KILL TONY - KILL TONY #108

Episode Date: August 2, 2015

Bryan Callen, Brody Stevens, Jeremiah Watkins, Sara Weinshenk, Kimberly Congdon, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Josh Martin, Brian Redban - Date: 06/08/2015 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Go to our website, deathsquad.tv, click on Tour Dates. There we have all our shows, including this one, Monday, at the Comedy Store in the Belly Room. Kill Tony, free show. Check us out. Also, Tuesday is the Roast Battle from the very popular new podcast, Verbal Violence, here at Death Squad. And then, every Friday, we have the Ice House Death Squad comedy show. It's a bunch of comics. That's where we record

the Ice House Chronicles every Friday. And that's every Friday at 10 p.m. at the Ice House in Pasadena, California. We have a huge show this Wednesday at the Comedy Store in the main room. The Death Squad secret show is back. My birthday is this week, and Joe Rogan's birthday is next week.

So we're having a Death Squad Secret Show birthday show. It's got a bunch of comedians in it. Tony Hinchcliffe's in it. Dean Del Rey's in it. Joe Rogan's in it. Jason Tebow. Sam Tripoli. Sarah Weinshank.

Kimberly Congdon. Josh Martin. And a bunch of surprise secret guests. It's going to be crazy. So join us for our birthday show, August 5th, Wednesday, at the Comedy Store in the main room. Tickets are on sale right now. Go to thecomedystore.com to get them.

Also, check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com, for all his tour dates and merchandise. And ShopSquad.tv has a bunch of new hats in right now. Also check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website TonyHinchcliffe.com for all his tour dates And merchandise And ShopSquad.tv has a bunch of new hats In right now The cat clocks are in now And a new t-shirt that's being released tonight So check it out ShopSquad.tv

Alright guys Here's a brand new episode Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Big coming to you live from the real famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Give it up for birthday boy, Tony Hinchcliffe. It's clear! Still just me in an audio room.

Fuck yeah. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Yeah, that's that Monday warming up feeling that I love. It's fun having a Monday 8 p.m. show. Happy birthday, buddy. Still no mic. Good thing this isn't a podcast.

Thank God Josh is probably outside. He had to go grab Brody. Fuck yeah. Here we go. Here's another mic. How about that? How exciting. This is like a real show.

Sweet. I mean, it just starts. It's so smooth. Fuck yeah, everybody. Hi, live audience. Make noise one more time. It's so fun. Just to prove to the thousands and thousands that you stream, watching live right now around the world.

Josh, we have no audio on mic two. No big deal, but just mic two. Josh Martin, everybody, the run-around goofy producer. And now he's just leaving. There's no audio on this microphone, and that microphone's fucked up. We got bad mics, Josh. Good thing you're leading the charge with your Periscope stick. Yeah.

Josh Martin, everyone. Just a real moron. I mean, it's just unbelievable. I come up to say hello on a show with my name in the title, and there's not even audio on it, Josh. And your mic doesn't even work. On my birthday, nonetheless. On his fucking birthday. I decide, you know what?

People are like, hey, what are you going to do for your birthday? I'm like, you know what? Just keeping it routine. Going to have a show. Going to listen to Laney and Jerry talk way too loudly in the very beginning of it so that it distracts me while I'm going off on a separate rant about Josh being a bad producer. And here we are. I'm excited. This episode is sponsored by Mentos, the fresh maker.

I didn't know we had a sponsorship by Mentos, but I'm finding it out right now because Brian has six rolls of Mentos in front of him. And I've gone through two of them. I quit smoking today, so I'm just chowing these Mentos down. I love how everybody applauds that.

Goodbye lung cancer. Hello diabetes. Just eating tubes of Mentos I love how everybody applauds that. Goodbye lung cancer. Hello diabetes. Yeah, right? Just eating tubes of Mentos and the crowd goes crazy. I love that. Yeah, save your life. Fuck yeah. Mentos.

I drink two Trentos a day of coffee. So I also quit that this week also. So I'm just like, I'm a mess right now. Who knows what you're going to turn into in the next week with all the poison out of your body. I started doing kettlebells. Geez. Started wearing a condom. All these major changes.

What's next? Are you going to be respectful to female comedians? Oh, of course I will. Wow. Little princesses. Oh, I'm excited to see how this develops. Put your hands together for the music that you've been listening to.

The leader of the band with his band tonight, it's Pat Reagan and Jeremiah Watkins, everybody. Live, in the flesh, killing it. That's the band. And here's the show where comedians talk to comedians after they do comedy. I always have two of the funniest guests, two of my funniest friends. This week's no different. Put your hands together for the great Brian Callen and Steven Brody Stevens, everybody.

Come on to the belly room. Yeah, sure. A million dollars? That's crazy talk. Call me when you guys are fucking serious. Fuck yeah. I use my phone as a prop. Fuck yeah. Ryan Pallon. I use my phone as a prop. I love that.

Thanks, buddy. It comes from years of doing stage. Acting is kind of my secret garden. That mic's not working either. This is unbelievable. This is bullshit. I mean, it really blows my mind. Like, I see shows that go so smoothly here.

My favorite thing is when I sat down, he's like, I haven't had a chance to check the mics yet, and then he runs outside Does any much Josh does any microphone work right now is this the only live mic for this show right now what else works? Brian's doesn't know Brian still is testing so that has a mic one and Mike three are down Brian can you say testing? Testing, testing. There it is. Hello? Brody Stevens is here now, everybody. Yeah.

Two seconds, two seconds. Here he is. Really absorbing the applause tonight. Steven Brody Stevens, everyone. What's wrong with your foot, Brody? Yeah, Brody is coming in with a cast. I was uh...

Oh my God. You've got to be kidding me. Like, what's happening over there, Josh? What was that noise? Was that... Wasn't me. Okay, forget it. Brody Stevens, everyone. I, thank you. I, first of all, I want to say.

Do they know it's your birthday? Yes, they do. I want to say happy birthday to Tony Hinchcliffe right now. Thank you. First of all, thank you, Tony. Thank you. It's a really electric evening, or lack of electricity, as we're finding out from our microphones. So I was, I banged my foot today on a kettlebell. I've been exercising again and I didn't want to,

you know, I was just working out with the, I was just picking things up. I haven't worked out much lately, so I was just picking stuff up and I left them over on the other side of the room. And this morning I was cleaning up and I was walking, and boom, right into the 35-pound kettlebell. And it hurt, my little toe, and now it's all black and blue. Well, I think it's broken. So that's where I'm at today. Wow, you broke your toe. That's what I'm thinking.

But you know what? It hurts, but that's life. Can we see it? Would you like to? Yes, I would love to take a look at it. Wait, what? A broken toe? That's not going to translate well, guys. There you go. All right, so that's where I'm at. But you like to? Yes, I would love to take a look at it. Wait, what? A broken toe? That's not going to translate well, guys.

There you go. All right, so that's where I'm at. But you know what? I'm here. I will never not do a show. It must go on. And I'm excited to be here on a Monday night. Yeah!

That's it. You got it. You know what happens? I try to do an on-site kick with a 35-pound kettlebell, barefoot, and I squibbed it. And we laugh. You squibbed it? What does that mean? It's like trying to do an onside kick.

I love that name. Boom! Oh, it hurt. Now, Brian, you're a pretty buff guy. You don't even work out with kettlebells, right? No, I won Best Body in Comedy, but a lot of it's just because I'm God's favorite from what I hear. I don't know. Symmetry.

I have natural symmetry. That's what they told me at the Institute for Physical Symmetry. Oh, that's a pretty big institute. I know. They did all these stupid studies and stuff. Hunter, come on up here. I have to give somebody a package. Put your hands together for Hunter, everybody.

Not a lot of people know. He speaks nine languages. Hunter speaks nine. Watch this. Hold on. Stand behind that mic for a second. Ask Hunter a language to say something. Hunter, how do you say something in...

How do you say I love you in French? Je t'aime. Or je t'adore. Pas mal. How do you say I love you in French. Je t'aime or je t'adore. Pas mal, c'est pas mal. How do you say I love you in German? They don't say love in German. How do you say I love you in Russian?

Я вас люблю. Or if, you know, there's a famous Pushkin poem, Я вас люблю, любовь еще, будь мой жит. He's so fucking smart. Can you say it in Chinese or Japanese? Yeah. Do it. Well, I mean, this is awkward.

Do it. Just do it. Let him hear it. Yes. Stay with me. These people have come to see you guys. Don't deny. You're smart.

Just give me one more. What are the nine languages that you speak? Say it into the microphone. Say it into the microphone. Say it into the microphone. French. Sorry, I'm not a professional. French, Spanish, Italian, you know. Sign?

