red ban. I love the honey maple barbecue ground beef with raw. Yeah, I do. With roast potatoes, green beans, and creamed corn. Mmm, no doubt about it. If lunch times are hectic, factor has you covered there too. Keep your energy up with lunch to go meals. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm slash Killtony 5-0 to get 50% off. Hey y'all, in the past the only ways to learn what wines you like have been going to

a stuffy wine tasting or hope the random bottle your friend gave you for your birthday was any good. There's a new way to figure out your favorite wines and it's called First Leaf. First Leaf Wine Club sends personalized wine shipments straight to your door, all price way lower than what you would find at your local wine stop. First leaf knew what wines to send me that felt familiar and delicious and would get me excited about trying new wines. And it's really easy to get started. Just take the quiz about your likes and dislikes and first leaf's expert team will pick a custom assortment of world-class wines just for you. Mmm, I absolutely love it. They ended up sending me an amazing Merlot.

They sent me a Manipugiano de Abrazzo from the beautiful, beautiful hills of Italy. You can even choose the day your wine shipment arrives so you never have to stress about missing a delivery. Give your palette what it really wants with first leaf. Go to tryfirstleaf.com slash kill Tony to sign up and you'll get your first six hand-curated bottles for just $44.95. That's TRYFIRSTLEAF.com slashkilltony.

Try firstleaf.com slashkilltony. Hey, y'all, before you go buy those big concert tickets off that stranger from Craigslist you need to check out Game time game time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports music comedy and theater near you They have killer deals on last minute tickets. So even if you're looking for something to do tonight Game time will make sure you have a great time. For example, I'm going to see Drake tomorrow night. Are you? Wow. Pretty big deal. You know, Guns and Roses, for example,

at the Alamo Dome tomorrow night, you perhaps you're going there. It's great because with game time, you always have images of your seats view. So you know exactly what you're getting to their lowest price guarantee work. Game time credits you 110% off the difference if you find tickets anywhere in the same section and row for less. Game time is the best way to buy. It's the fastest growing ticket app in the country and for good reason.

With just two taps, you could have seats to the next show that you want to go see. Snag the tickets without the stress with game time. Download the game time app, create an account and use code killtony for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply, again create an account and redeem code killtony for $20 off. Download game time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. Hey y'all, I have to tell you about the super blend I'm loving called Kachava. It's hands down the best thing I've found to feed my body, the nutrients it craves. Kachava is an all-in-one plant-based super blend, made up of super foods, greens, plant proteins,

antioxidants, adaptogens, probiotic. In other words, everything your body craves to feel your best. And I know what you're thinking. Something this good for me can't possibly taste delicious. That's where Kachava really earns the thousands of five star reviews. It tastes amazing.

It's creamy, smooth, and comes in five delicious flavors. I'll tell you right now, the vanilla and the coconut assi-i are my favorite, but it also comes in chocolate, chai, and matcha. Red ban. Some folks like to drink it as part of their healthy breakfast or lunch and others love it as a protein packed snack before or after a workout It's perfect for this because it has 25 grams of plant protein per serving Personally, I like to drink chachava just slaying around on the couch

It actually it feels great because I don't like eating too much So it's great to just have a nice meal real quick. that's delicious, and gives me all the protein and nutrients I need. No doubt about it, and Kachava is offering our listeners 10% off for a limited time. Just go to Kachava.com slash Tony spelled K-A-C-H-A-V-A and get 10% off your first order. That's K-A-C-H-a-v-a.com slash Tony. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Every single week we have some of the funniest comedians in the world. This one is special.

These guys have been on multiple times. The last time they were on, there was too many people on this show. There was a whole extra band on top of the usual band. I'm excited to give these guys their exclusive time here on Kiltoni. They literally are the hosts of my other favorite podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the R.E.U. garbage guys, H.Folley and Kevin Ryan, everybody. guys H. Foley and Kevin Ryan everybody here we go oh yeah Kevin Ryan mother fucking H. Foley if you guys don't know you're about to fucking know are you Garmin Hill Tony match up magical magical chemistry. Two of the funniest, two of the nicest, two of the coolest, two of my favorites in all of the industry.

Welcome back, gentlemen. Thank you, boys. This is great. Fuck yeah. I love the guy in the cutoff jet shirt that was screaming. You are definitely one of our fans. Absolutely. That's Aaron Rogers.

He's in town to get some stem cells injected into him this week. I love it. Shout out to Waze to Well, where they can heal any wound that you have or anything like that. Welcome back guys. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. How many of you were die hard Killtony fans? How many of you have been listening for more than three years? Okay, well, that's good enough. We have a special treat for you. Literally, a future Kiltoni Hall of Famer, one of the biggest legends in the history of the show, the funniest female cast member that's ever been on the show.

Former full-time band member now, the co-host of the Bad Friends podcast back in LA. Full-time stand-up comedian, ladies and gentlemen, horn player, former legendary band member. Make some noise, joining us just for tonight. The great Jetsky-Jessie Johnson, everybody. Here we go. Yeah, Killed Tony Royalty. Some people compare her to a young Rose Ann Bar. Some people say a young... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm so good. I love the whole Kiltown Tony universe. Thanks for having me. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. We knocked out our hellos. You guys all know how it works

We're gonna jump right into it literally 100. I was told before the show 188 people signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds of stand-up comedy time uninterrupted on tonight's show 188 people a few of them may be in the room right now, but my guess is about 170 plus are at a bar next door waiting, hoping that someone's going to come over to that bar and yell their name, and they run over here, and then they do 60 seconds of stand-up comedy. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. I mean, they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood

bear. And then after that 60 seconds, I interview them and we all talk to them together. Me, my esteemed panel of our you garbage, Jetsky Johnson and Brian Redban, and we find out more about them, what makes them tick and what they could be talking about, what's real, what's not, about their lives, the whole thing's improvised, anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Yeah! Well, I go to the bottom of the bucket

and pull out the first name that we're going to go wrangle from the bar next door, and while we do that, we are going to start the show with one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. This young man we discovered over two and a half years ago here in Austin, Texas, living in a van, an eternal open maker and we changed his life. He sells out all around the world,

including this weekend in New York City, a sold out Sony Hall. Ladies and gentlemen, sing it if you know the words this is Hans Kim Hey, what's up guys gonna be here. I have a beautiful girlfriend as a lot of you know my girlfriend is great. She makes me have sex with her after I've already come. Which is fine, but she keeps expecting first dick activities on the third dick. Like I've already come twice.

She's shoving it in sideways, bouncing on it. I feel like a pool noodle on a slip-and-slide. I'm not going anywhere. I think in women's sports, all the refs should be women, because men aren't gonna be able to catch the fouls that women do. Oh, foul, you're being petty. You only did that to her, because she did that to you earlier.

I'm sad to hear that Trump is getting indicted again. I think Biden indicts Trump every time he falls over. All right, thank you. All right, Hans Kim, beautiful minute. A lot of punches, not exactly hard punches, but a lot of taps the whole way through, a lot like Nate Diaz versus Jake Paul. You landed a lot of punches. Didn't do a ton of damage, but Rock Solid set.

You did it again. That's why you do it. You're a real surgeon. My parents wish I a real surgeon. My parents wish I was a surgeon. Yes, they do. I love that description on my set. It's a lot like the description of my love life. A lot of soft taps.

So let's talk about it. You say that you're having a lot of sex after you come. That's her choice or your choice. It's her choice. Explain to us what does she say to you? Like, what goes on? What does like, you want to vibrate me? Wait, what does that mean?

The vibrator, the hitachi comes out. Oh, the hitachi. The real Asian workhorse in the household. Oh, yeah. And then she's like, what would it be better if your dick was inside me and then I'll go, oh, yeah, I guess so. Is there something she can do that magically gets you hard, are there any tricks to getting huns Kim hard?

Is there any way to turn your low-main noodle into a fucking... Into a, uh... A girl? Yes, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for helping me be racist there. Little teamwork goes a long way. Her go-to move is just squeezing my dick with her butt.

She... Squeezing your dick with her butt. Man, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. I've never even heard of that. She just backs it right up into it. She doesn't give me any breathing room down there. Look at that, the old South Korea. You got to love. Unbelievable.

So she just pushes her butt back and then squeezes her butt cheeks and you're just like, oh, oh. And you get hard yeah wow how many what do you think the most times that you've had sex in a 24 hour period with your girlfriend is probably four oh okay that's good all right oh 24 hour probably yeah six oh okay all right in honor of Bob Barker, we're changing numbers here. The late great Bob Barker, which is also the name of a dog that Hans' parents ate. Okay. All right. You said that your parents wish you were a surgeon. If you talk to your parents lately, what are they saying about your current life? They're like, oh, you have a Rolex.

Oh, that's like a doctor. You know, I get all the good parts of being a doctor, the private jets and none of the blood and, you know, anuses. Well, it sounds like you do get some anuses. Sounds like the only thing that can make you hard. Concentually. No one question whether it was consensual. It's a real weird disclaimer to throw out. Now we're thinking it wasn't. Now it's kind of rapy. He does have that rap.

We did find out last week that you do play a game with your girlfriend called rape. Yes. Have you guys played this week? Yes. Uh-huh. Did you win or did she win? I won this time. I want to know. One, one, one.

One and one. Yes. Absolutely. This video will be used in a quarterblod at some point. Amazing. Alright Hans, what else is going on this week? Fresh off of Sony Hall, sold out New York City. It was an amazing time.

I lived in New York for three years. You know, a lot of my most toxic personality traits are from that city. I headline Sony Hall. It was a dream come true. Must be amazing to go back to New York and headline. We know for a fact that you've slept in your van there in New York City before moving here to Austin, Texas. And when you were in New York, the big fucking apple,

you could not sell a single ticket. No one knew what a Hans Kim was, right? Yeah, nobody liked me. Well, no one knew you. So they could know. I knew him and I didn't like him. I have to say. What do you remember about Hans and the New York scene? I don't I only think I saw him like an open mic once I think. You didn't really cross a whole lot of paths. That's where I lived. Outside of the creek in the cave in New York, correct? Yes, I was a hobo. I stayed in an Airbnb

this week that cost more than my vanded. It's pretty great. It's played Sony Hall, which was a dream of mine ever since I found out it existed four months ago. Right, absolutely. One day, I started Sony Hall. You'll work your way up to Hitachi Hall and really shake the fucking crowd, you know what I mean?

Okay, Hans, well, fun times, you did it again, you got the show started. I don't think you should be challenged next week, so you get another week off. Thank you, Sunny. Way to do it. Hans Kim, everybody. Thank you. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim.

That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. All right. Pulling another name out of this bucket. And we're going to go to our first bucket pool. Now people, we know Hans Kim. He is a trained assassin built in the world of Killtony. These names that I pull out of this bucket

it could be anybody at all. It could be an insane first timer. Could be somebody that brings brandishes a weapon of some kind. Anything can happen, you get it? Make some noise for your first bucket pull of the night. Raven Shetty, everybody. Raven Shetty, here we go.

60 seconds uninterrupted. For Raven Shetty, here, live on Killtony. Y You all know when things go really well, you hear the phrase, it doesn't get better than this. You take your partner out for dinner, make love after, it doesn't get better than this. Or if you're single, you get high and watch your show, it doesn't get better than this. We're doing an open mic in Austin, Texas. It does get better than this. We're doing an open mic in Austin, Texas. It does get better than this. It started showering with a citrus flavored soap,

and it's helped me smell like a cutie. Actually started seeing a girl, and she she was sweet but could be sour. But she was pretty, had that vitamin C. She was bilingual, spoke Mandarin. No joke, her name? What's Clementine? Do you all like those fondament-appealing? Just trying to squeeze out every bit? Thank you, I'm Robin.

Well, there you go. Robin Shetty, everybody. Doesn't get any better than that. Holy shit, dude. Wow. Oh my God. any better than that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha comedy, my friend. Two years? Oh, shit. OK, that's about two years longer than I was hoping for. My goodness. You're like a really smart guy. You got great grades in school, didn't you?

OK. You're all right. OK, for an Indian guy, or, right. So A's, A minuses across the board. OK. What do you do for a living? You seem like you work in the tech industry, something super stable, am I correct? Oh yeah, I'm a CPA.

Right, exactly. You do comedy like a CPA. Do you uh, juice the books? No. Oh. I do not. Or do you glad that you're a minute so? Ha ha ha ha. Jetsky, Jetsky done. Ha ha ha ha.

Let me teach you guys something you might not know. But when Jetsky lands a big joke like that, a historical thing in the show is everybody pretends like they're revving up a Jetsky. So next time you can all go, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, like that, there you go. Like, you get it?

All right, maybe this is like a bunch of like, tourists or something. This is like a bunch of people that heard that this is a big show that was able to get tickets. I don't know where the fuck we found this crowd, but all right. You guys having fun out there? Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah, I guess so. All right, let's talk more with you. Is it Robin? Uh, it's pronounced Robin. Robin? But it's spelled R-A-B-I-N. Yeah.

So it's spelled Rabin. No, the A makes the same sound as the first syllable in amazing, so uh... Oh boy. Oh boy. I feel like we're on a first date or something. I feel like he's telling jokes again. Jesus Christ. Everything's a lecture with this guy.

Somebody ask a math question or something like that. But the kid get a win. Are you good at math? Is that what you excel at? Or are you just a mediocre CPA too? I'm okay at math. Just okay at math. So you just a mediocre CPA too. I'm OK with math. Just OK at math. So you just stink all around.

What are you good at? I enjoy playing ping pong tennis, try to stay active, soccer. Wow. Incredible. So ping pong and tennis. Anything else? Give us something about the wild side of Rob. Rob. Robyn. Robyn. Robyn. Robyn. What's something wild about Robyn? Are you intentionally saying it wrong? Wait, what is it? Rubbing. Rubbing.

Rubbing, you're dick on an ass. Oh shit. God damn it. To quote the late great Hans Kim. It's like rubbing a genie lamp. Yeah. He's definitely rubbing me the wrong way. There you go.

There you go. Now we're playing. That's the crowd. It's okay. Too late. Let me just tell you that it's too late. OK. So give us the wild side of Rubin. Go ahead. I mean, come on.

Occasionally go out. Like what? What do you do when you go out? You know, just have a few drinks. What kind of drinks do you have? Our Moscow Mules. Moscow Mules. You know just have a few drinks. What kind of drinks do you have? Orange gau mules? Moscow mules. Real outlaw.

Okay. Where do you have these Moscow mules? And who do you have them with? You know, just my friends at a bar or Sometimes they'll make it at their place, you know, it sounds like it sounds like you're saying what you think people do Yeah, exactly. This is what an alien would say if they came down there, like, hey, play it cool. Yeah.

I go to a bar with my friends. We do human things. He's like AI, dude. Rub-in-G-P-T. It is. It is. It's chat-c-p-a. This is incredible.

In eight, somewhere between alien and e-wee-gl-alien, this fucking guy is. What ethnicity are you? Rubbin. My parents are from India. Right, absolutely. Incredible. Doesn't get any better than that. What else about you? What's your love life like?

I'm single right now. Single right now. When's the last time you were in a relationship? I was seeing someone. I was seeing someone. I was seeing someone. You were seeing someone and then what happened? It just fizzled out. Right.

How long did that last? About a month. Was she Indian? No. Was there a real girl that you based the orange joke on? Ah, no. The Clementine was just made up. Jesus.

Wow. They say, right what you know. All just made up. Jesus. Wow. They say, right, what you know. Oh, my God. All right, that doesn't make sense. But back like that. You make good money as a CPA? OK. What do you, everything you do every day?

Yes, sir, you're on a live podcast. This is an interview, and you just keep saying OK to everything. He acts like we knocked on his door and just started asking questions. Exactly. Is like, can I fucking help you with something? Okay. We didn't even interrupt you and your friends and your Moscow mules.

Okay. He's a scumbag. I'll kinda piss you right now. Yeah. Being the fellows are really raging inside. I'm sorry, Ron. See, you work like nine to five Monday through Friday. Basically, yeah, or fucking, yeah, yeah.

No, it's just, yeah. Answer a single question during this interview. It's nine to five, but like, you know, if it's busy times, it'll be like a little bit longer than that or five thirty. What do you spend your money on? You make more than like 75,000 a year? I like to travel.

