KILL TONY - #715 - KID ROCK + MARK NORMAND

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Kid Rock, Mark Normand, Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 04/04/2025 Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Right now, our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL https://nykdpouches.com/tony Find Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers nearby at https://voodooranger.com! Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://talkspace.com/tony Download the app today and use code TONY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TONY  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for everything, The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out Shop Squad.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shop squad. TV. And now here's a brand new episode of Killetton. Nashville, Tennessee. Who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives? Make some goddamn noise for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen.

And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land here in Music City, you and Fernando Castillo, Raoul, Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez. Matt Mueling on the electric, John B's on the Keys. And right there, he thinks he's in Austin still. That is the one and only D-Madness on the bass guitar. No reaction. D, you don't even smile, you got fucking 15,000 people going crazy. You're sitting there at the straight face.

There you are, you son of a bitch. How about, how about one more time for our, little opening act, our little crowd warm-up, Wynonna Judd. What kind of fucking dreamland are we in? We might stay here. Let's, let's, what do we do a residency in Nashville for a while, huh? Amanda Jean Roland on the beautiful fucking national anthem.

We are here in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. What a time to be alive. The number one live podcast in the world is here. here at Bridgestone Arena. Thank you so much for being here. We're going to have so much goddamn fun. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

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Not easy to select. Not easy to decide exactly who you're gonna have on a Friday night in Nashville. And I gotta tell you, I don't think I could have possibly have booked this fucking thing any better and any cooler. You are in for a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest who's going to be with us all night. One of the best, one of the best comedians in the world, a sniper, A genius. You know him. You love him. Make some fucking noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman.

Let's fucking go. Smoking his cigar backwards, ladies and gentlemen. What bad ass mother Well, you might as well stay up because I'm warning you right fucking now. This roof is about to explode. As I bring to the stage a first time guest, in the history of the show. A man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode. Who better in Music City, USA than perhaps one of the funniest, coolest musicians

of all time. Nashville, I present to you live in the flesh, Nashville's own Kid Rock. What up, Nashville? Let's fucking go. We are here. Kid Rock in the fucking house. An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. Kid Rock, Mark Norman.

You guys know how it works. Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket. They get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up when you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood Bears. which brutally interrupts them. I conduct an interview.

We have some fun. We meet them all at once. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show? I've selected the first bucket pool of the night while we go wrangle them. I have one of our great golden ticket winners

ready to get us started with a brand new minute and by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak, to get us started tonight, this is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips. I was on the road, and the lady DM me, and she said, hey, I'll show you around town, and my pussy. I was like, damn, this city offers great tours. What a package deal, you know?

Not too many to see, you know, you might be stretching this out. Okay, I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those moms deserve to look cool too, you know. And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill, you know. Let us drink. When I was a kid, the toothberry was coming,

so I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow with a note that said, Here's a full set. Pay a bitch. I glued the gums. Martin Phillips. Getting us started here tonight. here tonight. I love it, Martin. You are, this is a very special look.

Oh yeah, I'm a cowboy, baby. I fucking love it. You look like if Brokeback Mountain had an actual broken back. You know, this is actually, I have something special on tonight. Oh yeah? You know, I do all these killers to kill Tony shows in big theaters. I had more room to that surround. So right now, I'm wearing $3.3. Tap shoes.

Those are tap shoes? You know how to tap dance? It's just walking, you know? Oh, okay. Well, why don't you put the mic? Why don't you put the mic on the floor? Let's see if we can pick it up. Hell, yeah.

Oh, shit, this is a first in Kill Tony history. Who better to be our first tab dancer than the styling of art? It's easy to do. Unbelievable. So book me, grand o'odry. If this isn't a make-a-wish, I don't know what it is. This is a beautiful thing. It's like if somebody put a Woody from Toy Story in the microwave.

If there's a cash prize, just fucking give it to him now, right? Martin, you're enjoying Nashville? Yeah, it's cool. I just got out here this afternoon, but... Jesus. You got thrown right into the vortex, huh? Yeah, I just jumped in, you know, and went along with it. His whole outfit's also very hot.

It's very uncomfortable, actually. Not... I'll tell you what, you... You wear that outfit. You go right down the street here to Kid Rocks. I'll have them waiting for you. You go in there, drinks are on me, and you crush as much pussy as you want tonight.

Yeah. Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody. He's got us started here tonight. As begun. Martin Phillips, you'll see him at Kid Rock's Bar getting trashed tonight. If you're wondering what he's like when he's trashed, he walks exactly the same.

same. There's no way to know. Hello everyone. You know, sometimes life throws a little roast your way. Maybe it's a Google review that has you looking like a villain, a mugshot you wish never happened, or a negative article that's haunting you like an ex at a party. That's where net reputation comes in. They specialize in cleaning up your online messes so you can focus on what really matters. Roasting, joking, and, you know, just having fun. So if your Google search results look like a dumpster fire, Let Net Reputation put out the flames. Whether it's a negative review or an embarrassing article, they'll help you bury that stuff faster than I can bury a heckler.

Visit NetReputation.com where they'll make sure the only thing that shows up when people search your name is that you're a genius. Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke. Net Reputation. Check it out right now. Uh-oh. There she is, ladies and gentlemen. We spared no expense for Nashville tennis. That is indeed Heidi, live in the flesh.

And the great Valerie, everybody. The Real Deal. All right, it is time for your first true bucket pool of the night, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna meet somebody here in an arena for the first time in Nashville history on Kiltoni. And the first bucket pool tonight goes by the name

of Patrick Callahan. Here we go. The heartbeat of the show, the bucket. And it starts with Patrick Callahan. Hey, what's up guys? Wow, wow. Let's get this out of the way. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I am a man. I know you thought I was a lunch lady, but I am a man. But I am a man, but I get called. But I get called. I'm called ma'am a lot. I'll go to the drive-thru, I order my food, and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am? I always panic a little bit, I'm like, no, no. And I get up to the window, they're looking at me all confused.

They're like, I thought you were a lady. I'm like, yeah, she's in the trunk. I got here to Nashville yesterday, and I smoked some weed. Hell yeah. And I had the best meal of my entire life. You guys ever tried bread? You ever toasted it? All right, guys.

That's me. That's it. All right, I'm Patrick Callahan. Here you are. This is it. You're in it. A big house in the big house. Hi, Mom. Hell yeah. What's that, buddy? Does your mom look exactly like you? She does. It's kind of...

People get us confused. What exactly is your, what do you eat to be shaped like that exactly? It's a very specific shape. You have the arms of a normal size man. You have the kind of head and neck of a normal size guy. And even the chest, I dare say, is normal size. And then all of a sudden it gets crazy. Are you preggers?

You're like, what is that? This is what happens when you lose like 100 pounds twice, and then gain it back twice. How do you, when you, a lot of people in Nashville cheer for losing and regaining weight. Hey, that's, I guess that's a pastime here.

This is incredible. What's all about, dude? Oh my goodness. What's up? This is incredible. So how did you lose the weight? Let's start with gain the weight. Your mom's cooking?

It wasn't eating pussy. Hey. It's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know, clean plate cup. Don't do that. You're not supposed to eat the plate, too. I know, I know, yeah.

That's true. Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. You do. You look like Kid Rocky Road. This is incredible. Yeah, I get melted ice cream pretty much. Thanks, Red Band. We got Red Band and Lap Band.

Yeah. Red Band and Breadpan. That's me. I love it. How long you've been to one? stand up, Patrick? Almost two years. Almost two years. All of it here in Nashville? In Dayton. Dayton? Yeah. Wow. You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life? I have a lady, okay? You do?

She's in the basement. Oh, okay. I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is. I think her name is Wendy. True. I love it. I love it. You guys live together? Yeah. What's your house? Is it a white castle? Yeah. It's close to one, you know. Yeah.

You've got skyline around, you know. I love it. What do you do for work? I fix ice machines. You got to be fucking kidding me. Swear. Pretty cool, right? All right.

Amazing. Wow. How long you've been doing that for? Ten years. Ten years fixing ice machines. It's sad. Yeah, I know. That's all right.

Goodness. Wow. What do you do for fun? Comedy. I don't know. I make a lot of... I produce, like, podcasts and stuff. Trying to be Red Band, you know?

Wow. You really set your standards very high. Amazing. So you fart sometimes? Is that what you're saying? Sometimes, yeah. I have a cool soundboard. Incredible.

Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us? We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance. I can win. whistle like a train, that's kind of cool. Oh, let's hear that. All right.

Wee-wee- Terrible, all right, fuck me. Wow, people hated your train whistle. They should. It's autism, you know. Sounded a lot like a UFO. Something. Yeah.

Yeah. Amazing, Patrick. Amazing. Well, congratulations. You did get pulled out of the bucket. What do you guys think? Big or little? Hey!

How many you think? How many you think big? How many you think little? How many like it when comedians do good on the show? How many you like it when comedians do bad on the show? Oh, you are evil fucks. Let's go medium for you, huh? There you go.

It's his first time... Oh, no. It's his first time ever... Ever getting a medium. Oh, do we got a read? Oh, do we got a replay of that? Oh, we have the great Anthony Giordano in the director's truck telling me that we have a replay.

We love replaying when people don't catch the books. Oh, there it is, right up his hands. Let's see it there. Play a little, give me a little goofy horn on this. Here it comes. The moment of a lifetime in an arena. Oh, my goodness gracious. Wow, look at that.

If only it was that hard to catch diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pole goes by the name of A.J. Jackson, straight back to the bucket we go. We want to see what the hell Nashville has to offer tonight. Brought a human with him. Yeah, I did. Make some noise one more time for A.J. Jackson. So I got high as hell the other day and started watching Forrest Gunk. And I realized why that movie is so timeless. Because women are whores and men are retarded, huh?

