KILL TONY - #745 - JAMES MCCANN + JEFF DYE

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

James McCann, Jeff Dye, Dedrick Flynn, Ari Matti, William Montgomery, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 11/10/2025 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for Everything, the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquod.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever, shopquod. TV. And now here's a brand new episode of Killedon. Tony. Hey, this is Redmond.

Come to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony. It's Glenn! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yeah! Oh my god, how about one more time for the best damn band in all the land? Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nacho's

Belgrante, auevos ranchero, C, signor. The great Matt mulling on the electric guitar, John D's on the keys, and that is, live in the flesh, the one and only, D-Madness, ladies and gentlemen. This episode is brought to you by Talkspace, ZipRecruiter, and Toccovas. Ladies

and gentlemen, what an episode we have for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. Steep. flip or that and enjoy via rail love the way the sunset strip comedy club in austin tex is now

over check out red band's secret show every thursday go to sunset strip atx dot com for tickets Every single week, I have two of the funniest comedians in the world on the show. This week, absolutely no different. In fact, it's amped up. Two of my favorite comedians in the world right now. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for tonight's guests. It's the return of James McCann and Jeff Die. Oh, yeah.

James McCann, one of the best guests in the history of this show. Same with Jeff. Motherfucking Die is back. James McCann's new special Black Israelite out everywhere. It's got a new poetry book. The disquieting loads of eggs. Disquieting levels of eggs. Levels of Ed.

A new book of poems by James Donald Forbes McCann, the number one best-selling book of poems by an Australian now. Out right now, disquieting levels of egg. Tony, people love these poems. He has poems. We are replacing Huckleberry Finn in American school syllabacies because there were too many N-words in Huck Finn. There were 52 N-words.

My book of poems, 38 N-words. We got it down as a gift for the people of this country. It's perfect. Jeff Dye. Jeff Dye loves it. Jeff Dye has the new Diehard podcast. He's on tour all the time at jeffdye.com. Yeah, we're in it.

You guys have both been here before. How you doing? How do you feel? Happy to be here. Good job with Yonardard. A cappella, boys. Yeah. First time I've ever seen the band nervous.

Yeah, they travel light, those a cappella guys. Yeah, we're always sizing up the other comedians. Like, ah, fuck. But it's the first time the band was on their toes. Like, who the fuck are these guys? Yeah, they were. Deep Madness was looking down for the first time. Yeah, so we're going to have a lot of fun.

You guys have both done the show before. You know how it works. over 300 innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to be on tonight's show. If I pull one of their names out of this bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up, and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then,

or else they bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bear. Very exciting. I'm gonna let this soon-to-be deported illegal immigrant pick the first name out of the bucket here tonight. Very, so right off the top. Very nice. Oh, he double-checked it, and it is on. While we go wrangle that comedian, to start tonight's show,

I have one of our esteemed golden ticket winners has just arrived on a plane to come to this show for this spot. You know him as a man from Toronto, Canada, who's very Asian, who famously sits around eating ramen noodles all day while his girlfriend is a waitress at the ramen place. This is the long-awaited return of Consum. Thank you. Thank you.

Did you guys know that most of the fentanyl was manufactured in Japan? I was surprised at the beginning but it kind of makes sense that they were making it in Japan because police in Japan would never realize if Japanese people are high on fentanyl, or just being really, really respectful. Speaking of fentanyl, any Chinese people in this crowd? If there is, as a Japanese person, sorry for everything. I think Japan did terrible things to China back in World War II. So I think, in my opinion, as a Japanese person, I think Japan deserved the first bomb.

But second one, it's too much. So I never understood the second one, never did. Until just recently I figured out, I was using a microwave. I put my food out and my food wasn't piping hot enough. I was like, find this hot pocket not surrendering. So I had to nuke it again. Thank you. Kansai Yasuda.

Welcome back, Kansai. A fantastic set to get things started tonight. I appreciate it. Thank you. We've missed you. What's been going on in life, Kansai? What have you been up to since the last time we saw you? It's been amazing, but I just have one concern.

Yes, what is your concern? Instead of people in Reddit think I have a fake accent. Oh, really? And it's... And it's... It's true. I speak really good English. You do? Can I try?

Yeah, let's hear some of the really good English from Kansai Yasuda, who's very Asian and eats ramen all day. Hi! My name is Kansai, and I speak really, really good English. My favorite color is blue, red, and white. Thank you. Thank you.

It's pretty good. I mean, color. You said color in the middle of all that. I don't know if anybody else noticed that. If I said my favorite color, you'd be like, wow, Tony got Asian, it's fuck in the middle of that. It's perfect, Tony. I'm sorry, for lying. It was almost perfect.

The color. My favorite color. My favorite color. My favorite color. My favorite color. Watch, watch me say it. Ready? My favorite color.

My favorite color. Somehow, more Asian than all the times before that. My favorite color. My favorite. You were so focused on the color that you forgot about favorite. Watch me one more time. My favorite color. My favorite...

It's getting more Asian, ladies and gentlemen. This is unprecedented what's happening here. We've never seen anything like it. He's getting more Asian while trying to sound less Asian. It is happening in front of our eyes. My favorite color is blue. What are these extra beats? It's like you're skipping like a CD.

It's like... My favorite color. Watch me one more time. My favorite color. My favorite color. It's literally like subtitles. Damn it. My favorite color.

My favorite color is pretty wild. It's hard. Who thinks you are faking this Asian accent? I don't know. Other Asian people, maybe. Other Asian people think you're faking your Asian accent. I don't know.

Maybe people in Reddit. Oh. Reddit. Wow. Reddit. Reddit. Very, you say that well. Reddit.

Okay, very good. That's enough shout-outs for Reddit. There's a liberal psychopaths you're giving way too much attention to. So, Kansai, tell us about your actual life. What's new? What's different since the last time we saw you? Different. When you're thinking we can hear a specific noise.

When you go like that and you try to think of something. Long time ago. I was eating ramen alone in my den. And I met my girlfriend. All right. What's been going on? What's going on? I finished a tour.

I finished a tour. A tour? Yeah. Wait, how did you say it? A tour. Oh, very good. A tour, yeah. A tour.

Yeah. And yeah, I went back to my high school. Oh. Yeah. I went to high school in Philly. Oh. Philly role. Philadelphia, yeah.

The home of the Philly role? Yeah. The Philadelphia role. Yeah. What are your thoughts on a Philadelphia? a roll sushi with cream cheese and salmon. That's not sushi. It's a different type of sushi.

It's American sushi, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a sushi burger, like, yeah. Yeah. It's different, yeah. But I like it. I fuck with it. I fuck with it, Doc. Okay.

Okay. So tell us about going back to your high school in Philly. What was that like? It was, Philly was not, I mean, it was my, I met my dean, counselor. He didn't remember me. You were probably on the honor roll there, right? Is that your favorite sushi in Philly?

I will have a number three, the honor roll. I got, I have to transfer that school because I got beat up. Whoa, Asian hate? No. My dad made me up. Oh, perfect. That makes sense. What did he beat you up for?

Getting a B? No, because I was hugging out with a bunch of black people in Philly. Oh, wow. My goodness. My dad didn't like it. If they don't beat you up, dad will. Dad will, yeah. So how did your dad find out you were hanging out with the blacks?

Or as you call it, the bracks? The black. Black. My, I was Skyping with my dad. Skype, you guys remember, a Skype? Skype was a thing when you were in high school? Yeah, I was... How old are you?

I'm 29. Okay. Yeah. Skype was the best thing ever. Wow, you guys must have had it first. Did you make it yourself? I don't know, maybe. I created the Skype so that I can do my phone.

It's hot in Japan, though. It's hard in Japan, though, if you Skype the wrong person because it can take like two or three minutes to figure out that you're talking to someone you don't know. But I want that. Is there pressure on you now that, you know, Japanese people are considered to be the best at baseball now? That's huge.

Sorry, what? Basebore. You're really good at baseball. You've dominated baseball. Like America got you with the nuclear weapons, but you're coming back with the World Series. Yeah, the nuclear energy seems to have created a lot of hit baseball players with extreme powers. They can pitch, they can hit, they can do everything.

They're winning championships. We're seeing the, the, uh, the, uh, fucking, yes, the evolution of the Japanese baseball player. You guys used to be very small. We hit you with nuclear bombs. Now you're huge in hitting home runs. Thank you so much. Yeah. That is what we do.

I did. I appreciate. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I noticed in your set, you know, I've watched a lot of World War II documentaries, but I didn't know a lot about Japan attacking China in that. That's a big part of it.

Yeah, it's like a big... I skip over that. That's the boring part. The Asian side of World War II, I'm like, who gives a fuck? It's like... It's like soccer to me. I'm like, I don't really care. I'll watch actual football.

Let me see those Germans versus the fucking English over here. over here, you know what I mean? I shoot a lot. What did the Japanese do to the Chinese? I'm sure our local historian, James McKayn. It was a lot of lipes. There was a lot of liping. What the fuck are you saying?

How do you have the thickest accent up here all of a sudden? What are you saying? There are a lot of libe. What is that? Liping? What the fuck? We were liping older women. Got it.

Yes. A lot of leaping. It was really, the Koreans are very upset about... Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. My dad is also... He's also upset about it.

Yeah, he's Korean. Oh. Yeah, so it's like the... Oh. Yeah. But my mom is Japanese. Oh, okay. If it's the other way around, people aren't too happy about that.

Yeah. But I was like, yeah. That's an unlikely pairing. Yeah. Yeah. How do that happen? Yeah. My dad didn't tell my mom that he was Korean.

Oh. Seriously? Yeah. And they got my... When I was in Japan, I was always like, I thought racism was just like white guys. And then I was like, I don't know why everyone thinks racism is exclusive to white guys. And there are, like, a person that was with us.

She was like, that's true. We hate the Koreans. And I was like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So like the fact that your parents did that, that's honorable. It's a, yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's good to see.

Thank you so much. So, are you the only... Are you the only child out of this Korean-Japanese bim-and-bop family? Yeah. Yeah, just me, just me. Wow, you're an only child. Yeah, and they helped me late, too. They were, like, 38 years old when they had...

How old? 38 years old. Oh, I thought you said 78. That's what I thought it said. God, that accent is juicy tonight, Kanda. They were a 78th when they heard of me, I hear. Chef die. Wait, so your dad's Korean, your mom's Japanese,

you flew in from Canada, you're wearing the Canadian bullshit there. Yeah. You said you went to school in Philly? What the fuck's going on with you, dude? Yeah. It's very confusing. So my dad was born in Japan, but he's like kind of Korean. Yeah.

I don't know whether to call ice or rice right now. This is absolutely incredible. We're cracking a case right now. Then I was born in. in Japan as a baby and then a little baby bulgogi a little baby bob as a baby progogi and then after that I went to I was really doing really bad in school you were doing biddy bob yeah I was no what very bad very very very I was doing very bad I was very bad in school and then and I went to

And my parents sent me to school in Philly. It's like your life is the opposite of Tokyo Drift. Yeah. Like the Japanese people sent you over to America to learn how to drive in a straight life. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

Also, how is school better in Philly than it is in... It was like a detention school. Yeah. They're better at punishing you. Yeah. There's a lot of luck. And then... Then your dad was like, wait a minute.

there's black guys here? I didn't know that. Let's go to Canada. Yeah. Yeah. Where can we go where there are Noah Brax? Canada looking very. All right. Are you close with your family or is it like a normal Asian thing? Like, do you love your mom or everything? Do you love your mom? There you go. All right. I love it. Very good. I have a red band trying to shoehorn a love you long time. audio joke. And you want to hit it again nice and clean? There you go, Red Band.