OK, you didn't answer that question, right? This guy's a cop, man. I'm selling right now. So it'll be. Yeah, something's up, dude. Sometimes I go to a bar with my friends, and we get wild. Sometimes we smoke the dope.

Do you have roommates? Ah, yeah, I have a few. A few roommates, and you're a few. There's no straight-eighths in this guy. How many roommates? A couple. Three roommates. Three roommates.

You live in a four bedroom? Yeah. Yes. A four bedroom. How many bathrooms? There's a few. Four bathrooms. Four bathrooms, four bedrooms, four bedrooms. That's good.

So you have your own shower drain. That's good. Yeah. Okay. My goodness gracious. You have anything weird in your refrigerator that you contribute? Is it all Indian guys in the? No.

So you're the only one that carries up the refrigerator and what not? There's one other Indian dude, a white guy and a Singaporean. A white guy, a Singaporean and a what? Another Indian guy. Wow, this sounds like a karaoke. Right. Right. Okay. Robin, what would be, Robin, what would be the crate, what would we be, before I let you

go, give us one thing, what would we be shocked to know about you? You seem very straight on the straight and narrow, it doesn't seem like stand-ups really your thing, you're not like damaged or hurt, it doesn't seem, it seems like you had a pretty normal childhood and this is just something that seems like it's cool to you. Give us, oh, something that we would be shocked to know about you. You've ever been arrested, you ever do anything crazy, anything out of the ordinary, and you're the history of your life. How are you? I'm 27. 27. So 27 years to reference here. Here you go. What would we be shocked to know about you?

I like to gamble. Ooh, what do you gamble on? You know, poker, sports bets. OK, very, very interesting. The crowd is shocked. Yeah. Make something up, dude. We?

Kill a rocker bag. Something. Yeah. That is incredible. Make something up, dude. We... Kill a rocker, bang! Yeah! That is incredible. This guy's gonna murder us all. See it. He is not having fun. No, it's just great. Robin, this is fun.

One last question. If you were gonna murder us, how would you do it? Do a one minute of stand-up comedy. There he goes, everybody. Robinetty, with a joke book. It definitely gets better than that. Pulled another name out of the bucket. So as you see, anything can happen. We don't know any of these people, anything can happen. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket, Jamal BRL, everybody.

Jamal, or Jamar BRL. Really bad handwriting so far tonight, here he is. Oh. Oh. How's it going everybody? Yeah. Yeah. I had a bird that was bothering my sleep

near my bedroom window the other night and I was trying to get rid of it. My neighbor jumped out, she said, hey, stop, at a bird that was bothering my sleep near my bedroom window the other night and I was trying to get rid of it. My neighbor jumped out, she said, Hey, stop, don't do that! That's federally protected! You'll break a law! Yeah, apparently a 1917 bird act, not a migratory bird, you can't remove them. I'm like, fuck yeah, that's awesome. You know, the only thing I thought was... That's like 50-something years before they gave say, say spaces to black people.

You know, like, I'm just saying, what the fuck are white people doing to birds? You know what I'm saying? I'm a 90s kid, we didn't have all these like screens and fucking crazy toys. Like when I was growing up, we had this one, or old sex, they sold the kids. That's right, you guys remember this thing? It's called the Boppet. You remember the keys they ever give you? Spin it.

Flick it. Twist it. Bop it. Spin on it. Choke me and call me a nigger bitch. I guess we had different boppets. I don't know. Maybe that's just me.

There it is. Jamal Birl. A good 60 seconds. There you go. Especially following Rubin. Hell yeah. Jamal. What's up dude? Welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank. Thank you for having how long you been doing stand up

Too fucking long but on and off but I've been back at it for maybe you know like a solid six months, but not really Okay, how about it? How about an answer? Let's try and answer if some kind I As far as I really like from the time I started Pandemic some kind of question. I asked you a question. I really like from the time I started pandemic, I'll just fucking bike park. Eight years. Eight years, there we go. All right. He did not want that number out there.

Yeah. There you go. We got it for real. How long have you been the mayor of Chicago again? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, it's standing. Oh, yeah. Thank you, sir. Okay.

Jamal, what do you do for a living? I do, I do like freelance film production. So I'm, I'm broke. I'm unemployed. Yeah. It's a hell. Yeah. freelance film production. I still got a bite yoder at what I leave here. What? Don't worry about it man. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Okay. All right, Jamal. I love it. So the jokes were good. Where you Have you? Yeah, I appreciate that. Always been in Austin. I love it. Sam Marcos. I actually just got out of relationship with my baby mama today. Oh Today. Yeah. What happened today? We were doing polyamory, Digg. And I thought we were doing it right for the right reasons. You guys were both sleeping with other people. No, no, no.

She just kissed a dude. No, it was cool, though. I even went fishing with him. We went fishing and everything. Hold on, hold on. Take a one step at a time. You're moving really fast. Let's just let me go.

Hold on, wait. Yeah. Hold on. Let me slowly get this. It was healthy. Oh, Tony, you go ahead. Let me slowly get this. It was healthy. Oh, Tony, you go ahead. Let me, let me. OK, so let's talk about it.

How long were you guys hooking up with other people? Let's take it nice and slow. Let me kind of lead you. It's been like, it was like a week. But I was staying up all the time. Wait, hold on. Stop, stop, stop. Fucking stop.

It was like a week that you were trying polyamory. Well, I think it was a week that I had known about it. I'm pretty sure it was man, you are a sweet boy. And he was a nice guy, but it was like she was, what? I was at her stop. Let's start over again. Okay, so how old's your kid? He's gonna be four on the 25th of September. His name is Zayn. I wanna ask you. You know what I'm saying?

Okay. But with a Z. Okay, so it's like, it's one of those simple black names that people are just like, what? Like, he just started school. Yeah. There you go. And it's like Z-A-Y-E-N.

It's so fucking simple, but like, he came back from school and on his like, his fucking like, you know, folder, it was like, Zanya, like Kanye, but with a Z, you are in a trance. You're talking, you have no idea what's going on around you. What are you, did you drink before this? Are you a little bit not much?

I haven't done a lot of mics. This is my first mic I've done in this city in like three and a half years Before the pandemic. I don't do it a lot So I was just like back there like man, this shit's fucking stop talking Don't press it stop talking. I don't if you ever seen this show before Right, I can tell you're a horrible guest right now. It's unbelievable. It's just a long-form talking. I was talking. No, really.

Exactly. I'm trying to help you. I just got a lot out. It's a stop talking. I really, I mean, it's unbearable. This is the part where I lead an interview. It's kind of important that you know the show that you've done. This is called autism.

No, I'm sorry. You're saying that you're autistic? It's a spectrum. There's no autism, not autism. There he goes, everybody. Jamal with a little joke book. It's a shitty interview, ruined everything. Could've gotten famous here today instead,

just an unbearable appearance. There you go. You walked that way now. There he goes. That bitch has had periods. OK? Pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys haven't fun yet? That bitches had periods. Okay. Pulled another name out of the buggy. You guys haven't fun yet? Anything can happen.

It's a real show. Pulled another name out. Here we go. Mixing away 60 seconds. Uninterrupted for Andreas Bach. Andreas Bach is next. On Phil Tony. Here we go.

Here he is. On Dre's Bach, everybody. I think kids today are two week. Okay. I have two twin boys, okay? I want my kids to grow up to be as tough as me. So I'm trying to raise them right. Like I make them school lunch, I do. But I make it two days in advance. So the cheese gets extra sweaty. And I don't even want to, but I've started smoking. It's not often, it's only when we're driving. And I don't have a lot of money to travel and shit.

But sometimes I just run away and I sleep in the garage for two days and I don't tell them. But I'll leave a note in the kitchen and it says, Hair boys, hair is $50 to buy some groceries. Daddy, he will be right back. And it's not $50 there. And each of them thinks the other one took it. Oh! Wow! Wow!

What? Yeah! There we go. Unbelievable. A true 60 seconds of comedy. Thank you. Great fucking job, dude. Thank you. Great. Fucking job. Great set, especially going after Jamal.

