KILL TONY - KILL TONY #163

Episode Date: July 13, 2016

Josh Wolf, Brody Stevens, Josh Martin, Jeremiah Watkins, Melissa Eslinger, Pat Regan, Joel Jimenez, Vanessa Johnston, Brian Redban - Date: 06/27/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, Redman here. This is Death Squad, and you're listening to Kill Tony. What's going on? Guys, don't forget to go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. That's where he has all his merchandise, his tour dates, including Cleveland, Ohio, La Jolla, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Sacramento, Boston, Buffalo. Check it out. TonyHinchcliffe.com. Also, don't forget to subscribe to Kill Tony on iTunes. Search the iTunes store for Kill Tony. Hit subscribe and don't forget to rate and review the show. Also, if you want to subscribe to Death Squad, there you have all the podcasts we do here at DeathSquad.tv, including Verbal Violence, What Brian Redband do ice house chronicles, and a bunch of stuff. So just search the iTunes store for death squad. There you have all the stuff in one little subscription on your podcast app. Also check out shop squad dot TV for all the official

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Video portions that we do. All right, guys. Here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redneck. Coming to you live from the Road Famous Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 4. Give it up for Tony Hedgcliffe! Oh, yeah!

Hello, everybody! Oh, my goodness! It's like everything's down. Every single thing's down except for your microphone again. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show, everybody! Hi, everyone! My goodness, look at that, you can hear me, like it's a show with speakers! Hi, everybody, welcome to another fun episode. Are you guys ready for a crazy night or what? Fuck yeah, you are. How's it going, everybody? Keep it going for Pat Reagan and the Baby Boys.

It's fun. Playing some music. Hello to everybody on Ustream and Periscope and so many other great things. To those of you that are on those things, I'm just going to tell you that I have some fun stuff coming up. Tulsa, Oklahoma, St. Louis, San Francisco, Sacramento, San Diego, and Boston's Wilbur Theater. So if you live in any of those cities, get tickets for that at my website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Hi, live audience. Welcome to the show, everybody.

Still a live show. Keep that applause going. We have Jamie Vernon on the HD camera. Ryan J. Ebel drawing tonight's episode from scratch, the house artist. Brian Redband, founder of Death Squad, king of sound effects and so many other great things. And the producer, Josh Martin, that runs around making sure that the sound works at the very start of the show. Because it's both a live show and a live podcast, so the sound is extra important on a show like this.

For those of you just joining show business, fuck yeah, now you know. So maybe we could just, is this thing working? Can we play up? Okie dokie. Fuck yeah, baby. So much practice goes into this. Episode 163, everybody.

You're at live. 163. We are the number one live podcast in the world. And with that, I bring up your band. You know them. You love them. It's Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Jimenez. Reagan and Watkins, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Jesus.

Volume on that. Oh, shit. It's a sword fight. Oh. Oh. What the? Is that ketchup? Wow. A very Game of Thrones entrance.

Oh, the king just died. Oh my goodness. The king is dead! The king has been poisoned! There it is. Okay. They always do about ten seconds longer than you think they're going to.

With a very Game of Thrones-style entrance that was Joel Jimenez as the Mexican king. Pat Reagan as the guy holding ketchup in his mouth. Joel's the king beyond the wall. Donald Trump's wall. Oh, shit. He comes from a distant land called El Salvador. Yeah. Joel's the king beyond the wall Donald Trump's wall Oh shit He comes from a distant land called El Salvador Yeah

One could even say he's a brown walker Jeremiah Watkins on the saxophone Pat Reagan the band leader You know him from Pat Reagan and the Baby Boys And Reagan and Watkins Joel Jimenez is going to stay in full King costume, it seems. What does that beard smell like, Joel? Like Pat.

Like Pat. And he's right there to catch his own rim shot. There he is. We're debuting our one-woman show Saturday night on Vine, so please come. Vine's still live. Where'd Pat go? Wash some ketchup out of his mouth? Wash up.

Fuck yeah. I love that. Well, shall we meet tonight's guests, ladies and gentlemen? We always keep our guests secret. We always keep our guests secret. Hopefully the train will stay on its tracks tonight. Two diabolical guests for you, ladies and gentlemen.

Put your hands together for Josh Wolfe and Steven Brody Stevens. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. Josh Wolfe joining us for the very first time on the show. What's up, man? And Brody Stevens, one of our favorite guests, one of our favorite comedians, is here. And not only is he here, but he's also chosen to use this moment

to advance his own numbers on Periscope. 170 viewers enjoying the show. Enjoying. chosen to use this moment to advance his own numbers on Periscope. 170 viewers enjoying the show that they could be watching streaming live at DeathSquad.TV on a better feed and be helping the actual show that you're on.

He's filming the show that's being filmed. I'll do it for a little more. I gotta laugh. I'm happy about it. I love it. That's a great entrance. You're one of the only people that's taken the opportunity to stream an already streaming show. When the Ghostbusters say don't cross the streams, I'm pretty sure this is what they mean, Brody. Well, we crossed them, and I'm excited to be on the other side.

Fuck yeah. It's amazing how well you use technology Since you dress like a 30s paper boy I'm an LA Weekly fan I get it Well you know what I'm wearing the Cleveland shirt Cardiac Kids Because you and Red Band are both from Ohio

And the Cavaliers won the championship So it's kind of an homage to Cleveland sports Fuck yeah Brian Brian Redman. Arms crossed negative. This guy, arms crossed negative. What did I do wrong? Oh, okay. Brody, skipping a beat there for a second.

That part's going to be edited out. Oh, look at this. The number one. Okay, let me take it here. Steven, are you here? Are you talking to yourself? Steven Brody Stevens, are you here? I have a selfie stick.

Wow. Geez, that's like you're a selfie stick holder. Holder, yeah. Holder, right. I have a selfie stick holder. Brody. Yes. Do you have an assistant?

Do you pay that guy? There's a finder's fee. There's commissions. What do you mean? He found you? No, he's a good guy. He's from Pasadena. We're both Southern California raised.

We've, you know, 818 till we die. Yeah, no, things are good. You need help. I know that I need help from people. And this guy, Steven, I found him here. We've reached out, and I need some male energy in my life. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. That's what it sounds like to me.

I feel like that selfie stick has been in dirty places before. So you guys know how the show works. Welcome back to it, everybody. We got Reagan and Watkins, Josh Wolf and Brody Stevens, Brian Redman. Everybody's here. You guys ready to start the fucking show or what? We have a bucket full. Over 40 comedians signed up for the chance

to get pulled out of this bucket here tonight. Comedians, you know you're 60. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We can't have two drummers on the show, Brody. Brody, you brought a drum set with you? You're denying already? Yeah, I said we can't have two drummers on the show. Why not?

The Grateful Dead do. You got it. Thank you. You can have a drummers on the show. Why not? The Grateful Dead do. You got it. Thank you. You can have a drum off. And so do the Doobie Brothers. I think we should just have a drum off and end it. Have a drum off and end it? Let's just keep it positive.

Let's just say that Joel Jimenez won the drum off. Let's keep moving. Comedians, you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sweet little sound of a kitty. You can barely hear that. Come on, kitty, you can do a little louder than that. There you go. That means wrap it up then, or I'm sure going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Oh, no. Fuck yeah. Another day at the Cincinnati Zoo. So are you guys ready to start the fucking show or what? Let's get into this. Here we go. I can feel it. It feels good in here.

I like the mojo in here already. This is so exciting. I already like it. Put your hands together for, what is this? Zenjiro. Zenjiro. Zenjiro? Oh, poor Zenjiro. How about

Dan Nolan? I mean, like the price is right. I'm getting up now. Put on your up again. What's up? I'm a recovering heroin addict. I'm 15 months clean. This is over now.

Cool, thanks. No, thank you. Saturdays are my cheat day. People are always like, how'd you do that, man? I can never do heroin. I hate needles. And I'm like, that's because the needles

you've been using aren't filled with sweet, delicious heroin. If that were the case, we'd all be getting vaccinated until we had severe autism. I never had to suck a dick for heroin, though.

The guys I got it from just wanted money I was lucky I probably would have sucked a dick though Not even just because heroin is that good But is sucking a dick really that bad? A lot of people sucking dicks out there Clap your hands if you ever sucked a dick Never mind, don't die

There's worse things you can do than sucking a dick. I mean, morally speaking, sucking a dick is still better than cooking crystal meth. But it would have been interesting if that was the direction they chose to take Breaking Bad. I'm doing this for my family! Fuck yeah, Dan Nolan. Thank you.