All right. So I'm a 90s baby. I'm a big fans of the Mighty Morphan Prophanagers. I think the Power Rangers are badass, huh? Y'all know what else is badass? Abortion! Hell yeah. I think abortion clinics are still in the Power Rangers Thunder.

Right? Ozzie, get over here. Ozzie, come here. Because abortion clinics, they'll be like, dude, the patient will get out on the desk. They'll be like, you're ready, you're ready. And the abortion doctors, they'll go, it's aborting time. Coat hangar, saver, power up. Ha!

Baby Blasher, blah, blah, blah, blah. Go, go kill some baby. We're going to stop you right there, age. Holy shit. You do realize we are in the Bible belt. Hey, the fucked up thing is, I am Catholic. Sorry, Father. All right.

Why you brought the dog now. You're going to need emotional support after that set. Sure thing. Okay, AJ. Let's just talk about it here. First of all, this is the first time in this show's history where the dog did a better job than the comedian. We love the dog.

I see why he was trying to get away from you the entire set. Absolutely embarrassing. Yes, sir. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? A little less than a year. A little less than a year. And you came out 20-25 in an arena with Forrest Gump and Power Rangers references. Those are two of my favorite things.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Still, two of your favorite things. 30 years... That's called autism. Are you just call yourself autistic? Are you really... Self-diagnosed.

I don't know if you've seen our autistic people on Kiltony. They're autistic as fuck. Yeah, they're mad... I'm more ADHD. attention deficit, horny disorder. Every time I, most people are like, squirrel, I'm like, T. Seems like you got a lot of excuses for being just a boring, normal dude. I'm autistic, I'm ADD. Look at my dog. I got nothing. Power Rangers.

Have you been diagnosed by a doctor with any of these things? Not doctor. Right. Not doctor. Right. Just ex-girlfriends. Not too many of those either, Toney. I bet, age. Kid Rock. I mean, Power Rangers and Forrest Gump, I mean, save some pussy for the rest of us. AJ, what do you do for work? So, I'm kind of unemployed if you couldn't tell. Okay. Guys, save your booze.

Save your booze until I ask for them. It's psychotic, just constantly boo. No, I did, I just moved to Nashville about a month ago. From where? Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay. I really can't help you. I'm trying to get them to not boo.

Every single thing you say is terrible to say here. There's nothing good about Tulsa. I get it. I get it. Do you like country music? That's the wrong answer. This is incredible. I think if we would have planned this,

if I'm like, okay, I'm gonna create a heel that the crowd's just gonna hate. That's literally why I asked that. I'm like, I'm just gonna give him a fucking beach ball here. Eh, I don't really like country. I don't really like hot chicken. I don't like rainy nights and temperate days. Can we at least give an applaud for the dog?

Don't fucking. God. So creepy for you to literally spell it out like that. Yeah, you know, I was looking for something. So what's the deal with the dog? Is this just... He's a support animal? He is completely not trained.

No, he's just chilling. Definitely not. He's adorable. We love him. Everybody loves them. We kind of want to save him from you. Yes. But he's not an emotional support animal. Yeah, he's just like his daddy, I guess.

Wow. I think that's a bomb-sniffing dog. I wonder if he'll... As long as there's peanut butter on there. I wonder if he'll catch the little joke book. Do you think, can the dog, like, catch things? Does it ever catch anything? If I hit the dog in the face with a joke book, I'm going to feel bad.

feel bad. Ozzie. Ozzie, look. Ozzie. Ozzie. Marshall. Ozzie. This dog. Ozzie, look over here. Oh my God. Have you ever taken this thing on a fucking airplane before? Well, it's never an airplane. Never an airplane. It's got to be terrifying. There's 20,000 people here. Hey, Ozzy, look.

Ozzy, look. I was not a post for the camera. This is the least trained dog I've ever seen in my entire life. It's dog autistic. I've seen, I've seen Costa Rican street dogs that are better trained than this thing. Hey, look at this. The bounty hunter was more behaved.

All right, you take it. Ready? Boom. Wow, he caught it. I did one thing right. AJ, get the fuck out of here. You don't get the fucking fist bump kid rock after that. Okay, so let's have a quick chat

real quick. Save the booze for when they really, really, really, really deserve him. Granted, A.J. deserved it. But, see, sweetheidy, like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites. Just cleanses the room. Like a sage princess. All right, you guys ready for bucket pool number three? Yeah.

Okay. But don't boo until the 60 seconds is up. Deal? There's some people booing me saying, don't boo. It's pretty crazy. But, all right, here we go. Remember, if you boo the whole time, the rest of the world's going to make fun of your city for being a shitty audience, and you don't want that. Little insider trading information. Okay, you could boo if you want to. We get paid the same amount no matter how much you do. Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket poll goes by the name of Ryan Adam.

Ryan Adam. Come on, we gotta get a good bucket pull out of here. Has anybody here ever taken the Am I Gay Test on Facebook? If not, don't bother. It's 35 minutes of gay porn, and once you get to the end, there aren't even any questions. I checked twice. My grandpa, he used to babysit me, but now I babysit him.

I took him to buy some groceries. and in the middle of the aisle he goes, $5 for a bag of Doritos. Back in my day, I could get my dick sucked for a dollar. I said, Grandpa, you can't trick me like that anymore. Look at that. An amazing set. Ryan Adam has arrived to the Kilponi universe.

Yes, sir. I love it. You stayed in the pocket. There were 10 retarts that still tried to boo during your setup at the top of the set. You plowed through it. You hit your punch. You killed it. You did it.

Our first good bucket pull of the night, Ryan Adam. Incredible, Ryan. How long have you been doing stand-up? I'm going on seven years. Seven years, perfect. All of it here in Nashville? I'm from Atlanta. I drove up here today. I love it. Congratulations.

That's the way to do it. This is your birthday today? My birthday. Happy birthday, buddy. Fuck yeah. How old are you today? I can't tell if you're 17 or 48. I'm 30.

Oh, that's not good. Nice. Hell yeah. What do you do for work, Ryan? I am a restaurant manager full-time. I work at a sex shop part-time. Ooh. Yeah, selling dildos.

Yeah. Is there anything new hot off the market coming up in the sex shop? Any state-of-the-art technology we should know about? Yeah, we got one that's called the showstopper. Ooh. What's that? I mean, I have one in my ass, right?

right now, but tell the crowd what it is. It's just like a giant, you know, dildo and it has like an air suction control, little jackrabbit thing on it. Air suction air suction. Showstopper, that's what we used to call a rape whistle. Tony, I actually have this. Like the whole thing sucks out, though,

like it comes out of the shell too easily. Well, it's like a little air pulse jackrabbit thing. We just got those on the shelves. on the shelves, they're like little, it kind of like vibrates, but it's just like, it sucks, and then it pushes air out real fast. You really have one of these? Shut the fuck up. What do you do with it?

I used it once, but like I said. What did you use on your butt? No, no, no, it's a, are you talking about the suction? Never mind. He's not even paying attention. It's just so pretty. Red band appropriately wearing his Predator shirt. Of Russell Brand, the number's 17-ish.

Okay, very good. All right, Red Band. He also looks like the goalie from the big green right now somehow. Okay. So Ryan Adam, let's talk about it. You're born and raised in Atlanta? In Atlanta, yeah, about like 30 minutes south, but pretty much Atlanta. Okay.

Yeah. And what do you do for fun? You got a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a boyfriend. Are you really gay? I'm not really gay. But I do have a fiancé, and she's great. For fun, I like to ride my dirt bikes. Oh.

That's about it. I like to go moto camping where I go out into the woods with my dirt bike and set up a little camp and stay out there for a couple nights. Hell yeah. And then comedy. Fun fact. Comedy. Every bike's a dirt bike if you use the showstopper right beforehand.

The old muddy trails. Oh, yeah. I love it. And before we get you out of here, tell us something crazy about your life or childhood or something that would surprise us about you. My childhood, my dad was really big on meth whenever I was a kid. Ah. Wow, a huge pop in Nashville for Crystal Meth, ladies and gentlemen. Crystal Meth.

You can't even make it up. The crowd goes wild for meth, of all things. absolutely incredible. They booed almost everything all night. You mentioned meth once. The place goes nuts. Kid Rock. You said your dad was on meth? He was big on meth.

Probably had a couple Kid Rock CDs. Yeah, big on meth. He was also a preacher, too, a Baptist preacher. Wow. Yeah. Incredible. He was breaking bread and breaking bad

at the same time. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Amazing. What does he do now? He's in like the trucking industry. He kind of got past all that, married a nice lady. Nice. He was in a nice subdivision manager somewhere.

I love it. That's making it 30 minutes south of Atlanta. And what does your fiancé do? She's a bartender. Shout out Ali, love you, baby. Wow. Look at that. Is she here?

No, she had to work. Oh, she's dead. Yeah. Well, she's going to love. to see how good you did here tonight in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah, custom-made Nashville joke books by the great Bonesye, who's in attendance, live in the flesh right here. There you go, my friend.

Ryan Adam, your first killer of the night, other than Martin Phillips, of course. And now it is time for one of the regulars of the show. show, your first regular of the night, an absolute sensation, once in a generation talent that we watch right and perform a new minute every single week. Nashville, I present to you the Nashville Arena debut of Cam Patterson. Thank you. I just realized something about myself.

