KILL TONY - #752 - TOMMY POPE + STEVE BYRNE

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

Steve Byrne, Tommy Pope, Ari Matti, Dedrick Flynn, William Montgomery,Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling,Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED–12/27/2025 Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://quo.com/killtony Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/killtony Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://talkspace.com/tony Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for everything, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquod.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquod.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Toney. Comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony! Get up for Toney! It's glad! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Fucking noise for them, everybody. There they are. Rahubilejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez,

Naches, Belgronde, Matt Mueling on the Electric, John D's on the Keys, and that's D Madness on the bass guitar. Hell yeah. What an episode we have for you. This is brought to you by Netflix, where we are currently right now in the top 10

with our hit new episode, Once Upon a Time in Texas, live on Netflix. It was taped here on New Year's Eve. Go watch it on Netflix, if you haven't already, tell your family to watch it. Just keep it rolling over and over again. And that's all good. You guys excited to be here?

Very good. Very exciting stuff. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you, right here, right now. uploaded the wrong episode to YouTube this week. He literally uploaded last week's episode to YouTube.

So right now there's just about three quarters of a million people angry on the internet right now. So Red Band is going to leave and go upload the episode. I, for the first time ever in the show's history, will be on sound effects. and it's going to be an exciting start to the show. Red band's gone. This is what we've always wanted, ladies and gentlemen.

Go upload the fucking episode, Red Band. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th, and Dallas, March 28th. Go to Tonyhenchcliff.com for tickets. Right now, come see an actual Kill Tony show

in the Great State of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th, 1 in Grand Prairie, March. 28th, Tony Hinchcliff.com. Get tickets now. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Hell yeah. Rain or shine the fun never ends. Ladies and gentlemen, every single week, I

book two of the funniest people on the world on the show. This week's no different. Make some fucking noise for Steve Byrne and Tommy Pope, everybody. Here we go. Yes, Steve Byrne, he's the man. Tommy Pope, live in the flesh. We are going to have some fucking fun tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

It's been a while since Steve Burns been on the show, Comedy Store Legend, one of the people that when I started, one of the few people there was to look up to back in the day. Fun fucking guy. We've spent each night drinking here in Austin, having a blast, and welcome. Yep. Thank you. Steve's the man. Tommy, you and I get drunk all the time together. I'll drink.

I love you guys. We're going to have so much fun. You guys have done this show before. Obviously, you know how it works. Over 300 people have signed up. I mean, this thing is. It might be more than usual. Is it more than usual?

Upwards of 300, above 300. Thank you. Yeah. What are you drinking tonight, Steve? Liquid cocaine. Perfect. I'm going to let the corpse of John Bonae Ramsey pick the first bucket pool here.

Oh, my God. That's how it goes. Very good. Thank you so much, right off the top. You guys know how it works. get 60 seconds, you know, their time is up and you know the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. They bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Wow. It's so fucking easy to do Red Band's job. Who would have possibly guessed? It's unbelievable. Wow. My God. I mean, yeah, it's literally the easiest thing in the fucking world. But guess who's not here?

Red Band. Red band's not here. That's what he would have seen. if he was here. While we go wrangle that first bucket pool, we have a golden ticket winner here who's going to cash in tonight and get the show started. Ladies and gentlemen,

make some fucking noise. This is your first minute of the night by J.J. Alexander, everybody. Here he is. Make some noise for JJ. You know, I started reading a lot of history books recently, and I came across this book. It's called Barry My Heart of Wounded Knee. It's a total and complete history of Native America. And I was reading this book,

and I was thinking about modern politics. And I think you can say, whatever you want, Donald Trump is as the president. If we look back at history, he would have made an excellent Native American war chief. Do you want to know the group of people who could have used Donald Trump's immigration plan the most? The original Native Americans, that's he could have used it.

You know, he's like, the white people are coming here, bringing tea, bringing crime. Some of whom could be good people, not these people, they're horrible, very bad. There's angry Andrew Jackson, nobody likes this guy. He put me on a trail. I cried the entire time.

Yes, I did. And where do we end up? Oklahoma. What a shithole this place. No one even likes it. They were torn. And then we made a deal with the whites. We gave them all of the land

and they gave us beads. Why? If I was negotiating, I would have gotten us way more beads. We're going to make Native America great again. You know, thank you. Boop. J.J. Alexander.

Getting us started. Good take. Decent Trump impression. Thank you, brother. How's it feeling? How's life going? Dude, holy shit. This is awesome. I'm so happy, man. I just got back. I did the Denver improv. I headlined for the first time. It was like life-changing moment for me. So it always goes to this show, man. Thank you so much.

Absolutely. Yeah. Then also I went to Sue Falls with Enrique Chacon. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah, so me and Erika was supposed to do it. I was supposed to feature, and Enrique was supposed to headline. And I get a text at 5 a.m. because that's when the flight was. And then he was like,

hey, bro, I'm not going to make it, man. No. And it's like, I got to get on the flight. So his flight was going to get in at 10, but the show was supposed to start at 7. So the guy that ran the show was like, hey, guess what? We're just going to start the show an hour late. The host that was supposed to do 10 minutes

is now doing 30 minutes, and you're going to go until Enrique gets there. And I did, by the way, I have 45 minutes of material. I did an hour and 30 minutes. Wow. Just a lot of Trump doing a Native American impression. It was way longer. 45 minutes.

Wow. The guy was like, hey, you're going to do an hour of material, and then you're going to do 30 minutes of crowd work. And I'm like, oh, shoot. I was like, oh, God. So how did it go? Were you panicked? Did you end up relaxing?

Was the crowd with you? I kind of loosened up after a little bit, but it was weird. Also, like, the place that we did, there's a water park inside of it. There's a water park inside of the comedy club? Yeah. It wasn't a cut. you should be around a water park. Oh, 100%.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Close, I'll tell you that. Yeah. I'm very, you should have seen how fast me and the Rike went down those water slides, dude. It was nuts.

For different reasons, dude. Oh, yeah. No, we went, dude, I'm not sure if you been a fat guy on a water slide. It's like the best, dude. I was going like, I was in top gun,

just going down those water slides. Just like, yeah, that's it. Faster than normal. Fat guys fall faster. Oh, dude, it was, It was like a greased up whale going down a slide, dude. It was nuts. Amazing.

Yeah, I kept my shirt on, though. Yeah, shirt on guy. Enrique's shirt on two? Yeah, his shirt on two. Yeah, that back was a little bit wetter than usual on Enrique. Over yet. Let me see those fat tits, dude. Take that.

Tommy's trying to see those tits. Take that hoodie off. Let me see those fat tits. How many you want to see his tits right now? The first comic in a night. Show your fucking tits. Let's see those tits, dude. Racist fuck.

Show your white tits. Tommy wants the tits, bro. Please be pink. Please be pink. Oh. No. What? Oh, he's saying no.

What do you have big ariolas? I'll take over for red band. No. What are you afraid of? What exactly is it that you're shy about right now? Can you describe your tits to us at least? Yeah, they're very volumptuous. I need to work.

I need to lose away for sure. But, yeah, I don't know. I just feel like my shirtless body on the internet's not good. Yeah, no, of course. All right. Tommy's taking it back. He's backtracking. Kidding.

You're very seductive eyes, Tommy. Yeah, I have nice eyes. Very pretty. Chip Brown, right? Yeah. Look at the lashes. Look at him fucking bounce. It's like my boobs, dude.

Show me your fat tits. Jay-J, how else is your life changed? since winning a golden ticket on Kiltanis. It's been incredible, man. Just like the comedy stuff's been going great. Actually, me and Mason Bird work at the same Dutch pros right now. That's another guy that got the gold ticket. Dutch bros.

Yeah, I got him a job of the Dutch bros. Yeah, me and him were just making coffees, dude. It's been great. I've been just crushing chocolate milk, man. Like a lot. Get out. Yeah, dude. Tell us more about this chocolate milk prediction.

Yeah, so I tracked it. I like started doing math because you get as many. drinks as you want when you work at Dutch Bros. You can just drink as much as you want. They don't stop you. I'm happy at this point. My life's going great. I got to go and take it on Kill Tony.

I just am drinking as much chocolate milk as I want, man. It's sweet. Holy shit. It's the largest five-year-old I've ever heard. Yeah. No. So you can drink as much chocolate milk as you want. And I tracked it.

So apparently, I've been drinking about 32 ounces of chocolate milk a day. Like, that's a big gulp cup full, no ice. That's what I'm crushing every day. That's why your earlobes are milking. Yeah. Dude, I got some big ariolus. I can breastfeed you right now. Again, you're the one of prey to...

Show my kids if you suck on it. He'll see... Okay, now we're negotiating here. Hold on. Now we're negotiating. No, no, hold on a second. This is so much fun. Dude, do cow noise, cow noise. I'm gonna do the cow noise when you pull out those fat tits, dude.

Not gonna do it now. You have a force field around those tits. Get up with the bullshit. Let's see your fucking tits right now. Let's see them. I wanna see some big milky, pepperoni nipple titties right now, okay? Let's do it, Junior Andy Reid. Pull out your fucking tits.

Thank God you put the... Thank God you put the ARIR 15 down and did some stand-up. Now, pull out of titty, he's had a lot of peanut butter. He's a little thirsty puppy. Look at me. Look at me. He's a thirsty puppy. Can we at least see your belly button? We'll settle for a belly button. Oh, he's proud of his belly button, ladies and gentlemen. Here it is. Oh.

Yeah. The filth. All right. Yeah, also, to fill time in Sue Falls, I drew a face on my belly. and I started making it talk to kill time. Really? Yeah, I was like, I did like a... You work at a coffee shop? Yeah, I work at a coffee shop.

Yeah, I really like chocolate milk. I can't stop thinking about it. Sorry. So, yeah, I did, I was doing impressions with the belly bun. That's what I do. Like, I did, I was like, I was like, I could do a Bill Cosby impression.