I was wondering, because that was the worst question I've ever heard. Does your mom love you loving your family? Does your mom love you a little bit or perhaps? Very good.

All right, yes. Welcome to the lowest point in kill Tony history, ladies and gentlemen. Kansai, this interview has gone on so long. You're so entertaining. Oh, yes, go ahead.

I have a... One more. Before I go. Yeah, before you go. I have a gift for you. Oh. I brought a ramen. Where are you reaching for this gift?

You're pulling it out like a samurai sword. Hold on. Oh, my God. What is going on? Is it up your ass, Kansai? Wow. You had it taped to your back. Yeah, how did you have it on there?

What an amazing reveal. I can't wait to eat out of this bowl. Wow, it's a real Shinman Tundau, Ryuku Shinman Tandau from Toronto. We've read the Yelp reviews. You made the place famous. Is it still packed all the time? Packed. Wow.

Because of Kill Tony. And your girlfriend's making a lot of money, right? Yes. Wow. What's that? One of her black dildos? What do you got there? It's rumming.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, it's actual ramen? You brought ramen from Toronto? Oh, that is... This was a crazy idea. It is hot. Oh, my God.

Eight ounces of ramen for you. Steaming hot. Wow. Kansai. That is amazing. Is that real Ryokush Tondu Shindman? Yeah. Wow.

Oh, my God. Oh, you have the toppings and everything. Wow. This is incredible. When was this made exactly? Two hours ago. Okay, but you made it? It was frozen. It was frozen. Really? Yeah. But I put it inside and it got really... Yeah, that's a real thermos. That'll hold it pretty long.

Yeah, it seems like it's really hot. You know what, why don't you... I see what you're doing. Why don't you take it to the back and I'll eat it afterwards and I'll totally enjoy it. I'm glad I didn't ask. I saw a bump on your back. when you did the bowing thing. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know, maybe he's got fucking scoliosis or something.

Yeah. And I'm so glad I didn't ask. That would have ruined everything. Tony, it would be very dishonorable if you not to eat this. Let me have a bite of the fucking ramen. Get it over here. Jesus Christ. God.

17 fucking minute long interview over here. His accent's so thick. He's the most fun person to talk to. There's no... Okay. It's scorching hot, by the way. I mean, this is literally... I've never seen anything quite this hot before.

Big noodles, thick noodles. Looks nothing like ramen. If I get food poisoning from this, I swear to God, I'm gonna be very mad. Chopstick. All right, this is... Misaki-saki. Yeah!

Yeah! This is for Redburn. Oh, extra noodle. Yeah, just noodle. You need diet. It'd be very dishonorable if you didn't eat that, Red Band. You guys all want to bite? There we go. We have a starving cast here.

I don't know what happened. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It is so good. One more time, plug it right down the barrel there. Where's the red light over there? Say the name of the restaurant. Okay, for the last night.

Ryuku Shimon Tondo Ramen. Very good. That is Kansai Yasuda. Thank you. representing Canada, Japan, Korea, Philly, and Austin, Texas. How about one more time for the great Kansai Yasuda? There he goes, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, Kansai. All right, to the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen. You guys probably know how this works, but we get people the opportunity of a lifetime. We're probably the only show in the world in which anybody that signs up can get on the show. And here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your first human being doing a minute of uninterrupted comedy.

Out of the bucket. We're going to meet them all together. It goes by the name of Tarek Morales, everybody. Here we go. Tarek Morales. Hello. What's up, guys? I talked to my mom recently, and she said I should try being more black.

And no matter what I do, it looks like I drive a Prius with a Hellcat sticker on it. People see me come and they're like, oh yeah, this guy knows both of his dad's. Uh... I do, I do know my dad. When I grew up with him, he would always give me fatherly advice. He would always tell me, uh, never fuck a bitch with your whole dick. Only give her half the dick or the bitch gonna go crazy.

I had to be like, hey, dad, I'm 12. Also, are you talking about my mom, motherfucker? What you mean half the dick? That's my mom, bro. Give her the whole dick, right? I don't know. All right, thank you.

Morales. Very fun. Very good. Great stuff. Nice to meet you. How long you've been doing stand-up? It's actually like a year this month. Where at? All here in Austin? Boise, Idaho. Boise, Idaho. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Are you the closest thing to a black guy that they have there? This is it. We hit it, dude. This is as black as it goes. Wow. And are you mixed? Yeah, I'm half black, half Puerto Rican. Okay. All right. Yeah, clap it up. Yeah. And the Idaho, and the Idaho means you're somehow half white, too. It's very exciting. Yeah, it's a Malcolm X and Malcolm in the middle situation.

Yes, Malcolm X in the middle, one would say. Yeah, exactly. That's how you should say that from now on. Thank you. So let me ask you, Tarika. Your dad is black, mom's Puerto Rican? Mom's black. Dad's Puerto Rican, but I grew up with my stepfather.

He's black as black. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. When you say black as hell, can you give us an example of exactly what you mean? Uh, yeah, sure. He like, uh... A little bit of that, not too much of that.

Uh, he would take, like, massive shits when I was a kid. Oh, okay. And he would chain smoke Newports at the same time. Ah, it was... It could have been any race until you hit the Newports there. Yeah, and then he'd make me stand there so he had someone to talk to. Oh, this is pre-cell phone? This is pre-cell phone.

Wow. It's like a fucked-up way of getting Pavloved into liking the smell of shit and cigarettes. Wow. Yeah. Incredible. That's him, yeah. Okay. And what do you think the blackest thing about you is?

Really impressed by close-up magic? Yeah. That's it. That's good. Amazing answer. That is correct. It completely checks out. If you had to guess what the whitest thing about you is,

even though you're not really white, the Idaho really has you speaking perfect English. Oh, fuck. I know, like, almost all the lyrics to Mr. Brightside, that's... Wow. That's amazing. That's amazing. That checks out.

That's white. And if you had to guess what the most Puerto Rican thing about you is, what would that be? I also can't vote. Yeah, there... Oh, okay. Puerto Ricans can't vote. Okay, I thought you were going to say.

say you don't recycle. They have a recycling problem there. Got me in trouble a year ago. Turns out I was one of the only people that knew about it. Anyway, James McCann. Thankfully, there was a don't vote solution for you as well.

There was a what? Well, they don't vote. That was also good. Don't vote. I was being silly. I'll do some close-up magic to make up for it. Yeah, let's do it. What do you got?

Whoa. That's his cell phone. How'd you get his phone? Wow. Put the microphone all the way down his throat there. Tarek, what do you do for work? I used to work at Omni. I was up there doing Omni shit,

and then now I work from home. The hotel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you doing at the hotel? Front desk guy, horrible. I was doing so bad, and I had to get a new job. Can you give us an example of the worst thing you ever did at that job? Apart from, like, not doing it.

I don't know. I saw... There was an old white man who gave his grandson to like a Mexican lady that worked at the daycare and then he just forgot and so he comes to the front desk and he's like there's been an abduction

there's been an abduction I'm like just because she's Mexican you know easy and yeah we had to like show him the video of him passing his grandson off to the lady and it was like that was the craziest thing I don't know

wow did that remind you of what your father did to you back in the day passed me off to my mother and yeah what happened to the original Puerto Rican father oh man he was a drunk guy in the military and he got kicked out eventually.

You don't communicate with them at all anymore? Not much, no. I haven't talked to him in years. Okay. Why is that? You just don't... I don't know. I just feel like I don't really need a dad right now, you know? That's true. You know, you kind of miss the window on the dad part. Uh-huh. So, yeah. And I need a daddy alcohol, I'm for sure.

Okay. But you consider your stepdad, your actual dad. Yeah, yeah. And if you had to guess what age you were, the last time he made you stay in the the bathroom while he shits and smokes new ports what are we talking about was this like last christmas or something 17 yeah wow yeah oh my god that is incredible yeah yeah yeah that's amazing anything anything anything else we should know about you what do you have any special skills or talents or anything i don't know i've been getting into gongs lately dude i've got a i just bought a gong a gong a gong like a asian instrument yeah 28 inch vietnamese gong yeah wow

So stoked about it. We should have started with that. All this dad talk, it's way more interesting that you're into gongs now. I'm into gongs now. Yeah, they're badass. One of the oldest instruments, yeah, I keep it on me. It's in my car right now. It's great.

I fucking love that thing. What do you do with the gong? Exactly. Hit it. Yeah. You just? Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it's sweet.

It's got two dragons on it. It's, yeah. Wow. Okay. It's incredible. We have black Puerto Ricans playing the gong, and we have Japanese-Korean's in Philly. Something's really backwards about the beginning of this episode.

James McCann. As his red band had so many gong sound effects ready to go with the Asian fella. And with you, I see him over there scrambling trying to get the gong. He does. He is an entire set of gongs. You wouldn't believe it. Yeah, okay. Well, you better not hit too many of those gongs,

or red band's going to think it's time for d'clock. I'm sorry. Tariq, I love your style. Sign up again. How long you in town for? I live here now. Congratulations. Welcome to Austin, Texas.

Tariq Morales has made his kiltony debut. There's a big joke book. All right, let's keep it moving along. A little update, a little fun back for you. Oh my goodness. Yeah. The great Heidi. is here, ladies and gentlemen,

Heidiregina.com to catch the new podcast, Love on the Line. She is hot. She's hot, everybody. A little update for you. My stomach is already oddly rumbling from the single bite of ramen that I had. I may have

something to keep an eye on as the show goes on. It's only been five minutes. Perhaps a bite of frozen Toronto ramen wasn't the best idea. It's been taped to somebody's pack. Anyway, let's keep it moving along here. Your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Diego Delgadoio,

ladies and gentlemen. What's up, guys? You guys look confused. You heard my name. You're like, oh, the kitchen staff can put their name in the bucket. I don't know that. I don't know, man. I'm trying to figure things out, learning a lot.

I just found out that if you ask enough questions into Uber, you get a free Quran. I know, dude. I'm up to three Qurans this week. I started making a game to see how many questions it takes until I get a Quran. Turns out you don't even need to ask that many

questions. The other day I walked in an Uber just stressed out enough. I sat down and I just went, he turned around. He's like, my brother, what's wrong? I don't know, man. All these people eating pork and shit.

It's really stressing me out. He handed me one off principle. Oh, man, going through some things with my family. I got a cousin that does OnlyFans. Which, honestly, I found out when I was proud of her. I was like, good for you, cousin, do what you need to, make money, I get it. Then I found out she was charging me full price. What's up with that, because?

You don't have no discounts, no promo codes. It's cool, though. We worked it out. She sent me to a different website. It's called OnlyFriends and Family. That was for us. Diego del Guadillo. Am I saying that right?

Diego del Guadio? What a cool name. What ethnicity are you? I'm Mexican and Colombian. Oh, wow. Okay. Welcome, Diego. How long have you been on stand-up?

Like four years. Where out? San Diego and then New York. Okay, you live in New York now? No. I mean, okay, I've been living here for like three months, but I've been living with my girlfriend. She's kind of kicking me out.

Ooh. No, it's not like that. She's just like, you don't, you need a job. But you don't want to get a job, do you? My, I don't, my, I need one. It's bad. When's the last time you had a job? August 28th.

