KILL TONY - #725 - MATT RIFE + TONY CARUSO (ADAM RAY)

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

Matt Rife, Tony Caruso (Adam Ray), Ari Matti, Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 04/05/2025 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE https://www.TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN https://www.youtube.com/@catbreadmusic https://www.youtube.com/REDBAN https://www.DEATHSQUAD.TV https://www.SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Right now get 10% off at https://tecovas.com/killtony when you sign up for email and texts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony could be found at Death Squad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever! ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming, Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight, O'er the were so gallantly streaming. And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

gave proof through the night through to the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that star spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free Of the brave I love you guys. Yeah! And the winner is... And I'm gonna be the one to take the blame Hey, this is Scrap Bang coming to you live from the Bridgestone Arena here in Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Huh? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We are live in Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Make some goddamn noise for Brian Red Band. And how about one more time for the undeniable Winona Judd. Keep it going for the best band in the land. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Big Mike Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Matt Mueling on the electric guitar. John Dease on the keys. And that is indeed D Madness live in the flesh at Brookstone Arena.

Whoo Saturday's a little bit louder than Friday I like this fucking shit. That's what the fuck I am talking about we are in some energy tonight Nashville, Tennessee, we're out here dodging tornadoes. I Don't think there's anything that could fucking stop us in the world Before we continue here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made an episode like this possible. Hey everyone, I'm Carlos and I'm the host of Jumperjump Podcast. Prime Day is coming from July 8th through 11th.

It's four whole days of epic deals on Amazon. Have you ever had your eye on something for a while? Maybe some new noise cancelling headphones, an amazing new camera, or that one tech gadget that you've low key been stocking for months. Well get ready because Prime Day is coming. Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and shop great deals this Prime Day July 8th through 11th. Trust me, you do not want to miss this.

Hey everyone, I'm Carlos and I'm the host of JumperJump Podcast. Prime Day is coming from July 8th through 11th. It's four whole days of epic deals on Amazon. Have you ever had your eye on something for a while? Maybe some new noise canceling headphones, an amazing new camera, or that one tech gadget that you've low key been stocking for months? Well, get ready because Prime Day is coming. Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and shop great deals this Prime Day, July 8th through 11th.

Trust me, you do not want to miss this. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to introduce two guests. First guest that I'm going to introduce is, believe it or not, one of the newer guests in the history of the show. This former comedian, he retired. He was doing it for a couple decades, and he retired, and now he's trying to come back

and make a name for himself. And so far, as a guest on the show, he's done a pretty good job. This is the arena debut and the return of one of our new favorite guests. Make some noise for Tony Caruso. Oh, wait a second. It seems like they really like this guy. He's got a lot of energy tonight. Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, oh my goodness, whoa.

Tony Caruso is back. Oh my God. Oh, 82 years old and moves a lot. Oh, he's dying folks. Oh, come on over here, Tony. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Moves a lot like Dr. Phil. Ha ha ha ha ha. He's a wild boy. Nashville, we trying to get fucked up tonight or what? Who's trying to get fucked up? Who's trying to get fucked up tonight? Who's trying to get fucked up tonight?

I got a question for you. Who's got two thumbs and may or may not have a hooker in his room with the Marriott right now? This guy! Tony is here. Oh, oh, oh! Oh my goodness. Can you believe those knees?

Those 82-year-old knees. Feel good. It's all in there. All right. Save it. save it. Ladies and gentlemen, your other guests, another literally, truly one of the best comedians in the world. I love this guy.

You guys are in the eye of the storm tonight as I bring up literally a second time guest, one of my favorite guests in the history of the show, one of my favorite comedians, and of the show, one of my favorite comedians and one of the world's favorite comedians. Make some goddamn noise for the one and only Matt Wright. Oh yeah baby! We are doing this shit tonight! Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night.

Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night.

Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night.

Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. We are starting the show differently than normal tonight because I like to try different things and fucking experiment as you know from my sex life. So we are going to start tonight's show with a bucket pull ladies and gentlemen.

We're taking a chance here. Normally I like to start it with something steady. I have this show designed to kind of fucking blow up as it goes So does that sound exciting at all? How many you think the best bucket pull the night's gonna be from Nashville How many you think it's gonna be from Atlanta Felt racist. I love it. How many of you like it when comedians do good on this show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on this show? Oh my god you guys are ruthless. Absolutely ruthless. Let me remind you all how it works if I pull their name out of the bucket they get 60 seconds uninterrupted You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten

That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear Which interrupts them I conduct an interview with them. We meet them all at the same time I can almost guarantee you that this is every Bucketpool's first time performing in an arena. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Bucketpool, number one. That is indeed from Austin, Texas, the one and only Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Jesus fucking Christ Almighty, I believe in God and I think it exists within those ass

cheeks. Who loves America, huh? Ladies and gentlemen, your first bucket pull of the night, representing, getting the episode started. Make some noise, we're going to meet them all together. Cassandra Ramos is first. And here we go. It has begun. Sorry, nervous.

So I was talking to my cousin last week and I was asking him, you know, do you have any advice coming from a man's perspective how I can keep things a little spicy in the bedroom? And he said, you know, I like white bitches. We got that in common. I was like, OK. So he said, what I, I like white bitches, we got that in common. I was like, okay. So he said, what I like to do to keep it spicy is, I like to introduce some racial slurs. So he's like, go ahead and call me, you know.

And he comes in and she says, ooh, give me that N word dick. So I was like, I'll try that. I offered it up to my husband and he said, great let's do honky if you don't know what that means. It's like back in the 1920s a white man would drive through and honk his horn at the black prostitutes. So he comes in the bedroom now, the bedroom now. Give me that near pussy. Thank you. Thank you. Exactly one minute from Cassandra Ramos. Hello Cassandra. I'm so nervous. It's my first time on stage. Ever? Ever. Your first time on stage is going up first in an arena?

Holy shit. That is amazing. I figured you've been on stage before since you looked like you'd play Cinderella in a new Disney reboot. I was in a band called N Word Pussy in middle school. I like that. Love that.

I love it. So this is your first time doing stand up? We own a food truck and a business in Columbia 45 minutes from here. And it's like a mall. Thank you. It's like an indoor mall and we put on like a local. Thank you. It's like an indoor mall, and we put on like a local... When you say we, you mean... My husband and I, he helped coordinate a comedy show.

Right. So, but I mean, I... And he's a white guy? Yeah, he's white. What kind of food truck is it? Slothful waffle. It's waffles. Yeah. Just straight-up regular waffles? Straight-up artisanal waffles.

We've got slothy cristos. It's like, you know, Monte Cristo. It's really good. All handmade. We make all our sauces ourselves. What's it called? I'm sorry? What's it called? Slothful waffle. He's wearing the shirt right now. He signed up to. Well, okay.

Slothful waffle. I love it. What made you want to do this tonight? We like to roast each other and Slothful waffle. I love it. What made you want to do this tonight? We like to roast each other and we watch your show every week, so I was like, yeah, I'll sign up. Wow. I'm not going to get picked. Well, there you go.

It happened. Yeah, first one. How old are you? I'm 28. 28. How long have you been married for? A year. And where'd you meet him at?

Palm Springs, California. Yeah, but what were you doing in Palm Springs? We worked like the street fair. He had the business out there and I was working at a booth and we met there. He was doing the waffle thing? And what booth were you working at? I was working at a coffee booth. A coffee booth?

Yeah. Okay. I could see that. Coffee and Waffles sounds like a good name for an interracial couple. Yeah. I love it. What's some of the most racist shit that he'll say to you? Good question, Tony.

He doesn't really use the hard R, I'm only half black, so it's, you know, may God not err. What's the other half? Ecuadorian. Ecuadorian? I think that still counts. Yeah, I think that still counts. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, that's black in most states. No. Ever been to Temecula, California? It's black. Ecuadorian could be, it sounds like the first name of a black guy, right? Alabama University, Ecuadorian Jenkins, touchdown, Ecuadorian clink scale. I love it. What do your parents still together? No, I have a stepdad since I was 12. They're

together still. Mom's Ecuadorian? My mom's black. Oh, the black one stayed, wow. Do you ever talk to your Ecuadorian dad? Do I talk to my, I'm sorry? Ecuadorian dad? Not really, he's a loser. What's your stepdad? White. Okay.

Hell yeah, so he's around, very supportive. It's such a fucking trope. All the white people on this stage don't have two white parents together that were part of our childhood, so it's all jokes. Anyway. Who do people say you look like if they stop you on the street? Chilly from TLC, I think. Oh. Okay. I don't want no scrubs. Yeah, we from TLC, I think. Oh, okay.

I don't want no scrubs. Scrubs is good. Yeah, we know TLC. It's pretty good. He was looking at me like he was confused a little bit. Well, Tony Caruso didn't listen to a lot of you. I believe you went during TLC's reign. No, I was more, who's the member of TLC that got murdered at the Cheesecake Factory?

Lisa, left eye, low pet. Well, no. Yeah. Wait, no, she died in a car accident. A plane crash. A plane crash, yeah. It doesn't fucking matter, but is, uh... No. What? But is, uh, you ever get, like,

make some rain or...? No, you're thinking of... There's a white racist lady that's thinking of Aliyah yelling plane crash repeatedly from the crowd. You're getting left eye, Lopez, and Aliyah confused. Take it from me hip-hop entrepreneur Tony Hinchcliffe in Nashville I'm one of the most knowledgeable rap minds in the world only in Nashville anyway what kind of music do you listen to I listen to a lot of rock I like tool disturbed corn Wow

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the world of having a white stepfather. All the white stepfathers in the crowd are going crazy right now. Yeah. I'm going to tell you what, I love your energy. Do you have something you want to say? Yeah, I was going to ask you guys, have a fuck, to cut my life into pieces. All types of music. Is that OJ Simpson's song?

Yes. Cut my wife in two pieces. Too soon, man. Too soon. Is it? No, it's too late. Do you always dress like you've been fingered in a Spencer's? Do you? Sometimes.

It works. It's a good look. It's a good look. I got a lot of kids, so only when I go out. Yeah. You look stunning. Thank you. You look wonderful.

Don't murder me, husband. Very rarely does a first-time performer get a big joke book, but I love your energy. I love your charisma. I love everything about you. Great interview. Fucking awesome. Cassandra Ramos has started tonight's show

with an adorable little bang. -♪ First time ever. All right, your next bucket pull is bucket pull number two. Let's see what happens here as I bring up the comedian known simply as B.C. B.C. Oh, there's the lovely Val with Indeed.

Like a pole number two. Y'all ever look at fat people and start feeling bad for they shoes? No, cause that was when a fucked up pair of New Balances leg kind of looks like you got a flat tire, foot's hanging over the sole like a muffin top. I call them bitches off balances. Now we all see them waddling around looking like the miscellaned man. And look, I love fat people.

One of my best friends is fat. But he pissed me the fuck off the other day because he was wearing, no he wasn't wearing nothing. He was fucking getting out of his car and he kicked a bottle of Hershey's syrup out of his car and he kicked the bottle of Hershey syrup out of his car and I'm like bro are you making chocolate milk in your car in this wet God damn, fuck y'all, bro. No, I have a right to make fun of babies. All right. Shut the fuck up.

B.C., over here. Got you, Tony. Hello, how are you? Relax. Take a step over there. Get back on the KT over here. No, Tony, Tony, it's okay. Jesus.

We need a fucking seat belt for Tony Caruso over here. Hello, how are you? I'm doing okay, Tony. How you doing? Jesus, we need a fucking seatbelt for Tony Caruso over here. Hello, how are you? I'm doing okay, Tony. How are you doing? I love it. Very good. I think it's absolutely adorable. You look like a Down Syndrome Logan Paul. This is incredible. Look at you. You look like both the pedophile and the undercover cop that's going to arrest him.

