KILL TONY - KILL TONY #165

Episode Date: July 26, 2016

Al Madrigal, Tony Hinchcliffe, Pat Regan, Jeremiah Watkins, Josh Martin, Melissa Eslinger, Joel Jimenez, Vanessa Johnston, Brian Redban - Date: 07/11/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Don't forget to subscribe to Kill Tony on iTunes. Search the iTunes store for Kill Tony, hit subscribe, rate and review the show, or subscribe to Death Squad on iTunes and you get all the shows that we do here, like Verbal Violence, What Brian Red Band Do, all the stuff. Also check out TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have all the merchandise and you have his stories. Tony's all over the place lately.

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and click on tour dates to find all the different live shows that Death Squad produces, including every first and third Friday, we're at the Ice House in Pasadena, California. And of course, Monday, we have Kill Tony at the world famous Comedy Store, and Tuesday, we have the Roast the world famous Comedy Store and Tuesday we have the Roast Battle

at the Comedy Store also check out Roast Battle on Comedy Central that's right this month of July right now Comedy Central is introducing the Roast Battle which is verbal violence here at Death Squad to the public

and it's a great show, has a lot of Death Squad people in it so check it out alright guys here's a great show. It has a lot of Death Squad people in it so check it out. Alright guys, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Ray Payne coming to you live from the real famous

Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 4. Give it up for Tony Hitchcliff! Hi, everyone. Wow! Hi, everybody. Oh, my goodness. Feel that energy in here, that clapping golf energy. Fuck, yeah, that's a steady studio audience clap you guys have. Must be coming fresh out of Kimmel or something like that.

Hi, everyone. Make some noise like it's not a Monday. There you go. That's what I like to hear. Fire it up. Let it know it's all possible. Keep it going for Brian Redband, who's here. Hey.

Kiel Uelberg on the steady cam. Last time his camera ate his homework. Let's see if this one works this time. And Ryan J. Ebelt, the house artist, is right here. He's drawing tonight's episode. Right now he has a blank sheet of paper in front of him. And as the episode goes on, he's going to draw tonight's episode.

It's going to be fucking crazy. Brian, you ready to do this? Yes. Let's just jump right into it. Who gives a fuck about news and Pokemon Go and all that other shit you can listen to on every other fucking podcast in the world. This is Kill Tony, and this is the

Kill Tony Band. Put your hands together for Reagan and Watkins. Oh, God, no. I choose you! Okay, let's get back to work, Brian. Very good. Another hilarious intro. Pokemon Go themed intro, I'm guessing, from what I can somewhat understand

of what that might have been. Very good. Wow. Look at this. I didn't know that they had a Fat Hillbilly Pokemon character. Jeremiah, what are you supposed to be exactly right now? I'm Misty.

Wow. I know nothing about Pokemon. I'm Ash's best love interest. This is Ash. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on. I don't know anything about this Pokemon. Oh, Redman has his Pikachu. Wow. Just surrounded by idiots. This is great.

Is at... What are you calling, Pat? Ash. Ash Ketchum. Gotta catch them all. Wow. Fuck yeah. Tony, I have a confession to make.

I didn't eat dinner so I could fit into these shorts. It looks like you have a little Pokemon in your belly. It looks like you didn't miss breakfast or lunch. Jeremiah being fat might be one of the greatest things that we found out on this show in the past couple weeks.

Shocking amount of stomach. Really sort of petrifying. And I very rarely use that word. But my God. I mean, you just got engaged. Were you like this before that? Yeah. He makes it look good Tony

He does And I've never seen a Pokemon character Dressed like a guy that's about to get rid of a body Before a pad I don't know exactly This is great Joel Jimenez the only one that actually looks like I think the character that you guys are trying to pull off

I love his little cheeks Dude That tail though Did you make all that yourself Joel Wow that's very good trying to pull off. I love his little cheeks. Dude, that tail, though. That tail. Did you make all that yourself, Joel? Wow, that's very good. Sometimes I forget how Latino you are until you built something so awesome

on a Monday when most people are, you know, resting and sort of out of it. Well, speaking of great Latinos, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to give you your guests for the night. Always we have one of the funniest comedians in the world every single week. This week's no different. One of our favorite guests, one of the best in the world.

Daily show, Comedy Central special, so many great things. Put your hands together for one of our pals, the great Al Madrigal, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, here he is. He's back. One of our favorites. So when I left the house just now, I got home from work. I've been working full, full days.

And then I got home and I was like, all right, guys, I got to eat dinner. And then I got to go back. And then my wife and my daughter, they said, where are you going, my daughter? We made panna cotta, and you can have some, and I really want you to try some. And I go, no, daddy's got to go to work. This is work. With these fucking idiots. Yeah.

You really are skinny fat. I've never seen. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you, Al. Thank you. It's great to have you here. I'm a big fan.

It's disgusting. Well, Jeremiah is going to be on the sax tonight playing from the bottom of his bottomless gut. I'm really excited. Al, welcome back. We have a drummer now. Oh, it's great. That's an upgrade since the last time you were here.

It's awesome. I heard you guys have gotten a lot better. The last time I was here, it was your first time doing the show. Yeah. And you guys have really clicked, huh? Oh, man, we've got chemistry like none other. Yep. Oh, man, we've got chemistry like none other.

As you can tell, I mean, just look how much Jeremiah has grown since the first time you saw him as the Panader. I mean, he does not waste any time. That's a fat waste joke. Don't make me laugh too hard or this top button is popping off. I love it. Well, let's get – there you go. Don't forget, Brian is on the sound effects over here, playing it nice and slow for you.

Guys, we have a bucket full of comedians. Look at them over there. Look at these people. One of these people could be the future. We found a lot of great comedians on this show. A lot of them just got hired here as employees, so you never know what can happen here. It doesn't seem like there's many names in the bucket.

No, there are. They're just sort of like, you know, you gotta like mix them up and scatter them around, sort of like that. I think there's a yeah, there's a ton of them. And there's a Pokemon ball in here. Comedians, you know how it works. You get 60 seconds. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound

of a kitty. That means wrap it up then or else you're gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Yep. You get it. Yep. You totally get it. That means your time is super done, so don't try to talk over it. You get 60 seconds, and that's it.

Everybody get it? You ready to start the fucking show, or what? Very exciting. I'm going to pull the first name out of the bucket here. And that name is Christian Piper. We've seen him before. Christian Piper. An uninterrupted 60 seconds from

Christian Piper. Christian Piper, everybody. I'm a big old large fat guy. Hello? I'm not stressed about it, though, because I'm already married. So how much longer do I really want to live anyway?

I do think it's funny that people feel like they can point it out to me in public, like that's not a rude thing to do. Like I was on a plane, I guess my elbow's in the the aisle flight attendant walked by bumped it said hey watch out big guy so i said whatever you say black lady we're just throwing around adjectives let's do this just seeing things and saying them like that's not rude from a small town in kentucky home of 3 000 people called beaver dam it's the kind of town where someone asks if you've seen the new

trailer they ain't talking about no star wars they're talking about somebody's home i think that's about close isn't it it? That's 57 seconds for Christian Piper. By the size of your... Size of yourself, I would have guessed that you didn't know your limits, but you know exactly when your time is up. You sort of remind me of what Jeremiah is going to look like in two months. Jeremiah looks pretty good. No, yeah.

And he owns it. Yeah, totally Especially how his balls coming out of his pants No, no, that's still just the bottom of his stomach Testicles are almost unrecognizable Next to that stomach I'm in so much pain right now Jeremiah, why do you have the legs of a female tennis player?

Fuck yeah. You're like Venus Williams if she was the size of Venus. I'm just going to keep plowing you with fat jokes all night, Jeremiah, while a much bigger man stands between us. Total eclipse. Christian,

you've always been funny. You've been on the show a few times. Just once. This is my second time. And I met you. You opened for me in what? Indianapolis? Salt Lake City.

Salt Lake City. And that's where you're from? That's where I'm from. How long have you been in Los Angeles? I've been in LA for four months now. Wow. How's that going? Where are you living?

I live in Thousand Oaks. We're like in someone's garage. So your wife agreed to just make the move? Yeah. That's awesome. We both work from home, so it works out great. And she doesn't mind living in someone's garage? We're moving.

Is the garage that you live in Jeremiah Walken's stomach? Smaller. That's the garage pizza. What do you and your wife do? I need to stretch real quick. She runs a graphic design company. Oh, great. And then I do copywriting.

Oh, cool. And she met you as a stand-up comic, right? No, we met the first day of freshman orientation at college, like 15 years ago. Oh, so she's been on this. She knew you always wanted to do this. Well, she wouldn't marry me until I started doing comedy. And then she agreed to it. Great wife.

Yeah. So that's actually really helpful. So these guys that start trying to do stand-up comedy later on in life once they've already been married for a while, and then their wife or girlfriend, they don't know if they want to date. They didn't know that was part of the plan. Oh, my God. That's when it goes bad.

But this is the only way it can really work, when they know what they've signed up for. Yeah. When she wants you to chase your dreams instead of just chasing. And how old are you? I'm 32. Oh, that's great. And you've been doing it for how long, I'm sorry? Five years. Okay, that's about right. I think that's exactly...

Yeah, I started at 28 also. Same exact thing. You had any kids? No kids. No plans. Is there anything you miss about Salt Lake City? No, I went back there like last week. I do miss Wise Guys. Wise Guys is a great club, and I love performing there. And now you're?

Other than that, not really. I don't miss anything about it. It's kind of a shitty Mormon town. Do you have LA comedy buddies? I'm making some friends, right, guys? Holler if you love me over there. Fuck yeah. Yeah yeah that's really important too so yeah you want to get a little crew together with people that are equally as funny as you and

sort of go around yeah that's great so it seems like it's totally working out that was good stuff do you mostly talk about your wife i talk about my wife a lot because i did this on the last time i was on she has autism so that's a big part of what I talk about because it's lots of material just is she like super hot and has autism yeah yeah that's I mean I don't want to necessarily do material but that's one of the things I say is that I thought the agreement was that she was allowed to be mean and rude to me because she was so much hotter than I was right that's just what I thought our deal was. But instead I was just exploiting an autistic woman for sex.