Okay, let's hear it. And I was like, okay, so this is what I did. I was like, okay. Everybody, let's get ready. I got you guys like impressions. Okay, make some noise for you like impressions, okay? Okay, here it is. You could have just done it, but okay.

They didn't need to do that part. I swear, I swear, I said. And I did that and it killed. I swear to God. I gotta see this hour and a half set sometimes. It's called Killing Time with JJ Alexander. Jay J.J. Fun Times, congratulations. You did it.

Started the show tonight. There you go. Thank you guys. Appreciate it. Absolutely. All right, there he goes. To the bucket we go now, ladies and gentlemen. This is the heartbeat of the show.

Uh-oh. The lovely Heidi and Valerie. ladies and gentlemen, catch their podcast at Heidiregina.com. So fun. All right, our first bucket bowl tonight, we're going to meet them all together. Make some noise. 60 seconds, uninterrupted

for it, Yee, everybody. Here comes Yee, here we go. More time, make some noise for Yee, everybody. Thank you, Austin. Most women get preyed on, P-R-E-Y, but I get preyed on P-R-A-Y.

Hell yeah, I'm blessed, you know, A lot of people think that I would swipe right on anyone. I'm gonna tell you right now. As soon as I see wheels, I'm swiping left. Like, we can't both be physically, like, vulnerable, you know what I'm saying? Like, Ikea furniture, you know? Like, we gotta go to UPS store, return some Amazon packages. Most of the people that actually date, it's mostly military men.

And the thing about them is, uh, civilian men, not military, They would tell me about how strong I am, like, just all day. But with military guys, a lot of their friends' legs been blown off, and I got both of mine, you know what I'm saying? I'm a peg above them. Peg, anyway. Thank you. Bucky at.

Yee, welcome to the show. Oh, look who's back. Man, we were really struggling without you. Don't know. Don't know. Why are not so many stairs? There he is. All right.

Why are there so many stairs? I mean, you know. I'm a feeling you say that all the time. Yeah. You know, Houston comedy scenes as much full of stairs or even worse, so. You're in Houston? That's where you live?

Yeah. I'm annoying about it, too. Hey, I'm like a Kool-Aid man through a wall, but like oriental wall. Okay. Hell yeah. The rice paper wall, you... That's not very Korean.

We are more high-tech than that, so... Kamsamina. Why? I'm Korean. I know, but why are you saying thank you to me right now? No kia. Because it's over. Oh, you said, I'm cute?

Someone said I'm cute. Kiyawa? Ye-hee. I'm Korean and I need subtitles. It's... It's Ye-hee. Yay, he. All right, sorry.

Thank you. Yay, he, welcome, welcome. How long you've been doing stand-up comedy? Seven months since May. I love it. What made you want to get started? My life's a joke, but, like, in a very disabled way. So was fat did it.

No, recently I got an award for being the most resilient. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, that's amazing. Where'd you get this award from? Pop the balloon. I got on a dating show just to start. to be funny. Uh-huh.

I knew it was going to be like a real-life Tinder situation where they see the crushes and they're like, nah, she can't, she can't bang. So, you know what I'm saying? And then they all popped on me. Like, it's exactly what I thought it would happen. Yeah. And then they gave me the most resilient reward for that. So let's talk about it, Yehi.

What do you do for work? I'm an online math teacher. Online math teacher. I know. Get the fuck out of me. I know. I know. Hold the fucking court.

I know. I work online because I'm, I'm disabled, but I teach math because I'm Asian. It's incredible. Dude. It's wonderful, isn't it? Logging on with those crutches must be so difficult. I used to be in a wheelchair, so screw you.

I'm doing great. I'm sorry. Now look at you with the world's largest chopsticks. Listen. So what exactly is the condition that you have? Her favorite, or Red Band's favorite, guess? Cerebral palsy? Exactly!

Yes! Finally! Finally, right? Jake's back there, by the way, so... What? Jake... Oh, never mind. Coulter.

You accused him of having cerebral palsy. He's back where? Waiting. Where? We all have wristbands. What do you think? Where he's at? At the bar?

Yes. Okay, you said back there like he's back there. Okay, come on now. Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. You're fair, fair. Yeah, he. Yeah. So, you used to be.

be in a wheelchair. How did you do physical therapy your way up like this? I'm just Mulan, you know. You're what? Mulan, the movie. No, you know what? You ruin this joke. Yeah, physical therapy. Okay, very good. Way to go, tunnel. So, Yee, what exactly, what do you do for fun? When you're not online math teaching and doing stand-up, what else is there about you?

I like to go to the gym. You're funny. You really are funny. What else, though, Yehi? Tell us more. I like journaling and little stickers, like really, like, cutesy, little, you know, I don't know. You're an Asian girl. I know. I'm just a typical Asian girl. 100%. Both parents are super Korean.

What do they think about you doing comedy? My mom thinks I'm at the gym. Got it. And your dad thinks you're online? What? Fuck it. Your mom thinks you're at the gym She hates being perceived And I'm being the most perceived right now

Okay Yeah He tell us more about your life though Are you really out there on dating sites? What are you doing? What's the last date you went on? I'm actually with a military guy You really are

Yeah And he's fully functional Yeah Okay He's got like a bunch of ribbons and everything It's phenomenal He like he like operates tanks It's literally the opposite of what I am.

He's lying, dude. Yeah. This guy doesn't exist. Yeah. Stolen baller. This is got a fetish. Yeah. And he's throwing a fucking army coat.

Bought some fake ribbons on fucking Amazon. He's knocking this girl around until she walks straight. Fake. I would have walked straight already, so... And what? Yehee, where'd you meet this guy at? Tinder, a while ago. Okay.

How long have you been with them? We've been on and off for like a while for like six years. Very on and off. But, you know, yeah. That's great. Very good. Is he here tonight? He's in Georgia.

He has, like, grow around. There we go. There we go. No. Yeah, he works at Old Navy, bitch. He's not in the military. Yeah, no. He lives a block away.

Yeah, totally. Above a milk shack. He's out, yeah, like, he's like in a monastery in China or something. He's done that, actually, and no one believes. leaves me, so. Monastery in China. Is that what he calls your pussy? Let me ask you this.

So you live in Houston, how often do you drive down here to sign up for Kill Tony? This is my ninth time. First time was my birthday, and I actually was so excited. I got two balloons, one that says happy birthday, and the other one said, get well soon. And I thought you would really love that, Tony. Well, that's how it works. Sometimes you don't get pulled. Don't get pulled.

Had to feel sad taking those balloons back in the car and packing them up and driving back to Houston after that. It's actually the first time today. Today is the first time I drove here alone and I shouldn't say that in public. Wow. But what are the odds? An Asian woman.

There he is. Riving in streets of Austin. There he is. Deceased at 12 0 and 5. Oh my God, don't say that out loud. What kind of car do you drive, Yehi? I found that Asians are extremely loyal to Asian car brands. Oh, God.

Close your ears. Nissan Ultima. There it is. Nissan. You went Japanese, bitch. You don't go Hyundai? You know, my mom said that, too. Handa!

I know! I know! I know! Bad Korean! Wow. Look at these Koreans. Look at me fighting each other, yet again. North versus South over here.

You're giving me trauma right now, dude. Like, I had to bring my dad the milk, so please, you got to be nice to me. Yeah, he. How old are you? I'm 30. Wow, all right. Red Man, you want to invite her to The Secret Show? A Lord knows you do.

She did do very, she was very funny. You missed it. I don't have a secret show for a couple of weeks, but in a couple weeks, yes. I would love to have you on the Secret Show. There you go, Yehee. Congratulations. And here's a big joke book. Don't throw it to me.

That's a hate crime. I bet you catch it. I'm really good at throwing it. I don't do that. I'm really good at throwing it. Trust me. Yayhi, trust me. Yayhi, trust me.

Put your... I can't. I'm gonna... I'm gonna land it. Pass it down. No, I'm not. I'm gonna... Yay, look at me.

I am the teacher here. Face your fucking fears. I can easily... Stand up straight, put your arm near your chest. Maybe not straight, but as best as you can. Take your hand off the fucking microphone.

Put it close to your chest. Right there. Don't move it. Don't panic. Don't move. Don't you fucking move. If you move, you're gonna ruin this for both of us. Yeah!

Now we're cooking, baby. How about another hand for Yee, everybody? This is where it happens. This is where the magic happens, everybody. Wow. You got to see someone fucking face their fears there. There's no way I'm gonna catch you, Tony. There's nothing that can happen where I'll possibly catch this joke book.

NFL films worthy. It's what I do. I just set people up for success. Oh, let's get a slow-mo that. That's going to be it. Insane ability. Send it straight to the highlight reel. Insane ability.

No, it's fine. They'll get it. Well, hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Quo, 2026, is the year your business stops acting like a game of telephone gone wrong, scattered messages, missed calls, and who's handling this? Shouldn't be a daily ritual. A modern communication system is like giving your team a GPS instead of a treasure map. Everyone stays a line. No opportunities disappear into the void. You'll catch yourself saying, all right, let's fucking quo. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo.

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It's Blake Apatow, everybody. Here we go. How's it going, folks? Good to see ya. I went to the strip club with my dad. Not that fun, getting hard with your dad. Sucked. Yeah, I don't really want to get hard with any of my relatives, except my cousin.

I feel like if you don't want to bang your cousin, you just don't have a cousin hot enough. My cousin is gorgeous, okay? She looks like Italian Pocahontas. I would pay money to see my cousin naked. I try every Thanksgiving. I'm gonna try again on New Year's. I'm pretty sexually adventurous, folks. I've gotten like 300 Asian massages with happy endings.

I call them Jackie Chan's. Big fan of Jackie Chan. These massages are so good. They're too good. Because now I can't come without Asian woman sound effects. Women are like... There you go. Blake Apatel.

Welcome, Blake. How are you? Doing fantastic, bro. How long have you been to? One, stand-up. About five years for COVID. We're at. Colorado, Hawaii, and then here the last couple years.