Dan Nolan. That you. Dan Nolan. Wow. Thanks, man. May I just say, though, I love how they run down like it's the Price is Right. Yeah. It was the best. Dan Nolan was running like somebody had a hot black rock of heroin up here. Is that what I get if I win?

Fuck yeah. Dan, so you're clean and sober? Yeah, 15, almost 16 months. It seems like you still get urges sometimes? Like a heroin addiction seems sort of hard to get. I was thinking about it today. I mean, it just pops into my head. Like when did it pop into your head?

It was at a coffee shop. Jerk it off. I just saw the black drip. Happens quick. No, I was sitting at the coffee shop. Jerk it off. I just saw the black drip. Happens quick. No, I was sitting at the coffee shop. I just thought about it. I thought about when is the next time I go home going to be. A friend of mine got into the Hudson Valley Comedy Festival,

and I was thinking about all the places that she should go visit, and then I started thinking of all the corners that I used to buy heroin on. Yeah. And so that just, it just pops in my head, and then I think about it. When you did do heroin, how long did you do it for? I was shooting it for seven or eight months.

It's like a movie. I was shooting for seven or eight months. They wrapped us at the end of eight months. It was a good shoot. I had a two needle per diem every day. That's so fun. Seven, eight months.

And what city were you in during that? Mostly, well, I was in Manhattan a lot. What was your aroma like during those seven, when you were shooting? Oh, was I gross? Yeah. Yeah, I was, I mean, not really. I used to work in television.

I made a lot of money, and I was doing good. Is that when you were doing heroin, you were working in television? Yeah, for was, I mean, not really. I used to work in television. I made a lot of money and I was doing good. Is that when you were doing heroin, you were working in television? Yeah, for most of it. And look where you are now after you quit, dummy. Yeah, dude, I know. That's the funny thing. Do heroin, kids. You're successful.

He's an open mic. No, seriously, yeah. You went all the way from a big showbiz job to fucking. Right. No, I didn't become homeless until I started doing comedy. Right. Where were you living? So you had a nice place in Manhattan

when you were shooting? No, I lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I worked in Manhattan. I used to work on Law & Order and some other shitty shows. Jung, jung. Law & Order. Little did they know you were coming in just fucking... Yeah. You were like, I recognize that story.

Yeah, no, I would get so high. You were like, I recognize that story. Yeah, no, I worked in the locations department. They'd be like, oh, we need like a sketchy street corner. Can you find that? I'd be like, oh, yeah, I got you. Oh, yeah. I'm there right now. Anybody need any heroin while I'm here? Wait, so where was your favorite place to shoot up?

Were you an arm between the toes? Oh, yeah, I did. I did the arm. I liked the hand. I started out with the hand because it felt cleaner to me, but then the arm is just so juicy. I used to do it straight right in the crux of the elbow. You used to jerk off with your elbow?

Yeah. What? Oh, there you go. Another episode. That literally sounds there you go. Another episode. That literally sounds like the beginning of an episode. What? And then they just find me behind a dumpster deck. I love it.

That's pretty dark. Yeah. Pretty dark. So... Never between the toes or anything? No, no, that's what they say Between the toes nobody knows You know who says that? Fucking junkies That's why none of us knew that saying

We were like, who says that? You know what they say You've never heard that heroin Everybody knows this one. Between the toes, nobody knows. Behind the ears, have no fear. Unreleased Dr. Seuss title. Heroin Dr. Seuss.

If Dr. Seuss prescribed heroin. So that's fun, Dan. What else went wrong? What else goes wrong in your life that we wouldn't know as a heroin addict? What else happens? For example, you thought we knew about the between the toes, nobody knows things. Oh, yeah. I don't know.

What's interesting? His mom taught that to him instead of this little pig he went to the market. Between the toes. Queen of the toe. This little piggy has a gaping sore. Fuck yeah. Man, this boy can riff. I like this guy, yeah. Clean and sober, baby.

How long have you been doing stand-up now, Dan? A year. A year. Yeah, like 13 months. You got some good jokes, man. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, I didn't get to finish it, but... No, we could still, but you had some good jokes. Cool, thanks. Is all your

material based on your addictions and stuff like that? No, I do. Basically, right now, I have like two 10-minute feature acts, and one of them is just sort of clean one-liners, and then the other one is like really gnarly heroin jail fucking... You were in jail? Oh, yeah.

I went to jail. Yeah. I got fired from Law and Order for getting a DUI while I was working. Keep going. Keep going. Yeah. I got fired from that. And then like literally two days later, I got a job on another show making twice as

much money. And then I just went fucking crazy. What show was that? That was a show called Deception on NBC. Do you have that intro for Deception and so why did you go to jail

I went to jail for driving without a license jeez little did they know right yeah that's the funniest thing

I was on probation I did six months in county jail for driving without a license because I got caught three times I was working on a movie in the city of Newburgh New York and the cops kept pulling me over because I was on probation. I did six months in county jail for driving without a license because I got caught three times. I was working on a movie in the city of Newburgh, New York and the cops kept pulling me over because I was buying

heroin and they knew I was buying heroin but I kept saying, no, I'm the location manager. That's why I'm just looking at corners. They had all the stuff in my car like permits and shit and I got away with it a bunch of times. One time I fucking threw heroin under the seat and I got pulled over by the city of Newburgh police department and I had fucking, if they had looked in the, and I got pulled over by the city of Newburgh Police Department.

And I had fucking, if they had looked in the car, and I had no license or anything, but I actually knew the Newburgh Police because I was working on a movie. You know what they say. You know what they say. Under the seat. Be discreet. Be the heat.

Something like that. Steven Brody Stevens, you. Yes. You self-medicate. What do you think about Dan Nolan? I thought he did a great job. I thought I liked the Pete Holmes thing. You know, people are going to look at.

You're like Pete Homeless. Thank you, Jojo Jimenez. That's what people are looking for. They say they want different in this town. I don't think so. They want to be able to say, you know Joel Jimenez. That's what people are looking for. They say they want different in this town. I don't think so. They want to be able to say, you know what? Yep, that's Pete Holmes. Get him.

That's what they want. Was that a compliment? I can't tell if that was a compliment. Yeah, Pete Holmes is doing stuff with Judd Apatow. Judd Apatow cut me out of Funny People. So I remember that. Wow. Is Apatow here tonight?

Find him. Oh, God. So, Dan, what else is exciting in your life? Anything in real life? What is this? You've been doing it a year. Any big breakthroughs lately? How do you make your money now?

We're in dark colors. We're in a startup. It's a dog walking company. It's like an iPhone app. You work at a Starbucks? You work at a Starbucks? This is some good old dog walking music Live here in the belly room So when you're walking these dogs

No I don't walk the dogs I do the dispatch Dispatch? 10-4 I need a half retarded person To walk a dog Can I get anybody at the absolute Bottom of the barrel to walk a dog I have a get anybody at the absolute bottom of the barrel to walk a dog? Is there anybody available?

Mr. Nolan, he's on his way. Is there somebody that is sub-retarded that we could get that's a professional dog walker? It's so funny. Some of them, some of the dog walkers are people that really care about dogs or they're artists and musicians that need a steady income. And then I can tell that some of them are just fucking junkies.

Right. Because anybody can do it. All of a sudden, they have the dog leash just tied around their arm. Does it pay okay, walking the dogs? Yeah, it's... Give me your needle. It's $18 for a half-hour walk, and I think... Oh, wow.

It's a 60-40 split, so it's $25 for a half-hour, and I think $35 for an hour. Damn, you're like pimping dog walkers over there. Jesus Christ. Yo, 60-40 split, so it's 25 for a half hour and I think 35 for an hour. Damn, you're like pimping dog walkers over there. Jesus Christ. Yo, 60-40 split, bitch. You ever slap one? It's like an Uber dog walker, bro. I never even met him.

Like an Uber dog walker? Yeah, it is. It's like Uber for dogs. Thank you. You press the button and you get a person. It's like Uber, except you don't have to know how to drive. You just have to walk. Yeah, and not let go of the leash.

Do you pick up after the dog? No, I don't deal with the dogs at all. I mean, there's dogs in the office. We're in an office over here. If something goes wrong with the dog walk, do they call you? Yeah, that's my problem. Give us some examples of some shit that's happened. I mean, fucking dog walk.

The biggest thing is that we're going into people's houses. We're sending the dog walkers into the houses of complete strangers. Like, if you request an on-demand walk, we'll just send you whoever we got. Right. And they'll go into your house. And so people are, like, claiming that they're getting robbed. One lady is just claiming. Yeah, what are you claiming?