Is her favorite color the spectrum? There you go. Oh, you son of a bitch, Red Band. That's one of my first lines of the night. You're going to do that to me? You're going to say, okay, all right. I'll see you. All right.

Right you in the corner over there. Uh-oh. Jeremiah, a little feisty tonight. My balls. You want to go change shorts or something? You going to be okay? Do you see this little white thing? Yeah, what is that?

That's his testicle. That's what I was trying to say. Why don't you tuck them up? Stand up and tuck them up your flip cage. They're so tight they won't come back up. You really are going to hurt your balls. You should stand up and fix that. Yeah, that could be a serious injury.

I like the older guys are like concerned about their testicles. Do the magician's handkerchief. Just stuff it back in. They're like, while you're at it, you should get your testicles. Do the magician's handkerchief. Just stuff it back in. You should get your prostate checked. Hey, that was a great rip on my boy Patty Reagan right there.

Oh, shit. Christian, tell me something else. Craziest thing that we would never be able to guess about you. Some hobby or anything that you're into? I was a Mormon missionary in Brazil for for two years a long time ago probably did a lot of banging right i mean no i had a lot of women pressing themselves against me on the train and that was a lot of fun for me at the time but no you're not allowed to like even touch girls like it's it's this is

getting creepy. But you're down there as a white dude in a shirt and tie, and people think you have a lot of money. Literally, no. You don't have shit. Hey, what is a salt lake? Isn't that like an ocean? It's a big lake that has salt deposits in it.

Another hot riff by my boy, Paddy Reagan. Guys, get on board with this show. The Salt Lake, it's full of brine shrimp. You can float because of the brine shrimp feces in the Salt Lake. Jeremiah's balls are also full of brine shrimp. Uh-oh. Which is basically sea monkeys, right?

Yeah, but I think they're like, I think sea monkeys are like a really small, this is boring, small variety in brine shrimp are bigger at least the ones in the Salt Lake you can see them Thank you for taking my dumb question seriously. You're welcome That's what I'm here for

Actually it is pretty interesting that you can float in Salt Lake this way you know you guys know that you can float in a Salt Lake But to do it you have to walk on on dead brine strip carcasses. The beach isn't sand. It's just dead shrimp. Christian, let me ask you this.

Do you float in the Salt Lake? I float in anything. Really? Is that how that works? Yeah. I'm not dense. Oh, I don't know. I'm buoyant, for sure.

You're not dense like your autistic wife. Whoa. Jeez. She's dense. It means she's stupid. You guys get it? Another borderline riff by my boy Patty Reagan. Taking vaccine shots at his wife.

All right. Christian, it was nice meeting you, dude. You're very funny. There he goes, Christian Piper. He's on Twitter at Piper Comedy. P-I-E-P-E-R. Comedy. Whatever's happening with Jeremiah is the greatest thing ever right now.

He's in a full panic. He's literally going to come out with a different pair of pants on. There he goes. What if he came out with an even tighter pair of shorts? I would say he's walking like he pooped his pants, but if he pooped those pants, we would all know about it. It would be very public pants pooping.

Let's just get into it. Let's pull another name out of the bucket, shall we? Let's just keep flying through it. Here we go. Next name, Eric Lampart. How about that? go. Next name, Eric Lampart. How about that? Looks like a new name. Eric Lampart, everybody. Come on. Hi, guys. My name is Eric Lampart. Yeah, I know. I sound more educated than you guys. I'm joking. I'm really stupid. My dad's English, my mom's French, and I'm married

to an American. So technically, I'm all three. I am the allies. I'm all three. And dad's English, my mom's French, and I'm married to an American. So technically, I'm all three. I am the allies. I'm all three. And it's fun, right? Like here, in an emergency, I call 911. In the UK, it's 999. Now in France, it's weird, right? It's 15, 17, 18. And my wife was like, how the hell am I going to remember this? I was like, I know exactly how you can remember it. 15, ambulance, 17, police, 18, fire service. Think of it as age of consent in America. If you have sex with a 15-year-old, that's sick, ambulance. If you have sex with a 17-year-old, that's still illegal, police. If you have sex with an 18-year-old, that's hot, fire service.

No? The British humour is slightly different, isn't it? Bit weird, isn't it? This is the thing The difference between British and US humour In Britain, I try and create these beautiful sentences And I do them to America And they're like, nah, that's shit

And then I go, I've got some dick jokes And they're like, oh shit! Dick jokes! I should have done some dick jokes There's the cat, I'm done Fuck yeah, Eric Lampard Fuck yeah. Eric Lampard. Fuck yeah.

Sending the audiences headed for the Brexit. How dare you. So you're just visiting? No, I actually moved here. I moved here a day before Brexit. It was as if I left and Europe was like, well, if Eric's gone, we might as well leave as well. Now that Russell Bland is gone.

Whoa. What a trick. Eric just turned into a raptor for a short moment there. That's fun. So how long have you been in America? A couple weeks? Yeah, about two weeks. Just moved here.

My wife's from Pittsburgh. We decided to move here yeah I left us the moment oh Jesus yeah Pittsburgh it's weird so violent yeah places the pits another good one for my boy whatever your name is oh you are not Oh, shit. Wow. Isn't it? Jeez, Pat. Fuck all, mate. That was great. Pat, you are not famous in England yet. I'm going to have to go lock, stock, and two smoking barrels on this. That was the worst episode of Downton Abbey I've ever seen. Pat using up all his English references all at once.

Fun joke. Made me want to puke up my tea in crumpets. Any more stereotypes, guys? Any more? I liked what you said about audiences here liking dick jokes. They do like it. I should have just got my dick out. No.

Clearly not. No, actually, Eric, don't worry about it. No, you'll see that I'm not sure what's giving you that impression. What shows have you been going to? Look who it is, everybody. There he is. No, actually, Eric, don't worry about it. No, you'll see that I'm not sure what's giving you that impression. What shows have you been going to? Look who it is, everybody. There he is. Oh, pants. I think your joke referred to a lot of like the police was four,

ambulance is five, or whatever. Didn't you say something like that? Yeah, it's 15, 17. We don't have that. So I think everyone was just confused what the fuck you were talking about. We just have like 911. Yeah, you know, you're trying to teach us their phone system and tell a

joke at the same time, and we sort of like, you know. No, I thought it was clever. I'm just saying, it was also sort of a dick joke, but yeah. That's what I was trying to do. I was trying to be clever and a dick joke, but maybe I should just stop doing... No, it can be done. Thanks, man. Thanks for your support. By the way, I'm actually quite

nervous, because I've always had a crush on Misty, and that is fucking weird. Wow. I've always had a crush on her. Look at that. What do you think about this version of Misty? Are you into this one? Kiss him. Curr.

Kiss him. Hi, my name's Crispy. You look good. You look real good. Eric, over here, buddy. Focus. What do you do for work? What do I do for work? Well, believe it or not, I just do stand-up comedy back in the UK.

By the way he responded, I thought he was going to say I'm a magician. Like, what do I do for work? Well, believe it or not. No, I've been doing it for eight years, but back in the UK. So I'm trying to work out what works here and what doesn't. Because obviously British and American humor is different. So I'm just going to work it out. And clearly tonight...

Is it really that different? Yeah, it is quite different, actually. Because it seems like... Think of it as the Office UK and the Office US. The Office UK is so much drier. And the Office US is more like, Noises and farts and shit. I don't watch either one and shit. I don't watch

either one of them. I don't know. It's all dog shit to me. We're all Downton Abbey fans. You what? I didn't say anything. Now I'm from Liverpool. That's really good.

Hey, I'm done talking for the next five minutes. Got a little Australian there for a second. You ever been to England, Al? I have. I'm done talking for the next five minutes. Got a little Australian there for a second. You ever been to England, Al? I have. I've done a couple sets.

Oh, what'd you do? Not too crazy. I went over for, I did, the first thing I did, I went on tour with Janine Garofalo in 2008, I think, and did hour-long sets. And then, other than references that didn't go for the most part

it went fine I didn't notice that much of a difference and then I'm a storyteller also so that might help do you have any of those?

stories? yeah I have some stories alright maybe my mother wrote Harry Potter maybe do those but I didn't really.

And then the toughest time I had was in Rotterdam. I think it went there in 2007. Oh, yeah, I know. Netherlands, right? Yeah, exactly. The Netherlands, their humor's good, man. They're really like, because they speak four or five languages. They're real sharp, mate, actually, yeah.

I performed in Stockholm, Sweden. You ever perform there? Oh, that's nice. No, I'm in Norway quite a lot. Yeah. What the fuck are you guys laughing at? Angry fucks over here. Young, jealous comedians just cackling it up.

Have you done sets in New York at all? No, no, no. So the only places I've done, yeah, is in LA. I did a guest spot in Zimbabwe once. Have you been there? No, no, no. So the only places I've done, yeah, is in LA. I did a guest spot in Zimbabwe once. Have you been there? No, but I actually did a gig in Kenya. Yeah, I did a gig in Kenya once. That was pretty cool.

Interesting. All right, well, best of luck with you. Seriously, yeah, that's great. Thank you. Where are you living, Eric? Do I need to try Brexit now? Shit. What part of town do you live in? I live in Midwilsha.

Midwilsha. God, I've never heard that said so uppity before. I live in Midwilsha. Like it ends in an A. I'm going to learn the American accent, mate. It's so difficult. Do you play a musical instrument? I used to play the bassoon when I was young.

The bassoon. Guys, Pat and Jeremiah, have you ever thought of adding a bassoon player to the mix over there? Well, not after today, isn't it? All right. Al was right. I think we're done with you, Eric. I got to. Thanks, man.

