KILL TONY - #687 - JOE DEROSA + CHRIS DISTEFANO

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Starting point is 00:01:18 Everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to Death Squad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. ["Kill Tony Theme"] Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony Echclan! Who's ready for the best fucking Monday night of their lives? Huh? Yeah, baby.

Starting point is 00:02:09 Oh my goodness. Mama, we made it. You are here. You guys did it. You're here. This is the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you this week by Hello Fresh and Mando. Make some noise for Red Band, everybody.

Starting point is 00:02:29 Hi. We've been doing this a long time. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land? On the horns, the great Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raúl Vallejo, and Michael Gonzá Gonzalez on the drums. Over here, we have Matt Mueling on the electric guitar, playing a brand-new guitar,

Starting point is 00:02:54 thanks to John Page Classic and the leader of the band in Undeniable Force. This is the great John B's on the keys, everybody. -♪ Whoo! -♪ This is the great John B's on the keys, everybody. Deep madness is playing by himself at another venue that nobody knows about because he's blind. You know what I'm saying? We have a fun show lined up for you.

Starting point is 00:03:19 Before we get started here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. This podcast is brought to you by Send the Vote folks election days coming up on November 5th and there's a website sendthe vote.org slash Tony that makes registering to vote easy. All you have to do is head over to sendthe vote.org slash Tony and they'll help you sign up register and check if you're all set.

Starting point is 00:04:01 You can also text Tony to three22 that's 33022 to learn more. That's T. O. N. Y. To 33022 thanks to send the vote for sponsoring this podcast. Are you guys ready for the best fucking show you've ever seen? Here we go. Anything can happen. I lined up two of the funniest guests that we've ever had on this show, two of the funniest guests in the world, two of my favorite comedians, legends of New York, here quite often because Austin is the new comedy capital of the world.

Starting point is 00:04:35 Ladies and gentlemen, your guests tonight, two of the greatest, make some noise for Chris DeStefano and Joe DeRosa. -♪ Joe DeRosa! Oh, yeah, baby. 226 sign-ups and two of my favorite guests of all time. What's up, Chris?

Starting point is 00:05:02 Hello. How you doing? Feeling good? Absolutely. Absolutely. You look good. We're gonna have some fucking fun tonight. Yeah, beautiful crowd. There it is, great hat.

Starting point is 00:05:12 This guy wearing a fucking Gucci bucket hat up here. I know, dude. You really look like an idiot. Yeah, it's unbelievable. But it's good, you're owning it, and it's about confidence. Yeah, dude. Wow. No, don't pull it down, it makes it worse. But it's good, good for owning it and it's about confidence. Yeah, dude. No, don't pull it down, it makes it worse.

Starting point is 00:05:25 But it's good, good for you. That is an incredible hat. Joe DeRussell, what do you think about how dumb this fucking guy looks? What do the GGs on it stand for? Wow, you're so poor and cheap. It stands for, the GG stands for gay guy. That's how I know what it means.

Starting point is 00:05:45 Wait, what do the GG stand for? Gucci. Gucci, Papi. You fucking free t-shirt wearing motherfucker. You bought that? I like that you're wearing the thing your dad bought you at the game. Don't fucking start. We just got out here. Oh, Michael's playing those drums.

Starting point is 00:06:04 Oh, he did not like me saying he just works out and plays the drums. He's like, do do do do do do do do. One joke on Tony, just, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Jesus Christ fucking spicy quesadilla tonight, huh? Woo wee. Brrrr, brrrr, brrrr. All right. Fucking unbelievable. Oh, your dad bought you a shirt,

Starting point is 00:06:35 Michael just do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Shut the fuck up back there, you motherfucking. It's like a Tommy Lee solo. I made a joke about Michael during the commercial break and he's getting his revenge over here. I got my eyes on you, dude. All right. 226 sign ups tonight. The show is absolutely out of control. They're all waiting in a bar across the street.

Starting point is 00:07:03 I pre-pull a name and one of our lovely lovely human beings goes and wrangles them from the bar across the street in the meanwhile you know how it works if I put and bring them up they get 60 seconds uninterrupted you know their time is up and you know the sound of a kitten that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear ooh fans of the kitten here tonight. Oh, it's Heidi. Heidi came up.

Starting point is 00:07:28 Wow, I was wondering why the cat got a standing ovation in the room. Just wondering why all the guys have boners. Wasn't the sound of it. I thought you guys were just diehard fans of the show popping for the cat, but turns out it was pussy. All right. While we wrangle our first bucket pull

Starting point is 00:07:47 from across the street, ladies and gentlemen, we have a amazing golden ticket winner who we've watched grow on the show for about, geez Louise, five or six years. We originally found him in Houston, Texas, when he was just a very young buck, and here with a brand new minute, getting the standup comedy portion of the show started this is a brand new minute from

Starting point is 00:08:08 golden ticket winner the adorable and likable and lovely make some noise for Enrique Chacon ladies and gentlemen here we go yo yo yo what's up, motherfuckers? How we feeling tonight? Hell yeah, man. I had to stop driving Uber Eats because I started abusing my own supply. Hands the weight gain. And if I'm your Uber Eats driver and I've been dropping off McDonald's at your shitty college campus and you're only tipping me 86 cents?

Starting point is 00:08:45 I'm sorry, bro, but I would put my dick in your fish sandwich, dude. At that point, that ain't tartar sauce anymore. That's Tres Leches now. You wondering whether McDonald's tastes so good this week, where's this new recipe coming from? Oh, it's coming. It's coming from south of the border, bitch.

Starting point is 00:09:05 But, yeah, man, this is how I knew I got fat from Uber. I knew I got fat because my girlfriend, she spontaneously started sucking my titties in the bedroom, bro. Big guys, anybody else get their titties sucked, dude? Man, dude, she started sucking my titties so good, bro. And ladies, I understand now. I was trying so hard not to moan.

Starting point is 00:09:24 Mm! Mm! Mm! And then she really started sucking, bro. And I turned into like that, man. Jesus Christ. Coming with your titties getting sucked on, nutting on someone's fish sandwich. Chris looks like he's into it, bro.

Starting point is 00:09:54 He keeps fucking nodding. Yeah, 100%, dude. He knows I'm in. Oh, bro. Just letting you know I am a man, you know what I mean? Right. You kind of look like Elliot Page if he was fat Mexican. You know what?

Starting point is 00:10:07 I'm so illegal. I don't know who the fuck that is, but I'll receive it, dude. Transphobe. Joe, they wrote some- You drive, you work for Uber Eats, you look like you eat Ubers. Bro, dude, I was so abusing about Uber Eats orders, Joe. Joe, you look like the stepdad that sent me to Fat Camp, bro. I don't know, dude.

Starting point is 00:10:26 It feels a little hostile. But yeah, man, I'm a big fan, bro. I used to do the Secret Group, and that's the club that I started in, bro. But, um. Oh, that's great, man. Yeah, man. Thank you for the compliment.

Starting point is 00:10:36 Joe DeRosa. Yeah, Joe named it after his sexuality. Hey, you know what? I can't speak to that, bro, because you know, I have a non-binary face, dude. I can't fucking speak to that shit. You really do look like Restela Alonzo. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:50 Looks pretty binary to me. I bet there's been a lot of ones and zeros that sat on that face. Oh. Ooh. Ooh, a smart binary joke. I mean, you know, no big deal. Who's keeping track of... Who's keeping track of how I'm like it? You know what, dude? I'm an avid, no big deal. Who's keeping track of... Who's keeping track of how I'm fucking?

Starting point is 00:11:09 You know what, dude? I'm an avid ass eater, bro. Fuck it, bro. Okay, what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no one even brought that up, but all right. I was gonna guess ass was one of the only things you didn't eat, but here we are, clearly. Everything is on the menu, Tony. There's calories, a heavy caloric asshole you're eating out there.

Starting point is 00:11:27 A lot, man. As he wipes the sweat from his morbidly- At this point, this is a fucking prop, dude. Cause it's wet too. What? Yeah, exactly. Why is it a prop? Explain what you mean.

Starting point is 00:11:41 Oh, like, dude, every time I do a punchline before the punchline, I wipe, dude, you know what I'm saying? And then I drop the punchline, bro. Is that whole thing just soaked? Is the back as wet as the front? It's not as wet as my back, but you know what I'm saying? It's almost there, Tony. There you go.

Starting point is 00:11:58 It's almost there, dude. You took the ball and you ran with it, little Enrique, my little tiny baby boy. You know what I mean? Whenever you wipe the sweat off, does the crusted Cinnabon cream rehydrate? And I'll save it to go and put it in my microwave later, you know?

Starting point is 00:12:15 Hell yeah, dude. Oh shit. It looks like you've been wiping your hairline off, you know? Oh! Oh! I'm sorry, Doug! I'm sorry, Doug!

Starting point is 00:12:24 I'm such a Chuck! I'm sorry, Chuck! I'm such a huge fan of you, I had to get one in, man. Oh my God. I deserve that, and I'll take it from the person this room was named after. The Fat Man. And all these people came inside me, so yeah. Oh my God, you dirty little fucking beach ball bitch. Enrique, you're a little wild

Starting point is 00:12:49 boy. So what else? You really doing Uber Eats now? Is that what's happening? I had to stop doing it. I did it for like a week and I was like, man, fuck this shit. Cause I had some time before I hit the road on the weekend. But yeah, that's when I started doing it. And you're just driving around, you're picking up, you smell the food, Henry, okay? You're driving around and you're smelling it. So my weight gain is not my fault, dude. It's Uber Eats.

Starting point is 00:13:09 You look good though, dude. You look good. Yeah, what are you, what are you, what are you talking about? He's saying he doesn't, you know, he's hating on himself. He's not fucking, it's not that bad. You know, how old are you? Hey, 28. You're gonna make it to, you'll make it to 30.

Starting point is 00:13:24 Okay. It's not terrible. You know what, how old are you? 28. You're going to make it to, you'll make it to 30. OK. It's not terrible. Hey, Chris, you sound like my planet fitness trainer, Doug. I know. I know, dude. You look like a planet. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 00:13:36 Fuck yeah, bro. All right. What do you do? Do you do anything to work out at all? Man, my ass has been sore all day, bro, but not because of any gay shit, dude. I've been biking, right? And dude, man, my taint is destroyed right now, bro. Why would that be?

Starting point is 00:13:52 I don't know. This seat, man, something about the seat just makes my ass look like a straw. What are you on, a fucking unicycle? What are we talking about here? The seat of your car? No, I've just been biking. I've been biking like six miles, five miles a day, you know? I'm just playing every other day, bro.

Starting point is 00:14:07 I'm not biking six miles a day. That's incredible. But yeah, dude. I'd love to see those tires. Have you seen a Ford F-150 outside, bitch? Oh my goodness, it's a low rider. But yeah, I was biking with my disabled friend. He has some bum knee, bro.

Starting point is 00:14:23 He said we were going to do 15 miles. I was like, fuck it. If he's disabled, I could biking with my disabled friend. He has some bum knee, bro. He said we were going to do 15 miles. I was like, fuck it. If he's disabled, I could do it. Hell nah, he beat me, man. He beat me. Dude, Stephen Hawking could beat you. I fucked his ass up, bro. He's dead, but.

Starting point is 00:14:37 Anything else crazy going on in life, Enrique? Yeah, man. Since I quit my job, I've been hitting the road pretty hard. So I booked out to December, so that's fucking good news. Look at you. Yeah, man. Just out here doing it, bro, taking all these little clubs.

Starting point is 00:14:53 I've been on the road with Heath Cordes and Rick Diaz. I love it. Yeah, man, we have a few dates, but we did Philadelphia last week, bro, and that shit was cool. We ran up the Rocky steps, you know where Rocky was doing his shit. I was just playing. I didn't run it. Yeah, you took the Rocky road.

Starting point is 00:15:10 You son of a bitch. I know what I'm getting on my Uber Eats order later tonight, dude. Can I give you a tip of advice? For a man that sweats the way you do? Wear one shirt. Hey, look, man, it's either sweat or titties, bro. And I don't see any dollar bills. Oh, my goodness. Wow.

Starting point is 00:15:36 Do you live in around here? Yeah, I live in Austin. This weekend, I'm doing shows in Dallas. Do you want to do a spot on one of the shows? Oh, look at that, Enrique? Oh, look at that Enrique. Hey, look at that. Got a real gig out of it. Amazing stuff.

Starting point is 00:15:49 There he goes. Enrique Chacon, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. All right. And the show has begun. Someone just got a real spot at a real club this weekend. Sold out show with Chris DiStefano. How cool is that?

Starting point is 00:16:04 Amazing. We're gonna stock up the green room for him. We'll get him going. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You're gonna me too that kid. What?

Starting point is 00:16:12 You're gonna me too that kid. I know he does have a nice fat ass. It's a me trace. Me too. Me dose. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, here we go. To the bucket we go. Your first bucket poll of the night, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 00:16:30 This is where we meet someone all together. Anything can happen. Could make them a star. They could embarrass themselves. They could be great. They could suck. Their minute might suck, but their interview could be great. Their minute could be great.

Starting point is 00:16:42 Their interview might suck. Ladies and gentlemen, the whole thing is improvised. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket full of the night. Emily Wade, everybody. A new minute from Emily Wade. What's up, Kill Tony? How we doing tonight?

