KILL TONY - #709 - BIG JAY OAKERSON + BILL MAHER

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

Big Jay Oakerson, Bill Maher (Kyle Dunnigan), Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 02/17/2025 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try VIIA! https://viia.co/TONY and use code TONY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony could be found at Death Squad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever! ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. Hey this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony H. Glenn! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

Yippee! Wow! How exciting. You are here at Killtony, everybody. Big surprise for Brian Redband. There he is. Exciting you are here at kill Tony everybody Big surprise for Brian red band areas How about one more time for the best fucking goddamn motherfucking band and all the land the kill Tony band? Brought to you by Express VPN zip recruiter and prize picks that is indeed

Weibos rancheros Carlos Sosa Fernando Fernando Castillo, and Raul Vallejo, Nachos, motherfucking Belgrande. That is Big Mike, live in the flesh. That is the real Big Mike.

I know what you're thinking. He doesn't look that big. Well, the podcast adds two feet. This is the sweet, sweet Matt Mueling behind us, dressed like a bum next to a barrel fire. This is the great John Dees. The hair is connected to the hat, fun fact. And that is D. Madness wearing his finest pajamas this evening.

It is incredible. Heness wearing his finest pajamas this evening. It is incredible. He rolled right out of bed. Right out of bed to be here tonight. We are gonna have so much goddamn fun. I can feel it in the air. Do you guys feel it? Feels like a hot crowd. I see a lot of goddamn Latinos out here hiding from ISIS right now.

You cannot get deported at Joe Rogan's Comedy Club. It's impossible. You're protected. In fact, we're all gonna give you, we're gonna give all the Latinos in the room a little hand stamp to protect you since we're all part of the current administration of the United States of America now. You will be protected as long as the hand stamp

doesn't wash off so you can't do any hard work for... All right. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible tonight. Hello! This podcast is sponsored by Viya. Folks, life moves fast and sometimes you just need a way to relax recharge or stay focused Without making things more complicated than they already are you ever try meditating but then get stressed about how bad you are meditating same That's why I love via because they actually make feeling good easy half a million customers

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everyday with VIA. We bet you didn't know. Our new train's panoramic windows are ideal for contemplating whether texting them back so soon was the best decision. Get on board. Via Rail, love the way. You guys ready to start tonight's show, huh? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys are here for another legendary episode of the show. This is an incredible, incredible booking. My mind is blown at the fun that is about to happen. One of the guests is one of the most legendary guests in the history of the show, one of the most utilized guests and who I consider to be a king of New York City visiting. The other guest is one of the most legendary comedians of all time who's never been on the show before. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's

guests. Wow. Holy shit. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Bill Maher and Big Jay Big Jay Okerson. Oh, my God. How exciting is this? Okay. Calm down. Calm down, people. I know it's exciting to see a big star on your little circus here, but...

No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan of the show. You've never been on before, Bill. I've always wanted to book you. You're one of the few big comedians that I've never been able to have on. I love this show, though. What was your name again, sir? I'm Tony.

Why is the band so close to me? Tony, you know, I have a little rule to not have my back to black people. Oh, well, Bill. I'm kidding. You're all right. The one directly behind you is blind, so he doesn't know exactly where you are.

I love my Sharia Moore, by the way. Great song. That's a Stevie Wonder. That's D Madness. Those are two different blind black men, Bill. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know all my blind people. I guess I'm a big asshole. Welcome, Bill, and Big Jay Okerson is back.

Well, Bill Maher insists on promoting Kyle Dunnigan.com, who Kyle famously played RFK Jr. Well, Bill Maher insists on promoting Kyle Dunnigan.com, who Kyle famously played RFK Jr. and is one of the great comedians in the world. He's my favorite. I love him. How did you and Kyle Dunnigan become so... I just am a huge fan of his comedy. You can go online and if you Google Kyle Dunnigan, Bill Maher,

you'll see what a huge fan I am. I love it. And Kyle Dunigan is on tour right now, so make sure you get tickets at kiledunigan.com. Big J has a brand-new special out. Them, They is out now. Them is out now. They comes out in April, and that is on YouTube.

YouTube. Big J Okerson. Truly two of the best comedians working today. out in April and that is on YouTube. YouTube. Big Jay Okerson. Truly two of the best comedians working today. Big Jay, you've been on numerous times. We're so happy to have you back. I'm happy to be back, man. Austin, Texas, a bunch of fucking weirdos across the street at a bar, right?

Yeah, they are waiting over 200 lonely souls waiting, hoping, praying for the opportunity. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. We all fucking try to help them out, find out more about them,

find out what's interesting about their lives. The whole thing is improvised. Have you ever seen this show before, Bill? You know, I haven't, but I'm a huge fan of the... I see the clips, you know. I have a Black Hooker here who's a huge fan. She's waiting in the green room, so I have to make this kind of quick.

She charges about a Bitcoin an hour, so I want to hurry it up. Well... Plus, I'm actually a little high right now. A little. Who am I kidding? I'm higher than a Sherpa pussy. Oh, my God. You don't know Sherpas?

They're in a high altitude. They bring fat people's stuff up Mount Everest. Wow. This is exactly how I've always expected Bill Maher to be. This is incredible. I can't believe Bill Maher is here. While we go wrangle that comedian, the first bucket pulled from across the street,

we have someone special here to start tonight's show. It has been a long time since we've seen this young man. Ladies and gentlemen, a Kil Tony Hall of Famer. Former regular. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Camp. ["Hans Camp Theme Song"] Hey, what's up, guys? Good to be here. I'm glad the election is over.

That shit was horrible. Now the only campaign I have to worry about is trying to understand what Cam Patterson is saying to me. I, uh, you know, I can't wait for the grocery store prices to go down as soon as we're done kicking out all the people that grow our groceries for us. Ha-ha. Thank you, Latinos, for coming after your protest tonight.

I don't get why Trump blames immigrants so much. How are they to blame? They just got here. They had no time to fuck anything up. These people who have been here a while, maybe they're the problem, huh? These fucking Native Americans. Yeah? They had their turn. Thank you guys so much. Wow.

Exactly one minute. My God. Hans Kim. Thank you, Tony. Back in front of everybody. By the way, you didn't do the land acknowledgement. Don't you TikTokers like to do a land acknowledgment before the show?

Wait, what does that mean? Well, he brought up the Indian people. You don't know about land acknowledgments? No. Come on. Yeah, you do. Every time you do a show, you're supposed to thank Indians

for letting us do it in their land. Yeah, you say, uh, you say, this club is, uh, was situated on the unceded territory of the Chickapawca people or whatever. And then, you know, you go, we, you know, this is their land that we stole, and they are never getting it back. That's what you do. That's what TikTokers do.

-♪ All right, band, relax. Jesus Christ. I found that offensive. He took us there. The drums was a little much. It's wild. You got this place in. I made a point, and then they made it offensive. Ha ha ha ha. Hans Kim. It has been a while. You're back.

It was a solid minute. Big Jay, what do you think about this sweet boy? I haven't seen Hans in a while, and I will say he's getting too handsome for comedy. Whoa. your back, it was a solid minute. Big Jay, what do you think about this sweet boy? I haven't seen Hans in a while, and I will say... he's getting too handsome for comedy. Whoa, thank you. Yeah, success is looking good on him. He's fashionably mismatched.

What? I mean, it's all autumn colors, but it's all of the autumn colors. Yeah. Your hair's coming in nice, you look fantastic. Thank you, Big Jay. This is a compliment underneath all of the autumn colors. Yeah. Your hair's coming in nice. You look fantastic. Thank you, Big Jay. This is a compliment underneath all of it.

I promise. You would make a beautiful woman. Have you said that before to him? No. He does look like a beautiful woman. If you want to go trans. That's what the kids are doing, you know? They just play go fish with their genitalia now.

That's the big thing. They're going go like... Asian is the best starting point for a good trans move though. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, thousands of dollars of electrolysis you don't have to spend. They're beautiful men.

You are very hairless, Hans. Is this true? Yes. I, you know, I'm sleek. Yes. Yeah. Aerodynamic like a dolphin, I'm guessing. Yeah. No doubt about it. What are your pubes like, Hans?

Oh, they're a mess right now. Oh, I bet. They look like a... Looks like a pile of pad tie down there, I bet. I know. They're Japanese porn level right now. Oh, yeah. It looks like you have your... But they're very... But they're pin porn level right now. Oh yeah. It looks like you have your...

But they're very, but they're pinned straight, right? Yeah, it's straight hair. It's amazing. Your Asian pubes are totally straight? Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. Gets in the way.

It overtakes my dick in like five months. Oh. That's because you have the... It's the keratin. Yeah. And having the dick of a five month old. Do you ever decorate it since you can do things with your pubes? Do you ever do like haircuts or perhaps like a Big Jay Mohawk type of look or spiky?

You ever put gel in it? I usually just go clean shaven. I did the Hitler once as a joke. Ooh. She was not on board. She's Jewish. Ah. Indeed. It's like a Holocaust down there. Yeah.

Wow. If I was Asian, I would put a dragon condom on my wiener. When you unfroze one of those dragon costumes that 18 people get in? Yeah. Yeah, for the New Yeariener. When you unfroze, like, one of those dragon costumes that 18 people get in? Yeah. Yeah, for, like, the New Year. Yeah.

Have you ever done anything like that, Hans? Yeah, of course. Oh, okay, perfect. Maybe some lanterns. I'm just thinking out loud. Yeah. Yeah, incredible. What, uh, you ever, uh, you ever do, like, the chopsticks thing down there or anything?

Like, a ponytail type of thing? With my balls or...? Eh, I don't know. What else is going on in life, Hans? I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana, doing the little Summit City, a big Summit City comedy club. There was a guy there with a full Confederate flag tracksuit.

Ah, nice. Holy shit. That's custom. Yeah, where do you get that? Yeah. I thought it was a new Kanye merch. Yeah. Either way you slice it, one of your people made it. Either they made it or they dry cleaned it. One or the other. We'll figure it out.

A Confederate tracksuit sounds like something Kid Rock gives you if you get wet at his house. He's like, oh, dude, my clothes are soaking wet. He goes, that's cool. Go grab a Confederate dress out of the guest closet. No doubt about it. You ever meet Kid Rock? Never.

How about Kid Walk? Well, Hans, anything else we should know about before letting you go? I was on Dr. Phil Live, amazing show. I was at Salt Lake City. Yeah. Talked about soaking a lot. Okay.

What about soaking? Apparently, you lay on the bed and then someone jumps up like a Tempur-Pedic commercial. Shake the bed. Yeah. You can't move. Moving is fornication. It's against God. So you have to just put it in there.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then a third person jumps on the bed? Yeah. I didn't know that part. Yeah, I've never heard of the jumping on the bed part either. That might have been a... It's not jumping. They sit there and shake the bed really hard

to try to get you to fuck, so... Yeah, it doesn't necessarily matter what they're doing in bed. It was the fact that there was other people in there facilitating the motions. That's wild. All right. You guys just talked about it. You didn't do it? No, we didn't have sex on stage.

Okay. All right, Hans, well, you got... Spoiler alert. I was gonna watch. Hans, you got tonight's show started. It has begun, all thanks to you, the great Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. And now it has begun. And we go to the bucket, which has a mind of its own, ladies and gentlemen. Uh-oh.