It was lovely. Cheers. Enjoy yourself. Take care. Bye, Ben. There he lovely. Cheers. Enjoy yourself. Take care. Bye, then. There he goes, Eric Lampart. He's on Twitter at Eric Lampart, L-A-M-P-A-E-R-T.

I felt like that was a little insulting. American comedy can't be boiled down to fucking dick jokes. I was trying to be positive, like you told me. The show's gotten really positive, and everyone's just asking questions. We're supposed to be down to fucking dick jokes. I was trying to be positive. Like you told me, the show's gotten really positive. And everyone's just asking questions. We're supposed to be nice to fucking Pat. No. But.

Wow. I can't. My guard is up. I liked it better when you were fucking quiet and just playing music. Remember that show? Wow, man wow here we go just fucking play the instruments and shut the fuck up oh man still a really big fan thank you so much

I tried to hold it in as long as I could I just couldn't fucking take it alright who's next I hate everyone with a British accent. Fun fact. Do you? Yeah, pretty much everyone. I think that there's an overwhelming amount of British hosts trying to overtake good American hosted jobs.

You know, you're Simon Cowles and you're whoever the fuck's after replace Craig Ferguson. Yeah. I don't want to pick on... What was your name again, buddy? I don't want to pick on Eric What was your name again, buddy? Eric. I don't want to pick on Eric,

but as soon as he fucking opened his mouth and that huge mass of fucking gums dropped, I couldn't fucking take it. I was like... His teeth definitely looked like they were from rotten death. Yeah, it's like a second layer, like a great white shark. There's fucking another row of teeth behind that row of teeth.

There you go. Still bombing from the audience. Eric Lampard, everybody. Very English of you to just be yelling after being defeated. Tony, that was the riff heard around the world right there. There you go. We're having a revolutionary war right now. The remix.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together and keep clapping. Maybe save your clapping until they get to the stage. But explode when they're about, you know, be an audience, guys. How about that? Put your hands together for Josh Popkin. Be an audience, guys. How about that? Put your hands together for Josh Popkin.

It's going to be a long one. I'm going to be honest. I don't like the people I'm currently friends with. Like, my friend Jack is one of those people who can't get through telling a story without cracking up. I ran into him this morning. I was like, what's up, dude? He was like, yo, you're never going to believe what happened last night. So I was at a bar, and this guy. what happened last night, so I was at a bar, and this guy, so I was at a bar, and this guy,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so, okay, so I was at a bar, and this guy died. I was like, wait, what? That was the whole story? He was like, yeah, dude, you should have been there. I was like, what is wrong with you? Thanks, guys. Wow, exactly. Not a dick? Thanks, guys. Wow. Exactly.

Not a dick joke. Not a dick joke. Right? Not funny at all, but not a dick joke. That was Josh Popkin. If you're wondering who the laughter was, that was Josh Popkin as well. Being the one-man audience. That's tough.

You're fairly new at this right? Yeah How long have you been doing stand up? About two years And where are you from? Connecticut Awesome! How long have you been out here? Since the summer started

Since like May Do you go to New York first and do some stand up? Yeah Were you on the Stanford swim team? No. Why does he look rapey? A little rapey right? Have you been told that before by multiple girls while raping them? That you seem

rapey before? Haven't been told that. Never been told that? No. You have a girlfriend? No. No? You been on dates lately since being in LA? I have. Or are you just in a Connecticut pussy? I don't discriminate, no. His debut album

is going to be called No Means Yes. Very good. Even your own band has given up on defending you, Jeremiah. No rim shot for that one from Joel. Josh, last date you went on in LA, what'd you do? We went to

actually went to a comedy show. You took her to a comedy show? Were you going up that night? No. She was a comic? No. You just took her to see what you do sometimes but not your show somebody else's. What's up? What show did you guys go to see?

Hopefully not this one. Didn't come to this one, no. We went to The Nerdist. Oh, very cool. How old are you, buddy? 21. Oh, yeah, super young. Wow.

So you got a ton of time, right? Yeah. How long ago did you turn 21? A month ago. Wow. You've been having fun? What's that like? What's changed since you've become 21?

Nothing. You go to bars or anything? Occasionally. Hell yeah, bro. He's 21, but his shoes are 75. Whoa. For you podcast listeners that are into shoe jokes, yep, actually actually they look fairly

new. Why don't you just run them by, Jeremiah? Whoa, I got promoted by Al Madrigal. Wow. Thanks so much for coming out. Oh man, it's great to be here. So you've been at it since you were 19.

You've always wanted to do this. You're giving it a shot, and that's great. There's a lot of room for growth. Yeah, what else do you talk about other than your buddies? Talk about whatever's going on in my life at the time. Yeah, that's a tricky... Well, that's the tricky thing about starting when you're so young is because you don't have any life experience,

and so you have nothing to draw on, and it's a little tough, you know, so you probably want to go out and do as much stuff that's unique as you possibly can, I guess. Good point. Josh, is there anything crazy about you that we wouldn't guess from looking at you? Connecticut, white as fuck. You seem like people that like your comedy would like the flavor of water.

You know what I mean? It's just sort of like nothing really there. Are your parents weird? do they have weird jobs is anything crazy about your life other than the fact that obviously you hang out with you know complete morons that laugh at themselves ridiculously I mean I wouldn't be friends with that person

anymore I mean I'd work with them I'd have them be part of the band over there but I wouldn't no I guess what he's getting at is like what's different about you that you could probably start talking about that will separate you from everybody else that's, you know. Yeah, when I was younger, I had three feet of

my colon taken out. Get the fuck out of here. I'm excited. That's good. Do you talk about that? Yeah. There's some colon bits. Occasionally. Right now the English guy's like

I fucking knew it. Three feet of colon taken out. Wow. What was the situation there? I had an

inflamed colon then they did an ileal resection. What inflamed it? Is that it? There it is. There it is. Man!

There it is. Red band from three point range. How does he do it? Man. I apologize for that statement earlier, Red band.

You were on one. Yeah, that was good. How did that What inflamed you, Colin? How did it inflame you? How did it get inflamed? Is that just a natural infection or did you eat something? No, I have Crohn's disease, which is like causes that. There it is.

Crohn's disease. Yeah. That's the slogan for Crohn's disease is oh shit. All right. That was great, Pat. That was a great fan. That was a good one. Have you had a lot of accidents? That's like a shit your pants

type of disease. Is that a thing? By the way, I also have to give you credit for wearing khakis and having that issue. Yeah. Now. Do you ever get chapped lips from just wiping so much? That's what I always wanted to know. Are you talking about your butt lips?

Yeah. Chapped butt lips? He has to shit like 30 times a day. There you go. You really have to shit a lot? 30 times a day? No. Hasn't really affected my life except for the inflamed colon.

Yeah, having that chunk of colon taken out. But on a day-to-day basis, no. An inflamed colon happens a lot around these parts here in West Hollywood, Josh. I don't know if you know that, but it's a whole thing. Okay, so three feet of inflamed colon removed. That's a good one. Crohn's disease, that's another. Can you give us something else about you?

What do your parents do? Because Connecticut's just like the most fucking white bread motherfuckers in the world. Well, you'd think. But like New Haven and Hartford. What part are you from? Westport? No, not Greenwich. What's Westport like?

Similar to Greenwich. Yeah. Yeah. What do your parents do for work? Well, my dad is a salesman for a company called Gartner. And my mom doesn't work. Gartner, the gun company? What do they do?

No, they sell computers. Oh. GPS and stuff? No, that's Garmin. That's it. Al's coming back. Nothing that exciting. You said your mom doesn't work.

You don't consider raising a child work? Whoa, that's my feminist boy, Pat Reagan, over here. Yeah. Oh, shit. Anything else, Josh? No, that's it. Thank you for having me. Fan of the show.

Wow. You're welcome. Thanks for coming by. I appreciate it. He used his lifeline to get off the stage. Yeah, exactly. Unless you want to keep talking. Well, I mean, if you're telling me that that's everything we need to know about you,

then I mean, maybe that's it. You are 21 as fuck, Josh I mean, maybe that's it. You are 21 as fuck, Josh. I'm not going to lie. We'll see you in a couple years. Josh Popkin, there he goes. Fuck yeah, dude. Absolutely. Super polite. Yep, he has crones.

That's official. He has crones. You can tell he wipes with the right. There he goes. Josh Popkin. Crone up. He wrote the word Facebook next to his Twitter. So find Josh Popkin on Twitter, P-O-P-K-I-N. Wow. Three feet of colon removed. I mean, that would just freak me out for the rest of my life.

Every poop, I'd be like, this is not good. I already get scared every time I poop. I always feel like I'm dying, sort of. Not always, but like half the poops. Do they replace it? Is it like pig intestine that they... Josh, let's get him back up here. They just cut him.

They don't replace the colon. They just make it shorter, so you just have to poop faster. But you're losing intestine. Is that what's happening? You don't have three feet of fucking colon. I think that's what he's talking about. Is that what's happening? You don't have three feet of fucking colon. Well, I think that's what he's talking about. I think there's a lot of colon there.

Yeah. I mean, it feels like a lot of colon. There you go, Brian Redband. Brian Redband being Brian Redband live on Kill Tony.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. This looks like another new name. Put your hands together for Anthony Amorello. Yeah. What's going on, guys? I have a weird relationship with alcohol. One that I can only really compare to Bobby and Whitney.

But I'm Whitney. And what I mean by that is sometimes I go out with Bobby, beer, and I wake up in the morning, I have a black eye, I'm addicted to crack. I don't think I would have started drinking as heavily as I do if they just had commercials for alcohol, like they do modern medicine, but you see a commercial for Zoltec for a fluid in your knee and side effects is anal bleeding, you're not taking that. They just had that beer. If they just had that commercial for beer, if it was like PBR, get drunk on us. Side effects include vomiting, bruising, bleeding, dehydration, dizziness, memory loss, illegitimate kids, legitimate kids, wedlock, divorce, alimony, lawyer fees, DUI, more lawyer fees, friends gain, friend loss, illegitimate kids legitimate kids, wedlock, divorce alimony, lawyer fees, DUI, more lawyer

fees, friends gained, friends lost disappointed pets, pissed off neighbors doctor bills, and then sometimes in not so rare cases, death you can be like, no I'm not drinking, but instead they just put a pair of boobs next to the beer and everybody's like, yeah, I'm down

they put a, yeah, that's cool fuck yeah, Anthony Amorello. You just shook your head like you weren't... I'm winded. Yeah, you got to get... When you memorize something like that. Yeah, that didn't go as I planned. It's tough.

