KILL TONY - #717 - ANTONIO BROWN + TOMMY POPE

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Antonio Brown, Tommy Pope, Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 04/21/2025 Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code TONY -- just pay $5 shipping. It’s time to upgrade to NYKD Nicotine Pouches – just like we did! Right now, our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL https://nykdpouches.com/tony Find some mini rippers nearby at https://voodooranger.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony could be found at Death Squad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever! ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey this is Redman coming live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of K.O. Tony.

Give it up for Tony Hicksburg! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! Make some noise for Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And how about one more time for the best stand band in the land that is indeed the Killtony band. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande. That is the great Matt Mueling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys and that is

Dee Madness on the bass guitar. Whoo! That's stupid straws. Uh, how we feeling tonight? Everybody happy to be here? I am wearing sunglasses for the first time in the show's history, for I am coming off fresh from WrestleMania last night. We did a roast of WrestleMania, which lasted until the wee hours of the night

and then hung out with Triple H and fucking a bunch of people that you guys could never fathom, the type of life that I live, long story short. And so it's sunglasses night. It's sunglasses night for this guy, too. Look at this dirt ball right here. He's got a grill.

Absolutely. That's unbelievable, sir. How fucking cool are you? I love it. I need someone to take my trash out on Wednesdays. Are you free on Wednesdays? All right. Anyway. Fuck yeah. Before we get tonight's show started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors

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Try your first month of Bluechew free when you use promo code TONY. Just pay five dollars shipping that's promo code TONY. Visit BlueChu.com for more details and important safety information and we thank BlueChu for sponsoring the podcast. Oh you're popping a little bony right now. You've got unlimited access to music, but time, now that's limited. The PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard gets you unlimited PC Optima points, free grocery delivery, and time back for what matters. Save time and earn $1,100 in average value each year. The PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard, the card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits.

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TD, ready for you. Who's ready to start tonight's episode, huh? Every single week, I have two of the most entertaining people in the world on this show. This week is no different. We have the return of one of our favorite guests of the year, and a first-time guest who I can say with no hesitation is my favorite person on all of social media. Nobody makes me laugh like this man. One of the greatest entertainers in the world, one of the most fascinating creatures on planet Earth,

one of the greatest athletes of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guests, Antonio Brown and Tommy Pope! -♪ Mm- the funniest shows on planet Earth. One of the two funniest shows. It's Kill Tony and Tires. He is on Tires Season 2, debuting June 5th. One of my favorite comedians. He does the Look-A-Dish on YouTube.

And Stuff Island is his podcast. Thanks for having me, Anthony. Good to be here, Thomas. And this is indeed one of the most fascinating entertainers in the world, Antonio Brown. Thanks for having me. Antonio Brown, his first time on the show at AB84, but I'm sure anybody that watches this show's already following your crazy ass.

It is unbelievable. He posts about Jimmy Kimmel being gay, and it is my favorite shit on planet Earth. He will find some gay shit, and he will post it, and he'll say, this is what Jimmy Kimmel does for breakfast, or fucking all of it. You name it, and I get it it and I send it to Joe, I send it to Shane and fucking you are what we share.

People might wonder, hey, what are some of the funniest people in the world text about? We send Antonio Brown's tweets to each other. And Kanye, Kanye's got some good ones too. You got some stiff competition out there. One of the greatest geniuses of all, rap geniuses of all time, is also a wild boy on social media.

Antonio Brown is stayanchored.com. Some CBD stuff. That's you. It's the weed. That's right. You got weed. Okay, yeah. It's THC. And Crash, what is it? THC. And Crash... What is it? Crash Pot? Buckets? Crash Out Buckets.

CrashOutBuckets.com. For those of you in the market for a helmet, he is selling them. That should be in that cool, you can wear a Vietnam helmet. Yeah. Nobody brings it up. He walked into the green room, everyone's like, y'all, you look great, dude. Sick as hell, bro.

I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure Antonio's got the market cornered for people that are looking for some hard ass helmets. And I'll tell you, our fan base needs fucking helmets. So you just hit the lottery. Crashoutbuckets.com for your Antonio Brown helmet. And, um, yeah. It's going down. Everybody. Antonio's first time on the show. Over 200 people

signed up to be on this mamma jamma. They're crammed in a bar right next door. If I pull one of these names out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them. And then I interview them and we all find out more

about them live in the flesh. Don't touch the bucket, pull a name out. Fucking weirdo. Gave him a real chance to do something cool, and he takes it like he's Paul Bearer holding an urn for the Undertaker. Oh, the booker! Fucking weirdo.

Fucking blew it. The first name has been picked by what appears to be one of Donald Trump's nephews, and so the show shall begin. While we go wrangle your first bucket pull of the night, I have a golden ticket winner ready to go for your first 60 second uninterrupted set of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise.

This is the long awaited return of one of the great golden ticket winners. This is Todd Royce, everybody. Here we fucking go. ["The Big Bang"] ["The Big Bang"] ["The Big Bang"] What is up, Austin?

I don't know, I have a weird relationship with my mom. Does anybody else have a weird relationship with my mom? My mom never understood boundaries when it came to me. She never understood that there were things I don't want to hear my mom say. I remember one time she came home and she said, hey, Todd, I got a joke. I go, What's that? And she goes, Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? I said, Why? And she said, Because at 69,

she gets a little fog in her throat. I was like, Mom, that's disgusting. Also, I think it should be frog. She goes, What do you mean, frog? I go, At 69, she gets a little frog in her throat. It's a frog like Kermit. She goes, No, no, no, it's fog like cum. And I was like, Mom...

So now I'm a 16-year-old virgin arguing about the sexual habits of two Muppets with my mom. Which is probably why I'm still in therapy. It's probably also why I get an erection every time the Muppets come on. Or I talk to my mom. That's a joke. I'm kidding. I've never gotten hard watching the Muppets come on. Or I talk to my mom. That's a joke. I'm kidding. I've never gotten hard watching the Muppets grow up.

Thank you, guys. All right, Todd Royce. There you go. 60-second set. That's how it's done. He's done it again. How long ago do we meet you, Todd? When did you get your golden ticket? 2019. 2019. Wow. Six years ago. It's a long time. Wonderful pandemic. Absolutely. It was 2019. 2019, wow. Six years ago.

It's a long time. You got a full pandemic. Absolutely. That I survived. Wow. Shockingly incredible. And that is only because of crashout buckets.com. That's true.

You wore a helmet throughout the entire thing. Absolutely incredible. Todd, remind us, how long you been doing standup? I've been doing stand-up for seven years. How old are you? I am 46 years old. 46? Yeah.

You don't look a day over 450 pounds. Ha! Look at you. People do say I look young for my age, but that's just because I'm a health nut. You're a health nut? Yeah. What kind of nut is that exactly?

This is one definitely wrapped in chocolate, and, uh... Yeah. Yeah. For sure. And, uh, what have you been up to, Todd? Tell us. It's been a while since you've been on this show. Uh, I live in Las Vegas. I just started a show in Las Vegas in downtown on Plumup Street. Oh, you're in Las Vegas.

You live in Las Vegas because you are the Sphere? That's right. That's right. The dead is inside me right now. Mm-hmm. Because the Grateful Dead, they're doing a show out at the Sphere. Never mind. You's right. The dead is inside me right now. Because the Grateful Dead, they're doing a show out at this... Never mind. You got it. Okay.

You're doing good, Todd. You're doing good. Where exactly do you get a shirt that size? Where do you have to go? Is that a custom job? What exactly? What the fuck? A Mexican roofing company.

So they lay the tarp down when they do roofs. Roofs. Roofs. Pfft. No, this was just the tarp in the backyard. We just had it, uh, and so I put it on. No, but seriously, where do you get clothes? I go to a place called DXL,

which, by the way, if you don't know, a lot of people think it's Deluxe XL or whatever. It's Destination Extra Large. If this is your destination, you fucked up in life. Yeah. No doubt about it. It is incredible. We have one of the greatest football players of all time here.

Hey, did you ever play football, Todd? You don't have to touch the gas. All right, I'll stop. Did you ever play football? Todd, you're a big to touch the gas. All right, I'll stop. Did you ever play football? Todd, you're a big boy. You seem like you would have been a good center or offensive lineman or something. I thought about it, but then there's a lot of running

in football, and I'm not much of a runner, believe it or not. And, no, I never really did football. I did wrestling, but that was, that was, I never played football. If you want to, if you want to take me under your wing and maybe I could start another career. Maybe he could take you under his wing, and you could take him under your breasts and thighs.

Psst. Because you are a monster, Todd. How much exactly do you weigh? I, I, right now, you want to know how much I weigh? Oh, I want to know. Do you guys want to know how much I weigh? Whoo! Let's get the scale ready here, yes.

I... There's the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Absolute eye candy. So much candy that Todd wants to eat her. Yeah, that's true. Todd would eat everything except for her pussy. What do you think you weigh, Todd? Last time I checked, I was two, no, four.

I'm going to need AB's helmet. This thing's going to shatter. Glass is going everywhere. I was only 412 pounds. Okay, so you guys wanna take a guess? D madness. Tommy, Tommy, would you like to take a guess at how much you think Todd weighs? Scottish blueberry.

Let me tell you something. I'm gonna go... It's first of all, it's nice to meet you. Yeah, no, no, absolutely. I'm sorry for what's about to happen. I thought I heard that you just died, but that was, I guess, someone else. It was a different pope. Okay, thank you.

This is Tommy Pope. Are you fucking done? You're thinking of Pope Francis. I just went up 50 pounds. I just went up 50 pounds for that fucking ad. I just said, good to meet you. I'm going to make this easy. You're right. Not anymore. I just said, it's good to meet you. I'm gonna make this easy. Not anymore.

You're right, no, I'm sorry, yeah. No, you're right. 412. You're going with his guess. So the last time he weighed in, it was 412. Tommy's going with 412. Let's get a guess. Wait, did he say that?

Yeah. He said 412? Yeah. I swear to God, I did not hear that. Well, that's just unbelievable. It was right there. There's a lot of amplification in the room. There's literally- I've never been hard to God, I did not hear that. Well, that's just unbelievable. It was right there. There's a lot of amplification in the room.

There's literally- I've never been hard to see, but I guess sometimes I'm hard to hear. Wow, there you go. All right. All right, let's check in with the great Antonio Brown. He was 4'12 last time he weighed himself. What do you think he's weighing in at today?

Do you want the full turnaround? Black dudes usually like me from behind. He said that you might like his fat white ass, Antonio. What's the number? What do you think? That's a whole lot of chicken. Oh, the chest muscles work. I'll say 450. 450.

I like that guess. I actually like Antonio's guess. I was going to go around there. I'm going to go 435. Red Band, you are the senior obese correspondent. I'm going to go with 420. 420. Coming fresh off of 420. I don't think I'm gonna go with 420. 420. Yay! Coming fresh off of 420.

I don't think I'm that high. Okay, well, we're gonna see. You don't know what we see when we look at you. It is incredible. I'm also wearing heavy shoes. That is all part of the guests here. You're wearing heavy years, too, dude. And now, ladies and gentlemen, stepping on the scale, this is

Todd Royce. Tommy Pope, give me a reading over there. We should all be wearing protective goggles. Oh, 412! 412, exactly. Oh! That is correct. Give me a book.

Give me a book! Yes. That is a much better direct... That's a much better reaction than my doctor usually has. What is... Your doctor... Your doctor needs to be fired. Yeah. Yeah, your doctor's fucked up, dude. He's fleecing you.

Todd, anything else crazy we should know about before letting you go? I am trying to get my Instagram followers up to over 500,000. Uh-huh. You need more grams? Yeah. I'm at 9,000 right now, so it's gonna be hard. But if you guys could help me out, that would be awesome.

I also got shows coming up in San Antonio, Seattle. Are you gonna say your Instagram handle? Yeah, sure. That would be a brilliant idea. I think everyone's watching this show. It's, I'm kidding. I'm, hmm. Don't ever insult the show. It's Todd Royce.

That's T-O-double-D, Royce, X-X-L. Wow. There you go. There it is. Motherfucker. Little something from your pal Red Band over there. There he goes. He's got the show started with a bang and a boom and a one and a two. There goes Todd Royce and to the bucket we go.

You guys excited to be here? This is the fun part of the show. This is the nitty gritty. This is where we meet people all together. Perhaps we've seen them before. Maybe they're worse than they were before. Maybe they're worse than they were before. Maybe they're better than they were before. Maybe it's their first time ever on this show. Maybe it's their first time doing comedy.

Either way, I try my best to find out as much about them that's interesting as I possibly can. Make some noise for your first bucket full of the night. His name is Tyler Wayne, everybody. Here we go. Tyler Wayne, everybody. Here we go. Tyler Wayne. Hello, everyone. I hope you guys had a good 420.