What happened on that date? That shall live in infamy by the way you responded. I mean, that is an exact date. I, uh, I moved here. I mean, I flew here. I took a flight here. Okay, what job did you have, Before? I was a barista. In New York? Yeah. Okay. How long were you a barista for? A year. Okay. What did you do before that? Anything? I was a news producer. I produced local news in San Diego. Oh, wow. What did you learn from that job? Let people know how the news works. I was 19 years old telling like the whole county what was up. I shouldn't have been doing that. I was lying sometimes. My boss would be like, you sure this happened? Be like, yeah, you're good.

You could just run it. They had me translating shit. I don't speak Spanish. I speak Spanish, but not enough to be, like, translating for the news to be, like, broadcast. How old are you, Diego Delgadoio? I'm 22. 22 years old. Look at you.

And how long are you doing stand up? Four years? Yeah. So you started at 18. Yeah, like graduating high school. Incredible. And when did you move to New York to do that? Last August 28th.

You move every August 28th? We'll see how it goes. It's looking like November 1st, or December 1st right now for here. We'll see. Why? What's going on here? Not working out? It's not not working out, but like, you know, new city. My girlfriend's getting tired of me. But your girlfriend's in New York?

No, she's here. She lives in Austin. She came with you. She lived here. She lived here. That's why I came here. Okay. What does she do? She works in commercial production. And she wants you to get a job. How long? How long have you been here again?

Like three months. Three months. And have you paid any rent or anything? No. Which is like, it's a good thing, right? We got a good thing going. Sounds like you... It's kind of gone.

James McCann. You're going to want to be careful next August 28. Because you've gone from presenting the news on television to making coffee for people to... I was making more money. Next to homelessness. Well, still, There's pride and dignity in both of those things, I'm sure.

But, I mean, what happens next August 28? You just head down to the bridge and get to work. I'm going blue collar. Next year, blue collar 2026. Who's in? What does that mean to you exactly? Something where I'm working. What do you got?

Blue collar, you guys got like hammers and shit? Are you doing crowd work right now? Are you like asking humans in the audience? For a job? Yeah, actually, if anyone is hiring, anybody here. You know, you want to go down to Home Depot because there's less people there now,

so you will stand out. This is a good call. Have you tried to coffee shop? I don't feel good about it. Honestly, I brought resumes. They made me leave them at the door. They were like, you can't bring them in. You brought resumes here?

Not really. You got to hide it under your shirt with a bunch of fucking noodles and shit. Yeah. So what is your girlfriend said to you exactly? Like, it's pretty consistent. Every Friday, she's like, so? You got a job yet?

Are you banging her? You going down on her? You pleasing her? Yeah. Are you sure? No. He says no. So I'm giving, like, the worst performances ever.

Yeah? Like, it's pretty laughable. Tell us about it. Describe it to us. I'm like, I'm thinking, like, okay, let's get her off. Then she'll leave me alone about the rent situation. Uh-huh. What do you do?

And I'm fucking, I'm thinking, I thought I was good at, like, fingering. I'm not. Show us. Show a person on an iPhone, just fucking general movements. That's how you do it? With your palm? No, no, no. These fingers.

Show us exactly how you do it. No, come here. No, come here. I just want to talk. Oh, she's across the room from you still. You got to get her over there. That's usually how it starts. Baby!

Youhoo! Come here. Okay. All right. Now, let's say she's there. Then what do you do? I just want to talk. I just want to talk.

No, it's fine. Oh, yeah. I see why she wants you out. Yeah. This is crazy. I just want to talk, baby. Wow, Diego Del Gadillo. This is incredible.

I thought Latino men were known for being romantic lovemakers. No, we're known for lying. Oh, okay. Are you kidding me? Come on, even I am offended by that. Show him on you. Have the Hispanic community not suffered enough without you coming out here

and calling their fingering into disrepute? Yeah, we're suffering because we lie. It's because we lie. Why don't you lie and tell her you've got a job, then maybe she'll come? Bring her a W-2, baby. Look what I got. Well, Diego, hopefully you finger it out real soon.

Here is a medium-sized joke book. Welcome to Austin, Diego. We'll see you around soon. On to the next one we go. Diego Delgado. It'll be interesting to get an update from him next time he signs up. Because I don't think the girl's going to go for that much longer.

I don't think he's, you know. All right, we'll see. This is a one-word name coming up. This should be interesting. Make some noise for Frank, everybody. Frank is next on Kiltoni. So I've recently been on the internet dating and it's been an African-American female that I've been hanging out with

and she's about as Caucasian as they come. And so I introduce her to my family just straight down the middle. uh until about i don't know five days ago uh we're making love and she she she said oh and it was the first it was the first time at that moment i realized that there was something deep inside that had not been released yet um but you've woken up a monster since last time because you motherfuckers on reddit are unbelievable the death threats and shit that you gave me, priceless.

Worst bucket pool, you've woken up a monster. You have no idea. I wasn't even entertaining comedy until now. This is for you, motherfuckers. Frank,

no one even remembers you. I begged a difference. No one remembered. We didn't even remember you. You had another chance. I don't even know what happened last time you were on.

And you're out here, like, some kind of gangster rapper. Like, y'all motherfuckers thought you could hold me back. But, like, you're, like, a gangster rapper that didn't rhyme or didn't have a beat or anything. Because you didn't really do any jokes this time. Like, you had us. You had us at the, ooh. We were waiting for a joke. You fucking, you had, like, a left jab that was set up.

And then, nothing. And then you're like, and by the way, do you motherfuckers on Reddit? Fuck all y'all. Like, of course they're going to say that if it went anything like this. Like, wait till you. You see what they say this time. I don't even know what happened last time. None of us remember you.

Okay. I was the most least or the least interesting guy on stage that you claimed. Does anybody remember this? This happens twice an episode. The whole band. Literally the band and never before have me Red Band and the band not remembered a human being. It was whatever you did was so terrible that we like men in blacked ourselves. Like fucking.

Can you take us through... Can you remind... Let's check it with Jeff Dye and James McCannes. Maybe it was the most forgettable name poll ever. Yeah, you're like the opposite of 9-11. You're like August 28th. What the fuck is going on here? James McCann. No, but we'll remember this one.

I like this one. 30 seconds of stand up, 30 seconds are responding to death threats? This is an art form. I think that's good. I think lean into that. Death threats. Also, was anyone else genuinely kind of like, oh, he might pull a gun out or something?

Yeah. Like, there was a little... Like, I love you, buddy, but I was like, oh, fuck, I'm not gonna... There was a period of time where he was just straight performing in my eyes, and I have to remind them that there's 300 fucking humans this way. You were just performing for me.

You got to look at them. You think I'm the guy from Reddit? I'm Crackerboro Kid 55. What? Crackerboro Kid 55. Okay. Okay. What does this all mean?

Did you plan on coming out and responding to them and you held yourself back for a while? Yeah, it was the longest that I could do. What was the snap? What caused you to... Yeah. What exactly was the death threat that you think you got? They... well, it's a different crowd, obviously, but... I should have maybe kept that in mind.

Yeah, yeah. Not well thought out. I love all of them. D-Madness just went to post on Reddit right now. And he's literally never read anything his whole life. But he's going to start right now. Jeff Dye. Doesn't a little part of you kind of get it, though? These Reddit motherfuckers are pretty mean.

I mean, yeah, if you look at it. Yeah. I mean, if you look under a rock, you'll find bugs. I had never gone on Reddit. I didn't know that there was a Kill Tony Reddit where people just... So wait, so then what are you even referencing? All of my friends and family that watched the video. and reached out to me, because the whole crowd booed me the entire time.

Oh my God, no, no, don't start that. Jesus Christ. What did you say or do the last time that was this terrible? I was short-witted, or I wasn't quick to answer your prompts, and you had put me on the spot several times, and I was... Yeah, it's an interview. Yeah. You're doing good this time. Was there a reason why you couldn't answer my questions last time?

Yeah, I just spent 25 days alone in Idaho with a... There was a guy from Idaho here just a moment ago who did just fine. He lives in Boisees, half Puerto Rican, half black. How about... Half white. Okay. Idaho isn't an excuse, buddy. No, I just, I had been speaking for 24 hours before getting on this stage.

I hadn't said another word to me. Do you have any jokes? Did you prepare a joke for this? Who wants to hear a joke? from Frank, everybody. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, doing his first joke of the night. It's Frank.

What kind of jeans is a ghost wear? What kind? Boo jeans. Oh my God. You really set himself up for that one. You literally have the word boo in your punchline. They're saying boo! Yeah.

They're big fans of the joke. They want you to make merch. They want you to make merch. They want you to make merch. Boo. They love the joke. I love the joke. Yes, they do.

Them say. Yes, they do. Have you trapped I? Can you explain the joke that you bailed on about, I thought you were suggesting the woman you had sex with and went, ooh, that dad had awoken a monster? But then, no, you were saying that they have awoken a monster. Yeah. Let's get back to that girl you were fucking.

Yeah. Are you sure she didn't say boo? Maybe. Yeah. Okay. Frank, have you been practicing stand-up at all?

This is my second time. Your first time was on Kill Tony? Yeah. Frank. You have to try this other places. I understand that.

I've been watching the show and I ran here. I ran... I just... I did not... Why did you run? Why didn't you walk? I ran eight miles and stopped in for a pint at Shakespeare's, put my name in.

Wait, you were just having a drink at Shakespeare's, and you're like, sure, I'll sign up. Well, I mean, I've been watching the show. I love comedy. I love everything that this stands for. You're getting more interesting, I'll be honest. Yeah. Do you really have a black girlfriend? No.

Oh, wow. Amazing. All right. Frank. I know. Frank thinks this is like his, like, get her done. Frank thinks the boo is them being, is you guys liking him.

They like you. Okay. Frank, you have to try other places. You have to like get good at this. You can't just be the guy that people love to hate on Kill Tony. I understand that. Okay.

What did your friends in... But Tony, that's gone pretty well for you on the Reddit. What? I was a silly joke. You said you can't be the guy people love to hate on Kilt Tony, and I was, hey, listen, we're all having fun. Yeah, all right.

We're all having fun. You've got the fight in you. You've got a terrible work ethic, but look at you. I think you could be something. You said that your friends and family reached out to you after your appearance on the show. What did your family say about your performance? Did mom or dad talk to you?

Yeah, what did mom say? Initially was not a fan of the crowd because she blamed the crowd too? No, no, it was, yeah, well, yeah, because she's trying to be. Wow, it runs in your jeans, your boo jeans. Ooh. Doo! All right. No, they just reached out because it was my first time, it was terrible.

I mean, it was just... Frank, Frank. Imagine it being worse than that. Yeah, I think it was. I think, I can't imagine it being... All right. Frank, did I give you a little joke book last time you were on? Yes, you did.

I did. Yeah. Do you have it on you? Can I have it back? Red band's got a great idea. It's got a great idea. Do you have it on you? I want you to bring it back.