Do you sign language? No. Then you failed. I did. I did. Let's get this thing going. I'm cross negative. There he goes.

Love you, Hunter. Hunter Mott, smartest man in the world. Sorry for attacking your friend, Brian. It's okay, buddy. Hunter tucked in his shirt extra hard tonight. He did. He did. He does CrossFit.

He likes to show it off. He's got serious business. Yeah. So here's the show. Comedians watch comedians doing comedy for 60 seconds uninterrupted, and then we talk to them about anything. Maybe we help them out. Maybe we discover some crazy new talent.

Maybe we just make fun of them. Anything can happen. This is Kill Tony. Comedians, you know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. There you go. Tony, can I say one thing? And I know I'm going to get trashed because that's what happens a lot here.

I see two chairs. I think they should be moved or occupied. They're just standing out there. I agree. I don't understand why they're occupied. Is anybody sitting with you, Miles? I'm surprised you didn't go against me. Why don't you go sit next to Jared?

I don't like two empty chairs up front. It's not professional. Now we get a couple there. Why don't two people from anywhere sit? There's a girl right there. Let's have the girl go. Will this crowd wake up? Let's there. Why don't two people from anywhere? There's a girl right there. Let's have the girl go. Will this crowd wake up? Let's go.

They can't. Sorry, I didn't come in the right door. It's cranking. Yeah, I'm going to take you to the X Games. Yeah. Let's go. If I had one minute to do stand-up, I was just thinking this. I don't usually share, but if I had one minute, I would do Brody Stevens as a penguin.

I'm a bird. Oh, you're saying i'm a bird oh you're saying i can't fly i don't have legs but i have feet i'm attractive i have a walking boot i have a walking i'm not it's a bad bird on myself i isolate but i'm here tonight to uh have a good time and not have this crowd sit and stare at me. We're not going to go through that tonight, are we? Are you going to sit and stare when I say something funny after I did an hour and 15 minutes the last two nights downstairs? So don't play hardball with me. Let's go, don't sniff me out, and let's crank it.

I agree. Yeah. Already annoyed. I agree. Yeah. Already annoyed. I agree. You should never be hard on yourself because you're actually an original. And when you're an original, you can't be hard on yourself. You're unique. People do Brody Stevens impersonations.

I can't help it because, well, I want a house. I rent. It's depressing. Let's crank this thing up. 60 seconds when you hear the sound of a kitty That's right You better wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear Completely obnoxious

Fuck yeah That's that sound You just killed this man on the side here I'm really excited about this. Listen to me. You can't hear anything. Look at this guy. He doesn't even know we're talking about him right now.

Hi, Jerry. How's it going, buddy? You okay? You don't like that bear, do you? What? Okie dokie. He just said I love you in German. This is going to be one of those nights, huh? Fuck yeah. He said I love you in German.

One of those nights, huh? Fuck yeah. He said I love you in German. Are you Hunter's uncle? He said ich liebe dich. Okie dokie. Everything. Everything I say. All right?

Or it's going to be long. Brody's already heavily offended. Guys, I'm excited about this. We've seen this guy on the show before. It's always fun. Put your hands together for Tam Pham. So I need to explain my name. My mom's dad is named Tam,

so she had always wanted to name her first son Tam. Even after she married a man whose last name is Fam. That's pretty stubborn. That's something I inherited. I'm so stubborn that I can't remember the last time I got laid, and yet I am still wearing this shirt. I know I should be less upset about this having a silly name thing, but it's just that the only good reason to name your kid Tam Fam is if you lost the bet to Dr. Seuss.

People just assume that I do not like green eggs and ham. Just because Tam Fam I am. All right, thanks, everybody. Tam Fam, 53 seconds. Fuck yeah, Tam Fam. You've been on this show a few times, and every time you always wear a shirt that promotes you.

That says, at TamFam Comedy, your Twitter handle. It does. How many of those shirts do you have? Just the one smelly one. One smelly one? It's a hot day.

Do you wash it? Occasionally. What? Yeah. You seem like you come from a family that would own a dry cleaner, so I'm surprised that I'm surprised that Tony!

Whatever do you mean? I've never seen an Asian with a Hitler haircut before, but this is very impressive. Look that way so that this audience can see it and really absorb the perfect joke instead of the half-grown that they're giving me right now. An Asian Hitler. I love it.

Fuck yeah. We only had one Tam Fam shirt. There's no way he has multiple Tam Fam shirts. I thought he'd have at least faux. You think I was going to let that dead mic ruin my night? Huh? No. I'm just getting warmed up.

Sounds a lot... You got it. It's like me right there. I have a Dat Fan shirt, but that's... Why no laugh? Has that been done before? Has that been done before here? I mean, it was all right.

Well, let me tell you what, audience. Again, how does that not get a laugh when I go, Dat fan, tell me why. You in the front row. Tell me why. Did you laugh at it? Tell me why you didn't laugh. I'm not mad at you, but tell me why you didn't laugh at the Dat fan.

Who didn't laugh? Arms crossed negative, arms crossed negative. Tell me why you didn't laugh. I'm not mad at you, but tell me why you didn't laugh at the Dat fan. Who didn't laugh? Arms crossed, negative. Arms crossed, negative. Tell me why. I did an hour and 15 minutes on Friday and Saturday. So this isn't my audience. I want to know why you didn't laugh. Tell me.

Go. Trust that it's funny. I'm parked for free. My name's on the wall. I'm on the marquee three times a week. You're not laughing at a dat fan joke? Look it up. Drop the mic.

Laugh and then look it up, I'm pretty sure is what he meant by that. I'm pretty sure Brody just said that no matter what he says, laugh at it. Yeah, exactly. Want to play games laugh at it. Yeah, exactly. Want to play games? Play it. Wow. Play it. I think the mic still picked it up.

Brian Callen, you ever see anything like Tam Fam before? What do you want to do with this? I haven't. You could do curls with Tam Fam. I was going to say, I do, but I can work you out. It doesn't matter. I think you're funny.

I just think maybe expand off the old Tam Fan stuff. Maybe talk about what you'd rather have your name be. Now, Brian. Like a sound. You are completely fucking ripped. Thank you. That's why I do this show. Let me ask you this.

Yeah. Tam Fam looks a little bit skinny. What workout advice would you give him to fill out that t-shirt? Well, I'd have him live with me, first of all. I'd have him live with me. And I'd have to take him in the way I'd like to take him in. So I'd take his clothes off. I'd get him naked in front of a mirror.

I'd have to use my hands and some oil. I've got to take him in. So I'd take his clothes off. I'd get him naked in front of a mirror. I'd have to use my hands and some oil. I got to take him in with my hands and visually and what's the word? Sensually. Just to get a sense of the kind of clay, the lump of clay that I need to mold with. And then I think I'd just add some muscle. We'd start with some flat bench, maybe some inclined bench. I'd have you pull Brody on a sled while he screamed at you. bench. I'd have you pull Brody on a sled while he screamed at you. And, um, and then we'd start with some Buffalo meat and some yams and, uh, and a whole bunch of, uh, a whole bunch of good fats, good fats, raw nuts, avocados, even some saturated fats, which is known to actually boost your fucking testosterone. So vegans, just know that when you eat all them vegetables,

you might poop quickly, but your testosterone is paying a price for it. Okay, guys. Thanks. Thanks a lot. That's all I can say without getting paid.

Pam fam, you gonna use any of that? Dad, were you in 16 Candles? There you go. What a laugh. Thank you. There you go. What a laugh. Thank you. Let's go.

Good 1983 reference. Yeah, I was going to say, really topical, just like Dat Fan. Really good. You're really on top of everything. You know what? I respect my elders. I'm not trying to, you know, comedy. I don't need to recreate the wheel.

That's what I'm talking about. Respect him so much you use a cane. What in the world does that mean? Vicious attack. I think Pat's saying that you're paying homage to the older comedians

because you have a cane. I know, that's what he meant. Give it up for Pat, he's a good guy. And Jeremiah. Hey Brody. Yes?

Jeremiah Watkins over there. Did you just dye your goatee? Because it's looking sharp. I don't dye my goatee. I've just been taking extra supplements. One of those supplements just for men? Because, I mean, what supplement makes a beard go from silver to black? Who takes reds and greens here?

Anybody? I do. Who's done 3,000 television audience warm-ups? I do. Reds and greens? What are you, in the Matrix? Yeah, I'm healthy. I'm very healthy.

Why wouldn't you do what I do? Were you in The Hangover? Were you in Hangover 2? Nobody was. Actually, Brian Callen here was. And I'm pretty sure, unlike you, he was in The Hangover 3 as well. Watch it, Tony.

I said no to that script. Really? They never offered it to me. Fuck yeah. Tam Fam, you were in The Hangover, right? You were that... That's racist, Tony. Racist!

