KILL TONY - #758 - DONNELL RAWLINGS + TREVOR WALLACE

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Donnell Rawlings, Trevor Wallace, Adam Ray, Ari Matti, Dedrick Flynn,William Montgomery, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, JonDeas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe,Brian Redban - RECORDED– 02/16/2026 Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at ⁠https://shopify.com/killtony⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquod.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out Tony Hinchcliff.com for everything, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquod.tv for Desquod merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquod.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Toney. Chip here and I'm Tony, get up for...

Live music capital of the world. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by Blue Chew Talk Space and Shop. By how we fucking feel in a night, huh? Feels good in here. Before the show gets started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? You know, every single week, I take the two best comedians that I could possibly find, and I put them together here. this show this week no different the return of two of the wildest panelists in the

history of the show how many how many of you consider yourselves die-hard kill-tony fans well you're in Bert treat as I present to you two of the hardest working most working stand-up comedians in the world today and two legends of the kill Tony panel this is Donnell Rawlings and Trevor walk the show if you're sitting next to me Donnell famous for the number one down in Kill Tony history, according to many YouTube videos. In the words of Nina Simone, it's a new day, it's a new dawn. I'm feeling good.

And I want to say, I want to say Happy Black History Month, but it's not representing in this audience. No. I got you right here, Donnell. I got you. Trevor Wallace, one of the whitest white people on planet Earth, here to celebrate Black History Month with you. Donnell Rawlings is on tour.

Good tickets at Donnell Rawlings.com. Trevor Wallace also on tour. He's filming a special March 13th and 14th in Phoenix, and he's dropping a new special at Trevor Wallace on YouTube on April 1st on YouTube. And hell yeah, you guys both have been on the show. You know how this fucking show works. Donnell is a legend of this game.

He is on almost every kill-tony compilation video of every... They hate me here, you know. I'm just doing it for the piece, and I'm so happy to announce that I did not make the Epstein files. I was at a ditty party, but I didn't, that's the whole different. That's the whole difference. Baby, all for everybody. I'll just say that.

We're going to have fun here. You guys know how it works. Over 300 comedians signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage. If their name gets pulled out, you know, their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Which just rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview. can happen. The whole thing is improvised. God only knows. I mean, shit gets crazy here out of this

bucket. You guys are here to start tonight's fucking show or what? While we go wrangle that first bucket pull of the night, we have a very, very special treat to start tonight's show. This young man is considered, much like Donnell, one of the most polarizing figures in this show's history. Very, very, we've watched him grow up until this point every minute seems to be better than the last. Ladies and gentlemen, you remember when he was just a nephew, now he's an uncle. Makes a noise for the great Uncle Laser, everybody.

Happy Black History Month. We've got Darnell here, they got that light-skinned feller painting, and they got D-Madness dressed like a butler. Unreal, what a trait. Before we get started on it, he's not, listen, I don't care what you are. Okay, it's your right, as human being, Whatever you do don't impede on what someone else does, that's your right as a human being.

Look, I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if you're trans. I don't even care if you're black. Your body, your choice, you know what I'm doing? And you all are like, well, black's not a choice. Well, they choose to be that loud at the movie theater, don't they? Listen now, listen here, God damn it, listen. I ain't racist to nobody.

I don't want to, but there is one motherfucker I do hate, okay? One motherfucker, I can't stand. And that is a motherfucker with the audacity to ask me if I want to help them move furniture from one apartment complex to the other. Okay, listen, dude, the goddamn blatant disrespect you gotta ask me to help you move with California King down two flights of stairs?

Yeah, man, as soon as we get there, you might as well just fuck my wife on that mattress, all right? I'd rather have full-blown fucking aides, all right? Like, now Magic Johnson, quit playing basketball in the 90s. I'm talking Dallas buyer clubs' AIDS, all right? 99 cents a day, AIDS. You can swat them flies off the MEPio and kids' face.

With that being said, I got a move on Saturday. If anybody's got a pickup truck, I can borrow. My name's Uncle Leser has started this show. Uncle Layers, let's check in with Donnell. I feel attacked. Anytime a white... pronounces my name Darnel that's the most racist shit It feel like I was watching a turning point half-time show with kid rock

Just say this you made Charlie Kirk happy as a motherfucker man He's turning over in his grave you know what they like Kid crack rock over here You know it's winter when he starts wearing sleeves for sure Uncle laser how's things going? It's good man Your girl Kim Kemp Kahn had a dating show the other night and I actually I actually wanted, and I wanted to date with Heidi, but I was bamboozled because she,

we went out to the Betty, right? But she just hooked me up with the biggest friend she has. Yeah. And not like their best friends, like, this bitch is round. That makes sense. A real big bear. She just bamboozled me, so that's... You know what? It sounds like he's describing Juanita right now. Oh, Juanita.

The very famous Juanita. Juanita famously talked about how black guys don't want to fuck her. Juanita is a... She's trans, ain't it? Is a obese trans... Don't know, you would bring that up. That's crazy. But Donnell thought it was just a thick Mexican chick.

And he said, hey, you know, I'd be down. And then I informed him. It's basically... That's not what the fuck I said. It was worse. It was much worse than that. This is what I said. Yeah.

She did a song, Buddy, you're a boy. And then I said, I said, in behalf of, I'm speaking. On behalf of the black community. I said, this is a song we want to say. We will, we will.

Fuck you. And then I looked, and I didn't really recognize. Because I know women in the Midwest look just like. Women in the Midwest do look like trans linebackers. Yeah. And then my DMs was flooded with guys named Tanya. Oh, yeah.

I don't know. That was a guy. We figured that part out, okay? But, you know, it's a new day. It's a new dawning. Shout out to Juanita. Yeah, we love Juanita. You take her to a ditty party?

That's what you did there? No comment. Takes a lot of baby oil to get that thing ready to go. I got to tell you that. A drum of baby oil. I got some crisco or something too. I feel so insecure. I'm a black man that can't use baby oil because of ditty right now.

What are you using? If you want to really test your sexuality, whatever, you go to a CVS and put eight bottles of babyo on the counter and see how the fuck they look at you. Do they, do they... But they have to unlock the thing for you, right? When do you do that? The new Donnell is not going to respond to that, okay?

Uncle Laser. So what did you end up doing with the big girl that Heidi hooked you up with? You know. Yeah, we know. We know that you know how to... CVS got me eight bottles of baby one, you know. Found the wet spot.

Let's just say you move that furniture around. Yeah, I helped. I help. It's a team lift. Well, Laser, great way to get the show started tonight. We came out with a bang. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, Uncle Laser, everybody. And now we go to the bucket, everyone.

To the bucket, we go. your first bucket bowl. We're going to meet them all together. This is obviously the part of the show where anything can happen. Make some noise for Seth Shepard, everybody. I found out recently I'm one-eighth black. It's our month now. Now this doesn't mean that I can say any of the fun words, but I sure have been thinking about it.

I lost my virginity with a soft dick. Y'all might be thinking, wow, that's got to take a hog to work, right? You'd be wrong. All it takes is a girl that believes deep in and keeps drinking after she pukes on you. I was 17, she was 22, she knew what she wanted. Between me and whiskey, though, we figured it out. It's all right.

All right, I wish that got bigger pipe, but thank you all so much. Seth, Shepard. Welcome to the show, Seth. Thank you. I love your accent. I haven't heard it since you did the narration on the Big Lobowski. Yes, sir. Last time I was on, you said the same thing, yes, sir.

Really? You said the same thing. been on before? About a year and a half ago. Yeah, it was my maybe eighth time on stage. I've been doing comedy about 16, 18 months now. Nice. This is your eighth time on stage? No, last not my own. Yes, sir. Yeah, you have an unbelievable voice. Thank you. Both your voice and your jokes could talk us all to sleep without a doubt. So what's been going on, Seth? Tell us about your life. What are you doing for work right now? I work at a dispensary, which is pretty funny because I don't smoke weed. But I went to a...

The fact, you vote for it to be illegal every time it's on the ballot. Not my type of thing at all. I'm a simple man. I make my eggs and bacon, put on my camouflage hat, and get to rotting the jokes. The swacking eagle of America is what keeps us safe. And I'm consider myself a true patriot. Yes, sir. When I'm not making myself breakfast or feeding my dogs, I'm invading the Capitol.

Oiling up my guns and just doing what's right for the country. Yes, sir. I do support the weeds. I just, I feel like I'm 29. I'm too old to be so scared. It's, uh, I quit smoking because I went on stage after smoking. I was like, God, no, they, why do you all hate me? What's going on? I was so scared. They hate you because those jokes are trash. I know. I'm sorry. Don't think too deep in it and smoke a joint. Do some crack. What's up, man? Anybody got some heroin in this bitch? Oh my God. I know this to plant want to support people, but kill yourself. It's over, son.

You look like you're starting a cuckhole video. Man, I don't know why that colored fella talked to me like that that night. He was disrespectful as hell. Here's my wife and his birthday. Make her feel good. He just looks like the guys in that video I always click on. Oh, you've seen those videos, huh? I was part of those videos. So, Seth, we work at a weed dispense.

What are you doing for fun? What does a guy like Seth do for fun? You look like a man of many hobbies? I like building guns. Wow. Straight out of my impression of him. He said building guns? Building guns. Oh, I'm sorry about everything I said about you. He's also sorry for disrespecting your art form and holding them sideways every time he gets a chance.