There she is, live in the flesh. The one and only Heidi. That's not the D-I I was hoping for. I like it a little darker. All right, your first bucket full of the night goes by the name 60 seconds uninterrupted for Gabriel Kerr, everyone. Here we go, Gabriel Kerr.

Gabriel Kerr, everyone. Here we go. Gabriel Kerr. I saw an ad on a porn site recently, and there was just a guy standing there by himself, completely naked, right? And he's got his dick in one hand and a Pringles party stack can in the other. And they're the same size.

So now I'm not watching porn, obviously. I'm Googling how big that fucking Pringles can is. Save you guys the trouble, 16 inches. It's a lot of fucking Pringles. You know what I'm saying? Do the math on that. That's two eight-inch dicks. That's two good dicks. I feel like you guys need a visual. I could stand here

tonight with that Pringles can and fuck it. And then another guy with the same size dick as me could fuck the other side. And there'd still be a stack of Pringles in the center. And it'd be safe to eat. Gabriel Kerr with a minute and some change. Welcome. It's been a long time. You've been on the show numerous times before. Welcome back, Gabriel. Thank you. Cheers. It's been a long time. You've been on the show numerous times before. Welcome

back Gabriel. Thank you. It's been a long time. It's been like three years. Welcome, welcome. That was a good set. Thank you. You've been working hard on your stand-up comedy? Yes. Okay. You still live here in Austin? I do. What do you do for work? Just this. You just do stand-up? Yeah. I had rental property, but that's no longer a good business. It's no longer in business? A good business. Okay. What happened to the business?

Why is it no longer a good business? Because the fucking rates are through the goddamn roof. Interest rates? Yeah. So it's not profitable for you. Do you still have it? What are you doing with it? Breaking even.

Okay. Hell yeah. This is like mad money with Jim Kramer except very unprofitable version of the show. Incredible. So, Gabriel, how long have you been doing stand up? Five years. Five years. How old are you? 41.

And how do you make money doing this? I produce a couple shows in town. Okay, and they do good. They're weekly shows? Yeah. Okay. Guys, have you ever seen anything quite as adorable as Gabriel Kerr? Yeah, me.

I wanna hire this guy to go to malls with me and try on clothes so I don't have to be embarrassed first. Do I look good in this? Your set was very funny, but mostly I was thinking like, I guess I could pull off a white track suit. It's fun to find out. We look great, dude. Fuck the haters, we look great. Look at this.

Wow. Over my hoodie. I know two guys that are gonna fuck a Pringles can tonight together. Hey, man. I'll be honest with you. I could be another friend. And honestly, if my dick hits the Pringles, I'll eat the first few.

Whatever comes out of my preges, I'll eat. Hell yeah. It says plain, but they taste like French There's a few. Whatever comes out of my preges, I'll eat. Hell, yeah. It says plain, but they taste like French onion. This is sour cream and bleach. What? Gabriel, what else is going on in your world, huh? What else is going on in life? I found out four months ago that I'm Jewish.

Whoa, four months ago? Yeah. Wow, how did you find this out four months ago? That's how good Jews are at hiding. There was one in here for 40 years. But how did you find out? My grandfather died, and my grandmother told my dad that she's Jewish, and and had been hiding it from him

her whole life. Wow. Yeah. I kind of see it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, there it is. No doubt about it. And you got the yarmulke on your head right now, too. You got to push it down a little. Are you happy about the news?

I feel like you said it like you just got terrible news. Yeah, because I'm not making any money on my investment properties. What the fuck? Yeah. Clearly, I'm not a good Jew. He's like 23 and me called and they wouldn't give me the results. They were like, no, you gotta come in. What?

I just want to know, am I Irish or what? He goes, we just need you to come to the office, please. We've got terrible news for you. Put your house in order. You're Jewish. My goodness. This is incredible. So you found out four months ago, did your grandpa leave you money? No.

I thought he was Jewish. Yeah, he took it with him. To the grave? Wow. Absolutely incredible. You still have, you still like have like this crazy love life I kind of remember, right? Like threesomes or kukri or something, right?

Remind us, what was it again? My wife and I fuck other women. Your wife and you fuck other women. Are you guys still doing that? Yeah. And that's working? Yeah. Okay. Works still doing that? Yeah. And that's working? Yeah. Okay.

Works great for me. Yeah. Okay. And when's the last time you did that? Six months ago. All right. Is it Reddit that you find these people or? No, there's apps just for that.

Really? They are called... Yeah. Ah! Yeah. Red band wants to know so that he can nuclear catfish a couple. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'll just be in the kitchen.

You guys do your thing. Ha ha ha ha ha. Wow. What he's trying to say politely, Tony, is these girls are fat. Yeah. Is it true? They're bigger girls? No. Do you ever do the pegging thing? Have you ever tried that? No, I have a dick.

Well, you have what? I have a dick. You can still get pegged. I have a butt plug in right now in about a half hour. No, it's... Oh, oh, like, Bill Maher is the only one keeping the butt plug industry alive. A lot of people do it. I have a butt plug in right now in about a half hour. No, it's, oh, oh, like, Bill Maher's the only one keeping the butt plug industry alive.

A lot of people do it. There's a black prostitute in the green room controlling it from her phone right now. Oh, God, you're right. I'm gonna have a prostate orgasm in a few minutes. And I am a squirter. I love it. Gabriel, you already have a big joke book, right? There he goes. Gabriel Kerr, ladies and gentlemen.

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details and important safety information and we thank BlueChu for sponsoring the podcast. We bet you didn't know. Our new trains panoramic windows are ideal for contemplating whether texting them back so soon was the best decision. Get on board. Via Rail. Love the way. We're in for a treat. This is without a doubt one of the funniest door guys here at the mothership and one of the funniest of the top Young Rising comedians in the world. This is a good fun chance for the world to get to see, and I don't know what kind of minute he's gonna do,

but this is one of our favorite up and coming young comedians. Make some noise for the great and powerful Miles Johnson, everybody. ["The Greatest Showman"] ["The Greatest Showman"] ["The Greatest Showman"] ["The Greatest Showman"]

Hello. Uh, this is an impression of a guy who's trying to be threatening, but he forgot his gun. All right, here it is. Are we gonna have a fucking problem here, pal? You want to take it here, dipshit? Shit like that.

I've been jerking my dick crazy. I've been watching these JOI videos. Have you guys seen these? JOI? A lot of guys playing Ray Charles right now. That's all right. That's all good. It's cool. They're all, it's always white ladies though. I notice it's always white ladies in the JOI videos. It's short for jerk-off instruction by the way. For cowards and women it's short for jerk-off instruction, by the way. For cowards and women, it's short for jerk-off instruction. All right. Can I finish it?

Okay. I think it's always white ladies in the JOI videos. I think it'd be cool if it was an old black lady. Go ahead, beat your dick off now, baby, come on now. Mm-hmm, come on, baby, mm-hmm. You're doing all this JOI, you need to get a JOB. That's what you need to get. You nasty-ass little freaky-dicky-ass mother... Thank you.

Wow. Miles motherfucking Johnson, everybody. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely incredible. Miles motherfucking Johnson everybody. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely incredible. What you see is what you get. Miles is hilarious and a very, very nice boy as well. Thanks.

Yeah. He's a nice guy. Yeah, I'm kind of... Yeah, I kind of like that, yeah. As much as I like you, Miles, I know almost nothing about you. You've worked here for a couple years, and we've all been doing comedy together.

You're very, very funny. And so tell us, what's up? What do you do when you're not doing stand-up and or working here? Usually, I'm hanging with my bitch. Uh... I wish I could do impressions of a black guy like you do. Eee!

What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, I do it. Everybody's like, whoa. Oh, I... I think it's cool. Go for it. Oh, I'm so blank. What is that? Is that you?

What's going on back there? Oh, I'm so blank. What? John. What here? That's crazy. John, you having your own sound effects is becoming an immediate...

That's you, that's immediate... What do you mean? I sound like you, bro. Oh, I'm so black. That is me. That is me. That's from the British... the British black rapper. Turned out he was like a famous rapper, by the way. Guy in the front row. Oh, I'm so black.

It's time for some rap music. And that beat dropped and it's like a historical moment in the history of the show. White guys were dancing. Whoa. Miles, what do you think is the blackest thing about you? Other than your face and hair. Yeah. Probably my skin and then...

He's throwing you in a lob to say dick. Oh, God! Let's just take the body out of it. Let's just take the skin and body out of it. Are you like a point guard or something like that? Yeah, I can play the one and the five basketball joke. Yeah. Miles has to, you got to give context to your things before you say them.

They didn't get that basketball reference. When you said JOI, I knew what you meant, but I'm a piece of shit. And a lot of the crowd didn't. But it is a weird way when you give, it's too common for you. That's more the thing you worry about when you say things like that. Yeah.

Like I was giving a girl a French toaster the other day and just moving on from it without explaining that. You're like, you guys never heard of that before? Yeah. Jerk off instruction. Is that your jam? Well, I've been, I mean, I've been watching them. I never learned how, so.

I didn't have a fucking dad. Funny that you think that's what dads do. Yeah, is that what I was gonna say? Is that what black people think dads do? I didn't have a fucking dad. I never thought I got learned how to jerk off. So your mom had to be your mom and your dad. It's tough, dude. I was trying that shit.

Hell yeah. Rubbing the old clit. I don't know. Rub it till it feels good. Mom, this shit doesn't fucking work, mom. Out of being so nasty right now. Just rubbing the old cryptorus. Miles, what else? Any other hobbies or fun things that you're into? You seem like the kind of guy that, you know, chess club or something like that. Chess club, bro. The fuck? I don't like swole as fuck.

No, I mean, I like, I meditate and shit. It's not funny. It's badass. I like meditate and... Meditate. Did you get into that in prison or something like that? Like normally? Yeah. I used to be a black disciple and then... I don't know. I tried to riff, I don't know how to do it. You're good.

You're doing good. I like this guy. You do? Do you have a younger sister or niece? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't want my black hooker to hear anyway. Let's move on. Hi, Bill Maher. Bill Maher likes black women. Yeah, you can Google it. Yeah. It's well known.

It is. Everyone, you know, likes their thing. Would you fuck Wendy Williams? Absolutely. That's badass. So far the blackest thing about you is. I would fuck Cantana Brown Jackson, okay? This audience doesn't know who that is.

That's why you didn't laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You are fantastic. You've done it again. Miles, I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday. Oh, yeah. You already have one of these? You don't? There it is. Boom. Big joke book for Miles Johnson, and the show continues. And your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eve Ellenbogen. Eve Ellenbogen. Eve Ellenbogen. Make some noise for Eve, everybody.

-♪ Hi. Um, I'm Eve. I moved here to Austin, like, a year ago from New York, which makes me better than everybody. And, um, I don't really blend in very well in Austin. People tell me that, that I have like a real New York vibe, which I think is them being like, you're such a fucking Jew.

You're such a dirty little Jew. And I'm like, I know, spit on me. Make me cum. Any other Jews allowed in here? Yeah, in the back. I'm not a religious Jew, I'm just a New York Jew, which is like Jewish, but just for business purposes only. So I don't follow the Jew rules, I eat bacon. I love, love foreskin. You know, together is the best way,

on a bagel. It's like a sandwich, you know, it's like a BFT, right? Like bacon, four skin, tears. Living in Austin has changed me a little bit. I never used to say retarded, but now I say retarded. In New York, we don't say that. We're better. But then I moved to Texas,

and almost everyone is retarded. Boom, there you go. Everyone is retarded. Eve Ellenbogan, Bill Maher. Well, you're, now that you're in Texas, you seem to be a bit of a floozy. Nothing wrong with that. Like a whore, yeah. But I have a bit of advice for you.