Well, first of all, and I've said this every single time I'm on, one minute, it's incredibly tough. What they're doing... Big round of applause for all the comics. The bravery. Because it is difficult. Just one minute.

Yeah. I think I've told this story a couple times. But when I first started in San Francisco, we were sitting in the back of the room for nine months. Me and a comic named Gary Cannon and another comic named Andrew Norelli. And then the guy walked up to us, this guy Huck, who was in charge of the San Franciscoisco punch line and he said all right i'm gonna give each of you guys three minutes and um i looked at and i go no no we're not gonna do that and he goes what and i go nah we're not gonna do that and i go when you're ready to give us each seven minutes we'll take it and then he fucking goes all right i respect that and fucking gave us each seven minutes you know'll take it. And then he fucking goes, all right, I respect that. And fucking gave us each seven minutes.

He goes, which one of you guys wants to go up now? I was like, I'll do it. And then I went up. But for the most part, what you're doing, you can't operate in a minute's time. So you shouldn't beat yourself up. Even the people I gave a hard time to, it's like you can't do anything in a fucking minute. And if you can, like the big guy, you've got to really think about these fucking sets. If you want to do something that's impressive, you really have to have this planned out if you know you're going to fucking come up here.

But to pull that off, it's tough. So don't beat yourself up too much. You do smell a little bit. I didn't know if you You certainly can control that. I know. Dang. What's the smell that you smell? I don't know. I thought I got a whiff of the microphone, because

sometimes... These are horrible. Never smell the mic. But then I realized it wasn't the microphone. I'm just a big guy that's not used to this heat. It sounds like one way that you're not like Whitney Houston is you don't take a bath. Remember that from earlier, you motherfuckers?

You hateful, half-laughing crowd. Anthony, how long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half. All in LA? No, I'm from Massachusetts. I just moved out here in April. I definitely think character-wise,

I don't know if you want to use the beer as a prop or if you're just drinking it, but he's got a Fort Lauderdale hat on. The party animal. It totally works, right? That could be a thing. You're like the... That's your song every time you walk around.

Do you really drink that much? Are you really like that guy? I used to. Actually, since I started doing comedy, I realized I can't drink that much. It just doesn't ever work when you're fucking wasted on stage. For me, anyways.

You can. What did you say? It could work out. Yeah. It could. You might want to play with it and see how fucked up you can get. That's fair.

Do you do a lot of spots? You go up often? Yeah. What do you do for work? I mean, I spot a lot of people in the weight gym. I'm like, you need a spot? But I don't know about spots.

I don't have a job here yet. I'm just doing extra work for now. But I need a job or I'm going to get evicted really soon. Have you noticed that you smell at all? Is that a thing that people close to you have told you, or do you not have people close to you? I have a lot of people. I mean, I smell tonight, I'm not going to lie.

I was in a rush getting here, but one time eating me, you can't just solidify me for smelling forever. In this business, we totally can. Literally just a dime a dozen. I don't know if you know this. I have a full bucket of names here. Yeah, we can cut you off right from the get as the smelly guy.

I live in that fear daily and I don't ever smell. It's part of it. You know what I mean? They would crush my soul to be known as the smelly guy. You're crushing my soul right now. No, you're crushing your own soul and just finding out about it live on a podcast.

When's the last time you showered? What's your hygiene like? I mean, I showered this morning. Like I said, it's fucking hot. When was the last time you wiped your butt after pooping? There you go. Brian Redband with another Redband for you. I mean, Axe Body Spray. That's what it's for.

Just spray your butthole and your balls and get out of there. I don't think you're supposed to spray your butthole. I don't think that's good advice. I don't think that's what it's for. Brian Redband. Brush the crumbs off and spray it down. Brian thought it was Axe Body Spray. It's not. No.

Thank you, Joel. I deserved it on that one. Anthony, it's crushing you right now that you smell a little bit. You took a shower this morning. You said it was hot, that you were in a rush. What else did you do today? Honestly, I had to scrape up enough money to not get evicted this month, so that was cool. How'd you do that?

I pulled the last amount of money from my savings account. So I seriously need a job. Right. And apparently soap. So like any. Yeah, don't rely on the extra work and then just. Yeah, I'm not trying to. I became a bouncer at a strip club in Hollywood. Sounds fun.

And it wasn't. It's just so fucking terrible. Jeremiah's stomach also became a bouncer at a comedy club tonight. There you go. Look at it. Can we get Jeremiah's stomach its own microphone? Oh, look at that. Again.

Again, this is the podcast that I really encourage you watch instead of just listen to. You got to watch this one. Anthony, tell us something else interesting about you. You're a yo-yo specialist. You skydive monthly. How many arrests? Good question. Nine.

Wow. Nine? Break it down. Al nailed that. Why don't you go through each one of them? Repeat offender? Yeah, there were a couple. How many urination of drunken public?

One urination. One urination. Al Madrigal killing it right now, by the way. Perfect question. Keep going. One, peeing in public. Two, Is that different than the public urination? He's recapping.

Maybe it was just a wet shit, the first one. I don't know. No, and then there's three possessions because Massachusetts. Yeah, what do you have? Just weed? Yeah, just weed.

There was inciting a riot, DUI. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wow. That almost sounded like, I mean, you really tried to cover up that inciting a riot there with that DUI. Inciting a riot, DUI. Inciting a riot, DUI, DUI, DUI. Talk about a DUI. Rape shoplifting.

I just, I know my dad's going to watch this and he has no idea about the riot. Let's do it. Let's talk about it. Hi, dad. Welcome to a live podcast that hundreds of thousands of people are watching. Don't tell him about it. No, he should know. I mean, it's time.

Yeah. How long ago was the riot? 2012, I think. Wow. Yeah, 2012. Yeah, I was in college, and a group of guys, like the weekend before, had kind of fucked up my girlfriend's house at a party through the couch

out the window and it yeah it was no shit gets crazy I'm telling you this is the stuff you should we all be talking about every single one of these fucking stories instead of analogies you know what I mean like you could do that Whitney Bobby shit you can write

shit but you look like a guy that's... Anybody could do that drug commercial, you know, it's for liquor. But this, the nine, going through each one? Yeah. Nobody else can do that. I mean, I was trying to do new stuff, you know? Gotcha. That's drinking and being...

Let's not do new stuff. Let me hear that. Let's hear the good stuff. I want to hear the best of it. Unless you've done this stuff on the show before Yeah, exactly, unless you're a repeat customer But, yeah, so Tell us about the inside, they threw the couch out the window

Yeah, so they threw the couch out the window And, mind you, like We're in New Hampshire So, like, it's just drinking and drugs So, like, things escalate really quickly And in about Five days span, it got to The school's spring weekend Which is just, like, things escalate really quickly. And in about a five-day span, it got to the school's spring weekend, which is just, like, mayhem. And these kids found me, and I found them, and they had a lot more friends than I did around that section.

And punches were thrown. And then about, like, $7,000 worth of damage to the school. It ended up being 70 people just in this huge brawl. And I was... Because you got a lot of friends. You got a lot of people that'll back you up, too. My friends were drugged out. I couldn't find them.

They were just on a couch somewhere, and I just couldn't... My girlfriend was at the cafeteria. It was like a quarter mile away. She sprinted down when she heard about it. But, yeah, it was like. She was at the cafeteria with who, Jeremiah? Yeah, yeah.

Dude, you got me again, man. This is crazy. Well, the good thing about you being arrested nine times is we know you didn't drop the soap because you didn't pick it up. How long did you spend in jail longest time? Longest time, I mean, I got bailed out every time, which was nice. But I think the longest time was like seven hours for that DUI. Whoa, you're a gangster. And you're the youngest of how many siblings?

Four. Yeah. And I didn't even get prosecuted for that DUI, so that was pretty sweet. That's what's up, dude. It was great. And your parents didn't go to college or did they? My dad went to Emerson. Graduated?

Yeah. What does he do? He's now a paving contractor. He's a what? A paving contractor. He actually, he moved to LA and he was doing background work. He paved the way for your nine arrests. Yeah, yeah, he did.

He was doing background work out here and then he just fucking hated LA and moved back. Wow, well, hopefully you're following your father's footsteps. Yeah, I saw that coming. No, that's fun. So what do you think you're going to end up? It sounds like your story is very compelling because it sounds like you just ran out of money, shit got real,

you don't have money left for next month. Right. And you're planning on staying here. So what do you think you're going to do? Any ideas? You know, have you thought about, you know, selling a body part or something like that? Craigslist. I'm really close to selling my car, actually.

What do you have? I have a 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee, so that should get me through the next month. Horrible car, though. It really is. It's one of the worst fucking cars. Why don't you go back to strip club DJing? No, it was a bouncer. I just, it's fucking gross.

Like, you think I smell like they smell, man. And, like, there's something about, like, part of my job. No, strippers are super stinky at the end of the shift. Don't start associating that with your own personality, by the way. You don't have to be the smelly guy yet. Yeah. Can I just tell you something real quick? Just very helpful, hopefully.

You sound like you're a little bit defeated. Definitely defeated. So you've got to take this very seriously, and this goes for everybody else. It's easy to get down on yourself. It's easy for you to assume that this isn't going to work out. But if you really do put the work in and take this seriously everything will be fine but you've got to do a shitload of work and this isn't like college and you can't fucking half-ass this if you really want it to go well so if this is really something but don't you know you come out here

and you do background work and you're scraping together the money and it's you gave it a shot you want to be able to say that but if you really want to give it a shot, you got to put a shitload of effort in. So why don't you try that and just see how effort goes. And then you can fucking quit. I'll be homeless before I go home. The thing is, I got a DUI. I can't drive Uber. Dang.