That's, whenever I first moved down here, I was actually, I called the mothership and I said, hey y'all, I usually got a gun on my mother ship. I usually got a gun on my hip. Y'all got pistol check. And they're like, what? I was like, if I got a gun on my hip, y'all got somebody can get my gun to, and they said, no. And I was like, all right,

I thought this was Texas. I'm so all right. There's only one person that the mothership allows to have a gun in this place, and that person is D. Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Right. Look out.

Well, he's not doing a good job because if he built guns, you should have took the opportunity to shoot yourself before you can't. Build two birds of one stone. Yes, sir. I love it. Seth, what's your love life like?

It's doing all right. I actually just, this past week, kind of broke up with the lady because she was sending me all kinds of weird shit, kind of suicidal shit, and I'm like, sell her a gun. Yeah. I was like, man, I got maybe six and a half good inches of dick and 15 pumps, if I'm lucky.

I don't know why you're about to kill yourself over that. Leave me alone. Wow. Look at that. Six and a half, huh? We're doing all right. How much bad dick do you have? I'll be honest, don't need the base.

Is it so thick it doesn't go in? Little tree stump down there. Seth, this is incredible. So she was suicidal, so you broke up with her? What an unbelievable boyfriend. Man of the year, everybody. Give her a better help read or something, dude. I avoided her for a few days, and she's like,

I'm going in the dark end. I'm like, oh. I'm the darkest. Yeah. Amazing, man. So, yeah. I've learned my lesson. Crazy Pussies of the shit, but it ain't worth it at the end of the day.

You need somebody who can cook you some eggs, hang out and be a good woman. Hey. It's unbelievable, this guy. I mean, unbelievable. Seth, what else do you do for fun? Give us another hobby before I get you out of here. I like to go. fishing. I ain't been fishing since moved down.

We already knew that. Give us another. Give us another one. Let's see. I walk around 6th Street and just look at the homeless people. It's kind of funny. I feel like you're not a comic in Austin unless you piss in an alley. Just taking a look at all the turds back here. What's going on? It's just, it's a lot of turds back there. It's a lot. But those of you that just

listen to the show from far away, let me tell you, right behind us. Literally behind us, about 15 feet behind us, There's turds. There's a lot. Crazy fun. Okay, Red Band. This Red Band's one fart sound effect per episode.

Trevor. Do you think you look any homeless at all? Oh yeah, I'm sure I do. You look like Luke Nocombe, all right? Yes, sir. Seth Shepard. What's your family like? Are they real billy goats, too?

Yeah, I come from a long line of prejudice people. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. They're great, but I remember whenever I was on the show last, Cam Patterson, followed me up and he said, he's got a good slave owner voice. Yep. And for the next two months,

every time I call my dad, he's like, what's up, slave owner voice? I'm like, well, you can't, no, it's his. You can't say that. That's... I can't imagine what your dad's voice is like. Oh, it's great. That's, uh, he honestly, I have a deeper voice than any... I used smoke three packs of days, so this ain't all natural, I guess. Wow.

Newports? Marlboro Reds. Oh, I thought you were one-eighth black, sorry. Fair point. Somebody didn't leave... It's cool. Somebody did leave a pack of Newport menthol was at Creek last night, and I smoked everyone. I don't know who they were, but that was mine now. Hate that for you.

Real quick before I let you out of here. This soft dick, she puked. You were 17. She was 22. How did that end up happening? It was my sister's friend. We got drunk. It was at her house.

I fucked her on her couch. Assistant? My sister's friend. You have a voice like you would lose your virginity to your sister. You ain't wrong, you ain't wrong, yeah. No disrespect to West Virginia. Kentucky, yes, sir. Yeah.

Amazing. And why was your dick soft? Because you were drunk, too. I had a fifth of whiskey. That was, we figured it out eventually, but it's a, I have an innate tolerance to whiskey. It don't make any sense. It's, uh, I get free drinks at some of the clubs around here. And the other, two weeks ago, I had a full, maybe $750.

I don't even know, but I've never. had a hangover so I'm not learning lessons. I wish I could. The only hangover I've ever had was from tequila. Wow. Yep. That's not interesting at all. I'm sorry. Yeah. No, I love it. It's good when the people watching the show actually fall asleep watching it because that means that we get the entire view that just stays on and then it rolls and then they have to watch it again. So we get two views by having someone on like you early on in the episode. I'm a businessman on top of a host and a comedian and a roaster. So all right, you're leaving here with a one eighth normal size black joke book.

There you go. Thank you. There you go. Seth Shepard, everybody. On to the next one we go. There goes Seth. There goes Seth, everybody. Oh, my goodness, look who it is, everyone.

The lovely Heidi, everybody, live in the flesh. Go to Heidiregina.com. Check out our podcast, love on the line. Also, check out the Kill Tony band on YouTube. They have a new show. Find You Part 2. Or they have a new song. They do songs.

Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Julian Casas. Julian Caesas. So I don't think Stephen Hawking fucked any kids. Because how? There's only one thing he could have done. Only one thing that makes any sense. He'd line them up on the ground.

put a ramp on either side and turned his chair up to full speed and he has the science to make it happen. I could just imagine his tires creating fire tracks. And I'm pretty sure that's how his face got that way. It's just the wind resistance. You know what I mean?

He's just like, that's my set. Julian Kaisus. Welcome, Julian. Is this your first time on the show? First time. I love it. Welcome. How long have you been? When one stand-up?

Six months. Six months. Very good. Amazing. Premise and execution. The delivery felt organic. It felt like you're new. But it was good.

Yes. Thank you. Created mystery. Kept us on the edge of our seats, much like Stephen Hawking. So six months in the game. How old are you? 30. What made you want to start six months ago?

I was thinking about what I wanted to do with my life because I was working at Amazon, I was just tired of it. And I said, you know, what kind of life do I want to live? And I was like, do I want to be a rock star? Do I want to... Hell yeah. I like the optimism. If I could put eight to ten hours a day into one of those things,

I said, comedy, I think, is the one thing that I could see myself working really hard on. What came in second place to stand-up comedy? Being a rock star, were you about to go by a star? Were you about to go buy a guitar center or something like that and buy a guitar? Like what was, what? I think, I don't think there was no second place. It kind of just comedy was like the only thing I could see myself doing long term and working really hard on for.

What ethnicity are you? Mexican. 100%. Both my parents, but I did a DNA test. It's like 35% native Mexican. Okay. How much percentage would need to have an accent? official ice rating here is it like 35% right get it out they're on the way very

cool so what do your parents do mom stay at home mom what does dad do am I right mom's on disability yeah and dad's a forklift driver yeah perfect that's a direct makeup of Stephen Hawking right there actually yeah yeah what kind of disability does your mom have I knew you was gonna say schizophrenic oh Yes. Does that affect you a lot as a kid, I bet? Honestly, it's very, like, low-key. She has voices in her head, but she handles it well, so she's not...

Do the voices speak Spanish? I never thought to ask. Do the voices know anything Bad Bunny was saying at the Super Bowl halftime show? I'm just curious, can your mother translate the halftime show? I don't know what I'm going to have to ask her. No, it's good. All right. I just made.

Yeah. I don't know what happened. I was watching the T-Pack halftime show, so, no, I'm kidding. I would have to ask her. No, it's good. But no, no, nothing too nuts that she's ever done? Any big break meltdowns like Donnell did a few episodes ago? No, she's heard.

Like, if she has, like, an episode is just really small. all her handling it herself. Is it an episode or it's all a novella? What do you call it exactly? It's more like she's talking to herself and I'm like, what's going on? Right. That makes sense. Dad's cool. You and dad are close?

Me and dad are close. What is he? Go ahead. My parents got separated when I was like in second grade. But he lives in the same town and I see him like pretty often. But which part side of your mother did he separate from? That's a good question. Yeah, her main personality, I think, but supposedly, it changed over time, so who knows. Did she live by herself now, or does she have another man?

No, she lives by herself for, like, the last, like, maybe, like, 20-something years. Okay. But in her head, she lives with a group of people, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, she took us with her, too, so there's, like, a whole... You still live with Mom? Not anymore.

Nice. I moved to Austin, actually. live by yourself? I live by myself. Nice. How are you able to afford that apartment now that you, do you still work at Amazon? So I was working at Amazon in California, and then I just, I said, you know what? I looked up the cost of living in Austin, and I said, you know what, I could pull out my savings,

go to Austin, find a job, and then last for like as long as I need to last until like my comedy skills grow. Let me ask you this. How much money did you have saved up? about 14,000? Very good. What's your rent a month? Like 500, 575, 575. I live in a travel trailer.

I don't live in a... Beautiful. You ever see Uncle Laser out there? Hey, Julian, can you help me move this couch over here? Come on, give you a hand, say my name three times, let's go. Wow, Julian, you have any hobbies or anything like that? like that? Sometimes I write

things other than comedy. Like I like to write poetry sometimes too and then draw. Nice. And what else? Anything wild and fun? It seemed like he would be a good eulogy writer. Yeah.

You know, I have a... I made a couple friends here and at least one of them, you know, gets me out of the house, you know, make sure that I'm not like stuck at home. You seem like the kind of guy that could drink tequila all day. Have no hangover. And if you had whiskey at all, you'd be tremendously hung over. Reverse of the last guy. I don't get hung over. Whiskey does make me emotional, though.

Ooh, what kind of stuff happens to you if you drink whiskey? I start thinking about my life too much. Oh, poetry. Are you going to get a job, though? Are you looking for a job? Just interrupt yourself? Poetry, it gets emotional. That's when... I'm Ubering now. Ooh. Yeah. Okay, Uber Eats or just regular Uber with humans? Regular Uber. I like it better when the package gets in and out on its own.

