KILL TONY - #666 - POST MALONE + TIM DILLON + DR PHIL (ADAM RAY)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad.tv and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch go to DeathSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Please rise for the singing of your national anthem by international music superstar and in the world, Tall Wilkenfeld. Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light At the twilight's last gleaming Whose broad stripes and bright stars

Starting point is 00:02:14 Through the perilous fight Over ramparts we watch, we're so gallantly streaming And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air And her Gave proof through the night That our flag was still there Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave And the home, the home, the home of the brave. The home of kill Tony So you guys might witness history at some point. Give it up for Tony Hicksclair! Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Store. How are you guys doing today? We got a brand new podcast here, guys. First episode, pilot episode.

Starting point is 00:04:57 Give it up for Tony Hintzcliffe. This thing's already a hit. Yeah, that's right. That's hilarious. I got really high one night and I had the idea that I'm going to do a podcast on a Monday night at the Comedy Store. 50 or 60 comedians come here every Sunday and Monday at 6 o'clock. It's a mob. It's unbelievable. So when you set a Monday 8 o'clock podcast, I'm like, how can we use the natural resource of this building to our advantage?

Starting point is 00:05:23 So I said, what if we give everybody one minute and see how it goes? Yeah, it's a growing podcast, guys. You never know what's going to go. It's so experimental, it's crazy. This whole thing can fucking explode at any given moment. Hey, this is Redback, coming to you live from an arena! Jim Norris! Hope Miller!

Starting point is 00:05:47 Jelly Roll! Tucker Carlson and Joro! Winona Judd, everybody! David Tell and David Spade! Roseanne Barr! 10 fucking years, who's ready to party? Jim Carter! For fucking years, who's ready to party? Kill Tony! This is the best goddamn show in the world. It's so ridiculous that only a few hundred thousand people listen to every episode.

Starting point is 00:06:17 Those jokes fell flatter than your chest. He's got a bigger chest. I know, well, so does his table. Breaking the mold here on Killtonia. This is the first time we've ever had a fully grown Chuckie doll perform. I'll send an Uber Black and an Uber XL because you're both of those things. She's an absolute killer. She's one of our favorite people. It's Tiffany Haddish, everybody.

Starting point is 00:06:45 Put your hands together for Adam Ray. Ladies and gentlemen, America's dad, former comedy store host of 10 years, Bob Saget. Brody Stevens, everybody. Steven Brody Stevens. You got it. I have the reason I'm in the woods here is cause my dick's so heavy. It's the great William Montgomery, everyone. Where the fuck is Tony Chin?

Starting point is 00:07:15 I'm tired of being big and black. You know what I mean? Michael Lehrer, everybody. Come on. David Lucas. It's William Montgomery. Malcolm Hatchett. Nellie McCoskey. David Lucas. William Montgomery. Malcolm Hatchett. Natalie Mikovsky. Sarah Wine-Shank. Melissa Esslinger.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Kimberly Congdon everybody. You never officially named it. I wanted to name it Hinge Clips Notes and then you started saying, well it's a pilot so you can change the name and then I started thinking, well I mean now that that's in the air maybe it's changeable.

Starting point is 00:07:45 I say Kill Tony's up there, man. Really? What do you guys think? Are you supposed to answer Kill Tony? Really? Well, that seems like it's it. Kill Tony. The Hey, this is Redbag coming to you live from the Kia Forum here in Los Angeles, California for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitchcock! Ready for the best fucking night of their lives! Yippee!

Starting point is 00:09:35 Los Angeles, California. Make some noise for Brian Redband, everybody! Oh, shit! We made it, we're back, baby. First time in LA in over four years. The great Jetski Johnson joining the band. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. How about one more time for the entire damn, best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 00:10:03 The great and powerful Fernando Castillo on the horns. Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Daniel Mandelman joining on keys tonight. The great Jetski Johnson again, she's here, live in the flesh. The mutilator, Mutation, Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. And we told him we're doing Madison Square Garden tonight.

Starting point is 00:10:44 It's D Madness on the bass, everybody. Oh, my God. Our first show in LA in over four years. The last time we did a show in Los Angeles, of course, it was at the Comedy Store in the main room during the pandemic in front of zero audience members. And we streamed to the parking lot live in front of 16 people, all having to wear masks separated 10 feet apart and the city of Los Angeles Yeah, I know

Starting point is 00:11:29 How do you think we feel we moved to fucking Texas? And on top of all that the city of Los Angeles gave the Comedy Store a ticket that night for us doing a live show for a ticket that night for us doing a live show. Ooh. But I don't see a fucking mask and I don't see any people separated at all tonight. Yeah. Tonight's gonna be an unbelievable fucking time. I'm so excited to be here with all of you.

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Starting point is 00:15:02 funniest men on planet earth and one of my best friends, this is Tim Dillon. (*cheering*) Welcome, Tim. You guys want to meet your second guest? The rookie of the year guest of 2023. A man so good at being a guest, he's only done it once, and there's an entire position in the show

Starting point is 00:15:51 named after him. I present to you one of the funniest people I know, one of the greatest rock stars in the world, this is Post Malone! Ghost Melo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 00:16:08 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 00:16:15 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 00:16:21 Oh yeah. Oh, it's fucking on. Oh yeah. Oh it's fucking on. The classic deep madness fist bump. Posty come over here. Come sit over here. How about one more time for Tim Dillon and Post Malone everybody. Oh yeah, we're gonna have fucking fun tonight. A lot of amazing things lined up, including random ass bucket pulls. Hundreds of people signed up for the opportunity. Tim Post, you've been guests on the show. You guys know how it works. If I pull somebody's name out of this crazy ass fucking

Starting point is 00:17:04 very dense bucket tonight, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted They could literally become a star here tonight There's no doubt about it anybody has an opportunity to become absolutely famous or embarrass the hell out of themselves This is an extra special edition of kill Tony because all the executives and owners of Netflix are here. So literally you could go, oh Netflix gets booed? Oh, alright. Well there's also executives from YouTube here. Oh no, we're going to get in big trouble for this.

Starting point is 00:17:43 You guys may have just fucked up a multi-million dollar deal for us, thank you. They just shut off the lights right now. They cut the whole fucking thing. You guys boo Netflix? What's wrong with you fucking evil fucks? All right, all right, all right. Also there's some executives from Hulu here tonight.

Starting point is 00:18:10 There's executives from Amazon Prime here. There you go, that's gonna make the Netflix people much happier knowing that you hate Amazon and Hulu more than them, so good. You guys fucking love YouTube, huh? Oh my God, what is happening in the world? The industry is changing, ladies and gentlemen. We are watching it live.

Starting point is 00:18:39 So they get 60 seconds, so you know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out who is live. He's from here. He's here. It is the Angry West Hollywood Bear, ladies and gentlemen. Oh shit. Oh my gosh Heath court is has joined the fray, ladies and gentlemen. Defending the stage tonight from people that try to go over their time.

Starting point is 00:19:35 He is a little baby bear. He is a sweet little fucking thing. How adorable is that? I bought that costume off Amazon Prime three days ago. Yeah, and they go by ages, they don't go by sizes, and I picked 10 to 11 and it fits like a fucking glove. He looks like something Pete Diddy ordered on Postmates. Let's fucking go. So fucking, there's only one way to start a show like this, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to make sure that the pool, okay, yeah, we're gonna have to wrangle that person. No, let's wrangle that person.

Starting point is 00:20:29 And to start the show, getting a little bit more stage than he usually has to work with, ladies and gentlemen. An absolute superstar of mass proportions. He was introduced, of course, after Hans and versus Rick, part one, to be the temporary opener of the show. And he's grabbed the world by the balls here with a brand new minute, getting it all started. Make some goddamn noise for Austin, Texas' own KC Rocket!

Starting point is 00:21:24 I'm dead or alive I'm dead or alive I'm dead or alive Cause I'm wanted, wanted, dead or alive. Yeah. Last time I did ketamine was recently. And, whoops. And ketamine fits my active lifestyle. And by active lifestyle, I mean, oh, shit. This is a true story. Me and my friend were on ketamine. And a couple

Starting point is 00:22:21 of years, it's not a relapse if it's ketamine. And we had, that's in the Bible, we had each other by the shoulders and we were rocking in perfect synchronicity. This is true. We were staring each other in the eyes and we were praying as fast as we could. And I don't know if you've ever prayed on ketamine, but those had to have been some fucking confusing prayers. Just, dear Lord, please make me big and small at the same time, sweet Lord.

Starting point is 00:22:52 Please give me a waterbed full of whole milk, sweet God. Just, I always picture God in heaven watching all the prayers go by, and he's like, what was that fucking last one? He's like, should we OD these guys? He's like, good luck. All right, thank you, I'm Casey Rocket, thank you. Wow.

Starting point is 00:23:18 The one and the only Casey Rocket. Thank you. How do you feel right now, Casey? I feel beautiful. I feel beautiful. Thank you. This is an unbelievable look tonight. Did you break into Rod Stewart's closet or something?

Starting point is 00:23:36 What is... I was thinking Kmart Jim Morrison. It doesn't look as good as I thought it was gonna look. I'll be completely honest with you. But it looks kinda good. I haven't had this much fun since me and Nikki Sixx

Starting point is 00:23:53 burned down that food bank. This is one of the best nights of my life. This is amazing. What are the differences for a guy like you performing here compared to the usually very tight stage of the mothership? Ah. Thank you for asking, Tony.

Starting point is 00:24:14 Oh. All right, yeah. I, come on now. Some folks are born, man to wave the flag. All right. You're just having fun tonight. Just being a little bastard. I don't know, it's more room, more people,

Starting point is 00:24:36 more room to express myself. I wanna thank everybody at Netflix for letting me be here tonight. Wait, wait, wait, no. It, no, they did not book you. They didn't book, it was me that booked you, Casey. It wasn't, it wasn't. I missed that part, okay. Now I'm mad at Netflix.

Starting point is 00:24:54 How dare they take credit for this? They have a frozen yogurt machine for us in the back. It's good. So Casey, what else is going on? You've been to Los Angeles before? A couple times. This is my third time in LA. Thank you. Yeah, this is fun. This is a fun city. I went to the place that's like a train and serves hot dogs today. Carnies. Carnies. train hot dog. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:25 Spending time with loved ones, making new friends, and watching Netflix on my tablet. Okay, there you go. Stop booing Netflix now. I will turn out, I swear. I will. Fuck you guys. I swear. I will. I swear. I will. I swear. I will. I swear. I will.

Starting point is 00:25:46 Fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. This is the weirdest show ever where people just love pissing off the host. I don't know how it turned into this over 11 years. All I do is give and give and give to you ungrateful fucks. Casey Rocket. How was your travel? Give and give and give to you ungrateful fucks. Oh! Casey Rocket, how was your travel?

Starting point is 00:26:09 Did you have a good seat on the airplane? How does a guy like you, anything weird? You're normally, do you do any tusks? Yeah, when you do, it's the opposite of getting, like how they serve you alcohol in first class. If you sit at the very, very back, they give you a bottle of dust. So it's actually pretty cool. It was me, it was Heath in the bear costume, and we shared a bottle of dust.

Starting point is 00:26:35 We bodyboxed like the plane ride from hell, like Brock Lesnar. So it was pretty fun. I fucking love it, Casey. I love your energy. I love your fucking style, your swagger, everything. Uh... You've done it yet again. We absolutely love you. Way to get the show started. Is there anything else that you want to... Thank you. Are you taking suggestions from the audience? Could you sing a door song? Would you sing a door song for us right now? Door song? Okay. Play it again. keep it going. Laughter

Starting point is 00:27:28 The best damn band in the land on the ones and twos. Cheers. Writers on the store Laughter Into this house we're born Cheers. Into this world we're thrown

Starting point is 00:27:44 Cheers. Cheers. And to this house we're born, and to this world we're thrown, like Hector Alamone, like Al Capone, right at the zombie store. KC Rocket! And like that, the show has begun. more time for Casey rocket ladies and gentlemen Fuck yeah There he goes the rocket man himself and like that the show has begun in our first bucket pull We had to pre-pull and wrangle him from section G, row 20, seat seven. And now he's on the stage representing the audience. Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Starting point is 00:28:37 It is indeed the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my God. Look at all the furious liberal women in the audience right now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Bunch of chicks with multi-colored hair and angry faces out there right now. All right, everybody, your first bucket pull,

Starting point is 00:29:08 ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Sean McAbrey. We're gonna meet him all together, 60 seconds uninterrupted. Sean McCobb. Alright. So I think there's a direct correlation between girls that own cats and have a stinky vagina. It's because they never clean their boxes as often as they should, obviously. I was actually tattooing this stripper's asshole, and she got a pentagram around it, and that shit was wafting at me.

Starting point is 00:29:48 And I don't know if you've ever walked by a dumpster and been like, there's definitely something dead inside there. But that's... that was what I smelled. And then to top it off, she queefed in my face. That was pretty rude. But, uh, yeah, so, it didn't stop me from dating her for a few months, though.

Starting point is 00:30:09 You know, you gotta get in where you fit in, you know? But, uh, yeah, that wasn't the first time, or a couple other times I tattooed assholes. One was a spider crawling out. And the other girl got a rose around it. Thank you. Okay, Sean McCobb. How do you say that?

Starting point is 00:30:31 McCobb. McCobb. Post Malone was right. Fuck yeah, what's up, Post? What's up, Tim? What's up, Pro? I can't believe Post Malone reads better than I do. Fuck, you're just full of surprises, dude.

Starting point is 00:30:43 Thank you for correcting him. Absolutely. Incredible. Post, you. Thank you for correcting him. Absolutely. Incredible. Post, you look like you've tattooed a few assholes in your day. This seems like you're kind of comedian here. How many times have you done stand-up? This is my first time. First time ever. There you go. Ever. Who the hell makes their comedy debut at the LA Forum? It's fucking crazy. A guy that tattoos women with smelly pussies.

Starting point is 00:31:14 Absolutely. I wonder if she's here. So Sean, is that all the material that you prepared? Yeah, basically. Is stand-up something that you the material that you prepared? Yeah, basically. Is stand-up something that you've always wanted to do? Yeah, it's something I've been, since I've been watching the show for the last couple years, yeah. And you give tattoos?

Starting point is 00:31:33 I've signed up four other times. In Austin? Yep. And you give tattoos for a living? I do, for 18 years, yeah. Okay. And you're doing comedy because Avenged Sevenfold didn't work out?

Starting point is 00:31:44 Yeah. It's not the first time I've heard that one, yeah. Yep. Basically, thanks for this. If that's not the first time you've heard that, you should change something about yourself. True. So, Sean, I mean, you must have seen a lot in these years of tattooing. What else are you into? What else do you have going on in your life?

Starting point is 00:32:06 What other hobbies and things do you have? Well, shit, dude. I make comic books. I do live art at raves. I've been tattooing forever, yeah. Wow. How long have you been on fentanyl? I mean, never tried it that I know of.

Starting point is 00:32:25 I'm sure it's probably getting slipped in there a few times. Absolutely. Absolutely. Do you just tattoo assholes or you'll do any area of the body? I mean, I mean, what? You want one, Tim? I want Amy Schumer on my asshole. Let's do it. Can we do it? It won't take much work, yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:47 You said you did comic books too. I'd imagine a whole entire like tome out of asshole skin with just beautiful drawings. Thank you sir. Oh thank you. Thank you. Oh that's what he needs. More bad tattoos. It's just pictures of assholes with spiders.

Starting point is 00:33:03 It's not a comic book at all. Is it a scratch and sniff? Does it smell like a bad pussy? I will be using it tonight, but I haven't... No that's your finger that smells like a bad pussy. So Sean, what else? What type of childhood did you have to where you end up going to raves and tattooing people for an entire lifetime? I mean not too bad. I lived in France for a year

Starting point is 00:33:32 Fucking I mean not not too bad of a childhood. My parents split up. Yeah, we we know Yeah, what kind of brag is that I lived in in France. You lived in France for a year. I mean, you're right, it was shitty. Okay. I mean, not too bad actually, it's been alright. Craziest thing that's ever happened to you in your entire life? You're in the interview part of Kill Tony, you've been watching the show for years, you may have planned for the minute, did you plan for this?

Starting point is 00:34:04 Not entirely. Wow. Not entirely. Your soul is over there it just answered the question. Absolutely incredible. I fucking been skydiving. You ever done that Tony? Did the parachute unfortunately work? Unfortunately it fucking worked. Unfortunately it unfolded, but it almost didn't. You had to shimmy it open. And to answer your question, no, I have never skydived. However, I have strapped a man to my own back before. Ha ha.

Starting point is 00:34:37 Okay. Sean, what's your love life like? It's pretty crazy, man. I mean... Wow, sounds like it. I mean, which night you talking about? What's the craziest thing you've ever done sexually? I mean, probably a threesome, two black chicks.

Starting point is 00:35:00 Whoa, two black chicks. The old... The old Oreo cookie. Exactly. That's what I call it. Absolutely. Unbelievable. How did you end up with two black chicks? I tattooed one of them and then they saw me walking down the street and I heard them go, let's fuck them. That's it. One in the ink, two in the stink.

Starting point is 00:35:28 Tattoo for one. Basically. Unbelievable. Is there something that you prefer about black women over white women? Their pussy's warmer. Wow, incredible. That is absolutely true.

Starting point is 00:35:39 Everybody knows that is a scientific fact. I get all of my science from tattoo artists and Joe Rogan, so I'm basically a genius. Sean, congratulations, your very first time on a stand-up comedy stage live at the LA Forum. And I gotta tell you, in a room this big, the small jokebook seems so much smaller. Sean, don't shake people's

Starting point is 00:36:05 hands. Don't put people through that. There he goes. Sean, everybody. God damn it. Producers, tell people not to shake people's hands afterwards. All right. Wow. Unbelievable. I think the biggest takeaway from that interview is that Tony can't fucking read. Macav is a weird word. M-A-C-A-B-R-E? Macabre? McCabry? Why would the R and the E be silent? Anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, this can't be real, but I'm going to read it anyway.

Starting point is 00:36:51 Ladies and gentlemen, okay. What the fuck is going on over here? Okay. Hands on your knees. Okay. Amen. They spelled the X wrong. They. Okay.

Starting point is 00:37:08 Thank you. Good try. Good try. Hey y'all. This podcast is sponsored by DraftKings Sportsbook. We're heading into the final rounds of the NBA playoffs. But have no fear. There's still time to get in on the action with our partners over at DraftKings Sports,

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Starting point is 00:38:21 This podcast is sponsored by Cook Unity. Guys, traveling so much recently has made me miss all the amazing food here in Austin, from NADC burgers to CM Smokehouse to goddamn everything. Nobody's got it better than us, guaranteed. Now that I'm home, I'm too tired to get up and go, but then I thought, how awesome would it be to get chef-crafted meals brought to me, the young king?

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Starting point is 00:40:02 That's 50% off your first week by using Tony or go to co-unity.com slash Tony right now. All right, this can't be real. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for RFK Jr. This can't possibly be my favorite presidential candidate in the world. Oh my God, it is! Make some fucking noise for RFK Junior. I'm not a stand-up comic, but I wanted to see if I had an aptitude for it. But there's a lot of angry comics back out back in the green room because they said, if I come out here and I get a laugh, I'm going to wreck it for William Montgomery.

Starting point is 00:41:35 I don't know who William Montgomery is. My family, as it turns out, loves William Montgomery too. They can't explain why they like William Montgomery. They just say, well, he's been around a long, long time and he's not you. And if you go out there and you're funnier than William Montgomery, you're going to be a spoiler and you're going to wreck it for him. I feel like I'm okay coming out here and talking about William Montgomery. I said to them, I just want to go out there and say hi to people and they said, that's

Starting point is 00:42:23 too much. Anyway, I didn't really come prepared to tell the joke. My brain worm wrote some jokes for me. He's very funny. He's got a lot of information. This is where I get most of my facts. A lot of his stuff is conspiracy theories. You have to filter that out. But he's funny.

Starting point is 00:43:08 Oh, there were two leprechauns, and they were knee-walking drunk. They were so drunk that they could not. That's got to be a minute. That has to be a minute. Let's not do, let's. Make some noise for Cheryl Hines everybody. Come on. I'm just saying I think that's a minute and maybe we don't do accents right now

Starting point is 00:43:46 And I think it's good to quit while you're ahead That was fucking awesome, how about a hand for RFK jr. And Cheryl Hines, huh? How cool is this How cool is this? Cheryl, welcome. How's life going post-curb right now? Everything? It's very relaxing. Just brain worms and presidential candidacies.

Starting point is 00:44:19 I wake up to all kinds of things. For those of you that don't know, they found, how do you describe it? For those of you that might not know, there was a worm in his brain? We'll say yes. There was a worm in his brain, but it died. And it's more common than you think.

Starting point is 00:44:43 Wow. Sounds like Dune. It sounds like Dune. Yeah. Huh? It sounds like Dune. Dune? Tony, this show has done more for disabled people than the state of California.

Starting point is 00:44:53 I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I.

Starting point is 00:44:59 I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. RFK Jr. such an honor to have you here for you to fucking flex having a sense of humor in front of the best comedy fans on planet earth.

Starting point is 00:45:10 It is a fucking pleasure to know that we have the possibility of having this man as the next president of the United States everybody. We're gonna give him the damn kill Tony bump. Isn't that right, people? All right, let's keep it moving. Another bucket pull. Straight out of the bucket, we're gonna meet them all together.

Starting point is 00:45:38 Make some noise. Make some noise for Jay Frunk everybody. Jay Frunk getting 60 seconds uninterrupted. We're going to meet him all together. Jay Frunk. Oh, it's bucket full number two. Hooty Hooty Ho Gang, Gang Violence, Gang Violence. Oh snap, okay.

Starting point is 00:46:17 Damn. Sorry RFK Jr. I hope you don't follow in your forefathers footsteps there, but um But yeah, yeah, my bad to do so um I'm kind of new to LA. I met my first Satanist here is anybody a nobody's a Satanist, right? hopefully not

Starting point is 00:46:39 Yeah, they had like tattoos everywhere and piercings and shit like that but um had like tattoos everywhere and piercings and shit like that. But one thing I noticed is that they made Jesus into a midget. It's like, what? Pause. OK, OK, OK. OK. Dang, that's crazy. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:46:59 That's crazy. That's crazy. Well, I did have a contingency, if nothing else. I have nothing else. I have a list of roasts. Wow. Alright, wow. I'll take it, I'll take it.

Starting point is 00:47:19 Jay Frunk, boy oh boy. Wow, coming out saying David Jolly. I saw you in Dallas, I loved you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, don't ruin the show more than you already have. Just focus on this point. Jay Frank coming out and saying both Cam Patterson and David Jolly's catchphrase to start your set.

Starting point is 00:47:44 And then a joke about four fathers, which I'm guessing is four more fathers than you have in your life. And then continuous bomb, bomb, bomb. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Number one. This is your first time ever? Yes, sir. Well, how many do you think he should retire now while he's ahead? Yeah!

Starting point is 00:48:10 Jay Frunk, anything interesting about your life that you didn't talk about that you might find... Anything I didn't talk about? Anything interesting about your life that you didn't talk about in the minute? I'm an engineer, I'm a musician, you know, it's my birthday today. Happy birthday. Okay. You know what? You know what I'm going to do since it's your birthday?

Starting point is 00:48:33 I'm going to give you a little joke book and get you out of here. Okay. There he is, Jay Fronk, everybody, making his Kill Tony debut, an unbelievably compelling two-minute interview. Well, that was good. debut an unbelievably compelling two-minute interview Well that was good What was good? Well What the fuck you guys are a little too positive You gotta be mean when they suck

Starting point is 00:48:57 You know what I'm gonna do You know what I'm gonna do. I'm going to give a set to Literally one of the greatest legends in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you here to do a set. Make some noise for the 2023 Guest of the Year, Dr. Phil! Los Angeles, make some motherfucking noise if you're excited to be alive tonight. I can't hear you motherfuckers! Holy shit.

Starting point is 00:50:04 Holy shit, what a night, huh? Look at these titties coming down the second row. Good to see you guys. Little winded, I'm just here to take a shit, and then I'll get out of here. One more time for Aaron Bial. Sorry, RFK. Got some roast jokes.

Starting point is 00:50:26 You guys mind if I do a quick set real quick just to kind of fire up the room? I prepared a couple statements. Casey Rocket is here. Casey Rocket looks like he blows his nose with his hands. Pretty funny, because it's true. Casey Rocket looks like if a mothball came to life. I like that one.

Starting point is 00:50:52 Casey looks like his whole set, he's trying to escape a crocodile for some fucking reason. Always wanted to know what a clown looked like under the face paint, we got it. Casey looks like a, We got it. Casey looks like a where are they now of Nickelodeon molestations. That's one you can laugh at at dinner and at breakfast. That's what we call a twofer.

Starting point is 00:51:19 What else? Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson has the posture of a stepdad. The belly and the shoulders. The shouldersdad, the belly and the shoulders, the shoulders back, the belly out. All right, thought that was funny in my head, so I said it. Cam looks like P. Diddy's pool boy.

Starting point is 00:51:34 That's a good one. That's, give it up for Diddy, he's somewhere. Cam's a great storyteller, or as the court calls it, perjury. That's funny. Cam's mom accidentally got pregnant during the movie Friday After Next. That's why she calls him Mike Oops. That's a play on words. The actor Mike Epps, shout out.

Starting point is 00:51:57 William Montgomery's here. Give it up for William Montgomery, huh? What a fucking legend and a gangster. You know, William looks like he puts peanut butter on the dog's dick and then licks it off. That's how... Hey, it's Tuesday somewhere, right? That's what she said.

Starting point is 00:52:15 William looks like he should be on a Confederate coin. You know, William looks like he sits down to pee but stands up to poop, but I've done that, so... Hey, no that, so. Hey, no judgment, player. Just recognizing the game. What's up, Dad? David Lucas is here.

Starting point is 00:52:31 David, David. Yeah. Oh, we don't know if he's here. All right, well. I saw a food truck out front, so I assumed. Good save, good save, thanks Tony. You know David looks like he should be OZM picking cotton, but I wrote that... I'll just wait for the laughter.

Starting point is 00:52:59 David has a 100% chance of dying on Rocky Road. The ice cream or police brutality. Either way, it's gonna be kind of one of those roll the dice. We'll be right back. That's an impression of David's, Dale, come on. We'll be right back is one of my favorite phrases.

Starting point is 00:53:20 It's also an impression of David's feet before diabetes takes him. We'll keep her right here. That's one of my other favorite phrases. You probably heard me say, we'll keep her right here. We'll keep her right here. That's also my impression of David when a waiter tries to take away his dessert. You know, he just wants to leave it where it is, player.

Starting point is 00:53:39 David's got a forehead like Roger from American Dad. Sorry, that's... It's probably triggering since you never saw yours. What else we got here? Hans Kim is here. Give it up for Hans Kim, the great Hans Kim. You can do better than that.

Starting point is 00:53:54 Let's go, Hans Kim can hear you. Hans Kim, you know, Hans looks like the second coolest kid on the math team. He, why does Hans look like he bows after he comes? Is that just me? Yeah, Hans is so retarded, he'd have to compete in the special squid games. That was funny in my head.

Starting point is 00:54:16 You can use that at a party in front of your family. You know, this battle between Hans and Rick, it's gotten so vicious. I haven't seen this much bad blood in the forums since Magic Johnson's last game, but that's a joke. Oh! Yeah, we're doing okay so far. Speed this up.

Starting point is 00:54:34 Rick is here. Keep it going for Rick Diaz, huh? Rick's here. Yeah! Rick, uh... Are you guys booing for Netflix or Rick? Rick is here, you know, Rick is, you know, Rick versus Hans, this looks like a fight in a cancer ward. It's in-cell versus can't-cell.

Starting point is 00:54:54 Rick, Rick, you look like the star of a cartoon called Bob's Asperger's. Rick is from Spain, so can you Spain me where the fuck yo' chin went? What else we got? We got Red Band, keep it going for Brian Red Band over here. It's a fucking living legend. Brian Red Band, the house newly engaged,

Starting point is 00:55:14 he's off the market. Red Band is, you know, Red Band is, Red Band, you sound like the voice behind the camera on every casting couch board. Red Band is so creepy, he's not even allowed within 50 yards of his inner child, that's funny. We got Tony Hinchcliffe, let's go kill Tony's own Tony Hinchcliffe is here.

Starting point is 00:55:35 The man of the hour baby, the man who put this whole motherfucking show together. Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe. I'm a big fan, I'm a big fan. I've been watching you from afar, even though you're dressed like an agent for E-Gamers. You know, Tony killed on the Tom Brady roast. Did you see Tony on the Tom Brady roast?

Starting point is 00:55:56 Fucking destroyed. He fucking destroyed. He made Brady his bitch. He came out gums a-blazing, and he just destroyed. No, Tony is uh Tony is maybe one of the quickest minds I've ever seen one more time for Tony Hinchcliffe this guy I met him 25 years ago and he hasn't stopped bringing it he does look like he runs an ice cream parlor on Epstein Island but he's

Starting point is 00:56:18 one of the funniest guys that I've ever met I think that's it all right that's it out of me that's that's all right, that's it out of me. That's all my time. That's all I got for you. Dr. Phil, I got to tell you, you're the guest of the year 2023. How many of you think Dr. Phil should stay on the show panel? Come on in, Dr. Phil. We got one more seat. We got an extra seat and an extra microphone.

Starting point is 00:56:54 You can thank Snoop Dogg for taking, ladies and gentlemen, live in the flesh. We're going to get it on. Tony, White Snoop is actually my Xbox screen name. So this works out perfect. I fucking love it. Dr. Phil is with us for the rest of the show, ladies and gentlemen. time to go to the doctor's office to get treated for your erectile dysfunction. Though, if you go through HIMS, now you can get treated for ED without stepping foot outside your door. HIMS is changing men's healthcare by providing access to affordable sexual health treatments from the comfort of your couch. Speaking of a couch, Red Man! HIMS provides access to doctor-trusted ED treatment options such as chewable hard

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Starting point is 00:59:22 now available online or at your local retailer. And you know what? I think we should keep this lovely momentum going since both of the bucket pulls tonight were first timers. You guys wanna see another Kill Tony legend right now? I present to you a golden ticket winner, everybody. I present to you a golden ticket winner, everybody. He was mentioned during Dr. Phil's set, and he's a fucking legend of the show. Months after making his Kill Tony debut,

Starting point is 00:59:56 the people at America's Got Talent found him on Kill Tony, and he made it all the way to the finals. I present to you the great and powerful Aaron Belial. Here he comes everyone, make some fucking noise from Toronto, Canada. His first time at the LA Forum, Aaron Belial. Getting the set up going. One more time for Aaron Belial everybody. Before I started performing I was the only mute person I knew. But now I've got all these fucking mute people coming to my shows. Every time they laugh, it sounds like mating season in the Arctic. I've been forced to demand all wheelchair ramps be removed from my shows.

Starting point is 01:01:09 I don't need any more walrus fuck sounds from the darkness. If this keeps up, I'm gonna bring in the Alaskan Seal Clubber Association for crowd control. These people are crazy man. One mute chick chicks mom kept trying to get me to. Mate with her? She's all. My daughter is just like you. Feel her titty. I have nothing against girls in wheelchairs, but we should at least wait for her to wake up before I touch her boobies. I'm not gonna touch lumpy or bumpy. I ain't gonna be the first Boom. Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Coming out, guns blazing, attacking handicapped people throughout his entire set. What a heel turn this is, what a twist.

Starting point is 01:02:26 That's a bigger twist than your wrist. Yeah, you sponsored by Nike with that swoosh? What's going on? Uh oh, here it comes, he's typing. I'm scared. Dr. Phil is the only doctor I don't need to see. World's weirdest fist bump just went down everybody. I don't know if you saw it. Dr. Phil with a sideways high five and Aaron Belial with an upside down hook shot. I thought Dr. Phil was Tim Dillon's husband.

Starting point is 01:03:08 Well, might be by the end of the night. Aaron, how's things going? How are your travels? How's life? You look fucking fantastic from the neck up. I've been practicing impressions. Want to see some? Hell yeah. This is my impression I tried figuring out how to do a Donald Trump impression, but even I'm not that retarded. I've been practicing my impression of you, and I think I've perfected it. Oh no. Here we go. You son of a bitch. Dr. Phil, sit the fuck down.

Starting point is 01:04:36 Sounded just like you, Tony. A bunch of... You son of a bitch. Why would you say that about me? I do not even sound like that. What else you got, Aaron? What else you got up your phone sleeve? Yes you do.

Starting point is 01:04:55 I fucking love it. I talk with a phone. I need you to lead me into the next bit. Ask me about sex. I know you're hard thinking about it. Yes, absolutely. How's your sex life going, Aaron? People keep asking me how I have sex. Well, it used to be really hard with one arm and one short leg, but my life changed in a shopping mall when I saw Crocs with a three inch platform lift.

Starting point is 01:05:30 Sex is so much better, doggy style in my Crocs. I'll second that. It's true. He does fuck with... a lot of people call him Crocter Phil. I call it crocky style. Yeah. I call it crocky Style. Yeah. I call it Crocky Style. Call back. She's on all fours and I hold her down and claw at her back. I don't think I ever want to see you do that again.

Starting point is 01:05:58 Okay, I was wrong. That was funny. Second time's a charm. I went to a bar last week and a girl wanted to take me home. Unfortunately, I had to say, sorry baby, I didn't pack my fuck-crocs. I also have camel ones so they can't see me coming. I love it. Are You wearing them around LA? Have you been, you go to the beach at all?

Starting point is 01:06:30 You gonna go for, go swimming in circles or something like that? You son of a bitch. I flew in last night. Yeah, you looks like, looks like you got one wing down You son of a bitch Tony only has sex with women in wheelchairs because it's easy to push their unconscious bodies out of his apartment. Whoop, whoop. Too soon. Too soon.

Starting point is 01:07:12 Wow. Aaron just starting rumors. I don't know where. Thank you, Aaron. I'm going to be the first retarded guy to get me toot now. This is great. I love it. Oh, you like that one, huh? Look at you, just having the time of your life over there. Look who's just thriving, everybody. Look at this guy.

Starting point is 01:07:37 I love it. What else is going on? Anything else? Yeah, he's killing. He's doing it. Aaron Belial, Toronto, Canada. You're a US citizen now. You didn't mention that.

Starting point is 01:07:55 Yeah. Can anybody guess which son of a bitch signed his papers for him? You ungrateful fucking crooked bastard. Hey Tim, it's so great to see you. Thank you so much for signing my visa. It looks like you lost some weight. The visa's not free. Oh shit. I think he's gonna suck your dick. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:32 Dr. Phil's gonna referee the dick sucking it appears. I don't know what to say. Aaron, anything else? I'm gonna be at Skyline in Appleton at the end of May, and then my Ohio run got rescheduled to June so I'll be in Columbus and Cincinnati and more. I'm still adding dates and I'll be everywhere so follow me on socials and check out MuteComedian.com. I have merch. If you get confused about which handicapped guy is me, I'm the one who doesn't talk like

Starting point is 01:09:02 he's masturbating with a hand in his pocket. Jesus. You have more plugs than your Bluetooth. All right, longest interviewer ever for a guy that can't talk. Here he is, what else there? I, if you get confused about which handicap guy is me, I'm the one who doesn't talk like he's masturbating with the hand in his pocket. Alright. Just one more insult to other handicapped people on his way out. Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Golden Ticket winner. Reigning, defending, always on fire.

Starting point is 01:09:43 And we keep it moving along to the next bucket pool. Another bucket pool. We got to keep the bucket pool girls flying up here a little bit faster. This is our third bucket pool of the night, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna give another person a shot here. Oh my goodness. What a life we live. I swear to God if these girls were in a wheelchair and unconscious, the things I would do to them. All right, from section 114, row 12, seat 5, make some noise for John Luna everybody.

Starting point is 01:10:21 John Luna. We're going to meet them all together now okay there he is John Luna everybody What up? Holy shit. What the fuck? Okay. Thank you. I'm a big guy. I've always been a big guy. When I was four months old, I was 28 pounds. My mom should be in jail, dude. That's horrible. I think she was breastfeeding me or a chata. I feel like that's the only way that could have happened. I'm Mexican, but I grew up around a lot of white people. So, like, I'm Mexican like the song Feliz Navidad, you know?

Starting point is 01:11:16 Like, from afar, it seems very Latino. Then you get close and you're like, this is all in English, actually. Seems like they should have studied more in school. Seems like the only two Spanish words they know are Like this is all in English actually. Seems like they should have studied more in school. Seems like the only two Spanish words they know are Feliz Navidad. I do want to be more Mexican though. Like I want to lean into it.

Starting point is 01:11:33 I want to be like a Cholo, you know? I want to get a teardrop tattoo. But I'll get the one that's not filled in. If you don't know that means you tried to kill someone and you failed. Which will be fine as long as no one finds out it was myself, you know? Alright, John Luna. I've adventure to say best bucket poll of the night so far. How long have you been on stand up, John?

Starting point is 01:12:06 Sorry? How long have you been on stand up comedy? Like four and a half years. Four and a half years? Yeah. I was on when I was in the main room in 2019. Okay. Alright. Welcome back, John. Too excited.

Starting point is 01:12:22 Absolutely. Do you always fake fall on your way up to the stage? No, I thought it'd be fun here. I've done it before. Okay. One time I broke a window. Wow, when you lift your arm up like that, your stomach ass hangs out. That's a butthole.

Starting point is 01:12:38 Oh shit, and you're... Okay, yeah, I didn't know I was gonna bleed, I'm sorry. Yeah, you're bleeding. I'm gonna take you shopping after the show. Yeah. I would love that. For real. Absolutely, for sure. I want a straw in your elbow.

Starting point is 01:12:52 Like I wanna snort cocaine off your elbow. Red Band noticing something that only you can notice from his seat. But you do have unbelievably flaky elbows. What is that? This is, it's psoriasis. Oh, skin disease. Who's got psoriasis? Who's got severe psoriasis?

Starting point is 01:13:13 Where my psoriasis? Wow, look at that. Give it up for Sky Rizzi. Okay. When you move fast, it's like LeBron before he starts a basketball game. Baby powder. Just get a long sleeve shirt. Okay, okay.

Starting point is 01:13:30 It's a warm day. Oh yeah, okay. So if it's a certain temperature you just go around grossing out everybody? Okay. You need longer sleeves and a longer shirt and you need to tuck it in and you need, there's so much you need. It's unbelievable. We should almost give you like a,

Starting point is 01:13:51 I wish we had a, we should have had a like makeover thing ready for this show. This is absolutely incredible. What's your love life like looking like that? Okay. Open up, open up, Take your time. I know it's all right. I don't know. It's kind of hard to bring girls back because I live with my mom. So it's kind of... Yeah, and you got bloody fucking elbows all the time, you know? Yeah. My mom's like a single mom and I'm like an only child on her side, so her house looks like a sports memorabilia store

Starting point is 01:14:26 dedicated to like me and Jesus Christ, you know? That's kind of the vibe. John, let me ask you this. How old are you? 27. 27, what do you do for work? I don't have a job, Brandon, I got fired. Where'd you get fired from?

Starting point is 01:14:45 I was... Dave and Busters? I was doing like podcast producing and editing for a streaming service I wouldn't like to name at this moment. No. Okay. Why did you get fired? I was like, so I was on a, um, is there blood dripping out of your elbow? Is it dripping on the floor? Yeah. Yeah. You got to go. Goodbye, John. There he goes. Everybody. There goes John Luna Luna everyone. No, I know it's over You're not dripping blood on the floor. That's fucking absolutely disgusting. You did great though The let the the lesson is don't fake fall anymore everyone. There he goes John Luna. Here's a little joke bug

Starting point is 01:15:38 Sorry to make an awkward ending but that's fucking disgusting Tony that was the little boy on the back of the milk carton who was missing growing all up. So much fun we're having here. Oh my God, wait a second. Wait a second. Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen,

Starting point is 01:16:03 make some goddamn noise for my big brother, Ari Shaffir! Here at the Kia Forum. This crowd is on their feet. Ari motherfucking Shafir, LA legend, New York legend, Comedy Store legend, Kill Tony legend. How lucky are we that there is no basketball game going on right now in May. What a fucking ordeal we have here. This is very Southern California. We got a fucking TV doctor, an Inglewood crackhead, and a fat faggot.

Starting point is 01:17:00 Dr. Phil? They told me you needed your phone. You can have it. It's so warm. Oh, my mom called. I felt that. I did feel her call. It's a long way from the bedroom, buddy. Thank you, Ari.

Starting point is 01:17:40 I just have one thing to say. He has risen. Oh my god. Oh my god. Unbelievable. He's helicoptering his dick. It's the saddest helicopter involving Kobe Bryant I've ever heard of. You definitely can't see that on Netflix. For those of you watching the blurred version on YouTube four weeks later, congrats on saving

Starting point is 01:18:21 $35. It's actually a good technique because no one would want to block you. Yeah, you had no problem getting through security. I'm just talking about hitting the glass, man. Just punching the hole, man. One more time for the great Ari Shaffir, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Phil wiping down his phone. How Ari was able to keep that in his little ass is unbelievable. It's like a guy with his son in the front row just watching. Loving it. They love it. It's great.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Welcome to Los Angeles, ladies and gentlemen. And this crowd went wild. Proof that Killtony fans have the most diabolical sense of humors on planet Earth. Got to see his matzo balls and the sauerkraut. Do you follow automotive news? Or do you just like cars and want to see what the heck's going on? Well, then you might like Donut Media's new podcast, The Big Three. Hi, I'm James Pumphrey and every week me and my co-hosts slash two of my top five friends

Starting point is 01:19:31 Nolan Sykes and Joe Weber unpack the latest and greatest in automotive news and trends on The Big Three. You'll also get a lot of laughs, hot takes, and personal insight on cars from the biggest car guys in automotive media. So whether you're a hardcore enthusiast or just a person who goes, that's a good looking car, check out the big three available wherever you get your podcasts or you can watch the full videos at Donut Podcasts on YouTube. You know, we got momentum right now. We're cooking with fire. So I'd like to bring up one of the most prolific regulars in the show's history.

Starting point is 01:20:15 Ladies and gentlemen, you know them, you love them. The icon. Make some noise for Cam Patterson. I got some I got some big news though. I'm having a kid What's out here for we for the kill that nigga dog Baby bitch he died We murdering that nigga man. Okay. wait, wait. I shouldn't say murder. Murder is a bad word. We finna obliterate that nigga, dog!

Starting point is 01:21:29 Don't is that, fuck that baby, man! I'ma tell you some real shit. All my homeboys been tellin' me like, Cam, you can't kill a baby, you live in Texas, but I'm a criminal, so it don't matter. I've been a criminal for a long time now, fuck that baby. The worst thing I think about though, is that she waiting too long to have the abortion,

Starting point is 01:21:50 so the baby is kinda like sitting in her stomach and they coming like one, and I feel like the baby talking to her like, hey please, please mom don't kill me. I might be like a lawyer or a doctor or something. And when she go to sleep, I whisper in her ear like, don't kill me. I might be like a lawyer or a doctor or something. And when she go to sleep, I whisper in her ear like, don't listen to that nigga. He's a liar just like his father.

Starting point is 01:22:13 And I can tell you something, Tony, I'm never gonna have this problem again because I found this new invention. They call condoms. Cam Pattersonson a minute 30 Two minutes and ten seconds on set if you count the applause break at the top of the set these people love you Cam Patterson I love y'all man. It's a shame. None of them will ever get to meet your baby. Yeah, fuck that nigga, he dead. So is this true?

Starting point is 01:22:51 You got a girl pregnant and you had the abortion? Yeah, it's over now. It's over. What was that? That was crazy. Don't do that. That's fucked up. What was that process like for you?

Starting point is 01:23:03 It was grueling. It was long, I didn't really do shit. I just talked to her, she wanted to kill it too so it was cool. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. Did you pay for it? Yeah, I paid for it. Hell yeah. Did you use a coupon or just cash?

Starting point is 01:23:19 I wish I could have got one, bitch. I'll tell you that much. I'll tell you that much right here. Come on now. Yeah, we'll keep her right here. Ha ha ha ha ha. Now, how, where did you get the abortion at? I went back home, man. You went back home to Florida.

Starting point is 01:23:34 You flew. See the family and shit, yeah, yeah. So the baby obviously conceived in Texas. Huh? You got her pregnant in Texas? Legally, no. Legally, I got her pregnant in Texas? We, uh, legally, no. Legally, I had, I got her pregnant in Florida. So you got her pregnant in Florida, flew her to Texas, and then flew back to Florida?

Starting point is 01:23:55 Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha! Well... Touchdown, brother! That is correct. Oh my god, This is incredible. Do you know how long the baby was in the womb for? I don't want to know. I don't ask no questions like that.

Starting point is 01:24:14 A lot of people look upset at me right now. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Do you know if it was a boy or a girl? I don't make girls. I'm like China, nigga. Wait, you're like China? China don't have girls, right? Oh.

Starting point is 01:24:35 They don't fuck with... Right? Am I wrong? Yeah, they got girls, Cam. That's how they make... I mean, like, they don't wanna... Right? Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, random white man in the front row. Kill yourself. Oh. Who was that old nigga that was up here earlier?

Starting point is 01:24:58 The old white man. That ain't talk real well. RFK... That's the great RFK Jr. He's like our M.L.K. Junior. No, he's not. No, the fuck he's not. Redband, what the fuck, man? Jesus. This show is out of control. We'll be right back. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:25:27 Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Now Dr. Phil, you know, we're here talking about abortion. What are your thoughts, Dr. Phil? Well, I support a black man's right to choose. Pfft. But, you know, those questions were getting pretty sad, Tony, you were like, what was your, you know,

Starting point is 01:25:47 fetus' favorite color and shit? I don't know. It was getting real depressing, but you know, I don't know, you'll find the right time to be a dad. Did you have a name picked out, how about that? Hell no, dead baby. Dead baby, okay. Stop doing that, man!

Starting point is 01:26:03 D.B. So he could be a rapper. Alright, I like that one. That's a toilet. I got my hands on the soundboard, everybody. Oh, shit. Too much fun. Can I ask a question?

Starting point is 01:26:28 Yeah, absolutely. Is there like a, did you look up positions that are best to like, you know, like if you did want, like people say like, you know, on top gets you maybe a boy, but reverse cowgirl gets you something else, like did you look up positions? I don't know what I'm trying to fucking ask right now, Cam,

Starting point is 01:26:43 but. What the fuck are we talking about, Dr. Phil? What's your favorite position to fuck? I like the fucking bitch front or back until her touch her toes. Okay. Hell, all right. My hands and my knees.

Starting point is 01:26:55 They touch their toes. Yeah, so you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about, Post, right? Yeah. Come on, man. Hell yeah. Post has had so many abortions, they have a banner for him at the forum hanging from the top.

Starting point is 01:27:08 There it is. We lowered the banner. You can't see, but we lowered a banner for you. Unbelievable. Cam, what else is going on? You're in Los Angeles, you're thriving, sold out shows everywhere you go. Hell yeah, I mean, just trying to keep working,

Starting point is 01:27:32 you know what I'm saying, staying, you know what I'm saying? Just keep going, you feel me? Yep. Nothing too much. What you saying, bitch? Oh, someone's gonna be touching their toes later. Yeah, what did they say? What'd you say, bitch? Yeah, what did you say? Speak up, bitch. Speak up, bitch. Me and daughter fear got a question, fuck nigga.

Starting point is 01:27:52 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Man. Cam, anything else? Anything else crazy going on? Nah, that's it, man. I love it. Hell yeah. Well, you came out, you fucking smashed again. Everybody loves you, congratulations.

Starting point is 01:28:08 So much fun. Another powerful set by the great Cam Patterson. Back to the bucket we go. Our fourth bucket pull of the night. It's been a wild night for the bucket. Two first timers and one guy bleeding profusely out of his elbows. Make some noise for Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 01:28:38 And your next bucket pull, representing section F, row 17, seat one. It is Andrew Avila, ladies and gentlemen. representing section F, row 17, seat one. It is Andrew Avila, ladies and gentlemen. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Andrew Avila. Make some noise, everyone. These people wait all day for this. How's everyone doing tonight? Hey, so it's a good thing I'm not sitting around

Starting point is 01:29:04 a bunch of black people because it's probably gonna offend some people, alright? So I don't think George Floyd died from that knee on his neck, right? And let me tell you why. Derek Chauvin was all about what, 135, 59? Anyone ever had a fucking torta sit on their face? Yeah, I'm talking about pretty Mexican chicks weighing from 180 to 250, just straight fucking crushing your fucking face homie.

Starting point is 01:29:29 That's fucking right. Hey, I'm just saying, Princess needs to lay off the hot Cheetos, have me looking like Jabba the Hutt fucking strangling for fucking air. Hey, it doesn't matter if she's on her period, has some old fucking nut in her pussy, I'll be licking that asshole too, making a fucking Neapolitan shake, dude. Let's fucking go, dude. That's fucking right. Hey, am I in agreement or come on now?

Starting point is 01:30:00 We're the tortas, we're the tortas here. All right, guys. Thank you. Holy shit. This bucket is fucked up tonight. Andrew Avilla, I didn't know they made Mexican Eric Cartman's. Oh, yeah. Good Lord Almighty. How long have you been doing stand up? Since December. Talking to the microphone. Since December. Sorry about that. Since December. Talking to the microphone. Since December, sorry about that. Since December.

Starting point is 01:30:26 Yes. Okay, and you perform a lot? I try to do at least once, twice a month. Fucking twice. Once or twice a month? Yeah. Wow, your work ethic sucks. Do you wait for a police shooting and then write a joke?

Starting point is 01:30:39 What was that? Did you start after George Floyd died? Yeah. That's what inspired you? Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Pretty much? Yeah, yeah. That's what inspired you? Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Pretty much. Okay, Jesus.

Starting point is 01:30:48 Andrew, what do you do for work? I lay pipe, Tony. Okay. I'm a utility worker, I'm a utility worker. Okay. Yeah, I'm a utility worker. He does have, Post Malone has a good point. Andrew Avila has good eye contact.

Starting point is 01:31:06 He looks right down the barrel like he's bragging about being a brain surgeon or something like that. I am a utility worker. Sound familiar? Now, I like your shirt. It says Father of the Year and then there's Darth Vader. Are you a Star Wars guy and a father? Both, yes.

Starting point is 01:31:27 Which one is your favorite? Which star? Being a father. Being a father. Being a father. And what about which Star Wars movie is your favorite? Anyone but the new Disney ones. Yeah, OK.

Starting point is 01:31:40 All right. You have a character you identify with? Probably Jabba the Hutt, like I said. Yeah. Why's that? I like sexy white women, you know what I mean? So. No, I don't know what you mean.

Starting point is 01:31:53 But OK. Well, I like your shirt. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I don't know. I don't know if you're really a Jabba guy. Jabba the Hutt was kind of funny. He Jar Jar Stinks.

Starting point is 01:32:04 Whoa. Whoa. Red Band. Red Bandinks. Whoa, Red Band. Red Band. Red Band. He's gonna die. Okay, Red Band is really riding the wave of that joke that we're encouraging him on a hut. Okay.

Starting point is 01:32:18 What's the most interesting thing about you before we let you go, Andrew? I love eating ass and sucking toes. Okay. All right. Do you get to eat a lot of ass? Do you have like a wife, a baby mama? What's the story?

Starting point is 01:32:30 Whose ass are you eating? You ate ass with your minute tonight. Hey, hey, hey. Tell us, Andrew, whose ass are you eating? Any hose on Tinder or Bumble. All right. I got a phone that was inside Ari Shaffir's ass if you want to clean it up. All right, let me know. Send me an email.

Starting point is 01:32:50 All right, Andrew, unbelievable tiny joke book for you. That's for you. Andrew Avila, ladies and gentlemen. Very, very uninteresting interviews on these bucket pulls so far tonight. Oh yeah. You know, I think we should rebuild momentum. We have another golden ticket winner here, everybody. Another man from Toronto, Canada that we have not seen in a long time. He's very, very excited to be here.

Starting point is 01:33:37 You know him. You love him. This is the long-awaited return of Jared Nathan. What's up? course and the instructor told me that I needed an interpreter because he couldn't read my lips. When I whisper, I do not stutter. It's like I'm doing ASMR. some more. And I make you red band horny. Exactly a minute. Right on the dot. Jared Nathan, how do you feel? I feel fucking amazing, Tony. Fucking amazing.

Starting point is 01:35:24 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Thank you! Yes! I'm here! I'm back! Yes! You also don't stutter when you yell. It's incredible. If you whisper or yell, you speak perfectly fine. But if you talk in a normal tone, it's ba-ba-ba-ba-bad. To the fucking bone! Wow. This is absolutely incredible. It's been a long time since we've seen you.

Starting point is 01:36:00 Jared, tell us what you've been up to. I've been chilling, I've been living. I discovered something, Tony. Okay. I have something that's called... Hold on a second. Disability privilege. Okay.

Starting point is 01:36:22 Especially at the airport. Okay. What happens at the airport. Okay, what happens at the airport? I go through security fast on a pilot. Wow. And they hand me a free bottle of water. A free bottle of water? Yes, unlike you able-bodied returns! Hahaha!

Starting point is 01:36:49 They have to pay eight bucks! Hahaha! Dr. Phil, what do you think about this superstar? Well, he's right, water is overpriced. I think maybe Ocarina? Whoa, what? Behind

Starting point is 01:37:15 9-11? Sorry. Too soon? Did the people on the livestream Sorry. Too soon? Well, okay. Did the people on the live stream get captions? Who does that? 9-11 jokes don't hit us hard with the delay, Jared. But man, you're fucking funny, player.

Starting point is 01:37:39 We will. We will be right back. Where do I get one of those disability privileged t-shirts? You selling them at like a... Everybody go to my website. Chair Nathan Comedy? Yeah, baby. Stockholm.

Starting point is 01:38:07 Hell yeah. It should be up right now. If it's not, it'll be up very, very soon. Hell yeah. Jared, you're famous from Kill Tony. Do you get recognized a lot? Does it help? No?

Starting point is 01:38:22 All the time. All right. I love it. Okay, good. I got recognized. Have you been getting lucky with the ladies at all? Yeah, do you get it? Do you get any puh puh puh pussy? Tony? Yes. Cool. I said do you get any, I'll do it again. I said, I said do you get any puh puh puh pussy? And puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puh puhp-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p- Oh My goodness this has to be one of the greatest moments of your life other than the time you met John Cena Whoa, I Want to tell people wait what I

Starting point is 01:39:21 Want to tell people something you You wanna tell people something? Yes. Okay. Can you please stop coming up to me and asking me if I like grilled cheese? I'm not a believer, Shane Gillis. I'm kidding, fucking Nathan! People think you're Shane Gillis? People ask me if I'm Shane Gillis' uncle all the time.

Starting point is 01:39:54 All the fucking time! I get that. Post Malone, this is your first time seeing the great Jared Nathan. What are your thoughts over here? You fucking rock, dude. That's a fucking movie. You're fucking rock. I'm...

Starting point is 01:40:10 I am... I'm kicking the jocky chair right now. Okay, I don't know. What? And if you had a little bit about Red earlier, I think that could still work out. I think that's a beautiful couple. I think that's something that could actually happen.

Starting point is 01:40:30 Did you ever fuck Red Band, Sherrod? What if I tuck my dick in between my legs and just let you lick the pubes, huh? Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Red Band. As a joke. Red Band will be accepting his Mark Twain Comedy Award next year in DC.

Starting point is 01:40:50 It went over my head, I think. Jared, anything else before we keep it moving here? I want a cameo also. Oh. Check it out, a cameo. Wow. I will call you a fucking Return

Starting point is 01:41:08 Everybody wants everybody loves me calling them fucking Retards and cameos. I don't know why yeah, you might have you mind making a quick one for my wife Robin Just call her that real quick Robin Robin! I want to see you later and I'll fuck the shit out of you! Okay, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. Yeah. I mean I'm still... I mean, I'm still going to send that to her, but I wish you could hear Jared. He goes, I don't fucking know. Let's go! Let's go.

Starting point is 01:41:45 Let's go. Also, you're way handsomer than Shane Gillis. Tell him I said that. I didn't hear a word you fucking said. You're handsomer than Shane Gillis. You're more handsome than Shane Gillis, Post said. Thank you. Let the couple met. And tell him I said that specifically. Thank you. Put the cup on the mat and tell him I said that specifically. Thank you, Post.

Starting point is 01:42:06 I loved you on that cooking show with Theo Vaughn recently. That was... That's not original, Red Ben. I heard that many times. We love you, Red Band! We love you, Red Band! That's not original, Red Band. I heard that many times. Anybody think also, with my fucking O.T., that I have a fucking cookie show too? Let me try to break that down.

Starting point is 01:42:36 I think he said his fucking teeth have a cooking show too. Is that what you said? Everybody thinks that I have a goatee. That you have a goatee. That I have a cookie show. That you have a cookie show. On YouTube. On YouTube. Do you have a cookie show? What the? Wait, I don't even know what he just fucking said.

Starting point is 01:42:50 Okay. There's something about a cookie show. Everybody has a cookie show. Everybody was, a lot of people with Down Syndrome have a cookie show that they all have goatees. Oh, cool. Gotcha. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect.

Starting point is 01:43:00 I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. I got a Semper Fi effect. Everybody was a lot of people with Down syndrome have cooking shows. They all have goatees. Oh, cool. Gotcha. I got to simplify it for the able-bodied retard.

Starting point is 01:43:12 There you go. Absolutely. Well, Jared, you fucking killed in front of the sold out L.A. Forum tonight. Thank you, sir. We got another bucket full. You guys still having fun out there? Yeah! How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show?

Starting point is 01:43:40 Yeah! How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Wow. We gotta do another deal. They go quick. All right, your next bucket full, make some noise for Sophie Forcioli, ladies and gentlemen. Our first female bucket full of the night. How exciting. Sophie Forcioli, ladies and gentlemen, our first female bucket full of the night. How exciting, Sophie Forcioli.

Starting point is 01:44:09 This is not Sophie. One more time for Sophie Forcioli, everybody, come on. My husband's a nurse, married a nurse. I'm also a nurse, and I married him because I believe in equality in relationships, okay? That and I couldn't pull a doctor, all right? Looks wise, I know what category of women I fall into, nurses where we landed the plane, okay? It's good.

Starting point is 01:44:43 Happy to be off the streets, though, married. When I was single, I made out with this guy, and he was like, hey, I don't have a condom, but I got a grocery bag. I was like, are you trying to fuck me with a grocery bag right now, dude? What store? What store? Think of myself as more of a Whole Foods woman?

Starting point is 01:45:09 He was like, it's food for less. I was like, get the fuck out of here! Have I no self-respect? Huh? Gotta make a poor decision, then end up at the doctor and be like, yo, I don't know, you got some crazy bacteria in there. Be like, yes, Yvonne's produce section, bitch. I don't know, bad decisions.

Starting point is 01:45:28 All right, guys, I'm Sophie, thank you. Sophie Forcioli, ladies and gentlemen. Are you sure the grocery bag wasn't to put over your face? Oh. Oh. Oh. This is Kill Tony. Sophie, welcome to the show.

Starting point is 01:45:49 How long you been on standup? Three years. I love it, where at? All in LA? All in LA, but I'm from the Midwest, so I try to do Chicago and Milwaukee a lot. What part of the Midwest are you from? From Rockford, Rockford, Illinois.

Starting point is 01:46:02 Okay, Rockford, Illinois. Obviously they hate Rockford, I don't Illinois. Okay, Rockford, Illinois. Obviously they hate Rockford. I don't know. These people boo anything that is in fucking Bakersfield, obviously. It's a real fucking trash audience we have here. There's more Dodgers hats here than at an actual Dodgers game.

Starting point is 01:46:19 This is incredibly sad. Confused Mexicans like, god damn it, I did wear a Dodger's hat. Dr. Phil. Well, I like, I'm a big grocery store joke guy, you know. You met your husband where? He's a nurse, I met him at work. I'm a nurse too.

Starting point is 01:46:41 Did he have a fun like medical pick-up line, you know? That's always fun. I actually pursued him. I changed it up for women, you know? I kind of nurse, too. Did he have a fun medical pick-up line? You know, that's always fun. I actually pursued him. I changed it up for women. I kind of went after him. So did you say, like, you make my heart skip a beat? I asked him to do a Lakers game. I don't know. You took him to a Lakers game?

Starting point is 01:46:56 Yeah. Wow. All right. Yeah, nosebleeds. Did you see Ari Shaffir there? Yeah, Dr. Phil, I'm pretty sure your phone went to Whole Foods earlier. I'll still use it, fuck it. Well, that's exciting. And you guys have been together how long?

Starting point is 01:47:16 Seven years now. And what's your best quality that he really got attracted to? Because that's always a difficult thing when you meet at work. You got to hang outside of the work to really see what each other's interests are, what you smell like, what you feel like, right? What's my best quality or his? What's your best quality? My best quality. I just try to have a good time wherever I go. Just try to bring the

Starting point is 01:47:37 good energy. So let's talk about it, Sophie. Very good. So Sophie, you went to a Lakers game, and then what happened? Did you guys hook up on night one? No, it was a Lakers game, and then a week later it was LACMA. LACMA. And then it went down after like two weeks.

Starting point is 01:47:55 After two weeks. Yes. And when it went down, was that at your place or his place? It was at my place. It was my place in Venice. Did you make the first move? I did, I did. It was me. Wow. I think we got Venice. Did you make the first move? I did, I did.

Starting point is 01:48:05 It was me. Wow. I think we gotta switch it up on the men, you know? I think women gotta get after it too. Oh yeah, look at all these sluts out here today. Absolutely incredible. You gotta love it. Gotta love the Kill Tony fan base.

Starting point is 01:48:20 Absolutely incredible. Sophie, what's the most crazy thing about your life that we'd find interesting about you? I recently found out I was related to Napoleon, like Bonaparte. I can see it. The height, the height, I know, Napoleon. That's weird, because you look like one of the kids

Starting point is 01:48:39 from Stranger Things. I heard he's all, you know, he even looked like it too. For sure. What are you and Napoleon have in common? I guess he won like 80% of his battles. I feel like that's what I'm averaging in my marriage, you know, like arguments-wise. Wow, this crowd loves booing shit.

Starting point is 01:49:02 They just love, they're loving me. These guys turn on a nice person very quickly. I love it, Sophie, very interesting. Craziest thing in your refrigerator right now? Good question, Tony. Thank you, Dr. Phil. Sorry, I, you said what? Craziest thing in your refrigerator right now?

Starting point is 01:49:24 And you can say dildo. Don't help her, Dr. Phil. Don't say fucking arowine bag full of cum. No, no, I feel like rotten eggs is probably the worst thing in my fridge right now. You say rotten eggs? Rotten eggs, they're expired eggs I got to throw out. Wow, this audience hates rotten eggs, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 01:49:46 They hate eggs! I don't know. I got nothing crazy in my fridge but eggs. I can't win. Okay, Sophie, do you have any special moves in the bedroom? I keep trying to play with my husband's asshole, but he... Whoa, look at that. He won't let me do it!

Starting point is 01:50:06 I hear this is all the craze. What exactly do you want to do to your husband's asshole? Tell us. When he lets me? Or what? What do you want to do to your husband's asshole? I don't know, I just, you know, maybe caress around the area? Get a finger in? I don't know, like...

Starting point is 01:50:28 There's Red Man's one fart sound effect of the show, everybody. Just do it. Just do it. Don't let him have it. Just go in there. Go for it. All right. Yeah, hesitation meets preparation. Yeah. You got to just... There's no real game plan. You just got to, you know, distract him.

Starting point is 01:50:44 Be like, hey, there's the lead from Grey's Anatomy. And he'll go, huh? And then just put your fist right up inside. I'm gonna do that. Tonight, I'll do it tonight. Sure. After this. From Grey's Anatomy to Brown's Anatomy. Go for it.

Starting point is 01:50:58 Sophie Forcioli. What do you guys think? Big joke book or little joke book? Big? Big one. Book? Big? Big one. Little? Big? Big?

Starting point is 01:51:09 Sophie Forcioli, there you go! There she goes everybody. Sophie Forcioli. Alright, we're going to keep it moving. Your next comedian, if you guys, how many of you watch every single week? Well then you will know that your next comedian, if you guys, how many of you watch every single week? Well, then you will know that your next comedian won this spot that he gets right now on a Random Austin episode

Starting point is 01:51:34 because he is originally from Los Angeles, California. Make some noise for J.P. Hinsdale, everyone. JP Hinsdale, everybody. Los Angeles is own. Wait. Whoa. It is amazing to be home. Fuck yeah. I remember when I grew up here, I was always afraid of things as a kid. I noticed as I got older, my fears have changed. My new fear is microplastics. You know about this? Apparently, there's microscopic plastic in everything that we eat and drink.

Starting point is 01:52:23 We all consume about a credit card's worth of plastic a week. I consume about three because I have bad credit. But there is so much plastic inside of us that's actually mutating our DNA. This is true. There's babies being born today with smaller testicles. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:44 You wanna hear something more fucked up? There's just guys going around measuring baby testicles and nobody's doing anything about it. Like, I guess it's cool that the Catholic Church believes in science, but. In absolutely perfect set. Absolutely fantastic. JP Hinsdale making a little homecoming.

Starting point is 01:53:12 How does it feel to have a set like that at the LA Forum? I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. So I might have had that heart attack we talked about. Yeah, yeah. Well, there's a lot coming out of your body right now. Yeah, it's amazing what's staying in. You look like a jelly roll action figure.

Starting point is 01:53:31 Yeah. An inaction figure more like, but. Absolutely. I like your style JP. Did you invite any family members or anyone? I invited my friend Ragoo. Me and my family are not exactly like tight. What happened? Did you just say I invited my friend Ragoo. Me and my family are not exactly like tight. What happened?

Starting point is 01:53:47 Did you just say you invited your friend Ragoo? Yeah. Is it a jar of pasta sauce? Sometimes. Wow. Cam had a friend that was prego for a second. I love it. So JP, remind us all, what do you do for work?

Starting point is 01:54:08 This. How long you been doing stand-up comedy for? About four years. Okay. How's it going? Honestly, amazing. Yeah. Like, I get, even my life from six months from now, this seems very unreal.

Starting point is 01:54:29 Great. I love it. Tell us how your life has changed. Well I got to, I booked all these shows. I got to be on Moon Tower. That was amazing. I got to meet basically everybody I've ever looked up to in life. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:54:44 Did they book you because they thought you were the moon? Yeah Okay. Yeah, they were disappointed JP I absolutely love it. What the hell else is going on? Were you doing anything special while you're in LA? Yeah, I'm staying in Ventura because that was the last place I live. Yeah This crowd was gonna pop for Ventura hey yeah that's us we fucking love Ventura also I also went back to the source you know when I went to the Bob's big boy I was conceived in oh my god is that a true story yeah I bought a hat and everything.

Starting point is 01:55:25 I needed some luck, you know. What did your parents do it? Unfortunately the boot that they did it in was occupied by a family. Oh god. So me and Ragoo just ate lunch and kind of stared at them weird and they didn't really understand why. Or it's just a really weird orgy yeah you and Raghu just stared at them well cuz I was telling like I was explaining why that that booth was important and I was like man I kind of wanted to like see which stains were my almost brothers and sisters you know sure little family reunion okay that's a beautiful story. Thank you. It's very nice. You know, I have family there, you know.

Starting point is 01:56:07 So yeah, it's like Olive Garden, but it's my own Olive Garden. So your father came inside of your mother's vagina at a booth in a Bob's Big Boy? Yeah. Did they ever explain to you what positions they were in or how this was accomplished? No, I just remember like my mom took me there drunk once and she's like, we made you in that booth. Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 01:56:38 Do you drink with your family? Not anymore. I'm sober. What happened? What'd you do JP? Who'd you hurt or did you hurt yourself? Mostly myself. Not anymore, I'm sober. What happened? Uh... What'd you do, JP? Who'd you hurt or did you hurt yourself? Uh, mostly myself. Yeah. You fall or emotionally?

Starting point is 01:56:52 The doctor was like, man, you need to quit drinking. Yeah. My liver's pretty messed up. What was the worst thing you did while you were drinking? Hit me with some sad music, Red Band. Here we go. The saddest thing. Perfect. I was...

Starting point is 01:57:08 Super sad. I mean, I was... I mean, I was... Sad music, Red Band. I was pretty drunk the night I OD'd, so... Oh shit, do you remember OD'ing? I remember the beginning. What did you OD' on? I thought it was Coke. I remember the beginning. What did you OD on?

Starting point is 01:57:27 I thought it was Coke. You know what that sound means. What? You're relapsing tonight. Congratulations. Should I go towards the light? From our good friends over at Poor Osos, and our friends from Ventura wearing Dodger's hats, this guy right here with the backwards hat

Starting point is 01:57:50 is going to get a bag of cocaine for you right now. Here he is. Well, it's not going to get any better for me, so let's go. That's right. That's right. Okay. JP, a very fun set.

Starting point is 01:58:03 Has anyone ever told you that you look like Tom Sager if you let himself go all the way? Yes, that man sitting to your left. That is true. You wanna hit that button? Shoot a basketball shot. Red man wants you to do, because he's a fucking retarded retard.

Starting point is 01:58:20 There you go. There you go. Pointless for the bit. That's the sound of Tom Sura breaking his arm, everybody. One more time. It's Tom Segura breaking his arm. Nothing gay. All right.

Starting point is 01:58:38 JP, congratulations. You fulfilled the prophecy. You went back to the Bob's Big Boy. Dr. Phil, you got something for JP? Yeah, it was great to see you. You came hard in the paint. You delivered, you were prepared, and you're dressed like a bouncer at a glory hole,

Starting point is 01:58:55 and I respect that. Well, you dress for the job you want. J.P. Hinsdale, everybody. We're going back to the bucket we go. There goes J.P. everybody. Thank you, J.P. Back to the bucket. Your next bucket pull, 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Wendy Cressley, everybody.

Starting point is 01:59:23 Wendy Cressley representing section 23 Wendy Kressley, representing section 233, row seven, seat 10. Oh my god, Valerie Vaughn. Absolutely fucking unbelievable. What a show. You guys having fun out there? Wendy Kressley, 60 seconds, starting now. Oh my god, y'all, there's some beautiful people out there.

Starting point is 01:59:46 Y'all are great. I haven't always been in rooms full of beautiful people. As a matter of fact, I got back down too long ago from a federally funded vacation, AKA federal prison, club fed. And it's one of those things, I did 30 months. So I did 30 months. So I did 24 months in and then six months on house arrest, which I've never been so grateful

Starting point is 02:00:11 to be such white trash in my life. Because when you live in an RV or a trailer park, house arrest is a totally different thing. When your house has wheels, it's not exactly the same sort of punishment, is it? So I always wished for a lot of things when I was a kid, but be careful what you wish for, because I prayed and prayed when I was a little girl

Starting point is 02:00:33 for bunk beds. And it took until I was 37, but I got bunk beds. I was in a federal prison full of women, the biggest federal prison in the country. Guys, shut the fuck up. Wendy Cressley. So yes, the set, very rough, but Wendy, you gave it a shot.

Starting point is 02:00:57 We all wanna know without a doubt, what did you go to federal prison for? Lotta fuckin' talk about prison. Everyone did. I wish I had more street cred, but I introduced two people that did a drug deal. That's not a crime. It is, it's conspiracy laws.

Starting point is 02:01:12 It's the wonderful feds. Hold on a second. Explain to us exactly what happened here, because this sounds like a tremendous amount of bullshit. I swear to God. Sure, but explain the deal. So a friend of mine introduced me to somebody and they asked me if I could get them drugs.

Starting point is 02:01:31 I said, I don't know. I don't have anybody to get drugs from. I said, but I know a guy. And I introduced them for that purpose. What was the deal? What kind of drug were they looking for? Crystal meth. Crystal meth. Yes. And you've never done crystal for? Uh, crystal meth. Crystal meth?

Starting point is 02:01:46 Yes. And you've never done crystal meth? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no? You've never done crystal meth? No, I've done a lot of cocaine, but not crystal meth. Okay. People are booing, not doing crystal meth at this point.

Starting point is 02:02:00 Post Malone is going to do crystal meth right now. He's got an itch, he just can't scratch. Not anymore. Holy shit. I like that you have like a fun Caitlyn Jenner vibe. Oh, thanks. You know? Okay, thank you.

Starting point is 02:02:16 You do, what have you been doing with your life up until this, how long were you in prison for? 30 months total. 30 months and six months of house arrest? Yes. Okay, and what months of house arrest. Yes. Okay. And what did you do with your life before that and what are you doing since then? So before that I had my own business, licensed electrician and home repair, remodel handyman.

Starting point is 02:02:39 Okay. You're a handyman. That makes sense. And so since you're out of prison and everything, you're back at that? I'm guessing. No, I took a COVID, because I was in Texas before, and the laws here are a lot different

Starting point is 02:02:52 when getting certified or getting your, to become licensed, anything. So I just haven't done it. I took a COVID job, like a pandemic job. How long have you been doing standup comedy? Not, it's like my eighth or ninth time. Wow. Well, that's cool.

Starting point is 02:03:09 Good for you. Thank you, I guess. There you go. It's not an easy crowd. Well, congratulations on getting pulled. We're gonna keep it moving. Here's a little joke, but can you catch? Can you catch anything but a charge?

Starting point is 02:03:26 I fucking knew it. There goes Wendy Cressley, ladies and gentlemen. See ya. Way to power through. Now I asked how many of you listen every week, but I'm gonna ask you this. How many of you have been listening for many years? How many of you used to go to shows when we were here in Los Angeles? Well you guys might remember this young legend.

Starting point is 02:03:52 Ladies and gentlemen, here to do a minute, make some noise for the former drummer of Tony, the legend, Joel Jimenez. What the fuck is up, LA? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Good to be here. I'm born and raised out here. I, uh, hell yeah. Okay, shut the fuck up. Let me do my minute. I didn't have the dare program growing up.

Starting point is 02:04:36 I did have a bunch of cholo's saying, smoke this, I dare you. And I did, all of it. And that's just a cool way to tell a stadium of people that I've done methamphetamines I recently found out that Shaquille O'Neal is a cop I don't know if you guys know this you can google it I'm not making it up he's so tall could you imagine what shacks body cam footage looks like It's just a beautiful shot of the LA skyline Fuck yeah

Starting point is 02:05:18 Fuck yeah, the return of Joel Jimenez here in front of fucking The return of Joel Jimenez, here. In front of fucking tens of thousands of people. Welcome back, Joel. What's up, Tony? How are you? I love you, miss you. You're a fucking legend of the game. Last time you were on was the 10-year anniversary episode. No, I came to Austin after that, but it's fine. But you were on the show.

Starting point is 02:05:42 Yeah, I was on the show. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure, whatever. Oh my god, are you okay? I, I was on the show. Yeah. Oh yeah, sure, whatever. Oh my God, are you okay? I think I'm having a seizure. I'm hearing Joelberg's out there. People fucking know me out here. Joelberg, Joelberg.

Starting point is 02:05:56 This is my fucking city. No, I'm kidding. I love it. Joel, what else is going on? Not much, Matt Dorg guy at the Comedy Store. I play in a hardcore band called Mad Peaceful. I got a podcast called Lesser Known Characters with my buddy Chappelle Lacey.

Starting point is 02:06:12 That's about it, you know? You've been keeping up on the drums? Keeping up on the drums. I actually... Wait a second. Tony, baby. Wait a second. Tony, I actually wanted to ask you something. Oh! How many of y'all think we should have a fucking Mexican drama?

Starting point is 02:06:37 Fuck yeah. Well, we've been down this road before. Michael, I think you should go first. Yeah, I got home court advantage. Well, we've been down this road before. Michael, I think you should go first. Yeah, I got home court advantage. Home court advantage, Los Angeles' own Joel Jimenez. You guys know how it works. They each get a fucking drum solo.

Starting point is 02:06:58 If one of them, whoever wins, is the full-time drummer of Killtony. If Michael Gonzalez loses, he has to work the door at the Comedy Store and be in a hardcore punk band. Michael, how do you feel? Let's fucking go. Oh my god, the reigning, defending drummer of Kill Tony. This is a drum solo from Michael Gonzalez! The I'm gonna go ahead and do a little bit of a Oh shit! I'm gonna go with the beat. Wow! Michael Gonzalez!

Starting point is 02:09:24 This place is on their fucking feet. Wow, a true Mexican drum up. Mexican versus Mexican, both of them rocking Lakers jerseys. This is history. In Los Angeles, California. And ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the man that was the drummer for the show for many years. He's toured all around the world with KilToni. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the drum solo

Starting point is 02:09:57 from Joel Jimenez. I'm gonna go get some beer. Yeah! The Oh my god! Oh my god! Ladies and gentlemen, Joel Berg's out of control. We've seen this before. Oh control we've seen this before oh we've seen this oh my god he's sucking his own dick oh my god he's fucking his own face oh he's still drumming oh my god where's he going he's oh my god wait oh my god, where is he going? Oh my god, he's climbing The railing this is ladies and gentlemen, we've never always stroking the dildo. He's stroking the purple dildo By God he put it in his mouth. He's on the rails

Starting point is 02:12:24 He put it in his mouth so that he can climb back down. This is unprecedented, unheard of in the history of the show, ladies and gentlemen. And why am I hard right now? Absolutely incredible. Oh my God, he's still going. He's still going. Oh my God, with a dildo in his mouth, he just broke dance. Yes, that is the Netflix sound effect. Brought to you by Netflix, everybody. You cannot. Ari Schaefer could never. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 02:13:00 He has a bigger dildo in his actual underwear. I forgot he's working with a fucking hog, dude. Yo, if he jumps, that was gonna be the weirdest suicide of all time. I forgot how big his junk is, I also forgot how flat his ass is. That thing is fucking incredible. That's a good ass right there.

Starting point is 02:13:27 Those cheeks clap like an applause break from Aaron Belial. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't know what's... I think we all won tonight. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? How many of you have Joel Berg Joel Jimenez winning? Oh my god Joel, what are we going to do? What is happening? I believe this means Joel, I'm pretty sure you get to fucking drum with us anytime you want. Sounds good. How about we set up two fucking drum sets Sunday night at the sold out YouTube theater. You free Sunday? I can be. Let's fucking do it. Fuck yeah, thank you LA, I love you, peace out. It's on. Let's go. A completely unplanned moment. How about one more time for the return of Joel Berg Joel Jimenez.

Starting point is 02:14:40 Momentum is behind us. The wind is beneath our wings. So now I bring to the stage... We having fucking fun still? Is it okay that the show's running a little long? running a little long? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to do a brand new minute, Kill Tony Hall of Famer, a man famous for his roasting, this is David Lucas. is David Lucas! Yeah. I Talk a lot of shit about gaming But I feel like I can because like I

Starting point is 02:16:18 Feel like I can because like I'm like 10% gay, you know what I'm saying Like I'm not stick a dick in my booty gay, but it's like, if you tell me you got a big ass dick, nigga, I wanna see it, you know what I'm saying? It's like, pull that motherfucker out, you know? You got 13 inches, nigga, let me see. I don't even put it in my hand, you know what I'm saying? Like...

Starting point is 02:16:50 Heavy. I did that joke the other day, and Cam's daddy saw me do that joke And he was like nigga you not 10% gay you 100% gay I Was like bitch, I didn't know you could count to 100 what the fuck All right, that's my time David Lucas, thank you fuck yes David fucking Lucas Unbelievable look at this shit Look at these fucking Lucas. Unbelievable, look at this shit. Look at these fucking people, they love you.

Starting point is 02:17:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:17:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, hell. David, an amazing set. I guess since we found out tonight that you're gay, I guess I have to get fat and black now. We can reverse roast each other. Hey, that's crazy, Tony. You're looking amazing.

Starting point is 02:17:51 What are you taking, homo-zopic bitch? Tony, with that vest on, with that vest on, you looking like a real man. You're looking like a real man. You're looking like a real man. You're looking like a real man. You're looking like. What are you taking homo Zip it bitch? Tony with that vest on with that vest on you look like the only gay nigga in Wakanda bitch what the fuck Tony got a deal domain out of our brain am nigga What kind of fucking black path or as shit is that? Nigga, what the fuck? Oh my God.

Starting point is 02:18:25 Why Tony got that bullshit on, nigga? The black panther, more like the fag panther. You son of a bitch. Hell yeah. You look fantastic. Two types of denim tonight, huh? Hell yeah. You look like Filet Leno. That was me. That was me.

Starting point is 02:18:56 You have a big top half of your body and short legs. And you have a big booty hole with a little body. Like, what are we talking about? You are on fire tonight, my friend. Tony, your booty hole looks like a sewer without the top. Somebody could fall in that motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? Post Malone is here. what's up buddy? Yeah, Post Malone nigga, you look like Kyle Rittenhouse lawyer. Hey bro, just say you shot them niggas, alright?

Starting point is 02:19:40 Fuckin' Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon, you look like Adam Raid without the hat. Or with the hat, sorry, I'm fuckin'- Wait, what? Oh, go ahead, Dr. Phil. Yeah, well, it's nice to- you look like the rapper Type 2 Short, you know what I'm saying? That's a diabetes joke. Oh, God, nigga. We did not need another white man playing Madea movies, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 02:20:05 For sure. This nigga out here. For sure, I never thought I'd get roasted by Shaq's mom. I said Shaq's mom, Shaquille O'Neal. You look like the woman who birthed him. I'll send you an email. Yeah, it's true. David looks like Shaquille Moemiel.

Starting point is 02:20:28 Shaquille Moemiel. That's crazy as hell. My goodness. It's not even February when you dressed up for Black History Month, Tony. What the fuck is going on? What's wrong with you, nigga? Did you drive a Cadillac with 22 inch ribs to the fuck? You're so fucking Black History Month, Tony ate a Popeye's biscuit with his asshole. I was there, it was hilarious. With no lube, nigga, with no lube. He just ate that bitch.

Starting point is 02:20:56 And I, yeah, I did. I actually did that. It sounds like a roast joke, but I did that. Didn't leave a fucking crumb. Give me a cigarette, nigga. I'm gonna smoke it on the live. Light that up. Oh shit. I ain't smoking a cigarette in like, crush?

Starting point is 02:21:14 That's a crush. That's what you do to dinner. Crush is what the insides of his shoes feel. Crush is what the insides of his shoes feel. Crush is what happens at 1245 at your bedroom. I crushed that nigga Tony. It's a good cigarette for you since you retain water like a camel. Hey Tony, I got a question. Can you squirt, bitch?

Starting point is 02:21:43 What the fuck? Squirt, that? What the fuck? Squirt, that's your favorite soda. It is a good soda. Goes great with chips. This isn't the first time I've seen a furnace smoke before. I am getting roasted right now by a gay nigga, a fucking nigga that lives in the woods with no electricity,

Starting point is 02:22:09 a fucking big ass homo. I don't know what. I love Tim Dillon, but nigga, you look like baloney right now, bitch. That nigga look like a gay piece of baloney, bitch. What the fuck going on? Fucking jack off with this nigga. I don't know what this nigga got going on.

Starting point is 02:22:24 Well, I'm just trying to do my best. But David, I do gotta say- Where y'all get this nigga from, bro? Fucking Adam Ray, snap out of it, bro. Well, I tried to come to your family barbecue, but you guys wouldn't let me in. I complimented your pants. I said nice jeans.

Starting point is 02:22:39 I guess you do got some skinny jeans. Fucking Dr. Phil good. Yeah, all right. I'll take that one. Fuckin' Dr. Feelgood. Yeah, all right. I'll take that one. What's good? I love it. You look good though. You look like you were attacked by a Wolverine.

Starting point is 02:22:53 You do look good though, Dave. Have you shaved some LBs? You look like a principal from Saved by the Bell. Shut your motherfuckin' ass up. That's a great show. Saved by Hell with that ball here. David. I haven't smoked a cigarette in like five years,

Starting point is 02:23:04 but I just felt like I need Post Malone is here. That dirty ass, rich ass nigga. Those all sounded like compliments, David. I thought white people were smarter than that. How y'all get this nigga y'all money? That shit is crazy. Post Malone out here looking like a straight nigga. Goat, teeth, hands tatted. How many fucking domestic abuses do you have, postman?

Starting point is 02:23:28 Jesus Christ. You look like you wash your hair with fruit by the foots. Dr. Phil, you look like you wash your hair with a fucking blowtorch, bitch. Get your motherfuckin'ers ass outta here, boy. Hey, you got a BBL on top of your head, bitch. Hey, you got one in the white bitch's booty who bring the sign up here that be like, pick number six. You are.

Starting point is 02:23:59 Fuck, you talking about with that little ass suit on, nigga, you like supposed to be in a casket. All right, well you look like the trucker that they also may get on the truck scale. Yeah. Hit me, hit me Mike. There it is. Hit him one time. David, what's it like for you to be roasting at the sold out LA forum right now?

Starting point is 02:24:19 Have a moment here. Tell these people what the fuck is up. Yeah. This is amazing because a lot of people don't know this man. I left my home in Macon, Georgia at the age of 19 to move to LA to chase this dream. You're from Macon or Bacon? I'm just going to keep going. Where you from nigga?

Starting point is 02:24:51 Hey, hey, Tony from Fag Dad. Not Baghdad, Fag Dad. I didn't want to interrupt your heartfelt moment. Yeah, fuck you nigga. You out here looking like a black preacher's church sock, bitch. Your ass. Fuck you, nigga. You look like Toast Malone.

Starting point is 02:25:16 And you look like Host Malone, bitch. Wait, what? Because that booty hole hosts a lot of niggas. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're the only dude in camo that the people in the back can see you completely fine. It's over! It's over! Give it to him! Hey, Post Malone! Oh no. Hold on, hold on!

Starting point is 02:25:55 You're not gonna try to keep this going, are you? Hey, Post Malone! White Iverson was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, and he was a love-singer, to him. Hey, post Malone. Oh no. Hold up, hold up. You're not gonna try to keep this going, are you? You book two. Hey, post Malone. White Iverson was a love song to Tony. All right. White Iverson. You got a sleeve on, nigga.

Starting point is 02:26:16 Iverson, I have a son is something your father has never said. Pfft. Oh. Oh. David Lucas killed Tony Hall. I remember legend. He's here in Los Angeles this weekend with us.

Starting point is 02:26:32 Make some fucking noise for one of only three, only three in the world, only two alive. Kill Tony Hall of Famer. Yeah. The legend, the roast Massa. Yes. Only two alive. Kill Tony Hall of Famer. I love y'all. The legend, the roast massa. Yes.

Starting point is 02:26:48 David Lucas. If I be in your city, pull up, baby. DavidLucasComedy.com. Love y'all, thank y'all so much. Make some noise for him, it's David Lucas, everybody. I'll get a cigarette. There he goes. David, we love you. Alright.

Starting point is 02:27:08 Oh, look at them hug it out. There they go. Look at this. This is the weirdest BLM rally I've ever been to in my life. We could have solved it all if we did this in June of 2020. Well, we're coming around the corner now. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we should fucking... I think it's about time that we turn the lights down and watch a little video, everybody. The saga continues right now. Here we fucking go

Starting point is 02:27:55 we've got more laughs in that one minute who do you think who do I know it's not who do I think yeah Rick, who? Rick. OK. It was close. It was very close. But I truly thought the muscles from Brussels brought the heat. Oh my god. Oh my god. It all comes down to the audience.

Starting point is 02:28:18 How many of you have Rick Diaz winning this? Yeah. This is that moment. How many of you have Hans Kim winning? When Hans beat Rick, the audience was very clear. Somehow people on the internet still didn't quite believe what happened there. I think Shane and Matt McCusker getting their votes in kinda swayed what was happening to the viewers' eyes.

Starting point is 02:28:50 What surprised me when Rick and I first faced off is the internet reaction. The level of anger they had for me. When Shane and Matt said that Rick had a better set that night, it made me feel like I must have fucked up. As far as I'm concerned, it went amazing. I executed my plan as well as I could have. All things considered, given that a few months before I

Starting point is 02:29:15 was doing open mics in Brussels and I was in an arena in Austin, I think I did pretty good. Did Rick Diaz get perhaps more laughs that night? Sure, but when the audience was deciding these battles originally, that was the one way that we knew how to decide these things. It took a lot of courage for Rick Diaz to put his golden ticket on the line

Starting point is 02:29:41 against Hans Kim's regular ship. Very ballsy move, but in my mind Hans Kim has done this hundreds and hundreds of times. I've seen what he's capable of, I've seen it on the road. I work with Hans a lot and I know him well and raised him from a little Asian boy sleeping in the back of a van to a very well-off, very successful stand-up comedian who's touring constantly and selling out all over the country. Well you guys I'm sorry that I under-performed at the arena. I'd like to

Starting point is 02:30:13 challenge him comedically. And did he respond to you? I'm sure he did. Probably something snarky and mean. Oh wow. Oh my god! What do you think about Hans re-challenging you at the forum? I find it interesting that a winner of a competition challenges a loser. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 02:30:37 But you can admit that the crowd was louder for Hans. You were there. The crowd was louder for Hans. The audience being the only vote in that contest was very controversial. So I think the next one, me, Red Band, and the two judges or the two guests each get a vote and the audience also gets to vote. So it's on at the forum. One minute or three. You guys decide right now.

Starting point is 02:31:01 You guys want to do two? Two minutes. LA Forum, Mates Head, the rematch. Hunsport, I should too. Let's settle it two. And I'm not giving you my role. Two minutes, LA Forum, mate's head, the rematch! Hans Kim vs. Rick Diaz. What's different this time going into it is that I'm more relaxed. Let's fuck this thing bigger enough!

Starting point is 02:31:20 I'm not trying so hard to please the audience. I'm just trying to show them what I've been working on. I'm just humbled by the whole thing. I'm grateful to Tony Hinchcliffe. I'm grateful to Kill Tony. And I'm grateful to the fans. More complex, more intricate. Yes.

Starting point is 02:31:35 Bullshit. Two-dimensional 1940s comedy that we progressed past. Try being yourself, bitch. that we progress past. Try being yourself, bitch. And we are at that moment right now. It's been a long time coming. Everybody's been preparing. You guys know how it works. It's best out of five. We have five votes. Red band votes, I vote, Post Malone votes,

Starting point is 02:32:06 Tim Dillon votes, and the audience votes with a decibel meter, an actual brand new decibel meter. It's gonna pop up on the screen when the noise goes down or whatever. You guys, witnesses here, there it is. It's it 91 95 come on you guys can make more fucking noise than that show it again

Starting point is 02:32:39 all right all right it works so Ladies and gentlemen you guys know how it goes. It's two minute long sets in an unheard of kill, Tony Breakup tradition both of them will get two minutes sets going first of course the man who Controversially took a loss at the H-E-B Center. Doing a two minute long set, this is the long awaited return of Rick Diaz. I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man

Starting point is 02:33:30 I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I I don't drink, I don't do any drugs, I'm unhappy.

Starting point is 02:34:14 I'm 47 years old. My secret? Depression. Every evening I moisturize with tears. Ladies, you get unsolicited dick pics. I get unsolicited medical advice and dick pics. I left my toothbrush at a girl's place. It was my little way of telling her, you know, to use one.

Starting point is 02:34:47 I had a talk with my ex and she told me, Rick, you're like a robot. You have no emotions. And I told her, I think that's a little bit unfair. It's not because you learned to receive emotions a specific way when you were growing up that it means I have no emotions. It just means I express them differently. I think that's a pretty good answer. Thank you, Chad GPT.

Starting point is 02:35:12 My uncle suffered from mental health issues. My uncle heard voices. One day he came to me and he was like, Rick, my voices are telling me I should kill myself. I was like, no, you're fine. That was just me in the bathtub. My buddy called me up the other day, he told me, hey Rick, you wanna hang? I was like, how did you know?

Starting point is 02:35:37 He was like, no, I mean hang together. I was like, the more the merrier. Yeah, I talked to a priest, I told him, I really want to die, but I'm also really afraid to die. And he was like, don't worry my son when you die you will be granted with the gift of eternal life. My ex, my ex did, my ex did two suicide attempts in front of me. She was so competitive. Thank you very much. There it is, all the way to 2 minutes and 20 seconds from Rick Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. Rick, how do you feel like that win?

Starting point is 02:36:26 What are the vibes in here? It's a fucking, it is a tough crowd that you were getting some booze right from the get. You plowed through it. How do you feel? How do you feel Rick? I feel amazing. Yeah. I feel amazing. What was your prep like for this? No, I mean, eight months ago, I never ever in my wildest imagination dream that I could

Starting point is 02:37:00 be at the LA Forum today. I fucking love your attitude. That I would be at the LA Forum today having to rematch your diversity hire. You're also an immigrant, you know that right. I can't hear you. You're an immigrant. Yes sir. You would also be a diversity I can't hear you. You're an immigrant. Yes, sir. You would also be a diversity hire if I hired you. Yes.

Starting point is 02:37:29 Okay. Rick, what was your preparations like for this? What was your process? Well, I've been writing a lot. I've been doing a lot of shows back home. Okay. Try to do a show, bitch. I don't know. Oh, there you go. There you go. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:37:51 Dude, I can't believe I met RFK, dude. Tell us about it. I can't believe he had a dead worm in his brain. Yeah. Yeah. It probably died of starvation. Okay. Oh, yeah. Someone got vaccinated a bunch. I'm so happy to see Dr. Phil again. Yeah. Hey Dr. Phil I saw your impression of Adam Ray the other day. Yeah. It was almost there dude. I love it. Yeah. Rick you look like Harry Potter's sponsor. Yeah. I look like

Starting point is 02:38:24 Harry Potter the extended edition. There you go. I look like Harry Potter's sponsor. Yeah, I look like Harry Potter the extended edition. There you go. I look like Harry Potter failed at magic. Well, Rick. You did great. I don't know I'm not voting, but you came out swinging harder than you did in Austin. I feel like you fucking came out with your dick out tonight.

Starting point is 02:38:40 All right. Well, we gotta keep it moving. I know. I love Los Angeles. Thank you for having me. We're gonna bring you right back up in a little bit. Oh, I got a lot of material in store for you guys if you bring me back up. Okay.

Starting point is 02:38:53 All right. There he goes. He's gonna be right back. That was the set by Rick Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. And now the return of one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show This is hot skill What's up? Hell yeah, LA! Holy shit. It's good to be here. Los Angeles. Thank you, ma'am. Stop booing, it hurts my feelings.

Starting point is 02:39:55 Good to be here, guys. I'm a huge fan of gay people. Okay, I think gay people are the best, because gay people... Gay people are the best, because gay people...... Gay people only have sex with other gay people. Take a lesson, black people. But I understand homophobia, because being gay is only minority group you can enter just by being drunk.

Starting point is 02:40:28 You can't get too drunk and turn Indian. Your friends are gonna be like, dude, you're saying some real Indian shit to me last night. You kept telling me to restart my modem. You kept telling me to restart my modem. I love how, you know, thank you. Yeah, that's... Thank you so much. A lot of people nowadays are worried that immigrants are bringing drugs across the border. Who are these losers buying drugs off immigrants? Who's going up to an

Starting point is 02:41:09 immigrant like, Ola Consuela, Tienes psilocybin mushrooms, Molly Porfavor? I have way better drugs than immigrants. My friend David Lucas recently got canceled for saying a joke about George Floyd, which I don't think makes any sense, because David Lucas is a black life, and I think he matters. George Floyd is dead. It's true, there's a video of it. Technically, he doesn't matter anymore. Thank you, Kia Fora of LA, I love you guys! Oh boy, oh boy.

Starting point is 02:42:12 Hans Kim, two solid minutes. How do you feel right now? I feel great. I got to watch Rick Diaz bomb in an arena. Rick Diaz bombing an arena. Uh... Uh... Somehow I feel like the internet will still make this controversial. I don't think there's any way they can do that after that. God damn right, Hansi. But yeah, I mean, I'm obviously a person that, you know, I'm kind of like a dick or whatever, so sorry about that.

Starting point is 02:42:45 But yeah, I love you guys that like me, but I don't like the guys that have been on Reddit a lot. Jesus Christ. I love it. I gotta shut up. So let's just jump right into it. I don't know, who should go first here? Tim Dillon?

Starting point is 02:43:02 Rick, get back out here. Rick Diaz returning. Come on, Rick. There you go. Here they are. It started with Settlers of Catan, and now the saga is finished. Tim Dillon. I gotta give it to Hans Kim,

Starting point is 02:43:25 the Floyd joke at the end was amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Post Malone, who do you think had the better set tonight? Grab, yep. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:43:36 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll give it to Hans.

Starting point is 02:43:43 I love you, Rick. That was very good, man. I love you, Rick. I love you, Rick. Well, you know what? I'm just to make things interesting, I'm going to go with Rick Diaz, everybody. Just because I'm a showman. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, how about that? Okay, this guy's gonna kill me. For sure. Red band?

Starting point is 02:44:11 I'm gonna give it to Janice. There you go, okay. Red band gets it. I'm gonna give it to Hans. All right, well that pretty much decides it. But, since we have a decibel meter, and things can get controversial on this show Let's go for it. Make some noise. Let's see it on the board. How many of you have Rick Diaz winning?

Starting point is 02:44:38 They love you 103.4 was as loud as I saw it get 103.4 was as loud as I saw it get. It was? All right, if you vote for one, you can't vote for the other. Does that make fucking sense? So one last time, make some noise if it's Rick Diaz that won. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 02:45:00 Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And how many of you have Hans Kim winning? Yes. Yes. By a shocking 10 decibel points.

Starting point is 02:45:23 And in house, ridiculously much louder. Rick Diaz, I gotta say, thank you band. Rick, I have to say you have unbelievable levels of showmanship and fucking courage. You have done a thing that no golden ticket winner in the history of the show has done. And as a sign of respect, as a gift from me, even though you put your golden ticket on the line through all of this, I'm going to let you retain your golden ticket for when you visit Austin, Texas. Rick, you can leave the stage. There goes Rick Diaz.

Starting point is 02:46:12 Hans Kim, I want you to stay up here because there's a little video that's gonna roll that was gonna play whether you won or lost tonight. I want you to watch it step in front of the band. Let's all watch it together. Hans Kim, live at the forum. If you know the words, sing it. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Hans Kim everyone. A lot of people make fun of Asians because we like to eat dogs, which I understand is very shocking because in America dogs are treated like family members, but in Asia we

Starting point is 02:46:55 treat our family members like family members. Wow, look at that. What a way to start the night, huh Hans? You what with a lady? I had intercourse with her. Oh my goodness, that sounds so missionary. And slow and safe. Let's do this shit, Hans Kim.

Starting point is 02:47:15 Live on Kill Tony, yeah! What so proudly we hailed So proudly we hail At the twilight's last gleaming My Asian friends make fun of me Because I like to eat General Tso's chicken They're like, Hans, isn't General Tso just a shitty Americanized version Of something authentically Asian?

Starting point is 02:47:43 And I'm like, yeah, but so am I. Very, very exciting stuff. That was an absolutely incredible set. Would you be willing to be the new regular here on Killtoni? Yes, a thousand times. Oh, here comes one right here. Look at this.

Starting point is 02:48:03 Hit it. Oh wow, look at this! Yeah! Oh my god! He has a fucking Rolex and a hot white girlfriend. It's starting to fucking bother me. How often are you doing little bumps of cocaine? As often as my girlfriend makes me.

Starting point is 02:48:26 Yeah, she's a bad influence. Oh boy, now the plot thickens. I'm a good boy. Nobody believes you, by the way. Do you hear that silence? But something changed a week and a half ago when we decided to start having him challenge every single week for his regularship spot. What we've learned is that it makes Hans Kim perform

Starting point is 02:48:47 a lot stronger, a lot better, because he's fighting for his life. All right, here we go. How many of you have Hans Kim retaining? Well, how many of you think Hans Kim retains again, huh? I had a feeling. It's not even close, folks. I'm not surprised, motherfuckers. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Starting point is 02:49:12 Let's fuck this immigrant up. This is that moment. How many of you have Hans Kim winning? Let's go! This is that moment. How many of you have Hans Kim winning? Ladies and gentlemen, the newest member of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame. Here to present him with his award, the greatest Asian comedian of all time, comedy star legend, the great Bobby Lee! The newest member, the third living member, the fourth member ever joining William Montgomery, David Lucas and Michael Lair, Hans Kim, the newest member of the Hall of Fame, and still kill Tony Regular. The great Yoni Levin presenting the artwork that everybody's gotten.

Starting point is 02:50:51 Hans Kim, what do you want to say? You're here in Los Angeles. I'd like to apologize to absolutely nobody. The non-tumple champion apologizes to no one, but I am sorry a little bit. I could have been better at the HB Arena. But I appreciate you guys so much. I don't deserve this. I love you guys.

Starting point is 02:51:19 Thank you for supporting me. I love you guys so much. This is more than I could ever dream of. I love you guys so much. This is more than I could ever dream of. I love you guys. Thank you. -♪ You want to say something? Say something. -♪ One more time for the great Bobby Lee, everybody. -♪

Starting point is 02:51:43 Good. One more time for Hans Kim, everyone. The place is in chaos. We're running in super-duper overtime, and you guys know how the only way we can fucking close a show like this. There's only one possible way. I present the record holder for all time appearances on the show. The record holder of all time interviews on the show. The Topanga Tarantula. The Ventura Vampire. The Los Alamitos Lesbianos. The Burbank Broiler.

Starting point is 02:52:36 The Memphis Strangler. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Big Red Machine! This is William Montgomery! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 02:53:14 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Back in my day, we had G-Unit and G-Hod. This is my impression of a top 40 DJ hosting a countdown and clocking in at number six, Mariah Carey with Butterfly, a new hit that's right already

Starting point is 02:53:45 flooding the airwaves with that stank-ass pussy. If your dog comes out as trans, you might not be a redneck. In an effort to become more inclusive, the Boy Scouts are changing their name to Scouting America. Inclusive the Boy Scouts are changing their name to Scouting America This will allow girls to experience the same sexual abuse that the boys have Also the tents aren't going to clean themselves Red band so fat on his cheat day he weighs his options On how to kill himself. Okay, that's my time.

Starting point is 02:54:29 One minute, three seconds from the man who's done it more than anyone ever. The undeniable red goat of Kill Tony history. Red Goat of Kill Tony history. William always brings it up a level for these big shows. What are you wearing tonight, William? Hold on, Tony. Hooty Ho! Hooty Ho!

Starting point is 02:54:59 I don't give a fuck! we in Eaglewood, don't ask! No, but yeah, I'm so excited. I actually was in a rave all last night. I haven't TT'd in 24 fucking hours, so I literally can't. There's a zipper on the back. I gotta be so bad right now, but. That's why you're so hard right now. What was that, Red Band? I honestly didn't hear you.

Starting point is 02:55:26 What was it? Go on, do it again. That's why you're so hard right now. I actually have really good compression shorts on right now, if anybody was wondering. Oh! What? What exactly is that outfit, William?

Starting point is 02:55:42 Where do you get something like that? Literally a Ravers outfit. I bought it about a week ago. I got to the hotel today. This literally was $3,000 fucking dollars. It cost me three K to fucking get this thing. It doesn't really fit right. I look like a big fucking pussy up here.

Starting point is 02:55:59 I fucking mess up on one of my jokes. I mean, this is the big time, Tony. And I'm messing up left and right. That fucking little boy won't even look at me. How old are you, dumbass? There is an actual little boy. I didn't notice that the entire, how old are you? Show me with your fingers.

Starting point is 02:56:22 13? Holy shit. Hell yeah. That's unbelievable. Who's that guy with you? He has sex with you or your dad? Oh god. Motherfucker and daughter pounder.

Starting point is 02:56:35 That is the weirdest. What is happening? God, we have the craziest fans on planet Earth. William Montgomery, how does this feel? We're back in LA. When we found you here, literally, you were the most bloated, drunk person a lot of people had ever met.

Starting point is 02:56:58 Now you are sober and bloated. I know, my gut is really bad right now. I don't know what's going on. What has been going on? What have you been doing? I don't know, it's the compression shorts, Tony. That's why my penis looks so small. Let's keep it moving.

Starting point is 02:57:15 What's your diet like, William? What sort of snacks are you chewing on? Huh? What sort of snacks are you chewing on? Woo, couple Oreos in my mouth right now. No, Oreos, I've been eating all kinds of shit, but yeah, it's LA. I mean, I'm literally going to start drinking and doing cocaine tonight at the Comedy Store. I don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 02:57:36 I'm actually going to a rave in a couple of hours. It's almost three years. I'm almost three years fucking sober, but I don't give a shit anymore. I'm drinking tonight, I'm doing blow at the Comedy Store tonight, and nobody's gonna stop me doing that. Tim, do you ever seen an entertainer quite as enthralling as William Montgomery? Absolutely not. Oh my gosh, thank you.

Starting point is 02:58:14 What about Jared Nathan? You were being nice to his fucking retarded ass earlier and he takes it like you're making fun of him. What a dumb ass. No, he was nice. First show I went to, you were there. Yeah. He was there. I can't stop looking at your cock, dude.

Starting point is 02:58:27 I'm so sorry. It is compression shorts, okay? I literally have these really good Nike compression shorts on right now. You look like a ginger xenomorph from Aliens. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He's running around in the pantry. William, you look like what they feed the lesbian giraffes at the zoo. That's a compliment.

Starting point is 02:58:50 Thank you, thank you. No, thank you so much. William, you are a superstar. Go ahead. No, I actually wasn't. I'm just wondering what these people are doing walking out of here right now. I know when I fucking get get up everybody's fucking walking out Nobody knows They probably work for fucking Netflix Holy shit, I

Starting point is 02:59:16 Can tell the fucking Netflix people when I saw them They were watching me pee in the fucking bathroom. I Swear to God they saw my dick earlier, Tony. Oh, fuck. I love it. What else is going on, William? Nothing really, just working on a couple more puzzles, eating my fucking all-brand buds.

Starting point is 02:59:43 I'm shitting really bad right now though, Tony. I swear, I think I look bloated right now because I literally haven't shit in a couple of days. I hate that I bring this up, but it's really bad right now. I'm gonna have to go to the probably fucking Cedar Sinai. I hate it. Isn't that the hospital around here? Amazing, yes, it is the hospital around here? Ha ha. Ha ha. Amazing. Yes, it is the hospital.

Starting point is 03:00:06 Absolutely. Dr. Phil, you and William have bonded recently. Was that you? I can't remember. Well, no, William and I go way back. I met him on Grindr, and then... It was such a love affair right at the very beginning. It's like we couldn't stop kissing each other.

Starting point is 03:00:24 Just your lips, your tongue. It all felt good and then we did a Sudoku in the back of my Hyundai Tucson. Ooh. Ooh. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Only if this 13-year-old child says it's okay.

Starting point is 03:00:43 Oh. Actually, dude, get up here man. No no no no no no no no no no no sit the fuck down Fuck you dumbass Sit the fuck down Jesus Your fucking dad's nasty dude Your dad was getting you up here Turn that way, turn that way.

Starting point is 03:01:20 Oh, hey. What are you doing here? Do you come to this 24-hour fitness lobby often? All the time. What are you doing in here, big boy? Tony, I'm scared. No, seriously, what are you doing in here, big boy? Well, I was going to work out, but I

Starting point is 03:01:37 think my plans have changed. In what way? Fuck you, Post Malone! Fuck you Post Malone! Oh my god! Unbelievable! Oh shit, I think I just got HPV You do that was beard on stash crime Now I do got to say this William and I we go back further than that moment

Starting point is 03:02:38 Okay, you you hit it off with a good friend of mine Elaine do you guys know Elaine a good friend of mine. She made her debut on the Kill Tony show about a month ago, and you and her had a special moment. We did, yeah, it was a hell of a song, and I mean, are we gonna be able to do that? It was a hell of a song, and Elaine can't be here tonight. She's actually in the ER getting a vibrator removed from her asshole.

Starting point is 03:02:58 But I thought since we got a lot of musical talent here tonight, and 25,000 motherfuckers, maybe we could sing this song together. I think you know what I'm talking about. If you know these words, sing along. Get the fuck up on your feet. Can you follow right now? Get on your feet! I've seen everything But tonight is the greatest night of my life We've seen good jokes and bad jokes

Starting point is 03:03:37 And Jews and blacks And that bad guy almost had a heart attack tonight But that's what you get When you sign up for Kill Tony You try your best You hope that on your side is luck And if you strike out, go back home And call me for a titty bug

Starting point is 03:04:07 Everybody! Call me for a titty bug Call me for a titty bug Just the black guys! Call me for a titty bug Just the Asian women! Call me for a titty bug Just Joe Rogan!

Starting point is 03:04:24 Call me for a titty bug. Josh DeRogan. Call me for a diddy fuck. Josh Tony Hinscliffe. Call me for a diddy fuck. Josh William Montgomery. Call me for a diddy fuck. You can touch my head in my back. Call me for a diddy fuck. Kia Forum will be right back.

Starting point is 03:04:40 Kia Forum will be right back. Kia Forum will be right back. For a diddy fuck. For a diddy fuck. We'll be right back! I can't remember myself. What? Call me, call me a titty bug. I said call me. Call me for a titty bug. Call me, call me for a titty bug. Call me for a titty bug. You can call me Titty Bugs. You can call me any time of the night.

Starting point is 03:05:26 Just call me for a Titty Bug. You know that it's right. I said a love song. Call me for a Titty Bug. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Call me for a Titty Bug. Call me. Call me.

Starting point is 03:05:41 Call me. Los Angeles, we love you. Yeah. Call me for a me, call me. Los Angeles, we love you. Call me for the TV. Call me for the TV. Thank you to our new director, Anthony Giordano, in Notorious Productions. Thank you to the Comedy Store, where it all started, huh? Peter Shore, Mitzi Shore.

Starting point is 03:06:04 One more time for both of them alone! Tim Dillon! Dr. Phil! Afro 90! Nicole Tran! Let's see the art from Ryan J. Ebell! Awesome! I bet it won't come undone I bet it won't come undone Call me, call me Call me, call me

Starting point is 03:06:33 Call me, I bet it won't come undone Call me, call me Call me, call me Call me, call me So Wilkenfeld! Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Chris Rogers, Ryan J. E. Felt. Follow the great Heidi at GinaAA.HG. Follow Valerie Vaughn on Instagram and get in the car underscore.

Starting point is 03:07:06 Daniel Mandelman on the keys, Matt Mueling on the electric, Jet Ski on the horn, D-Mandus on the bass guitar, Los Angeles, we love you, thank you, good night. I love you guys! I'm gonna tell you a love song Call me a fucking love song Call me a fucking love song A fucking love song A fucking love song Call me a fucking love song Call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, call me, Call me for a T.V. book

Starting point is 03:08:09 Call me for a T.V. book You gotta call me Call me for a T.V. book Thank you to the Comedians and thank you to you guys, the best comedy bands in the world. We love you, thank you, goodnight! Call me for a titty bug, titty bug, titty bug You know what to do Call me for a titty bug, titty bug, titty bug Yeah!

Starting point is 03:08:41 Call me A titty bug Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah! I did it for you Call me for a T.D. book Call me for a T.D. book Call me for a T.D. book Call me for a T.D. book Call me for a T.D. book Call me for a T.D. book Yeah! Call me for a T.D. book

Starting point is 03:09:22 T.D. book, a T.D. book Yeah! I'll be born a teeny bug, a teeny bug, a teeny bug Yeah A teeny bug A long song I'll be a teeny long song A long song Oh, yeah It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah

Starting point is 03:10:09 Oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah I need a dark soul On me Alright I need a dark soul Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 03:10:54 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. Music.

KILL TONY - #666 - POST MALONE + TIM DILLON + DR PHIL (ADAM RAY)

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