Tam Pham, is that a Vietnamese name? Yeah. That's what I thought. The Vietnamese are very tough people. I think it's the one country that's actually never completely been conquered. So you hail from a very powerful lineage. But I would say that you had a minute, but you only did 53 seconds.

So next time, use the whole fucking 60 seconds, my brother. It's not that hard to fill, so just maybe work a little harder. And pay homage to your very hardworking lineage. Sorry to... It's true. It's true. Vietnamese never quit. The Vietnamese are no joke. Tim, have you done any long sets lately? I did 10 at the Ice House the other day.

How'd it go? The Ice House or the Rice House? What are we talking about here? Damn it, Tony! Tony! This is a family show! Damn it, Brian! Can I give a real honest thing?

Uh-oh. Brody. I would just say... I'm goofing around, but I would say just speak just a little loud. I don't know if that's your shtick, but just a little loud. I like what you're doing. Own it. Go for it.

Keep doing it. I always say that. But I would say be louder a little bit. Okay. Just a little bit. But I like what you're doing. There you go, Brody. Can you take care of my mother down in Palm Springs?

I'm looking for a caretaker type. Brody, I don't understand that. What is that? What is that? What is that? Is that racial? Because he's Vietnamese? Yeah, they're caring, Filipino types.

Yes. Filipino types? Whoa! Wow. That's not racist. Oh, shit. No, he didn't! Why is that racist?

I want a Filipino to take care of my mother. The horn of racism just played. Well, shit. No, he didn't. Why is that racist? I want a Filipino to take care of my mother. The horn of racism just played. Well, sorry. I think it's great. Yeah, they are. They're good at it. The Filipino type? Yes.

He means brown, smooth, and beautiful. Who would you want taking care of an elderly person? Not a guy that wears a shirt that says at TamFam comedy on it. Okie dokie. Do you know CPR? Yeah. Okay, there you go.

Fuck yeah. Wham bam. Thank you, Tam. Tam fam. There he goes, everybody. At TamFam comedy. I like that. Wham. There he goes, everybody. At TamFam Comedy. I like that. Wham bam. Thank you, Tam.

I'm pretty sure we're going to see that on a sweatshirt next week. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Oh, wow. We know this guy. From the deep, deep, deep south. A guy that gets lucky and out of the bucket a lot. Put your hands together for the stylings of Eric Carter, everybody. Eric Carter.

A few months ago, Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for the Oval Office. As we call it in Mississippi, oh, shit. for the Oval Office, as we call in Mississippi, oh shit. I never realized how big my overbite is until I put on a luchador mask. Thank you. I notice that these hipsters around here walk around with a 1930s German haircut. I'm going to start calling them Hitlersterss why did the hipster cross the road to get hit by my car I work at

a place called Camacho's it's a it's a Mexican restaurant on a city walk. And man, do they love me. They call me names like Wapo Loco. They call my name like El Diablo Blanco. What's the time? There it is. One minute from Eric Carter. You seem pretty excited right now. You just dropped the mic low in the hand.

You feel good about that, right? It was fun I like your style Not a lot of people follow a Hillary Clinton joke With a luchador mask joke And you're one of the guys that'll go both political And I don't know what the fuck we would call that Culture Sure

I don't even know what luchador is But I think your delivery And the way you do it is real comedy I didn't even know I haduchador is, but I think your delivery and the way you do it is real comedy. I didn't even know I had an overbite. That's pretty interesting. Eric, you've repeated material, though. I realized that afterwards.

It came to me, but I didn't want to just stop it. Maybe they haven't heard it. I didn't even know I did the same joke until after I said it. I'm sorry, Brian. I like the cowboy boots. That's a good choice. Yeah, it's a good choice, especially when it's the only pair of shoes you own, I bet, right?

I got some steel-toed Wolverines. You do? Steel-toed Wolverines. What? For working in the steel mill. Some Wolverines? Yeah, steel-toed boots. Wolverine brand.

Not even the company. He wears actual Wolverines on his feet. Wow. Yeah. Where's that sound effect? Stuffed Wolverines. How'd you feel up there? I felt comfortable.

Just relaxed. Just went with it. Comfortable? I mean, comfortable. Okay, thank you. That's good. You were good. Yeah.

Keep doing it. Keep the accent for as long as you can keep it. Brody, I don't think you need to tell people to keep doing it. I'm pretty sure they're going to decide on their own whether they quit or not. That's an interesting one that you do. I'm very... Keep doing it. Don't give up.

You got it. Push and believe. But that's what people do when they're working out. Laugh at everything I say. Does anybody say when you watch a workout, you're not going to lift that? You suck. You can't lift two plates.

You're a loser. Try and lift it. Everybody's watching. Look, she got off the Stairmaster. You can't do it. Right. You're not going to lift the weights. I'm supportive.

Sorry that I played Division I baseball. Right. At Arizona State, and I got a college degree. I know what it's like to be on a team. You got it. I almost played pro baseball, and today I walked into a kettlebell and broke my toe. The fuck are we talking about here?

Just like all the big-time ballplayers do. I made an ouchie on my toe. Stop it. Go off. There you go. Ouchie. Baseball sound effects. Brody, we're on your side.

We love you. Yeah, Brody, it's okay. You know what? I'll tell you what. I'm in a great, I'm in a good mood, but. I love that you're wearing a camo Dodgers hat, by the way. Like you sort of representing, but you don't want people to really see that you're a Dodgers fan all the way. I'm balding right now, you know.

I just don't want to get hate tweets. This is the only one. I get a hate. I don't really get hate tweets. You don't get hate tweets from this podcast. I've gotten it on other ones, and it bothers me because I don't get it. I've never gotten a hate tweet from my main room shows where I do an hour and 15 minutes on every Friday and Saturday. I've never gotten a hate tweet from the original room,

but I get it from certain podcasts, and it's not good for me. I just need to be around positive Hebrew energy. Who are the Jewish people in here? Are there any Jews in here? Right here. You're Jewish? I got a little bit, Amy.

I'm kidding. Notice how nobody left? Never mind. We'll keep it moving. All right. Eric, why do you say you're Jewish? What do you mean by that? Don't say that. It's a mistake. Do not do it. I'm telling you. Stay Christian. Change your name. Whoa, whoa. Go back to Christianity.

People don't want to help Jews out in this business. Trust me. You want to believe? Why do I only have 87,000 followers? That's a lot. No, it isn't. I rent. Where's my home? Where's my Prius? I drive my mom's car.

Justin Bieber's Jewish and he has like 65 million Twitter followers. Is he Jewish? Is Justin Bieber really Jewish? I'm sorry for being weird tonight, guys. Speaking of Justin Bieber, Eric, I know you got some new hair. What I like, you got Justin Bieber, Eric, I know you got some new hair. What I like, you got, like, Justin Bieber hair, but then, like, Tommy Lee Jones pock marks on your face. There you are.

I don't know if that's a compliment or not. I doubt it, but thanks. Just an observation that fell flat. Eric, what's been happening lately with your life? Have you been doing a lot of spots? You're working at a Mexican restaurant? All of the above. I love that you promo a restaurant at CityWalk in your act, by the way. It's almost like you want people

to go there. You're waiting tables there? What are you doing there? Just a food runner. Just a food runner. Who's your favorite comedian? Don Rickles of all time. Yeah. What? Don Rickles. all time. Yeah. What? Don Rickles. I love the Dean Martin Rose stuff.

Who's your favorite actor? James Stewart. Jesus. Okay. And Gary Oldman. All right. So like modern day. Modern.

Gary Oldman. He doesn't know what the word modern means, Brian. I like Daniel Day-Lewis, Billy Bob Thornton. Yeah. Only guys with three names. Did you say... Daniel Day-Lewis, Billy Bob Thornton, Harvey Lee Oswald. And what made you become a comic? What were you doing before this?

How was that? Billy Bob Thornton here. Hey, how you doing? I'm doing all right, man. How you doing? Hey, it's nice to have a fan. What's that? It's nice to have a fan like you.

Oh, yeah. Billy Bob Thornton right here. For those of you that know what Billy Bob Thornton actually sounds like, that's what he sounds like. Jeremiah is an amazing impressionist, but one of the funny things about Jeremiah is he really only does great impressions of people that barely people sort of know. It's very obscure people that I do impressions of. Watch his Richard Grieco. It's amazing. And his Chopin will get you.

He'll kill you. So funny. Eric, you did it again. You came in and you could pretty much say anything with that voice and it's half entertaining. Next time, do some new material and wear some new material. Get a better shirt. That looks like something that only belongs on maybe like a bathroom floor mat or something like that.