Or Easter if you're gay. I hate when people say that weed doesn't have any medical benefits. We can save your life. I was a piss test away from working at Walmart, you guys. Oh man, it is good to be here. I'm having a weird day though. I'm having one of those days where your ex calls you

from the psych ward. Anyone else date the homeless? It's fun. It has benefits. You get to fuck at the park. You just have to sleep there, too? That sucks. That sucks.

But we wound up breaking up because I got a place, you know, and I brought her indoors, and she kept doing homeless shit inside, and it's like, you can't be doing this, you know? We got to be better people. Get that piss jug out of here. Thank you. Whoo! Tyler Wayne, you think homeless people piss in jugs?

Yeah, when you're sleeping in the car. Okay, that's a more specific type of homeless. A homeless, carful person in a piss jug. Normally they just piss outside. Yeah, I had respect for the other homeless around me. I was like, I don't wanna brag, you know, and show my- If there's any homeless people listening,

they will be proud to know that you think they piss in jugs. Okay, Tyler, how long you been on standup? Six years. Six years, where at? I started in Iowa. Okay. Is that where you were born and raised? I was born in Louisiana, but I was raised in Iowa, yeah. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a cook at Creek in the Cave. Wow. Cook at Creek in the Cave. What was that?

Was that you, Tommy? Yeah, I'm sorry. What was that? I just put on this jewelry deal. I'm fucking feeling it. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I just noticed that. Let me tell you something about your set right now, man. You're doing real good out there. Keep it going.

Thank you, sir! Hell, yeah. Absolutely. This is my real last name, by the way. Papa? Yeah. Isn't that cool? Really? Yeah. Your real last name, by the way. Papa? Yeah. Isn't that cool? Really?

Yeah. Your real last name is Papa? Yeah. And you go by Pope? Oh yeah, I had to change it. You could be Tommy Papa? Isn't that cool? Why'd you change it?

Oh, there's another one. Oh, there is Tom Papa? Yeah, he popped me up. Oh, that's interesting. And he bakes bread and is a very, very liberal guy. You know what I'm gonna do? Yeah. I'm gonna get on a show with him, show up in his fucking Vietnam helmet,

with this on, and he'll say, fight me to the fucking death. That's right. For the rights of the name. That's right, crashoutbuckets.com, the exclusive place to get a helmet like that. Look how cool this looks, dude. Imagine.

Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine. I mean... Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Well, I'm fun. I love it.

So, Tyler, you are a cook at the creek in the cave. What do you do for fun? I like to go skateboarding. I picked that up. You have a skateboard? Yeah. Okay. You picked that up recently?

Yeah, about a year ago. Okay. How the hell did you just hand me a little skateboard? Yeah, about a year ago. Okay. How the hell did you just hand me a little skateboard? That's a Kill Tony skateboard. Oh, my God. Where did you get this from? I don't know. Wow, fucking... Heath Cortez's little skateboard.

He rode in on it. I love it. That's incredible. Uh, okay, Tyler, you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Okay, is she Tyler, you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Okay, is she really homeless? No, not... Well, when I was dating that girl, we were both homeless, yeah.

Really? So you really were in a double homeless relationship. Yeah. I like roommates, you know? I didn't want to... I didn't want to be alone when I was... What are some highlights of a double homeless relationship?

Uh, well, one time time I was taking a dump and she was telling me about how she worked for the government. Hold on, where were you taking a dump at exactly? This is when we were inside. Inside of a house? Yeah, yeah. The good old days.

I don't mean to brag. I was shitting indoors. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. So the door is open. Is this a studio apartment, I'm guessing? Yeah, it was a studio. The door was closed. She opened it to tell me, like, I didn't have to work anymore

because she worked for the government. Wow. She was lying. I still had to go to work. She was just lying to you. What did she say that she got hired for the government to do? Spy work. Oh, yeah. Oh, totally. She's just lying to you. What did she say that she got hired for the government to do? Spy work. Oh yeah. Oh, totally.

That's a real thing. Anytime your homeless girlfriend tells you she just got hired by the government to become a spy. Did you look- You know for the ultimate kick flip, dude. Dude, yes. It's a skateboard joke. Yeah.

So what did you say while taking a shit and she tells you she got hired by the government? Well, it was my first time watching someone have a psychological break right in front of me. So I just kind of agreed and was hoping she didn't have a knife. How did this relationship end? Take us through the breakup there.

Do you want me to drop you off at your dad's house or the shelter? No, seriously, come on. No, I'm serious. No, but serious. Like, how does it start to end? Like, what are some highlights of the end? Not the last words. Sorry.

I'm like, how did it end? He's like, I said goodbye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well...

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was unhealthy, uh, mentally, and I started to realize that after about a month and a half. Yeah, but, I mean, you're still... You were still fucking her, correct? Well, she had great head, dude. Ah.

What about that vagina, though? It gripped like no other, man. It what? It gripped like no other. It gripped like no other. Okay. So you're saying that homeless vagina is better It gripped like no other, man. It what? It gripped like no other. It gripped like no other. Okay. So you're saying that homeless vagina

is better than a vagina that has a home? No. Oh, okay. But that one gripped like no other. That one was good. Okay. Um, so some highlights of the end of that relationship. Uh, she told me that she cheated on me

when we were living in the car with a guy who had a house. And that fucking... Wow. That piss me off real bad. See, that's why I do the interview portion of the show. We never would have found that out. That has to be the worst. Most people never even fathom anything like that.

Most people in a relationship are like, man, I hope my significant other doesn't cheat on me. But did not have a home at all. And for her to tell you that she cheated on you with a person that sleeps in a bed. Yeah. I mean... And I remember the night, too, because I had parked under the bridge on 6th Street,

and I was waiting for her all night. Jesus. Pissed. Wow. Sorry. Oh, too real. No, this is incredible. Pissed. Wow. Sorry, oh, too real. This is incredible. No, this is great. Oh my God.

This is amazing. It got better, dude. Like, I'm fine now. Are you fine? I don't know. I'm fucking reading his diary right now. It's just insane. I'm fucking reading his diary right now. It's just insane.

Antonio Brown is smoking some amazing, to help him cope with your life, Tyler Wayne, just so that he can even listen to you. He is smoking some of the stayanchored.com marijuana in which he is either the, I believe the the owner of the company or an official-sponsored person. Are you? Is this helping you deal with his life? Yeah, he said he had me going when he said, a homeless design of a John-O. -♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Absolutely. Antonio, I pretty much imagine that you can have sex

with anything in the world that you would ever want. I mean, one of the greatest football players of all time. You're covered in absolute bling bling, as I used to say when I was a little bit younger. And so what is the lowest you've ever gone? Can I ask you that with a piece of pussy? Now I'm not expecting pure homelessness. I know for sure you never parked your car

waiting for the girl to come home to the car. I know you've never hit the low lows of Tyler Wayne. However, I'm wondering, is there maybe a time in your life in which you are just like, you know what? I just wanna bust a nut right now and I want a human to help me with it. What's the lowest you've ever gone? Uh...

Slightly above jerking off, but below your normal quality. What's the lowest you've ever gone, Antonio? Others go low. I go high. Perfect answer. That's a great way to avoid any lawsuits or anything like that. Oh.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's exactly what a Democratic candidate for president would have said. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Perfect. Should I give him this fucking thing? I mean, I've never seen this before. Where did this come from? Oh, this is one of your finger things.

I'm not going to give away this fucking... No, no. No, I can't give away. This is like Colt's livelihood. Colt literally does the fucking skateboard with his finger shit. I'm not going to take your one Kil... Do you have another one?

You have another KilToni skateboard? Guess what, my friend? You are the first ever recipient of a Killtony skateboard. Tyler Wayne, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Yeah. He got a new pillow. Yeah.

Fucking right. There he goes, Tyler Wayne. Thank you guys. He's still up there. He's looking for a place to sleep on this stage. Wow. Amazing. A cook at the creek in the cave.

Anything can happen here. There's the lovely Heidi. The boys are drinking tonight. Antonio Brown with White Russians. Is that what that is? Hell yeah. What are you drinking, Tommy? That's just whiskey.

Just whiskey straight up on the rocks. I love it. We're having a jungle fever. What was that? I'm having a jungle fever. You're having jungle fever. Black man with a white Russian. I get it.

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of Dylan Jarbo everybody. Dylan Jarbo, we're having fun here tonight. Here we go. I just found out I had high blood sugar. Doctor asked me what I've been eating. I said a lot of blood, a lot of sugar. You know, as an ice-cold, I thought it'd be really sweet to go to prom with my grandma,

but it wasn't. She went home with somebody else. I think water bottles are getting too big. It's like you go to the gym, you see a girl, she just has, like, a scuba tank with a straw in it. You got a climate to drink out of it? Ugh. I like to do this thing. I'll go to the gym with, like, a gallon jug,

and I just fill it full of White Claws. This is all the ladies are like, wow, good for him. I'm like, you want to see how much I can bench press? Do you take fish oils? Can I have a cigarette? I did a dry January this year. 31 days, no crying.

Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah! Dylan Jarbo, getting laughs throughout the set. Welcome back, Dylan. You've been on this show before? Yes, sir. Good to be back here. Yes, absolutely. How long have you been on stand-up? I just hit nine years.

Wow, nine years. Incredible. Where have you been doing it for nine years? I did five years in Jacksonville, and I moved out here four years ago. You moved out here four years ago? Mm-hmm. Okay, what do you do for work? I have an IT job, work from home. Okay, you work from home. Yeah. Born.

Yeah. How many hours a day do you work from home? Technically eight, but really, like, two. Yeah. Okay. And how do you, uh, how do you, uh, what do you, I mean, there must be a lot of spare time, so what the hell are you doing with your life other than stand-up comedy?

During work or other than comedy? In life, overall. The other 22 fucking hours of the day. Oh. Uh, I foster dogs. Wow. Really? Yeah. Take care of animals. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I just put them in the apartment until someone finds one and then... I foster dogs. Wow. Take care of animals.

Oh my God. I just put them in an apartment until someone finds one. Oh, you have an apartment. What a huge upgrade from the other people that have been on the show so far. The homeless. Okay. And you live by yourself? I do, yeah.

And how are you able to afford that? Just with your IT job? Just with my IT job. It gets by enough. Okay. And how many dogs able to afford that, just with your IT job? Just with my IT job, it gets by enough. Okay. And how many dogs do you foster? Have you fostered? One. Oh, wow. What an amazing...

Foster dog. ...singular. Yeah. Did you eat it? No. Did not eat it. No, it was a puppy, so it was like Black Friday. It was gone in seconds. So you got a dog. Yeah, I adopted. So you got a dog.

Yeah, I adopted. I helped with a dog. And then it was gone. You gave it away. You kind of have to. Yeah, I wasn't going to keep it. How long did you have it for? A day.

Wow. And out of all the things that you could have answered about your entire life, I specifically made a point to say the other 22 hours of the day, what do you do with your life? It's I fostered a dog. It was actually a dog. It was one day.

One puppy. One day, one dog. So I guess everybody here is a fucking dog foster. Yeah. You could be. Wow. Anything else about your entire life, Dylan Jarboe? I mean, anything at all.

Do you, have you ever seen the show before, Dylan? I know you've been on it, but have you ever watched it? No, I love, I'm a big basketball guy. I'm undefeated in horse. That's another one. Really? I like to walk. Yeah.

Wow. Are you undefeated? I'm two and a half. Wow. This is incredible. He played one day, ever. He had a dog for a day, and he played horse one time. It's twice.

Two games, 2-0. Wow. Yeah. This is a shocking interview. Yeah, thank you. Dylan, so, scares you? Oh. Dogs.

Oh. Hell, no. Uh, wasps. Wasps? Yeah, fuck it, I can't deal with the wasps. How often do you see wasps? Oh, at least once a week. There's just one wasp floating around in my apartment.

Like a white Anglo-Saxon person? Yeah, he's pissed at me. I fucked around this wasp. He's around. Have you ever been stung by a wasp? No, thank God. Why are you so afraid of them? Why are you so traumatized by a thing that's never even affected you? I just could see my future, and I don't want that.

It's gonna hurt. These people that work from home are losing their goddamn minds. I don't know if anybody else has noticed it. I can see your future in ain't this, dude. What? You seem like you would have a weird porn fetish. Like, what is your porn category when you search for it?

That's a good question. You are on IT. There's a lot of spare time on that computer. You definitely don't have a girlfriend with that school shooter face. No. I mean, you look like you have dirty thoughts. I agree with Red Band.

You have a fetish like mine. Tell the truth, spill the beans. What are you into with porn? A lot of solo stuff. Wow. That makes sense. You live a very lonely life. Um, it's relatable to you and your life being solo so often.

Oh, yes. I could see why you would be into solo stuff. What do you like to watch them do solo? Talk. Masturbate. Penetration, is it the wasp thing? You don't want- No, there's no wasps in it. It's strictly, maybe a dildo for getting crazy.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. So you guys were on the opposite. I'm pretty vanilla on the porn. Oh, you're pretty vanilla. Right, dude. You are a you guys were on the opposite. I'm pretty vanilla on the porn. Oh, you're pretty vanilla. All right, dude.