It's just like, it's better. That was incredible. I like your style. Welcome to the show on Jreous Bach. This is your first time on the show. Yeah. Very good set. How long have you been on standup? I've been doing standup in Norway for five years Norway I love it I just derived like two hours ago in Austin incredible look at that amazing dreams coming true Yeah, fucking awesome. So you'd flew from Norway straight into Austin or do you? I've been awake for 48 hours Incredible and so far you've had the set of the night. Yeah, absolutely incredible. This dude's fucking awesome. Yeah

Yeah, but I have a problem like I booked I'm staying for two months trying to get on killtona and I nailed it on the first Dreams come true It doesn't get any better than that. Yeah, that's fate dude. Hell yeah Sessies from Norway. I mean while he looks like every Ukrainian soldier I've ever seen I mean that is what a Ukrainian soldier that escaped war right now would be saying, I'm just visiting from Norway. Don't mind me, totally not dodging a war. Incredible. So how long you been to stand up in Norway?

Five years, I've been. I've been here. It seems like it. Funny as hell, great time in great execution. A masterful, masterful 60 seconds. What's comedy like in Norway? How's it different than America? Explain to us.

I know a little bit. I performed in Stockholm, Sweden a couple times. Yeah. They don't quite laugh as loud, a little bit more applause. It's almost like a theater-like performance, but you give us the information. You're a true Norway guy. Like, yeah, the only thing I can compare to is like,

I did this same minute at this Shakespeare bar, next where we're hanging out. And it was the worst one minute of my life. So, yeah. Yeah, I love this fucking guy. Yeah, this guy's all right. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. This is much guy. Yeah, this guy's alright. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. This is much better. Like, fuck it. I love you guys. Definitely. So you talked about having kids. How many kids do you have?

Two. Two kids. Two boys. Two boys. Oh, you're very proud of the fact that you made boys with your testicles. You made a real point to say that they were boys. Absolutely. I had them when I was 19, so.

Okay. How old are you now? 31. Okay. Wow. Look at you. So a real dad. How do you make money?

Yeah, probably to Austin went out. He left me on $50. Yeah. For two months. That goes a long way in Norway. I love it. So what do you do for work out there? I'm a professional comedian in Norway.

Oh, in front of us. I put my job a year ago. Amazing. What was that job? I was a sailor. You were a sailor? A Norwegian sailor? Yeah, ladies.

Wow. Oh my god. You're about to have two more kids. And Norwegian Sailor? Yeah, ladies. Wow. Oh my God. You're about to have two more kids. You keep that a... Holy shit. I didn't know that was a flex.

He's like, ladies, Norwegian Sailor? What the, what do you want a cruise ship? Unbooked. They got to be wooden boats. It was a ferry. Absolutely incredible. I was a ferry. You weren't in the Norwegian Navy.

No, no, no. I had cars. I don't know if I call you a sailor. Yeah. You drove above. Yeah. You were a parking attendant on the water. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Have you always looked like if M&M was a lesbian? Feminine Feminine If you only had one pussy to eat If you only had one strip waffle and you had two twin boys And you want to come to America to do kill Tony. What would you do? A red sky at night is a sailor's delight.

Okay. The clogs are ready. You said the clogs. Unbelievable. Andreas, you're so likable and cool. What else are you in to tell us more about your life? You have any hobbies or cool things about you? I had a lot of hobbies, but when I started standing up, that's it. That's all I do.

I swim, I'm climbing. I swimming. Oh, shit. Man. Oh, shit. Man. Oh, shit. You got to talk to Rubin after this. Yeah.

I'm swimming. What kind of music do you like? I feel like you got to be in like some hardcore shit. Yeah. You look like you wear like those all black, like a gimp suit or something. Yeah, right? Yeah.

You have that energy to wear like it takes a lot for you to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It takes a lot of crazy shit. You have to like beat on people and shit. I asked just to get in the mood, so. Thank you. Absolutely. A little bit of that sweet, sweet vitamin B.

You know what I mean? You got real cock ring vibes, I like it. Yeah. That I mean? You got real cock ring vibes, I like it. Yeah. That is true. You do have cock ring vibes. So do you have a cock ring? No, not yet. He's just cocking.

He's got two months left. Yeah, that's some slack. I tried a cock ring once, but my dick turned purple. Oh my god. And I'm a hyper-conduract, so I was really scared. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I love this guy. He's amazing. It is absolutely incredible. And how long are you in Austin for? Uh, one month, at least. I have a ticket at home and I can't remember. I'm so fucking tired. But it was in mid-loved October.

I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck yeah! You've been here for two hours.

Stop it, bro! 40 hours of traveling. You got a big joke bug. You like nicotine? These are some zippix nicotine toothpicks. I highly recommend them on long flights They are absolutely incredible. This is what I live for! Yeah And you're also leaving with a brand new gel blaster on your way out ladies and gentlemen makes some noise one more time for the

Killtony debut of Andreas Bach everybody There we go. Yes, this is it. Killtony, where we meet some of the most talented people from around the world live. Anything that happens straight out of a bucket. Your next comedian we discovered out of a bucket two and a half months ago now Over 100 million people have heard him talk about how he carries rocks in his pocket An absolute force of nature made his first Theater debut opening for me on my crazy tour two weeks ago

Did so good that I continued to bring him out after that and he's absolutely murdering in theaters now. Having the time of his life riding the wave, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the newest regular on Kiltzone, the one and only I hate my niece, she a bitch. Can she be brag about shit she know I can't do. Like I'll back home cause we's go, she's like, I'm gonna camera, I'm gonna camera guess what? I'll pass the third grade. I'm like, I don't care, bitch. If you so got there smart, you did it twice like I did. I only did it twice though because I couldn't read.

I didn't find it, bitch. I wasn't a guy who couldn't read, so I couldn't read, dawg. Let me ask have gotten reaffirmed if I couldn't read. Let me ask you all the questions. You know how hard it's learned how to read, and when you can't read. That should have damn little, impossible. Hey guys, what's up, what's up? Yes. Another minute from Cam Patterson. Unbelievable.

You've done it again. Yeah, violence. That is incredible. Gang violence, indeed. Where are you? Absolutely. I agree with gang violence. Is that true?

Did you really get held back in third grade? Yeah, my dad called it reclassed. Yeah. But you know, do that shit in third grade. Yeah. Now you'll be fine. You can just reclassen. Yeah. But you don't do that shit in third grade. Yeah. Now you'll be fine. Look, you can just reclass in right now. You're gonna get bigger and stronger for football season.

Ah. Hell yeah. You gonna be fine. You gonna be fine. I got help back in the third grade also. And it's great because you actually were the oldest person in your class. I just wanted to help you. I hate this.

I like it. Okay, but you old bitch. I was like, I'm 18. Really? I was 18 as a senior. Wait, oh, okay. I thought you were saying it's a third grader. I thought, yeah. That's a lot of reclassification.

We all pictured him the same size that he is now in third grade there for a second. Like, what's that little fuck in there? Two plus two and four. You feel him in? She got a hell back in third grade. Yeah, but I'm still older. It was like the first time

there was a divorce in my area, and they didn't know how I would react to divorce, because they never had divorces where I lived. And so they held me back because of it. Your parents got divorced? In third grade. Really? Wow.

Did they got divorced? What? Because there was like back then, I'm almost 50 back then. That's what they told you. They didn't have a fuck. Yeah. How's it? Dude, red baby.

Do you believe that your whole life? That's fucking crazy. You should still be in the third grade if you think that. That's fucking crazy. Oh my god. Oh, that's funny as fuck. This is incredible. Just three flunkies.

I as well got held back in fourth grade. I was able to pass third grade. Oh, nigga. Yeah, they fucking held me back. What about Tom? You know, you're all smart. Look at these smarties, dude. I graduated early, dorks.

Wow. Incredible. Kill this nigga. Yeah. Somebody kill this nigga. I. I win. I win. Game ball is good. Hell yeah. Well, it's hot.

Incredible. Just three flunkies. Tony, Red Band, and Cam Patterson. Absolutely incredible. Look at us. Look at us now, man. Those fucking teachers, I swear to God, they deserved to die. Seems like you guys have let it go.

LAUGHTER Unbelievable. So, Cam Patterson, fresh off of another weekend of theaters. This time in Charlotte, North Carolina and Atlanta, Georgia, you, William Montgomery, David Lucas, you and David Lucas, bringing your entourage to both of my theater shows. Yeah, my green room literally looked like a fucking Tyler Perry production. It was absolutely incredible. Hey, Tony got the blackest green room in the game, baby. It's true.