I would wear a cowboy hat. No, no, no. Go for it. What do I know? I've only... Okay, never mind. I don't know anything. My instincts are wrong. Don't wear a cowboy hat. Don't listen to me.

I only created ridiculousness in Chelsea Lately, Michael Strahan, Jeff Dunham, Stephen A. Smith, Mike Goldberg from UFC. But what do I know? You created Jeff Dunham, Stephen A. Smith, Mike Goldberg from UFC. But what do I know? You created Jeff Dunham? Fuck yeah, I did. How about his puppets?

Was that him or did you do that too? Doesn't matter. Jeff Dunham, I helped out. He's huge now. He wasn't huge about eight years ago. Bottom of the barrel. He would come on Fox Sports and I'd push that guy. Laugh, laugh, laugh.

Next thing you know, he's back on Comedy Central. Huge specials. $30 million a year. But that's how I live my life. I visualize that. But what do I know? I only sold a show to HBO, Comedy Central, Adult Swim, but I don't know anything. Brody Stevens, everybody. I love it.

Brody Stevens. Passionate tonight. Didn't the owner of the Laugh Factory tell you to wear a cowboy hat, Tony? Yeah, he did. You strike me as, in a good way, somebody who seems to be a little bit underwater. So maybe call your special underwater. That's true. You're welcome.

That's true. I could see that. Hello? For a guy that doesn't show. Two million? Call me when you're serious. Same joke, but two million added. Eric.

Fuck yeah, everybody. Eric, how do you feel about what you did here tonight? Well, that last joke being a repeated one, it was fun. That hipster joke. That why did the hipster cross the road joke. That's a great joke. Thank you. There you go.

Thank you. There you go. Thank you. There you go. I kind of feel like if you can write like a minute of funny material, you can write an hour of funny material.

And the only difference is effort and daily attendance. How do you write? I just think of things with my brain. This may come as a surprise, but it hurts. All of where it hurts I know when

I feel that spark all of a sudden I take my crayon out of my pocket and I find like a nearest bathroom stall wall or something like that because sometimes I forget the idea within a few seconds you have it right there. That's a good impression of you. How do you write? I take my boots and I ride it in the dirt sometimes with my foot. If I get to talk, I'll be more than happy to tell you.

Little birthday boy, stop interrupting me. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Jim's fighting words.

Wow, listen to the Mexican calling that one out. Jim's fighting words. Fuck yeah, man. Thank you. Mexicans love watching two white guys fight. Eric. What the fuck was the question? Oh, yeah. What is your writing process? I usually sit in a...

All of a sudden. All right. Thank you. Y'all have been fun. No, you're going to stay up there. Tell us, tell us. You're going to stay up there. Tell us, tell us.

Can I? Yeah. Yeah. I usually like to sit in a car, listen to classical music. There's a classical station on FM, a little college radio. That's why I mentioned Chopin.

Sometimes I write when I'm in the shower. Sometimes I write when I'm in the shower. I take one once every couple months and that's where a lot of the good ideas come to me. Sometimes also when I'm taking a shit either on a toilet or on a stage.

That's actually true. You're not right when I shit Alright Well It is true? Keep doing it It could be funny That's the universe telling you that some of them should be flushed down the toilet It's because he said he writes on the toilet

You fucking idiots Not a groaner Really smart And you didn't give it the credit it's due. I'm with Brody on this one. I think this crowd's a little shady. A little bit weird. Like, that's not a groaner. But I guess, I mean, you heard that Hillary

Clinton joke. What was that again? Can you repeat that very first joke that sort of fell flat? A couple months ago, Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for the Oval Office, as we call it in Mississippi. Ah, shit. Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, it's a red state. Figure it out.

Oh, because she's a Democrat. There you go. You got it. Wow, you seem furious right now. Really defensive about this Hillary joke. You've been making fun of him for 20 minutes, Tony. I think you can tweak that joke, but I'm not sure how. Is that Billy Bob Thornton just now? Hey, you need to lay off my buddy Eric over here, okay?

Right. Hey, man, you need to calm down, Tony. He's a good American man from Mississippi, okay? Wow, not only is it Billy Bob Thornton, it's also Hank Hill, everybody. Hey, I actually do the voiceover for Hank Hill. Whoever you want the impression to be of, that's what Jeremiah is really

good at. Fuck yeah. You have any other ones that you want to do? And just let us guess who it is. Well, I noticed that Brody Stevens had a cane. Oh, that's a good one. And at Michael Caine's House of Canes, you can find any kind of cane. And that is who Brody Stevens visited.

That's a good one. I like that. Michael Caine. Billy, you said the family guy? Billy, somebody from King of the Hill? I thought of that. Did you say family guy? Or King of the Hill, right?

I want to let you guys know. See, Patrick Warburton is one of his big ones. You see what I mean? Known from like seven episodes of Seinfeld. I thought of that Hank Hill thing a while back. I didn't say it because

I didn't feel confident. So I want to let you know what goes in the mind of a comedian I held back when I do an hour and 15 minutes in the main room you think I hold back I don't hold back at all and I keep audiences till 2 in the morning so start being positive and that's how we go Brody hates you guys I don't hate people I just want to like pick this thing up I agree

bring out another guy Eric Carter everybody waste of my fucking time prank this I'm 45 I got more energy than anybody stop staring at me everything's on

fucking film it's annoying fuck yeah you laughed at the last mic drop right so I did it again you didn't laugh so now I'm gonna to keep doing it. If you gave me two laughs, I would have stuck. You gave me one, fuck you.

Wow. Wow. I've heard of WrestleMania, but I've never heard of Mania Mania. This is really... I mean, that's really impressive. Okay, this looks like a new name. I'm excited about this. Put your hands together for Renata Orishka.

All right, here we go. Here she comes. Oh, I like this song. Is this from the MTV Beach House? Renata Orish. Is this a new Maroon 5? Renata. Brody just switched back to positive, for those of you keeping track of his bipolar right now. Miss Orish Is this a new Maroon 5? Renata Brody just switched back to positive

For those of you keeping track of his bipolar right now Miss Orish Ladies and gentlemen, Renata Orish I'm originally from Russia This is oil Fight me I was walking down this gay neighborhood in Seattle with my mom, and she plays cool.

She tries to be liberal or come up as liberal, but she's really, really conservative. So we see this gay couple holding hands. She turns to me and says, Renata, promise you're going to have three kids. I'm like, they cannot all be gay. Yeah'm like, they cannot all be gay. Yeah, mom, they cannot all be gay, but all three of them could be black.

Woo! I used to Google Mitch Hedberg jokes to make sure that he didn't write them, I didn't write them first. I used to Google Mitch Hedberg jokes just to make sure he didn't write them first. I still do, but I used to Google Mitch Hedberg jokes just to make sure he didn't write them first. I still do, but I used to. Two.

Meow. Fuck yeah, that's a minute. Renata Orishk, everybody. Renata Orishk. Bravo. I was waiting for a cat call, but it never happened. Meow. Brian couldn't even turn around to his soundboard because he's...

He was mesmerized. Because he's out of control. It's gotten to the point to where it's... Wow, look at that. Renata gets the inside jokes. How long have you been doing stand-up? A year. Really?

Takes a long time. Where at? Seattle. A year in Seattle. How long have you been in L.A. for? A year. Really? Takes a long time. We're at. Seattle. A year in Seattle. How long have you been in LA for? A month. Interesting. I teach a stand-up comedy workshop. But his is not as extensive and hands-on as mine is. So if you want,

I teach individual classes. You can audit mine for free. Yeah, mine's usually $3,500, but I'll pay you to come to my show. Where in Seattle are you from? Capitol Hill area? Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's all the same city.

Seattle's a good town to get started in comedy. Low blood sugar, a lot of facial hair, and a lot of coffee, and white people with sensible shoes in Seattle. Is it a good scene up there in Seattle? Are you getting mic time up there? Oh, yeah. So let me get my thing I saw.

I would move the mic stand out of the way when you go up there. You've got to command the stage. You're new, but you've got to move the mic stand out of your way. Also, I would move Brody's cane out of the way. That shows you're here for business. And you have to move kind of up, because you would hit in the back of the stage.

I actually think you have a lot of stage presence. And I think you're confident. Do I have a stage future? Maybe. I think that's a. I think you do. I think that's a very hard question to answer because stand-up is one of those things that takes forever, right? It's a little bit like learning how to play the guitar.

