KILL TONY - KILL TONY #167

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

David Arquette, Steve Simeone, Tony Hinchcliffe, Pat Regan, Jeremiah Watkins, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Vanessa Johnston, Brian Redban - Date: 07/25/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. Don't forget to go to that website and click on tour dates to see all the different live shows we do. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the Comedy Store, we do Roast Battle, which is a verbal violence podcast here at Death Squad, every Tuesday night. And every first and third Friday we are at the Ice House in Pasadena for the good old Death Squad comedy show. So check it out. Go to DeathSquad.TV. Click on Tour Dates for all the different things we do.

Also, if you go to ShopSquad.TV, that's the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. We have two T-shirts that are shipping this week, brand new Death Squad T-shirts. We have Taco Cat and Team 7 are the names of them. And last I checked, there's about five of them left. And this might be the last time I ever publish this shirt. So if you want one, now's your chance to get it ASAP Rocky. So go to shopsquad.tv.

Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for all Tony's merchandise. He also has a bunch of tour dates. I mean, a lot coming up. So go to his website, click on tour dates, see all the different places he's at. He's all over the place. And RyanJEbelt.com for the official Death Squad. I'm sorry, the official Kill Tony movie poster. He still has a few of those left.

Go to RyanJEbelt,TheHouseArtist.com Also, this is a weird episode. Let me just do a quick little thing about this episode. This episode aired live like all of them do. Then I had to edit out a couple chunks of this episode out of the video portion. And a lot of people kind of got upset. Like, I don't edit the show I want to see what happens I don't care how bad it is and then of course the people that

actually watched it live were like no seriously thank you for editing that out that was horrible and so I decided to for this audio version of this episode of the podcast, I decided to keep it intact, how it was originally recorded, because it's not, I think the video was more annoying, because this guy pretty much came on stage, and it wasn't funny, and so I decided instead of having, you know, like, having any video of that out would be a bad idea because like this guy probably thought it was funny. And, you know, he could probably make a video like, oh, look at how I, you know, did this stupid shit. So I decided for the audio, though, at least you can keep it in. And if it annoys too many people, maybe I'll re-edit it out.

But at least for the beginning. So if you're interested to see what happened this episode, you can at least listen to the dumb bullshit that went down. You know, this is one of the first times it's ever happened on Kill Tony. And the reason why it kind of happened is that we kind of just trusted Pat Reagan and everything. Everything will be fine. And, you know, it's going to be worth the agony. It never paid off.

And, yeah, so we're going to be a little bit more strict, I guess, on what happens in the future. But here it is, the uncensored version of this episode of Kill Tony. I warn you, if you can't bear to listen to this episode, the video portion, the video episode, which has been uploaded, just go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Videos, has most of the annoying shit edited out. So take which version you want.

Sorry about this. Anyways, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman. Coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store Main Room for a brand-new episode of Tell Tony by and by. You're for Tony Hensley! My belt buckle's undone. Whoa.

My belt buckle is undone as fuck right now. Wait a second. Hi, everybody. Happy Monday. Look at this big pack crowd. Make some fucking noise Monday night. It's Josh Martin over there. Brian Redband to my left, ladies and gentlemen. Ryan J.E. Belt, the house artist, drawing this out of a blank sheet of paper right now.

At the end of the episode, you're going to see that he drew tonight's episode right in front of your fucking eyes or whatever. Hi, everybody. Happy Monday to you. You guys ready for a crazy fucking night or what? Wow. That was almost incredible. Comedy store. Kill Tony audience.

Are you guys ready for a crazy fucking Monday night or what? There you go. Big stuff happening. A lot of fun stuff coming up. Tulsa, San Francisco, Sacramento, San Diego, and Boston. A bunch of oddball dates. Oddball.com. I'm doing amphitheaters again. For those of you listening

to the live stream and the podcast, come see me live. Dates at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Fuck yeah. See what I did there? You were just in Cleveland with all the Trump supporters. What happened there? It was very bizarre and I'm just glad to be back home. Cleveland with Trump there is very weird. Yeah?

Well, I mean, the Republican convention, you have to know that the people that travel to something like that are all very bizarre. It's like the cast of Book of Mormon, except like 50,000 of them. Wow. And it was pretty crazy. But there were more cops than anything else. There were cops from everywhere.

The issue really isn't about... What, Josh? Stretch a little bit. Oh, okay, cool. Thank you. Stretch a little bit. Stretch it. Stretch a whittle bit.

Fuck yeah, we will. We already were. But thanks for the info, Josh. I'm going gonna keep stretching So yeah Cleveland was fucking crazy I like this audience They're like very mellow I think they're gonna get into it though

I can tell this is one of the ones that's just gonna warm up as the night goes on I think you guys are gonna be very fucking excited When you see what we have in store for you Yeah it's pretty fucked up Wait a second Wait Brian Can I ask you a question? you. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Wait a second. Wait, Brian, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is there another guy drawing tonight's

episode? Oh, there sure is. What is that? Brian J. Oh, there's competition of artists nowadays. What in the world is going on? You know, that's a very talented artist. His name's Juan Manuel Laresabal. Did I say that right?

Probably not. He's been going through the comedy store just drawing lately, and it's great to see you here, man. He's very talented. You can check out his artwork and stuff after the show. A lot of you probably didn't hear Ryan J. Ebel just kill himself with a pencil into his own throat as

we just promoted a just basically a, you know, what would we call this? Like a hijacking artist almost. Sort of just like I mean there's no photography or videoing in this room historically but I'm pretty sure you're allowed to draw what's happening.

So if anybody else wants to draw tonight's episode, you could just take one of those comedy store menus that are on the table. I know you think that they're menus and they shouldn't be drawn on, but that's what they're there for. Fuck yeah, nice and quiet. I like the sound in this room.

There's a really good energy so far. You know, this is how I like it. I like to play in the dark. I was built here in the dark. I'm like the Bane of the comedy store. You understand? I live for silence. A lot of comedians, they need continuous laughs to help with their confidence. I got that. Alright? I'm in good

shape. I was just informed we are ready to go. Bring it back Pat Reagan. Ladies and gentlemen, you know them, you love them. It's the Kill Tony Band. It is Pat Reagan and Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh my god. Fog machine. Wow. Wow. That's awesome. What the fuck? His balls hanging out!

Jeez, Brian, you really hit the nail on the head with that one. Wow, I love this. You would love that. It was Ghostbusters last week, Pokemon Go the week before, always topical intros. Which makes me wonder, why Cheech and Chong this week, guys? Is that what that was? Yeah, man, I'm Chong, man. That's Cheech. Really? I thought you were a retired Mario and Luigi or something like that.

Really? I thought you were a retired Mario and Luigi or something like that. Is a rose by a different name not a rose? Hey, that's cheap. Fuck yeah, Joel Jimenez. Hey, man. Hey, man. You hear about Santa Clarita, man? Oh, that's pretty good.

It's up in smoke. Hey, man, I started that fire, man. I dropped a doobie. So funny watching Pat realize he won't be able to play the harmonica with that beard on at all. We all got to witness him realize it all at the same time.

Good work, man. Whoa, look at that. Nothing can stop us. Whoa. Whoa. Is this guy with you? Whoa. What the hell?

Oh, whatever's happening right now, it's the worst. Do you know this? Is he with you guys? No, I don't know him. Oh, he must be, right? Pat? Yeah, he must be. That's why Pat wouldn't look at me. No, I don't know him. He's with you, right?

Were you informed about that? I just want to say I absolutely love humor. Hey, dude, have a seat, man. No, no, back in the crowd, man. What? Go back to the crowd, man. Is this okay? Josh, Josh, why did you just give me double thumbs up? For the guests?

Because this is... Okay. I really have lost control of my own show. I mean, it's really impressive, just everybody leaving me hanging. Honestly, this is weird, man. In a lot of ways, I was laughing over there like a freaking hyena or something. But then I...

Now I'm here, man. Just have a seat, man. In a lot of ways, it's ironic that I'm here at the Comedy Store because I'm funny. Yes, I am. And I might as well be here. Get off, man. Hello?

Is it okay? Would you play an instrument? Actually, yes, I do have a bell. Ring-a-ling-a-ling or something. Ding-dong, the witch is dead. A bell. Ring-a-ling-a-ling or something. Ding-dong, the witch is dead. Or witch-witch way or something like that. I have.

What is going on? Do you know about this? No. Is he with you? I haven't. No, man. Is he really not with you? No, man. Really?

I brought my taser. So when I asked you that ten times, Hello, ding dong, the wicked witch of the west or something like that. Get off the stage, man. Josh, this is like a thing on me? Ring-a-ling, man, or something. You guys wrote this? Hip hip, all right.

Okay, I have humor. Dude, what are you doing, man? Fucking up the show. Shut up, dude. You're fucking up the show, you fucking idiot. Um. Yeah, man, or something, um. I'm so high, man.

How much longer is it? I'm so high, man, I don't know. How much longer is your guys' skit? Um, hip, er. Hey. Alright. Just have a seat, man. Yeah, can you sit down and join you, man? Hip... Hey. Just have a seat, man. Can you sit down and join you, man?

It's not there, man. What are you doing? Why do you keep crouching when I say have a seat? This is older. Hip hip hooray. Halloween is here. But it's not the Ghoulies, Ghosties, or Goblins I fear. What are you saying?

Hip hip hooray. Halloween is here, but it's not the ghoulies, ghosties, or goblins I fear. Hey, man. It's the 10 pounds of sweet treats that have come straight to my rear or whatever. Man, less is more. What are you doing? Stand up. What's your name, dude? All right, might as well. My name is Jay.

Hello. I apologize for that weird entrance. Yes, I admit that was awkward. And in my head, I was saying, that awkward moment when Jay comes up on the stage And it's weird or whatever But I'm Overall

Happy to help or something Whatever man, you're fine Just stop talking Pat, how much longer is this thing? What's the end? I don't know man Do you know him? I know him, yeah Pat, how much longer is this thing? What's the end? This is like really the worst. I don't know, man. Do you know him?

I don't know. I know him, yeah. Oh, okay. So this is the thing. Thanks, man. Finally, someone gets my back. I feel as though I'm a freaking fish out of water here. Did you tell him how the show works, Pat, at all?

Does he know what's going on tonight? Yeah, man. He said he wanted to get up and join the band, and I said, don't do that. And then he came up on stage and did this. Oh, gotcha. Ring-a-ding-a-ling. How well do you know him, Pat? I mean, I've been camping with him a couple of times.