You mean there's people that are... Well, I don't know. Either shit is still there or it's not. Right. These people are making bold claims. What do you mean the cash is missing off your dresser? Why would a dog

walker do something so pathetic? Do you think they would leave the security of their dog walking job? Fuck, I had something loaded up and now I can't fucking remember. What's the weirdest thing that you've ever heard besides the stealing?

Has this happened on a walk? No, I mean, it's mostly goofy shit. Like somebody will bring their friend for the dog walk. That's just like really creepy. And what, the dog doesn't like it? No, you're bringing your friend into somebody's house. Has the dog ever called you? I don't like two people walking.

Who are you sending over here? Yeah, no, some people are like, one lady was like, we were like, oh, we're going to send you our excellent Walker Carol. She's blah, blah, blah. And then the lady was like, I'll show her to Mittens. And like wanted to show the dog the picture. We have like pictures and videos. And she wanted to consult with the dog about the Walker that we booked her. No, no, no.

So you sent over a picture and the woman printed the picture? No, there's a database. Oh, a database online. Yeah, you look in your phone and you can play a video. And they're like,? No, there's a database. Oh, a database online. Yeah, you look in your phone and you can play a video and they're like, hey, my name's Steve. I like pooches and pups. How humiliating. Pooches and pups? My name's Steve.

Jesus Christ. If someone was like, you're going to make a dog walking video, I'm like, fuck you. For the dog, fuck you. I'm not auditioning for a fucking dog. Have you seen these videos? Yeah, no, it's really, some of them are like, some of them are, dudes are just like, hey, my name is Donnell. I had dogs ever since I was a kid.

My dad had dogs. And you're just like, oh, dude, Donnell, I don't think you're getting any walks, bro. All right. Was that racist? Was that why you guys turned on me? No, no, no. No, it was great. All right, Dan, well, it was nice meeting you, man.

Yeah, cool, man. It was fun. We've known each other. Any other questions for Dan or anything? Anything you want to know about a heroin addict, Brody? What's the difference of heroin and meth? Meth picks you up. Heroin brings you down.

Is that a serious question? That's more of a question for Google, Brody. Not an actual human being. That's something that sort of everybody does. I thought that was a fair question. There's a lot of differences there. Okay. How long were you in jail?

Six months. Six months? Six months for no license? Yeah, well, I got caught doing it three times. I was on probation for a DUI, so I had no license, and they caught me three times. Jesus. In New York City. Can we have him tell us his best jail story?

No, no, this was a little bit outside. Kernberg. Kernberg? Newberg? Newberg. Do you have a great jail story? I mean, one that we would think would be great, but you thought was terrible? I got thrown in solitary confinement one time.

For not having a license? No, no, no. I used to work in the kitchen. I went in one morning, and they took our coffee maker away in the kitchen. And I was like, you guys can't take our coffee maker away. And they were like, yeah, no, dude, we can. It's jail. Fuck you. And I was like, well, I'm not working like you guys can take your coffee maker away and they were like yeah no dude we can it's jail fuck you and it's like well not work until you guys bring back the coffee maker and they fucking threw me

in solitary confinement for how long a week for a week well five days oh my god that's it yeah also all solitary confinement is is just 14 hours a day it's just dudes kicking their door and calling the CEO a faggot that's a hundred percent of what you hear this It's just, yo, CO! You know you a bitch, right? All night. Wow. Well, Dan, congratulations on...

On everything. Congratulations on getting out of that life. Do you have a license now? No, no, I can get it. I just got to go back to New York. Do you ever drive out here? No, I'm on a bicycle right now. I had a moped and the cops took it.

Oh, Jesus. Damn. Your life is out of control. Yeah. Why would they take your moped? The law is if it's 49 cc's and under, then it's fine.

You don't need a license, but I had a 50 cc. Leave it to you to overdose on CCs. There he goes. Dan Nolan, everybody. There he goes. There he goes. He's on Twitter at Dan Nolan Comedy. I have a question.

Tony, I have a question. What's the difference between a moped and a Vespa? A Vespa is a kind of moped. There you go. Hey, what's the difference between a moped and a Vespa? Uh-oh. I was going to say, a Vespa is a kind of moped. Okay. There you go. Hey, what's the difference between a Vespa and meth? Why did that get a laugh and mine didn't?

Why is this audience stacked against me? Where are we, Sacramento yesterday? All I see is a bunch of people in dark t-shirts being hard on me. Okie dokie. You know what? I'm right. All right. I pulled another name

out of the bucket. I said one word that whole time. Right? Be nice to me. I pulled another name out of the bucket, ladies and gentlemen,

and I'm very, very excited about this. This is a first. Put your hands together for Joel Jimenez. Right there. Put your hands together for Joel Jimenez. Right there.

Guys, no good tattoo ever started with the phrase, A, my homie did this for free. Actually, I'll open up to you guys. I got called faggot until the age of... I get called faggot a lot. Like every day. Please stop. I've been getting called that since kids in my age group realized they could use that word on someone to hurt them. They looked at me. They were like, that's the fucking guy.

And I just thought it meant having a bowl haircut and loving your mom. I was like, yeah, where are the rest of us we need to hang out my mom's in a wheelchair she has rheumatoid arthritis it's like one of the most painful types of arthritis you can have and it's hard I get depressed a lot about my own things I go talk to her I'm like mom I'm sad I don't feel good she's like Joel

I'm in a fucking wheelchair I haven't stood good. She's like, Joel, I'm in a fucking wheelchair. I haven't stood up in a while. But I get it. You don't like your haircut. Fuck yes. Exactly 60 seconds. Joel Jimenez.

Joel Jimenez, welcome to this part of the show. All right. You're the only person to ever play drums and be pulled out of the bucket. That's exciting. I like that. How's it going, Joel? We really don't know that much about you, the public kiltoni.

We've just heard you through the sticks. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Yes. What do you do for work? I work at a skate park. I'm getting laid off.

June 30th is my last day. Wow. Man. What do you have to do to get laid off at a skate park? Well, no, I've been there nine years, and they're switching to an unsupervised model, so they figure they'd use the money they're paying me. Let the skaters lose. Fuck yeah.

The skaters win. You've been there nine years. They were probably like, we thought you'd be fucking gone by now, dude. I did too. So you're going to have. They were probably like, we thought you'd be fucking gone by now, dude. I did too. So you're going to have to leave now. You're right. Joel, we're really ramping up for something big here.

Okay. It's a skate park joke, everybody. Everybody makes it. That took me a while. Hey, keep grinding. Wow. Way to kick flip the script. Has anybody ever showed up at the skate park in like rollerblades or anything like that?

Yeah, rollerblades, bikes, scooters. Anything wind powered? Could be. You're right. Anybody ever show up at the skate park like a heroin addict on a Vespa? No?

No, no, no. I don't think so. How long have you been working at the skate park? Nine years. Oh, my God. You're like a fucking, you're like a baby boy. I love that. I know, I know.

Have you ever had a different job? I worked at Target before that. It was awful. Wow. And then. Because you have to deal with those, the people all day, er day. Yeah. What's the most ridiculous thing you...

Because Target stories have got to be... Target's like the skateboarder's moms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yes, and. Yeah. Moving on. So tell us some crazy shit you've seen at the skate park.

It's mostly like 12 to 21-year-olds, right? Yeah, I think the 12 through 21, they're the worst. They're just... Punks. Yeah, I think the 12 through like 21, they're the worst. They're just punks. Yeah, they're angry. You're like the mean grandpa that like takes the ball. Yeah, yeah. No, it's great when I was 20 and like 21 and then as I had more responsibility, I got a little more like anal about the rules and then the kids

turned on me. Anal? You shouldn't get anal with kids. That's the whole thing. That was a problem. I don't get to laugh, but Josh did. Thanks again, problem. I don't get to laugh, but Josh did. Thanks again, guys. Setting everybody up. Jeremiah, when he said, I did the show, made a movie, they're just beating me to it. I thought about that before Jeremiah.

He just spoke quicker. Treat me like a guest. In that case, what is that a setup for? I forgot what I said. But I'll tell you, I grew up in Reseda at the world-famous Skater Cross. Have you heard of that? That's where Dogtown and Z-Boys started out. And then I used that energy when I auditioned to be on Ridiculousness with Rob Dyrdek,

and I helped create that show. So keep skating. You're a good guy. If you want to come down to the Fantasy Factory, I'll set it up. I'd love to. And I like how you did your act. Like, you set it up like you did a tight minute. You did a callback at the end to the haircut.

Right? You did that, the full thing. So it was good. Brody, I was going to invite him to the Fantasy Factory, but you beat me to it. Joel, tell us more about your real life. My real life? Other than your job.