I don't think you learn how to play the guitar fluently after a year. I think it does take like 10 years. But, you know, I think it's hard to be funny in a different language. I think English is your second language. Yeah, but you have a lot of confidence, I feel like, and you have a lot of, you may not feel that way, but it certainly looks that way. And that's a huge part of it. But just, but explain to me the joke. Like you'd said the joke about the two gay guys. And then the joke was I could be married to a black guy. They could

all three be black. Is that the idea? Yeah. The all three kids could be black which is the worst which is mom yeah mom i like that i like that but i like the bang black guys okay so maybe be a little more clear with that joke but i like where you're going with it and then we need to brown the race up a little bit and then i love i i love it it was uh it was is that what's in the oil cup? It's just coffee. Right. But you were talking about just basically how Russia has a lot of oil.

Yeah, and then that's why Geopolitical joke. Yeah, it was. I got it. No, I like how she came up with the wine or the vodka. That'd be funny

like in a club to come up. That's a funny thing. She said it's coffee, Brody. It is. There's coffee in a plastic cocktail cup? Looks like oil. But you meant it is oil, right? Yeah.

Okay. I like that little... I like that little... If you want to call it a schtick, that's a good thing in a club. You could make that into something. So you just got to keep doing it, but get the mic out of the way. Take charge. You'll get more confidence as you keep doing it. I do have family in Seattle. I'll be up there this summer.

I'm doing a roving workshop. We're doing it at a Buffalo Exchange. So who would have left the Buffalo Exchange? Tell me why. Are you ticklish? Brody. Yes, I am. Fuck yeah.

I have some connections if you ever want to do an open mic in Jai Thai. What? Where? Jai Thai. It's a place in Seattle where people do open mics. Just kidding. Is that on Broadway? It is. Around the corner from Dick's? Close by. Did you ever go to the

topless coffee place up in Seattle? Yeah. Who else? Brody? You think I do open mics? How long have you been out of Russia? Eight years. Eight years. What do you do for work in Seattle?

I live here now for a month. You live here? How do you live somewhere? You're going back after a month? Nope. Oh, you're here. Oh. What do you do for work here?

I host at the Beer Belly, which is 532 Western. Did you just give a shout out to the Beer Belly? The Beer Belly. What is that? Jeremiah, do you know what this is? No, but by you giving the address, Death Squad fans will definitely show up to see you. Yeah.

You're going to get some creepers. Yeah, like Brody Stevens for example. Yes, you know me from the podcast you did. Get in the car. Trust me. When do you work next? Weekend.

Weekend this weekend. You should walk up on this. You're trying to drift back into the curtain. You should walk up on this. You're trying to drift back into the curtain. You should walk on stage. How many times a week do you go up usually? One or two. And how much time are you comfortable with? I don't know.

10, 15, something like that. That's the longest you've done is 10 or 15? What's your favorite joke that you do well I really like this joke it says that because I'm from Russia certain things I realize

people don't like the word milf and the word film comprise of the same letters so I wonder how many dyslexic young men went to film school hoping to score it with a cougar it's not bad it's not bad it's not bad yeah well you know you're thinking in the right direction you know i i think it's always like um like i hate being this older dude who's like let me tell you a little something about comedy, young lady, you know? It's just so, you know, I probably,

it's just so annoying. Like, when I was a child, you know, but I do think the difference is just like following that, following that thread, that, if you can write a joke like that again, I really think you just keep, in that mindset, you just keep following that thread and expand don't just stop at one thing it's never a noun your jokes

they're verbs that make sense like your whole act should always be changing I have a follow up for that joke I said it wrong I meant how many dyslexic young men went to film school just to become crappy filmmakers man you're like the pussy riot of comedy. In that

you're pretty terrible. It's impressive. Not a good band. I mean, a year in and you don't move the mic stand. But I get it. You're from Seattle. That's not the best place to start. Everybody's terrible after a year. I was murdering a year in.

I was just killing it. I wasn't. Keep doing it. A year is very new, but have confidence up there. Keep doing it. You've got to move the mic. That's one thing I do. You move the mic out of the way.

You stand up. This is your show. But keep doing what you're doing. Little Esther moved on, so I'm auditioning new Little Esthers. Yeah. No. Keep doing your thing. Keep doing that kind of joke. I mean, keep thinking that way.

I think you could be funny. And keep seducing 007. How do you say your name? Orishig. Orishig. Renadi? Renada. Orishig.

Yeah, I say my name is Renata with two A's. Ah. All righty. Ah. Renata Orishig, everybody. She's not on Twitter. Yeah. Good job.

You put the mic. My foot's hurt. Fuck yeah. Oh, wow. Look at that. Thank you, Renata. There she goes. Taking her cup of oil with her. Fuck yeah, everybody. Okie dokie. Let's keep the fun train moving along here.

Put your hands together for Jesse Rothenberg. Here he comes. Another new name. Wow, this is not Jesse Rothenberg. This is Brody's Pizza. It's been a blood sugar attack. Thank you very much. Oh my God.

Wow. All right. However, the pizza guy does look exactly like Jesse Rothenberg. Very impressive. Fuck yeah. Wow, I thought you just gave bad comedy tips, Brody. That's pretty impressive. Five bucks?

A good tip? That should have gotten a bigger laugh, by the way. That's an in-the-moment joke. Wait, hold on. It would have to be a show where the people are giving tips. Hold on. Okay. Five bucks.

Go. What's a good tip for 23 bucks? 23 bucks. Whoa! Look at that, Scott. You don't talk to me that way. Killing it. Isn't five a good tip?

Tony said that was a good tip. Should I do more than five? Six. Do six. How many hangovers? How many hangovers were you in? Ten. Here's five. Six.

I gave you five in here. That's 11? Is 11 good? Give this guy a nice hand. Yes. Thank you. So you get 11 bucks. That's not bad. Do you have any jokes you want to do, man? See you later.

Joe's Pizza, everybody. Joe's Pizza. Put your hands together for your next comedian. Jesse Rothenberg, everyone. Here he is. All right. All righty then. I'm here to take a stand, guys.

Take a stand against the number one issue facing men today. That's right, the fact that we can't be respected in shorts. There's a hot one out there today, and you know what? I didn't like it. So I went and changed into shorts after work. I mean, girls, sure, they get paid 30% less, but they get sundresses and skirts. It's easy, it's breezy, it's beautiful. So,

I don't know, if you agree with me, if you're a guy, I think you should join in, take a stand with me. I mean, some of you might prefer pants, but you know, some of you prefer looking buttholes too, so it's up to you. So, if you're with me, these are my knees, let them breathe. So if you're with me, these are my knees. Let them breathe. These are my knees. Let them breathe. These are my knees.

Let them breathe. Oh, God. I'm full of shit. I haven't pooped in two days. Oh. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Beautiful. Yeah Fuck yeah I love that All about the shorts

Fuck yeah It's like some really beautiful poetry I like this new campaign slogan These are my knees, let them breathe Yeah Rothenberg, 20 Usually when a line doesn't work for a comedian I like this new campaign slogan. These are my knees. Let them breathe. Yeah. Yeah. Rothenberg, 20.

Usually when a line doesn't work for a comedian, they don't repeat it five times. But he went for it. That's what I like. That's true confidence. That's fuck you confidence is what that is. He doesn't even care if you guys laugh or not. It takes a lot of guys a lot of years to get to that point. When you wrote that, what were you

thinking about in terms of it being actually funny? I'm just being like when you said, I'm going to write about shorts and guys can't be respected. I feel like maybe he was doing really long jokes at one point. Somebody's like, dude, you should be doing short jokes. And he's like,

okay. I'm going gonna do that. That's gonna work. See Tony Henslip? Tony Henslip's funny. Do you wanna know the origin of it? It was just really warm one weekend in February. Yeah, it's not a joke though, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, it's not a joke. Like the story behind it doesn't matter, I'm already bored, but. I'm gonna fuck it. Bored shorts? I don't know, what did you do before comedy uh college okay how old are you 23 oh all right what'd you go to college for economics how's that working out for you i got a job from it that's how i live yeah

fuck yeah what do you do for work? I'm an analyst. What are you analyzing? You're making me depressed by the way you're talking about this. I just, do we have to talk about this? What's your name? Jesse. All right, let me relax. By the way, do you want a slice? Can I have a slice?

Brody, I'm not letting you talk with your mouth full on this show. It's not full anymore. Thank you. All right, let's find out. Where are you from, Jesse? Philadelphia. Philadelphia, great town. I. Where are you from, Jesse? Philadelphia. Philadelphia, great town. I was in a movie there, Philadelphia 2.

I played Banderas as in Hank's love child. And then how long have you been here in L.A.? Topical. About nine months. What now? Did you go to New York? Did you think about going to New York, or did you? No, this is...

I got a job here, so I came here. For your analyst job? Yeah. And then you wear the shorts on stage all the time is that your shtick no only when it's not out how much time did you spend

writing this set be honest one minute yeah like a minute yeah

I thought of it I thought of it one day kind of over there right no it was at an open mic I know but did you go over it in your head probably not really right meh a few times yeah you can't do comedy like that bro I've, but did you go over it in your head? Probably not, really, right?