Yeah. Do you know what a Mexican abortion is? No. Tell me. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, you're inevitably going to get pregnant, okay? And when you get knocked up by a child... Like, to get a Mexican abortion, you get knocked up by a... A Mexican.

A Mexican, and then ICE will get rid of the baby for you. It just makes the whole process easier. Cool. It's a good tip. Thank you. I try to help. And I guess it's, like, free, which is like a Jew thing. Exactly. Yeah, so that's good. You guys don't like the Jew jokes.

I don't think we like Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. It's the vibe I got when you said I'm Jewish and one guy wooed and then someone shut him down. Yeah. He was like, woo, and somebody went. Welcome, Eve. This is your first time on the show.

Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? 12 years. 12 years. 12 years. Almost all of that in New York? No. I started when I lived in Korea.

I lived in South Korea. You lived in South Korea? Yeah. I can kind of see that with the haircut. Yeah. Very South Korean haircut. Hans Kim was up here with the exact same hairstyle just minutes ago.

The first time I met Hans, I spoke to him in Korean. And he got hard. I think it was like because it reminded him of his mom. Incredible. Did you see his dick come out of his pubes? It's hard. You really got to spread them. Why were you in Korea?

I spent my 20s teaching English in Korea. I'm 40 now. What made you want to do that? I just didn't want to have like a normal, I just didn't want to be in the US. Why? What was going on? Yeah. Well, I guess I grew up and I knew that I would leave.

My mom died when I was a kid and I was like, I got to get out of here. Boo hoo. Yeah. How old were you when your mom died? Stop trying to fuck me, Jay. It's such a... I was seven when she died.

How did she die? She died from a brain tumor. Oh my goodness. Wow. Shut up, brain tumors. Does that make me kind of retarded? Seven is such a wild age to have that app. And did she like explain to you what was happening?

She, no, she was very sick from when I was like five. You guys want to hear this, right? But when I was like five, she was stopping it. She was like a lawyer. She was very smart, all this stuff. Fuck you, Red Band. And then she. Bill Bollard's jerking off.

And then. That's the blood vlog. And then... It's the blood vlog. And then... So she was very sick from when you were five. Yeah, so I can't tell you with this music. You can. It's okay. She, uh... Trust me, the music makes it.

All right. So then she couldn't speak anymore. She was like... And she wasn't really kind of there anymore. And so she didn't tell, I knew from other people, but you don't really get it. So there was a period of time when you're in kindergarten, learning words and colors and everything. I was like learning how to spell my name. And meanwhile, your mom was unlearning

how to misspell her name at the same time. So you got to pass up your mom in real time. You know what, I never- Speaking of real time, Bill Maher is here. Every Tuesday. I never thought of it, but you're right. She was very smart and for a period of time, I was smarter. That's, thank you, Tony. You moved to Korea because you were the triadal.

That's- Low risk anal. Is that- Low main anal. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. Low-mainal?

Mom says goodbye, and you say, hello. Mom says goodbye, and I say, hello. Hello, hello. Your mom is looking up at us right now, laughing. Uh, I'm kidding. Looking up. Looking up. I'm kidding. She's not in hell. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

She's... She's in heaven. Was she Jewish, too? She's Jewish. She's looking up at us right now. Laughter. I love it. What's Dad like? My dad is turning 90 next month. Oh, my goodness. Look at this guy. Putting your mom to shame in years.

It's incredible. What a dream. That guy had 40 years of being single without having to go through divorce or nothing, dude. Incredible. Damn. He's very funny. That's, like, where our whole family kind of gets it from my dad. He always...

James McCann is, like like a friend of mine. He loves a joke that my dad told him, which I hate. Let's hear it. It was just a quick thing. And I was like, his voice was going and he goes, sorry, I'm a little horse. I'm a pony. And that's- Wow, that is a wacky joke. James will say it.

He'll be like, I'm a little horse, I'm a pony. Because my dad has a fun, chewy way of saying it. I thought she was going to say an Edward joke or something. Yeah. No, no, no. No, he doesn't have any race jokes, but there's so many sex jokes. And I have to be like, stop.

Like, you're not, I don't want to know you this way. That's what I tell him. He's retired, obviously. Yeah. What did he do for work? He did a bunch of things like first in math stuff then he owned a little publishing company then he went to art dealing and then controlling the media

just did the tour of Jewish work yeah yeah now he's just running the banks yeah and to think Gabriel found out he was Jewish only four months ago. Yeah. If he only had a dad like yours. I love it Eve. So that's fun. So now you live in Austin for the last year. Yeah, I live in Austin. East Austin?

No, I live, why? Cause my hair? Yeah. Is that why? So my hair, my bangs are not usually this severe. I did like a taping the other day. What happened? Did you see madness? Have you been giving free bang cuts lately?

Definitely feels like a boyfriend cheated on her. She did it herself. I did do it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no, it's like, it's the end of the world. I'm so horny all the time. But, no, I was having, I did a little taping thing on Friday, and I panicked, because I get anxious. And so I was, like, on the phone, just cutting my bangs. And then I went, I think I did okay, and then it didn't, it doesn't look that great. But it'll grow in.

That's what you learn when you have bangs. That's a crazy thing to do alone, yourself, and super crazy to do while on the phone. Yeah. You have, like, a feeling of just going? One-handed, it was, yeah, and super crazy to do while on the phone. Yeah. You have like a feeling of just going? It was, yeah, it was crazy. Like, I was like, I'm in a moment. You know when you're in a moment and you're like, this is,

it's this, or cut myself, and I, the banks. Did you think about putting it on speakerphone and setting the phone down? I was, I, no, I was like in a moment. It was like, I have to do this right now. She's trying to live on the edge. It's the one step between this and suicide You don't have anxiety like I don't really get crazy anxiety, but when I get it it's like a full like I'm not here right now Are you on medicine for that no, how do you handle it? What are your... I cut my bangs.

That's one way to do it. You're a cutter. Yeah, exactly. I just, I mean, I journal. I do a little yoga. No, I don't know. I just fucking panic. You yell at mirrors.

You yell at mirrors a lot. You should be better. You basically... No, if I talk to the mirror... Listen, I'm like a real basic bitch in some ways. If I talk to the mirror, I'm like, you're doing great. Like, that's what I do in the mirror. And then I'm like, you just cut those bangs.

And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? And then I talk to the mirror, I'm like, you're doing great. Like, that's what I do in the mirror. And then I'm like, you just cut those bangs. And then I have to deal with you being like, what's going on? Well, everybody's thinking it.

I know. You just happened to sign up for my show. I know. If you were on Politically Incorrect, Bill Maher would literally be asking you about those bangs. So listen, it's fair. It's fair. There's a picture of me as a kid

where I did the exact same thing, but that was because my mother was dead. Right. And said, oh, you feel so bad. Yeah. Oh. You're so sad about it. I love your bangs. It's very three Stooges.

Thanks for my bangs. Oh. It's like you're looking over a fence upside down at him. Yeah. I love it. You like hawkship. Look, they... down at me. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Look, they, they, it has to do with how I feel in the moment. Sometimes my bangs look great right now. You know, I'm getting it together.

That's how I feel. I'll tell you what, the answer to the question, why are your bangs like that, doesn't, it just brings up more questions. So it was like, hey, why are your bangs like that? You go, I was on the phone. And you just keep moving on. They're going to be like, that's.

Well, I was, I was coping, is what I'm trying to say. I was coping with my hair. That's like, that's better than a lot of things. I don't really drink, right? I'm better than all of you, all right? There you go. You don't drink, but... But I can't let you. You end up with a trunk and haircut.

Yeah. I'd say knock a few back and go hit a salon, you know? Yeah, that's true. It'll grow in. I got them cut, like, a month ago, and then they grow in faster than the rest of the hair, so... I love it. I love it. It's awesome. Eve Ellen Bogan, welcome to the Kill Tony universe. There's a big joke book. Eve, I'd love to have you on the secret show.

Whoa! Look at that. Bam, bam, bam, bam! And here you go. You just saw somebody get booked for a real show. Hey, what's up? This is Joe from Past Gas Podcast by Donut Media. We're an automotive history podcast, but you don't have to be a car person to enjoy our show.

We tell the craziest stories like the first race across America. It was basically 45 days of hell, or how the humble caravan saved Dodge and allowed them to make the Viper. We've been doing this podcast for over five years now and there are still so many crazy stories it amazes me. It's basically like hanging out in the garage chopping it up with your friends, hanging out, good vibes. So check out Pascass wherever you get your podcasts.

Anything could happen here. Your next comedian, ooh la la. Your next comedian goes by the name of Sharon Ruth Hensley, everybody. Your Sharon Ruth Hensley, everyone. Make some noise for Sharon, everybody. Good evening, Killtony people. I am Sharon Ruth Hensley, and I am deeply disappointed that I have aged out of being a sugar baby. Had I known all the ways life was not going to work out for me, I'd have been cool with

being kept. Now, all the men who can afford me want teenagers, which is super stupid. I passed the Perry part of menopause a while ago. You're not gonna knock me up. I can't sue you for child support. I will understand your 80s references because I was alive then.

But that's okay, keep playing in the kiddie pool. Did y'all know there's a bunch of dudes out there paying big bucks for sweaty socks? I wear a nine and a half and have hyperhidrosis. Someone should have told me sooner. I'm gonna be able to keep myself. Thank you. Okay, Sharon Ruth Hensley.

I don't think I've ever been softer in my life. Uh, this is incredible. Big Jay Okerson. I was waiting. I thought at any given moment she was gonna tear her clothes off and have Furries Murder written on her body or something. Furries Murder! I'm using your platform. I'm from Texas, so I'm a carnivore.

Wow, you're from Texas. My goodness, what part? I refer to it as the cesspool. Y'all know it as San Antonio. Okay, incredible. You have real like liberal hippie vibes. No, sorry. I know. Don't apologize to me.

I fucking hate those people. It's incredible that you're not. I can kill my own deer and hang it up and gut it and skin it and cook all the good parts. Wow. Absolutely amazing. Oh, my God. My uncle was a career Marine Scout sniper, and he trained me on a ranch in Fredericksburg. I'm starting to chub up.

This is getting better. Okay, what else? Um, I'm probably one of the few people that you know that has shot somebody. Oh, tell us about that. This is incredible. Little Dick Cheney situation here. No, um, Bear County jail let a prisoner out on work release

and didn't bother to check to see if he had a job. So he took a VIA bus to my house and cut my phone on electricity and got himself shot. So a guy cut your phone on electricity? He specifically told me it was so I couldn't call for help. Well, how... Okay, let's just take it one step at a time. But your phone and electricity should... He specifically told me it was so I couldn't call for help. Well, how... Okay, let's just take it one step at a time. You kind of went Tarantino style there.

You went the beginning and the end. Now we need to figure out that whole fucking middle part where you find out that your phone and your electricity's cut. I've ordered a felon. I'll see you guys later. Were you gonna cut your hair and call, or were you just gonna...? No, I'm old, so it was before I had a cell phone.