You are a fucking, you are the root. You are vanilla extract, my friend. I mean, I have been trying for the last five fucking minutes to get anything out of you whatsoever. We got one day you fostered a dog and you literally shot a basketball for what comes out to about 12 minutes. He's blinked twice. I feel like he falls to the dog, and the dog was like,

Mom, can you come pick me up, too? This dude's out of his fucking mind. He's watching girls finger themselves all day long. I'm fucking hungry. Walk me. I got to shit. Said the dog. You don't have a wild side at all. There's nothing like something,

like every once in a while you do something. Stop staring at me, dude. I'm looking at Tony. He's talking. Yeah, I know. I'm looking at Tony. He's talking. Yeah, I know, I'm looking at him. Well, control your fucking eyeballs. This is insane.

Give me your helmet, dude. This boy is insane. I'd rather be homeless. I'm sorry, Tom. No, you're good. I love it. I love it. I love it. What kind of car do you drive?

Ford Focus. Oh my God. Jesus. Checks out. Fucking Christ, man. 100%. You might be one of the scariest people we've ever had. Don't look at him in the eyes, Don. Don't look at him in the eyes.

What color is the Ford Focus? Is it white? It's black. Whoa, look at that. What an amazing twist. I can't believe that. That's like shocking to me. Speaking of black focus, Antonio Brown.

Have you ever seen anybody quite this boring before? Is this like, this is like, you're used to this. Like, this would be like the guy that, like, irons the jerseys and hangs them up for you guys or something like that, right? Everybody's, like, kind of special needs. Everyone on the team's nice to him, right? Something like that. Who does this remind you of? Have you ever been around a specimen this fucking?

Yeah, he's like the ball boy. Like... He's laughing. He's laughing. Ball man. Oh, well... Dylan, next time you come on, think about what? The podcast part of the show.

You know what I mean? The millions of people watching and listening. Think about that part. The 60 seconds, you have a pretty good grasp on. You already have a little jokebook? No. You have a big one? Yeah, like four years ago.

You know what, I'm gonna give you a little one. Just based on. Wow. That's what happens when you sit at home all day watching people fucking... The walking dog, will you? ...finger themselves. Absolutely incredible, Dylan. Get some fresh air, pal.

Go to a park or something. Get your joke book. Get your joke book. This guy has no idea how to be in society. There he goes. Dylan Jarbo. This guy has no idea. Can't catch a bug.

It went over his shoulder. He just stood there while it just floated by him. Oh, Heidi brings life back to the show. Like one of those resuscitator things that you have to zap. Clear. Clear. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. We know him.

Funny man. This is the long-awaited return of Ike Rafferty, everybody. Ike Rafferty. Here we go. -♪ Tyler Perry just got the rights to remake Schindler's List. Yeah, the original was in black and white. This one's just gonna be in black. They're gonna go with the tagline,

you thought Ashy Elbows was bad. And instead of one movie, it's a whole Madea franchise. Diary of a mad black Nazi. The mammy and the striped moomo. Madea's big fat holocaust. Sorry, hell-er-cost. I know you ain't putting me in the back of this train car. Hell yeah.

Ike Rafferty. An unbelievable premise. Thank you, Tony. If that movie came out, I would love to see it. Unbelievable glasses. Thank you, Tony. If that movie came out, I would love to see it. Unbelievable glasses. Thank you. Thank you, Ike. You know what?

I think you're the best performer of the night so far. Flattery will get you everywhere. That's right, flattering and fattering. Oh. I called into that one. Amazing. Is that really true? Tyler Perry didn't get Schindler's List.

It's a great prize. Yeah, Google it after the show. Yeah. No, it's not. Okay. There you go. I'm sorry. I just used you. Okay. I love apologies on the show. It's always good. Um, amazing. Ike, how's comedy been treating you?

It's been good. I moved out of my car. Wow. This is an extra homeless episode of Kill Tony tonight. You know I moved out of my car. Wow. This is an extra homeless episode of Kill Tony tonight. You know, I moved out of my car. Right. Yes. Okay. How long were you in your car for? It was about a year, Tony. What kind of car was it?

A Chevy Spark, Tony. Wow. A Chevy Spark. The cars and the living situations of tonight's bucket pulls. Antonio Brown literally has more value on any finger or wrist than every bucket pull combined. This is absolutely incredible. Yes.

That's something. Yes. Amazing. So now what is your living situation? I'm living in a full-blown house with my wife. Let's go. Thank you. Let's go. Nice.

You had a wife and a Chevy Spark? I did, yeah. She wasn't living here at the time I moved here before her, and then she came afterwards. That's great. Yeah. Wow. Congratulations. What does she do for a living? She works in HR.

Okay. How do you make your money? I work at Red Band's Comedy Club. Whoa! Red Band's Comedy Club. Whoa, Red Band's Comedy Club. I'm a server at the Sunset Strip. Absolutely. How many people work for you that sleep in their cars, Red Band? One less now.

Yeah, one less. Wow. And take us through your writing process of that Tyler Perry Schindler's List joke. Did you think about perhaps adding in the fact that they put eight million chickens in the ovens? Mm. I would. I think that number is debatable, Tony. I would.

It would be the best part of the joke. If Michael didn't do that stupid drum-hit thing afterwards, it would have eventually gained momentum in the room. I know these things. I study everything. Ike, you kind of look like you're losing your mind. Before you had facial hair, a little bit of color to you. Is living under a roof affecting you

in a negative way perhaps? You don't quite have the spark that you used to have. I'm getting considerably less sun these days. Inside a lot, not seeing the daylight. This is the most I've been outside of my house. This is pretty exciting. Still no daylight. Wow.

What's something crazy we should know about you, Ike, that you've never told us before? Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Um... Does anybody tell the bucket pulls what the show is before they come out here? I mean, this is absolutely incredible. This is Call Her Daddy, right? What do we...

Okay. Okey-dokey. So how about that answer to the question from a minute ago? Um, I was hit a lot as a child. Not enough. Is that true? It was. I feel like I'm looking at my stepdad again. You make me miss New York, dude.

Because you look like a pizza maker. You know what I mean? You look like the guy at like 2.30 in the morning when you're blacked out with your friends, and you go, what do you want, pal, huh? What do you want, pepperoni? How many? How many? Come on, come on, come on, come on. How many? That's you. There's flour dusted all over your fucking Fat Man jeans. You're wearing white shoes

because you want to protect the black ones. It's a racial thing. I support you. I wish you the best with you and your wife. Papa, thank you. You're welcome. Wow. This was very cathartic.

See, a nice applause. You are an interesting scientist. Wow. This was very cathartic. You feel nice about that? You are an interesting psychological case. It does seem like things have slowed up a bit with you. Kind of just like in your... Are you like tired today? No. Are you on medicine perhaps? No, I'm unmedicated.

I've actually been going through Adderall withdrawals. Oh, wow. So who would have guessed that the thing that gives you energy and pep you were on before and now you're not. Wow.

It almost seems like that's the exact answer that I was looking for this entire time. Holy shit. That's incredible. I had no idea you were on Adderall. Normally fat people aren't on Adderall. This is the whole thing. So when did you stop taking Adderall? Uh, back in December. There was a shortage.

Uh-huh. And so you went cold turkey? Cold turkey. And ham. Yes, exactly. Uh-huh. And so you went cold turkey? Cold turkey. And ham. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Is it really true that you're... It's really true that you were beaten as a kid?

I was, yes. Wow. That is so interesting to me. Are you still in communication with your parents at all, with the beaters? Not with the beater, no. Okay. No. But you think it affected you, perhaps, in life in some way? Probably psychologically.

Okay. This is perfect, because we have a very special guest here tonight at the Comedy Mothership. And here to give a little psychoanalysis, I was hoping I was going to get an opportunity to use him tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, joining us just for a quick pop-in, make some noise for one of the most brilliant minds in the world. This is the one and only Jordan

Peterson, everybody. Here we go. Wow. Live in the flesh. One of the great, brilliant, beautiful minds. The great and powerful Jordan Peterson. Jordan, Sweet Little Ike, Sweet Little Ike is going through Adderall withdrawals. He was- Been there. Yes. You have? Interesting.

We have... What do you... Can you... Can you... Can you help this guy? Can you tell him something or ask him some questions? Or what would you do to make him feel better through this process? What would you ask him or say or do or some advice for him or something?

Oh, I'd get him off the stage and wait for him. You mean bastards right away. He signed up for it, Jordan. He signed up for it. I've been watching all of you. And he's saner than any of you four. And he's a lot saner than most of you. So just a casual observation.

I'm happy to be here. With that said, you are a genius. Do you have any advice for someone that is going through Adderall withdrawals or something like that? There's almost nothing that 40 ounces of rye won't fix. That's beautiful. I love that. Hell yeah. I didn't realize you were Italian, Jordan Peterson.

That is the answer to a lot of questions. Yeah, well, what's Homer Simpson say? Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. Yeah. I love it. I never would have guessed that Jordan Peterson would be quoting Homer Simpson.

Up here, only in the Killtonie universe do you see something like that. Look, me sandwiched in between these two dudes. It's fucking nuts. It's Neapolitan, that's what's going on here. Neapolitan. You're going over mics, we're gonna work out, look at me now.

We got chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla. Who doesn't love a little? We clearly share a fashion sense. Absolutely. Antonio Brown iced out. Chocolate swirl. Pfft. He talks like he tweets.

I'm so, like, starstruck. It's unbelievable. I fucking love it. I'd also congratulate our comedian here for his bravery or his masochism. I'm not sure which. It might be a fetish, but it might be humor. Yeah. It is risky business. It is Russian roulette here on Kill Tony. You never know what kind of mood we're all in. The panel, the set, and then the interview. You know, it's always a different episode.

It's always a different vibe. I mean, who would have guessed that we'd have Antonio Brown and Jordan Peterson on any of the same show ever in the history of all of entertainment. This is two absolute opposite sides of the spectrum. I'm happy to be hosting here. Jordan Peterson is the founder of the Peterson Academy.

So for anybody out there, just know that you can go to PetersonAcademy.com and it recently went from $5.99 a year to $3.99 a year. Is this true, Jordan? Yeah, well, you all could be a lot better than you are. So that's a cheap way to start and effective too. I want that on a t-shirt. Peterson Academy, you all can be a lot better than you are. You all can be a lot better than you are. Let's make some merch. Get it at PetersonAcademy.com.

$5.99. Or, now it's $3.99 a year. Make your life better. Be a better human. Make some noise for the great and powerful Jordan Peterson, ladies and gentlemen. Good to see you all. Hey. Good to see you, man. Ike, you already have a big joke book?

I do, yeah. There he goes. Ike Rafferty, everybody. We're having fun here tonight. Ike, you already have a big joke book? I do. There he goes. Ike Rafferty, everybody. We're having fun here tonight. I have way too much free time. Said no one ever. Work, appointments, club, bus, family, friends, another club, another bus, more family, more friends.

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Your next comedian won his, he is the newest golden ticket winner in the history of the show. This is only his third ever appearance. I love this fucking guy. I'm so excited to see another minute from the one and only, the brand newest golden ticket winner This is Kansai Yasuda

Hey guys dude, I Don't like when people in North America say, hey yo, respect. Instead of saying bye, because in Japan we take respect to a whole nother level. Like for example, I'm 28 years old. Make some noise if you're younger than 28 years old.

Nice. So you guys mean nothing to me. I got all... In Japan, we ask ages all the time Like, at all. In Japan, we ask ages all the time, because we have to decide what kind of relationship we're gonna have going forward. Like, are you gonna be my daddy or are you gonna be my bitch?

That's why... That's why, you know, because in North America, it's not good to ask ages. So that's why I have no choice but to guess people's ages by how they look. And that's why I respect so many white people. Because you guys, you guys age like a banana in hot summer. Thank you very much. Thank you. Kansei Yasuda. With a brand new minute, 30 seconds.

I love it. Welcome back, Kansei. Thank you very much, darling. I love your style. An unbelievably soft, crisp delivery. Th-Thank you. Yes. One of my favorite interviewees in the history of the show. You and Hans Kim, the Asian staples of the show.

I don't know what it is with Asian people. They are the best people to interview in the history of the show. Why do you think that is? Because, I don't know, I'm a, I am a good

person to have a conversation with because I have good parents and Zen. Absolutely. That makes perfect sense. Kansai Yasuda. So you live in Toronto, Canada, correct? Yes. And you mostly hang out at a ramen place

where your girlfriend works, is that correct? Every day. Every day. He sits at the ramen place where your girlfriend works, is that correct? Every day. Every day. He sits at the ramen place and you eat... Ramen. That is correct. And you hang out with your girlfriend,

who's a waitress there. Yes. You don't work at the ramen place, but you are probably a very popular patron there. Yes, every day. Did we shout out the ramen place, the name of it last time you were on? You are probably a very popular patron there. Yes, every day. Did we shout out the ramen place, the name of it, last time you were on?