Oh, my God. Jay, why don't you have a seat, man, so we could, like... When working with creative risk takers Goes wrong ladies and gentlemen Welcome to a very special episode What is wrong man I'm happy to be here You have a microphone that's what's wrong Who are you what is happening

I'm happy to help Put the mic back in the mic stand Do it man Stand up Whatever I take direction well This is mind blowing to me. Should I get my taser for my backpack?

That'd be fun to tase this guy. Has he been here before? He's really funny. Do I know him? Actually, if you give him a chance, he's really positive and funny. We've given him like seven and a half minutes. Here he goes. Here goes nothing. Is he about to try to be funny right now?

Of course, I like to go to restaurants all around town, buddy. All around town. And the other day, I was with a group of comedians. And of course, even though I'm not on stage at the time, I'm still trying to get a laugh. group of comedians. And of course, even though I'm on stage all the time, I'm still trying to get a laugh. And of course, I'm at a restaurant by UCB, Franklin, known as Bert's. And I say to the guy, and we're going around the table, and we're saying, of course, what kind of bird am I?

What kind of bird am I? Jay, you gotta stop, man. You gotta stop. got to stop that story and just stop talking, man. Yeah. Go sit somewhere else. Another room or something. Grab your beer. Grab your beer. Pat, tell him what to do.

Jay, Jay, grab your beer. Grab your bell. Sit down next to me, and mellow out. Put the mic back in the mic stand. Pat, who is this guy that's hijacked the first ten minutes of the show? Are you going to get control of it? Here, man, take some of these.

Oh, my God. No idea what's happening. He's giving him pills. Very compelling episode so far. Whoa, man. Oh, no. Very compelling episode so far Whoa man Oh no These are the wrong pills Tony Is this like some kind of homage To Cheech and Chong you guys are doing tonight

Or something Alright just sit down this is 20 minutes too long Not there Not there Be positive sit Sit down. Keep it positive, man. Jesus Christ. Can I talk to Pat and not Tommy Chong for a second?

I'm Chong, man. All right. That was awful. Yeah, that was probably the worst thing ever. I mean, really. Truly. the worst thing ever. I mean, really.

Truly. It's just a simple film. Oh, God. It's just my least favorite kind of comedy in the world. It's like that bad I got nothing, so be goofy, I'll never be Andy Kaufman type of shit. It's almost mind-blowing. Never in a million years. That's why you took a nice

swig of the beer on that one, because you know it's so true. He's incredible. I really, well, he did not show it at all tonight. I gave him a nice big chance. He got me. I'm not listening to that bell this entire episode at all. Fuck yeah, there you go.

The umpire. I like that. You know what? We got some meathead army coming out. This is amazing. I like it. Clearly the band did mushrooms today. And didn't

really warn us. Just microdosing, dude. Okie dokie. Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, we have not really started the show yet tonight. It's a show where we talk to comedians after they do 60 seconds on stage.

I have a bucket full of comedians and every single week I have two amazing comedic guests on the show to talk with people after they do their 60 seconds. Tonight's no different. Put your hands together for two of the best, two of our favorite returning guests, Steve Simone and David Arquette.

Make some fucking noise. Fuck yeah. The best, David Arquette is back. Steve, motherfucking Simonequette is back. Steve. Motherfucking Simone. This is awesome. Welcome, guys. How are you?

Awesome. You just missed some crazy shit, or maybe you didn't. Oh, yeah. We heard it. He killed. Commitment. He literally killed Tony. I almost killed myself.

True commitment at its finest, because none of it worked. It depends on your freaking definition, man. Oh, shit. Really good one there. You made up for it on that one. I'm just saying. I wonder what the real you is like. I don't know, man.

Maybe you'll find out one day. Probably not. Where's the horse of truth? Where's the horse of truth? You're supposed to have that without asking out loud. Fuck yeah. David Arquette, you are back. You're one of the most epic guests on this show.

Thank you. Always fun. Last time you did an amazing magic trick. I guess. I have no idea. I don't recall. It was very impressive. This is the first time I haven't been drunk in this room.

It's bright. Yeah. It's bright in here. I once roasted. When I first met you, I roasted you in this room. You hosted the roast of the Iron Sheik, and I lit you up big time. Was it fun?

It was really fun. I told you I love you in the Scream movies where you're Deputy Dewey. How about you, Deputy, do not try to ever do comedy again? Something like that. That's a good call. Then I said the only time I screamed during that movie was when I was yelling to get my money back.

It's good. You don't remember any of these? I was really mean at night, so I'm sort of glad you don't remember all of them. Do you remember when you caught whatever that was on fire and started making some weird smoke thing during your set? You actually did a set that night. Yes, did I?

Last time he was on, he pulled a colorful handkerchief out of nowhere, and he gave it to me, and I still have it. Fantastic. I have no magic tricks tonight. I don't know what I'm going to do. I could come out with my balls hanging out.

Fuck, yeah. Steve Simone, welcome to the party. Thanks for having me, buddy. Always the best. One of the most positive and hilarious human beings in comedy. Always doing great stuff. You excited to hang out with new comedians and people you haven't seen before?

Yeah, I brought ice cream in the back. You did? Really? I think it melted during the band intro. You guys know how it works. For those of you that don't, over 50 comedians signed up, pieces of paper on this bucket for the chance to do 60 seconds

on stage. We get through a few of them. Comedians, you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Better wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Yeah. That's the one.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep. Okay. Alright. That was a freaking funny sound effect, dude. I'm just I'm grading year to year. Sorry, funny's funny.

I have never, ever, ever really just been dying to see Jeremiah Watkins more than I am right now. Can we take a moment of silence? Unbelievable. From that guy. That's fine, man. He's funny too. I think you're funny. I know, I am.

I just said you're funny. Wow, I love that. Does that work for you in the East, like Loose Feliz and Silver Lake, that voice thing when you do it? Yeah. People love that shit. I wear skinny jeans, and I'm a freaking hipster. Moga chocolate grandes or something. I drink them all.

So I'm more to the hipster on Silver Lake. Oh, wow. That's impressive. Normally, they're not hacky, but like. Yeah, I guess I am a bit of a hack. But I am funny. Or autistic, one of the two. Wow.

Pat, let's slide that a little more to the left, shall we? Like all the way. Fuck yeah. I like it. All right. This is an exciting one tonight. Oh, God. Sorry.

Normally, David Arquette carries the wildness of it. Pat took that over tonight. Pat's got control of the wild part. We have a mellow Arquette. I feel like your power's transferred to whoever that guy is over there. You better have a fucking magic trick by the end of this. And I don't mean pull a bell out of your pocket. I want you to figure it out and be quiet for like 45 minutes.

There has to be some conclusion to this. Like he's going to take off his beard and it's going to be JonBenet Ramsey or something like that. That would be pretty fucking impressive. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. Whoa. Hey, man. I saw this guy kill in the Flapper's Yoohoo Room.

The Flapper's Yoohoo Room? Yeah, man. He was laughing hysterically. And the audience just joined in. He didn't tell a single joke. Wow, that's so cool. Funny's funny. Oh, jeez. I mean, really,

can you really make sure he doesn't talk anymore? Because it has worked 0%. Let's just kick him off. Depends on your definition of work. I mean, Pat, I really love you. You know how much I love you. This one's bad. It all depends on your

definition, but hey, I'll take it, man. Oh yeah, it does depend on my definition. It definitely does. I'll take the feedback. Stop talking. You've got to stop talking. Pat, you cannot let him talk every time he wants to. He's totally not funny.

I don't care where you saw it work at. He's zero for 100. He's right. It's not working. No, you're right. It's not funny. It's the worst kind of annoying, too, because you can tell it's not him. He's just doing some high-pitched character.

He's right. He's right. This man's a genius. No, definitely not, Pat. Definitely not. I promise, up and down, there's no way. Definitely, yes. Definitely, yes. He's a genius. No, definitely not, Pat. Definitely not. I promise, up and down, there's no way. Definitely, yes. Definitely, yes, he's a genius.

Because he couldn't do any worse. I can't figure out what he could do to be more unlikable. It all depends on your definition, man. Yeah, yikes. Yikes. Sorry. Wow, a whole fucking big main room episode. Funny's funny, dude.

You guys are really on it tonight. Let's start the show, shall we, ladies and gentlemen? I mean, there's really not much else I can do. Yikes. Did I do something to you, Pat, or something? Is there something that I did to offend you this week or something like that? Or do you really think it's funny? Deep down inside somewhere?

Because it's so unfunny that it's hilarious. It's almost so bad it's good. No, it's not. Nobody thinks that it's almost so bad it's good. That's why I'm sort of making a big deal about it. You know what, Tony? I'll tell you this. People are afraid of things they don't understand.

Thank you. No, no. I understand it. I've analyzed it. You understand it. And I think it's bad. I like how the mic's completely cut off now. It's fine to have the opinion. Pat can talk but he can't. I'm totally fine with that opinion. I feel like I'm over my friend's house and their parents are fighting. I don't know what to do. I think it's time for dinner. Unbelievable.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to take off my belt and slap him like he's my son. Unbelievable. I'll just kill his mic the whole time, so if Pat wants to talk, just tell him. Look who got a promotion.

Joel Jimenez. Thank you, Joel. Okay, let's start the show. Let's see what happens. Comedians, you get an uninterrupted 60 seconds when you hear your name called, and then we talk to them about anything in the world afterwards. We'll get to learn more about them, find out who they are.

I already pulled a name out of the bucket. Your first comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight goes by the name of Channing Apodaca. Thank you. So I met my girlfriend online. Anybody else have to Google the word sapiosexual after they downloaded Tinder? Just me?

All right, apparently sapiosexual means somebody who's attracted to intelligence. But if that's what you're attracted to... Oh, and every single girl on Tinder claims to intelligence. But if that's what you're attracted to... Oh, and every single girl on Tinder claims to be one. If that's what you're attracting to, what the fuck are you doing on Tinder? That's like applying to be an archaeologist at a Costco. What you wanted was something intelligent, thought-provoking, adventurous. What you got is this giant place filled with poor, fat, dumb dudes just looking for free samples.