Okay. So, okay. So, take us through it. You notice your electricity's out, right? Is that the first...? Well, no, he was outside trying to get in. Okay, knocking. Was he knocking on your door? Uh, banging on the door, and the front door knob had been broken off.

And he still couldn't get in? Um, at first, yeah. So why would he go and then cut your electricity in your phone? Um, I guess so the cops didn't get there before he could get in. Did he do that before breaking through your door? I'm not sure what the time frame on which particular criminal activity. We're jumping around here. So you're are you standing there with a gun in your hand,

you're by yourself on the other side of the door waiting for it to open so that you can shoot him? Well, I was trained, one, be prepared. Two, if you have the gun out, you have to use it. Three, if you use it, you empty it. So let's go back to the question that I specifically asked. Let's taste the blood before it goes home. It's a pretty simple question.

Pretend like you don't know the story, like the people here that I specifically... What's tasteful? What's tasteful? Before it goes home? It's a pretty simple question. Pretend like you don't know the story, like the people here and the people watching at home. So the person's trying to kick down your door. You're on the other side of the door. Yes. With a gun. Yes.

Are you standing there? Yes. With it pointed at the door? Yes. Are you saying anything back to him while there's a hole in the door, Big Jay? I feel like she's just gonna be practicing lines she's gonna say. You just fucked with the wrong bull.

No. No, I mean. You better. Game over, checkmate, motherfucker. No. Just because I'm. Oh, your lights are going out. Yeah.

Yeah. We found it, that's why we do these sessions. Yeah. You're about to make a long-distance call to heaven. My uncle was a sniper. What are you doing? Twin Desert Eagles? Under the fucking things? What did you pull on this guy?

357 with hollow points. Wow, oh my God. Take it easy, cunt Eastwood. This is incredible. Oh my God, I thought your pussy was dirty and hairy, but I didn't realize you're dirty, Harry. See the reference there, folks? That's a good, Yoni's not even smiling.

All right. Incredible. A.357 Magnum. With hollow points. Well, the sad thing is... He was white? No! The dude... the dude was a marathon runner. The dude was a what?

He was a marathon runner, so he was really muscular, but he really thin so the bullets just went straight in and out they didn't have a time to expand hilarious This is some real Texas shit The funny thing is People in California, New York are like oh The bullets didn't have time to expand? Wow. So a marathon runner. And by that, we have figured out the race of the man.

Am I correct? No, he's very Mexican. Oh, Mexican. Wow. None of us pictured that. Yeah. Wow. So you had to aim low. Wow. None of us pictured that. Yeah. Wow. So you had to aim low. Yeah.

She... Incredible. My face is up here, Juan. Yeah. It was Miguel, but yes. Ah. Did you kill him? I tried.

Aww. What happened? Hey, as long as you did your best, kiddo. We're still going to go to Pizza Hut. We'll still go to Pizza Hut. I am hungry. The fact that he's Mexican does make the catchphrases that she could have said to him a lot better, right?

Did somebody order the migas tacos? Live boss. We order the migas tacos. Live boss. Yeah! Yeah! Hey, Pedro, the wall's that way. Damn. It does make it better. For whom does the Taco Bell toll?

I like that one. Yeah. Incredible. So you didn't kill him. No. How many times was didn't kill him. No. How many times was he shot? Three. Three times and he survived. God damn. This must be one of Big Mike's relatives.

Ah ah ah ah ah ah. In Espanol. Neck, chest, shoulder. What? Shoulder-o. Neck, chest, and shoulder. The shoulder was my off shot. Did any of these ricochet off of his saxophone?

How Mexican was this guy, exactly? I'm looking over here. They went into the floor and the wall behind them. Did your bullet hit the string of bullets that he had crossing over his shoulder? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Wow. My goodness. He was in the hospital for a month because when I hit the shoulder, that's actually what almost killed him.

I hit an artery. Nice. And he had to have several surgeries and he still doesn't have full use of his arm, which he blames on me, so he's been looking to kill me since then. Oh, wow. Bueno.

No bueno at all. Do you know what he does for work? Is he, uh, the old, uh... He's disabled. Uh-huh. Right. Is he a citizen? Is he a legal citizen? I enabled him to collect a check from the government

for the rest of his life. Really? Isn't that interesting? That's cool. If an illegal immigrant committing an illegal crime gets shot by a legal American, they automatically get money forever. No, he actually is from here. That's cool. That's interesting. If an illegal immigrant committing an illegal crime gets shot by a legal American, they automatically get money forever.

No, he actually is from here. Oh, wow. Okay, so... God damn it. We'll see about that. I'm going to talk to my friends in the administration. I would appreciate that. Absolutely.

Is it his right arm? would appreciate that. Absolutely. Was it his right arm? His favorite hand. Wow. So that's till you like live life constantly looking over your shoulder. That's chill. Pretty much, yeah. The first time I did a show,

they wanted to promote it and I was so used to being in hiding. Like I talked to my therapist and I was like, what do you think I should do? Like if I'm gonna be in this and take it seriously, I'm gonna have to promote, what do I do? And she goes, I don't think you're ever gonna feel safe anywhere.

So I told the promoter, I was like, go ahead. And then I told them, I was like, well, you know what? If he's gonna kill me, he's gonna have to make a big show of it, you know? Like, I'm real good at seeing if somebody's tailing me or anything, so. I've never wished more that I had a laser pointer to just quietly start like putting

it over. Dude, dude, dude. Revenge is a beach. The good news is... You should have killed me, bitch. I still got one good arm, you fucking whore. They went right through my skinny body. Have you thought about having a stage name

or not wearing your glasses or something like that? Yeah, that'll really throw them off, Red Bear. Hey, I would kill you, but I don't think it's the right beach, dude. We talked about it the first time I signed up for an open mic. I put TBD, like to be determined, and I was like say TBD, like it's foreign.

And people thought it was really cute, they wanted me to keep it, but then I was like, I'm also a writer, and I've already been published under Sharon Ruth Hensley, and everybody was like, just for professional purposes, you just need to streamline it and have both. Do you think maybe you should get a dog instead of all those cats?

I travel too much. You don't have cats, right? No. But it's amazing, because you seem like you do. No. But instead you fucking kick cats. My last dog was a Rottweiler German Shepherd mix. Oh, okay.

Oh, so you hate Jews. Yeah. That tracks. Incredible. Boy, you cannot judge a book by its cover here in Texas because you seem like you would just be one of the worst people. It's incredible.

Wait, let's see. Red Band has a good point. We want to see... You seem like you could be one of those secret hot chicks. Look out there, and would you mind taking off your glasses and kind of, like, frilling your hair like that real quick? Just out of our own curiosity. Can you look that way?

You are changing. Whoa. Whoa. I think I have a 357 in my pants now. We've come full circle here. Are you circumcised? What? Jesus.

I'm kidding, lady. I prefer uncirc circumcised? What? Jesus. I'm kidding, lady. I prefer uncircumcised because they're really good at doing my favoritest thing ever. Like, an excellent... Favorite what? My favoritest thing ever. An excellent impersonation of those tubes filled with water and glitter and stuff, you know?

Like, now you see it. Now you don't. Now you see it. Now you don't. Oh, favoritist. Yeah. I got it now. Finish the next one. I love an uncircumcised penis. You have the thickest white accent I've ever heard. It's literally, I can't understand you.

I know, like, my whole life, people are always like, where are you from? They always think I'm from up north. Yeah, it seems like you do. You seem like a wacky Canadian. I don't know what happened. She doesn't do a lot of talking. She lets the gat hum.

Yeah. All right, well, Sharon Ruth Hensley. Any relation to Hunter Hurst? No. I know. But I do love wrestling. Absolutely. The interview, while absolutely incredible,

you know, the set was that set. You are leaving here. Don't kill me, with a little joke book. Is that a gasp from, you guys, you want me to give her a big joke book? All right, okay. Jesus, I've never heard the whole audience go,

aw, at once like that. This is a true democracy here in America. There's a big joke book for ya. You catch like a cat, lady. I never said I was sporty. You're killing it, lady. You're killing it. I'm sure some open-mic'er's gonna bang the hell out of you tonight.

Someone's blowing the dust off of that librarian pussy tonight, I can tell. Find me on Facebook. All right, Sharon, relax. There you go. All right. Facebook? Facebook. That Mexican's sure to throw her a book. You would have had the higher ground. Yeah.

You know she has a secret OnlyFans. Yeah, that is a wild lady. You can tell she has, like, a sex swing at her place. That's like a kinky, kinky old lady. You guys having fun out there? We just met a cat lady that's secretly a killer. Anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian, Benny Boy, everybody.

Benny Boy, that's a new name. Here we go. Oh, we know Benny Boy, all right. Here he is. Hello, we know Benny Boy, all right. Here he is. Hello, how you doing? Hello. All right. I'm back.

I'm not Nick, I'm back. Anyway, I smoked a lot of pot in the 80s and 70s. Maybe 80s and 90s. Now I don't care what the fucking temperature is. I'd get so high it would take me an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes. I did some Coke. I watched it in seven minutes flat. What the fuck, motherfucker?

That amyl nitrate? I thought it was anal nitrate. I've been putting that shit up my ass. No wonder I didn't get high. Yeah, shit, being on Kill Tony, I got some work. I went to Tijuana. That was big down there. They said, Benjamin Grell, Pendejo Grande. It means big, funny man in Spanish, they told me. Pendejo Grande, Benjamin Grell. It was me.

All right, Benny Boy. I think I just decided to stop smoking pot. This guy shot a Mexican. Yeah, no doubt about it. This is Bill Maher, Benny Boy. You ever meet Bill Maher before? Bill Maher? Yeah.

No. Real time, Bill Maher, club random. No. Flikes, black hookers. Never. Real time. Bill Maher. Club Random. No. Plikes Black Hookers. Never heard of you. Never heard of you. Okay, are you wearing your own merch? Bill Maher, aren't you like a left-wing...

Huh? Okay. Okay, Scram. This is wild that we've had two bucket pulls in a row that we're both part of the Manson family. This is absolutely incredible. It's a real reunion here. This guy definitely plays guitar to a corpse.

Just changes their clothes every day. Uh, Benny, is that always been what you've gone by on this show? I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, for a career change. I just... Like his voice, man, he's funny. Just to mix it up. Okay. Yeah. And I thought you might see my name and go, oh, now that fucking guy again. I just pull names out of the bucket.

You don't do that shit? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, the only way to mess it up is by having it be ineligible. Oh yeah. Which means I can't read it. Yeah.

Which most likely means they're mentally ill. Tom. You're like a magician. You pull, you make terrible comedians disappear. It is wild. Your fortune cookies. Yeah. Confucius. Benny, tell us, what have we not talked about?

We, you've been on the show before, just to catch Bill Maher and Big Jay Okerson up. And you famously, at one point in your life were friends with Richard Ramirez, the night stalker. You call him Richie. Yeah, well that was his name, so. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Hence, hence the Richie. That's true by the way, that's real. He used to kick it with Richie. Well I wasn't friends with him, we just had the same heroin dealer. But it's not like I hung around with him and ate cereal with him.

Right. That would be weird eating cereal with a serial killer. That's what buddies do. Buddies eat cereal. Pass the Froot Loops, Richie. If you had cereal bunny and milk bunny, you were getting heroin. Yeah, you guys were heroin buddies.