Starting point is 00:17:04 My name's Emily Wade. I'm 26. My dad's 66. And recently he married a Ugandan mail-order bride who's younger than me, which has been great for my mental health. Let me tell you that. Um... Uh...

Starting point is 00:17:24 Which is great for my mental health. Most people go to sleep at night, they count sheep. They count cows jumping over the moon. Me? I count the amount of times my dad's gotten sloppy from somebody who's still watching SpongeBob on repeat. And I come every time, let me tell you. He does all this shit for this bitch that he never did for me. He paid for her rent, he paid for her car, he paid for her college.

Starting point is 00:17:46 I had to drop out twice because I couldn't afford to go back to school. If I had known that's all it would take, I'd have sucked the fuck out of my dad's dick years ago. Talk about a full fucking ride. Now don't worry, my dad knows I do that joke. He actually came up to me after my set. He goes, Emily, I just want you to know,

Starting point is 00:18:06 everything you said tonight is absolutely true. How would you feel about going back to college? And I'm excited to announce I'll be starting at UT. Okay, the bear has come out, a full set, and then some from Emily Wade. Hello, Emily. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe. How do you feel after that? Um, you know, I shouldn't have stopped for 10 seconds,

Starting point is 00:18:31 but it is what it is. You did do that, and there's nothing you can do to change that. That is incredible. It will live in history, and you're realizing it and still living in it right now. I can... The same nervousness that happened that made that happen still exists right now to you.

Starting point is 00:18:50 Oh, I'm in it. I love it. How long have you been doing stand-up, Emily? I've been doing comedy for a year. One year. Are you from here in Austin? I'm originally from Boston. I just moved here from Miami, Florida.

Starting point is 00:19:02 Originally from Boston. You just named two places that nobody likes. Congratulations. Absolutely amazing. Amazing. What do you do for a living, Emily? I have a standup comedy podcast with my best friend called Two Girls, One Blunt Podcast.

Starting point is 00:19:18 Okay, there you go. For those of you that like unbelievable breaks of silence during your podcast, be sure to listen to that one. Or you can listen to nothing. It's kind of the same thing. Guys, what do you think about Emily? I actually, Emily, I thought the most important part of your set, and I'm not being funny,

Starting point is 00:19:34 I thought the most important part. We know. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. You know, let me tell you something. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:19:44 Let me tell you something. This guy calls me 30 minutes ago, goes, I'm in a jam, can you please come down here for the show? I did not say I'm in a jam. You said you're in a pickle. But that was up your ass. I come down, you shit all over me. I mean, what the fuck? I come down, you shit all over me.

Starting point is 00:20:05 I mean, what the fuck? Joe, we're 10 minutes into the podcast. You can't have it all melt down already. Oh, this is the whole one. A fun fact, there's no way you could know, but Joe and I drink together a few nights a week. We have an outrageous amount of fun. Yes, yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:23 Are we going to drink tonight a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Are we talking about having sex? All the hurt goes away at the bar. Yeah. No, I was gonna say this. I actually thought the most important part of your set was when you did stop. No, I'm serious. I'm very serious because it was you going, fuck, and it was you were like, no, fuck, we're, eh. And you took a minute for you, or 10 seconds for yourself. And that's important. You'll go, as you grow as a comic, you'll learn how to do that

Starting point is 00:20:50 and not show it as much to the audience. But that's important that you had that comfort level, called nervousness, whatever, that you were able to go, you know what, no, fuck it, hold on, give me a second. I gotta, whatever, I don't know. I thought that was good. And I think you have... Go ahead, Claout. Wow. And I also think that you have great premises, and this is advice somebody gave me once,

Starting point is 00:21:12 and it changed the way I wrote. You have great premises. Yeah, the advice Joe got, and then he stopped doing comedy and opened up a sandwich shop. So... That was the advice. That was the advice. They were like, please do something else. They're like, you know what would be better?

Starting point is 00:21:27 I'd call cuts. I am this close to opening a hot dog stand. Fucking try me. I honestly, I honestly thought. ["I'm Not a Hot Dog Man"] Perfect. I honestly, Emily, I thought, I thought, one year you've been doing it?

Starting point is 00:21:45 Yeah. Yeah, I think like that it's amazing for you to even come up and be able to do this and then to recover, you know, after you stop and recovery, it was amazing. And I just, you know, I really think you're awesome and me, you know, me and your dad would love to hang out with you after this. I'm trying to get into UT Austin, so let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. No, but I was going to say, you have these great premises with this real story. Don't go for the shock value, not true punchlines.

Starting point is 00:22:14 Explore the truth of it, and there's a lot of really funny shit in there. You know what's crazy? Everybody says that, but I'm a 12-year-old boy at heart, and I think about sex all the time, so is that not my truth? With your dad, that might be a problem. What? I don't know. I can't. We can't get too deep on this. Jesus.

Starting point is 00:22:33 I got hard and soft at the same time there. I'm a 12-year-old boy, and then what a crash after that. You know what I mean? Uh, yeah, people tell you that, comedians tell you that, is what you're saying. Yes, sir. Comedians that are a lot more experienced than you

Starting point is 00:22:52 and wildly successful, probably. Yes. Yeah, so I would listen to them. Maybe there's some truth to it. So let's talk real first, second, about this Ugandan woman that your father is, uh... Yeah, my stepmother. That's your stepmom.

Starting point is 00:23:05 They got married. Wow. Yeah. Is she... Hot, yes. She's a hot, very black woman. Yeah, very thick. My dad's a chubby chaser.

Starting point is 00:23:15 He loves to overshare, he's always like, Emily, I love thick, woody bitches. They called me a chubby chaser. I was like, Dad, why didn't they just call you a f*** it? Like normal kids. Here it is. Here it is. That's an interesting f*** it like normal kids. Here it is. Here it is. That's an interesting f*** it drop there.

Starting point is 00:23:29 I like to save a good f*** it for a good time. I don't know why chasing a thick girl would make him a f*** it. Are they f***ed here as your stepmom and dad hear? In the country. Well, like, they didn't come to watch you? No, they did not come to watch me, unfortunately. That's wild. This woman would rather stay in a Ugandan village than watch you in the country. So she lives here now.

Starting point is 00:23:52 Oh, she does? Okay. Yep, she moved in with my dad. He paid for her visa, too. He paid for her visa? Okay. Wow. Okay. But that's nice. So he seems like a good guy. Yeah, I wish he gave me more, except for abandonment issues. But here we are. Right. Well, you got to take what you can get.

Starting point is 00:24:13 So what was it like when your dad brought home Aunt Jemima for the first time? What do you mean? It's a black woman. What show do you think you'll win to tonight? What do you want me to bring out Jimmy Fallon right now? You want to hear a 10-minute monologue from Jimmy Fallon? And let me do my fucking answer, my reference.

Starting point is 00:24:35 How did you feel? Can you ask the question again? No, it is really. There was no... I just wanted to do that joke. Fuck, I need joke plays. Go ahead. What was the joke? Well, he said, no, it's fine. You can't explain a joke.

Starting point is 00:24:46 That's fucking gay. Why not? Well, what's amazing is that you're so white. You're like this angelic doll type of white trash doll. Yeah. My dad does live in a trailer. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:00 Wow, with a Ugandan. With a Ugandan. She moved out because it wasn't nice enough for her. So he bought her a visa. Wait, she moved... Hold on. She moved out of the... Where did she go? I mean, she started in a mud hut. She moved to a trailer, and she's like,

Starting point is 00:25:14 no, I need a high rise. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Well, Emily, congratulations. You got the show started out of the bucket. Here's a little joke book. Oh, wow, that was amazing. It almost went in Joe's can of liquid death. It almost.

Starting point is 00:25:30 Thank you. There she goes, ladies and gentlemen, Emily Wade, and it has begun. You get it. Good job, Emily, good job. Anything can happen. Someone could make it on this show or what you just saw could happen to you.

Starting point is 00:25:43 You could go silent. The pressure can get to these people. Make some noise for your next bucket full of brand new minute from Chris Rees, everybody. Chris Rees. So I was thinking the other day, just pondering, just thinking to myself, were there any retarded kids on Epstein Island?

Starting point is 00:26:09 Like, do you think there was retarded kids on Epstein Island? Yeah? And can I ask you another question? Do you think it's better to molest a normal kid or a retarded kid? You don't have an answer? Pussy. I'll tell you, because there is a right answer.

Starting point is 00:26:30 It's retarded kid, for sure. You agree? It's retarded kid for two reasons. Reason number one, they're too goofy to testify. Where do you touch you? I like fire trucks. And reason number two, a lot more drool. Yeah. I don't know if you ever fuck dry a kid hole,

Starting point is 00:27:01 but it's annoying. Holy shit. Chris Reeves. I feel like all that material was written by you trying to actually, like, molest kids. Mm-hmm. Okay, wow. You gotta do the research. Wow. All right.

Starting point is 00:27:28 Holy shit. How are you, Chris? You've been on this show before? Yeah, I've done this show a couple times. I've been doing good lately. Yeah, how old are you? I'm 25. 25, how long you been doing stand-up?

Starting point is 00:27:37 Seven years. Seven years. Wow. So you started when you were 18? Yes, sir. Were you ever molested? Oh, we've talked about this a couple times. Hell, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:49 Really? Goddamn right. Molested and proud. Mm-hmm. Wow. I'm one of those retarded kids I was talking about. Yeah, it seems like it. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:28:01 I don't remember our molestation talks. I thought it was a risk asking that question. Yeah. What we talked about, it just got really sad. Okay. All right. Why did it get sad? I don't know. Did you get sad? No. No, you like it. Yeah, I was having fun since I got molested.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Right. Exactly. You enjoyed it. I was jerking them off. I'm like, yes. All right, Chris. All right, Chris, settle down. Tony, where does comedy go from here? Where, what's happening? I'm fucking my dad, molesting retarded kid. What's happening?

Starting point is 00:28:36 Remember a guy would come out and talk about Tide? Something. I feel like we're all going to get like subpoenaed one day. People are like admitting crimes. You got the pino part right. That's true. So Chris, tell us more. What are you doing for work? What's going on with your life? I live in San Marcos and I'm a cook at a Torchies right now.

Starting point is 00:28:58 Wow. Holy shit. All right. Yep. Okay. So halfway to hell. Hell, yeah. This is incredible. What do you love about your life? What do you do for fun other than stand up?

Starting point is 00:29:09 What do I love about my life? Other than stand up? I don't really like the stand up part that much. Why don't you like stand up? I don't know, I live with my best friend. Hold on, tell us about what you just said. Why don't you like the stand up part that much? Ah, it's just too many fucking weirdos, dude.

Starting point is 00:29:25 You're one of them. That's why. You mean there's too many people trying? The scene is overwhelmed with a lot of people. The open mics aren't quite as open as they once were. You've been here for a bit, right? A few years. Where are you originally from?

Starting point is 00:29:40 I'm from Tacoma, Washington. And how long have you been in Texas? I moved here about four years ago. Okay. Yeah. So you've watched the explosion. Mm-hmm. And what you're talking about is that, what, you get less spots? How does this affect you?

Starting point is 00:29:53 Oh, no, it's just too many people. I don't like being around a lot of people who have social anxiety, I guess. Well, you picked the right industry for that. Yeah, for sure. It's tough. There is a lot of competition. You got to do things to stand out. So I would suggest showering.

Starting point is 00:30:07 I do. You do. He's got good hair. Oh, thank you. I like it. It is. I mean, it doesn't look clean, but that's kind of like a look. No, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:17 You know? Right? Lean into it, dude. Lean into it. Lean into it. Oh, yeah. I won't take showers anymore, dude. Yeah, dude. Fuck it. What's the difference? The most handsome guy on stage is telling me not to take showers. Lean into it. Oh yeah, I won't take showers anymore, dude. Yeah, dude. Fuck it. What's the difference?

Starting point is 00:30:25 The most handsome guy on stage is telling me not to take showers. Yeah, dude. Absolutely. To the kids, yeah. What... How old's your roommate? How old is my roommate? He's like 32. He works here. It's Adam Lucky. Oh, okay. Yeah, we know Adam very well. Okay. So, what do you guys do for fun? You love being his roommate so much. You guys play video games?

Starting point is 00:30:47 I watch him play video games. We watch movies all the time. You guys smoke pot together? No, I don't smoke pot. You don't? You look like that? Yeah. That's amazing.

Starting point is 00:30:56 By the way, you saying, I watch him play video games was creepier than the retarded kid show. Yeah. Sober, too. Kim play video games was creepier than the retarded kid show. Yeah. Sober, too. You're just sober sitting there, just watching him play video. Like, good job. That's fucking scary, dude.

Starting point is 00:31:15 Why are you sober? Why am I sober? I just don't smoke weed. I do everything else, pretty much. Oh, OK, wow. Look at that. Amazing. Why do you have all the mar- you have, look, you get bit by bugs?