I want you to leave it at the ticket booth of the mothership next chance you get. You're the first person in the history of the show that I've ever repoed the little joke book. Frank, you have to do this other places. If you plan on coming back, you have to do at least three to five open mics somewhere. else. This isn't just you do fucking kill Tony. A lot of people spend a lot of time. There's tons of people in this bucket

whose passion and life is this and they're waiting to get pulled and be a star and you're clunking it up for them because it's just a bucket. You're taking an opportunity from someone that's truly ready and prepared. There goes Frank, everybody, with absolutely nothing. He has

to return his little joke book for the first time in the history of the show. 12 and a half years we've been doing this show the first man to return a little joke book i got bad news for you it's another one word name but as you know anything can happen if you thought frank was bad you may love the comedy stylings of bob everybody here comes bob everyone uh-oh we know bob What a very beautiful audience you all are. Everyone is beautiful in the dark and in the rain.

When you look at me, you may be thinking I know where the good stuff is. I don't know where anything is. Whenever I go on a year, I make sure I sign the guest book. You, sir, you may never know when you'll need an alibi. Whenever I cross the street, I look one direction. And then I pretend to be a squirrel and I go for it. I really like excitement.

I dated a short bisexual woman and she said to me I want to tell you something but I don't want you to get upset whatever I say is a really good thing it's really good she said to me that I eat pussy like a girl so I've got that going for me

fuck yeah Bob welcome back Bob it's been a a while. I remember you. It's been three years. It's been three years. I've been signing up for three years. I remember. You've been signing up for three years continuously. And this is your first time on in three years? Yeah, I just changed my name to Bob and it was. Wait, what do you mean what do you mean you, what was your name before? It's Robert. Robert. Wow. I went back to Bob. Oh my God, you got lucky. This is their first time going back to Bob? Yeah, first time. Unbelievable. What are the odds? I wish Frank would change his.

his name and not get pulled again. I don't want to be frank with you. What? I can't be frank with you. I love that. You're not frank at all. You have punchlines. You're one of the funniest Native American comedians we've ever had on this show.

What ethnicity are you, Bob? I'm 100% Slovakian, but my mom lied a lot. Okay. There it is. The squawking eagle means that you are indeed Slovakian. I love Eagles. You do? Yeah.

What do you love about them? They're at different heights. Above all the shit. You're the man, Bob. Thanks, Tony. What do you do for work, Bob? I'm a world champion handyman, but I'm transferring into a new trade right now. What's the new trade?

I'm giving it my fourth try. I'm starting a beverage company. I failed at it three times. I'm doing my fourth now. What is the beverage that you're making? It's top secret at the moment, but it's every form of beverage you can imagine with some twist you'll never imagine. Wow. There's a lot of imagination there. It's every beverage mixed together? Everything you can imagine, imaginable.

Wow. All right. Pretty stoked. I've been decking out this warehouse for it. I think I'm three weeks out maybe. Do you have oompa-lumpas working for you or anything like that? I have other ultra personalities working. Okay.

I love it. I can't wait to drink some. I'll drink, I'll wash down some of that ramen with it for sure. Are you feeling the ramen? a little bit? Smelling it. What do you mean you're smelling it? You know what I mean.

What do you mean? Have you fart been far? No, I haven't farted. I have no idea what you're talking about. No, I've not been farting continuously throughout the show. I'm not suffering from food poisoning right now and just plowing through it because I'm an unbelievable host. The adrenaline takes over, perhaps, every once in a while. No, all right.

And anyway, my farts smell like hippoble. Farts smell like hibiscus and eucalyptus, by the way, so you don't have to worry about that. Okay, so, Frank, Bob, Bob. Not Frank. I know, you're not Frank. How many times have I called you Frank? Any? Just once.

Okay, perfect. Bob. Bob. What do you do for work? How do you survive? How do you make money? I can fix or build anything, and, so I... What's the craziest thing you've ever built?

A Chinese pedicab. You built a pedicab? Yeah, I've retrofitted a pedicab with some electric batteries. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty dope. I'll be driving it out next week. You'll see it. You haven't done that yet either.

It hasn't been driven yet. Oh, yeah, it has. I drove it today. I actually just got the battery in today. Do you pedicab? No, God, no. Oh, Jesus. All right.

Why not? I have other things to do. Like what? That pay quite well. Like what? Like, do electrical? plumbing, you name it. You do it all, huh?

Yeah. Wow. What's your love life like, Bob? It's dry. What? It's dry. That's why I like the rain. Okay.

Do you have your electrical license? No. No, he's completely unlicensed. This is a guy that's making a beverage with everything mixed together. That's right. Wow. What else would we be surprised

to know about you, Bob. You seem, how old are you? I have no concept of time. That makes sense. That makes sense. You seem like, you seem like you could have fought in every war that's ever happened. Vietnam, civil, the Mexican Indian War, the Comanches versus the Apaches, perhaps. I actually feel that I was a pirate at some point. Really? I have a ship on international waters.

and I have Amazon women guarding my ship right now. Wow. But then I change them out every nine months because they're all impregnated after. And then I ship, put them to the homelands and I bring in another crew. Wow. Bob, you are amazing.

You're so stoic in your delivery. You're such an interesting, man. So crisp. It's a very crisp delivery. the way you said that. It was the way you kept your cheekbones up high. I can't help that, Bob. I can't help my cheekbones, Bob.

Talk about. Red band. Red band. I can't believe a fart noise gets that type of roaring. Just a roaring lap. This is the fan base that I've accumulated. All right, red band. Okay, very good.

You know you're not allowed to have two fart noises in episode. Okay. Um, Bob, give us one more fun fact about your life. I shoot, uh, for fun, I shoot roadkill. Wow. Yeah, like I go for a leisurely drive and look ahead. There's a dead crow on the side of the street. So I pull out of my car and I look at the crow.

And it reminds me of my second grade school teacher, Mrs. Crow. She used to pull me out of the chair by my ear and stick me in a corner. So I get out of the car and I shoot Mrs. Crow with my little cannon. I love animals. I shot her with a cannon camera. Wow. Bob, you are something else. I love it.

Congratulations on getting pulled again. Did you have fun? It was a riot. Thanks, Tony. It was great to see you again. Last time I saw you was San Antonio. San Antonio. We did it kill Tony there?

You did a show there. I did stand up there. Yeah. And you went to my son. My son. Nice. Yeah, you met my son at that time. I did?

Yeah, you did. Okay. Little bear. He remembered you, yeah. Red band. Well, here's a big joke book for you, Bob. Just because I like your style. Here you go.

Boom. There he is. The return of Bob, ladies and gentlemen. All right, it's a real interesting set a bucket pool so far. Let's see what happens next with the stylings of Benny Benoit, ladies and gentlemen. Benny Benoit is next. Here comes Benny. One more time for Benny Benoit.

Hey, what's up, guys? It's good to be here. I'm Benny Benoit. That's French. I'm from Louisiana. I'm what you call Louisiana sober. That means I drink, I smoke, and I fuck my cousins. No, I'm kidding, man.

That's bold of y'all to assume I got hot cousins. I'm the hottest girl my family's ever produced, if we're being honest. I would never fuck my cousins, dude. I got two sisters and a dog. Why would I? Nah, them bitch is ugly, too. But speaking of ugly bitches, when I first moved to Austin, I got hit on by a gay guy. That was nice.

He said, he thought that I was hot. And I was like, oh, thank you. He goes, yeah, can I get your number or something? I said, no, I'm sorry, man. I'm straight. And he goes, yeah. I bet that's because you never had good dick before. And I thought to myself, you know what?

Maybe this isn't my Uber after all. But I figured winning Austin, you know. I've been Benny Benoit. Thank you guys. Benoit making his Kill Tony debut, correct? Welcome, welcome. I got pulled once, but I missed my spot. You missed your spot.

How did you miss your spot? Well, I had a date who failed to tell me that she was crippled, and so I felt bad. Wait. Wait. Hold on. You schedule the date at the same time as you signing up for Kill Tony? Look, it's lonely when you first get here.

And when you don't get called for Kill Tony, you spend five hours by yourself if you don't know anybody. Uh-huh. So I invited a Tinder date and I got catfish to say the least. You invited a Tinder date to Shakespeare's, the local holding.

It was back to poor choices. Sure, but you invited her to where all the comedians and everybody was just waiting around. Yeah. And so when you say she was crippled, you got crippled catfish. What?

Got the catfish down at Cripple Creek. Well, so what exactly kind of cripple Was she? So, it was a fat injury. She did say that herself. She broke her leg because, you know, the downstairs couldn't support the upstairs, basically. But she didn't tell me that she was on crutches.

So I thought she was going to be able to walk to the venue, and she couldn't, so I felt bad making her cross the street by herself. I went out, came back, and everybody was like, dude, where the fuck were you? I was like... So wait, where did you go? Literally across the street. To where?

To where? Where? This is across the street from poor choices. Where did you go? The corner. The sidewalk. But why? Why would you go to the corner? She was hobbling along the sidewalk, and I felt bad, so I went out to her. Oh, my God. Okay. I didn't think in that 15 seconds my name would get called.

Well, that's when it happens. She didn't think that she'd break her leg being a fatty bumbleady, but life happens fast. Yeah. So you missed your opportunity while at the time. at the exact same time realizing that you were meeting up with a fat crippled lady. And I didn't feel like I was allowed to be mad at her. I feel like that's the worst part.

Right. Am I gonna yell at her for something she didn't do? Yes. Yeah. She catfished you. And she must have been fat if her legs break. All the pictures were tits up. All the pictures were tits up.

It was my fault for believing him, honestly. James McCann. Oh, he's from Louisiana. They love catfish, no matter where I come from. Ah. Yeah, very good. Very good. Wow.

So the crippling was just a broken leg? Yeah, she just had a broken leg. She had a cast? She had a walking boot. That's why I was confused. What are you doing not walking on your walking boot? Was she wearing the boot? She was wearing the boot.

So what do you mean? I had crutches. Oh, I got it. And that's why I felt bad. So I didn't want to make her. Did you end up? So what'd you end up doing with this lady? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, Doss Booting over here. Oh, yeah, you had that boot up in the air, didn't you? Look at you. The Subaru saw some action in the back seat that night. Really? The Subaru saw some action in the back seat. I was parked on, like, Red River or something. Oh, my God. How's the car?

Did you put the emergency break-up? I'm trading it in tomorrow. The shocks are fucked. Okay. She couldn't have been that big if you fucked her in a Subaru. She wasn't that big. It was more of like the way things were laid out. Okay.

A lot of shapes. Very top-heavy. Right. Right. And then, you know, the whole missing out on Kill Tony, the whole... She had to. There was a lot of factors stacking up against her. Did you know at that point when you were hooking up with her that you had missed your spot?

Oh, yeah. This was, like, after I missed the spot, I was like, well, we might as well get shit-faced now. Like, what the fuck is the rest of my Monday now? Right. So, we just kind of went out and had a few drinks, ended up in my backseat. So exactly, take us through exactly what happened in the back seat. I really didn't think we were going to talk about this. Well, there you go.

Expect the unexpected, Benny Benoit. It was a lot of, like, all right, let's do this. was a lot of, no, I'm scared. So, like, what? Wait, wait, was that you saying you're scared? Yeah. What were the ideas being proposed that you were scared of? She was really weird about, like, the fact that we were hooking up on the first date in the backseat of a car.

She was not really stoked about that. And I was like, did you rape this poor lady? I promise you, I did not. Okay. I was just, I was really focused on the... You want a catfish meat, bitch? I'll show you. Now you're getting fucked.

I miss my goddamn kill Tony for this. No, I was really, I was kind of focused on the fact that I'm definitely never seeing her again, so we might as well get it in while we're here. Wow. Good Lord. You might be the worst man with the last name Benoit I've ever heard of. Wow.