Yeah. You didn't do anything gay like eat cereal together. Oh no, no, no, no. You gotta be gay to do that shit. Did you ever share, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, did you ever share a needle with him? Oh, no, no. This was the 80s. You didn't share needles with anybody.

Right. That's the gayest thing. Age was rampant. Did you ever... He used to be a felon. ...abduct and murder people with him? Yeah, what? Did you ever go and attack people and murder with him? No.

I was arrested. Never saw him actually out of that room, my dope dealer's room. He lived across the hall, had a pentagram on his floor. Usually heroin screws their brain, but you got away scot-free. Oh yeah, I did. You said there was a pentagram on the floor too, like it was like, yeah, that was kind of weird I guess. Because there was a bloodletting, but...

Benny Boy, tell us something about your life that you've never told us before. You have always been a great interviewee. Well, I got another story for you. There you go. Okay. You want to hear about the time I stole a guy's TV while he got up to make a sandwich during a commercial. He stole his TV when he...

Yes. Can we get proper lighting for this, Keno? He's a great story. It was a long time ago. I don't do that shit anymore. Unless I need a TV, that is. Yeah, I was in San Luis Obispo. I better not say the name of that. The guy might still be alive, and who knows?

He ain't coming for his TV. That's right, yeah. There's a lady that's going to be murdered by a Mexican with one arm before this guy comes to his TV. Just go ahead. Tell the story, Benny. Okay, so I just moved into this guest house behind my art teacher's house. This is back in the 70s.

And I moved in, I had all my furniture in there, sat down on my sofa, and I realized, shit, Johnny Carson's gonna be young tonight. In about a half hour. And Richard Pryor was on that night. I remember distinctly, who has happened to be my favorite comedian. I said, I don't have a fucking TV.

I don't have a fucking TV. I don't have a fucking TV. I don't have a fucking TV. I don't have a fucking TV. I don't have a fucking TV. It's 11 o'clock, the news is on. 30 minutes, Carson's on. I don't want to miss the monologue. I'm going, where the fuck am I going to get a TV at 11 o'clock at night?

I said, I better get my pickup truck and go peruse the neighborhood. So I did. Driving down the street, not too far from my house, and I see a big picture window. And in the picture window is this beautiful color TV. Back then they weren't all color. This one was. So I kind of said, oh shit, there's a TV right there. I pulled my truck down a few houses down a ways, because I assumed I'm going to be running out of this house with a TV, and I didn't want them to get my license plate. I didn't have time to steal a car. Plus I hadn't done that in a few years and I was a little rusty. So I packed my truck and I did my best cat burglar routine crawled up to this

guy's picture window looked inside and there's this dude sitting on the couch watching the news. I'm like, oh shit, someone's home. Wasn't used to going in houses when someone was home. I usually waited till they left. But right next to the TV was a screen door. It was summertime so the door was open but the TV was a screen door. It was summertime, so the door was open, but the screen was closed. And I'm saying to myself,

the TV is right there, right next to the door. If I go around the back, I could just grab that TV and leave. But the fucking guy's there. ["The Fiery Man"] ["The Fiery Man"] Next thing I know, guy gets up. He goes up these stairs and he's in this little, in his kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and he starts pulling out mustard and ham and cheese.

I'm like, this fucking guy's making a sandwich. It's gonna take him a few minutes to make that sandwich. Right? You can't make... Only take me a few minutes to get that TV. So he's making a sandwich. His back was to me. I could see him up there. The TV's there. The door's there.

Then he goes in the back somewhere, I assume to the bathroom or something, which was even better. It's like, oh man, I gotta do this. So I run around the back of the house, I open the screen door very gingerly-like, and I push that little thing, you know, to keep the pump, the door from shutting there.

What do you call that? Bill, would you have any other... Door stop. Door stop. Who said that? What? That guy's a genius. Is it a door stop? Door stop. I don't know if she's a...

Yeah, so... It's a story stop. I kept the door open. Keep going, Benny. Keep going. You have pure momentum. And the TV was right there. I opened the door and the TV, I just had to take like literally one step.

I was... This wasn't a flat screen TV. These were heavy fucking TVs. This thing was way heavier than I expected. And as you can see, I'm a skinny runt. My rap name is Skinny Bastard. Anyway, I grabbed the TV and immediately I went, oh, this thing's too fucking heavy. I'm not going to be able to make it back to my truck. And the guy's still not there, so I'm outside now his door. And I look in the back, and there's a cinder block wall,

and there's a shed up against the wall, and there's a ladder right there, up against the shed. And I figured, okay, it's easier for me to get to that wall than it is to get to my truck. So I brought the TV back to the shed, climbed the ladder, I put the TV on the roof of the shed, which was right up against the cinder block wall, and there's an alley that goes behind this.

All the houses where the garbage trucks go. I have a black hooker waiting. Let's, uh... Let's go. So, uh, I put the TV up there. Laughter. Applause. Cheers. Sick, Eddie-o, sick. Laughter.

Put the TV up there. As I'm walking back, I look in there, and the guy's back to making the sandwich. I see his elbows and stuff. I'm going, OK, he's cool. So I go back to my truck, get in my truck, and I come all the way around. Buy me two black hookers.

Go down the alley, stop my truck. I climb in the back of the bed of the truck so I could reach the TV from the roof of the shed, go out the TV, put it in the bed of the truck, put a little tarp over it, just in case I got stopped. Which I didn't. I drive around the alley, I go around the corner, now I'm going up the street where the guy lives.

To my amazement, there's already a cop car there. Police car was there already. So there's two cops and the guy on the front lawn and all three of them scratching their heads. And I can only assume they're going, so what the fuck happened? I got up to make a sandwich. Come back, and my fucking TV's gone. Pfft. Wow.

That was it. Yeah! Absolutely incredible. Did you make it back in time to plug in the TV and catch the episode of Johnny Carson? Perfect timing. Fucking great. Incredible. I couldn't have planned it better.

Incredible. Okay, that's our show. I'll be back next week with my guests are Benjamin Netanyahu and the Hot Tua Girl. Pfft. That was a long story. That was a very long story, you gotta be honest. Pfft, pfft, pfft.

Goddamn it. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. Pfft. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. He's got a lot of family that's still worried about him a lot. Oh. Benny Boy, it boggles my mind, your ability to tell stories in the interview portion of this show.

Yeah, well, I'm old. I got a lot of shit. Yeah, well, you just gotta keep signing up and do it again. I sign up every fucking week. All right, yeah, this is it. This is your odds. Everything makes sense. You get pulled once every few shows. So it's nothing personal.

What are you, crazy? It's a bucket full of names. It's psychopathic. You just said, what are you crazy? Yeah. I thought you might see my name, go, oh, that's fucking Guinea again. Throw it away. The fucking what again? What did you say?

What did you say? Hi. Guinea? Did you call yourself a Guinea? Yeah. You should do a podcast, by the way, with all these stories and shit, like, of all the people that should have a podcast.

Yeah, I would love to do a podcast, but I'm not as smart as I look. That's perfect. Benny, we love you. You already have a big jokebook, right? Uh, oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, you got one. Don't try to steal one from me here. I'm not making a fucking sandwich. Hey, no.

I saw... What? I saw you at the secret show, and I said, I need another big book. Mine was full, and you said to Yoni, get him another book. Did we get you another book? No, that was six months ago.

Okay, Jesus Christ. You're a real con artist. You know that? There he goes. Benny Boy, ladies and gentlemen. Onto the next one we go, we're flying through him tonight. Benny, what, you just told a 15 minute long fucking story. What else could you possibly want?

Last time I was here. I have a lady that I'm gonna have shoot you in a second, right behind the curtain. Hey, no, remember I'm nonviolent. What? I'm nonviolent. Okay. The last time I was here.

Okay, Benny, I love you. You gotta go. Benny boy, ladies, I'm gonna have security choke you the fuck out. Get out of here. I gotta say. Go, get out! It wasn't the first time I've been thrown out

by the security. Benny. Okay. Shut the fuck up. Get out of here. ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"]

["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] Unbelievable. ["The Last Supper"] A throwback to a different time. That was bat shit. I love it. Oh, it was great. Like a totally different show happened for 20 minutes.

I can't believe you have Benjamin Netanyahu and the Hawk to a girl. Next week after that, I have Prime Minister Trudeau and Megan Thee Stallion. So it's a whole month of great shows that we have. So tune in for real time. Who books? Do you book it yourself? I book it myself.

You always book somebody very important and, like, you know, and then someone that's just, like, a street rat. We have Kim Jong-un and the Cash Me Outside girl in April, if you want to tune into that. Who else do we have? Bill Maher. King Charles and the Burger King mascots. We got a lot of great people coming up.

Real time with Bill Maher. with Bill Maher. Kyle done again dot com is what Bill Maher is promoting tonight. Oh, I see. Oh, man. That is hilarious. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by via folks. Life moves fast and sometimes you just need a way to relax recharge or stay

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TONY to receive 15% off and free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to VIA, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Enhance your every day with VIA. All right, your next comedian. We still having fun out there? Yeah! Not everybody's just old people with crazy stories out of this bucket tonight.

There's no way. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Marvin Izzy, everybody. Marvin Izzy. Yeah! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! This is dope, y'all. I'm having a good time, yo. Happy to be here, man. Really happy to be here, yo. Because tonight's normally the night when me and my wife, we do this thing called Netflix and Chill. Y'all heard of that? Where she watches Netflix,

and I have to go chill somewhere else? Kidding, man, I love my wife, yo. I have to. She makes more money than me. I realize I'm the housewife. I noticed this the other night when I was on in her work clothes, which is messed up because she work from home. I need a new weed dealer, man. Last time I hit my weed dealer up was voice text.

I say, yo, you on deck, and I sent it. I ain't know my phone heard, yo, you on dick. So he still serves me weed now. He just don't give me eye contact no more, man. And I need weed for, like, you know, tolerate work, man. Like, I can't stand jobs, yo. Like, I don't participate in work functions like Secret Santa's,

because I always end up drawing the coworker I don't like, which is all of them. One time I drew the manager. I ain't know what to get him for Secret Santa, so I got him the best gift I thought I could give him. My two weeks notice. I'm Marvin Izzy. Okay. All right, Marvin Izzy.

Marvin, welcome. What do you do for work? I'm gonna be an operations clerk starting this Monday. Operations clerk? Starting this Monday? What have you been doing up until this point? And this is this Monday, by the way. You were supposed to start today.

Monday night now. I think you missed your shift. All right, so I'm unemployed. Now, I'm meant to say I'll start next Monday. Okay. Yeah. And where are you on operations clerk at? That is a professional title, but you didn't tell us where you were.

It's a manufacturing company that made me sign an NDA, so I can't say where they're at. Okay. Yeah, sorry. That's what I'm limited at, and I just need to start this job, so... Absolutely. Ever get shot in the shoulder? Just... Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Your right arm is hanging low. It does look limp. Something's goofy over there. Ha-ha-ha-ha. But, okay. You do have the energy with the audience of, like, uh, look, I'm just trying to get my life together. My wife had a kid while I was in prison.

I'm just trying to do the right thing in life. And if you don't laugh, I'm gonna go back to murdering whites. Yeah. Yeah. Not just whites. Nice. Nice.

