KILL TONY - #641 - HOWIE MANDEL

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode in every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. All are merch can be found for Kill Tony at Kill Merch.com. Tony's on a brand new Tories going all over the place. So check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything golden pony. And last but not least, don't forget I have a new comedy club called the Sunset Strip. We have a bi-weekly show with the Killtony Band and the secret show is every single Thursday, Get Tickets at SunsetStrip ATX.com. And now a brand new episode of Killtony.

Starting point is 00:00:40 Hey y'all, hello fresh. Can save you much needed time during the hectic holiday season with meals like spicy, brewed chicken which I recently enjoyed. Use code KT Show Free, all one word for free, breakfast for life at hellofresh.com slash KT Show free. That's one breakfast item per box while subscription is active at hellofresh.com slash KT Show free. Hey y'all, it is a super duper digital event, like nothing we've ever done before,

Starting point is 00:01:09 a two night experience, unlike anything in Killtony history. Go to Killtonylive.com and get your live streaming tickets for the two arena shows. So much insanity is going to happen. As always, I always keep the guests and anything that I have up my sleeve a complete surprise for you. But if I told you what was going to happen on these two nights, you would be pumped. And plus you already know all your favorite regulars. And of course, Rick Diaz

Starting point is 00:01:42 versus Hans Kim for eternal regular ship on the show. A battle of two absolute autistic titans. Who knows what can happen? A lot of special treats, a lot of special guests. It's gonna be like the 10 year anniversary show, but on absolute steroids, super pumped, get tickets now and support your favorite show

Starting point is 00:02:04 in the world. The number one live podcast started with 14 people in a tiny little room. Now we're going global. That's KilltonyLive.com for the amazing two-night event, December 30th and 31st. You're going to be sick of your family, have some laughs, enjoy two nights of Killtony live. Anything can happen. KilltonyL live.com. Hey, this is Red Band Community Live from the Comedy Mother's Ship here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of the Kill Tony, give it up for Tony!

Starting point is 00:03:12 That's Claire! Who's ready for the best fucking early evening of their lives? Huh? Yeah! Yeah! Mix some noise for Red Band, everybody! You did it! You made it! You lucky fucks here at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Gel Blaster, the Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Hall Lopperm.

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Starting point is 00:04:12 I mean, look at us just glowing up here. This is the best I've ever seen Red Band look. If you would have known what we were doing at 4 a.m. last night, you would be shocked that we are here and alive. When we're happy to announce that there's a new promo code, Kill 15, where you can get 15% off an IV drip. These things fucking work. If you guys have a wild night in Austin, get a fucking IV drip.

Starting point is 00:04:34 I feel amazing. 130% better like you had a full nights rest and connect mobile health. Com is your official sponsor of the band tonight everybody. You heard them, you love them, that's Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Paul Deemer on the horns, the great Matt Mewling on the electric guitar, that's John Dees, the leader of the band on the keys, celebrating three years with us. And this is the backbone de-madness ladies and gentlemen on the bass guitar. A lot of fun stuff about the half end before we start. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors center of the room asking me how I am.

Starting point is 00:05:44 So this is going to be your chance. Oh, no. Yeah, you're gone. They already got you. They give a quick diagnosis here, bro. This is a real live show. I know I do. See you later, pal.

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Starting point is 00:12:15 Pfft. Pfft. Well, well, well. This is one of those episodes. We're going with one guest tonight. And this is one of those magical moments in the history of the show. When we started this at the Comedy Store 10 and a half years ago, there are certain comedy store absolute fucking legends and icons who helped build that club. Part of the backbone of that club.

Starting point is 00:12:41 Most of them aren't even fucking alive anymore. But meanwhile, we're able to snag one that not only is alive, he's thriving one of the best, one of the back bones of the actual comedy store, a paid regular for almost half a fucking century, a fan of Kilttoni. It is a goddamn honor. Ladies and gentlemen his first time on the show make some noise for how we band down. Oh my god. Yeah baby. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You're going down it, mother fuck it right! Happy birthday, thank you, thank you!

Starting point is 00:13:30 Wow! Wow! Yeah! Wow! You guys are amazing! This is amazing! You guys are amazing! I just want to say, people that are watching this, there's a 15 minutes set, or a 20 minutes set of this band before the show even starts, you fucking crush it. This is so fucking amazing.

Starting point is 00:13:53 This is so, and it's so much fun to say things like fucking amazing. Oh yeah. This is like, you know what it's like? It's like my parents put on AGT and now they went out of town. I could say fucking, I wanted to say, I was gonna say how are you, but I don't wanna get thrown out.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Because I just got here. God forbid you asked Tony how he's doing. Get the fuck out of here. You're gone. You're gone. Yeah, I know how he's doing. Get the fuck out of here. You're gone. You're gone. Yeah, I know. This is a tough fucking show.

Starting point is 00:14:28 This is great. This is, I was telling you, before I came out here, I was telling you that the reason I love this show, and the reason I love this show, not only do I love Tony and Reban and the band, everybody, but this is, I started in this, I'm old, and this is an early show. The people who were watching this in early show,

Starting point is 00:14:44 because I got an early bird special at a restaurant down the street, and then I'm gonna go play bingo. But the thing is that I started in the 70s. That didn't deserve a fucking rim shot. It wasn't a joke. It's just the truth. The fuck is wrong with you. But anyway, I told him I started in the 70s,

Starting point is 00:15:02 and the feeling of this show, when I went to the comedy store in 1977 Richard prior who walk on the fucking stage and I'm telling you Jaws would drop and he would shock and there's no such thing as political correctness. It's fucking comedy and now I live in LA and it's tough. I can't say What I want to say and this is the only you give people a platform to do it right. It's funny. It's tough, I can't say what I want to say. And this is the only you give people a platform to do it right. It's funny, it's raw, it's fuck, you're not recording it. You can say anything on this fucking show, except Tony, how you doing?

Starting point is 00:15:36 No. That you are fucking out of it. We don't stand for that here. I love that you have rules. Yeah. No being nice to me. Yes. During the career.

Starting point is 00:15:50 Imagine there's a guy in the street now. There's a guy in the street. I got thrown out. What'd you do? I said, how are you? And he threw out not only me, threw out the guy I was sitting with. Yeah, they did.

Starting point is 00:16:00 They threw out. And why would you ask him how he is? Yeah. OK. We got a tough. It's a whole different this a different ballgame It really is it is wild out here on these streets in Austin and we're so honored to have it you howie mandal We're gonna have so much fucking fun. I do not wait It is we're gonna find out who's got fucking talent tonight Right and you know how it works, how we open.

Starting point is 00:16:26 But they're talking, you're talking to each other. What are you saying to each other? Get the fuck outta here! I'm talking to each other. They were talking, I said I'm talking to each other. What were you saying? I was gonna kill on a fifth. Those guys, what?

Starting point is 00:16:39 Kill on a fifth. Drinking before the- Oh, they were drinking, drinking a bottle of liquor. Oh, we got a bottle of liquor. Yeah. What the fuck is that? Well, they, they were- I Oh, we got a lot of like her. Fucking telling on the yeah, I know I know why he said how you doing? You so fucking drunk. He said, how are you? Yeah, that's the level of drunk. They were very drunk. I saw the three security people at once zoom in there that they we have a very quick, they analyze the situation very quickly.

Starting point is 00:17:05 That's the great Mercedes over there, ladies and gentlemen. What appears to be a hot chick is a fucking former Navy seal that will kill you with an index finger. So, you know, very multifaceted staff we have here at the comedy mothership, Joe Rogan, in order to get a job here, Rogan watches you kick a heavy bag. So, it's not easy to be a security guard here. Okay, how about a hand? We have the great George Floyd here, seating people. He's alive and well. Oh, it's David Jolly. Okay, the legend of the show. David Jolly. I get them all confused sometimes. Anyway, a ton of people sign up for

Starting point is 00:17:42 the chance to be on the show. How you know how it works? If I pull a name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. Then they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them. Interrupts them. And then we talk to them. I interview them.

Starting point is 00:17:58 We find out more about them and what they could be talking about or what makes them interesting. And we're going to get right to it. But I'm going to pull a name here and we're going to get them from the bar next door We are pre-pulling and they're not even in the building. They are actually next door There is a dirty dirty little bar called Shake Spears right next door here where we funnel the comedians into They stand around they wait one of the producers runs over out the back door into their back door and yells a name and one of them gets up excitedly and they double check, make sure it's a club. Is it a club?

Starting point is 00:18:32 It's like a bar. Yeah. So there's people that are in that bar that have nothing to do with Kill Tony. Yeah. So there's a guy sitting at the bar going, I'm just're hot, but uh, my name's in a bucket. I can't, yeah, I can't stay. Yeah. I can't do it, but I'll just be a minute and then I'll be back and maybe later we could

Starting point is 00:18:53 fuck some. I like that. And now there's two more guys that shake spears that are like, what the fuck just happened to us next door? We'll take a fifth of liquor please. Oh yeah, here they are, the replacement killers. We have a- Well that's them, that's a replacement.

Starting point is 00:19:12 You have a seat filler? This is like the Academy Awards. Yeah. It is. It is. No fucking lucky you are. You know how lucky you are. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:22 You know what it takes to get two seats, center, third row? I'm idiot with a drink that goes, how you doing? Well, they're celebrities. And here you are. They're celebrities. That's Honey Boo Boo and Mama June right there. Fresh off of Boo Boo. So there's a lot of, it is like the Academy Awards.

Starting point is 00:19:38 You'll never know who you see out here. There's a lot of, a lot of celebrities. Sorry about your sister That's why I had the reference because I Never too soon not here all right So to start tonight show ladies and gentlemen while we wrangle the comedian from next door I think you guys know what happens here you guys are fans of the show correct Well, we're gonna start and how we always do. You guys know the words in this song?

Starting point is 00:20:13 This is HUN. You can't, everybody. A brand new 60s from the great Hello! Three, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, four, five, four, five, five, four, five, five, five, four, five, five, five, four, five, five, five, four, five, five, five, five, four, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, five, And I can see their buttholes pucker up because they have no butt cheeks. Feel bad for white people, maybe if they didn't kill all the Native Americans, they wouldn't have to take hip-hop dance classes to feel better about themselves. I love watching Fox News because it makes me look at Mexicans differently. Now when I see a Mexican, I just want to document them. That's my problem with Mexicans.

Starting point is 00:21:10 Not enough paperwork involved. Sometimes I'll just hand them a receipt. But yes, a lot of crazy things happening. I think it's fucked up that gay marriage is legal in Texas, but weed isn't. Sometimes we'll be like, man, I really wish I could smoke a joint, but I guess all of a suck of dick instead. Thank you. There you go, Hans. Tim with a little mind eraser of a closer there at the end. One good closer makes us forget that the 55 seconds before that wasn't strong.

Starting point is 00:21:49 Well, not anymore. It was like observational comedy without any good observations. That's the most important. People don't have an ass. Yeah, a little bit. And do all white people have thin lips, Hans? They clipper.

Starting point is 00:22:03 Not you, Tony. that's right not me Tony I do do Asian people have thicker lips and white people is that a thing I hope so it's very sad how thin your lips are no I I don't really know to lips that much I didn't understand the answer me neither I would like to buy a vowel Yeah, I think white people are great. I was just poking fun. You know, I make fun of everyone if it you're making shit up You're really funny. I'm a fan. Thank you. Thank you. I'm showing. I love the close Right, I didn't like it. It's been in it if you're gonna do observational do observational comment, you can't just make shit up. Well, don't you think it's a stereotype

Starting point is 00:22:46 that white people have thin lips? I don't think so. I never heard of. I mean, people are comparing it. Lisa Rena once said to me, she said, howie if you're gonna make jokes. No, that was see, I've made a reference and I got as much laughter as you did.