Starting point is 00:31:25 You have like- No, I'm a cook, so I burn myself a lot. Wow, you burn yourself a lot. That's incredible. It's amazing. It seems intentional. You're bad at it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:36 It's amazing. Somewhere out there, Emily orders some tacos. This fucking guy burns himself making them and Enrique picks them up and delivers them. What a weird world we're living in where you know the life of your bucket pulls throughout the day. All right, Chris. Well, you already have a joke book? Yes, sir. Okay. Well, there he goes. Chris Rees. Let's keep it moving along. Now let's fly through it. You guys having fun out there, huh? All right, your next comedian's been on before.

Starting point is 00:32:06 Make some noise for the return. A brand new minute from Chen, ladies and gentlemen. The return of Chen. We know Chen. My friends used to call me gay. When I came out as trans, they begged me to go back. My friends used to call me gay. When I came out as trans, they begged me to go back to being gay. Apparently, if you suck a dick, it's pretty gay.

Starting point is 00:32:36 But if you're sucking a dick while wearing a dress, that makes it super gay. that makes it super gay. Laughter Sometimes people ask me, hey, are you trans? And I will go, yes. But if you guess it wrong, I'll have to fist you. Laughter

Starting point is 00:33:00 And lastly, it's not easy being trans. So sometimes I joke with my boyfriend about how much easier it would be for me to transition from a taker to a giver. He immediately offered to help me transition from alive to dead. Thank you. Fuck yeah, Chen. Having the Texas crowd very confused right now.

Starting point is 00:33:28 I love it. There's nothing people from Texas love more than a transeskimo coming up and talking about sucking dicks while wearing dresses. This is incredible. Chen, welcome back to the show. Yes. Good to see you again. We see each other a lot around. You're always up and down 6th Street. So welcome, welcome. You've been on the show multiple times.

Starting point is 00:33:55 And how is it going? I've been doing comedy but I'm actually also doing a DJing on every Tuesday night shows next door at Shakespeare's. Okay, what type of music do you play? Do you start with like cool manly stuff and then get into female stuff as the night goes on? No, I actually have different tracks for different... Like, so obviously I have to have all the ethnic stuff, right? Like low riders if a Mexican gets on or like some of... Is that how it works?

Starting point is 00:34:27 Yeah. Just wait to see who walks in? Yes. And it's kind of messed up because sometimes I look at the guests, the list of comedians, and then it's like suddenly they have a drop in and that was just about to hit one ethnic song and they were like, nope, not that one. Right. So what would you play if these two blatant white guys that look like they holstered their guns in their truck before coming here into this place?

Starting point is 00:34:55 What would you play if they were, what do we got? Santaria or... Look at that, they're both nodding yes. They like this idea, you got them. But nodded at the same time like, yeah. And the other one would be, depending on how goofy they look, sometimes I play the new Scooby Doo theme song for them. Wow, look at you.

Starting point is 00:35:18 Scooby Dooby Doo. But wait, I don't understand. You're saying you play songs when people walk into the bar? No, no, no. This is for comedians going up and off stage. So like introduction music. They do shows at Shakespeare's? Yes. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. I wish I have a band like this, but sometimes.

Starting point is 00:35:38 Oh, I see. I bet you fucking do. Goddamn right. Wouldn't everybody like a band like this? Okay, so I get it. So you're playing comedians up, you're DJing at the comedy show. Yes. So you're not doing like DJ sets. Not DJ sets.

Starting point is 00:35:56 Right, so not full songs, I get it. Learning about comedy helps because I can do comedic timing with them if they're really struggling. So what's up with your dick and balls and everything? Let's get to the stuff that everybody's waiting for. I was gonna try to make a smooth transition, but you're clearly not, so... Let's jump right into it.

Starting point is 00:36:17 Okay, I guess tits are the tits. Tits are tits. We've had a couple of those on stage tonight. No, no, no, no, not like that. Enrique and Chris Rees both the tits. Tits are tits. We've had a couple of those on stage tonight. No, no, no, no, not like that. I'm saying- Enrique and Chris Reeves both had tits. In fact, everybody's had tits that's been on this stage tonight. No, I meant at some point

Starting point is 00:36:32 it actually feels better than dick. To what? Tits, at some point tits do feel better than dick. What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean? You just transitioned from white to Asian. Yeah. Tits feel better than dick.

Starting point is 00:36:47 Tits feel better than dick. All right, Bobby, she, let's get back to it. Tits, having tits feels better than having a dick sometimes. Is that what you're saying? Oh, the sensitivity. So- Oh, the sensitivity, oh. You ask a very wise question.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Isn't it you? I sheath my sword between my legs. I rejay the comedy show. You can no longer find my katana-na-na-na. -♪ Piano music playing on the radio. By the way... By the way, hitting play and pause on Spotify on an iPhone as a comic wall... That's not DJing.

Starting point is 00:37:34 That's not Kid Cudi. He's talking like he's fucking Kid Cudi on... Right. Okay, it's not DJing, but I do use audacity to make sure. Because, you know, like, comedians go on stage, it only takes like, what, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. How do I get to the good part, where people will actually feel excited?

Starting point is 00:37:51 You cannot play long time. Yeah. Let's get back to the transition thing. Somehow we went back to DJing. I want to keep moving forward here. So what's going on with all that stuff? Tint feel better than dick? What's next? Well, also, well, also, well, okay. And I guess when I feel really horny, I do feel like a pressure

Starting point is 00:38:14 in the Gucci area. Tell us more about that. Everybody here wants to know the Santeria guys are vomiting in their cups right now. What the fuck is this show? This is fucking disgusting, God damn it. Have your, have your, are your parents still alive or have they honor killed themselves? Uh... They have transitioned to dead. Well, my biological father haven't been returning my texts.

Starting point is 00:38:45 Right. And my... Wow. That tracks. And my mom wants me to be normal, whatever normal means, and she wants my hair on a platter for her birthday, which I don't think... Hey, no, normal is you. Don't, don't...

Starting point is 00:39:01 Are you a guy... Wait, are you... Were you born a male or a female? Because you're one of those trans... I don't. Are you a guy, wait, are you, were born a male or a female? Because you're one of those trans, I don't know which way and when. I'm trying to figure out, did you go male to female or female to male? I respect both your choices, but I just don't know. It's male to female. Male to female. Okay, cool, because you're kind of in between.

Starting point is 00:39:21 But I respect it. I know, hate that. I like that shit. So, you know what I mean? I've never thought I'd meet the Trans Mulan. And this is what Disney wants. This is what they get. And I support Disney. I have a special coming out on Hulu in February. So just know that.

Starting point is 00:39:39 That's right. 100%. Yes. So how's it going? The transition, what's the next move for you? Dad's leaving you on red. I guess in a way I'm looking for other outlets to make it seem like it's all worth it, right? Because I have to prove to my parents

Starting point is 00:40:05 that I can stand on my own, right? Because there's no other way to convince them I'm dead to them unless I'm somebody, right? So it's like... No. You are somebody. You're just somebody that put their dick in a Chinese finger trap.

Starting point is 00:40:18 And... But that's fine. And the harder you pull... Yes. You wonder the craziest part about this transition. This guy used to be white. You know, folks. I am raised by a white stepfather,

Starting point is 00:40:35 if that explains anything. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Right. What would that explain? If I sound white sometimes, or like, white things, I guess. Right. So your that explain? If I sound white sometimes or like white things, I guess. Right. So your mom and dad separated when you were young? Uh, yes, when I was three.

Starting point is 00:40:52 Okay. And Chen was my original last name when I was first born into this family. Wow. You've even... Yes. You've even transitioned names at some point in your life. In a way, it's for me to reconnect with my past. Okay. Very, very, very odd. Were you born in China?

Starting point is 00:41:10 Was that him? Were you born in China? Yes, I was born in Wuhan. You were born in... Really? Oh, wow. Wow. There it is. Wow.

Starting point is 00:41:20 Oh, there it is. Wow. Is there anything not wrong with you? This guy's like, I've seen enough. God damn it. Son of a bitch. Wow. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:41:39 When did you come here from Wuhan? I was born in Wuhan and I grew up in the southern China until I was 10 but then I moved to America and grew up in New Mexico. What, let me ask you a question, was your father Dr. Fauci, did he also make you in a lab? No, no, no. He's just a middle management white guy I guess. Okay,. Wow. Well, it's good that you transitioned female here, because they would have killed you for that in China. No girls. Maybe that's why it requires some sort of deception to come out,

Starting point is 00:42:15 not get killed first. Then... Are you a spy? No, no, no. Okay, because I... You know how they kill like female babies? Yes. Exactly. That's what I meant. Okay, John. Okay, cause I... You know how they kill like female babies? Yes. Exactly, that's what I meant. Okay, John, Jesus.

Starting point is 00:42:28 I just want them to know. I love it. Okay, Chen, you have a joke book already. Yes. You've been on the show numerous times. There goes Chen, everyone. Thank you. Nice work, Chen.

Starting point is 00:42:39 Keep going, Chen. Good stuff. Very good stuff. All right, we have a special treat for you all, ladies and gentlemen. Going up, one of the elite golden ticket winners of the history of the show from Toronto, Canada. Ladies and gentlemen, here's a brand new minute from the great Jared Nathan, everybody. Here he is. What's up, m-m-mothership! I was on Amazon today. Amazon... Today...

Starting point is 00:43:26 Look up... Electronics... I found an explosive... deals... Explosive deals on p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p ship to Lebanon. I was too scared to call customer service. Thank you. Fuck yeah, Jared, Nathan. That stutter's getting pretty fucking thick and girthy over there, I gotta tell ya. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:44:25 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:44:32 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:44:39 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Steam, you know? I think it's grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Sometimes I think people need a shower. Oh, I thought you were going to say,

Starting point is 00:45:27 shut the fuck up right there. I was wrong. You threw me off. I switch it up sometimes, motherfucker! God damn right. God damn right. I have the Hard R Award that you bestowed upon me at Madison Square Garden, which gives me permission, I believe, to say the words what? What do I get?

Starting point is 00:45:50 What does that mean? I never really got... Return! Okay, very good. Which I've freely used before, but now I feel... Tony Rosa! Now I think about you when I do it. I feel like I have permission to do it.

Starting point is 00:46:02 It's sitting with all my other trophies from the many other amazing things that I'm great at. I feel like I have permission to do it. It's sitting with all my other trophies from the many other amazing things that I'm great at. And it sits there, the Hard R Award for you. Sometimes it takes more than no one. You son of a bitch. You son of a bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub-bub working on my visa right now. And I'm starting to, yeah, I want to come here more often. I love Austin.

Starting point is 00:46:51 Canada doesn't let you just do whatever the fuck you want. It's a communist country, you know? It is. It is. You're hearing it straight from the source. Tony, some fucked up thing happened to me before I came here. Tell us. I had my fucking tricycle stolen. Yes, I rode a trike. I'm not afraid.

Starting point is 00:47:24 What kind of trike was this? A true tricycle? It was a Schwinn! Old school! True tricycle, four wheels. Schwinn? It was four wheels? One.

Starting point is 00:47:40 Two wheels and a back. Three wheels, sorry. Three wheels, motherfucker, yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, this was in Canada. You're out riding your tricycle. Yes.

Starting point is 00:47:52 And where did you park it? Where did some slimy Canadian get their hands on your tricycle? You were at a school. No, I was not at a school. Okay, where were you? I had to at the school. Okay, where were you? I locked it up right behind a parking lot, right behind a building that my mom owns.

Starting point is 00:48:20 Dana, what? That my mom owns a building. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is going on with you tonight? What? That my mom owns a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b the building I used to store my bike at and some ableist motherfuckers cut the fucking chain. And yeah. It's probably just a middle school kid. It was probably like a gangster or anything. Yeah. Show the rose up.

Starting point is 00:49:02 Oh my goodness. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Did he cut around? What's it like looking at yourself if you had one more chromosome? It's amazing, right? You're so close to that.

Starting point is 00:49:17 And Joe, you're so close to that. I mean, it's unbelievable. Look at that. It's a before and slightly after. Who's worse? You know the answer to that. Joe DeRosa! That's right.

Starting point is 00:49:35 No doubt about it. No doubt about it. I accept that. No, but despite my track being stolen, I've been doing shows all over Canada. Check out and serenade in comedy. Shutting down and serenading comedy? Check out my dates and serenades in comedy.

Starting point is 00:49:59 Check out your dates. You're a little bit more stuttery, and you're a little more retarded than usual. I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't know what's going on. What are you? I've been kind of sick for a couple of days. You've been sick?

Starting point is 00:50:11 I've been sick. Oh Jesus. You've been kind of sick. I've never been happier to be in my seat. You're getting it all. Jared, what the fuck would make you come here if you're sick? This is karma.

Starting point is 00:50:24 This is karma. This is why your tricycle got stolen, Jared. You're out here not caring about others. The show always has to go on, you know? No, no, no, it doesn't always have to go on. It doesn't always have to go on. You're gonna get everybody sick, which is a good thing for the guy in the douchey-goochy hat,

Starting point is 00:50:41 but a bad thing for everybody else around us. What were your symptoms? He wasn't retarded before this, so... DeRosa's about to hit a whole new low over here. I've just been puking and feeling like shit, so I can... Oh, puking? Oh! Put the fucking mic in the mic stand. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:51:02 Are we going to switch mics? Do we have a mic switch that we can do? Ugh. I'd rather blow Chen than fucking. Jared, get out of here. God damn it. You just hugged me, too. You hugged me.