That ponytail is so tight back. It is incredible. You're Puerto Rican? Yes, sir. That ponytail is so tight back. It is incredible. You're Puerto Rican? Yes, sir. Absolutely. Yes, sir. Um, absolutely incredible. There is a certain amount of absolute pain

that they put themselves through before you leave the house. Stretch out the forehead, you know? Yep, absolutely, absolutely incredible. What do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? Like in your daily routines and whatnot is shit believe it or not watered down, bro I'm not as Puerto Rican as Puerto Rican should be you say watered down. Does that mean what you're I don't eat rice and beans I don't fucking I don't have any kids you have one. Okay Wow

But but I did have her when I was 18, so I still got a, you know. I gotta meet the standards in some way, you know. And do you live with her? Well, no, she in college now. There it is. There it is, very Puerto Rican. Yeah.

Absolutely. Who has the tighter ponytail, you or her? Me. There you go. Nice. Yeah. You're saying that hers is loose? I hope that's the only thing. That you go. Nice. Yeah. You're saying that hers is loose? I hope that's the only thing.

That's right. Doge needs to get in control of your gel budget. I've had too much of this. It's okay. You better get it together, Bill Maher, because next week on your show you have Vladimir Putin and Benny Boy. I'm getting word that's... That's right.

That's the right place to... Thanks for plugging that, by the way. I was hoping. Ha ha ha ha. Too much fun. This is too much fun. Marvin Izzy, what's something crazy we'd be surprised to know about you?

I suffered a heart attack a year ago. Oh my God. How did that happen? Uh, I was on a Red Band diet. Uh... Look at Red Band. cocaine and Wendy's? I was trying to get on the Big J diet, but I just, you know...

So what were you really doing? Tell us about it. What does that mean? No, I mean, it was just unhealthy eatin'. Like what? What, what, what? Fast foods, just fuckin' Popeyes, McDonald's, Burger Kings, fuckin', see the thumbs up? The Red Band diet, see what I mean?

You ever do any cardio? That's genetic. No, no, I ain't really do no, I really didn't take care of myself. It adds up. How old are you? I'm 39. Jesus, you had a heart attack at 38?

Yes, sir. And where did this happen, how did this happen? Take us through the steps. You're right, you're right. So we'll start. You're right, you're right. All right, so we'll start. Your right arm goes a little numb. No, real shit, now you fucking with me.

I do, my shoulder does hurt, but I ain't know it was like slouching and shit. Like, damn, you got me on that. You ever spend any time in San Antonio? No, never been there. Never been there. I don't know. Okay. Nah, so, Rochie, I came to visit, you know, I was crashing. Visit where?

I came to visit Austin for my first time, like a year ago, I was just crashing with David Jolley, and then I came back home, like, yeah, of course. And then, like, two weeks later, I had the heart attack. And then as soon as I got discharged from the hospital, like, the heart attack happened in my house, so, like, I felt weird in the chest, and then it was just like, this don't feel right,

and I went to go get some fresh air, and then everything started spinning on me. Immediately, I was like, all right, and I went to go get some fresh air, and then everything started spinning on me. Immediately I was like, all right, we're going to the hospital. By the time I tried to get a sweater, because hospitals are cold. Wow. So I tried to get a sweater,

immediately there was a complete detachment from my brain and my body that I was just like, no, call 911. And they came and picked me up, but they didn't believe that I was having a heart attack. They just thought I was ODing on cocaine. Right. Were you?

No, again, no. Hang on. No. As a fat guy, are you blaming the wrong thing here? Is this a little? No, real shit, I never did cocaine in my life. I'm a major pothead, but I never did coke. But not real shit.

I would have assumed you were ODing on cocaine as well, but ODing on cocaine and a heart attack are almost essentially kind of the same thing, right? Yeah, pretty much. But the thing that concerned them was I wasn't like hypertension or anything. Like I'm having this heart attack, but I had low blood pressure.

So they wasn't taking my heart attack serious at all. So how long until they took you to the hospital? Well, it was pretty fast. They got me there within like 15 minutes. And the doctor's like, it's a heart attack. No, they was observing and trying to rule out everything first. I like the energy of it was like,

this guy thinks he's having a heart attack, I guess. Yeah, they didn't take it seriously. At some point, you know, they was just looking like, how much cocaine have you done? And I'm like, you know, my name's not Tony Hinchcliffe. Uh, that's fine. Ooh. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. You got me. That's a wax. I never tried it before, but I guess that's a thing. I'm a gay coke head. No, but after some point, they had to just rule it in. It was like, yeah, you're having a heart attack. So they admitted me, and they ran a procedure where they placed a stent in my artery,

because it was the LAD artery, which is known as the widow maker, so I'm not supposed to be standing here. Wow. Yeah, they ran it through my wrist, which I'm happy because they said if they can't run it through your wrist, they run it through your nuts.

And I was like, well, I have two wrists and two balls. Let's just try each wrist first. Okay. Yeah. And I'm here to tell y'all about that. So big ups. Congratulations. That is a fun fact.

That is the laugh of Fiona Colley that John Dees has saved on his keyboard. John Dees has some of his own son. Hit it again, John. Aah! That is the great Fiona Colley, golden ticket winner out of Nashville, Tennessee. Um, okay, Marvin, you've been on the show before, right?

Last week in that turbo round. Okay. That shit. Yeah, yeah. Well, congratulations. You got your interview in, you got pulled out of the bucket. There he goes.

You got a little joke book? I ain't get nothing. Here you go, my friend. Hey, why not? Marvin Izzy. All right, we're flying through it. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Chris Cabral, everybody, Chris Cabral.

Or Chris Cabral, perhaps. Oh. All right. Do y'all know I've, uh, I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records. Y'all know this? yeah, it's pretty cool. World's longest infant penis. Thank you.

Thank you, I'm very proud of that, very proud of that. In fact, the doctors wrote, they hand wrote in my medical records, it says, wow, we thought it was a baby anaconda. Yeah, I'm very proud of my records. In fact I had my record for about one day. Only one day. Yeah as it turns out they measured the umbilical cord instead of my penis. So yeah it's kind of embarrassing there but yeah so that's my that's my one minute. Thank you.

Wow 42 seconds from Chris Cabral talking about his tiny penis. Yes, tiny, tiny. Hello Chris, welcome. How long have you been trying stand-up comedy out? Three years. Three years, where at? Charlottesville, Virginia. Okay, all right, that is one of the saddest things

that's ever happened in Charlottesville, Virginia. Okay. All right. That is one of the saddest things that's ever happened in Charlottesville, Virginia. A true tragedy. Man, that's brutal. That's all right. Oh, you got me. Chris, how long have you been a retired police officer for? I have been a police officer. I have been.

Way back in the day. What? You just stepped on a joke and what? I'm sorry. Nope, nope. Just go ahead. No, yeah, I was a, I'm a park ranger in my civilian life. But what did you say originally?

I used to do law enforcement in the park ranger world. Yeah. Yeah. Big Jay, what did you say? law enforcement in the park ranger world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big Jay, what did you say? I forget. Sorry.

It's all right. Chris Cable just out here swinging that baby penis around. So what does that mean, law enforcement as a park ranger? What were you doing exactly? Were you a... Resting squirrel. Yeah. Yeah, that little... Spit out the nut!

Give me that fucking acorn! Yeah. Typical law enforcement stuff, but mainly people vandalizing things and kind of doing all that type of stuff. But now I do education for the parks. Yeah. Speaking of squirrels, next week on Bill Marsh's show, he has President Zelensky and one of the squirrels that he arrested.

One of the squirrels, yeah. All right. It's a packed show. It's gonna be a good show. I can't get enough of these Bill Maher bookings. Chris, there has been something that's been happening tonight. I'm gonna catch you up because the bucket pulls

are brought over here and kind of get to hear what's happening right before they come up. There's been a theme tonight with Eve, Ellen, nope, Sharon, Ruth Hensley, older lady, kind of had a rough set, and then an unbelievable interview. Benny Boy, mediocre set, game-changing interview.

A story that would win a fucking Oscar if podcasts had awards. Okay. Now, what I want you to do here... Yes, sir. Is I want you to think in your head of something of your entire life. How old are you?

How old do you think I am? No, no, no, no, no. Don't ask faggy questions like that. Stick with me here. Just look at me. 55. 55. no, no. Don't ask faggy questions like that. Stick with me here. Just look at me. 55, 55. Okay, 55, very good. Stick with me here.

I want you to focus, because this could be gold, and we could go three for three with unfunny old sets having unbelievable interviews. If this goes how I think it can go, you're gonna come out of here feeling good. If it continues to go how you've been letting it go, you're gonna go, what the fuck was that?

This is your moment. This is your moment. You have 55 years to reflect on a story or a moment or something interesting about you that is going to change this fucking vibe, this moment that we're in right now. It's all come to this. It's your life.

I need you to reflect in your head. Let me give you an example. Okay. Sharon Ruth Hensley, a woman who appeared to own all of the cats, turns out is a gun-toting hillbilly, a Texan through and through, even though she looked like she voted for Kamala eight times

in eight different states. Turns out she shoots people that try to invade her house with a.357 magnum. Hollow point bullets that blast through marathon runners who are currently tracking her down right now. Sweet little Benny boy comes up with some old timey jokes. Fucking, it takes me seven hours to watch 60 Minutes. Next thing you know, him and the band fucking jamming up here

talking about a guy making a little mustard sandwich stealing his TV. A heavy TV, so heavy that he ended up taking up on a ladder on his shed, drive his car around, it was fucking crazy. That was definitely the scenic route to his truck. taking up on a ladder on a shed, drive his car around, it's fucking crazy. That was definitely the scenic route to his truck. It's unbelievable.

It was fucking wild. It's unbelievable. Wouldn't even make sense in any other universe other than Kill Tony. So now, Chris Cabral? Cabral. Chris Cabral. Yeah.

Now is that moment. John, if you can give me a little something, John, if you can give me a little something. Lighting, if you can give me a little something. This is your moment. Chris, tell us. 55 years to reflect on. Tell us something that would boggle our fucking minds that you've seen or been part of in your life.

Now, this is Chris Cabral. We've had for so long to give you time to think. And now, this is that moment, starting now. This is Chris Cabral. All right, I like the music there. Don't acknowledge anything, just stick with the fucking story. I was mugged by a two-year-old. OK.

Yeah. And that is true. That's a true story. OK, now tell us the story, Chris. I was on the US national luge team. You all know luge? Stop asking the audience for their approval. I can't believe three years and you've learned nothing about the art form, Chris.

Just focus in on the story. Don't acknowledge the art. Pretend like you're just crushing. Stare straight out there. All right. I was in Moscow, Russia, and a little kid latched onto my leg. And this turned out to be a big deal. I'm trying to get the kid off.

I had a teammate with me. He would not leave. This is like zero degrees in Russia. I'm grabbing his head, trying to pull it back. He's going, ee, eeeeeww!' He just kept on. He wouldn't let go. The kid wouldn't let go. I was with a buddy of mine, a teammate. The mom came out, grabbed my teammate,

and I'm still struggling with the kid. He wouldn't let go, and his little snot was running down. It was crazy. And I remember I was pulling his head back, and he's going, "'No, no.'" And I finally shoved the little baby on the ground. I may have kicked him a little bit, too. Shoved him, and my friend threw the mom into a snowbank

because it was the middle of winter. It's a winter sport. And we ran. We ran from the baby, and we ran down the street in Moscow, and we pounded on the bus to get in, turn around, and we get in the bus, and the baby was chasing us.