Okay. You live in Austin now? Yeah. Okay. And what do you do for work? How do you make money? I'm a bartender just a couple blocks away. Oh, nice.

Here on Dirty Sixth. You see a lot of crazy shit. Yeah, definitely a decent bit. Give us an example of the nuttyest thing you've seen on these wild streets of Austin, Texas. Yeah. So I will say immigration. People are talking a lot about immigration. Everyone's fucking pissed about immigration, all right?

I was dating this Brazilian woman next door, the coffee shop next door. And I just, we got into it one night. She was in a fake marriage to a gay American citizen, which is just, yeah, kind of something fascinating. At some level I respect, I feel like if you convince Americans to marry you, you earned it, you deserved it. But this, I feel like we could also stop it. I don't know, just the fake marriages.

It's just interesting to me. I was like, we could test for that. We could, there's an immigration interview, a man and a woman, I feel like we could have, like, maybe, like, the wife or the husband eat the wife's pussy or something, you know, some sort of test to see if it's a real couple. Because a gay guy could never eat a woman's pussy. If a gay guy touches a pussy turns to stone. We know that. I haven't seen Chris DeLean a few years. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I wish you were handicapped and Chinese was running a four, five, 40. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hey, bro, you came into a restaurant one time. How are you doing, Steve? Yeah, it's good to see you again.

Absolutely, 100%. I remember specifically, bro, you wanted double a dressing, and I only came out with one. I'm sorry about that, bro. It's okay. Well, look, I really appreciate your act. I like the bit about fucking your cousin, because believe it or not, I was attracted to a cousin of mine,

and I hate to say this. I actually had sex with her so hard. She can't walk anymore. Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah. But she can catch a joke, but. Blake, what's your dating life like? You seem like a real womanizer.

You have that voluminous hair that you pretend like you're not strategically taking care of, but blatantly you're obsessed with it. I can just picture you in the mirror fluffing it up. I know a thousand guys like you. Try to run off of hair confidence. Go ahead. Tell us about your love life.

Okay, so I know dating's pretty fun. I'm like I'm really in love with the Divine Feminine right now. I went on three dates in one day the other day. What does that mean a divine feminine? Well... I fucking hate this kid. I saw you too, but on these side. I love you guys.

Can I tell you, if I had your hair... If I had your hair, I'd grow it out, I'd travel everywhere horseback. It's... Yeah, astounding. I like that, naked, horseback. When you say three dates the other day, what do you mean? So I went on 4 p.m. coffee date with a 51-year-old. Okay.

Somebody's mom wants to get... You're back in my heart. You're back in my heart. You're talking, dude. But how did that go? Why did you do that? Well, that's the thing is she had these beautiful dark curls. And sometimes I get bored.

I don't know, just scrolling. And I go like, usually whatever, like 20 to 30 is the age range. Sometimes I just blow it out, 1880 plus. You know? I bang your grandma. Right. Did you do anything with that lady? So we made out that day.

We hung out two nights ago, though. I mean, have you ever gotten a 30-minute hot oil massage from a woman, half a century year old. Wow. That's unbelievable. So you hung out with her you made out with her yesterday. Yeah, well, she was sick. It was a whole thing. I went home for a week and we... She's fucking dying.

She's not... She's not... She's... Yes. ...polio. Yeah, yeah. We were watching this documentary and it was just like talking about like... It was don't die by Brian Johnson. Really good. Check it out.

But he was talking about like how what happens at 70 years old Like all the serious health markers and shit that drop off And it was pretty funny because I was looking at it I'm like, you paying attention? This is pretty fucking important for you But yeah, she jacked me off for like 30 minutes It was amazing.

I feel like old people. 30 minutes. Sorry, I'm spitting on you. But yeah, that's the thing is I felt like young people Like kind of chaotic and just wanted to fuck it quick And like I kept like she kept me like slow, easy, easy. Yeah, it's experience. Yeah, stretching it out and she was like telling me the pacing and stuff.

All right, that's enough. God, you're so annoying. I was just getting back in. Jesus Christ. But the, okay. There's a medium joke book. There he goes. Blake Apatow, ladies and gentlemen.

That was great. Good job, buddy. We're going to keep it moving along. Good job, Blake. Good enough. Long drawn-out stories, though. Jesus. Gonna keep it moving here. Oh, we know this guy.

This is a wild, wild Texan. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Tommy Tickles, everybody. Here's Tommy Tickles. Live. in the flesh, the return to Tommy Tickle. I hate audience participation exercises. Who's with me? I'm getting older.

I'm going to a bald spot. If my granny would have said, if you don't stop doing that, you're going to go bald. Well, then she would have been right. I know I'm getting older. I'm getting older. I'm going to massage parlors just to get a massage. My skin's starting to wrinkle.

When I'm talking, when black people talk to me, I've noticed they subconsciously lick their lips and I think it's because I'm starting to look like fried chicken. Joke of the night so far, Tommy tickles. Sticking the landing there. Very good, Tommy. Addie. You're actually getting better.

Thank you, sir. I'm seeing growth here. I did the mic thing. I moved the mic out of the way. Look at you. You're like a real pro. Yeah. I love it. You're also super likable coming off of the last guy. I gotta tell you.

It's just good to have a real human up here, not a fucking sociopath serial killer pretending to mix in with old patchy pants. So how's life been going, Tommy Tickles? Life's been going good. Right now, it's baby season out on the farm and ranch. What does that mean? Explain to the people who don't

have ranches with babies. It's me and my wife. We'd go crazy. No, we have a bunch of sheep and goats, and now we're having a bunch of sheep having babies right now, so it's all hands on deck. Three times a day feeding baby sheep. Hi. And how many Afghans visit the farm?

How many, what? Thank you, Tommy Tickles. Yeah, absolutely perfect. So the sheep are banging or they're just having babies? Are they done banging? How does it go? Backing? Do you get to see them have sex?

Oh, yeah. It takes about five months. Jeez, all right, you fucking cuck. This guy jerking off in the corner. Oh, yeah, I get to watch him a lot, Tony. You kidding? Oh, yeah. Y'all don't know this, but Red Band came out to the ranch. Now I've got two sheep and a goat. They'll never be the same.

Walking in a little bit. They're coming out with this face on them. Bang. That poor sheep. Yeah. Yeah, red band's jokes are bad. Tommy, you ever seen... What does it explain to the people?

Because we don't know, explain... Tommy, what's going on over there? You have an aside combo? No. Have you ever... Can you describe to the audience what a sheep's pussy looks like exactly? The world wants to know.

And what brand of peanut butter do you use? You know, it's interesting. We had a hermaphrodite sheep. It was bored of a little girl. Here's this little thing. One of the first ones we had, her name was Shotsie. And then about like six months later, her balls dropped. So she's out there chasing female sheep like a male

and getting them all riled up. So I looked into it. You can name it Yehishi. Yeah. No, I fish right in around here. From a performer that was on earlier, guys. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but Yehishi. That's it. That's comedy.

Okay. Bad again. Thank you. I'm Stevie Tickles. Have you noticed that the other sheep don't really take a liking to the trans sheep that you have? Yeah, nobody likes her. Right. Nobody liked her.

Did she dye her sheep hair purple or anything? Does she make coffees for the other sheep really well? Mailbox? Make a hell of a latte? She was one of our favorites, though, so she got a lot of attention from us. I bet. I bet. That's why they call you Tommy Tickles. Deep.

One of the reasons. Tell me, do you own an AR-15 by chance? You look like every mass serial killer I've ever... The old school. The old school one. That's what they used to look like. Now they look like as trans sheep. Yeah.

That's what they look like now. He's coming in there just... Bhrhr! No, sir, I don't own an AR-15. But I was a scout sniper in the Marine Corps, and I have a 308 Winchester. Oh, yeah. God damn right.

All right, you were great tonight, huh? They were fucking fantastic. I love you so much, dude. Thank you for service. How can I follow you online? Tommy, have you been going up a lot? Because that was way better than your last... Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I did about 100 open mics. Let's go. Benjona. Trying to go down to San Antonio. Hit up a couple of spots down there. I didn't know it, you know, a year ago, but this is a passion. This is, you know, you get into it.

You get a couple of laughs. And then all of a sudden, you're like, holy, folks, this is great. You're adorable, Tommy. Yeah. You're adorable. You should tell everybody you have two passions, comedy and sheep. No, I don't even like sheep. Why don't you like the sheep?

Tell us why you don't like the sheep. Explain to us. We don't own ranchers. Oh, they're great from when they're babies all the way up in three months. They're cute. Then they're like 200 pounds, and I've had them knock me about 10 feet sideways. You know, they come up from behind you and they think they're still your friend, and that's what they do to their friend.

They've come up and butt you. And then all of a sudden, you're not built with that. And that's 600 pounds of... Can I ask you a question? Do you end their life? Ha. I live on a farm and ranch, and you know... Answer the fucking question.

What's the question? You put a 45 in their fucking skull. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Tickles. He really throws off the scent with his name. But do you fucking kill sheep. Look at us. No. Do you kill?

You end their lives. How do they die? How do they do? Look at me. And their fucking lives. Tommy Tickles is a paradise. Do you fucking... Just cute, he bullshit.

Yeah, yeah. Keep one of being, shoot the. All right, all right. Jesus Christ, Almighty. I use a knife. He kills the sheep. Look. He kills the fucking baby sheep.

No, not the babies. No, hell no. People bring their babies to us to, you know, so we take care of them and make sure they live. So we try to give them, the sheep that we do have, you know, their... You're spiling right now, dude. You murder sheep. for a living.

No. Okay, guys. You're really driving home this sheep killing thing. Really making a point. He's a ranch hand. A. Ranch hand is also what Red Band has. Okay, Tommy.

All right. Tommy just disengaged from the show right now. I love it. We're going to keep moving along. Tommy tickles, great stuff. Tommy Pope just focus it. Ranch hand is also what Red Band has on Friday nights when he dips his pizza. and he dips his pizza in ranch dressing.