I just, I'll be homeless before I go home. I thought you didn't get convicted for the fucking DUI. Yeah, it still comes up on your record. Dude, you have to be homeless before you go home. That's how it works. Lyft. Lyft will let you put your PBR in the cup holder while driving. Well, Anthony, I hope you figure it out, man.

If you really want to do it it you're going to be fine you know what I mean but you're going to have to go out of your comfort zone I did jobs and did shit that I absolutely hated there was a period in time where I was waiting tables while working here at the store and I would literally during the day lunch shifts nine years ago I'd be waiting tables at this

Italian restaurant in Los Feliz and I would literally be at a table and I would take a break real quick and go outside and cry for like 40 seconds. And then I'd go back in, wipe the tears, just be like, hey, so here's that lemonade you wanted. Like they would never know. I was taking a break like every three minutes to cry for 40 seconds and then come back in. I swear to God.

I mean, I have witnesses to prove that. Maybe eight years ago helped me assemble my ikea kitchen side by side yeah yeah that was like an honor i remember being like oh my god i can't believe i get to help al madrigal put together an ikea set it was fine i swear to god it was like at the time it's one of those amazing gigs same thing with steve ran as easy letting me uh like uh dog sit for him he used to pay me like a couple hundred bucks a month he'd go out of town forizi Letting me dog sit for him He used to pay me a couple hundred bucks a month He'd go out of town for November I would dog sit for him

And it was like a game Life changing shit So now I'm made out of Netflix money Hustle your fucking ass off And maybe you gotta stop boozing Even though you get that character You'll be fine But you really gotta fucking hustle

How old are you? 24 You had a good time? You'll be fine, but you really got to fucking hustle. How old are you? 24. You had a good time. You still have a great time, but now it's time to grow up a little bit. You got it. There you go, Anthony Amorello. We're going to stay in touch with Anthony. We're going to keep an eye on this developing story.

That was nice. There he goes, sipping warm PBR all the way back to his seat. Already making the big change in his life. Yeah, yeah. Changes right away. He's already started to take it seriously. One more time for Anthony, everybody. Come on.

I feel like we got a lot of heart on that one. Heart's good. Did you guys ever give plasma or donate plasma or blood for money? I used to do that twice a week. Really? They would accept your blood? Plasma. Tony.

Why is this blood 20% Go-Gurt? Yes, Jeremiah, what was that? I love how you're being really humble for 45 seconds, and then you're like, but that was before the Netflix line. That was a grip. Yeah, that was the whole thing. It's like a setup. And then a punchline at the end.

It's a whole thing. I pulled another name out of the bucket. I feel like it's a new name. I might be wrong. Put your hands together for Dylan Gray. Uh-oh. Ron? Yes, I have pink eye.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. My boyfriend came in my eye three days ago, and it got bad. Can we disqualify him? So I'm just going to do something a little different. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. You just got to go. You got to go. You got to go, Dylan.

I'm sorry. We can't have you up here with pink eye. You know what? Maybe we'll put it to the side. We love you. We'll have you back next week when you don't have pink eye, okay? There he goes. Dylan Gray, everybody.

There he goes. That's fucking absolutely disgusting. Can we get Josh Martin with a spray thing for the microphone? No, no, no. Just keep it right over there. You can't hang around people with pink eye. Seriously, I wish you the best of luck, but you shouldn't be in that close proximity to anybody. Yeah, it's highly contagious, Dylan.

You just need to fucking walk away. Dude, I bet he's not going to do that opener again. What's that? All right, can we get him to pay his tabs? Fuck, holy shit. What's that? All right. Can we get him to pay his tabs? Fuck. Holy shit. This is the first time anyone's ever gotten thrown out of a comedy club for fucking pink eye. No, sir.

You have to leave. Dylan, we love your heart, man. Please come back when you don't have pink eye. We just all work so much on such high caliber projects that we can't get sick. We hope you understand. Could never. Yeah. Not even close.

I can't believe his last name's Gray and his eye is pink. There you go. There's one joke for you to take home. Does anybody know that guy? No. Has anyone seen him before? No.

No? No, no. No, no. I was confident. If you are all fucking friends with him, I was confident in my decision, but fuck that guy. Have you guys ever had pink eye?

Yeah. The old paper towel. No, no, he did it with a Clorox. That Josh really took care of it. Josh, was that it? No, no, he did a Clorox wipe and then he dried it off. He did a great job. There you go, Josh Martin.

I don't think... Did he touch the mic stand and bring it back? He did? Mic stand, Josh. Josh, we need more sanitizer. It's got poop all over the thing. We need you to stroke this whole thing. My God, that is almost just...

Really? You only brought one wipey? A little wipey poo? Josh, what are you doing? We're waiting for the thing to be sanitized. Al, you got a new TV show, right? Are you allowed to talk about that? Yeah, yeah.

We start next week. Showtime. I'm dying up here. Al Magical starring and writing in it, ladies and gentlemen. How about that? Yeah! Good. Keep an eye on it.

It's about stand-up comedy in the 70s. Full mic replacement going on. Still no wiping of the mic stand for those of you paying attention. We really only care about the mic stand. That's all he touched. Yeah, the mic stand. Now he has to go back and get another wipe. I like the swap.

Jesus Christ. Al is in I'm Dying Up Here. They're taping that soon, and that's coming out. When does that start? I think in the winter, December, January. Winter, December, January. Why not promote more things in this

dead part of the show? I'm going to be in Cleveland next week, Tulsa, San Francisco, Sacramento, San Diego, and Boston's Wilbur Theater. For those of you listening to the live stream right now, keep your eye on those dates. TonyHinchcliffe.com. I'm dying up here.

Yeah, we are clean. Clean and good to go. You guys ready for your next comedian? That's for you guys, by the way. We've had Pink Eye. We've had... People are fucking disgusting. Bobby Lee does it.

Mencia used to do it. They stick the microphone in their mouth and shit like that. Don't stand for that, you guys. Anybody that looks gross, fucking send them on their way. And if you're ever sick, just take the night off. You can't get people here sick, you fucking

psychos. That guy's eye looked like he was about to fall out of the fucking socket, too. That was like purple eye. He looked at me in the eye and it was like I was staring to the out of the fucking socket, too. That was like purple eye. He looked at me in the eye, and it was like I was staring to the eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings. He's like, what? I had pink eye. I was like, yeah.

His eye looked like it had three feet of colon removed from it. His eye looked like a Pokemon ball. Whoa, Pat. Sometimes Pat lets us know when we've reached our limit of jokes on a subject. Yeah, I knew I shouldn't have tagged that. Let's go with the terminology. Yeah, misusing terminology with Pat Reagan's spinoff show.

Put your hands together for your next comedian that looks like another new name, Tyler Guizar. together for your next comedian that looks like another new name, Tyler Guizar. Anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. Hello.

Hi. Does that sound right? I'm in the Navy, and I'm about to get out right now. Pretty stoked. Grow some facial hair. Look a little generically white. And I joined the Navy like 60 years ago. And when I joined the Navy, my whole perception of the Navy was the movie Top Gun. You know?

So I was like really stoked to work with these like pilots. You know, Top Gun. It's got... I stuttered a little bit. Fucking Maverick. Tom Cruise. Iceman. Val Kilmer.

Really good looking dudes. Six years in the Navy. I haven't met a single Maverick, Tom Cruise, Iceman, Val Kilmer, really good-looking dudes. Six years in the Navy, I haven't met a single Maverick or Iceman. Maybe like one goose or a couple geese. I don't know, something like that. And it would have been all right. You know, we can't. I love it. We can't all be Tom Cruise.

You know what I'm saying? We can't all be Tom Cruise. You know what I'm saying? We can't all be Tom Cruise. Five, six, play six, two. It's very difficult. But these fucking nerds. Oh, man. They saw this movie. All right.

You're top done. Wow. Wow. That was great. I have so many questions. Wow. That was great. I have so many questions. Yeah. How old are you? First of all, yeah, good question.

How old are you? 24. He's done the set before on Kill Tony. Really? Yeah. Is that true, Tyler? No, I've never been on here before. Oh, you must have seen him in the OR or something like that.

That happened to me last week. Very strange. It's probably just because it's a Top Gun joke. And every single person in the world has probably heard a Top Gun joke before. And then the other half has no idea what Top Gun is anymore. I would hope they do. Well, Tyler, it really seems like you're banking on the fact that everybody watched Top Gun in the past week. I mean, your references are out of control.

You pretty much named every cast member. Is it me? Are you making a joke? Because Top Gun has to be about the Air Force, right? No, it's the Navy. The Navy pilots, yeah. What else are you talking about? How long have you been doing it?

About a year sporadically. Because I was in the Navy, it's really hard to get some time. But I'm getting out, so I'm getting more time. Sure. And then where were you stationed? I was in Washington on one of the carriers. And then I was in San Clemente Island for the last two years. Jesus, sounds like you went to the Navy to go on vacation or something like that.

No, it sucked, Dick. Washington and San Clemente doesn't sound that bad. San Clemente Island is like dog shit. There's just a desert island. Wow. Where is it at? Shots fired. You know where Catal is like dog shit. There's just a desert island. Wow. Where is it at? Shots fired. You know where Catalina is?

Yeah. It's south of Catalina, and they just bomb shit there. What were you doing there? I'm an air traffic controller, so I talked to all the pilots. Yeah, so I was going to ask now, are you going to be able to do that once you get a job? Is it difficult? I don't like it. You don't like being an air traffic controller?

No. I'm going to try to do this. I don't like it. You don't like being an air traffic controller? No. I try to do this. When you're air traffic controlling, do you sporadically just burst into laughter like a villain?