Nice. I love it. Brilliant. Like I said about the Stephen Hawking thing, you have a very funny brain. I think you're just going to keep getting better. I don't think there's anything that can stop you, Julian. I see it. I've been doing this way too long.

I know what it's like when someone has a premise and the only thing that needs catching up is their delivery and that's where you are right now. It's incredible. Sign up again. Here's a big joke book. Thank you. Boom.

There you go. It happens. All right. Your next comedian works here. You know him. He became famous for talking about bags and boxes. This is a brand new minute from Jay Legend, everybody. The white woman is important that I say that part for the story.

And as I was getting to know her, she was telling me how she was in a gender pro. and how she identified as a they, them, which is a crazy sentence to hear. But I'm a super chill guy. I didn't overreact. I'm like, if that's how you choose to live your life, I call you what you want to be called.

But I did let them know before we go out, I can only afford to pay for me and you. And if that's going to be a problem, we shouldn't do this, because they could come, just make sure they bring money. For real. Because if they order anything off of this, mean, they're going to pay for the shit, gratuity and all.

I'm not going to be stuck with the bill for seven fucking people because you don't know who you want to be in life. That's not my responsibility, and I refuse to deal with it. The part that pissed me off the most was they got up when it was time to order, so now I look like a dumb ass at the table because the waiter take the order, he like, sir, what would you like, put my order in with confidence? Then he was like, what about your guests? I was like, I don't know what they want.

He said, they, you expected more people? I was like, no, it's just one them. He said, one of them. I said, yes, nigger, one of them. I don't know what the fuck I just said. I'm confused, too. I thought you helping me figure this shit out for real because it's this is us versus them and we're losing y'all's all right tell you're telling me hey what's hey pleasant it very strong that welcome back jay

appreciate y'allie can i say something oh absolutely this is probably in the mind of everybody in this panel you can't say i just want to say my niggins funny shit appreciate it guys not just because it's black here's too much just because you're black that was it so ice was on their way now we're calling the police, everybody. They already here. Look in the corner. Yes, there he is. Watching with a watchful eye over there.

Keeping an eye on everything. Jay, how's life going? Man, it's going good, man. I'm fucking just working here all the time, making sure y'all, sheriff is in order before y'all get in here, taking out the trash when y'all leave. All y'all zan's on the fucking floor.

Stop that shit. That's true. Y'all laughing. That's true. Somebody's got to do it. One of the great door guys of the mothership. What's your personal life like? What are you doing out there? You live by yourself?

No, so I have a house full. So I got a baby mama I'm not with. She lived with me, and I got my two kids, and that's why she there. So you're not with the baby mama, but she lives with you. Yeah, I pay all the bills and shit, and she's there because I come out and work night,

so I need somebody to take care of the kids, so she's useful. You have two kids with her. Yes. Okay. Same baby mom before you ask. Yes. But you don't.

That was my next question. But you don't hook up with her at all ever? No, that's so toxic. No, hell no, I'm scared. I'm scared, because if another kid happened, I'm like, jump off or something. But you pay all the bills? Yeah.

You ever look at her and go, I am the captain now? I should. Maybe that should have worked. Arnold than anything. That was horrible. I'm sorry. No, that's perfect.

When you say it's a toxic relationship, can you give us some examples of what you mean exactly? Okay, so she got this super depressive personality where she can't be happy about shit in life. We know a good gun guy. Somebody's there, oh. Yeah, I already bought one. It's on the way.

Yeah, but I try to make things happy because I'm a comedian. I like laughing and shit, and she'd be like, no, I'm cool with being depressed. And that can make for a toxic house. Especially when you pay all the bills and you expect somebody to be happy with that and she comes and be like,

you know you left the lights on it. Well, bitch, I paid the bills in here. I get to fucking leave all the, now you're going to sleep in the light. How about that? You're damn right. You're damn right. So you don't ever get to hook up with chicks, huh?

At their places, yeah. You can't come to my house. There's too much going on in here. Right. Right. You imagine that happening? How old are the kids? Four and one. My son's four. My daughter's one. He got autism. That's pretty cool. Oh, damn.

Yeah, don't, what's y'all? It's cool. It's fuck. He don't talk a lot, so house is quieter. You gotta think about the positives, dumbass. I wish more you were autistic. I got a question. Was the demise of your relationship with your baby mom? What was the demise?

It always was the depressive shit. I thought it would get better. Like, I was the type of guy. I was like, I don't want to just walk out. This is my dad did. We can't do the repeat shit. So I was like, let's stick around and see if it can work out. And if I could, like, try to talk greatest into her.

And then after a while, I'm like, now, I'm talking to a wall. And you kind of just be like, all right, we're not going to figure this out. So we just go out separate ways. Now, was she the one that famously left you with bags and boxes? Yeah, she was the one. I wrote a song for her. That was how much I tried. We remember the legendary song.

But then you moved back in. No, she moved in with me. Oh. She lived with me. I want people to get that shit straight, too. Because I ain't when they get it wrong. She lived with me. They'd be like, you live with your business.

No, she live with me. I'm not one of them, couch sleeping baby daddy, so I'm fucking handling shit. It's amazing that you are trying so hard to be a good father. Yeah, thank you. Incredible. It's like when you see like an Asian basketball player or something like that.

The opposite of the stereotype, like, how did that Asian do that? We know that Asians are good at ping pong or like, you guys are good at walking out. Fucking breaking down barriers every day. day. It's incredible. I'm like the Jackie Robinson of a baby dads. Yep. Yep.

Every black person was a Jackie Robinson to think. Jackie Robinson was the Jackie Robinson. Jay, anything else crazy in life going on? I mean, not crazy. I got some past shit. You know, like the blackest shit about me is I was almost sold for crack as a baby.

That was insane. Yeah, my, so I had a 70-year-old. parents and they left with my crackhead grandma and then they came back from working at Burger King and my mom was like where's my baby and trying to get that answer from a crackhead is pretty hard and my dad was a crack dealer so he knew all the hot spots so he was like you chill out and I'm gonna go find him he came back like two hours later with me that's a crazy fucking that is a crazy story I could have been with a better family how much did they try to sell you for I don't know, but I think it was like two fucking dime bags or whatever, which back then, I was born in the 90s, so I feel like with inflation, that would be like an eight ball, which is a lot of money.

Yep. So I was an expensive-ass baby. This nigga proud. He's like, good job. Incredible, Jay. You are very charismatic. Did you happen to hear any weird noises while you were up here? Did you notice anything?

Yeah, I don't give a... See, I like the fucking fire detector. I don't change the batteries on purpose. It's like white noise for me. It's like a little instrumental waiting that happens. It's a metronome for you. It's funny that it's white noise to you because it's a black noise to us.

Jay, you already have a big joke book, right? Yeah. Is it filled up? Yeah, it's filled up. Okay, here's another one. A black one. A black one. Hell yeah.

Little black baby joke book. Jay Legend, everybody. On to the next one. We're flying through. with tonight. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Derek Larson, everyone. Makes the noise for Derek Larson. Hey, what's up, guys? I'm not from Texas. When I first moved here, I thought I was going to have to learn, like, the Texas lingo, right? So I started saying things like, howdy, I reckon, and y'all

after somebody would say the N-word. Yeah, I learned pretty quick. That's not how people talk in Austin at all. No, people here, they say things like woke and progressive. And if you live here long enough, you'll say the same kind of stuff too. Like the other day, this person walks by and I turned to my buddy and go, damn, dude, check out the ass on that day, them. Now, a little about me, I have a pocket pussy. Yeah. I'll be honest with you guys, after use it a couple times, starts to taste kind of weird. Yeah, but hey, a chef should ever fear his own recipe. Am I right, fellas? Yeah, my pocket pussy's all. Yeah, my pocket pussy's Also brown, so you know when I'm using it, I'm yelling e-haul.

All right, yeah. Cool. I hooked up with this big girl recently. Talk about a heavy sleeper. All right, fuck. Thank you. Derek Larson. All right.

Is this your first time on the show, Derek? Yes, sir. Welcome, welcome. How long have you been on stand-up? Like seven years on and off. E-Ha! Okay. Yeah.

Damn. When did you move here? Three years ago. Where'd you come from? Wichita, Kansas. Wichita, Kansas. What? Oh, my God.

Okay, Matt. Doesn't say anything ever. Yeah, he speaks once every two months. I said, Wichita. He said, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cot Night Show? Again, autism is spreading through the, United States of America. It is an epidemic. Derek, Wichita, Kansas. And what do you do for work?

I am a rope access technician, so I, like, clean the high rises and stuff on ropes. Like cleaning windows, maintenance, whatever, but on ropes. Very nice. What's the highest you've ever been on a building? Ballpark. It's one on the rainy, it's one of the rainy new buildings. It's like 45 stories. And it has an overhang, which is... It was scary. You ever thought about it? Oh. I got to go to work tomorrow, huh?

Yes. No, I'm getting... Tell us about this pocket pussy. Is true or no? Do you eat it like a gogurt? How'd you do it? Just slurp it all the way up? You got to make it work, you know?

No, I... Right. Let me ask you this. When you're out there cleaning windows, you know, I can tell you, Red band can tell you. A lot of stuff goes down and you never know when you people are coming.

What's the craziest thing you've ever seen inside of one of these crazy windows? Oh man. It's so funny. Everybody has such great stories. Mine are, it's kind of gay. Perfect. Just wind gauges now.