Benny, so you live here in Austin, time. Yeah. What do you do for work? I'm a pool boy. Oh my God. Look at you. You're just out there fucking everything that moves, aren't you, Benny Benoit? I've knocked down some questionable creatures. I'm not going to... I bet. Tell us more about it. What have

you done as a pool guy? A lot of single moms out there? It's kind of weird. I'm not going to jeopardize my job for... You're okay, buddy. I'm pretty sure you just admitted to raping a fat cripple. I don't

I don't think you can lose your job as a pool boy on Keltony. I meant like in-person with the women. They dropped, like, I don't know if you've talked to women a lot, given... Very good, Benny. You got me there. Very good, you fat fucking, you fat fucker. You really pulled that one back. I liked it. But no, I mean, like, women are very cryptic whenever they drop hints about the pool boy, making a move and none of them have been worth losing my job.

I get a couple of like tips that I don't deserve here and there and then, you know, like, oh, I'm alone, a lot. It's like, me too. Okay. I don't know what to do. I still have a pool to clean. All right. Okay.

I did, there was an older lady that I thought was hitting on me, but she turned out to be a multi-level marketing, like scammer. You got sold on a scheme. No, I didn't fall for that shit. Not again. Well, yeah. Yeah, that can't happen. It was like promising trips to Hawaii and going out to like lavish dinners and stuff like that.

Yeah. She had a timeshare for you. Yeah. Wow. I was going to have to earn that money myself. Okay. So Benny, do you have any other special skills or talents before we let you go? Made a chemical bomb a couple weeks ago. This guy's afraid of losing his pool boy job. Just admitted to a federal offense. What do you mean you made a chemical bomb? So I got two dogs and where I... It's a weird way to start this. That can't have anything to do with this.

No, there's a... You know, I have to take the poop bags pretty far away and I'm trying to make it to work, open mics, all that stuff. So I just took a bucket and put some of my chlorine right there and would just put the bags in there. And after a while, it stopped working so good, so I added a pound of some slightly different chlorine. Did not realize that those two...

were not supposed to be mixed together. And they were fine for like two months. And then that big rainstorm we had like two weeks ago filled the bucket with water and it went boom. And, wow. So I woke up at like 12.30 in the middle of the night and my dog was on top of me like fucking shaking. And I couldn't see.

I couldn't breathe. It was like, it was a complete disaster. So I jumped out on my balcony to like so me and my dogs could breathe and my neighbor came out freaking out and she's Jewish. So I got really nervous at that point Right The fire department showed up We ended up evacuating

Wow Shit storm Yeah something like that So The chemical bomb just before I let you go This was like outside on your balcony Yeah it was right outside my front doorstep Right you had it all came like underneath my door

So wasn't there anywhere else you could put the poop bags I don't know How big do you think apartments are big enough to have a trash can? Well, with a lid? The trash can is inside. If I had a trash can sitting on my front doorstep, I feel like that'd be...

It's not as weird as a bucket full of shit in chemicals. Yeah, you are correct. I think a valid point there. Benny, I like your style. Very funny. You're a funny man. Welcome to kill Tony. Benny Benoit, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, well, well, ladies and gentlemen, we have a new regular on this show. It is absolutely incredible. You guys are going to love him. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the newest Kill Tony regular. He writes and performs a new minute every single week. This is the Dark Storm of Atlanta. Make some noise for Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah!

Yeah, man. What you know about waking up in the morning to eat a dry toaster strudel because the night before you got too high and drank all the strudel juice? Not my day bad. What you know about missing your dad best friends so much and you want to talk to them

so you go get a Ouija board in a street witch and then you start talking to him only to remember that nigga can't spell good. You can't spell good. That's just crazy. I'm 35 years old, and then I realized the other day I could fight, but I can't heal. I'm like a reverse-wover read.

We just gotta die after this. I can't, I don't got no ACLs. Now I get why when Jesus was 33. He was like, kill me. Kill me. I, like, kill me. Because if you get acid reflux one time, you, like, nail me to the cross.

Burb, lava, and shit. Even God was like, yeah, my son shouldn't be 35. That shit ain't shouldn't happen. All right, I love y'all. Dedrick Flynn, the dark storm of Atlanta, has arrived yet again. Everything 100% spot on acid reflux is real.

I hate it. Shout out Thumbs. Yeah. Tom's saved the day. I take two almost every fucking day now. It's a nightmare. It's insane. Chewobot Alka-Seltzer.

Let's go with our senior acid reflux correspondent, Brian Redband here. Chewable Alka-Seltzer, I recommend it. It's like fucking Skittles. It's great. Right. Okay. Thank you. Great commercial.

Dr. Red Band. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, Dedrick, you are the fucking man. Tell these people something about you. We don't know, Dedrick. Oh, man, bro.

I'm a big-ass fan of Monster Truck Jam. I fucking love monster trucks. It's like Olympics for Rednecks. But, you know what I'm there? I think it should be in the Olympics, honestly, if you want to get that. I just like to see shit go flip. You know what I? And that, it mean a lot to my soul.

This space suit I got on Ain't a space suit is from one of my favorite hardcore bands Between the Berry of Me. I just want to shout that out because I... Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm the official captain of the mothership and I'm flying y'all. Yeah.

What's the name? Joe Rogan copilot. Yeah, totally. What's the name of the band? The name of Between the Barry to Me. And that's like, are they white? Yeah. Yeah.

I said they're in a screamo band, man I can't picture you going to a white band like that Oh, bro, moshing Man, he just said he likes monster trucks Yeah, I guess so Yeah, he's from Atlanta though That's like a thing Yeah, man, that's Mastodon's from there

Like that's, uh... Yeah, Bronn, that's my homeboy, the drummer, Maston, it's my badminton partner We ain't won a game yet, but it's been fun You play badminton too? Oh yeah, I do everything fucking cool, Tony I do cool shit all the time. I'm just poit.

I just, you know what I'm saying? Theme parks, music parks, I'm in there. Water slides, I'm in there. You know what I'm saying? Above ground swimming pools, I'm in there. You know what I'm saying? Arcades, I'm in there. Pinballs, I'm in there.

I said, if they got some fun, I'm in there. I said, if you go in bowling, I'm in there. You go to six flags, I'm in there. And you go to a party, I'm in there. I said, it can't be a party if I ain't in there. I said it gave me a party if I ain't in there. Thank y'all. God damn. The dark storm of it.

Hey, Tim, such it. Something. What do you know about? Just playing with you. Oh, my God. Wow. I love you. I love you guys.

Oh, that's the Acapella niggas. What's up, da? Hey, that's it. Then you going down the train on the... I don't know. Y'all know that one? Y'all know that? You gotta be high to know that one.

I just made it up. They played the pre-show, straight no-chaser. Probably the best acapella band of all time. They're on tour. SNC Music.com on social media at SNC Music. They're unbelievable. See him? Dude, I saw him.

We was up there chilling. They had a little, we was up there bopping and jig. And then I had borrowed his shoulder thing to massage. I got a knot out, so my shit was real loose with it. Oh, shit. I was out there getting it. They were shook and job. Y'all at the Moody Center?

Yeah. They're at the movie. Y'all give me some tickets to go. Yeah. Yeah. My girl liked musical theater, so I'm gonna get some pussy that night. Hell yeah. Absolutely.

Let's check in with the great Jeff Dye. Jeff died. Do you guys ever sing Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? That's the only Acapella song I fucking know. Do you guys do that? Do you want to sing a little bit of it, Jeff? No, I don't want to sing it. I want to hear it.

No, don't worry about, we're not going to put them on the Carmen San Diego spot, Kino. I don't know. Keen up. Just wanted to hear it. Son of a bitch. Dedrick, you are unbelievable. You are, perhaps, I mean, you truly are a fucking storm. It is incredible. You can

come in and you take over every single week. We love you. Thank you so much. Make some goddamn noise to the great and powerful Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. And it goes on and on. Back to the bucket we go. Ooh, la la.

Some noise for Heidi, everybody. Wow. Yes, indeed. Auga, indeed. All right, your next bucket pool. We know this one. Make some noise for Charlie She. Everybody, here comes Charlie Shee.

Hello, everyone. Here's your daily dose of racism. Sometimes I wonder if Jews wear tiny hats is because they miss having a tip again. And sometimes I wonder if, well, if hip-hop artist likes to hit women because they love to beatbox. But that's the thing with racism, isn't it? It's like, why does it always have to be something for evil? Like, why can it be something good?

Like, recently I gave a white guy a ukulele, and now he's always. He can't stop playing. But that being said, you know, that being said, racism is a two-way street. I just wish I'm driving on the right side of it. Thank you. Charlie Shee.

Welcome back to the show, Charlie. I messed up and used my real name, so. Okay. But it's fine. What's your other name? Oh, Chen. You know me. Yes, yes, I know you. Okay. Yeah, you've been on the show multiple times.

Yeah, about a year ago, three times. Okay, very good. So how's life been going? It's been doing better. Okay, right, Ben. We get it. They're Asian. Maybe Native American. I mean, I did grow up in New Mexico, so close enough. Okay. All right, there you go. So, Charlie, what's going on in life? I got laid off for five months, and then I was able to find a job about three weeks ago.

Where did you get laid off from? Oh, I was working for a bank in Canada, and then the tariffs happened, and then U.S. employees are considered to be risks, so, yeah. So now where do you work? I work for a particular university here in town. You work for what? A university. A university.

Yeah. Okay. do at the university? Oh, I fix computers. You fix computers. Okay. All right. How's life been going, Charlie?

Are you still? Well, yes, I'm still trans. It's just that. Yeah, but. Yeah, I mean, you wrote down Charlie today. What are we going, are we going backwards? No, it's because I had a long day at work. I was on the phone for four hours.

You were on, you worked, hold on. This is breaking trans news. Hold on, I didn't know this was possible. But it turns out if you're trans and you work too hard, you go back to the human that you were before. This is the first time we've seen this before. We're always learning about the trans community here. This is interesting.

You went from a pocahontas to poke his hauntus. Real quick. Well, Charlie, did you have a broken leg a few months? broken leg a few months ago by any chance? No, no. Yeah, the third leg is alive and well now. Oh, wow. Okay, Charlie. All right. So

you worked so hard that you signed up as Charlie. That's what you're saying. I guess I wasn't all here when I signed up. I'm sorry. No, I mean, there's no reason to apologize. I find it so interesting. Well, now, I guess the cat's out of the bag, so to speak, so, yeah. Or the dogs out of the bag or something like that.

So how's transitioning been going for you? I don't know if you guys can tell, but this used to be Charlie and now it's Chen. It's my first time on the show. I think you were on the show. Yeah, hello. Nice to meet you again. And you kept the penis. We spoke about that.

And you made a joke about it. I mean, being laid off and taking a 30% pay cut is no way to get to the point where I need the money for it. So, yeah. I also imagine that would also compromise. the week. You know, if you get laid off and then also you have to recover from having a penis cut off, that would be a very bad... I might as well die at that point. Well, no, I mean, no. No. Are you sure they didn't give you a pay cut because you were transitioning into being

a woman? Well, when I told my... And women can get paid less? No, no, because when I told my parents about it, that's the first reaction from my stepfather, but... That's what he said to. Yeah, but it wasn't it because... What ethnicity is your stepfather? Why? And what does he think about all this? He's fine with it, but my mom is angry because he's fine with it. Tell us exactly how your mom, who's very Asian?

