KILL TONY - KILL TONY #100

Episode Date: May 25, 2015

Joe Rogan, Dom Irrera, Pat Regan, Iron Patriot, Sara Weinshenk, Kimberly Congdon, Tony Hinchcliffe, Josh Martin, Brian Redban - Date: 04/13/2015 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Check out DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates for all our latest shows. Also go to ShopSquad.tv for all the official Death Squad merchandise. And don't forget about Kill Tony's own Tony Hinchcliffe. You can go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for all his tour dates and stuff. And just announced, me and Dean Del Rey are coming to Toronto. Tickets just went on sale. It's going to be in July.

You can go to brownpapertickets.com and search for my name, or go to deathsquad.tv and click on tour dates. All right, here's a brand new episode of the 100th episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world famous comedy store for the hundredth episode of Kill Tony, volume two. Give it up for Tony Hitchclick! Wow! How exciting.

Fuck yeah! We did it again. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Main room of the Comedy Store. This is very exciting. Welcome, everybody. Happy Monday to you. And I'm very excited to be here. Hi, everyone. Fuck yeah. Just like the belly room. Let's make it weird right from the very beginning.

Always fun. Some traditions never end. Brian, how exciting is this? We're in the main room streaming live to the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people on Ustream right now. I know. There's actually the most that we've ever had. There's right now almost 500 people watching us right now. Look at that. Almost 500 live streaming.

A few hundred in here. I'm very excited. Put your hands together for the leader of the band, everybody, Pat Reagan. There he is. You heard his music if you were watching the live stream or being sat in this room. This is very exciting. First time we've ever been in the main room of the Comedy Store. Pat, how you feeling

tonight? It's hot. It feels good, man. I'm hot. I'm sweating, but I have a gland problem. Fuck yeah. Always rock and roll. I'm hot. I'm sweating, but I have a gland problem. Fuck yeah. Always rock and roll. I love that. We had delicious food made for us by our one and only sponsor, our amazing chef who cooks us a new gourmet meal

every single week. Tonight she made maple balsamic glazed lamb chops and salmon with French peas and mint puree. How about that, Pat? Sounds delicious, Tony. She's the amazing Elyse Lane. You can find her on Twitter at thegirlwithapan. Hell yeah. And Elyse Lane. Now,

Pat has been the co-host of this show. He's been the man on the side, the band leader, for what? Like a few weeks now? About four or five weeks, Tony. Yeah, and we've had a lot of fun. We found out that we have this amazing chemistry, which is always exciting. And for those of you

that may not know, I know some of you have obviously been to this show before, but some of you might not know the whole backstory that after the first episode of this show, there was a man who came up to me in a $5,000 suit that was supposed to be the Iron Patriot, who's a spinoff character of Iron Man. It's like a more American version of Iron Man. And he came up to me after episode one, and he said, I want to be part of the show in any way possible. I said, great. You're going to be set decoration, and you're going to stand next to the stage, and you're just going to stand there.

After a couple weeks, it turned out we started letting him talk a little bit, and he was so obnoxiously weird that it was funny. So then we put a mic in front of him. And this went all the way for about, what, 30 weeks or so. Until Doug Loves Movies podcast, or Doug Gets High podcast. Yeah, Getting Doug With High. We did Getting Doug With High. We brought the original co-host, the Iron Patriot, along with us. And he sabotaged the entire show. We told him very clearly before the show, do not talk unless you're spoken to, and he took over the entire show,

which on Getting Doug With High, which is a show where you smoke pot throughout the entire show, is really frustrating. I don't know if you've ever been high and furiously angry at the same time, but it's not a great combo. It's like a whiskey vodka. It's like just mixing. But it happened, and it was crazy.

And so we parted ways. His last words to us were, when this show gets picked up for TV or for something like that, I'd be willing to come back. Minus Red Band. Right, right. He hates me. It had to be a live stream. There had to be so many things. This guy had so many demands. So he left the show.

Then we started replacing him with a brand new Patriot every single week. And then eventually we just realized, why not have the guy that plays music? Why not give him a shot? And Pat just stuck. But since it's Kill Tony 100

and we're crazy fucks on this show. And Pat hasn't really been working out really that well. Let's be honest about it. Yeah. Very funny, Brian. Yeah, we love Pat. We love Pat. That's an interesting angle.

I see where you almost went there. He didn't play along. But what's crazy is that the Patriot's been begging me. He left about episode 30, we'll say. Ever since episode about 31, he started begging me to be part of the show again. And we just couldn't do it because he clearly couldn't take direction. But just for one night, just to see how it goes, we're going to have Pat work with one of the hardest people to work with in the world.

I don't know why I would bring a nuclear bomb on my 100th episode that could totally detonate at any point, but I decided to go for it anyway. Let's see how it goes. Ladies and gentlemen, it is the one and only, the original Iron Patriot. If you know anything about him, this $5,000 suit, he can barely move it.

He can't sit down in the suit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There you go. Wow. Almost a huge fall for the big welcoming back. It's been 70 episodes. There he is, everybody, the Iron Patriot.

big welcoming back. It's been 70 episodes. There he is, everybody. The Iron Patriot. That's one of his special things. That's one of four special things he can do is that sound that he makes with his mouth. Want to fire that off again, Patriot, so we can hear you? What's that buzz coming from? Josh, Josh, buzz.

Josh. Where is that? Yeah, Josh just runs away. Just the energy of the Iron Patriot just brought down the entire show. How do you ruin the electricity, literally? Wow. This is our system of figuring out what that buzz is? Yeah. Josh just starts moving water bottles around.

He just touched a microphone. Yeah. No, that didn't do it, Josh. It's done now, I think. Oh, okay. Patri do it, Josh. It's done now, I think. Oh, okay. Patriot, welcome back. Josh, can you help coach that microphone so that somehow they can meet in the middle

and we'll see how it sounds? Patriot, say something. I will lead these new Avengers into battle against anyone who would threaten our way of life. I am the Iron Patriot. That's awesome. I kind of missed it, I'll be honest, right? I don't know.

I can't believe he just says the same lines as he did before. I thought he'd evolve a little bit, like something cool. Any new shit, Patriot? For every life you save, there's a million new ways to die. I've heard this. That's not new. You just completely ignored the question that I asked you.

All right, we heard your ba-boops. All right, settle down. I asked you if you had any new sayings. Here's one. Just between me and you, here's my little secret. The bad guy always wins. Me killing you is just perfect symbolism for the times. Whoa.

Yeah, if that sound at the end was you bombing, it was pretty accurate. Patriot, it looks like your costume's gotten a little bit more beat up since last... I see sponges and stuff sticking out of it that I've never seen before. That's a car wash sponge right there in your armpit, right? How did it get so scratched up, man? Yeah, I got those sponges at Home Depot.

I think you're answering the wrong question. We don't literally need to know where you got the sponges. How'd you get the scratches on the side of the thing? Well, this costume was sent to me battle-worn from England. They made it in England. The other sculptor was in Norway. One of them was working in England. They sent it to me battle-worn.

What kind of battle? What kind of battle? Was anybody wearing a thing where they can't sit down and they can't... You almost fell down the first two stairs that you saw. Yeah. What was somebody battling in that outfit? Yeah. What do you mean worn to battle? wearing a thing where they can't sit down and they can't, you almost fell down the first two stairs that you saw. Yeah. What was somebody battling in that outfit? Yeah, it's kinda dark in here.

What do you mean worn to battle? Yeah, yeah. You're not answering any of my questions. Now, Patri, since you've been gone, you've been making a lot of collages with me and Tony of pictures with weird music, and me and Tony have actually been very scared for our lives.

What was the motivation behind all that? It's a new kind of music video. I use pictures, and I put the song that I wrote with it that I feel fits the song. It's a slideshow. Like I did Holy Moly for you, Tony. It's a slideshow. It is. Slideshow.

I like Pat. I like Pat's music. Yeah. I've been watching this show live since February. Every time, every Monday at 8 o'clock, I'm on a routine. I smoke some weed, and I watch Kilt Up. And I've been listening to Pat's music. I saw him saying something about a Facebook stalker song or something.

It grew on me, and I like him. I want to do a song with him. Oh, a duo. How about a don't-do? Let's completely, let's not do that. Pat, would you ever work with the Dirty Crabber? Yeah, man. I like his processed electric voice.

I think it would sound kind of cool. Fuck yeah. He was like the original auto-tune if it only had one note. Well, Patriot, I'm excited to have you back. It's going to be a lot of fun watching you and Pat's chemistry over there. The new and the old standing. I mean, that's episode one meeting episode 100 right there. Because Patriot, I highly doubt we're going to have you back next week.

I really just don't see it working out. But you're not doing the show next week. You're going to Vancouver. Oh, my God. He knows my schedule. Oh, fuck. Not good. No, yeah, yeah.

We'll see you next week, Patriot. 8 p.m. No, we will be in Vancouver, by the way, next Monday. So if you're listening, if you're one of the streamers in Vancouver, come to our show. Can I ask you a question real quick, Tony? Oh, this is how it fucking happened. I'm getting Doug with high. This is exactly how it started.

Okay. Okay. I told my mom to watch the Justin Bieber roast. And she said the best segment. Oh, this is such a hacky question. Everybody. Okay, I told my mom to watch the Justin Bieber roast. And she said the best segment... Oh, this is such a hacky question. Everybody, okay, what? The best segment, she said, was the Martha Stewart in spite of the filthy jokes. Now, I want to know, what does your mom think of your filthy jokes?

She loves it. What are you talking about? It's a great question. She loves it. She made me this way. My mom's funnier and more evil than even I am. Great question. Special shout out to my mom who's watching a live stream via...

Ah. It took four family members to set up the Ustream so that she could watch it. Patriot, thank you very much for your input. Oh, I see what you did there. Patriot, thank you. And be quiet until I ask you a question for the rest of the show. You understand what I just said, right? Yeah.

Very good. Guys, you know the show. Over 40 comedians signed up for the opportunity tonight to do one minute in front of that microphone right there. They always do one minute, and they always do it in front of two of my funniest friends and guests, who then we talk to them about anything. Maybe we give them advice. Maybe we make fun of something. Maybe we try to help them out in any way possible. Tonight, two of my favorite guests of all time, two of the funniest people that I know. Put your hands together for

them, everybody. It's the one and only Dom Irera and Joe Rogan, everyone. Wow. Wow! Hi, Dom. Oh, hi. I'm so excited to have you guys back on the show. Last time I had you... Don't blame me. Hi, Dom. Hi, Tony.