I swear to God, you would not believe it. That's real beautiful. We had maddened city stripper wings. Yeah, we did. We had stripper wings in Atlanta, delivered to the green room. We did not go to the strip club. We did the real Atlanta experience, filmed a special, and then had strip club wings,

which were delicious. I was kind of upset when David insists, I go, David, what's the best food in Atlanta? Let's get it for the green room. He goes, magic city strip club wings. I go, David. David. David, and then we had these fucking wings club wings, I go, David. David.

And then we had these fucking wings. But I don't know what it is. It's the fucking parents disappointment mixed in the fucking sauce or something like that. I put it in a pussy juice on every way. Hey, whatever it was. Just drink it, drop more pussy juice on every way. Yup.

Yup. The breasts and the thighs. Yeah. Um, but yeah, good wings. What what else tell us more about you in theaters Yeah, that's the greatest thing theater with dope theaters for the dog But you had me in something nice and hotel ever seen in my life. Oh my god Yeah, I gotta tell you guys this just like let me tell you one of the coolest things about going on the road and taking Someone who you know isn't used to

that level of the game, is that you get to kind of relive how cool everything that you're doing is. And there was a part where we checked in. We checked into this nice hotel in Atlanta. And we're all getting our own room keys, you know, they're being handed out. And he opens his little thing and he pulls out the room key and he goes, God know, they're being handed out and he opens his little thing and he pulls out the room key and he goes, God damn, this is the thickest hotel room key I've ever seen. Hey Tony. I got it, you're right.

Oh! Oh! Get it on. Get it on. Oh my God. The omnihotel in Atlanta, Georgia. Okay. Oh my god. The Omni Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia. It was the Omni and then the other one was like, I don't know what it was, this one was

the thudish. The new rock. That's a meal, tell us. Oh Tony, they're giving us credit cards. What was the other one? Oh, it was the continental. That's right. Which strangely did not have coffee in the lobby.

Yeah, I was crazy. He's all bougie now. Stay still one night's hotel. Where are my slippers at, bitch? Hey, I had it. They put it over there, bitch. It was the robiner. Someone come hand me my remote.

I think they had a robin there. No, it was the robin. Yeah, I took that shit. Yeah in there. No, it wasn't in the robe. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah, yeah. As they go. You came home in the king size bed for sure. Tony, shut the fuck up and drive.

Oh, man, I fucking love this. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Superstar, absolutely crushing his sets, going out to standing ovation in theaters, ending his sets with standing ovation. That's great. Congratulations. That's fucking awesome.

Only months after moving to Austin, Texas. Kurt, what is it? Two and a half years you've been doing this? Yeah, two and a half. Two and a half years, Cam. I swear to God, I don't think anybody's ever seen anything like it. You are incredible every single week to be able to kick out a new minute like that.

I mean, you have to realize, William Montgomery, I think 11 years, David Lucas, eight and a half, nine years, Hans Kim, seven or eight years. So the fact that you're even on this level goes to show what a natural freak you are and we couldn't be happier to have you here. Camp Patterson, the white t-shirt available at Killmerch.com. Mixing with the great and powerful camp Patterson, everybody.

Come on. Superstar. And shirt comes with a free rock. That is true. The plain white camp Patterson t-shirt comes with a free rod. You can't make it up. Get it, killmerch.com. Pulled another name out of the bucket.

Camp Patterson is a tough act to follow. We're gonna get through it together. 60 seconds uninterrupted by Isabella Soza, everybody. Isabella Soza. I needed this. I really did. I recently had to break up with my Mexican boyfriend, but it's okay I'm seeing the silver lining. Now that we have separated, I have been identifying as a Latin X. Gracias. I'm not Latina, but my last name is Sosa, so some people assume that I am, and if you do need proof that I'm not Latina, just look no further.

It's easy to look further. I'm Asian, and that seems obvious to me, but if you do need proof that I'm Asian, here it is. Just imagine me, like on a stoop with a cigarette, a sewing machine behind me, just... If you were racist in this room right now, you would be so mad. And I know what you're thinking, but Tony, don't say it. That's it. Okay. What was it that you thought I would say?

Chink. Oh, okay. Are you Chinese? I'm Filipino. Okay. All right, that's a whole different thing. Okay. Are you Chinese? I'm Filipino. Okay. All right, that's a whole different thing. There's a whole another slur for that.

Kind of. What? It's a kind of. Kind of indeed. You know, there's roots in the Chinese. Anyway, it's, yeah. I love it. Okay, so welcome to the show Isabella.

Thank you. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I started doing open mics about five years ago, ticker break in pandemic. Okay, yep. in pandemic. Okay. Yep. Everybody did. Yeah. Where was that at?

San Antonio and here as well. Okay. So San Antonio, is that where you're from? Yes, sir. Born and raised? Yes, sir. Okay. Very good.

What do you do for a living? Without taking my clothes off, I make content on social media. What kind of content do you make? A TikToks, comedy, fashion, sewing. The third one. Oh! Wow. Okay. Is that real?

People. I do, really. You make a living. You make a living doing sewing videos? Yeah, brand deals, sponsored by Crocs, Adidas. You make a living doing sewing videos? Yeah, brand deals sponsored by Crocs, Adidas. You are? Yeah.

Holy shit. Look her up, Redban. Let's see what the fuck we're missing. Oh, he already has looked her up. Oh, he's already. He already's DM-ed. Yes. He has ordered a bottle of lotion off Amazon.

It's an hour away. Incredible. You are a Redban's type. to bottle of lotion off Amazon. It's an hour away. Incredible. You are a red band's type. He very rarely sits up straight during anybody's 60 seconds and you had him leaning over the fucking table for a second. What happened to your bed? What type of guys are you into Isabella?

White guys. Whoa, red band, look at this. Are you into like slightly tinted green white guys? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. More of a red guy. Yeah. I like it. I like it. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I'm a Christian. Very good. So when you say white guys like, is, well, how'd you end up with a Mexican boyfriend? Or was that just for the joke? Oh, I was doing drugs at the time. Oh, wow.

Really? Yes. What kind of drugs were you doing? Oh, Gabba Penton, Adderall Wheed. OK. Is that when you decided to cut your own hair? Oh, OK. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That is incredible. Whatever is going on there is incredible. Thank you.

Absolutely. How did that happen? Is that by design? Did you ask for that? It's by principle. Just been cutting my own hair since I was a kid. It's key to. You really do?

Yeah, I really do. Wow. It's OK. You know, I'm a seamstress, key to. Yeah, I really do. Wow. It's okay. You know, like, you know, I'm a seamstress, so I just kind of apply it elsewhere. I hope your sewing is better than your hair cut. Unbelievable. It's okay. It's okay.

Okay. Isabella, tell us more about your life. What else do you do? Well, I am a seamstress by trade. There's a comedy club. I made all the curtains there. I've fixed people's clothes. Oh wait wait wait you can do curtains. Yes I made all the curtains. I would love to hire you to do curtains. There you go. Look at that. Dreams coming true. Red

band waited only seven months for his comedy club to be open before finally getting the curtains that he needed seven months ago. I checked out the curtains there. I thought they were all- That's our land-amation girl to do it. Could have really- We just need more curtains. We got curtains. Yeah. Are you shaved? Oh.

What the hell? Don't lean on me. You're disgusting. I fucking hate you. And I can't believe I'm stuck working with you. You're all right. The loyalty that I show by continuing to let you sit next to me is unbelievable.

Are you shaved? Yeah. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We know you're we know you're shaved. I thought you were talking to me. So Isabella, tell us more. More hobbies, you seem like a very active person. You have pets? Yes, I have five dogs and a cat.

Wow, oh my goodness. Thanksgiving. Okay, maybe just relax a little bit. You're going to really answer. Five dogs and a cat. My goodness, what kind of dogs do you have? Well, the biggest one is a great day, the smallest is like a pica poo.

Tiny little thing. Indeed. All kinds in between. Pica poo. Something like that. One of my favorite games to play with kids. Okay. Do you have a big house that they live in?

Yes. Okay. Yeah, in San Antonio it's cheaper there. You live by yourself? I live with my parents. Ah, five dogs, a cat, and mother and a father that turns out. It's because I left the Mexican boyfriend and it was a situation. But I'm moving to Austin in October.