Oh, sorry. That was really funny. Your career choice is so fucking laughable. It's a nervous laugh, but just the way you did it. It's like, I'm going to try to do this. It's never going to work. You want me to give it a shot? Well, I figured out it was not going well

and I was fucking... No, I think it was sort of charming. I think your personality, like you could, you look funny. I mean, that's... No, no, that's a huge compliment.

I started because people were like, my little brother's friends when I was, I always wanted to be a stand-up comic, but they would laugh at just looking at me. And I was like, oh, if I could just add words to this. It's great. Yeah.

Funny. Look, you got that part down. If you just say something that's hilarious. Yeah, I got nervous and I didn't react. I didn't handle it well. So, well, it's a tough. Everyone's had a struggle today. So just relax and get comfortable. Right.

Thank you. Take it from Pat, who's been trying to do that the entire episode. That was really fun. Again, Pat, you had two good ones. Tyler, tell us more about yourself. You've been in the Navy.

All we know about you is that you are an over-the-top Top Gun fan. How long have you been trying to grow that beard? What is that? That started two weeks ago. I've never done a face show before. You still haven't. No, it's bad. It's not good, but I'm putting in some effort.

Yeah, it's not going to end up in a good place. I'll give it another week, but that's about it. I couldn't quite decipher what the joke was even about. Were you saying that there weren't that many attractive guys in the Navy and you were looking for one? Yeah, I started stuttering because I was drinking beer. My mouth got dry. It was probably bad planning. But I was saying, like, pilots,

they're fucking dorks. They look really cool in movies. I thought I expected that, but they were really weirdos. What do you think these pilots think of the air traffic controllers down below? They're just telling them where to go in reverse and where to park. It also probably comes from that they were

like assholes, so it probably comes from there. Are pilots really assholes? Do they ever crack the window, like, get out of the way, faggot, you know what I mean? I had to work my way into control positions. And, like, I had to get them way into control positions. I had to get him coffee and do all the planning. I handled the air plan.

Coffee? That's an air traffic controller thing? You've got to work your way up. You stuttered a little bit. Is that something that happens on a regular basis? No. Sometimes. I just got a dry mouth. I'm nervous.

What's some crazy things that is non-Navy related about you? What are people going to find interesting? What's your dating life like? I've got a girlfriend. How long have you guys been dating? About two years. Where'd you meet her?

In the Navy. It's a secret. You're not allowed to date. Nobody has to see this, guys. If they don't know our lists already, let's not fucking tell them. What's her role in the Navy? Same job. We work together. Same job.

I met her and I was probably three or four ranks higher than her. That's really taboo, right? You can't be doing that. Yeah. When she gives you hand jobs, does she go like this? I don't know. It's so stupid.

Yo, that act out, though. Thank you. Again, this is the podcast you must visually watch. Tyler. So that's interesting. She's an air traffic controller, too. About four ranks below you. Well, now we're the same. Tyler. So that's interesting. She's an air traffic controller too. About four ranks below you. Well, now we're the same. Whoa. Well, I'm out.

But we're the same. She caught up. Oh, you're out now. Yeah. How long has that been? Well, I saved up all my vacation days. So like from June until the end of August, I'm still in. But I never have to go back. I'm getting paid the whole time. All right. Wow. That's great. It's like I'm kind of.

That's interesting. So when she's done, she'll join you, I guess? Are other guys trying to bang her all the time, though? Isn't that tough? Oh, that's the weird thing in the Navy. It's like the girls are a dime a dozen. So that's that. I didn't use that phrase correctly.

No, you used the opposite. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a lot of competition, but on San Clemente Island, it went pretty smooth for me. Why was that? That's a funny character that you could play. You could just walk up and go, hey, how you doing?

I love to bang. How'd that go? He laughs like, I keep picturing an imaginary guy. You want to try that? Just for a second, can we try to act that out like walk up to is your opening line and hey everybody What's your name again? Yeah, he's just like hey, everybody. My name's Tyler. I love to bang Yeah, yeah, I love to have sex some sort of sex thing that'll make our English guy really happy hello

My name is Tyler and I like to bang There you go. That sort of works for me. I like it. Bankaholic anonymous. It actually worked. Love to bone. What else, Tyler?

Anything else? Jeremiah, you got anything to add to that? So I like pussy. What about you guys? That works. Hey, how many times a day do you say I love you to your girlfriend? Probably like 20. Jesus Christ.

I'm a really caring guy. Sweetheart. He has to. You don't understand how many guys are trying to fuck his girlfriend. Yeah. And not to mention she's air traffic controlling, too. So don't even get me started on that one. I don't get it, but he delivered it. Air traffic controlling.

That's funny. So Tyler, let me ask you this. When you were on the same island with her, you guys would have top secret hookups. Like how would you do that on a deserted island? I'm not going to go into that. I'm going to hold that one. That could actually still get him in trouble.

Or her in trouble, maybe. How much longer does she have until she's out? Three? Three more years? Three more years. Whoa, yeah. This one's not going to work out. Sorry, Tyler.

I don't think 20 times a day is enough to keep her... Wow, Jeremiah. Look at you. Almost found that last note. I still think we all have fucking pink eye. I'm sorry. That was creepy.

The waitress probably has it from holding the pen that he gave her to sign his bill. It's probably like this whole connection that you guys all got the pen now. We gotta seal the comedy store, everybody! Everybody in! Oh, shit.

Thank you very much. Good luck to you. There he goes. Tyler Guzar, everybody. Boom. Another one. Down the train. Tyler Guzar, everybody. Boom. Another one down the drain. We got three left? Yeah. We're going to hit our two regulars right now. Oh.

Two regulars. We're going to go back to the bucket one last time after our two regulars. Let's do going up first this time. You know her is always nervous. It's always a challenge. She's very new and she just started on the show whenever. Six, seven, eight months ago, whatever.

And writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. It's a tough position. Here she is, Melissa Esslinger, everybody. Not out of the bucket. New 60 seconds every week. There's shoes and a Pokeball over there. Two Pokeballs. You know those, oh, there's one right there too.

You know those desk birds that are like, I don't understand. They're like, oh shit, I'm still thirsty. Fuck, what was I going to do? Oh, yeah, drink more water. Damn it, I'm still thirsty. I don't know. I just think they're really funny.

I think it also would be funny if there was, like, this guy that gets mad every time you make them laugh. Because laughter is like a natural reaction to something's funny, right? Like something's funny that I'm not saying right now. But if you said something funny they would laugh, and then what if you were just like FUCK YOU! How dare you make me laugh! FUCK YOU!

I don't know. Pokemon, the Pokemon game, right? Everybody's doing it. Getting, uh, 14 year old girls are like right around the corner from getting abducted because you're like, yeah, man, I got a rat

attack! And then you're in a van. There you go. Melissa Esslinger. An unbelievably not nervous performance. You performed like you had a bunch of jokes that you were going to do. I was waiting for a punchline at any point almost.

But performance-wise, that was your best performance, but you just didn't do any jokes. I mean, you were moving around comfortably on stage, no ums, no regrets. You have to realize that right from the get, nobody gives a shit about any balls on stage, no ums, no regrets. You have to realize that right from the get, nobody gives a shit about any balls on stage. You have to be in a desperate race to make a connection with the audience when you get on stage every single time.

Yeah, there's this economy of words thing that people don't realize is that you really want to be precise and surgical when you have, especially the opening lines. And so your opening line something in the audience something's trying to call back to the fucking pink eye guy something that uh you know everyone and then you can jump in again when you have more than a minute it's easier to do this but you just really want to be nice and concise and like i've said I think before when you were up here, because you were the last time, you know, it's coming.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Well, I guess I'm not that good at joke writing. But I'm good at being funny on accident. So I've been working on that. Yeah.

Which sounds like bullshit, but it's not. Work on the writing, for sure, and then let the accidental stuff happen organically would definitely be my one only... There's no other option. You would have to try to write jokes

in order for the accidental stuff to happen because banking on the accidental stuff, it shows. It's not that I just got up here and was like, oh, let me see if this is funny. This is stuff that I like. No offense to my friends, but I don around my friends and they laughed.

I'm trying to figure out how to I understand there weren't any punchlines. But that's not a joke. The main thing really is that you're talking about it not being funny. You know, you're saying things like, you know, it would be funny, you know, some people laugh. You know, like if I was saying something funny right now, then it's like you're letting us know that, hey, I mean, no punchlines is no punchlines. We all know it.

We've heard them. You know, something funny happens. We're all rooting for you in the first place. That's the other thing. We're dying for you to give us a chance to laugh. And, you know, it's going to be verbal. It's not going to be a part. There's not going to be something that you find out where it's

like, hey, you know those one things that are like this? That's funny, right? It's never going to work. It's just we're there. We're at a higher level. You know what I mean? So, yes, you're right. That desk water thing, I don't even know exactly what you're talking about. But you don't know the birds, the desk ornaments?

I think they're on lawns as well, too. On what? Aren't they on lawns as well? Anybody? Like the water fountain thing? It's like a rocking bird thing. There's that desk thing that people it's been in movies and people have it on their desk

where this bird goes down and drinks it's a physics thing. Is there one in Top Gun? I don't know. I'm struggling with the whole idea of wanting to just scream, what the fuck do you want? But that's normal and I'm trying to figure it out, you know? Right? Can I say something?

It's tough, because when you don't like when you when you're funny but you don't necessarily know what's funny about you I mean that just takes life experience and getting comfortable in your own skin sort of be able to channel that on stage and I think if you're having trouble writing I mean the best advice really is to keep your eye open when you're going about your daily life because funny shit happens and then definitely try to Communicate that yeah, it's gonna happen right in front of you And you just got to know what it is and how to say it to get to it those that the ball Oh, there's another ball

Oh, there's another ball that nobody on the podcast can hear nobody in the audience can see because the thing above that's slightly elevated so it's like balls are like blocked and you're talking about one behind there anytime you're not involving anybody and getting right to it they can sense your killing time they can sense your you're not that here's what it really is they can sense that you don't have anything that you're that excited to talk about, that those balls to you are more exciting than what you have planned with the bird, desk, water, whatever exact thing. I don't even, still don't know. Does that make sense at all?