Oh, no, not yet, not yet. And do you think it'll help business there? Yes. Do you want to help business there? Yes. What's the name of the ramen place in Toronto, Canada? Tondo Ramen. Wow, OK.

Do it again. Since you pointed so aggressively at the camera, can we do a thing where, like, you zoom in real hard or something like that? Can we do a thing? How'd you know where the camera was, dude? Yeah, it's a... I didn't know you were over there. He's a fucking ninja. He knows where everything in the room is right now.

He's trapped to focus, dude. He needs to focus, these chaps. Yeah. He's got eyes on everybody. Yeah, when he's not on stage, he wears a helmet from crashoutbuckets. Yeah. He got eyes on everybody. Yeah. When he's not on stage he wears a helmet from crashoutbuckets.com. Okay, let's do it one more time. The Ramen Place and our great great camera woman slash extremely amazing producer, Christie, is going to do some kind of special zoom in hopefully on this. So I ask you again, what is the name of the ramen place?

Tondo Ramen. Tondo Ramen. Dude, it's like that cooking show. I hope we can do some. Oink, we saw. I hope we do some cool trickery there and make that part extra special. Tondo ramen. Has it been in business a while?

Ten years. Wow. It just hit the 10th anniversary. How do you spell it? T-O-N-D-O. Yep, that's what I would have guessed. Red Band's the only person in the world that would have a problem finding that. I actually go up to the number one?

Is it called Ryukyu Shinmen Tando ramen? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, that would be a whole different place. Why don't I ask you again, and you do the point thing, and you say the point thing, and you say the actual name? It's called JoJo's Cheesesteaks and Ramen. Yeah.

You'll find it. It's over there. So what is the name of this ramen place in Toronto, Canada? Ryukyu Tondo Ramen. RYUKU TONDO RAMEN! RYUKU TONDO RAMEN! Wait, wait, wait. We still have the wrong place, we think. Because this one that we found that's popular on Yelp is called RYUKU SHINMEN TONDO RAMEN. RYUKU SHINMEN? Ryukushinmen Tando Ramen. Ryukushinmen? Here, look.

What's the address there? Give me the address. Is it on College Street? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so again, you have no idea the ramen place that you sit at every single fucking day. Your girlfriend better be hot as fuck. She better be so hot. Yeah. She better be so hot.

Yeah, she better be so hot that you have to let it sit and blow on it for 10 minutes fucking before you can eat it. A pizza hut tantou. Oh. Again, again. Pussy grip. So stressful. So stressful.

He's gonna break out with her and this place is going to explode. Okay let's try it again. Again it's Ryukyu Shinmen Tando Ramen. Are you ready? Yes. And I ask you, my good friend, Kansai Yasuda, what is the name of this ramen place in Toronto? Ryukyu Shinmen Tando Ramen! Wow! Absolutely incredible.

And now, let's read some fucking Yelp reviews. This is one of my favorite things to do. It's a new segment on this show. We go straight to the one stars, and we start there. You can learn a lot about a restaurant by going directly to the one star reviews. Please, Tony. And here...

Please. Please. No, this place is gonna be packed. We've done this before. There was a guy in San Diego. What was it? Like, it was a, uh... It was a, uh... Hookah. A hookah and restaurant. And literally, the was it like, it was a, it was a uh, uh, uh, hookah, a hookah and restaurant.

And literally the guy's like, Tony, you changed our fucking lives. They're literally making like a million dollars a month. There's a pizza place now with a Kill Tony pizza in New York or something like that. That's a whole different fucking thing that has nothing to do with what we're talking about. Okay.

All right, here we go. If you did a Portnoy review for only Asian restaurants, that would be so fucking funny. Oh, it's amazing. Just only Asian. Oh, well we do them all. We do them all.

We're equal opportunity here. A lot of... A lot of... I thought that was gonna be fucking interesting. Now, your girlfriend... Barstool Japanese, you understand? All right, sorry, Tom. Okay, now your girlfriend works as a waitress.

She does the whole place. There's a patio there too, right? There's a patio there too. And she's a waitress of the whole place? Yes. Okay, here we go. Your first one-star review of Ryukyu Shinmen Tando Ramen. Tando in the past.

This is from Mitchell L. It says, 221 likes, 133 stars. It's a one-star review from over four years ago. You're not gonna be able to read it from there. Not with those eyes, Konse. And here we go. Tando in the past has been all right,

but quality of service... Ugh. ...with patio dining has severely deteriorated during COVID. Oh, okay. Well, that was during COVID. You know what? We'll skip that one. Thank you.

Yeah. One star review over six years ago from Bradley J. This is the second time we've been here and the food is pretty good. The shoyu is delicious, but the... Late night service isn't the greatest. And there was a karaoke party? Three question marks?

On a Friday night, two question marks? In the back, three question marks? It was like an awful, awful private concert that literally no one wanted. I hope they had a real great birthday, but the volume could have been turned down by about 100%. No one needs to hear a grown man singing Fergie. That's literally the whole review.

Do they sometimes do karaoke in the back? Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy it. Karaoke at a Japanese restaurant is just fucking dessert, dude. Tell the end every night, all right. They do love karaoke. Do you do karaoke sometimes?

Yeah. What is your go-to karaoke song? It's in, it's in Japanese. Okay, can you give it, do a little acapella? Acapella. Yeah, give them the right lighting key now. This is Kansai Yasuda. Natsu no owari

Natsu no owari ni wa Tada anata ni aitaku naru no Itsuka to onaji kaze ga fukiareru kara Because the same wind will blow someday. Wow. Gerald W. left a review. He's considered an elite Yelp reviewer. He has a special red banner next to his name. I went to Little Italy for a street festival. I walked by this Tando ramen place.

They were selling yakisoba on the street for $10. I ordered one. I was surprised that the box they put it in was not filled to the top. The portion was so small. To fud way men, to fud way... The taste was pretty decent, but it was not worth it. Also, I thought that the cook has to wear a hairnet

or hat while cooking. This one wasn't. Probably won't come back. Okay, go back to the fucking thing. Jesus Christ. All right, here we go. Some more one-star reviews. I'm gonna find us a good one here. Five star.

All right. Good. Mila N. says, came here on a Saturday night with my friend. There was a line outside, but when we entered the restaurant, we got seated right away in the corner. Mila N says, came here on a Saturday night with my friend. There was a line outside, but when we entered the restaurant, we got seated right away in the corner. I guess the line was for takeout.

We waited about 10 minutes to be served water. And before our order was taken, we had ordered five pieces of gyoza and two regular-sized ramen bowls. Our gyoza took about 10 to 15 minutes, and it was good. But wish it was more crispier. We waited another 30 minutes, wondering why it was taking so long.

I had even noticed all the tables around us. Even the people who got seated after us got both of their bowls of ramen before us. My friend then asked the server if our ramen was on its way. It turns out they forgot to put it in. Shortly after, our two bowls came. The ramen was good.

Not too salty, but the weight isn't worth it. Go somewhere else unless you wanna wait an hour for a bowl of ramen. It's worse there. Does that happen a lot there? I believe not. I don't know. It's... It's maybe sometimes. Sometimes.

Your girlfriend, she's Asian as well, correct? Yes. What kind of Asian is she? Half Filipino, half Japanese. Uh-huh. And what kind of Asian are you? Half Korean, half Japanese? Uh-huh. And what kind of Asian are you? Half Korean half Japanese Wow When you guys disagree about something, what is it usually about? What are you and your girlfriend chemistry wise? What is it disagree is what?

One second disagree disagree disagree disagree She works at the because she's Filipino, so she works a lot. So she works all day in Toronto, and Tondo Ramen, and then I'm like, I have no job, so. So I have to wait for her. So that's, that's hard for me. Wow.

Thank you. How did it feel, that hug from Tommy just then? Warm. Hell yeah. Kansai Yasuda. Should we read one more, one-star review? One more five-star review. After coming back from Las Vegas, Lena D. Only three years ago.

After coming back from Las Vegas, I was really craving for ramen. I stumbled upon this place and found there was a vegan ramen for $23. I was stoked when I seen this on their menu, and it must be good. It was the most expensive ramen bowl on the menu. Is this true? The vegetarian one is the most expensive? I don't... I never eat vegetarian ramen, but maybe... No, I don't think so. Okay.

Very good. My expectations were really high. I also ordered the curry chicken katsu for my friend to cure her hangover that day. Wow, these people are real pieces of shit. The food arrived in time, and I hurried to open it to eat. I was surprised by the size of the ramen bowl. This seems to be a common thread. It was, all capital letters, tiny.

So I thought the tiny bowl was stuffed with ramen and toppings. Wrong! Exclamation point, all capital letters. The toppings were separated from the ramen with a top lid to separate the ramen noodles from the ingredients. There were instructions to heat up the soup,

then pour into the noodles and loosen the noodles up since they were stuck together. There was a very small portion of noodles which made me question if this was even going to get me full for the day. Wow, this piece of shit thought they were gonna get one meal for the day. This is incredible.

These one-star reviews are the greatest advertisements for restaurants ever. No. People are like, I was hungover and I just needed one meal to get me through the entire fucking day and one star this place didn't. Anyway. There were barely any toppings either. There was more soup than noodles.

Yeah, well, that would fucking make sense. That would be crazy if the noodles were above the broth. It's certainly not worth $23. It was more like a snack. On top of that, my friend's curry chicken katsu was raw. Yes, the chicken was raw. My dog can't even eat this. I am shocked that the kitchen even allowed

this kind of quality to be delivered. I was still hungry after my tiny bowl of $23 ramen and my hungover friend had to recook her chicken. He eat. This is probably the worst order and experience I've ever had. Fortunately, we got a full refund for our entire order. What?

They should reprice their menu or change the portion size to justify selling ramen at $23. I'm never eating there again, period. It's a lie. That's a, that's a, that's a lie. It's a different ramen company attacking Riku Tondo Ramen. Red Band's showing me a picture.

He's saying it's not. I would complain about that. That's not raw. That's just a little pink. Our senior health correspondent, Brian Red Band, says that it's not raw. Let's go to our senior chicken correspondent, Antonio Brown. Let's see. You are the chicken specialist of the show.

Would you eat this, Antonio? I mean, look at that middle there. What do you think? That's a little pink right there. Man, I fucked that. I dipped all my dick in that. Balls and everything. I just fucked that chick.

Chick comes to me a little pink, I fuck it. You understand? Yes sir, yes sir. The verdict is in, Antonio Brown would fuck it. Can say yes, suda. And without a doubt, let us mention that there are, it sits at a 4.1. It is a very highly reviewed restaurant.

Check out Ryukyu Shinmentando Ramen on College Street in Toronto. If you live in Toronto, you will be supporting Kansai Yasuda, the only Asian, Canadian, Japanese, Korean combination. It's a combination dish. A24 combination dish. I love the Kansai Yasuda.

There he goes, Kansai Yasuda, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. We're having fun here tonight. Whew. You guys having a good time? Back to the bucket we go ladies and gentlemen for your next comedian goes by the name of Busko Jones everyone make some noise for Busko Jones. One more time for Busko Jones.

One more time for Busko Jones. Whoo! So, ladies, say if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. So I smoke weed every single day. Right? Thank you. A couple of claps. But, hey, I do wish I would have been a cokehead, to be quite honest. At least for a little bit, because I would have gotten what, like,

social media calls into higher-value rooms with higher-value people. Like, for better networking skills, would have done great for me. Um... Whew. They say you can't make a hoe a housewife. Right?

It may Maybe true. Real fucking easy to make one a co-parent, I'll tell you that much. Right now. And if you're an AB, a single parent, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not saying the mother of my first child's a hoe. I'm just saying that she was pregnant the first time we got together. And we were both in our 20s, so we were both hoes. I've been Busco Jones. Thanks for your time. -"Busco." You go by Busco or Busco? -"Busco." -"Busco." Okay, Busco. So the girl that you had sex with was pregnant already?

-"No, no, it's mine. It's mine." -"What'd you say?" -"Oh, okay." -"It was the timing. It's mine. Oh, OK. But the timing, it was like the first or second week of us hooking up. So it was very fast. Yeah, we got in there and got it done pretty quick.

Were you coming inside of her? I mean, that's how that tends to work, yes, sir. Well, I mean, like, were you finishing your entire load inside of her, and then she got pregnant immediately? I got, I got chapelled. You know what I mean? when they whisper in your ear and I was young and dumb? I don't know what that means.

She said, she said, told me where to come. She said, come inside me and I just, well, it happened. Okay. Yeah. All right, why is that called being chapelled? He had a bit about... Oh, okay. All right. Tell me where to come. Your answers come with a homework assignment.