Are you at him right now, dude? No. Are you bombing in front of 20,000 people? That's a goddamn lie. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I don't have a wig on, motherfucker. But somehow it looks like you do.

You look like you're wearing one of those wacky raccoon hats. Get more over there. I don't know why you keep coming up on us like that. Jesus fucking Christ. I like you. Very good. Don't talk so much. Only speak when spoken to. How long you been attempting stand-up comedy? Three years. Three years. Where at?

Atlanta. LA? Atlanta. LA? Atlanta. Atlanta. Yes, sir. Alright. Okay, you guys don't like Atlanta. Alright, we get it.

We got it, guys. Fucking weird. Weird. Nashville's one of the greatest cities in the world, by the way. Let me tell you something. Take it from me. You guys are too great of a city to boo cities like Atlanta. You shouldn't even be concerned with them. All right, I get it. I would expect them to boo you, but I'm surprised that you boo them.

Better cities are supposed to just be cool with other cities. You guys are good enough. I'll give you the encouragement that your parents did. You guys are good. I don't think they are. Oh God, you're disgusting. It looks like your eyes are getting closer together as the interview goes on.

He's slowly turning into a cyclops, ladies and gentlemen. Look out at that red light in the camera. Look. Look, you see that camera? So rude. No, keep looking at the camera. Stop looking at us. I don't want you to look at us anymore. His bangs are growing,

and his eyes are getting closer together. And he just wants to fuck me. This is absolutely a moment in Killtony history. Stop looking at us. I'm looking at you now. Stop looking at us. Look out at the camera. I'm gonna end the interview then, you stupid... Look at the fucking camera.

There you go. Right there. If you look at us again, I'm kicking you off the stage. You're mean. Just keep the app. Welcome. You signed up for it. No. If you know somebody with a weird neck tattoo, and a tattoo on his knuckle, and his eyes are too close together, call the number below, 1-800...

It's Down Syndrome Patrick Swayze. Wow, okay. Red Band throwing in the second Down Syndrome joke on him. The same human. That's almost a record. Not Red Band. Yeah. Nobody likes you. I know. B Same human, that's almost a record. Not a red man. Yeah, nobody likes you. I know.

BC, let's talk about it. What do you do for work? I'm a set builder. A what? A set builder. What kind of sets are you building? Mainly commercials. Like, I've been working for Home Depot commercials

the past like month and a half. What's the most white trash thing about you other than your smile? I smoke crack Tony. That's really I used to five years clean No, no buzzkill buzzkill buzzkill crack is fun All right, well likeable there's something likeable about I don't know what it is you are saying, more likeable. There's something likeable about him.

I don't know what it is. You are saying he is likeable? That wouldn't say I'd let him open for me, but I'd buy him a hotel room, but he's, you know. I, well, there's something about you that I don't, I wanna, I don't know. You seem like you got some secrets aside. I did your brakes before.

What's that? I did your brakes. What do you mean you did, are you retarded? I wouldn't mean you did my brakes. On your car. You fixed my brakes? Yeah. I ride a bird scooter motherfucker. Quit lying to the crowd. BP before I let you go, anything interesting about your life other than the fact that you used to smoke crack? I lived in Hawaii for a while. Here you go, here's a little joke book. Hey, I caught it. We're going to keep it moving. BP, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Hey, it's Bobby from the Really Good Podcast. Sorry to pop in during your episode, but it's worth it. Amazon Prime Day is coming and I'm so ready. From July 8th through 11th, Prime members get

four days to find some of the best deals of the year on Amazon. And four days in internet time? That's basically forever. More time to explore what you didn't know you needed. I've had my eye on this curling iron I found on Amazon. It's sleek, high-tech, and I've been thinking, it's time. I've been using the same curling iron since high school. It smokes and somehow I'm still here saying she's fine. With Prime Day coming, I'm finally making the switch. Let's just say my high school curling iron had a good run. You'll find deals across everything electronics, kitchen gear, beauty, fashion, toys, you name it. Whether you're

upgrading your daily staples or discovering something totally new, Prime Day is the best opportunity for spontaneous finds you'll feel great about. The deals are insane. You're welcome. Don't wait. Shop great deals this Prime Day from July 8th through 11th. Thank me later. But here's the third one right down the barrel. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds uninterrupted from Jonathan Rachels. Jonathan Rachels. You know, it's kind of hard to gain people's respect when you look like R.A. Maddie fucked MGK for his green card. But I was outside,

and this old guy stared at me, and I was thinking, this could go two ways. He walks up to me, puts out his hand, and he says, man, I thought you were one of them gays. And so I grabbed his hand, and I pulled him real, real close, and I said, I am one of them gays. Everybody thinks code switching is cool until you get around a group of gay people.

It's not so cool anymore. That's my time. Thank you guys. Fuck yeah, Jonathan Rachel's. Welcome to the show, Jonathan. Hell yeah. I love the show, Jonathan. Hell yeah. Thank you, Tony. I love it, fuck yeah.

I forgot everything they told me to do backstage, so my bad. I don't even know what that means. Okay, thank you. You mean like stay in one spot for the interview? What are they telling you? I forgot, I said that. Right, but can you remember now?

Is there any recollection? What are we telling people before they come on stage? What do we tell them? This is your show, you're supposed to know that. No, I'm not supposed to know that. You're supposed to know that, you fucking hillbilly, fucking messed up fucking piece of shit. Tell you these goddamn bucket pulls

are coming up with a fucking attitude tonight, and you better kiss the fucking throat. Bend the knee to your king. Fucking pieces of goddamn shit. You're supposed to know what the bucket fulls let them do. You're supposed to be a fucking fool. Piece of fucking shit. I'm gonna send you in BC to go do

fucking shitty karaoke on Broadway tonight. I sing a mean, I write sins, not tragedies. All right, let's have some fun here. What do you do for work? What head shop do you sell skateboards at exactly? Hot Topic. Do you really? For real? No, I do HVAC.

Okay. Hell yeah. HVAC. That makes sense. Because you suck. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. How long you been doing stand-up? This is my first time ever doing stand-up comedy. Jesus Christ, two people debuting in an arena only on Kill Tony.

This show's crazy. You look like the lead singer of Coldplay, quit the band and got a job at Starbucks. That's a compliment. I like Dunkinin Donuts better. Why do you look like that? Because I do HVAC. No, okay, but seriously.

I'm a black sheep. That's pretty much why. A black sheep. My whole family dresses like you, so... Okay. What the fuck does that mean? I feel like I'm at home right now okay wait gay for real absolutely not but I can't be don't say it definitive if you're asking I can't be I could do better suck his dick suck his dick suck his dick

suck his dick here we go live from the Bridgestone Arena. You know how many women I just made jealous right now? Oh, damn. You look like Paul Wall on Ozepik. God damn. Meet Davidson. It is. It is an interesting look.

I think what's standing out to me is it looks like you have hair growing over a tattoo. Am I seeing that correctly up there? You absolutely are. Did you get a tattoo on a bald head and then grow your hair in afterwards? So my family has a receding hairline, so before it happened to me, I was like, fuck that,

and shaved my head and tattooed it so and then what you went to turkey and got the operation over the tattoo dude I wish I was born with a really small dick so I've been I've been trying since that doesn't make any sense whatsoever there's not a dick enhancement operation, or else a red band would be in the hospital right now. Oh, my God. Wait, which one of your tattoos is, like, the coolest tattoo? Okay, I love that you asked that. So, my ex got the same tattoo of me,

and so instead of covering it up, I have, do not get matching tattoos with dumb bitches with a dick arrow turned into bitches. Wow. Wow. Not bad. That's pretty good. I also have a knee slapper it says you crack me up. That's pretty good. Yeah you don't have to tell that one out loud but yeah. The first one's pretty cool. What do you do for fun, Jonathan? When you're not doing whatever it is that you do. HVAC, this is your first time doing standup. You must have some hobbies.

No man, actually. You mean to tell me your entire personality is guy with tattoos? Dude, I'm like the most famous person at my local Circle K, I just want you to know that. Okay. It's a big deal He's let people fuck his ear gauge for a dollar in the parking lot Kick cats are expensive

What's your favorite thing to get at Circle K don't think just answer you're at Circle K now, what do you buy go? To buy it Circle K. I'm sorry Oh, to buy a Circle K, I'm sorry. Water? Okay, good question, Tony Caruso. We love it when Tony Caruso. You fuck it up! Ask him, why don't you ask four follow-up questions to the Circle K thing?

All right. Okay, Jonathan, well. Okay, well, go drink some water, buddy. There's a little joke book. Oh, wow. Mr. Cool Guy with the tattoos, with the ear gauges. You're from Nashville? Jesus.

You're from Nashville? From Augusta, Georgia. There he goes. There you go. Boo Augusta, everybody. There you go. From Boo-a, Georgia. There he goes. There you go. Boo Augusta everybody. There you go. Boo a city. I still stand by my circle K question. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Tony. We got a replay of him trying to look cool catching the joke book and not...

Okay, well let's move on to a golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen. Your first of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy has been going through a lot lately. And he is here for you. His first time in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee. One of the legendary golden ticket winners of the show. It's been a while. This is a new minute from Aaron Malyle. I've been in hospitals all week with no insurance because I'm going blind in my left eye, and they're like, it's not pink eye, it's not glaucoma.

Did you get acid in your eye? Do I look like someone who is allowed to work with fucking acid? No you idiot, I ate a Tide Pod. Bruh, God just doesn't like me. He saw me minding my own business and thought, Fuck, I missed a spot on the left side. I've been trying to figure out American healthcare, and I don't get it. You can get pet insurance for like $80 a month,

and it covers 90%. You save like $6,000 a year to be a fucking chihuahua. You know what? Maybe those teenagers with litter boxes in school are fucking genius. People already talk to me loud and cute. They pat my head. I'm going to get pet insurance and identify as a fucking dog.

Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Bawyle. Aaron Belial. So if you see my girlfriend walking me around on a leash, it isn't a kink. I just didn't like my HMO. Fuck yeah. The one-eyed king, Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen, rocking a new eye patch just when shit couldn't get any more fucked up. This is absolutely incredible. This is like if fucking someone took Dale Earnhardt's car and that he wrecked and then knocked a headlight out for no reason after the fact. This is just incredible. The already broken, the brand, the king of the show

comes up unable to speak. Yeah, I was already fucked up enough. Yep. God already took all the consonants from you, and then he took an I. It's like a bad Wheel of Fortune episode. It's Tony. Yeah. I've been to five American doctors in a week, and I have no health insurance, and I quit my job, but I'm able to pay for all the doctors in cash, just with the money I make as a comedian. I appreciate the shit out of all of this. You could just push me downhill and jump in. But instead, you allow me to get rich by making fun of you. And I love getting rich making fun of you. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Well, you know what it is. It's an eye for an eye around here at Keltonia. And, uh... Thank you. Now, when do I get my new Corvette daddy? Yeah right. Keep dreaming Captain Hook. I mean, I don't know. I think Halloween is right around the corner for you.

You son of a bitch. Oh god damn it. Who was that? How dare you. Oh, god, he's typing so fast. Oh, he's making some kind of crazy noise. He's got something up his sleeve. I'm a pirate. He's a blood pirate.

Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, you son of a... Sit down, Toby. Sit down. Oh, god, they're all on their feet. Oh, you son of a... Sit down, Toby! Sit down. Oh, God, they're all on their feet. Oh, my God, how dare you call me a... You son of a bitch. Okay, what, you got something for Red Band?