We know that you play drums for Pat Reagan and the Baby Boys, Tell us more about your real life. My real life? Other than your job. We know that you play drums for Pat Reagan and the Baby Boys, Reagan and Watkins. You're the drummer for the Keltoni Band, Reagan and Watkins version, which we love. Tell us more about you. Single? No, no.

I've been with my girlfriend for 11 years. Wow. So longer than the skate park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She hooked up with you when you were in your Target days. She fell in love with you while you were wearing a red polo. And that's why I commit. That's love right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She hooked up with you when you were in your Target days. Yep. She fell in love with you while you were wearing a red polo. And that's why I commit. That's love right there.

Yeah, that's love. Speaking of red, I used to work at Red Robin. Whoa, there you go. Brody having... Glendale Galleria. Pure... The original Red Robin.

Thank you. Wow. He's having acid flashbacks on Prozac, ladies and gentlemen. I take Prozac. Brody, there's a... Brody, Prozac, ladies and gentlemen. Brody, this is a live podcast, and you're talking with drummers. Well, you said I was going to get edited out earlier. Am I right?

He said that. So once you said edit, I can throw the mic down in aggression. Oh, my goodness. You got it. There it is. A little positive pepper on that. Fuck, yeah. Joel, any crazy talents that you have or anything?

You ever yo-yo or skydive? No, just drums. I skated for a while, and then I've been doing comedy for a little over a year. Making horror shorts. He makes horror shorts. Horror shorts? Horror.

Like a lot of... Short, scary movies. A little fucked up, weird, crazy. I like that. Pat, this is my time. Shut up. I don't think I ever realized how close the word horror is to horror. Horror movie.

You know, Joel and his horse. I'm sorry. You want to give your short films a shout out? Where can we find your You know Joel and his horse Alright Sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry You wanna give your horror films Short films a shout out Where can we find those What Fucking shit Fuck

YouTube YouTube Is that the word you're thinking of Yeah YouTube I'm at Mostly sorry I think it's temporary solutions Right is that it

Temporary Temporary solutions Temporary solutions Shut up Pat It's his time Yeah Pat It's his time Don't help Pat, it's his time. Don't help him.

I don't know. I was going to look it up. It doesn't matter. Whatever. He went from fucking zero to 60 real quick. You're good at that. He was like, I love my mom, bowl cut. Fuck yeah!

Well, that's my Pat impression. Fuck! Shit! All right, moving on. That's just like him. Thank you. What are you talking about? Kind of sounds like me, actually.

Well, Joel, how long have you known Santa? Maybe it is somehow. A little over four years. It'll be five December 21st. Very cool. That's the first day of winter. Wait, were you expecting people to clap? Guys, mark your calendars.

December 21st. They did. They did. It's hop and hop this year. December 21st. There did. They did. Hop and hop. This year. December 21st. There you go. Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen. Back on the drums he goes.

He's on Twitter at Mostly Sorry. All one word. Mostly Sorry. Joel Jimenez. That's the sound. That's fun. How about that? Joel with the jokes, folks.

Alright. Another name out of the bucket. This looks like a new name, I do believe. Put your hands together for Ryan Clark. Oh, wow. Ryan Clark. Blew it. How about Oh, I like this Clark. Blew it. How about... Oh, I like this. This guy circled his name after he signed it.

Put your fucking hands together. This looks like a new name. Vinnie Ward, everybody. Yeah. I sort of like it when they don't show up. Holy shit. Pulled another name out. This guy's here.

Put your hands together for Matthew Maloney, everybody. You know him. You love him. Here he is. Matthew Maloney. All right, everybody. here's the deal. I know I look like a serial killer, all right? You can all go ahead and stop screaming it at my face.

But to be fair, some of you weren't kind enough to lie to me. You'd say, no, man, you don't look like a murderer. You look more like a mugger. Maybe, maybe a rapist. I just want to say I appreciate the sentiment, but I have to face the fact that if I'm in public and I look bored, people around me are going to get nervous.

The other day, I just walk up to a guy at work. That's all I other day I just walk up to a guy at work that's all I do, I just walk up to a guy and he says, Matthew, if you wanted to you could kill somebody what kind of manager are you? there's no way that's company policy thank you very much. Fuck yeah, 59 seconds,

.8 by Matthew Maloney. Can I, uh... Yeah, Josh Wolf. I have one quick thing to say. I would never say that when people call you a rapist that you appreciate the sentiment. Because there's...

I don't know exactly what the sentiment behind it is except the fact that they're calling you a fucking rapist. That's true. That's a good point. I wonder if there's any humor behind that. That's why I asked you the question. It's supposed to be a joke. Mine ought to have played off. Do a lot of people tell you

you look like a serial killer or do you just think that? No. Is that what you ask for when you go to the barber? Because I mean it sort of seems like you're playing into it a little bit. Like a perm. I got it a lot more in high school. It's kind of from that area of my life.

And I killed all those people. Yeah. Looks like you've definitely killed some cereal in your day day That's for sure James and the giant plum over here It is true You look like a gallon of grape drink Oh Brody really

Taking a moment to alleviate all the laughs grape drink. Oh, Brody, really? Taking a moment to alleviate all the laughs in the room. Good job, Brody. Let him know when you want him to stop. Prince and the purple weight gain. Oh, okie dokie. Yeah. Matthew, see, there's a lot of things that you look like.

Prince and the purple weight gain. I don't know. I thought we were keeping it positive. Matthew, I'm here for you. I'm a good guy. You are. Where are you from? The Palm Springs area.

That's where my mother lives. Fuck yeah. There you go. You can check up on her. She's down there. She lives in Palm Desert. She's an Uber driver down there. She's 85.

Does she really drive Uber? Does she Uber drive? Yes. Your mom drives Uber? What? Yes. Really? She still drives. My mom drives Uber? What? Yes. Really? She still drives. My mom went to Fairfax High School.

She lives in Palm Desert. Do you think that when people get in the backseat and they're like, oh, shit. Do you know what I mean? That would have been funny. Brian Redband. Redband on it. On it, baby. There.

She did great during Coachella. Really? Yes. Oh, my God. Do they have shows down there in Palm Springs? I go down there a lot at the casinos. Not that I go to. Matthew, how do you make your money?

Uber. You Uber too? I partnered with his grandma. It's my mother, not my grandmother. How dare you? Just because she's 85 doesn't mean she's... She should have a grandkid, but we adopted a dog. A little daisy, my little girl.

I love dogs. There's two separate podcasts going on at the same time. A little daisy, my little girl. I love dogs. Matthew, how's Uber been going for you? It's going all right. Don't know what to say. You could always get a job as like going back to the Game of Thrones. You could get a job as Hodor or Stan Dan. Yeah. I think honestly you got a good look for commercials. Keep doing the stand down. I think honestly, you've got a good look for commercials.

Keep doing the stand up. You can go a lot of different ways. Does anybody know a casting director for pudding commercials or something like that? What's your name again? Matthew. Matthew. Keep doing what you're doing. There you go, Brody. Brody with some good advice don't quit okay hold on what do you work using selfie sticks uh start periscoping oh let me tell you i take a selfie

stick defense course if i see somebody with a selfie stick i spray him with mace did i get a laugh did it get a laugh i don I get a laugh? I don't know. Nope. Nope, it didn't. Matthew. Attack a guest. A good guy. Matthew, you single? You dating at all?

Yeah, I'm dating right now. What's that situation? It's going fine. Matthew. I know. I'm sorry. Instead of panicking, why don't you think of the actual answer? How long have you been dating this girl? On and off since high school.

Probably like three years now. Wow. You've been out of high school for three years? No. I'm only counting the time since we were together. Oh. You're putting it all together. I'm 57 years old. Well,

she's still in high school, so she doesn't know that we're dating yet. But if she looks out her window, she'll know. So what's that like? How often on is it? Like, when's the last time you saw her? Wednesday? So what's that like?

Live or dead. We dated right after high school, then I went away to college, and then I came back. What college do you go to? It's a community. Citrus College. Yeah, I've heard of it.

It's in the San Gabriel Valley. Yeah. It's off the 210 freeway. Yes. Thank you. Did you pick Citrus College because it's the only university that sounds delicious. That is so mean, Tony. Thank you, Brody.

Matthew, so like, what was Wednesday like? Just a booty call? Oh, who's a big, shy little serial killer, huh? Who's a shy little rapist baby? Who's your big rapist babies? Yes, yousies. Yes, yousies. You don't even know what to say right now. Who's a shy little rapist baby? Would you want big rapist babies? Yes, yousies.

Yes, yousies. You don't even know what to say right now. Is it a booty call? Did you guys fuck or what? No, we just hang. Did she leave her purple polo over your house? All right. I'm not getting any answers out of you.