Starting point is 00:23:03 So maybe it's not your fault. Maybe it's the room. I often blame the room. This time it's not so much the room. So thin lips, Mexicans documented, you give them a, would you say a receipt? Yeah, I just want to give them paperwork. Because it's a document.

Starting point is 00:23:22 Yeah. OK. But the last one, it's a document. Yeah. Okay. But the last one, remember the last one? Yeah. That's good. Everyone loved that one. They really did. Let's focus on that.

Starting point is 00:23:34 You should open with that and close with it. Yeah. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Just one joke all the way through. People can't get enough of sucking dicks. Quit while you're ahead, no pun intended. It is true. Stop doing that, Michael.

Starting point is 00:23:53 So enough with the set, Hans, tell us about what's going on in your real life. That's always the most interesting thing about you. Let's find out what's going on this week. I've been having a great real life. I've been to Appleton, Wisconsin recently, which doesn't sound as cool. Oh, there's a lot of thin lips up there. A lot of the thin lip people, if you know what I mean. A lot of the people with those barely can see them lips. The whites. You're the cheese festival. I was actually pursuing my career. That's kind of where my career is at right now. It's Appleton. But yes, yes. Appleton, you did comedy. Yes, Skyline

Starting point is 00:24:34 comedy club. Was it in a tower? Was it in a... It was pretty high up like third floor. Or the skyline. The skyline of Wisconsin. Yeah, the skyline of Wisconsin, not that high. How did it go? It went fantastically. Do any of this material there? I tried to avoid any of the material I did here tonight, but I did a lot of old stuff, which, you know, I was talking about Bill Clinton and Monica Linsky. Oh, topical. Very good. No better time than 2023. But I went up there, I'd be like, is there any black people in the audience? And sometimes there would be no one, no black people there, and be like, good, a perfect audience.

Starting point is 00:25:14 Right. Yeah. That makes sense. But if there was a black audience, I'd be like, oh, that Wisconsin is so jerrymander, that table just became a congressional district. Okay, so it's probably better if there were no black people. There's one of them is a really good joke and the other one is about gerrymandering, everybody. I know, I love a good gerrymandering joke,

Starting point is 00:25:37 everyone's an oil. You know those thin lips, they love gerrymandering. Yes, indeed, you'll thin-lipped whites. I love it. OK, how's your relationship going this week? My girlfriend's great. We recently started doing acro yoga. It's very stressful.

Starting point is 00:25:54 What is that? It's like where I balance her on my foot and try not to get my toes in her pussy. Wouldn't that be called pussy footing? Don't push he foot around me. I try not to pussy foot around my girl. Did you have a toe in the pussy? Yeah, that's interesting that that was the first thing that you wrapped this was there a toe in the pussy and did you do it on purpose? Yes. Wow. And what's the

Starting point is 00:26:19 difference between athlete's foot and chlamydia? It's the same thing I got chlamydia on my foot right. But yes, it's great. The way he could just take a concept and run with it. It's amazing. I got chlamydia on it. It just stops. You just stop. Sorry about that. Don't apologize for me.

Starting point is 00:26:46 No apologies, Hans. Anything else we should know about? I know about your family. I've watched you before. Doesn't your father lives overseas? Yes. He's a Korean and overseas. He's in Korea. Yes. But is that top... Do you talk to him?

Starting point is 00:27:01 I have it in about six months. Why? It's just a little awkward. So do you want to cut... I have it in about six months. Why? It's just a little awkward. So do you want to cut, can we call him now? Yeah, can we call Mr. Kim? Can we do this? Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:13 Oh, I love this idea, how I thank you. Where is it? What time is it where he is? It's probably around 6am or 4am. That's good, so it's good for you. We'll leave him a voicemail. He speaks English, right? Yes.

Starting point is 00:27:28 A little bit. All right. Six months. This is Hans Dad. This is Hans Dad. This is Hans Dad. This is Hans Dad. Would this be considered outsourcing comedy?

Starting point is 00:27:42 This is out. I don't know. This is. Is it ringing? Do you have it on speaker phone? Yeah. Put it on speaker. 아 Are you on speaker? Yes. Hey, hi dad. Hi, everyone. Yobo seo, yeah, this is Hans, your son. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show.

Starting point is 00:28:12 We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show.

Starting point is 00:28:20 We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on a show. We're on Hello, Mr. Kim, it's Tony of Killcony. Hello, my Joe. Hello. Hello. Do you think white people have thin lips?

Starting point is 00:28:34 I just want to see if it's a family thing. Tony, I don't understand. Oh. White people. Do you know what white people? Hello? Hello. Hi. This is amazing. Mr. Kim, it's Tony. Have you ever watched

Starting point is 00:28:54 Hans do comedy before? So did I. I cannot hear you. Is this really what your dad sounds like? What does this guy do for a living? What is he doing? He's a mathematician. He's a mathematician. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:10 Give me the phone. Give me the phone. What was that? Say that again? I will mess with a T-shirt. Yes. Very good. And you know Hans is a comedian, right?

Starting point is 00:29:23 Yes, I know. Have you ever watched him on the hit show Kill Tony before? No, I don't Interesting you know your son is wildly successful correct Yes, I thought that Yes, are you are you proud of them? Of course I'm proud of him. Wow. Proud goes wild. That was the correct answer Mr. Kim.

Starting point is 00:29:56 Can I call you Mr. Kim? Yes. Okay. Do you know any of his jokes? Do you know his jokes? Yeah, I heard some of them. I want him to tell you just the closing joke from tonight. Tell your father that joke. Do the joke. Hans is going to do a joke.

Starting point is 00:30:21 This went over well. You should be very proud. This is your son now telling you the closing joke from tonight and feel free to laugh right into the phone if you think it's funny and don't laugh if you think it's not funny go ahead go ahead so in Texas it's weird it's it's horrible that gay marriage is legal but weed is not sometimes I I'll be like, I wish I could smoke a joint of marijuana right now, but I guess I'll just have to suck a dick instead. Explain it to him. Well, yeah, it's because you can suck a dick, but you can smoke.

Starting point is 00:31:12 How do you say penis in Korean? Cochoo. Cochoo, you can't smoke marijuana, but you could lick cochoo. Funny? What? What? What? What? What are Funny? What? What? What?

Starting point is 00:31:26 What did you lick? What? What? I don't know what was lick? Co-chew. Co-chew. Co-chew. Co-chew.

Starting point is 00:31:34 Co-chew. Penis too. Penis. Dick. Dick. Dick. There's the live! That's what we were looking for.

Starting point is 00:31:52 Oh, we bring the world together. You can speak Korean. Yeah, we can talk Korean. Cochute you, buddy! This is so nice. It's beautiful the way you bring father and son together. This is incredible. This is the first time we've talked to you. We've heard so much about you before. Hans is an absolute star. Do you, are you proud of him for having a white American girlfriend? Within lips. He's okay with sucking dick, your girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:32:25 Not so happy about it. I think the mind has also not specially what I think if we had a girlfriend that's good, but by the others things are not important. Other things are not important. Yeah, other things are more important. Race is not important. Race is not important. Wow. Just look at you.

Starting point is 00:32:51 Wow. Race is very important to Hans. He must get his racism from his mother. How do you say, how do you say, how do you say, vagina? I actually didn't learn that one. How do you, sir, how do you say vagina? I actually didn't learn that one. Sir, how do you say vagina?

Starting point is 00:33:07 How do you say vagina in Korean? Chunggo. Chunggo. So your son puts his foot in her kunjo. Chunggo. He puts his kUJUJU in there. Just I want him to know that she's very open. To your culture so he knows she's accepting.

Starting point is 00:33:36 A woman who lets you put her foot in her KUJU is an accepting person. Before we let you go Mr. Kim, one last question. Do you have any jokes? Do you have a short joke that you'd like to do for the first time in Killtony history? We have you here on speaker phone. Do you know any jokes? The joke over here, see me?

Starting point is 00:34:01 One joke. One joke. So I remember one of the jokes about Martin Luther King's day, but I cannot reproduce because my English is not good. Here's what I'm gonna say. You tell the joke, you say the joke in Korean, and talk slowly, and then your son will translate it into English for us.

Starting point is 00:34:30 Yes. You can do this. This is so weird. Killtony is closed caption. It is amazing. You do the joke in Korean and Hans is going to translate it. Ready? Martin Luther King Day joke has to be good. I hope it ends in the end word. Let's go. Go. So Hans went to library on Marching Road to King's day and the library, library is closed.

Starting point is 00:35:05 So he cannot know about Martin Luther King. So can you translate louder? It should be open on Martin Luther king's day and instead of that What was this the library should be closed Library should be closed why can I translate? Hitler's birthday Hitler's birthday Wow Hitler's birthday. Oh. Wow. The whole crowd became Asian first. That was actually good.

Starting point is 00:35:49 That was better than your son's first 50 seconds of his set tonight. Thank you, sir. Mr. Kim, thank you so much for talking to us. Great. Your son is absolutely killing it. He's a star. He is a full-time career. He's absolutely a stud. You raised a great boy. Thank you so much

Starting point is 00:36:15 Gotta go see you later Man, I know the nose on it. Get me to hang out real quick. He started doing the math. Yeah, I passed. A true mathematician. Am I not going to get a painful my end of the earth? My lips started to quiver.

Starting point is 00:36:40 I can barely tell they're so good. Hans, what a great way to start the show. You did it again. You did a beautiful boy. Come on! The legend Hans Kim, going up against Rickides for permanent regular ship on New Year's Eve. The stream is on sale now, kiltonelive.com.

Starting point is 00:37:00 We're a first bucket pool. Has been pulled. We're pre-pulling the second one. This person got dragged out of the bar next door It looks like a new name makes some noise for Dayton. This said everybody Hi My name's Dayton and I don't understand why, because my parents aren't from Ohio. They're from Oklahoma.

Starting point is 00:37:30 So I asked my dad where my name came from, and he was like, well, I was Dayton your mom. Yeah. Which honestly, that makes a lot of sense because my brother's name is Buttfuck. He was a miracle. I started comedy around the same time Louis got canceled for jerking off in front of women, and I was like, fuck, that's why I got into this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:11 Actually, I'm not really sure why I started comedy. I think it's just because I've always been a big fan of it, you know? Like, when I was 10, I wrote Rob O'Williams a letter. It just said, kill yourself. He didn't respond. He didn't respond. Alright, Dayton Bissack. I love it. Welcome to the show. Hey, hello.

Starting point is 00:38:32 This is your first time here, correct? Yeah, I love it. And Austin too, first time. Okay, welcome. Wow, where are you from? I live in New York now, but I'm from Kansas City. Wow, you have that kind of laid back kind of comfortable attitude that I like. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:38:49 You don't seem laid back. You seem like really nervous and uncomfortable. I was just being facetious, but it's funny. You are so fucking funny. You really are. Have you done stand up before? Yeah, I'm about five years in. Five years. How long have you been in New York? Just years in. Five years, how long have you been in New York? Just a year. Right, and how long have you been in Austin?

Starting point is 00:39:08 I just got, like, I drove 12 hours last night from Kansas City. Really? Yeah. You drove like last night, like? Yeah, I left at like 6 p.m. Got in at like around 5 a.m. Wow, look at you.