You remember the original Iron Patriot? You were here for him at one point. It was a little before my time. Really? Yeah, of course. Who the fuck forgets this? And Joe, this is definitely your first time being this close to the Iron Patriot, right? Yes. Patriot.

Patriot, you have any questions for our guest tonight? Yeah, I'll start with Dom. Dom, you were raised in a large Italian family in South Philly. What are you, a journalist? Yeah. Now, have you been back to your native country of Italy, and have you done comedy there before? No, I've been to Ireland, which is as close as you could get,

and I have done comedy there. And don't ask me how I do, because I don't want to brag. I kill. By the way, it was very uncomfortable being back there with you alone. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck to say to you. Let me ask you one more thing. Oh, wait.

I saw a clip of you on The Tonight Show in 1989 with Jay Leno was filling in for Johnny Carson. Now, did you wish that would have been Johnny Carson instead, or how does that work? What do you think? Who the fuck would wish it would be Jay Leno? But thanks for asking. Great, great question, Patriot.

It was good. Do you have any questions for Joe? Yeah, I want to talk to Joe. Joe, you might not remember this, but a while back on the Joe Rogan Experience number 367 with Aubrey Marcus. Are you going to tell me the same shit you already told me backstage when you cornered me? No, but I want to tell it in front of the podcast crowd. Why are you pretending like you didn't already say it then? You said you might not remember this.

Motherfucker, you just told it to me. What a shitty way to begin a conversation. Okay, well, this is a question I'll ask. You go all over the world with Tony doing comedy. Now, what's it like going on the road with him compared to other partners you've went with? These questions are fucking terrible, and I refuse to help you.

Yeah, and it's not called partners. What are you, a partner? We're not comedy partners. This is the last try, Joe. One more try. No, you fuck. No more questions, Patriot. These are terrible. There's no potential. No, Patriot. Fucking no, you son of a bitch.

No, stop talking. You're growing a tomato plant in the middle of a basketball court. It's not going to work. Patriot, I told you before this show that if you get out of hand, I'm going to have the two biggest store guys drag you and scrape your outfit all the way out to the middle of fucking sunset. All right? So just behave yourself and relax.

I will talk to you. When I ask for something, then you can talk. You're an animal. Pat Reagan, do you have any questions for our guests? Yeah, I do. Joe, in episode 299, Joe Rogan experience. See, Patriot? That's why I got a fucking new guy.

You got replaced, homie. That's called timing, son. Heck yeah. Do you want me to finish the question? I heard a fart noise, and I was just wondering who made the fart. I've never made that on camera. Who was on the podcast? Dom.

What? Next question. Dom Irera. Dom, you have a lot of testosterone. Have you ever hit a woman? Boom. Why is that funny?

Do you guys not go on Tumblr? Well, there you go. Those are the questions. Those are the co-hosts. These are the guests. Might have a couple crazy surprises coming up at any point for you fans of the show. It could happen at any moment. So, you know the deal.

Over 40 comedians signed up for the chance to do one minute. Comedians are scattered around this room right now, lining the walls, maybe hidden even amongst some of you audience members. You never know where they are. Comedians, you know your time is up. You're 60 seconds when you hear the sound of a kitty. That's adorable. That's your time. Wrap it up then or else you're going to bring angry West Hollywood bear. Okay, that's where that ends. Definitely. That's it. Okey-dokey.

You son of a bitch. Wow. Hey, Tony, we might want to say that if you do get picked, the way to get up on this stage, if you haven't been on the stage before, there's a pair of stairs on each side. So that's how you do it. But if you fall't been on the stage before, there's a pair of stairs on each side. So that's how you do it. But if you fall, people will probably like you more.

Alright, let's do it, guys. Who knows where they're going to come from? Put your hands together for David Berdulis, everybody. David Berdulis. Wow. Wow. Oh, look at that. Oh, shit.

No movement. And you know what that means. David just got blacklisted. Wow. All right. Okay. Why does everybody go so long on the sound effects tonight? What's happening here?

Fuck yeah, Patriot. I love it. Good job. I missed that. David Berdulis misses his spot. Good old Hollywood lesson. I missed it, Patriot. Gotta be around.

Put your hands together for Chris Fry. Because you know I'm all about that bass. About that bass. No trouble. Here he comes, everybody. In the flesh. Chris Fry. 60 seconds.

I'm all about that bass. About that bass. No trouble. I'm all about that bass. About that bass. Ha ha ha. Hey, guys. how are you? I got one minute.

Race is still a problem, unfortunately. I feel like it's thrust upon you sometimes, though. I was filling out a job application the other day, and it goes, hey, what ethnicity are you? And my options were Hispanic or Latino, or not Hispanic or Latino. And it makes me feel like if someone came up to me on the street and they go, hey, Chris, what race are you? And I was like, not Hispanic or Latino,

I'll tell you that much. Yeah. I did a relay for life, guys. They get super pumped about that. The cancer walk, you walk around for no reason, and they go, hey, you know, let's walk over here, walk over there, beautiful day, how many times you go around? It's like, you know, we're not literally searching

for the cure for cancer here at the... No more jokes. Give it up for the Rocketeer, everybody, and have a good night. There it was, everybody. There's the meow of a kitty. Fuck yeah. Okay.

Where are you going? Come back to the microphone. This is the part where we talk to you. Tony, you know when they say the term life is short? Not when you're watching that minute. And so it begins. And so it begins. Chris, what was the job application

that would have said Hispanic or not Hispanic? What was that? Landscaping? How is that the only option on a job application? I think that's the part that maybe throws people off is because I've never seen anything like that. I don't remember exactly.

That's what it said on the... You don't remember the place you applied for a job? Not this specific one. I've seen that a couple times. Sometimes they have other options, but there was one I saw where that was the only two. Seems like that'd be really shitty jobs you must be applying for. Yeah, like super illegal.

Yeah, they super illegal. They were. Probably. Huh. Did you find a job? At that time, yes. Do you remember what that job was? There was all different kinds of people. And some people are great for certain jobs.

And then, you know, sometimes it just doesn't work. It's true. It doesn't mean that you can't be a comedian, but you can't be one right now. It does. Whatever it is, the way your mind sees things, you've got to fix that. Chris, how long have you been doing stand-up?

Where are you from? Pennsylvania. How long have you been doing stand-up? Oh, three, four-ish years or so. Get the fuck out of here. I almost had an aneurysm right now. So you worked in that first 30 seconds for two and a half years.

Yeah, yes. Do you write every day? Sort of, yes. He writes job applications. Oh, I see what you did there. Job applications to North Hollywood car washes. There you go. Pat Reagan from Three Point Range on that one.

How stoned are you right now, by the way? How stoned are you right now? Not. You're not. That's part of the problem, for sure. Your last name is... You might be the only one here. Is that your real name, Chris Fried?

It's Freed, yeah. Oh, Freed. But it's spelled Fried. It is. That's interesting. Huh. What part of Pennsylvania? Allentown. Huh. What part of Pennsylvania? Allentown.

Wow, wrestling town in the northeast part of it. Or northwest part of it. It's a mining town. Yes. Did you do comedy there? A little bit. They just kind of developed the last two years. That's a fucking Billy Joel song.

It is. Depressing as fuck. Best one. How long... We're living here in Allentown And they're closing all the fuckers down

Yes, you got it. How long have you been in L.A., Chris? Oh, a year. How's that going for you? Off and on. Well, sometimes not. Check out the fucking applications

he's reading. So did you really do a walk for cancer? Yeah. Really? Yeah. How'd that go? Not well. Not well. I did. You seem to be on a roll. Well, I got a girl drag me.

You say not well like you caught cancer on the walk. I did, I did. It was skin cancer. It was hot out, you know? Right. Yeah. So Chris, how do you feel like, out of all the sets that you normally do,

how do you feel like that minute went tonight? Not too swell, not too swell, I don't think. What was weird about it? Hmm? Did you feel different when you went up there? Were you nervous or? I guess a little, yeah. Did you lock up at all?

A little bit mentally. Talking, I didn't know where my sentence was going, but it just flowed. Not well. Have you done that stuff before? Both of those bits? Yeah, yeah. Chris, it didn't just flow.

I mean, what do you think? What is the funniest part of it that you think didn't work? What part did you think, yeah? Tonight? I never thought, yeah, once. Not tonight, no. Wow. Do you get up a lot?

What clubs do you get up at? Yeah, I mean, bars. Bar shows in front of other comics and stuff? Do you ever go on the road at all? No, not yet, no. I know it seems weird, but there's bars in San Diego. Just getting out of L.A. will definitely help out. I think you get kind of burnt out in this town,

and just doing the mics around here. He's trying to send you off. Yeah, exactly. Get out of here! You know where the real comedy is. Very close to Mexico. He's hoping you get drunk and cross Yeah, exactly. Get out of here! You know where the real comedy... Very close to Mexico. He's hoping you get drunk and cross the border and can't find your ID.

I'm telling you, the real comedy boom right now is in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Where we're living. Working on the railroad is the big thing. Well, Chris, there you go. The biggest thing that'll ever happen to you in your comedy career. There he goes.

Chris Fry, everybody. That's a compliment to my guests. You're saying performing in front of the great Joe Rogan and Dom Irera. It's time to get better than that again. How dare you. A bunch of softies on a Monday. What did I miss?

Oh, he left Dom hanging. I actually thought you did okay, man. I know it's hard to be in front of this crowd and stuff like that. I thought your stage presence was pretty cool. He took the bullet. What are you talking about? There you go. Brian Redband trying to prevent another suicide.

Suicide prevention. It's always good. Hey, Dane Cook's looking for an opening act. Oh. Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, yeah, he did't Oh yeah he did I actually think Dane signed up to be in the bucket tonight So I'm excited to see if his name comes up

Oh I know this guy Put your hands together for Dan Madonia everybody Wow look at that Here he is Hi guys I'm Dan Madonia I'm devoted, and you know it, and know what ride you're about to take, right? Because what happens if it's a Benadryl? Then you've lost your entire day, right? Because we've all had a Benadryl before. They should just change their slogan, right? It should be because you can't have allergies if you're in a fucking coma. I've been smoking weed all this time. Who knew all I needed was an antihistamine? Yeah, they fit eight Vicodin in one little pink pill. Thanks, Pfizer. That's my dealer's name.

Dude. Perfect. Whose phone was that? Knocked it out of the park. Somebody's phone dinged. Yeah, no phone dinging. Whoever that was. That's the goddamn Iron Patriot's phone.