I don't like phone sex. I was having phone sex with my girlfriend. time and she was playing with herself and I'll beat my meat and then she was like can I use a toy and I was like yeah no problem you can use a toy and then she pulled out an 11-inch green dildo and I was flabbergasted really dog can understand some bitch I said a toy not hoax dick you dirty hoot it's clobber in time dumb-ass bitch that's crazy and like I don't listen I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys that you play with pleasure herself and shit

But it has to be the same size as my dick. No bigger. And I've been to her house a million times. I've never seen a green dildo there ever, though. Where has she been hiding this bitch for me? I really, I want to go there and cut it a half and have two of my dicks so she can use it when she need. Like that piss me off.

I understand something. That's like me going, you know what? Can I use a toy? And I just pull out a fat white bitch. Opper in time. All right, let me get about to say out of something. Tony, wait, I got some. Oh yeah, you know how it failed the last time what to drink with?

You drank it? Oh, shoot. You dirty, bitch. What did you just do, Mark? You fucked up my whole drink. Oh, sorry, I thought it was vodka. No, it's water. That's water.

Oh, fuck. Can we get Cam another cup of water? You all good? That went for you, nigga. This is all good, man. I thought you were my slave. Whoa. You're talking to say that right now, man.

I mean, in his defense, we've never seen you. dress quite so slavy before. Wait a fucking minute. This is a whole new look. You came out with OJ's glove on your head. Yeah, we got kid rock. I feel something on my shirt backstage and then like this is my head,

I gotta cut my hair down. My head don't look good right now. Oh my god. Look like a Katrina victim. Wow. This is. You can blacker every time I see it. You're like if a box at Newport's was a person.

This magic trick brought to you by Hennessy. Sorry about the... We got Hennessy in Tennessee. What the hell are you about to do? There is no winning this. You're about to just spill a bunch of water on a stage. Okay. Okay, before...

Yeah. Wow. Absolutely. I'm so happy that word. I'm putting this for that. Wow. Yeah, that is incredible. You're a crazy...

You are like a real magician, Cam. I'm a magic nigger, man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Magic, though. I always thought you were more of a David Copper house, not a David Copper Field, if you know what I mean. It flew over their heads, but I got what you was saying.

It's a lot of math, but it'll hit you on your drive back to Atlanta or whatever. It's as close as I could get to saying the N-work. Okay, forget it. Anyway, absolutely. Absolutely incredible, damn. Your magic, the jokes. Mark Norman, what do you think about this guy? That was fun.

I didn't know you were a prop guy. Yeah, I know magic. Black people love science and hate their kids, but that was really something, I gotta say. Well done. That is amazing. He's been on this magic kick. I saw him backstage.

He made a whole rotisserie chicken disappear. Whip it through the class. Oh shit. Yeah? I didn't realize my face was up though. Yeah, it's cool, right? We have a state-of-the-art technology. Oh, shit. What the fuck? You see that? It's actually a mug shot that we took it off of. Kid Rock, this is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson.

He's so confused right now. Like, who is this nigga? He's got a lot of energy this little guy. A lot of energy. He looks like he's got a lot of energy. He looks like he's got a lot of energy, this little guy. That is one way of putting it. That is one way of putting it.

This is the best thing ever, man. Absolutely. How do you like Nashville so far? I like Nashville. Nashville. That's nice. I don't like all the Browder Shower. That's gay. The what? The Browder Shower is and shit? Oh, yeah. I don't like all that shit. The best for it. Yeah.

Nashville, nice. Yeah. Nashville is like a white Atlanta. That's what it is, really. Yeah. Yeah. It's white Atlanta. It is. It is. A lot of these bridal showers give second and third wedding vibes.

I don't know if you're feeling the same thing. Feels like very few first weddings happen. Yeah, it's nice though. White as fuck. That's a big lady. Hell yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

You guys know how to spot him like Doppler Radars over here. He's like, Big Lady, Big Lady, Big Lady, Big Lady. Oh, my goodness. Hell yeah. Look who's got the front row. Hell yeah. These two have the best... Big Lady.

Pretty sure that was a compliment. Hell yeah, I would, I would fuck her. He only noticed her because you look like Kool-Aid. You're going to hell, dig. I saw the... Those two people have the best free seats in the house. You chose the wrong show to come 30 minutes late. It's a tomato, nigger, that's crazy. I love you, white lady, that's good.

Hell ya, hell yeah. I love your white bitch, hell you. bitch, hell you. Hell yeah. It's good. I love it. The first bucket pull put a wig on and sat in the front row. You gotta love it. Absolutely incredible. A tornado and a tomato. Hell you. Oh my goodness. Cam, it's amazing. That is, I can't believe you were able to get the punchline to your joke to show up to the front row. That's a Tennessee Titan.

This guy's got, this guy's the one that gets in between the those legs every night every night he every night he goes from Nashville to Rashville oh this is kill Tony Tyson I gonna say God bless you soldier love it you know what I'm gonna do it here's a here's a big joke book check this out this is this is her it's over it's over here's another one catch Camp Patterson you did it again you fucking stud make some goddamn noise for the young star. 25 years old,

a juggernaut, and you found them right here on Kill Tony. You guys ready for another bucket pool? Here we go. We're having fun here in the fucking dirty south here in Nashville, Tennessee. Make some noise for your next comedian. This is, without a doubt,

his name is Chris Dunn. everybody here comes Chris Dunn. I can't believe I'm gonna say this to an arena but it's my wife's time of the month right now. Not her period. That's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills. It's pretty emasculating. I'm the one who can't fuck for a week. I thought moving in together would solve the problem but our pay periods haven't synced up yet. Mine's late. Are you kidding me? Shut the fuck up. Yeah, she's four years younger than me.

My, what, okay, never mind. Wow. I mean, let's just look at the science behind what just happened here. Just for people watching, wondering how comedy works in a crowd like this. And for the perhaps, where the bucket pulls at? Where the comedians at over there? Fuck yeah.

Take note. You cannot leave pauses for laughter if there is no laughter. It's my wife's time of the month. I pay the bills. I'm no comedian, clearly. I'm just going to go out on a limb and guess that it might not be a good idea to tell your crowd to shut the fuck up.

Sorry. No doubt about it. You kind of did everything wrong there, Chris. Sorry about that. Apologies don't matter at this point. You're in the eye of the storm, my friend. How long you've been doing stand-up? Under two years, just under two years.

Under two years. Well, much like your last name, I do believe your career is done now. What do you do for work? It's not good. I'm an Uber delivery driver right now. How old are you? 34. 34, and you're an Uber delivery driver. Mark Norman? Well, at least one of your deliveries is good.

So how did life end up like this? How did you end up 34, a white guy, Uber delivering. What happened? I was in bands. I did okay. I kind of started over when I started doing stand-up, so I've started living shitty again fairly recently. I was all right for a minute.

You don't play music anymore? Not professionally, no. But what did you do when you were doing it professionally? What instrument were you playing? Drums. What type of band were you in? Mostly like rock punk rock type bands But you decided to not do it anymore?

Didn't like it, always wanted to do comedy And started doing comedy Do you think you're better at drums than you are comedy? Right now, yeah You guys think we should have a fucking Mexican drum off right now Well, well, well Let me explain how this works to the great kid rock We have a tradition on this show

where if it just so happens to be that a comedian knows how to play the drums, well, then they get a 20 to 30 second drum solo and compete with the house drummer, and they go solo versus solo, and at the end of the Mexican drum off, the crowd decides who they like more. If Chris Dunn wins, the rules are that he becomes the new drummer for Kiltonian has to move to Austin, Texas, and literally be the drummer every week. I can already tell the crowd hates this idea. They love Michael Gonzalez,

but let's see what's going to happen. Ladies and gentlemen, going first. This is Chris Dunn. It doesn't get much more embarrassing than that unless you count the set that he had earlier. We got a little replay of him losing his stick. Let's see that real quick, Anthony. Let's see it.

Absolutely embarrassing. Everything's going okay. And then God. Oh, and it hits him in the head. Jesus, we didn't even notice that the first time. Let's see it again. See the replay up there? It's unbelievable.

I mean, even God himself is like, nope. Look at that. All right, here to defend his throne, undefeated all time in Mexican drumoffs. This is the legend himself, the one true Mexican king, Michael Gonzalez. Belbib Devoa.

You have Chris Dunn winning the Mexican drama. Michael Gonzalez winning. I wish there was an even smaller joke book I could give you, Chris. This is a stunning, stunning performance. Congratulations. It could have gone anyway, but it went terrible for you, Chris. That's the heart, that's the nature of the beast, the thumping heart of Kill Tony,

and you are a prime example of... example of fuck. There he goes. Chris Dunn, everybody. And you hear that music, you know that the Mexican has retained victory yet again. Wait a second. Wait a second. That's feminist Stacy. We know this lady

from the first few hundred episodes of the show. Feminist Stacy, one of the famous old band members of feminist. Out of Los Angeles, California. How did you become one of the bucket pool girls, feminist? Kid Rock, meet Clint Rock. Oh, God. Oh, no. And yes, it's at least five inches.

Oh, my God. I cannot even imagine what that pussy looks like. Your beard is unkempt, feminist, Stacey. I'm not taking my estrogen pills at the moment. Oh, Jesus. You are extra angry tonight. Look at you. You savage beast.

It's amazing. All the booze that we've got in the night, the place is completely quiet for a feminist in fucking Nashville. Feminist Stacey, what are you up to? Oh, well, I've been in Austin trying to support women's rights to choose, so more kill Tony regulars aren't born. Why do you make these faces? Oh, no, don't do that feminist, Stacey.