And Tinder's fucking weird, man. You just swipe right and you swipe left just based on one person's photo. You don't actually know these people. Every single one of these girls could potentially be your soulmate, you know, or at least that's what I tell them. Little fun fact about Tinder, 75% of the girls on there are actually Asian. Side note to that is 100%

of the Asians that hear this joke will double check my math. Thank you. Fuck yeah. Channing Apodaca. Pretty new at stand-up, huh? How long you been doing it? Going on two years. Where you from? Lancaster. Lancaster. Antelope Valley. That's cool. What do you do for work?

I work in post production Very nice Industry What was the actual word that you said? Sapiosexual It's a real word And I really had to google it Maybe say it slower because I didn't hear what you said

And I heard a couple of people I didn't hear what you said. I heard a couple of people go, what the fuck? Because you said it so fast. You don't even know what it is to begin with. Maybe go, it's called saposexual. Spell it out for the audience. Otherwise, other people are going to be like, wait, what did you say the whole time while you're trying to explain the joke? Yeah, I felt like I was kind of rushing it because I wasn't sure how much I was going to do.

Right. Tell us something interesting about you chanting much I was going to do. Right. So tell us something interesting about you, Channing, because that was like, you know, stand up jokey, jokey pie. Who are you? Jokey pie. I'm just a jokey pie guy. He's funny. I'm a pretty normal dude. I'm from Southern California, like born and raised.

What do you like to do for fun? Really into hockey, which is odd coming from SoCal. Like roller hockey? Ice hockey. Ice hockey? Yeah. You go find some ice rinks and do that? Yeah, there's a good amount of rinks out here.

So you can ice skate backwards? Yeah. Wow. Requirement. Part for the ice skate backwards? Yeah. Wow. Requirement. Part for the course. That's fun. Yeah. You ever go on dates with girls to the skating rink,

and you're like, check out my ice rink? I asked my high school girlfriend out by taking her to an ice rink, and I put a little note in her glove and said, will you be my girlfriend? And then I put it on her hand. Yes. There we go.

I like that. Oh, yes. I love that. So, did she like that? Yeah, she said yeah. And then we dated for like six months and broke up. How'd you break up with her? She broke up with me.

No, no, shoot. Wait, with me She left a note in her shoe Wait what? She left a note in her shoe Get the fuck out It was like a weird situation Where we were like having this argument Like are we gonna stay together Are we gonna break up

All high school shit And then The Zamboni guy came by and he said it's over. He spelled out done. God, I love the new band leader. Yeah, new band leader, Joel Jimenez. Joel Jimenez and the other guys. Oh, shit.

What a fun one. That's so cool, Channing. Why did you guys break up after six months? I don't even know. It was about ten years ago. She was just kind of a bitch, and I was a... I was like a... Little pussy?

Yeah, I was a little pussy. Literally, the night that we broke up, I was leaving her house, and I was crying in my mom's Chevy Tahoe. This is what you should be talking about on stage. I've been trying to think of how to do this. I was crying in my Chevy Tahoe and

the worst person to pull up next to you was the girl I dated before her. And I looked over full of tears and just went That's way funnier than that. Do you talk about that? I've thought about it. I can't figure out how to word it. It was a joke, just like how you did it.

You can get those laughs. You can even add in the whole hockey thing. You take his Zamboni thing and his... I broke up with her. Just take it and bake it and work it out. See what you can do with that because that's funny as fuck. Yeah, it's just one of those ones that I've been sitting on forever.

Oh, my God. You could say, like, it was, yeah, it was kind of weird she was there, but she is her roommate. No. Oh, I guess not. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're in post-production, right? Yeah.

Just edit that part out. Fuck yeah. There's going to be a lot of editing tonight. Yeah. Is there any way that you know how to cut out the first ten minutes of a podcast? I can cut it. I can crop it to about here. Shave it down maybe.

I love that. Keep it at UCB. That's so fun. Channing Apocata. It's not a bad idea, man. Still nothing. I think it's funny. He's always positive, man. Channing, what else? Funny's funny.

Stop trying. I promise you, stop trying. I am trying. Can we just kick him off? Would that be bad? Would you be offended if we did that, Pat? It's up to you. I think there might be a Yoda thing happening.

Maybe he could... Sorry. I'm looking for the positive. A Yoda thing? He's got a Yoda thing. Can you do some DDP yoga in the original room for like 45 minutes? We have a black belt in Jiu Jitsu, David Deary

here that can remove him from the stage. Also, our friend from California, the great Nate Diaz is here. Oh, yes. Not really. I'm just lying to myself to pretend like I'm enjoying tonight's episode. Just kidding. I'm just lying to myself to pretend like I'm enjoying

tonight's episode. Just kidding. I'm having a blast. I'm just trying to get... I'm just trying to... You've got a lot of good stuff out of you. I think you can take all that hockey shit and really have fun with it. What else? What's your favorite thing that you've done

in post-production? You edit anything cool? I work for a corporation and I freelance on the side. I'm like a video tech for a big major post house, Deluxe. And my job there is to literally just watch movies and make sure that it's ready to go.

But editing-wise, just simple YouTube bullshit. Wow. Yeah. Alright. Nothing too exciting there. Yeah, no. We know it's not too exciting. We just figured that out big time. All right, Channing. Well, come back and hang out with us again sometime.

Cool, man. Thank you, guys. There he goes. Channing Apocata, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at Other Channing, C-H-A-N-I-N-G. Channing Apocata. It's like a cool luchador wrestler name. Channing Apocata. That's like a cool luchador wrestler name. Channing Apocata.

How about Tamer Catan? Another new name. Tamer Catan. Fuck yeah. Tamer Catan. Missing his spot. Wow. Of all the people to not show up,

why did it have to be Tamer Katan? I can do some time. I got it. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Diego Atanasio. Here he comes. I'm from Detroit. I hitchhiked the whole way here, and boy, is my mouth tired.

Thanks for getting that joke. One time, five minutes after that, someone in the corner was like, blowjobs. That's prostitution. Everyone knows that prostitution, that's like the oldest profession ever, but I call it bullshit, because if that's true, then how did the first guy pay for it if he didn't have a job? Was he just like, thanks for the blowjob, here's a sheep? And she's like, man, I can't break a sheep. I've only got two cats. Everyone knows two cats plus, I can't break a sheep. I've only got two cats.

Everyone knows two cats plus a blowjob do not a sheep make. I may be a whore, but I am no thief. I read that in the back of a Snapple cap. It's actually a joke. I drove my car here tonight. Anybody ever drive their car here tonight? Nice. Two people. I use my GPS to get here.

You ever use your GPS to get somewhere? You've already been. Fuck yeah. Diego Atanasio. So fun. How long have you been here from Detroit? Two weeks. Two weeks.

That is so fucking cool. How long did you do stand-up in Detroit? About weeks. Two weeks? Yeah. That is so fucking cool. How long did you do stand-up in Detroit? About two and a half years. That's fun. How are you surviving out here? Where are you living?

What's going on? I'm just staying with a buddy out in Playa Vista. I'm just visiting. How many guys did you have to blow? Three more than how many you think.

Did the white ones pay more? Uh, no. No, they do not. That makes no sense on any level. You want to go sit with the band, Brian? It's a thinker. It's a thinker. No, it's not.

It's a stinker. I thought it was funny. Oh, my. Oh, see? Now you know how bad it was. Diego. funny. Oh my god. See? Now you know how bad it was. Diego, you're just visiting and then you're going to go back to Detroit. What do you do for work

out there? You have a family? Yeah. Parents. Parents. Got two parents. That's funny. You have a very funny quick delivery system. What do you do for work? How do you make a living? I just, I don't do anything.

I just do stand-up out there. Really? Yeah. That's great. Yeah, it's super cheap to live out there. Two and a half years, and you're making a Detroit living doing stand-up. You know, super cheap to live. Make 75 bucks a year.

No big deal. You can buy like a house though for like less than $1,000 in Detroit, can't you? Or is that just an urban myth? No, I mean, not exactly. But yeah, more or less. They like pay you to live in like really shitty areas. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. That's great. Comedy's a freaking thing. Oh, no you don't. No you don't. Uh-uh. Pat, if you could just. No you don't. Uh-uh. Pat, if you could just push your friend off the stage at any point, it would be so appreciated.

It's a freaking grind. He's harmless. Oh, God, the worst. Yeah, he's not harmless. He's ruining this whole entire show. I could totally tell he has rich parents, too. It's the worst kind. He has to have rich parents or else he'd at least be a little

bit funny. I have such an open mind. I value his opinion. Super rich parents. I find that funny too. Diego, do you have a girlfriend or anything like that? Yeah. How long have you guys been dating?

Almost a year now but it was like a year and then we broke up for like six months and now we're back together fuck yeah when she broke up with you were you crying in your mom's Chevy Tahoe it was a trailblazer but sure

Diego do you have any special skills or talents I speak sign language and Spanish Diego do you have any special skills or talents? I speak sign language and Spanish you speak sign language? no one speaks sign language that's very impressive that's a bunch of knuckle sounds

speak sign language and Spanish but can you speak sign language and Spanish? no is it the same? Spanish. But can you speak sign language in Spanish? No. Is it the same? Do they have different sign language? No, they have American sign language that we use in North America.

They have that in Canada, here in Mexico. And every other country has their own sign language. Even in the UK, even in England, they have a completely different sign language. So it's regional based. You think that would be the one universal language, like emojis or something.

Right, right, right. But you can still speak in Mexico. You can still speak in Mexico, right? Yeah, the American Sign Language is in Mexico, too. That's cool. Did you have to learn sign language because of someone in your family, or did you have a deaf girlfriend?

No, I just needed two credits to fill out my semester. Fuck yeah, a real American hero. That's awesome. Has that ever come in handy? You ever meet a deaf girl or anything like that? No, most deaf girls are gay.

Is that true? It's crazy true, yeah. Strong fingers, is that why? It's crazy true. Yeah. Wow. Strong fingers? Is that why? Very good, Brian. Very good. That was so good that I'm sure Pat's friend thought it was terrible. Wrong, dude. I thought it was.

Is it because it's just hard for a guy to date a deaf girl? Is that why? I thought it was funny. I've always had this whole thing with, like, I would love to date a deaf girl. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm not sure. I don't know. When I was taking classes, I just met, like, a bunch of people who were, like, interpreting, and, like, that's when I met deaf people,

and it's just, like, it's just a huge lesbian and gay community in the deaf culture for some reason. I don't know. Jesus Christ. Imagine what them scissoring must sound like. You know what I mean? Just out of control. There is, like, deaf porn. Like out of control. There is like deaf porn. I think that you can watch deaf porn.