Starting point is 00:51:17 We have to make sure people aren't sick from now on, because I guess that's not a thing. There he goes. Go home, Jared. Go home and get better. I know, he's fucking... Lord almighty. The spit was landing insane. There is Jared Nathan spit everywhere.

Starting point is 00:51:35 How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? Am I right? Just unbelievable. Is that a new mic or the same one? Oh, it's clean. She's wiping it all off. How about another hand for Heidi, everybody? All right, your next comedian out of the bucket. One word name, that's always fun.

Starting point is 00:51:55 Let's see what happens here. The comedy stylings of Soul, everybody. Soul, S-O-U-L. What's up, Kil Tony? I'm Jared Dinkins. I'm a comedian. I'm S-O-U-L. What's up, Gil Tony? If Jared didn't give you all COVID, I'm here to make sure it sticks.

Starting point is 00:52:13 Shit, is he okay on this mic? Ah, I appreciate it. Any adoptees in the house? Joe, I know, okay. Yeah, that's what happens when you fail the SAT. I got a 2400. I was three years old. I thought that shit was pretty good.

Starting point is 00:52:26 Not good enough for Asian parents. Fuck that, man. Ship your ass to America. You know, the only people that can afford you are white people. Thank you, Bob and Donna. Any white people that grab Bob and Donna? Thank you, man. Thank you. Ah, shit, we'll eat anything, man.

Starting point is 00:52:41 So when you think about the bedroom ladies, ladies get with the nation. I don't care what you think about our fucking small dick stereotype. People eat dogs. I'll tear a little kitty up. So, you know, like, we... We'll do whatever it takes. Fuck that. It's not always, like, fresh, fellas.

Starting point is 00:52:57 It's not A-T-B. You know, sometimes it's discount, bottom row, sushi. So I keep soy sauce packets in my pocket just to flavor it up. I'm cool. I'm an American damn it. Soy sauce and ranch. See? I'll eat that cat. Thank you. I'll kill Tony. So incredible to see you twice in the same night. You went backstage, got a haircut in your back. It's Chen, everybody. Chen has decided to please her father.

Starting point is 00:53:34 You've chosen the right path. I'm a real boy, Tony. I'm not Chen. I love Chen. I can't help but look at the racist Chinese music, guys. Oh, it's you now. You guys switched. It's unbelievable. The racism up here. Oh it's you now you guys switched. It's unbelievable

Starting point is 00:53:46 the racism up here. So how are you today? No I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding. So you've been on this show before I remember your face. Yes sir we've met outside the show but I've followed you guys since H.E.B. Arena New Year's. I live in Gatlinburg Tennessee but I come I come and use my VA benefit very well. Drive up here as often as I can. Which Army? Vietnam? What branch of the military were you in?

Starting point is 00:54:12 Fucking vaccinated Americans. No, I was in the Air Force. Air Force. Shout out to you. Hey, see? Real soldier over there. Kamikaze? What did you do in the Air Force? Remind us. Kamikaze. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha customer service, I work the chow hall. What? They call it a dining facility to be politically correct.

Starting point is 00:54:46 I just served fried rice. Okey dokey. What do you do for work now, Sol? When I'm out here, I'll rent a ride share car and I'll drive people around. So I'm at the Austin airport 25 times a week. All right. The driver that everybody hates to pull up to.

Starting point is 00:55:05 Quit canceling your ride. I just noticed your southern accent too. I thought it was Asian the whole time and then I was like oh no that's a southern you have a little draw I just noticed it. It's just I'm a chameleon I've been traveling so much but you know South Korean. I don't know. South Korea's all exactly it's all like a lot of urban rooms when you said a guy named so I thought a black guy yeah so did I yeah but it's I don't use my government name I don't right yeah okay why not just out of curiosity or you don't like the government you don't't trust them. It's North Korea. No, I just don't use it. Just, you know, like now that I'm out of the military I can use it. It's Eric Shun on IMDB. The Shun family.

Starting point is 00:55:54 Okay, alright. Jesus Christ. So just answer the questions like directly. Sorry, T. It's okay. So what do you do for work when you're in Gatlinburg, Tennessee? What keeps you in Gatlinburg? I mean my mom and dad are still alive, but they're in their upper 70s. So I'm a caretaker by not by choice Okay, adorable boomerang kids what boomerang generation like after my military I retired but I still go back there drive for them That's how bad it is. They have me as a driver Unbelievable Unbelievable me as a driver. There it is again. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Okay. So your parents are old, you're taking care of them, you're driving them around, you're doing this, you're doing that. What else do you do? What do you do for fun to relax? Like a guilty pleasure for you.

Starting point is 00:56:38 I mean I'm never like a feature performer, but I'm always helping comics. Like this last gang fest I drove Jemar Neighbors artwork down to Las Vegas. I mean anytime it's comedy related, you know, just comics of every variety if I can do anything for them. How old are you? 42. 42. You have any kids? No, no. How come? What happened?

Starting point is 00:56:59 Freedom. They... Yeah. The women pull out. That's by choice? Do you have a girlfriend? No. No. No. I mean, once the 20 minutes is over, the happy ending is over.

Starting point is 00:57:14 That's it. Okay. Uh, have you, you've never been married? No. Well, I was, yeah. Back when I was at Air Force. You're a tough interview, Sol. These are pretty easy questions. It was, yeah, back when I was in Air Force. You're a tough interview, Sol. These are pretty easy questions.

Starting point is 00:57:26 It was 2002. We were together for 06, and then we were separated the rest of time. What happened? 2010. What happened with it? I was pursuing entertainment. So anyone, entertainment, you pursue entertainment

Starting point is 00:57:37 full time, and they don't. I don't understand what you're talking about. Yeah. What do you mean? You got divorced over personal entertainment? Is that what you just said? No, because she said I was don't don't go no like I'm the fucking asshole right because I can't follow what the fuck you're talking about you know she said my choice of career even though I was

Starting point is 00:57:55 military and I had that steady reserve check you know I was just a loose cannon it wasn't providing security really seem like a real stable pick. What did she do for work? She was working at the airport. She was working at the airport? Yeah. What was she doing at the airport? She's working customer service. This is 06, customer service. Okay. I try to regress. I suppress memories. Okay. Yes. Of exes. You gambling man? You like to gamble? You look like you...

Starting point is 00:58:31 I'm not good at it, but I'll play... ...swipe down and play dice all day. In the squatting position. Not fully seated, but bend all... Yes, exactly. No, I play roulette. I lose at roulette. I'm always betting on black.

Starting point is 00:58:44 Okay. All right. Anything else interesting about yourlette. I play, I lose at roulette. I'm always betting on black. Okay. All right. Anything else interesting about your life before I let you go? You're one of the hardest interviews of the history of the show. I'm sorry, Tony.

Starting point is 00:58:54 You've mentally prepared for this forever. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm trying to find my birth mom. So I would use a platform like that. Okay, let's do that. Where do you think your birth mom is? Probably on Facebook blocking me. I don't know. Like the only information I have is that my dad died in I was like born in March. He died in December. I've got her name and I've got my

Starting point is 00:59:21 name and my sister's name. So the the white people that bought us, they kept us together. Incredible. We're good people. You're trying to find your mom and at the same time you do not want to give your actual name. What a conundrum we find ourselves in. No, it's Jun, Myung Soo.

Starting point is 00:59:39 I'm so American. Jun, Myung Soo. Oh yeah, totally easy to spell. We got it. That's why I go by soul. In fact, your mom's here now. Let's bring her up. Where is she at?

Starting point is 00:59:47 Do we have her? Is there an Asian woman here? Okay, Soul, we're going to get you out of here. Welcome to the show and here, my friend, is a little joke book for you. There you go. How about a hand for Soul, everybody? Soul, sign up again. Come back.

Starting point is 01:00:02 Fucking prepare and fucking be honest during the interview. Everybody wants to make a joke or fucking be silly, but you're gonna do that, you gotta give us something. Let's see how this goes. Ladies and gentlemen, a new minute from Drew Santana. This looks like a new name, Drew Santana. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 01:00:21 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What's up? This is fun. I saw this tranny walking 6th Street earlier. She actually tripped over her dick.

Starting point is 01:00:35 Yeah, she tripped over, she scraped up her lady penis, she bruised up her big fake titties. Women, am I right? She scraped up her lady penis. She bruised up her big fake titties of women, am I right? Uh... Yeah. Uh... Um...

Starting point is 01:01:02 I think it's, uh, I think it's, I think it's really ironic how black people call their cars whips. Uh... You okay? You okay? Whoo! Uh... Like, I'd never, like, pull up with the homies in my taxes.

Starting point is 01:01:24 You know what I'm saying? I'm like... It's a little on the nose. Yeah. Thank you. All right, Drew Santana. Man, you had that whips joke the whole time, and you started with that weird tranny trip on a dick thing.

Starting point is 01:01:43 It's unbelievable. Uh, hello. Hello. How long you been doing stand-up? Uh, it's probably 10, 8, 10 months now. 8, 10 months now. Where are you from? I'm from Denver, Denver, Colorado. You still live there?

Starting point is 01:01:57 I live here now. I just moved out here. What made you move to Austin, Texas? The comedy, this whole thing. Absolutely. How do you make a living, Drew? The comedy, this whole thing. Absolutely. How do you make a living, Drew? How old are you? 26.

Starting point is 01:02:09 OK, what do you do for work? The other night I went out miming. Really? You know how to mime? It was an off-the-cuff thing. How many of you guys want to see a mime? Give me some mime music. Give me some mime music. Give me some mime music.

Starting point is 01:02:26 What did diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle It's mime music everybody. Oh shit. Oh, he's got, oh my God. Whoa. Oh my goodness. For those of you just listening to the podcast,

Starting point is 01:02:45 I believe he's petting a gerbil of some kind. Actually, I don't know what's happening at all. It might be a Nintendo Switch. Oh, oh, he's all right. All right. Is this getting somewhere true? Oh, don't fuck with the cool black guy. Oh, he assumed the cool black guy would want to fight his joint. Okay, true. That's enough. That's the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Literally anybody can do that.

Starting point is 01:03:22 That's the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Literally anybody can do that. Barely miming at all. Joe? I can't. You have a beautiful gift inside of you. Which is doubly shocking that it's miming because you look like Satan. You literally look like the devil. And I can't believe that you're able to mime like that.

Starting point is 01:03:40 That's really incredible. Thank you. I appreciate it. You're welcome. You do. You kind of have like a Ted Bundy vibe. Right? A little bit? Yeah. But a good, like a new one, you know? Yeah, the low hanging fruit is that I look scary and gay, like a gay vampire, you know, HPV Lovecraft.

Starting point is 01:03:54 Do you have like, do you have dark thoughts sometimes? You look like you have dark thoughts. I think that's what we all agree on. You look like you think about doing bad things all the time. Yeah, dark thoughts. Yeah, you look like you think about doing bad things all the time. Yeah, stark thoughts. Yeah, you look like you'll only sign a cell phone contract in blood. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:13 What do you do for fun? Let's start there. Hanging out with friends, hitting open mics. What do you do with your friends? Try to make each other laugh. That's always a good time. Smoking weed, that's classic. Do you smoke actual weed or just mimed joints? Yes, yes. Do you have actual friends? Also, mime friends. Is anything real? It's all imaginary. Okay, what's your love life like? Who do you have tied up to your studio apartment right now?

Starting point is 01:04:54 Well, obviously I don't know her name. Nice. All right, but seriously, how's that going for you? You into that at all? Yeah, you know, I'm trying to, there's the issue. Yeah, I'm like a deer in headlights with women. You know, like I just, I don't do well. Like you're looking at me,

Starting point is 01:05:16 I don't know how I'm having this conversation right now. Like I would normally, like it's. Wait, you're talking about her? You're like, you're looking at me, you're talking to her? You're like shy because a woman's looking at you? Yeah, this is, normally I freeze and I can't talk when a pretty girl makes eye contact. It's a lot. Okay, this is very exciting.

Starting point is 01:05:37 Drew, I gotta tell you, they probably don't feel loose and comfortable with you either. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if we can, this is a little segment that we like to call break and incel, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, can we get Heidi up here? Can we get the lovely Heidi here? Oh, no. It's a very special segment.

Starting point is 01:05:56 No big deal. Just one of the most beautiful women imaginable on planet Earth. Just an absolute bundle of perfection right in front of you. Look directly in her eyes, Drew. Drew, keep eye contact. Drew, just lock eyes. How do you feel right now, Drew? I really have to pee.

Starting point is 01:06:16 Oh, great opening line, Drew. Oh, my goodness. Someone's getting wet down there, and it's going to be you, Drew. Drew's about to be you, Drew. Drew's about to piss his pants, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, Drew, look her in the eyes, Drew. I know you wanna fix the mic stand nervously right now.

Starting point is 01:06:34 Tell us some of the feelings going through your mind right now as you look at a stunning woman. Keep eye contact with her while saying the things. I panic, run, I don't have any money. things. I panic run I don't have any money. Piss yourself Drew piss yourself right now we want to see the swatch. All right okay give us an idea of what an opening line with Heidi. Heidi why don't you open things up I always like you you're so conversational you see a guy like this on the street what do you say to a stud like this?