A few times. Yeah, you can't do comedy like that, bro. I mean, I've done it a few times. I know, but that's like... Yeah. If I were you, I'd do the whole Tony Hawk thing. I'd play that. You gotta like...

Just write, bro. You're not writing. You just gotta do the whole Tony Hawk thing. Yeah, do the Tony Hawk thing. You know, throw a cowboy hat on and just kill it. That's where you start. That's where you start. That's where you start. Get his shirt.

People know me. Athlete, audience warm-up, positive energy. I believe in it. So that's what I'm known as. You could be like a skater guy if you're going to dress like that. It does matter. One of your mottos was let my knees breathe, but you're wearing a knee brace on one of the knees.

So literally, even though you're wearing shorts. There's a little bit of hole there. I see. But what happened to your knee? I tore my ACL. Doing economic shit. Oh, yeah. Hardcore.

Navy SEAL stuff or what? Snowboarding. Wow. It's a lie. Did you say that's a lie? I'm kidding. I thought maybe you were a private dancer. So what are you so afraid to tell us about this economics job?

Oh, it's just a very boring job. And whenever I meet people or go on dates or something, people want to ask me about it. And it's just, I don't know. What do you want to talk about? What's more interesting than that about you? Where are you from? Philadelphia.

What did you do for Brody you're unbelievable tonight I love it it's always always a risk booking Brody Stevens never know which Brody you're gonna get and how much of which Brody and it's always fun first first guest ever fucking order a pizza out of 109 episodes. It took 109 hour and a half long shows for a pizza to come up here at the same time as a comedian. It's pretty epic. Jesse, you ever deliver pizzas before? Nope. No.

Pizza's dripping, by the way. It's good pizza. Listen, Jesse. It's good pizza. Here's the deal. Yeah. Let's get some energy going. It's all about energy. Listen, Jesse. It's good pizza. Here's the deal. Yeah. Let's get some energy going. It's all about energy and cadence, guys.

So, everybody, let's go. Brody, you're doing crowd warm-up right now. That's what we need right now. Get some energy. You really need to find your voice. It sounded like you were doing a bit. It sounded like a story. It doesn't sound like you talking to me.

If you wanted to tell me about shorts, you wouldn't tell me that. I know. Find the meat that's in the joke if there is a joke in there and then just try to do it out of your own voice. It's just something I have that I know is a minute. No, but dude, there's no effort. You can't be nice to yourself on this.

What do you mean? Because there's no effort. There's no joke. You're just talking about, hey guys, girls wear sundresses. We wear shorts. Like, you got to be a little, like Anushka, whatever her name was. She actually, like, at least was trying to figure out. She had, like, milf and fat. You know, whatever. It's new.

It's maybe not the funniest thing. But there's effort. I can see at least some effort there. Like, you can't tell me that you thought for more than one fucking minute about what you were going to do tonight. And you got up and you talked about what you were going to do tonight, and you got up and you talked about shorts, but there was no joke, bro. You were acting like you were an activist for shorts. Can I be honest?

I stopped at home to change into shorts, so I thought of it a little bit ahead of time. I know. I know that. It's nothing like a rocket scientist. You just got up and you're like, well. I wore shorts all the time. When I did Best Damn Sports Show, because it's a sports show,

but when I did Chelsea, never wore shorts all the time. When I did Best Damn Sports Show, because it's a sports show, I wore, but when I did Chelsea, never wore shorts. And when I did Best Damn Shorts Show, never wore shorts. Yeah. Brody, I... But I'm just talking about shorts. So let's just get a thread,

energy push, hands out of the pocket. Let's go. Who's up next? Let's go. Brody. Brody. Brody, you do this thing where you keep pushing the...

You know what? My instincts are right. I'm not going to go against my instincts. I'm from L.A., 818 till I die, born and raised in show business. I have a natural knack to understand comedic timing and energies. Let's push it along.

I'm just going to keep agreeing with you. Jesse Rothenberg. I love it. I can roll with that. I can roll with Brody ending it. Let's get another name up here. Bianca Christovale all right Bianca hi guys I'm actually from the Czech Republic.

I know, I don't look like a typical Eastern European girl, and I don't know what to tell you. My mom is white, blonde hair, blue eyes. I've never met my father, but I'm guessing he's not. My mom loves me, though. I remind her of the best summer she's ever had. She was in Africa about 25 years ago and she had sex on the beach with this black dude. It was sexy and hot and sweaty and I know that because I was there.

It was the last time I saw my father I was like daddy don't leave me inside of this crazy white woman he's like I'm just going to get some cigarette and that was it so I lived here for a while in America and I had a blast but I'm going to be 25 now, so I'm ready to settle down.

I'm ready to get married. Just keep going. I don't have, like, a biological clock, but I do have an expiring visa. Good job. Bravo. There it is. Fucking that's what you call Eastern European discipline And comedy

Fucking that makes That's good Bravo Fucking That's effort That's goddamn effort In another language She comes to this country at 25

And makes everybody laugh That's a big fucking accomplishment Absolutely Congratulations That's what I'm talking about That puts me in a good mood I love fucking effort Bravo How long have you been in America? Oh five years now Wow Wow That puts me in a good mood. I love fucking effort. Bravo.

How long have you been in America? Five years now. Wow. That's amazing. I feel like you speak better English than everybody we've seen here tonight. She's a better person. Including Eric Carter, who's from the South. Which is really interesting.

Bianca, that's amazing. How long have you been doing stand-up? Nine months. Bravo. You're right. You can tell you're right. You write a lot. How many times a week do you go up? Sometimes three mics a day.

Damn right you do. I like to have you on the Friday show. I'm just pumped. I'd like to have you on the Friday show at the Death Squad. That's right. The universe rewards effort. I'm just pumped. I'd like to have you on the Friday show at the Death Squad. Woo! Wow, look at that. Oh, yeah. That's right. The universe rewards effort. Bianca just booked a spot.

That's how it works. I'd like to have you on my podcast. Wow, there you go. Yes! I think you did great. I like your, you got a nice nice positive, your demeanor, confident. And yes, of course, you have jokes. These guys understand.

But you're just like, you had good confidence. You stepped to the front of the stage. You took charge. And your body language is really good. And you got a nice little thing going. So keep doing it. That's what I say. You have intelligence and poise.

Thank you. Where were you at? I like that word, poise. Here in LA. What school? Columbia College. I went to film school. Here in L.A. What school? Columbia College. I went to film school. Can I get your transcripts, please? Guys, I just booked another student movie.

Oh, I messed the joke up. Darn it. They're ninth graders. I messed the joke up. Sorry. I make mistakes. I'm nervous right now. So you've been in L.A. for five five years then? Yes. And did you come straight

for film school? Yes. Wow, from the Czech Republic. Absolutely. What's that place like? It's next to Germany and Austria. It's very like that, except we speak Czech, which is more like closer to Russian and Polish. I like that. Interesting. What city in the Czech Republic? Prague. Prague, of course. What's that like?

It's beautiful. Amazing. I think a lot of it was spared during the war. Oh yeah, because when Hitler came you were like, you can have it. We didn't fight at all. The Nazis didn't bomb it. Nope. The only city. it Bianca who's your boyfriend because I tried to take Bianca out

and she was like I have a boyfriend oh interesting I love this Pat Reagan went for it got fucking rejected I like that good to know that's awkward you want to play her a song Josh Meyerowitz

went for it that's for the four people who know who that is in the room good job Brody That's awkward. You want to play her a song? Maybe go out with her. Josh Meyerowitz? Oh, went for it. That's for the four people who know who that is in the room. Good job, Brody. I don't know Warren, man. Bianca, what's your type? Pat Reagan is a young, rising, amazing talent. Who's the most attractive man for you in Hollywood?

I guess my boyfriend. Oh. Fuck yeah. Wow. Okay, Michael F. Fuck yeah. Wow. Okay, Michael Fassbender. Wow, interesting. Older. Wrinkles. Forgive me for this, but you're like, she's like, Michael Fassbend me over.

Oh, wow. Now I know why she didn't go out with you. She just rejected going out with you again, by the way. If you could sell Bianca on why she should go out with you in 15 seconds. Don't. Fuck yeah. It's all fine. Don't worry about it.

Enjoy going back to Europe. Wow. Interesting. You're evil. Is this boyfriend going to save you? How much longer do you have on the visa? It's not very long. Wow.

Interesting. A few months? He's not going to save you, is he? So you have a few months to go fucking crazy and find somebody that will in two months. Name Brian Redband. That's right.