You have to get to it in the beginning. I guess. And does everybody know, I mean, it's very popular right now. Obviously, these guys are dressed up like Pokemon, so is Redman, but is everyone in the audience 100% familiar with the phenomenon and how it works? What was the reference that you used? The Pokemon game. Right, I know that.

What was the reference that you used after that? There's something right there. You said there's a rat-tat-tat? I was just naming what I think is a Pokemon, or it is. So what was the thing that you said for that thing? Still no answer here. I feel like it's a really good way for girls or kids, because I've seen groups of teenage girls to get jumps or raves.

Are you even listening anymore? Yeah. So what was the line that you said at the end about the girls waiting around the corner, and then what, what, what, what? Are you even listening anymore? Yeah. So what was the line that you said at the end? I said... About the girls waiting around the corner, and then what, what, what, what? The reference from Pokemon. Rattatat.

Rattatat. Is that right? Is that what you said? Did you say that word? I think she said that, the Rattatat, before. Is that a Pokemon character? Yes. Perfect.

Now that we've finally gotten there, how many people in the audience know what that character is? Jesus. God. Kill Tony in Pokemon with a huge crossover. I want to know why I always... Well, it's okay to fail, but I want to know... How you could have written that better?

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I haven't been doing... I don't think I know anything. I'm here to learn. Sure. Yeah, we know that. And I don't think I know anything. I'm here to learn. Well, that's – And I don't want to – That goes without saying.

Is the kid that I brought to San Diego here? No. Jesse Velasquez. Velasquez. Yeah, that did not go well, you guys. Really? What happened? What?

That did not go great at all because of this very thing that we're talking about. So you guys don't know, some of you, what I proved then just bringing him down is that it's very difficult to, when you get up. So if I brought you to host, and I thought he was just going to host. I'm saying this for him and for everybody. And I try to teach him exactly what you go out like hosting and going up first, there's no fucking around with this minute that you have. Not at all. Even as a headliner, if you're Louie, if you're anybody,

like first minute, you know, you want to, you know, obviously if you're headlining, you can establish yourself, and you can build, and that's great. But when you're somebody like yourself, that's unknown and you're hosting and there's a large group of people there, you got to go up. And like I said, economy of words and really have this scripted out and planned out and just go to it. You saw the guy from Salt Lake City. You know, it's just he knew that 58 seconds he was ready to go because he's been doing it for this amount of time. And the English guy, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I mean, I do. I knew exactly what he was going to do. You should know exactly what you're going to do and have it practiced and rehearsed. And even if it doesn't get a laugh, it should be structured enough that you can get it out in a fucking minute. And so I can't I can talk to you afterwards and tell you exactly what I would have done. I don't know if it would work. You could kiss two hours of your life goodbye. I'm theatrical.

No, I'm just saying with the Pokemon thing, you have to introduce everybody to the concept. No, you have to. Maybe I'm stupid. It's also showing that you're not going out and you're not doing mics because you definitely didn't do any of those jokes at any mics this week. That's not true. So you actually did that and go, hey, I'm not doing jokes and you didn't learn? No, because it made people laugh and I enjoyed doing it and I was – here's the thing.

You yourself said you didn't write any jokes. So how are you doing no jokes on stage? Because I suck at writing jokes. Well, then you need to stop and figure it out because that's the whole point of being a comedian. I magically can write amazing jokes now, right? I can't just snap my fingers and write good jokes. That's the point of being a comedian is writing material.

You can't just go on stage and stumble around and expect to make it on HBO. It's not a lack of material. It's a lack of jokes. Unless, of course, you get cancer and then you can't get an HBO special. I'm trying to figure out what's making it, right? Melissa, you are on a whole other level right now.

I'm just trying to be good at it. Oh, he's the hardest art form in the world. Not going easy for you. Oh, Melissa. Oh, how sad. I thought it was going to be easy. I'm going to my room. Yes, you are. There she goes. Melissa Esslinger, everybody! I thought it was going to be... I'm going to my room! Yes, you are.

There she goes. Melissa Esslinger, everybody. I'll talk to you. I'll talk to you. There she goes. There she goes. And you know what? Charming and delightful, and that's going to carry you a long way.

I felt like you don't mention the positives, too. It's like, obviously, you've been given this opportunity, but you're so charming and likable when you get up on stage. That's a huge part of it. And it's definitely going to work out. But just, again, like I've been saying, and every time I come up here, I say the same fucking thing over and over again.

Tremendous amount of work. It's hard. Very hard. It sucks. Punch lines. A lot of people take this job or try to do this because they don't like working. And I don't like regular jobs. You've got to work your ass off.

And if you ever want to just save some time, you can study in one night how to start a set by watching this place just one night. I mean, you have, you know, I'm stuck going up between, you know, Rogan and Diaz and Louis. Yeah, go to the back of the OR and sit and as a little exercise, watch everyone's first 20 seconds. Yeah. And really, really, really pay attention to everyone's first 20, 30 seconds and see what you get out of that. Yeah.

And that'll help you figure it out. Yep. One more time for Melissa Esslinger, everybody. You have one other regular. She writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. Tough, tough job these ladies have. Put your hands together for her. It's

Vanessa Johnston, everybody. Here she is. Put your hands together for Vanessa Johnston, everyone. Everyone's like again not again I feel like all the social media tension in the last week gave me my period like my body was like we we give up, and then just exploded. I was like, no more. The world is fucking crazy right now, dude. Like, it's insane.

Like, what's up with Prince William's hair? The dude is 34, and he looks 60. Like, he has money to fix it, so fix it, you know? Like, princes aren't supposed to look like that. I grew up on Disney movies. I'm more disappointed that he looks like that than animals can't talk. It's like, no wonder Britain left the Union. They're like, we must reduce stress for the kingdom

so that dearest Prince William does not lose any more of his hair. Does Prince William have weird hair? Who's this Prince? Is this Prince William, one of these Pokemon characters? What's up with Prince William's hair? Did he change it? Have you seen him?

It looks like Jeremiah's. It's like super receding. Oh. It's really bad. Everybody, yeah, if you see. If we could just morph you, what was the other one's name? Melissa. Melissa into one person, we would be in business.

But we can't. Rough night, man. You're absolutely right. I could see why what you're saying is true. Melissa has a lot of likability and goofiness. Yeah, it's a Ginger and Marianne situation. And, you know, personality-wise personality wise contradicting your own advice well what's that so it's contradicting your own advice ginger and marianne like i i have a feeling that more people knew who the ratatat was than ginger and marianne

oh that was that wasn't that was that wasn't my advice i I didn't care about that. But I do think that, like, same advice for you is that, again, just coming out right away, the premise that you had, like, there's so much, did you say social media? Tension. Social media tension. So, yeah, there's horrible shit Going on right now I feel really upset Yeah

And for example Has anyone seen Prince William's hair So Do you see If we take back And we play out

And we were to type out What you said That's what I encourage All you guys To fucking do Is Record it all Type it out All the words that came out of your mouth. You could have done that so much fucking cleaner and tighter. And same thing with Melissa.

It's like you play that back to yourself and you write it on a piece of paper and then you bold all the parts in Microsoft Word that actually are supposed to be funny and get rid of everything else that's non-essential. So you just come up, say what you, your opening line, hey, everybody, how you doing? You smile. Hey. How's it going, guys? Fucking, we're here. It's on a horrible night.

It's terrible what's fucking happening. Cops are getting shot. Well, I guess you don't say that, but yeah, you say, yeah, it's terrible right now.

The worst thing. Has anyone seen Prince William's hair? Yeah. It sucks. I don't care about that. So I just don't, just so much tighter. You guys like so much cleaner and you probably

should listen to it and then write it out and then see what you're left with and you might be left with something decent and definitely you know you know what i love about what i was saying is it'll definitely get you to figure out a delivery system for you. You know, that sort of goes from a misdirect to a goofy and it'll have people leaning forward a little more waiting for a joke. You know what I mean? If you have that misdirect in your pocket, sort of. You know, and a little bit of goofiness.

And, uh, what was the other thing? You know, like, when you say social media stuff, you're talking about, like, all the, just the craziness that's happening with the shootings and everything, right? I didn't the shootings and everything right I didn't want to say shootings because I didn't want to diminish like what's happening because I think what's happening is really important so

I didn't want to like shit on that like what's happening what do you mean well like I mean everything well and not it's not even just like you know the Black Lives Matter and everything but also like Pokemon there's a social media in the last week was like fucking I feel like it was like on thousand percent like compared to last week you know, the Black Lives Matter and everything, but also, like, Pokemon Go. There's just social media in the last week was, like, fucking, I feel like it was, like, on 1,000%,

like, compared to last week, you know? Like, everything was just, like, insane. And I, you know, yeah. There really is a lot happening. Wow, yeah. Sociology professor Vanessa Jones. But she is sort of on to something that you come across as, this is, again, no offense, but play into that vapid social media, Instagram, and then your take on world events.

Could be a funny thing for you to do. I'm not sure. I don't know how to fucking help. for you to do? I'm not sure. I don't know how to fucking help. As a character, that might be sort of funny for you to give recaps of weekly

news as somebody who's obsessed with their phone and an Instagram account. Because all of your news comes from Instagram or something like that. I don't know. What is interesting is I feel like the last couple months you've really been hitting politics like left and right and then once a daily show correspondent is the guest on the show you're like fuck this shit I'm gonna adjust you haven't you've been trying to well

I mean like I I was in debate and speech as like a kid and so all that all everything I did was like political and everything so when I first started it did was like political and everything. So when I first started, it like was towards that. And then when I did this, I did a little bit more emotional just because I knew that those would hit. It was like easier. And so then once I started doing that and it was like working, then I started veering towards things I felt like were a little bit harder. And it's because it's like things that I care about. Yeah.