Starting point is 01:07:05 Grab DeRosa's microphone here. I don't want you to share one with all these sick retards up here tonight. Okay, Heidi, you're gonna give him a shot and you say. Do you need a dollar or something? Oh, Heidi, be nice. Come on, start nice, come on. Heidi's a fucking cold-blooded assassin. She was raised around us.

Starting point is 01:07:27 Wolves. No, but I do need your number. Whoa. Great. Holy shit. Straight to the number. OK, let's try another round.

Starting point is 01:07:42 Here we go. Round two of what the fuck is going on. Heidi says a nice line and you react in any way. Heidi? How's your day going? Ha ha ha ha! Come on, dude, think, think, think your favorite, think a line from your favorite movie.

Starting point is 01:07:58 Go, how about this? It likes it when you put the lotion in the basket. Ha ha ha! It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the clothes again. Back to it. She asked you the unbelievably- It puts the number in my phone. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:08:14 OK, Drew, relax. You can mime me your phone. OK, everybody relax. Everybody relax. OK. Drew, she asks you, how's your day going? Better now that I'm talking to you. Thank you. How about you? How's your day going? Better now that I'm talking to you. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:08:27 How about you? How's your day going? You're welcome. My day is going great. So far so good. Yeah, that, oh. Holy shit, Drew. This is unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:08:42 Heidi, say something else easy and nice to him. Let's see how he reacts. Where did you grow up, Drew? Denver, yeah. And how was it living in Denver? Did you climb any mountains? Uh, no, no, we, uh... No.

Starting point is 01:08:58 Uh... What did you do for fun in Denver? Uh... Uh, yeah, uh, you know, What did you do for fun in Denver? You know, I never put myself in a position like this normally. Oh my God. Okay. It's really not that bad. It's not that hard. I swear. Dude, come on. Mime. Mime. Do the mime. That's a game.

Starting point is 01:09:28 Drew, mime confidence, for Christ's sake. You're like mime conf. I... Alright, Heidi, you've shown us enough. Thank you, Heidi. How about another hand for the lovely Heidi? You nailed it, Heidi. How about another hand for the lovely Heidi? You nailed it, bro. You killed that shit.

Starting point is 01:09:51 I do better when I can't say anything. All right, Drew. Well, fun times, good stuff. I love the whips joke. Great joke, man. Thank you. How long have you been doing it? Six years, what'd you say?

Starting point is 01:10:09 It's been about like eight, 10 months. Right, and you wrote that whips joke? You just came up with that premise? Amazing. Yes, I read all my stuff. Very good, all right. Oh, I hear ya. Here's a little joke book.

Starting point is 01:10:23 There you go. Drew Santana onto the next one. Thank you. We're having fun out here. Another bucket pull. My goodness, can you believe the buckling under the pressure of the young buck, Drew Santana? Anything can happen here.

Starting point is 01:10:39 All right, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Peyton Reddy. Here we go, Peyton Reddy. Hey, good to be here. I got a girlfriend now, sorry fellas. I was doing Tinder for a while, and you know, a lot of comics, they talk about Tinder, because it's like infamously the worst dating app, you know? But the craziest thing to me about Tinder is when I was doing that, when I created my profile,

Starting point is 01:11:06 Tinder makes you pick like a whole bunch of hobbies and interests that show up on your profile. You cannot finish creating your profile without picking hobbies and interests. So Tinder gives you a big list of hobbies to pick from. I thought this was weird. Did you know you could pick Black Lives Matter as a hobby? That's a hobby?

Starting point is 01:11:28 I support Black Lives Matter. I mean, you know, that's not a hobby to me. That's just something that is. It's like food or something. I'm like, all right, yes. Black people, they acknowledge, exist. If you don't know what a hobby is, a hobby is like something you can do after work like you can squeeze in with the free time like playing the drums or something. You want to do that with the lives of black people? That's your hobby? That's kind of

Starting point is 01:11:59 fucked up? How do you explain that to somebody? Somebody's like, do you support Black Lives Matter? And you're like, I'll be honest, I have been swamped at work recently, so. So... Payton Reddy with a fantastic minute. There it is. A true minute, all on one subject, punched up with jokes. Look at you, you're fucking adorable. Oh, thanks. Oh, my goodness, how long you been doing stand-up?

Starting point is 01:12:26 I've been, you know, a couple years. A couple years? How old are you? I'm 23. I've been doing it, uh, it'll be six years in November. Oh, nice. You started young. Yeah. Hell yeah. Look at you. What are you, are you still drinking breast milk? What's going on over here?

Starting point is 01:12:41 You are a plump little sweet thing. Yeah, I've moved on. I've moved on in the recent weeks, but yes. Wow. I've been easing off of it, but thanks for just exploiting me. Absolutely incredible. You look like you use hard-boiled eggs as, like, zins. It's like, leave one in your mouth.

Starting point is 01:12:59 Just fucking let it soak into your bloodstream. This is incredible to meet someone like you make Enrique Chacon look like a fucking hot chick. Thank you. Amazing Paul. What do you do for work? Do you, what do you do? Drive Tonka trucks for a living?

Starting point is 01:13:17 What exactly? No, I drink breast milk and I play with Tonka trucks. It varies, it's a difference. Yeah. No, I just moved here three weeks ago, so I don't have a job yet. Okay, where'd you move from? Chicago.

Starting point is 01:13:29 Okay, wow, it's great that we have the actual live, The Bean with us, ladies and gentlemen. I can't believe The Bean found out that it became Kill Tony Folklore and it also moved to Austin, Texas. This is incredible. Yeah, they expedited me overnight. I got shipped over here.

Starting point is 01:13:50 It's full name Butterbean. Butterbean. That's right. Amazing. This is incredible. Have people told you that you look like the Bean before? Have people called me fat? Is that what you're asking? You're like, what? Have people ever called you a fat ass before? Yes. Welcome, welcome.

Starting point is 01:14:05 Absolutely. This is where, if you had a son, if you made a baby sometime, Red Band, this is what it would come out looking like. Just a little fuckin'... Look at this fuckin' absolute little butterball. Tell him to stop. You are a sweet fuckin'...

Starting point is 01:14:21 I didn't realize that this... I've heard of snowmen. I've never heard of snowboys before. This is incredible. You're like frosting the snowman. That's pretty good. You're on the edge of stealing my axe, so you got to be careful.

Starting point is 01:14:37 Hey, I love it. There's no edges to you, buddy. You're fully rounded. Yeah. Holy shit, edges to you, buddy. They're fully rounded. Yeah. Holy shit. You are a fucking superstar. There's no doubt about it. 23 years old, six years into the game, you're here in the comedy capital of the world.

Starting point is 01:14:56 You just did a minute, 15 seconds, all on the same subject, which is very telling. A lot of people change directions and try to get the squeeze in a lot of their best, different jokes. You're clearly showing that you have experience and poise in the pocket. I agree.

Starting point is 01:15:16 And by pocket, I mean the hot pocket that you hate right before the... I've moved on to lean pockets recently. Whoa! Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. You spend the extra dollar, you're still as fat. So it's a... Is that true that lean pockets are a little more expensive?

Starting point is 01:15:32 That's not true. I don't know the market on them, honestly. I was just kidding. Our senior frozen food correspondent, Brian Redband says it's not true. Not true. A man who microwaves 90% of his meals. I'm going to go with his vote here on this one.

Starting point is 01:15:46 Wow. You had great, like, just... Your presence was great, and I love that you were pausing, making... getting laughs out of the faces. Thanks. You know, the reactions to what you were saying was fucking great. Yeah. And I feel like, you know, just in a minute, I could tell, like, you had more time to, like,

Starting point is 01:16:03 stretch it out. It would be really good. You know, for your comedy and, I could tell, like, you had more time to, like, stretch it out. It would be really good, you know, for your comedy and your body. Yeah. And so, but... Am I fat? What's happening? No. I'm not... They keep making them. I don't get... No, but you look good, though, like that. I'm telling you, dude. You're like... It fits you.

Starting point is 01:16:17 No, I'm being serious. No one has endorsed obesity more than Chris here tonight. I'm telling you. You look good, dude. I tell you, you're a star. Don't change a thing. He looks good, man. He's a predator. No, you really do. Chris has a type and he's very clear. As a matter of fact you know what you're coming with me to Dallas too this weekend. Come on Saturday. Come to my show, I got 500 pounds of fun! All these comics think it's a break.

Starting point is 01:16:48 Chris needs people to fill seats. The bigger the better. Amazing. Have you ever been to Dallas before? No, I've never been to Dallas. Wow. Alright, good. Only been to Austin. Amazing. Well, the Buyers Club, unfortunately for you, is not a sandwich.

Starting point is 01:17:12 That's a shame. So what's your living situation like? You got a one bedroom, one kitchen? It's a half bath, three kitchens. I love it. I have round the clock chefs, Tony. You got roommates or what? What's going on? Yeah, I'm just crashing on a buddy's couch right now. I love it. I love it. Yeah. I'm not going to forget it. Dallas is over, Chris. Forget it.

Starting point is 01:17:38 Absolutely incredible. Do people walk into the apartment sometimes and say to your roommate, oh, there's a couch on your couch. Why is there, why do you have two couches? They go, oh, is this one of those couches that folds out like those coffee tables? That thing kind of comes. Yeah, it's one of those couches that breathes kind of.

Starting point is 01:17:58 I've seen those. Yeah. What kind of, how are you getting around? You got a car? I roll. Yeah, perfect. That's what I was getting at. This guy's good.

Starting point is 01:18:08 Taking the momentum, rolling with it. This is very good. Very, very good. So what's your goal for getting a job? You've moved, you've lived here, what'd you say, three weeks? Yeah, three weeks ago. Okay, so what's the, what's, what do we got to do here? How can we help you? You name

Starting point is 01:18:28 what you're good at and we're going to help you. You want a little hard hat? A heart, you have a hard hat? A little hard hat? You would look adorable in a hard hat. I would love a hard hat. I don't know why I want to put a hard hat. How many of you think we should put a hard hat on this guy? What do you do for work? What's that? What are you good at? What are you trained in? What can you possibly do here?

Starting point is 01:18:45 How can you contribute to the economy in Austin, Texas? I worked a lot of restaurant jobs growing up, so. You worked them? Or you worked them like? My business was given to the restaurants growing up. No, I did, you know, line cook and server and all that. How would you like to burn yourself at Torchy's Tacos? I know a guy. I'm good.

Starting point is 01:19:07 Can I tell you what's fascinating? You're sweating the least out of every performance. It is amazing. I noticed that as well. I'm like, you got Enrique up here fucking wiping his face like we're in a thunderstorm or something like that. It's like the highest level of windshield wiper. Like gang gang gang gang gang gang. And this guy's not a fucking drip. Gang, gang, gang, gang, gang.

Starting point is 01:19:25 And this guy's not a fucking drip. Now, now I'm a professional. Absolutely incredible. Absolutely incredible. Amazing. I fucking love it. You are one of the funniest people that have ever come on this stage with Lunchables in their pockets before.

Starting point is 01:19:49 This is incredible. Yeah. What's the longest set you've ever done? I did... I've done like 35 before. You know, just like you headline some terrible bar show. I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. I'd love to do it. before it you know just like you headline some terrible bars show I love to have you on the secret show Thursday the first big joke book of the night to

Starting point is 01:20:13 a big boy Peyton Ruddy has made his kill Tony debut I have a feeling you're gonna see a lot of that kid someday. I'm normally very right about these things. Bobby Hill. Peyton Ruddy. R-U-D-D-Y. Peyton Ruddy comedy on social media. Watch it blow up. This is an interesting name.

Starting point is 01:20:36 Almost no way that I could say this correctly, but I'm gonna try. Make some noise for the Kill Tony debut of Dorda Krikicic. Hello, my name is Giorgi Krikicic and that's not even a joke. I am from Montenegro and Montenegro in Spanish and Italian means a black mountain, right? Which makes me your black mountain man. Or, as we like to call us, I am a Montenegger.

Starting point is 01:21:16 Oh, shut up. I can say it. Oh, shut up. Well, if you don't like that hard R at the end, you can just call me a Montaniga, it's fine. We like it. Well, you have to understand, I have right to say it because we were slaves for 500 years, right? Under a Turkish empire. So I heard some of you guys got a reparations for slavery. Well, that's why this Montaniga is here tonight. I need some reparations too, all right?

Starting point is 01:21:42 And that would be my minute. Okay. All right. I think a lot of people are leaving right now. What do we think, black guy? Are we letting him get away with that? What's going on over here? I know that edible is in full force right now. You must be thinking, there's no fucking way

Starting point is 01:22:10 he just said what I think he said. Perfect, perfect. Nothing at all. All is well. Welcome, say your name one more time. Georgia. Georgia. It's like George, so...

Starting point is 01:22:25 Yeah, I got that part. Georgia in my language. Thank you. Stick it over. Keep it going. Then the last name is? Krakidic. Oh, don't bother with that. Krakidic. Even people from my country can...

Starting point is 01:22:35 Okay. You mean the N words? Yes, Antonigues. What a surprise. A guy named Georgia dropped the N-bomb out here. Georgia dropped the n-bomb out here. This George this Georgia hasn't seen showers in weeks though You kind of look like Jesus if you lived on 6th Street. Well, I do live actually almost on the 6th Street.