Oh, no, oh God. Oh, disgusting. Mark Norman, I'm going to queep on you next. No, don't do it, Stacey. I'll do it, I'll do it. No, don't do it. Anyone else hard? Feminist Stacey looks a lot like Jeremiah Watkins,

the former bandleader of this show out of Los Angeles, California. Many global tours under his belt. Now doing, of course, all of his own shows, working with Dr. Phil, working with the goddamn comedy jam, working with fucking stand-up on the spot. Really, he's part of every fucking comedy show in the world. And it's good to see your face. Bucketpool number five will indeed be next.

How about one more time for feminist Stacy? With a little... I love you, Nashville. Yikes. A little blast from the past of Kill Tony. All right, your next bucket bowl makes some noise. Oh, Jesus Christ. Can't we all do this at once?

All right. Here they are. We're keeping it moving. Thank you, ladies. How about one more time for Heidi and Val? God damn. I mean, Heidi's ass is unbelievably ridiculous. Usually I can keep it professional and not audibly say that,

but how about one more time for Heidi's ass, everyone? You can tell America is back by the sweet cakes of Heidi's ass. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Mitch Crowlinger, everyone. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Mitch Crowell. As someone who works in the field of marine biology, sometimes people ask me about sea level rise, because that's a scary thing you hear about. And I have to say I'm not really all that worried about our ocean levels, like rising up. Because for me, I just see that as job growth, you know?

I'm just getting more to explore. My career is growing at an alarming rate of a quarter inch a year, which, to put that into perspective, that's the same rate that my that my hair is falling out. So if you see me in like a year from now, now you can look at the top of my head and then decide if you still really want to invest in that oceanfront property.

One of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their... One of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their sex is determined by the temperature of their nest. So if the sand is really warm, then they develop as females, and if the sand is cold, they develop as males. Because even in the world of sea turtles,

males and females males can not agree on what temperature. Did I go over time? No. Even in the world of sea turtles? Males and females can not agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set to, all right. Jesus fucking Christ.

Dork! A very oceanic set. What's your question exactly? I'm curious to know. I'm worried I missed the... What's that? You didn't go over your time. You just talked about dorky ocean shit for 60 seconds.

Oh yeah. That's what I was worried. I got the... Are you a comic or a substitute Exactly. That was fucking odd. How long you've been doing stand-up? About a year and a half. A year and a half. Is all of your material that you've written ocean stuff? What the fuck was that? Like 60% of it. Why? Because it's what I do. I'm passionate about the sea, you know? What exactly about the sea are you passionate about? I don't know. It's what I do for a living.

What do you do for a living? So I'm on aquarist. So I'm in a department called aquatic sustainability. Oh boy. Wow. This is the only time. I'm not a Greta Thornburg. It's not what I'm... Don't worry. Ocean life is the only time you're around something wet.

So what exactly is your job at the aquarium or whatever? So aquatic sustainability, it's basically trying to make, like, a lot of facilities, like, more aquatically sustainable for the environment, like oceans, like aquariums and things like that. So... I'm... They hate things. I mean, yeah, nobody really gives the fuck. It's giant bodies of water and nothing seems to really be changing drastically.

Tennessee is landlocked, motherfucker. Yeah, I know. I used to live in Tennessee. I used to live in Tennessee. Where do you live now? I live in Atlanta. Okay. All right.

There we go. Okay, what's a redeeming, exciting quality about you? Is there anything that fucking isn't aquarium related? Because much like an aquarium, you are tanking or you are tanking or right now. I know. Like any fun facts? I can wiggle my ears individually. Whoa, that's actually crazy. I've never heard of such a thing.

Look right out there at that red light on that camera and do one ear at a time. Let's see what we got here. Kid Rock. Oh wait, you can do it? Oh my God. Wait, Kid Rock can do it. Holy shit. Kid Rock has 145 more talents than you. That's incredible. Kid Rock, international fucking superstar for three plus decades.

It's like, I got that too. My ear wiggling I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year, once again. Hell yeah. Wow. Mitch Crowlinger, and so you thought that some of that aquatic material was just going to crush this arena tonight? Uh, no.

Okay, so you kind of were planning on doing bad. Well, you know, chances of getting on her, you know. So I was like, well, you know, I got my marine. Let me ask you this, Mitch. You're here right now, you're still here, you're still in it. Are you glad you signed up? Yes. Okay.

Well, at least you have a good attitude. Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch Crowlinger, everybody. We are running out a little tiny joke books fast. Bones eyes nowhere to be found. I think he might be in the back, sewing some up right now. This is unprecedented, the amount of little joke books that are going out. We get to take a break from bucket pools for just a moment.

And this is a very special moment, ladies and gentlemen, because this spot was given out to this person many, many months ago, because it was decided as soon as we knew we were doing the Bridge Stone Arena in Nashville that this specific, all-time great golden ticket winner deserved a spot here. She is from Nashville Tennessee one of the all-time great golden ticket winners her first time here at Bridgestone Arena makes some noise for the great and powerful Fiona Collins

I make a wish I'm marrying John Zena oh my god no my my fiance a good bit older than me. A little difference I've noticed there is when I give him roadhead, I guess all I give is kind of roadhead. With head, though, he will turn his hazards on. Like, what the fuck? Safety first, yeah. Fiona Collie, let's check in with Mark Norman first. Well, I gotta say, you suck dick, or in a wheelchair,

you're like Stephen Hawk Tua. Boom. Holy shit. That is, without a doubt, your Doritos joke of the night, ladies and child. Wow. Fiona, how amazing is this? You're here in your hometown,

down the street from your home club. You have some family in attendance, I do believe. You look fantastic. Life is perfect. Kid rock. Born and raised, natural? Born and raised, yeah. And you know what we call that here, she's a fucking unicorn, right? Kid rock meet kid roll.

If you guys were in a band, that would be the name, rock and roll. Oh, yeah. Rock and roadhead. How exciting that you're officially engaged. I know. I can do it. Amazing. Is your father gonna roll you down the aisle? I'm just gonna like army crawl or something.

It's like can only happen on this fucking show. This magical dialogue. And he's older, right? So you'll both be in a motorized scooter soon. Yeah. I'm excited to teach him how to use it. Yeah. Hell yeah. I love it. Seriously though, is your father in your life?

Is that how that works? Does he kind of like, is he just gonna like hold your joystick and push it slightly forward and walk alongside of you? How does this work exactly? No, my mom will walk me down the... Yeah, perfect. Yeah. Well, we have good news for you.

We are here at Bridgestone Arena, and the great people at Bridgestone have donated a new set of tires for... It's incredible. So you can go through any type of weather, ice, If the snow tries to stop you, you will plow right through it. It is incredible. Wait, is your dad not around?

He's somewhere. Oh, geez. He really missed out on some parking. When did your dad, was he ever part of your life? He was, yeah. And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road? Yeah. Kind of.

Really? Oh, geez, I was kidding. Oh, my God. Every once in a while I ask a question. No. You just find out the sad truth all together. Why don't you, I bet he ends up watching this. Why don't you look at that camera and talk to tell your dad exactly how you...

I'm okay. Recently, he said I stopped speaking to him because I got famous, but... Ooh, I like that. Good for you. Spicy. Let's change the narrative. Yeah, I like that. That storyline. God damn right. He didn't walk out on you. You rolled out on him.

Yeah. Away from him. Fiona, you are an absolute fucking icon. You are a little kill-tony universe. You might be one of the most beloved people. And tonight you came out fucking guns ablazing and absolutely crushed it. I've been so looking forward to this for you. And it's awesome. You did it. The American Dream. How loud can this place get for the great Fiona Collie, huh?

A little offensive. We have a bucket pool in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a one-word name. Make some noise for maniac, ladies and gentlemen. Maniac. It's a one-word name. This should be interesting. This is Matt Adkins.

They weren't able to find Maniac, I guess, and they handed me the piece of paper. So this is Matt Adkins. One more time for Matt Adkins. Yeah, so I've been doing comedy for about a year and a half, give or take, and, uh, you know, people, they ask you, how do you come up with jokes? What's your writing process? Sorry, I'm out of breath, but, and I tell them, well, it's pretty simple, man, it's a lot like my ex, you know, after a few drinks, they really start hitting me, you know? Um, you know, I'm built kind of like Bugs Bunny, but, uh, you know, I eat more than carrots. I eat ass, too. I also kind of look like Jesus if he sold fentanyl, you know.

Yeah, I don't get it. Like, he's kind of gaslighting us talking about, oh, I came back from the dead in three days. Fuck, whatever, dude, we do that nowadays. No problem. We got Narcan, dude. It's the big fucking deal. He needs to come back down here and see things that changed a little bit.

Right, that's it, I guess. Matt Adkins. Welcome to the show, Matt. Thank you so much, Tony. How long you've been doing stand-up? A year and a half, give or take. Where at, all in the here in Nashville? I go to Nashville. I go to Huntsville.

I started in a venue 220 in Pulaski, where the KKK was founded. Oh, wow, very exciting. Kid Rock is hard as a rock right now. What do you do for work? Well, I'm a painter. I paint, not like artistry, but like houses and stuff, commercial, whatever, whatever you got. Okay, absolutely. What do you do for fun? You look like you have some interesting habits.

I mean, I kind of like to do a lot. I'm a skateboarder, a fucking, I'll go hiking, I'll fish. Hell yeah. I'm like an ATV as a person, you know, all over the place. Okay. I love it. How about drugs? You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin. Um, let's see, acid, mushrooms, uh, One time in Indiana I did us a box and I almost fucking died. Tell us about that. Yeah, so I was like, me and the homies, I won a contest at Hardee's. I worked at Hardee's and, yeah.

One of the people there was like, dude, sign up. You might fucking get on. I was like, I ain't no way. But here, you know what? If I do, I'll take you with me. I got on. And then we was at the hotel and he's like, man, we need some weed. And I was like, dude, I'll find some weed watch.