That was a really good set, Matthew. You're always funny on this show. Anything else for Matthew, guys? I think you covered it. Yeah, that's it. Matthew Maloney, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Always funny. He's on Twitter. Matthew Maloney.

For Matthew Baloney. Baloney? Yes. Did you say Matthew Baloney? No, it's Matthew Maloney. I thought you said Matthew Baloney. Okay. I came out of nowhere. I'll attack. All right.

In the show where every third comedian is actually here, how about this? Bradless Felostate? Huh? Bradless? Bradless? It's okay. No, he missed a spot. That's it. If he's not here? It's okay. No, he missed a spot.

That's it. If he's not here, that's it. Fuck him. Bo Laughman. I'm so excited. Wow, from deep down the hallway. It's in a different room. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, so my girlfriend thinks that I'm cheating on her with a co-worker, which is great, because she totally thinks that I still have a job. That's good. Speaking of being employed, I think white people need to stop telling black people

who they look like. Just because, even if you're right, what you're doing is wrong, you know. It's terrible. That went well. I went to my parents' house recently. Have you ever looked around your parents' house and thought, I don't want any of this shit you know because you get all of it you know like some parents you know they have cool stuff to pass down to their kids my mom all she collects is cats and unemployment you know that's pretty much it fuck yeah 48 seconds from Bo Laffman. Bo, you've been on the show a few times before.

Always with the short one-liner style. I love it. You sort of look like Keanu Reeves in between movies. Yeah. In between movies. That's what I'm going for. Bo, what's your story? How long have you been on stand-up?

A while. Like eight years or something. Wow. You from L you from texas what part uh moved here from austin very cool oh i love austin sixth street and what's the name of that the pond where people swim naked hippie hollow yeah guadalupe river where they go in the skin Skin Pound. Skin Pound. The Skin Pound. You can get the Zika virus there. How long have you been... No, I heard they have a mosquito issue. How long have you been in L.A.? Almost a year.

What do you do for work? Uber. No, I wish. Uh-oh. I've been doing... I've been interning. I wish on an Uber. It's never a good sign. I wish I was on an Uber. It's never a good sign.

I can't wait to hear it. Wouldn't that be nice? I've been interning at a place and then I do extra work. You choked up on extra work. Is this a fluffer or something like that? What is it exactly? Or is this like a Craigslist job? What kind of extra work?

What's the shadiest Craigslist gig that you've had to do since being in LA? No, like background extra work. Sure, what's the worst one that you've done? Cuck holding. It's all the same stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Would you do that if they offered you some money?

Would you do a cuck hold video and pretend like the girl that's being made love to is your girlfriend? How much would it cost for you to do that? Wait, those are pretend? Sorry, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for Josh Wolfe. Yeah, bummer, right? You know what? I think you just booked the role. Yeah, I'm in right? You know what? I think you just booked the role.

Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. That's fun. Bo, what else do you do for fun? Oh, you know, just... No, I don't. Nobody does. No, you do.

No, I promise you I don't. No, I mean, I skate. What kind of skate? Skateboarding. Do you ever go out to his park? Yeah. What's that? Do you ever go out to his park? Yeah. What's that? Do you ever go out to his park?

Whose park? Oh, jeez. Joel's. Were you in here for a Joel's set? Do you ever go to the skate park? Yeah. Dude, where are we right now? Dude, I had a seizure and blacked out after the extra thing.

Do you like ridiculousness? I love it. Wow. And he's back. Yeah. Oh, ridiculousness? Love it. I do.

Favorite show. Beau, what's the craziest kind of porn that you've ever watched? Watched or finished to? Oh, I like that. Totally different question. Finished to, sure. I don't think he has an answer for anything. We barely got where he's from out of him.

You know what I want to know about Bo? He's a good lover. Do you consider yourself a good lover, Bo? Tender, harsh, strong. Yeah, you know, I'm okay. Like in bed? Yeah, no, yeah. He just said he's okay.

Yeah. Bo knows. Brody? I did see, you're talking about pornography, and I did see a bestiality video. Yes. I know. Well, the guy finished on an insect. Oh. He finished, yes the guy finished on an insect. He finished, yes,

he finished on an insect. The movie was called Charlotte's Web Eye. Wow. That was a long way to go. Gets a big laugh. Gets a laugh in the main room. The ticket you can't afford. Wow. How dare you not

laugh at that joke. Where are we, Sacramento? Are you going to hit me with a two by four? Wow. Brody. All I see is dark colors. Oh my goodness. It was much better than my set. Brody, did they laugh at that joke

when you do it in the main room and they pay for it? It gets a chuckle. Bo, anything else interesting about yourself? You seem sort of like a, you know... No, nothing interesting. Welcome to Do You Have A Personality? Yeah, we're really reaching here, Bo. We're trying our best.

No, I know. What would be the one thing you would tell us about yourself? I like water. Water's good. I have to eat every day I like water, I sleep somewhere between 8 and 9 hours a night Under one blanket I use these two things to walk

I breathe in a substance Called oxygen We have a lot in common Other than that, that's pretty much it. Make a connection. Anything else interesting, Bo? Man, no. Alright, you're really rolling with this thing. He's really nailing it.

Keanu Reeves right there. I don't know. What's interesting? He's somewhere between Keanu Reeves and Christopher Reeves right now. Oh, my God. Tony, that is so uncalled for.

Take a moment and realize you almost cut that joke off, Brody. I didn't cut it off. It got a laugh. No, I said you almost. It was great. I would never do that. I'm a good guy. Thank you.

I know it got a laugh. Laugh umpire. Thank you. Brody, go ahead. Oh, you're asking me what do I find? I just put out energy. You got to put out energy. Wait, both.

Your arms crossed negative. Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay with that. It's a start. Arms crossed negative. What are you holding back? What's your normal writing process? What do you do to write?

I mean, with the one-liners, it's usually just cutting stuff down and trying to get it. What's your normal writing process? What do you do to write? With the one-liners, it's usually just cutting stuff down and trying to get... Do you sit there and go, hey, I'm going to write a joke? Where do you write at? How does it happen? You just stare at a wall and blink?

That helps. I write like... If I'm actually writing, I do screenplays and stuff. And then I try and do... Like joke writing is usually... I bet you the characters in your screenplays just jump off the page. Oh, yeah.

They're pretty interesting. Were you an extra in Dazed and Confused? No. Okay. He's from Texas. That's a callback. Thank you. They say write what you know.

So his script's like, he walked down the street. They jump off the page. So I'm wrong. I got no laughs on that. Did I use that? They're trying to kill themselves. You can use my joke, sure. Brody just firing off every thought at this point.

I'm seeing arms cross negative, and I read energies. Brody, what's the difference between Claritin and Klonopin? I don't. Claritin or Clarasil? What are you saying? Yeah. Okey-dokey. Hold on. Give me a chance, Tony. I don't... Clarit... Or Clarasil? What are you saying? Yeah. Yeah. Uh... Okie dokie.

Hold on! Give me a chance, Tony! I did give you a chance. Stop being aggressive towards me. I was thinking. Let me think of a funny answer. Go ahead. Keep going.

You're good. That's Brody's inner monologue always. Oh, really? Did you play baseball at Arizona State? You didn't, Jeremiah. For those of you counting on your Kill Tony bingo cards, that is his second Arizona State reference tonight. Bo, anything else?

Have a good night, buddy. There he goes, Bo Laffman. He's on Twitter at Bo Laffman. There he goes. I pulled another name out of the bucket. We're keeping it moving, baby. I'm going to get right into it. This looks like a new name.

Put your hands together for Brett Ebby. Here he comes. Hello, hello. Hello, hello. So, I like to watch Vice News because I like to stay informed on things happening in the world. Which, by the way, don't do that. Stay ignorant as long as you can. You'll be a much happier person.

But they were talking to Edward Snowden about how the government can hack everything that we have with us all the time and it's such a big deal it's so important and it's so scary that the government can do that like if somebody's working at the FBI watching me jerk off talking about how I want to fuck Lisa Ann super bad whatever I don't care

my life is not that interesting so go ahead look at my text messages that say I think J.R. Smith should be on Hillary Clinton's ballot for president this year because we need people like J.R. Smith in the White House to make our lives better and dude

it's going really well right yeah I'm just waiting for that West Hollywood bear to come out and eat me cause that would feel way better than how this feels no need for him to eat you you already ate it yourself

Brett you are without a doubt Brett you are without a doubt one of the funniest evil dolls that have come to life that I have ever had on this show before. I mean, of all the dolls that ever came alive in the middle of the night

and did stand-up comedy, you are it. He looks like the doll from Goosebumps. Yeah. I was gonna say, he looked like a giant baby version if Chris Pine and Ray Liotta had a baby. You have some kind of crazy star face.