Yes. Sorry about that, sorry answers come with a homework assignment. Yes. Exciting, Busco. Sorry about that, sorry about that. It's okay, somehow you're already the best interview of the night. So Busco, let's talk about it. How long you been on standup? Roughly about 10 years now. 10 fucking years, where at exactly?

Mainly Dallas. Dallas, okay, what do you do for a living? Oh wow, there's some white trash here. Uh... East Texas. I'm a real estate broker. Real estate broker, really? Yes, sir. Oh.

My God. I mean, everybody here tonight, every bucket pool has fucking pizza chef energies. Meanwhile, here you are. I do moonlight at a piece, uh, pizza shop, actually. You what? I moonlight at a pizza shop every once in a while, as well. Get out. Yeah. What do you mean you moonlight at a pizza? Explain actually. You what? I moonlight at a pizza shop every once in a while as well. Get out. What do you mean you moonlight at a pizza?

Explain exactly what that means. Basically, there's a small place in East Dallas that I used to work for when my daughter was born, and it's a small place, and it helps sometimes, so I'll go in and manage for them. You manage at a pizza place. What's the name of the pizza place?

Scalini's. Scalini's Pizza. Can you spell it for us? Nice and slow. Shocked at the tech genius red bands typing. S-C-A-L-I. S-C-A-L-I. N-I-S.

N-I-S. That's gonna, you're gonna have to go to Google or Yelp. Yeah, it's on Yelp. Dallas. Scalini's. S-C- to go to Google or yelp. Yeah, it's on yelp Dallas Scalini's SCA L I N Okay, we got it and this is located on Abrams Road Abrams Road, okay. We got it and you only work at nighttime

Yes, and sometimes a Monday morning shift. Okay. What do you do on the Monday morning shift? Take care of the whole fucking front of house. Do everything. Perfect. This is one star reviews of Scalini's. Four months ago, you were working there four months ago, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. That's an easy question. I've been going to Scalini's since the 90s. Tonight, I was verbally insulted by the female that handed me my to go order

when I called to complain that my order was wrong. Do you know the female that maybe has an attitude there? Yeah, I know that one. I remember that night. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. And you've seen her, like, yell at people before? Oh, she's no longer with us, but, yeah, she... Oh!

And she came in a wig. She had... She was, uh... Yeah, she's no longer there, but, yeah. Okay, she came in a wig. She was, uh, yeah, she's no longer there. Okay, she got fired? I don't know if she fired. Some people, like, fire quit there. It's a weird, it's a small place. Here's one from Shannon one year ago.

The pizza was just okay, but more importantly, the female was extremely rude. I fell victim to a scam online to a website identified as Scalini's, and the manager continued to press me about the payment while I showed her the withdrawal from my bank account. Thank goodness for online banking says and stated that I was confused regarding payment that was until a bar patron eating her pizza over heard the conversation help by interceding in the conversation. Thanks to her. It's not the first time, but, but, but, but, but, but, okay, yep, that's a lot of typing. Let's get to the final line, will not return, and I will spread the news

due to the condescending attitudes there. That's plural. You know, I mean, it's a- Do you ever talk directly to the customers? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm, yeah. Do you think you have a little bit of an attitude sometimes? I'm not, I'm pretty good, actually. I'm pretty decent. I don't get, I have a little bit of an attitude sometimes? I'm not, I'm pretty good actually. I'm pretty decent.

I have a few on there, but nothing. The female, was her name RJ? That's, RJ's me actually. Perfect. Oh. Well, I got one for you. Leslie L. one year ago, rude asshole manager RJ. That is the first line of this one star review. Let me read it again. Yeah buddy. Rude asshole manager RJ to this 30 year customer told me I abused a fellow child customer.

A fellow child customer would mean that this is a child leaving a one-star review. That's crazy. Do you already know what happened here? I know exactly that idea. Well, let's just wait. I'm gonna read the review, and then we're gonna get your response to this. Let me read that second line again.

Told me I abused a fellow child customer. I did no such thing, and know her name and age and she and her parents and I all bonded. He said servers didn't feel comfortable serving me a third glass of wine. I was so confused since I was not drunk or obnoxious. When I went to the counter to ask him about it, my server said there was no problem whatsoever,

but he accused me of abusing a customer. I was floored. I had no idea what he was talking about. The tiny kid and her parents and I bonded. When I questioned RJ, you're RJ. When I questioned RJ because I didn't understand, he picked up the phone and called the cops

or pretended to. I was so pissed that I told him to stick my leftovers up his fat ass. I did absolutely nothing wrong, but he treated me like shit. I'm furious because I was treated unfairly. RJ is an ass. So break it down for us. Tell us what happened here, RJ.

Okay, so, number one, it's a very small restaurant, about 20 tables. It was a Friday night. Right in the front row, you got two six tops, two six tops, but there are four tops and a two tops, so sometimes it's a very small restaurant, about 20 tables. It was a Friday night. Right in the front row, you got two six tops, two six tops, but there were four tops and a two tops, so sometimes it's a small family and, like, a single lady. Lady was sitting there. This is like a rich East Dallas neighborhood,

professional drunks. So, like, people were sauce 24-7. So sometimes you know, sometimes you don't. She was two glasses in deep. My server came over, who was basically a teenager, a little bit 18, and she's like, I don't feel comfortable, blah, blah, blah. I need to go cut her off.

I wanted to cut her off, and at the end of the day, she was meowing with the kids. She was what? She was meowing at the children. Like a cat? Like a cat. What's wrong with that? Well... Okay, red man.

No, keep going, stick with it. Stay in the pocket here. Noticing the use of the word bonded twice in the... She was a very creepy old lady. She was creeping out the fore top. She was almost, she was definitely hammered. And I asked her to leave multiple times after explaining things before I picked up the phone

and act like I was gonna call the cops. You did a pretend phone call to the police. Fuck yeah, yeah. And what do you say on these pretend phone calls? Can we get it? It was a white woman. Like, as soon as I did it, she basically just fled. Like, she...

She knew she was drunk. She knew she wasn't sober. Antonio, what do you think about this situation? This is hilarious. Yeah. This is absolutely hilarious. I agree completely. So let me ask you this.

Busco? Yes, sir. Why do you go by RJ in your secret pizza job and Busco in comedy? So Busco is not my real name. RJ is my name. I'm actually named Richard. I've gone by RJ all my life.

Busco, I started for comedy. Just because I'm in real estate, so when people Googled my name, they wouldn't find dick jokes and memes and I would have a chance to get their business. Do you think a lot of successful real estate agents moonlight at pizza joints? Well, I'm not your average successful real estate agent

at the end of the day. And right now, a lot of real estate agents ain't doing shit, number one. But, uh, no, not at all. Honestly, I took the job with half of the fantasy that they'll sell the place to me because it needs to be sold. Bro, you got a Union Brown mayo on your shirt.

You got a stain on your shirt. Do you have mayonnaise on your shirt? You're trying to shout out your real estate crew. Oh, I'm not. Yeah, I'm good. We'll be all right. I'm a discount realtor. I charge 1%, so I don't have to put on a suit and act like I care. Busco, tell us more about your real life.

Give us a fun fact about you before I get you out of here that we will find unbelievably interesting. The nickname comes from a guy who died from being struck by lightning. You see, Busco is someone that you knew. No, he, yes. He named me Busco when we were in eighth grade. Okay. And he got killed by the lightning?

Yes. When did that happen? Uh, in, I was in ninth grade, so... So he named you Busco? Uh-huh. And then a year later, he got struck by lightning and was killed? Yes, sir. Wouldn't that be bad to go by the name that the guy's struck by lightning? No, it's all in good fun now.

We're 20 years on. It's all in good fun. Yeah. It's more of an homage to him giving me the name as a nickname. Like, the last name, Jones, was his last name. So, Busco Jones. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. There he is. We're here. He's... Busco. Okay, Busco. Here's a little joke book. Congratulations. Thank you so much. This is a...

This is a... It's a very interesting episode. Not a lot of book catches here tonight. Okay. Alright. Christopher Nolan. So not a lot of book catches here tonight. Okay. All right. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Christopher Nolan, Bong Joon Ho, Sean Baker, they have all won the Academy Award for Best Director. What else do they have in common? They all got their start at the Slamdance Film Festival, just like us. Hi, I'm Jana Gallagher. And I'm Michael Gallagher. And we're launching the Slamdance First Film Podcast.

It's a weekly interview series where we sit down with your favorite filmmakers to get a mini masterclass in the secrets to making your first feature film. On the Slamdance First Film podcast you will listen to guests like filmmaker Sean Baker, the writer and director of Enora, teach you how to make a movie for $3,000 with a two-person crew or listen to the Russo brothers, directors of Avengers Endgame teach you about how melding minds with your collaborators can create exponential success. Subscribe to the Slamdance First Film podcast for free on Apple podcasts,

Spotify, or wherever you're listening now. Next bucket pool goes by the name, one word name. It is just one word. Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for your next comedian. He goes by the, well, here he comes, everybody. His name is Will, everyone. His name is Will.

What's up, guys? So there's this video I know a lot of people have seen. It's of this primitive African tribe trying Fanta for the first time. And it's crazy. They're trying to open the bottle with their teeth. Eventually, they cut it open with a machete. They drink the soda, and it completely changes their life.

Their eyes just light up. They just completely change people from before they drink the soda and after. They give some to their elders, like, oh, please try this soda. This is amazing. You know, and I'm just, like, thinking to myself while I'm watching this video, like, this is incredible.

I just, I hope they don't let them try the grape flavor, because that's going to turn that village upside down. Yes. We no longer herd the goat animal. We grow a yellow five crop now. Yes. We worship the god of high fructose corn syrup. That shit is good, my nigga.

It's like, whoa, wait a second, where'd you guys hear that word from? Is that a side effect of the soda? What was that? All right, appreciate it, guys. All right, Will, one word name. How long you been doing stand up, Will? Two months.

Very good, two months. That's a great answer. A lot of the people that did just as good as you have been doing it 10 years or more here tonight. So we're happy to hear that you've only been doing it two months. Where you from? From here, from Austin.

From Austin, born and raised. Yes. Absolutely, how born and raised? Yes. Absolutely. How old are you? 34. 34, what made you want to start standup comedy two months ago? I hang out with a lot of comedians, so it was just kind of a smooth transition for me

to just kind of like go into. How did you end up hanging out with so many comedians? Drug dealer? Oh, oh. Retired, never, never such a... Anyway, well, how did you end up hanging out with so many comedians? Drug dealer?

No, I think just hanging out in Austin a lot. I mean, I've met a lot of guys from this scene, for sure. You know, I don't like to name drop. I don't like that type of shit, so. But yeah, I know quite a few people. Okay. So, You know, I don't like to name drop. I don't like that type of shit. So, but yeah, I know quite a few people. OK, so, you know, yeah, it's it was cool for me to do it. And it was easy. I've been writing for a long time. So getting on stage was just something I kind of wanted to try next.

OK, what do you do for a living? Um, I work kind of like a stage hand job at the Moody Center, just like putting together like concerts and stuff like that lighting audio video it's pretty cool get to meet a lot of people and stuff like that so I just made eye contact with Antonio Brown and I can't not laugh I just realized yeah I just under the Civil War helmet I did not notice a B how dare you that is not a Civil War helmet, I did not notice A, B. How dare you? That is not a Civil War helmet. That is a crash-out bucket. I'm smacking right now.

Maybe. Who's an anxiety relief? I'm hammering. Hell, yeah. It is true. A little fun fact is, I have seen only in the past I don't know what he's been doing all day. I knew he... I know he flew in today for this. I have literally seen him drink about 12 white Russians

since he arrived an hour ago. This is absolutely incredible. He's eating jointed eat Bailey's tea. I'm turned up. Yeah, absolutely. We like it. We like it. You're gonna need that helmet later. Kill Tony. Hell yeah. We're gonna need that helmet later. Kill Tony. Hell yeah.

We're living the dream, buddy. We are living the dream. Will, what are you into? What are some hobbies of yours? Pretty tall, so basketball. I know it looked like a, yeah, yeah. Okay. NBA 2K creative player right here, obviously.

That was fun for a while, but now like two months in, I'm trying to like do comedy. So that's obviously what I do most of nowadays. But you play basketball in real life? Real life, yeah. In college I played for a little bit. Okay, where'd you go to college? I got like a half ride scholarship in California.

Half ride? Yeah, no, they didn't believe in me for a full ride scholarship, so. We'll pay halfway, and if you do all right, then we'll see how it goes, you know, so. They took a gamble on me, you know, it was fun. You have a girlfriend, Will? I don't, I don't, no.

When's the last time you had a girlfriend? It's been a while. It's been a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Why? Why do you? What's up with that? Um, looking for love in all the wrong places, guys. You got no bitches? Antonio is asking you, do you have no bitches?