Is that true? I've never seen it, but I just remember deaf people telling me about it. That's hilarious. I want deaf porn to be my alarm clock in the morning. I just want to wake up with a big fucking smile on my face. Deaf porn.

Oh, please something pop up. Yes, here we go. Not images. No. What the fuck? Turns out deaf porn's just like hearing porn with the images. See a fucking video, Brian. Let's fucking mic this shit up.

Check out slutload.com. Deaf girl still wants to be a porn star. So this is like a continuation. Sticky subtitle. Oh, shit. She's not a lesbian. My God. No, right?

All right. Very good. Wow. Deaf porn. There you have it. Yep. There's a translation. Deaf people have trouble, like, gauging how loud they're being. Yeah.

Yeah. That's definitely true. Man, I can't believe there's so many. Is it the same for guys too? Are the guys gay too if they're deaf? Yeah. Really? What the fuck is that? I don't know. It's so interesting.

Yeah, and deaf people will tell you if you're fat. What? What? The deaf culture is very blunt, so if you've gotten fat, they'll be like, what's up? You got fat. Are deaf people more racist than non-deaf people? Yeah, crazy racist. What the hell is going on?

Is that true? Yeah, you'd think they'd be more sensitive. They're not at all. They're really racist. They're a bunch of assholes. Well, I guess if you can't, you know, hear anything, you're probably going to be more of a dick. So what are you going back to Detroit for?

What's the big thing? Do you love it out there? No, I just don't have any money. But if you got a job, that would be different. You're right. You're right. I do. Thoughts about that at all?

I don't know what I would do if you were going to stay in LA and get a job what do you think you would do? I could take pictures with your iPhone? we already have enough of those we have photographers on photographers my friend

that's interesting though you got into photography as well sign language is my friend. That's interesting though. You got into photography as well. Photography, sign language. This is like some kind of Tinder profile or something like that. Long walks. Alright, Diego. Anything else for Diego, guys? What do you think?

Would you ever incorporate that whole deaf thing into comedy? I don't know. They don't have, I'm truly... I don't know. Talk about it. That's pretty interesting. And then sign a little. No, I don't have any. Yeah, that's definitely a goldmine there.

You could be the first signing comedian. That's not true. There's definitely a... Deaf black. Jeff Dunham. They actually... I've done comedy before where they have a sign language person on the side of the stage

because there's somebody deaf in the audience. So they hire somebody to just go on stage and do the whole act for them. And it's the most weird thing to be on stage while it's happening. It kind of throws you off. But it's really funny when you're a dirty comic watching all the things they're doing

with their hands and their butt. And then you've got a deaf person laughing 30 seconds too late. Because there's like a delay. That's got to be so weird. Fuck yeah, Joel. Yeah, they're like, my mic is off. Deaf guy.

Can I get my mic? Yeah, can you turn Pat's back on? I think he's going to keep it away from his buddy because he knows that it'll definitely get shut off if he keeps letting him talk. So, Diego, anything else? What's the most fun thing you've done

since being here in LA? I went surfing. That was pretty fun. Do you know how to do that? Yeah, a little bit. I've probably gone like 10 times. Was this a college credit? No, no. I took long distance running for that one. How was surfing? Was that

fun? Was it better than the waves of Lake Michigan? Yeah, way better. You can paddleboard in Michigan, but yeah, surfing out here is... Your name is Diego Atanasio, but you seem extremely white. What is your ethnicity? I'm Peruvian. I was born in Peru, but I'm mostly Italian.

How long did you spend in Peru? About three years. Then we moved to Florida and then Michigan. Trace on you. Very interesting. Alright, well there you go. You met him here. Diego Atanasio, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at Diego Comedy. Is that a fucking bell?

I'm having Vietnam flashbacks to the sound of a bell right now. Thought I heard a jingle for a second. Live audience, how you guys doing out there, huh? I think this is about, what, Josh? Probably episode 160, what? If it's released. Somewhere something.

You know, 160 something. And you guys are at a special show because I've never been halfway at a meltdown the entire episode before. I've been there so far from the beginning. And just riding the wave could completely snap at any given moment. And it's probably going to happen

because you're fucking touching me, Brian. Ever. Nope. That's never worked either. Jesus fucking Christ. Thank God for David Arquette, Steve Simone, and Joel Jimenez, ladies and gentlemen.

Pulled another name out of the bucket. It looks like yet another new name, which I always love. Put your hands together for Max White. There he is. Hi. I grew up in the 1980s. And it's weird. Back then, my dad

was a drinker, right? Like, drinker's fun. Like, you invite a drinker to a party, okay? In 2016, though, my dad's an alcoholic. Like, ew. You know, it's weird. It's a different name, but little things are different. Like, I hate that because my dad's a good guy it's just he drinks a lot right like my dad never beat me like if he hit me with anything it was just broken promises i don't know i can kind of tell how drunk my dad was based on what he promised me the night before

good thing to know when you're 10 right example hey max that tree for a minute talking about building we're building tomorrow my dad you're gonna be late for Example, hey, Max, that tree farm I've been talking about building, we're building it tomorrow. I'm like, Dad, you're going to be late for work. Dad, where he's like, Max, that go-kart on TV looks like a blast. We're going to buy it tomorrow. I'm like, Dad, you should not drive. One time he got crazy, though, and he's like, Max, you're 16.

Pick out any car you want. I'll buy it for you. An hour later, he had a stomach bump. But on the flip side, do you have any idea how nice paramedics are to you on Christmas morning? It's amazing. That's it, guys. Thanks so much.

Fuck yeah. The Quiet Kitty. Exactly a minute. Max White. Is that your real name? Yeah, it is. Or do you just go by Max White because you are the whitest fucking white guy? I know, right?

Albino is shit, and that's my real name, for sure. Holy shit. I like your style, Max. Thanks. Appreciate it. You look like a member of the Stanford swim team. Has anybody ever told you that before? That's like the third person this week.

That's weird. I appreciate that. Thanks. Yeah. The other two, you were raping behind a dumpster. Sucks. They took my skill. I'm bummed now.

I have nothing to offer the public anymore. Max, where are you from? I'm from Michigan, originally, but I live in New York now. From took my skill. I'm bummed now. I have nothing to offer the public anymore. Max, where are you from? I'm from Michigan originally, but I live in New York now. From where? Michigan, originally. Oh, wow. There you go. A lot of Michiganders.

Yeah, for sure. And now you live in? New York. Oh, that's fun. How long have you been on stand-up? A year. Very cool. What do you do for work in New York?

I work in skateboarding. You work in skateboarding? Yeah, actually I own a store. So I did actually, but not anymore. Soing? Yeah, actually I own a store. I did actually, but not anymore. As of this week. Wait a second. Are you just Tony Hawk in disguise?

If I go into any ghetto neighborhood, I'm definitely Tony Hawk though. Kids will yell at me to do a kickflip and then they'll call me Tony Hawk and then take my wallet. Hey, what's going on? What just happened? Awkward. It's awesome. Is that fucking, what is going on? Awkward! It's awesome.

What is that, bird food? What is happening? I think that guy's ecstasy just fell out. What's going on here? It reminds me of birds. Did nerds just fall out of your pill bottle? Oh my god. Whoa.

I was hoping he was actually going to die at any given moment. I was hoping they were real. to die at any given moment. I was hoping they were real. That would be funny and weird. Oh, it would be. That's why everybody laughed, you fucking idiot. Max, let's keep it on you, Max. Okay. So, man.

So you are a good skateboarder, huh? Not anymore. I've broken so many bones now I'm just old and shitty. Wow. Yeah, so now I can just yell at kids and tell them what to do and live vicariously through them. It's nice. It's a good position to have, for sure. You work at a skate park?

No, no, I own the skateboard shop. Joel Jimenez here, amazing, amazing band leader. He actually works at a skate park. Did you know that? No, I didn't. What skate park? I don't want to talk about it, but I was laid off at the end of June.

Oh, wow. You get caught rollerblading or what happened? Hoverboarding, but back to you. Back to you. I love it. Our senior percussion correspondent tossing it back to us. Joel Amet.

Gotta keep it moving. Back to you at the Kill Tony studio. That's interesting. Max, I get the feeling that your parents look just like you. Not at all. Really? Not at all? There's a milkman somewhere that's 6'2", but my parents are, like, short, and they have, like, tan skin.

They're not albino, and they have dark hair. It's crazy. Wow. Wow. They're still in Michigan? No. My dad lives in China, actually. My mom is in Florida.

They got the fuck away from each other. Yeah, they did. That's about as far away from one as you can get. I know. It might have something to do with me in the middle, but I'm not too sure. It had something to do with what? With me in the middle. I don't know if they wanted to get away from me.

You were in the middle. Geography speaking. Max me in the middle. I don't know if they wanted to get away from me. You were in the middle. Oh. Yeah, geography speaking. Gotcha. Max White in the middle. Yeah. So they left you. And what, did you ever get to go see your dad in China? Yeah, I've been over there quite a few times.

What's that like? It's different. Like, take anything you're used to in the United States and kind of turn it upside down. Fuck yeah. When you were in China, did you ever meet anyone named Maxiello? Sorry, what was that? A kid that got hugged too much as a kid's talking. What?

No, it was Pat. What? What'd you say, Pat? He was like, it turned it, everything's upside down. Yeah, like in China, your friend would be funny. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. The new lead singer of Joel Jimenez's band,

Max White, ladies and gentlemen. I'll take that as a compliment, man. This honestly stinks because I'm trying to get you guys to think I'm funny, man. Still nothing. No whammy, no whammy. He does look like a whammy, too. That's funny.

I'm trying. Max, tell us the most interesting thing that's ever happened to you when you've been hooking up with a woman. Craziest thing that's ever happened to you. Oh, I had a threesome in China and no one spoke English about me. That was awesome. Whoa. So how did that go down? What was the most awkward part of that?

Money. Money. I borrowed money from dad and then just went to a place. Wow. No, just kidding. I didn't borrow money, but I definitely went to the place. Was it cheap? Yeah, it's like Olive Garden, full meal, could get you whatever you want there.

Redband's hype. Look at him. Nice. When you say Olive Garden, does that mean they shoved a breadstick up your ass? Yeah, for sure. It's from the creamy Alfredo sauce that's probably leaking from her gross vagina. Did you toss their never-ending salads? You paid for that extra?