How long have you been in LA? About a year. You have star head. Where are you from? I'm from Wisconsin. I was going to guess Minnesota. That's so funny. Also kind of grinchy. Yeah, totally. I do hate Christmas.

It fits. Absolutely, you do. Man, that's fun. So you've been out here a year? Yep. Did you do like theater and acting and stuff or anything on stage in Wisconsin? Nope. So you just came out here.

And how long have you been doing stand-up? About six months. Really? Yeah. How often are you getting up in that six-month span? Probably like four times a week. That's pretty good. At least.

I got to mix it in with the alcoholism, too. Sometimes I just... Oh, boy. No, I don't know why you got to separate them. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah, you have Starhead, dude. You're like Zac Efron on meth or something like that.

Something really interesting going on. Have you tried any acting or done anything like that? A little bit. I'm starting to get into it. I got my membership to LA Casting now. That's cool. Dude, nice! Yeah, right?

Dude, $14.95 a month on my credit card. Exactly. Welcome to the exclusive club anyone can join. Yeah, right? Wow, that's the funniest thing ever. That is what Central Casting is. Next stop, Actors Access. Exactly.

And then you're on your way to the top of show business, my friend. I like that, 1940. Pay your $10 a month and you will make it to the top. Brett, how do you say that last name, E-B-Y? E-B. E-B. E-B.

Fuck yeah. That's interesting. Do you ever just go up in people's windows in the middle of the night and scare the life out of them? Yeah. Because you have a really scary face. Do you know this? But it's scary and it's handsome. It's like, that's what I get.

I either get, hey, you look like the Chucky doll. Or I get, are you Ray Liotta's kid? It could go either way. And who knows if the Chucky doll isn't actually Ray Liotta's kid. Right, exactly. Could be. Yeah, this guy's giving me the EBGB. He's pretty creepy.

Very good, Jeremiah. Brett, tell us something about you. What do you do with a face like that? I mean, what do you do for work? I mean, you definitely don't do Uber because you looking back at somebody in the rearview mirror is instant one star. Instant one star. Like, people just jump out of your car from the back seat.

They just roll into fucking Beverly Boulevard. Just like, oh no. They were not having me. No, I'm actually a preschool teacher. No fucking way. Holy shit. This is why I love this show, ladies and gentlemen.

You never know when shit's about to get real. You look like one of your students evil. You're a preschool teacher? Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Oh, you know, if I walked into that parent-teacher conference, I'd walk in and be like, we're not staying. We're not staying. I'm not staying.

No, we're not staying. My jokes kill at preschool. So these kids, not only do these kids see you during the day, they also see you under their bed at night. Have you finished your homework yet? Your paper's due in the morning. I started collecting children's bodies at the ripe age of 27.

I was a preschool teacher. The parents wondered, where are my children? And I said, shh, don't worry about it. I would shove them in their own backpacks. Brett, how long have you been teaching preschool? I like how the killer got out of that one by saying, don't worry about it. hacks. Brett, how long have you been teaching preschool? I like how the killer got out of that one by saying, don't worry about it. Don't worry.

Oh, okay. Well, I must be wrong. Sorry. Sorry to bother you. Sorry to bother you. Sorry about the creepy music. Sorry about that. Brett, Brett, Brett. We have to have some e-break at some point that I get to pull just... the creepy music. Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett. Alright.

We have to have some e-break at some point that I get to pull just... Brett, how long have you been teaching preschool? A year and I taught English in South America before that. Any hot single moms? Wait a second. When you were in South Africa were you bit by a bug or something

like this? Brazil. I figured out who he looks like. One of the puppets from Team America. Yeah, that's true. Hey, fuck yeah. One of the least famous songs from that hit movie. Yeah, definitely thought it was going to be a different song.

Year and a half, Brett. What's some of the crazy shit you've seen go down at a preschool other than Brody Stevens peeking through the windows? Just kidding, Brody. Just kidding. Oh, there he is. Brett, what have you seen? What goes down there?

One time two kids were taking a shit next to each other and one of them decided to wipe his ass with his hands and then wipe it on his friend's face. Oh my god. To think that all of this could happen on your chest is crazy. The crazy thing, I told them to do it. Poop next to each other, children.

Now wipe it on his face. So what? What do you mean by you're in the middle of the classroom? I know you're in the middle poop next to each other, children. Now wipe it on his face. Slower, slower. What do you mean, but you're in the middle of the classroom? I know you're in the middle of the classroom. Don't worry about the camera. Go back to back and poop next to each other. Lean against each other's backs. Don't just look at it, smell it.

The old back to back number two. That's right. We're taking a field trip to Browntown, ladies and gentlemen. So you're in preschool. Did the kids ever shit their pants still and stuff like that? I did. Brody, you did? Yep.

Tell us about that. Private school, Valley. It was called Charlotte's Web Eye. I didn't like it at private school. I went to Valley Private School for one semester in first grade where they have pets and horses. I didn't like it. The kids, I didn't like the rich kids. And I was embarrassed to raise my hand to go to the bathroom one day, and I took a dump in my pants.

Oh, my God. And then my mom picked me up, and those kids never saw me again. Oh. Jeez, wow. Yeah then my mom picked me up and those kids never saw me again. Oh. Geez. Wow. That's like. Yeah that was an uplifting story. Oh my God. Yikes. Yeah. That's a sad urban legend. Bet you it affected them more than it affected me. Yeah. Man. Did you hear the

I bet you not. I bet you they've never told the story before. Changed my life. That sounds like maybe the 50th time you're like right nobody's taking a dump in their pants in first grade okay fine first grade Brody

nobody's still talking about it though except for you whoa even whoa well you know I talked about it last in the main room how dare you attack me kid Well, you know, I talked about it last in the main room. How dare you attack me, kid? I sub teach.

Thank you. Brett, how old are you? At Quiznos. 25. There you go. That gets a laugh every time I do it. Sub teach. At Quiznos.

Okay. Well, you know what? My audience would laugh at it. This audience doesn't. and I don't care. You mean, wait, when you say... I do care. When you say my audience, are you talking about... I'm talking about Jewish people and non-dark shirt-wearing crowds. My crowds wear polo shirts and blue.

Where do the... What? Where do... Brody, where do you see these crowds? I went to Racina High School. I know you guys. You want to come at me? I read your energy.

I'm here every night. I know what I'm getting hated on. Brody, where do you perform? I don't want to fight for every laugh. Brody, where do you perform when you see these blue polos? Best Buy? Democratic.

I like Best Buy, actually. That's where I get my magazine subscriptions. He hasn't been performing. Charlotte Webber. Yes! We're having fun. Polos in blue. Brett, any of the preschoolers' moms ever hit on you?

You get any cougar action, anything like that? You get any TNA at the PTA, you know? Unfortunately, no. Not yet. I mean, I'm down with it. I'm looking for those divorcees right now. What district are you in? Sherman Oaks.

Sherman Oaks. Brody. Go on a ramble. I took a ramble. Ramble? You know what? I ramble in the main room. There we go.

With Johnny Depp. Thankpp thank you now look it up i like that you've started talking on the side of your mouth i think uh no i think you should go with the like the zach efron if you're gonna you know you gotta like get the audience on your side you look like the adam do that the adam. If you're going to get the audience on your side, you look like the Adam. Do that. The Adam Levine. You're doing fine. Yeah, just talk about what you look like. You're going to have an hour special. All right.

Fucking do it the whole time. And do it on, just go out on puppets. Call it Chuck E. Cheese. Be like, I got to get home tonight so I can go back to my original packaging. Pat Reagan. Yeah. That's my boy. Pat Reagan. That's my boy, Pat Reagan. Beautiful.

Brett, anything else interesting about you? Any cool hobbies, anything like that? How's the love life? Dude, love life is, I don't know, it is what it is. Let's just say batteries aren't included. I did one of those Jewish dating services. I hooked up with my sister.

Oh, wow. I know that joke. Got a big laugh the other night. Wow. It was at a family reunion. Oh, Jeremiah, how dare you attack me? I'm from the valley. 818 till I die.

I'll choke you on Ventura. I got Sherman Oaks here. I'll drown you with a coffee bean on Lancashire. You got it. I'll give you a chilled chokehold. All right, Brett. What do you mean by it is what it is? Have you hooked up with any girls since being in L.A. a year ago?

Yeah, I have. But dating in L.A. is different because they'll say they're very interested and then it fizzles out after nothing. What are you picking them up in? Where am I picking them up in? No, no, no. What are you picking them up in? What am I picking them up in?