I need the Pearl Harbor helmet, and then I think I'll probably land something. No bitches? Antonio is asking you, do you have no bitches? I need the Pearl Harbor helmet, and then I think I'll probably land something. Gosh, y'all fucking... That's what I missed. That's AP. I knew it was something. That's AP's condom, dude.

That's the swag. Oh, yeah. Let me put a condom on real quick. I need my protection. What do you mean, you're pregnant? I'll protect your brain. What was that, Antonio? I believe in God, not in Trojans. That's right. That is yet another T-shirt.

We are just merch makers here today. Get your I believe in God, not in Trojans. Go to his Twitter, at AB84, and the links will lead you there. I believe in God, not in Trojans. Go to his Twitter, at AB84, and the links will lead you there. He is an absolute merch machine, a branding genius. I believe in God, not Trojans. Antonio, I really don't know.

I'm genuinely curious. Do you have kids? I do. Okay, dare I ask how many you have? Oh. Seven kids. Seven kids, okay. How many baby mamas?

Football team, starting. It's a... Will, shut the fuck up. Mamas babies. Mamas babies. Four. Four different mamas babies. Okay.

That's perfect. That's actually... Throw's actually, uh... Throw that P, hell marry wide open. Absolutely. And X route, Y, corduroy panther, 26 blitzkrieg on three on three. Blue with the A! Blue with the A!

Ha ha ha! Ha! Flag on the play. I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna...

I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna...

I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Will, so when's the last time you had sex with a woman? Maybe even just a half ride. Didn't have to be a full ride. Maybe just a half ride. Last time I got a full ride was definitely before I started doing comedy. Once I started hopping in two months. So probably like two months.

I'll say like two months for sure. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And how did that go for you? I think I touched, I think I got a touchdown for sure. Okay. Okay. Do a lot of girls flirt with you? Do a lot of girls flirt with you? Okay. We got it. We got it, Tommy.

You don't, you don't have to explain. Yeah, I got it, Tommy. You don't have to explain. Yeah, I got it. That was good. Oh, I would say... Yeah, then I start talking, and then it fucking ruins it. Yeah, you get nervous around girls. Not too much, to be honest. Not too much.

It's just I end up saying some crazy shit. That's like. It's interesting. I would think that you would do really well with women since you look like all the members of the Black Eyed Peas combined. But then here it is. It turns out he opens his mouth and gets you in trouble.

Well, Will, any other fun facts about you that we should know about before letting you go? Oh, I have to go with the... Did you hear that fucking noise? Oh, let me think. Oh, skinny black... Fat ink getting up from a recliner. Oh, fun facts about me, Batman. Where do I begin?

For your half ride will be your last ride. That's fair. I'm going to have to go with my granddad just died. He was like 93, and he had like a 40-year-old girlfriend when he died. So, RIP grandpa. Hell, yeah. How did he die? Uh, he was... he just got old age. Just kind of... it was about that time.

So, yeah, no, he was killing it, though. He was killing it. You ever think about banging his ex-girlfriend? You ever think about throwing on a crash-out bucket helmet and just fucking... Yeah, so, you know, I... I didn't... You know, honestly, it's like, hey, look,

from a football helmet to a fucking Civil War reenactment helmet, my guy is still... Hey, the CTE, you know, he's still holding down, my guy. CTE, S-P-N. Shout out to Will. That's right, Shout out to Will. That's right. Shout out to Will.

Here you go. A lot of people haven't been catching these joke books tonight. I expect you for many reasons to be able to catch this. Are you ready? It was a short throw. We got it. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, Will.

Everybody, there goes Will. All right. Let's do one more bucket pull before we get to him, and then we'll keep it going. Ladies and gentlemen, another bucket pull, Nate. Whoo! All right. That's literally just did nothing there. That was nothing.

She lifted it up and sat it back down. It's incredible. Yeah, we love her. We love Heidi. America loves Heidi. Everyone loves Heidi. Make some noise for your next bucket full. It is Nate Lorette, everyone.

Nate Lorette. I'm from Oklahoma, which is just here, but worse. Not good. Very religious state, but somehow we also legalized weed a few years back. Only state that I've ever seen a dispensary advertised with Bible verses. I remember there was this one ad on the radio, I'll recreate it for you guys, it started out, it was like, aha, Lord, you are the most high.

I was like, aha. Pfft. Lord, you are the most high. Mm-hmm, amen. Buy one, get one free. It debodies burning bush all week long. Can't spell salvation without sativa. Spelling joke. Sometimes when I say that I'm from Oklahoma,

I'll get these people making really racist jokes towards Native Americans at me. They're like, Oh, Oklahoma, what you learn in high school? Bird calls, gambling, hearty ar ar. Tch. ["Wildlife"] ["Wildlife"]

Boom. All the way to the limits, -♪ Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo 25. 25, how long you been on stand-up? Two, coming up on three years. Three years, all of it in Oklahoma or do you live here now? Oh, I've been here for like a year and then I started in Wisconsin. I've never done stand-up in Oklahoma. You went to college in Wisconsin? No, I went to college in Kansas.

Okay, started in Oklahoma, went to college in Kansas. What took you to Wisconsin? This was like my first job out of college. What was that? I did, uh, medical, software, bullshit. Okay, what do you do now? Uh, I do door dash on a bike. Wow.

Mama, we made it. Yeah. Dreams. Don't let your dreams be dreams. Hell yeah. What kind of money are you making weekly on DoorDash? Yeah, you know, like a hundred bucks. Sometimes like 400 and then I'll just get really high and be like, nah, I'm gonna give myself a day off.

I, um... That makes sense. I earned it. Yeah. I hate it when I order food, and it turns out that it's on a bicycle. You see that little bicycle icon pull up, and you realize that you hit the unlucky lottery

that your food is gonna be cold. I've spilled so many coffees. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever order coffee from a bike guy. Well, we don't get to choose. I really wish... You have no idea.

If you double the tip, it's not like, oh, this guy's got a Corvette. Like, he's gonna get there really fast. No? No. Okay. We wish that there was a part of the app where you could shut off the possibility of bicycles.

Um, do you ever order DoorDash? No. What a horrible... No, it's... I don't... Honestly, every day that I get an order, I'm like another sucker every minute. It's a... What a horrible business thing. I want to pay 40 bucks for medium fry

and Sprite at McDonald's. Wow. Okay, what are you going to do for work now? Motorcycle, bike, door dash. I love it. What do you do for fun? You're a 25 year old, you're young and sprite. We've had a lot of beat-up older people on this show today.

We had Busco on, who's a 1% real estate agent that moonlights at a pizza joint. You seem like you have all your life ahead of you, like a young M&M type of character here. You seem like you're young and sprite, like you have a lot on your mind, fully operational. You're not out of Adderall, like some other bucket pulls tonight.

You're fully operational. No, dude. Nah. Stone cold sober. Okay. Except for all the weed I just did. Whoa. You Oklahoma rebel. All right. Let's stay anchored, my friend.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Oklahoma rebel. All right. Just stay anchored, my friend. I wish we could just have Antonio Brown, like perhaps like every episode, just like in your own like section up there, just smoking blunts, drinking white Russians and jumping in anytime you want. Just know you're always welcome here, Antonio Brown. I love it. I love it. This guy's unbelievable.

That's so good. They say never meet your heroes from Twitter, but Antonio Brown is the absolute fucking man. So tell us more about you. You're 25, tell us about what's going on in the life of a 25 year old. This one time I refereed a midget wrestling match. That was pretty cool.

How do you get a gig like that? It was just like on the website, like tickets $10, $200. You get to be in there with them. Oh my God. And you took two weeks of DoorDash pay and you're like, I'm fucking in. Two weeks is pretty generous.

Yeah. It was an investment. I financed it. Klarna, shout out. Great reference. I believe that is the first Klarna reference in the history of KilToni. Amazing. Amazing. I fucking get it. Making payments.

Are you still making payments on your midget wrestling referee? Nah, all paid up on that one. Hell yeah. I financed the bike though actually. Like I did do that one. I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I up on that one. Hell yeah. I financed the bike though, actually. Like, I did do that one. And I got that paid off, like, last month. Fuck yeah, Nate. The people are loving this. People are loving the unbelievable payment process

of Nate Lorette. Tell us one more fun fact about you. Anything else crazy? What are your parents like? You seem like a, like a, like a, like a something. That's a good way of putting it. Yeah. My mom, uh, she's a speech therapist. Mm-hmm. And all I've ever gotten out of that

was that she told me when I was young, she thought that I might be autistic. And so I'm wondering, like, oh, if she didn't do that, would I just be, like, nonverbal? This is an autistic thing to say. Uh-huh. You haven't looked at us in the eyes at all. Or now you just... I'm bad at eye... He's looking at the camera the whole time.

I'm trying, well, that's where the more people are. Give him a restaurant to fucking promote. Yeah. Can you say Tondo Ramen to that camera? Tondo Ramen. What's crazy is he had no idea that Kansei Yasuda, he was not in the room, he has no idea that he pointed at that camera every time. Yet meanwhile, I don't think you can say Tondo Ramen

without pointing exactly at a camera. That is, we're figuring something out here today. This is incredible. Nate, what's your big goal here? You're a couple months in, you're in, or I mean, you're three years into comedy. You've been here for a year. You're a couple months in, you're in the, or I mean you're three years in the comedy, you've been here for a year, you're door dashing.

Yeah. What's a goal? I'm making it happen. What's a goal of yours? I don't know, I mean, just kinda having fun for now. Perfect. If I didn't have to do door dashing on a bike, that'd be sick.

So once we can make 20 more bucks a month, I think I'm there. Okie dokie. These goals brought to you by marijuana, everybody. All right, well, congratulations, Nate. You're getting a big joke book. Hey! Oh, no! Let's go! There he goes.

Nate Lorette, everybody. There goes Nate, everyone. There he goes. Go ahead, Nate. There he goes. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is, without a doubt, one of the greatest regulars

in the history of the show. He is here. He is live, in the flesh. This is the Estonian assassin, Ari Matty! ["Happiness"] ["Happiness"] ["Happiness"] Yo, yo, happy Easter!

I love how religious Americans are on God. Estonia is one of the most atheist countries in the world. You ask an Estonian, do you believe in a higher power? We're like, I don't even believe in myself. Dude, you tell us there's an afterlife? We're like, fuck, there's more. Can I just fucking die? I went on a date with like a religious girl here, she's Catholic, and then after the day

we go to her place and she's like, don't worry, we can still do anal. I love how religious chicks treat their asshole like an offshore account in the Bahamas. It's outside the jurisdiction. I love how she thinks she's gonna get to the pearly gates. God is gonna be like, what the fuck? And she's like, ah, ah, ah, you never said. And God's gotta be like, ah, get in here, you slut. Thank you so much, thank you guys. Boom, another Minute 30, brand new for Ari Mati.

We've missed you, Ari. You were in Estonia for a while. Now you're back. I went to see my kingdom. That is right. You are the king of Estonia. Fun fact, Kill Tony, I believe, touched number one in America for a quick bit.

We had a... on Netflix, we had a... What the... We had a very, very interesting time of our release. It came amongst the third most watched episode of Raw, WWE Raw of the year as they led up to WrestleMania. There was a new season of Black Mirror, a new season of Love on the Spectrum. It was a very amazing week to come out.

We touched one for a second. We were number one in Canada for a couple few days, and we were number one of all places in Estonia. I think we're still number one in Estonia. You're still number one, baby. It is unbelievable. You are. Tony, you come to Estonia, you can do a fucking 160-seater.

Yeah, it really... If you come to Estonia, you can do a fucking 160-seater. Yeah, it really... You can sell out. It really seems like it. What is the population of Estonia ballpark? It's like 1.4 million, but let's be honest, you know, there's a lot of filth out there, you know. Okay. It's like 60, you know. Okay. It's like 60,000 actual online people. I mean, there's a lot of people in America too, but you mean.

How many of the people in Estonia look or act at all like Antonio Brown here? Dude, I'd love to see you walk around with that helmet in Estonia? They're like, who the fuck is attacking us now? Holy shit. Jesus Christ, these guys are explosive. We had a women in. Red band has literally taken the time to look up the black population of Estonia. And Google's first sentence is, the black population in Estonia is small.

Comprising a fraction of the total population. According to a 2011 census, 414 people, or.0315%, had at least, hold on, had at least one parent that is African, which means that's even your mixed kids and everything, 414. I don't wanna clarify, that was in 2011. There.

All right. We got him out. Black dick. Happy birthday, Hitler. What are you... What do you think about this place, Antonio Brown, the country of Estonia, what do you think about them only having 414, that includes mixed people.

Does this sound like a fun place for you to visit? Are you interested at all in visiting Estonia? Yeah, I want to check it out. You're gonna fuck every woman there. We want to fuck! We want to fuck! Hell, yeah. I think he can single-handedly change the percentage of African Americans, of African Estonians.

Why do you keep looking at me? change the percentage of African Americans, of African Estonians. Why do you keep looking at me? Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Antonio, you're drinking white Russians? Yes, yes, yes, yes. You ever had a white Russian with titty milk?