Are you ticklish? Oh, God. Jesus, Brian. I can't believe this has turned into the regular question. Jeremiah, try to tickle her. No, Jeremiah, don't do it. That is not my job. So, Bianca, this boyfriend of yours, how do we get him to propose and save you?

Because you don't want to go back to the Czech Republic, right? Yeah, sure. Like, yeah, let's convince him. I don't know. Dude, I tried. Is he in the audience right now? No. No, see?

He's not even here. Dude, if you have two months left in this country You should spend every single second with you You should be taken care of He should absolutely marry you He should totally totally marry you This is advice from guys That haven't had sex with you yet It's fine

I can't believe that fucking guy is not with you Every single fucking minute I would burn this whole place down for you If you were my girlfriend, I'd make Tuesday just look at you day. Bottom line. He's a fucking loser. The guy's a fucking loser. You need a guy who really appreciates you. Like the fine wine you are, I'd sip you. I'd sip you all day. I've been that guy too, so I understand. But I really would tend to your needs your I just don't think he's ever

gonna get anything better I think he needs to check himself before he wrecks himself see what I did yes it's the Mary Ann Smith is a professional it's a dumb audience tonight uh Bianca what else anything you want to say you want to propose to him via live podcast right now he might be watching on Ustream. What does he do for work? What's he do? Bartending? No, he works in the post for TV shows and stuff.

I thought you were going to say post office for a second. The only mailman someone like you should be hooking up with is Carl Malone. You know what I'm saying? There you go. The ones that do get that should be clapping. up with this Carl Malone. You know what I'm saying? There you go. The ones that do get that should be clapping. The ones that don't, I still hate you.

Bianca, what do you think about this audience tonight? You're the only person that killed the entire time. Thank you. I thought they were amazing. Yeah. Give it up for yourself. Great. Best ever.

I love it. Well, it's been a pleasure seeing you for the first time. I hope that you come back again soon and we'll see you Friday at the Ice House. It's Bianca Christovale. Yeah! Leave the boyfriend at home. Wow. I love it. This fucking place is crazy.

The doorway is just packed with people. It's an exciting feeling in this room. Fire hazard mode. You know what, let's move to... Actually, no. Let's get one more up here as fast as we can. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Mark Stevens. Simple enough. How you guys doing?

Good, I'm doing good. I just quit my job. Yeah! Because who needs work? Or food. And I don't know how I'm going to get a new job because I'm one of the dumbest people you'll ever meet in your life. And it started when I was a kid. Normal would get like report cards sent home to them me my brother get

lettuce asking what the hell is wrong with us you're gonna sleep at night if we're eating and god bless my mother because she never understood what a learning disability was a disability was you know her growing up was just you know you weren't trying hard enough the school literally called my house once was like, hi, Mrs. Stevens. Well, we just think Mark might have a slight case

of dyslexia. Oh my God, I'm so sorry about that. I'm going to sit Mark down and have a talk with him. He's not going to be allowed to watch television this weekend. He ain't going to have

fucking dyslexia on Monday. I'm going to tell you that right now. Thank you very much. That's my time. Mark Stevens. Interesting. You can talk into the mic. How you doing, man?

Good. This is my first time on the show. First time on this show. How long have you been on stand-up? Oh, I've been doing it since I was 17. I'm 26 now, so nine years. Nine years. Really?

Oh, I don't like where this is going, but all right. Did you take a break? Yeah. In the middle? An eight and a half year long break? I guess I did. I mean, you don't go up every week. I mean, you started nine years ago, but then you took months off, and then, you know, like

that kind of, or do you do it every week? Since I moved out here, like every week. How long have you been out here? About a year. Where were you before? Boston. Eight years in Boston? A couple in Toronto.

A couple in Toronto? Where are you originally from? Boston. Boston. Then you went to Toronto for a couple years. Yeah, I got a two-year writing degree up there. Writing degree. Hmm?

Writing what? Not jokes, that's for sure. I mean, really? That's the one? He bombs for a minute straight. But Tony does have a point. You guys are going to abandon me. We may as well be honest.

Tony has a point. There weren't any jokes in that. You know that, right? Where were the jokes? Like, you had a minute. Do you agree with that, or do you think there was a joke in that? Just out of curiosity. It's kind of normally what I lead off with.

What's that? It's normally what I lead off with. What nationality are you? I'm Armenian. Oh, so you're an Uber driver. All right, listen. I knew you had said that. I know.

I'll tell you what. Mark, right? Yeah. I thought it was fine. I could tell you're from, like, Boston or back east. And, you know, you established that's how your mom is. You know, I visualized you in school having a problem, dyslexic. Your mom does it.

I got it. I mean, I'm not saying it was a joke. I followed along. I get it. I'm not surprised. You're a nice guy. And I could see you definitely, like, have a Boston, Toronto, you know, you're a nice guy. Okay. But so the joke. That's good. I guess I'll definitely have a Boston Toronto. You're a nice guy.

Okay, but so the joke. That's good. I guess I'll take that as a win. LA's not nice. This is not a nice town. But the joke was they tell your mother that you're dyslexic and she's going to fix that. Oh, my God, I'm sorry about that. It's like a behavioral problem.

But when it's really actually inherent sort of neurological problem, right? But you say she's from Boston. She's old school. The phone rang. Yeah, exactly. But how often does that, to be honest, how often when you do that joke, does it get a laugh? All the time. It's never failed.

It's never failed. Never failed. Not once. Where are you performing at? For your mom. Special Olympics? What the fuck are we talking about here? You gotta start being honest with yourself. Is it because you slap yourself in the forehead in the middle of it? Who's laughing at this? Where are you performing? I like the slap.

I did not like the slap. Anytime somebody does personal harm to themselves, that felt like it hurt. So now I'm thinking he just hurt himself and he's crazy. And then you hear the slap and you don't hear the laugh and it's like, wow, that was for nothing. Alright, like I said, I would be comfortable giving you like a dinner gig in Boston or New York or Brooklyn. It's nice comedy.

Nobody got hurt or threatened. If you want to say he got hurt. Maybe the smack on the head, whatever. We call that hacky or whatever. But I thought it was fine. What do you mean by you thought it was fine What do you mean by You thought it was fine I thought the story

I understood the story But it wasn't funny Mark are you really Not saying it was But it was an introduction To his life I know but he had a minute So in a minute

You're supposed to do jokes right We're just being honest To help you This is not about criticism Oh no I totally understand Who cares about that But I'm just I'm more interested in helping you

So let's be honest That's not a joke. Yeah, it's true. Are you really dyslexic? Not really. No, not really. No, I know. That's how bad I was.

They actually thought. What do you mean that's how bad they thought you were? You were bad? At school. I knew you weren't dyslexic by the way you told the joke. You know that? I knew you didn't believe what you were saying. And not many dyslexic people go get writing degrees either.

It just doesn't work that way That's like a person you see that he's the detective. He's the house of common mark Stevens if you're Armenian What kind of fake name is that? I will get Mark even Brody and even get it if you guys come from a long family of mental health issues Below the belt shot I Could give you the story. Go ahead. Tell us mark. health issues. Basically, yeah. Look, Tony, that's a below-the-belt shot. I could give you the story. Go ahead. Tell us, Mark.

All right. Thanks, Brody. First time you don't want to move it along too quickly. It's the time that I'm ready to get rid of him. It was my grandfather on my father's side. He was on the radio in the 1950s. Casey Kasem? No.

Old Man Jack. His name was Charles Stevens Abajan. But it was a Middle Eastern last name on the radio. Also, 1950s. Armenia was under control of the USSR at the time. So a Middle Eastern name during the Red Scare underneath a communist country wasn't really going to work on the radio. So he dropped his name to make it Chuck Stevens,

like the whitest name in the fucking world. And that's kind of why he did it. Chuck Stevens? Is he due to the news on Channel 4? He died many years ago. The guy from the news? No. No.

But that's kind of where it happened. So that's why I'm Mark Stevens. Does Fritz Coleman know this? I love this. Mark and Brody,

you guys have an amazing energy together. Because I look at the positive. Maybe it wasn't joke, joke, joke, but I'd be very comfortable putting him at like a dinner show.

What are these dinner shows? What are you talking about a dinner show? You gotta get into it. It's like, you gotta get into a time machine and go back to the Kowloon in Boston. I know exactly what he's talking about. Because when I lived in New York, I'd do shows in Brooklyn.

They had those nice shows about old mothers. They don't know. You got it. I want to book you for a brunch. There he goes. Mark Stevens, everybody. That's it for Mark. Don't feel bad, Mark.

He's on Twitter. Keep doing it. Mark. Don't feel bad, Mark. He's on Twitter. Keep doing it. Be positive. I have mental illness also. That's right. I haven't booked anything since that came out. It's hurt my career. Mark the Shark 927 is what he is on Twitter.