Very, variation. Yes. Tell us exactly what she says to you about you transitioning into a woman. She visited about a week or two ago, and she pretty much just says that I'm on the wrong path. in life, and I should reconsider, especially with the current government pressure and everything. Wait, what exactly, what is the government pressure exactly? You know, the whole talking point about cracking down on DEI or wherever, but the thing is

I never relied on DEI to be who I am today, so it just felt weird that she's like talking like that to me. James. I mean, Asian mothers traditionally really do prefer having. sons. So it might be I don't know if you've seen the statistics on that, but it's very good that you were born as a man

because otherwise you might not be here with us tonight to stand up and do people not know about that? I'm sorry, I won't make a joke about that. But that's tough. You don't need DEI. Yeah, I don't rely on. D-E-I-T maybe. No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I thought that was okay. I'm fat. I'm a fat Do you think your mom loves you, though? Let me love you long time. There you go. He finally got it off clean, ladies and gentlemen. Not in that way, but I know that despite her limited capabilities, she's doing her best. You guys are kind of dressed the same tonight.

I got to say, if you look really closely, you can't tell which one's which. So I have no reason to be mad at her, you know? Red band and yellow band up here. This is incredible. Well, people call me yellow band because I do soundboard, too. soundboard, too, but yeah. Where do you do soundboard at? Shakespeare's. Right after this show, we have an open mic there.

Oh, I'm sure these people want another four hours of bullshit open mic after this. Okay, so can I call you Charlie? Sure. What have you been doing with your personal life, Charlie? Tell us more about what you do when you're not performing comedy.

Oh, so when I'm not performing comedy, I've been oh, I picked up new instruments like bass and things like that. Although I'm better with a piano. And then I also joined a group where we perform every Friday night. And then

I played a lot of video games, and then I'll also look into video development, video game developments such as Unreal 5. I think you're an Asian man. Yeah. Everything that you say sounds like you're an Asian man. The bass guitar? Like an Asian

woman plays the violin. Oh, okay. You don't know about this? I mean, I guess those Asian-based player ladies are not ladies anymore. No, they're really hot, actually. Charlie, what are you fucking nowadays? What's your sex life like? I'm in, like I said, I'm in a long-distance relationship,

so I'm essentially celibate until he visits like three times a year, and that's it. Okay, when's the last time you saw him? Actually, maybe summer break Summer break Yeah, before I got laid off Okay, Jeff Die I don't think that's called celibate That's called monogamous

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Yeah, you're not just, yeah Yeah, I'm just not going Maybe I'm nitpicking, I don't know Yeah, I'm not just going around fucking everything I see Good for you, yeah, you're a good man Or lady or whatever the fuck's going on

No, you're honorable If I like this about you, you're very nice to your mom about it You're might be the most reasonable trans person I've ever met. Yeah, we have a few of those on this show. Only very reasonable trans people sign up for this show. We're yet to have an unreasonable trans, which is crazy, because any time I'm out there, it's almost always an unreasonable trans.

In here, for some reason, very reasonable trans. You're the second Asian up here tonight that loves raw men, by the way. A little fun fact. I mean, luckily, I'm not going to have to try yours. Because my butt hurts. That's the talk of someone who has his shit pushed in. Oh, you son of a, you son of a nice lady. A very reasonable woman.

Why do you want to be trans instead of like a pretty gay guy with nice tits? Good question, Red Band. A lot of people are. expecting Red Band to win a Nobel Prize, the questions that he asks. This one will go down in the history books. Why do you want to be trans when you can be a dude with a fat tits, dude? Why won't you be exactly what Red Band wants sexually? Yeah.

Yeah. Why do you want to have a dungeon when you have those awesome dragons, dude? It's a good question. makes you feel like a woman? Man, he feels like a woman. Are the only one that heard that? Okay. This is actually a thought I had a while back,

and I think it's something like it's unfortunate that, you see, trans people are closer to straight people, but they keep on lumping us with gay people, and we don't know what to do with it. So because we like somebody of opposite gender most of the time. It's just that we're in the wrong body. It doesn't mean we don't like someone of opposite gender. But you guys lump us with gay people and then we're like, oh.

Well, I mean... Are you pivoting to homophobia? Well... It sounds like you might be going, that lump us in with these f***-the-ass people over there. People over there. We're like you. It's not a bad strategy.

The trans are making a move. What an unbelievable move. Conservative trans people. I think I can... Oh, my God. This is incredible. When you hear that train horn, you know... Red Band thinks it says train horn.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... Red band's not the best. Speller. It's like, Tranhorn, I've been waiting at this sound event forever. Incredible. You have it turned out. Not all trans people are gay, I guess. That's what I'm trying to say. Okay, but when you're butt-fucking your boyfriend with your dick, you must understand why you're clumped with gay guys, right? You don't butt-fell you take the way, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I take it. I don't...

What do you do with your thing? Uh We stumped You know, geez We stumped it You know how hard it is to stump an Asian boy With an easy question In the classroom

You guys rattle it right off Oh man Most of the time I don't do anything with it You don't do anything You don't like to come? I do love to come What makes you come? A good fucking, okay?

Wow I mean, I mean, I like the kind of good fucking where the hips meets the butt. It feels like he's slapping me while he's thrusting, okay? It's great. Yeah, I don't know why people clump you with the gays. There's nothing I love more than getting butt-fitting so hard that it feels like the dude's beating me up during it. Anyway, not gay at all.

Totally just Charlie getting butt-b-b-ed by you did. Why do you clump me with the gays? America's come a long way since Johnny Carson. You know what I'm saying? Johnny Carson used to sit in a suit and tie and have a nice conversation with a movie star. So, Charlie. Let's all leave a little something to the imagination. That's all I'm saying.

Wow. Wow. Nothing beats a jet to you holiday. Charlie, I like your style. Great interviews always. The minute, you know, you went with it. You committed to racism. It was good.

It was okay. It's fun, you know, but really the interview, you just crush. You're such an interesting person. Thank you. Whatever you are, you're interesting. Here's another big joke book. There you go. Catch is like a man.

like a man. Catches like a man. Right off his tits. Bounce right off his tits. Their tits. Their tits. It's tits. Ah. Speaking of real tits, there's the lowly Heidi, everybody. So real. Yeah. Oh, real tits, Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. All right. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Asher Kasson, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Asher Kasson.

I was on a date with this girl, and she started talking about her ex. And I know where she started talking about his dick. and for some reason she felt called to mention he wasn't even that big he was like maybe your size and yeah that's not the fucked up part see the fucked up part was she said this during the movie like previews so I got to sit through

twilight now while I'm thinking about this shit the whole time okay it's so much for the hole I cut in the bottom of this popcorn bucket you know what I mean I guess we're not using that anymore I got to walk down from I'll J just trickling little colonels the whole fucking way down, pissed off. Okay? I ended that date, and I went home

and I did the old-fashioned confidence booster, fellas, you know, where you measure it up against the TV remote. This is like 2012, though, okay? So it was like the big-ass comcast remotes. I don't even reach the guide button. I start fluffing it, trying to get every inch I can. Next thing, I know

Disney Channel's on. I got my wiener out. It's not good. Kids these days are lucky, though. They got Roku remotes. Roku remote, have you feeling real confident. I'm Asher Kasson. Thank you guys very much. Asher, Kasson.

Welcome, Asher. Thank you. How long have you been doing stand-up? Just about a year. Just about a year. Where at? L.A. All of it in L.A.

That you still live there? Yep, 100%. I drove out for this. You're born and raised in L.A.? I was born in Seattle, but lived in L.A. my whole life. Perfect. Amazing.

What do you do for work? I just got fired, actually. From what job? I worked at a place called Nutra Shop. I, like, sell protein powders, vitamins, stuff like that. Why they fire you? Because of this, actually. I drove, or excuse me, I flew out the first time.

I called the time off. I didn't make it back in time, and they said, you know, we're firing you. But that was two weeks ago. Okay. Yeah. How many times have you signed up for this show? Just twice. This is my second time.

Nice. Okay. So Asher, I'm asked. the question that everybody wants to know here. Yes. How big is that dick? I mean, you know, every good joke's got a little bit of truth to it, a small bit,

but, you know, it's a solid six, I think. Solid six. Heidi, you have a tape measure over there? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. And this was your ex-girlfriend? No, it was just a girl I was talking to at the time. You have a girlfriend now? I do.

What does she do? Are you making her up as I ask you questions? Well, I'm in a transition, okay? So was the last comedian? Yeah, no. My last girlfriend just left me. Yeah. You hit the Tranhorn button.

Your last girlfriend left you. Why did she leave you? It was because I had a porn addiction. Oh, okay. What types of porn are you watching? Black. Black porn, for sure. What is it about?

black porn that you love this entertain like they talk during sex I didn't know as a Caucasian I was allowed to do that what are some of the things that they say that that you like just give them a little spotlight here Kino tell me this draymond's pussy I like that one oh okay okay give us another one um you can take all of it quit running oh shit All right. I like that. Okay.

I haven't had a chance to use it myself, but... Wow. I have something that I use, though. What do you use? Someone called PETA because I'm killing this pussy. Peter. Peter, like the... Oh, like a cat, darling.

You know freestyling during the sex intercourse now? Yeah. Yeah. Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned kiss on the cheek and I love your baby? Yeah. That's gay. Gay?

Gay? Yeah. That's really gay. And don't run away. You can take all this dick. That's not gay. Yeah, but you're the one saying it, and you sound like that. You see what I'm saying?

When a black dude says it, it's different. Yeah, come on. Say, say this. How dare you come here and question how black I am? Don't you know this is Dremont's pussy? Oh, my tea is boiling right now. What do you say, James? Oh, my crocodiles hunting.

Oh, I want to didgerie do you all night. We have a beautiful sex life, my wife and I where we connect emotionally and physically. You should try it. You should try it. I'm not going to go home and jump on top of my wife and start giving a one-liners for black pornography. We don't need that.

We have three children. We're just happy to get any time together at all. We don't need to spruce it up with some open-mic comedy. If you want to make a fourth, tell her that it's Draymond's pussy. Fun fact, if you tell her it's Draymond's pussy, when you make the fourth child, you're allowed to leave. Tremont ain't sticking around to raise the child. Wow.

Is there anything else other than the talking that you find intriguing about black porn? I mean, you know, the size is pretty cool. That's interesting. Yeah. Of the penis. Yeah. Yeah.

Want to clarify. Yeah. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. So, Asher, you lost your job. You're now unemployed. What's your big plan? I just recently applied to vans at the mall.

Just something to keep me, you know. Yeah. Let me tell you. I reckon you could get that job at vans at the mall. I've been to that van in Austin? No, in Santa Clarita in California. Oh, I haven't been to that one. But the vans in Austin at the mall, terrible service.

Really? Some of the worst. I tell you, you got, if you want to move to Austin, You get on down to that mall and try one of those shoe shops. Because these people, I say that with love and respect. No, no, no, white. These people are some of the worst shoe shop employees I've ever encountered. I go in this damn shoe shop.

I say, I need a size 12. And they come back and they go, well, we've got a size of 11 and a size 13. I say, well, that's no good for me. This size is the most important part. That's what his ex-girlfriend said. Yes. Right. Yeah, very good. She was black, too.