He's got it tucked in his glove. For real. Is that true? Yeah. It came out of you, Iron Patriot. For real. Is that true? Yeah. It came out of you, Iron Patriot.

Tomorrow I'll miss you. Remember, I'll always be true. I guess we're singing, everybody. And then while I'm away, I'll ride home every day. And I'll send all my loving to you. Thank you, brother. Good to see you. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful. Podcast history where everybody breaks into song. I love that. That set couldn't have gone better, brother. Good to see you. Fuck yeah. Beautiful. Podcast history where everybody breaks into song. I love that. That set couldn't have gone better, man. You opened up strong. You went right into your material. You killed.

You ended before the time. The ding threw you off, but it's not a ding you look for. It's a cat meow, but fuck it. You nailed it, dude. Absolutely. It was really good. Good stuff, dude. Dan's actually a good friend.

He and I worked here together, what was that, like five, six years ago. Six years ago. Wow. Four guys here at the Comedy Store. And then here we are now. Kapow. Working out a new minute, crushing. You know, Dan is Eddie Brill's son.

You guys know Eddie Brill? I know your dad. What? I probably knew your dad before he fucked your mom. Exactly. Have you met his mom before no somebody in the audience met your mom before Dan

that was pretty crazy lots of people in the audience met my mom from behind yes that's what was assumed in the first joke that's just a different position thanks Tony fuck yeah Dan Yes, that's what was assumed in the first joke That's just a different position Thanks, Tony Fuck yeah, Dan

Good job, Dan How's everything else been going? You've worked with Dom Irera before Yeah, we sing all the time I disqualified myself because I love this kid From behind? You did great Thank you very much

I'll never forget the first time I made love to you I thought you were asleep. It was so nice of you to fake it. You know what's crazy is Chris Fry actually didn't commit suicide until he saw how well it could go for Dan Madonia. But we just got word that he just now killed himself. He wasn't going to do it. And then he's like, oh, this is how it could have gone?

Just everybody loving me? There he goes. There's another one. That was actually the second shot. He survived the first. All right. The first one was just a call for help. Somebody finished the job out there.

Dan, that's how you do the impossible. They say it can't be done. You killed. Dan Madonia, everybody. There he goes. He's on Twitter at Dan Madonia. You can still follow Chris Fried on Twitter at Chris Fried. I mean, his account's still open, even though he is now dead. One more time for Dan Madonia, everybody.

That's so fun. How bad would you feel if he was really dead? I mean, do you have any idea what that would do for the numbers for this episode of this podcast? I haven't thought of that, yeah. He wouldn't feel bad. You know what's crazy is, this is nuts. I remember this guy being on the show that you two did together on this show in Pasadena. And he did really good.

I'm excited to see how it goes tonight. He goes by the name of Bricks and Bullets. I own a mansion, but live in a house. Bricks and Bullets. Bricks and Bullets. Is he coming? Is this him? Hell yeah, it is, everybody. Smooth from the back.

That's a big room. Normally, the comedians come from the back and the belly room. It's a much bigger room. Here he is. Bricks and Bullets. White America, you are fucking up.

We all heard from John Legend about how there are more black men incarcerated than there were slaves in 1850. And the first time I heard that, I thought two things. The first thing was, I didn't know there were so many black Catholics. Y'all have been getting it in, like literally getting it in. And the second thing I thought was, now, I don't agree with either the rate of incarceration or slavery.

I think, you know, they're both a bad reflection on our society. But, I mean, if you look at it from an economic standpoint, you had to choose one. I'm just saying, you know, a hundred years ago, China was a third world country, right? And now they're our biggest threat. When's the last time you saw some Chinese dude thrown down on some railroad tracks?

Ah! All right, interesting. A racist political set. Normally people don't cross those two types of comedy, go racist and political. I felt like I was doing meth with a dude who works at Ralph's. One of those dudes in the back that stacks the boxes and we'd already closed the place down

and we're hanging out in the alley behind the supermarket and the dude just wouldn't shut the fuck up and I had to go home. That's what I felt like listening to your set. What are you trying to say? I think he just said it, Brex. I think you're still not present. Yeah, man. Black people like to fuck.

I admire your... I admire how you hold your mic. It's very gangster how you hold your mic, but you hold it so far away in such a quiet voice. If you're going to hold it that far away, you've got to project. I mean, we could barely heard you in a head. You had 11.

Well, maybe that's better. And also, you're competing with the mic stand, but you already know that. I don't mean to be pedantic. Well, you're talking super technical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot more issues. Dom. mean to be pedantic. You're talking like super technical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot more issues.

Dom. I just thought that it was really bold of you to go out on a limb and say you didn't believe in slavery. Thank you. That meant a lot to a lot of us. Those are like really complex subjects. Like there's subjects and I think you'll probably agree with me on this. There's subjects that are easy to pull off and there's something that are like

black belt subjects that's a black belt subject yeah that's not a subject you would ever want to take on in a minute because if you're doing a minute yeah want to talk about things that are easily relatable or silly or really weird so they get you giggling right away yeah you don't have any time to go into depth you talk about slavery everybody's asshole tightens up. You're like, what? Is this white guy talking about? Yeah. And then you have to, like, really be good to get them out of that.

You know, and it takes a long time. You're not going to do it in a minute. Like, if anybody came up here and did a minute about slavery, like, fuck, man. You got to make a quick point. And it's got to be really worth doing that. It helps if you're black That's a good point That's controversial material

Have you worked that bit out before? Have you done that before? I've never done a live note That's another problem Even Chris Rock said He used to have that bit. It was one of the all-time classic bits. I love black people, I hate niggers.

That bit is one of the greatest bits of all time. He will tell you that that bit bombed for like a year. He couldn't get it to work. And it's because it's about race. And racism is a super touchy thing to talk about unless you have like a really good point because you're automatically, unless these people know you really well,

they're automatically gonna like, they're gonna take a little bit of a lean on that one. Like what's this guy doing? You know, so to come out and do that and like on a one minute set, really tricky. It took him a year and that's Chris Rock. And you're more like crack rock. So it's gonna take you, it going to take you a lot longer.

Where's that horn? I want that fucking horn when that happens, Brian. No, I'm kidding. I don't need the horn, but now I'm going to get it at an inopportune time. I know I could just tell that the first joke that I say that doesn't go right, he's gonna blast it. Can you tell Tony Hinchcliffe writes for roasts on Comedy Central?

Can you tell? Thank you. He writes all the funny jokes. I liked your first time better. How many times since the last time have you gone up? Oh, I haven't been up ten times. You're kidding. With that tried and true material?

Bullshit. How come? How come? I don't know. That's a good question. That's a good question. Because I know I have it in me. You know what I mean?

This is obviously a bad example to everybody here who hasn't seen me before. Well, everybody that does comedy ever is going to bomb. There's no way around it. You're going to bomb. If you're going to try things out, you're going to bomb. If you don't try things out, you're not going to get good. Yeah, and I just, I didn't, you know, you guys can give me a subject and I go back and write for

two minutes to come up with something, you know, funny about it. No one's going to give you a subject. I'm just saying, puppy dogs and ice cream, I just, that stuff comes easy to me. I was looking to challenge myself regardless of the outcome. You know what I mean? That's what it was. Well, you're certainly challenging yourself by talking about slavery and then having the punchline being they're Catholic and they fuck a lot.

Yeah. Like, that's as risky as it gets. Yeah. I don't know anybody that could really make that work that well. I used to do a bit close to that. I'm not saying you stole it from me, but. So is it technically your fault then? Yeah.

Pat, are those wheels turning over there? It seems like you have something. What's your name? Bricks and Bullets? Yeah. I don't know. If I was going to talk about slavery and my name were Bricks and Bullets,

maybe I'd change my stage name to something like Cat Williams or Dr. Cornel West or something. Fuck yeah. Well, Bricks, best of luck with everything. You're backing farther and farther up, and I'm afraid if we insult you one more time,

you're just going to fall back into the audience. Good job, though. I had fun with you, Bricks and Bullets. There he goes. It's Bricks and Bullets. He's on Twitter at Bricks and Bullets. It's always weird when comedians come back

and it's not as good as their last time. It's like, wow. He really did kill the first time he went on stage at the Ice House. If you want to do comedy, man, you've got to do it all the time. You really do. You have to do it all the time. You can't just dabble in it, do it ten times in a year. You can't do that.

We never asked the guy that said he's been doing it three or four years how many times he actually did it. It makes me in it, do it 10 times in a year. You can't do that. Yeah, we never asked the guy that said he's been doing it three or four years how many times he actually did it. It makes me wonder if he did it nine times, because I still think that he has the bad set of the night, right? It's okay, you can laugh. He's dead, I'm not kidding.

He committed suicide. Just relax. Did you guys have a really good first set, and then the next couple wasn't as good? Because that seems like that's what a lot of people always say. I actually did have that. The first set was amazing, and then the second couple wasn't as good? Because that seems like that's what a lot of people always say. The first set was amazing. And then the second, third and fourth. Well, I started out on the Tonight Show

with Jay Leno. Amazing. My first set wasn't good at all. My second set was pretty good. For me, back then, at the time, it went much better. Stitches in Boston. My first set was terrible. I think that sometimes when people are really scared of something they prepare and then they do it and it goes well and they're not

scared of it anymore and you forget what made you good at it in the first place you can't be comfortable like as a stand-up it's one of the worst things you could ever be yes be like totally confident that's gonna go well yeah my first set ever I basically prepared for one month for my first set to start doing three minutes in that room. And I signed up. I got up. I had prepared for a month again, just for three minutes.

And I knew my thing in and out. And the moment I hit the stage, I completely blanked out and couldn't remember anything. And I didn't even write a set list because I'm like, I have this three minutes. And I got so excited right before it happened that I completely blanked out. And I just started riffing about how I'm this guy

that just prepared for a month and now I can't remember anything. But the way that I said it was funny. So I actually accidentally killed my first time. And then the second time, when I could remember my material, I started bombing horribly. But that's just how it works.

You remembered how bad the material was. Oh, it was really bad. I was better off forgetting my material. I did a gig for my mother. She was working for a hospital. And I was really not a stand-up. I was an improv actor, all this shit. And my cousin Johnny was really violent.

And he got in a fight with guys because they weren't laughing at me. He actually, who the fuck are you not laughing at? You motherfucker. And he said, John, stop it. I'm trying my best. I pulled another name out of the bucket, everybody. It's Gail Travers.