He's got a ranch hand and a blue cheese hand. Look out. He's a big boy. All right, ladies and gentlemen, one of the good friends of the show, one of the top Young Rising comedians in the world, has a brand new special on YouTube, and he's here just to do a minute for us,

just to swing by, make some noise for the great Asana Mod, ladies and gentlemen, here he is. I think the darkest thing going on, with Kanye West is his diamond-encrusted swastika chain. That's dark, because if you know anything about the diamond business in this country, you know the person who made that chain is Jewish. So there's a guy out there that knows exactly how much his soul is worth. O'i they, what do you want me to make?

It's gonna holocaust you. That is a rough joke to do in Yeezy. So I'm not wearing that that is. Yo, these shoes are comfortable as fuck. I don't care. That's all I care about. You could say the worst things in the world about Muslim people. If you made the most comfortable our shoes, I'd wear that shit.

With pride, too, you'd be like, what are those? They'd be like, oh, these? Oh, these? You mean the new Chinese Muslim concentration camp sevens? Oh, this shit. Flames, the Uyghur Force Ones, dog? I got this. and a little bean, that's where I got him.

All right, I've been Asan Ahmad. Thank you very much. Asan Amad, whose new special too soon is out now. This comes out the 19th, right? I think, yeah. So my special comes out the 20th. Okay. All right, geez.

Wow, a little time jumper there. Look at this guy. Back Brown to the future. Yes, okay. That doesn't really matter. They would have watched it anyway. But way to be strategically correct. dramatically right, like a true Indian.

Yes. Unbelievable. One of the hardest working guys I know, he's working fucking 24-7-11. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. As always, As San. I'm doing comedy full-time

and running a daycare in Minnesota at the same time. It's been rough. Amazing. It's been right. Look at that. They love it. The crowd goes wild.

Billionaire, Asanaman. Asan, how's life been good? going good. Yeah, things going pretty good. Yeah, you know, I'm excited to have a new special out. It's my first one. And yeah, I'm just happy about it. Yeah, very exciting stuff. Former Comedy Store Door Guy took the whole path.

One of the first people to move out here with the whole regime working here at the mothership. Been taking you out. You've been drinking with us. Yes, that's a new thing. I've been getting drunk for the first time. Yeah. It's really fun to take like... Of you?

Heart in your 30s. You know, you got to try. try some stuff sometimes. Cocaine? No, no cocaine. Not there yet. Welcome to my panel of junkies tonight that I have straight to fucking blow out of nowhere. I started drinking.

I love it. Asan, how are your parents? You have adorable, tiny little Indian parents that we all love. Yes, yes, they are very adorable. Asan is like the Shaquille O'Neal of his family, by the way. towering over them at 5 foot 6. Yeah, I am double the size of both of them, really. It's kind of crazy.

I am, I might be the tallest Bengali person in my whole family. I love it. Now, what are Bengalis known for, exactly? Tigers. Our hairlines? Wow. Yeah, our lack of hairlines. I would think spelling bees.

Yeah? Are you a good speller? Yeah, I'm pretty good. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. Give me a word, I got it. Spell champagne. C-H-A-M-P-A-G-A-G-M. The spelling.

Champagne. All right, here you go. Hold on, let's find a black person's name. Is there a black person in here? Yeah, there is, her name is Champagne. She's right over there. There we go. I beat you.

Champagne Jenkins is here, ladies. A.k. A. apostrophe PA. Got it. It's champagne. You gotta pause that shit. Mm-hmm. I know that right

There we go Sorry Tommy Pope You had like a PTSD flashback right there That was great Flash black That's fun Okay Asan so much fun

Your new special too soon is out Go watch it There you go Where do they find it Asanamad on YouTube? It's on YouTube Look up too soon It's on our Solid Show podcast channel

Check it out There you go Solid Show podcast Watch is special We love Asan Back to the bucket we go This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Tony Scar, everybody.

Tony Scar. I remember the first time I caught my parents fucking. My mom had to sit me down and give me the talk. She says, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they buy a ball gag. And I said, Mom, put a shirt on. And while my mom went to put a shirt on, my dad came to give me the same talk.

He said, Sean, I'm all taken. And I found out the other day that I look autistic because I went to the Olive Garden and the waitress handed me crayons and paper. And I was trying to explain to her that that's dehumanizing. But dehumanizing is really hard to pronounce when you're chewing on a fistful of crayons and have a ball gag in your mouth.

You guys very much. Tony Star has arrived. Ladies and gentlemen, amazing. Welcome to the show, Tony. Thank you very much. How long you've been to one stand-up? Nine months, sir. Nine months.

Fantastic. Where'd you start at here in Austin? I started in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Okay. That's where you live? Absolutely. Yeah. That is not where I live. I moved out here about four months ago. And I don't do stand-up comedy. I do musical comedy. Really? Yes, sir. How do you do that? You have a guitar or something?

I do. I have a guitar. I try to do it better than it's ever been done. Amazing, really? Well, you must be fucking... How long have you been doing that? I've been doing that for the nine months since I started as well. You started doing musical comedy and you just have funnier bits than most... stand-ups that don't do that. Yes, sir. So your real specialty is with a guitar? Yes, sir.

Do we have an extra guitar? We do? Is that thing tuned? It is? Wow, great. Amazing. Look at this. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, everybody?

I mean, really. She even knows where to put the plug and everything. I know she looks like she's not that smart, but she's absolutely brilliant, everybody. There you go. You brought a guitar pick. Amazing. Perfect.

Do your fucking thing. Can we hold a guitar up to the mic up to the guitar? Do you want, does that help? No. Sorry, my bad. It's plugged in, so I think we'll be just fine. Tony. Right folks?

Tony. Tony. Tony. As long as it's not like copywritten. It is not. Okay, perfect. It's my own original stuff. Fantastic.

Do me a favor. Turn that KT logo that's underneath the mic. There you go. Perfect. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not a control. freak at all. All right, here we go, baby. Tony Scar. A one, two, three. Not quite yet,

you got it. Oh shit. Hey Tony, make sure you get instead of. Okay. Double check it. Okay, there we go. Wow, that is a crazy trick. How about one more time for Tony Scar, ladies and gentlemen. I love it. I saw the most beautiful thing today. I saw a homeless man playing guitar to a homeless woman. It was homeless love, or as we call it, an Austin, love. And I imagine what that homeless love song would sound like, and I think that folks, it would sound a little something like this.

Girl, you have the three prettiest teeth. This world has ever seen. You make me wanna bend this used needle right into a wedding ring. And I like other girls, because other girls would never try to street fight a pigeon. A rum is through the trash by chewing through the bag, but she's a little bit different. She said her name was, uh, uh, uh. Is it French? Because I love it.

Only woman I have ever met whose love language is masturbating in public. I bet they'd say cute shit in that song. They spell it out. like the L in love is for heroin, the O in love is for heroin, the V in love is for violence, and they don't know that there's any in love. They say cute shit like, for our anniversary,

I'll get you a loud metal rack that you can bang on if it gets too quiet and the voices come back. Every inch of your skin's a different color. And I love how every one of your messores feels like rubber. And you have the prettiest laziest eyes. And when you defecate, you pick it up

just to throw it at other guys. The world is ours. I know that it is. We can ride our initials on the sidewalk with piss. Or maybe we can start a family and give birth to a miscarriage. Standing ovation for Tony Sarr, ladies are. Thank you very much, folks. I love you all.

Amazing. I gotta tell you, for nine months, my mind is completely blown. I think you have an unbelievable gift. How old are you? I'm 21 years old. 21 years old. Amazing. And this show means a whole lot to me. I love that. I gotta tell you, go fuck yourself, you ass-old.

Go fuck yourself. Nine months, 21 years old. That's like literally, if I was at the story... It's unbelievable. That's one of the best sets I've seen from a young comic in a long time. That's how a star is born. Thank you very much, Chalman. I appreciate it. Can you catch?

I can. You sure? Yes, sir. Are you positive? I am positive. Great. Here you go. It's a golden ticket. That's 21.

Anytime you have another song that you want to come play on this show, you just let us know and you're going to get to do it in front of millions of people anytime you want. Thank you. The gentleman with this killed Tony debut, I'm sure you'll be in the next secret show. Secret show, man. Yeah. I'll see you there.

Congratulations, welcome to the family. Tony Scar has arrived, ladies and gentlemen, there you go. There he goes. Tony Scar. How fun is that? I'm not lying. That's literally hands down

one of the best. Oh, yeah. He's got it. Holy shit. He's got it. Oh, dear God, thank you. That could end up being like the greatest musical comedian of all time one day. Only nine months in, has us all laughing.

Great jokes in there. Great jokes. Great jokes. Incredible. Big Dick. Sorry. Well, we have another Golden Ticket winner back there. Ready to go.

This was his spot on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Colin Sledge, everybody. Here he is. Okay, thank you. Once I was talking to a girl at a bar, and I thought it was going okay, but she threw a drinking, my face. I was like, hey, watch it. There's $30 of roofies in there. So the problem with that joke is, I don't know

if that's the right amount of money to say. I'm afraid to look it up. I'm nice. I would never cat-call a lady because that would give away my position. No, I would never stalk a woman either because

I feel like it'd be boring after like an hour. Like, oh, she's going to the grocery store. Oh, she's going to yoga. Oh, she's going to the police station. Oh, she's coming back out. She's pointing at me. Okay, thank you. Colin Sledge with pure Colin Sledge comedy.

Hi. That's you. Thank you. You're that guy. That's me. The Roofies giving away your position with the cat call. On brand. How's like?

It's been going, Colin. It's been good. I had a thing that I was going to say, but I just want to shout out Yehi. She messaged me on Hinge like a year ago. Oh, shit. Just completely cold. And she was just like, where can I get on stage in Houston? And I didn't see her for months out.