Starting point is 00:39:20 Where are you staying while you're here? I stay with my pals. Okay. So you went straight there at 5 a.m. Took a little nap, woke up. Yeah. You've been in the bar next door waiting. Yes.

Starting point is 00:39:30 And you got pulled out. Yes. Amazing. Absolutely incredible. You're really funny. Oh, yeah. You're really funny. I'm telling you, you got a, you got a future in this.

Starting point is 00:39:40 I was expecting when you came out, you were so, you seemed a little fucked up and then, no, but it's really, it doesn't, you don't give the impression like, I got this. I was expecting when you came out you would so you seem a little fucked up and then It doesn't you don't give the impression like I got this That's what's beautiful about you that you keep that stay no matter how comfortable you get stay uncomfortable No because I like your discomfort Does that make any sense? Yeah, yeah, look and you have a good look You have the little star power you look like Logan Paul with leukemia And you have a good look. You have the little star power. You look like Logan Paul with leukemia

Starting point is 00:40:10 It's very good. What do you do for a living that you had to drive 12 hours instead of buying a flight? I I've been living since I moved to New York just off stand-up. Oh boy, but it's not I mean going I've got to get a job when I get back. Yeah. What are you gonna do? What type of job are you gonna look for? I don't know just something that they don't rely on me. What have you? What have you done before? What is your experience? You could be an ozampic salesman Absolutely, I was a lifeguard for like five years a lifeguard Yeah, if I was fucking drowning and I saw you I would even yell help. I would just look fucking You help And I saw you, I wouldn't even yell help. I would just let fucking... You hell? Nah, fuck.

Starting point is 00:40:47 It's not two kids die. Yeah, I'm not kidding, yeah. You saw two kids die. Really? Yeah, at the same time. Why are you laughing? Why are you, you were the fucking lifeguard and you watched two kids die?

Starting point is 00:41:00 No, I didn't involve, I did see if you... I know you weren't involved. That was the problem. No one thinks you were holding their heads down. You watched that while you were lifeguarding? Well, the first one was in 2019. I was on the top of a water slide and it happened. And this is a real... And God forbid you should slide down.

Starting point is 00:41:20 Right. How are you going to get down there to the ground and get it? That's the best way. I must hop into slide. That was that the wayful and a kid was under for a long time and he was like, How do you know he was under for a long time because you were fucking watching? Yeah. You are not a good at guarding life.

Starting point is 00:41:38 Oh, that's number two. Yeah, I think I'm gonna go into comedy. Yeah, two drownings is a lot for a lifeguard. You might be one of the worst lifeguards I've ever heard of. Yeah, the manager, the manager of the water park over at that when the ambulance was still in the park, he made me go up to the family and offer them dip and dots. Are you fucking serious?

Starting point is 00:42:04 That's not a joke at all, yeah, no. Don't you think they've seen enough dots dip at the time? Oh my god. They lost their child? They didn't know yet. Oh! So you're gonna surprise them, they're gonna go, like, we got free dipping dots!

Starting point is 00:42:19 Right. We got free dipping dots! Wait, let me finish. Yeah. So, is that true? Do you offer them dipping dots? Yeah, of family. And then who broke the news to them that their childhood died?

Starting point is 00:42:32 I don't know, it's gone that point. You're just the dipping dots guy. Yeah, I'm like, wait, here's some dipping dots, the aluminum. Oh my god. Absolutely incredible. What do you do for fun when you're not being terrible at being a lifeguard and doing stand-up? I sit my bed and stare at the ceiling over thank everything. I don't know. I don't have enough money. Would it be easier to lie

Starting point is 00:42:57 on the bed to stare at the ceiling? If you're sitting on the bed, you just... I think that's hard on the bed. That's right. That's true. A neck does hurt. 90 degree angle. That's why two kids drown, because he just sits there like this. Water is down there. I hear a lot of splashing. What am I going to do? I'm at the top of the fucking slide. How am I supposed to?

Starting point is 00:43:16 I just keep hearing palp, palp. Oh, here's the dipping duck truck. So are you in a lesbian relationship? Yeah, I am. Yeah, you are. Would you meet that girl at? I'm at her in Kansas City. Yeah, she's a comic.

Starting point is 00:43:35 And then you drove 15 hours? Is she here with you? No, she's not. Are you in a relationship? Yeah. How do you know? Like, you didn't know that the kid was drowning. How do you know that you're with somebody?

Starting point is 00:43:49 Could just be in my head. How long have you been going out? About a year. About a year. And you think you're going to take it to the next level? We have sex, right? Hopefully. How far have you gotten so far?

Starting point is 00:44:06 How many fingers? Just the one. There you go. There you go. Do you have any special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy? No. Zero.

Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah, no. Nothing at all. I can build Legos pretty good. Wow, yeah. That's a closer for the ladies. Yeah, you are your own cock blocker. It was incredible. All right, Dayton, well, you did what you had to do.

Starting point is 00:44:37 You came up, you had a good minute, right? Hell yeah. Did you guys like him? I like him. This is a big joke, but take one of those. That's from the great Bones Eye. Oh, yeah. Do you guys like him? I like him. This is a big joke book. Take one of those. That's from the great Bones Eye. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:48 And you did it. Way to get it started right out of the bucket. Take this, just say it. Oh, yeah. Thank you, buddy. There he goes. By the way, little fun fact I have been made aware for those of you interested.

Starting point is 00:45:01 We have breaking news, breaking news. Just in case anybody's interested, we have breaking news, breaking news. Just in case anybody's interested, the two guys that got kicked out started a fight with a security guard outside and they have both been arrested, ladies and gentlemen. So there you go. See, what appears to be... It appears to be that we're tough here, like, oh, how are you? But how are you? Is a very telling troubling thing. I know, but when you're sitting in the cell, the guy goes, what are you in for?

Starting point is 00:45:29 I asked Tony, I said, how are you? And then it all went downhill from there. He's in the fucking chair. Yeah. That's it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It's like not real. How'd you get in here?

Starting point is 00:45:44 How are you? How are you get in here? How are you? How are you doing? Amazing. How are you doing? You didn't even yell anything pulled another name out of the bucket you guys haven't fun yet? All right here comes another one 60 seconds uninterrupted going to tie Marion everybody tie Marion is next Live on Kiltzoni Ty Marion is next. Blind on Killthrowing. Shhh! Oh, my God! Mmm-hmm. My little brother is half Mexican, a professional clown, and a gay.

Starting point is 00:46:17 But none of those are what's really annoying about him. What is is he feels like he's got to be included in everything. He's a little cholo, bozo, homo, with homo. You know? Yolo. I think my best friend, I think my best friend started to go crazy. He just recently bought one of those lifelike sex dolls. He knows what I'm talking about.

Starting point is 00:46:42 The other day I went to his house when I walked in, he was crying, he was holding a pair of these underwear. He was screaming at that doll. Who's underwear are these? And man, when I saw this as his friend, I knew I had to be supportive, especially because those are my favorite underwear. My dad is trans, but it's cool because I never see him. Y'all know what it's like having a transparent, transparent. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:47:21 Timerion. Okay. I get it. You kind of have a little trademark. You're like a little pun wordsmith. Like a wordsmith. Thank you. Ty Marion. Okay. I get it. You kind of have a little trademark. You're like a little pun word smith. Like a word smith. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:30 You got funny words, and you put words together. Mm. It's English. What? They're English? I know. Majority case, you didn't understand? No, I know.

Starting point is 00:47:39 Debozo with the FOMO and the transparent. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You don't have the face of a guy that would be a word smith. No, more like a blacksmith, probably. Yeah, there you go. You just did it again, you son of a bitch.

Starting point is 00:47:51 Look at you. You're a little trickster over there. I love it. You've been on the show before. You have a face that's kind of memorable, like a melting pumpkin or something like that. Thanks. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:03 You made fun. Everybody actually made fun of it. You all made fun of last time I was on. You made fun. Everybody actually made fun of it. You all made fun of last time I was on. You made fun of my complexion. What did I say? Something just being dark looking. And you remember, you remember, come on. It was back in the man.

Starting point is 00:48:14 Uh. It was. It was. It's got to be a word for what he said. No, you just said basically, essentially, it made it sound like I was brown around and had downs. Is everything that you kept saying? That sounds like one of your jokes. That's his thing, hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:27 That's his thing. You're like the new Nipsey Russell. Nobody knows who Nipsey Russell is. No. But he was a guy in the 80s, I guess, that rhymed. Yes. Yes, so you're kind of more of a poet than a comedian. Like a poet? Yeah, the other day I called the W word, the Wigger.

Starting point is 00:48:43 I don't know. But the guy... Yeah, Iigger. I don't know. But the guy, yeah, I know. I don't know. He said it with the ER, and I was really offended. I was so. So I don't even call it you that? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:52 What did you do right before that, to where they would call you that? We were just talking. And I guess apparently sometimes my cadence or my voice sometimes comes off a little thuggish. No, just lethargic. Just lethargic. It's kind of like, I don't give a shit. I took one too many quailudes.

Starting point is 00:49:09 I would ever, you just seem like really, yeah. Like it just woke up. It wasn't wait one too many. I think it was like the right amount of quailudes. Yeah, just perfect. Just floating right now. Are you high? A little bit, yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:22 High on marijuana. Yeah, just some edibles earlier. Okay, Monday. Absolutely. Ty, what else about you? What can we talk about that? We didn't find out about you last time you were on the show. Any fun facts about Ty Marion?

Starting point is 00:49:39 Yeah, I used to play music before anybody makes me drum off or anything like that. No, I literally used to just press play on buttons, play music. I used to be a DJ in San Antonio area in the early to mid 2000s. Tour did some of that stuff for a while. That was fun. Why'd you leave it? I had the wrong people surrounding me. They were more interested in getting their dick sucked every night than helping me get

Starting point is 00:50:03 to that next level Even though I was opening for big names doing hundreds of people thousand people in the crowd They were more concerned about who they were going home with that and now you're surrounded with all the right people You know you're alone. Yeah, you You know you should be surrounded. Yeah, I was figure out. Yeah, at this point fucking put it all on me I'm gonna bet on myself and I'm gonna do it with comedy now and you never got to take your DJing to the next level and that kind of bothers you I mean nothing Ryan's with DJ right well. He never got to DJ and his PJs on a PJ actually Yeah, you know what that sound means

Starting point is 00:50:44 Actually got you had something. No, I did DJ one time with my PJs. You got a BJ on it. I actually did get a BJ, got caught by the owner of the club one time while I was in the booth mixing it. And the only thing I was told was hurry up, send me in the office afterwards and I was giving a high five. So it was a pretty good day for me

Starting point is 00:51:05 You were able to wait, but you left everybody else you were working with because all they wanted was their dick sucked But you got fired getting your dick suck exactly see they wanted what they couldn't have and I'm having it and so they were just You were able to get hard well exposed to an entire audience There's like a like you guys are sitting there. You're in a booth. You can't really see anything below here. Right. And so there was a conveniently little cut out area. She sat down on them. Did you have like a face where you were, where it looked like you were getting a BJ?

Starting point is 00:51:32 Was it like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like that? Yeah. Yeah, she was waiting for the drop too, if you know what I mean. Oh, yeah. Absolutely, that little little fucking little dead mouse in her mouth

Starting point is 00:51:51 It's not little come on. It's average Just like you very good. No, I love it. What's your love life like now? You have a girlfriend? No girlfriend Really dedicating a lot of time to comedy. So it's more like just one night stands, random hookups. I love them. Any crazy one night stands lately? What's a one night stand with Ty Mary and like? Typically, just because I don't want them to know where I live,

Starting point is 00:52:17 I always ask to go to their house. It's not like I live at home where I'm in Barras in my place. But typically the bar that I go to to hook up with, it's a block and a half from where I live. So I'm not trying to walk over there and then walk them home and they have to walk them back to their car. You know what I mean? I put a lot of walking down over home.

Starting point is 00:52:34 Right. Wow. What a, I'm telling you, people are gonna watch this and you're gonna get so much pussy. Yeah. No, because that's what women want. They want them, man.

Starting point is 00:52:43 I'm not gonna. You'd be surprised. I would be. I would. It would actually be surprised. I'm looking at the face on the women, and they're going, oh, look what I'm with. Why can't I have him? No.

Starting point is 00:52:53 She's looking at me going, who the fuck is this guy in sweetheart? Guess what? When I woke up this morning, rolled over in bed. I also said, who the fuck is this guy? I have a drinking problem. Okay. So, um. Absolutely. Wow. Wow. fuck is this guy I have a drinking problem okay so um absolutely well you drink a lot man recommend connect mobile health calm kill 15 get

Starting point is 00:53:12 an IB drip yeah get fully recovered absolutely okay that was seamless yeah that's amazing he's good at that he's he's that was integrated yeah yeah yeah I'm getting a blowjob right now. You can't even tell You cannot even tell it's all happening little little heat is underneath the table right now Sweet sweet boy cake Okay, I thought I was tickling my nudge Tony somebody told me I was supposed to ask you how you're doing, but I guess that I don't get it. Oh! Get the fuck out of here!

Starting point is 00:53:47 You're going to prison, buddy. Get the fuck off this thing! Order in the court. I bet. I bet. You already have a big joke book? Yes, sir. Well, here's some zippic, snicketyne toothpicks, enjoy those, my friend.

Starting point is 00:54:00 There goes Ty Marion, everybody. Let's do one of the regular ladies and gentlemen. We've come to that part of the show where one of the stars is going to do a brand new 60 seconds. And when I say a star, I mean this motherfucker burns bright. This is indeed one of the greatest to ever do it. 60 seconds, brand new for Cam Patterson ladies and gentlemen live in the black This one this one let's see this this one real deal my heart and shit

Starting point is 00:54:43 Before starting on comedy I was like a real dead dope boy. You know what I'm saying? That's all I did, like every day. You know what I'm saying? And I used to hang out with my best friends, and he'll be with me every day. And all we do is just sell drugs all the time. And that's it. And then one day he was like, bro, you so fucking funny.

Starting point is 00:54:59 You should try stand up comedy. And I was like, now I'm nigga, that's gay. That's what I said. That's gay as hell. And then he was like, no, I'm nigga, that's gay. That's what I said. That's gay as hell. And then he was like, no, but you so funny, you probably like, blow up and never talk to a nigga again. That's how funny you could be. And fast forwarded like two years later, we were still doing the same thing we were doing and out of sight, like, you know what, Rommah, do stand up and he would with me every day. Every single day for the first three months, he would quote him, my first sent on stage,

Starting point is 00:55:26 he would out of my rock, the art of my best friend. And a couple weeks ago, I did the biggest video I ever did in my life with Tony. And I had him on FaceTime the whole time. He saw the whole show. And when I got on stage, he would cry. And I said, he was so proud of me. And then I started crying because I knew

Starting point is 00:55:47 I was never gonna talk to that nigga again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah love you. I love you. I'm telling you, I love you. I collect rocks. Yeah, talk to me. I like the way they feel. What are you? Here, go.

Starting point is 00:56:12 Oh, gang. OK. There you go. I had a book. Gangs love you. Oh my god, I got one of his. You have no idea. I love you.

Starting point is 00:56:18 You've got to be a concrete. I love you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But you're amazing. You really are amazing. And that was beautiful. And you know, that is when I said that I came out and I watched Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor is my god as far as comedy. And he was the first guy that took that I realized took real stories, not jokes, not making a, he took real stories in a tough life and who he was. And he could make you laugh and he could make you cry. And the beauty of you telling a story like this and I was looking at people's faces and

Starting point is 00:56:50 you were telling an incredible, you're at a great storyteller and you were, it was really coming from the heart because that's probably your real life and what you came from and then to turn that around and make people laugh, you are fucking brilliant and you are, you are like Richard Prior to me. And you are as good as I love you. I'm not kidding. And you've been doing it for such a short time and to find your way and to be so articulate as far as being able to just tug at somebody's heartstrings and turn it and twist it. You know I was telling Tony at the beginning, when you go look at theater they have comedy and tragedy, the two masks are together.

Starting point is 00:57:26 And those two masks, comedy and tragedy are very close. And when you couldn't take reality and make people who are crying, smile, you are a magician and you buddy are a magician. I love you. I really love you. I love it. I love it.

Starting point is 00:57:42 I love it. Spot on analysis. I mean, that is exactly how I feel. Not here, man. Can I keep this? Oh my god. Wait. Oh my god. Thank you. It's amazing. You know, he sells rocks. You want to talk about fucking not only is he hysterical, but perhaps one of the most amazing, brilliant merchandising minds. It's a universe, dude. Yeah, that's right.

Starting point is 00:58:06 So like, when he goes on the road, he literally, his dad or he, he'll, or if his dad's in the same city, he'll bring a box of rocks. Literally fucking rocks. Bust of rock. And I mean, like rocks. Like rock.

Starting point is 00:58:19 He gave me concrete. This is not a rock, right? Now, I was like, I like to do it, but it's a little bit more sand. It's like this shit right here. What like to do it. I feel like I feel like No, give him his rock band. Damn, what's that rock band?

Starting point is 00:58:38 What do you do? What do you do to it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But I mean, he literally sells rocks to people and they cannot wait to buy these rocks. And if he runs out of rocks to sell in front of the thousands of people in line, he can literally go outside and be like, here's one. 20 bucks. Oh, and I've read some stories. Like every age, right, you told me, like older people and kids, kids come up to you and they love rocks, right? And they want to buy rocks and they want you to give them rocks, right?

Starting point is 00:59:27 And I heard a story and maybe you don't want me to bring it up, but he went to a public swimming pool and he sold two kids tons of rocks. Whoa, we'll tell them about it now. Whoa, come down, come down. Whoa, and they went swimming. They didn't want anybody to have, and they both drowned. Yeah. But wait, wait, their family they both drowned. Yeah, but wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:59:45 Their family got dipping dots. Yeah. It ended up being a good story in the end. As long as you get dip and dots, it solves all problems. You can always make another baby, dip and dots, so it's a rare treat. Yeah, you know, you're the best. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:00 Ashtray might have used them on it, you know, yeah. You've had dip and dots before? Oh, dip and dots. Oh, you've got more. You're from Orlando. You had dip and dots as fucking everywhere? You've had dipping dots before? Oh, dipping dots. Oh, you've got dipping dots from Orlando? You have dipping dots as fucking everywhere, that's it. Dip dots are hard, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:09 You sold these sold hard drugs and dipping dots? Did you do, oh, I did all this, did everything. Really? Not just this hard drugs, but not dipping dots. You don't want to admit to dipping dots, I did. Man, I sold crap, we're not dipping dots, that's it. K, you know what I'm saying? All dripping, no dipping. I'm so crap, we're not dipping, that's game. You know what I'm saying? All dripping, no dipping.

Starting point is 01:00:27 I'm saying, no doubt about it. No dots all thoughts. Talk to what we outside. Hell yeah. Gang violence. Gang violence. Gang violence. Hey, you, you, you, you call Hans dead, you wanna call my dead?

Starting point is 01:00:43 Let's do it. Absolutely, it's a special. You know it's gonna be weird. You know it's gonna be weird, I'm gonna freak out, it's the same guy. Ha ha ha ha. Uh, hello. I do not understand.

Starting point is 01:00:57 Ha ha ha ha. That should be great. I'm not in the Louvre King of the day. I do not understand that translation. Where is he? He's in Orlando. He's in Orlando. He's back home, is it?

Starting point is 01:01:11 Oh, let me see. Do you have a girlfriend? Yes, handle. Yes, and no. Yeah, I got a wife and she, but I still be fucking. Oh, no. But I love her, she knows who she is. She knows who she is.

Starting point is 01:01:23 She's the wife, but not the one you're fucking. Yeah, I love her though. She hates that I talk about this all the time. I love her. Why would she hate it? Why would she hate? As long as you say you love you, I love you. You can go out and talk anything you want. Hey, what's up? Yeah, you're rather talk to his wife. Breaking stereotypes is calling his father. Everybody's father picked up. Yeah, you all you all you all kill tonne right now. Can you turn it all the way up on the side? How's it going? How's it going, Mr. Patterson? You're on with Tony Hinchcliffe live on Kill Tony with the great howie Mandel I gotta tell you your son made my day your son is fucking brilliant your son is a superstar

Starting point is 01:02:19 Thank you you proud of himself than he is of you. He gave me my balls, stupid, he gave me my dick. Yeah. Do you know what do you think of his wife? Who is? Cam said that he has a wife on this show here just a moment ago Oh, because he doesn't fuck her he fucks everybody else, but he has a wife. She knows who she is You don't

Starting point is 01:03:05 Mr. Mr. Patterson, you know, this is an improvised segment, but I just thought of what I think is a good question. Is there anything that like, embarrassing from Cam's childhood that he might not want you to tell us? That was a quick turn. It took Cam until he was going to cop the kid. How old? To go to the can. Don't tell people that. Not potty trained.

Starting point is 01:03:29 He's not potty trained. No, no, that's not what he said. Go give. Hold on. Say it again. Everybody's going to pay. Are you potty trained? I could piss real good.

Starting point is 01:03:35 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. All right, listen. Here it is. Here's the embarrassing thing. Go ahead, say it again, Mr. Patterson. Yeah, it took him until he was 12 years old to count the 10. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:47 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:55 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:03 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can count really hard. Come on, huh? How hard can you count? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, and 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, six, 11, 18, 19, 15. I don't done, I'm done, that's it. All right, 18. That's it, he got his parsing it down. Ha, ha, ha.

Starting point is 01:04:17 Oh my goodness, gracious. You're a dick for that, man. That's fucked up, but. He can't spell, do the town spell five, father. Oh my goodness gracious He can't spare good tell us about five out of Spell firefighter he can't spare good all right So the word on this streets mr. Patterson is that you're not a very good speller so without googling We're going to give you a word and right off the bat. You have to you have to spell it for us are you ready no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no It's a spelling C Thank you That's what the diction is not gonna always go how do I not go dog go dog dog quickly Spell dog dog dog

Starting point is 01:05:27 Are you saying dark as in dark ass? No. I wasn't saying dark ass. I love that. That's the reference that he is. Dark as in dark ass. Someone's picked called dark ass before. Someone's ass is a couple shades darker than the rest of his body Dog like rough rough like a puppy dog Yes, no

Starting point is 01:06:05 All right, here we go. Wow. I can hear your thumbs typing. Why? Why are you being so mean? I'm like dog right now. Come on, we all wait and all you pops. All right, dog. I don't know, that's easy man. I can take that one. That's my problem. It's been ten fucking minutes. He's flying. It's already a problem.

Starting point is 01:06:22 He's flying through the pages of the dictionary right now. He's looking up DAWG and he's like, where the fuck is this? God damn hard. It starts with a D like in Dark-Ash. He's flying through the pages of the dictionary right now. He's looking up DAWG and he's like, where the fuck is. Spell dog. Are you saying dog? He even spelled dog, man.

Starting point is 01:06:56 He making us look bad on national TV. I'm not going to leave you a dog. Dog is a dog. Are you saying dog is my brother dog? I don't get a dog. Well, that's barking. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Yes. The woo-woo. Yeah, that's a easy one.

Starting point is 01:07:22 Then give me some. Give me some bells. Thank you. OK. All right, cat. Cat. Yeah, that's that's a easy one man. Give me some give me some else. Okay All right cat cat be careful what you wish for here we go the word the word in which you will spell is the word nicotine Come on, man. You were bragging about how easy dog is pretending like I'm being a pet. Is he high?

Starting point is 01:07:49 Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high?

Starting point is 01:07:57 Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? Is he high? He was a cent. He was bicketing in a sentence. Here it is.

Starting point is 01:08:05 Here's a sentence. My dark-ass friend smoked a nicotine-filled cigarette. With his dog. Woo-hoo-hoo! Was she a little busy? All right. Here you go. Mr. Patterson spelling nicotine. I believe you pop. I believe you.

Starting point is 01:08:28 Mr. Patterson got a cast on that one. Pass! All right, so we're passing. Pass. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, PAST he passed on that one Okay, I actually like this Welcome to another episode of spelling B-E-T everybody here we are. Here's your next word. All right Here we go, and you know, I'm not letting them off the hook this easily. I'm gonna make them try to spell something Your next word since you passed on the last one is guitar. Oh, that's easy, man. You got that. I don't think it's easy.

Starting point is 01:09:12 He hasn't spelled it goddamn thing yet. So I don't think I'm... He tried to make the noise of a dog and went, whoo-whoo-whoo. Are you saying, are you saying guitar? I get guitar. Guitar. Guitar. Like, like, Matt Muleing plays the electric guitar. Oh, okay, it's nice. That's nice. You know, that's not a, that's an example.

Starting point is 01:09:30 He wasn't giving you a fucking fact. And that's, that's nice. I like, he plays guitar. That's nice. That's a good thing that he does. I'm glad he played guitar. I goofed up with that boy. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:39 No. He got to keep playing that guitar. He playing everywhere. I like him. I like him. I like him. I like him. I like him. I like him. I like he plays guitar. That's nice. That's a good thing that he doesn't. I'm glad he played guitar. I goofed up Boy, yeah, yeah, no You got to keep playing that guitar. He play everywhere. I like you

Starting point is 01:09:51 Without without looking it up. This is your chance spell the word guitar You know what's weird we had an easier time commuting with the guy from Korea Consus father doesn't speak a fucking word of English and we communicated with him your dad's in fucking Orlando I just love the attitude that he has like come on man dogs too easy. Yeah, I got a pass. I got a pass B.A.S.T. pass He's nicotine in this head. Oh man. Wow. I told you you know the reason he couldn't count the tentally was 12 is you're fucking fall Yeah! Alright, this is just too much fun. So I'm going to give you one last word, dipping drops.

Starting point is 01:10:49 Lather, spell the word leather. Oh, dad, that easy afloat. We got this. You're messing up up when you tell him it's easy. Easy as fuck. Nothing easy. Lather, go ahead. All those ways, all those ways, you get these baby.

Starting point is 01:11:02 Ease, I'm a bare best spell. I'm on the TV. I'm on the show for him Yes, yes, I got bad news for you. You are and you've spelled nothing so You have my picture. You should my picture say We will put it in this we ever text you anything tell you know what the fuck he's saying? I never never makes this. It's got to spell. I can spell rock. I can spell rock.

Starting point is 01:11:28 He can spell rock. Yeah, yeah, go. Spare rock. Oh, rock. Yeah, go ahead. The MOE-N-E-W-A. He could spell rock, but not now. Come on, give us leather.

Starting point is 01:11:43 Come on, it's a real challenge. Go ahead, leather. You got this. Come on it's a real challenge. Go ahead leather. You got this. Bones Eye makes leather joke books. Go ahead it's your journey. That's going to spell it. It starts with an L. Here you go. Okay I can't spell that. Come on. Come on. Please just try. Please let we just want to see how you would spell it. Wow. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm all freaking serious. I know. This is hilarious. It really is. It's just a father and son. The father's like, my son couldn't count.

Starting point is 01:12:28 And you're like, motherfucker cannot spell. So you want to throw me under the bus. We got to get Hans out here and dial up his father and put the two phones together. That's a great one. His father talking to your father. Oh, shit. That's just an idea.

Starting point is 01:12:43 That'd be funny, here. It would be, they would get together like black on rice Yeah, how to hello all right mr. Pat is we're gonna let you off the hook on this one clearly you cannot spell anything Wait, you're playing basketball watching basketball watching oh yeah what can you spell basketball I hope you as a family member there is just not staring at young kids go ahead spell if it's easy spell it real quick the flag the flag the flag you're gonna say you're never gonna get him. You ain't gonna get him. He's not gonna spend shit for you. He's too smart for us.

Starting point is 01:13:28 He's got us over a barrel. He's not gonna spend shit for you. Yeah. All right, Mr. Patterson, we love you. We're gonna go. G-O-O-D-B-Y-E. Goodbye, Mr. Patterson. I think I would have said it.

Starting point is 01:13:44 All right, Cam. Good bye, Mr. Patterson. I don't think that would have to do it. All right, Cam. Very, very fun times. Very fun set. I love the idea. Great stuff. Another new minute from the great Cam Patterson. Everybody, there he goes.

Starting point is 01:13:57 Fuck yeah. All right, we're going to give him moving along. Another bucket pool. We're having a lot of fun here. Make some noise for your next person. Brand new. 60 seconds. And it looks like a new name will load in everybody will lot in or load in here we go all right all right yeah I don't know if you can tell from all this but I clearly front porch

Starting point is 01:14:21 sit a lot yeah I got me, I got to make two lazy boys that I scotch-guarded the shit out of. And I'll light up a Winston and watch the world go by, you know? I love it. I saw the cutest dog the other day. Cute as little dog. He's a little Welsh Corgi. And he had a bandana on.

Starting point is 01:14:42 And his name was Winston Churchill. Oh my God, he was so cute. I just started petting him, I go, hey, who was the secretary of Her Majesty's Navy in 1920? You were, yes you were, yes you were. Who said we would fight the Nazis on the beaches? We would fight them on the seas. We would fight them everywhere.

Starting point is 01:15:00 You did. You're such a good boy. You're such a good boy. Who had an affair with Margaret Thatcher at the end of his life? You did. You're so a good boy. You're such a good boy. Who had an affair with Margaret Thatcher at the end of his life? You did. You're so good. You're so good. You did a lot of great things at y'all to too. Hey! Who left 20,000 men to die in a botched mission during World War One? You did Winston Churchill. You're a bad dog. Winston, you're a bad dog. I just read a book on Winston Churchill and I wanted to tell you all my facts, you know. I did that after I did it.

Starting point is 01:15:34 All right, there you go. Going past your time. Will Loden. Welcome to the show Will have you been on before? Yeah, like two years ago when y'all were at the Vulcan. Yeah, you kind of look familiar. I wouldn't forget a face and body like yours. Your crowds are mean, man. What do you mean?

Starting point is 01:15:52 They're not mean. They'll sit down. They worry right away. They'll go, how are you? They'll be friendly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. This is a friendly crowd. They said I look like Gandalf, if he ate all the hobbits.

Starting point is 01:16:03 That is true. I stand by that. You do. You do. You do indeed. What's a book? You have a book. Yeah, I had the one from last time.

Starting point is 01:16:12 So yeah. Oh, I want to leave a little bit. Oh, OK. He got a big one. Looks like a little one in your hand, but you have to say one. Absolutely. So are you live here in Austin? No, I stay in Houston.

Starting point is 01:16:22 OK. Yeah. Andy Huggins open for you last night. Last night? Yeah, he's got the impression. He's a man. Yeah, we started out together. Really?

Starting point is 01:16:31 Yeah, at the comedy store. You know Andy Huggins? He's a local Houston comic and he opened, I was there last night. I played last night. So it's a history lesson followed by some reminiscing. There we go. There we go.

Starting point is 01:16:41 Yeah. It seemed like a nice friendly guy, but it was just, yeah, it's not a, friendly guy, but it was just Yeah, it's not a it didn't No worries wasn't sometimes it feels different on the inside right and then it comes out and it feels just like I'm yelling random things Yeah So you understand oh 100% 100% you want to critique it? Oh, I shortened it up for the one minute and yeah That's what I was thinking I was thinking when you were doing that. Yeah, I wish this would go on for another

Starting point is 01:17:12 This seems like there's something missing like he shortened it. It's too short. Why stop there? Right when you got to it. I'm like this is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end But it may very well be the end of the beginning It's a Winston Churchill quote. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, exactly. Yeah Yeah, I'm I'm into a lot of World War two memorabilia. You know what I Alright, I like what do you do for work? You're a big boy. Yeah, I do drywall during the day Yeah, I do drywall when you say you do drywall.wall, I hold it up so the Mexicans can do it.

Starting point is 01:17:48 And there you go. Because when a guy in your size says I do drywall, I would imagine you'd drill a little glory hole in it, and you're doing it. No, I'm too tall for that. What's the point of the glory hole if I can just look over? You know? Wow, that's a good point.

Starting point is 01:18:04 Oh, oh, you're right. Can't glory holes be, I've never part taken in one, but the size of the wall, how high is a wall that has a glory hole in it? I mean, it varies county to county, you know, and state to state, you know, passes. Let your say Texas. Right there, see the glory hole's right around here.

Starting point is 01:18:24 Dict floor, I don around here. Dict floor. I don't know. No. OK. History lesson continues. Drywall is a very hard job. I did it once for one day in Youngstown, Ohio because it was a very well-paying job.

Starting point is 01:18:37 I remember hearing that it was $45 an hour or something like that. And I'm like, oh, I'm not fucking do that. And it was I lasted one day. It was an excruciatingly impossible to do. You get on the stilts? Sometimes, yeah, but I usually let Jorge do that. I stay close to the ground and I'll just move all the heavy

Starting point is 01:18:59 shit. But yeah, I've been on the stilts when you do like 10, 15 foot ceilings and yeah, it's rough. Right. Or you do the taping, that's taping. Floating and taping, yeah. A lot like 10, 15 foot ceilings and yeah, it's rough. Right. Or you do the taping, that's taping. Floating and taping, yeah. There you go. There you go.

Starting point is 01:19:09 Big doggy. Yeah, it is. It's all right. I know about building. I know a little bit about it. I know that if you build like five houses, you get a hotel. Yeah. That is true.

Starting point is 01:19:20 No. Um, so what else about you will? Tell us something interesting about your life. You're in a dry wall, you've been doing stand-up in Houston. Give us a fun fact about Will that we would be surprised to know. The last two girls I dated dumped me, and one of them was German. While trying to do it one at a time. One of them was German and one of them was Jewish, so there's something they can agree on.

Starting point is 01:19:43 That's why the Winston Churchill research begins. Oh my God. What was the difference between the German and the Jewish dump? The Jewish girl was very, very forward about everything. She was like, hey, I'm done with this. And then the German girl was like, I'm going back to Berlin, fuck Houston. And I was like, that makes sense. So the Jewish girl was forward. Yeah, I'm done with this. Yeah. And the German girl was

Starting point is 01:20:08 uh, did you just, she just wanted to get so fucking far from you. She's not as direct. Right. That's exactly what I don't understand. I don't understand the opposite. Yeah. Yeah, it is very, very tricky. Did they give you a reason why they didn't like you anymore? Um, I'm a drunk. I don't know, like there's a lot of that. There's, there's, yeah, I'm just getting hammered a lot, I think. Uh-huh. Okay. This is getting sad, yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:31 All right, all right, yeah, let's bring this one up. Yeah, he's getting sad. What do you do when you drink a lot? Is there something that... Oh, I'm fun. I just drink a lot of yagor and start, you know, spout and off the rules. Yeah, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:43 Yeah. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you after drinking? I mean, jail. That's not what's about that. How did you end up there? How are you? Yeah. Were you in jail?

Starting point is 01:20:58 Yeah. How long? Just a couple days. It was in Mississippi. That's where I'm from. Okay. Do you have a good cell story a good jail story? I

Starting point is 01:21:11 I got to I got to throw the gang sign in jail once that was nice. Yeah, I walked in they were processing me out of Jail and so there were a bunch of A bunch of guys who were there for an extended period of time and I got picked up in March and so they were all wearing like winter clothes so they'd been there for a long time. And I walked in, I was just kind of like this but my hair was up real big. And they were like, look at this motherfucker right here. Look at this motherfucker right here.

Starting point is 01:21:36 You like this? You like this and I go, I don't know what that means but thank you. And then they were like, nah, just kidding man, I'm telling long stories. So yeah, but there is a niche for boring prison. Yeah, exactly. Like bedtime prison stories for kids.

Starting point is 01:21:52 Like it's boring, not really. Bad happens when we just- And then we ate shitty sandwiches and moon pies, you know. Yeah, just bad prison stories. This is when I watch the show, I'm a huge fan of the show. This is where I would like, I forward. Right. Yeah, right 100% Yeah, but I'm here right. I can't fast forward. Nope. We cannot but we can move along. There goes will load in everybody already as a big joke Book we're on to the next bucket pool. There goes will everybody and like that we're moving along

Starting point is 01:22:21 I agree with howie that is the That is the live way of fast forwarding. Mixed noise for your next comedian straight out of the bucket, Tom Robinson, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:35 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:42 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah guess T.O.N.I. Robinson, that is Tony Tony, but look Tony wrong, but look the no that it looks connected that T.O.N.I. Tony Tony is a tough name for you to pronounce but the ends connected to the girl is that a a woman? Female, I believe. All right, here's Tony Robinson. Wow. Hi, how are you?

Starting point is 01:23:13 Why do Republicans want to go to heaven? Don't they know it's a gun-free zone? Why do vegans want to go to heaven? Don't they know it's the land of milk and honey? AKA the land of murder. And we're not changing into land of oat milk and agave. We asked Jesus and he said, no, where there's agave. There's usually a gay.

Starting point is 01:23:33 And so we're not doing that. I had been more wokes since I saw you guys last. I got a black eyes number and I didn't have to buy drugs. I didn't know you could do that. That was so cool. We've only been on one date, but I pain-prepared brought a mini-sized ranch dressing with me in case you needed it. And then we got to a puddle. I made sure I put my coat down so he didn't drown. He's

Starting point is 01:23:58 really liked me for it. I wanted maybe a Jewish guy though. I've heard they're super freaky. I mean, apparently they're all going to raves and You know that like people go to raves way more into shit anyways, and Also their grandparents Super freaky. I've heard they used to like king groups of up to 40 and take really big showers and like go so hard Not one could walk out Thank you. Oh, yeah Tony Robinson Welcome welcome. You've been on this show before. Yeah. Why did that? Yes. I've been here before. I know the layout. Always close with the

Starting point is 01:24:33 hotline. I didn't know the stand. There you go. Show me. There you go. Don't. Thank you. No big deal Tony. Over here. Over here. There you go. Okay. She falls in love with band members. Quick. Do you see that? Hey, one here last time. Okay. Yeah. I was joking. But I'm here. There you go. Okay. She falls in love with band members quick. Do you see that? He went here last time. Okay. Yeah, I was just joking. But I'm here. He's here to give me room shots. Yeah. So Tony, how's it been going since the last time we saw you? Really good. Tell us more. Yeah. I've been going up as much as I can, opposed to shit on Instagram, I don't know, doing good. Yeah, it's been helping my DMs have been a little better. I've been trying to be more woke,

Starting point is 01:25:14 like I told you guys, I'm trying to be less East Texas, become a little more accepting and know about more cultures. So I found it a mirror, didn't know where it was from, but it wasn't from here, So I thought that was OK. It didn't go too well, though. And I talked to a black guy for real. That was real. He asked me why I was the first one that he's

Starting point is 01:25:34 the first one I messaged. And I lie about it as really, because he was the shiniest one I'd ever seen. Like, he was so well-oiled. He was just like, I was the ashy one. And I have less money than him. I'm the one with less education. He's been to college.

Starting point is 01:25:58 I have a criminal record. You do? I'm going to fake nails. What's your criminal record? Yeah. It's your criminal record? Yeah, I'll just It's actually so lame just got smoking weed at a state park Did you go to jail so yeah? How's that he is right now everybody?

Starting point is 01:26:18 Very well moisturized The madness I had an idea for a show with him that I've been thinking about. What? I think you should call it like Double D Madness, and he gets to like feel people's tits and judge their gender and bra size based off just feeling. I think it's been spin-offs for this show. Do you think of this idea after smoking weed in a state park? Yeah. Actually, the most important thing is, I'm watching you.

Starting point is 01:26:46 You have some concepts, and then you lose faith in the middle of your concept. Oh, I like everything I've said. I'm so sorry. No, but you do. You go, well, I'm going to have a double D show with him. And then he comes out, and then you know, I had to grab tips and stuff like that.

Starting point is 01:27:01 Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I'm in East Texas woman, so I came from a place to like women can't usually be on stage to have opinions speak loudly. It is hard for me, you know. I hope that you're a farmer. Paul Deemer. I hope that was you.

Starting point is 01:27:14 Yeah. Yeah. I didn't pull your finger. We're not ready. Oh, Deemer, playing what we're all thinking. I love it. So Tony, have you been doing stand-up other places? Yeah, but this is only my sixth time. Sixth time ever on stage.

Starting point is 01:27:32 Well, I've been going up since I was last on here every chance I get that I mean I come here every other weekend and yeah, but I work most, I'm only off Sunday Mondays. What do you do? Barton. And like at a restaurant. Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's a real home. It's real. Yeah. Hey, okay. Are you on a medicine or something?

Starting point is 01:27:54 No, I stopped it. You stopped it an hour ago. No. This is actually pretty good for me. I had a problem with edibles for a while. After the hug on the show, got real confident, kept going, open mics, kept trying, took a bunch of edibles, blacked out, fucked up, and opened my grill hard.

Starting point is 01:28:14 Since then, now I'm actually just so nervous. There's no space between any of the words. Yeah, I know, that's the Texas thing for me. A fuck up ahead of a bad old one word. Mr. Patterson wouldn't be able to spell anything you're saying right now. Right, not at all. That was very fun to watch.

Starting point is 01:28:30 Is this an East Texas thing? I don't know. I don't know. Is anybody here from East Texas? No, the Texans behind us are going hard, no. They're saying no. This is just a Tony Robinson thing. Okay.

Starting point is 01:28:42 All right. Well, I'm thrilled to be here. Well, I wish we could say the same. What is it? So we're going to keep it moving along. There goes Tony Robbins. Yeah. You got up again.

Starting point is 01:28:52 You have a little joke, Buck. Keep it moving along. Ladies and gentlemen, back to the bucket we go. Make some noise for Zach Buttkovich. Zach Buttkovich looks like a new name. Woo! Woo! I'm diabetic. Yeah, but a lot of people tell me I don't look diabetic and that doesn't help.

Starting point is 01:29:18 But you know, it's not that bad actually, because I'm a type I'm a diabetic. So that means I can a type I diabetic. So that means I can eat whatever I want. I just have to take insulin before every meal. So if I'm ever feeling depressed, I just won't. Yeah, don't worry, it's not sad. I don't have to buy a gun or swan dive off a bridge. I'll just go to Golden Crow.

Starting point is 01:29:48 Let the chocolate fountain do all the work. Yeah, like I'll just be at my birthday party, blow my candles out, everyone will be like, what'd you wish for? You'll see. Okay, I still remember whenever I got diagnosed with diabetes, I walked in to his doctor's office and he said, uh, Mr. Buckovich, we just got your blood work back. And we can't sugarcoat this.

Starting point is 01:30:16 All right, guys, I'm Zach Buckovich. Thank you very much. It's like, if Theobon had a life-threatening disease and didn't want to do pumpkin or this is exactly what it would be like. Yeah, this is your first time in the show, right Zach? Absolutely, so how long you been doing stand-up? It was three years in October. We're at St. Louis.

Starting point is 01:30:40 St. Louis. And what do you do for a living? Right now I stock and order wood molding at home depots Wow Okay, that's way more boss and I would have gave that job Wow All right, and what's your love life like what are you stalking there? Hopefully women you don't you're not sure

Starting point is 01:31:06 Well like the things I'm stalking, hopefully it's women. No, my love life, it's all right. You know, it's like a hit or miss, but I get a lot off-charm sometimes. Off what? Off-charm. Is that a nap? Yeah, yeah. That's absolutely.

Starting point is 01:31:20 At home depots, that where you meet them? Yeah, yeah. You show them your wood. Yeah, I have like a language coach that are teaching me how to speak Spanish. And you know, give us a little example of some of the Spanish. Ooh, move in.

Starting point is 01:31:36 Oh, wow. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's like, yeah. We're not very far in. Sound like you were born there. Thank you Thank I'm talking about it home Depot This is much of a compliment. I wait. Thank you. Just as much of a compliment. It is a appreciate that no

Starting point is 01:31:57 No, it's with that's what I do. That's what I do. So are you healthy? Are you doing okay? Yeah, you know I'm trying to keep my blood sugar in order right? Yeah, I went to round rock donuts yesterday though that didn't help But I'm at a good time It's like you're not without a punchline Yeah, I thought we were just out of the nose the other day and Eighter donut. Yeah, yeah, that's the end good day. There's a real hole in your donut joke there so Yeah, that's the end. Good day. There's a real hole in your donut joke there. So what did you get from the donut place?

Starting point is 01:32:30 A lot of donuts. I got like a box yesterday. I got some cream bish marks, some fucking, one of those things with the E-clares. Got some E-clares. Boy be in. Yes. Yes. It was boyclares? Boy be Ian. Yes. Yes. Just.

Starting point is 01:32:46 It was boy be Ian. It was boy be Ian. Fucking donuts. Yeah, you're really like country for St. Louis, aren't you? Yeah, I'm like technically from like Southern Illinois on the Illinois side of the board. Because you're coming off really East Texas to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:00 Exactly. I don't know what to think. I feel at home. I love it. I love it. So you got donuts? A lot of donuts. you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.

Starting point is 01:33:08 I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.

Starting point is 01:33:16 I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.

Starting point is 01:33:24 I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. I don't have been here today. Right. This whole show is getting so fucking sad. It's weird. It's weird. We were really. We were right. I was excited and I was going to tell everybody, oh, you got to see me on Killtony. It's funny. You laugh.

Starting point is 01:33:35 People got arrested. We talked to fathers. Yeah. And then we took this downturn. Yeah, the first 70% was amazing. Yeah. It's like a diabetes telethon. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:44 We'll take your pledges if you want. It's hard to follow a blind father spelling bee when he passes on every word. Oh, that one's easy. OK. Well, then spell it. I'm in a pass. It's really hard to follow that.

Starting point is 01:34:01 But here we are. Come on, give us something of your entire life. You're in it right now. Give us something of your entire life. You're in it right now. Give us something. What do you think people would find so interesting about you? Well, it seems like you have some hard time for this. No, I'm trying to say, I was, my dad died when I was nine. Uh-huh. That may be a blitz column. So let's call him. Let's phone him. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:26 Phone him. Let's talk to him. He still currently spells as many words as Mr. Patterson does. I was on a high school school board. OK. Yeah. I got elected as a high school school board, remember? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:40 Well, we're bored here last week. This was last week. No, it was not last week. It was like five years ago I was trying to make a joke. I was because you're older the joke was because you'd be on the school board when you were kid, right? Sure Anymore so I said it was last week to try to get a laugh and now I know how you felt during your How did your dad die when you were nine? Died in a car accident.

Starting point is 01:35:09 Single car accident? No, there was actually one of his buddies was in the car with him that had, like, his son was around my age and he lived. But the two, but his buddy died as well? No, like my dad died, his buddy lived. His buddy, the buddy lived and the son lived. Yes.

Starting point is 01:35:27 And we were sure dad driving? Yes. Was it his fault? I don't know. I was sure he was up. Are you turning this comedy around? Who knows? Any second could happen. Let's find out.

Starting point is 01:35:38 We could turn this around. Like, but it's dead. All right, I'll be back with the car. Okie Doke. Yeah, I don't know who's fault it was. There he is. Oh, trying. We are trying in honor of your.

Starting point is 01:35:52 You realize this is the third death in this show? Two kids drowned in his father. In honor of your father's car accident, we are going to, from our friends over at any B's, we're going to buy you a T-bone steak. Whoa So Covered in maple syrup. Yeah, delicious. Okay This is your first time on the show absolutely a little joke book. There you go. There you go. Zach Buttkebitch everybody

Starting point is 01:36:21 All right, we're flying through it. This is, indeed, your final bucket pool of the night. And it's a good-looking name. It's anything gonna happen here. This is either gonna be insanity or insanity. Make some noise for Uncle Alphons, everybody. I have a feeling about this one. First time, Uncle Alphons. Yep, here we go.

Starting point is 01:36:47 Ooh, it looks good. So where are my acid droppers at? So at least some people are gonna relate. So I took some couple weeks ago, right? I felt that, nerds to just try something new. So I had some cool aid, and I was like, let's throw something to basketball in this Let's get that spicy cool aid going

Starting point is 01:37:09 The acid kicked in the urge came in and I just ran around for the next two hours just oh That was the acid droppers laughing So I like to eat really fancy. I like to eat like really good Thank you. That was the acid droppers, Lavin. So I like to eat really fancy. I like to eat really good. And something I started doing is judging people based upon forks at the tape. So everybody wants to be the dinner forks.

Starting point is 01:37:40 Forks are strong, big, ready to eat. You know what I'm saying? But then you got your salad forks, the people that are like, you're crisp with, but they're only three prongs. Then you got your oyster forks, two prongs. But the worst of them all? You're spork ass. You think it's a multi- There you go, that is where it ends. Turns out nobody gives a fork about your jokes. Ah!

Starting point is 01:38:13 This is incredible. If you had told me just by looking at you, who on the stage tonight was a lifeguard in which two people perished, I'd have you all day. You look like a lifeguard that literally absolutely just enjoys watching people die. This is incredible. You look like if Lucifer took a vacation to Hawaii

Starting point is 01:38:34 or something like that. This is absolutely amazing. You look like something that Snoop Dogg considered himself for one of the snoop lion or something, but like a you look like a you look like you're both like a gay and reggae. I like that. It is absolutely incredible. You look like a magician that went through a fucking like his clothes caught on fire and

Starting point is 01:39:03 you were stuck finding something to wear. And then you put together this, off of things that you found on the street. This is absolutely incredible. It is, you look like, oh, you look like the ghost underneath Willie Nelson's bed. It is absolutely frightening. It is unbelievable. Yeah, okay. All right, how are you?

Starting point is 01:39:29 I can't do that. He can do that. Give me the best. If Wednesday was Thursday. This is, I have my own. I have my own. I have my own. I'm trying to figure I have my own. I have my own. I'm trying to figure out you are the most confusing thing

Starting point is 01:39:48 I've ever seen. When you say you took acid last week, do you mean an hour ago? Yeah. It's still hitting. It is. Do you do your own braiding? I do.

Starting point is 01:39:58 Yeah. How long does that take you? Five minutes. I got a pretty quick. I'm fast. I mean, what is time if you're on acid? You know what I mean? Staring at forks.

Starting point is 01:40:09 Yeah. You got this salad forks. Yeah. The Avisitone. You got the main fork. You got the sport. All these. You got all the different forks.

Starting point is 01:40:17 And if you like what I do, next week, I'm back with spoon. I got a whole spoon stick that is going to kill. How long have you been trying stand up comedy? So collectively two years over ten years, been doing like, collectively two years over ten years. I mean like, call him, Hans's father, he's a mathematician. It's been doing two years over ten years. You spread it out. You've done two years of years over 10 years. You spread it out. You've done two years of comedy over 10 years.

Starting point is 01:40:48 You know, I'll come back in fours. I'm back in fours. You know, I'm trying to make sure I'm there, but something's there. And then you're gone. You have a bomb where Tony just keeps on the roastings and then you're like, I guess I gotta take a break.

Starting point is 01:40:58 Oh, this is, you're gonna take a break. No, no. No, this went well. This went well. The whole fork thing. Did you see how engaged? It's long enough to give me love, and then I'll take it. No, it doesn't have a fork. It well. This went well. The whole fork thing. Did you see how engaged? It's long. And then I'll take it.

Starting point is 01:41:05 No, it's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked.

Starting point is 01:41:14 It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked.

Starting point is 01:41:22 It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not fork. It's not fork. It's not forked. It's not fork. It's not forked. It's not forked. It's not forked. Orlando Bees time I'm bees moment you're underneath you lived underneath one of cams He's a spelling tutor in Orlando Oh, cams right away. Hold on. What in you reaching for right now? Oh a rock look at that That is actually his testicle. He just ripped it off. Yeah, I believe that's just one of Alphanz's kidney stones that he's pulling out right now I only got one so I hope hope this thing come out of it. You only have one kidney?

Starting point is 01:41:47 Will you sold the other one for weed? I wish they'll give me more money for the acid and the weed. What happened to your other kidney? God fuck me, over, I guess. Tell us about it. Explain to us. Yeah, no, so I was born without it. Apparently the cord's are there,

Starting point is 01:41:59 but some of it has like some missing parts too. You're missing parts in your kidney and your... I'm missing a lot of parts, baby. I'm missing a lot of parts, baby. You have some missing parts too? You're missing parts in your kidney and your... I'm missing a lot of parts, baby. I'm missing a lot of parts, baby. Yeah, this is incredible. Are you married? Do you have a...

Starting point is 01:42:12 I know she's wearing a ring. Are you married? No. Yeah. No, no married, no married. Do you have a girlfriend? No. No, you dating.

Starting point is 01:42:22 I do. Yeah, how's that going? I mean, it seems pretty good. So it's talking to the body. It, he dating. I do. Yeah, how's that going? I mean, it seems pretty good. It seems pretty good. It seems pretty good. Yes, it seems pretty good. Sorry, I'm nervous, Hill, but yes, it's been good. Just have a judge how you gauge.

Starting point is 01:42:34 How did it sit out there on camera right now? I'm be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? I believe what he's trying to say is he's a rapist. It's not like chloroform. rapist It's not like chloroform What it's not like chloroform? Okay, very good uncle Alphonse you will wow it went from being a joke to actually being scary What's your writing process when you were writing those fork jokes where exactly does that come from?

Starting point is 01:42:59 How do you know of an oyster fork Because I go and eat now usual You said he likes to go to fancy places and eat what the fuck can't tell yeah, I know I looked at you're a fancy eater You're a foodie. I'm a huge foodie. I know you go to the best the finest five star restaurant over a thousand reviews You know I can tell where you head after this what is the restaurant of choice tonight? So I did actually Alexander steakhouse Yes, it was great. It was good. No, I know one's heard of that

Starting point is 01:43:35 100 steakhouse is an Austin. I know one's heard of Alexander's Anyone a Alexander's no zero percent No. 0%. Was it crowded? Was it crowded? It was pretty good, yeah. Yeah, it's not real. It was. It was part of the ass. You know what it was. It was you alone and there's mirrors on the walls. We're going to look at everybody. Look at that. Everybody's braided and eaten steak.

Starting point is 01:44:00 Yeah. Alexander's steakhouse with the famous Golden Arches. You're ripping your balls off. What's the significance of the mustache on your calf? Good question. So I actually have a few of them. My stashes, you got one on your face. Yeah, one on my face. I got one on my finger, one on my calf.

Starting point is 01:44:19 So for the mustache, it's honestly just something that I started when I was younger. I had a few friends that committed suicide. So I created it. I know, I know, I know. So I started a little group and it was basically just kind of like a gentleman's thing where a bunch of people came together as men. We were able to talk to shoot out. I know. It's this bucket sometimes.

Starting point is 01:44:43 I mean, you know, lived by the sword you die by the sword Fucking bucket list What is this? I had their way for an episode worst fucking episode. It's great. Is it no you guys are having fun right? These people love the chaos It's part of the beauty of an unproductive. I've never seen so much death in one comedy show. I know. So every time somebody dies you put a fucking mustache on your... Every time. Every time. Well I'm missing one. I got to get another one, you know. Somebody just died recently and where is his

Starting point is 01:45:17 mustache going? Are these European women? Are the European women that have died? Maybe I just like the eyebrows can... you know, you know, you're a unbruster. I can't imagine know, you'll be impressed by it. I can't imagine what your pubes of my soul look like. Very curly. Very curly, aren't they? Are they waxed like that?

Starting point is 01:45:31 Do you make it? Do you do that? You know, it's gotta be for dinner, boo. Don't. All right. Uncle L. Fons, congratulations. Here's a small joke book. Here's some zippx toothpicks. Can you catch these?

Starting point is 01:45:44 There you go. Whoa. Extra hard when Can you catch these? There you go. Extra hard when you're on acid. There you go. Zonkel al-Bons. All right now we're gonna do something special right here ladies and gentlemen. Of course the great oh William Montgomery Always closes the shows, but he could not make this one. I know. I know very disappointing. However we do have a very special treat. Golden ticket winner is here and very famous from America's Got Talent. So this is a very special crossover moment where him and Hally are going to be reunited. It makes the noise for Killtony Legend, Aaron Ballyel,

Starting point is 01:46:20 everybody. Here we go! Hell yeah! Beautiful! Come on, keep it going for Aaron, but I'll everybody, you know what the fuck is up! Hell yeah baby! Woo! Woo!

Starting point is 01:46:54 Here he is, Aaron Ballyel. Some parts of A.G.T. were really weird. I don't know if Terry Cruz was nervous. Are confused, but he kept hanging his big black microphone in front of my mouth. his big black microphone in front of my mouth. I knew this was going to happen, but I didn't think my BBC story would happen live on America's Got Talent. What do you want me to do? Moan into it. Put it in my mouth.

Starting point is 01:47:28 Oh yeah. Sir. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 01:47:36 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 01:47:44 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! All right. I'm just glad he didn't fuck me into a wheelchair. They're gonna cut this entire segment, aren't they? Last 45 minutes, I think. Yeah, it's gonna be tight at it. How about one more time for the great Aaron Ballyo, ladies and gentlemen? Terry Cruz has a great sense of humor. Oh yeah. That's gonna be a tight edit. How about one more time for the great Aaron Ballyo, ladies and gentlemen? Great. Terri Cruz has a great sense of humor.

Starting point is 01:48:29 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I had a great time working at AGT. I was happy. And I loved you when you were on it, but that was a... You're great. You're great. You're always great.

Starting point is 01:48:42 But... Yeah, I don't want to get in, I don't, I like the job. Yeah, no now. So there were three deaths, four deaths. That guy had, or five, that guy had the mustache, all over him, the two kids, the suicide that guy lost his father, all his friends committed suicide and you just killed my fucking career. Yeah. The good news is you can be a guest on Kiltoni anytime you want.

Starting point is 01:49:15 We'll have you here. Doesn't quite pay his well at all. Don't worry. They can cut the entire show. Ah, they won't. This is fun, this is actually a lot of fun. And you are great, and you know it was great. He is the true, consummate professional. I don't know that people know this, but you know,

Starting point is 01:49:33 he's got a lot of technology that has to work. And on the semi-finals, number one, I came backstage and I said to you, I knew you before you were on our show from Killtoni, and I loved you, and I was a fan, and you showed up and I to you, I knew you before you were on our show from Killtoni and I loved you and I was a fan and you showed up and I knew you. And on network TV, you can't do, you can't do, you can't suck off, you can't. But I said I like that you're dirty and edgy and all that

Starting point is 01:49:59 and then on the semi finals, I don't know if you know that there was a technical problem and you picked it up like that. He said that he got a call. I don't know if you ever watch it. If you're watching on YouTube, he said he had another call coming in, but his speaker fucked up. His phone fucked up on the last one. Yeah, thank you so much for always finding me after the AGT shows and being so supportive. I remember after the finals, I was so mad that I started crying like a bitch and you found me and hugged me. Okay.

Starting point is 01:50:28 I did. It's got to be so weird when someone's- Because I felt bad about- I thought it would be funny if I dismantled this figure. And when it happened, I had to go back and say I'm sorry. Yeah. Which is a lot for you, because I got COVID and two pink eyes. Oh my goodness. Welcome to an episode of Kill Howie, everybody.

Starting point is 01:51:02 So, is everybody you know alive or have you had any deaths in your circle recently? No. Here we go. They're all alive. That's good, but he's typing for it. Good luck. What? Unfortunately, is there an unfortunate lead?

Starting point is 01:51:23 He hates his family. Yeah, it is true, they are Canadian. You are. We're from the same town. Yeah. We're Canadians, which is, if you don't understand our culture, it's kind of like East Texas. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:51:35 Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Do you guys want to call my dad? He can't spell either. What does he do? What does your dad do? What does your dad do? Disability. Is specializes in it? Does he really? He specializes in disability?

Starting point is 01:51:57 No. I saw you, parents. He's a liar. He's on disability? Oh, he's on disability. Oh, it runs in the family. And nobody runs in that family, it's nice. Oh. Oh. Oh. You met my stepdad.

Starting point is 01:52:16 Well, that wasn't your, he said he was, he's a, and your stepdad's a fucking liar. Yeah. Stepdad's. Those goddamn stepdad's always trying to claim that they're the actual dad. That's what happens. It's a fucking nightmare.

Starting point is 01:52:28 I know. That is real hell. Do you want us to call him? Is he funny? Can he? You make that decision. I don't want to make that decision. I mean, it seems like he's funny.

Starting point is 01:52:38 OK. Let's call him. Let's call him. Wait, you have a second phone? Oh, shit. Why did you have two phones? This is where we find out Aaron Baleil is a cocaine dealer. Why did you have that on AGT, man?

Starting point is 01:52:54 All right, here we go. Calling dad. John Baleil. Joe, Joe. It's Joe Baleil. Joe. Hello. Joe. Hello Joe. Hi you're doing.

Starting point is 01:53:08 I can hardly hear you. I know as you could tell even though I'm calling from Aaron's phone I'm not Aaron because I don't sound like a robot. This is Tony from Kill Tony. Your son's on Kill Tony right now where it's a special episode where we're calling dads. You're live on the air with Ali Mandel and a million plus people watching. Well, I feel real bad for all of you

Starting point is 01:53:30 as you gotta listen to him. What? Well, most of the, most of the set that he just performed, we weren't listening, he was just sucking somebody off. My dad's a prick. That's what he was sucking off. Well, you know, just because it'll never be as big as his dad. Damn.

Starting point is 01:54:01 I guess the apple doesn't fall far from him. Oh, damn. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the... I've seen it. It isn't that big. Oh, you just said that yours isn't that big. Dad, what do you have to say about that? Well, that means he's got nothing. But he's in... he's kind of... he's saying that you're not satisfying his mother. Hello? All right, I didn't hear you. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:54:35 Oh, he was insinuating that you're not satisfying his mother sexually. What exactly, what re you uh re you drinking or doing any drugs when you made Aaron? Oh no it was just it was mushrooms. It's all made sense. time we had a Husky and that's why when he talks it's oh amazing amazing dad we got to keep a move and thank you so much for talking to us your son is absolutely killing it Congratulations, we'll talk again soon. Love you. Bye-bye. Thank you. That's amazing Hell yeah, that is incredible the great Joe Baleil air in any parting words I'm gonna be all over Florida in January. Shows are gonna sell out. So get tickets on mutecomedian.com.

Starting point is 01:55:47 I'm gonna wrestle an alligator on stage with my strong hand. There you go. mutecomedian.com. Oh, there's something else. And there's... America's got talent really let me down. I still haven't gotten my citizenship. So howie, I was just wondering if maybe,

Starting point is 01:56:05 would it be cool if I fuck your daughter? Oh my goodness, he couldn't do that one on A.G.C. You know what's good? That is... You know why? That she's in the room. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. You might have a chance, Aaron. She's in, we're in town doing my podcast.

Starting point is 01:56:31 I'll wash my hands. Don't worry, howie. I'll wash my hands first. Ha ha ha. All right. All right. Fun, my dog. There you go.

Starting point is 01:56:38 You get some fucking, his daughter. There goes Aaron Belyial, ladies and gentlemen. And we've gone into overtime. We have a second show that we're doing tonight, a second taping. We were very, very happy to squeeze how we in and do two tapings tonight. This was absolutely awesome. But before we do, we have one more special treat, even though I bet to pee for an hour and a half. We're gonna extend the episode just a little bit longer. You guys like special treats, right?

Starting point is 01:57:10 One last thing, another golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen, this is another new minute from Killtony icon, Heath Cordis, everybody. Here he is, live in the blood. One last performance, 21 years old, Heath Portis, 21. Dating's kind of hard for me, because I'm like a Delta pin at a smoke shop.

Starting point is 01:57:40 The people who like me prefer the illegal ones. But I still try to have fun with it. And the only picture I have on Tinder right now is a bee and cam. That way, if girls ask which one are you, I can say I'm the black guy. And I have this one girl reply with, I'm not really into black guys, do you have the white one's number? And I think she was trying to flirt, but being the charming black man that I was, I was offended when she said was rude and hurtful and shallow, so I sent her a message and I was like, bitch! I'm actually super white.

Starting point is 01:58:32 Can you come over right now, please? Thank you guys! Boom, exactly a minute in and out the future. He's Portis has arrived. 21 years old. Got stuck looking 11 at some point. Yes sir. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:50 What does it, what's your head say? I got it. I'm coming out with it right now. Old enough to fuck. Oh shit. I love it. New Heath Portis merch. Explain your condition to Howie

Starting point is 01:59:03 so that he understands exactly what we're dealing with how do you explain your condition to me? Oh, yeah, you're a germapote my bad. Yeah, I never wash my hands. So you made the right call. That's a condition. That really is. Yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with him. Is it a little young deal? Isn't that he know we're in Florida. in Florida, you're not from Florida, right? No, I'm not, I'm from Alabama, there's something wrong with me, for sure. Okay. Yeah. You're funny. Thank you, Howie.

Starting point is 01:59:32 I think you're funny. Thank you, sir. What is the, what is the, what is the, what do you, what the fuck you call it? What do you call it? You're pituitary going to be. That's what I call it. Pituitary shit. Why are you a good swimmer?

Starting point is 01:59:51 Not really. Yeah, I suck at everything athletically really okay. Yeah Tebowl I'd smash him T-bowl hell yeah, yeah, do you do how long you've been doing this two years two years? You're really good. Thank you. And where do you live? Do you live here now? I do yeah, oh wow I think that you get you should do something on television I would love to do like a prank show with this guy. Yeah I would do a halli. Yeah, we should I want to get your number or figure out how to get Yes, I love it. I love I think This is a great idea if you're're going to have an issue in life, the issue should be you look like a good looking young kid.

Starting point is 02:00:29 You know, that's not a horrible issue. You're OK, right? You're OK. Yeah, I'm having fun with it. Do you date, really? I'm trying. Yeah. You like older women?

Starting point is 02:00:40 Yeah, I'd be down. What's the oldest woman you've ever been with? I've never been with a single woman, Halley Yeah, howie how old's your daughter again? Oh My goodness. Oh my god. It is incredible most fucked up manage. I've ever thought Yeah Mess sorry Jackie Well, okay, anyway, I'm really looking forward to everything in the future with you

Starting point is 02:01:19 Heath and I think that's a really idea how yeah, I have a license so do you get pulled over? I've never been pulled over because I was like What the fuck is wrong with the cop? This is what happens when you defund the police I've never been pulled over because I was like What happens when you defund the police? This is fucking nine year olds out there sitting around in a corvette They don't give a fuck And you're old enough to yeah, yeah, yeah, does that hat work for you? Haven't been with a woman not yet, but we're gonna make this hat a reality soon You haven't been with a woman? No, yeah, but we're gonna make this hat a reality soon.

Starting point is 02:01:45 Absolutely. Are you on any of the dating apps, really? No, not really. Really? No. How are you trying to make it a reality? Where do you go to meet women? They come in my DMs, but they're out of state.

Starting point is 02:01:58 That's the problem. And what do you ask for, like a play date? Yeah. I be down. Are you party? Yeah, and what do you ask for like a play date? Yeah Evie down party He's your a monster. We got to put a ribbon on this episode. He's cornice ladies and gentlemen Guys how loud can this place get for the great and powerful how he mandal everybody how he mandal does stuff his podcasts on the internet I'm taping an episode tomorrow Mandel does stuff his podcast on the internet. I'm taping an episode tomorrow.

Starting point is 02:02:28 We're gonna have a lot of fun. Thank you so much. It's the best. You made a dream come true. I'm sure you are a fan. Oh my god. We're so happy to have you. I've got one more time for the best damn band of the land. Check out how he Mandel does stuff. Jail Blaster Red Rose. Yellow Rose Hall of Firm. NinjaPartyBoss.com. Austin Security guard servicekillmarch.com, connectmobile.com, use the promo code kill15, the drawing from Ryan J. E. Beltazin, about one more time for Matt Mewling on the guitar. John Dees on the keys, D-Manus on the bass, Paul Deemer on the horns, Michael Gonzalez on the drums.

Starting point is 02:02:57 Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers as a new camp Patterson. Check out the sunset strip ATX.com. There you go. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

Starting point is 02:03:48 I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

Starting point is 02:04:04 I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. Thank you. you

KILL TONY - #641 - HOWIE MANDEL

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