That's a good Olive Garden joke. Three Olive Garden jokes. This is worth the trip to L.A. right now. So it's like a reasonable meal for cheap. Absolutely, yeah. Like 20 bucks. I think Brian still thinks you got food in this threesome. Yeah.

$20 at Olive Garden, that's all you're spending? Come on, you're better than that. Did you wear protection or did you... Yeah, they definitely did that. Did they put it on with the mouth like they usually do? They get bummed because they're not... I'm not sure I'm like average size. I don't have a big dick. I'm just totally normal, but from what they're used to, they're very bummed when you're like, come on, let's go. Or because their parents don't even know who they are. I'm not really sure.

I didn't ask. I don't, I was there for the tourism. I don't really care about their feelings. That's fun. Where do you perform? So funny. So you get up a lot in New York. You went hard at it? I do. Yeah. I tried to like four times a night at least, for sure. Max White, guys. What do you think about Max? What's your take on Max? Love that. I thought it was great that you tried to make your stuff personal,

and there was jokes in there, too. I just noticed that when you came out of the gate, it appeared to me that you expected the first joke to land a little bit harder, and I felt that that threw off your timing for the rest of your set so don't care. Okay. No, sure, thanks. It was dark. I mean, you're talking about some dark shit.

I was like, oh dad. Bye dad. Oh, maybe I was thinking about my past. Max White. David Arquette just called me dark. Sorry, keep going. This is amazing.

It's true. So proud right now. Max White, you are by far my favorite comedian that has a name like a clan leader. Max White. That is something else. So fun, dude. Nice to meet you. Thank you so much for having me.

There he goes, Max White. On Twitter, this is Max White. He's the real Max White. Max White. This is Max White on Twitter. Hey, can Jay do his closer? If his closer is walking to Sunset Boulevard, then absolutely.

Definitely. I guarantee it'll be the only time tonight that the crowd will respond in a positive way to him. Nope. Yeah. Hell, I'll take any stage time I can get.

Pat, what are you doing? Last joke, man. Really? Are you going to leave after it? Yeah. Really? Okay. It's a close, okay, go ahead. Dude, they call it a close.

How long is it? How long is it? It's a quick, it's a quick. How long is it? Almost. Take a fucking guess. It's almost like freaking, it's almost like freaking like Hedberg or something. God, you're the worst.

This feels like Kaufman and Waller on Letterman. Oh, my God. It's a one, it's a one liner, or almost. This feels like Kaufman and Waller on Letterman. It's a one-liner. Or almost. The other day my friend... Sorry. It's called stand-up after all. The other day my friend was mysteriously seeing demons.

And I said, hey man, bitter days are just around the corner. There you go. You did it. There he goes with a big closer, everybody. There he goes. They're called Saturday and Sunday. There he goes.

There he goes. That way. Go that way. Go the way you came. Just go that way. No, not. Oh, Jesus. No. There he goes. That way. Go that way. Go the way you came. Just go that way. Oh, Jesus, no. Truly the worst. I think it rubbed off.

I liked that his shirt said smile. There he goes, everybody. Bob Scott Goldthwait, everyone. There he goes. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Alex Arana, everyone. Alex Arana. There was a part where I got really scared

because I thought it might be him. You know what I mean? Like, here I am. That would have been awesome. I'm actually Alex Arana. Never got a chance to tell you. Anyway, I just want you to think I'm funny. Oh, wow.

We know this young lady. She just turned 21. She's been coming on this show since we started three years ago. And it's been a crazy storyline because she was going to Harvard the entire time. She would come here once every six months or so and just kill. It's been a year or so. She just graduated from Harvard, her first time back since then put your hands together for the great Sierra Cattell

ladies and gentlemen hello I actually made a cool purchase with my roommates the other day and we went on Craigslist because we like a little danger and it was actually pretty cool, it was a couch and turns out if you play your cards right on Craigslist you can get the seller to also deliver it for you, so not only did we get

this couch, we also got a stranger to know where we live. And no, we're too weak to carry a couch, let alone defend ourselves. So that's fun. I'm going to be skinned. But no, it'll be fine. Because I am faster than my roommates. Janice has a bad knee. That's fun. I want to do stand-up for a knee. It's fun.

You know, I want to do stand-up for a living. That's what I come out here to do. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to, like, disappoint my dad. You guys feel like this? Like, you might disappoint your father. Because, like, I just want to do stand-up comedy. And he always wanted a son. So it's really hard to reconcile the two, you know? Tough.

Fuck yeah. Sierra Cattow, ladies and gentlemen. Our amazingly fun storyline continues. You just graduated from Harvard, correct? Yes, I did. Yeah. That is so cool. Sierra Cattow.

Our campus band. And that is so cool. Sierra Catao. Our campus band. And that is so fucking fun. You've been doing stand-up the whole time. You worked with National Lampoons through it all or something like that. Some kind of cool program. You were doing stand-up there, and then you'd come do stand-up here. How's everything going for you? Good.

How's graduated life? It's good so far. I've been out here since, like, Tuesday. But I was traveling a little bit before so now i'm here for good super excited that is so cool yeah that's an interesting thing you know you could always just you gotta just trim the front of that just get straight into like you know i bought a couch the other day off craigslist and i thought it was cool that the seller was going to deliver it themselves until I realized now

that I got a couch and then you're already in. You don't need the extra 15 seconds. Is that a true story? Yeah. You could also say it comes with other things. You know like when you find things in the couch like a camera or something like that. It is creepy. I actually had something like that

sort of happen to me recently because I just signed up for this Uber maid service. So every two weeks I just hit a button and for $40 someone from this service comes and cleans my apartment for a few hours. Wow. That's wild. And something like that, right? And the first person that did it was amazing. They just came in.

The place was sparkling everywhere. It just smelled great. After a few hours, they were gone. It was perfect. The second person came in, and they were creepy as fuck. And they literally did nothing. I had to go and, like, do something, I remember. And then I came back, and they did nothing.

And it wasn't like the place was a crazy mess, but you could just tell that they did absolutely nothing. Like, I mean, truly nothing. For like a maid service, that's something I don't really want an Uber driver to do. I'd probably get like a real company. It's not an Uber driver. I know, but like not an app. Not like, not an app.

Like anyone can download the app and like clean somebody's house, you know? Yeah. Well, yeah. And then I realized that because by the time that I left a bad review for the guy, I realized, wow, he knows where I live. And he's probably, he's a guy that goes to clean houses and doesn't even do that. So he probably has nothing. And if he didn't clean anything, then he must have been doing something.

He's probably rubbing your underwear on his dick. Wow. You thought of the first thing that a second grader would have guessed, Brian. Very good. Really. I mean, boy, some of Sierra's Harvard knowledge really rubbing off on you over there. Probably put underwear on the pee-pee. You might have.

Sierra, how? How's, I meano anything crazy happen in all those final years of college oh man too much chilling I knew I was going to want to do comedy so I kind of just chilled in school

what does that mean all A minuses got them I guess you know like Harvard does have very good grade inflation which is why like we're pretty okay just like chilling it doesn't mean we're all getting A- but the average grade there is an A-

which is really awful really? yeah it's really disheartening but yeah apparently because it's just you know you can kind of get by also there's a lot of kids there who are actually really smart and they're the ones getting the high grades and raising

the average you know but then they let me in and then they bring it down so it's great wow I can't even figure out what just happened that's fun any crazy stories any boys try to get you in a Changbang or anything like that?

Oh, um, no, not that I recall. There's like, uh, you know, there's like those final clubs. I don't know if you guys watch the Social Network. That's like a big thing there. They're all fighting them now because they're trying to make them co-ed, but they're not a great

place to be. I feel like you'd get hit on by a lot of pedophiles. Does that happen a lot? A lot of ice cream truck drivers and things like that? That's what I worry about because I feel like guys who are into me I'm like, oh, this is so cool. And then I realize I look pretty young so probably they're just a pedophile. So you kind of

have to go for guys that aren't into you. Do you do that on stage? Is that a joke? No, I don't. Well, that's amazing now. All right, great. We will use it. It's just go for guys that aren't that into you.

It's so funny. Is that true? Do you find that sort of being true? Well, I think it's also being an Asian woman. You kind of worry that if guys are just hitting on you out of the blue, you're like, let's look through your dating history on Facebook. And it's like, Asian woman, Asian woman. All right, let's check your...

And then at their house, they have a gong and Chinese characters on their wall. It's so fucking funny. It's unbelievable. Let's stay away. It's so funny to me that a 21 year old girl can come up here and just school everybody that was up before her Sierra course of truth

what was the part of that that I wanted to ask you about oh so if you see like that a guy's dated a bunch of Asian girls is that a good that's a bad thing or it's probably a bad thing. Do you ever think, like, if it's all just, like, white girls, are you like, well, maybe they just want me to be their one experimental Asian? Interesting.

Are you ever worried about that? Yeah, I think there's, you know, it's a lose-lose, I guess. But, yeah, I think, because the thing is, yeah, I would say most of my friends are, like, Asian girls. We're kind of worried about that mainly, is the guy who goes after Asian girls a lot. So we try to stay away from that. But I don't think we ever really have talked about,

when we sit down and discuss, we haven't yet considered the new thing. You don't want to just be like, ooh, a little Chinese takeout, and then never, never again. I don't know. That's an interesting thing um my i think yeah my sister dated a guy who like hadn't met an asian girl till college so that was like oh i was like maybe you may maybe you reconsider yeah i don't know it's it's tough it's a lose-lose as i louse louse oh louse louse louse louse situation humanez so

Sierra like what kind of guys are you into because I've noticed that most Asian women are just into Asians have you tried

around like have you like shop have you like tried other flavors um hmm I guess I

I've dated a Korean American and a um and now I'm currently dating a white guy. Whoa, wait, what color was the American? I was saying Korean-American. I dated a Korean-American and a white guy. Red, white, and blue. Korean-American, Korean-American. So he was born here. red white and blue yeah no Korean American Korean dash American

so he was born here so the Korean was like super Korean no no no I was dating I said a Korean I corrected Korean American

oh that was one person that was one guy I dated a Korean American and a guy named Taiping right all the same guy

interesting who'd you like more the Asian or the white guy I guess you're still with the white guy yeah that's your low main squeeze right now why'd you break up with the Korean was he too like

it was my high school boyfriend so we had to part ways. Right, yeah. He's got that fucking angry box head, you know what I mean? Whoa, too soon for the Korean jokes, everybody? I can't... Okie dokie. They have, like, the more square heads, correct?