How long were you with the Mexican boyfriend? We were high school sweethearts, and then I got back on drugs, and we dated again for a year. So he didn't like you when you were on drugs? Oh, he only liked me when I only liked him when I was on drugs. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right, what does he do for a living? Oh, he's in law school.

Oh, but that's irrelevant. Mexican in law school? Yeah. Yeah. That's incredible. I've never heard of such a thing. A affirmative action wasn't overturned yet. Yeah, that's incredible. Never heard of such a thing. Affirmative action wasn't overturned yet. Yeah, it's very, very rare. The old Mexican law student. All right. Hold on, Amy Schumer has to get back to her sleep real quick.

Hustle on over there. Don't make a big deal about it. Isabella Sosa. Okay, before we let you go, give us one more crazy fun fact about your life or something that we would find interesting about you. I'm learning ventriloquism. I'm trying to work on that. Okay. Can you show us a little bit of ventriloquism? Here it is.

Everybody ventriloquism. By Isabella Sosa here on Kiltoni. It's challenging. I try to do it consistently and it takes knowing the articulation and understanding how to use your throat and your tongue, you know, and... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Who said that? You know, you get away. It's literally moveover. Fucking on my lap tonight. Jesus Christ. Fucking disgusted.

What a coincidence. Red Band has his hand up his own ass right now. You don't need to keep her out here. Just a little bit longer. I'm gonna be right here, just a little bit longer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What's the longest set you've ever done on stage? At 20 minutes. 20 minutes. I'd love to have you on the secret show. Thank you! Thank you! We like you Isabella. Here's a joke book.

There's a big joke book. Very good. Good catch. There she goes. Isabella Soza, everybody, her killed Tony debut, leaving with a gel blaster. Thank you so much for the fun. Pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys haven't fun out there tonight, huh?

Here we go. We're going to meet them all together. Your next comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Sean Clark, everyone. Here we go. Sean Clark. One more time for Sean Clark, everybody. There's only actually like 10 people here, and that's crazy. It looks bigger on that computer. I'm Sikka Pop quizzes. Sikka Pop quizzes. They give too many of them. They don't tell you in school that there's going to be a lot of them when you're done with school.

They don't tell you that they're going to be administered by a police officer at 3 a.m. on the side of a hideway. They don't tell you any of that. They don't tell you're going to fail a lot of them. They don't tell you any of that. Game stop. They won't buy my games. They won't buy my games. They refuse the buy them. They say there's a no Asian porn game policy there. They say that it's not actually a game stop but an inner city preschool and I need to leave immediately. So that could be on me. But to be fair, they called it gang stop,

which I think is a little misleading and a little confusing. Thanks, that's it. Whoa. Sean Clark. Yikes. Holy shit. All right. More like, please stop.

LAUGHTER Sorry. Yeah, we're not taking your games here, either, my friend. Holy shit. Nothing you said was real. It was like all just fantasy stuff. You started out by saying there's 10 people blatantly in a room with hundreds and hundreds of people packed into it tight. What did you mean by that? There's 10 people here. You said

It was bigger on the internet is what you said. What did you mean by that? Are you talking about like what you can see? Yeah, it was more of a, you know, like a violent panic reaction. Okay. So, okay. Just kind of regurgitation. All right. Straight up. Just. Ten people. Okay. So you wish you wouldn't have set that. I'm regretting that. Okay. And then you did a joke about a pop quiz, but it's really a DUI test. Then you did a joke about a game stop, but you're returning videos. So, like, nothing was real. Nothing was real. I mean, yeah, that's how long you've been on stand-up comedy. Oh, this is my first time.

There you go. That makes sense. I remember when I thought that that would work when I started stand-up comedy. I think it's a very common trait of people that are very, very, very, very, very, very just beginning, is you kind of think like, ah, they'll never see this coming because it's at this and it's at that. But, so let's try to figure out what's actually funny about you, Shukan. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. What do you do for a living? I'm between jobs, so I'm unemployed. So what was the job before? What's the job you're going for? I worked for a tech company in New York City and they laid me off in March.

So now I'm going to Phoenix soon to work for another company. Another tech company? No, now I'm going to do property management for vacation rentals. So, yeah. That does not sound like a lateral move. No, no, it does not. And why Phoenix, Arizona? What made you pick there? You were in New York City. Yeah, they, well, one, they gave me a job, so that helped. The other option was to not have another job, so I want the Phoenix. Did you try to get a job in a city other than the Minnesota?

Yeah, no I did. I did. I tried New York and there was a lot of people getting laid off at the same time, so... Why did you get laid off? Why do you think they decided to trim you out of the budget? Oh boy. He ran his minute. And there. Ha ha ha. I can't imagine that I was worth what they were paying me before. So at some point, they fucking got smart. I don't know.

How much were they paying you? Only like 80,000 Okay, this kid fell the third grade for sure. Yeah What do you what do you say hold on what do you how long are you in Austin for what are you doing here? I'm here until Wednesday. I'm here visiting my girlfriend who had a surgery. She had surgery on what? She said I'm not a lot of tell you know very insist No, was it elective surgery? It was it was a what? Did somebody got to him titties? What I was it? It was an elective surgery. Boob job. Was it a boob job? It was an elective procedure

Okay, but I'm still here. I'm still here stripper. No, she could be after this Rebel mom Incredible, okay, so tell us more about you Sean what else are you into what what do you really like? What's going on? My buddy said to say that I'm allergic to latex apparently that's an interesting thing No, it's not your bad. He's like your parents like you I think for the most part. Yeah, they've distanced themselves a little bit But other than New York Upstate New York so Rochester, yeah, yeah, wow, it could fucking tell. I know.

How I know? KDN will worst people are from Rochester, New York. It is incredible. Just a bunch of people that literally, their parents, parents, parents, parents, parents, they all just stayed where they landed. They arrived to America. They found some area in Rochester. They settled down.

And it's generations of people that never moved, never chased a dream, never took a chance and that's what you have in upstate New York. It's just filled with fucking people that are like the flavor of water, they just have no character whatsoever and when they do come into a real city to chase their dreams, they end up like this guy right here. So Sean, your parents are in Rochester. Unfortunately.

Yeah, and you're from Rochester, that's what runs through your veins. Yeah, yeah. Garbage plates just threw my blood. That's true. You are garbage. No need for you to be on their podcast, we already. That was never going to happen. I love it. So Sean, this girlfriend of yours getting elective surgeries,

she lives here in Austin. Yeah. Why did she live in Austin? Because her friend from college moved here, I don't know, she doesn't have a good reason. What does she do for work? She's a consultant for a consulting company. The consulting is my... Is the consulting company the red or the yellow rose? Ha! Yeah, I feel like you're just paying for strippers in plates to be honest with you. It's funny because she lives right near the Red Rose

and like listening all these years, I was like, I didn't even know what the Red Road was. And then she lives near, I was like, that's what the Red Rose is. That makes a lot of sense. Did she sometimes miss your calls between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m.? Yeah, it's tough getting a text back even. Yeah.

So the calls are definitely an logo. I bet. I bet. Tough out there for Phoenix property manager. Yeah. Wow. So Sean, what made you want to start stand up comedy? Tough out there for a Phoenix property manager. Yeah. Wow. So, Sean, what made you want to start stand-up comedy?

What made you come here tonight and try this for the first time here? I got laid off in my life, got significantly shittier, so I was like, give comedy a try. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Now, do you think that there's anything that, you I said, you used a lot of fake premises and things. Like have you ever even gone through a DIY test? No, not even close. Never.

And you've never tried to return a video to a game stop. No, that I have tried to do. Really? No, not Asian porn, but I have tried to return videos or not return, but sell videos to GameStop. Didn't you allude to being a sex offender? That's true, right? Is that true?

You think they have to do it? We can't initiate it. It depends how good your internet searches. All right. Has somebody ever told you that you're funny? I people have, people have, yeah. I feel like a girlfriend. You're so funny. Oh, you're so funny, Daddy. I feel like I'm better in like improvisational things, but I've been trying to run away from like people thinking that I'm gay since I did middle school theater.

So you did middle school theaters? I did. That's interesting. Can you give us a little scene? Can you show us some of your acting shops here? Doing a little bit of acting. Some upstate New York acting for you. This is Sean Clark, everybody here.