Gail Travers. Here she comes. That's a human being approaching the stage. So I was dating this Navy SEAL guy, and he takes me out to dinner, and he tells me that if a robber ever broke into his home, he'd take his.45, and he would shoot until all the bullets are gone.

That's pretty wasteful. What if another robber comes in? The guy's not going to have any more bullets. So I'm thinking that he's not thinking about the future. So I got rid of him. Then I started to find this new dating website. It was called The Most Wanted List. All the information's been verified by the police, so you know it's true.

There are no liars on the site. They can't say they're six feet when they're really five-seven because you can see those lines behind their head. And you get a nice, good, clear profile pic of them, too. No Photoshop or soft lighting or makeup. If you see something you like, you've got to act really fast, okay, because there's a lot of competition out there. out there. Bounty hunters, FBI, IRS. Yeah, that too.

And, but there's a lot to choose from. Bank robbers, corporate whores. There you go. Yeah, Gail Travers. Making it through. There you go. Keep the mic. We're going to talk to you. How you doing, Gail? I'm great. How are you doing? How long have you been on stand-up? About a year.

Wow. How often do you get on stage? About three times a week. Okay. You like it? I love it. That's interesting. So you're really single. All this stuff's true. You're looking for a man. I'm looking for a man.

What do you think about the Iron Patriot? What do you see in those eyes? I kind of like it. Wow. System shutdown. Oh, wow. You don't want of like it. Wow, system shutdown. Oh, wow. You don't want to do this. Oh, my God. You should probably

take a step forward, Gail. Yeah. I don't think... He's rusting over there. Yeah. You remind me of Sally Field from Punchline. Is that an inspiration of yours?

Sure. Cool. Yeah. Okay. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Interesting. So Gail. Yes. Why do you think you're single?

I don't know why they laughed at that, Gail. I was just, I just asked an honest question. Sometimes they just laugh. I don't know why. It's a little hurtful, Tony. What are you talking about? It's a little hurtful. Because obviously she's you talking about? It's a little hurtful. Because obviously she's struggling to get a man. I'm very, I'm struggling. But that's what I'm trying to do. I'm Don LaRare.

I'm about 6'3". I want to see what your honest answers are because there's probably a lot of material in that, right? There's a lot of material. You see what I'm trying to do here? Yeah. So why do you think you're single? Okay, forget it. I went for it.

Could have been crazy. I dated a mob guy, but I didn't know he was a mob guy. And he was on the most wanted list, so that's where I got the inspiration. That really happened? That really happened. Wow. You had a really great set. Thank you.

Awesome. Red band will do anything to get laid. So, Gail, how do you make a living? I'm an actor. Oh, really? Yeah. Have we seen any of your work? No.

Okie dokie. I guess I'm an actor, too, then. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah, that's it. So what are we talking about? Like extra work? No, plays, so forth.

But I was a corporate whore before. Oh. So. Double vaginal, double anal? Yeah. I think that's not what corporate means, Brian. What's a corporate whore? Oh, I just call them anybody in corporate

I shouldn't do that but I call them corporate whores Well what did you do? She fucked Elliot Spitzer I was in pharma What's that mean? Pharmaceuticals So I call those corporate whores Got any scripts girl?

See me after You can also see bricks and bullets for that as well. So, Gail, can you say what pharmaceutical company? Are we talking like... Oh, this was 3M. Now, I know 3M, you think Post-Its, but they had a pharmaceutical division. But they sold it off because, well, they were corporate whores.

I'm guessing Bill Cosby probably bought it, right? Yeah, I don't know. Probably. Big mysterious spin. See what I did there, everybody? So how do you make your money if you're acting only in stage plays? The corporate whore stuff. The stocks.

Well, how long have you been out of big pharmaceuticals? Six years. Okay. Saved up a lot of money, huh? I did, indeed. Oh, okie dokie. Well, I guess we're not really getting much out of big pharmaceuticals? Six years. Saved up a lot of money, huh? I did, indeed. Well, I guess we're not really getting much out of Gail, either what she does for work or her actual relationship situation.

Who's the last guy you dated? Jesus Christ. This is interesting. If she'd answer the fucking questions, normally this kills. I'll tell you. The last guy I dated was a bodybuilder guy, and he told me. Is this a joke or is this real? No, but this is true.

This is a true story. He told me that he partied with Charlie Sheen, and I was more scared of that than the mob guy. It's true. It's funny like that. I believe it. It's true. I'm like, you partied with Charlie Sheen. I don't think so.

Patriot, do you have a question for her? Do you have nice feet? Yeah, she does. Oh, God, I forgot about this. How uncomfortable was that moment? Oh, it's so weird. It was kind of hot, but it was also very uncomfortable. I thought the Patriots thing, like a bodysuit was going to like ding out here,

like dent outwards. I was waiting for just a short circuit completely, the lights to go out. I like the suit on the pouch and play with the meat and curtains. All right, you're very close. That's your first warning. I don't know what that was.

I'm not going to ask you to repeat it. I heard meat and curtains. I'm going to stop you. Whatever that was, don't repeat it to ask you to repeat it. I heard meat and curtains. I'm going to stop you. Whatever that was, don't repeat it, and that's your first warning, you're now on probation, Patriot. That was beautiful. Look at this. Oh, my God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, this can't happen. I can't. Oh, my God. This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. What happens if you get her pregnant? Does a vibrator come out? I don't get it.

Gail, I had fun with you. Best of luck with everything. Keep rocking it. It seems like you're having a lot of fun. Did you guys say anything to Gail? Did I just talk the whole time? Did you guys get anything you wanted to say? Any closing words for Gail?

Patriots, stop trying to grab her. Patriots, stop that. Gail, go. Get the fuck out of here. Run, Gail, run. I think they really like each other or something. She just stayed there. Gail Travers actually does have the Twitter handle actor and writer.

I'm not making that up. That's her actual Twitter handle. Is that real? Gail, have you written anything? It used to be at corporate whore oh there you go full circle so broad anybody can say they're an actor even if you're going to acting school you never say you're a pilot unless you actually flew fucking planes right I'm an actor where they work Tuesday's lunch shift I mean mean, it takes the respect out of a comedian. Anybody that goes up here for a minute, they call themselves a comedian.

They're not fucking comedians. Whoa. That's true. They're trying to be comedians. Do you believe that, Dom? I love this. Ari Shaffir actually was one of the first people that I never used to call. He's very mean, by the way.

Don't watch his Showtime special. Yeah. It's not a Showtime special. Comedy Central. Passive-aggressive. Apparently he doesn't like women with one arm. Yeah. It's not a Showtime special. Comedy Central. Passive-aggressive. Apparently he doesn't like women with one arm. Yeah. Not my business. It's true. What? I have

comedic license. Fuck you guys. But he was one of the first people, like, after doing comedy for a few years, I would never call myself a comic. And he goes, if you do it, you're a comic. Just tell people that you're a comic. What is, to you like your first paid gig paid gig or i would think a combination of paid gigs and good you know uh audition gigs but i mean at least i mean i think really you're a real comic

when you make a living doing comedy you know otherwise you're trying to be a comedian yeah but i think if honestly the only people that really should give a fuck are the people that are real comedians and if you're a real comedian you shouldn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? That's true. I mean, if they want to be a comic

and they're trying to be a comic, is it really money what matters? If they make somebody laugh, that's all that really matters. I think it's symbolic of it. I think because it shows you're at a of it. I think money is a – Yeah. I think because it shows you're at a certain level. Now, you could be a fucking hack and make money.

We both know that. But there comes a point where if you're doing it for 10 years and you're not making any money, that's kind of sad. Right. But give them – Way to lift the show up, huh? Let them call themselves comedians then. I don't want to calling themselves comedians. Joe, just because you can beat me in a fight, you can't bully me all over the stage.

I'm just trying to be nice. I don't think there's anything wrong with them calling themselves a comedian. All right, let them call themselves fucking verbal clowns. But why would you? You're a real comic. Like, a bonafide... Stop it. There's probably like...

I mean, how many comics... If I wasn't a comic, there's maybe 100 people that I pay to see you're one of them. What number? You're in there. 76. You're in there. Like 20 or 85? I pay, I pay. I literally pay, I paid to see Don Marrera before I ever did an open mic night.

I took him, I took a date out to see Don Marrera. Wow. I took her out twice, because one night something happened, and Don missed a flight or something like that, and it was Dennis Leary headlined instead. I was like, what the fuck is this? And I had never seen Dennis Leary before, and then the next night I came back,

and you were there the next night. So I think you're a world-class comedian. So why would you give a fuck if someone calls himself a comic? I don't know, because I'm on Kill Tony, and I had to say something. I think that's why there's headliner, middles, openers, hosts. I think that's why there's different levels of being able to say you're a comic. I think it's definitely a lifestyle. You know if you're a comic or you're not,

and if you're wondering if you're a comic, then you're definitely not a comic. You're either in it or you're not, I think. It's got to be at least five, six, seven nights a week. I mean, that's just pretty much it. There was always this ridiculous hierarchy thing in Boston. The guy was a middle actor, the guy was a headliner. If the guy was a middle actor, they would look at him with no respect. And then I remember this one kid,

I don't want to say his name, but he went off and he got a TV show. And these guys in Boston were like, yeah, he's a fucking middle act. I'm like, he's a middle act with a million dollars, you dummy. Like, what are you talking about he's a middle act? He's a comedian. What do you give a fuck? You're labeling him by this weird fraternity. Joe, who was it?

Nobody's watching anyway. It doesn't matter. It's just between us. I'll tell you later, Dom. Pat, I think your wheels are turning over there. You want to throw something into this comedian conversation? Yeah, I mean, I just have a general note for all the comedians that are performing here tonight and are going to perform. The audience is out this way, and there's a whole stage to use,

and everyone seems to be afraid to sort of own the stage and work the stage. That's nerves, man. I know. Everyone backs up. But you're not performing to the panel. You're performing to the audience. So get in there. Go ball street.

There you go. And enter this way. I like that. And enter the stage on this side. And come up this way so you don't have to get molested by the Iron Patriot. That's one more thing you have to think about. I like that. That's one more thing you have to think about now. You're fucked. Now they're going to back up

even farther. Put your hands together for your next comedian. I believe I will not in any way say this right because it's impossible. Chalice Robinson. Here he comes, everybody. Chalice Robinson. What's up, man? It's Ch Shahalis Robinson.