Oh. You're thinking of Shamo head. I don't know. Did I... Well, the Koreans, their heads are more square. square heads, correct? You're thinking of Shamo heads. I don't know. The Koreans, their heads are more square. The Chinese have more round. Japanese. That's the show South Park.

This is like the rubric you guys use. So you don't offend. No, that's good. That's fine. I don't know. I'm Chinese and Japanese, so I don't know where I sit in that. Welcome to the new podcast, Boxhead. Yeah, the Korean only podcast.

Sierra, most fun thing that the white guy's ever done for you or to you that the Asian guy never did? Please say anal. Please say anal. I don't know. Turkey to Chuck E. Cheese. Sorry, I went back to the turkey to chucky cheese I'm sorry sorry I went back

to the oh yeah yeah we're good oh okay yeah I went way back so what was the answer I missed it um

I haven't thought about it uh I don't know probably like we did we've um we've gone to a concert together

oh wow oh shit just dropping putting that out there wow fucking uh what concert We've gone to a concert together. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. Just dropping, putting that out there. Wow. Fucking, what concert? What are we talking about? It was...

Food and a Blowfish Sushi? Nothing on that. Okie dokie. It was an Asian joke. Who was it? Interchikari. Whoa. He was into it.

I was like, great. Did you like it? Yeah, it was cool. Was he like dancing? Was it all weird? So it's kind of like one of those things where they run around. And so I was like hanging out on the outside, like thumbs up. He was with me.

Oh, like a mosh pit. And then he would go and be like, I'll be right back. And then he'd run around in the middle like that. Like, all right. So it's kind of like the mom being like, okay, have fun. It was pretty weird. But no, it was great. I like watching people perform, and they were a great

performing band. That is so fucking cool. Maybe you're the pedophile. Yeah, here we go. I would love to invite you to the first Friday at the Ice House and do the Death Squad show. There you go. Yay, thanks.

There you go. Thanks. There you go. My favorite joke from the Rice House to the Ice House. It works every time. I've used it seven times in 160 some episodes. Always. Always works.

Sierra, anything else fun that you want to update us with? Any questions for the great David Arquette? Oh, man. Questions for Steve Simone, one of the nicest human beings on the planet. And funniest, of course. Yeah, I don't know. What are you guys?

What are you guys? Wow. Really Harvard caliber. You guys like Asian girls? Steve Spout, yeah. Any advice for starting a comic? Yeah, just be nice and have fun.

That's true. I think that's good advice. Just be nice and have fun. Awesome. And don't stop. No matter how hard it gets, just never give up. That's advice to everybody out there. Never give up. That's true. Don't stop. No matter how hard it gets, just never give up. That's advice to everybody out there. Never give up. That's true. Don't quit.

David Arquette. Just laugh. That's it. That's the gist. Enjoy it. Sierra Cattow, ladies and gentlemen. She's back in Los Angeles with a Harvard motherfucking degree.

She is unstoppable. She's on Twitter at Sierra Katow. That's Sierra, K-A-T-O-W. Man, that is incredible. Three years she's been coming here. So 21, 29. Wow, that's fucking crazy. That's one of our coolest ongoing

storylines, right? Yeah. when she was on three years ago We must have said how much longer until you graduate She probably said three years And I said how much until you turn 21 So I can get you wasted Something like that Another new name this looks interesting I like the style of cursive

Put your hands together for Bella Rose. Here she comes. This way, this way. Hey. So I get to go after the really smart woman. I'm wearing glasses, so I get to go after the really smart woman. I'm wearing glasses, so I appear more intelligent. But, yeah, when I was young, I used to do really smart guys because I would hope it, like, would rub off on me.

But I probably would have had better luck going to college. Just maybe. I don't know. But, yeah, I'm a pro-creator creator how many of you have gotten your jeans in the next generation okay that's okay because some of you just don't need to it's okay I have I've gotten my jeans the next generation and my children I picked a very rich guy so I gave them that gift thank you yes I always wanted a trust fund so So I was like, well, but then you kind of get like entitled little bitches, which there's the flip side. I'm not that I don't love my children. Shit. One minute's going really fast. Ah. Anyways. So, um, yeah, I

was thinking like, I really need a job. Maybe I could redefine words. Because, like, cunt, cunt should not be a word to describe a badge, right? Like, a badge is a beautiful, lovely thing. Can't understand normal thinking. That makes perfect sense. Right? That's your time. Bella Rose, everybody.

Gee whiz. Fuck yeah. Bella Rose, I's your time. Bella Rose, everybody. Gee whiz. Fuck yeah. Bella Rose, I like your style. Thank you, thank you. How long have you been on stand-up? Like on and off for years. I haven't done it for a while, but I moved in with my ex.

Right, you used to go by another stage name, right? Weird Al Yankovic? No? Oh. Put that name. It was Crisis Christina. Sorry.

I'm in full roast mode. I have a roast battle coming up at the end of this week live from Montreal on Comedy Central. Is Bella Rose your real name or is that your porno name? It's my last name actually. Is that your deaf porno name? Crisis Christina.

last name, actually. Is that your deaf porno name? Crisis Christina. Bella, did you just come straight in from Bonnaroo to perform here tonight? You seem like such a free spirit. Like a music festival type. Well, I wanted to be a musician.

I wanted to be a singer, but I'm tone deaf. So did Pat Reagan at one point. There's the problem. Oh, shit. I'm so tone deaf unfortunately bella what do you do for work i don't really work i feel like you have a garden am i correct i mean i should have a garden i mean i do work i have a non-profit i just don't make money that's the problem i do a lot of things to work. Like I'm a Facebook activist. I do like a lot of life. Jesus Christ.

Is your love life really sad? It is. There he is. Oh my God. I'm surprised you brought that up. It is so fucking tragic. Tell us about it. But you know what they say, comedy is tragedy over time.

So, well basically. Actually, you have that equation wrong. It's not like comedy is divided by square time or whatever you just said. What did I just say? Anyway, Bella, tell us about it. Okay, so the other day I was out buying, I found some vegan condoms, which I was really excited about because I'm vegan. What does that mean?

You just put them on bananas or something? How did the 21-year-old boy you were trying to fuck react to that? Maybe I have a sex life, right? But actually I'm just obsessive-compulsive and I just put them on my toys so I don't have to wash them, right? What? Oh my God.

So when 21-year-old boys go over to your apartment and see your doll collection, how do they react? Well, actually, I have a 20-year-old boys go over to your apartment and see your doll collection, how do they react? Well, actually, I have a 20-year-old daughter, and I live with my ex, so I'm not allowed to have any men over. It's very sad. The only reason I do stand-up comedy is simply to get the fuck out of the house. You know you can just leave the house at any point. I mean, you don't have to try to do this comedy thing.

Well, you know, but the problem is, like, the baby daddy, he doesn't really want to fuck me. But he doesn't really want anyone else to fuck me. He says what? Because you have vegan condoms. That's why he doesn't want to fuck you. Because he knows that's only for gay sex. Oh, God. Gay sex are people who want to save the world.

Why are you calling him a baby daddy when the baby is 20 years old? Well, I have three. Oh, there's three. I'm a procreator. Just look at me and I get pregnant almost. No, no, I don't think that's how it works at all. Definitely not. Brian, you would think I would have figured it out after three times.

You would think I might have figured out how it fucking works, right? Brian, you just keep repeating vegan condoms over and over again. And they're sustainable. They're biosustainable and part of the proceeds go to charity. So I feel like we're going to not masturbate. Is charity the name of your third kid? No, you know, it's faith.

It's charity. Do you make your own jewelry? Yes, actually I do. And you sell it. It stands sometimes, right? This one is made out of paper. This is recycled paper. And you sell it. It stands sometimes, right? This one is made out of paper. This is recycled paper. And I could buy it on Etsy.com, am I correct? Do you have any energy crystals in your pocket?

Do you live in Calabasas? I do have one in my vagina, though. Do you live in Calabasas? Where do you live? Santa Monica. No, I do live in Calabasas. Oh my God! Fuck yeah!

Calabasas! Joel! Joel! This is Joel Jimenez's episode. I'm sorry. Joel Jimenez. Bella Rose. Is that your real name?

Yeah, it's my last name. Really? It's my real last name, yeah managed. Bella Rose. Is that your real name? Yeah, it's my last name. Really? It's my real last name, yes. Why Bella? Because of the webcams and the stage and stuff? I was just born with it, but I just decided to get rid of Christina, the first name, because Christina, that's four words for Bella Rose. Right, it's so mainstream.

It's like two, four, six, eight. It's so confusing for people. People are very simple-minded. They can't take in four names all at once. Just break that shit down to two. Holy shit. Like really? I can take in two names.

Oh wow. Chong's girlfriend just showed up. What the? What? I thought maybe they'd go good together. I'm going to shut up now. Bella Rose, tell us something else about you. What else are you into? Any other fun hobbies? Oh I do. I'd go good together. I'm going to shut up now. Bella Rose, tell us something else about you. What else are you into?

Any other fun hobbies? Oh, I do. I'm a yogi. I'm going to India in a week to study yoga. Really? Yeah. Like I get up every day at 5 o'clock to drive to Culver City to do Ashtanga yoga. What kind of yoga is that?

Your life is like a Showtime show. I know, right? It's a very athletic form of yoga. It's a combination of dance and gymnastics. Yeah. Do you like downward-facing cougar or something like that? No, but back in the old day, you want me to show you this joke I used to open with back in the way old day

when I was really a young comedian? I have no idea what you're saying. Everybody's laughing. What was that? I said, would you like me to demonstrate a joke I used to do when I was very young? you're saying. Everybody's laughing. Would you like me to demonstrate a joke I used to do when I was very young? You're going to demonstrate the joke? Well, yeah. I guess I use a yoga pose, isn't it?

Sure, yeah. Go ahead. Okay. And I'm like, oh. Okay. Well, you can hear if the music's on. Be careful, ladies and gentlemen. She is a squirter. Okay.

Oh, my gosh. I get so nervous. But don't worry. This pose helps to just relax me. And just breathing very deeply into my chakras. Is the chakra like the gaping hole that's probably underneath those jeans?

How did the bell from earlier just fall out of her pussy? Did you catch the end? What was it? Oh, I make such an ass out of myself. Oh, no. Don't do it. Now you have to sit next to Pat

for the rest of the episode. I've already done it. I think if you incorporate the vegan condom and masturbating, that joke kills. Thank you. I'm sorry. How often do you use soap in the shower? No, I use soap.