Bianca Christoval, by the way, is Bianca Christoval. B-I-A-N-C-A-C-R-I-S-T-O-V-A-O-W No W there. A-O at the end. Guys, this is the part of the show where we have our two regulars come up. They do a brand new 60 Seconds every week. Their names don't go in the bucket.

They just do this. They write a new minute. They perform a new minute. This week's no different. Going up first tonight with a brand new minute. You know her from the Dysentery podcast, Kill Tony. Put your hands together for the one and only

Sarah Weinshk, everybody. What's up? Kids. I don't know if I want to have them. I haven't made up my mind. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of having a daughter that comes out exactly like me also a moth just flew off my wrist

we had to say it we had to get that out of the way so anyways, afraid of having a daughter because I can't deal with two of myself like I would hate to have some little person that sees the world the way that I do. I'd be sleeping, and in the middle of the night, my door would just creak open.

She'd be standing there. She'd be like, tooth fairies. So you mean to tell me there's some whimsical woman that's coming into my room in the night and taking my body parts sounds like we need new locks that's it

there it is a minute about not wanting to have a daughter fuck yeah do you have baby fever no how would you feel about having a son wanting to have a daughter. Fuck yeah. Do you have baby fever? No. How would you feel about having a son? That would be a nightmare too. You don't want to have a kid at all.

I don't know. I don't want to be pregnant at all. Right. Right. Why? How does that make you feel? It looks bloated as fuck. It is true.

It is sort of strange that the way that the human body did it was just make it like a gut for a woman how old are you right now that's what they fear the most 28 28 yep okay you look younger i like the way you dress thank you yeah i'm pretty sure uh brian wants to give you that daughter that you've always gonna say i i pack heat i will i will admit. And that's been the elephant in the room. I wonder how much heat he packs. And the answer is a lot. But if you're into money and big dicks, whatever.

Big deal. But no, some people don't like to laugh and cum that much. But so what? But the point is, what I was going to ask you is that you are a very, all bullshit aside, you're a very attractive woman. And I think that you are, you know, I like your persona and I like what you do and I think it's comedic. I wouldn't be afraid, though, to be less ironic and maybe embrace a little bit more of just what you look like. You're sexy.

You're good looking. And there's this fucking weird thing in our society where if you're good looking or sexy or have that potential, you're supposed to play it down. Because a lot of women don't want to be known for just that, which I think is the biggest crock of bullshit in the fucking world. Because I happen to think we live in a very puritanical, sexually repressed time period. You can't talk about wanting to fuck everybody. I walk around wanting to fuck strangers And if a guy is really honest about that which I always am you're looked at as a creep I may be and you put a little creep in me. Sorry to go on this fucking

Dietrich but just know that you do that to people and that's a strength not a weakness. So I love your persona I think you have a lot of potential. I think you're pretty funny But I think it's no big deal to embrace the fact that you're also a fucking good-looking, sexy woman. I feel like singing a song. Powerful. Powerful. I thought for sure that was going to end with, Will You Marry Me? But I love it.

Brody, anything for Wineshank? She's great. It's hard to come up with the material every week, I saw the beginning and the end. I see it, the little me. You could go a million directions with that. It's true. And I think you might want to hit it a little more on the head with Tooth Fairy. Almost like, what's the deal with that?

What's funny is the daughter being comedian-esque. And that's the part that you're getting to. But I feel like it took a second. People that know you will know that. People that know your style, like Kill Tony fans and stuff like that, but to make it a little more, to make it transcend to everyone to a brand new crowd, I'd make it more like almost like hacky comedian,

even though you wouldn't say what's the deal with Tooth Fairies. He's not wanting to be pregnant your only reason for not when you have kids I mean and not wanting to be poor that's funny right that should be part of your joke right and so should the pregnant thing

yeah okay there you go Sarah wine another minute your final yeah alright okay there you go Sarah Weinshank thank you Sarah Weinshank another new minute your final comedian of the night with another

brand new minute ever since her first time on stage put your hands together for the dropout from Florida University the one and only

Kimberly Congdon everybody here she is thank you I have a friend who's really wild. She's crazy. She loves to gamble. And by that, I mean, she fucks a lot of dudes without condoms. She told me the other day that she had sex with four guys at the same time. That's a lot of dick, you know? I started to think one person's normal sex, two people's maybe one fun night out or something, like a crazy night.

Three, all your holes are filled. But four dudes, there's just one dude jackinging off in the corner like tweaking a nipple. What's he doing? That's just like that's like an overwhelming amount of penis you know? Like she probably smelled like dick for days. I don't know I couldn't eat meat after that That's it That's funny Good punchline Really is Nothing wrong

Good punchline Nothing wrong with being that guy in the corner Been there Fuck yeah It's not a bad spot Even when they don't know you're there Even when they don't Good stuff

Again Again It's like I see You see the confidence the more you do it you see like the everybody having more confidence when they take the stage you know you that's what matters so you see that from the last two girls they got the confidence that's what i see yeah that's definitely a new minute i mean that that was great to think

of the four person uh four person joke i mean there's I think there's more there even you know like I sort of while listening to it there was this giant pizza box in between us and it sort of made me think like you know three people that's like one large pizza but if there's four people then you have to order two pizzas

like almost like there's like things that are with five total people you know we wouldn't expect like you want to surprise us. You guys see how hard that's killing with the one guy that's paying attention to me. Yeah. Four guys, the volleyball team, you know, whatever. Right. Exactly. Something like change it up like this. I wanted to be surprised by like three to three people's a threesome. Four people is something. And then, you know, when it's four guy or five people total, it's something else.

Four guys is a volleyball team. Starting lineup. Yeah, a five people total it's something else starting line up a starting line up with something way funnier than that though um I don't know but it's out there using condoms go there get you you can get oh you asked me where they using condoms no they weren't okay another visual the fourth guy is a gay guy, and he's in charge of cleanup. When I did comedy... Oh, God. Why the act out afterwards? No, Brian. No, no, no.

Don't do that. It's my birthday. Don't do that. Kim. Make it visual. That's my thing. I love it. I wanted to be at that scene.

It's a brand new minute, and if I had more time, I'd want to tag it out even more, because I think that's so funny. Pat, you got anything? I just feel like that was the realest set of the night. Everything in that minute was real. It was all on one topic and you did it again. Kimberly Condon, everybody. There she goes. Well, we did it again, everybody.

Episode 109 of Kill Tony. Our artist, we have an in-house artist, everybody, named Ryan J. Ebelt, who every week draws a new, a brand new version of the show that he saw here tonight. It's always the panel, and it's always

unbelievable. Wow. I love that. This is a very Kill Bill, Kill Tony centric one, where I believe Brian Redband is Uma very Kill Bill, Kill Tony-centric one where I believe Brian Redband is Uma Thurman in this. That's incredible. I'm Bill. Pi May is Brody Stevens with a gray mustache.

Enjoy it. I love that. And the great Brian Callen. Guys, anything coming up that you want to promote to the 200,000 weekly downloads that we get? I'll be in San Francisco June 25th, 26th, 27th at the Punchline. Come on by. Brody Stevens.

Me? Saturday I'm doing a corporate event in Scottsdale. You got it. Performing at a dinner show on Friday. Then I'm doing Tulsa. And then after that, nothing. I'm on vacation. I saved up for the summer.

So I don't really do much comedy anymore. I call it vacation when I don't get booked places. You got it. Pat Reagan is Patty Reagan on Twitter. Anything else coming up? Catch him every Monday here on Kill Tony. And at Roast Battle every Tuesday, our sister show, Midnight's, here at the Comedy Store. As always, guys, check out my website

www.babydick.com All the updates. I don't know whether that's real or not, but either way saying www is the stupidest thing ever. Like either the joke is that it's a real website or it's fake but just say babydick.com and bomb a little bit less.

I have three slices of pizza if you guys want, anybody wants. Fuck yeah. You I have three slices of pizza if you guys want. Anybody wants it. Fuck yeah. And so they're clean. Three slices. You should have offered them the pizza before the show. They would have liked you more, Brody. I didn't feel like they didn't like me.

I just like do my own thing. And that's kind of negative, but that's okay, Tony. He really had to blast off on you guys a few times. One more time. I had to get it going. It's energy. Thank you. Brody Stevens, Brian Callen, Pat Reagan, Ryan J. Ebel, Josh Martin,

Brian Redband. Jamie Vernon. Jamie Vernon. Don't hate on me. I do an hour and 15 in the main room. You got it. You think I would do it if I was unhappy yelling the whole time? Good night, everybody.

Thank you. Good night. Thank you. I got not. to you. Happy birthday to you.