Shahalis. Let me put balls deep in right now. Watch it. Anyway, all right, I'll turn this way. Usually I feel guilty about things that I shouldn't even feel guilty about. So walking behind this family one day, they just happened to be white, and I didn't want to scare them. So I stayed about 10 feet behind them in sync. Eventually the mom of the family just pulled everyone to the side

and said, maybe you should pass by. I said, oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to scare you. Straight face, she said, oh, you weren't. You're about 100 pounds soaking wet. My 12-year-old daughter could take you. So I look over at the daughter. She had cornrows and a lollipop. I was like, I'm not fucking with that bitch. Probably listening to too much Nicki Minaj.

So I feel like I should probably work out. I feel like I should probably work out. I mean, what's the point of being a shade of brown if I can't scare white people? Just like the clown. There he is. That's my time. There's the cat.

Made it all the way to the 60 seconds. Used all of his time. How do you say your name again? Chehalis. Chehalis. Wow. That's an interesting spelling for that name. Yeah, it's spelled wrong, actually.

Really? And just kind of went with it. That's it. You want to know the story real quick? Sure. Okay. It was spelled wrong at birth. It's supposed to be C-H-A-H-A-L-I-S-S.

And my mom just didn't give a fuck to change it. Oh, my God. Just roll with it. That's amazing. Just roll with it. That's my name. That's one way to put it, rolling with it. Not going to the office and getting the name changed is another way to put it. That's amazing. Just roll with it. That's my name. That's one way to put it, rolling with it. Not going to the office and getting the name changed is another way to put it. That's pretty impressive.

How's it spelled? I just left two letters out of your name. How's it spelled? It's spelled C-H-A-L-I-S-S. So I said Chalice. Yeah. And it is Chalice. It's Chalice, but it's red.

Which, by the way. It's definitely Chalice. Chalice. Which, by the way... No, it's definitely Chehalis. Chehalis. Which, by the way, would make it what? C-H-A-H-A? H-A-L-I-S-S. Wow, so you would have had Ha Ha in your first name. And you would have been a comedian.

Yeah, I would have had Ha Ha. Wow. And you never thought of that before, that Ha Ha thing? No. You've had that name your entire life, and you didn't realize that it had been spelled right? I knew the ha-ha was in there, but I didn't think about it. I'm like, oh, you have ha-ha. You're a comedian. I didn't think about that shit.

How long have you been on stand-up? About a year and a half now. About how many spots a week ballpark, do you have to guess? At least five or six, but it can double because sometimes I do two maybe at least once a day. Okay, he's a comedian, right? Yeah. It can double because sometimes I do two maybe one at least once a day and sometimes I'm from Virginia Wow apart Northern Virginia like 20 minutes outside of DC. Are you ticklish?

Mind control sometimes. Like, nope, nope, not gonna laugh. But then, yeah, sometimes it comes out. It just depends. How long have you lived in L.A.? About six years now, yeah. Six years. Very likable. Very likable on stage.

The only thing that pissed me off is the way you used the stage all over the place. Who the fuck do you think you are? Go over there and stand there like a real comedian. That was great the day you took that note. How do you make your money? I work at a retail store, so that's what I do, yeah. How's that working out for you?

I fucking hate it. What retail store? See, if I tell you, then I'm really going to fucking hate it. But I work at Walmart, so... Wow! Wow! Wow!

It took 100 Kill Tony episodes to get that answer. I've been waiting for it. I've had seven Walmart jokes just waiting. No, I'm kidding, I don't. Here's your day, let them out, man. I fucking hate it. Walmart girls are easy, right? Employees? I'm gonna say yeah. Yeah. Let them out, man. I fucking hate it. Walmart girls are easy, right? Employees?

I'm going to say yeah. I'm going to say yeah. I got to say yeah because they're floating around, man. I got to say yeah. How long have you worked at Walmart? Like four years, maybe? They must be really easy. Jesus.

Oh, my God. Okay. Do you ever talk about that when you're on stage? I don't have one yet, but I think maybe I could get something out of it. They're not funny people. I just fucking hate it. There's nothing funny about it. You could definitely do a bit about it.

Yeah. Yeah, you could definitely. You're very relaxed, man. You adjusted to the fact that this guy reacted to you. You didn't get nervous. You did the balls out joke. You're very comfortable up there, man. Good premises.

Just keep fucking hammering at it, dude. Yeah, definitely. Do you know Real Battle at all? I've seen him around. We've spoken, but I don't know him. Because somebody just tweeted that you look like Real Battle, caught AIDS. I've gotten it.

I've gotten it before. They tweeted that? Yeah, caught AIDS. Wow. Well, there you go. real battle. I've gotten it. I've gotten it. They tweeted that? Yeah. Wow. Well, there you go. A little shout out to Pete with a bad joke from the back. Our good friend Pete

bombing, incoming text bombing. Thanks for that one, Pete. Really crushed the room. Good thing you sent it. Put your hands together for my pal PDC in the back. PDC.

He's the pot dealer, guys. I'm not in the back. He's the pot dealer, guys. I'm not going to lie. He's the pot dealer. Texting bad jokes. So Chehalis, have you ever thought about going back and finishing the job that your mom started and adding the other H-A that you... I mean, everybody must call you Chehalis.

I'm not going to. I've got Chehalis, Chehalis, Chalice, Chalice, I got a Charles once. I've gotten Chalice, Chalice, Chalice, Chalice, Chalice. I got a Charles once. You know, you wear a stupid name tag. There's not even... I have people stare at the name and they go, Charles. You idiot. That's not how you spell Charles.

But okay, it's close. I mean, you know, there's obviously, obviously there is a stereotype that black people have, you know, black people names. Black people names, right. I just have to say, I have never automatically, via your

story, nothing takes the cake more than a misspelled name that never went even back. I mean, it was already going to be an extremely black name in Chahalas. You know what? There's a town in the state of Washington called Chahalas. Chahalas is an extremely black name, buthalis. You know what? There's a town. And this is also, even the typo, Chehalis is an extremely black name.

But the fact that it is a typo, I think that means you might have the blackest name ever. No. You know what? Oh, shit. Am I right? You got a real strong point, kid. I was thinking about a

moment where sometimes I am surprised with names. Sometimes there are blacker names than mine. Like a regular name dipped in fucking gold is what I like to call it. I guess a DeAndre is like a normal black name. What's your middle name? Oh, my goodness. Are you ready for it? Is it spelled right?

Yes, it's spelled right She got that one right Yeah, it's spelled right Get your jokes ready when I tell you this My middle name is Calrissian You gotta be fucking kidding me There's no way. Oh my god.

You won. Oh my god. You won like Mike Tyson in 86. Chris Fry just killed himself again, everybody. We didn't think it was possible. For the third time he committed suicide. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god. And I did write a bit about that one. Of course I'm not going to do it, but it exists. You should listen to what he said. I mean, that's a funny bit, what he just said. You should give that to him. Yeah, I mean, that's what this is. Yeah, absolutely. And that goes for everybody. I mean, take whatever the hell we talk with you about, because we're

never going to talk about you again. Oh, shit. It was more for the people earlier. I like you, Chahalas. Fuck yeah, round one. Okay, so can you please, for the love of God, explain to us just the truth behind how they decided, how they landed on Calrissian?

I mean, if you don't know... No, no, let me tell you. Let me say it. Well, I'm just going to say real quick. Star Wars. You guys all know Lando Calrissian from Star Wars, right? He's Billy Dee Williams in Star Wars. Okay, now you take over.

How the hell in God's name you got that as a middle name? Well, it was the 80s. That's not an answer. A lot of us were born in the 80s. My middle name's not an answer A lot of us were born in the 80s My middle name's not Skywalker Well It was the 80s and my mom just Really loved Billy Dee Williams

So Hold on I didn't catch any of that My mom just really loved Billy Dee Williams So there you go Wow I can't even imagine Use the stage, boy. Use the stage. Right now?

Dude. You're saying the reason why your middle name's Calrissian is because your parents loved Billy D. Williams. Yes. Which makes me wonder how close you were to having your middle name just be Colt 45. Ooh, yeah. Take it all, Chehalis. Take it all.

You win, buddy. Great spot tonight. Fun times. There he goes. Good job.. You win, buddy. Great spot tonight. Fun times. There he goes. Good job. He's on Twitter at Yo P. Parker. Chehalis Robinson. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's just too funny. That's his real middle name. Calrissian? The guy should have 40 minutes of killer material on his first real middle name. Calrissian? The guy should have 40 minutes of killer material on his first and middle name. And then he should just close with one thing about his last name and he'll be the biggest comedian in the country.

Patriot, you're racist. What did you think about that guy? We definitely realized over 30 episodes with the Patriot that there's a very strange racist side to him. We don't condone it. It's a lot of the reason why we ended up getting rid of him. But Patriot, what'd you think of Chehalis? Well, remember in my Share My Banana

song, I got that name Latidra. What do you think about that for a black girl? Answer my question. What do you think of Chehalis? What? Oh, fuck. Pat Reagan, we got you locked in for life, buddy. Three-year contract.

No way. I think that comedian should keep his day job, get a night job, so he doesn't think about doing comedy again. Patriot, you are the worst. I thought he did good, honestly. Yeah, he really did, and he handled himself well. A lot of comedians don't realize that

they bank everything on that 60 seconds that happens. But your interactions with us and just being real and answering questions and giving us something to play with goes a really long way. And that's exactly what Chehalis did. One more time for him, guys. Yeah. I pulled another name out of the bucket. So here we go.

Put your hands together for Dan Bublitz, everyone. Wow. What a show. Anything can happen. Maybe Dan's mom misspelled his name for a wacky bit. Let's find out. Dan Bublitz, everyone. Thank you, guys.

I'm excited, guys. I'm excited because I got a new job. Yes, thank you. I got a job as a garden gnome. And it's an easy job. All I have to do is stand stoned in the grass all day and guard the garden. Oh, it's great.

I was thinking about it, though. Gnomes and dwarves, they don't have a lot of options for work, if you think about it. I mean, we can work for Travelocity, or we can go work in the mines all day and come home to some sleepy bitch with a weird apple addiction. I was at the bar the other night, and I saw this pretty woman. I tried to get her number. She told me I had no game, so I pulled her stool out from under and screamed Jenga.

Thank you. All right. Fuck yeah. Dan Bublitz Jr. How much time did he do? 42 seconds. You got 18 seconds of thunder left for us, Dan? Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I have any quick 20-second jokes.

You just did four 10-second jokes. You don't have one 20-second joke? All right. I don't understand. I never understood the bet channel. They never show any shows about gambling. It's just a bunch of shows with black people. There you go. Alright. We'll take that.