Starting point is 01:23:05 It is 6th Street Jesus ladies and gentlemen. I'm homeless for the last three, four months. Okay. Look at you. I'm doing good. You're a happy homeless guy. I like it. Thank you, sir. I like it.

Starting point is 01:23:13 So tell us what it's like living on the streets. Oh, it's disgusting. Tell us more. Well, here actually on the Sixth Street, it's the worst, but I live actually on the Walmart Parking, that's where I sleep, where I park my car, because I live in my car, right?

Starting point is 01:23:26 Yeah. And it's, I don't know what to say, Tony. It's not nice, it's not good, but I'm sure- Give us an example of what it's like. A lot of these people, most of them, have no idea. So you, at nighttime after you do stand up in spots and stuff, right? That's kind of your routine.

Starting point is 01:23:45 How long you been doing stand up? This is my first time. Oh, well then there you go. Okay. Look at you. First time ever. The true debut. Wanna see you actually, yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:55 You just found an art form where you can come out and say the N word a few times. Incredible. Well, if I can correct you, I'm not saying the N word, right? I'm saying the M word first. That's true. Right? Right.

Starting point is 01:24:09 So there's a difference. Now I know. If I want to say it, I just have to say Monte beforehand. That is correct. I got bad news for you, John. Yeah. You goddamn Monte. No, I'm kidding.

Starting point is 01:24:19 And dude, I got... I've waited a long time for this moment. You fucking McLovin, McNugget. What were we saying? What's going on? All right. What do you think about him? What do you think, John? I didn't hear him.

Starting point is 01:24:39 Perfect. I love it. Thank God black guys do not pay attention to this show. Incredible. Dude, don't even, if you ever get any flack for it, just blame it on the fentanyl. That's it. Say I was cracked out. It's all good.

Starting point is 01:24:52 So I'm going to get back to my original thing here. So you pull your car. What do you do at night if you're just starting stand up now? What have you been doing in Austin all this time? Well, I got here because of this show, actually. And I used to be a semi truck driver. so that's what I do for a living for a couple years now and then I decided I want to switch my profession I want to be a stand-up comedian and I think I have a bit that I can go with and I can

Starting point is 01:25:18 play with it I can do I don't mean to be rude with it, but I can compare similarities between the N-word and Montaneros, right? You just look directly at John Dees and signal to him. Well, I didn't mean to offend you. The Kill Tony Show, Making Immigrants Homeless. Yes. 2015. Not only do we fill up arenas,

Starting point is 01:25:44 we also fill up Walmart parking lots. There is a few homeless next to me. Really? They're all Kill Tony sign ups? Well, I'm not sure about that. Okay. So let's get back to that. So give us an example. What time of the day do you wake up? The sun comes up, you're in a car. I wake up 5, 6 a.m., I don't know.

Starting point is 01:26:07 Yes, a life of luxury in the Walmart parking lot. And then what do you do? Then I go to the Walmart because there is a restroom so I can wash my teeth, right? I can take a shit, do the morning routines that people are doing. Absolutely, the morning, everyone's doing it. Correct, and then after that I go work. I do have a work, it's a moving.

Starting point is 01:26:27 So I do work for a different company. Wait, your work is another racial slur? Did you just say, what did you just say your work was? I did moving, moving. Oh, moving? Yes, sir. I thought you said something else, sorry. I'm not gonna say what I thought you said.

Starting point is 01:26:39 You thought he said mooly? That is what I thought he said. I said it. That's what it sounded like. I got you, right? Yeah, right. I got you. And back on me, right?

Starting point is 01:26:50 A lot of accidental racial slurs happening up here with you. I can't imagine what you scream in your car in the middle of the night. Oh my God. So, okay. Then I do work. I work for a couple hours. Then what do you do? Come back here on the sixth street and I I work for a couple hours. Then what do you do? Come back here on the 6th Street and I play guitar for a couple hours. Maybe one hour. Yeah, I just practice. Well, that was only so because it's my first time on the stage. So that's how

Starting point is 01:27:16 I practice just to be in front of the people. That's it. So you just started guitar too? No, couple of years ago. Couple of years ago. How often do you practice? Well, almost every day. You guys want to hear a song from fucking Georgia? But I got a fucking backup guitar, right? I'm not going to sing. We have the official Kiltoni guitar. We tuned up and ready to go.

Starting point is 01:27:40 Tuned up and ready to go. Ladies and gentlemen, wow. Here it is. Let's do both of these. Get them up here. Okay, Georgia. I have a feeling, I have a weird feeling Georgia's about to impress us here.

Starting point is 01:27:56 He's got these homeless energies, these pent up fucking. Georgia, face the crowd, face the crowd. You're trying to head back to the Walmart parking lot. Oh, shit, he's calling out something to the band. Wow! Whoa. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 01:28:48 Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 01:28:55 Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. All right, that's great.

Starting point is 01:29:01 That's great. Great stuff. Come on. Great stuff. great stuff. Great stuff. Oh my goodness gracious. Unbelievable. Wow. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:29:19 Absolutely. I'm all shaking right now. Georgia, how do you feel right now? You just played the world famous Ritz Theater. You're shaking right now. Yes sir. The you feel right now? You just played the world famous Ritz Theater. You're shaking right now. Yes, sir. The energy of Stevie Ray Vaughan runs through you. Oh, I love that.

Starting point is 01:29:30 Thank you. Yes, I love him. I love Stevie Ray Vaughan. Of course. He played here on this very stage that you stand on and you look like he does right now. You look like the decades long decomposed corpse of Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Starting point is 01:29:44 I love that. Hallelujah. Hell yeah. And you sleep on a Stevie Ray lawn. Okay. George Kritchick. Fun times. It was your first set, so you know what I'm going to do, instead of giving you a little

Starting point is 01:30:02 joke book for the amount of laughs that you got, I want you to get some work done done. I believe in you George. I think you have a lot of pent-up. How are you? I'm 33 Yeah, you have a chance at this George you've made it from the from all you've escaped the Turkic rule in Montenegro you are One of my favorite illegal immigrants I've ever had on this show, to be honest with you. You got fuckin' balls, dude. And so, I want you to start writing

Starting point is 01:30:34 and fill up this Kill Tony jokebook with some shit, okay? Oh, shit. Yeah. Thank you. Try to use minimal N-words in that joke book There he goes, Sharjah Well, which one was first All right, make some noise for your next bucket full Bruno, Olivia Bruno Oliveira. Bruno Oliveira. Bruno. Hold on guys. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is Bruno here? Bruno Oliveira.

Starting point is 01:31:21 Bruno ladies and gentlemen, here he is. I was going on as everyone doing. That's good, man. This is this my real accent, by the way. I'm not a I'm not actually Mexican. So I'm just want to put that out there. Everyone calls me Hector from Fast and Furious and shit. I can't see it now. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit.

Starting point is 01:31:47 But I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit.

Starting point is 01:31:55 I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran Texas and shit, you know, which is cool. It's not too bad. I'm not gonna lie, I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit. But yeah, it's weird, man.

Starting point is 01:32:12 It's weird. But I hate when people say shit like fucking, oh, hey, man. I had some dude come up to me and say, hey, man, you have very prison eyes. And I'm like, do I know you, bro? Like, what the fuck? And it's like, I get it. I look like I did it, do I know you, bro? Like, what the fuck? And it's like, I get it. I look like I did it, but I didn't do it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:32:29 Woo! That's what I'm saying, bro. You know? And it's like, people say shit like, fucking, hey, man, you were quite intimidating when I first met you, man. But you're actually a nice guy. I'm like, that shit hurts, man.

Starting point is 01:32:40 Because I got feelings too and shit, you know? And it's just like, fucking. I was going to keep going, but I guess... Bruno Oliveira, that is maximum time. Hi, Bruno. How you going, mate? You all right? G'day, g'day. Uh, so, uh, where you from?

Starting point is 01:32:59 Are you serious? What? He is Yahoo serious. Oh, that is a... Did you say it during your set? He is Yahoo serious. What? He is Yahoo serious. Did you say it during your set? If you were listening... That's an easy question. Is it a yes or a no?

Starting point is 01:33:14 That is yes. So where was it? Australia. Right. Sometimes I have to do things and host a show and I miss a second every now and then while everybody thanklessly watches and enjoys themselves. So yes, you got me. No worries, can't.

Starting point is 01:33:29 So is it Australia? Australia? Australia, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. Okay, what brings you to America? I thought I'd check out comedy and shit, you know. I thought I'd check out like the new Mexican places around here and stuff like that, you know.

Starting point is 01:33:42 The new Mexican places? No, I'm not. Well, people think I'm Mexican all the time. Right. People speak to me in Spanish. Even in Australia, do they think you're Mexican? Right, there's no Mexicans there. That's the weird thing.

Starting point is 01:33:50 Right. There's no Mexicans. It's not that weird. It's nowhere near fucking Mexico. A fucking 20-hour fight. Yeah. Yeah. No, I said, like, this is the thing.

Starting point is 01:34:03 Like, in Australia, people think I'm from New Zealand. Yeah. But over here, people think I'm Mexican. Right. Either way. Either, either, whatever, you know what I mean? But, like... Either way, you're not welcomed.

Starting point is 01:34:14 Yeah. Yeah. Crap. Wait, you sound like immigration, bro. That's what the shit... Like, I was there for like 40 minutes. Well, I'm sorry. I thought you were MS-13.

Starting point is 01:34:24 I didn't know what else to minutes. I thought you were MS-13 I didn't know what else I got my garden I'm not from the cartel man. I'm just gonna put that out there. You know what I mean? I'm just ordinary dude Thank you. I did laugh a few times at your set. I think cuz I thought it was funny or I might have been terrified I'm not sure which it was but I mean I get the most people when I perform that look scared I feel like they're forced to laugh. But you know what I mean? I'm here, so thank you for being...

Starting point is 01:34:46 I don't know if you're laughing or not, but whatever. You know what I mean? Well, you've really leaned into the look. You know? Well, this is how I dress back home. You know what I mean? So this is unintentional Mexican. I'm not even trying to...

Starting point is 01:34:54 No, really, like, this is how I dress. And, like, I see Mexican people walking past me giving me the head nod and shit. All the time. All the time. I can't even speak Spanish. I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to...

Starting point is 01:35:02 I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... I'm like, I'm not even trying to... No, really like this how we're dressed and like I see Mexican people walking past me give me the head nod and shit All the time all the time. I can't even speak Spanish. I'm like, oh la senor I'm not sure. You know what I mean? I'm just saying But yeah, that's that's that's that's like the jits of it. You know what I mean? Absolutely So how long you been doing stand-up? Sorry say it again. How long have you been doing stand-up? Absolutely. So how long have you been doing stand-up? Sorry, say it again?

Starting point is 01:35:23 How long have you been doing stand-up? I've started late 2016, 2017, so it's about seven, eight years. Okay. I'm trying to sound smart, bro, alright? Don't try to sound smart. I'm sorry. You don't look smart. There's no point in sounding smart. Look, man, I completed fucking senior high school and shit.

Starting point is 01:35:39 Do you call it secondary school or something? No. We don't know what you're talking about. Oh, just a dumb cut then. Alright, no worries. There you go. You call it secondary school or something? No. We don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Oh, just a dumb count then. All right, no worries. There you go. There you go. We call it high school.

Starting point is 01:35:49 Sorry? You said high school? High school, yes. Yeah, we call it high school. Yeah, so what the fuck, bro? Well, you said secondary school. And then you said 216, 217. I was like, that was 2000 years ago.

Starting point is 01:35:59 No, I said MS 13. MS 13 is what I said, all right? MS. Oh, you have MS? Yeah. That was it. What do you have MS? Yeah. What do you do for work? Bruno.

Starting point is 01:36:08 I'm actually a scaffolder by trade. A scaffolder? A scaffolder, yeah. Why do you look so surprised for? You talking to me? No, I'm talking to the set. No, I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm saying the second gentleman here.

Starting point is 01:36:20 Yes, you, sir. Yes. No, I'm not. I don't know. What, scaffolding? No, you just look scared. I don't know. What, scaffolding? Now you just look scared. I'm sorry. You put up scaffolding? Yes, put up scaffolding.

Starting point is 01:36:30 Which is very Mexican. I was going to say... So messy. That's what I was going to say. At this point you're asking for it. Yeah, dude. I'm hiding. I just drive me lowrider to the scaffolding location. Mow the lawn on my way in.

Starting point is 01:36:49 Mira, senor, yo necesito hablar una cosa. Whoa, look at that. Wow. Oh my goodness, look who's coming. That's on you as well, you know. I'm here freestyling. OK, Jesus Christ. Do you have any special skills or talents?

Starting point is 01:37:02 Australians can be a wacky, multi-talented people. I mean, I like anime. I don't know if that helps. I don't know what that means as well. Do you get into fights as a kid? Your nose is kind of fucked up. Is that from a lot of cocaine or getting beat up? That's caught on your business, bro. Oh, that means cocaine is the answer, ladies and gentlemen.