Where do you point that? People keep telling me I look like Matt Rife, and I get offended for you. Can you believe these motherfuckers? I look like you if your mom used a coat hanger. Yeah. these motherfuckers I look like you if your mom used the coat hanger yeah oh my god wow the Caruso jacket of protection he's a fucking good- guy. I'm honored. You got boy band looks. You look like Liam Payne now.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Let me take that jacket. It's gonna fall off for sure. I am too young to get that joke. Hell yeah. Well Aaron, I mean. So funny man. What else is going on in life? Everything else good? You doing good other than the whole fucking eye and arm and walk

and voice and Canadian thing? This is just a Canadian, by the way. There's no real ailments. It's actually Adam Ray. This is your worst character, Adam. Hey, hurry up. I got to take a shit. Oh, fuck.

I don't like the energy. All right, he made that weird laugh that scares kids. It's going to be good. You look like you fuck sheep. Jesus Christ. No, I think he's talking to you, Tony. Who is that for? Yeah, that's for you. Sounds like somebody's jealous they can't get into the petting zoo on weekends.

I think he gets in for free. If Aaron could fuck a sheep, he probably would, but the sheep's like, what the fuck is this thing coming at me? I'm gonna get out of here. Hold on. Ow! Ow! Ha ha ha.

There's a one-eyed monster. He runs pretty fast. Oh, okay. It took you that long to type that? Ha ha ha. Oh, fuck that. Oh, son of a bitch. I got you, man.

Oh, my God. If Matt R got you, man. Oh my god. If Matt Reif loses an I next... Let's see who's better. Whoa. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Stop it, you motherfucker. He took away Spider-Man's spider.

Oh, that is cold-blooded. I love it. Aaron Belial, your fucking energy and your positive attitude is a goddamn headwind on this show in this universe. Make some goddamn noise for Erin Belial, everybody. There you go. The lovely Heidi, everyone,

for those of you trying to get your pussies wet and your dicks out of your stomach after watching five minutes of Aaron Belial. There's Heidi as a little refresher of what an American looks like. Ha ha ha ha. Not a one-eyed Canadian savage. is a little refresher of what an American looks like. Not a one-eyed Canadian savage. Back to the bucket we go.

We having fucking fun tonight? Here we go. Another innocent soul signed up for the opportunity. This is a minute uninterrupted by Jeremiah Maltese. Jeremiah Maltese. Jeremiah Maltese. Or Maltes perhaps. Jeremiah Maltes. Dap, dap, dap, da, da, dap, dap. Jeremiah Maltes. One more time for Jeremiah Maltes. Thank you. I was 20, 25 and there seems to still be a lot of gender confusion, but I think I'm actually

racially confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been with one black woman in my life and I don't know. I mean, I've been with a few habsies, but all the black friends in my life You know they tell me that it doesn't count apparently there's a threshold of blackness You know there's like Taylor Swift

Beyonce and Whoopi Goldberg, and I mean I guess I just didn't hit the mark. I don't know, but what's funny the funny thing is The nigga bar seems to be a lot lower than the actual black bar. So like, people my whole life have told me that I'm not black. But I say nigga all the time and nobody gives a fuck. Look at Puerto Ricans, Fat Joe says nigga in just about every one of his songs. Nobody gives a fuck. All right, Jeremiah Maltez, welcome to the show. How are you?

I'm doing pretty good, I'm doing pretty good. How long you been doing standup? This is my first time. Oh my God, your first time doing standup. What made you wanna start here today? Well, it's very funny. Well, you should have done that part during your minute then.

Donald Trump gave me a seven month vacation and I get fired at the end of it. Okay, what did you do for work? I worked for the government. What did you do for the government? I did like systems maintenance. Okay, how were you working from... Okay, shut up! What did you do for the government? I did like systems maintenance. Okay. Yeah. How were you working from, okay, shut up. Jesus Christ.

Were you working from home? I was working from home. You were getting away with murder. I guess so. On the taxpayer's dollar. I was doing my job. And we are finding out right here live, in real time, that the reigning defending president of the United States

got you to stop stealing money from us? Thank you, Tim. You're welcome, Mr. President. I voted for Trump! Well, thank God you did. Here's a little joke book. We're gonna keep it moving along here. A lot of first-timers here tonight. We're gonna keep it moving along here. Ha ha ha ha. Lot of first-timers here tonight. We're gonna keep it moving. Make some noise for your fifth bucket pull,

Stefan Ramirez. We're just gonna fly through this one. Stefan Ramirez. Yeah, bucket pull number five. Okay. When I was a boy, I thought Metallica was a Christian rock band because they have that Enter Sandman song with the prayer. I thought to myself, maybe my uncle still has a chance of getting into heaven. Sure, he beats his wife and sells drugs to kids, but at least he sings the prayer.

I called in and checked in on him recently. Murder-suicide. It wasn't really the fairy tale ending I was hoping for. I don't hang around gay dudes. Not that I don't like them. I do. I just don't want to buckle under queer pressure and do something I don't want to do. I don't want to go buy hair gel.

I don't want to sip coffee out of a mug with a sassy phrase on it. Being gay sounds expensive. And I don't got money. But if a gay dude offers me some Lululemon shorts, I'll suck that dick to China. Okay, the crowd liked it. They're very interesting selections here tonight. Stefan Ramirez, how long you been doing stand-up? Under a year.

Under a year. Where at? Here in Nashville. Okay, this is where you were born and raised? No, I'm from Canada originally. Where in Canada? Ooh, la, la. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh The home of Brett, the Hitman, Hart, Tony Caruso. It's interesting that you're from such a progressive place like Canada because you look like the guy who gave the money to the kid who shut up the school to buy the gun.

You know what I'm saying? Okay, Tony, a lot of math there. You look like the guy that gave the money to the guy that went to the gun store and then purchased the... Look, this Red Bull is laced with fentanyl. BC did it. All right. Stefan Ramirez, what do you do for work, exactly? You look like you inhale some type of toxic fumes at a job.

Am I right? Every now and then, yes, I'm in construction. Yeah. What exactly do you do in construction? Specifically, renovations, new builds. Yeah. Okay. And what made you want to start stand-up comedy? I've always been a fan since 2018 from your show and certain podcasts. In the past year, how often do you go to, like, open mics and stuff to practice and perform?

I try to do as many as I can, yeah. Zany's just actually has a new open mic. They opened a new room here in Nashville. The lab is now connected to Zany's, one of the great comedy clubs in the world, which is here in Nashville, Tennessee. So I get out as much as I can, yeah. Nice. How often is that?

I try to get once a week, at least. All right. What's your love life like? Married, three children. Wow. Look at least. All right, what's your love life like? Married, three children. Wow, look at that. How old are your kids? We got eight, five, and three. All right, all boys, all girls?

First two boys, and then there's a girl. Okay, all right. Very interesting, Stephan. What's a fun fact about your life that we'd be interested to know about you? I once upon a time had a part-time job as a cremator. Ooh. Go on. Yeah. Red Band thinks that's the guy that puts cream on cakes.

Pfft. I'm very excited. I can see a full erection here. How was that? Did you enjoy that? Uh, it was weird. It was just a job to fill some time and earn some extra money. No experience needed. Do you ever grab a tit before you burn them?

Sorry? Good question. Do you ever grab a tit of a dead female corpse? No. Before you burn them? No. Would you tell us if you did? Yes. No, you wouldn't. No. Is it illegal or you you did? Yes. No you wouldn't. No. Is it illegal or you just chose not to be fun?

You gotta find out how certain people die every now and then. How? It's like written on their certificate. Okay, what's a weird one that you saw? We had this one lady, she was probably 25 years old, and she put her head in a circular saw, or chop saw and just, yeah, so.

Let me ask you this, when you're doing that job, is it kind of just like a wooden box? Yeah, sometimes they're like beautiful caskets, sometimes they're cardboard boxes, Uh-huh. And yeah. You ever take one of the cardboard boxes and just like do something fun? You ever peek in it? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what, you ever use the ashes for a shuffleboard? No. You do sometimes find things in the furnace after people are cremated because they want to be buried with their dolls and stuff. So there's like porcelain dolls sometimes in the ashes.

That's scary. You open it and you think there's a little baby in there. Yeah. You ever find something like a fidget spinner or a butt plug or something? Like a Beyblade? Yeah. Yeah. Is there ever things left behind that were like in their body like a bullet or a fuck like certain Dentures and whatnot. Oh, that's creepy, too Yeah, it's funny cuz both a set of teeth and a porcelain doll would be two of the most frightening things Yeah, but I mean I've seen I've seen both those. Yeah yikes. Yeah incredible. Well, that's interesting indeed

Yikes. Yeah incredible. Well, that's interesting indeed But I like you in the interview that was definitely, you know something here's a medium joke book. Thank you Great job Stefan Ramirez This podcast is sponsored by to Kova's you can't have a good time in bad boots! That's why you need TACOVA'S! You ever wonder if you can pull off boots with your style? I see ya, and it'd be tough, but you can do it. You owe it to your feet to put on a pair of TACOVA'S, find comfort in the traditions of the West, and get your confidence, make it your own! TACOVA'S now offers professional grade work boots

that will bring comfort and timeless style to the job side and even have slip-ons and sandals too. They aren't boots, but they still bring the Western flair. Speaking of Western flair, let me throw it to my man, Red Bear. Tony, I love my Tacovas. You can see me strutting my stuff all around Austin in my Tacovas. You can see me struttin' my stuff all around Austin in my Tacovas.

They're the most comfortable boots around. Tony, and with Tacovas, best in the West guarantee, you can get free returns and exchanges for 30 days. Ooh, you almost made me have a spit take, but I swallowed. Get 10% off at tacovas.com slash killtony when you sign up for emails and texts. That's 10% off at T-E-C-O-V-A-S dot com slash kiltony to kovas.com slash kiltony,

see site for details, to kovas. Point your toes to the, wow. You know, we have knocked out five bucket bowls and a golden ticket winner already. And now is a time in which something very special will happen. Because ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is from Nashville, Tennessee. She's an absolute icon of KilToni, an absolute shining star.

This is a brand new minute from the one and only, the great and powerful Fiona Colley! Oh my god. Hell yeah. Okay. So did y'all know there is a hierarchy within the disabled community? No? It's true. Like, the harder it is for you to go to the bathroom by yourself, the more street grade you have, the crips or whatever. Like, if I see some bitch, okay, in a rented scooter,

she's holding the door for me. Um... Like Tony said, I am from here, and, uh... Uh... Uh... Being in the South, though, y'all say this to me all the fucking time. Um, hey, you know, God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors. You heard this? Yeah?

Well, from where I'm sitting... You all are looking like a bunch of pussies to me. Laughter and cheering Fiona Colley, ladies and gentlemen. Applause Golly, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. I mean, an unbelievable set yet again. Absolutely incredible in front of your own home field advantage here at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee. Incredible. You've done it again. How do you feel?

Uh, disabled. That's perfect. Perfect answer. You're right in the sweet spot of the show, I gave you a good spot, much like your parking situation. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I dropped my fiance, honestly. Just dangle that parking decal in front of him. Hell yeah.

Manor sluts. Yeah. Spot digger. That's what we call that, an old spot digger. Instead of a gold digger. That's what we call that, an old spot digger. Instead of a gold digger. Yeah. Digging for a spot. One of those front row hoes, you know what I mean?

Oh, hell yeah, mother bug. Stay true to the blue or something. One of those next to the door whores. One of those, all right. I liked it, you were in a role with me. Ocean, oh my God. Betch, Betch, you're a cross-eyed. I love it, so what else is going on in life, Fiona?

It's so fucking good right now. Which I feel like when stuff is good, you kind of think about the bad. Yeah. Does that make sense? Absolutely. There's something I haven't told you about that I thought would be fun. Yeah. You can walk?

Oh. Psh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You can walk? Pshh! Pshh! Pshh! That would be the greatest twist ever. You have to wait for the next episode.

If she started dancing and running off the stage like Tony Caruso. M. Night Shyamalan over here. I Know we recently talked about the engagement stuff Not always good. Okay. I Used to date this guy And he had a thing where he would piss in mason jars, hold on, and keep them lined around his fucking bedroom.

I didn't realize, it's because he didn't want to walk down the stairs to use the bathroom. And I fucking butt scooted down the stairs. I'm a lady. But one time I was unaware these were full of piss. And I was gonna fuck him. And I asked one of those. And I fell on the bed in a cold jar.

A cold jar of piss fell on your head. Oh my God, were you a redhead before that? No. It could have some type of lemon juice effect, perhaps. I love that. Can you send me a link to that? A link like an internet. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that sucks. Wait, so how many? Let me stop you there. Go ahead. Matt Rife How was the moonshine? What did it have it did it have a tang to it? Hey, it tastes better than it smelled. Oh god. I'm kidding! No you're not.

Now there might be something to this. Your condition again, what's it called? Freeze Wings of Taxia. Have they researched piss being poured on the head of people that have gotten this before? It's where it all started. Oh my God. That's like a four leaf clover to my people, okay. Hell yeah. I'm fine toning. Red band also has mason jars of piss.

Yeah, you look like a mason jar guy. Yeah, that's not a compliment, Redbed. Hell yeah. Do your wheelchairs come in different flavors? Great question, Tony. Like orange, like do you get another, like do you get to pick the color, or was this just what they gave you?

No, it's one color. It's kind of a bold choice to be the only one. I love it. I don't know what to do for the wedding. Yeah, the wedding. You know what I mean? This wedding, I'm just telling you right now, I can just picture so many amazing things happening.

I am using our account on DraftKings, using the promo code KILTONI, just to let you know, and I am betting on the fact that whoever is closest to the back of the wheelchair will be the one that catches the bouquet at the wedding. I see it going perhaps as short as three to four feet. It's going to be one of the, it's gonna be- It's not a toss, it's a drop.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the back wheel of your chair is gonna be catching that bouquet at the wedding. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, Fiona. You are an absolute killer. You are charismatic. You are beautiful. You're cool as fuck. Everybody loves you. You started a new podcast, you told me, with your fiance, Matt Taylor. Congratulations. I did. Yeah, Rampin' Up.

Rampin' Up is the name of the podcast. Hell yeah. She's with a guy named Matt Taylor. Yeah. A good one. There's a bad one, I heard. We don't know. No, we don't know. What are we we talking about some guy named Matt Taylor right now?

It gets brought up constantly I don't know. Is it ever been brought up in an arena and the biggest comedy show in the world? You're making a good boy now show Okay, very good Absolutely amazing Fiona. We love you. You have done it yet again. How about one more time for Fiona Colley? An absolute crusher. Killing it. Fiona Colley, ladies and gentlemen.

She was with a guy that peed in mason jars. The fun fact, he now pees in toilets, and she pees in mason jars. Oh, how life hits you fast sometimes. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going back to the bucket. How do we like that idea? Good? 60 seconds uninterrupted for bucket poll number six. Goes by the name of Dustin Callahan. Dustin Callahan is next on Kill Tony.

What's up Nashville? I grew up in the projects as one of five white kids. I went to an all black school. What they don't tell you when you go to an all-black school is when you get that yearbook it's the worst Where's Waldo ever. They're like right there. So I didn't look like anybody growing up so a girl in high school one time told me I looked like Kevin Bacon from Footloose. I got real excited. I rushed home, I asked Jeeves who's Kevin Bacon because I'm older than Google, and when I

saw his goofy ass face I've never wanted to fight a bitch so hard in my life. So a couple weeks ago I did one of those 23andMe DNA tests. Turns out I'm transgender. I was born male but I grew these tits when I got fat. No, I'm just kidding. I'm Irish and Native American, so we got a lot of DUIs in my family. Thank you. That's my time. Wow. Dustin Callahan making his Kill Tony debut. Welcome to the show, Dustin.

Yeah. How do you look like all three pawn stars at once? Well, it takes a lot of effort, Tony. It is absolutely incredible what I'm seeing and feeling from you. You look like you run some kind of fucking hot dog eating competition or something like that. Or a participant or something like that or a

participant or something. What do you do for a living with a look like this? I'm a civil engineer. A civil engineer? Well that's an odd job. Okie-dokie. It's an old Bond reference from 30 years ago that I shouldn't have said. Yeah. Okay. What exactly do you do as a civil engineer? So I oversee a construction site and I'm the middleman between the contractor and the engineers that designed it. Wow. Better to be a middleman there than on an airplane, am I right? You don't want to be stuck next to this fucking guy. What's your favorite airline to fly? Southwest, anyway.

No, go ahead. What do you do for fun? Watch a lot of comedy. Yeah, when you're not watching comedy, what do you like to do? I like to go out and go on hikes and stuff, believe it or not. Ha ha ha ha.

Matt Rife, what do you think about his hiking lies? This is something he just puts on a dating site bio? I think you look like Kirby swallowed Kevin James. Pretty angry. You have such a good energy about you, dude. Thank you. I gotta tell you, you're a very nice person. Yeah.

I am a nice person. Stop it. Where's your favorite place to hike? What do you like? I like Radnor Lake. Oh shit, wow. It's near here? It's a local spot?

There must be a lot of ice cream shops around that lake. Not anymore. COVID took them out. Wow. I'm surprised COVID didn't take you out. But very interesting shape to you. Your legs are shorter than your torso. Yeah. From waist to neck, you are bigger than your legs.

Much bigger. It is incredible. It's like Hank Hill off of King of the Hill. Yeah, that is an anomaly. Yeah, you look like a guy that puts syrup on ketchup. Yep. It's a... Yep.

But you're very likable. Thank you. Tony Caruso pointing out people's likability today. Yeah, I'm a big... That's the first thing I look for in a comedian, is the likability factor. Even though you're dressed like you play trombone in the Mighty Mighty Ballstones. Which is a compliment, that's a tough gig to get. Yeah.

Looks like he plays in the Mighty Mighty Kidney Stones. Do you have any hobbies other than comedy and watching comedy and going on fake hikes? Uh, nope. Really? There's nothing you look forward to once a year? The county fair or something? I like going to the Marine Corps birthday ball when it comes up.

Okay. Well, you are shaped like a birthday ball. What exactly is the Marine Corps birthday ball? Explain it for the people. It's for all the Marine veterans in active duty. Are you a Marine veteran? I am. Well, there you go. That would have been something to say early on. Look at that. Oh shit put the hat back on.

What a surprise. What did you do in the Marines? I was a water engineer. A water engineer? Yeah. Well who better than a fucking weather balloon for that job? My goodness gracious. Wait, you said somebody said, who said you look like Kevin Bacon? Some girl in high school. You sure she wasn't referring to Bernie Bacon, the guy who set the record for being the most bacon in one day?

Is that a real guy? Yeah, Google it. I don't know who that is. We'll cut this out. What is your, what's the last time you did stand up before tonight? Last Thursday. How'd that go? It went good.

Well, stand up is hard and for him standing up is hard. You can tell he's a Marine because every time he tries to stand up he goes, ooh. He's got short legs and a big body. You're carrying around a lot of weight. How are your knees? he tries to stand up, he goes, ooh, ah! Ha ha ha. He's got short legs and a big body. You're carrying around a lot of weight. How are your knees? Well, the right one's shot. Right. Yeah.

See? I knew that. So I'll stand on this leg a lot. Yep. Yep. Hell, yeah. Okay. Have you ever always worn those kind of hats, or is that your thing? Like, I do declare hats.

Last night I didn't wear a hat, but tonight they were like, put the hat on. I was like, okay. Great story. Who's they? The comedians in the comedian section. The comedians talked you into putting the hat on. Yes. What? Let's see it without it. Can I see without it?

Yeah. All right, never mind. Never mind. Okay. It is, you kind of have a tiny head, too. You are misshapen. It is, you kind of have a tiny head too. You are misshapen. It is incredible. Short legs, big body, long arms, tiny head. All right.

I love it. What do you guys think? Big joke book? How many of you think a little joke book? How many of you think a little joke bug? How many you think a big joke bug? Dustin Callahan, thank you Nashville. There he goes Hey everyone, I'm Carlos and I'm the host of jumper jump podcast I just wanted to take a quick break to let you know that Amazon Prime Day is coming. That's right people

let you know that Amazon Prime Day is coming. That's right people, July 8th through the 11th, you can shop for some of the best deals of the year on Amazon, and it's not just one, not two, not even three, but four days of epic deals. If you've been waiting for the right moment to finally grab that one or a few items, you've had your eye on forever, this is it. Prime Day is coming.

I've been trying to level up in the kitchen, no more burnt eggs or overcooked pastas, or using the same busted pan for every meal. I've been saying I'm gonna upgrade for months, and Prime Day is the perfect opportunity to catch a great deal. I've had my eye on some real legit pro-level pans, and now I'm pulling the trigger.

Time to actually cook like I know what I'm doing. Whether it's something practical or just something fun there's never been a perfect time to hit add to cart. Four days, tons of deals, all for Prime members. Don't wait. Shop great deals this Prime Day July 8th through the 11th. Alright on to another very very very very very special treat. See because we went through so many bucket pulls early in the show, now you get special treats more often. Isn't that exciting? I present to you one of the greatest regulars

in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, a once in a generation talent, an absolute juggernaut, a superstar, found, discovered, and molded here in the Killtony universe, this is the great and powerful Cam Patterson. Oh Oh This today today's uh Today's a pretty good day, man, but uh It's been pretty weird for me dog. I got a homegirl That's in the hospital right now because her boyfriend had beat her and she got like a black eye

and she got some broken ribs and a fucked up leg. And she was telling me how she felt like the whole world around her was like coming down and she didn't know how to feel. And I just asked her, I said, well, what did we learn? And then she went, don't fuck your boyfriend's favorite comedian. Pfft. He hit that bitch with a bag of rocks. Nigga, that's crazy, dawg.

That's all I got. I'm getting out of here now. That's all I got. Perfect. 50 plus seconds from Cam Patterson. That was it, dawg. Sounds like a from Ken Patterson. That was it, dawg. It sounds like a true story to me.

Nah, that really happened. Look at this sweet, sweet cowboy. Look at him. Look at him. Look at the boots, nigga. Bro, sweatpants with boots is the most ratchet shit I've ever seen. This is hard, though, nigga. This is why Beyonce didn't win.

Look at the boobs. Howdy white bitch. You look like Crookson from Blazing Saddles. With that the gay movie, that's not the gay movie. As long as it wasn't the gay movie, I'm happy. I'm good. You look like Crookson Dunn. What? Lil Nas X-Con. No, no! Okay, that's better.

X-Conway Twitty. Come on, more, more. Johnny Who Stole My Cash. Ha ha ha ha ha! Dolly Parton and the Black Guy. Ha ha ha ha! Darius Rucker. Ha ha ha ha!

Who are these people, dawg? That's a regular guy. That's a real guy. That's a real, dog? That's a regular guy. That's a real guy. That's a real black guy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Darius Rucker. I'm sorry, nigga. I apologize. Yeah, right down the middle there. That's your Darius Rucker apology can. I apologize, my nigga. Real shit.

I'm so sorry. Keith from the urban neighborhood. I like my boots, nigga. My boots is clean. I got taller. I'm taller in these boots. And you got the horsies in the back. I like that one. I like that one. That was good. Hell yeah. That was my favorite one.

You look like broke black mountain. No! You know what's crazy? I'm never dressing up on this show ever again. I come out here dressed up as a Nas in my finest boots, and now I'm getting caught a bunch of gay slurs and shit. Everybody's- No one fucked up.