Yeah. That. Yeah. That makes sense. I don't know. I just think the news with like 50 likes thrown in could sort of be funny. I don't know. Maybe. The news with 50 likes?

Well, when she says like nonstop. Oh, yeah. And then there is like a shooting and then there is like fucking shooting and then there was like so maybe that might be good I don't know and get drunk before you're sad it gets to this point in the show

where I just I can only say the same thing over and over again so much Vanessa another new minute from Vanessa Johnston everybody wasn't that bad it's a tough gig one last bucket

you want to pull it out Al you never know what can happen everybody last comedian of the night here we fucking go you got this Al we've got Kevin Mack have you seen him before We've got Kevin Mack. Have you seen him before? I think maybe. Kevin Mack? Kevin Mack.

Here he comes. Here he comes. Here he comes. Here he comes. Here he comes. What's up, guys? Guys, I don't think Donald Trump has thought this whole Mexican border situation through completely. His tagline is, the wall just got 10 feet higher.

Is that really what you want? Stronger Mexicans? want? Stronger Mexicans? Just swole ass cholos coming over the wall and choking out border guards like, go to sleep, it's cool, we're here. You're building obstacle courses for people that generally build obstacle courses. I got into an argument with a friend the other day. He said, I didn't like that Donald Trump had said that they were sending rapists and murderers over here. And he's like, he didn't say that. Yes, he did. And we're doing the same shit. You don't go to Mexico unless you did some shit at home. No American is moving to Mexico on purpose. You are escaping the federales.

Fuck yeah. Kevin Mack. Fuck yeah. I just have a quick question. When the guy from the Navy was up here, did anybody just have the urge to just start chanting, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy? Another old movie reference.

Yeah, we've had a lot of those tonight. This is like the, what do they call it, AFI Top 100 night at Kill Tony. Kevin, why do I feel like you just got done fucking everybody in here's girlfriends? Yeah, dude. Spend the entire episode everybody in here's girlfriends. Spend the entire episode just fucking everybody's girlfriends while the comedians are here. That's how that guy got pink eye. Son of a bitch. Kevin Mack, he's got it.

See, this is what we're talking about. For all of you that thought this was impossible to be funny for a minute and then be good at the interview part all night, Kevin's proving you all wrong. Kevin, how long have you been on stand-up? One month. And Hollywood for a long time? Lazy idiots?

Yeah, well... You didn't hear what I asked. Hollywood for a while, though. Acting has been paying my bills for about seven years. Stage presence is very obvious. You're comfortable on stage. Thank you very much. I'm a huge fan of you guys, by the way. Wow. The podcast.

I'm a Joe Rogan head. And he's a charmer. I don't just fuck girlfriends. Have you ever dated a celebrity? No. You look like... You have.

Delivery. I like it. What do you do for work? Acting. Full-time actor. Yeah. Full-time. For seven years.

And I have a Super Bowl commercial that I'm kind of living off of right now, so that was kind of nice. Which one was that? It was the Horse Whisperer, the bi-commercial, where I'm pretty much yelling at a horse for the whole commercial in like a thug accent. And I just say clippity-clop. I'm from Detroit, so I have like the whole thug accent.

Swagger about you? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You been in anything else fun we might recognize you from? I was just in a movie called the perfect guy with sanal athin and morris chestnut it was in theaters for a little bit um i was on a i was the second lead on a comedy series on direct tv produced by what made

you want to get into stand-up you have this fun career well i've talked about this a little bit before um i love stand-up, man. It's my number. Al notoriously, out of, I think, ballpark a little under 170 episodes of the show, Al is notoriously famous for being very tough on and noticing actors trying

to do stand-up. Just to get noticed. But if you really love stand-up, which you say you do if you really love stand-up which you say you do and you're a fan of the joe rogan experience you know you're of these guys and you're familiar and you have good standard i mean i just don't like we last time i was here i think it was the first time i was here it was a lot of commercial actors there was a lot trying to come up and just as hollywood wasn't working out like it is for you i guess and then um they took to stand up and just as Hollywood wasn't working out like it is for you, I guess, and then they took to stand up because they weren't getting noticed and they wanted to get more

people aware of them. So I'm a little hard on those folks, but it seems like it's sort of working out for you too. So you book stuff. It's been, I mean, stand up has been a love of mine since I was a kid. Now, why wait so long to try though? You just didn't, How old are you? I'm 36.

Okay. I waited so long, just honestly, because... You're too busy fucking. Too busy fucking. Girls just making sandwiches for you while you lay in their bed. It's hard to write jokes when you're slaying in that dick. Have you ever not gotten laid when you wanted to?

It seems like you. I don't get laid as much as people might think. Why is that? You know why? Because he looks like he gets laid so much that they don't want to fucking fuck him. You're right. Right, guys? Right?

I never leave the house. I stay at home and write constantly. Really? Yeah. Huh. All right. I think his rating system is just different from ours. Like, dude, I don't have that much sex.

I just bang like 10 girls a week, okay? It's not much, dude. I'm really laying low, man. You have a tattoo on your arm, and I can read it. It says bad lad. Yeah. With a skull next to it. That's pretty fucking tough, man.

It's because I'm Irish. What type of jobs have you had since you've been here in Hollywood? They're non-acting jobs. Good question. I was a bartender. Yes. because I'm Irish. What type of jobs have you had since you've been here in Hollywood? They're non-acting jobs. Good question. I was a bartender. Yes. In a gay bar in West Hollywood.

Did not. I wore gold on deuce. Oh, shit. Girls are freaking out over this guy right now. This is like Beatlemania up here right now. He's like, I worked at an Orange Julius in Temecula, and girls are squirting in the audience. Oh my god, an Orange Julius?

Wow! Two girls just passed out, and we had to use Jeremiah's belly as smelling salts to wake them back up again. They were so amazed by the... Where's the guy with the PBR when you need him? Oh, shit. Now you just came off like a bully.

That guy's huge. I'm not fucking with that. Kevin, anything crazy ever happen when you were working in the gay bar? I actually did have a situation I was Was it the situation from the Jersey Shore? Came into the bar Started sucking your dick uncontrollably

What was it? Yeah that was it Actually I slapped a gay guy Oh no you didn't I did it on accident I did it on accident With your dick? How did I did it on accident. I did it on accident. Wow. With your dick? Yeah.

How did you do it on accident? All right, so I was... You meant to close fist hit him. No, no. I was wearing my gold man panties. Really? Is that what you had to wear as the bartender? I kid you not.

I was wearing gold man panties. And just gold man panties? Like gold LeMay. I don't even know what that means. I'm so straight. And no shirt. I made like $800 a night. Tony is straight.

Thank you. You're just saying how much money he made a night? He made $800 a night. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, that was like on an average night I'd make $800. On a good night I'd make like $1100 to $1200. Dude, how much do you think I can make? That's sexy.

Kevin, what would you do to yourself if you had Jeremiah's body? I had Jeremiah's body. You did? Wow. Jeremiah! And you got your life together. Look at that, everybody. Got it together.

I was 305 pounds at one time. Wow. Did you hear that, Jeremiah? Jeremiah is only 312. 305. You can do it. Dude, I used to look like Jeremiah, and then I started just booking stuff after I started dropping the pounds, dude.

Oh, shit. I was actually in the Navy, too. Really? You're like the best of everything that happened tonight, Kevin. I didn't quite make it. I got kicked out. You got kicked out? You guys into Rattatat from Pokemon or what?

Kevin, how'd you get kicked out of the Navy? I was at Great Lakes, Illinois, which is the boot camp. And I was like four days from graduation. And a senior chief petty officer spit in my face. Oh, yeah. And I lost my shit. Yeah, that makes sense. I tried to kill him, and they kicked me out.

Yeah, spitting in the face is one thing that is completely unacceptable. Normally not talked about that often. You might as well just punch somebody in the face as hard as you can because it's fucking on after that. Anybody that would let themselves get spit in the face, that's just absolute bad. Was it accidental spit, though? No, he went.

He hocked back a serious lube. All right. Wow. Oh, that's... Sometimes I have saliva come out. I had my mouth open. You did? Wait, what? Oh, my God.

I was like mid-sentence. I was like, I'm sorry, sir. Oh, fuck. Wow. Wow. Senior chief petty officer. Did you have to go to court and tell everybody about this? Yeah, I actually got, because I assaulted him technically,

but I got away with it because they said that he assaulted me first. So I was defending myself. I'd love it if your last name was Danger and that guy spit in the face of danger. Jesus. That's a good point. That guy spit in the face of danger. Jesus. That's a good point. That's my boy, Daddy Mackey,

girl. Woo! Whoa, you touched his hand. What was that like? Welcome to Kill Tony. Kevin, you absolutely killed it.

Great stuff. Great to meet you. There he is. Kevin Mac, newest member of the Kill Tony family. He's on Twitter at TheKMackOfficial. So find him at TheKMackOfficial. Ladies and gentlemen, guess what?

We did it. That's episode of Kill Tony, the entire thing. Al Madrigal. And I'm happy to chat with any people that want to talk. Fuck yeah, a little post-op talk with Al Madrigal after the show. And look at that drawing from Ryan J. Ebel, the special Pokemon Go edition. Yeah! This Pokemon shit

is out of control. This is really scary. I'm just watching everything in the world turn into this game. That's a good t-shirt. Yeah. Ryan J. Ebel, all of his works at ryanjebel.com. You can get anything there. And live audience, thank you so much for coming out. We'll see Ryan J. E. Belt all of his works at ryanjebelt.com you can get anything there and live audience

thank you so much for coming out we'll see you on the front patio if you guys are hanging out for a little bit we'll say hello shake your hand Ryan J. E. Belt maybe he'll sell you an official Kill Tony poster thank you all so much have a great night everybody take care alright you're already all gone thank you

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Look like Gary Coleman. My dick. Pink and big. Yo, dick. Stinks like shit. My dick. Got a seizure, dude. Yo, dick.

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