A dude come walking out. And the way he walked out, he had that, I'm a dealer walk. And I was like, he's got it. So I went over there and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dude's out of town, but I got these suboxin strips and I don't know. What did it make you feel like? For about 10 minutes, I felt really good. I was rapping Tech Nine in the trunk and... Hell yeah.

And a few other things. I was hanging out with this dog named Chico at the hotel. Was the dog real? Yeah, the dog was real. Some old lady's dog. And then, shit, I don't know. We went to Wendy's, and I think that's where it went downhill. I got a Frosty, and that made me throw up.

That's actually happened to Red Band. He just overdosed on the Wendy's one time now. Oh, shit. Had a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy? Come on. I love it. Tell us the craziest thing about your life, other than your near overdose,

that we find interesting. I got my hair ripped out by a drill, which was, I thought it was my shirt, too. I didn't even know. And my headphones. But shit, I don't know. I got struck by lightning kind, I guess. Some...

You got struck by lightning? Yeah, well, it hit the house, and I was hanging on to the... Back when refrigerators and freezers were separate. I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume, and that's when I found out, don't fuck with Electro, you know? I swear to God, I was in a Spider-Man costume, and it hit the house, I said, and I swear to God, I flew.

from here to probably that stair set right there, dude up against the wall. I never felt nothing like that. No power like that before. Shit was crazy. Did it change you? Did you notice a difference? Did they give you any special powers or anything? I feel like I could move quicker after that. Can we see how fast you can...

Can you put the mic in the mic stand and show us some of the quick movements that you can do? Dude, you gotta start a cult. Dude, I've been told that I could be a cult leader, actually. I'm not even... playing. Oh yeah, I can see it. That's a third person now. Really? That's told me that. Just thinking about the thought of like... Can I get a fistfunk from... Oh yeah, hell yeah. Bro. You're like Charles Manson, but... Without all the ladies, right? Yeah, and he killed.

Atkins, I like your style. Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend. Lightning does strike twice. Another drop joke book by Matt Atkins. All right, we finally wrangled a one-word name all the way from Section 104, Roe B, C-12. We thought we had... What was that? Mark, you throwing plates over there. I'm trying to get it to the crowd, but the wind caught it. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long-awaited maniac, ladies and gentlemen.

The Kill-Toney debut of Maniac. In fact, my actual... wife is black. We were married for eight years. Three kids together. And just because I hate that bitch, doesn't mean I hate all black people. It's case by case. Another fun fact, I used to fuck my couch. Oh yeah. When I was a kid, I'd fuck the shit out of that couch. The problem is I trained on this couch and the cushions go straight up and down, just like this. And that's how I trained. I'd lay on top. and punched straight down. So when I got my first piece of pussy, my angles were off. Pussy's more of an upshot, right? So I had this poor girl laying on the bed, and I'm just laying on top of her, and I'm just stabbing straight down and just fucking the shit out of the crease between her thighs.

And I'm just giving it to her for like 30 seconds. And then she stops me. And she says, hey, guy, it's not even in. And I had already finished. To roof, don't we? Wow, maniac. Holy shit, look at the energy on this guy. Incredible. Mark Norman, what do you think? Was the couch still at the Raymore and Flanagan when you fucked it? Or was it?

Every time, baby, every time. Wow, was it a black couch? Yes, absolutely. Leather. You know the one. Oh, leather. You know the one. I'm talking the couch, too.

Maniac, you are energy. Are you on Adderall or something? No, sir, no sir. Just manic. This is just natural. Yeah. You're manic. Yeah.

Do you have high highs and low lows? Absolutely, yes sir. How often do these manic episodes happen for you? My wife would have to tell you specifics, but pretty much every week, you know, we grind. And then, of course, exciting stuff like this, bro, I'm a manicist. I'm a motherfucker right now. How y'all doing? Wow.

I love it. You're very honest. A lot of people that come up here with bipolar disorder are not aware. of it at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got ups and down syndrome. So let's talk about it. How long you've been doing stand-up? Four months next week. Four months? Wow. Yes, sir, you're sir, you're sir. One of the least experienced comedians out of everyone, yet somehow you stayed in the pocket delivering your stuff super into it. Yes, sir. You didn't lose

traction, nothing threw you off at any point. What do you do for a living? I do HVAC, commercial industrial. Yes, sir. Okay. And you said that you're married, which is very surprising. Yes, sir. Married with seven kids. You have seven kids? Yes, I do. Yes, sir. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. Oh my God. Got manic last weekend and built them a tree house because that's what we do. Wow. How old are your kids? Uh, from, so we got 18, 14, soon to be 13, 12, 11, 10, and 6. Wow. This is amazing. How's the 18-year-old turning out?

She's doing fucking awesome. Got her own job around and crazy to college. Wow, she's going to college. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Real regular college. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Wow, you must be so proud. Absolutely, absolutely.

That's amazing. Damn, seven kids. You're like Elon Musk without the money. The money. Just a bunch of rusty parts. in the yard. Yeah. Yeah, this is feline musk.

Yeah. Wow. So what do you normally do when you have this kind of manic energy? When you're not building tree houses or doing stand-up, what do you do with it? So I pretty much grind seven days a week. I work for the greatest company, Southern MEP. And then I work for myself on the weekends, doing HVAC, residential and all that, you know. And then I got a lot of hobbies, boxing, comedy, you know, doing shit with my kids.

You box? busy. It's a positive. Let's see some shadow boxing for Maniac. I gotta see it. I want to see your form. Put that mic in the mic stand there. Let's see what we got. Whoa, he's a south paw, huh? Okay. All right, little tippy tapy. All right. Incredible. You ever been in a fight? Uh, yeah, it was a trice. Yes, so, you say, say. Who was she? Ha ha ha. A big girl. Incredible.

No smoke. What's the, how do you as a father, because I cannot picture you as a father to an 18-year-old girl. Has she ever brought any boys home or anything like that? No, she's gay. Yeah, we rocking out to heart. Yeah.

She's got a wonderful girlfriend. I love her to death, right, right, right, right. She came to me about two, three years ago, and she was like, Daddy, I'm gay. You know, I hope this doesn't, freak you out and all I heard was no dicks and so wow you know what I mean it's all the father can really ask for I love it you talk about that on stage no not yet just now you should that's great and it's personal to you yes sir amazing amazing so you were at

truly pleased when she told you that she was gas absolutely absolutely I love all my kids let me ask you this what's your oldest son's age he's 14 14 So what would you say if the 14-year-old boy told you that he was gay? I'd be freaked out if he was interested in touching anybody. No, no, not if he was gay. My 14-year-old's autistic. He battles epilepsy. He don't let no way. He only let nurses touch him. So if he ever, like, wanted a connection with anyone in that kind of way,

we would celebrate it absolutely. You know, heart swallowed, maybe, but we would celebrate it. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said he suffers from Epsylipsy? Epilepsy. Yeah, yeah. I suffer from speaking weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe where it comes from. I like your fucking style maniac. It's incredible. We got one big joke book for you, buddy. Yes, sir, it's, sir. Appreciate it, you big dog. Let's keep it moving along.

Before we get back to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen, I must warn you, this place is about to get very, very loud. I'm bringing up another regular and it's a very special regular indeed. This man has been an icon in the show's history and soon I'm sure we will be able to get him his United States citizenship. But for now he remains the Estonian assassin, Arimati. I was walking home last night and guys will know this feeling. You know when you're walking late at night and you're like,

behind the woman you don't know and you're walking the same direction and there's that tension, she turns left, you turn left, she turns right, you turn right. And you're kind of in a rush. But you also don't want to seem like an assailant. It gets really strange. You know when you notice that she knows you're there as well? The body language changes a little bit. They start clutching the bag.

Warming up the hamstrings. And then there's a really tense moment. You know, like when they finally look. And now you like got to try really hard to not walk like a rapist. Would a rapist do this? Then you take an alternate route and then you reappear from another street. You got to be like, don't. I just live where you live.

Thank you so much. All right, Matty, for the record, with a new minute 55 seconds. This guy never misses, never takes the show off. goes above and beyond. Basically doing two sets at once, almost a two minute long set. Of course, we let our regulars go as long as they want. Ari, how the fuck did that feel? You just did it again, buddy. Thank you. To be honest, I was kind of stressed back there, huh? I love it. When the show started, they started bullying, I was like, oh dear God. If they bore near this act out, I'm fucked, huh? I love Nashville. Second time here for me.

for me. Oh my God, what a place. Tell us what do you love about it? The beautiful women, they got them, you got white girls that got some but don'tca-dong here. They do. I love that you notice that. Just the fucking, and I love

the cellulite on your ass. I love it. It is. Fill those craters would come. There is a very real thing that happens. That Harry B ass. Yep.

There's a belt. There's a big white girl ass belt. I noticed it because I'm from Ohio. And then when we went to LA, everybody from Ohio that moved to California noticed that there's a fucking flat drop-off. Girls from California tend to have no ass. No ass. California, no ass.

Right. No assville. Texas, they got good asses. But here and here and up into Ohio, I'm sure Kid Rock actually, knows. He actually probably has a map from his a pirate ship-like map of what white girls asses sizes around the globe. And the jean shorts cut off with the boots. Very nice. The jean shorts. Oh yeah. We love the jean shorts. That hand was sticky. You gotta love it. Where are my white girls with jean shorts and fat asses tonight? Anywhere? This girl's

raising her hand. How are we supposed to believe that? Get on your chair, you slut. I'm kidding. I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass. I guess everyone is. No one's beating our sweet little fucking tomato pie up here. Hell yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid!