I don't know what happened. It wasn't fun, man. It was, so, like, you drop. And, like, of course, they don't know we're coming. I dropped on this window. I swear to God, this dude was just jerking off on his couch. he looked at me and made eye contact

and, like, kept going. I swear to God. I would have nutted on the window and be like, clean that, bitch. We don't think you could see us. I think that's the main thing. Like, I always think you can't see the reflections and shit.

We tried to, like, make it seem like we don't see what's going on. That was his day. He was like, boy, of a window washer come down here. It's going to be he-ha. No doubt about it. Yeah, it was. So weird. It's a weird situation. And I got to finish the...

I can't just drop down. You could just drop down. You enjoyed this shit, motherfucker. It was new. You could mission impossible that go a little bit... Zzz! Go a little lower, but you chose to stay there. You know what I would have done?

You know me. I would have stared right at the guy started jerking off myself. But I would have taken my rappel rope and wrapped it once around my neck. I'm really just fucking really gotten into it. You know what I mean? I'm into crazy shit.

There's a certain level of success where you hit where you can't just come like a normal person anymore. I have to absolutely be getting choked out by something. What is that called pseudo something, right? What is it called? I call a pooling of David Caridine. What is it called? That's a freak.

Anybody can pronounce that as a fucking freaky motherfucker. Yeah. Auto-erotic is fixiation. Michael Gonzalez is our resident kink. Okay. So, Derek, give us a crazy fun fact about your life, Wichita, Kansas. You got some hillbilly parents? No, my parents are pretty cool. I was a pretty bad drinker. Well, I've had a drinking problem for like seven years and

recently I like stopped finally. What made you stop? My parents came and visited. And I was like, what? You guys know where I live? No. No, it wasn't like that. It was like a very heart to heart. Like how bad was it? Were you drinking during the day? Yeah, it was. Basically every night drinking about half a bottle of whiskey. Wow. Yeah, it got pretty bad to where it was every night. But I wouldn't do it like during work or anything,

obviously, but I would wake up still drunk and be like, this is horrible. And then seven years later, I'm like, I'm going to do something about it. Yeah. Awesome. How old are you again? I'm 31. 31. Yeah. Perfect. There's still time, Red Band. You just get a bigger bottle

of whiskey. Get one of those big Costco jugs. Well, so I had like a legit where I would buy the small bottle because I'm like drinking out of the bottle. And then I'd fill it up with the big bottle. So I'd like buy the big bottle and just keep refilling the small bottles. Oh, yeah. You had a problem. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I didn't think it was a problem because I would just stay home and drink. So I'm like, I'm not hurting anybody. But it turns out to hurt myself. Amazing. Worst night of drinking you ever had. Would you ever hit a bottom before you kept going?

I, one time I got drunk and I took my, obviously in Kansas, it gets cold and it snows. I didn't realize that when people made snowmen, like after a couple of days, it turns into pure ice. Me and my buddy got drunk one night and we just plow through snowmen through people's yards. In my car? Yeah, it's in my car. Oh, yeah. Fucked it. And now we were so drunk.

We were like, this is so fun. And then the next day I'm like, oh, my God, my dad's going to beat this shit out of me. Wow. Incredible. Yeah. What's your love life like, Derek? Non-existent. I haven't a girlfriend in a long time.

Have you kissed a girl since you moved to Austin? Yeah, I moved here three years ago, so... Oh, perfect. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you gotta snag one every now and again. You know, get them on 6th Street while they're... Yeah. ...incomprehensible, I don't know.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean. Get them with your rope. Come here, bitch. I love it. Well, Derek, fun times. Here's a joke book. How about a hand for Derek Larson, everybody? Thank you so much, man.

All right. We're flying through it tonight. Here's your next bucket bowl. You guys having fun out there? All right. Make some noise for your next one. It's Nick Cano, everybody. Nick Cano is next on Kiltow. I was talking to my black friend the other day on the phone, and he was ignoring me.

It was really pissing me off. So I was like, you know what, man? Fuck you. Go to hell. You know what? Go to Black Hell. That got his attention. Yeah, he turned around real quick. He'll, Black Hell is crazy, bro. Is it, you guys think hell's not segregated?

It's run by the fucking devil. Like the most evil guy of all time? What do you think black cow would be like just more every day finding out you are the father forever? Baby's name is smoke detector, always needs batteries, you know? There's gay hell. There's two levels of gay hell, there's top end, bottom, hell yeah. Not homophobic, I just hate people that love to gossip.

Japanese hell would just be vivian, Vietnamese heaven. I don't know. I think Mexican Hell is actually froze over right now because of all the ice. I'm just really glad I don't have to go to Indian Hill. Can you imagine how bad that place fucking smells? Holy shit. Thank you so much, guys.

Fuck out. Nick Cano. Sticking with one bit for a full minute. Great stuff, man. How long have you been on stand up? A year and a half. Year and a half. All of it in Austin?

Fort Worth. Okay. That's where you live now? Awesome. What do you do for work? I work at Big Laugh. Big Laugh Comedy Club in Fort Worth. Okay, perfect. I actually feel like I'm in Black Hill listening to these jokes.

Oh my God, I'm in Black Hell in Black History Month. What the fuck? Am I doing? You didn't have to start with Black Hill. You should have closed it, you should have closed it, Black Hill. I should have, but I feel like that would be more disrespectful. You know, it is Black History Month, you know, put them from the front of the joke

instead of the back of the buses, you know. There you go. There it is. That was a good team. That was funny. I'm in black heaven right now. That was a funny joke. Nick, tell us more about your life. What ethnicity are you?

You look like you could be fucking everything. I've been told I look ambiguous, and I fucking hate it. I'm 100% Mexican. You look like a Big Mouse character for sure. I fucking wish, did. With some Nick Crowe going on. What's going on with you, buddy? I fucking wish I'd probably get pussy.

So you're 100% Mexican? Yeah. What are your parents like? They are dead. Wow. How did they die? My mom had like a fucking brain aneurysm. How did your dad die?

My dad died. Funny story, guys. I tried to kill myself one time and my dad misses dialysis. So one day he woke up having a heart attack and I was still overdosing or like high on Xanax. So I had to drive him like 120 miles an hour to like 30 minute away hospital. Took the wrong turn and he died in the car.

That's one of the most amazing answers to a question I've ever gotten on the show. So how long ago did that happen? That was in 2018. 2018. So I'd imagine you felt a lot of guilt. Oh yeah. It definitely didn't help at all that, uh,

I was high the whole time, you know? You know how annoying it is to be woken up at all by your parents? Imagine being, like, stoned high off of Xanax and your dad's like, I'm having a heart attack. What the fuck you're talking about, dude? I was freaking out. I hated it, so I just delved into it more and went to jail and shit. Right. I think his hell is a lot worse than black hell.

Yeah, man. That's how you... That's why I go to church now. Do you go to church now? No, that's a lot. Oh, okay. You're a funny guy, Nick. Thank you.

That's what it takes. It takes a lot of darkness. People with two dead parents are always very funny. I agree. Everybody should kill their parents. There you got. If you want to make it big, you know what to do. That's right.

Amazing. What other trauma do you have in life? You said your parents were dead like it was nothing. I actually do the show called trauma dumping because there's a bunch of bullshit. This girl one time, I took her to go see Sam Tallinn and hyenas, and she threw up all over me and told me she was cheating on me.

Wow. And then said, I asked her why, and she goes, I just find them more attractive than you in every way possible. So I lost like 100 pounds. And, yeah, it started being really mean to girls. You started being really mean to girls? Yeah. Oh, my God.

In what way? Tell us about that. Like, I don't know. Apparently you're not supposed to hook up with comics because it makes things really weird. Like... Speak for yourself. You make anything really weird.

Yeah, dude. Tushay. Wait, do you know what tusha means? I know. I do. Cool. Cool. Okay, cool. You know what?

I'm just checking. I just learned backstage. I did not as shit. Yo, if you kill yourself tonight, I wouldn't give a fuck. I wouldn't give a fuck either, bro. In fact, the guy that had a gun, I'm going to tell him to bring it back So you can shoot yourself right in the fucking temple.

I'll send you a letter of what hell I end up in. Yeah. God damn it, I love you, dude. Yeah. Amazing. Nick, before I let you go, what? No, let him go. Let him get the fuck out of here, man.

I love them. There's some rope on the balcony, man. Just fucking jump. This would be the first time I walk before you do, man. Hey! Nick Cano. Let me tell you what I do. Listen, look how much better I make this garbage-ass comedian.

Now he's got his rhythm, it's dark, we're having fun, and I appreciate that. And what I found for that, it feels like you need to be pushed in the corner to really be funny. You are coming from a dark place. And I think it's something to be said to have as much tragedy as you had in your life to be able to make fun of it. Even though I'm the butt of your jokes, I don't have a problem with that, but something sparked you to be funny. because the other shit you did was very suicidal. Now you're gonna live.

Let's find out. Nick Cano, I love your style, love your jokes, amazing stuff. Here's a big joke book. Great stuff. Fuck out of here. Hey man, that's racist. No, no. Not today. Just mottumbled his whole dreams.

Not today, motherfucker. Well, this is very exciting. This looks like a new name. Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for Randolph Davies, everybody. Randolph. No way. No way.

That's what I said when my masseuse told me she farted in my mouth while I was asleep. I was, uh, I've been on the road with the counting crows for about 35 years. You see a lot of stuff, you get a lot of, uh, all things get you down, get you tense. So I try to get a massage from time to time. And I went to this, I used to get a massage from this girl.