Really? Yeah. Wow. And we have a kid together. Oh, hell no. Oh, my God. You made a baby? A black one.

You made a black baby? Yep. Oh, my God. That's why we separated. He needs the black experience. Wow. All right, I'm sorry. You made a black baby, and your name is Asher.

Asher made an ashy? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. That is a black baby. incredible how old is this black baby um he's just creeped over a year he's like a year why'd you have to say creep like that why'd you say it like he's plotting and planning something he's just creeping over a year that's pika-o ash oh my god that is absolutely incredible

is that why you want to work at a shoe store no i well my actual like job is i produce a comedy show at the ice house but that's you know once a month and it's not sustainable all time. Of course. So how often you get to see this, a little black baby? I mean, like... Is that a picture of him on your shirt? This is Darth Vader. I know it's Darth Vader. I'm making a joke about having a

black. It's black. Darth Vader's black. For those of you that don't know. I am your father and I'm leaving now. Yeah. All right. Okay. It did happen in Stonewall. Yeah. He did abandon his child. And Luke turned out great.

Yes, he did. It is true. It is true. And he... I mean, it didn't turn that great for Darth Vader, I'll be honest, but... He's skywalked out of his life. We've got Star Wars jokes over here. All right.

So, do you only hook up with black women? No, my current girlfriend's white. Oh, wow. What made you make the change? She's pretty thick I like them a little bit round There's some real hood traits to you Like thick white women

I've been told that What else? What do you think is the blackest thing about you? We know it's not your penis Yeah, no Probably my black scent I've been trying to get rid of it But it's here

You hang around a lot of black people Yeah a lot Because, see, my mom, she did, like, drugs. Uh-huh. Yeah, she did heroin when she was pregnant with me. Whoa. I got eczema now, so that's fucked up. Oh, shit.

Wow. Yep. Wow. Exima is your baby mama's name? No. Exema Jenkins for her? Beacon sort of! Wow.

Yeah. I was told this one. would be good for my career. Wow, this is so, so interesting. So your mom did heroin, so that forced you to have a lot of black friends growing up. Yeah, well, I mean, when you say it in that order, it sounds like I'm...

How old are you? I am 23. 23. My goodness. One of the oldest people to ever apply for a job at a van store. This is incredible. If the vans doesn't hire you, what is your next maneuver? I was going to full dive into comedy.

That's the reason why I started producing is actually because your advice to people is produce a show, control your own stage time. So I was going to just dive full on into that. Well, you know, as much as you've hung around black people, I wouldn't recommend diving into much of anything. Find yourself drowning. There might need to be a lifeguard there.

Yes. Can you swim? Yeah, not well, though. Right. Yeah. Okay, so you're 23. You might want to, okay, diving all the way into comedy, I didn't dive all the way in when I was 23,

and I started at 22 like you. I was hustling for a couple few years there. So what's your actual next plan? If the vans doesn't hire you, you're going to have to make some money. You have you to take care of, you have a child to take care of. Are you giving money to the baby mama? Yeah, every month I give her. I'm not on child support.

I just, that's my kid. I got to take care of my kid. You're damn right. Yeah. That's good. Because he's a white guy. Yeah. But I used to detail cars.

I know how to detail cars. I would go back to door to door trying to, you know, wash people's cars. Wow. Okay. Very good. Wow. All right, Asher. Anything else crazy we should know about you?

You know, you have any special skills or talent? So you know how to rap at all? You a white rapper? No, I used to play basketball. I played basketball overseas in Puerto Rico. Really? Yeah. Overse.

It was like 50 pounds ago, like, yeah. There's a C, like, it's American territory, but I claim it. You know what I mean? Overseas. So what was your basketball career like in Puerto Rico? Oh, it wasn't good. I was the only white. Yeah, but I was there.

My name was on the roster. Wow. I had one good game of like 30, but, yeah. You had 30 points? No, I had one. good game out of 30, I had like eight points. Gotcha. But I was throwing those assists. Right. Right.

Yes. Absolutely. Anything else other than basketball, comedy? I mean, gambling. I love to gamble. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's not the best for my current situation. But I stopped over at that little place underneath sunset. They got like some slots back there.

And I played $20 before I stepped on stage. Yeah, you didn't know that? Yeah, there's slot machines underneath your comedy. Yeah. They're right next to the bathroom of Maine Chicks. I spent 20 and I won like up to 30 and then I blew it all. I lost it all. Yeah.

But I only played 20. That's good. Never play with more than you're willing to lose. That's right. James McCann. Asher, you're saying a lot of things that are making me scared for your future and the future of your child. But I believe in you. You've got a good energy.

Thank you. Absolutely. Asher. I wasn't going to say anything, but you asked me and I, you know, you got to hang in, look, Comedy takes a long time to get going. Yeah. And kids are expensive really quickly. Oh, yeah, I know.

What's the most expensive thing that your kid has contributed so far, like that you've had to pay for? Anything crazy? It's really just the build-up of diapers and the food and everything. No one item is that expensive. What is your baby like to eat? What is he eating? I mean, baby food.

What flavor baby food exactly? Again, I'm not that much in his life. I have no idea. You don't know what type of food he eats? No, I just give her the money and she buys it. You don't ever see the kid? All the time. I don't feed him.

She feeds him. You've never had the urge. Dee Madness is loving this right now. I think he just tried to choke you there for a second. I think he tried to reach up. I've seen him get fed. Uh-huh. I've been there.

My goodness. I love my son. You paint me out to be a villain. Did you give him a white name? or a black name? I named him after my grandpa. And what's your good, Demetrius? No, it's Italian. It's Rocco.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I could see why that would work. Yeah. He doesn't look black at all. He looks like Filipino. Like, I don't know how. It's not hitting because you can't see him,

but yeah, he's Filipino. Whoa. Have you talked to your wife about this? Does your wife know that you consider your son Filipino? I don't have a wife, but... Right, your baby mama. Yeah. No, yeah, and she hates it.

She's like, stop talking about our son like that, and I'm like, he looks fucking, you know. You know, if they ever bring that Moripovich show, that could be a good way to get some money. Yeah. I can see you doing the dance. Who's Mori Povich, though, I don't know. It was a little bit before your time.

Oh, I'm sorry. It was a little bit before your time. Six, seven years ago. You kids don't know. Oh, the crowd's turning on them quick, folks. This is a very pro-Mori crowd here. Asher Casson, congratulations, fun times. There he goes, Asher Casson.

Thank you. Let's get one last bucket pull up here. We're having fun tonight. You guys having fun out there? All right, let's see what happens here. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Josh Canada, everybody. Here comes Josh Canada.

All right, thanks. I'm having a great month right now. I actually is odd timing, but I just celebrated two years. years of marriage. So that was fucking dope. Oh, thank you. Thank you, guys. It's a weird time in our marriage because we were talking. I wanted to go see the new Superman movie. It just came out on HBO

and she was, I was explaining it's really interesting because they changed directors, like revamping the universe. And she asked me, how long do you want me to pretend to care about this? So that's a new level of honesty. I didn't know that I didn't want, you know what I'm saying? But I did see the new Superman. It was pretty good. If you want to see it, I'm hearing a lot of weird stuff about it. People are like, there's one nation, right?

That's like oppressing another nation. And it's an analogy for like Israel-Palestine. But if you want to see the movie, that's not at all true. It's not. And I know that because in the movie, Lois Lane is a reporter, and she lived the whole time. So, it's not all right. Thanks. That's my time.

Appreciate it. All right, Josh, Canada. All right, Josh. How long have you been doing comedy? Coming up on two years. Two years. Okay. And where at?

Colorado, mostly. Colorado. Okay. How's it going there in Colorado? Is it better than it just went here? Yeah. I moved here in March, and yeah, usually, yeah. Okay.

What do you do for work? I'm between jobs, but looking for a barista gig right now. Looking for a barista gig. This might be the fanciest unemployed crew of comedians ever pulled out of the bucket. A lot of people hopeful for jobs taken by 15-year-olds. Damn, fair enough. Was that your best minute of comedy? Definitely not, but yeah, it was what it was.

You know what I want to do? You know what I'm thinking I want to do here? I want to check in. I want to check in with our friends straight No Chaser over here. Kino, can you light them up real quick? Guys, what did you guys think about that performance, if you don't mind? We're here on Kill Tony. That set was not funny.

You shouldn't quit your day job. I rather hear bags and box. And we are straight no chaser. That's straight no chaser over there, ladies and gentlemen. Just checking in, just enjoying the show over there. No big deal. How does that make you feel? Have you ever been, have you ever been demolished by a nine-person

a cappella group before? Have you ever had your soul taken with such great tone and rhythm? rhythm? No, that was new. Yeah, it feels good. It's unbelievable from my angle. I got to tell you, I think I had the best seen in the house for this. They're just loving.

Look at the smiles on these guys' faces. They all seem like the nicest guys, but they are loving, just destroying you right now. Let's check in with Jeff Dye. I felt like that was a little out of character for the Acapella guy. Yeah, it was. Also, he seems like a nice guy. Why didn't you do it for all those other

Fuckers. Well, I mean, I couldn't... Why this one? I couldn't have him do it for the trans or the... Yeah, I missed it on... I missed it on Frank. You guys remember Frank? Frank was rough, but it was Frank's second time,

and this guy's been doing it two years, so it really works for you because you've really had a lot of time to practice. This means more to you than it did for Frank. Josh, let's talk about it. It meant so much to Frank. Do you have any special? Special skills or talents or anything, Josh?

Like I said, I was living in Colorado, so I loved to snowboard. Nice. Yeah, I got really into, like, pit grilling, which was a lot of fun. What is it? Like smoking meat and stuff. Yeah. Rock and roll, dude. Fuck yeah.

Smoking meat. Fuck yeah, dude. Snowboarding and smoking meat, dude. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. When I'm not snowboarding, I'm out there smoking meat. Fuck it. Have you got to send this new fucking Superman movie, then? All right.

Okay. Josh, when you do stand up, what else do you talk about when you're not talking about the Superman movie? It's a 60 second setup for the lowest journalist survivor thing. Fair enough. Yeah, I talk a lot. My dad's from Mexico and, yeah, I talk a lot about that. It's funny because I don't, people tell me I don't like look Mexican or sound Mexican. Right.

And your last name is Canada. Yeah, that's my dad's last. Yes name? So it's Kenyatta. It's a C.A. Oh, I do see an accent mark there. I thought you drew like a funny mustache above it or something. Which I guess works both ways.

It's just an end with like that weird ass sombrero, yeah. It's a good time. Kenyatta. Yeah. Wow. My God, that's a name that makes you want to close down all the borders. Yeah, no, ever since the election of mine, going by Canada, which is better for some reason. It's a good time.

Amazing. Amazing. Okay, so let's try this again. You've been doing it two years. I don't want you to, after, there was something. I didn't think the Acapella group was going to light you up quite that hard. I feel, even I feel kind of bad. Even me, a writer of like 13 Comedy Central roast, right?

I mean, I do this every week. There's something about being told, you're not funny, in which I'm like, oh, God, that is as icy, cold as it gets. Just nine guys hitting different notes And making it sound beautifully perfect So I'm gonna give you one chance here to redeem yourself Two years in the game I want you to do your best joke right now Like a little quick, fast little like baboon

All right, all right, all right, all right, move the mic stand out of the way Move the mic stand All right, all right, I think I think mental health is important Just because, you know, depressed people are so annoying It's like, get over it, you know what I mean? And I'm not trying to, like, make light of suicidal people either, you know, because that's very serious.