I just told her all my places. And then she just started showing up one day. And I never brought it up with her. No one in Houston knows, but they will now, I guess. So shout out to her. Look at that. Can I say one thing? Yeah.

After the last gentleman that crushed it, I see like you're, obviously you're nervous. I can see. Oh, that's always. But I got to tell you, to come up after somebody crushes like that, that's the fucking worst feeling in the world as a comic. And I got to tell you, your first joke out of the gates, you fucking killed me. It was fucking great, buddy. I swear to God, I mean that. It's not an easy thing to do when you did it.

That's one of the toughest things of comedy, like falling this asshole. So, unbelievable work, honestly. Colin is a great joke right. Everything kind of is on theme with him. He's like a creepy guy that lurks and like stares through like your blinds and stuff. He's like on the other side of the window or behind a tree peeking at you or something. I met his girlfriend though. Very delightful. What a nice, nice woman. Yeah, she's a comedian also.

She signs up, you know, if you don't have to do this thing. Really? Does she ever been pulled before? Never been pulled before. Really? She's been signing up since before. I started doing comedy again. She's been signing up for a long time. Did she sign up tonight? Yes, she did sign up.

What's her name? Timely rain. What is it? Timely rain. What is it? That's her real name. Anunciate, motherfucker. Timely rain.

Timely rain? That's her name. That sounds like a Prince album. Yeah. Let me go wrangle timely rain real quick. So how long ago did you start standup? She's been signing up since when. She's been signing up, I think, like, two or three years.

She used to take the bus from Houston to Austin and do stand up and, like, crash at her friend. Wow. Unless you know you fucked Yee? We did not fuck. Yeah. Y'all can bring that up. See, I did not tell her that I was going to say that.

Look at me. Look at me. Look at the fucking eyes, motherfucker. It was a completely... It was a completely... It was more of a spine alignment. Yeah. A massage, if you will. So how long have you been with timely rain?

It was like two weeks after I got on this show, actually. We started a... Again, when is it? February. It was February. Remember, I had to come back for your show on Wednesday and his show on Thursday. And I didn't know anything about Austin,

so she accompanied me for all of that. And we just started hanging out all the time. Interesting. Yeah. Very timely, yeah. Wow. Look at that. Random whores in the audience.

yelling stuff out. Absolutely incredible. There's a lot of fans of the whores out there. Are we ready? Ladies and gentlemen, here's the Kiltonee debut. No, you sit on D. Madness's stool while. He goes, pee. Go on, sit on, sit on, Colin.

Jesus fucking Christ, just sit out. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the Kiltone debut. Years in the making of timely rain, everybody. Here she is. The first time me and my boyfriend ever slept, together. When he got in bed, he accidentally, like, need me right in the pussy. I was like, that's a weird way to check if I have a dick. My new boyfriend, he's really nice. He likes

the Muppets. And he sings wicked with me in the car. So my mom really likes him. But he's a little racist, so my dad likes him too. He does comedy as well. And he's been doing it for way less than I have and he gets books more than I do, which means not only is he funnier than me, it means he sucks better dick than I do too. I love Austin, I really do, but man, half the people look, half the men here look like they'll rue for you, while the other half of them look like they're like, I'm actually, it's called Ro-Hip-N-N-L-H. Thank you. My name's Tyler Rain. Finally Rain. Thank you. Welcome to the show. Hi. Hell yeah. We just heard all about you. It's an anomaly. How many you signed up and not gotten pulled.

I've wanted this for so long. Wow. Congratulations. You're in it. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah. Thank you. Thank you. So timely. How long have you been doing stand-up exactly?

Four years. Four years. Like, actually, like this week is my four-year anniversary. Nice. And all of it in Houston, Texas? Houston, Texas. How do you make money? Stand-up comedy.

Oh, nice. I produce shows, but I also, I do a bunch of gig work. I work at the Renaissance Festival, and I'm like a bartender at different theaters and stuff. stuff like that. What do you do at the Renaissance Festival? I do sometimes comedy, but mostly I just talk in a British accent and serve people alcohol. Can you give us an example of what that sounds like?

Good day, my lord and lady. What would you like to eat? Wow. I usually wear a little half. Dundee's been waiting for years to play Renaissance Fair Music. He's like, I go. Wow, he was on that. That is incredible.

You've had that loaded up forever. TimeLay, that's fucking awesome. Colin, why you go start the car. Go start the car. Yeah, thank you. Fucking killer. Callin, go start the car. Colin, stay here, stay here.

Thank you. Wow. Amazing, timely, Rain. That is incredible. Is it true that you guys really sing Wicked in the car together? Yeah, that's how we got me. Really? Yeah.

One time. Colin, let's hear you hit that crazy note up here. No, come on, Colin. No. have to try, Colin. What song in it? What do you mean? You know which, you know which fucking one. You could do, you got to,

you got to try Colin. Stand up. Stand up, Colin. Listen to your lady, Colin. Yeah, bitch. Yeah, bitch. Stand the fuck up. I know how home life is. Listen to the time. Get the fuck up. Stand the fuck up, motherfucker.

Stop being a bitch. Yeah. Just get that beard and stop going to super. It's my time. Motherfucker. It's my fucking time. Hit the fucking do. All right.

All right, give him the mic. Now, fucking belt something, Colin. Very good. There you go. Kermit the frog on Wicked. Do it again. No, it's all right. It's okay.

Timely, what's the craziest thing about your life? You ever see anything traumatizing or been through anything wild? What? No. Why don't you let her decide what the fucking funniest option is right now, Colin? I don't know. The most traumatic thing, my trans sister said she witnessed a stabbing in the studio. Hold on, hold, hold. You can't speed through that. You have to say my transistor. You can't say, my transistor. You can't say, my transistor.

My transister. This is a 311 song, everybody. It is. It's called Transistor. Off the hit album 311 from the band 311. You know that song? song? Yeah. Okay. My trans sister told me that last

night she witnessed a stabbing at a venue and I told her she needs to stop hanging out with those kinds of people. Yeah, her people. Those kinds of be the kind that stab. Yeah. Was it a trans person stabbing another person?

Yes. Yeah. It's crazy. Almost seems like there's some type of correlation between mental illness and the trans community. Both run in my family. seems like there's a slight thing going on where those are the people doing things.

You know, I don't like them. I don't like them. I don't like them. My brother, he's not gay, but he does wear, like, crop tops, and he hasn't told us what that means yet. What the fuck's going on to your family? My real name is actually timely reign.

Wow. Like you said, what's going on with your fucking family? So your parents... If your real name is timely. Are they very strict, religious, or quite the opposite? No, quite the opposite.

Right. My mom was a, like, raver in the 90s, and my dad was a straight-edge punk, and they met while working in a record store together. Hell yeah. It all makes sense. Yeah, I'm like, you know what that makes me? And Portland was born. Yeah. Well, timely, congratulations.

You got a big joke book. Very fun stuff. Thank you so much. I love to have them on the secret show. I'll be there. Congratulations. Timely rain and Colin Sledge, ladies and gentlemen. There you go.

How fun. Hey. Doodoo. Hey. Du-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-do. All right. Back to the bucket. We go.

This is the perfect music for this name. Make some noise for Biddy O'Laughlin, everyone. Biddy O'Loughlin. Giddy. I'm from Australia. I'm trying to move here. Get away from gun violence. I'm a single mother.

People say that's bad for kids. But I reckon abortions do more damage. I've been going to the gym a bit recently for my mental health. I've already got a six-pack. I just want to stop wishing I was dead. Membership was cheap and the gym's on top of a tall building. I don't do long at the gym. I go for like 20 minutes. Turns out pissing off fat chicks is a real mood booster. They're just jokes. I think fat lives matter.

I've got a lot of sympathy for fat people because I was anorexic. I know exactly what it's like to feel obese. Biddy O'Loughlin with a great set. Boom. Thank you. You've been on this show before, Biddy? I have. Welcome back.

Thank you. Very, very fun stuff. Very fun stuff all the way around. Topical joke with the guns. Yeah, I had that the day after. I was signing up and I was kind of glad I didn't get on because it might have been a little too soon. Yeah.

That's perfect. That's when it's the most fun, I think. I get in trouble all the time, so what do I know? I love it. Biddy, remind us. How long you been on stand-up? I started 15 years ago. I took a really long break, like I did nine years off, and then I started again in 2020 just before the pandemic.

And then it's been on and off. Kind of got canceled in Australia, like blacklisted for some jokes. What jokes? Transjokes and then drinking with Aboriginal people jokes. Please do that. Do that. Like, I would love to hear... Far it up.

What were the jokes exactly? Australia is a little sensitive. What do you say? Far it up? The trans jokes, I don't know. It was just a bar I used to get a gig every three months and then one day I was just given a phone call saying you're never going to get this gig again. I was like, okay.

And then I posted about it and then I took it down and then it got picked up by the newspaper probably just because my mom was a comedian. So they're like famous comedian's daughter. is a transphobe. Ah, that'll do it. Did your mom get any backlash from having a trans? She probably did in some request folder or something.

Yeah. The Madness famous homophobe is here. He arrives for the anti-trans material. Even though that sweater does kind of look like the trans flag. I got to warn you, De Madness. The colors on it. That's what it looks like. It's blue and pastel.

A little fun fact for you. I have it hanging over my bed, so I know. I love it. Biddy, when did you have the kid? How old's this? She's four and a half years old. Okay. Where's she at?

She's at a hotel, and I got a babysitter, and it was so perfect. Everything just worked out. I was able to sign up. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. Anything weird going on with a four and a half year old?

Normal kid? She's very normal. She's quite funny. Very funny, I'd say. That's something funny that the kid's done. Okay, well, recently, I reverted to Catholicism a couple of years ago. I was raised Catholic, and now I'm back. And I've been teaching my daughter to do the sign of the cross when we go past Catholic Church.