Starting point is 01:37:26 A little bit of that Australian. The back of your head is caved in. What's happened to the back of your head? Can you fucking stop, bro, please? Just turn around and show everyone the back of your head. Yeah, it's flat. I know, I was flattened as a kid. I don't know, look.

Starting point is 01:37:37 Both of your hemispheres are fucked up. I mean, I could actually level a wall with the back of my head. Another Mexican trait. There it is. So, wait, so what happened? You partied so hard that you busted your nose. Australians, by the way, a lot of people don't know this. I do know this.

Starting point is 01:37:58 I once, at one point in my life, toured Australia a lot. I'm very close with a lot of Australians and a lot of people don't know. They all are heavily addicted to cocaine. It's a thing, they do it like it's nothing there, like we drink blood, or something like that. They all do it. Can you expand on this? Am I correct?

Starting point is 01:38:26 It's a big secret that they keep. Meanwhile, they all do it, can you expand on this? Am I correct? It's a big secret that they keep, meanwhile they force their own people to get vaccinated numerous times while everybody is already halfway to a heart attack. But go ahead, tell us more. I mean, it's not all the cocaine. It's not, that's not the whole story. Everyone's invested now, I'm scared as shit, you know what I mean? Now look, my nose got fucked up like when I was a kid. What happened? Do we have to go there? Oh my goodness, of all the things, you're so nervous to talk about how your nose became

Starting point is 01:38:56 flat halfway up. Yeah. You're making me feel Rusev conscious about how I look now, man. You know what I mean? You should. I mean, dude, somebody kicked in your nose so hard it caved in the back of your head. We want to know about it. That's fucked up, man.

Starting point is 01:39:10 If you feel too self-conscious about the way you look, just stare at Joe DeRosa's face for a second. No. I mean, look, like fucking, I used to do boxing and shit like that, like, you know what I mean? So that's also part of the flat and what's, uh, not just the cocaine, it's also the boxing. That was a bit of- Cocaine was first out of the box thing.

Starting point is 01:39:35 I started when I was 10, bro. I didn't do cocaine until I was like 9 and a half. So let's get that straight. There you go. So you also boxed to escape your country. Very Mexican. Yeah. I'm very Mexican. You gotta come up with some new shit now. You keep saying the Mexican shit, man. You keep hitting that note over and over.

Starting point is 01:39:52 I can't believe how many Mexican boxes you're ticking right now. It's un- I'm not in the scaffolding, but yeah, no, that's fair enough. But yeah, I don't know where we go from here because I've never had these silence. This is getting weird. This is getting weird.

Starting point is 01:40:05 This is getting weird, ay. No, you're doing just fine. Have you got your head looked at? Sorry? Has the doctor talked to you about the back of your head? No, it's like inside. I'm not saying I'm not. Turn around.

Starting point is 01:40:15 Show everybody the back of your head, dude. All right, all right, all right. I'm going to do a sorry. Sorry. Wait. Oh. OK. Here it is, the big reveal.

Starting point is 01:40:24 Whoa. Did you just swallow me? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here, cunts. Where is he at? Okay, here it is, the big reveal. Whoa! Did you just swallow me? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here, cunts! It's like a blooming onion back there. Can I draw a face on the back of it and then you turn around slowly like that? Can we do that?

Starting point is 01:40:40 Come here, I'm going to do it. This is some awesome stuff. I need your permission, though. Can I draw a face on the back of your head and then you reveal it? Fuck it, let's do it! This is fucking humiliating! His head is so sweaty that it just eats the Sharpie alive. It's not working. I didn't get one eye. It actually looks like your actual face. There's no nose. There's no nose. Oh my God. This is the worst decision I've ever made to come here, man. The worst decision.

Starting point is 01:41:24 This is amazing. What's the craziest thing that's ever made to come here, man. The worst decision. It's amazing. What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you your entire life before I let you go? I feel like you've seen a lot. I feel like there's a lot of special fun facts about you. I mean, okay, I'll say this. This one time I actually got my drink spiked, right? So sorry, spiked.

Starting point is 01:41:42 Like my drink was spiked. Yeah. No, because I have to break it down cause I say spiked. Was it a margarita by chance? Nah, I'm a real man, so I drank Jackson Coke. So like, I had my- Jacks and Coke, multiple Jacks, one Coke.

Starting point is 01:41:58 So I had- Jax. I had a, yeah, lumber Jackson, flat heads. What was more jacked, your coke or your nose? At this time was both, actually. Okay. So both, I was actually pretty fucked up. Okay.

Starting point is 01:42:11 And so my drink got spiked. This Sharpie literally doesn't work anymore. It absorbed all of the fucking, just, it was alive. Hey, the whole time I was gonna just explain, I was gonna do this, I'm gonna rub it off. But, so I got my- Your head has a wet back. Ticks another one, that's another box on the Mexican...

Starting point is 01:42:29 And it's actually wet as well when I did it, you know what I mean? It's fucked up. So I got my drink spiked and I went to the... Spocked! Next on Spock, UFC Unleashed on Spock! Fucking watch the Spock! There it is! Fucking crocky! on Spork. Fucking watch the Spork. See there, Dad. Fucking crocky.

Starting point is 01:42:46 So my drink on Spork, and I went to the restroom. You exaggerated, I was gonna keep exaggerating. So let me say, just, you're doing good. Thank you, I appreciate you. But so my drink on Spork, and I went to the, and I went to the restroom And I went to the restroom. And the last thing I remember is me at the urinal doing a piss. And I woke up on the floor.

Starting point is 01:43:13 Like, puddle, yeah. What do you call it, a urine? We just piss. We don't do it. What the fuck? That's why our economy's so much better than yours. It's, oh, we have to do the do before we do, do, do, do, do. We already did that by the time you talk about doing it.

Starting point is 01:43:30 Right, okay, that's fair. So I was pissing. I have to do a piss. So yeah, I'll do a piss. I have to go do a piss. All right, go ahead. Yeah, thank you, man. Yeah, that was shit, but so I was doing a piss.

Starting point is 01:43:43 I was pissing. And the last thing I remember is me on the floor with like a little puddle full of blood and shit like that. And I woke up and like the bouncer comes up. Even though I was knocked out, I heard like someone calling for a bouncer, oh fuck, someone come in, you hear this cunt so fucked up.

Starting point is 01:44:00 And then... Yeah, the back of his head's fucking swelling up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he broke his fucking nose. And then... Yeah, the back of his head's fucking swelling up. I think he broke his fucking nose. Not just that, the back of my head got fucked up too, you know what I mean? So the bouncer wakes me up and then he's like, hey man, are you alright bro?

Starting point is 01:44:18 G'day mate, are you alright? Crikey, that's a lot of blood, you know? But then he wakes me up and I'm like, man, what the fuck happened? And then he's like, oh, you actually slipped and you hit your head on the urinal. Oh shit. Yeah, so that's- You were doing a piss on the piss, did you? Yeah, right.

Starting point is 01:44:36 Right. Oh my. I got made pissed by the urinal. Like, because there's a saying they were saying in Australia, if someone got made pissed, means that someone got fucked up. As in like, they got fucked up in a fight. Fight, as I said. So it's like, I got made piss by the pisser.

Starting point is 01:44:51 That makes sense. It wasn't that funny, but you can't win all of them. Right. It's true. Boxing match in your youth. And I got a chipped tooth and my nose is still fucked, but also got a scar here at the bottom. And I woke up in a hospital and shit,

Starting point is 01:45:04 still confused about what happened. This is not where I thought this story would go. Right. I didn't realize the reason for it would be clumsy. I honestly... You know, I thought so. I mean, I'm not the smartest person that I know. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:45:15 Right. I don't even think you're from Australia, dude. I think you had a traumatic brain injury. And this new personality is what come out, and you're actually from Guadalajara, like we've assumed from the beginning and none of this is real. Ladies and gentlemen Bruno Bruno Bruno thank you so much we appreciate you thank you here's a medium-sized joke book thank you oh shit there you go

Starting point is 01:45:40 Oh shit. There you go. There's a black guy on Edibles. It's like, what the hell, these joke books flying at me. Hey, over there. There you go, buddy. There he goes. Bruno, everyone. What's that?

Starting point is 01:45:58 These wild energies. These Australians are wild. All right, one last bucketful. Make some noise for him. It's Luke Wright, everyone. Luke Wright. Well, hello, all the people. My name's Luke.

Starting point is 01:46:19 I identify as a BBC, badly bald and Caucasian. Yeah, I had a pretty rough childhood. My dad beat me with conservative values. He has a big conspiracy theory guy too, you know. He thinks 9-11 was an inside job. I think that's pretty ridiculous. They pretty clearly happened outside. Yeah. We were a religious household too. You know, we went to church every Sunday.

Starting point is 01:46:59 My, you know, I was a cute kid. So I had to beat the priest off with a stick. Messed up. I mean, who wants to get beat off with a stick? Not that bad, though. We would go get Mexican food after to make me feel better. You know, now, whenever I want to feel like I'm back in my childhood, I just go and get some nice al pastor tacos.

Starting point is 01:47:26 Only now I have to pay for pastor meat in my mouth. Oh my goodness. A lot of people pushing into the limit here. Luke Wright with a full set. Hi Luke. How's it going? How are you? I'm doing alright.

Starting point is 01:47:39 How old are you? This is insane. This is awesome. This is like a dream come true. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. How old are you? I'm good. I just came in for the festival. God, you don't believe me? Oh no. No, how old are you?

Starting point is 01:47:56 How old am I? I'm 23 years old. 23 years old. 23 years old. You don't look a day over Joe DeRosa. Why am I the go-to? I've never seen back-to-back contestants have... One has the worst back of the head and then the worst front of the head. My God, you're aging worse than the homeless guy is.

Starting point is 01:48:26 Well, I would say like a fine wine, but there's nothing fine about this wine. I don't know. Oh, that was amazing. That was amazing, Luke. So where are you from? I'm from Houston. Houston.

Starting point is 01:48:35 And that's where you were born and raised? No, I was born and raised in Connecticut. Well, half and half. What made you, how long ago did you move to Houston? About 12 years old. So like half of my life, I was in Houston in Houston, half my life I was in Connecticut. Then you just stayed 12 forever. Yeah, my body stayed 12, my face went to 30 real quick.

Starting point is 01:48:52 Okay, what do you do for work? Right now I'm working, I'm about to start working on Wednesday at an art gallery doing like guest services stuff. Okay, what did you do before this? I was actually working here in Austin. I was working at a migrant shelter. A migrant shelter? Yeah. Wow, what were you doing at the migrant shelter? Basically, we would take people who got out of ICE detention and we would give them a place to stay, get on their feet. Why don't you tell us some of the stuff that you learned there about how migrants are handled here in the great

Starting point is 01:49:26 state of Texas. Yeah it's kind of crazy. Yeah I bet it is. Yeah so it's a people come across the border right and if you don't have a visa you don't submit any papers beforehand you're handled as an asylum seeker basically. Uh-huh. So you go into ICE detention and you're processed. They do background checks, stuff like that. And then you're released and you're basically waiting on your case because everyone that comes into the country is fighting an immigration case. And once you're released from detention, you have to file an application for asylum. And while that

Starting point is 01:50:05 application is being processed, you have to wait 180 days until you're able to legally work in this country. Right. So, well, so people are let out of prison and expected to be able to sustain themselves for over, like, at minimum 180 days without being able to work legally. So that's kind of the hole that we filled as a shelter was giving people a place to go in the meantime while they were getting all their paperwork done. Right. So they have 180 days to get... Oh, these guys like a lot of supporters of people moving

Starting point is 01:50:40 here that can't work or contribute to the economy. And anyway, very interesting crowd. Must be the people visiting. Must be the people visiting from the Upper East Coast. Imagine, imagine, imagine what it takes. Oh, they can't, they can legally work where they came from. How about that, God damn it? Huh? Thank you, Tony. Wait, President Trump, what was that? Thank you, Tony. Wait, President Trump, what was that?

Starting point is 01:51:06 Thank you, Tony. You're welcome. You're welcome. Just stating the obvious here. Imagine coming here with all of your dreams and as soon as you get here they're like, your case will be handled by this small boy. You're like, I think we've made a mistake.

Starting point is 01:51:33 Did any of them ever give you a hard time? Oh no, they're all great people. Oh yeah, you like them, huh? Well, no, I did almost get stabbed once, but. That's right. It was an almost, it was an almost. Yeah, what were they gonna stab you with? It was scissors. What happened?

Starting point is 01:51:51 Yeah, how did that go down? She came from a very messed up country. She? Yeah, she came over her entire family. Well, that's what happened. You tried to text other girls. Don't fucking do that, dude. Trust me, I know.

Starting point is 01:52:06 Don't fuck around. Oh, man, you know the struggle. I know it, dude. It's scary. So she, was she Latina? No, she was from Africa. From what? From Africa.

Starting point is 01:52:17 Oh, boy, one of those. Okay. Was she from Uganda by any chance? No, it's like a small Eastern country in Africa. I don't want to say specifically which one, but... I don't think we know where they are. Oh, yeah. I forgot where we were, shit.