I'm into soap. Every day? Yeah. I'm not one of these shower? No, I use soap. I'm into soap. Every day? Yeah. I'm not one of these vegans who doesn't like soap. And I use two things, too. But you don't like washing your sex toys. You'd rather put a fucking condom on them. But it's like, what if I'm walking out with my glass dildo,

and then my daughter happens to get up to go pee, and she's like, you know, it's just awkward. No, what happens then? Yeah, right? It's just awkward. Did she really see you with a glass dildo, or are you just awkward now what happens then yeah right it's just awkward did she really see you with a glass dildo or are you just saying well no i'm just yeah i'm just thinking like gosh i don't want her see me with a glass dildo well did she see you with the glass dildo well that's no because i put the glass half empty or i don't have the need to go to the bathroom to wash them except you know when she's, then I just throw them in the dishwasher and then that's it.

That was actually really funny. The truth is stranger than reality. Again, that's another thing that does a saying that you pretty much just trashed. It's a Hallmark quote.

The truth is stranger than reality. It's a differentmark quote Truth is strange It's a different thing Alright Bella Rose You're an interesting spirit Coolest concert you've ever been to in your life Pink Floyd Maybe

No, Fish is what her sex toys smell like Too easy? That is so not true, actually. She's a hippie? That's not true. Yeah, you know why? Because I'm a vegan, and so I don't have any dead carcasses in my body

rotting, coming out of my pores. Judgment? No. Well, you know... Now you just got couscous. I have to... You're like, oh my god. They're so judgmental.

But you know what? Every fucking hamburger is like 30,000 gallons of water. That's like my child's future. Every hamburger is 30,000 gallons of water? It takes 30,000 gallons just to process one package of hamburger. Wow.

That's crazy because my favorite thing to do is throw hamburgers in people's swimming pools and I'm just wasting so much fucking water. I didn't even realize that. Well, you know, hey, who needs water? We have money. Fuck it. Who needs air and water, right? It's not water that's been in dinosaurs'

pussies the whole time. What? You can't kill water. It's not going anywhere. We're not' pussies the whole time. What? You can't kill water. It's not going anywhere. We're not wasting water forever. You don't actually have to answer her if she says what. You wouldn't have to repeat it if it didn't work the first time. I forgot we're not in a drama. Bella, let me ask you a question.

How upset are you at this whole Bernie Sanders situation? I am so upset. Because that's your guy, right? I mean, you like him so much, you almost started to sort of look like him a little bit. Like, if you, if we put a Bernie wig on you, you'd be Bernie pretty much.

Yeah, pretty much. I think I probably would have been better than Bernie. They should have just, because, right, the other side has all these stupid idiots. I'm perfectly qualified. Right? So are you going to vote for Hillary? God, I don't know. What are you going to vote for Hillary? God, I don't know.

What are you going to do? Like vote for the Trumps? So yes, you're going to vote for Hillary. Why wouldn't you vote for Trump? Why? Yeah. I mean, there's like a whole plethora of reasons. I'm just curious what your answer is.

What's your first reason? What would be your top reason why you wouldn't vote for Trump? Well, he's a racist. He's a misogynistic. What's the most racist thing? Bigot. He's like. Bella, stick with me over here. What's the most racist thing you've ever vote for Trump? Well, he's a racist. He's a misogynistic bigot. What's the most racist thing? Bella, stick with me over here. What's the most racist thing you've ever heard him say? Well, he wants to build a wall.

He said, get that monkey off my porch one time. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa. Oh, yeah, he said Mexicans were rapists. That's pretty... Breaking news here. We have our... Back to the Kill Tony news team

with a live report on the current election we go to Pat Reagan Kill Tony political correspondent what was that Pat what did Donald Trump say he said get that monkey off my porch did you hear him say that

I didn't even realize Trump had a porch that he would say that on. It's mostly huge hotels and shit. Okie dokie. The old stare back improv jam. His beard's cut

and his harmonica thing. Bella, you say he's racist, but are you saying that you like Mexicans? I love Mexicans. Really? Thank you. Yes. Thank you.

Would you let them live with yourself and your three daughters and your husband? Yeah, I have an adopted Mexican mother, actually. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. Before you make a joke about she said farty poo or something, let's just stick with the thing. You just said that you have an adopted what?

I have an adopted Mexican mother. Adopted Mexican mother. So you adopted from like a kennel? What do you mean? No, she's just part of our family now. She's nicer to me than my own mother. So I figured I just will call. I know, right?

My mom's a psycho cunt. But yeah. Wow. Fuck yeah. Right? We lost everything there for a second. So how did you adopt this Mexican lady? She just came to us one day, and I decided to keep her.

You know? Oh my God. Here we are. Oh my God. This is why I dig for gold, ladies and gentlemen. Every once in a while, you find it. A lot of you are questioning questioning where the fuck is Tony going with this Mexican thing. Well,

you can go... Alright. So, is this true? You being serious? What do you mean she just came by like a stray dog? Like one day she's just knocking on the door? I mean, I don't recall how it happened, but she doesn't speak English, and I just

saw she had this beautiful light in her eyes, and we made this connection when she was cleaning my house. And I was like... Bella Rose. There you go. Rolling with it. Bella. That's not that race, Brian.

That's a different race. No, but seriously, I love her so much. That's not that race, Brian. That's a different race. Seriously, I love her so much. That's very cool. It was nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Fuck yeah.

There she goes. Off to see her 37th Dave Matthews Band Show. Bella Rose. Man, that's an interesting one right there. Every single week, we have a regular that goes up and does a brand new 60 Seconds every single week. This week's no different.

Put your hands together for the great Vanessa Johnston, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Put your hands together for the great Vanessa Johnston, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, guys. I realized this week that I just look like a dumb white bitch. I look like one of those people that doesn't know how to spell earth but thinks it evolves around them like that last girl. Which is weird because that's the outside,

but internally I identify as a hyper-intelligent, grumpy old man. Guys don't like it when I say that during sex. When I'm like, yeah, fuck me. Fuck me like I'm Steve Jobs. They're like, are we role playing right now? Am I Bill Gates?

What's going on? Fuck yeah, Vanessa Johnston. That's incredible because that Fuck yeah, Vanessa Johnston. That's incredible because that might be pretty much up there with Sierra for the set of the night. What's crazy is that you write and perform a brand new minute every single week. That's really

impressive. I love that opening joke. For you to acknowledge, sort of get everybody on your side because it's so hard when you look like you to win people over. So I was amazed by that. I think that's so cool.

I think you could do so many cool different takes of that and have that device and really use that as sort of like your X-Men secret weapon is sort of just throwing a curveball like that. This is your first time seeing Vanessa Johnston, right, guys? Yeah. It was great. David Arquette. David Arquette forgetting to talk into the microphone

for the first time tonight. That was one of your better sets that you've had recently. Have you been going up? I mean, you were out of town last week. Did you get up anywhere in New York, or did you not have time? No, I was shooting all week so I didn't have time.

It's a double masturbation video or what? I mean, yeah. See. Hopefully Pat's friend. But I can't really do it now, I guess. What? Nothing. Yeah. Vanessa, you kind of

sound like a deaf porn star. Whoa. Pat Reagan taking shots over there. On our own. Shots fired. He's having a rough night tonight, Vanessa. Don't take it. Is your ball still hanging out?

What? Nothing. Not yours. This is getting awkward. Vanessa, what did you do in New York? Anything fun? Yeah, I was shooting a TV show for Bravo. It's my first producer credit, so I was in front of camera.

Thank you. That's great. Can you talk about it? Are you going to say it? We're filming a docuseries about an African royal family. They're the heir to like a $7 billion year of fortune. I saw this. I saw it coming to America, right?

This is great. I mean. Guy works at a McDonald's. Everything goes good. He falls in love. Your royal penis is clean. Your highness. Your highness. Your highness.

Well, that's cool. An African royal family that just came to America. That sounds interesting. African royal family. Would you get paid? What? The accountant, Pat Reagan. I know, right?

Well, that's fun. Anything crazy happen? Not, I mean, not really. It was just, you know, typical shooting. Do African royal people do something that white royal people don't do? Like, do they have their crown on a necklace instead of their head?

Well, the only... How do I think that's so much funnier than you people? We've been through so much together. Our sense of humor should be matched up by now, but... I mean, you have to really picture an entire crown on a necklace for it to be... Not right. She's supposed to be, like, referred to as Her Highness. But she lives in africa like in

new york so the uh the team wanted to do like the weirdest part was like they want to do a scene where a racist white person went up to the girl and was like do you work here in her apartment and they made me be that person so so it was really awkward. That was the weirdest part. Oh, shit. Reality is bullshit. And my boyfriend's black, so I was like, you working? They're like, that's not what we want. I'm like, I'm not the person. So they had someone else.

Boom. So I failed at reality TV acting. That was cool. So yeah, that's all. That's great. Anything else, guys? David Arquette, Steve Simone? I thought it was great that it was personality-driven.

You acknowledged how you looked, and then all your jokes were put upon that. Because when you came out, you didn't hit it right away. You were like, uh... I was like, why is this lady taking time if she knows she only has 60 seconds and she does this every week? But then you were like, uh, this looks like another dumb white bitch.

And I was like, it played imperfect. It was good. Yeah, the timing was awesome it was good I feel like I'm done it's so fun to watch what happens when all the blood rushes from David Arquette's head and into another

place all together Vanessa Johnston ladies and gentlemen there she goes yeah yeah timing's Timing's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Alright. You guys want to pull one more name out of the bucket before we get

the fuck out of here? Let's blow this party out. As you know, fucking anything can happen. Shit tons of pieces of paper going around in my hand right now. Only one will be pulled kevin alexander come on everybody kevin alexander kevin alexander everybody come on Come on, everybody. Kevin Alexander. Kevin Alexander, everybody. Come on. What's up, everybody? So ask yourself, when was the last time I heard this?

So I'm a 47-year-old black man who loves NASCAR. Been a while, huh? Been a while, huh? Yep. The reason I got into NASCAR is because as a kid, I sucked at stick and ball sports, which is a whole lot different than sucking at stick and balls for sport. Now, in NASCAR's 67-year history, they've only had four black drivers, and I think I could be a really good representative for the sport.