Ex, Lil Nas, ex-fucked up black cowboys for us, man. I just gave Toby Keith your son away from my daughter? Pfft. Oh, fuck y'all, actually. Winona Thug? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, this is fun.

All right, keep going, I like this. This is fun. Unfaith I like this. This is fun. Unfaithful Hill? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was good. That was good. That's fucking great. I spent two months on this shit To be called all these mean names Willie raped my daughter Nelson. Wait a minute No Garth, what's your credit like Brooks? Kenny Rogers chicken? Nah, they ain't like that one.

Thank y'all for having some fucking integrity, bitch. God damn. About time, nigga. It took 12 of you pieces of shit. The Hennessy of Tennessee? That was good. I like that one. All right. Call me that. Yeah. The Hennessy of Tennessee that was good Yeah, yeah The Hennessy of Tennessee fuck nigga. That's good. I like that one. That's good. That's better. That's better. I like that one

That's good Alan Blackson, okay You're losing It's a grab mouth That's not even for a ban red band save it for the comedians hit a sound effect right there. Jesus Christ It's fun when you get to hear what they think of your jokes That's good man, I love it this is great you love. Oh Nashville is dope man. I like Nashville a lot, bro. Yeah Hell yeah bachelor report I said this last night bachelor party should all die But besides that I have a great city nice city. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I

Love it. I like it. Dustin Lynch. Okay. That's a... Jim Crow. I was just saying shit that happened, niggas. George Straight Foreman. Okay.

Uh... I'm never wearing a cowboy hat again. Matt Mueling. Y'all missed Crip Stapleton. What? That was good. Hey, you know what? I wanna throw this hat into the crowd,

but it was $400. Marcus Luther King. No. Pink Floyd Mayweather? It's not really country. I don't know a lot of these people y'all are naming. That's what's fucking me up. I know. I know. I'm looking up the 100 greatest country artists of all time.

What about, what about, do something with Morgan Wallen? I like Morgan Wallen. Nigga, do something with Morgan Wallen. Morgan Ballen? I like that. Oh, they don't like Morgan Wallen here. Never mind. Very interesting.

What nigga y'all do like? None. Oh, wait. No, Tony wall never mind very interesting what nigga y'all do like None oh wait wait no Tony Tony Tony wait wait They love me. That's right Wait, I got one. I can't believe we haven't even thought of it. Kid Rock. Nope. I should have left on the hat throw, nigga. That was...

Hell yeah. We'll cut it. We'll cut it out. Yeah, cut that in post. We gotta cut that in post. Was that really a $400 hat you just wore? Yeah, it got Rockstar on it, too. It's fine. It's whatever.

Yeah, lady got it. thank you, hell yeah. You find me, I'll sign it for you too if you find me. For sure. Real shit. Real shit. What are the material of the boots? This shit ostrich, nigga. Oh shit.

Wait a second. You know, I used to hunt ostrich. What? I used to hunt ostrich. For? I used to hunt ostrich. For real? It's a fun animal to shoot, yeah. Amazing. He's wearing ostrich boots and fried chicken socks, ladies and gentlemen.

It's absolutely... Smash and grab mouth? You guys didn't like that one? You already said that was terrible, nigga. Cam, you did it again. Another new minute. So much fun. We fucking love you. Thanks for... You already said that was terrible, nigga. Cam, you did it again. Another new minute. So much fun.

We fucking love you. Thanks for crushing, as always, and giving us something fun to make jokes with. He's turning country, folks. One more time for Cam Patterson. And now we go to bucket pool number seven. Let's see what happens here with the comedy stylings of Robbie, ladies and gentlemen. Robbie is next on Kiltoni.

Robbie. Here's Robbie, everybody. One more time for Robbie. One more time for Robbie, everybody. I don't understand why sometimes subjects are okay to talk about, and sometimes they're not, like the size of a woman's vagina. I was at work the other night and Becky runs in and says, Tasha's in labor, she's at six centimeters.

And a half hour later she's like, she's at seven centimeters. I'm like, man, she's talking about how large this woman's vagina is. And nine months ago, when I was telling everybody how this soon tobe single mother's vagina was so tight, I have to go see HR? That doesn't make any sense. She will be a single mother because I will not have any more kids.

I've got three. They're disappointing enough. I have an atheist lesbian daughter and a daughter that dates a Mexican, and I don't know what's worse, the one that's going to—the godless dyke that's not gonna go to heaven with me or the one that's coming Catholic I Also have a son and that's my minute Okay, Robbie how long you been doing stand-up Okay, Robbie, how long you been doing stand-up? About a minute.

So this is your first time as well, a lot of first timers here tonight, very interesting. What made you choose tonight to start? Because this was closer than Austin. Okay. I've been planning on doing a minute at Austin, and this was closer, so I pulled the trigger. Did you think about trying at an open mic, perhaps, instead of an arena and in front of millions of viewers at home?

I considered it, but I also liked the idea of saying first time ever. Sure, you liked the idea of saying that. Is it something that you're gonna continue to do now that you've done it? It is. I am a lot cooler in front of a crowd than I thought I would be. Okay. What do you do for work? I have two jobs. I do custom cabinetry and I cook at a restaurant. Okay. All right. He's a cook and he makes cabinets. Very interesting.

Tell us a fun fact about your life that we'd be surprised to know about you. You're here. I'm not very interesting, I don't guess. I used to be in a band. Okay, what did you do in the band? I played bass. I...

They only got successful after I left, so I guess I was probably the anchor. That makes sense. Yeah, they, uh... Okay. I'm not very good at this part of it, am I? No. When did you decide to cut your own hair?

LAUGHTER Is it the scar? Is that the... It's a little piece up top that's got me curious. That's the worst man bun I've ever seen. I got rained on on the way in. I don't know if you noticed that, but there was not good weather after the sign ups. Okay, we've been in here. Okay, Robbie, here you go.

There's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving. Thank you, Robbie. We're going to keep it moving. I thought that was the lead singer of Smash Mouth for a minute. Too soon? Yes. All right. Like I said, we knocked out a bunch of bucket pulls. Now the place will go wild

as I bring to the stage another one of the greatest regulars in the show's entire history. This young man on such a patriotic night is as excited as possible to hopefully one day become the newest citizen of the United States of America. A true, fully-fledged rock star that goes by the name of the Estonian Assassin, Ari Mati! I love Nashville! There is one problem though. Last time I was in Nashville, I was at a house party talking to bitches. And I was talking to this girl, things were going great, nothing creepy, a little smooch, you know. I didn't touch the pussy but I felt the heat, you know what I'm saying?

And then some dude at the party behind me pulls out a guitar. All guys know this feeling. You're talking to a girl at a party and then you hear that brrrring. You're like, fuck, there goes my pussy. Fuck your guitar. Play that shit at home. I know what you're trying to do. I don't trust any guy who's good at something.

I know what you're doing, you fucking creep. And I get it, listen. I get bitches love the guitar. It's a romantic instrument. If I had a guitar, I would pull it out right now. You know I'm Estonian, we didn't grow up on the guitar. Eastern Europeans we grew up on the accordion. You ever hear an accordion? It literally sounds like communism. If you put your ear close enough to an accordion you can literally hear it go, there is never enough bread.

You don't get wet to an accordion, you fucking kill yourself to one. Thank you so much. Ari Matty, his reputation for doing twice as much work as he has to continues with a new two minute and five seconds debuted right here at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee. I got to tell you, you keep dressing like that. Citizenship is right around the corner. Look at that. Are you going to open my look at me now?

Matt, right? Shining my. One of the top grossing ticket selling comedians of last year, shining your shoes. I love you. One of the top grossing ticket selling comedians of last year shining your shoes. Listen Matt, I gotta tell you something. I usually never know if a man is handsome. You know when a girl goes, he's handsome, I'm like what the fuck you talking about? Looks like Shrek.

But you Matt, I gotta tell you. Whatever gender you wanna be, I'm gonna fuck that gender, dude. Dude, all I'm saying is your transition would be cheap. You throw a wig on this motherfucker, 10 out of 10. Dude, don't you fucking flirt with me. I jerked off to you three times in Nosferatu. You were good.

Holy shit, you're a beautiful man. God damn! I love this. So symmetric, holy shit! It really is undeniable. If Hitler only had you... What? If Hitler only had you... What? If Hitler only had you, you're the poster boy for a symmetrical blue-eyed.

I follow Kanye. Let's see what happens. See how the music goes. There's a little accordion. I told Red Band to make sure it makes sense when he hits the accordion button And that's the moment that he went with everybody He's coming off a slight hangover We were at Kid Rocks bar last night and we left and we left and we forgot Red Band And he thought we were still there for another two hours without looking So he stayed at Kid Rocks bar

without looking, so he stayed at Kid Rock's bar until the wee hours of the night, and then he yelled at us for leaving him at Kid Rock's bar. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! How could you leave me? Ha ha ha ha! We argued about it the whole drive here from the hotel. I said, you have to stay with the group.

We can't leave you. And he goes. Oh, shit. All right. So Ari, let's talk about it because this city really is special. You know, I... We love Austin.

It's fucking its own thing. And every day of the year, we have fucking fun there. It could be a random ass Sunday. God save you if you're there on a Monday. Tuesdays are unbelievable for their own reasons. Wednesdays in Austin are their own thing. But every time this crew comes to fucking Nashville, we talk about the word residency comes up, the word let's stay a couple extra days comes up,

the word's fucking let's hang out. Love the food, love the vibe, love the people, love the music, love the stores, love the energy. Love the tornadoes. vibe love the people love the music love the stores love the energy love the tornado We love the tornadoes We're having a tornado party tonight, yeah is the show really a show if you didn't hear fucking tornado sirens beforehand You know what I mean? This is rock and roll. I got a room 216 at the La Quinta Inn in Memphis tonight.

Tornado party. Little three hour drive to Tony Caruso's party. Well, thanks for the room, Tony. I love it. So what's your favorite part of Nashville so far? Well, today I was by... Dude, that tornado warning. Did your phones go off too? I love it. So what's your favorite part of Nashville so far? Well today I was... Dude, that tornado warning. Did your phones go off too? Crazy. Because in Austin all I have is Amber Alert. It's just pedophiles.

It's always San Antonio actually. Yeah. Yeah, San Antonio. It's always Latinos trying to kidnap their kid that they want more visitation rights to. It's not actual like pedophiles. it's always a couple arguing over their kids. Just a fun fact, if you're wondering why there's so many. It is funny that when you see an Amber Alert and it says like, the lady's name, last seen with the kid, it's always like, oh, it's a mother trying to reconnect with his child.

And every time you see a fucking dude, you're like, yep, he's fucking him Okay, let's stick to the accordion for a little bit Yeah, I was like that tornado or they came like it was literally 90s I was by the pool with another guy. She Lee Willie Beep-beep 90 seconds later, dude. We're on that the hotel the rooftop bar, dude, a fucking chair, I don't know where, when, killed somebody, just flew off. Morgan Wallenberg. Yeah, we were with another guy, literally, look.

That was Fiona's chair. Because a tornado for context to the worldwide watchers is a pretty American thing, right? Never seen anything, I've never seen a launch, I thought poltergeist. The launch air flew. Yeah. And then a guy working for a hotel goes out there fights the launch air back. I'm like Miguel, get back here dude. This is why you need immigrants dude. Only an immigrant will run and get a lawn chair that ain't his. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ain't no American going out there.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I love it. Well, Ari Matty. Thank you so much. We're gonna have fun tonight out on the city. Of course. One of my favorite drinking buddies. One of my favorite pals.

One of the funniest people off stage. One of the funniest people on stage. Truly one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world. One more time for Ari Matty. And with that, it is time for bucket poll number eight. It could be the next Ari Matty. Could be the next Cam Patterson. We found them all. Oh my God.