We didn't know this. He stopped, and he stopped crying, and then he latched onto another leg. So that was my getting mugged by a baby. Well, two for three tonight isn't that bad. It's a good story. That was 76% lie. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty wild. The good news, Ronald Reagan and the baby from that story are on Bill Maher. Nice! Okay. All right. Not bad. I love the plugs. Thank you, Tony. Baby. An unbelievably bad story, Chris.

You basically assaulted a 2-year-old and threw a Russian woman into a snowbank. Yes, that is true. I love it. I love it. Chris, what are we missing about you? Anything else before I let you go? I'm here in Texas. I'm a reservist in the Air Force,

and I'm retiring. Which is cool. Yeah, okay. What have you done in the Air Force? You ever serve overseas or anything? Other than beating up children? One person in the universe was excited to meet somebody on the luge team. Yeah.

Yeah. And instead of embracing that moment of like, well, this is beautiful, he shoved the kid down, and they, for no reason at all, brought the mother to watch and then threw her... if I'm understanding correctly... and then threw her into the snow. He's like, fuck you, you dumb bitch.

That's what you get for... We're USA luge. Like, fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid baby. USA luge. It is incredible. Your perspective is amazing, Big Jay. You've seen what I was... I completely missed this. The kid was looking up to you.

He's like, oh, my God. He's like, get the fuck this kid off me. Oh, my God. If I had a dime for every goddamn kid who wants to be my child because I'm just like a luge guy coming through town, man, okay? I'm like anybody else. You snooze, you luge. Chris Cabral, here's a little joke book. We're gonna keep it moving along.

You gonna catch this? Sure. There you go. Chris Cabral, everybody. Thank you. All right. Your final bucket full of the night, everybody. It's been a hell of a show. Make some noise for...

Jalit Zeller. Jarrett Zeller, everybody. Jarrett Zeller. Here we go. Uh-oh, oh, look out. Here he is. Make some noise for Jarrett Zeller, everybody. Wait a second.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, well, and you play that when he's up here. No. No, that's not how it works. That's intro. Outro is when they're leaving. Intro is when the next person comes up. We're gonna give this guy a fresh start. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Jared Zealard.

Let's pick our winner all day. Oh, I you want this? One more time for Jared Zeller, everybody. Thank you. So I've been thinking a lot about what Kamala Harris would sound like if she was a guy. So I have an impression of Kamala Harris if she was a guy. Please be a good crowd, please be a good crowd. Hey shit, man, hey man, you know me, man. Hey man, hey man, so you know I was walking to the store,

man, just giving me some Valentine's Day gifts from my boo thing, Dougie Doug, man, you know Doug, man, you know my boo, man. And shit, man, nah, but fuck, man, so you know I was walking to the store man, just giving me some Valentine's Day gifts from my boo thing, Dougie Doug, man. You know Doug, man, you know my boo, man. And shit man, nah, but fuck man, shit. Nah, but like, I'm looking for some flowers and shit, man, some chocolate, and then I pulled up to the dude, right, with my chocolates and my flowers and shit, man, you know, smelling all good and shit, man.

And I pulled up to the dude, right, and the dude, he was like, all right, bet that'll be $50. I was like, $50? Hey, yo, what the fuck? Here's an impression of the voice in my head when my jokes don't land the way I want them to. Now, now, I am funny.

Thank you. All right. It was bad and awesome at the same time. There's something, it was bad, but there's something weirdly hilarious about you. I love that you blame them. I know, I understand. You're a great guy, so...

That was like a fever dream. Yeah. This is what Benny Boy was like when he was younger or something. Your act is like women over 30. Not for me. But you got talent. You do have talent. I think you should keep going.

He's also dressed very sharp, but at the same time looks like a figment of an imagination. Yeah. Like someone's imaginary friend. Yeah. It is incredible. You have a very odd charisma to you, Jarrett Zeller. Oh, thanks, Tony. You're welcome. You're welcome.

You seem a little twitchy, a little high energy. Are you on, like, Adderall or something? No, just just vibes like this Yeah, just vibes. All right. How long have you been visiting from California? Damn bro, I'm like actually a Texan shit. That's crazy Okay Yeah, but my mom wants to associate herself with being from California even though she's not so like I yeah I get that I guess All right. Those little does your mom live in California? No, she just likes to visit a lot.

And you visited there a lot? She took me along, yeah. Right. Yeah. There it is. And you thought it was gnarly? Yeah, I did. Yeah. All right.

Jared, how old are you? I'm 27. How long have you been attempting stand-up comedy? Two years. Two years. Where have you been doing that at? DFW area and College Station Bryan. Dallas, Fort Worth, and College Station.

We know it very well. And how often do you make it down to Austin, Texas? This is my second time in Austin, uh, at all. Right. What was the other time? Uh, with my mom. Um, she took me... What? Face the crowd. You're slowly turning around completely. You just made direct eye contact with the drummer there.

I'm gonna help you out. When you get nervous, you spin around in 180 degrees. Your mom took you to Austin once? She took me to the domain. We stayed by the domain. Wow. You came to Austin to go to the worst place in the city. That is incredible. Does your mom do real estate or something like that?

What does she do? Yeah, she does. Red band. Red band. That was fantastic. Red band. That's pretty good. Red band on. Redban. That was pretty good. Redban on fire right now. He is on fire.

Okay, Jared, so, um, this is absolutely incredible. 27, you've been doing it for two years. Is that your best minute, or is that your newest minute? Uh, dude. Man, I feel like I know where this is gonna go, man. Where do you think this is gonna go? Face the crowd, Jerry. You're spinning around again. Listen, Tony, all right.

I've never seen anything like it before. You're like some type of like one of those... What's the thing that's in the middle of like a dinner table? What's that called? Nancy Susan. A lazy Susan. Jared Zeller has the stage presence Lance at Nancy Susan. A what? A lazy Susan. Jared Zeller has the stage presence of a lazy Susan. Is your mother's name Susan by any chance?

No, but man it's fucking close. It is. Chloe? Stacey? Stay with the S. Stay with the S, yeah, but I'm not gonna, you know. It's okay. You don't need to throw your mom under the bus. Thank God.

Sure. You're very close with your mother, aren't you? Yeah. You still live with her? No, I just recently moved out. This is your first time living on your own? Second time. What happened the first time?

The first time I had to move back in with my parents because I hit an 18-wheeler on a motorcycle with no helmet. You were in the motorcycle? I was on it, yeah. And you had no helmet on? Yeah. This is all starting to make sense.

Yes. Were you twitchy and kind of jittery before that? Dude, actually, I mean, yeah. Okay. But maybe it's more now? Yeah. It is. Yeah.

It has to be. It has to be. That was like coming out of a stupor when you said that. I was hit by an AT wheel on a motorcycle. All right. You're doing great then. Were you going down the freeway at some point and perhaps got a little nervous and turned around

and started going the other way head on to traffic? I don't know, dude. It was honestly, I don't remember. So like, yeah, that's nice. Extreme head trauma. That makes sense. Okay, so Jarrett, you hit an 18-wheeler, so you had to go back live with your parents.

Right, yeah. Because I had the neck brace and the crutches, like Ieler so you had to go back live with your parents right yeah because I had the neck brace and the crutches like I had to learn how to walk again so they had to like you know help me at the shower chair but you know all that stuff yeah okay you're good looking don't get feels bad for you man I'm feeling it man you dress well, you have good stuff going on. What's your, you have a good love life? No. Yeah, definitely not.

No, yeah, no. You dress well, but you're one unbuttoned from douchebag. But you look good. You also have a Norman Bates relationship with your mother. I worry that you can't. Mother, is this one good? No, mother, I like this one. What was the mom's name in that? What was that?

Shit, I don't remember the mother. Norman. Norman. Oh, yeah, forget it. It was Norman. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I'm close to my mom, dude. Fuck, I'm... Yeah, I don't give a fuck, dude. Okay, all right, Jesus. We get it. We know. We know.

She let you wear her pants to the show tonight. Oh! Be for being. Jarrett, what do you do for work? I deliver blood from a blood bank to hospitals. Jesus Christ. What? Is that, is that a,

I feel like they, I don't see what the problem is. I don't, oh, I see, because I hit a... Okay. Ha-ha. Yeah. All right. All right. I'll get... All right. You might have saved that Mexican from earlier. He needed blood. This is so interesting, Jared. I find you to be an interesting, interesting person.

I can tell that you're funny. Oh, thank God. I mean, you weren't... you weren't funny. But I can tell that in're funny. Thank God. I mean, you weren't funny, but I can tell that in there is a funny guy. I can tell you have like funny motions and your timing and movement of funny is good. There's something in there. Well, thank you, Tony.

That's nice of you to say. Let me ask you again. If you were to do your funniest joke that you've written in the two years that you've been doing it, what do you think your go-to would be? It couldn't possibly be that crazy Kamala Harris impression. No, no, no.

That was insane. Yes. That was just a racist impression of a black guy done by an extremely white guy. Yeah, really nothing Kamala Harris related at all. Yeah, exactly. It was her lines Yeah, I was waiting for something about a candidacy or politics Yeah, and it went too long if you were just like hey, man, what it look like and that was the old impression. Oh, that's funny But it was like he's gonna there's gonna be something

Just notes It's gonna be something. Just notes. Noting all of this. In two years, I gotta know, what would your, if, if, if, you know, Johnny Carson was here and he's like, I might wanna have you on my show after Richard Pryor on a stolen television tonight. All I wanna see is one joke and I'll give you a spot. What would the joke be? Look out at the crowd, you're turning around again. Uh, I guess Johnny, it would be a clean joke.

It doesn't have to be clean, but go ahead. Just pretend like you're on Kill Tony, the modern day Johnny Carson and do a good joke. So, I don't know why people keep coming up to me and asking, like... They keep telling me like, hey, I would never listen to a woman be president. And I'm like, dude, you listen to a groundhog

tell you that there's six more weeks to winter. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. See how he danced with the music? He says, there's a funny guy in there. There's a funny guy in there. There's a funny guy in there. Do you have funny friends? Do you hang out with funny people?

Yeah, dude. Yeah, man, three of them signed up tonight. We're all from fucking College Station. They're probably, you know, I feel bad that I'm not representing them accurately, but like, yeah, they're all, you know. I think you also made it weird when you said he wouldn't listen to a woman be president.

The sentence was wrong. I don't know, man. I'm just thinking, if I'm dressed like I clearly listen to my mom a lot, and that's true, so it was like, okay, then the irony, I don't know. I clearly look like I have a terrible black voice, and then it's like Kamala, I thought, had a pretty odd black, I don't know.

Both of those jokes were about a woman, and then you're so... You got this weird relationship with your mom. Like, it's kind of fucking weird. Yeah, this is... Yeah. When's the last time you were in a relationship? It's been... LAUGHTER

CHEERING Before we let you go, what's the craziest thing we should know about you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Before we let you go, what's the craziest thing we should know about you, Jared? Your entire life. What's something wild? You've seen this show before. You know how the interview part of the show works.

You're in it right now. What do you think would be something you would bring up? Well, I mean, that motorcycle accident was pretty fucking crazy. I would say what's crazier is the pity, I thought I was gonna get pity fucked after. And she just laid a missionary and I was in no position to like roll her over.