I think I could bring a new meaning to the word racist. I would let my Asian girlfriend drive on days when I'm sick. You know, I'd do shit like that. Fuck yeah, Kevin Alexander. Thank you, Redman. Nailed it. Huh, that is interesting. A black NASCAR fan.

Is your favorite part when they drive by? Golden pony. Golden pony Tony. Do you know my friend Daryl Wright? A very funny comedian, also black Do you know him? No What do you think, they all know each other? Whoa, whoa, whoa

No, because I think he has a sim Because he also works for NASCAR He does like a podcast for my radio show Good thing you're not a politician, Red Band Do you know Max White? Max White, he was up here Max White, yes, yes, yes. But he also talks, he does a similar thing.

One of my favorite lines ever right now from Pat Reagan, good thing you're not a politician, Red Band. Yes, that is true. Well, I'm just saying he also does a similar bit, because it also is weird for him. So you should check out his comedy sometime, because it's very parallel to yours, I bet. Okay, what's his name again?

Daryl Wright. Okay. Yeah. Do you know? Okay. He's one of the Wright brothers. No two black guys can talk about NASCAR now, you hear? No, I'm not saying it's like that.

I'm just saying he would probably find it interesting because he talks about it a lot. You've really been a NASCAR fan for a long time? Oh, yeah. Since I was a little kid Wow Watching Cale Yarbrough and Richard Petty Way back in the day Do you know Hinchcliffe?

The driver? He's currently Somewhere near the top of the Winston Cup The only other famous Hinchcliffe in the fucking world One of the best race car drivers That's true Anyway I just have unbelievable genetics Cliff in the fucking world. One of the best race car drivers. That's true. Anyway, I just have unbelievable genetics,

but no big deal. Kevin, what do you do for work? I'm a parachute rigger. What? I don't think you're allowed to say that word on this show. You're a parachute what? Last time I was up here, you called me

a dirty rigger. Oh, I did? Oh, okay. I do remember that now, actually. That was like a year, a couple years ago, something like that. God, I do remember that. God, was that fun. One could almost say, I remember exactly

how I said it. One could almost say, you were a dirty rigger? That was great. exactly how I said it, one could almost say, you were a dirty rigger? That was great. I remember I said it up perfectly. How do you get into parachute rigging? Do you jump out of planes? Yes, sir. So you do that with people?

Yeah. You're into all kinds of white people shit, huh? NASCAR, jumping out of planes. I mean, jeez, what else do you do? Pay your taxes? Get the fuck out of planes What else do you do? Pay your taxes? Get the fuck out of here Dude I got a whole bit on that I love it Take anything you want

Of what we're talking about Kevin so what else? Parachute rigging Is that a full time job? Yes sir We pack the parachutes That come back through the atmosphere and rescue the capsule

before it lands in the ocean. That is so fucking cool. That sounds like a dream job. It's awesome. It's very stressful, but it's very rewarding. How often do you do that? You guys are freaking hilarious. How often? Yeah. Every day. You jump out of planes every day? Freaking hilarious.

How often? Yeah. Every day. You jump out of planes every day? Not every day. You know, I haven't jumped in a while, but, you know, I've got over 800 jumps. Oh, my gosh. Wow.

Jump, man. Jump, man. Jump, man. Jump, man. Jump, man. Kevin, you dating anybody? Yeah, an Asian. Is that true? She's not Asian, but I am dating someone.

I was going to say, Sierra Cattell found a black guy real quick after the white American and Korean. I was going to ask how long it took to break her in. Not dating anybody right now? Is that what you said? No, I am. Oh, you are?

I've been on four years, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. What's she like? She's a bartender. She's awesome. Do you wear a chute when you have sex with her? Condom?

Do you wear a vegan parachute? Anything else? Any other fun hobbies or anything like that? You like a master yo-yo? Actually, I do say skydive all the time when I ask that. Yes, you do. I just realized that. Off-roading and camping.

Oh, yeah. Going to clan rallies. I'm bad. I'm bad. Where were you raised? In Southern California, in San Fernando Valley. I'm bad. I'm bad. Where were you raised? In Southern California, in San Fernando Valley. San Fernando Valley. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Wow. Have you seen – Yeah. Have you seen – have you had any close calls on any of those 800 jumps? No, but I was a test parachutist in the Navy. Right?

A test parachutist? Yes, sir. Right. It's crazy. So were there close calls there? Well, uh... You were like Sierra Catal, you passed all your tests? Nothing on that? Asian Harvard grad you met earlier? None of you remember?

Okay. Curiously, the test parachute platoon is all black. Give it to him. Give it to him. Are all test parachutists black? Is that a thing that they do? Like, eh, just make them a test parachutist. I only know of two black test parachutists. Wow.

How many white test parachutists do you know? Lots, lots and lots and lots of white test parachutists. Wow. What happens if a chute fails? You got a reserve. Hopefully that one doesn't fail. Wow. Have you ever had a buddy where that

one's failed for? I've known some people who've gone in. Really? My dad was going to skydive for his first time because his friend kept on trying to get him to do it. She did it all the time. So the day before he was about to do it, her main shoot didn't work and her test got tangled up with her old one

and she died. Wow. The day before. That's real shit. Rest in peace, pancake. Never forget. That's fun. What ethnicity is the girl you've been dating

for four years? She's fun. What ethnicity is the girl you've been dating for four years? She's white. You said that like somebody's going to shoot you out there. White. Is there more to that? She's German. She's white. She's Indian.

Midwest mutt. Oh, she's just all kinds of... White? The drinking-est kind of person you could be. Got a little black in her once in a while, you know what I'm saying? A whole lot, Golden Pony. Anyway. Are you going to vote for Hillary? Nah, man.

Well, then you're not totally white. He's voting for Trump. Are you going to vote for Trump? No, man. You're not voting? Uh-uh. You'll test parachutes, but you will not sign up for jury duty. No.

Well, jury duty, yeah. But this whole political thing is a joke. You're just ignoring it. Would you have voted for Bernie if he was in it? I don't know, man. Our choices are just shitty right now. If you had it your way, who would be president? Dale Earnhardt Jr.?

He'd be a good one. I like Kyle Busch. Kyle Busch wins a lot. Kyle Busch. Kyle Busch. I like Kyle Busch. Kyle Busch wins a lot. Kyle Busch. Good old Kyle Busch. Kevin, were you raised by white people?

How do you even find out about off-roading? What happens? Do you just see a white girl with a big butt and you're just like, whoa! Something like that. Pretty much. Off-roading. You go fishing ever?

No, sir. I haven't fished. Oh, yeah. I haven't fished. I ain't that white. You ain't that white. That's so funny. No.

Just a test parachuter. That's where you draw the line. That's where I draw the line That's where I draw the line Alright Kevin, well Anything else for Kevin guys? You guys want to go skydiving or something? There's so much material there I just want to see you do a longer set

I thought you were great Thank you very much There he is baby, Kevin Alexander Thank you guys for having me The great Kevin Alexander. Thank you guys for having me. The great Kevin Alexander. One of the funniest riggers we've ever had on the show by far.

One of the funniest riggers by far with a hard R on that. Two hard R's actually. Look, it's the drawing from Ryan J. Ebel ladies and gentlemen. It was a blank sheet of paper before. I promised you there'd be a

drawing there. All of his prints are available at ryanjebel.com as is the official Kill Tony poster. That's a hot day theme, am I right? Fucking hot day theme. We're all in the pool. That's a cool one.

Fun episode. Pat Reagan took a lot of chances tonight. We committed. I almost don't want to ever talk about what happened and totally just let Red Band cut it out and then if we just don't acknowledge it, then maybe it never happened. If a tree

falls on a podcast and no one ever, and only the people that watched it live stream saw it, then... What are you talking about, Tony Hinchcliffe? Pat has been awesome all day since he came out. That's right. We don't want to have to edit this part as well. So that's

a good point, Brian. Pat Reagan's Patty Reagan. Anything else you want to promote, Pat? No. Joel Jimenez, mostly sorry? At mostly sorry. I should have just let you do it. I'm sorry, guys.

No, I love it. Joel Jimenez literally with like four of the best lines tonight. So funny. I will never know exactly how you knew that how you knew that that hippie was from Calabasas. I looked at her. That was incredible. The great David Arquette, ladies and gentlemen, one of our favorites.

Thank you. Thanks for having me, buddy. Anything coming up you want to promote or anything like that? I mean, any... Sigmund and the Sea Monsters on Amazon. On Amazon. Thanks for having me, buddy. Anything coming up you want to promote or anything like that? Sigmund and the Sea Monsters on Amazon. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. You heard it here. Straight from the Sea Monster's mouth himself. Steve Simone is

so fucking funny. This was so fun. Your podcast is amazing. Your album is amazing. Every single thing you do. Steve Simone. Your Twitter is at Steve Simone? thing you do. Thank you. Steve Simone. Your Twitter is at Steve Simone? Yeah. S-I-M-E-O-N-E.

Yes. And then we have a blood drive at Children's Hospital this Friday and Saturday. Wow. So if you guys could come out. A blood drive. Donate blood. I don't know if you really want Kill Tony fans' blood. I'm looking out there and they sort of look unhealthy.

Just kidding, guys. You all have just perfectly fine blood, everybody. I can tell they all got a little sad at that one. A lot of dates. If you didn't hear them earlier, there's a ton of them. They're all at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Check Oddball.com because I'm on that tour this year. And I'm at Boston's Wilbur Theater October 8th.

Tulsa, San Fran, Sacramento, San Diego, all that stuff. TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets to that. You're going to want to see it because I'm murdering so hard in stand-up. Brian Redband. See you later. Bye-bye, everybody. Thank you, live audience. Have a good night.

We're going to take a group picture real quick. Thank you. Yeah, it was a crazy one. I know. Bitch, you guessed it. Still in that place. And I'm flaccid. Yeah, bro. Yeah, man.

Bitch, you guessed it. I'm still with my niggas. Coming to test you. Oh, Gigi. Bitch, you guessed it. Walking around with extra in my pockets. Bitch, you next to us extra in my pockets bitch you next to us why the fuck are you next to us bitch you should come test us

I seen what you rocking and bitch you can't dress with us seen what your bitch look like and nigga I wasn't impressing her fuck nigga come and talk it out fuck nigga we ain't talking it out what the fuck we finna talk about? All we know is that Moolah, bitch, he's crazy.

He's in that guap. But you know I'm not.