Kid Rock, oh my God, such a big fan, such an honor to meet you. I love you. Thank you. We both say the N-word. I love it. It's God's country. I love it. I love the little boy church shirt. You got ready tonight?

It's my Def Jam shirt today. I saw it at the store. I was like, it's Def Jam time. I thought it was Picture Day. It's like a Cosby sweater. 80s Gap commercial, right? Yeah. Yeah.

It is a wild shirt. Would you get that from, what, a vintage store or something? Yeah, I was at a secondhand store, and I was skeptical because it looked so big. But then I watched Def Jam all day. I was like, if they can pull it off, I got it. You know what I'm saying? I love it.

I can't wait to get like a fucking onesie with my face on it. You know what I'm saying? You know that death jam shit? Bam. People will buy that. That's merch. Yeah. What else do you have fun up your sleeve here in Nashville?

Any other big plans? Fuck, I don't know. You've been eating good while you're here? Yeah, it's that chicken. They love the chicken. They love the fried chicken. Everything that gives you diarrhea. Yeah.

Nobody has a solid shit in Nashville, huh? No. There's no portion here, but you got the miscarriage with the food. You just pee out your butt. It is... It is a healthy flow here. You know, normally you go on the road and your body kind of clenches up a little bit. You know, you tend to retain if you're a comedian out on weekends, it takes a day or two for you to

to come up with the solid shit. Not in Nashville. Not in Nashville. Country fried fucking steak and eggs at the sun diner. My favorite breakfast here in Nashville. And right afterwards, both times today and yesterday, I'm just speeding back to the hotel.

It is unbelievable. They got that gumbo. They really. Hey, I got the gumbo. Yep. But no porn here. On my phone. Crazy, right?

What the fuck is in? I didn't know what to do. So I bought a gun. I love it. Ari Maddie, you are a goddamn superstar. You did it again. He did it again, folks. The juggernaut, the Estonian assassin, Ari Maddie.

We're trying to get him as American citizenship. It's a lot harder than you think it would be. You could probably make a call, right? Kid Rock knows a guy. Ooh la la. Heidi and Val, absolutely killing it tonight. Time for bucket pool. Number eight. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Ryan Sharp, everybody. Here we go. You guys still having fun out there?

Here he is, Ryan Sharp. How are we doing tonight? It's weird. I'm 23. I'm from Pittsburgh. I went with a roommate, and it's weird being an adult male with an adult male roommate, because some nights I'll be at work, and I work overnight, so I don't get home until 2 a.m., and he'll text me like, hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter. Don't forget to clean up after yourself. It feels like living with a wife sometimes.

And other times, I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning, and I'll open my door, and he'll just be standing there looking at me like that. Like, hey, did this look infected to you? But it's okay. It's okay to have those type of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no, man, that looks totally fine. Yikes.

So Ryan Sharp basically saying that, blah, blah, blah, blah, you have a roommate and your roommate showed you his butthole once. You could have done that. in five seconds. It took you 60. Okay. You're 23. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year. Amazing. So, is that your best joke? Yeah. Really? I never claimed to be good at this. I got, do you have anything shorter? Do you have like one short joke? Do you have like something that's like 10 or 20 seconds long?

where it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-boom? How is that possible? You must have one joke that has nothing to do with your roommate just showing you his butthole. I'm rooting for you here. I'm trying to help you. 23, there must be something, right? You got a one-liner or something. Shut the fuck up with...

Who boo's a 23-year-old, you fucking dorks? Shut up. None of you chased your dreams at 22, so stop being a faggot, okay? Stop it. You could boo the fucking 40-year-olds that have been doing it eight years, but don't boo a 23-year-old one year in, and that's coming from me. You got a short joke? Pull your dick out.

Okay, we're going to create you a short joke right now. just by asking you the right questions about your life. You're ready? You just got to answer honestly. You're 23. Did you go to school? No, I dropped out. Of college?

No, 10th grade. Okay, sweet. You dropped out of 10th grade. What made you drop out of high school at 10th grade? The prison system? Tell us more. Whoa! I was a really bad drug dealer.

And I got arrested in school, and How did you get arrested? Some kids like, oh, his backpack smells like weed, and they searched me, and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack. Yep, that'll do it. Have you been selling drugs since then? No, no. That made you stop? Yeah.

Did you go to the juvenile justice system? Yeah, I was there for about three years. Three years? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's like the Lil Wayne of Lil kids. That's incredible. They put you in juvie for three years?

Yeah. Fuck. How old were you when you got caught with the weed in your backpack? 16. 16. And they kept you there until you were 19? Yeah. Yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday.

You were like the oldest kid in juvie. No, not really. Really? Yeah. I've never even heard of such a thing, keeping a 19-year-old in that system. Okay. All right.

So you're a shitty drug dealer. What do you do for work now? I'm a manager at Chipotle. Hell yeah. Let's talk about it. Hell yeah. How long have you been a manager at Chipotle? About six months.

Where is the Chipotle Pittsburgh? Yes. Most of the people that work for you. Are they white, Mexican? Mostly black. Okay. We're getting closer now. We're almost to the joke.

Can you guys feel it? A lot of black people working for you at a place. And what's that like, Ryan? Feels good to have... No, I'm joking. I love it. He stopped himself and said, I'm joking. You did it.

That's a joke. Feels good to have black people working for you. Doesn't it? Indeed, it does. When you tell them what to do, do they always listen to you? seem like you'd be kind of easy to bully? No, they listen to me. I'm the most well-rounded manager we have.

When you say you're the most well-rounded manager. I mean it more way than one. Yeah. Sure. But what are the other managers like? Brain dead and retarded. Wow. Let me be the first to tell you, you're fired.

You no longer work at Chipotle. That's a wrap. That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage. Okay. You get free burritos? Yeah. Nice. Hell yeah.

If you couldn't tell. That's all I eat is food from work. Absolutely. What do you do for fun, Ryan? You're 23. You're in Pittsburgh. What do you do when you want to get wild? My buddy is actually a comic that I'm here with,

and I record a lot of his stuff. and I'd go out and do open mics and support all the bros and shit. Sure, other than comedy. Is there something else that you're into? Any other hobbies? Music. What do you do musically? I've produced music.

Yeah. Do you ever sing? What do you do? You sing? What was that? You ever sing? No, no. What do you do exactly?

I just make beats and mix and master. All right. Incredible. Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you. Besides this. This has to be up there. Come on, Ryan. This is what you want.

I can't think of anything. Virgin? No. All right. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do? Have you ever done a trick that works for you? you have any special things you do to please a woman in the bedroom? I'm pretty sure that's called sexual harassment nowadays.

No, not if she consents, Ryan. I'm saying that when you're having sex with a consenting woman, do you have any tricks or anything that you do? Any special maneuvers? The eater burrito bowl? Yeah. Yeah, I pour the burrito. I take the burrito and I empty it out and then eat it out of her.

That's my special go to. Jesus Christ, Ryan. You are crazy. This is wild. Do you love doing stand-up? It's a fun hobby. I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway. It's just for the love of it. It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself. There you go. I guess that's about as good as it's gonna fucking get with the styles of Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Is any woman willing to fuck him? There's a dude that raised... a couple dudes raised their hands.

One guy. Sorry, buddy. I try. I can't believe. Can't believe. Can't believe. Can't believe. he's not luring those black chicks from work back to his apartment with those sick beats. He's probably been... Ryan Clark's sick beats. That is something to imagine. Ladies and gentlemen, it's perfect that that set was pretty lackluster because I have something on deck that you're not going to fucking believe. Not only is this one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, he also happens to be one of only three living members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame. This is a very special surprise drop-in from Kill Tony Legend,

one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, one of the greatest roasters on planet Earth. This is David Lucas. I'm thinking it's a body positivity shit. They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo. and even she was tired of being a fat bitch, she lost weight. They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year, and I'm a fat person.

I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers, you know? Y'all saw that shit where that fat-ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car. It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber. You should have ordered a tow truck, you know. You can't let nobody that size get in. your car, that bitch getting your car, your fucking oil light, come on, man. If she would have tried to get into my car, I would have turned into a Japanese granddad.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Too big, you pig size. I love Nashville. It's full of white women. Yeah. I feel like if I don't fuck white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain. All right, that's about tired of David Lucas. Thank you. David Lucas. Yeah. Martin Luther King-size comedy. Licking Tony, you got on Netflix

without showing your pussy. I'm surprised. I was like, I know they're going to have this nigga Topliss on the first episode. Hell yeah. Your sweat is streaming everywhere right now. You got on that shit that can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you're sweating.

Kid Rock. What's up, Kid Rock? What's having, bro? Kid Rock. of course, friends with the greatest president of the United States of America. The fact about David Lucas that you might not have guessed by looking at him is that David, surprisingly, is right wing, right thigh, and right breasts. David's been up to the house.

Yeah, I've been to your house, kid, Ron. You're a part of your motherfucker, bro. You actually look dehydrated today, licking. Somebody. He was at the house last night. We had fun last night at the house. the Southern White House. David was at the Southern Waffle

House. All right damn, Tony. We... You're the only nigga that took his pants off when he walked in the Kids Rock House. Lizzling got asses out. I love it. David. You are a beast. Hell yeah, bro. How you been in Joy in Nashville?

Oh, bro. Nashville, dope. I got to hang out with with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last. Last night was in that bitch to 5 a.m. dog. You know what we were? Yeah. Kid Rock is the most partying motherfucker and we found out he only has two jokes. That he says all night, nigga, look at her.

Kid Rock, you need an IV, you don't look all right, bro. You look like David Spade with AIDS. That's a hell of a week. The Rock looked like the T-Moo version of Randy Johnson. I looked like fucking Brad Armpit. Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you gotta drop it in water for it to expand, nigga. You look dehydrated, nigga.