Dan, this is your first time on the show, right? That's my first time here, yeah. First time at the store, actually. Wow, congratulations. You're from San Diego? That's correct. I'm from San Diego. Huh? Are you from San Diego?

Not originally. That's where I reside now, though. I'm originally from South Dakota. Ooh. Yeah. How did I know you were from San Diego? No, the funniest people in the world, South Dakota. I met this guy from South Dakota the other night.

I was on the floor. How bad? Are these people, you brought them? We're all comics from San Diego. Wow, really? Yeah, a bunch of us came brought them? We're all comics from San Diego. Wow, really? Yeah, a bunch of us came up. Wow, a whole squad from San Diego. Fuck yeah. Welcome, guys. Okay. Alright.

Okie dokie. I thought you were great, man. I love your states presence. I liked your jokes. Are you, wait, you live in San Diego. Never mind. So I'll see you later. Alright. It was funny, dude. Thank you. The Jenga joke was funny. The BET joke was hilarious. That was really good stuff, man.

How long have you been doing stand-up? I'm on my fifth year. Do you do what you're still in La Jolla? Once in a while. Once in a while. I try. I go probably up five or six times a week. Try to go more.

As much as I can, actually. Where did you start? Did you start in San Diego? I actually started in South Dakota. What kind of community is there? Not much. What part of South Dakota? I actually grew up. I lived in Watertown. I started in Si actually started in South Dakota. What kind of community is there? Not much. What part of South Dakota? I actually grew up, I lived in Watertown

and I started in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Had an open mic there. And then if I wanted to do, I'd either go to Fargo or Minneapolis. Those were pretty much where I'd have to go to do an open mic. How far is the drive to Minneapolis? Four hours for Minneapolis, two hours for South Dakota. How many people would

go see a comedy show in South Dakota? Quite a few, actually. Even the open mic that I did, there was probably 50 or 60 people there. There's nothing else to do. That's so crazy. There's other things to do. You could look for Bigfoot. That's right.

You could look for Bigfoot. Cow tipping. Have you ever really done that? Of course. You say of course like I've that's pretty much it. Cow tipping? Have you ever really done that? Of course. I mean, you say of course like I've ever lived in South Dakota. Wow, really? So how does that go? Just like it looks in the movies? Pretty much.

How many people by round of applause have honestly done cow tipping before? I did. I think they're lying. But a lot of people called me out on it, and now I really think I had baby cows because I heard that it's a big conspiracy theory that you can't tip a full-grown cow, but you can tip baby cows, like cats.

I'm pretty sure Brian's saying he went cow tipping. I'm pretty sure that's what Brian just calls taking down a fat chick one night. I don't know if you actually... You went out in the Barney Fields of Ohio? I went to sure that's what Brian just calls taking down a fat chick one night. I don't know if you actually. You went out in the Barney fields of Ohio? I went to Applebee's. She gave me good service, so I gave her 20%. Boom.

There you go. Fuck yeah. So, Dan, what do you do for work? I work for an estate liquidation company in San Diego, and then I produce shows down there as well. Estate liquidation, like when old people die and shit? Yeah, when people die, we go buy their stuff, and then we sell it on eBay. So I just list stuff on eBay all day.

That's what I do. So it's ghoulish in a little bit of a way. My name's Dan. No, no, the name of the place. Oh, it's Mattson Co. Estate Liquidation. Oh, cool. Can I write that down for me? Because I'm not feeling that way.

I give you my boss's number. He can come do an estimate. I'm old. I'm old. You said that funny, Don. Do you always say I'm old that way? Is that from a movie or something? No, I just made it up. Sometimes

I do written stuff. Sometimes I improvise. It's a gift. I mean, I got a good slave. Is this funny about slaves? Let me ask you this. Did you feel the need to work the room and go balls deep or no? Of course.

Got the whole stage, right? Use it. First of all, you have a beautiful body. Thank you. Appreciate that. It's very graceful. Pretty good view from behind, right? Very graceful. You did a great job, dude. Thank you.

Yeah, great job. Another question, Dan. When you're doing these liquidations where you're only dealing with stuff that was once owned by dead people, and you know that they're now dead, like, what are we talking about? Do you get to, like, sort of ransack the house? Is there somebody that gathers that stuff? There's people. We have a crew that goes out and packs it up and brings it back to the warehouse. How soon after the person dies do you guys get in there?

I have no idea. What do you mean you have no idea? This is your whole business. I don't deal with that part. I just list stuff on eBay. They get the stuff from the family. They bring it to the warehouse. You're at the warehouse. You're at the warehouse sitting there in a warehouse just filled with dead people's shit.

Yes. That's exactly what I do. You have no feeling for what happened to them? It's a job. Do you get first dibs? I do, actually. Oh, that's so fucking sweet. Is that a dead guy's shirt you're wearing right now?

Could be. I was going to guess that. No, no. I actually bought this myself. Do you ever get any haunted shit? I don't know. Maybe. Could be. What bought this myself. Do you ever get any haunted shit? I don't know. Maybe. Could be.

What's the coolest thing that you got from a dead guy? Well, hold on. Maybe haunted? Why do you say maybe? The stuff could be haunted. But you ever have an experience? I haven't ever had an experience. Nothing weird in the warehouse?

No, not yet. Not that I know of. Do you sit in the warehouse by yourself? No. There's a whole eBay crew. We have a whole crew. There's like four or five people. What's the coolest thing you got?

The coolest thing that I've seen was a script for Blazing Saddles. Wow. It was actually before it was named Blazing Saddles. It had Black Bart on it, penciled out with the Blazing Saddles penciled in. How much was that worth?

It ended up selling only for like $60. What? My thoughts too. That had to be, right? My thoughts, too. That's insane. That had to be because people didn't know about it. You're really bad at what you do, Dan Booblets. How the fuck do you not hang on to that? I would have spent 70 on it.

You should have brought it here. Right? That's worth a lot of money. That would be worth a lot of money. I would think. I would have thought it would have went for a lot more. I would have given you a lot of money for it. That's worth a lot of money. Well, you might get another of money. I would think. I would have thought it would have went for a lot of money. I would have given you a lot of money for it. That's worth a lot of money.

Well, you might get another chance. I'll keep that in mind next time I find one. Maybe whoever he sold it to is going to die soon. And we'll just get it back. And hopefully it comes full circle and hits back to David Buplitz Jr. What I was going to say is that you don't live here in Los Angeles, but a thing we've been doing lately is that I've been inviting people to the Friday show at the Ice House. Now, I don't want you to drive all the way to do five minutes at the Ice House,

but if you can set up a second show, you're welcome to go to the Ice House comedy show at the 10 o'clock spot on the ice. All right, thank you. Wow, look at that. Thanks. Look at that. Any chance of you being in town on Friday? This Friday? Maybe.

All right. Well, just contact me on Twitter. All right. There you go. Dan Bublitz, Jr., everybody, just got promoted from a San Diego comic to an L.A. There you go. Dan Bublitz Jr., everybody. Just got promoted from a San Diego comic to an L.A. comic. That fast. Man, it happens quick.

Brian, there's nothing that a comedy star likes more than a good, hard plug for the Ice House. The old days of comedy clubs fighting with each other I think should be over because there's so many fucking comics in this city. There's no reason for comedy clubs to fight over each other. Don't you agree?

Right on, sister. I think it depends on the club and I think the Ice House and the Comedy Store are pretty legit together. Cool brother-sister club. It didn't used to be that way. It used to be like if you worked at the laugh factory you couldn't work at the store

like back when Scott Day used to be the manager here they called me up and said buddy you can't be working at both clubs I was like are you fucking serious you really can't work both what is the big deal was there not as many comics back then or was there some kind of weird other

I was just trying to show a power thing I always worked at all three clubs. You know why? Because I killed. I don't mean to brag. It's a gift. I pulled another name out of the bucket, guys. Who knows what's going to happen this time? This looks like another new name. Put your hands together for Mike Fairbear.

Mike Fair Bear. This must be him. Here he comes, everybody. Wow. All right. That's your 60 seconds. Mike Fair Bear, everybody. There he is.

Okay. Mike Fair Bear. Thank you. Thank you very much. I just want to get something off my chest. There's this guy I have to live with. Maybe you know the type. He's a Brita guy.

You can't even open the fridge without him being right over your shoulder. Just like, I don't know, it's looking a little low there, huh? Brita guy's got all these rhymes to help you remember too it's like if you kill it you fill it okay

if you pour it don't ignore it you know what I'm saying if like the house was on fire he would only put it out with Brita water I think just help me help me fill the thing so we can... Brita guy? The worst part about Brita guy is that guy is me.

So fill the fucking Brita! Come on! Flap! Thank you. There he goes. Wow. He knew that Brita joke was exactly a minute. I love that you didn't allow even an extra second for laughter.

No. You knew exactly when that minute was up. Okay, cool. It was amazing. You know, I'm a Brita guy myself, so you have a roommate that doesn't refill the Brita. The joke is that I'm the Brita guy. I'm the...

Oh yeah, that's right. The big twist. Wait, so you're the Brita guy that's telling the roommate to not fill up the water. He's the M. Night Shyamalan of comedy. Yeah. Makes sense because I didn't really like it. It is very M. Night Shyamalan.

It's the big twist, baby. Okay, so just like all of his movies, explain to me one more time. Are you the bad roommate or the good roommate? I am the bad roommate. You live by yourself? Is that what you're saying? I have a...

Fight club style? You're telling this British person to... How is he over your shoulder if he's you i i guess um do you shed a lot at home shed shit like yeah yeah yeah i'm a hairy guy yeah i'm like i'm like a dog who got transformed to be a human what is the when you say that you're the brita guy what is what are the words that you say when you say i'm the brita guy so what do you're the Brita guy, what are the words that you say? Fill the fucking Brita! You say it like Brad Pitt. Like Brad Pitt

when he was talking to Kevin Spacey. When Brad Pitt was talking to Kevin Spacey he was like, what's in the box? Fill the Brita! Was that your inspiration for the way you delivered that? Because it sounded equally desperate. Like you nailed the Was that your inspiration for the way you delivered that? Because it sounded equally desperate. Like that.

Like you nailed the exact same. I definitely think you want everybody to understand your point. Right now, I feel like the format's a little bit watered down. Really? Only half the room at that? Son of a bitch. There's definitely something funny about having an annoying roommate that checks your Brita filter. I giggled.