And we ride the bus everywhere. So one day I was telling her to do the sign of the cross. And sorry, then the other day, another day, we went past her ballet school. And I said, oh, we're coming past your ballet school. And she said, do I have to spin? Get her on stage for now. Get this bitch on stage. I want to see her in diapers right now.

Kids are funny. I was facetiming with my buddy Nick on Christmas. And he goes, hey, this is my niece over here. This little, basically around that age. And I go, hi, kid. I'm rich and famous. And she went afterwards to her mom and goes, I met Nick's friend, Richard Famous.

Be how adorable that is? Kids say the darndest things. They do. Biddy, where's the baby daddy at? He is in my hometown of Alice Springs. But he's not in the kid's life? He knows about her, and he would catch up with us again back to Alice. There's just some band members that are questioned.

They'd like to know if you're single. That song's funnier in Renaissance Fair. I love it. What does the dad do for work? We met at work, actually. We were working on a TV show. He was a camera assistant, and I was the director's assistant. You fucking slut. You said, go for it. But I'm celibate now. You went.

Are you really? Yeah, yeah. Is that by choice? I won't have sex until I am married, which probably means I'll never get married. Yeah, well, you have a single kid, so it's not easy out there. Yeah. It's, you're fine. I gotta tell you, you really killed, you killed the vibe in this room. No.

Vity, you're fantastic. You are a true pro. Thank you so much. Fun stuff. You already have a big joke book, right? From your last time on? Perfect. There's you goes, Vidi O'Fleyn.

On to the next one. You guys still having fun out there? Anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. And this looks like a new name maybe. I don't know. We'll see. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Jimmy Prescott, everybody.

There he is. Jimmy Prescott. I made a mistake. I shaved my beard after two years. I used to look like a man, a homeless man, but still a man. Now I look like I never got over Weezer. I look like the cuck chair at the hotel was created for me.

Politically, I am a leftist, right-wing liberal, far-right, left-right, woke racist. I'm only joking, guys, I am not woke. and I don't like politics, but I do like starting political arguments on social media. I like it so much that if I had pronouns, they would be block and report. I should also mention that I am not racist because I have a friend who is black.

Everyone knows if you have one or more black friends, you can't be a racist. Now I'll be honest, I haven't hung out with my black friend in a couple of years, but I still write to him in prison. Thank you. Fuck yeah, Jimmy. Thank you. I like your style.

You're great. How long you've been on stand-up? One year. One year. Yes, sir. Wow, all of it here in Austin? Yep. This is where you live?

I lived here since 1996. Wow. Where were you at before that? Houston. Okay. And what made you pick Austin? I got a job up here. Okay, what do you do for work?

I worked at video game companies. I was working on Ultima Online. Nice. Red band probably knows about it. Very well. I'm positive. So I've hung out with Richard. Richard Garriott, you know, he was like my old boss.

Yeah, and then I got into just normal tech stuff. Okay. Yeah. Cool. I love it. You married, kids, anything? I have a kid. Okay.

Four and a half year old in Australia? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you said it. Yeah. I got a kid. I love it. And so you're working in tech now?

Yeah. Just some weird hardware. Yeah, so I'm not supposed to talk about it. I got it. What made you want to start stand-up? a year ago? I was like, you know, just hanging around and I've always kind of wanted to do it. And I was making short films and stuff a long time ago. So, like, comedy short films. Yeah. I made a short film called Love Holstery. It's about a guy who finds comfort over a recent

breakup of the arms of his favorite chair. Ooh. Yeah. If you get to about like, I think it's 14 and 30, 14 minutes, 30 seconds in and you're not, and you're watching it with no headphones, somebody's going to think you're watching porn. Ah. Yeah. So it's called Loveholstery. What was the time mark again? The what?

I got a piss. It's called Love Holstery. Love Holstery. And that's on YouTube? Yeah, yeah. Nice. Okay, great. What else, Jimmy?

Tell us more about your life. Let's see. My high school girlfriend went on to become Penthouse Pet of the Year of 2002. Wow. It's going to start it there. Megan Mason. Yeah. Megan Mason.

You can pick on your phone? What's that? Can I see her? Oh, yeah. You can Google her. You can just Google her, dude. You don't need my phone. Megan Mason.

Penn House Pet of the Year, 2002. I did 2020, so. Oh, there you go. Yeah, Megan Mason. All right, you horny fucks. Jesus Christ, let's stick with the interview here while you go fucking try to get a boner. Have a good time?

That's her stage name. He talks about nothing. I know her real name. He does too. Fuck, okay. Jimmy, what else? Tell her what I was on here. What's a weird habit that you have

that you do every day? Mm, shit. A weird habit. I don't know. I just, you know, I don't know about that one. A weird habit. I'm trying to think of something. What's the first thing you do when you get out of bed?

You get out of bed? You do what? I eat as in. You eat as in. Yeah, I got to wake up. Wow. Okay. I think you're supposed to just leave it in your mouth, but.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it in my, yeah. I eat it. It's fine. Perfect. Like three of them, the whole can. Just in cereal. And then what, you have a cup of coffee?

Does your kid live with you? No. Okay. Of course. The kid, you're going to love this. Uh-huh. I didn't know he was my kid until he was 16. Wow.

You're so lucky. So how did you find out? So he did a 23-Me test. Uh-huh. And, yeah. And people with my last name started popping up in the family tree. He asked his mom, and his mom was like, oh, shit. So she messaged me.

And I was like, hey, let's do a paternity test. 99.99%. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. So tell us about the 16-year-old. Well, he's almost 18 now. Right.

Yeah. So we're hanging out. We've been hanging out. We've been hanging out. What was the time mark on that short film? Was it 1430? Oh, it was 1430? Yeah, about 1430.

I'm sorry, I just got back. I'm about 1430. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, anyway. He's got a kid. He met at 16. I'm paying a good father. He's on my insurance, you know, like paying child support.

You guys have anything in common? You guys, are you like, I mean, is the, He's awesome. Quirky that you notice that you guys have in common. Oh, we have the same pinky toe. What's weird about your pinky toe? They look exactly the same. Wait, hold on.

Timeout. So you have a child. I told you you missed a lot. You can't just take a piss and jump in on this ice fucking diary. Let me just stick with this for a second. You're saying that your pinky toe looks the same. Exactly the same. But what's odd or...

It's like tiny little... Twisted, very small nail. How the fuck do you know all this? Your fat tits. Okay. Jesus Christ. He's on your fat tits. My God.

You guys are out of control. Honestly, let me see your feet. No, you don't have to do that. No, he's doing it. Let's tarant to this shit. Let's tarot on this shit. The random ass fucking. Yep.

Yep. See that little. That's it. He's got the comp. Let me see. Lift it up over here. I can't see it. He's got the comp.

Don't. Dude, that's fucking disgusting. Oh, yeah, you're right. That thing is under his, it's under his ring toe for... Yeah, yeah. No, I have this same one. Pinky's a college football. That fucking second... What are you, tow rating me? That is it. Look at this Comcast

Remote. Look at this. Right next to which Big Toll? Look at Comcast. Remote, dude. It goes in. That's wild. Comes back out. All the buttons get to Netflix. You get to Netflix on this dude's left foot. Hell yeah. Pig. This episode brought to you by straight tequila,

everybody. Just absolutely unfucking real what's going on over here. Uh, Jimmy. Oh. Jimmy. Anything else crazy about your life? We should know before getting you out of here?

Let's see. I got a pilot's license. I don't know. What do you do with it? Do you ever use it? Not anymore. I did it for fun. Yeah.

One day I woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a fucking pilot's license. And that's what I did. That's awesome. I took a bunch of friends flying and now I don't do it. So was it 9-10? You know, that's a good question. I don't know.

Probably. Guys, so we had an event called 9-11 in this country. Okay. I was there. I saw it. You were in New York? I wasn't there, but I was watching it on TV. Yeah, we all did. Yeah, all right. I'm 48. He's just kidding.

Jimmy, great stuff. Great set, especially for a year. Congratulations, Jimmy Prescott. How fun. This episode brought to you by Mezcal and Double Talk. Crosse off. Nothing better than you two, just going. Fucking. wild animals up here.

I'm like, this will be fun. I'll book two of my favorite drinking buddies at the same time. What can go wrong? Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool. This lady's got to go fuck a sheep with her vest on.

Look at this. Look at that thing. Look at that. Unbelievable. All right, your next bucket pool. You guys still having fun out there, huh? Make some noise to your next one. It's Matt Rebus, everybody.

Here we go. It's Matt Rebus. How we doing, everybody? Damn. Fuck, man, I just got addicted to Onlyfans. Yeah, man, you guys realize Onlyfans is like the new form of scratch-offs. Yeah, it'd be on the homepage, just blurry picture, $5. I can afford that.

I bought 10 of them one time like their pack of Pokemon cards. I started ripping them looking for a Charzard. It was just a bunch of EVs. I was like, God damn it. Yeah, one time, dude, I bought a 10 pack worth of toes. $10. I'm like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes max. Yeah, I looked at it.

I was like, I sent another $1.99 just a messenger. I was like, bitch, this is $4 worth of those bags. You painted skin on that pinky toe. That's a nub. Fucking crazy. Only fans is cool. I feel like only fans is like the new form of fantasy football. Yeah.

Fantasy football. They get the fan groups together and start competing for that. The MVP. Yeah, the most viable pussy is just crazy. I guess that's it. Matt Revis. Matt, are you extremely tired right now? Yeah, I am a little bit.

I'm a little Asian, too. It doesn't count. Okay. Are you high, too? No, just a little Asian, dude. I found out that 10 years ago. Yeah. Wait, hold you found out your Filipino?

No, I found out I was a little Japanese. Just a little bit. Well, every Japanese a little bit. Took you as long looking to a mirror. Shit, I thought I was Mexican until this time. Just him in the lake going, oh, shit. I might be fucking Japanese. So exactly how did, you don't have your dad in your life?

No, I do have a father. Nice brown Mexican father. So your mom's a little bit Japanese? No, my dad is. He's the guy. It's like three generations ago from like the 1800. He came over making fireworks and shit. Does your dad have those eyes?