She, uh, started having too many seizures, so, had to stop using her. But, uh, so I got a new girl, bigger girl. Fat, you could say, right? And, uh, while that would push, push up on top of me, I was get a massage, get relaxed, fell asleep. And I wake up and, uh, and she goes, hey, sorry about the fart. And I said, uh, what?

And at first I thought she was blaming, you know, blaming me. I'm like, sorry about you couldn't control your asshole, you know? And then I said, uh, I said, my bad, it has a mind of its own. And she goes, no, no, I'm the one that farted. I'm the farter, is what she said. I said, I don't know why you would, you know, turn yourself in after you robbed the bank, but that's not going to help your reviews.

You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to go online and say, Tina's super honest. I love that. And if you fall asleep at the right moment, she'll put a little secret in your mouth for free. All right, that's all my time. Thank you so much. Wow. Endoff Davies.

Unbelievable. I've never... I mean, look at you. This is incredible. Unbelievable, writing, timing, beats. It all seems genuine. The cowboy hat doesn't fit you're at the top of your head.

But you seem like you got a lot of stories, pal. I could tell you if you'll. I could tell you if you'll. Wow, what was working with the counting crows for that long like? I was basically the guy that tune the guitars, get them drugs, find restaurants, you know, that were fun to go to, get them pad tie whenever they need it, you know. Yeah.

One time we were in New Jersey, Adam Durriss and I went to a regular massage parlor. And you can always tell when it's not, you know. The marquee is just a little bit, you know, worn down, Kind of like the people inside, you know. And we get in there and right away, I don't want to do the accent, but you know who it was, you know. And she said something I didn't understand. And I knew what it meant, though, you know what I'm saying?

There was a twinkling in her eye. Like she was down to clown, you know. So Adam and I went in, they only had one room. So we had to be in there together. And, well, long story short, we both got jerks. worked off at the same time. And this was two days before Christmas. I looked over to him and I said, boy, this is quite the long December.

You know what I'm saying? Wow. Randolph Davies has arrived to the Kill Tony universe. I've noticed that almost every one of your jokes and stories revolves around getting a massage. Well, you know, life gets hard, Tony. You gotta relax. And it's the only way for me to shut down mentally and physically. So some people, you know, I'll play a little Xbox live from time to time.

Free Britney 69 if you want to find me on Xbox, by the way. That's your handle? Free Britney. Is that for Britney Spears? No, for Britney Greiner. Oh, he picked up the toothpick and right back in the mouth. This is a true road dog. Hey, Lord knows, this thing ain't been worse places than I have. Wow, Randolph. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? First time.

This is your first time. First time ever on stage. Absolutely worked continuous beats on the audience. Like a pro. Like someone that's been doing it for decades. Absolutely incredible. What made you want to... How old are you?

55. 55. What made you want to start stand up here on Kiltoni tonight at 55? Well, you know, life gets crazy, Tom. I've been to live in Tomatoes. for about the last 14 years, right?

My wife, my wife and my ex-wife became friends. We opened up a winery called Oops, which I know sounds like a jockey beverage establishment, but it's actually, you know, it's kid friendly. We have a little petting zoo and all that shit, you know. But my point is, you know, I just, I've traveled everywhere, I've done everything, and I just figured, you know, shit, it's either, you know, fuck a guy or do stand-up at this point.

You came to the right show, buddy. Yep. Bad boy. I like her. I got a question for you. You say this is your first time doing stand-up? That's right, sir. But it's obvious that you had some jokes that you prepared.

How long did you think about doing stand-up before you decided you actually going to do it? Well, you know, I was told there'd be no pop quizzes on this show. I'm just trying to get people to know, get the... I just want... I was trying to try and I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you settle down, sell down. This is why I don't want to have give good advice to try to do some. No, no, no, I read you loud and clear. I appreciate it. You know, it's one of those things again, I've done it all.

I've been around the moon and back, you know. Yeah. And you just get to a point where you go, that's what else is there to do, but also I got so many stories. I don't want to put them in a book, you know, nobody reads books anymore. Right. They either listen to the book or they want to go see the book live and film for them. Your two girls, two girls.

How fucking long did it take you to decide if this is something you really wanted to do? About 15 minutes. Okay. You see, you see, you see, you see, you see, you see, I'm not a guy, I'm not a guy, darn hell that does. I don't. He's paying attention.

He's paying attention. I'm a fan. I'm not a guy that likes to plan ahead. Life throws so much at you. Life is, I mean, I've, man, I'm, you know, I've dated girls. You know, I've fucked pregnant girls. I've fucked.

I fucked a girl with, you know, oh man, she had cervical cancer for about a month. What was that like? Can you describe that? The sex was unbelievable. Yeah. Because she thought it was, you know, she thought this was a rap, you know. So we got to do everything, you know. She beat it.

He beat it. Shout out to Jill. Wow. Absolutely incredible. And the pregnant women, you said women, plural Randolph Davies. I did, didn't I? Yeah, you did. What's that like? I've never been with a pregnant woman. Is there something that you notice that's different than a pregnant woman than a woman that isn't pregnant?

I mean, look, that's, you know, that's like asking someone to explain the plot of Indiana Jones in the last crusade. You know what I'm saying? You want to know. but you don't have time. Do you have any fun stories about Courtney Cox? I thought you were gonna ask me to do The Secret Show. I'd love to have you on The Secret Show. No, I'm busy, I'm busy, but...

He's busy, you can't make it to the Secret Show. Gotta get a wart removed. I do, I got a wart on my finger. Those pregnant bitches got something. Wow. What was the question, Brian? I never have any fun stories about Courtney Cox, you know, counting crows. Yeah, I'll party with Courtney a couple of times.

It's pre-friends. And she's wild, spunky. Yeah. People always say Matthew Perry was a crazy one because of the whole hot tub thing. But no, she, uh, Courtney Cox was spunky, adventurous. Always, every other day, she's like, you want to go bungee jumping or, you know, go down to, you know, go down to Yoshinoa. You ever, you know what Yoshinoa is? It's a fast food Chinese restaurant.

Yeah. I mean, they should call it E. E. coli city. Yeah. But she always wanted to eat there. So to me, that was, she's a risk taker, right? But I saw her tits once. Yeah?

Beautiful. And I don't want to say like that's, you know, I don't know her personally because of that. But, you know, once you see someone half naked, you get a little bit more familiarity, right? What was the question again, Brian? The perfect answer. Now, you nailed it.

It was great. Very funny. You nailed it. You were rowdy for the counting crows for 35 years? That's right. I'd imagine you know how to play the guitar, right? Are there any other instruments or special skills or talents that you have? I was an auctioneer for a little bit. You know, mostly, you know, there's haikus, you know.

My, I had a nephew, well, have, I guess he's, you know, he's an RIP. He's not dead, he's dead to me, but he's, uh, shout out to Nathan, but he, you know, he's, just went down the wrong path as we all do at some point, and he just needs to find his, way back you know but but he would always try to course me into going down to his little slam poetry things and and no offense but there you know one too many Indian people down there you know which is fine I just had you know it's they're always coming up you know big counting crow fans you know the Indian people

so just a lot of questions from my side of things and I just you know want to be out enjoy support my nephew and here I am you know oh yeah no I was at Sarasota too sir you know but yeah so spoken work you know if you guys want to hit me with a little something I can give you a little bit of the slain poetry that I used to. Oh, hell yeah. Angle with. I could listen to you and talk to you all day, Randolph Davies.

Let it rip. Something in the key of E. But also dealer's choice. You know, it's your show. There he is, ladies and gentlemen, Randolph Davies. The Kill Tony debut of Randolph Davies. Well, I was driving drunk again. Down the 405.

Couldn't quite. remember I wanted to be alive. So I opened up my book, and I remembered what Captain Hook said in Peter Pan. He said, he said, give me all them boys. Give me all them girls. I'm going to take them to the plank and watch them vanilla swirl down into the ocean.

Inside the ocean. There might be sharks. Look out. Big old fish and trout. Maybe we can get back to land and find my friend Stan. Stan always had drugs. I'll tell you this what. Stan gave me a pill one time, and I danced with a coconut tree for an hour and a half.

Ooh, she could move. She could grew. But one thing I learned in this life, at 55 years old, is that even through a pandemic, mold is mold. So throw that peanut butter in the trash. It ain't good no more. It ain't good no more.

I'm allergic to gluten, by the way. All right, that's it. Thank you so much. That's it out of me. I gotta tell you, every once in a while, an absolute saint comes around. My friend, you are the newest Golden Ticka winner here on Kiltony.

Randolph Davies, ladies and gentlemen, an absolute phenom. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of Randolph in the very near future. Absolutely incredible. You guys... This is the greatest show in the world or what, huh? There's Heidi.

Let's get another bucket pull up here. Make some noise for Pat O'Neill, everybody. Pat O'Neill. I was watching Bat. I'm not thinking, you know? Because Bruce Wayne, his alter ego, is Batman. inspired by his paralyzing fear of bats.

So I guess then my superhero name would be Black Man. Uh, man, okay. And considering how many of these superheroes get their power from radiation, not nearly enough of them are Japanese, uh, on Asian jokes are short-sighted, and... What do I know? Until Lopenhimer came out, I thought Nagasaki was about black blow jobs. Uh...

Speaking of... speaking of overreactions, Hamas really brought in knife to a fucking space laser fight? Huh? Holy shit. Out of control. I'll never understand how conflict in the Middle East has lasted so long. Considering half of them face the same way five times a day.