You know, with suicidal people, it's never who you want it to be. You know what I'm saying? Still not funny. Oh, gosh. My sweet, sweet Josh. Do you have any other special skills or talents other than snowboarding and smoking meats? Oh, jeez, man Fuck that, I was fucking a grill and a pig the other night at it.

Awesome. Yeah. I used to like to act a lot. That was a lot of fun. So that was, yeah, something I enjoyed doing kind of before COVID. Do you live here now? Yeah. Okay.

Well, Josh, you know, we need you to sign up again sometime, Josh. Okay. in the meanwhile what do you got there what are you taking out here is a here's a little joke book it wasn't a great day Josh

it gets better sometimes the story sometimes people grow on this appreciate you man thank you one more time for Josh Kenyada ladies and gentlemen

he'll be back he ain't quitting he'll come back he's just gotta fucking smoke some meats he'll be back All right. Well, what an episode it's been. How could we forget? It started with Kansai Yasuda, Feeding Me Ramen. Dedrick Flynn, absolutely destroying from the middle position. We've seen a lot since then.

There's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen. And if you ask me, it is with the reigning, defending record holder for all-time appearances and all-time interviews. He's a Kiltoni Hall of Famer that God himself said, I love that, man. Some people call them the Vanilla Gorilla, the Memphis Strangler, the Tijuana Tarantula, the Bernie Bush. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Big Red Machine, the one and only, lights out William Montgomery.

Remember when you could wish COVID on your worst enemy and it meant something? Mum Donnie, and by the way, I hope I'm pronouncing that right so I don't get jihadied after the show, was just elected mayor and conservatives are pissed.

Meanwhile, my ass is handing out hitchhiking directions to the Austin homeless population. You're free! Go live in prosperity! Hey, Red Band, If I'm wrong, but if you blow bubbles, can that spread hepatitis? Tesla's shareholders approved a trillion-dollar pay package for Elon Musk. That lucky son of a bitch is going to be able to retire at 55.

Okay, that's my time. Thank you. William Lights Out Montgomery has done it again. I gotta tell you, William. William, I think we should just jump right into it, right? You went a little viral this week. I think everybody saw it. It's like a big deal.

You want to talk about it, William? Tony, it was the, I'm just going to use the word exciting. It was the most exciting show I've done in years. I'm not even kidding. I get up, I did this, some festival, a little festival here in Austin, and I'm doing 25 minutes, and within the first two minutes, some random person joins me. on stage he gets right beside me thank God he didn't have a gun or a knife or he would have killed me

he was standing right beside me and he asked for the microphone and I just I'm confused I don't know what's going on so I do the microphone over to him and he's like you're garbage this is garbage so that's that a really good tone for the other 23 minutes I had to do after that fucking guy I'm literally people are this hasn't happened and towards the end of it thank God I was able to just kind of

relax and try to appreciate everything but it was a whole bunch of kill yourself get off the fucking stage where the tomatoes that's one that hurt me the most some idiot kept on yelling where are the tomatoes but I had to power through

because I'm like oh my god I have to get paid I have to do the time so it was so I had to do it but it was scary but in the first 30 seconds I could tell it wasn't going to go great and then the guy joins me on stage and I didn't know who Morgan Jay was

but I learned a couple things as weekend. I really did. And one of the things is is just see who the headliner person is. And it was a guy named Morgan Jay and I never met the guy before. He was very nice. He came up to me and he said hello. But I guess his whole thing is, is he does the auto-tune microphone and

does crowd work the whole time. He goes out into the crowd. So it's a little different than the comedy that I do. Yes. Without a doubt. It's totally night and day different than what I do. It was a lot of his fans, I think. It could have been worse. You could have had an Acapulah band tell you that you're shit.

Yeah. If the whole audience... Hold on. I don't get it. Dumbass! No, I'm kidding. I know. That would have been bad.

That would have been bad. That would have been bad. And let's be clear here that your comedy style doesn't go that bad ever. Never. It's impossible because you headline your own shows. People come out to see you. And sometimes you're on some of my shows in which everybody, knows you and for this festival you were paid a very handsome amount of money to do a gig that you

normally wouldn't do because you normally let's just be honest you normally don't perform in your hometown very often you work very often you love making vast sums of money for your art in which saying that i mean but you do i mean this tickets aren't selling as good this year Tony. Well, yeah, because you're, yeah, okay. Yep. Okay. Let me just plow through what I'm saying here for a second. Oh, no, you go ahead, James. I'm just going to say, I think after that video, tickets might turn around. I think, honestly, that was a big viral thing, and people are going to want to do that again. And that's quite scary, but financially it will, that's good. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, you've seen a lot. Without a doubt. We all love it.

Many fans love it because the jokes are rock solid. But, yeah, I do my Paul Walker, Paul Crasher joke, and it is an uproarious boo. Just this barrage of booze. They came, so they love Paul Walker. I guess the Morgan J. fans love Paul Walker. I had no idea. See, if I knew that, I wouldn't have done that joke. And there were other jokes, too, that I wouldn't have done.

I don't know if there's any way to say this without being slightly political, right? But guys like that that literally kind of like saying about that da-da-da, like very... You're talking about Indian guys? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I mean, the guy, you know, I mean, it's funny. There's Kill Tony fans, right? And then there's some... Oh, my gosh, it seemed wonderful. I was watching his videos.

And at first I was confused because it was like, oh, my gosh, what's going on? Where are the jokes? But then I'm watching it. I'm like, oh, this is funny. Right. It was funny. Yes. It was.

There's one thing where it's an older guy sitting next to a young kid, and he's like, how do you know this kid? And that made me laugh because it's like, and then the guy's like, oh, it's my cousin. And it's like, oh, my gosh. And it's auto. And he's like, that's your cousin. Yeah, that's your, yeah.

And like, so that fan base that this guy has built is, let's just say, very, very clean, right? Very clean. not anything of any, like, you know. It's woke church shit, pretty much. Well, I mean, you know, yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, he was real nice to me.

I have nothing. I'm not saying anything bad about him. Why don't we do this? Why don't you describe what the audience was like? If you could describe what you were looking at out there, what did it look like to you? Mainly Hispanic people. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Okay. But yeah, no, it seemed like a lot of Hispanic people. But in the past, oh, my gosh, there have been wonderful, nice. What did you tell me on the phone when I called you, when I called you to make sure you weren't going to kill yourself? What, how did you describe the audience to me? Do you remember? They looked very non-oh, non-binary.

And I say that, oh, and seriously, and that's just a descriptor. It means nothing, I don't care one way or the other, but for the record. Look, you're not going to win them back now. No, I'm not trying to say, I don't give this shit. But for the record, when I'm calling the person a slut and a bitch, that was a non-binary-looking, fucking nasty-looking bitch. That's fucking for my death. Literally saying, kill yourself.

And I feel weird, Tony, because I literally see a hundred cameras up there. So I'm like, this is awkward. Because it's like, I got to try to defend myself a little, I guess, because there's all these people, but it's all these idiots filmed. And it's, I don't know. Right. So I just powered through it. But it's just a different type of...

Telling the jokes. A different type of audience. It happened. Yes, and it was scary. It scared me a little. There's people that if I was in that spot, it would have been the same thing. Like there's certain audiences that literally perhaps have never seen a real comedy show before. They see someone that's famous on Instagram.

They go and they just want to see them sing auto tune crowds. You know what I mean? And you're up there doing actual jokes. I bet you went out there. I bet you didn't see a single corn t-shirt or an Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt, right? Like you do out here. It's a little bit different of a crowd. Correct.

Yes. Very... Totally in agreeance on that. Right. So what did you learn from this experience? William. Yeah, let's play a little clip. Red band has a little clip.

Get him out here! Holy! Holy shit! What the fuck did you just say to me, bitch? Don't go, bitch! Yice! Wow, so that's a little bit. How we get that one?

We have a little bit more. Hold on, let's play a little bit more. This is playing well in this room. Play? Throw that tomato. So I started taking weed Viagra, but the only problem is whenever I smoke it, my eyes get hard. It's amazing. It's killing here.

I'll just need to buckle in because I'm... There's zero laughter. Zero laughter. And there's a lot of people, hundreds? It in fact, booze. It was not only not laughter, it was also booed. Wow. Like the entire time.

crazy that your jokes destroy here and get booze there. My recommendation is they should have perhaps Frank open up for Morgan Jay next time because he gets booze here. Maybe he would get big laughs there. Maybe Frank, his third appearance ever, he should make

thousands and thousands of dollars to do 25 minutes. All right. William? You look fantastic. How much weight have you lost? Thank you. I don't know. It's the Manjaro I'm on. No, it's

Yeah, well, I haven't been able to do the Roe Machine in two weeks. It's very sad. I'm getting into a weird thing. God, after that set in the past, if it was when I was sorry, I was looking at your bosoms for a second. Oh my gosh. She really has them out there. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Those are big, yeah, those are huge.

Those are giant bosoms. What was I talking about? I don't even remember what I was talking about. Wait, seriously. What was? I'm kidding. I'm not being mean. What was I talking about, though? Oh, yeah, no. After the set, normally if it was when I was drinking and doing cocaine,

I would have gotten all fucked up, but I just ate a large Papa John's stuffed crust pizza. So I'm doing better. Wow. What did you have on your Papa John's large stuff? Just a little sausage, Tony! What else? What else was on the pizza?

It was just sausage. Oh, well, you did it again, William Montgomery. You might get booze and silence other places, but here he is beloved. Guys, let's see what Ryan J.E. Belt drew tonight during this. Wow, look at that. That's James McCann and Jeff Dye. Ryan J.E.Belt.com for those prints. Chris Rogers, what do you draw tonight?

Oh, shit. The new regular Dedrick Flynn over there. Guys, how loud can this place get for our guest? James McCann, whose new book of poem, disquieting levels of egg. is on Amazon right now. His special is a wild hit on YouTube, Black Israelite. He has the James McCann

Catamaran podcast. James McCann. Don't forget that new book of poems, disquieting levels of egg. There you go. Oh, you've forgotten a bit. They love poems, this crowd. Perhaps Morgan Jay can tweet. I'm going to go off to that auto-tune crowd.

They're going to love poems. They're going to love it. Those people are sick and disgusting. Can I say? Fuck them. I love you. That's right. James McCann, ladies and gentlemen.

Jeff Dye is on tour at Jeff Dye.com. He has the new Diehard pod. Thank you, Jeff. Thanks for having me. How about one more time for a straight no chaser over there? Their pre-show performance was unbelievable. Love the cameo during the show. SNC Music.com.

They're on tour everywhere. Follow them on social media at SNC Music. They are unbelievable. Thank you to Talkspace ZipRecruiter and Tocobas. Heidiregina.com, Ryan J.Ebelt.com, red band. Check out my fake band. I got a couple of new songs. Capred 7 on YouTube, Cap Red Music.

Love you guys. That is AI music for those of you that literally will listen to anything. He's got a new AI thing he's doing. It's my poetry, Tony. That's right. It's really amazing. I mean, if you love anything, you will love cap bread music.

Whiskey whore, check it out. Yeah. All right. How about one more time for the best stand band in all the land, live audience? We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. You know,

and The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's Secret Show every Thursday. Go to SunsetstripATX.com for tickets. Thank you. Thank you.