Starting point is 01:52:36 Okay. Did she say, ah, hell no, right before... What was the... No, that's the West side. I'm talking about the east side. Okay. All right. You have me geographically confused right now. Oh, shit. Okay. So what happened? What was the dialogue before the scissor attack? She got in an argument with another one of the residents at the shelter and got very upset, was trying to attack him and I basically got between them

Starting point is 01:53:07 so that she didn't hurt anyone. Okay, look at you. Nice. Look at you, a hero. I wouldn't go that far. So you almost got attacked. What's your love life like, Luke? You seem like the kind of guy that loves, you know, hunting at a playground.

Starting point is 01:53:31 It's a rocky. I've never seen a molester that looks like a boy. He can play both roles. Yeah, he's a predator and a victim. No, it's rough. It's rough. Yeah, what's it like out there for you? I don't know, it's just kind of hard to find people I... Well, you know, you're looking at me. I mean, it's... But, no. Well, I mean, I don't think you're East African women's type.

Starting point is 01:54:00 That's the thing. You're going... I mean, it's cool, but... Yeah, you almost scissored with a migrant. There must be something going on. What detention center would you put these two Mexican women at exactly? Oh I don't know. Oh Canadian. The worst of them all. Probably like North Dakota. I mean it's pretty close. I don't know. Perfect. So Luke, when you say it's bad, I look like this, whatever, when's the last time you went on a date? About a year ago, ish? A year and a half ago. Who was that with? How did that go down? That was just off of Tinder. So you're on Tinder?

Starting point is 01:54:40 Not anymore. What? You just gave up Tinder suicide? Yeah. I just prefer up Tinder suicide? Yeah. I just prefer to meet people in person. That hasn't been going so well. Not really. He's just standing by the Rio Grande waiting for me. It's a bad timing.

Starting point is 01:54:58 Okay. You've got the high viz, you know. All right. Have you ever, well, you don't live in Austin, you live in Houston. Yep. You drove here. Yeah I actually came here for the festival and I wasn't even gonna be signing up for this show but then one of the other comedians let me stay with her and... Whoa with her? Oh my goodness gracious. Someone had a baby crib? No she is a grandmother. What? Wow.

Starting point is 01:55:25 Okay. Yeah, she's a grandmother. She's pretty old. I don't know exactly how old. I don't ask. I'm a sick fuck with a place to stay. That's it. Good for you.

Starting point is 01:55:40 Congratulations, Luke. Fun times. You got through it. You did it. I'm out of medium joke books. Here's a big joke book for you, Luke. Fun times. You got through it. You did it. I'm out of medium joke books. Here's a big joke book for you, Luke. There you go.

Starting point is 01:55:50 All right. We've had fun. There's only one way to end a show like this. Ladies and gentlemen, while there was no Cam Patterson this episode, while there was no Hans Kim, there was no Ari Mati was no Ari Matty there is one person who is here tonight who is going to blow your mind to absolute shreds I'm positive of it because he is the record holder for all time appearances on this show and interviews on this show a living member the first living member of

Starting point is 01:56:22 the Kiltoni Hall of Fame ladies gentlemen, you might know him as the Montenegro mauler, the Memphis strangler, the vanilla gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I used to seal the deal with girls in college by going to their apartment and offering to clean their bathroom, and then I would unseal the deal by taking a shit afterwards. I'm starting an ultimate Frisbee fantasy league, and we're already bankrupt. One rule I did have to enforce on the league was, hacky sack is illegal in the offseason and

Starting point is 01:57:27 We're hurting their ankles. Okay connection between a hacky sack and Ultimate frisbee Tony. I actually recently invented an anti-gravity Bong it doesn't work, but I was also pretty high when I invented it Okay, that's my time. Thank you, Tony. William lights out Montgomery. The great gumball of the North, the one and the only William Montgomery.

Starting point is 01:57:59 Jared Nathan got wheeled out of the front of this fucking building. He literally came up into the green room vomiting, sick as shit. He had a fever and they literally wheeled him out like 10 minutes ago. Are you serious? Yeah. Wait, shut up. No, seriously.

Starting point is 01:58:16 He seemed really sick. Y'all really, y'all disinfected this, right? I swear to God, he literally fell out. He vomited a bunch in the freaking green room. And I had been joking all the time that Jared Nathan seemed super sick. And you know me, Tony, I'm kind of a germaphobe person. And then he starts vomiting

Starting point is 01:58:31 and he hits his head a little bit on the ground. It really wasn't that, seriously, it wasn't that bad, but they had to get him out in a stretcher out front. Are you serious? Yeah. Holy shit. So I'm just happy to be here right now. And literally, no, seriously.

Starting point is 01:58:45 I mean, I was excited about being here tonight and everything. And then I'm joking with his ass. I'm like, don't touch me. You seem so sick. He literally kept on trying to touch me. He was joking around and he stutters a bunch, so it can be hard to kind of understand what he's even saying to my fucking ass. I just try to be nice, but he ended up vomiting.

Starting point is 01:59:02 All of that at once. He started vomiting and hit his head. He vomited a bunch, and he made this weird noise, and we all kind of look at him, and it got on Janice a little bit. Red Band's Janice. Yeah, it got on her a little bit. Oh, Red Band's girlfriend, soon-to-be-wife, Janice. Did he stutter when he vomited? Was it like a mist? It was like... No, he seemed... I don't feel so goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo. I don't feel so goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo ago. Absolutely incredible. Absolutely incredible. amazing. what's going on? Absolutely incredible. absolutely incredible. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. Right. Well, a way to put a little ribbon of sadness on it there at the end.

Starting point is 01:59:46 Absolutely incredible. Amazing. What's going on in your life, William? You're a superstar. Oh my gosh. Finally have two. I was in Connecticut this past weekend. It was fun. It was in a mall. I had a good time in Connecticut. The club though, Tony, they promised me they were going to get me two pizzas. I don't have a lot on my ride, or all I have is throat coat, honey, and soda waters with limes. I don't ask for a lot. Then on Saturday night, I try to get a pizza from a place called Pepe's, and they swore to me.

Starting point is 02:00:11 They were ordering my two pizzas, and they didn't come at all. And then I... Oh, my goodness....start thinking, what did they, hate me or something? I really start wondering if the free, it's like an issue with the... Right. You wanted your pepes. You were gonna eat two pizzas?

Starting point is 02:00:31 Huh? You were gonna eat two old pizzas? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all go to their thin crusts. I've been really hungry. What were the toppings that you went with on these two pizzas? Oh, Tony, what did I not have on those motherfuckers? We had fucking anchovies on that thing!

Starting point is 02:00:48 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Whoa, what's going on? I think you have what Jared has. Which is... No, my throat started hurting a little bit right on that. I've luckily had two weeks off. Yeah, Tony, it's bad right now. If you scream at all,

Starting point is 02:01:04 your throat clenches up now. It hurt right there. Hold on. I had tomato! Oh my goodness gracious. The people are not going to enjoy this. This is like if Gallagher came down with a watermelon allergy.

Starting point is 02:01:19 One of your trademarks is the way you scream. It hurts so bad. Hold on, what else? I had like, monster! Ah! Oh, wait, wait. I think your throat hurting might be hilarious. Hold on a second.

Starting point is 02:01:31 No, it really hurts, Tony. What else was on the pizza? Oh yeah, Pepo. Ronny's on the, ooh! Oh! No, that one really hurt. That one really hurt. This is all just on one pizza?

Starting point is 02:01:43 Mm-hmm. Is that all? Yeah. It's Mm-hmm. Is that all? It's like a supreme. It was a supreme. OK, what was on the other pizza? Ooh, extra cheese! Oh, that's it! Maybe that's a better way to...

Starting point is 02:01:56 OK, we can see him clenching up, ladies and gentlemen. This is incredible. A whole new storyline to keep your eyes on. William can no longer... What else was on the second pizza? Tell us. We got iceberg lettuce! Oh, that's it! You got iceberg lettuce. I've never even heard of such a thing before. Yeah, it was like a hamburger pizza.

Starting point is 02:02:17 Oh! Extra cheese, iceberg lettuce. Was there sour? No. It's just kind of that. Oh. Yeah, extra cheese, iceberg lettuce. I called it hamburger pizza because it kind of reminds me of Big Mac. Ooh. What else was on it?

Starting point is 02:02:35 Who's there? Some Thousand Island dressing! Okay. Okay. Only me and Redman find this amusing for some reason. Every once in a while you just gotta enjoy it. I love it. So you didn't get your Pepe's pizzas.

Starting point is 02:02:52 What did you end up eating that night? It's a lonely road out there, especially almost more than anywhere in Connecticut. I got two orders of chicken wings to go and it was kind of funny. One of Dan Madonia, who you know, he was one of the guys who's on the show, it was very fun.

Starting point is 02:03:08 And I guess he farted when I finally opened up my chicken wings and I thought immediately my brain equated it with the chicken being spoiled because it smelled kind of like spoiled chicken but it was actually just his farts. So then I ended up forcing myself to eat it, watching forensic files in the hotel room after. That's it. It was cold, it was gross.

Starting point is 02:03:33 But it was fun. Slipped an hour and a half. Rest in peace to Mary Ann Romero, Erica's sweet grandmother. She passed away on Friday. Shout outs to your girlfriend's dead grandmother. That part is real, ladies and gentlemen. That's it.

Starting point is 02:03:50 Very sad. No, Red Band. That actually, Red Band, normally, I just kind of don't think your stupid ass is funny because I think everybody kind of knows that. I think you get lucky every now and again, but it was kind of, uh... That genuinely was a little offensive. So if you can say you're sorry, I would appreciate it.

Starting point is 02:04:09 I'm sorry. When you said shout-out, I thought you meant, you know, shout-out to my, you know, like, TLC. Oh, I get it. Wow. Wow. So your girlfriend's grandmother passed away, she's up in heaven.

Starting point is 02:04:28 Eating. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. She's up in heaven. She's wonderful, she was so hospitable to me,

Starting point is 02:04:38 that's when I was living in LA, just doing my cocaine, drinking my butt ices all night long. She was so very nice. Oh, I do remember that. In hospitable to me. I greatly appreciate her love for very much very hospitable. She was very enabling to your bad habits.

Starting point is 02:04:51 I remember that. Now she's up there eating Pepe's pizza. Tony! Ha ha ha ha! You can have all the toppings you want in heaven. Did you know that? Absolutely. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 02:05:08 So, William, what else? How do we put a ribbon on this thing? Tell these people what's going on in your life. Well, the election is coming up. I just hope everybody is registered to vote. Yeah, what's that thing called? What's that thing called, the thingy? There's a place you can go to register to vote.

Starting point is 02:05:33 The polls? And this episode is. Go to the polls this year. Brought to you by them. Yes, you can also register there. Oh yeah, that is kind of a thing. I get it now. Yeah, register to vote, go to the polls.

Starting point is 02:05:46 Go to the polls? Actually, voice your opinion, you've got to go to the polls. You can't just register, you have to go to the polls. That's how you vote. Everyone in this room. And pray for Jared Nathan, seriously. Jared Nathan, Jared Nathan. Pray for Jared Nathan. Yeah. Jared, a Canadian, is probably voting three times in this election. If we know anything about how it works.

Starting point is 02:06:11 But if you go to sendthevote.org slash Tony, you can register to vote. But vote for the right person. Because if you like this show, I'll tell you, they already make us bleep certain words. And there's one of the candidates that isn't exactly that big on free speech. I'm not going to give anything away. Thank you, Tony. Oh, you're welcome, Mr. President. William, we love you.

Starting point is 02:06:38 Nice to be here. William lights out Montgomery. The Vanilla Gorilla. The Memphis Stray Kids. The Montenegro Moller. The Virginia Ham. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebel is in. Lights out Montgomery, the Vanilla Gorilla, the Memphis Strength, the Montenegro Moller, the Virginia Ham, the drawing from Ryan J. Ebell

Starting point is 02:06:49 is in and it's incredible. Chris DiStefano's on tour, get tickets of Chris D Comedy going to Phoenix and Miami. Chrissy Chaos, he's also putting out long clips of his standup on YouTube every Sunday at Chris D Comedy on YouTube. That's C-H I S D comedy. And, uh, yeah, that's great.

Starting point is 02:07:09 Joe DeRosa, ladies and gentlemen, makes a nice Joe, Joe DeRosa.com. He's doing a Christmas show in Massachusetts, December 7th. He also has the great Joey roses. One of my favorite sandwich shops in the world. Fully operational in New York City. Hopefully coming here to Austin, Texas soon. We hope so, we hope so. We hope so. A lot of great stuff happening.

Starting point is 02:07:33 Thanks to HelloFresh and Mando for sponsoring this episode. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, everybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's in this room. Red band. Guys, check out SunsetStripATX.com. Love you guys.

Starting point is 02:07:46 Thank you guys. Good night, everybody. Love you. Bye-bye. ...is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room is now, everyone in this room is now, everyone in this room is

Starting point is 02:08:39 now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room for having listened to it. Everyone in this room... This room is now dumb. Jackpot City is the home of all things casino. We'll see you next time. If you're feeling playful, head to Jackpot City and you'll be endlessly entertained. Jackpot City, casino games perfectly made for you. Proud partner of the Toronto Raptors. Must be 19 plus. Ontario residents only. Please play responsibly. Gambling problem? Visit connexontario.ca.

KILL TONY - #687 - JOE DEROSA + CHRIS DISTEFANO

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