Titty milk, yeah. You know, when a baby's born, you know they put him on the, yeah. You know when a baby's born, you know they put them on the titties. You know that cord can come out too. My nutrition. There's a lot to digest there. You said titty milk, he said when the babies are born, that's what they drink.

Like perhaps that's a fun fact that we've never heard of before. Right to the titties. are born that's what they drink like perhaps that's a fun fact that we've never heard of before I did a titty have you had a white russian with titty milk are you maddie yes really tell us about this how does it was partying on a boat with russians and then they want to we were making white russians we only had the liquor ran out of the milk and then one of, we were making white Russians, we only had the liquor, ran out of the milk, and then one of the bitches were lactating. Wow.

Mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea, mea. Wow. Click, click, click, click, click. Fresh. How was it? Was it good? I gotta say, titty milk is fucking delish, dude. Have you ever drank titty milk before, Anthony Brown?

It's called kalashko. Now that, what's crazy is I was making fun of you before for not...for stating something that was obvious, and now look at you now. You're like the doctor of titty milk. You are like a...a...a... Well, well, well, it's another episode of Antonio Brown sipping titty milk.

The master of titty milk, Antonio Brown. I love it. Have you ever thought about having a white Russian with chocolate milk, having a black Russian? Black. I've never seen a black Russian. No, no one has, and no one... Neither a black Estonian, either.

Laughter Laughter Ari Mati, you are the fucking man. We love you. A real life rock star. Live in the flesh. Applause The man, the live in the flesh. The man, the myth, the legend, Ari Mati, everybody. And we move on to our next and second to last bucket full.

Make some noise for Mike Love. Mike Love, everyone. -♪ Well, you know, some people are addicted to porn. Yeah, it's true. I'm addicted to Tinder, you know? It's like I always swipe right for everybody because it's a numbers game, kind of like Russian roulette.

Well, if they're Russian, I swipe left because I don't fuck white bitches. But no, seriously though, like I have bad luck dating. Don't know why. So every time I'm on Tinder, I send the, seriously, though, like, I have bad luck dating. Don't know why. So, like, every time I'm on Tinder, I send the same message, right? Like, hey, my name is Mike Love. I like long walks on the beach. I like to go dancing.

Ultimately, I'm looking for someone to kick it with. I thought it was a good message. One girl responded, you're an asshole, you're not funny. I'm like, what did I say? Then I found out she was in a wheelchair. Let's run that back. Long walks, dancing,

someone I could kick it with. Yeah, good thing I didn't tell her I was into stand-up. You know? But, no, seriously, I actually recently just seen that she was, like, dating somebody, and the funny thing is, right, he's beating on her. But she's rolling with the punches. -"Woo!"

All right, y'all. Thank you. Yeah. Mike Love. So how'd that go? Was that real? Any of that real? I'm really addicted to Tinder, man. Yeah, but not a chick in a wheelchair? I did date a blind girl once. Ooh, tell us more about that.

She had four kids. She couldn't tell who the dad was. Oh, wow. That was kind of funny. That should be... Do you talk about that in your stand-up? Every once in a while, every once in a while, especially the kids. They're bad as shit.

Her youngest son, right, he always looks like, knock shit over, break shit, and then I run away, and he's like, don't say shit. You know, he's like, what was that? I actually stole her TV. But she wasn't watching it. She wasn't even watching it, you know what I'm saying? I don't think she knows this mystery.

You wonder why we don't trust him, dude. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, man. Wow. Yeah. What made you steal her TV? No, see, what happened was, right, mine... Now, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What happened was... See what happened was, right... Now, look here. I didn't really steal it, right, because like, see, I got a new TV, right? But then I took her TV and put it in the box and then returned it. And yeah, I'm a piece of shit. Wow. So you ordered the same TV that she had.

Yeah, it's just nice. I'm like, you know, she ain't watching it. And then I got mine, but mine was broken. And I'm like, all right, well, let me take hers and then return the broken one. It was, it made sense to me in the moment. But now I'm like, yeah. Wow.

Mike, how long you been on stand up? Since the pandemic, so about going on five years. Okay. And what do you do for work? Only fans. No, seriously, I have a content creation company called 143 Media, and I'm also a consultant for AT&T. Sierra consultant for AT&T. Yeah. That was a long way to get there. I was just trying to plug my shit. We don't know about yet, just AT&T.

Okay. Yeah. All right. And this content creation, what exactly are you doing? All right. So I meet up with small businesses and I find like other comedians or people that have high viewers and I match them together. Kind of like, you know, like hinge for like businesses and social media content creators, and like make sure they get paid, and then they help them get more fly time.

Mike, where you from? I am from Rochester, New York, but I'm currently living in San Antonio. You live in San Antonio? San Antonio right now. What made you move to San Antonio? Man, just comedy. I wanted to be close to here,

but I'm also a military veteran, and there's a lot of bases in San Antonio. Oh, nice. So it just kind of made sense. Okay, what did you do in the military? Oh, man, I was in the Air Force, and, yeah, I was only there a few of mine, so it's something like... Hell, yeah. What did you do in the Air Force?

Uh, just identify aircrafts. You flew aircrafts? No, identify. Identify. Identify. Identify, like, oh. That's a plane. Yeah, absolutely. I see him. Yeah.

That's it. Yeah. Where's Shit the Rugby World? He did, right? Identified if there's friend or foe, worked with Bradley Miss- or worked with Bradley tanks, used stinger missiles to knock down foes and shit like that. But I never really did it, only in a simulator.

How many people you killed? I don't want to talk about that. Antonio Brown with a great question. Before or after? Top Gun Maverick. How many people have you killed, Mike Love? I can't talk about that, man, because after the military, I went to prison.

So, yeah. Oh, no, oh, all right, stereotypes. A black guy went to jail. Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about that. What did you go to jail for? I can't talk about that because a lot of my employers don't know,

but fraud. Okay, yeah. What the hell? No, the guy that stole the blind lady's television? Yeah. Get him a crash-out bucket. Yeah, man. A lot of you can't tell, but D-Madness has been muttering angry things

back here ever since he found out that this guy stole a blind woman's television. Oh, shit! Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. He's fucking pissed. He just took his earpiece out. He's never even done that before. So he's basically senseless right now.

It's not like he's going to see me later on and do something about it. Whoa. D, what do you want to... I'm only five foot three and I'm white. D, what do you think about this piece of shit stealing blind women's televisions? D Madness. Well, I have a brand new cane.

I hope I don't have to use it later. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Women, do the class! All right. It's like blindfolded pinata. OK. You surgical with that shit. OK. D Madness would fuck you up, my glove. I don't know whyata. Okay. Deep. You surgical with that shit, okay.

Deep madness would fuck you up, Mike Love. I don't know why, but I believe him. Yes. And I got no beloved for the disabled community or handicappable. Wow. But you don't, you stole their television. No, I was doing her a favor, she wasn't watching it.

He is digging himself a deeper hole. Oh, yeah. All right. Mike Love, what's a redeeming quality about you that'll make everyone like you? A redeeming quality about me? I am an active father of three kids. Wow.

They love me sometimes. What else? What else? What else? I actually work for a charity. What charity? It's called The Parker Project. Okay, this sounds like a made-up scam. No, no, no. You know what?

I'm not even going to talk about that one. I want to be like, no, don't say that! We're not associated with you. Okay, what is the, what is the, what is the Parker Project? The Parker Project actually helps the families with kids with cancer. Helps raise money for taking care of the household things, like rent, mortgage. This does not sound real. No, it's legit. It's legit.

It's legit. It's legit. It's legit. All right. Here's a little joke book. Mike Love, everybody. All right. There he goes. Congratulations. Mike Love. You will forever be remembered as the guy that stole a blind woman's television. From charities, also.

Yeah, fake charity. We're gonna look up Parker Project and read its one-star reviews here in a second. All right, we realized that we have not had a female comedian pulled out of the bucket all night tonight, so I pulled until I found one. This looks like a very fun name. Make some noise for Andriy from Russia, everybody.

Andriy from Russia. Oh, Okie-kie, all right. Looks like I fucked up. It's okay. I guess it's Andrei, spelled with a Y. Pfft. One more time.

Andrei, perhaps, from Russia? Okay. I'm not gay. But I do yoga sometimes. Because back home in Russia, you need to explain these kind of hobbies. It's a very homophobic place, you know? You wash your hands twice a day, gay.

You cut your hair twice a year, gay. You went to Thailand and rented Ladyboy for two weeks, well, package was cheaper, okay? And cheaper than a real woman too. Congratulations guys, America is great again. You feel it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No genders, no immigrants, no abortions. Feels like Mother Russia. I think you guys can change the name

from USA to USSA. That's it for me, thank you. Wow, Andrei from Russia. Yep. You're really from Russia, huh? Yes. How long have you lived in America? Six weeks now.

Okay, so how old are you? 33 this summer. 33, okay, very good. And so you live in Russia full-time. You're just visiting for a while? Yeah, I'm visiting. I actually live in Asia for the last eight years. Where in Asia?

First, when I left, I lived in China, then Indonesia, and last couple years, it's all over the place. Thailand, Malaysia. Thailand, yeah, I could tell when you said all over the place that it's Thailand. No doubt about it. You're having a good time over there. Yep.

Yep. Because from behind it's all the same. You don't see? That's right. Speaking of white Russians, let's check in with 14 deep here, Antonio Brown. Have you ever been to Russia, Antonio?

I've never been to Russia. There is nothing you can say that isn't hilarious. You're in Russia right now, dude. You're fucking gone, boy. You're... Okay. Right to the movie, Dennis. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Someone take me home?

What do you do for work? I do a bit of crypto and a bit of affiliate marketing. Okay, crypto and affiliate marketing. Of course. What's the second part? Affiliate marketing is like you sell links, whatever, and get commissions. Another scam artist.

This is great. Absolutely incredible. How much people and scam artists? Yeah, well, we get well with black people, so. You do? Is that true? Yeah. You've seen someone where you're from that looks like Antonio Brown? We have a whole university with a program, and...

But they're not African-American, they're... African-African. What? Wait, hold on a second. Hold on. What do you mean there's a whole university? What exactly are they teaching these people? He got a program. He got a program.

That's insane. He got a program. It's 2025. You're in America. You can't be calling it programs. I'm learning, okay? Okay, so what goes on at this program? So the university has the highest amount of black people there and it's called Russian University of International Friendship.

Of International Friendship? Yeah. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. And. Wow. And where is this? Where, what, is that in Moscow? Yeah, that's in Moscow, of course.

They wouldn't survive anywhere else. Right. That is just, he's just being honest there. Yeah, just being honest. Hee hee hee. Do you, Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Have you ever been to this university or driven by it or seen it? Do you know anything about it? Do people go around there? What's it like? It's... Just tell the truth.

Okay, it's a lot of not stylish black people. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? What do you mean by not stylish? Why did you say stylish? Okay, for me as Russian, there are black people on television. They're stylish. And there are black people from university. They're not.

Yeah. Ha ha ha. When you say they're not, you mean they're just wearing like normal clothes, like flannels, no... No chains. No chains. This motherfucker, you gonna take that? You gonna take that, AP?

That is one of very Russian, uh, Russian popular rapper. His name is No Chains. I meant Golden Chains, guys. I didn't even think about any other... No! Hey, no! No! I...

I... No one else was thinking about that either, by the way. You just had your own little break there. I would not even thinking about slavery! Sorry? Sorry? You need a crash out bucket. He does need a crash out bucket.

But for now you're going to settle for a big joke book. Congratulations. There he goes. We're moving along. Thank you guys. Love you. There you go. Andre from Russia.

I found what has to be our real first female comedian of the night and your final bucket pull of the night. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Anna Mae. Anna Mae. -♪ -♪ What's up, y'all? My name's Anna, and I live in a van. Some people ask me what van life is like,

and I just tell them it's a lot to unpack. Some people are mad at me for living in a van, and I'm like, that's crazy, because I'm a nomad. I'm no mad at you for living in a house. And some people think I'm a hippie, because I live in a van, and I'm kind of a hippie, because I don't shave my armpits. I was free bleeding at a Planet Fitness this week, and I use essential oils for everything from insect repellent to chlamydia.

But I'm a bad hippie. I'm not really a hippie, because I drive a diesel. I love a good steak, and I have my license to carry. But I only got it to prove to the cops in my hometown that I wasn't mentally ill. Pew-pew! Got him. But dating's hard on the road, because every time I invite a guy over,

it feels like an abduction. And I'm not really into kidnap role play. And that's all I got for you guys. That's exactly 60 seconds from Anna May. All right. Okay. All right. How long you been doing stand-up anime?

About six years. Six years. Where at exactly? Um, all over the country. Well, you do live in a band. That makes sense. You are on the road. I'm a nationally touring comedian. Of course. I gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. How do you make money?