My guess is – That's probably the problem. My guess is like a smart car version of a hearse. No, it's a bicycle. They don't like to ride on my pegs all the time. Brett, stop trying to be funny. We've seen how that's gone for you so far. Just answer the questions honestly.

When you go on a date with a girl and you pick her up, what are you driving? I just think I don't have a car. I always meet them places. Perfect. So that's it. There you go. You got it. There's the answer to your question.

When you said, I don't know why I'm dating. Are you Snapchatting? I haven't. You got to get into that. You got to get into Snapchatting. That's the key. You're in L.A. That's what I say to all you guys.

You're in L.A. Some major leagues. I grew up here. I went to Seattle for three years. I didn't come back. Then I went to New York for three years. Then I came back. Six years and 30.

I laughed. Get out of here, guys. Got a laugh? Yeah. That was funny. There you go. Slipping. I don't know.

I'm sorry. I was a little aggressive. But I didn't eat today. I had cashews all day. Well, Brett, it was nice to meet you, man. Come back anytime. Welcome to the show. There he goes. Brett Eby, everybody. He's on Twitter at Eby Speaks.

Bo Laughman was Bo Laughman. Eby Speaks. E-B-Y Speaks. All one word. Let's do something a little bit different. Let's go to the regulars now, and then we'll go to the bucket a couple times at the end. Your first regular to go up. Now this

performer writes and performs a brand new minute every single week, unlike the people that got picked out of the bucket. So this is a little bit tougher of a job. We get to watch highs and lows. Who knows how it's going to go. We do know this. When she first started she was shaking, convulsing uncontrollably.

And things have gotten better since then. Put your hands together for the always nervous stylings of Melissa Esslinger, everybody. I used to think that fire hydrants were noble, but now every time I come up to a fire hydrant, it's just a parking inconvenience, and I get pissed off because I'm like, why does this fire hydrant need two spaces the size of a truck?

Well, a truck, a fire truck, I guess, would go there. But you don't need the whole space to get a hose to a fire hydrant. I just don't understand why it's got to be like that and then cost $73. Every time I park somewhere, the red pisses me off. And I used to look at fire hydrants and think of like Dalmatian puppies with hats on. And now I immediately think parking tickets and that sucks. It ruined my coloring books. Fuck.

That's it. Fuck yeah. 56 seconds of new parking fire hydrant material. That's one of my favorite sets from you. All on one topic. Nothing too crazy. And you got it all out there without anything terrible happening.

Melissa, that was very, very impressive. Thanks. Really cool. It's fun to see that. Thank you. Real shit. Yeah. And you know what?

A crazy combination of nerves and confidence. Yeah. You look nervous, but I was like, oh, she never felt out of control nervous. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And we've walked that line. So that's a fun developing storyline there. Brody Stevens, you, like Melissa, have serious psychological problems.

What do you think about your performance? I don't have. I'm kidding. I don't have. That's my point. What do you think about her performance? I don't have. I'm kidding. I don't have.

That's my point. Once I cut off my mom and all that stuff from forcing me, I'm the happiest guy ever. I got railroaded, let's be honest. I get it. Never had a problem at Arizona State. Haven't had a problem. Why am I the Prince of Periscope? 12 million hearts.

Brody. All on my own. Nobody helps me exceptdy does anybody call you the prince of periscope other than you yeah my 142 000 followers do did you just completely make up that number pull up my periscope account 142 yeah, that's why I'm doing things. Yeah, 142,000, 12 million hearts. I mean, what do you want? I'll scissor kick you at the Arby's on Larrabee.

It's true. He actually did do that. Brody, I love your style We all know that I never had any, I got railroad But here's the deal, good job Melissa I like what you're doing, I like the drummer shirt I'm the house drummer at the guitar center Really?

Yeah Is that what you do when you're not selling balloons at the park oh really balloon at the park motherfuckers it's funny um no i just uh i'm having a good time tonight so i want to say thank you and uh melissa you're doing good i know it's hard each and every week to come up with jokes and all that i know you're like you you're nervous yeah why do you do you walk what do you do to alleviate your nerves not enough i'm working i'm doing more each and every week to come up with jokes and all that. I know you're nervous. Yeah. Do you walk? What do you do to alleviate your nerves?

Not enough. I'm working. I'm doing more now. What do you do to try and alleviate your nerves? I walk really fast when I go places. So if I'm not going anywhere, that's a problem. But I'm working again. You just walk up against a wall like in a video game.

It's like those wind-up little, like a Yoshi doll that you get at Burger King. I see growth. I do see growth and confidence because I see you here every so often. I keep doing it. I mean, it's interesting. Do you self-mutilate at all? I used to. Maybe it's hard.

I just got back from – guys, I'm going to be honest with you. I just got back from my AA meeting. Asperger's Anonymous. I don't think there's anything anonymous about your Asperger's, Brody. You know what, Tony? You're doing good. Keep doing it. There you go. Keep doing it. You can get the Kill Tony, Brody Stevens,

Keep Doing It T-shirt. Well, you know what? She came up with the joke, the fire hydrant joke. That's great. You know, I like fire hydrants. I'll put you in a chokehold at the Orange Julius on Rosewood. Yes, mother with the Fairfax. Look it up.

Melrose Avenue Elementary. I have roots in this town. Get out if you're not from here. I hope that plays on the podcast. Melissa, there you go. You did it. Another new minute. There she goes. Melissa Esslinger. Lock it in.

Lock it in. Add to it. Cut it down again. Another new minute from Melissa Esslinger. You're one another, regular, and then we're going to get back to the bucket. You know we're from Kill Tony. Ladies and gentlemen, writing and performing a brand new minute every single week.

One of the hardest jobs in all of comedy. Put your hands together for Vanessa Johnston. I've been trying to figure out if I'm a good person or a bad person. And I think I'm a good person because I always write notes on people's cars to let them know that they parked wrong. however I know that I'm a bad person because if I had a baby and it didn't look like me I'd assume that it wasn't mine and I'd give it away

whatever ingredients we put in this cake did not work, time to start over I don't think that babies should have rights the first amendment is freedom of speech. And babies can't even talk. If you can't do the First Amendment, you don't get the others. All the Republicans in the room are like, well, they should at least be able to own guns

fuck yes this is great double regular fun I like that very cool again you know like Melissa pretty much all on one topic which is really cool that's

crazy that you both did that this week what was the what was the uh what was the fucking beginning oh i think i'm a good person because i write notes on people's cars yeah i almost want to hear more about that you know what i mean like i don't know it almost seems like two different things like i feel like there's something about you writing notes on people's cars because i've had that happen and i've wanted to do that a lot lately too. To fucking people. I do it in lipstick. It's unbelievable.

Street parking is. Street parking. How many people have street parking here in Los Angeles? Like actually. Where you live. You have to park on the street. Because you live in a crazy populated area. Anybody?

I park in a garage. And I got guest parking too. Yeah. I know. That's. Must be nice. East of Vine. Anyway.

I have sub. I have sub Mediterranean parking. I live beneath the Zancou Chicken. Oh, there you go. That's a good laugh. Charlotte's Web Eye. You know what was interesting, though? When you told some of your punchlines, you sounded like you were from New York.

Yeah, it changed. You got a little bit on your punchlines. You sort of get a little bit Rosie Perez from White Man Can't Jump. What do you mean you lost the money, Billy? It's a character, right? When you do the voice. How did you lose that money? That was on Jeopardy money, Billy.

It's a good character. It's good. Okay, then it's good. There's a little twang to it. I like it. What perfume are you wearing? It smells good. Serge Luton's.

I like it. Thank you. The cologne that Brody wears is creep. Well, you know what? Speed stick. Wow. Joke of the night right there. Oh, really?

At my expense? Yeah. Totally. Perfect timing. Holy shit. Jeremiah Watkins. I wear speed totally. Perfect timing. Holy shit. Jeremiah Watkins. I wear Speed Stick. What a fun episode.

Oh, my God. Delete everything. Oh, my God. Brody, that really, I mean, you really set yourself up for that one, asking about the perfume. I mean, I do know that it's hard for you with the perfume because your nose is almost touching Vanessa from where you're sitting. My nose is more down and not that way. Fuck yeah. You're right.

It is. Oh, now it's nose jokes. It is. We're going to judge physical appearances. I'll take a dump in my quick silver shorts. How dare you? I'll walk out of here. How dare you do that to me?

I just booked the front of the cereal box for Froot Loops. Cereal is so expensive at John's. That's why I bought cash. Yeah, it's like expensive. It is? It's a scam there. I don't know. Where'd you say?