God bless America. USA, USA. Wow. Your next bucket full goes by the name of Kenny Cabanaugh, everyone. One more time for Valerie Vaughn and those American hangers, huh? One more time for Valerie Vaughn and those American hangers, huh? One more time for Kenny Cabanao. Yeah, yeah. What's up, Nashville?

Sorry I was a little late getting up here. Reif and I were getting blowjobs by Haley in the back. She had to hock to us so we could come out here and talk to you. Holy shit. They know I'm Canadian. 51st state, 51st state. Hold up, hold up. Are you booing me because I'm Canadian?

Yeah! Damn. There's been like five of us. I was like, I'm going to be the only Canadian here. They kind of fucked me over backstage. But seriously, Nashville, if you've got a problem getting it up, this is the place to come, because the women here are insane.

Honestly, I was flying in this morning, 6.30, came right across the prison, largest women's prison in the United States. So it's easy ass after 10 o'clock if you need to get any. All right guys, I love you. I hope you guys have a good night. Thanks for having me here. Yikes, Kenny Cabenow plowing through boos the entire time.

Not really sure how to handle it, huh? Leaving pauses for jokes and then asking them if they're booing you because of this or booing you because of that. A lot of big, basic mistakes there. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? A couple of years. You know, we're Canadians, so we're stupid, and it happens.

You're making excuses. I would just stop saying that you're Canadian for every single answer. I'll stay away from it. It's not working out well for you. Canadians booed our national anthem a few weeks ago. They left a bad taste in our mouth. Wasn't me, wasn't not me. You know what I think? I think those Canadians better stop

booing our national anthem, and I think they better start learning it. Yeah! Just pandering to my new staunch Republican base. Are you excited to be part of the 51st state of the United States of America? Oh, say can you see baby, we can do this. All right. They're gonna make me do it.

Okay. What do you do for work? I work at a work for a large American company up in Canada. You work for a large American company up in Canada. You work for a large American company up in Canada You think there's any chance of that company moving back to America due to the new tariffs? No, they're huge in America We're here. We love America Okay weird answer Craziest thing about your life before I get you out of here fast

Craziest thing about your life before I get you out of here fast? I had two broken vertebrae right after high school, so I'm not supposed to do anything to out there, but still live on the edge. Wow, ouch. How'd you break your vertebrae? Wrestling in high school. Okay. This crowd hates you. I'm going to save you.

Here's a little joke book. Kenny Cabanel, ladies and gentlemen. Have a good night, Nashville. -♪ So mean. Mean? The crowd, they're ruthless. You heard them.

I'll ask again. How many of you like to win comedians do good on this show? -♪ How many of you like to win comedians do bad on the show? They love it. These people want blood. You guys must be in your glory tonight. But with that, I have bad news for you, because right now I'm bringing up who might be one of the greatest

Golden Ticket winners in the history of the show. Here with a brand new minute, this is Martin Phillips What's up? What's going on? Oh man. Oh man. A lot of people say a guitar is a sexy instrument, but you know what? That underrated sexy instrument, the French horn, because you got at the suicide hotline, so nobody talks about the lives he saved. Oh, people. Oh, I'll end it there, that's good. Perfect. He's done it again.

Another great minute by Martin Phillips. Boy, oh boy, are they adding up. You're doing it, man, you're living the dream. How do you feel? Good. Yeah, I'll go, Yeah, it's cool. It's cool. You love Nashville?

Yeah, it's an ice place. Yeah? Yeah. Knocking it out. Yeah. What you been doing while you're here? Oh, chilling. You know, during that tornado,

Saturday, I was taking a nap, and it's like going to the basement, and I was like, if I die, I die. I'm not leaving this bed. I don't know. I don't see anything. Perfect. Oh, this morning I didn't see you

at the drag brunch I went to. Zany, I was looking see you at the drag brunch I went to. At Zany's, I was looking for you. I was at the drag brunch. Either I wasn't there or I'm just that damn good. Oh, oh, oh. See, Tonya, what's your name? What's your drag name? Tonya? All right, never mind.

Holy shit, Red Band. Really? It's Tony Hengecliff. Whoa. It's true. Tony with an I. One I, just like Aaron Belial. I love it. Martin. You know, you're a people. just like Aaron Belial. I love it. Martin?

You know, there are people that are the order and where Aaron's thing was was my name. It's like, you guys, you didn't mix me up on the show. You know, it's like, god damn it. Everybody thinks...

There was a line up back there or something? No, they're giving us the line up tonight. With the regulars. Yeah, yeah, they're like, okay. You weren't supposed to be on tonight's show. I know, I know, exactly. But they're like, oh, sorry, that was actually supposed to be entrance day.

And that was like every fucking time that you mixed us up. I mean, you guys are both Crips, if you will. Yeah, we're in the gang. Part of the same gang. We're in the gang. You have the same unbelievable walk. That's true.

But you have a voice. Yeah, I got that. And two eyes. I got that working for me. I got that. Absolutely. I got that. You know.

Yep. You are not his type, if you will. Oh, hey. Oh, that's my impression of the air room. Uh-huh. Just... What? You son of a bitch.

Pretty good. Not bad. It's... Martin Phillips, I'm glad you survived the tornado. Anything for Martin, guys? Uh, the stuff... Got a party in room 316 in the La Quinta Inn in Memphis, Tennessee, tonight.

Okay. If you can make it there. Any tornadoes down there or...? No, no, just poppers and whores. Oh. What's your favorite drug? What's your favorite drug? What drug can you do

that's not gonna make you all wobbly-tobbly? What? Like, what? Like... Like, what drug can you do that'll make you not fucking freak out on me? Well I'll try them out. Let's see what you got in it. Shoot me under. It's going to be so hard to hit a vein. Oh.

Fuck. Go Dave. Do it through my toes. Do it. Do it through my toes. Do it. That's how I like it. Do it through my toes. That's going to be the name of your next special. Martin, we love you. The fans love you.

Everybody loves you. We're going to keep it moving one more time. For the Golden Ticket Goat, Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. I do believe he has the record for most appearances of any golden ticket winner. Alright. He's attacking him. Yeah.

Tony Caruso going a little hard in the paint. He almost fell and saved his life. There's the lovely Heidi. My goodness, I mean, it's always especially after the handicapped people where she really shines. It's just like a refresh. It's like getting an extra life on a video game. You know what I mean? Just feels good. You feel safe when she's around. How about a hand for the event staff right here, working hard at the Bridgestone Arena.

This guy's coming in with a mop. Clearly somebody vomited when, um, when that last Canadian guy did his set. A lot of Americans vomiting in the crowd tonight at the disgusting first-time Canadians that have dared show themselves in such an American venue. Okay, bucket pool number nine, we still have energy? Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted going to Calip Lee or Caleb Lee.

C-A-L-E-P. So what I've come to realize, y'all, is people on social media, they don't want help. They want attention while living miserable. This girl on my timeline's so annoying. This road I'm on is so lonely. Nobody likes me, nobody cares. If I don't get 25 likes by the end of the night,

I'm gonna kill myself. So I message her, right, one human to another, like, hey, I don't know 25 likes by the end of the night, I'm gonna kill myself. So I messaged her, right, one human to another, like hey, I don't know what you got going on, but people love you, Jesus loves you, and I just hope things get better. And she fucking left me on red? No, I swear to God, y'all, for what, already selling weed to her?

But no, I understand why no one likes your ass bitch, kill yourself. Look, Nashville, I know that is fucked up man and she is just the teenager. And my sister. Y'all like to boo, boy. I'll tell you what. Ooh, y'all like to boo. Not exactly what you want your closing catchphrase to be during a comedy set in an arena. Caleb, how long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up about four years now. Where at? Dayton, Ohio. Dayton, Ohio. Okay.

Oh, they don't like Dayton either. Wow, what a shocker here in Nashville, Tennessee. Okay, what do you do for work? Um, I'll be selling weed, door-dash. Kind of getting in between right now my job If you're a weed dealer deals drugs with cuff jeans, she's about to be Easiest drug dealer ever either you imagine I'm showing up with your food and it's like a half-eaten and they're like boo And is that man you guys really like the boo door-dash? Well, you know? Oh, shit. Ah, I love it. Well, you're likable.

Uh... That's a new shirt. How old are you, Caleb? Uh, 29. And just to make sure I'm saying this right, your name is Caleb? Uh, Caleb. Caleb.

With a P. With a P, yeah. C-A-L-E-P. You're booing the name. You know what? with a P, yeah. C-A-L-E-P. You're booing the name. You know what, he says you guys like to boo, honestly. I'm with you on that one. Boo. Caleb, what do you think your mother,

whose womb you came out of, she held you in her belly for nine months, and at the end she looked at you and goes, that's Caleb. What do you think she was thinking? She was white trash on Xanax. Right. Caleb with a P.

That is incredible. What does she do? What does she ring up at a register for a living? What's a yearn cost? An urn? Urn? She's dead, RIP moms. A yearn. She's in a yearn. That is only something a guy named Caleb would say. My mother, she's in a yearn. It's a fucking urn. As in, will never urn a living as a comedian. It's an urn. Wow. Oh my goodness. The cremator that we met earlier used to put bodies in a urn, everyone, according to Caleb.

So how did she die? Around the pandemic or something like that. Everyone, according to Caleb. So how did she die? Around the pandemic or something like that. Or something like that? Are you not, you don't have your finger on the pulse? I feel bad I brought my dead mom up, I'm sorry. It's okay, it's fine. It's actually the most interesting part of your entire appearance so far.

What's the story with the rest of your life? Well, I know this is probably a bad time to plug it, but me and my friend Jeff Allen, we have the longest common... Let me cut you off right there. No one cares about an open mic in Dayton, Ohio. Caleb. Wow. Caleb, this was so rough for you. You might as well have been from Canada.

Yeah. The least liked American of the night. Tony Caruso, do you have any advice for this young buck? I mean, just a few years ago, he was the young kid in the movie Unbreakable, and now that's the wrong movie, isn't it? Yeah, I was going to invite you to my party at La Quinta Inn in room 316 in Memphis, Tennessee tonight, but we already have a Caleb showing up tonight bringing the energy down.

Caleb, I'm going to save you as well, my friend. Best of luck to you. Who do we think, how many bucket pulls do we have up there, huh? Out of all of you, all right, sit down. All of you sit down. I'm going to do something I've never done before. And Colt, you have a better angle than me. We've had so many first timers tonight.

I'm just being present. I'm being in the moment right now. I'm gonna ask you a question. You guys have to be honest. Everybody sit down. Stand up if you've been doing it longer than five years. All right. Now, sit down if you've been doing it less than 10 years.

How many people are standing? Is that a black guy with his shirt off that's been doing it longer than 10 years? Oh! 10 years of comic. Hell yeah. Is that true or are you lying, black eye? Okay. Finds... Okay, who's been doing it 15 years? Anybody?

Not him. That's not who I'm talking to. I'm talking to that guy up there. Hold on. Who's been doing it the fucking longest out of everybody up there? You're all pointing at that guy. Is that true? Can anybody else argue that?

How long have you been doing it, black guy with his arms up? 10. How long have you been doing it, guy in the baseball hat? Show me with your fucking hands. Jesus Christ. 15? You've been doing it 15 years?

Come on down and do a minute. Let's go. We're just living in the moment. That kid signed up. You signed up. You signed up. You have a minute. Get your ass back there. Yeah! Yeah!

Are we having fucking fun tonight or what? This is the only, every other television host you've ever seen has a teleprompter. They pre-interview their guest. This is Kill Tony live. Anything can happen in the moment. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your 15 year veteran going first tonight, doing 60 seconds, goes by the name of Evan Burtz. Evan Burtz. Let's see what happens here. What's up, Nashville? Thank you for doing that, Tony.