You are one of the funniest people, Pat. How's life going, buddy? I'm great, Pat. I'm great. Pat looks like this all the time, by the way. This isn't a character or anything. He looks and sounds suicidal, but I would try to save his life. I'm telling you, you, I don't know too much about you, whatever,

but you have a very funny, funny energy. It always reminded me like, Howie Mandel, when Howard Mandel first started, right? He had this nervous energy, and he worked with it. This is my first time seeing you, but you look funny, you sound funny, and you're funny. Hey, remember the last time you're on, you wanted to fuck that trans girl?

I'm sorry, Tom, I'm sorry. You know what? That's funny. I'll just leave it at that. My DM's already blowing. I don't need no more Tanya Tony's in my motherfucking DM. But I do remember that time where I misspoke and I said something that was inappropriate.

That's what I remember. But you're still funny. Thank you, thank you, Don. Did you fuck that trans girl? I'm fucking, let's get to it together after. Oh, hell yeah. Look at that. Someone ordered the charcutory board. There's three types of crazy meat at this party.

Pat, what is your love life like? You seem like the kind of guy that would fuck almost anything. I'm out of the dating game doing that thing lately where you'll whack off for hours before finishing. Ooh, tell us about that. What's that? What's it called again? Oh, yeah, Coke. I'm doing a lot of cocaine.

Oh. Tough to come on Coke. Incredible. Where are you, how often are you doing cocaine? No, I don't know. No. No, not anymore. Not anymore.

Deviated septum. Oh. Better to go to sleep every now. Yeah. You're such a funny guy, Pat. Are you getting on stage a lot here in Austin? Yeah. Yeah.

I just... Every night? Yeah. What do you do for work? I got fired two weeks ago. Ooh. Fired from? Like a mortgage company.

What did you do to get fired? Um... Cocaine. Yeah. That's how the septum got deviated. Yes. I understand the nature of the show, but I have like a severance thing where I'm getting paid, so I like... Perfect. It literally cannot.

Perfect answer. I'm sorry. No, it's great. No, I love it. Saying I understand the nature of the show, but I have a severance thing is actually the best answer. I think we've ever gotten for that question. I can't be homeless. I'm sorry. I know. It's fantastic. If you already look it, you can't actually live it. Tell us something else crazy about your life, Pat. How did you end up like this? Are your parents dead too?

My dad is, yes. Yep, there you go. That is a doorknob. How did your dad die? Liver cirrhosis at age 40. Oh, wow. My God. How much was he drinking to get that at 40?

A lot. Yeah. All day? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Amazing. I ask these questions because I like to have a few drinks at night.

I get scared. I'm a little hypochondriac. 40. That's amazing. How old was he when he had you? How old were you when he died? Let's put it that way. 16, I think.

Okay. How old are you now? You look like you could be anything. Somehow still look 16. You locked in. 29. 29. Perfect.

Jesus. You guys might not be able to hear it over the podcast, but the entire crowd just gasped and all said different words. A lot of fucked Jesus. Very rude audience. Make these fuckers laugh. Pat, you are absolutely hilarious. We love you here on this show.

Keep coming back. Golden ticket. Is that what you want? More than anything in the world. Really? My whole life to, yeah. Well, I just gave the only one I have up here away, but... I won't disappoint you.

I won't bother you to be on a lot. You know, we got another one. Fuck you, Pat O'Neill. You just want a golden ticket. You're going to invite him to do the secret show? All right, well, it's good when you do it on the mic. But there you go. He's got a gig on Thursday.

He's going to sell that shit on Facebook Marketplace for sure. Honestly, I think he was dessert for a long time ago. He's one of the fun of the fans. Of course, yes, I completely agree. I completely agree. It takes a lot to do that as a normal white guy nowadays. And he always absolutely knocks it out of the park. How about one more time for Pat O'Neill, everybody?

There are Golden's take a week. winners on this show that leave a veils and sometimes we can squeeze them into the show and then there are regulars ladies and gentlemen your next comedian is a regular and there is a big difference between regulars and golden tigua winners regulars have to write a new minute every single week this is one of those guys he was once the dark storm of atlanta now he is the dark storm of austin texas make some fucking noise for the one and only this is a brand new set from dedrick fly I go do a show in Marble Falls, Texas. It's not a real place even though I went there.

And when the sun went down, I looked at my roommate. I said, I think it's time for us to go. I think that's the rules out here. And so we start driving back. And the shit looked on the way. There's no like street lights. It looked like where you meet the devil and that nigger charged,

like he challenged you to play guitar for your soul. So when we're driving, I looked at him and I said, yo, I got to pee. I'm about to pee in this. Gatorade bottle and then he looked at me his white ass said I'll just pull over no nigger you're not all right we're not we're not stopping here and then he was like what you scared like a mountain lion's gonna come get you I said nigger that's best case scenario worst case scenario a white guy you know I'm saying like that you take I'm trying to take a piss and a nigga come out of the cornfield

talk about you fellas law wrong turn now I'm getting raped and slowly eating Like, I don't care what you say. If y'all was in the woods and you saw a white guy just appeared, the whole time in your head, you're like, I wish this nigga was a grizzly bear. Because you can, they have shit for bears. They got the shit called Bear Mace. You spray it on a bear, and the bear get the fuck away. There's a hundred videos that been working.

There's twice as many videos of a white guy walking through Bear Mace and getting Taze still trying to make a point. And I told that bitch to bring my soda over there. Nick, I don't want to do that. That's just scary. And if we being honest, nigga, the scariest bears are white. Polar bear, my biggest with no Coca-Cola. Let me change that. My biggest fear is running to a polar bear with Pepsi, nigga.

Now I'm getting raped and slowly eating by a goddamn polar bear. That's my time. I love y'all. Cedric. Glenn has done it again. Donnell. No, I want this is interesting because I've said this before. This is one of the best.

This reminded me of back the day with this. Deaf Jam where it was a platform where people that you didn't see get to perform. I saw you, you pulled up, I don't know, in my algorithms or something, and I think I comment it on your page and I said, I said original, I said authentic, and I said something else. You said, you said I was really funny, it was a great written joke and it was authentic and this is a real comic. I know because I screenshot and I said it to my mama immediately. That's- Nick, immediately, I said that's right.

But even though with this show, you get some duds, but it also gives everybody opportunity to do their shit. So for me to come see you, I was like, oh, that's the motherfucker. Just randomly, I saw that shit, because you don't always see that. So not just because you black, you're a funny guy, your original man,

and I wish you the best. You're gonna be big, great. I love you, man. Marble Falls, huh? Yeah. How far is that? 45 minutes in the wrong direction. I'm pretty sure 45 minutes any direction

in Austin's the wrong direction. I see what I got to airport because you need to get the fuck over. That she was terrifying. I thought he was gonna get pulled over the whole time and I don't wanna get, because the cops in Texas, these niggas is like fourth generation cops.

Like they were like, my daddy was a sheriff and his daddy was the sheriff. And I don't want no nigga with the athletic ability to see that I'm doing crime. Just let y'all know he say these niggas, he meant police, okay? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up.

The police. The police love you. Y'all good. Y'all good. But I'm talking about the other ones. What's the worst running with the cops that you've had to drink? Oh, shit, nigga. Sometimes I do deserve to get caught doing crime. Especially if you smiles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's... So we was stealing from the... We was stealing from, like, the gas station when we was kids. And we thought we could run away, but they don't teach you as a kid. You can't outrun a cop car. And that nigga just pulled over their... put me and my brothers over there, like, slammed us on the ground. We were, like, seven, eight years old.

And the old time, he was like, what did you take? And I was like, oh, nigga, I took him some gum. And he was like, bro, I could seal pockets. And I didn't see that. I had, like, flame hot Cheetos in one pocket. I had a whole stuff. I was like, nigga, that's the easiest. They saw me.

I wasn't a good stealer. So I started selling drugs. Started selling drugs at seven or eight years old. Yeah, they need them. The hustle starts early. Amazing. Dedrick is from Atlanta. Georgia, you have any history in Atlanta?

Not did I want to talk about. You did. You had did the laughing school one time, and I came out because Yohonsee Collins brought me out to the laughing school. And I had did that Oreo joke, and when I walked back there, that nigga was dying laughing at your jokes,

and I cried in the green room until you walked back in because... I was laughing at your joke? Yeah, you loved you. I was really good then, too. No, it's safe to say that. I'm telling you, this is so random, because, you know,

you just popped up on my timeline. A lot of times I was like, boo, boo, boo, boo, boom, but then and the fact that this was the second time that I listened or heard you tell jokes, and I appreciate it, that's not that I'm the fucking God to this shit, but, you know, I really appreciate it. Obviously, I've been appreciating what you've been doing from the longest time because I haven't been to laughing skull a long time. That was a long time ago, because you was pissed off because you wanted the

cowboys to lose so you could talk shit to Charlemagne, the guy. Exactly. We fuck shit. Old contour face, high chickbone having ass. Mapleine product wearing ass. Shibi, shimmy, Cocoa, motherfucker.

I'm sorry. Charlemagne. We're at odds with each other. Trevor Wallace, what is it like to be inside of an Oreo cookie right now? About to be double stuff. I feel like I'm in a cuck situation right here.

They're just glazing each other back and forth. You got deaf comedy jam to your side? and blind comedy jam behind you. Dedrick, you are the fucking man. We're going to keep it moving. Dedrick's done it again. Dedrick did it again. Dedrick did it again.