Yeah, or the water. I mean, the synthesis of the joke was like, I am a Brita guy, I have to admit that, but I don't want to be. And then I was like, oh, it might be funny to throw a misdirect in it. If it's not working, I understand. There's a lot to that, man. I've dated a Brita cunt before, and she yelled at me because there was no Brita water in the refrigerator,

and I got her a glass of tap water. Now, 10 years ago, that would have been fine, right? But no, I got screamed and yelled at. I found out that she hadn't even changed her filter since she bought that fucker, and it was like three years ago. So that was way worse than tap water, right?

So there's so much to play with that, man. I really enjoyed that. That was great. Well, you know, Brita's a pretty hot controversial topic. But have you ever thought about taking a page out of Bricks and Bullets' book and talking about slavery?

That's a good direction to go, I think. Like, segue right into, yeah, that would work. Or hair. Yeah, yeah. You are a very hairy guy. What's your nationality? Russell. I think this is all Italian.

I think that's the side of the family this comes from. What's your nationality? Russell. I think this is all Italian. I think that's the side of the family this comes from. What's that? If that's Italian, what's that? This? Tell you about your dick. Oh, Polish, German, Czech. Polish sausage? Interesting.

Patriot, what do you think? You've been quiet over there behaving yourself, pondering life decisions. What color are your shoes? What the fuck is it with feet? You don't care about guy feet, dude. I'm not going to talk about his shoes. What color is that? Those are pretty sweet shoes.

Who gives a fuck what color it is? This is a podcast, Patriot. Nobody cares what color anybody's shoes are. They're my favorite color. It's seafoam. That's, yeah. All right, there you go. Patriot's question actually led to an interesting answer.

Yeah, seafoam. Wow. I'm a weird guy, admittedly, if that helps. Does the Patriot only have a foot fetish because that's the only thing he can see is people's feet? Dude, you know the Patriots... How long did it take you to grow that beard? This is only like, I don't know, two weeks.

This is nothing. Fast. Yeah. What? Patriot, you should have your own podcast. For real. What do you do for work, Mike? I'm a Lyft driver, actually.

That's the most recent thing. Wow, interesting. How many people have you fucked? None. None? No. Are you just saying that because you don't want to get in trouble? No.

How many Lyft cunts have you fucked? If that's my favorite question to ask Lyft drivers. Lyft drivers always have an average of two or three people they fuck. You ever let a girl go for a good old mustache ride? The pink mustache ride? He's a Lyft driver, you motherfuckers. I'm killing over here.

You guys stopped believing in me about five minutes ago. I can feel it. I know what you're thinking. So you started driving Lyft when they stopped having the caveman for the Geico commercials, right? Basically, that's when, yeah. I really like the job. I've been tempted a few times. You know, you meet people.

That's like a big perk of the job. You meet a lot of people. I'm pretty lonely. So, yeah. It's a perk. Yeah. You're not a bad-looking guy. Why do you think you're lonely?

Just weird. Like, this whole good-looking thing, I've been getting that, like, a lot recently, and it's, like, new to me, and it throws me off. Admit it, honestly. Well, if you're lonely, I think you should go find Gail Travers, who was here earlier. Who, by the way, I didn't notice until now,

has the name of every weather news lady ever. Gail Travers, who was here earlier. Who, by the way, I didn't notice until now, has the name of every weather news lady ever. Gail Travers? Is that a real fucking name? Probably not. If you're really lonely... It's a stage name. I'm an actress. If you're really lonely, I have a tip, though, as a Lyft driver.

Because you don't get their phone number, you don't get their information when you pick them up. But you can take a screenshot, and then you can crop out the photo, and then upload it on Google Image Search because it's connected to the Facebook and it will connect you to the Facebook and then you can fuck that girl. Alright, there you go. Full commitment from Brian Redman. If you ever end up giving Brian

a ride anywhere in your Lyft car, just remember he can't be within 500 feet of a school. Mike, so much fun. There you go. You're done. Goodbye. He's on Twitter at Beard on Tap. Mike Fairbear. Dom Irera, Joe Rogan in the house.

Dom, how you doing? You want another drink? Anybody want anything? No, I'm good. Everybody cozy? Patriot, was that you? Joe, you not drinking? No, I'm just having water. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Edie Gibson, everybody. Here she comes. She's in the back.

Oh, ew. Fuck you. Okay. Shut the fuck up. So I just got back from Sacramento visiting my friend Kathleen. Everyone has a friend like Kathleen. Most people used to break into their parents'

top shelf liquor cabinet. We used to try to break into Kathleen's top shelf meth cabinet. The other day we were out drinking and she was like, I went to the bathroom. She goes, somebody put something in your drink. But don't worry, they were really hot. I was like, you don't have to drug me to rape me.

I will have sex with you for the drugs. That's it. You have 21 more seconds if you want to fill it in. Are you sure you want to be done? Okay, when I was down there too, the Raiders are a big thing. Raiders jerseys come in three sizes, small, medium, and pregnant. I actually like that one. They didn't, but I like that one. A lot of Raiders fans in this audience, I guess, Edie. How you doing? Edie Gibson, rising comedian.

You've been doing this for a few years, right? You're on the new show with Stephanie and a bunch of other girls called what? Am I right? Am I wrong? No. She's on the hit show Dysentery once in a while. Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you were somebody with a better career.

I mean, you guys all looked at me like I was an asshole. I was about to promote the show that you could have been on. At least you could have looked cool for a moment. I shot a pilot with a couple of girls for Oxygen as well. Yeah, I thought that's what it was. Didn't it get picked up? It is in the process. Okay, whatever.

I tried to make you look cool, lady. Did you get cut out? Next time, just say yes and smile. Did you get cut out of the pilot? No, I didn't get cut out of the pilot. It sounds like you got cut out of the pilot. It's a different show. Completely different show.

I had a feeling it might be a different show. This is a different show. It's more like Girl Code. I don't watch any of it. E, let's talk about what you just talked about. And what was it again? I completely forgot everything. Going home, visiting my friend Kathleen,

and about the drugs. Oh, yeah, sex for drugs. Dom, you ever work with Bill Cosby? First time Bill Cosby raped me was... Oh. It's so funny because I used to relax when he would fuck me, and... He would give me pills to stay awake. I was that relaxed.

I'm not for nothing, but maybe you shouldn't start your set up with fuck you. I think when someone oohed too, I'm correct. I think they were oohing the fact that somebody was whistling at you. Oh, no. Someone went gross and I was like, oh, whatever. I think what they oohing the fact that somebody was whistling at you. Oh, no. Someone went gross, and I was like, oh, whatever. I think what they were doing was because someone was going... Oh, yeah.

They can do that. That's fine. I think they were like, ew, don't be a dick. Am I right? You don't have to say. They're all shy now. No, if I'm wrong, say something. Whoa.

Yeah. Is that your Brita girl? I hate that word, girl. It's the Brita chick. You were right. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Damn, people are mean. Now, Edie,

was that new material stuff you were trying out? Yeah, this is the first time I've ever said it this much. You were on the Ice House Friday. It was great. You kicked ass. How many times a day or a week do you get up i think i get up almost like every day every day yeah you're a trooper i am a trooper how could you not be sure if you get up every day or not well because some days like you don't know like if there's like uh something else going on i might miss a day but consistently i would say I probably get up at least six times a week.

What's your favorite drugs? You said you would fuck me for drugs, so what kind of drugs do you have? Yeah, Brian, you've tried. They're not... Not hard enough. I get it. There ain't enough fucking drugs in the world. How old are you? I'm 25. Fuck. Six years too old for me, but so what?

We'd still be friends. What am I going to do with some stretched out old 25-year-old? About to be 26, too. It's so funny. Edie, how long have you been on stand-up? Three years. Where are you from? I'm from Sacramento.

Whoa, Sacramento. Fuck, yeah, that place is fancy. Some of the hottest women in California for some reason. Well, basically all the porn stars, right? That's pretty much just Sacramento is like an incubator for porn stars. It's all the farms. Did anybody ever try to tempt you into the porn business? Oh, yeah, I'm sure, yeah.

Oh, yeah, all the time. Daily struggle I have. Did you start out at the Punchline in Sacramento? No, you know, I started out here. This was the first club I ever passed at. I bring in friends and family here. This is kind of my home base. So no, I didn't start out at the punchline.

I have a personal issue with Edie. Yeah. What? Edie, one time Edie texted me out of the blue. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is going to be great. If I could help her get an oil change. And then I texted her that she was crazy.

And then the next time I saw you, you were just really distant towards me, very mean. And I was like, yeah, I was right. Yeah, okay. Wow. Wow, nice story. Yeah, like really fucking fucking relevant it was heartwarming

do you think you could put that in a song yeah it's like this was also like a year ago uh do you want me to explain yeah i literally texted everyone in my phone, do you guys know where I can get an oil change? How is that a way to live your life? Because you can't... You texted everybody in your phone? I texted every male in my phone. If they knew where you could get an oil change?

If they could do an oil change. You should call me, baby. Oh, yeah? Yeah. So you texted a bunch of comedians. I said I will pay you $50. There was pay involved. Why do I not want to know what the fuck Red Band's getting a lot for?

I mean, I know it can't possibly be. What's going on, Brian? What did you do? I said I would get her an oil change. Don't touch me with anything. Oh, I see. That's how you change an oil in a smart car, yeah. Wow.

So instead of going to a place where professionals will change your oil for about $30 or $40, you offered a bunch of comedians $50 to change your oil. In fact, you said every male in your phone. Yeah. Instead of driving down the street and just getting your oil changed. Because I went to Jiffy Lube. I have a smart car, and it cost $115 because they have to use full synthetic oil. No, no, no.

Full synthetic oil is not that much money. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That's what I said. Yeah. That's what I said. No, no, no. But they said with the labor and everything, it was going to be $115. I'm pretty sure your car is the only smart thing about you, Edie.

Okay. Thanks, Tony. you, Edie. Okay, thanks, Tony. Oh. Edie. Edie, take it easy, Edie. Everything's okay, Edie. You're in good hands. You set me up for it, Edie.

I had to do it, Edie. Yeah, I know it was an easy one. Yeah, sure, it was so easy. Yeah, so easy. Everybody loved it at your expense. You piece of shit. Yeah, sure. It was so easy. Yeah, so easy. Everybody loved it at your expense. Yeah, thanks. You piece of shit. Yeah, thanks, Tony. I'm a big fan. Thank you, Brian. You're all over it. So what else, Edie? Everything good? You excited about things? Yeah, I'm excited about this. This is fun. Patriot, what are your thoughts

on Edie? Nice teeth, nice skin, and nice hair. Thank you. Very good. Show them your feet. Go ahead. He's got monkey feet. Do I? No, I'm just... You're going to be fucking insecure with this group?