Get your fucking crutches and come back down and do the set again. It makes sense because you just bombed. I know. Yeah. Trust me, I know. He's 10% Hiroshima. Yeah, you were 150% Chinese tonight, pal.

It was the prophecy. It had to happen in the fat name. Matt Rebus, how long you've been doing this? stand-up? Four years. What do you do for work? I was rodying for a singer. I've been doing rowdy work this last few weeks months and shit like that. You're a rody? Yeah. Do you like plug in microphones and stuff? Plug in microphones, drive the tour bus, all that good stuff. Okay. For anyone we would know?

He's a country singer out of Fort Worth, Louis the singer. He's a pretty cool guy. Yeah. Good match for Japanese. Yeah, dude. I was the most. Driving a tour bus. Nothing better than you people out there with a The lines are blurred. The weapon. So, Matt, what's your love life like? Dude, it's horrible. I got rejected an H.E.B. the other day, man.

It fucked me up. They wouldn't let you buy groceries? No. What do you? No, this nice lady rejected me, man. What do you mean? It's hard because it's hard to buy groceries and hit on women whenever you can only afford fucking Vienna sausages, you know?

Yeah, I'm walking around with four. five flavors of span. This girl got chia seeds and kale. I can't afford that. Cale's like $10 a bushel nowadays, dude. It's fucking fucked. And I don't like chia seeds, man. Yeah, I hate that.

She feels like cum. I don't like it. I was like, ugh. I just tell you, your blind guitar player said, I wish I was death. Yeah. It's amazing. It is incredible.

All right, Matt. I'm going to keep it moving along. Here's a medium joke book for you. There he goes. Matt Revis, everybody. Go take a nap, Matt. Go take a nap. You're exhausted right now.

It's more than just Asian there. All right. Your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Emmanuel Martinez. Everybody makes some noise for Emmanuel. These people have been waiting all day for this. For the opportunity of a lifetime. Hello. Thank you.

I had jaw surgery growing up. It's a fun fact that I like to bring up on dates. I was on one day and this girl was like, oh my gosh, can we still kiss? I was like, actually, I just prefer sex. She said, I prefer we just kiss. I was like, all right, well, I know you paid for dinner, but I prefer we kiss. Yeah.

She had a kid, too, which was crazy. And, you know, we got along. Me and her kid got along until one night that kid called me dad. Yeah, dude, I'm with you. I left. I was only. 18 at the time, all right? I was only 18, okay? I can't be responsible for a 15-year-old. Like, I see him, I see him in school every day. We take the same classes. He helps me out

homework every night. I was like, dude, you should be my dad. I can't be a father figure to someone and then share the same bully. Imagine that. Okay, Emmanuel Martinez. All right, hello. Have you been on this show before? First time, Tony. This is your first time. Okay, good, I'm good. How long? You've stand-up? I'm about to hit two years in March. Okay, two years in March. Where have you been doing it? North Carolina. North Carolina. That's where you live. Yes. I was born in Texas, but raised in North Carolina. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a grad student. Of what? Physical therapy. Do you do that? I'm in school for you. You're still in school. How much longer do you have left? First year's about to be over. I got two more years. Two more years. How old are you? I'm 28.

28. What made you want to get into physical? physical therapy now? I was a trainer for a very long time. I did nursing school and then I failed and I was like, all right, well. You failed at what? Nursing school? How did you fail? Explain to us exactly what part you failed at?

It's, I felt it was a community college too. That's embarrassing. Yeah. I, we can, I know. Keep going. I was doing, you have four exams throughout the year. throughout the year. The first one, I did good.

I got too cocky. And then I bombed, like, the third exam. And then... Dude, he's breaking down the exam. Yeah. Just tell us why you're dumb, dude. You got to talk about that, dude. You got to talk about that.

Like, you're the worst doctor, a shitty nurse. Like, do that. Like, that's... Yeah. Nursing at a community college, that's pretty awful, dude. Yeah. Were you studying? Were you trying?

I was trying. Do you think that maybe... I was... Do you think maybe, like, that might not be your thing? Have you ever thought about working in a factory or something, perhaps? Like, maybe helping other humans' health if you can't pass the stuff, like, isn't for you? I have a question. How long have you been in the country?

How long have you been here? Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. How long you've been here? 28 years. What's your first name? Emmanuel. It's on the paper.

It's on the paper. It's on the paper. Emmanuel, anything crazy about your life that we'll find interesting? Let's see. I had the jaw surgery a little bit. Why? Why did you have jaw surgery? I had an underbite.

So they like broke both my jaws and they fit it like that. Somebody's booing your surgery over here. Was that you? Who was it? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I'm going to perform physical therapy on them. All right.

Yeah. Emmanuel, here's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. Thank you. Good job, buddy. There you go. A couple very sleepy Mexicans back to back here on Kiltoni, really, bringing the momentum to a screeching halt.

Just exhausted Mexicans. Anybody notice that? Just, I don't know. We need another crippled Asian to bring it back. Remember when they used to... Remember when they used to have the energy, they used to be ready to work. Hey, what's up, everybody? Now they're exhausted.

These people are exhausted Mexicans now. I failed out of nursing school. Good and nodding. All right. Your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Saul Wilson, everybody. Here we go. I was going. I overheard a lesbian talking to her friend about how she's

going to spice up her relationship and she's like yeah we're getting a flashlight for our dildo. That's a third party. But I was in traffic and I saw this lesbian again driving driving driving in the car, except she wasn't on the road. She was like on the sidewalk and it wasn't a real car. It was like a much smaller car and like kind of odd looking. And on the back of her window, it said,

toys are just like real boys. And I was kind of drunk the other night, and I thought I walked into a water burger, but it was, it was De Madness's house, and he was like, what? A burger? And let's say when I turned on the lights, he didn't have all the ingredients for a burger, so I had to go.

All right, thank you so much. All right. What the fuck happened there? Hi, Saul, welcome. This is your first time on the show. Yes, I would remember that fucking head. I always wonder what Tony Hawk would look like with full-blown leukemia.

It's amazing. Saul Wilson. Looks like you could use a little jaw surgery, huh? All right, Saul. How long have you been to stand up? Uh, not too long, like two years, I'd say? Two years, I love it. Where at?

Um, okay, this is, uh, frowned upon, but in my car. Okay, tell us what you mean by that. Like, uh, doing rights here, just doing my bits to people. Oh, really? You're one of those guys. Holy shit. Has it ever backfired? Has anyone ever been like, yo, dude, please, can you just shut the fuck up?

Because that's what they're thinking, so. Yeah, this one time I had, I guess it was like, you know, two wives. And, you know, maybe in Texas, that's, like you don't talk about this stuff, but I made like a big dick joke. What was the joke? I forget, but, you know, like essentially, I said already, it said too much. Anyways, but it was just uncomfortable. They didn't have to know that.

Can I hear the joke? Can I? He doesn't remember it. What is going on? It was like, uh... You tell jokes in your car. Yeah. The two lesbians?

How are you always around all these lesbians? Seems like everything you do, there's lesbians involved. Steve Ellen alone. That's just the theme for tonight, yeah. All right. You don't remember the joke? You sure? Yeah, it was like in conversation, like just like...

I got it. Got it. Chatting it up with lesbos. Saul, so that's what you do for work? You drive. Yeah. Okay. What kind of car do you have?

Mazza. Oh, okay. Pre-owned or new? Can I get a drink? Yeah, absolutely. So, Saul, tell us something interesting about your life. How old are you? I'm 36.

36. You got 36 years of experience to draw from. Give us a little fun fact about Saul Wilson that might surprise us. I could beatbox, I guess. Oh. Okay. Send it small to ass.

Nothing better than the whitest white guy ever beatboxing. Here. We go, ladies and gentlemen. Saul Wilson. Oh, no, I've never done it in front of people. Okay. You tell a big dick joke in front of lesbians, but you don't beatbox, let's do this shit.

Just pretend like you're in your car. Make yourself at home. I don't even know. I think they hold it a certain way. Well, just try it, Saul. Just fucking just ask them. What do you mean they? Here he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, the whitest white guy of all time beatboxing live. Who hates blacks? Here on the beatbox. Oh, wow, no, yeah, I've never done it. You got this song. Wow, it sounds so stupid. I'm so sorry.

No, I want you to keep, hold on, guys, guys, guys, guys. I want you to keep trying until you get it. How do you do it in real life? No, wow, I'm sorry. You literally can't beatbox at all. It's dry. My mouth is dry. Here, have a sip of water.

We're going to do this until you fucking beat box. box. I will keep us here all night. Could I? Can I? All right. Hold on. Let him do it. Wow.

You have the... I'm sorry, it sounds so stupid. Wow. That's incredible. You have the rhythm of Yehi's crutches. Incredible. Unbelievable. Just no timing whatsoever.

Just... It sounds like Yehi coming up the stairs. Why so many stale? That's so many stale. Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick, you sound like Yehi falling down the stairs, actually. It's just a Jew sneezing into the mic. Awkwardly.

Allergies. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's, that's a Jew opening the, opening the bill at a restaurant. Not mine. Yeah, he's actually a Michael Jackson impersonator too. She's, yay-hee-hee. You're out of control. Where's my whiskey?

He's just drank. Wow. Sal, is there anything you can do? I could kind of do the late S&L guy's voice. guy's voice. No, fuck. Let's hear that. Let's hear that. You don't have to say I've never done it before.

Like, we know. Just do it. Live from Austin, it's Gildoni. You can't do that either. What else do you think you can do? This is absolutely incredible. You might be the most untalented man in the history of the show.

You should give me a gold bar for being here. You are the opposite of a talented human. You owe me a gold. Okay, what else do you think you can do? Because this is entertaining. Come on, give us something else. Show me your fat pits. Can you do an impression of something?