This is your mom? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fiona. Oh, Fiona. Who was this girl? It was a girl that probably Freud would say reminded me of my mom, but I wouldn't... No, I wouldn't argue... I wouldn't make that argument, no.

But she was nice. And then what was crazier? I made a joke. You go ahead. So, yeah, I was in a neck brace. The doctor said the neck brace stays on during sex. Well, he said it just doesn't come off. And I was like, I don't know. I don a joke. You go ahead. So, yeah, I was in a neck brace. The doctor said the neck brace stays on during sex. Well, he said it just doesn't come off.

And I was like... But I really wanted to take it off, because I was like, you know... And so she... I thought, like, I was just going to lay there, and she instead laid there. And so I had to, like... Who told you you have the gift of gab?

This is ridiculous storytelling. I have no idea what's happening. It's mom. I... It's not his mom. I know that. Every time you talk, I have so many more questions. Dude, listen. Hold on a second. No, you listen.

You listen to me. You listen to me. So you're hooking up with this chick you have a neck brace on. Did you not think to go, hey, do you mind if fucking you get on top? Yeah, I just felt like I couldn't ask anything. I felt like I was in no position to like demand or ask anything. I don't know. Were you wearing those pants at the time? Ha ha ha. It was awkward, man, yeah, it sucked. So what happened?

You were on top and you're just there with a neck brace, like fucking her, and you can't look at her because your neck's like that. Yeah, so I'm staring at the wall and shit, well I'm just wearing this prison, and so it was a lot of work, and I couldn't feel anything in this leg so like and it wasn't like I could go to my physical therapist and be like hey.

You said this was worse than being hit by a truck on a motorcycle. Well dude yeah. You know what's worse than that? And they just said like a weird almost fuck situation. Yeah. You better delete this over my butt plug just fell out. I don't want to lose my goer. You're right Bill. We're about to show almost over. My butt plug just fell out. I don't want to lose my dower. You're right, Bill.

We're going to keep it moving. Here's a little joke book for you, Jarrett Zeller, everybody. Jarrett Zeller. All right. I also want to plug my show. All right. OK, we've come to that time, ladies and gentlemen. And you are in for a very special treat.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. Here to close tonight's show, I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, this is Cam Patterson, everybody. -♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come out and say, what the fuck? I'm doing it right now, as you can tell. That's my voice, bitch. This is good though. You know what's funny?

I feel good doing comedy, dawg. I feel like I'm inspiring young black men to do better in life, dawg. That's not funny, bitch. That's good, I am. I was walking down the street that day, a dude came up to me and said, but you don't understand something, bro.

Seeing your ass do stand up and shit, like cutting out the trenches. That made me wanna change my life, like real shit, dawg. Like yesterday was my last day ever selling dope. And I was like, that's beautiful, dawg, hell yeah. What do you do now? And he was like, I just do security and logistics. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? And he said, nigga, I'm a pimp, I sell pussy.

That's a... Which is insane. I don't think I helped him at all, dog. He went from drug trafficking to sex trafficking. Nigga, that's crazy. That's worse, actually. I like telling that joke because half of y'all laugh because that's funny. And the rest of y'all was like,

how the fuck does this nigga know the word logistics? And... I like telling that joke because half of y'all laugh because that's funny. And the rest of y'all was like, how the fuck does this nigga know the word logistics? And... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I'm done. Thank you so much. Cam Patterson... Damn, it's okay, sir. ...has done it again.

Bill Maher. Cam, were you named after those things that follow you around every store you're in? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Who the fuck is Bill Ma you're in? Ha-ha-ha-ha! Who the fuck is Bill Maher, nigga? Ha-ha-ha-ha! It's an old N-word, don't worry. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I don't want to say it again. I just scream it in my pillow at night. I don't want to say it on live TV again. I got in trouble. Oh, my goodness. Uh, Big Jay Okerson. Oh, always hilarious, man. Thank you, bro. I got to ask you where you're from,

because I don't know where you're from, but wherever it is, your voice is from there. Ha ha ha! I'm from Orlando. Orlando. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The West Side, too. Hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah. What's the difference between the West Side and the rest of Orlando? Well, it's the West Side, and then it's the West Side. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. What's the difference between the West Side and the rest of Orlando? Well, it's the West Side and then it's the East Side and them like Puerto Ricans and shit over there. And then the West Side is just black. Perfect. Where's Disney?

See, thank you for asking. Disney not in fucking Orlando, dog. Disney is 30 minutes away and consuming. Wow. Bullshit. It's bull, yeah, it is fucked up. Watch your mouth. Everybody go, Orlando is Disney. No, the fuck we not!

Wow. It's fucking... Fuck, fuck Disney World, nigga. I hate Disney World. Orlando. It ain't Disney out here. Yeah. What's on the south side of Orlando? I don't know that side. I don't know where that's at. You never drove through there? I don't know where that is. How about the south side of Orlando? I don't know that side. I don't know where that's at. You never drove through there? I don't know where that is.

How about the north side? Neither. Wow. One way south, one way north. Who knows? You just pointed right and left, so I'm getting the feeling that you're not exactly sure what north and south means. Correct. One way's north, the other way is south.

Incredible, incredible. That's blowing my mind. Why does everyone think it's Orlando? Like that's crazy. They're 30 minutes away, so it's easy to be like, oh, it's Orlando. But it's at Kissimmee. It's the airport, cause that's the airport you're floating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So everybody that say, yeah, it's in Orlando, but it's not. They keep Disney away from niggas like me, man. Yeah. Far away from niggas like me. Okay. Yeah. Far away from niggas like me. Okay. What? For real, though? No, yeah, no.

I know. The last thing. The last thing, uh, yeah. I'm a good guy, nah. I do comedy. Absolutely. Tight shit. That my uncle.

Absolutely. But you would go to Disney World a lot, right? Fuck no. Fuck Disney World. Why? It's pussy. It's for kids, man. Any grown adult that likes Disney past the age of four is fucking gay. That's unarguable.

Wow. There's a lot of gay five- and six-year-olds out there. It's not wrong. Gay as hell. It's not wrong. I hate that shit. What about the new Disney stuff? What is it? There's a lot of, there's a lot of, there's a lot of... Tron. Tron. The new Tron, right?

Okay, there you go. Fuck about Tron. That's a way to... All right, you gotta get that Tron thing in there. That's an adult... You own stock in Tron or something like that? Say Tron? Brian, we gotta work on your black people's small town.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's an adult, right? Do you own stock in Tron or something like that? Say Tron?

Brian, we gotta work on your black people's small town. Yeah. Yeah. What about Tron? Tron. Sounds like one of your people, Tron. I know Tron, my cousin ain't Natron. Yeah.

Natron? Yeah, real shit. That's hilarious. That's real shit. Really? His name is Natron, yeah. Like in your phone it says Natron? Yeah, I think I've seen it before, let me see, hold says Natron? Yeah, I think I've been in the phone. Let me see. Hold up.

Wow. Oh, my goodness. You're getting your own phone. I saw you on Instagram. Wow. Natron. That sounds about right. Natron Jenkins, wide receiver, University of Alabama. What that shit right there? Look. Oh, my God. Natron, yeah. Wow.

Yeah, my cousin. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. It's his real name, dude. Spe, my God. Atron, yeah. Wow. Yeah, my cousin. Holy shit. Real name, dude. Spelled how you think. Three apostrophes, like flavor, flav, daved him. So parentheses in there for some reason. Only at the end of it.

What does Atron do for a living? He do a lot of shit. He do a boun... Well, I got to stop talking about him on this show because last time he got fired. But... But he do a... He do like a... He do a bouncy house shit, shit like that. A what?

Like a bouncy... He got a bouncy house business. A bouncy house business? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Real shit. Swear to God. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah. What Benny Boy would have done for a bouncy house while trying to steal a television. Can you imagine? Fuck out of here. Real shit, swear to God. Holy shit. Hell yeah. Money.

What Benny Boy would have done for a bouncy house while trying to steal a television. Can you imagine? That was hilarious, dog. That's crazy. That old nigga crazy. No one loves a good stealing someone's TV story as much as... I was just like, whoa, this is genius. Wait till they eat the sandwich.

Boy, I never thought about that, man. You're like, this guy's a logistics chief. Ha ha ha ha. Unbelievable. Cam, you're a superstar. Another rock-solid minute. You've done it again. We love you. He's on tour. He's fucking killing it all around the world,

ladies and gentlemen. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebell is in. Bill Maher, ladies and gentlemen. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebell is in. Bill Maher, ladies and gentlemen. Am I right? Tune in. He is repping Kyle Dunnigan. Uh, Kyle Dunnigan. Also, tune into my...

Next week, we have Oprah Winfrey and the Storage Wars cast. So check out my real-time show. Bill Maher, you are the man. Kyle Dunnigan is on tour. Kyle Dunnigan famously did an RFK Jr. impression on this show, which was absolutely incredible. We love Kyle Dunnigan.

It's amazing that we have that in common, that we love Kyle Dunnigan. Well, he's fantastic. It's kilednigan. It's amazing that we have that in common, that we love Kyle Dunnigan. It's fantastic. KyleDunnigan.com. How about a big hand for the great Big Jay Okerson, everybody? ThemVeigh. Them is out now on YouTube at Big Jay Okerson. They comes out in April.

Big Jay, our big brother from another mother in New York. We've always said that. I love you, my man. Thank you so much for having me on. Short too. I appreciate it. Thank you. Absolutely. Truly one of the greats. Big Jay Okerson, Bill Maher slash Kyle Dunnigan. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew while we were goofing around. Ooh Ari Matty look at that. Wow. Who couldn't make it. Violently ill in the final minutes before the show, yeah. He's doing the Lord's work touring the country out there.

All these guys are working so hard. We have a massive announcement that is happening right now. I can't even say it right now, but when this episode is out, check out the Kill Tony Show Instagram and our own Instagrams, I can't even say it right now, but when this episode is out, check out the Kill Tony Show Instagram and our own Instagrams, and you're gonna see what we're announcing,

if not right now, then tomorrow. So it's a huge announcement. No, no, I can't announce it now. You're gonna find out with everybody else. This lady's seriously mad. Why the fuck would you fucking do that to us? Jesus. God. I can't imagine being your boyfriend. Look at this poor guy.

God. What do you go through, sir? Is it really worth it? My God. That's sad. ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter, and PrizePix, we thank you. Unbelievable sponsors that keep the whole thing running. Shout-out to Bones Eye, working overtime, kicking out these joke books available at KillMerch.com.

A ton of new unbelievable merch. The new dark KillToni hat, which I love. This is now for sale. There's a new fucking Killtony thermoses. There's a whole bunch of fun shit out there. Killmerch.com. And the tour dates are... Yeah, you're gonna find out. There you go.

Big global announcement coming tomorrow or tonight. If you're a comedy fan, you have to check out Skankfest. This year, it's in New Orleans. You've got to go. Go to Skank Fest. Get your tickets. Fucking amazing. Sells out immediately, so make sure you get it while you can. And check out everything Kyle Dunnigan.

Follow him on Instagram and all social media. Same with Big J. Check out their specials. See them on tour. Audience, we love you. Thank you for coming to Austin, Texas. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America. Thank you, good night everybody. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm gonna go get some food. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open! Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday! Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. you