I actually have good feet. I have a joke about my feet. I have the feet of a 19-year-old. Nice and fucking tight young feet. If anyone's interested in that kind of thing. I thought you said you had a joke about it. I was just going to say that. That's so fucking

funny. We almost jinxed on that joke. It would have been fucking epic by the way. Almost said it. Edie, thank you so much. You're welcome. See you guys. She's on Twitter at Edie Gibson Comedy. Fuck yeah. This is the part of the show, everybody, where our two regulars

every single week since the show started, we've had two ladies that do a brand new minute every single week. Always a brand new minute. Always executed to the best of their abilities. So we've watched them grow over 100 episodes. So here we go again. Put your hands

together for your first comedian tonight. She's a regular on the Dysentery podcast and Kill Tony, obviously. Very, very funny young lady. Put your hands together for Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Here we go. Here she is. What's up? Things change, people.

Specifically, leather jackets. Because leather jackets are dangerous. You put that on, you're a different fucking person. I have a friend named Charles. Got himself a leather jacket. Now he goes by Chaz. So fucking, there's just something so cool and crazy about completing a look with flesh.

Even my fucking friend Chaz knows. I was like, dude, I'm cold. Let me borrow that jacket. He's like, no fucking way. I'm not going back to being Charles. There you have it. That's probably the laugh of the night from a joke. That's very funny.

Sarah Weinshank, everybody. How fun. Another brand new minute. She's been with the show for a very long time. So how's everything going? It's episode 100 of Kill Tony. What do you want to say to the people? I want to say this stage is different than the Belly Room stage, first of all.

And thank you guys for coming out and supporting Kill Tony. Fuck yeah. That jacket joke is really funny. Yeah. That's hilarious. Thank you. Yeah, joke's really funny. Yeah. That's hilarious. Thank you. Yeah, it's really great. Really great.

Is there anything you want to say that would pander to the crowd? Nope. I was busting your balls about thanks for coming out for killing Tony. You're busting my balls? I think we've worked together enough. You look great, by the way, with the little thing and the stuff. Thank you. I'm too old for you, too.

Way too old. Now, Sarah, you were definitely on the show back during the days of the original Iron Patriot. It's been 70 episodes, some without him. So how do you feel about being this close back next to the man, the myth, and the pedophile? Well, I feel safe because

Pat Reagan's here so that he wasn't here before. It's a different energy. Right. Somebody's there to tackle him if he tries anything. That's what you're saying. That's a lot of responsibility, Pat. Yes, yes. Do you remember when I imitated you on one of your

first routines, how I said, went to Rite Aid to get some Q-tips and a Twix. Q-tips and Twix, left with a flu shot. Tony. Left with a flu shot. Now I'm wondering if I'll get latent autism. Okay, this was a tweet from so long ago.

Wow. And he remembers it word for word. I haven't even thought about it since. It's because he jacks off to it every night before he goes to bed. Oh, my God. He's got a picture of you. He squats over it. Now, Sarah, has the Patriot contacted you since then?

Has he... You know. He reached out once. Yeah? Like your butt? Boobs? No. Just he wanted to get pizza. Yeah. Now the Patriot, if she went to get pizza with you... Pizza?

That's what you're inviting the Kill Tony girls to? Pizza? You are creepy as fuck. the Kill Tony girls to? Pizza? You are creepy as fuck. Like Chuck E. Cheese? What are you talking about? Would they be safe if they got pizza with you? No, there's a place down Hollywood Boulevard I want to take her for pizza. Oh, well, only the best, Hollywood Boulevard.

Jeez. What place? That Greco place right down across from the... Oh, I know it. Yeah, I know it. Dolby Theater or battled by Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, I've thrown up in that. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's probably one of the worst pizza places in Hollywood.

Literally one of the worst pizza places you could probably go. Hollywood and Highland, just the dirtiest fill. Now there's New York style. Yeah, just because it's New... So is some forms of DiGiorno, Patriot. That doesn't mean you take a girl. Just because it's New York style. is some forms of DiGiorno, Patriot. That doesn't mean you take a girl. Just because it's New York style. So it's Domino's pizza.

I wish I would have went to San Diego with Sarah. I wanted to have fun on that trip. New York style. You wish that you went to San Diego with me? You would have had fun? Is that what you just said? When Kill Tony went to San Diego, I really wish I would have went on that trip.

Yeah, yeah. Guess what? Yeah. You quit the show. Remember? You said that you were too good for the show and that we wouldn't be able to sustain without you. You come back 70 episodes later to a packed main room

like a real dummy. Just remember that. Do you know Sarah was questioning going on a date with you and having sex with you if you went to that show and now she's hurt that you're here and it was really uncomfortable? It's changed my life. I mean... Don't play with me, man. Don't tease me. Jesus. having sex with you if you went to that show and now she's hurt that you're here and it was really uncomfortable? Don't play with me, man. Don't do it.

Wait, wait. I don't even, like, we would be hanging out in San Diego, but you would be in your mask. I luckily just know you like this. You know what I mean? Like, I see you on the sand in that, and it's weird. The great thing about the suit, you must admit, is that he can't rape you in it. I mean, he could barely walk in it. Suddenly this thing flips up and it's weird. The great thing about the suit, you must admit, is that he can't rape you in it.

I mean, he can barely walk in it. Suddenly this thing flips up and it's like, boing! That's true. I'm pretty sure if that happened, it would have happened when the chick was grinding up against him earlier. Sarah, great job. Okay, there's a horse for no reason, Brian.

Brian really crushes on those sound effects at the most opportune times. What was that even supposed to mean? For him fucking that chick, man. With his horse cock. Oh, okay. I guess he has a horse cock. You have a big dick, right?

Uh, yeah. I could tell. What? Are you really sticking with that answer? I want to share my banana with you. Yeah, I know a lot of guys with just giant dicks that wear $5,000 cartoon character fucking costumes.

All right, well, Sarah, you did it again, everybody. It's been, you know, it's so fun. There she is, Sarah Weinshank. Thank you, guys. It's amazing. Good job, Sarah. Since the beginning. And so has your next comedian, everybody,

and your final comedian of the night. She does a brand new minute every single week. She came here and she performed on this show, One Minute, for her very first time ever on stage. She's been with us 100 episodes. Put your hands together for Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Roll to the music and shake and rub back. Bang double back, let's make me shout.

And work that pussy in and out. Thank you. So I don't get super emotionally attached to men that I hook up with. And it makes it weird when they want to end it because they get really apologetic. And then my response is really weird. It's usually something like, oh, no, where will I ever find another dick? It's like, I can find a new dick faster than I can find a Band-Aid when I'm hurt. Like, I can yell out right now,

does anybody have a dick for me? And just... But if I yell, does anybody have a band-aid? You guys will be like, no, but I have a dick. That's it. Yeah. Nice. Kimberly Congdon, you did it again.

I have a band-aid. Okay. I missed the ending of it. How did you just end that? I can yell, does anybody have a dick for me? And everyone says, yeah, but I yell, does anybody have a band-aid? And everyone says, yeah, but I yell, does anybody have a Band-Aid? And someone goes, no, but I have a dick. Right, right, exactly.

Okay. Okay. I think it needs to go back to the fact that the guy that is, the guy is, the whole thing is about what? He's about, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that he's no longer interested, right? Well, the whole premise is there is just, like, a lot of dudes out. There's, like, a lot of options for people. Like, there's, like, a lot of people, you know?

Like, when two girls fight over a guy, it's like, oh, but there's, like, you can just close your eyes and point and you'll probably land on another dick. Like, there's so many dudes. There's definitely a lot of dicks. Right? Yeah. Sounds like there's so many dudes. There's definitely a lot of dicks. Right? Yeah. Sounds like someone's a little jaded. Someone doesn't believe in love.

Just dicks. She believes in the availability of dicks. I mean, love's cool, too, I guess. You're distracting the fuck out of everybody in those yoga pants, kid. You're doing it most jobby right here. Stop doing that. You got too much junk in the trunk to be on stage in fucking yoga pants, kid. You're doing it most jobby right here. Stop doing that. You got too much junk in the trunk to be on stage in fucking yoga pants.

Especially this front row can totally see your vagina. Talking about dicks. Talking about landing on dicks. Like, what? Everybody's like, is she joking? Are there jokes here? Those are yoga pants. I think it's harder for the audience members that are seated directly

behind you than it is for the ones in front of you. It's hard for Dom Herrera. He's Italian. The look on his face. It's like there's a meatball sub in front of him. Well, you asked me if I ever hit a woman, not with my hand, but with my jizz. Oh, Dom Herrera. How rude.

How rude. She's a fellow comedian. Is she a comedian? Yeah, she's a comedian. Thank you. You are a comedian. Well, Kim, you have new material. You did it again.

That's another new minute from Kimberly Congdon. There she goes. Follow the Kill Tony girls on Twitter at Princess Shank and at Kimberly Congdon. At Princess Shank. At Kimberly Congdon. At Princess Shank, at Kimberly Congdon. Guys, we did it. That's episode 100 of Kill Tony. You made it through.

That's what it feels like. That's what it looks like. It's all happening. Pat Reagan. Pat Reagan. Is that Patty Reagan on Twitter? Anything you want to promote, Pat? Nope.

The Iron Patriot is back, everybody. One last appearance from the Iron Patriot. Come on, one more time. It's his last time ever anywhere near the show. Come on, send him off. The great Dom Irera, everybody. Live in the flesh. He's Dom Irera on Twitter. Joe Rogan, the one and the flesh. He's still on Twitter.

Joe Rogan, the one and the only. Thank you guys so much. Thank you, live audience. So much fun. Have a great night. Thank you, and goodbye. Bye. Can I give it up or give it away? Never thought about what I want to say But I never really knew where to go So I gave myself to a friend

So I'm here again It didn't matter what they wanted to say He thought he saw someone that looked just like me That's not my memory, that just never dies We walked too long and hard to give it no time He sees right through me, it's so easy with lies Cracks in the road That I would try and disguise He runs the scissors

At the seam in the wall And can I break it down Or else he would fall One thousand lonely stars High in the cold Take it I don't wanna sing anymore guitar solo I listened to your problems

Now listen to mine I didn't want to anymore And we would never be alone again Cause it doesn't have another day Can I count it on you being a friend? Can I give it up or give it away? And we thought about what I want to say Bye. Outro Music you