Is there something else? Someone's going to show their fat dits tonight. I swear to God. It's going to be you, Tommy. It's definitely going to be you. Your 10 mezcal's in. It's going to be your fat pits on this show tonight. Oh, God forbid.

How many of you want to do? We want to see Tommy's tips, huh? Fucking perverts. We want to see those pepperoni pizzas, dude. Normal fucking nips. You got normal nips? I don't think anybody believes them. Look at you.

Whoa, there's the lovely Heidi. Here they come. Here they come. He's gonna open up that Shawshank Redemption fucking polo shirt he's got. Fucking hot chicks. Get the fuck out of here. That's for the boys.

This is for the boys. I don't want any fucking hot. Let's see. Oh my God. Look how hairy those are. Oh, my God. Literally. He's got the chest of the mighty Chewbacca, ladies and gentlemen.

This guy knows how to co-pilot, the Millennium Falcon. Wow. I just saw 50 Shades of Grey. Falcum. I just pass out. Saul Wilson. You've had some time to think over there. Is there anything else you're good at?

on the stage. Yeah. Dude, I'm not kidding. I thought he left. No, I know. That's crazy. You're still here, dude. Saul.

I would fucking ran through the vent if I were healed. Is there anything else you think you can do? That's nuts. He's stuck around. I'm leaning on the comedy, I guess. What? I'm leaning on the comedy. Okay.

All right, Saul. Well, fun times. You're leaving here with the little joke book. Congratulations. Sign up again. Give us another minute sometime. We'll see if it can go better. Anything can happen.

Stick around. You might see him improve. All right. Let's do it. Final bucket bowl of the night goes by the name of Daniel Shepard, everybody. Here we go. Daniel Shepard. Danny.

I saw a black guy driving a Waymo. Definitely stole that shit. There's no other way. I actually saw a black technician driving it. The joke wrote itself. Anyway. But I asked my gay friend, what is it like to be gay? And he said it sucks cock.

That's amazing. I found out bananas are technically berries. Did you guys know that? I always knew you could bury them up your ass. But I never would have pegged them as berries. You all ever noticed that trans women are always really cool dudes. They're great guys every time. I love trans women.

I'm 1950s gay. That means I like black women. According to my grandpa, that's gay. Okay, Daniel Shepard, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. Absolutely adorable. Thank you. Obviously, what ethnicity are you?

French bulldog? Got an adorable round head, this boy. You just want to squeeze those cheeks. I got called that today, all right? I got called that in a testicle today. I bet. I can see the... I'm not happy about it.

I can see the resemblance. You give my third French bulldog today. I love it. Daniel, how long have you been doing stand-up? I'm about to be going on in five years. Where at? Here in Austin. I love it.

This is where you're born and raised? Yes, sir. What do you do for work? I just got a job. I'm a stripper. I work at a wire factory. I just got a job stripping wires and fabricating cables and stuff. Very nice.

Yes. Very nice. What did you do before that? I was into welding. I actually parked cars for a long time with the PMC company out here. Okay. I was a valet. Then they made me a bellhop and the tips were really shitty,

but I loved working there and I got free food. But the black guy got tipped a lot and I got tipped nothing. We both did a great job. And he couldn't understand why I wanted to quit. And, you know, I like that guy. I don't know why, you know. Never mind. The hell?

Come again? Do you hate blacks? I got this. I got, I was jealous of my black co-worker, but no, I don't hate blacks. I'm a very, uh, I have a lot of black friends. What the fuck's going on? How many black friends do you think you have exactly, Daniel? I have many black friends.

I have a lot. Can you name some of your black friends for me? We want their names. Mr. Mars Martian. And, uh, Now, my best friend Brennan from childhood. I have... You stay in touch with Brandon?

Brennan, yeah. He's from Ohio. How often do you talk to him? I touch base with him a few times a year. We met in middle school. He taught me how to be cool in middle school, you know. Okay. Didn't work.

But I haven't seen Brennan in a long time. You haven't seen him in a long time. Okay, what black friends, other than co-open mic, comedians, what other black friends? Do you have name one that you see that you don't have to do work with? Let me see here. Fucking Jamar.

It's been a minute. I'm busy. Who's Jamar? Are you lying? Jamar is a mutual friend of Brennan and I. Nice name. Huh? What's this last name?

Fuck. I don't remember Jamar's last name. How many Asian friends? How many Asian friends? Look at me, motherfrey. I have... You racist piece of shit. Koreans.

Koreans. Okay. Name the Korean. First name, last name. My Korean friend just died. Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's so easy.

Last Christmas. Yeah. How did your Korean friend die? On a motorcycle, he got hit. Wow. By your black friend? I don't know who hit him. Your Asian friend died on a motorcycle and you're saying that he didn't cause the accident?

No, I don't think so. I think he got T-boned. I think, you know, I don't know. It was at a North Austin. That's your other black friend, T-bone. I'll start making shit out. I'm trying to be honest. Yeah.

They all hate each other at the same time. T-bone Jenkins, ladies and gentlemen, it is true. Wow. So your Korean friend died on a motorcycle. Tragically, yeah. I've known him since that was five. Yeah. Game over for him.

All right, Pee. You've known him since you were I love you, bye, bye. I go to clouds now, bye. See you soon. I can do that because I'm coming. Bye, see you. Yeah, I shouldn't be doing that.

Bye, Vincent and offrey. Bye, full metal jacket. I love you. I loved you in the Oscars. What? I did. I loved him on the Oscars. What do you mean?

Didn't you host the Oscars? No, I'm Timo Jokoy. Oh, fuck. Oh. Yeah. Sorry, dude. I was praising you. I think he was serious.

I did. That was adorable. What is your name, sir? That ruled. That ruled. I love it. All right, Daniel. You've been on this show before, right?

Yes, sir. What did you get then? I got a small joke book last time. Okay. Well, you've moved it up to a slightly medium joke book. Let's go. There he goes, Daniel Shepard. Thank you, Tony.

You're welcome, buddy. Thank you. Put that mic stand back where you found it, Daniel. Real quick. Daniel, there you go. Put the mic stand. Instead of networking with the comedians, put it back where you found it. There you go, buddy.

There goes Daniel Shepard, everybody. This guy's trying to shake hands. Hey, if you ever need an opener or something sometime. All right, ladies and gentlemen, our regulars are all out this week. Yeah, crazy. But we do have one prolific golden ticket winner left to close tonight's show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great Aaron Belial, everybody. Here he is.

The brother of T-Bone and Kill Tony Fame. This is Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. I don't have a single black friend. People assume I'm mentally retarded and they start playing charades with me. It happened six times at the airport on the way here. Like I ordered Starbucks and my order was ready and she starts doing this. By the sixth time, I just started doing it back to them.

Hey, Sharon, I'm going to kill. You're whole. Stupid. Piece of fucking shit. All that. And she says, oh no. I think he needs to use the potty. Tommy Pope this sick fuck is just sitting here,

thinking about smelling my retard foot. Why would he... Why, what's that? Because he didn't hear about the fat tits story. I'll smell your fat fucking flick. Oh, shit. Oh, he's laughing. I know you will.

He's getting excited. What'd you say? I know you will. I'll smoke. Is this like a running joke or something? Why would he smell your retard foot? I don't understand what's happening. Tommy does

What? Do you have a half-finite baked idea you want to say to? I didn't want to interrupt him, but Tommy does do that thing where he hugs you and he like smells your ear and shills your ear and like sniffles in your ear.

Great stuff, Redband. All right, let's go back to the describe Tommy's hugs in the middle of the fucking show. Great stuff, Red Band. What do you got? Oh, Aaron's pissed. Look at him.

He's furiously type of. Let me cook, gay boy. Okay, yes. Okay, cook. Cook, I'm literally the one that brings you on the fucking show. I get nothing out of this, but yes, I'm not letting you cook enough. Jesus fucking Christ. You ever think being so ungrateful is why God hit you with those?

He smells like. What? My fingers. What is happening right now? There might be a reason why the brist does think you're retarded, Aaron. You're out of your fucking mind. Gayee is so wet right now. Aaron, what's going on in life?

Tell us about it. but I want to let you cook. I just want to give you an opportunity to really cook it up in here. A guy that can literally only cook things in a microwave, but yes, go ahead. I'm going to let you microwave something up for everybody.

Lean cuisine over here. Old fucking swanson dinner over here. Go ahead. I have an air fryer. Oh. It's mother's womb. Oh my God. I'm sorry.

I love it. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. Aaron, what else is going on in life? Help me, I'll beat the fuck out of you right now, dude. Do you really cook? We got on cooking.

You do have a built-in spatula. Is there something? Since you said, let me cook, I'm curious. Is there something you specialize in? Me and Aaron are friends, by the way. He doesn't, yeah, there you go. He likes to see when he's when he has to type, he can't smile and type at the same time,

so he gets serious. But when he looks up, he can smile. There he goes, looks serious. I'm just on the road a lot. Yeah. Going back on the road with Steve-O and the new year. Nice. Nice. Absolutely.

Aaron, you're fantastic. We love you. You're a golden ticket winner, as always. And you did it yet again. How about a hand for Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen? The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in. Steve Byrne is on tour. Go to punchup. Dot Live. Find us tour dates.

Tommy Pope has podcasts, Stuff Island, and Look at Dish. A cooking show, which is awesome. How about one more time for Aaron Belial, everybody? Sweet boy. He can get a little feisty sometimes. He paid for Let Me Cook Gay Boy. I put him through the ringer for that one.

Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. That's the great Ron White. Fuck yeah. Fun times tonight, people. Make sure you go to Netflix. Watch Kill Tony once upon a time in Texas. It's out now. Push it to the moon.

Red Band. Check out my new video on YouTube, Cap Red 7. It's called Cherry Root Beer. Thank you. Okay. There you go. And we love you guys.

Thank you. Good night, everybody. One more time for Steve Burn and Tommy Pope. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night, everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club

in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's Secret Show every Thursday. Go to sunset strip atx.com for tickets.