Your ass need a sip of water. Somebody bring this nigga a liquid IV, man. Like white trash Ellen. Tony was the only girl to come to kids rock house and not get fucked. I got lucky. I got out of there. You don't know that.

Yeah. Couple of more beers, boy, but got them, but goddamn cowboy boots would have been on the side. Nothing. Yeah, Mark. Kid Rock's got a lot of women, but Daveo was the only one whipped last night. No, can I tell the joke? Can I tell the joke driving up the Kid Rock's Out?

Sure. All right, if I tell it, it's not racist. So I'm the only black person in this suburban driving up the Kid Rock's Southern Mansion, right? And I noticed that I was the only black person that we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve. And I'm like, damn, it ain't no other niggas in the car. Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now. And Tony was like, we actually brought you

to fight his other one. I was like, can't rock that one? There's Bojangles, unchained. You got on Capri Paz, nigger, shut your ass up. You got your angles out like hiding, nigga, what the fuck up? You're missing.

Ari Maddie was wearing your shirt from eighth grade. It is true. We went from R.E. Maddie to R.E. Fadi. This is incredible. Tony, shut the fuck up, nigga. You look like you about to assassinate a nigga with the pressure coming out of your ass.

I put a 7-6-2 round in that ass, boy. You can shoot a nigga from a half a mile away. I know it. It'd be silent. All you hear is, Nigger, drop dead. What a wild time. I thought Kid Rock was going to talk more shit tonight.

All the shit we were talking last night. Oh, well, it's a school night. It is. I have a show tomorrow. I don't drink before show, so I'm a little... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This nigga, heart don't start beating tequila touch his tongue.

It is fitting that you're here at Bridgestone Arena since you are burnt rubber. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Well, you got skid marks on the front of your draws, nigga. You look like the type of man and let other people fart in your pants. I don't know what it means, but it was funny. David's been eating lunch at Hattie Bees and dinner at hepatitis Bees. Tony looking like the type of nigga to get in bed with a big t-shirt and a bowl of ice cream. You're fucking killing me tonight. This is a one-sided fucking victory for you.

Hell yeah, it's like we're sitting on the opposite sides of the car. Kid rock. That's my nigga. What's up, Bobby? What up? Yeah. Come on, call him what you want to call him. The N-word. I'm just joking. Don't do it. Mark, don't get that man in trouble. He don't give a fuck.

I was just fucking around. Kid Rock's the only white person to put the N-word on an album and nobody says shit. That's how bad ass he is. No fucks, no political correctness. The American Dream, the First Amendment at its finest. But that makes you free, dog. You ain't like the rest of these gay-ass artists that can't even sleep at night. You're free.

It's true. Thank you. You're free too now. Look like he would have owned the only trendy slave plantation. A plantation. full of Rupal's. David Lucas. Yes, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen. Yes, sir. You know what time it is. Done it again. You are a legend. The Hall of Famer. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show.

One more time for the great and powerful. King of the Roast, David Lucas, everybody. The man, the myth, the legend. We are flying through it. We're almost there. Let's get another bucket pull up. Make some noise for Max Tidy, everyone.

Max Tidy, the kill Tony debut of Max Tidy. There's Heidi and here's Max Tidy. Hey. So I seen a video of a guy killing a bear with a blow dart gun the other day. Yeah, because that's what pops up when you type in Guy blows bear. Nashville, we shave our balls in here.

we shaving our balls. Yeah, yeah, I like to do mine with the straight razor. Act like I'm holding my dick hostage. I start saying weird shit, and I'm like, you know how I got these scars? My dick looks up like circumcision. Oh, man. You guys, this crowd probably doesn't have to imagine.

But imagine getting into the club. Luke Lux Klan? And finding out you're not a racist? How embarrassing is that? You gotta get the tattoo covered up just says J KKK? A, solid. Cool, I'll take that.

Well, I'm not a good note. So. Max Tidy, welcome to the show. How's it going? Good. How long are you doing stand-up comedy? Nine years. Where at?

South Bend, Indiana mainly. Wow. Is that, that's where you still live? Yeah. What made you stay in South Bend? A child. Okay. You made a child.

That's happened. Oh, are you dating one? Oh, I'm not Kid Rock, bro. Oh. Man. It takes a set of ball with a balls to make a joke like that. like that. You've seen the crowd he's been running with. I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, man. Epstein's Island? It's a joke. Okay. Dude, my family loves Kid Rock, bro. My family loves Kid Rock. Max, you better fucking show goddamn respect of the king himself. Give it up for Kit Rock. I can't let him here. Come on. Well, you don't need to do that.

They already love him. A lot of hosting. You're turn. Okay, Max. Is that your real name? Max tidy? Max Tidy. What do you do for work? I work at a dispensary. Okay. How old's your kid?

Six years old. Six years old. And you're able to support yourself and the kid off of a dispensary job? Yeah, we'd be doing the thing. Mearmie, me, me, me, me, me. All of it in Indiana? That's legal there? I work in Michigan. I just recently moved to Indiana. Okay. So you drive up to Michigan. Yes.

And you work there. How long's your drive daily? It's like half an hour. Okay. Yeah. And what were you doing? before the job at the dispensary. I worked at a whiskey distillery. Okay, all right.

Gayway occupations. Uh-huh. And have you ever thought about, are you still with the mom? No. Okay, does she have visitation rights? Yeah, we like, we have like a schedule set up. Okay, and how often do you have the kid?

I get him like for my two days a week and then like every other Sunday, then like once a quarter, I get him for a week straight. Talking about like my visitation rights, right now? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. That's the decision that I made. I like that. Kid Rock. Assuming those are super

supervised, is it? Dude, my dad loves you, bro. Why do you keep saying that? Everybody's fucking dad loves Kid Rock. You're stating the obvious here. That's a good point. Yeah. Okay. Max, what do you think is the most interesting

thing about you? You've seen this show before you understand the interview portion of this A little bit. I don't know about the most interesting thing. I could make them not like me more. Okay, do it. If that's what you're going to do one more? Can I do one more bit? I mean, it's a... How long's the bit? It's like 30 seconds. 30? Maybe 20. Let's make it 20. Let's make it 20. Have you guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? You guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? The R15?

Oh God. Yeah, I think they're mad about the shooting at that pirate bar. The Sandy Hook. Okay. We're going to save you. Here's a medium joke book. There goes Max Tidy, everybody. Oh.

There he goes. We have a special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. We're running a little bit ahead of schedule here, so I'm going to get this guy up here. He is not a golden ticket winner. He is not a regular, but he is a developed character on the show. Make some noise. This is the Nashville arena debut of Uncle Laser.

Y'all can tell I was probably addicted to cocaine at some point in my life. And I quit, but summer's coming. So we'll see. Yeah, we'll fucking see. It sucks quitting shit you're great at. Listen, I'm great at cocaine. I can turn a Sunday, fun day into a no-call show, no Monday, in a motherfucking instant, you hear me?

But I had to quit and started smoking pot. This little hippie bitch here, she, all right, shut up. Listen, she smokes this shit called dabs. Y'all ever done dabs? Okay, well, listen, for you guys, I don't know what dabs are. It's the highest rated THC. Basically, when you smoke dabs,

it gives you down syndrome for the rest of the week, okay? He got shit to do that day? Not gonna fucking get to it, all right? And then she wants to get all sexual with me. She's like, hit me with that horse cock, Daddy. And I'm like, first off, who talks like that, you know? Second of all, you're going to be lucky to get my little pony, you know, because I got cerebral pulse at this point.

She goes, hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? I go, no, my mom's coming to get me. Don't worry about it. My name's Uncle Leslie. I've been fucking great. Uncle Laser, coming from a place of experience and honesty, talking about what he knows.

very real stuff. This is the real guy. Live in the flesh. This is who he is. This is what he does. He keeps a harmonica on him at all times and a pair of outfielder sunglasses. He is an actual gas station visiting, a gas station visiting human being. Rocking the stone cold muscle shirt right at home here in Nashville, Tennessee. It's a beautiful head of hair. Thank you, all son. Thank you, Mr. Mark. Like a homeless Pat McAfee. Dollar General, I'll take that.

Hell yeah. How you've been enjoying Nashville? There's a good time. A lot of country folk out here. Good time. Just trying to put the cut in country. You know what I'm saying? What are we talking about?

Hell yeah. Yeah. How's it been going for you? Any wild nights? What you've been doing? Tony, I mean, I know where in Nashville, and this is more of an Austin. But I think I found out who the Randy Street Wrangler is.

Okay. For those y'all don't know, there's a serial killer in Austin. He didn't kill like 30, like boys that fit my description to a T. But the other night, there's a little girl. I see a little nighttime ballerina. And she calls me and she goes, hey, if I give you $3,500, you come over here and fuck me in front of one of my clients while he watches. And I said, is that going to be cash or check?

You know. And I went and I get there and he's working. And I get there and he's wearing a diaper, like an adult diaper. And I'm thinking when I drive there, I'm like, he's probably some decrepit old man, you know, just trying to live out a sexual fantasy. When I get there, he was 6'8, 285 pounds, and he was nonverbal. He just looked at you real weird. He sounded like a diesel engine when he opened the door.

And I had to fuck my best friend while he watched in a corner to the greatest hits of Creed. And I didn't know they had a Spotify playlist for cuckholding music, but son of a bitch, Here, what hit us in there? What? Jesus Christ. With ass wide open. Three foot nine with a 10 foot dick, you know, talking about old son. Hell yeah.

All right. Uncle Laser getting to perform in front of Kid Rock. This is my idol. I know. This is my fucking idol. I'm nervous as shit right now. No, no. Thank you.