What exactly do you do to make money? Um, I'm an artist, so I sell art and candles, and I've done a lot of different things on the road for money. Like what? Hey! Oh, man. What is something you've done for money on the road? This is a very...

Could be a compelling part of this show. I know I sometimes present as a truck stop hooker, but I'm not one of those. I work for a contracted app. It's called Wanolo. So I've cleaned hotels. I've, yeah. What do you mean hotels?

You've heard of Wanolo? What is that? We don't know what that is. It's an app where you can pick up work wherever you are. And it's like, yeah. And call out call. Yeah, warehouse jobs. Oh, so it's like just yeah. It's like you get warehouse jobs. Oh, so it's like just road jobs, nothing steady.

No, nothing at all. Nothing actually prostituting. No, I just hustle. I just hustle the whole time. You hustle. Okay, what's your least favorite job you've ever done off of that app? The hotel cleaning one.

The extended stay America's cleaning those, they're rough. Oh yeah, they are rough. That is not a job for white people. We are not built for that. Anybody groaning, you clearly haven't stayed at an Extended Stay America. It's a special, special type of place. Sometimes they let you stay there if you work there

and I'm like, I'm all set, I'll stay in the van. Yeah exactly it is crazy there's been a couple times where yeah you're out there on the road and there's not much else doing the small clubs on the suburbs. Anna what's the craziest thing that's ever happened living in a van? Give us a real gritty end. The craziest? The craziest thing? I've never gotten a knock on my van before, but I got a knock on my van in a Walmart parking lot after I masturbated in the parking lot. And I was like... It was like 2 p.m. too.

It was like I wasn't even like parking overnight or anything. And the Walmart parking lot security was like, you've been here for too long. And I was like lot security was like, you've been here for too long. And I was like, what do you mean I've been here for too long? I've been here for 20 minutes because that's how long the porno I watched was. You were watching a porno in the van? If you park close enough to Walmart, you get the wifi.

Oh my goodness. Hold on, hold on. Wow. You fucking, you jerked off for 20 minutes? Yes. That's insane. Yeah, that is. That's the craziest part of everything you said.

Yeah. Beating off for 20 minutes is ridiculous. Was that just? You scroll the thumbnails. 30 seconds. 30 seconds? In and out. It had been a while, so I wanted to take my time.

Candles. And... Not in the van, there's propane in there and so you can't have candles. Is propane leaking? You just all high as shit, deadling for 25, 30 minutes in a parking lot? Sticky, icky. No wonder the security came up, dude.

That's insane. You know you're fucking nuts, right? So, yeah, yes. Not because of all the other shit. Jerking off for 20 minutes is fucking nuts. I'm sorry. Happy birthday. What kind of porn were you watching in the Walmart parking lot? Don't worry about it.

What? It's okay. It doesn't matter. I don't remember. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Well... Does it look... Does every thumbnail look like Antonio Brown? Biggest soldier!

Shh! It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Okay. I don't want to... I don't know. I know. You are... I don't want to pressure you. I don't want to pressure you, because Lord knows you are looking for a lawsuit.

So, uh... I don't want to pressure you, because Lord knows you are looking for a lawsuit. So, uh... anime. -♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Um, well I was just gonna say that I was upset that the parking lot security knocked on my fan window and so I went into the Walmart because he was like, you didn't even go shopping. And I was like, I'm gonna go shopping right now. And I walked in there and I bought water and cigarettes because that's what you buy after you come.

And I took it a step further because I was real pissed. I was like, I was honoring my fucking divine feminine energy and shit and I got harassed by this parking lot security. And I went to customer service, and I was like, your parking lot security is harassing paying customers. And then I was like, I'm never gonna come here again.

Boom, there you go. Anna May, here's a little joke book. I'm gonna toss it to you. I went a little short there as to avoid hitting her with a joke book for those of you keeping track of my avoiding a lawsuit with Anna Mae, who literally came here to sue somebody. Sometimes people sign up just to try to sue you.

Okie dokie. All right. Okay. One more time for Heidi, everybody. Isn't she lovely? We've come to the part of the show. This is it, the grand finale. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the man with the record

for all-time appearances, all-time interviews, all-time everything. He is a Kiltoni Hall of Famer, originally from Memphis, Tennessee. Now he is the ambassador to Austin, the Vanilla Gorilla, the Memphis Strangler, the Pope of Piracy, the King of Conundrums, the Memphis Strangler, the Big Red Machine.

This is William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. -♪ Oh, yeah! -♪ -♪ Oh, yeah! -♪ Carmelo Anthony has had quite the month of April. I mean, first he's inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, and then he travels to a high school track meet

and kills someone? He claims self-defense, which would be the first time Carmelo Anthony attempted defense. audience laughs applause Everybody gives Santa all the props, but what about the Easter Bunny?

He has to hop, hop, hop his ass to every Christian household in America. Santa's fat ass rides in a chariot eating cookies and drinking milk. Meanwhile, the bunny is a one-man band, and all we leave him is nothing but, oh, and by the way, Jesus died and rose from the dead, so have some respect. The pope died yesterday, and it's kind of weird,

because he died the day after JD Vance came to see him. I mean, it would make a lot more sense if it had been Hillary Clinton, but who had been the last person to see him alive, but JD Vance? And by the way, I heard after he died, they scheduled a meeting of the Cardinals, and I had no idea the Pope had played professional baseball.

Okay, that's my time, Tony. Wow. My God. You would think that the man that has done it the most would come in and just cruise by leaning on his laurels, but not at all. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Not tonight, Tony.

I'm at fucking 94 miles on the row machine already this month, Tony. Wow. 94. 400 miles since January, Tony. Wow. I'm going across the Atlantic this year. Wow. You will row 500 miles and you will row 500 more

To be the man that rows 500 miles and rows down at your door La la la la la la la la la All right. Okay. That was incredible. Very topical. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, interesting creatures and not only in the history of the show, but I think in this modern era of comedy. And you are always so entertaining to watch, interact with guests. And my friend, we have a very special treat. This is Antonio Brown. I know. Antonio Brown. It's so nice to see.

What are you smoking there? Is that a blunt? That's the anchor cannabis. Yep. Stay anchored.com. Can I hit your blunt with you, Antonio? Hit the za. And also, Antonio, Tony might remember this. Red Band might remember this, but it's so weird.

White Russians were actually my favorite drink. I'm almost at four years sober here very soon. But Antonio, maybe tonight, would you give me a little sip of your drink? Yeah, taste it. Thank you. No, don't, William, don't. William, don't, don't.

Antonio, you failed the test, man! It's been almost four years, man! Four years sober, he can't do it, he can't do it. Holy shit! You weren't gonna let me drink your white Russian, which I appreciate, but yeah, be a nightmare, Antonio. It's been almost four years, man. I was about to kill myself.

He was. William can't have a drink. This is funny. William can't have a drink without... Are you getting that? Is someone... Please tell me you're getting that Antonio Brown laugh. You have it?

You'll get it? Well, get it. What do you mean, you will get it? Williams up, you motherfucker. Get it. Antonio, give me one. I found the fucking test. Yeah. Got it?

Do that one more time. Do that little laugh for us. Mm. Hey. Hey. Got it? Do that one more time. Do that little laugh for us. Hey. Did you get it? Let's try it. Hit it. Hey.

Oh, well. Antonio White Russia. Antonio White Russia. Fad. Fad. Do you have any questions for one of the greatest wide receivers, football players of all time, William? William is a sports fanatic and the legend of the show.

What, how, how'd you, how old were you when you figured out you could catch a football real good? That's a great question. That is a great question. Because it can be hard to catch footballs. I remember my hands were so small growing up, I couldn't catch the fucking football when my dad would throw it to me.

My hand, I had really small hands, Antonio. Yeah. He has famously tiny hands. Yeah, I have these tiny little hands. I don't even like showing them to people. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Yeah. I don't even like showing them to people. -♪ He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he Uh, Antonio, did you always play football? You were in high school and grade school and everything, right? I always played football.

That's right. Football, you know, football. Ball, football, ball, football. Where do you think you get your hilarious sense of humor from? Ball, football, ball, football. That is the correct answer. That is...that is straight CTE. A fun fact is that a lot of the best comedians of all time,

Roseanne Barr, Sam Kenison, Richard Pryor, all had extreme brain trauma. A little fun fact. This is an actual fact. Roseanne wasn't hilarious until she got hit by a car. Same with Sam Kenison. I do believe he was hit by a car or something crazy like that. You're in good company, Antonio. There are no coincidences here.

I used to do pro wrestling. We would jump off of trampolines and literally land on my fucking head all the time. I'm, you know, a perfect example. Red Band never hit his head on anything. That's why you could tell. I always open the freezer right in my face sometimes. And, Antonio, people, not a lot of people do this,

but Red Band's mom and I, who's kind of elderly now, we have sex with each other. What do you think about that? Antonio, he's got like this old-ass mom, and we fuck each other whenever I'm in Ohio. Wait, what is that? I got you a present. Oh, Red Band got you a present.

What is that? Really? What is that? Open it up, William. Is this Snuffleupagus? I'm going through this weird Snuffleupagus phase right now, Tony, and this is perfect, Red Band, thank you. That's adorable. You're welcome. I regret telling you, Tony, about your mom and I.

Seriously, I really do. You had to give me a present tonight? Wow. God. That is, That is adorable. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Wow. Take care, Mom Pussy. Hey, Tonyo, would you ever be willing

to travel with me up to Ohio to have sex with Red Band's mom? Seriously. That would be great. Like, maybe that's when I start drinking again. We could maybe do a sex tape or something with his mom. Would you be open, maybe? That sounds like a yes to me.

I'll pass on that. Normally he catches, but tonight he passes. Uh, William, what else? Oh, you don't want to know, Tony. Oh, boy, that's a first. I've never gotten that response from anyone. Do you remember the, uh... It's the little toy.

They have little pieces, Legos? Yes. Well, I have been looking on eBay and I've been finding all of my classic Lego sets that I've had and I've spent over the past, I think month, all this rowing. The endorphins are flowing. I've spent over $15,000, Tony, on old Lego sets.

They're all unopened and... What are you gonna do with them? I kind of regret bringing it up, Tony. I don't really... No, I like this. I like it. I like it. Heh-heh! Ha-ha-ha-ha! $15,000 in unopened Lego sets.

Are you gonna play with them? Uh, yeah, I think we're gonna open them up and... Wow. Antonio, this is what happens to me. And I come up here and I just start bombing, and it just, like, turns into this nightmare. Like, it was fun at the beginning, and now it's like I'm bombing up here right now,

and I've snuff a luffagus under my arm. I feel like I'm looking like an idiot in front of your ass. You're saying you don't want to fucking fuck Red Band's mom with me. I can't believe you wouldn't be willing. You won't remember any of this, dude. You are so safe. You can tell him anything, dude.

He's wearing a military helmet. He's had 17 joints. Let it out. Let him know what you feel, dude. No shot. He's remembering where he was. Antonio, I love you, man. I love you, bro. Seriously. Give me a hug, bro.

Yeah. Antonio Brown and the Big Red Machine. That is, together, they are the Big Red Machine. That is, together they are the Big Brown Machine. Make some noise for the great William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. And make some fucking noise for the great Antonio Brown at AV84, crashoutbuckets.com. Over It's Party? That's, is that your, what is that, Antonio? What's the Over It's Party?

What did I write? That song is called Over It. Oh, Over It on Spotify, that's what I scribbled here. Over It is on Spotify, Antonio has a song. And go listen to it, it's on Spotify now, it's called. Um, and go listen to it. It's on Spotify now. It's called Over It. I didn't even know you did music, but I bet it's the shit. Kill Tony.

You're damn right, baby. We're doing it. Living the dream. Please follow him on Twitter, but I'm sure you already are. At AB84. I swear to God, it's the funniest shit. He calls everybody gay, and it is hilarious. F*** out of the day. That's right. That's right. Cracker Awards.

The Cracker Awards. We are hoping to one day win the Cracker Award for a live podcast of the year. There's really no other competition. So we're hoping we'll get it this year at the awards. We're literally fingers crossed. How about one more time for the great Tommy Pope, everybody? Tires, season two, June 5th. Look at Dish on YouTube and Stuff Island, available

everywhere where podcasts are available. Thank you to Talkspace, Shopify, VIA and Built. This was their episode. PetersonAcademy.com. One more time for the great Jordan Peterson, everybody. PetersonAcademy.com. One more time for the great Jordan Peterson, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in. It is awesome. The drawing from Chris Rogers tonight is me. Well, that's a good one. Me.

Look at my eyes in that. I'd be wearing sunglasses in that, too. Can we draw some sunglasses on those eyes? God, that actually... All right. I love it. All right, check out the Sunset Strip, atx.com. I love you guys.

We love you guys so much. God bless America. We did it again. We'll see you next week. We love you. Good night. Bah bah bah. I'm gonna be a man The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open! Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. you