Onward we go. Oh, look at this name. This looks new and interesting. Make some noise for your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, it is Vincenzo Marascio. Vincenzo Marascio. I got a confession to make, guys. The first time I ever heard of

LGBTQ plus, thought it was like a fancy way of saying, I want everything on my burger. Turns out it's a fancy way of saying, you love everything up your ass. Yeah. I'm from the East Coast and I'm a foodie. So the first time I heard of Grindr, I thought it was an app for sandwiches.

Turns out it's for dicks. Yeah. So I came in the dude's mouth. I was like, where's the sandwich? When does it show up? I'm way hungrier and a lot more yay now. Yeah, I really didn't know that guy was gay until about a week later.

He texted me, he was like, do you want to go to a Dallas Cowboys football game? That was it. That didn't have been. All right, that's been my time. Thank you guys. Vincenzo Marasio. That was the most interesting way to come out of the closet

I ever seen in my life. You should just open up with sauce, suck this guy's neck and then, brum, pshk. Yeah, it was interesting. It was almost all gay sandwich themed. First joke was about a burger, the next one was about a sandwich, but both were gay jokes. Not gay, and if you want to know something crazy,

I've only ever eaten black pussy. Really? Yeah. I've slept with white girls, just. I slept with white girls just never got around to eating their pussy. How did you get around to eating a black pussy? I just hooked up a lot of black chicks, yeah. A lot of black chicks.

They like me, yeah. I like them. It's better seasoned. Yeah, yeah. Lots of flavor. Red band. I shouldn't be laughing at this shit, but that was funny. So how many black pussies do you think you've eaten?

And why do I feel like you're talking about actual cats? No, no, probably three dozen, but yeah, definitely. Three dozen black pussies? Yeah, yeah. You know how many a dozen is? The majority of chicks I've hooked up with are black, yeah. I think you can say it. Some of them do want me to, yeah, at times.

Wow. You think you've eaten ballpark 36 black pussies? 100%. Yeah, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. But not one white one? No.

How many white women do you think you've had sex with? Not a lot, less than 10. Less than 10. How many black women do you think you've had sex with? Probably close to 50. Wow. Where are you? I want to see me telling you.

Finish this. Finish this sentence right here. The black of the berry. Sweet of the juice. Yes, he's had some black pussy. Oh, come on. That's entry level. Let's do another one. Wutang plant.

All right. Get the covers. Oh, you know what? Let's end this game. Jesus Christ. This show's out of fucking control. Makes me wonder how many black pussies Randolph Davies is eaten.

So, how many black pusses have you? Yeah. Shut the fuck. We can call the door back. Face that way. How many black pluses have you? You can tell me? That way.

Vincenzo, shut the fuck up. What do you do for work? I work at the Vulcan now. Oh, you work at Vulcan Gas Company. You're a door guy there? Yep. Okay. What did you do before that? I sell Span.

sports cards and Pokemon cards and stuff like that. Pokemon cards. And that got you black pussy? Yeah. You ever seen a holographic bitch? Nope. I got a supplier for the Lubbubo's. Wow.

Okay. Enchensio, Vincenzo. You've been on this show before, correct? Yes. What did we find out during that interview? Just that I've been working out. I lost almost 100 pounds recently. How did you do that?

Yeah, thank you guys. How did I do? Yeah, only eating black pussy? Yeah, literally. She gets you stressed out, you lose a lot of weight. How did you lose the weight? Running and eating salad. Like, yeah.

Fuck yeah, salads at chick-fullet. Salads at chick-fil-in. Well, like, if you're, like, because I've been on the road doing a little bit of comedy and stuff, trying to, like, eat healthy, fucking get salads at fast food places, try to do shit like that. Do as smart as shit you can, you know? Fuck, eat a bunch of black pussy, too. That's...

Okay. Is there anything else interesting about you? He was star. It's not a lot of black pussy in his audience right. I did get two beautiful white girls to show me their tits in front of the Sunset Strip. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

It was homeless tits. No, no, no, not homeless. Everyone loves homeless tits. They're like only fans girls, fansly or whatever. Yeah, fucking. It was dope. All right, Ben Chintzzi. And, okay.

All right, Benchinsville. Very good. That man's gonna want to see their tits. Red man's gonna want to see their tits. How'd you get him to see their tits? How'd you get him to show it and talk slowly? So they asked me how many black pussies I'd eaten. No, are they asked-

Vincenzo, I'm gonna get you out of here. Here's a little black joke book. You can munch on later. There you go. Vincenzo Maracio. We're gonna keep it moving along here. All right, we're having fun here. This is a three-word name.

Make some noise for Jerry Debo Smith. Jerry Debo Smith, everyone. I like to eat pussy. But don't get me confused with these young dudes eating ass calling their groceries. That's not groceries. That's chittles and you niggas need to stop. That is chittles. I think a lot of dudes eat ass because they still don't know where the clitoris is, but I do.

And because of that, I have two rules, ladies. Like, the first one is if I can smell it before you take your pants off, I'm not eating that shit. And they always get mad at you when you tell them that they pussy stink like they don't know. Like, but you knew that pussy smell like a 91 degree day in Puerto Rico before you. you came over here. And the second one is, um, if you ever had an abortion, yeah, I always lose people on that part. But fuck that. Somebody got murdered in there. Y'all know niggas don't fuck around in haunted houses. My tongue, my choice, bitch. Thank you.

There you go. Jerry Debo Smith. Were you gonna do a pussy eating joke before? I had a shit when he was talking about pussy, like he gets something at all. He says that he does. He says that he's eating 36 black pussies. What do you think about that? I think he's a white liar. And y'all believe that shit. Look at that fat motherfucker.

I ain't eat no black pussy. Do you eat black pussy? Exclusively. You've never eaten a white pussy? Hell no. When you say hell no like that, why? Because a couple of months ago, I seen a TikTok where they asked a white girl,

if you take a shower on Wednesday, when the next time you take a shower with this bitch saying Friday, fuck that shit. Because of one? No, white women don't wash every day. Fuck that shit. You think that's a thing? I know that's a thing. White women, is that true? Of course they're gonna say it while they're on camera.

Them bitches sitting on crabby paddies. John D's said that was a split decision. They do stripper showers, though, where they take butt wipes and clean out. Okay, red bear. That's not good and that's why your eyes look like that. Do you look a little inflamed, a little swollen. They do.

A little bit swollen. Jerry Debo Smith, what do you do for work? I'm just a comedian. I was all I do for work. I love that. How long you been doing it? 15 years. 15 years.

Where at? What part of Florida? Oh, San Antonio. I'm originally from Washington, D.C. What's up, brother? What's up, brother? All right. Why come you guys said hi like that after D.C. was brought up?

That's the city, chocolate city, baby. Okay. Don't let them in an hour. I'm not fucking with him. Jerry Bebo Smith. So your middle name? No, my middle name is Duane. Debo is my nickname, and I just use that for my stage name.

It's your what name? My nickname. I thought you said something else. Um. Duane is my middle name, yeah, yeah. So we call, that's the government. You like, I have friends, I didn't even know who they real name was, like, 10 years later.

of my friend's name is his name is 40 they call him Jermaine and this girl was like have you seen jama i was like who the fuck is jane i know 40 but in the black community is like this what's your government if i asked your government what do you respond with my government is jerry duane smith that's the real name what's your government fuck you donnell maurice raleigh's i left the black community years ago i said it got too confusing and confusing and shit oh my god so jerry you're born and raised or you started in D.C. What made you move? No, I started in San Antonio. I started at Lafile Comedy Club, but I've been living there since

2010, and that's when I started. What made you move to San Antonio? My dad, my brother was in the military and he got, he left, and then he had a baby in San Antonio and stayed there, and my dad moved down there, so I just moved once I got divorced because I was running from a terrorist. Is that just a girlfriend or ex-wife? I was married. Baby mama? No, I ain't had no kids with this bitch, you crazy? You married her?

and you didn't have kids with her? Thank God. Wow. How did that happen? By the grace of God, won't he do it? Wow. Won't he will? You're full black? No, I remember I told you all the last time

my mom was white. My mom was white. Really? Yeah, yeah. Your dad was dark as shit. My dad is purple. I know I had no idea. And y'all laughing just for my mom's white. That's why my daddy stayed. He's still alive. God damn it. Wow.

That's incredible. You still have a relationship with your mom? My mom passed away in 95. We had this conversation, sir. Oh, we did? How did she pass away? Buh, brum, bum, brum, brum. Here it comes. I was waiting for fucking Red Band to do it like he did it last time and shit. You got to say how she died. She had kidney failure. She passed away kidney disease.

I knew he was going to do it. I just did it before he did it because I didn't want to kick his ass after this show. Wow. Amazing. Okay, but Dad's still fine. Yeah, dad's fine. For now, yeah, he's fine. He's good. He's in dialysis right now, actually, too. He's 76. Dialysis. For his kidneys is messing up. He'd be having... He got... I already knew he was going to get this nigga. Still ain't got no sleeves on.

The sleeveless samurai. I had it again. He is. What was the last real job that you had, Jerry Debo Smith? I delivered furniture. For errands. For errands. Yeah, for like seven years. But after that, if you want to consider the real job, I worked the door at Laugh Out Loud for 10 years.

Oh, wow. Okay. I work with this nigga a couple times, too. Me, I'm a daddy show a couple times. Okay. I don't remember niggas. Right. It's like a black reunion for me right here.

Incredible. All right, Jerry. Well, fun times. You did it again. Sure. Did you get a big joke book? Yes, I did, but I'll take the little book. Here's a very, very dark black one, just like your dad.