At John's? At John's. I went there with the unchowered nothing. Okay. All right. Un-showered. Nothing. Okay.

All right. That's my favorite sound effect. Studio laughter for Brody. Give it to him. He needs it. Vanessa, that was really fun. I love that you stuck it on one subject. It felt real.

It felt like your real opinion. You know what I mean? So, fuck yeah. You getting a lot of spots in? You working at night? Um, what? Trying to do spots? I kind of like that she sounds like a young Joey Lawrence. Yeah.

What was his catchphrase? Whoa! Whoa! Who the fuck is Joey Lawrence? Whoa, we got a millennial over here. From Blossom. I did a hundredial over here. From Blossom. I did 100 crowd warm-ups for Blossom. How do you not know him?

Should know. They call me Joey Lawrence of Arabia. You got it. Yes, Persian profession. Three hands together for the great Vanessa Johnston, ladies and gentlemen. Another new minute from our two regulars. They came in swagger. Swagger from the regulars tonight, and I love that.

You guys ready to get back to this fucking bucket or what? Anything can happen. Let's get in the bucket. Here we go. It's the part of the show we like to call bucket or fuck it. Put your hands together for Victor Martinez Jr. Put your hands together for Preacher Lawson. I'm sorry, I was just playing.

Just playing. All right, cool. Yes, this is dope. I don't work here. It's laundry day. Okay. I'm trying to get a job. I just got fired in 2007.

And I feel like everywhere I go, I'm so numb. Anyway, I don't have any money, man. I moved down here like four months ago. And I hate everyone from L.A. Because when I first moved down here, none of y'all warned me about a spot called Watts. Y'all don't say anything. Super dangerous over there. You get shot.

I didn't know it was dangerous. I was looking for apartments online. Watts was in my price range, right? I was like, $40 a month? I could do that. It's not a bad deal for a seven-bedroom. It's a bad idea. There's a lot of thugs and gangsters.

I'm not a gangster. I tried to be. I just can't be one because I'm ticklish. And I love kitties. You can't be a gangster and love kitties. I love kitties. People think I'm joking. I'm not joking at all. My mom brought like three kittens

to my house the other day because it's her house and I live with her. And I was flipping out. I was like, kitties! It's her house and I live with her. And I was flipping out. I was like, cuties! It's so cute. I hugged it. I was like, I'm going to love you forever. Cute kitty.

And I was like, oh, yeah. That was the plan. Preacher Lawson has been on this show four or five times now, every single time. Absolute annihilation. You did it again tonight. I want to work with him. Yeah. There you go. Brody, what do you think? It's like the tonight. I want to work with him. Yeah. There you go.

Brody, what? It's like the voice. I want to work with him. Cool. Good job. You're doing good. That was great energy. Pretty tight.

Brody wants to work with you, Preacher. Can you get Brody some work at the gym that you work at? You son of a bastard, Tony. You don't do that to me. I have a debit card and an Amazon account. Yes. Please check out my wish list.

No, great stuff. Great energy. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing it. You getting in a lot of spots at night? Not really. How long you been on that again? Doing comedy. I've been doing it about seven years. You kill every time you get on the show.

You got a spot Friday. I was at the improv yesterday for four and a half hours and I didn't get pulled. So, I mean, that was, yeah. He went up Friday

at the ice office? Yeah, this Friday I'm going up. Yeah, no, they just didn't pull my name out the bucket. How long ago did you move here?

I moved here four months ago. Man. Yeah. Oh, it's you. Yeah. That's seven. I was like, no, the mouse is moving.

That's weird. It's so tough to get spots. Yeah, it's super hard. Are you doing voiceover stuff? No, I don't do voiceover. Why not? I mean, I don't know how to do that, man. But you got a voice.

Put out the energy. Yeah, man. L.A. casting. No, you could. I was down there. Okay, well, you got a good voice. You got good energy. Keep doing it.

I think. Keep doing it. No, I like it. I know what's going on here. I see you four months. Are you on the clock right now, by the way? I literally came straight from work to here. Are you one of the guys in blue polos that Brody performs in front of when he's not here?

Yeah. I don't want the protection plant. Preacher, you are, without a doubt, one of, you know, the energy that you have. Every week, I'm waiting. Every time I've pulled you out of the bucket since the first time, I've been waiting for it to fall off and for it to be less

than that, but again, tonight, like, when you hit the seven-bedroom line, I mean, the base in this room, it to be less than that. But again, tonight, like when you hit the seven bedroom line, I mean, the base in this room, it was a very impressive line. That was good. You know, the only people that really ever get laughs like that is me on this show. And you know.

No, but Preacher, it's incredible. How do we get this guy a job here, like immediately? How do we just hire him for something? Preacher, we've got to figure it out. You'll get it. He's only been here four months. Just keep being positive.

Do what you're doing. Hashtag keep doing it. That's all I made it. I believe in myself. Preacher, which LA fitness do you work at? I work at the one on Miracle Mile. Miracle Mile? Yeah, Miracle Mile.

The one about Blackma Mall. I mean, the museum. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Did you say Blackma? No, I did not. I said, I did not. Tony, I did not.

I did not say that. Don't do that to me. Hashtag racist undertones. I did not say that. Red Band. Red Band just loves that slave music. He just cannot keep himself chained in. Preacher, man, that is so cool.

Anything fun? I mean, you were on last week in the main room, right? Yeah. Anything fun happen in the past week of your life? Anything interesting? Remember that girl I was talking about? You ever get dumped by someone you're not dating? Okay, that happened.

She don't love me. Where are you from? Were you born here? I was born in Portland, Oregon. I was the only black guy there in my whole entire school. I'm not making that up. I was the only black guy in the school. You have an extreme amount of energy.

I'm famous. I almost feel like you were born somewhere crazy, like in a black church or something like that. Went to a lot of churches growing up. But no, no. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. Born in Portland. Came from.

Yeah. Yeah. I live in 15 different cities. Why? I don't know. My mom, she moved a lot. I never went to a school the full year. I always moved.

She was a criminal. I think so, man. Yo. She was a criminal. I think so, man. Yo, she did some stuff. She was a criminal. Yeah, yeah. Why we always running? Don't worry about it, baby. Get in the car. So fun. Preacher, I mean, you're a... Is that your real name, Preacher?

That's the name my mom gave me. My birth name is Jovan, but my mom's called me Preacher since I was two weeks old. So what are you going by? I go by Preacher Lawson. Preacher Lawson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like a TV show.

What's your legal name? Here's the deal. My legal name is Jovan Lawson. Here's the deal. Preacher? Preacher Lawson. TBS, Saturday night. I'm a real guy.

Steven Brody Stevens. I like Preacher, but I like Jovan. I like Jovan. I don't like it, though. Why not? Brody, you're the one that... Brody, aren't you the one who... You changed your name?

Yeah. Brody, isn't your real name Steven Brody? Steven James Brody. Yeah, it is. But you just told him not to change his name. Because I made a mistake. I'm like John Cougar Mellencamp. Three hands together for the future.

Preacher Lawson, everybody. He's going to be a huge star one day. There's nothing that can stop him. He's on Twitter at Preacher Lawson. Ladies and gentlemen, drawn while you were here from the start of the episode, tonight's drawing from Ryan J. Ebald. All the prints are available at ryanjebald.com along with the... Am I in the center? That's awesome.

Fuck yeah, Brody looks like Wario. Yeah, look at my eyebrows. Sharp, on fleek. Jamie Vernon on the HD, Pat Reagan and Jeremiah Watkins. At Jeremiah's stand-up, at Patty Reagan, at Mostly Sorry. And I want to plug this real quick. July 26th on all VOD, The Bet, a new independent movie that I'm in coming out. Oh, yeah. Wow.

You're going to get seven more hits after that plug. Rowdy Roddy Piper's last film appearance. Wow. Eight now. Now eight. Are you the one that killed him? That's actually a double joke. For those of you paying close attention.

Brody, anything you want to plug? In October, I'll be in D.C. and Scottsdale. What are you doing, trick-or-treating? I'm doing an open mic in D.C. And then I'm going to be in Scottsdale, too. All right, before everybody stops listening, Josh Wolfe, what do you want to plug?

Just my podcast, Fairly Normal. Yes, Fairly Normal. We've all done it. Very, very fun. I had a blast on Fairly Normal. If you like me, check me out on that. Brian Redband. See you later.

Bye, live audience. Have a good night. Thank you. It's your world Use the girl Use the girl I'll do this shit Things that might go click with me Click with you Is that love? Is that love? Oh, push the little daisies and Push the little daisies and make them come up Push the little daisies and make them come up I like big.

I like big butts and I cannot lie. I like big butts and I cannot lie.