I'm blessed. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to be alive, y'all. When I was 17 years old, I was almost killed in a car accident. I was sitting in the middle of the back seat, not wearing a seatbelt. That's where they made me sit. And we're all familiar with what that's called.

It's called riding bitch, right? And I don't know why they call it that when it was the two guys sitting beside me who died. Who's the bitch now? Okay, all right. I'm just kidding. Everyone survived the accident, but those guys are dead. Opioids.

Thank you guys. I appreciate this. This was awesome. All right, all right, all right. Your name again? Evan Burke. Evan Burke. Yes, sir.

Very good, Evan Burke. And you've been doing it 15 years? Since 2009, so I guess a little longer than that. Yeah, where at? All over. Started in Charleston, South Carolina. Uh-huh. I'm from Atlanta, originally. Go Braves. Oh, my God. You wild boy.

It's a rough start. It's a rough start. And then I spent some time in New York and Los Angeles. I actually did a show with you in Los Angeles. You probably don't remember. I was definitely an add-on. I was an add-on. It was the Ice House, Valentine's Day 2020. Okay, very good. I remember, because you made a woman cry in the front row.

It was pretty awesome. I did? Do you remember what happened there? Yeah, she looked really good. She was there with her significant other. And you said she looked like a lady of the night. That's all it took? Yeah, she was soft.

She couldn't have. She shouldn't have been in the front row. No chance. I love it. What do you have been in the front row. Uh-uh. No chance. I love it. What do you do for... How do you make a living? I have a day job. I work remotely for a research company so that I can do comedy.

I have them put all the eggs in the comedy basket so that I can reinvest in my comedy. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I self-produced my own comedy special using the money that I made from my day job. Matt Reif knows about self-producing comedy specials over here. Yep, good shit.

Yeah, big fan of you. Thanks man. Glad to see you here. Appreciate it, dude. What is the name of the research company? One more time. What is the name of the research company? Good question, Tony Caruso.

Everyone's itching to know the name of the research company. I love it when you ask questions like that, Tony Caruso. I love it. It leads us in a great direction. It's gonna be a bunch of jokes that come from this. Let's see what happens here. What's the name of the research company? I'm having a party at the location.

Rule 316. I'm sorry, I love you. Thanks for bringing me out. Go ahead. Wait, you sounded like Adam Gray there for a second. Go ahead. What do you got? It's a company called AlphaSense. Rated one of the best places to work by some... Nerds. ...prickin' for some nerds. Some outlet, you know? You're right, it was a-

What are you researching? Like what is the thing that gets researched? We're making hedge funds richer. Nothing that these people are gonna be all too excited about me doing. All right, all right, all right. I'm gonna tell you what, we're gonna keep it moving. We're getting deep in the show.

Here's a big joke book. There you go, congratulations. Thank you guys so much, thank you. A little balance to the scale. So many newer comedians, one two year one year first time first time First time first time and then what I open up the opportunity for a comedy veteran to come out and some little fucking kid Had the balls to show his face FanDuel casinos exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling

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Just to be clear, I'm not Canadian. Hi, my name is Finnegan Timothy O'Malley. Clearly, my mom named me to be an alcoholic by 21. Every day after I go to school, I have to go to hell. But most of you know it as the YMCA. The people who work there are barely older than us. They just went through puberty themselves. I can see their pimples. My friend Jackson is taller than most of them there mainly because Jackson is a 5'4 beast. Every day when we walk in there, we're forced to wash our hands like we're carrying a disease.

And then we have to eat food that expires in two days because we can't wait. Wow, you are a dumbass retard, Red Band. I love that you laugh at these moments. Oh, he's flipping you guys off. You're wrong. You're retarded. Let's go back to the punchline that anybody with fucking common sense, not to mention somebody working on this show for 12 years,

would know not to interrupt you fucking retard. Here he is with his the end of his joke it's Finnegan everybody literally destroying live Oh. Do that last one again and hit the punchline. And then we have to eat food that expires in two days because we can't waste food. If they keep this up, then we'll expire in two days. That's what I'm talking about, Redhead! Finnigan, Timothy O'Malley. Ladies and gentlemen, has arrived to the Kill Tony Universe.

He's being given the jacket of Tony Caruso, AKA the Lombardi Trophy of the Kill Tony Universe. Let's go. Oh my God. Get him a beer. Let's go. Finnigan, Timothy O'Malley. Holy shit, a star is born. How old are you?

11. 11 years old. Have you ever done stand-up comedy before? Have you ever done stand-up comedy before? I have. Yeah, it seems like it. You seem actually funnier than the guy that's been doing it 15 years.

He's been doing it longer than you've been alive, and here you are, pure charisma, fucking, the look, the vibe, and energy. I was nervous that you weren't gonna speak directly into the microphone or have actual fucking jokes, and you did it all, you nailed it all, like a pro. This is incredible. Do you live here in Nashville?

No. Where do you live? Lexington, Kentucky. Yee-hoo! Wow. And you came here tonight with your dad, your mom, who'd you come with? Both. Both. And they help you write sometimes?

You run your jokes by them? Yeah, I do. But you write those yourself? Yeah. Wow. Incredible. And you're a fan of the show? Uh, yeah. They let you watch it?

My dad mostly watches it, and I join in, and sometimes. I love it. That's amazing. Tony Caruso's gonna ask you an obscure, stupid, one-ended question right now. What's the name of the energy company? We'll be right back. I'm having a party at the Laquita Inn. Room 316, Memphis, Tennessee.

Your parents can come. Do you wanna go? No, no. I do gotta say, I do gotta say, you were funny, you were funny, and you were clean. I don't think you even cursed in front of 20,000 people. Have you ever cursed ever in your life?

Multiple times, yes. Oh shit, all right. What's your favorite curse word, Finnegan Timothy O'Malley? Great question. You've never gotten a curse in an arena before. This is the moment. Oh, he's powering up.

Poop. Wait, what is it? Poop. Oh, oh he's powering up Wait, what is it? Oh Come on, don't do it. Don't build we're gonna give them one more chance. Don't build come on one more curse word This show is as live and as wild as it gets. Ten minutes ago, there was a 0% chance of you getting on, other than your name being in the bucket, probably, right? And now here you are, after crushing, and Finnegan Timothy O'Malley, the first 11-year-old in the show's history.

Do I have news for you? I am Timothy O'Malley, the first 11-year-old in the show's history. Do I have news for you? You are the newest Golden Ticket winner on Kill Tony. -♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah. Yeah. That's how it happens. Live in the moment. Oh, they're giving him a Red Bull. There we go. Get him an AR-15. You get to have a naughty, naughty Red Bull.

How exciting. And Finnegan Timothy O'Malley from Lexington, Kentucky. One last thing. You are 11, you are funny, you have enough time to write another minute before August 16th. There's a venue called Madison Square Garden and you will be performing there at the world's most famous arena at 11 years old. You ready to catch this jokebook? Here it comes. Oh! Almost had it all everybody.

Almost had it all. It's fucking fantastic. I'd love to give you a cigarette. No, no cigarette. No cigarette. How loud can this place get for Finnegan Timothy O'Malley? Finnegan, you did it. Congratulations. Welcome to the family. The 11- old. Finnegan Timothy O'Malley, you can go buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah.

Where the hell are his parents at? Come on man. You guys cool? We good? Are we good? Okay good. I have consent. Jesus Christ.

Consent to lug them around to Madison Square. Oh, the mom's crying. How adorable. Look at that. She just told the dad it's not his. I love it. She just told the dad he's not his. We have parents permission to have the 11 year old on the show and at Madison Square Garden

just for any creeps watching. She just quit her job. Yep that just happened in real time in real life and now Michael and now what's crazy is that kind of steps on the toes of something crazy that I had planned here but we're going to go through with it anyway. I had four extra golden ticket winners that were here that wanted to go on stage tonight and do a minute. So what I've decided to do before the show is have all four of them come out at the exact same time.

They're going to each do a minute, and at the end of each minute, without any interview, they're going to hand the mic to the next person they're gonna go minute minute minute minute and then at the end of those four minutes you get to decide who you like the most and they get a spot at Madison Square Garden and whoever you like the least has to take six months away from the show. Ooh, does this sound like fun? Well, make some noise for them. Here they come at once.

First, it's Rick Diaz. Ooh, next it's David Jolly. Third is Drew Nickens. And fourth is Jack Shaw. So we're going Rick, David, Drew, Jack, going first with 60 seconds. Make some noise for Rick Diaz. I'm so happy to be doing this. I have such a great track record battling other comedians on this show.

It's, uh... Anyway, anybody else depressed or what? Whoo-hoo! Yeah, I woke up this morning. I didn't mean to. Yeah, I don't suffer from sleep apnea. I suffer from awake breathing. When I was a kid, I broke a window at home and my parents were like, Rick, just stop trying to get in.

I was talking to my therapist and I was like you're not taking any notes and he was like I'm trying to forget this. A girl told me you can do whatever you want to me so I disappointed her. She was like is that a gun in your pocket or it's a gun? Thank you guys very much, you've been great. Exactly one minute by Rick Diaz. He hands the microphone to David Jolly. Make some noise for David Jolly. How y'all doing tonight, white people in Puerto Rico?

Hell yeah! We in God's country, baby, you know what I mean? Remind you of the old days, back when we could be Americans, you know? Everybody don't get offended by every fucking thing, you know what I'm saying? We're goddamn Americans. A man have a bad day at work, he come home, and he punch that bitch in the face! This is my wife. What you mean I can't hit my wife? That's crazy.

Hell, yeah, the good old days. I'm glad we didn't have social media back in the good old days, because we also didn't have this thing called child abuse. Can you imagine getting your ass whooped on your grandmama Facebook Live? That bitch got them long-ass titties swinging in the camera. Everybody in the comments like, oh, take his jaws off.

Kick him in his ass. Hell yeah. Ariel. Oh, that's my time. Thank y'all. Y'all been a bunch of fun. Drew Nickens. I was born this way. I actually was assaulted by some airmen.

I got a TBI, and I actually lost a tooth that night. And it was really scary because I had to pick myself up. So I picked myself up. I picked up that tooth, and I put that bitch right under my pillow for the two-ferry. Am I right? And it was $2 under my pillow the next day. She knew I had a head injury before I did because there was a Chris Benoit action figure

on the side of my bed with a fucking take care on a post-it note. I don't lie to no I learned how to pleasure a woman from my grandma She said if you want to make the whole squirt you got to give that whole the retarded way That's why you do the Star Trek simple you slide that thing up and then you wave like a retarded guy at a bus stop like You got to make that noise so it sound like a retarded guy at a bus stop like, HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Thank you all so much. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Shaw. Nashville! I got a girlfriend! I love her so much, guys. I do. But I'm Jewish and she's Christian. And this bitch is going to hell man.

Oh man, I love her so much dude, I do but I have to protect her now. I have someone to protect so I went to the gun range for the first time motherfuckers. Oh my god, now I want a fucking gun guys. Oh my God! Now I want a fucking gun, guys! Ha ha ha ha! It was so much fun! I get why kids bring them to school, dude. Understand, I grew up in Los Angeles, California. I grew up liberal, anti-gun. Why would anyone want a gun? No guns!

And then I picked up a gun. And I was like, Nancy Pelosi is a bitch. Ha ha ha ha! Jack Shaw. Ladies and gentlemen. Well, this is another fun experiment. Why don't you guys line up how you performed? Rick, come on, you guys step up, step up.

Rick Diaz, David, you guys would go side by side. There we go. Jack over here. They're not the smartest people, as you could tell. Okay, now I've been informed by the great director, Anthony, in the magical eye in the sky that he's been able to obtain an audio level measurement system here in house.

