KILL TONY - KILL TONY #182

Episode Date: November 25, 2016

Brent Morin, Kirk Fox, Jeremiah Watkins, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Ali Macofsky, Vanessa Johnston, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 11/14/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. Yeah! Don't forget to go to Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. There you have all his tour dates, his merch, everything the Golden Pony is at TonyHinchcliffe.com. And RyanJEbelt.com is where he's the house artist, and he draws like every episode. And then he puts a print for sale. He also has a Kill Tony poster, and you can help him out by going to RyanJEBelt.com. Don't forget to subscribe to Kill Tony on iTunes.

Search the iTunes store for Kill Tony and hit subscribe. Don't forget to rate and review the show. Or you can subscribe to the Death Squad podcast network on iTunes. And there you get everything we do here at Death Squad all all in one little package, just like Tony Hinchcliffe. Also, if you want to help us out, because we pay for everything using our website, DeathSquad.TV, and our store, ShopSquad.TV. So if you go to ShopSquad.TV, there you have all the Death Squad merchandise. And there's two, two brand new designs that are up right now for pre-sale. It's pretty cool. We took the old original Death Squad shirt, and it's made out of a bunch of

sevens now. So if you look really close, it's actually just a whole bunch of sevens. It's really cool. It's called the Seven Kit. You can find it at shopsquad.tv. It's up for pre-order. And then we also have a brand new hoodie. You might know the Death Squad Cat Stripes. Well, this one's like a 7-Eleven style. It's called Stripe 7 Hoodie. And you can also preorder that at shopsquad.tv. And if you're listening to this Black Friday weekend, you're in luck. There's a coupon code for 20% off right now.

Just type in 7-S-E-V-E-N into your checkout, and there you save 20% this weekend only. And that's it, guys. Here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Van coming to you live from the road-famous Comedy Store main room for our brand-new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 4. Get up for a Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow, listen to that smathering of half-fucking-super-weak applause.

Wow, impressive. Very low music. Oh, I was contemplating suicide. Is that how loud the music's going to be tonight? Was that the start of the big show that everybody's here to see? Plam, plam, plam. Woo-doo-doo-doo, welcome to the show. Yeah, now you do it.

Perfect. Way to do it, Brian. Scoot over more that way. They've fucked everything up again. Every time I don't come out here and check yourself, you gotta do it yourself. Make some noise, you fucking Monday night freaks. You can do better than that.

You can do better than that. Why are you being lazy, guy with the beard? There you go, you motherfucker. I'm serious. I demand fucking respect. Hello to the people On live stream right now And on Periscope watching from all around the world

If you're watching from Houston, Texas Guess what's going to be in Houston, Texas This Saturday night This show, Kill Tony live from the Come and Take It Fest In Houston, Texas this Saturday So you might be finding that out on the internet right now Live audience Welcome to the show

I'm pumped This is another fucking half a Monday night show. You know what I mean? Feels good in here. I don't know what happened before I came out. You guys are out of it. This doesn't seem like a real show to me. Did something happen?

Anybody want to speak up on behalf of the audience? Why you guys think you feel a little uncomfortable? Supermoon? It's Trump week. The comedy store is crazy why you guys think you feel a little uncomfortable? Supermoon? It's Trump week. It might be that. The comedy store is crazy, and the door guys here are all comedians, and they're very funny.

And when I arrived tonight, one of them was like, there's a great view of the supermoon out back, and another one had his pants down with his balls out. That's why it's super. And he was looking at me from through his legs. With full eye contact.

Which is their version of the super moon. It's the kind of fun we have here on a fucking Monday night. Real comedy super moons and shit like that. I'm excited about life, Brian. No other gigs to promote. I'm done. I was in New York City, Australia, all that blah-biddy-blah bullshit. And then I'm taking December off in Los Angeles, just hanging out here.

You deserve it, man. You had one of the craziest years ever. It started with your special in January. This whole year, you've been out of town. Gosh darn it, Brian. I like what you're talking about right now. It's been an amazing year. One of my favorite things about my life, though, is this show.

Everybody knows that. An hour and a half every single week again you are at live audience the number one live podcast in the world yeah it's a weird delay in this room tonight we have our house artist Ryan J. Ebelt

the maker of this poster he's drawing tonight's episode already hard at work literally drawing on a blank piece of paper what you're going to see at the end of the poster. He's drawing tonight's episode already hard at work. Literally drawing on a blank piece of paper. What you're going to see at the end of the show is tonight's episode. Let's just get it going, shall we? We have a band. We have a live band. This is unbelievable how much fun we have. Put your hands together for the Kill Tony

band. It's Reagan Watkins and Joel Jimenez, everybody. It's a UFC entrance this week. That is fucking hilarious. All the way, they have the tube tops. I guess they all decided to be female UFC fighters is what I'm catching on to. They have orange rinds in their mouth to signify mouthpieces.

And they also literally had to draw abs on their bodies because that's how unhealthy the Kill Tony band is. Obviously only, as you can tell by Jeremiah's body, they only use fruit as props. Pat, could you have perhaps gotten a bigger piece

of orange in your mouth, you think? I love this. I ate mine before I got to the stage. Couldn't resist. