KILL TONY - #663 - DR. PHIL (ADAM RAY) + AKAASH SINGH

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Dr Phil (Adam Ray), Akaash Singh, Jason Ellis, Preacher Lawson, William Montgomery, Casey Rocket, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Kino Loasis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 04/22/2024 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: TALKSPACE: To celebrate May & Mental Health Awareness Month, and the power of talking it out in therapy, Talkspace is offering every listener of Kill Tony $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to https://Talkspace.com/TONY SQUARESPACE: Need to build a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/KILLTONY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! MOOD: Add more relaxation to your summer plans with MOOD! For a limited time only, get 20% off your first order and a FREE THCa pre-roll. Just go to https://HelloMood.com and use promo code KILLTONY. MOOD’s potent product lineup is the perfect companion for whatever you have planned this summer! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv. There you can also find everything Death Squad, including ShopSquad.tv for merchandise and the Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas. Links to that are at DeathSquad.tv. Tony has his own website, Tony henchcliff.com. He's on tour. He's everywhere. Go to Tony henchcliff.com. Kill Tony has merch, kill Tony

merch.com. And don't forget if you missed the Kia Forum or the YouTube theater shows, you can watch the replay get your tickets at killtonLive.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kiltoni. ["Kill Tony Live!" theme music plays.] Hey, this is Red May coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get up for Tony! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? You did it. You made it. You did it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony brought to you by Talkspace and SquareSpace. Speaking of space, the great red band that you're listening to is the band that's been playing for the last two years. You made it. You did it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony brought to you by Talkspace and Squarespace. Speaking of space, the great red band's here,

ladies and gentlemen. I'm shaking up so much. Taking up space. How exciting. How about a hand for the best goddamn band in the land, huh? Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez on the drums Eli Menendez, this is a fucking sounds like a mic migrant bus

Matt mulling on the electric And the great and powerful D madness on the bass guitar You guys are here on a really special night. Before we get started, here's a little bit more of the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you. The The I'm gonna be a good guy. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? Well, well, well, you know, one of the things that I love about this show and I always say this not always but sometimes I do a little brag

slash proud Moment which is like, you know I I think we were one of the first ones to really shove Tim Dillon in front of everybody and shove Shane Gillis in front of everybody and really like Proudly feature these guys before the whole world knew about them. We're doing it again. Another great top Young Rising comedian in the world with a brand new special out called Gaslit

and also joining him. He is indeed the reigning, defending, undisputed, undefeated 2023 guest of the year ladies and gentlemen this is the kosh singing dr bill He is Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil. He goes by Dr. Phil. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's back in the flesh for the first time since New Year's Eve.

Yeah baby. We're back. Feeling good? Dr. Phil starting his own network, running a media empire. A lot going on. We've missed you since New Year's Eve. What's going on? Well, Heath Quarters gave me HPV a couple weeks ago. Just by hugging him, so I guess we'll figure that out.

It was a magical, magical two nights in an arena. You got Guest of the Year. Awarded by another imposter, Dr. Phil, who sent in a video, gifting you Guest of the Year. Awarded by another imposter, Dr. Phil, who sent in a video gifting you Guest of the Year. That was weird. It's a great time. I haven't been that fired up since Cool Runnings came out on DVD.

Raise your hand if you've seen Cool Runnings. Raise your hand if you've never seen a black person. Deep head. person. D-Madness? D-Madness D-Madness D-Madness Somebody needs to...

Somebody needs to... Hey, I do. The way D-Madness raises his hand is very suspicious, by the way. I don't know if you guys noticed that. You might need a little coaching on that, D. Yeah, you got any sound effects for the weird salute, Red Band?

Yeah, you don't have to, by the way. No? Okay. Oh, yeah. He does not. Akash Singh has a brand new special on YouTube, Gaslit. Akash Singh Comedy on YouTube, the one hour special. Akash and I have been doing stand-up together for 17 years. We used to do, and Adam, we used to all do fucking coffee shops, juicy places, or smoothie places, not juicy places.

Juicy? We used to do juicy places too. We used to have a juicy couture at the coffee store, yeah. We basically have done all of the worst gigs you can imagine, and here we are now. Sold out MSG twice, give it up for this man right here. Fuck yeah. Let's go.

Fuck yeah. One of the kings in New York landed there, 9-11, 20, 2000. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. You guys have both done the show multiple times. I have another special announcement tonight. 259 people. 259. It could be a record. I'm not exactly sure. I don't think we've ever actually kept count, but 259

and crowded in a bar across the street right now, hoping that one of the young buck producers runs over there and yells their name. Then they get held backstage until it is their time. I'm gonna pre-pull a name now, a very lucky name. And while they are wrangling that person, we will get the show started. You know how it works. They get 60 seconds, their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to, bucking how do you fuck this up? How, why are you hitting other buttons before that fucking thing did? It's unbelievable. God, you have the easiest job on planet Earth. It's a fucking the kitten button, the same soundboard that you've been hitting

for 11 fucking years. At 60 seconds, you hear the sound of a kitten. Wow, impressive. That means you have to wrap it up then or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There it is. And then I interview them and we find out more about them. And I'm excited, Tony.

Dr. Phil, the guest of the year 2023 is here. Hey, you guys made it easier. The best comedy fans in the motherfucking world. I'll just say that much right now. And you fucking know what it is. Okay. Are you excited? What are you smoking right now, player?

Just tooting on a cigar? Just chewing on a cigar. Aren't you supposed to smoke it? They won't let you? Well, not with that attitude. Yeah, you gotta fucking believe in yourself. Ladies and gentlemen, getting tonight's show started with a brand new minute, one of our new regulars on the show, an absolute phenom.

He's in tight quarters on this show, but if you ever see this guy on a big stage doing stand-up, it is a sight to see. But this right now is a brand new see. But this, right now, is a brand-new minute from our very own Kasey Rocket. -♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,. All right, cool. Yeah, very good. Sorry I'm late, guys. Police caught me playing rollercoaster tycoon again.

Uh, fucked up part is I don't have a computer. All right. Six people died. All right. Hell yeah. Very cool. Sorry to the victims. All right.

We're doing good. Hell yeah. God, it's been a tough day. I'm gonna go hell yeah. Very cool. Sorry to the victims. All right, we're doing good. Hell yeah. God, it's been a tough week. I'm such a little brat. I, uh, my parents tried to send me to adult military school recently, so... A.K.A. the Coast Guard. All right. This is a Navy crowd!

All right, hell yeah. Love that. God. Okay, cool. Love that. God. Okay. Cool. Got myself on that one. I, uh, God. I had a lot of crazy friends growing up. My best friend, his name was Mark McKinney, and he used to take a bunch of Adderall and play Red Dead Redemption,

and he would just skin horses for, like, nine hours. And I would just watch him. Save the pelts, big boy. And, all right, I'll leave it there. Thank you, I'm KC Rocket, all right. All right. The wild world of KC Rocket has graced us yet again. KC, another brand new minute.

You look fantastic tonight. This is a new look for you. Just trying to dress up. Thank you guys so much. Whoo. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. An absolutely adorable bundle of charisma you are.

The ultra-likable Casey Rocket. Dr. Phil, you ever seen anything quite like a Casey Rocket? No, this is my first time seeing it live. You're dressed like Fozzie Bear's agent, but I love your... But your energy is palpable. I don't know. Are you on anything, or is this just all a zest for life? Zest for life.

I was in small claims court for the rollercoaster thing. Yeah? Oh, I don't think anybody in here doesn't believe that. Yeah. Are you a big rollercoaster guy, KC? I built a whole park, and it, yeah, it collapsed. Oh, I don't think anybody in here doesn't believe that. Are you a big roller coaster guy, Casey? I built a whole park, and it, yeah, it collapsed. Just trying to save money, I used aluminum.

Ha ha ha ha! Waka waka! Red band redeemed himself. Yeah. Red band redemption. There we go. Come on now. Look, I was... There. That's what it is. Fantastic, Casey.

I noticed you came out with a briefcase tonight. Yeah, well, okay. I, uh... We talked about it. If you weren't here last week, I've been a receptionist for the law offices of Tarloow and Tarlow for... Um...

Shout-out? Shout-out, Tarlow and Tarlow. And they were kind enough to represent me during my civil case, so I didn't have anywhere to put this. This is what I brought to court. Um... This is kind of embarrassing.

I guess I could show you a couple things that were in it. Oh, that'd be great. Okay, so these are just stuff that was gonna help my case. Perfect, Red Band. This is stuff. It was small claims court. It was like five or six million. And so they said,

bring some stuff that you think would help with your case. So I brought a shower cap and Blu-ray of Shutter Island Wow And if you're not much of a reader paperback of Shutter Island Wow I got some let's see I got some headshots. These are kind of nice. It's just kind of me looking kind of handsome. Big boy LaCroix. Big boy LaCroix. Oh, my goodness.

Your Honor, could it be? Your Honor, you really think I could do something like that? That's what I thought. That does not look like the face of a man that would build a theme park out of aluminum. That's what I said. You could tell they didn't believe me. A headshot of character actor John Hawks.

Oh. I don't know if that was gonna help. It was kind of like an alternative suspect thing. It's like no one knows where John Hawks was when it happened. They didn't really buy it. There's a bunch of fucking cassettes. This is a Hart cassette. Paul Simon.

Oh, is that the sound? Johnny Cash. It's mostly cassettes in here. I think I see the soundtrack to Shutter Island in there. That's absolutely right. It's funny you bring that up. Garth Brooks. That's absolutely right. It's funny you bring that up.

Garth Brooks. Famed soundtrack to Shutter Island director's cut. Wow. Was, yeah, I think that was Rodeo was the song they played over the beginning tracks. Wow. This is just some stuff that I've been kicking around in court lately, so. I love it.

Have you thought about taking a gel blaster into the courtroom with you? Gel blaster, you say? Yeah. Actually, I have. Gel blaster is actually one of the better things to take into court. Huh, it's funny you bring that up.

Gel, huh, let's follow me here. Uh-oh. May I present to you the Riff Attorney. Joe Blaster, this is how I would defend it. Ladies and gentlemen of the court, Joe Blaster, Blaster, Aster, Ari Aster, hereditary, hereditary, terry, peteries, burger, erger.

Hold on. Give me time, damn it. Erger, ger, scary gerr, scary, cow. Not cow. Cow. Ow! Hurt! Has anyone been hurt by my client here? -♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You are great at what you do. Thank you. And no one else does that. That is for sure the Riff Attorney. Can you imagine being in a court of law and hearing an attorney go,

Burger, erger, you know what I mean? I mean, case closed, Your Honor. It is? Burger, erger, that's my new screen name on Xbox Live. Incredible. Always putting on a big show, always with some fun things. I cannot wait to see what you do at the LA Forum and, of course, Madison Square Garden.

Wow. Two nights coming up. Thank you. They're not ready. Hell yeah. I'm excited about the future with the great Casey Rocket. Thank you guys, so fun. Casey Rocket ladies and gentlemen. And so it has begun.

Casey, showing us what a wild minute looks like. Those guys have to do it every week. Not easy. Oh wow, look it's the lovely Heidi everybody. Make some noise for Heidi everyone. A little something for the incels on YouTube right now. And so we move on to the bucket. You guys know how this works.

This is where anything can happen. This is where we find great talent. It's also where we, uh, where we meet crazy people. Some of them don't prepare. We find out everything we can about them. You guys get it. Let's get it started. Your first bucket full of the night goes by the name of Brett O'Brien. -♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Like, that's the issue. Your Crocs. I'm pretty sure it's your moose heart. Then her dog started chewing on her shoe. She was like, damn it, biscuit. I was gonna eat that.

No, actually, I weighed myself after sex the other day, and I was heavier, which I thought was strange. I'm like, there's no way there's half a pound of cum in my ass right now. All right, thank you guys. Wow, a great set. 59 seconds on the dot for Brett O'Brien. Fantastic, my friend. You've been on this show before.

Yep, I've been on. And it has not gone that well before. Not that well. So you're getting better. Getting better. How long you been on stand up now? Almost five years. Almost five years. And how long have you been in Austin?

Like almost three. Okay. And where were you doing it before that? Dallas. That's right. Yeah. There you are. So you're getting better here in Austin.

You doing a lot of spots? Trying to do a lot of spots, grinding, you know. Uh-huh. Absolutely. What do you do for a living again? I'm in software sales. Okay. Yeah. Ladies.

Yeah. Yeah, that checks out. Dr. Phil, what do you think about this guy? Your name's Brent. Brett. All right, take it easy. Jesus fucking Christ. Trying to get to know you, Brent.

Brett? Brett. Brett, you hit the comedy trifecta of topics for me, okay? Fat jokes, check. Cum jokes, got them. Dog joke, you nailed it. Which one did you write first? Because you came out swinging. Really funny, great timing, misdirection.

Did you write... Are you like a cum joke guy first, or is it like, did you have the cum in your butt and then the joke came? Yeah. Yeah, I've always. That's what I'm trying to ask. Yeah, cum has always been at the heart of my act. For real, do you have a plethora of cum jokes?

It's a fun topic. Not as much as I would like, but. Have you ever come inside of a fat dog? Good question, Tony. How about, how's that for a trifecta, Dr. Phil? Save it for the roast in Los Angeles. No, no, there's no roast. There's no roast. We're on the air right now.

If there was one. Specifically said, don't mention the fucking roast. It's okay, it comes out. He's doing the Dr. Phil roast. Sorry, surprise, I'm doing a roast of Dr. Phil in L.A. Who's gonna fucking go? Raise your hand. I'll give you a free ticket tonight. Whoo!

Can I plug that? That would be an honor. Okay, great. I'm doing it. Yeah. Well, you were already on it. You told me. Yeah, okay. Improv. And here we go.

And here we go. You got a sound effect to save this shit right now, Red Bull? Yeah, right. Maybe a fucking cat that's not a cat so Brett when's the last time you were on the show how long ago was that about um it was a year ago with Adam right or with yeah yeah Adam right yeah and so how's your life changed in the past year what are some things that you're doing with your life other than stand-up comedy?

What has changed? Well, I interviewed for a promotion the other day. I bombed the interview. That's not change, dude. Yeah, so. That's the same shitty life twice. Yeah. Yeah, we're one failed interview closer.

So we're, you know. Where do you work again? A software company. That's right. Is there a name for it? It's called Ninja One. Ninja One, yes. Is it run by an Asian guy? It's not run by an Asian guy.

We just look up to him a lot. OK. And what do you do for them that you're trying to get promoted? I do cold calls. OK. Yeah. Wow. Can you give us an example of what a cold call from you sounds like to get promoted. I do cold calls. Okay. Yeah. Wow.

Can you give us an example of what a cold call from you sounds like? Sure thing. My phone's ringing. Hello? Hey, it's Brett with Ninja One. Jesus. What are you? Why do you sound like you're outside of my window right now?

I'm scared. Yes, how can I help you? What's in Ninja One? Ninja One? What? Yes, not... Oh, fuck. It's getting scarier. I'll call you back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I had you on speaker phone the whole time. Shit. Can I try... Can I try... Yeah, yeah, Doc... Can I try one? Yeah, here you go. It's ringing. What's up, Phil?

Hey. Hey, Doc, it's Brett with Ninja One. Oh, what's up, Brett? Yeah, you called last night, but I told you to fuck off. What's up? You still got buckets of cum in your butt? What's going on? And same. See you, Mitch. Ooh. Damn.

Dr. Phil, cold as ice. You might have to put that promotion on hold, Playboy. Look. It's a hot lead for me. So you're trying to get a promotion. What else? What do you do for fun, Brett? You have very, very, very dark Dahmer energies to you. You're holding onto that microphone

like you're strangling a woman. I frequent rainy at night, you know, looking for... Oh no. Oh no. I'm just kidding. No, what do I do for fun? I play golf. I go out and drink at bars and the normal stuff.

What kind of drink can normally go for you? You seem like the kind of guy that would close it up Close it up. Um yeah, I locked the doors Funny funny no it ends with me getting drunk and Usually that's about it you get home you think damn it man You blew it you blew it No luck with the ladies um Um, I, my girlfriend dumped me like a month ago. What did she say? She dumped you. How did she dump you? Text

in person in person. Um, how did she do that? Did she come to your place? You go to hers. She came over. What did she say? Exactly. Oh, let's replay that phone call. Hand me the phone. Yeah. Red band hitting you with the jingle. It was in person. Yeah. Oh. Hey, baby. Oh, sorry. Why'd you call me?

I'm in the living room. Yeah. Sorry. What's up? Yeah. Fuck. Wait, she broke up with him. So how did he break up with you?

Dr. Phil, it really helps if you pay attention. I'm not great at improv. Here, give me my phone back. Burger, erger. Burger, erger, yeah. Burger, erger. Go ahead. This gives me a lot of material

for the upcoming roast of Dr. Phil. I can't wait for you to do it. It's a real thing, stop laughing. Brett's trying to pour his heart out, so she broke up with you. Yes out. So she broke up with you. Yes. She broke up with you. So are you guys sitting in the living room?

No, front door. Just basically she was on a mission, I imagine. So you cracked the door. What did she say exactly? I think we were going to just hang out. And she was like, she came over with a lot of my stuff. So I figured that's a. How long have you two been together before? Like two years. OK, she came over with a lot of my stuff, so I figured that's a... How long have you two been together?

Like two years. Okay, she came over with some stuff, and what did she say exactly? I need space, I wanna be on my own, that type of thing. Make it so loud! Whoa, Jesus Christ. Red bandwagon.

Something about another guy. I know. Soundboard. Okay, and what did you say? Like what? This is kind of a surprise. The old lady? Yeah. I just said why?

What did I, was it something I did? You know what I mean? She was like, no, you know, the bullshit. Like I just want to be by myself. Because she, I graduated in 21 and she graduated like two years later so she's still with her family and like I was trying to talk about moving together and she was like I don't not ready for that right what's what sort of stuff are yours did she bring by like what jackets shoes artifacts of clothing artifacts yeah artifacts who describes clothes like

that yeah I don't know how you's even how you say that. It's fucking weird. Articles of clothing. Articles, yeah. That's a whole different word. An artifact of clothing would be your King Tut mummy hat. Something like that. Yeah. She brought my old chalice. That's how I knew it was over. Yeah.

Have you followed her on Facebook? Is she like seeing anybody? I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. right now at this very moment? I'd hope, I'd like to hope not. Did you notice that it made you funnier?

There's a thing in comedy where a lot of people say that heartbreak makes comedians funnier. Did you write these Joe, the 600-pound life joke, how old is that? Mmm, like six months. It's old. Okay, how about the, uh, ass full of cum? Yeah, I've been, I've been sitting on those two for a minute.

That's how he got over his breakup, I think. Yeah. Have you written any new jokes since the breakup? Let me think. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, why don't you try one? I don't understand why people are so afraid to die alone. I'd rather die alone. Laughter

Because if you're not dying alone, you're dying with, like, a group of people in a mass tragedy. I think I'd much rather die alone. There's a little more. Applause Did you get a little joke book last time you were on the show? No, I got a big joke book and then Secret Show. This is my fourth time.

Right. Yeah. I'd love to have you back on the Secret Show Thursday. Thank you. There you go. Brad O'Brien. Awesome. One door closes, another door opens. You can catch him at the Secret Show

wearing artifacts of clothing. This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace, May's Mental Health Awareness Month, and Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, is encouraging people to talk it out in therapy. Opening up to a therapist might feel uncomfortable, cathartic, exhausting, or exhilarating, But one thing's for certain, if you keep talking or texting with a licensed therapist, you'll gain insights and uncovered truths

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go to squarespace.com slash kiltony and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that is squarespace.com slash kiltony. And like that, it moves on. We have another bucket full. Make some noise for Sherry Vesej, ladies and gentlemen. Sherry Vesej. Oh, hell yeah.

Yay! I am originally from Iran. Boo! I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Stop it. There are no terrorist women. Come on, did you forget two seconds ago, gillillillili, that means, that means celebrate, you know, just don't do it in the airport. Yeah. You know, this idea of covering yourself up in the Middle East is called hijab,

and in Austin, it's called a thong. Yay, let's keep Austin weird. Yeah, so my pronouns in the Middle East are Wallaha Askhallaha Muhallaha Wahadda which translates to Shut the fuck up bitch! There's more, there's more. Or I will stone you.

I need some rocks. Where is Cam Patterson? Yeah. So, you know, as a Middle Easterner, whether I bomb or I am the bomb, it's a win-win. There you go. Sherry Vasej coming in hot. I'm at least in our whether I bomb or I am the bomb. It's a win-win. There you go. Sherry Vasheji coming in hot.

Wow. That was so much better than I expected it to be when I first saw you walk out. I'm like, oh shit, this is gonna be wacky and weird, but I didn't think it would be fantastic. That was a good set. I love it. The bomb-bomb part at the end,

little bit easy compared to the rest of your set, but it was fantastic, Sherri. How long you been on standup? This last time since last May, but I used to do standup years ago. Akash, how does it feel to have your grandmother up here? I swear to God, I felt like my mom was up there. I got so happy.

You see me smile. I have one question. When you came out and you said boo to the audience, you screamed out one guy, boo. Did you mean to say Jew? That's what I've been trying to figure out. I think you misspoke. I think you missed a punch.

I don't take sides. You are something else. How long you been in America? Since 78, before you were born. That is true. That is true. How old were been in America? Since 78 before you were born. That is true. That is true. How old were you in 78? 13. Okay and where did you guys move to? Northern California. I went to high school there then went to school in Fresno State. And you've only been doing it for a year? I used to do stand-up

from 97 to 2003 and then it was a little bit too messed up up here, so I needed to step back and kind of clean up. Clean up. And what do you mean by that? This is Dr. Phil. He can help you. Perhaps you've heard of Dr. Phil before. Because we're all a little messed up upstairs, and I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. We've all been knocked down, and we're trying to get up again.

Who said that? Jumbawumba, you got it. You're never gonna keep him down. So Sherry, when you're not dressing like a Sesame Street character, do you have hobbies? How do you keep your head clean of negative thoughts? I meditate, I got therapy, I do classes. What kind of classes I took classes. What kind of classes?

Spiritual classes. Like what? Regression, past life regression and stuff like that. Okay. So it was all in the past life. You've had some childhood trauma and whatnot. Yeah. Was this all before you moved to America?

Probably when I was in my mom's womb, yeah. Oh, okay, your mom's womb. Yeah. Oh, okay. Your mom's womb. Yeah. Right. How long have you been doing standup? Since last May. You just started. Kind of, but I used to do standup years ago.

In Iran? No, no. No. Okay, well where the fuck did you start standup, Sherry? In LA. In LA, great. Well, you're very funny. Thank you.

What's your writing process like? In LA. In LA, great. Yeah. Well, you're very funny. Thank you. What's your writing process like? I talk to myself during the day and then stuff downloads and I write it. Because her husband doesn't allow her to read or write, so she has to talk to herself. That was funny. Okay, granny. That's funny. Okay, Granny. That's cool. So...

So, all your material comes from... Wow. Tony, you might get a spot on the secret show for that joke. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Watch yourself. The roof. Oh, wait, we can't. Any higher, because the ceilings are so high. It's high enough for Sherry to fly a Boeing 747 into it.

So Sherry, I love it. Are you married? No. You're single? You're just a fucking Iranian fucking mountain cougar just out here? I love it. Well, you're sweet.

Just trying to get to the younger guys, yeah. Oh yeah, is that what you like? How young we talking, like, Keith Cordis or like, or like, you know, Gene Wilder? Ha ha ha. By the way, I think you stole that jacket from him. That is true. I'm deflecting, I'm envious.

I'm with me. And you'll be in a world of your imagination. Take a look and you'll see Iranian sherry. Yeah! Dr. Phil running it into the end zone, 2023 reigning defending guest of the year. I think there's a lot of good stuff coming your way. You're, you know, cause it's a nerve wrackin thing to come up here. No party you shaking, you're poised, you fucking grab that mic, you wooed, everybody was rooting for you right out of the gate. So I don't know, I'm excited to see where you're.

You do have a natural stage presence. It is incredible. For only a year it's unbelievable. Have you done other things on a stage before performance wise? I did a little bit of acting when I was in LA of course. Okay, were you in anything we'd recognize? Perhaps one of the Al-Qaeda terrorist videos?

Maybe the mother of an Al-Qaeda terrorist videos? Maybe the mother of an Al-Qaeda terrorist. You can play that. There's a Hallmark movie waiting to happen. I love your style. It is absolutely incredible. So what else do you do for fun? What does a lady like Sherry do? I try to walk in the morning.

I like to have a boyfriend. You're such a sweet little thing. You'd like to have a boyfriend. Are you on any of the apps or anything like that? No, I don't like dating. I guess maybe that's the problem. So like your last like hangout or hookup, how long ago was that?

What was the situation there? You went to only- It's been a kosh got type of guy. It may be the brown guys only for me to recognize what the junk looks like. Yeah. Oh hell yeah. Well, I'm not going to take my penis out, but, but I think, I think, no, I think, you know, it's one of those things like riding a bike. I think once you got back into it, you'd be like'd be like I remember that there were two balls, you know Saggy saggy. Oh, yeah. Now, what is your ideal guy, right?

You said younger, but do you need like a physically fit guy cuz some girls are into dad bods, right? I like tall skinny White Vegan vegan Vegan why is that part of the fucking because I'm a vegan. Oh my goodness White. Ooh. Vegan. Vegan, yeah. Vegan? Why is that part of the fuckin' Because I'm a vegan. Oh my goodness.

I know, I know. You think you're going to find a full grown vegan boy? Tall. Muscular. I want someone better than me. You want someone what? Better than me. My standards are kinda.

So let me ask you something because you have it all together here, but it seems like you have to do a lot and you know, a lot of different things to keep your mental health proper, which is a very common thing amongst funny people. Have you ever, when's the last time you ate meat? This last round about two years ago. And did that do anything to your brain? Did you feel better for a second there? Eating what you're supposed to eat

as a human being on planet Earth? Boy, somebody listens to Joe Rogan, huh? Listen. Listen. He's right though, meat is better. It helps your body, okay, and I talk about that in chapter 11 meat helps your body suck a cock from time to time and see what your See what your brain comes up with that's chapter 12 and 13. I'm not completely off meat Oh, so you'll eat some meat when when I have a boyfriend. Oh, okay. So if a boy, okay

Okay now that we're here, how do you start? You're in the bedroom. What's your first move? For real, because there might be a guy out there listening right now that's like, I need to know if Sherry means business. I need to know if heavy petting is involved, if anal is first base or third base. Where do you like to start, Sherry?

Take me through it. We got time. A nice dinner. Yeah, I'm already out, so I think that there's... I'd like to start, Sherry, take me through it. We got time. A nice dinner? Yeah, I'm already out, so I think that there's, yeah, you lost me at food and taking you for shit that I gotta pay for. No, I'm joking, oh fuck you. Hold on, Sherry, we have a guy, we have a guy on the line right now

that wants to say something, perhaps an eligible bachelor, let's see what he has to say. I love hemp protein. It's one of my favorite proteins for, we sell it at Onnit, we sell hemp protein. How about that guy? He never calls in either, that was special.

It's the owner of the club, Joe Rogan, talking about how he loves hemp protein. Oh, okay. Okay. Not impressed. My guess is he's not tall enough for Sheri. Yeah. Tall order.

Well Sherry, I just came out with these Dr. Phil hoodies that you guys can get wherever Dr. Phil hoodies are sold, which is only one spot. They say we'll be right back on the back. And I only give to people that I connect with. So I want you to put that on and just live your best life. connect with. So I want you to put that on and just live your best life. Because, because, you know, and, and once you find that special someone, you use it to clean up the mess, you know? But, but I like your mojo and I actually, I'm truly fired up to see where your comedy career goes because you're fearless and that's what

you need, player. I always say I love the different shapes and sizes and ages and the variety of people we get, all types of different artifacts of people that we get up here. And I love, love, love that you signed up for the show and came out with your explosive energy tonight. Thank you.

That was fantastic. Thank you. Thank you. Here's a big joke bug. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I can kick, too. Damn.

God, Sherry making me wish I was a little bit taller. And... I love it. How loud can this place get for the great Sherry Beceja? Thank you, Sherry. Amazing. Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you right now, a very, very special treat. Before there were golden ticket winners on this show,

it still existed. The show started 11 years ago, and I think it was about, geez, six, seven, eight years ago, we found this guy probably close to seven or eight years ago. We pulled this man out of the bucket, maybe longer. It was in the belly room, I remember that very clearly. And he went on, he's been on to great success. Sells out theaters all around the fucking world. He was originally just literally one of the best bucket pulls ever from way back in the day.

I told him, you're gonna be a star, nothing can stop you. And he's nice enough to grace us with a brand new minute for the first time in absolute many years. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from America's Got Talent and so many other great things. Make some noise for the great Preacher Lawson. -♪ -♪ All right. All right.

All right. All right. Thank you. Thank you. I think that women avoid eye contact with dudes because if they look at us for, like, two seconds, we just assume they like us. You have one second, and you got to get out of there, ladies. One 1,000. Go! Save yourself. Because in a man's brain, we like,

-♪ One 1,000, too, you're like a dream come true. That's what we think. You got to go. It's so funny, if a woman looks at a man for two seconds, we're like, oh, she want it. But if a man looks at another man for two seconds, we're like, you trying to fight, bro? Who you looking at for two seconds? Unless they're gay. But you know if they're gay or not

because their chin is down, right? Yeah. You can tell. That's the giveaway right there. Same rules apply. One, one thousand. Whoa, hey! Whoa. Whoa, hey, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I've never had a boyfriend in my life.

I don't even know why I told y'all that, but I haven't had one. I haven't had a gay roommate one time. He didn't say he was gay, but I seen him on Grindr. I was like, he gay, right? What you doing out here, man? What you doing? That's the last time we playing Twister.

My name is Pretty Lawson. Goddamn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you doing? That's the last time we playing Twister. My name is Preacher Lawson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A legend of the game. Yeah. My man. The great Preacher Lawson with the new one-hour special, My Name is Preacher, out on YouTube right now, YouTube slash Preacher Lawson. It is so fucking cool to have you back here.

Man, thanks for having me. This is awesome, man. I appreciate it, man. This is awesome. You're a gangster, baby. Yeah, this is so funny. It's crazy, man. After shows, people are like, you got to go on back here. Man, thanks for having me. This is awesome, man. I appreciate it, man. This is awesome. You're a gangster, baby. Yeah, this is so funny. It's crazy, man. After shows, people are like, you gotta go on Kill Tony.

I was like, I was on there like four times. Why would I go back on? I didn't know y'all were doing stadiums. Man, this is crazy. How long ago was your debut on Kill Tony? Oh man, 2016. 2016, so about eight years. Yep.

Amazing. That's crazy, yeah. And I remember it like it was yesterday. You were by far one of the best bucket pulls we ever had at the time. And I remember just going, you're gonna be a star. This is it. And then you went and you fucking did it.

It was incredible. Yeah, man, I appreciate it. Thanks, man, I appreciate it. Yeah, it was awesome. You just have that natural touch. Back then we had no male regulars. It was a thing that we, because there was no females that were signing up back then.

So we made all the women regulars. And so it wasn't even an option to have a male regular at the time or a golden ticket winner. We didn't have that built into the format of the show yet. We were lucky to have fucking, you know, funny 250 some people signing up. But back then it was maybe 20, 30 max at times. But we found you

and you went on to fulfill the prophecy. What else is going on in life, preacher? I don't know, man. I'm just touring right now. I'm just touring and auditioning, man. Doing this, you know, LA thing, man. You know, a place you love. Oh yeah. I do, I do love LA. I could never live there again, but it's fun to visit and it means a lot of sentimental value to me. I left a lot of artifacts there. Yeah.

And yeah, I'm pumped about life. How's Texas been treating you, preacher? I was on a bird yesterday, someone threw water on me when I was, yeah, that was weird. weird. I think they thought it was funny. Like out of a cup? Yeah, I was just... I was on a bird, and I was like, you know, this is gonna be cheaper than an Uber, and then someone was like,

what about water? And they just threw it. Goddamn. Well, I was trying to get your attention if you wouldn't turn around. I said, preacher, I remember you from the comedy store, and you said, fuck you, old man. And I was like, well, here comes the water, bitch. Hope you're not a gremlin.

That's exactly what I said. Now, preacher, I offer a song. Offer it. What's your... Oh, go ahead. A cup of water. It's crazy to think how far we've come from the fire hoses back in the day. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Dr. Phil, go ahead. I interrupted you. Now, that's all you, Tony. I'm good right here. Yep. Anyways, with a Z. Preacher, I first saw you at the comedy store and I was like, this fucking guy's funny, he's lackable, and he's pushing the envelope.

And then you did a back flip. When did you, how, are you always, have you always been so flexed? I don't know what I'm trying, I'm turned on. What do you, when did you get so. I've been black my whole life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was gonna say, that was crazy.

Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil drank and distanced himself from my racist fire hose joke. Goes straight in it. Now can you explain to us how you do a back flip? How is it humanly possible that someone with your skin color can go around hippin' and hoppin' around? You're gonna make my mustache fall off, Tony.

That was more racist than the fire hose thing. It was, it was. How is it that your people are able to jump so high? We'll be right back. I mean that we could just end the show can we? I'm like I think. Yo but for real when did you know you could jump that high? No but for real because you know I'm not athletic so I'm just I'm jealous you know you could jump that high? No, but for real, because I'm not athletic, so I'm just jealous, you know, like to even...

Ken Morris, too. Can you teach me how to shoot a basketball? You're putting words in my mouth, Tony, okay? I'll put something in your mouth and you know what it is. Oh, man. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. you know what it is. Okay, well let's change topics then. Your special, what's it called again? It's called My Name is Preacher. That's right. Did you forget? What's that? The easiest special name to remember. My name is Preacher. I want to know why you named it that. Why you called your special My Name is Preacher. I want to know why you named it that. Why you called your special, My Name is Preacher.

I named it my, well, first off, it's my name. Right, I know that. And then, and yeah, I just think that that's what it encapsules. Right, but is there a joke? Yeah, I do a joke about it. There it is, okay. I do a joke about my name being Preacher. Right.

Yeah, so. It's great branding. It is great branding. It's a tough thing to title something like that. Like for We've Got Issues, I just go, I said, well, what are we all trying to overcome issues and who's trying to overcome them? We are, right?

So maybe you guys can stop fucking ganging up on me and just answer a simple fucking question. You high flying black guy. Now, am I in a hidden camera show? I'm about to fucking bring out Sherri and fuck her in front of everybody if you don't start shaping up and shipping out. I'm sorry, preacher. You know I love you.

And I'm just trying to fucking, you know, I wanted you to share the love of your specials. I didn't know that was an actual Dr. Phil book, man. It's a real book. Now, is he sponsoring you? What is this, man? Yeah, I had it made especially for this bit. No, this is a real book, for sure, that I wrote, so.

Man. Let's stick to the script, player. That's awesome, man. Wait, but how long you been doing stand-up again? 15 years. 15 years. It feels like, yeah, is there a time when it gets easier, or is it just the grind of it

always pretty consistent? I feel like everything is always hard. If it's too easy, I think I'm getting lazy. You know what I mean? I completely agree. I think a comedian is always in competition with themselves to get better and to try to impress an audience in a city that maybe saw you a year ago, or a year and a half, or whatever it is before you go back, it's like that's the thing. Yeah, because if you do the same jokes, they're not coming back.

That's true. That's true. And you're fucking killing it. You're amazing. It's such a special treat to have you here. Thank you so much. I love you, Bree. The point is, for those of you that have been watching

Kill Tony Forever, it's the return of Bree Trelawson. And for those of you that have been watching kill Tony forever It's the return of preacher Lawson and for those of you that don't know go watch the one hour special My name is preacher out now on YouTube the man the myth the legend preacher Lawson So funny and we keep moving along Hi this podcast is sponsored by new, you know summer plans can sometimes cause more stress than relaxation. Maybe you're planning a summer vacation and you're juggling everyone's schedules. That's where Mood products come in. A mellow THC high for Mood sleepy or chill products can help you unwind. Mood's potent product lineup is the perfect companion for whatever you have planned this

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Just go to HelloMoon.com and use the promo code KILTONI. That's HelloMOOD.com. Code KILTONI for 20% off your order and a free THCA free roll. Back to the bucket we go. It's been a good bucket tonight so far. Let's see what happens here. A new minute from Pedro Franco. Pedro Franco, ladies and gentlemen. All right, I'm Brazilian, man.

I love America, I really do. I think it's a great place. The other thing I don't like, I get called Mexican all the time. I'd be the tallest Mexican in the world, didn't I? Dude, I got called Mexican by a cop. I was like, Officer, how many Mexicans do you know that can see over the wall? Are you serious? There's no sense to me, dude.

Trying to be a better person, am I? I quit porn. I think that was huge for me. I mean, porn is just sad, dude. You know, everything about porn is sad. Even the fucking ads are sad. Click on a porn video, the ad comes on. Are you horny and alone? Even the fucking ads are sad. Click on a porn video, the ad comes on. Are you horny and alone?

Yeah. Why are you attacking me? I'm using your website, you know what I mean? It's the only business that does that. Like, imagine going to McDonald's, like, ooh, you want a McChicken, you fat fuck. It's like, what? What?

I don't get it, dude. All I'm saying is we're using their website. You know, they should be hyping us up. Click on the videos, like, you ready to jerk off again like a winner? As a matter of fact, I am, thank you. Appreciate it, huh? Thank you, all right.

All right, all right. Amazing. What a fantastic minute. Pedro Franco, welcome to the show. thank you. All right. All right, all right. Amazing. All right, all right. What a fantastic minute. Pedro Franco, welcome to the show. Thank you. This is your first time on the show, correct? Yeah, first time.

I would remember you. You have a whole thing to you. Yeah, the other... A couple weeks ago, right? Two weeks. I think Shane was drinking, and I ran into him in the street. Remember that?

No. You don't remember that? Why do people bring up random things? I thought that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I was hanging out with a friend of mine that does- Hold on, just stop. Sorry. You're saying that you ran into me and Shane on the street?

Yeah, it was super random. Yeah, no, it's not random. Sometimes we walk on the street too. How would I remember you from the street? Did you say you did comedy or something? No, he was like, he was going to drink and then me and my friend went with him because we were hanging out with the hounds.

But that's what we're always doing. Yeah. Okay, let's just stop. Sorry. That's what he meant, that's right. No, I was just saying welcome to the show. Thank you. How long you been doing standup comedy?

Six months. Six months? Funny. All of it here in Austin? Yeah, pretty much. Incredible. You know, it's funny because I always thought those ads before porn were like crazy,

but I never really add an angle on it. It's one of the first times in forever where I can honestly say I'm kind of jealous of that bit. Like that's like kind of amazing. It's right there on the surface. But, yeah, what the fuck? Those ads are crazy. We're blatantly horny and alone. I don't got to, like, highlight that, you know?

That's the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's like they're fucking with us. What do you want? Hey, are you overwhelmed with pussy? Like, no, I'm about to jerk off. It's pretty blatant. It's a great take, though. That's what I'm saying, is you have a very natural, you know,

it's right there on the surface. Brazilian porn is arguably one of my favorite categories. But I don't just type in Brazilian. I need, like, layers. So it's like Brazilian mom comes home early from Iraq to surprise Brazilian stepson who's watching like Air Bud 6. He gets bored so he fucks Brazilian stepmom,

dot, dot, dot, titties. When did you move? All right, we'll have this out. When did you move to America? Like 2016, I think. I've been here nine years. First impressions? Love it, dude. Great place. Best country on planet Earth.

It is, dude, it is. Yeah. So, you do jiu-jitsu? I did it for like two months, and then I came to Austin. I don't have time anymore. Right. You're too busy swimming in pussy. Yeah. So, do you do Jiu Jitsu? I did it for like two months, and then I came to Austin, I don't have time anymore. Right, you're too busy swimming in pussy.

What do you do when you're not doing stand-up comedy in Austin? Dude, I just do this because like my visa's up, so I have to leave, and it's true, I have to leave. You have to leave. I gotta leave in two months, so I've just been focusing on stand-up. They're gonna make you leave.

Yeah. In the meanwhile. I know, it's ridiculous, I know. been focusing on staying. They're gonna make you leave. Yep. Meanwhile... I know, it's ridiculous, I know. Like, I can leave and walk back in, but I can't stay. If you want, I know some guy named Adam Ray, he might buy you a hotel if you just tug at his heartstrings. I appreciate it. Yeah.

I mean, he's... I don't think buying a hotel is gonna help his problem. It's not gonna happen, but I mean you can reach out, you know? It's gonna be on your bill, the kicked in door by ICE that fucking deports him. God damn it, I didn't think you'd put me down on incidentals too. Are there Brazilian stand up comics? Like how do you figure out that this is something that you could do? I don't know, I just kind of like, I always loved it and then a friend of mine like made me do it

and I had a good time. Have you seen American comedy? Yeah. Who'd you like? Who got you fired up? Louie. Yeah. Yeah.

Here you go. Fuck yeah. Absolutely. What do you do for a living? How do you make money? I work in rental cars. Rental cars? Yeah, I don't wanna say the name of the place

because I'm leaving the country anyways. I work for fucking Enterprise. Whoa. I'm leaving. Wow. If they're not sponsoring me, I don't give a shit. Yeah, they're not gonna do it. Yeah, but that's what I do.

It's boring, dude. I don't like it. Just pays my bills pretty much. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, being broke hurts. And I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. You need money to have fun.

Go ahead, Tony. What's your love life like? You're tall, you're Brazilian. I can't even imagine what's going on here. Single, bro, single. If you're vegan, I know a 90-year-old Iranian woman that fucking... I was listening in the back.

I mean, I need a marriage to stay, so that'll be Wow, let's fucking do it tonight Wow Can you fucking imagine is there a is there any chance there's a what's it called Is there an ordained is there is there an ordained minister here where buddy's point wait, there's so many of them. This is crazy Welcome to Texas where everybody's like God bless this guy Wait a second this guy looks like a DJ in Grand Theft Auto You're a minister you got a badge or something I

Don't know you got your idea on you wait is Sherry still here is Sherry still here? Is Sherry still here? Is Sherry back there? Oh, my fucking God. This could actually work. She's kind of what he described, or she described. It is. Bro, say you're a vegan, dude. Say you're a vegan, and she will open up every door and hole, I swear to God.

We know you beat your meat, but now you got to sneak your meat. Psst. Because if your wife finds out... Wow. It's not the first time an Iranian woman's been in an arranged marriage, by the way. This is absolutely right on schedule. We're going to tell her you're a Brazilian heir,

and she might be down for this. This is absolutely incredible. We're waiting for Sherry. Can we get the little... This guy puts the mini in minister. Come on up here. Here he comes, dude. Come on.

Please welcome to the stage Sean McVeigh, the coach of the Los Angeles Rams. This is wild. This could be the first ever kill Tony. He's a hot guy. I'm Sean McGay right now, Tony. Hey, you know what? Is this legal?

What's that? Is that legal? I don't fucking know. We're just trying to have some fun. Whoa. What's up, Doug? Nice to meet you. Pleasure. Pleasure. Wow. We found the rainy street serial killer, everybody. This is amazing. Absolutely incredible.

What's your name, sir? Tall. What is sir? Tall. What is it? Tall. Tall? Wow. That's ironic. That's like the guy's next to you,

his name being short. Yeah, my name's Hair. Hit me, Red Band. And my name's Straight. All right. Here you go. Your name is Tall. That is incredible. What do you do for work, Tall?

I work on a credit card. You work on a what? A credit card. You work on a credit card? Yeah. Holy shit. I'm in charge of getting people to sign up for a credit card.

There we go. Oh, okay. All right What can you do probably can't say the company right Amazon Wow? Incredible well you're about to probably get somebody a visa here in a second It's incredible D madness is seen enough to clean in house D madness is middle name 20 vision by the way yes, if I'm good at cleaning houses, because I'm Latino. Did you hear that?

I thought you were Portuguese. I'm Latino, still. Are you guys having your own podcast over there? What the fuck is going on? Stick with me. Ladies and gentlemen, you know her, you love her. Make some noise again for Sherry Veseje, ladies and gentlemen. Wow! Now, Sherry, you have such a fucking impact on us

that this is the very extremely rare occasion in which we have somebody back on the show. Now this young man, Pedro Franco right here, this tall brown vegan. Let me, yeah, he, Um... Uh, let me... Yeah. He... Let me just say...

I need you guys... We don't have instant replay, but I'm gonna show you what Sherry did when she found out that he was vegan. Ready? Tell me you're vegan. I'm vegan. Oh. Yeah. That was hot. Keep going, Sherry.

Yeah. Can I do that? Wow. Amazing. So, Sherry, we're in a little bit of a situation because Pedro is from Brazil. He's been here since 2016, and he needs to marry an American woman in order to get to stay in America.

Now, the man next to you, believe it or not, his name is Tal. and he needs to marry an American woman in order to get to stay in America. Now, the man next to you, believe it or not, his name is Tall. That might be a red flag. And Sherry, the man next to you, Tall, is an ordained minister. So with that said, uh, Pedro, I do believe now is the time to pop the question.

Ask Sherry. Get down on one knee. Get down on one knee? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! He's literally... He got down on one knee, he's still taller than tall. It's incredible.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Pedro Franco. Sherry, will you help me stay in the greatest nation of the world? I believe I'm American enough that I could probably help you. That's right. Let's go. That's good enough. That's good. Tall, what do you say?

Do you pronounce them? What do you say? Do you? Yeah. Do you? Hell yeah, baby. Hell yeah baby. Jesse let's go! Ladies and gentlemen

This is Kill Tony! Wow! Oh, wow. Maybe dreams come true. Maybe dreams come true. Maybe dreams come true. Dreams have come true here. Uh... Sherry, you are

an instant Kill Tony legend. Uh, Pedro, you had a fantastic minute. Congratulations. It looks like things may be going your way. Uh... Does she get to do the secret show for this show? I'm literally trying to like think of something that we could do for her. Can she do the roast of Dr. Phil? Would that be possible?

I'll fly to LA and you can do the roast of Dr. Phil. You gotta have someone do... Sherry, what's the longest set you've ever done? Oh, I can do 15 to 20 minutes. Why don't you let her open the show on Thursday? After Foga Da Chao, why don't you come over to the secret show on Thursday? You're gonna open it up, Sunset Shift Comedy Club. What is it, 8 p.m.? Oh my goodness gracious, dreams are coming true here.

Tal, did you sign up for the show? No. Okay, there you go. Thank you, Tall. Thank you, Sherry. And thank you, Pedro. Ladies and gentlemen, Pedro, take one of these. Unbelievable, unbelievable.

Damn, he catches like Sherry. Woo! God damn, what an episode. What an episode so far. And now, ladies and gentlemen, the bucket pools have been so good that this is fucking crazy. It's time for another one of our regulars, everybody.

One of the best to ever be a regular in the history of the show. This young man is on fucking fire. Here with a brand new minute, this is the one and only, Cam Patterson. ["The One and Only Cam Patterson"] -♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, They just got married, and I'm happy for them, but I like fucking old women, dawg.

That's not part of the meaning. I just want to tell y'all that. I will fuck that old lady. All right. Uh, I don't understand helping the homeless if you're not gonna give them a house. I think that's dumb. My barber likes to go on 6th Street and get home people haircuts,

and I think that's fucking stupid. Because you gotta understand something. They get their money because they look homeless. If you give them a haircut, you just fucking up their uniform, dog. If I see a homeless nigga with a better haircut than me, I might punch his ass, really. You piece of shit. Like, I'm not gonna get no money

to an homeless nigga with no clean-ass drop fade. That's not finna happen. Susan, a drop fade when you kind of cut the sides a little bit and then you keep the rest. I'm done. Appreciate it. Holy shit. This is what we do. My goodness gracious.

We're doing it, man. God damn. Come on, man. You have done it yet again. Yeah, it was fun. That was good. I like that. That was hella fun.

That might be my favorite one so far. Thank you, man. I like that. Natural Cam Patterson. Thank you so much. Absolutely unstoppable right now. He is on fire. We did an episode of the Dr. Phil show yesterday.

Oh yeah baby. Get ready, Tony, Cam, and William at the same motherfucking time baby, last night. You guys murdered that shit. It was fun, wasn't it had on a thong, that was disturbing. Oh yeah. Disturbing as shit.

Somebody came out in a thong and then, and then you know, Cam said the N word Oh yeah. Yeah. Disturbing as shit. Somebody came out in a thong and then, and then you know, Cam said the N word or something. You know. Yeah. But it was great. That's my favorite word, man. You guys murdered it, man. It was fun.

Cam, that is an amazing joke about giving the homeless people haircuts. Insane funny. It was fucking unbelievably fantastic. Smart, funny, everything. As always, you came through riding the momentum of what happened on stage. That was fucking insane. Yeah. Yeah.

That was crazy. It's a wild show. I was asking him in the back, like, can they do that? Can that really happen? Is that legal? He said, hell yeah. That's what he said. You want to get mad? Hell yeah. What the fuck, man? That's not a real thing. That's not real shit.

I mean, it'll be interesting to see. I don't know if the, uh, I don't know if... I just finna kick that nigga door in steel. You said you like older women. And Sherri, do we find out how old Sherri was? Maybe late 50s, early 60s? 73. So she moved in 76 minus 13. So...

63. 63, is that... Wait, no, she was born in 63, which means she's... 61. 61, thanks. I'd fuck the shit out of that lady. You would? Yeah. She ain't get a new committee yet.

I had that already, you know what I'm saying? Oh, wow. What does that do to you again? Climbing? It does what? Just burns a little bit? It makes your feet hurt a little bit. Yeah. It's a little stank. Can fly through that? Yeah, let her hurt a little bit, and she'll understand.

Can fly through that? Yeah, it's good. Chlamydia is fun, man. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know. You don't have to school me on the signs of burning cocks. Good times, man. I like that.

I like it. Chlamydia is cool as shit, bro. Is that one of your cousins, Chlamydia? Chlamydia Jenkins. I'm gonna name my daughter that, nigga. You bleeding, nigga? What's going on right here? Probably. Okay. Is he bleeding? Am I bleeding?

Your little neck. You got a little neck or a little... Something on your neck line right there. Is this a decoy so you can steal my wallet? Oh! Why would I steal your wallet, Dr. Ville? I don't know, but if you're here, who's outside Target selling candy bars for their baseball team? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha If it was here, I had to do it. But I love you. I don't play baseball, nigga. I play basketball. That's right.

That's right. You told me that. Yeah, come on. You told me that last night on the show. What I love about last night's show, I can't wait for you guys to see, is Cam opened up. We got some real deep cut history from you. Hell yeah, man. I don't know, you were such a superstar athlete and your coach was fucking... That was crazy.

Yeah, man. Fuck Coach Sars. Yeah, Coach Sars, you guys will see. But now, and he hasn't reconnected with you, has he? Huh? Oh, no. The funny thing is, when he did tell me one time, he always had this saying, he'll be like, but now, and he hasn't reconnected with you, has he? The coach. Oh, no, the funny thing is, when he did tell me one time, he always had this saying, he'd be like,

y'all understand something, I'm always right. I'm never wrong, I might be wrong in the moment, but I'm always gonna be fucking right. And then the last day I seen him, he told me, he said, I don't know why you played basketball, nigga, you should be a comedian, you goofy bitch. And he was right. He was right as shit.

So you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yup. Now, I have another question for you, Cam. Don't take this the wrong way. Can you do a backflip? And if you can... And if you can, I appreciate you.

I'm gonna give a costly assist on that one. I can do a backflip. You can? We learned it from birth. Yeah. Out in the womb, nigga, we just started flipping, dawg. Just come out flipping. Like how dolphins come out swimming, we just like, let's hit it, nigga.

It's very easy. You can't flip, nigga. I mean, I can flip a girl over if I'm fucking around her period. Come on now. Talk to me. That was weird, but I like it Oh, yeah, wait a second straight. Well, I could I talk about it more in my book in chapter We've got issues. Don't let a period stop a Tuesday from being the best day ever You got an audio version of that? I'll sign it for you. Okay, most of them play. Yeah

I got you if you flip for me Wait, what if you flip for me? What kind what? If you flip for me, what kind of fucking weird scenario is this, Dr. Phil? Flip for me, nigga, flip for me. Just do a flip, nigga man. I didn't say the N-word or the man thing. I was sincerely trying to make plans for the weekend, all right?

I love you, Cam. Love you too, man. I need to see Tony a tour and see Cam out there. Is it just bananas when he comes out? It's unbelievable. I don't know why you would use the word bananas. Uh... Uh... Goddamn it, Dr. Phil! Absolutely incredible. That's crazy!

I swear to God, that one was on mistake. Yeah. It must be a blast out there. I bet it's just a good old bowl of watermelon out there, huh? I bet it's just like a rotisserie chicken just spinning around. God damn it. Yeah.

He just said black chicken. He just, what the fuck? This is great. My goodness. I bet it's just a goddamn media goes to the fun house. Yeah. Wow.

Dr. Phil, you are accidentally out of control tonight. You've got issues. When I talk about that in chapter 16 about my own personal struggles and what I'm doing to overcome them. Thanks for the plug, Tony. You know what plugs feel like, don't you? All right, now.

What? Oh, man. What? What? Red band, you got a butt plug sound effect or something? Yeah. Okay, all right. Wait, what did or something? Yeah. Okay. All right. Wait, what did he do?

I didn't hear it. It was a fart noise. Oh, okay. The brilliant red band right on cue. Okay. My kids are watching. It lights the momentum. I love it.

Cam, you did it again. We absolutely love you. You're a fucking freak of nature. There you are, man. Absolute, absolute bananas. The best. Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen. And back to the bucket we go. Not easy to follow that we doing? We can all agree there's a homeless epidemic. Like, the other day I saw a homeless lady with a fat ass. She came up to me. Can I have a dollar?

And I was like, what ass like that? I'll give you a home, bitch. Poor thing barely spoke a lick of English. I was like, what, if you're real, please don't let her be pregnant. And exactly a week later, her ass got hit by a car. Won't he do it? No, fuck that. My car did get totaled. I'm not gonna get a homeless bitch pregnant.

What the fuck? Thank you. Wow, yet another good set. Christian Alexander, welcome. It's your first time on the show. Yes sir, what's up? How old are you? 23.

23 years old, how long you been doing standup? Two years consistently, but four years my first time. You from Texas? Yes sir, Houston. Austin, Houston. Houston, Houston. And that's where you live now? time. You from Texas? Houston. Houston. Houston. And that's where you live now? Yep.

With your mom? Oh, 100%. Hell yeah. The fuck? Free rent? Absolutely. What do you do for work? Ugh.

I work at Adidas, and it's great because I got a foot fetish. So I see a lot of hoses toes. Oh, shit. Look at that. What size do you me? Oh shit. Look at that. What size do you like? Size seven. Yeah.

Wow. He knew exactly what he's into there. Is that a size seven in men's or women's? Women only. Yeah. Men's is disgusting. Women do it at the pretty of your feet. Is there something about the foot?

Like what do you love about it? The stank. The about it? Mmm. The stank. The stank? Wow. You're a dirty little boy. Look. My goodness, Christian, do you have a girlfriend?

No. Why do you say it like that? Because inflation. Very cheap for a guy that lives with his mother. Inflation. Do you know what that means? Kind of. Kind of. What do you do for fun? What does a 23-year-old like Christian Alexander

do for fun? Drink and drive. Really? Practice it. Practice. Wow. The Houston pastime of drinking and drive. Really? Practice it, practice. Wow, the Houston pastime of drinking and driving. What else? What do you like to drink, Christian? You a tequila guy?

Tequila soda, yeah, I was trying to get a shot back there, but I was thirsty. Uh-huh. I can't demand shit. Have you been drinking today? Oh yeah. It's Austin. What?

This is Austin. Uh-huh. Inflation, Tony. It's Austin. What? This is Austin. Uh-huh. Inflation, Tony. Yeah. Do you have to drive home tonight to Houston? No, I got my dad's credit card, so I ain't really paying for nothing. Oh, shit. New Amazon credit card. All right, so mom and dad are still together. Yeah, but I wish they weren't.

Why? Because, I don't know, maybe my mom might be cheating. Who knows? What makes you say that? She's a Walmart couponer. I wish they weren't. Why? Because, I don't know, maybe my mom might be cheating. Who knows? What makes you say that? She's a Walmart coupon-er. But she never has coupons. And she goes like every day, like, what are coupons at, bitch?

You know what I mean? No, we don't. What the fuck? You go to Walmart every day, you bring back like nothing. You say you're a coupon-er, but you never see any coupons? Oh, gotcha. So she's saying that she's looking for the discounts and the deals, but she never comes home

with any actual items, yeah? No. She comes back with like the same cereal. What kind of cereal? Reese's Puffs, that's probably her boyfriend's favorite. Oh no. Oh shit. Wow, this is very suspicious. What does dad do for work?

I don't know. You don't know what you're... No, no, no, he's a manager, but, like, I don't know what. He works in She-Rock. I don't ask. We don't talk, you know what I mean? He's my dad. He's Mexican. Why don't you and your dad talk anymore? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. We don't watch wrestling anymore, you know?

Aw, you used to watch wrestling together? Yeah, it was cool. You didn't catch this last WrestleMania you used to watch wrestling together? Yeah, it was cool. You didn't catch this last WrestleMania? I did. Oh my God, it was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. I jumped up and down. When Cena came up. What was your favorite part, Cena?

No, the Cena, I was like, oh my gosh, John Cena. Yeah. Then Undertaker came out and my heart sank to my ass. That's true. Me too. It got me. It got the best of me too. I jumped up. Very rare.

Very, it got me. I didn't like Randy Orton though. He was a little too, like, fat. I feel too me. It got the best of me too. I jumped up. Very rare. It got me. I didn't like Randy Orton though. He was a little too fat. I felt too thick. Okay, we're getting off subject. You're going a little too inside baseball.

Christian, what's your love life like? Desperate. Really? A little bit, yeah. I like taller women. Oh. Yeah. I like them yeah. I like taller women. Oh. Yeah. I like them all, but mostly taller women. Okay.

Wait, do you like a big foot? Or do you want a tall girl with little feets? She got skinny ones with veins on it. You're talking about her foot? Yeah, that's what she's talking about. So you like a veiny, stinky foot? She works hard. I gotta stink, you know what I mean. She works hard. It got to stink.

You know what I mean? She works a lot. No hair? Well, she's going to have to work hard. But you're lazy ass. Fucking. Incredible. When's the last time you spoke to your father, Christian?

I told him I loved him the other day. Man, he's paying for a lot of shit that I got to be appreciative and grateful. Yeah. It doesn't. Well, I feel like there's a lot of stuff you haven't said to him. And Red Band, if you could hit me

with some soft piano music, I would love to role play a little conversation to warm you up for the real one you should be having soon. Okay? Red Band, hit me. I'm gonna play Christian's dad. And Christian, you play yourself in this. There's no way you could fuck it up, Christian.

This is your father. What's your dad's name? Mayo. Mayo. Alright, so here, I'm gonna, you knock on the door. Hey, who is it? This is Mayo, is that the beater delivery guy? Oh shit, Christian, what's up, daw dog? How's Adidas treating you, player?

How's the foot, man? You smell some good feet lately? No, I just kid, I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid, I kid. I love you, S.A., come on. I miss you, dog. We never watch wrestling anymore. Remember John Cena? Remember when John Cena came on the... I remember, dog. We never watch wrestling anymore. Remember John Cena? Remember when John Cena came on the... I remember, Dad. I remember. I know you remember.

I know I used to take you to wrestling all the time, but, you know, inflation. You know, I can't take you anymore. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Another one. My goodness. Christian Alexander, before we let you go, what's something about your life that would really surprise us?

You ever, like, the craziest thing that's ever happened to you that you think makes you different than everybody else? You ever almost die or something? I was molested as a child. Is that true? Yeah, it was a fucked up time, man. I remember when I came home. Ha ha ha ha ha.

The hood. Were you really? Kinda, it's about a woman, it don't really count, you know what I mean? Who was the woman? My tia. We're still friends on Facebook too. Like Tyler Perry?

Bigger. Wait, what? He said my tia, not my tia. Oh, I thought you said my tia. It's a classic my tea Ikea kerfuffle. Wait, how old was she when you were getting... How old were you? What do you remember about this?

What did she do to you? Everything, dude. No, no, no. What did she do to you? It's okay. She just put on a little porn. I was like, we're gonna do what they doing. Oh, Jesus. Wait a second. And I was like, let's do it.

Your Tia, for the white people, can you explain what your Tia is? They know what's up. This is Texas. You know what I'm saying? And also millions on the Internet right now. So go ahead and explain what the fuck a Tia is. My dad's sister. Right.

You had ants in your pants. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Thank you. That's respect right there. Top five most amazing jokes you will ever hear in your life. That is true. You're on fire tonight.

That was unbelievable. Oh, my God. Hey, keep talking about your traumas. We'll think of more puns. You can read all about it in my book. We've got tissues. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh. You know what?

Oh, my God. It's a big joke book, my friend. And you know what? Since you were molested when you were little, here's a little joke book, too. First person to ever get two joke books. Make some noise for Christian Alexander, ladies and gentlemen. Great job, baby. Keep at it, player. Keep at it.

Great to see you. Great jokes, great interview. All right. You know, before we get to this bucket pool, actually, we have someone special, you know, before we get to this bucket pool, actually, we have someone special, you know, the molestation thing reminded me. There is a young teen who... I can't believe I didn't ask him who touched you. You know? What do you mean? Christian, who touched you? That's how I got famous, was who touched you?

Oh. I didn't ask him. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. I didn't. Can we bring him back out? I'm sorry, go ahead. It was his Tia.

What's that? It was his Tia. I know, but I don't know what that is. He just explained it. His paternal name. No, but I don't know, I should have asked before he said it. It was his it was his aunt right, but I should have asked before he said it In the music get louder somehow

Fucking Christ all right so moving forward, not backward. There's a young teen who, you know, wanted to talk with you, Dr. Phil. He's trying to solve some issues in his life. And he just so happens to be on a hit podcast with a new friend of the show, Tony Hawk. Ladies and gentlemen, of the show, Tony Hawk. Ladies and gentlemen from the podcast Hawk versus Wolf here to talk it out with Dr. Phil. Make some noise for the great Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen.

Jason Ellis. Fuck you, Tony H. Cliff. Melestation. That's what we're going with. How many books do I get? I got Melissa by like five people when I was growing up. How many books do I get? Now's your chance, Dr. Phil.

Who was your favorite? No. Jesus Christ. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who touched you? Sidebar was your favorite. I think the older ones, the women were my favorite. Not as gay as I used to be.

How old were we talking? And how old were you when it was transpiring? First ones were real little, like four to like six. And then, aww, fuck, who cares, I'm fine. Now what do they do to you when you're that young? Because you can't get hard that young, right? You'd be surprised, Tony. I mean, you seem like the kind of guy that actually probably could get hard at four years old,

Jason. I don't know if that's a compliment or not. It's not. It's not? Well, then fuck you again. You're like a tough guy. You seem like a tough guy. Like, you could get hard when you were four.

Tough guys get hard when they're four. That's right. Yeah, they do. Yeah. Well, OK, so now, I like your shirt, by the way. Is this one of the girls that did it? Oh, that's right yeah yeah well okay so now I like your shirt by the way is this one of the girls that did it oh that's just I'm trying to I'm I'm trying to show you that I'm into women hell yeah speaking of women Sherry if that wedding that thing doesn't go well I'll drop some bombs in her bag dad Oh shit, I like that. Oh shit.

Jason Ellis ready to pound out a little sand rabbit pussy. You know what I'm saying? A little bit of that fucking. That was my nickname in middle school. Yeah. Trying to find out some fun from the, all right. I'm done. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Like three jokes hit me at once. I short circuited there. I love it. So, you know, you said you're not gay anymore. What are you talking about? I wasn't gay. I don't know who's gay. Are you or me?

Seriously? Like, just because I admit it, that might be the only difference. No, you're you're gayer than me. You didn't gay shit. I think the only difference between you and I being gay and people making fun of us is I back it up. God damn right. That's why I didn't do a minute, everybody.

But an interesting thing happened. You told me about it earlier. You were kind of gay. Bi. You were bi. Or pan, if you want to be like super gay about it. Yeah. Oh my God. And then you quit drinking and what happened?

You're going to find this interesting, Dr. Phil. I can't wait. I don't really like it anymore. The taste or would it dose to your... Or would it dose to your mind that's a valid yeah the my I just don't feel like doing it anymore I used to want to fuck everybody all the time anybody like trans girls guys everybody I was kind of like the more the better about maffrodites yeah fuck yeah if you got one

well I know a couple yeah I did know I knew a guy that was born a girl and he had a vagina and a half a penis with a rubber one stuck on it and he they made balls out of his clit. So he had balls, a dick and a vagina and no boobs and a beard. Whoa, the beard really throws it off. I'm single, by the way. Can you believe that? Wait, so a ball, a vagina, and a cock. And there was a button in between the balls.

If you pressed it, he would come. No joke. Are you serious? Yeah, unfortunately, yes. That's called a butt hole, Jason. Hate to break it to you, but a butthole is also a button. And I talk about that in my book, Chapter 22, the butthole button.

It's true. You can get a copy. I might need that, especially after this fucking thing. Well, no, you're an open book and I like that. You always have been, right? I feel like you're a pretty fearless guy on stage and off stage. Yeah, it looks like it, right?

Yeah. What do the tattoos mean, some? No, I mean, just to protect my small child fear, like, terrified self inside. I went to therapy for that. I love that. Yeah. Are any of the tattoos pre or post gay? They're all gay, actually.

Okay. What's on your head? A wolf. I love that. And then What's on your head? A wolf. I love that. And then an eagle on the back and some snake around. Like, I like animals. Me too.

Small world. Yeah. The Jason Ellis dot com. You're going on tour. What are you doing on this tour, Jason? Comedy. I love it. Yeah, accidentally. Like, I tried to... I've been... I got five from Sirius. What are you doing on this tour Jason? Comedy! I love it.

Yeah, accidentally. Like, I tried to... I've been... I got fired from Sirius. That was a really cool moment. Right. And I used to think that was what I was going to be as a radio person for the rest of my life.

And then Sam Tripley was like, you should do comedy. And I was like, I work. Like, how would that work? And then they fired me. And I was like, now would be a good time to try comedy. And then because I got fired, it was like really depressing and I felt like I hated myself, which made me fit right into comedy.

Yeah, that's exactly it. I got a lot of good friends, we all hate each other and ourselves, it's great. How long have you been trying comedy now for? Like four years now. And you love it. I fucking, the best thing about it is I get nervous, I get scared like I do with skateboarding and fighting.

But when I fuck up, I don't have to go to hospital. Right. I just get like really depressed and go home and like, you know, I get sad like all you guys used to before you were good. It's true. Yeah, it's fun. It's a shame there's not a button

that makes things all better. Oh, there is, it's just, I don't want to press it anymore. Jason, thank you for swinging by. Thanks for having me, man. The Hulk versus Wolf, available everywhere. He's on tour at thejasonellis.com. One more time for Jason Ellis, ladies and gentlemen. Come on, make some noise for Jason Ellis, everybody.

Very funny. Another bucket pull. We are moving smoothly through it. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Avery Hutto. Avery Hutto, everybody. Here we go. Clap for Avery, everyone. -♪

So, I, uh, actually used to date a girl who's bisexual. She's kind of like a medium gay. You want to know something embarrassing? When her and I first started dating, she had actually slept with more women than I have. All right, but here's the deal. I grew up, like, a super strict Catholic, so I fucked way more dudes.

Yeah. Yeah, we actually, she broke up with me because I used to beat her all the time in board games. Yeah, we'd be playing Monopoly. She'd start to win. I'd get super amped up, and then I'd punch her in the face. Yeah.

I'm trying not to do cocaine anymore. It's making me too powerful. Yeah, my favorite trying not to do cocaine anymore It's making me too powerful Yeah, my favorite thing to do on cocaine was try to stand completely still It makes you feel like you're hitting a grind on Tony Hawk's Pro Skater We got any any ketamine fans in the audience dude fucking losers, dude Fucking losers, dude. There's nothing worse than anybody who likes ketamine. Ketamine's for people who got punched in the face and they're like, oh yeah, that was awesome. All right, thank you.

Okay, Avery Hutto, is this your first time on the show? Yes. I love it, welcome, welcome. How long you been on standup? About six years. Six years, where at? I started in Detroit, then Chicago, then here. How long have you been here?

About two years now. You love it? I love it, it's so much fun. What made you pick Austin, Texas? In Chicago, broke up with a girl. I had some friends who were moving down here and I'm like, fuck it, let's go. Nice, I love it.

What do you do for work? I work at a cowboy boot company. Oh nice. Yes. Allen's? Cheesos. Cheesos cowboy boots. Where's that at? South nice. Yes. Allen's? Cheesos. Okay. Cheesos cowboy boots. Where's that at? South First.

Okay. Cheesos. You should come in and get some cowboy boots. I think I might. Okay. I would love that. I'm there at the store. I love it. Absolutely. It's going to be good to have someone that speaks English. Was that the dream to work selling cowboy boots? What was the real dream, Avery?

Honestly, once you get into cowboy boots, it's hard to see anything else. It really is pretty cool. Look at... I'm serious. Dr. Phil, check these bad boys out. Those are fucking sweet. Those are some badass cowboy boots.

That checks out. What sort of... You got all different types. Are they made from animals or where do you get them from? This is gonna be a genuine cow hide leather. That's our retired dairy cow. We also make AAA grade ostrich, if you're interested. I'm not. Okay.

Uh, Dr. Phil, aren't you from Houston? You wear boots. I don't, yeah. Why aren't you interested in this guy's boots? I don't know, because I, sometimes I go in and out of being interested.'t you interested in this guy's boots? I don't know, because I... Sometimes I go in and out of being interested. Oh, my God. What's happening right now? I don't know.

You're gonna make my mustache fall off. Ha ha ha. After... After Cam tried to steal my wallet, I got frazzled, all right? Wait, now, Avery, uh, you said you had a girlfriend or no? Not anymore, no. Is comedy, did you get into it for the gal factor

or did you, are you not trying to focus on that part? I do not get girls with my comedy. How about at the cowboy boot store? More. More girls? Some Latina baddies. Some Latina baddies? What do they say to you?

Hola. Oh yeah. What do you say? Hola? Hola. Oh yeah. What do you say? Hola. Okay. Pretty hot. The rest is history. That's how it goes. That's how it goes.

I love it. What do you do for fun, Avery? I like to read and write. That's a big book guy. I like to hang out at the library with the homeless. Sounds suspiciously like what a guy that can't read would say. The words are good. I love it.

What else? What about the wild side of Avery? Yeah, so I've had problems with cocaine my whole life. I grew up in Detroit, and I may have been a wayward child smoking crack on the East Side. Wow. Shit, ew. All right.

God damn, Detroit got white crackheads? What the fuck? Wow, that's crazy. That city's falling apart. You didn't do meth or anything, just straight to crack? Just straight to crack. They don't call it crack, so it sounds like more fun. They're like, hey, you want some girl?

And you're like, oh, we're having a party they call it girl yeah boy and girl crack and heroin wow that is amazing I can't believe you're on such hard stuff you look like you would have like a play a game boy or something like that the stress because I was so stress-free from all the drugs the best place to stay off of cocaine at when's the last time you did some? So it's been, I've been in and out, but it's been a couple months now. Okay, the last time you did it, where was that?

How does that happen? How do you give into temptation? Oh, I don't like to do cocaine with other people. I don't think that's fun. I like to, I get it, and then I go back to my house, and then I do lines, and then I just write for hours and read books. I'm a crazy person.

Like suicide notes or what do you write? Just journal. Is the stuff that you write, do you ever read it back? It's not bad. Do you got any on you? I don't have any on me. I can bring it, I can get some. If Dr. Phil did a line of blow right now,

I would absolutely lose my mind. I mean, I've never bring it. I can get some. If Dr. Phil did a line of blow right now, I would absolutely lose my mind. I mean, I've never done it. I was just kidding. But I think that... I think that there's... What are you doing to your pants? I'm just readjusting. Okay. I thought you were going to pull Coke out of your cup or something. Avery, what do you write?

What is like the... You said you write when you're, do you ever do something stupid on Coke? I mean I got into a relationship and you think you love the other person but really you love the cocaine. Right. Did she do it too? Yes. Okay, so you guys were just a match made and what the fuck? Did you guys have sex on Coke?

We did. We would write love letters to each other on cocaine, and then we would have sex. Was the sex weird or was it great? It was really good. I've never heard anyone make Coke sound gayer. Nothing better than ripping a fat line and writing a love letter. The fuck, dude? It feels good, dude. If you feel...

Drugs are bad because you get sad and lonely. But if you're filled with love on drugs, you're like, everything's pretty good. Wow. Listen to how lonely those women are over there. Aww. Wow. Yeah, you're not wrong.

Absolutely incredible. Alex, fun times. You made your Kill Tony debut. Here's a joke book. There you go. Good job, dude. Keep it moving along. All right.

You bet it. Make some noise for your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. It's Angela K. Angela K, everyone. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? The lovely Heidi. Follower of Gino with A's, dot HG. And how about one more time for Angela K, everyone.

So, I had a colonoscopy recently, and you know, there's really not a whole lot that's pleasant about being molested by Wally. You know, and what's even worse than that is, like, the whole process to get ready for it. Like, you got to fast with a liquid diet for 24 hours and drink a whole gallon of this crap that I can only describe as Satan's jizz.

Like, holy Jesus balls, Batman. That stuff is so bad that they even tell you to mix it with, like, some sweet tea or some Crystal Light or something. So I did. I mixed it with some Crystal Light. You know what it tasted like? Tasted like Satan gizzed inside some raspberry lemonade. On a positive note, though, I did like that Sleepy Tom cocktail that they gave me.

That shit will make you not give a fuck, man. Like, it is... Whoo! I didn't even care when I woke up in the middle of the procedure, man. Like, I saw them messing with this nasty, fat, nasty, juicy polyp, and I was like, ooh, that's gross. And then I woke up, it was the next day. But now I get to have surgery. It's awesome. Like, they're gonna turn my colon into a semicolon.

Okay, thank you, I'm Angela K. Okay, Angela K. Finally, a bucket pull that wasn't good. All night it took us to get there. Fucking incredible. Everything's right back on schedule again. It's been eight. I was getting distraught at how good they were.

Yeah. Thank God you bombed. That is amazing. Angela, how did you feel that went? I had fun with it. Good. I feel like I just got roasted by Elf on a shelf, but. There you go.

Oh. Yeah. I wore a red vest tonight, everybody. Indeed, you got me. I love you, Tony. You're awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much. Uh... That was one shitty colonoscopy set.

Thank you. It was a shitty time. There you go. God, that's the joke I just made. Um, how long you been doing stand-up? Five years. Where at? Um, just here and there. I'm not, like... What do you do for work? That's the joke I just made. How long you been doing stand up? Five years. Where at? Just here and there. I'm not like.

What do you do for work? What convenience store are you a cashier at? I shop for Instacart. Oh, I was very close. Yeah, very close. Customer service, I'm all about it. OK. What sort of weird deliveries have you made?

Like, you know, someone shows up and maybe it's Hans Kim and he's like hey where's my where's my condom or I don't know what is what is Hans order probably? Rice. Yep. Thanks Red Band. If if someone comes to the door and they're being I guess inappropriate how do you handle that? Well I actually haven't had that happen I like to just like throw their shit on the door and leave. Okay take a picture bye see you later. Let me ask you something all that talk about colonoscopies probably kill at a hospice type of setup. Probably. What's wrong with your asshole? So well you heard of the contaminated water

at Camp Lejeune? Yeah. Yeah, well, I lived there when I was a baby. Oh my God, so you have Instacart and Instashart. Yeah, something like that. Thank you so much. Fantastic. So what's going on with your butt?

You got an old leaky bum bum now? No, there's a polyp in my cecum that they can't get with the little things. Polyp in your cecum? I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out.

I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. I'm gonna have to seek it out. the large intestines. Okay. It's an interesting name for something like that. It's called the cecum. I'm gonna have to seek it out. Okay. Cecum jokes. Can you just leave the pull-up?

Like, do you have to do anything with it? Good question, Red Band. Wait, do I what? Say that? I mean, it says it's just a pull-up. Do you have to get it removed removed or can you just keep it? I mean. No, because if I keep it, it'll turn to cancer.

Oh, so they got to pull up on your polyp. Yeah. All right. And what are they gonna do? They gonna suck it out, cut it out? These people are all have to go vomit right now. Line of people going to vomit. You're getting a little polyp tug.

What's wrong with you? No, they're gonna, they're just gonna cut it out and then I gotta like sit around for a few weeks. So Camp Lejeune, we always hear about this, right? In infomercials, oh, there's some fans. Yeah. Tell us about it. What was it, those contaminated water?

Yeah, contaminated water, like from like a dry cleaner and then the fucking Marines were like putting their weapons cleaners in the groundwater and all that fun shit. Yeah, hoorah. Yeah. Yeah, they're very proud. Again, a huge fan of Camp Lejeune

and ruining people's assholes. Yeah, people's assholes, people's kidneys, all that fun shit. How about the people's elbow? I mean... I couldn't answer that. Finishing maneuver from The Rock. Another thing that happened at this past WrestleMania

all within 10 minutes of John Cena and The Undertaker coming out. It's absolutely incredible. Back to the insides of your dark asshole. So when are you planning on having this procedure done? Well, I have the consult next Monday. So I'll know after that. We have a special surprise for you. We had the first wedding here on Kiltoni.

We're about to have the first, uh, okay, um... doctor. I got some gloves. Done it before. I'll do it again. Now, is there, are you nervous to get the procedure? Do you like going under like that, or is that, uh... Because they put you on good drugs, right? Well, I mean, yeah, the drugs are fun.

But yeah, I'm ready to get it over with. Good. And then what? Writing jokes about it is actually helping. Well, good for you. Yeah. You got to turn something like that around for your benefit. Are you going to put on some jams?

They let you have music? Yeah. They put their fist inside? Or what do they put inside you to grab it? Good asshole jokes, you know, dark side of the moon perhaps, baby come back. Okay I'm bombing now. Is Camp Lejeune contagious? This is an airborne disease. All right. We have a little joke book, but you know what? I'm gonna be honest with you, Angela.

Bones Eye made extra tiny joke books. Can you catch this? Maybe. There you go. Yes, you got it. We're gonna keep it moving. There goes Angela K., ladies and gentlemen. An action-packed episode this has been.

There's only one way to put a ribbon on something like this. Ladies and gentlemen, an action-packed episode this has been. There's only one way to put a ribbon on something like this. Ladies and gentlemen, some people call him the Memphis Strangler. Some people call him the Yankee from Yabuki. Some people call him the Grand Rapids Wrangler. The Big Red Machine, the Vanilla Gorilla, this is indeed Lights Out William Montgomery. I don't know if y'all have been following the Trump trial up in New York, but Trump's case went up in flames last week. Wait, no, it wasn't Trump's case, but the dumbass protester who set himself on fire

in front of the courthouse. But seriously, that gallon of gas cost the guy $8.50, so if he would have just waited until Trump got re-elected he could have burned himself up for half that much. Okay that's my time thank you. Huge applause to close all four people at the table clapping with their hands up at the same time. Almost seems like this next election's a no-brainer. Uh, William, an unbelievable set. You did it yet again. How do you feel? I feel pretty good, other than finding out

I got to go to the dermatologist again. I have skin cancer again right on my nose. So, Tony, I'm really not in a very good spot right now. Oh, my goodness. Is the... Is it in your cecum? Yeah, it's in my cecum. It's right... No, it's behind my spot right now. Oh my goodness. Is the, is it in your cecum? Yeah, it's in my cecum. It's right, no, it's behind my cecum. The doctor said, let me see your cecum, and I let him see the cecum, and it's behind there.

Did you guys play hide and go cecum? Uh-huh. Oh, oh, a good cecum joke. Five minutes after I needed it. It's either a cecum. Okay. Billy boy, you have skin cancer. Five minutes after I needed it. It's either a seachem. Okay. Billy Boy, you have skin cancer. Yeah, I have it again.

You have it again. Where's it at? It's right on my nose. It's on the left side of my nostril. Can you point to it? Yeah, it's kind of hard to see, but... Aww. Can you pick it off, or...? No, it starts to bleed. I accidentally scratched it last night and started bleeding.

Yeah, it's real downer when I'm fucking looking out of the window. I've have just all these people I honestly have been looking a lot of people moving out coming in. It's a lot of people to watch the fucking the gate. The front gate hasn't been working for like fucking two weeks. So it's been a free for all for all these freaks coming, fucking stealing shit from the trash can. Yeah, it's sad. I mean, when I can't be looking out because I'm dealing with blood coming out of my nose, it's sad.

I mean, that's what I live for, Akash. Boing and boing and boing. Well, skin cancer is one of the rougher ones to get sympathy for too, right? It is. Oh yeah, do you agree, you fucking idiot? Who are you with, your daughter tonight? Who is that?

Okay. Wow, William, so much going on. We shocked the world on Friday night, took you back to your home state of Tennessee to perform at literally the greatest venue on planet Earth. The Ryman Auditorium, aka the Grand Ole Opry, aka the Mother Church. And how did it make you feel up there? Do what? It was wonderful. It was a wonderful

feeling being able to go back to Tennessee where sadly my best friend, Sue died. He was from Nashville. It was a it was wonderful. It was a wonderful feeling be able to go back to Tennessee where sadly my best friend swoo died He was from Nashville. It was a it was sad I've revisited his house that I went to that he found his body in Full died on the couch. Yeah, it was really bad. You can't mix cocaine and Xanax But yeah, I went back to the house went back to the scene. It was really hard I mean, I was very special sad interview with William Montgomery Yeah, I'm sorry. It's cancer my fellow performing at the best venue in the world. Yes, my friend died miles from there Incredible you could have said anything in the world just then

Partying with jelly roll the black keys why not a judd, but you're still thinking about swoon it seems swoo Yeah, also Hans Kim, he threw me a vape with shit on it. So that was horrible. He was like, no, there's shit on it. Drop it. And I was like, what do you just fucking do, you idiot? And I had to go wash my hands. It was doodoo all over my right hand. So I'm going to get Hans back for that.

I don't know why he did that. What are you going to do? I don't know. I might fucking break into are you gonna do? I don't know. I might fucking break into his place. I know where he lives and just wait in his closet. He has a gun that I know I could get from his fucking ass. So we'll see. Yeah, I guess we will. Shit.

Yeah, we'll see. I'm not in the mood for it tonight, Dr. Phil. I'm in a real nasty mood tonight. I could tell. Real nasty tonight. Whoa, he's fired up. I swear to God, I wish I was feeling better, but I got cancer again. I'm feeling real nasty tonight.

Swoo is dead. You know what, William? He's never coming back. William, you seen the new Barbie movie? No, I saw the fucking Civil War movie, and I thought it was about the 1800s. It was not about that. What was it about?

War photographers. I thought it was gonna be like the fucking Civil War, but... It wasn't. And you're a big fan, obviously, of the Confederacy, so... William, you know... You must keep this moving. It was an unbelievable set, but it seems like the interview portion this evening is a little bit serious, a little bit dramatic. So you know what maybe we should do?

I think maybe you should have a seat at the table. And maybe we put a ribbon on this episode with a brand new minute from, I don't know, maybe, just maybe the 2023 guest of the year. And a guy, and a guy, I don't know, I don't wanna make any bold predictions, but I would say off of this episode alone, a guy who appears to be the front runner for 2024 Guest of the Year.

Why don't we pull a little switcheroo joining the panel, William Montgomery, and closing out the show. This is Dr. Phil. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

One more time for William Montgomery, everybody. Here he is right here. William Montgomery, dressed like a guy who works at a bowling alley but is also going to kill himself on his last day of work. A couple of jokes down here, a couple about William. I said, William, uh, looks like, uh, William looks like, uh, you have sex with girls and then you give them fleas. Thought that was funny.

Said, uh, probably say that again to myself later. William lies a lot, mostly on cardboard boxes at bus stops. So put that one in the keeper cank. Uh, let's see, Tony, uh, Tony Hinchcliffe. Tony, uh, okay, how can we call this Kill Tony? You look like you're... like you died two weeks ago. All right. That sounded better in my head on the drive over.

Tony, uh, you look like the second-coolest kid in home school. Pretty good. Yeah, this guy liked it. I like that guy for liking it. Tony, you look like the kid on the milk carton who went missing, then got found, then got molested. So in that order.

So check the game tape if you're a psychopath. Brian Redbans here, or as I like to call him, Judd Appetizer. Let's see. Brian, Brian's my favorite guy. Brian, you look like you smell like deli meats. What's going on, player? No, Brian's one of my favorite people. Brian, you were my favorite character in Men in Black.

Did you ever get that sugar water to... All right, we'll leave it there. There's more to it, but I'll send you a link. Congrats on the engagement, by the way, Brian. You look exactly like a guy who would be engaged to an Asian. Um... No, you're the sweetest, and I'm happy for you both. Uh, Brian, you're like a cuddly teddy bear.

That bear had a sex doll. What else we got? Cam, uh, Cam Patterson was here. Give it up for Cam Patterson, everybody. All right. Cam is short for camp counselor who touches the kids. All right. Casey Rocket.

Casey...boy, one more time for Casey Rocket. Now, that guy is just... Kil Tony has really given him a platform to be himself, and now he's gonna take his talents to the garden and just cause a scene. Casey, Casey, you look like you're doing a walkathon for schizophrenia. Okay.

Casey, you look like you name a flavor for your boogers before you eat them. Yeah, I like that one. I like that one a lot. Casey, you look like a model train conductor. I don't know. Casey's got more lithium than a Tesla battery. Uh... And then I just wrote,

fuck Hans Kim at the end here. So that's it. That's my time, everybody. Thank you so much, Dr. Phil. I love you guys. You guys are an amazing crowd. And I killed Tony. Best show in the fucking world. I love you guys.

Check out Dr. Phil Live. Akash Singh's new special gas lit. And Akash Singh's comedy on YouTube. Thank you to Connect Mobile Health, the IV drips, Talkspace, Squarespace, Gelblaster, Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Hall Offer, Ninja Busses. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in and it is incredible. Let's see the drawing from Chris Rogers. Whoa! A brand new William Montgomery. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land.

How about one more time for the best band in the land? Oh yeah! Follow these guys, watch them live, do everything, follow them, have fun this week in Austin, Texas, those of you visiting. Make sure you catch the stream of Los Angeles live, the forum and the YouTube theater, a lot of crazy stuff happening there, you're not gonna believe it,

you're not going to want to wait for it to come out on YouTube. So just buy it. Support the show. It's a huge production. We got the director from the UFC doing it. A very, very expensive, high-level production. We're going all out for these shows at Madison Square Garden

in the Forum, trying to go to another level with this crazy show, which sounds fucking crazy but I don't know I believe in it a lot of special stuff happening another shout out to Jason Ellis the Jason Ellis calm Hawk versus wolf Akasha special gas lit out now Akash sing comedy preacher Lawson's new special my name is is Preacher at Preacher Lawson on YouTube. Red Band? I'll be in San Diego with KC Rocket in July. Go to AmericanComedyCo.com. Love you guys. So much stuff happening. Go to KillMerch.com. I designed the new NASA hoodie, which I love and I already have two of.

And a lot of other really cool stuff at KillMerch.com, KillTonyLive.com for the live streams. One more time for Akash singing Dr. Phil. Yeah! We love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody. I'm gonna be a good boy I'm out. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. You you