I'll be reading for the part of Sailor Ensemble in the King and I. Okay. Oh yeah, you're gay, dude. That was it. Wow, incredible. Alright, little joke book activated. Sean Clark, congratulations. Your first time ever doing stand-up kind of,

almost kind of. Here, take some zippx, nicotine toothpicks. Thank you. It'll take the edge off of whatever the fuck you just did up here tonight all right pulled another name out of the bucket we still haven't fun out there okay 60

seconds uninterrupted for your next comedian out of the bucket Rick Dias Rick D's perhaps or Dias. Rick, Dias. Oh my goodness gracious. Here he is, everybody. Things just picked up. One more time for Rick, everybody. All right. Okay, I'm here to bring the energy up. Oh wow, I st of me. I look like Spider- phone in silent mode and nothing happened.

Did you guys know that when cats know they're going to die, they look for a very quiet and isolated place to die away from the other cats? Yeah, they come to my place. Alright. Yeah, I was in bed with this lady one time and out of the blue she pulls out a pair of coughs and she's like, cough me, I want to feel punished. So I was like, so I coughed her to me. I coughed her to me. I coughed her to me. Thank you very much. I coughed her to me. I coughed her to me.

I coughed her to me. I coughed her to me. I coughed her to me. Wow! Oh my goodness. Fucking roll a coat of a coach Holy shit, I am in love Yeah I did This is incredible what a diabolical character

Slash monster slash whatever the fuck Oh my goodness Slash whatever the fuck oh my goodness Wow I feel like this is what I would have been like if I had parents growing up. This is amazing I didn't have parents you didn't have parents one. You had a little stepdad. to the mic. Oh, it's amazing. They saw his face in the other light. He knows how to play this instrument that he is.

Yeah. I've played it a lot when I was a teenager. It's good. Oh, my God. It is so funny how sometimes we can have a rough night of bucket pulls. This is almost like the night that we found Aaron Baleil and we just kept going through names

and holy shit. Roll a coaster. Yeah. It really is. And here we are. We're up for the battle. D's are Dias. D's.

D's, okay. And are you, you're Mexican? I'm Spanish. Spanish. Okay, Spain. Yeah, okay. I know I need to specify this here. Absolutely.

Very, very cool. And how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Four years. Four years. Absolutely hysterical. That's fucking amazing. You're making funny yourself. You're owning the character that you are. It is You know just straight up as good as it gets a lot of people

You know they try to look cool or be cool not you Come up here and this is what we're here for. This isn't the cool club, people didn't come for a cool show, they came for a fucking comedy show, they came to a comedy club and that's what you're doing. That's what you hear, you exist. I mean, every time, every face that you make, every single thing that you're doing right now, everything is hilarious, you are completely present. He seems so not happy to be here.

And he just murdered. He's like, yeah, whatever. I don't care. You fucking idiots. Normally, I don't murder in public. He has it not set a bunch on. It's crazy. He's everything he does. Funny. This is a star. This is one of those moments It's crazy! He's everything he does. It's funny.

This is a start. This is one of those moments that we're going to remember forever. So, what is going on? Where do you live now? I live in Brussels, Belgium. Yep. Why? Why Brussels? For a job, for my job. What's your job?

I like government stuff. You work in the government? For Jesus' right. Brussels. The European Union. Yeah, the EU Yep, the EU. What do you do for the EU? Yeah, that's how it feels Holy shit. It's crazy. Oh My god, you're a freak. How do you work for the fucking EU when you're this funny?

This is crazy. I mean, I have a very depressive job, so this is the end result. That's what you got doing contracts all day. And are you doing stand-up in Belgium? Yeah, yeah, I just stand up in Belgium. Did you ever do it in Spain? I did it in Spain as well, yeah. And you obviously, you do it in Spanish in Spain? Yeah, in Spanish in Spain in French in Belgium. Can you do it in Spain? I did it in Spain as well, yeah. And you obviously, you do it in Spanish in Spain?

Yeah, in Spanish in Spain in... Can you do it? Can you do it? Can you do it? Even though we don't know Spanish, can you give us... Can you just say a joke in Spanish? And then explain to us afterwards what the joke was? I mean, I can say the same jokes I said in Spanish. Okay, if you want to do that, I mean,

I was thinking maybe we'd go one extra joke. I want to get an extra joke out of me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just get an extra joke, I don't mean. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just looking at the drummer. Here he is doing one extra joke in Spanish. For those of you, luckily there's a lot of illegal immigrants here, Rick. Some of these people are going to know what you're saying in Spanish.

And then we're going to have you. I barely legal myself. Here he is doing a joke in Spanish, Rick Diaz. Encargue un uver para venir aquí y cuando pedí el uver, el conductor me escribió. De camino. Entonces le conteste. Eso espero, cabrón. Y me volvió a escribir coche blanco, onda thibic y le dije, ¡Pfff! humano blanco. Muy nervioso.

Y me canceló. Wow, you can really tell where the Mexicans are sitting here. It's incredible. Huge pops from the Mexican section. Praise. A lot of white people just... I heard Honda Civic. And now everybody, you're going to tell us the joke in English.

Here it is, the same joke, but in English. Are they going to understand it better? Well, now that everyone else that didn't get to laugh. Let's see. I ordered an Uber to come here. And when I ordered the Uber, the driver texted me on my way. So I texted him back. Fucking hope so.

And he texted me again. White car. Honda Civic. So I texted him again white human Extremely anxious And he can't stop the ride I mean This is what this show is all about. So why you play the game?

Flying through a bucket, hoping and trying, and it's obviously you saw all the other bucket pulls. You know that a show like this cannot possibly be, you know, produced. We don't know any of these people before. Anything can happen. And every once in a while we get lucky. You know, you don't win the lottery unless you play the lottery.

And you are one of these people that we are looking for. When my hand goes in this stupid pieces of paper, I'm hoping to find someone. So how long are you in Austin, Texas for? How hard is it for you to get here? It's incredibly hard. I took all of my yearly holidays. I'm staying a month

I'm staying until September 30th September 30th September 30th that is an entire month. You're here until September 30th Yeah, how would you like to perform on Kiltzone every week that you're here and tell them. By the way, his answer is about to be hilarious. He hasn't answered yet. I'm overwhelmed with emotions right now. The answer is yes. Our new European Super Guest. Ladies and gentlemen, let's just call it what it is. Let's just call it what it is. My friend, you just won a Kiltoni Golden ticket here right now.

Right now, right. It is what it is. Yeah. People all for five times all time. That's for you. And Rick, I would love to have you on every single secret show while you're in town. Every secret show in September.

Every Keltoni in September. Every single show in September, every hill Tony in September, every Monday, every Thursday, and you know what else? When things don't get any better, because I truly believe this, I've never even done this before, but I'm going to, as soon as the show is over, I'm going to immediately go up to the mother ship booker, Adam Egett, and I'm going to tell him, I'm going to insist that he needs to see you. So I'm going to get you a show on Sunday, three minutes in front of him, no matter what.

I, he has to see you. He's going to absolutely love you. So you might end up doing a lot of spots or maybe. I can't guarantee what he'll give you, but I know that he's going to love to see you. You're so different. You're so yourself. You're so aware. You're in the pocket. You don't even smile. You are just you. It's crazy.

I tried. Ladies and gentlemen, your new golden ticket winner, a star is born. This is the Kilt Tony debut. I'm Rick Diaz. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rick Diaz. Rick Diaz, I also am headlining a show Friday night 10pm at Balkan Gas Company. Can you do that? I can do anything. I just need somebody to remind me of all of this shit. Monday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday. You just got four spots plus the other Monday, so eight spots from 60 seconds here, live on

Kiltoni, one more time for Rick Diaz, everybody. Oh yeah, shit! That's fucking great man. What it's all about man Sometimes the comedy gods are looking out for us That guy is hysterical Miss one self-deprecation is the fucking name of the game man great joke that guy wait that guy is a an absolute fucking wow Your opinions are killing tonight. Yeah, I was ready to give him something Well, I gotta say it you know you know what I'm about to say there's only one

person in the world that can even go up after that He is the record holder for all time appearances on the show interviews on the show minutes on the show Interview minutes on the show on the road on the show, on the road with me, every single theater, every single comedy club, the freak, the Memphis Strangler, the vanilla gorilla, the big red machine, the one, the only, will you mother fucking Montgomery everybody? It is now official, you have Gennie Prigszogen, it was in the plane that crashed in Russia a few days ago. As a reminder, always turn off your cell phone before you take off. There are rumors Steve Harvey's wife had an affair with their personal chef and bodyguard.

Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a family feud. The good news is that if the personal chef did have an affair with Steve Harvey's wife, Steve promises not to fire him. The bad news, he's going to go paddle boarding with Barack Obama. Bob Barker died this week. He chose to be cremated, which is nice considering they'll only have to turn the taming bed up 10 degrees. Okay that's my time. Let's go indeed. That is a fucking great joke. Bob Barker's tanning bed.

That's a last amazing joke dude. Wait what did you just say? panning bed that's a last amazing joke Wait, what did you just say No, sirs, I didn't hear you what did you just a wonderful joke. Thank you. Thank you William lights out Montgomery has done it again coming in over the top the man with more Minutes than anyone ever in the history of the show comes out does does it again, super topical stuff that literally all happened this week. Cell phone on an airplane, Steve Harvey, paddle boarding, Bob Barker.

I mean, you went through the whole thing, stuff you only could have written this week. You really are the big red machine. How does it feel? It feels really good. And Tony, I have to be honest, I think one of the sponsors of the show is Liquid IV. That has where I've been taking it a bunch recently and it really hurts.

They actually, it's literally an IV in your arm. No. Because I've been doing it. I went over to Red Bands guy, he said he was a Red Bands guy and yeah, the guy going to his apartment and he sets me up with his IV. Is that really what liquid IV is? I thought it was a drink supplement. It is.

It's a powder drink. What's this guy fucking injecting into my ass, Tony? That's a different thing. That's an IV. If it's Red Band's guy it's probably like Hershey's syrup. Yeah, you're Red band is... Yeah, you're looking as fat as ever, Red Band! Red Band is snorting like a pig right now.

Christmas story. Wow, look at you. You do that. That's the first time I've ever tried to do that. Do it again. Aww. Aww, you're first snorts. Who said that's cute? You? No, that was my close-up. Get the fuck out of here, come at me. I just had to set up my life up here.

Don't fuck me up right now, bitch. Kicking people out, William Montgomery, one of his trademark maneuvers. Get him out of here. He famously says in every comedy club, every theater that we've been doing, he attempts to kick somebody out. I am all literally we've been doing venues with 4,000 people. He will target someone in the first two minutes and say, get him out of here. It's about a 90% success rate. The immediately security comes in, they fucking drag him out. I meet him in the back about 10 minutes after I get off stage, I start prodding him. I got this really cool Tony, I actually got it for me.

It's this little rod that has an electrical thing on the end of it, and I will just stand in the fucking alleyway and just fucking shock these pieces of shit. It is, it is a cattle prod. A cattle prod, yes, that's it. You get a lot of people don't know this, but I secretly keep on under the table, and I zap Red Bam when he's misbehaving sometimes.

Woo! Woo! Woo! Wasn't there like somebody that sat in the front row that you like went after and like you should enough, like recently that was like some big president or something? It was a Native American Indian man who was the owner of a casino somewhere in California

When I was opening up for Segura. Yeah, why would you bring that up? Yeah, that is correct. I do remember now little fun back It was the only time you Segura ever took you on the road all the toy that he does That's almost like you already knew that red band you fucking piece of shit I own the casino you guys played that or there's literally the owner of the venue Multi multi multi multi hundred hundred millionaire and you targeted him and told him to get out of his own venue And it's just crazy, you know Sagarah the only person that works more than him is Bert and it's crazy because Sigerra literally does like five or six nights a week on the road.

You would think you would have invited you back. Yeah, you would have, but it was after I kicked the chief out. I mean, you should have seen his pussy ass fucking headdress he had on. He had the fucking most pussy ass. I was like, what are you in a rap hole? What are you in a rap ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Fuck, I wasn't looking for specific Indians, bitch. I was thinking for groups. Rubbin from earlier. Man, I forgot all about rubbing. My brain scrubbed that memory until you just, I just had a horrible flashback.

Oh, God. Remember the guy that just wouldn't stop talking? Oh, dude. That was talking about William. What? Nothing, sir. Okay, thank you. Incredible. So William, what else is going on? You've been doing these theaters with me. Biggest venues you've ever performed in in your life. How does it feel? It feels wonderful. It's a big rush. I've had to be able to blow off steam recently. And I've discovered a game that I used to play,

but I forgot how exciting it was. I've been playing a bunch of battleship recently. The board game, it really kind of helps blow off steam after. I mean, you say like A6, and they say hit. And then you basically go in kind of a grid say like A6 and they say, they say hit and then you basically go in kind of a grid pattern around A6 and then when you start hitting them

you can keep on going in the order. I mean it's a rush once you get one of the, once you start hitting battles, yes, I'm not stopping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's literally such a fucking rush once you start hitting.

You're like Q7 and they're like, hit and then you're like, uh, Q6 and they say, no. And then you say, okay, Q8. I got you, man. Perhaps it wasn't expecting a master class on battleship, but here we are learning from a true master who literally looks like he would be the master class on battleship, but here we are learning from a true master who literally looks like he would be the captain of a battleship. I'd say great pride in that.

Who do you play with? Hopefully not a Norwegian sailor, because they are very good. Who do you play with? I've posted a thing on Craigslist. They don't have the personal, the misconnections anymore, you used to post on that a lot, but no, it's just under the gardening section.

I'm like, hey, I got a shout in the backyard, it's filled with stuff. If you want to come by and grab some of this dirt and shit, then they come by and I'm like, actually, I have a bigger surprise for you in the house. And then I take them into the place in one of the upper bedrooms and just get out the fucking battleship game Sometimes they don't want to play and I have to handcuff them to the fucking chair

And then sometimes red band comes out red band comes out with just a mask on and his penis shaking and Wow, you guys play battleship. Yes. Yes William you're a monster. Anything else we should talk about before we get out of here? Um... How's the puppy? The puppy is the great question. Yeah, we got it.

We got it. It's doing good. It's doing good. Oh, okay, thank you, sir. that's enough for the questions. He's really did a follow-up question. Is it getting big? She's getting bigger. She's now four pounds. She was less than two pounds. Yeah she's doing so good. Wow. If you had to pay tribute to the sweet little dog that you have what would you how would you do it I love you Gator

You know I love you Gator Red bands coming over later tonight And he's wearing his pants That come off easily We're gonna see his penis tonight Hey William Montgomery, the group of the regulars I'm going to play. Ha haokane Washington, Phoenix, San Diego. A bunch of other places. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelle is in

and it's popping up on your screen right now. I'll loud in this place, good, for two of my favorite guests, two of my favorite comedians, H. Foley and Kevin Ryan, the R.U. Garbage Podcast. Here, live on Killtony. Gelblaster Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Austin Pools, dot com, the Hall Firm, Austin Security Guard Service. Connect Mobile Health dot com,

CM Smokehouse, and Screwbopena Butterwisky. One more time for Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Matt Mewling on the electric guitar. Paul Deamer on the horns. Jetsky Johnson on the electric guitar, Paul Deemer on the horns, Jetsky Johnson on the horns, and the great de-man-ness on the bass guitar, everybody. Thank you to Zipbix, Toothpix, and all of our other great sponsors, Red Band.

Check out the secret show at the Sunset Jam. We're gonna have New Curtain soon. Sunset's Rip ATX, not coming soon. New Curtain is coming soon, and a huge announcement right around the corner We have new curtain soon. Sunset's rip ATX stock on Friday. New curtain is coming soon and a huge announcement right around the corner for the Killtony universe. The arena on New Year's Eve has officially sold out. We have sold out in arena in our hometown for a podcast.

So a big, big announcement is coming. Perhaps as soon as next week or the week after. Stay tuned! We love you guys! Thank you so much for coming out. Exclusive Kultoni merch on your way out. We love you. Thank you. Good night everybody! I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm in the middle of the night, I'm in the middle of the night

I'm in the middle of the night, I'm in the middle of the night I'm in the middle of the night, I'm in the! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm gonna run! I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do

I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more than you do

I'm a little bit more than you do I'm a little bit more careful. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1.0. Thanks for watching! you