It's good to, don't be weird. This is incredible. This is like, if David Lucas got to perform for the Kool-Aid man. Laser, I love it. You were on the final part of my depth chart here, and you came in, swinging, crushing, great stuff, Uncle Laser. Thank you, Tony.

Thank you, guys. Thank you, Nashville. I thought I was done with the bucket, but then we realized we have not had a female comedian yet tonight. So I went through about fucking 50 names until I found one. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pole of the night, your first female comedian of the night. Make some noise. One minute uninterrupted. Oh, that's right.

Fiona was up. Yes, your first standing female comedian of the night. Make some noise for her. It is Yawanna Dixon. Yowna Dixon. I'm too short for this. Hello. So I just got engaged to a comedian, which was really fun until I realized very quickly that date night equals open mic night.

And weekend away equals waking up at 6 a.m. getting in my car, driving eight hours to the Bridgestone Arena parking lot for the Kill Tony show. So that was my, that's my weekend away. How fun. No, yeah, so I didn't come into comedy for the things that, you know, people usually do, money, fame, women, single ladies, yeah. No, I just really wanted to be impluted in his hobby. Isn't that fun? Well, well, so, you know, he needed a host, and I'm not afraid of a microphone. And people ask me all the time, what is it like to be engaged to the Fristow Kid? And I don't know if I'm in a real relationship or in the longest bit of his whole career.

So yeah, that's my time. Oh my goodness. It's too short for the stand. It's okay, Yowanna. How's it going? How long have you been doing stand up? Like kind of two years. Kind of two years?

Yeah. Okay, we're at. Different kind of shows. my fiance. He runs the Music Depot in Northwest Arkansas, so I host there, I host around Northwest Arkansas. Okay. Yeah. All right. Tell us something interesting about you, other than your fiance. Yeah. Well, the interesting thing is that my fiancé is Mexican and loves my black cat. Okay. Other than your fiancé, name something unfiancé related about your life, you?

Me. Yeah. I'm a waitress. Okay. And I serve really horrible people that don't want to tip me. That's in northern Arkansas? In northwest Arkansas, yeah.

The land of Walmart. Walmart employees don't want to tip me money. Okay. Boy. Do you talk about your fiancé the whole time when you're delivering their food? Is that so horrible? Sorry, you're not in a happy.

relationship, that sucks. Oh. When's the wedding? Because he might get deported. Look at that guy. Let's see this fiance. I'm being told that Anthony has found the fiance in the audience. He's right there. That's him?

I think he would be happy to be deported to South Central L.A. How the fuck does that guy live in northwest Arkansas? That's some lawn work out there. He heard it was NWA a nice white area. Where did you guys meet? At church, at the Lord's house, where else would we meet? All right. Kid Rock. He's in the relocation program. Did he want to... To God's country, yeah. Did he want to get up tonight? And then you ended up getting up?

That's how it works. Oh. Well, it sucks to be y'all. Yohanna Dixon, congratulations. You are the last little joke book winner of the night. You know what, ladies and gentlemen, we've had a lot of fun tonight. I think there's only one thing left to do. I got to tell you, this is an amazing moment in the history of the show. If you could have told me at any point

in the last 12 years that we would be lucky enough to be doing one sold-out arena here in one of my favorite cities in the world, Nashville, Tennessee, I would have told you, Holy shit. That's incredible.

It's amazing that we're doing back-to-back nights. Not only because I love Nashville and because I have so many awesome friends and what feels like family here in Nashville. The great Zanis Comedy Club here in Nashville,

one of the best comedy clubs anywhere in the world. The great Dorfman brothers and fucking Brian Dorfman and so many great people. The great Lucy. There's just so many. great spirits here in Nashville, Tennessee.

But there is one man who was born and raised in Tennessee, who just so happens to have the record for all-time appearances on the show, the record for all-time interviews on the show, the Hall of Famer, the Memphis Strangler, the Titan of Tennessee, The Dark Knights of Nashville, the monster of Memphis, the vanilla gorilla. This is the big red machine. Lights out. William.

Happened to me today. I flew in on Delta. Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein, gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour. And my only question is where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour? No, Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker saying, I don't know if anybody realizes this, but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish. I mean, first it's Hollywood, then the banking system, now this, what's next? The right to vote?

In response to the U.S. tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is, bullshit because I'm going to have to get a second job to pay for this shit. Oh. You know I love feeding Red Band's mom. She fucking crawls around like a dog on her hands and knees. And she fucking eats it off of my back, dude. And your mom can't get up there, Red. Okay, that's my time.

Thank you, Tony. Wow. In the hotel last night, I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas, and then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was canceled, and then I ordered a bunch of White Castle. And I ate the White Castle, Tony. And then about 30 minutes later, I get a text message, and it's my pizza at the front desk. What did you do? Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle.

Nashville, you're going to make my ass fat up here! That happens. Uber delivery does that sometimes. I know, but oh my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee. It really is, Tony. Tell me some of the things that you love about Tennessee. This is your home state. No comedian, I believe, has made it quite.

wildly proud as you. I mean, there's so many greats from here. Well, I was, excuse me, Tony, I was a pie Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee. And Tony, what of my, one of my fondest memories of the first time I foot a ton of funnel in my asshole, the first time I butt chugged, Tony. That happened up in Knoxville, Tennessee, about three hours away. So it really is so nice. I ended up getting raped a couple times that night. It was like real nasty, but so nice to be back. Wow. Pie Kappa Alpha, huh?

Yes. Red band was Pi Pi Pi Pi. Yeah. Yo fat ass likes these pies red bag! Tell me some more things that you love about Tennessee. You are home in front of an arena. Look at your face up there all around that band. You see that up there, William?

Well, I think people in this audience, might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Severeville, Tennessee. But yeah, so that's a good memory, did that. Got a couple staff infections. Am I? Wow. Wow. Such honest answers from William Montgomery here. What's with the new outfit? I see you got a track suit on. Usually you look like you're in a jug band. I started doing the row machine a whole bunch. I've done 500. I've done five hundred. I've done five. 500,000 meters since January, and I got on the eBay, the Adidas eBay store. Shout out to Adidas eBay store.

You can get everything for like half off, 75% off. So I've been going ham on eBay recently. But yeah, Adidas store, and they said if I mentioned it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony. Everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please, on the Adidas eBay site. After this, please. Wow. Because I told them I'm going to mention the basketball socks. If so, if there's an influx of the basketball socks, they know it's because of me, Tony.

Wow. That is incredible. That is amazing. Wait, why was I not invited last night? Why could I have not gone to the party last night? Well, you flew in late. We invited you. Oh, yeah, and we invited you. Yeah, I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane. It was telling me about how he's back in Austin. He has a lady with a family who he loves, and I'm thinking, this guy's getting catfished,

and then he starts telling me about Sasquatches, how when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on Earth will still be around, and the Sasquatches are going to come out. It kind of... So just waiting for that to happen. Toad! Oh!

That guy was the weirdo. William, these people want to know what fires you up, dude. They want to see you amped up, I think. Probably, shit, Tony. Maybe some people, Tennessee can feel me on this. Maybe some lightning books. Maybe a little bit of funnel cake in this motherfucker. Maybe some candy, apple.

Okay, that's all I got, Toto. I see you to fear food, Tony. You were. You were going down a list of universal fair foods. That is not Tennessee, specialized to Tennessee. What are you planning on doing tonight? What's your big plan? What do you like to do in Nashville?

I don't know. I'm going to be hollering at Red Bay and hopefully and he's going to let me go out with this fucking ass. And then I'm going to fucking go back, order some Papa Johns again. And then on purpose, order the White Castle. I gorged myself last night. I actually just found out that if you vomit,

in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food. I had never done it. I'd always heard about that before. It's a eating disorder, which is very sad, but I was stuffing myself last night. Tony, I was just so excited to be here in Nashville. So I don't know. I can eat some motherfuck out. So if that's good for you to do, this new White Castle and pizza thing. It's good for my heart. My coach told me it's good for my heart, my rowing coach, seriously. Wow. Yeah, it's like, it puts pressure on your heart. I wear my, my heart rate monitor when I'm doing it. heart rate goes way up right before I put my finger in my mouth. I get so nervous before I fucking make myself throw up and my heart rate goes through the roof at the beginning part.

Who's your coach, Rosie O'Donnell? I'm sorry, Kid Rock. I don't think I understand that one. Oh, because she's a fat bitch. William Lights Out Montgomery. I don't know. I want to see you around for a long. time. I know you're making a joke about your rowing coach. I think you

should stop eating White Castle and pizza every day. Well, Tony, that's weird because I don't think I'm going to stop eating white castle. One more time for the great powerful. William. William, the Big Red Machine, Montgomery.

Guys, this has been a crazy honor for me. Can you please do me a favor? Let's see how loud this place can get for motherfucking kid wrong. Patriot. A fucking legend to rock and roll and a legend of Tennessee.

One more time for Kid Rock. One more time for one of the great comedians of today. The great and powerful Mark Norman fresh off of the Ryman Auditorium last night. This guy's fucking crushing it. Mark, anything you want to plug or shout out? I love Nashville. Thanks for having me. You guys are the shit.

Make sure you check out Kid Rock's Bar on fucking Broadway. fun. About one time. Tony is clip, everyone. Thank you. Thank you to Wynonna Judd, Cactus Mosier, Amanda Gene Rowland, McVeater,

Yoni, Christie, Notorious Productions, Red Band. Love you guys! God bless Bridgestone Arena Outback Presents Zanies here in Nashville and God bless the United

States of America. We love you. Thank you. Good night.