Boom. On we go. Should be the final bucket pull of the night, I do believe. And what a name it is. Make some noise for Ralphie the bartender. Ralphie da bartender.

So a couple months ago, I got a Home Depot to look for a dude. And he didn't really come with a green card, but a really long kink card. So we started dating. And things have been going pretty good. good. The other night we're having a really intimate, deep discussion. He's given me the reassurance that you want and that you need a new relationship. He's like, I love you forever

and ever and always. Amen. I'm like, chingau, dude, did you just bring your faith into this? How co-chino are you? And later that night, he's actually trying to put me on the dinner table and can you blame him? You know, boy's got to eat. And he's getting all sexy with me rubbing up on me and whatnot. And he's like, who's your man? And so immediately I sit up and I look him dead in the eyes. And I'm like, our one and only, Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ.

Amen. So he came. Which is pretty cool, because before this relationship, I really wasn't that religious. But apparently we pray every night now because amen's our new safe word. Thank you. I'm Ralphie. Ralphie de Bartang. Oh, man.

Golden Ticket. Ralphie, am I saying that right? Yes, Ralphie. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? About little less than six months. Six months. Perfect. That's a good answer for what that set was.

I love it. What made you want to start stand-up six months ago? I've been wanting to do it for 10 years, but last year got a divorce, and been doing cool new shit. Nice. What made you get a divorce? Tell me.

Motherfucker. The wrong ones. And he tried to kill me, so. Really? How did he try? I know this is wrong, but what did you say? I just can't jump the gun. What did you do?

No, I'm joking. Started moving out early. So how long were you in that relationship for? Six years. Six years. And once you got out of it, that's when you realized you could start stand-up comedy. Yeah. Doing a lot of bigger things than just stand-up as well.

Just kind of... Like what? Like what? I started doing stunt doubling for motorcycle work. Oh, cool. How long have you been riding motorcycles? About 3,000 miles, so I'm still pretty fresh. Okay.

A time limit wouldn't get the factor here. He said, how long? Not how far. Man, I don't know my mechanic. I don't know. My mechanic had my bike for over a year whenever I first got it, so it's been a while. It's hard. It's easier to say my life. I think there's something about this story you're not telling us. Which part? This relationship. It was a husband?

Common law. Yeah. You cheated on him? Fuck no. He cheated on you. Yeah. With girls that look like his mom, so. Oh. You know, you can't compete. Was he Mexican?

No, white. We have a brand new man for you. Here he is, ladies and done. He doesn't see color. And he won't walk out on you, okay? So, Ralphie, tell us more about your life. What else is interesting about you? I'm a welder, a mechanic, gym enthusiast, started acting recently.

Interesting. You were raised by a single father? No, he died. He died? PIR. How did he die? Laced batch of H. Oh, of heroin.

Is that heroin? Yeah. That was during the Biden administration? No, way before. Really? Fentanyl? Huh? Was it fentanyl or just something else?

Rat poison. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. That's pre-Biden. Fentanyl was during Biden. Clinton shit, right? Clinton. Yeah, exactly.

Wow. How old were you when he passed away? Four? Wow. Damn. That sucks. You have a lot of siblings? Nope.

Only child? Yeah, I have two brothers, one's adopted, and the other one's half blood. They're not as cool as I am. Wow. I didn't know Mexicans adopt kids. Is your mom Mexican? No, my mother's white. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, fuck that bitch. Your dad was Mexican? Yes. And your mom's white. Yep. You still close with your mom? No, fuck that bitch. Why fuck that bitch?

We don't got all night, Tony. Really? Have you ever thought with all these relationships that you might be the problem? You sound just like my therapist right now? Really? Do you go to the therapist? I do. Nice.

I can't wait to tell her about all this tomorrow. Yeah, the manic episode's going to hit hard after this. Where have you ridden this motorcycle at? What's the craziest place you've driven to? Just in Corpus. I mean, they're, they have horrible driving. Wow. Yeah.

All right. Have you ever been with a woman before? Red band. How could you tell? Look, this is, I believe this is our first female comedian of the night. You can't just, every time there's a lady up here, sexually harassed her with questions like that. Have you been with a woman before? Plead the fifth, but, yeah.

Well, let me tell you, she does some mechanic work, and the bitch rides motorcycles. Tell by the face. Wait, what? Oh, red band. Ralphie, fun times. You got to keep working it. You're only six months in. Keep writing.

Keep trying. There's a little joke book. Ralphie da bartender. Ladies and gentlemen, that is what appears to be her name. Ralphie da bartender. All right, ladies and gentlemen, have we had a good night tonight or what, huh? So, we have a special treat for you.

William couldn't make it, R.E. Maddie couldn't make it. Timmy couldn't make it. But I'm excited about how we're closing tonight show, and I think you will be too, because I believe that this is the future of Kiltony. This young man has only been on the show once before, and he won a golden ticket at 21 years old. Ladies and gentlemen, I think he's the future of the show. I think he's the future of comedy. And I'm positive. He's the future of musical comedy. Make some fucking noise for Tony Scar everybody Tony 21. How we doing folks?

Folks What if I told you there was a place where brilliant minds could collide where you could be drowning in pussy even if you're only the size of big mic celebrities around every corner and women that want you bad nothing but not

and tense, folks, would you be interested in that? Well, welcome to Epstein's Island. I'm sure you won't forget it. I'm trying not to get sued here, so everything I say is alleged. It's always perfect weather. I wonder who controls that. Probably the guys with the beady eyes

and one-fourth of a hat. If Bill Clinton comes in under four minutes, minutes there's four more weeks of winter but he only comes in Asian women or as he likes to call them squinters in his bathroom there was a black midget taking a bath it was the world's first sopping wet three-fifths of one half Trump was at the table tricking muslins into eating pork he was sitting on JD Vance and J.D. Vance was on all force They were eating with Anthony Fauci,

and right before they prayed, Fauci turned into a fucking bat and flew away. It was crazy. And slept with a prostitute, and after they had sex, she stepped onto the balcony to smoke a candy cigarette. Stephen Hawking was on the treadmill, yelling,

until I hit his eject button, and he flew across the room. There was an Arab woman She didn't take cash. She preferred that I threw rocks. She stripped down as much as a Muslim can. She took her socks halfway off. There was a black stripper, a smoke show with beautiful ebony skin. She stripped all her clothes off and stripped all the paint off

and then she was white again. And I couldn't believe she did black face. That's racist. That's fucked. So I only paid her half price once she redid all the makeup. I got dragged to the island, got my friend Leanne. She had a tampon in her permitting, too. And not a single ball that left the island was blue. I want to go, but I didn't want to miss the show

because ever since I was a young, young boy, I had FOMO. It's plugging Adam Ray Comedy. Is on tour. How about one more time for the great Tony's star? Tony. Everything good, man? How's life changed for you since becoming a big fancy? Dude, everything was good up until last night.

Last night was fucking, I bit my tongue really hard last night. I'm horrible at eating pussy, dude. I don't know. I don't know how that happened. I am. I had a really bad sex experience recently. What happened? It was really, I was going back to a girl's RV,

because, you know, what's a house if it isn't also a car? Right. And I was back at her place, and she wanted to fuck, but she made me wear a condom, and I didn't bring a condom because fellas know that if you don't bring a condom, you don't got to fucking use one, right? That's how that works. That's how that works. I probably wasn't supposed to tell everybody that.

That's my bet. But I went back to her place, and she was like, you can use my condom, and she pulled on a magnum condom. And I'm not a magnum kind of guy, Tony. I'm not, so that was... It's not like putting your dad's t-shirt on. You know what I mean? It was like a toothpick and a Ziploc bag. It was tough.

Yeah, that's a predicament. But besides that, I mean, everything's been great. I still have a hard time getting booked around town, but I got managers and agents now. I got women hitting my line, which is awesome. Yep. Yeah, it's fucking fantastic. Mostly 30-year-old women, which is great,

because that's my fucking, that's my bread and butter, bro. Yeah. Dude, this guy would get plowed on Epstein's Island. Yeah, dude. I was there. A human fleshlight, but you were there? I was there, yeah, I was on a silver platter with an apple in my mouth, dude.

Amazing. Tony, you are so funny. The music is just absolutely incredible. Every line, every reference. You are a true star. Thank you very much, brother. It's amazing. Tony Star, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all. I love you, folks.

This episode brought to you by Bluetooth Talk Space and Shopify. Guys, I love this man with all my heart. How loud can this place get for the great Don L. Rawlings, everybody? He is on tour. See him. Don L.Rallings.com. Trust me. He's one of the best stand-ups in the world. Go see him.

Dono Rawlings.com. How about one more time for the great Trevor Wallace, everybody? Check out his special. April 1st on his YouTube. That's YouTube.com slash Trevor Wallace. Find you part two from the Kill Tony Band is out everywhere. Heidiregina.com. Monsai makes our amazing joke books.

Check out our incredible line of merch at Killmerch.com. The drawing from Ryan G.E. Belt is amazing. Donnell Rawlings and Trevor Wallace. Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, it's fucking Jeremy. The great Adam Ray character, Jeremy. How about one more time for Randolph Baby's debut tonight? At O'Neill, both of them winning golden tickets.

Ragband. Coming to San Diego, American Comedy Code.com in June. Thank you. Yeah, don't forget. We are at the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles in the month of May, making our return to LA doing a real kiltony episode, For one night only, that's at the Intuit Dome in front of 17,500 people at once. It started in the belly room in front of 15 people and now 17,500.