It's in the back of the house. There it is right there as you can see. Check, check, check, check, check one, two. So. So. So. So. So.

So. Okay. You guys were able to get it up to 106 during the test. So we're gonna do this very officially so the crybabies on the internet and anywhere else fucking see how we're doing it by science tonight. Actual science, the technology seems to be getting better as the Netflix deals start rolling in. Ladies and gentlemen, you decide who goes

to Madison Square Garden and you also decide who's taking six months away from the show. Never before has so much decision making been in the hands of an audience and who better than Nashville, Tennessee to decide. With that said, here we go. How many of you, and try to not go twice, that would be my recommendation,

pick it in your head now and make noise for that person when I say that person's name, or else you're gonna fuck it up. How many of you have Rick Diaz winning this tonight? That got up to what 103 103.7 was his maximum how many of you have David Jolly winning this 113 point what is it Anthony? 113.9. All right how many of you Drew Nickens winning this. Oh boy. 94.8, Drew.

Drew, don't wear this sadness on your face like that, Jesus. This is a very tough art form, Drew. You're in a battle against great comedians. You're doing just fine, Drew. How many of you have Jack Shaw winning this tonight? One fourteen point three. Oh my god. By four tenths of a point, Jack Shaw pulls it off. This ended up a little more depressing than I thought it would be. Drew, we love you. Everything's okay. What do you want? You want some fucking... Step up to the mic, Drew. How do you... Are you okay?

It is what it is, Tony. Everyone loves you, Drew. You've been doing it less time than these three guys. Don't take it so hard on yourself. You have to understand that being part of a competition like this is much better than not being part of a competition like this. You're in the game, Drew. Yes sir, thank you for the opportunity, Mr. Tony. Thank you guys, Nashville. Drew Nickens. And based on fucking goddamn son of a bitch in principle just because it was within point three, let's get David Jolly up to at MSG. Why not? There they go. Give it up for the boys. Jack Shaw's going to Madison Square Garden. David Jolly to Madison Square Garden.

Barely beating... Boy, that was really close. He had one at 3.7. Sucks for everybody, kind of. Hey, it's fun that I take chances. It's fun that we have fun. One more time for the boys there. That's different.

Little measurement system. And how much fun have we had tonight? Jeez Louise. I mean, there's just no show like this. I hope you know that we're making history. every time we do one of these fucking arenas. Musicians know the set list they're gonna play. Stand-ups know what they're going to do, you know, when they come up here to do an hour-long set but only on Killtoni are we pulling names out of a bucket and having fun, and you know, I think that there's only one way to end a night like this.

I present to you, some people call him the Memphis Strangler. Some people call him the vanilla gorilla. From Memphis, Tennessee, I present to you the big red machine. Red Machine. Ladies and gentlemen, here in his home state, the record holder for appearances and interviews, this is William Montgomery! I'm so proud of you, you're so good, you're so good I'm so proud of you, you're so good I'm so proud of you, you're so good I'm so proud of you, you're so good Rocky Top, you'll always be

Oh, sweet ultimate. Good old Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee. Good old Rocky Top, Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me. Go on all Rocky Top. Rocky Top, you'll always be a sweet home to me. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top did us in. Rocky Top, you'll always be, oh sweet home to me. Good old Rocky Top.

Rocky Top, you'll always be, as went out to be. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top, did I see. Is Jeffrey Goldberg, the journalist who just published a story about the Trump administration texting him war plans, the biggest snitch of all time? If the Trump team texted me war plans, my ass ain't writing a damn article. I'm going to be sending gifts back like Rocky and Apollo Creed shaking hands, saying shit like, let's roll, Patriots! And sending selfies of me wearing camouflage in my bedroom. Red Band's mom is such a bad slut, she couldn't blow a breathalyzer.

And she's an old one too. Amy Schumer has had such terrible side effects from the weight loss drug Ozempic that she says she's gonna lose weight naturally. Step one, she said, is to reduce her ice cream sandwich intake from five to three a day The mayor of Minot, North Dakota got busted for sending a masturbation video to a city employee And I'm just over here trying to figure out how in the hell did the mayor of Minot, North Dakota

Get his hands on a red band video the mayor of Minot, North Dakota, get his hands on a Redman video. Redman does these nasty solo male fucking jacking off shit. Okay, that's my time, Tony. Thank you so much. William lights out. Montgomery has done it again. The man who's done it more than anyone.

More sets sets more interviews more verses of Rocky Top Tennessee or whatever Rocky Top you'll always be Hopefully not to be Good ol' Rocky Top Rocky Top Dirt Ocean! Man, you know how to get this crowd into a tizzy. This is incredible. About to have a motherfucking stroke up here right now, Tony!

I love that. I'm lightheaded, Tony! We love that, William. We love that about you. You give it all, a lot of energy. A lot of people have said, we expect William to die on this show. We love that about you. You give it all, a lot of energy. A lot of people have said,

we expect William to die on that stage. He gives us all something. I hope not too many people are saying that. That's it. But no, Tony, I'm so sorry. I actually ended up going out with Kid Rock after the show last night. We went to the beautiful Vanderbilt University campus and literally kidnapped four women at Vanderbilt. Kid Rock and I so I was

having a good time last night. Don't ask it. Wow. There's blood everywhere. Don't ask. Wow. Absolutely incredible. Kid Rock is kind of a racist.! That's the major thing I learned last night, but he's really nice. No. I love his Bob with the boss on. He's not racist. He has black family members. He has a half-black granddaughter. He has a black lesbian drummer. I know this because he mentions it every five minutes when you're hanging out right after he says the n-word. I'm kidding. I'm joking. William, I don't know if you noticed it, but there's a lady holding up a sign over here. Do you see that sign that she held up? I'll show my tits for a big joke book.

Show my tits for a big joke book. William, what do you think we should do with this lady, huh? I think she's kind of really ugly, Tony. Oh my God. I'm not trying to see your titties tonight, Tony! Holy shit, bitch! Get back in the cave! You want to see those rocky tops? Hell no! I kinda do.

Let's see what we got here. Anthony, you got that shot? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! The kid! The kid!

Oh no, there's an 11-year-old. Oh no! I forgot, there's 11 11 year old no, I forgot there's 11 year old can't be his first titties oh No, oh no, that's how gays are made oh He's got his hat over his face get a shot at that over there They're not always tucked in their pants turn hard left camera guy there you go right there get a shot at that over there. They're not always tucked in their pants. Turn hard left, camera guy. There you go, right there, get a shot of that. Anthony, fucking show them what's going on there, please, for the love of God, there you go. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Like he's heading to Epstein's Island. I'm getting word that we have a slow motion replay available of those rocky tops that we saw a second ago. Let's see a slow motion replay only in Nashville. Only on Gilded Stone Arena. Oh my God. What is this show? Oh, there's people.

This is the most ridiculous show of all time. I'd like to apologize to the Bridgestone Arena and the city of Nashville, Tennessee. Sweetheart, I would love to invite you to my party at the La Quinta Inn. Wow! Room 316, Memphis, Tennessee. Finnegan's going, Williams going. Dreams are coming true here tonight. We got to see that lady's sweet, sweet rotisserie chicken. What were those metal things in your nipples?

I think... Nipples? Yeah. Those things were... Those were some beefy tits, my friend. My goodness. You know that she's from Tennessee because those look like the tits of a volunteer for sure wait Tony what the fuck is that supposed to mean

man someone who like volunteers at a soup kitchen or something like that kind of not the actual college but someone that would volunteer for something someone that wouldn't get paid to do something. That's what I meant. Like an actual volunteer. Those were some huge tits though. Any lady want to show their small tits for a small joke book? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Shut up. William, how do you feel? Feeling good Tony. Feeling really good. You're back in your home state of Tennessee. Is there anything you want to say to these people before we get you out of here? I just want to say it really is a pleasure. I was born in Tennessee. I will die in Tennessee.

And don't shake your head like a fucking idiot, okay? That's what I can say. Did you see him play the West Hollywood Bear during an 11-year year old destroying, having the moment of his life earlier? Did you see Red Band do that? Yeah. I know.

You're not even going to make a joke about it? You're just going to say, I know? That's like the meanest thing you could have done, right? I know. I mean, it was funny. I thought it was funny. I was laughing over there. Very good.

Oh, Red Band. You gave him a lot of confidence there. That's very nice of you, William. William, I noticed that you always That you always love Tennessee. I've seen you live in California. I've seen you live in Texas. Do you think you'll ever just be over Tennessee? You think you'll just be done loving it? Tony, that's so weird. I don't think I'm ever gonna be over Tennessee!

Hey, hey, hey! William lights out Montgomery! The big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, the Manila Gorilla indeed has done it again. Guys, how about a hand for the one and only motherfucking, one of the best in the world, Matt Reif. How fucking awesome. What an honor to have him.

He's on the stay golden tour. It is MattRyfeOfficial.com but you guys probably have tickets. You guys are the best comedy fans in the world. If he's coming to your town, fucking get him. Every show is different and fun. That's guaranteed with him. Master improviser, master stand-up. Anything else, Matt? No, I fucking love Nashville. Thank you so much for having me. Get on safe. Love you. God bless. Tony Caruso is having a party tonight at the La Quinta Inn, but it says here that he's promoting the tours of Adam Ray and Dr. Phil. They are both on tour. That would be Kiltoni Hall of Famers, Kiltoni Guest of the Year. You look suspiciously like those guys. The party starts in about 15 minutes so get there early. Finnegan bring your parents we got tons of Zima. The entire band and the musicians all of them are playing at Brooklyn Bowl tonight. If you guys are looking for something to do,

they're gonna be absolutely crushing at a venue called Brooklyn Bowl. Guys, how loud can this place get for one of the best musicians in the world? Marcus King was with us all night. The lovely Ellie King. One more time for truly one of the all-time goats, Wynonna Judd's performance earlier.

Her and the great Cactus Moser was on the drums. Unbelievable. Get tickets at adamraycomedy.com for everything, Dr. Phil, Adam Ray, Tony Caruso, Matt Rife official for everything, Matt Rife. We are on Netflix, April 7th. That's at 2 a.m. tomorrow night believe it or not. 2 a.m. 3 a.m. East Coast time so 3 a.m. 2 a.m.

You guys three hours behind LA or two? Great. Oh, it's midnight every time zone. So midnight, tomorrow night on Netflix, our Netflix debut of Phil Tony. How exciting is that, huh? One more time for all the comedians. Thank you to the comedians that signed up. Oh, look, there's a cool clown over there. Look at that fucking guy. Goddamn, that would have been cool.

Red band? Love you guys, sorry, kid. We absolutely love Nashville, Tennessee. God bless Nashville and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. We love you. Good night, America. Thank you, we love you. Good night everybody, thank you so much. I'm gonna go for the I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back

I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the one to call you back I'm gonna be the good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy

I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy

I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a good boy I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man

I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man I'm Carlos and I'm the host of JumperJump Podcast. Prime Day is coming from July 8th through 11th. It's four whole days of epic deals on Amazon. Have you ever had your eye on something for a while? Maybe some new noise cancelling headphones, an amazing new camera, or that one tech gadget

that you've low-key been stocking for months? Well get ready because Prime Day is coming. Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and shop great deals this Prime Day, July 8th through 11th. Trust me, you do not want to miss this. Hey everyone, I'm Carlos, and I'm the host of JumperJump Podcast. Prime Day is coming from July 8th through 11th. It's four whole days of epic deals on Amazon.

Have you ever had your eye on something for a while? Maybe some new noise canceling headphones, an amazing new camera, or that one tech gadget that you've low key been stocking for months? Well, get ready because Prime Day is coming. Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and shop great deals this Prime Day, July 8th through 11th.

Trust me, you do not want to miss this.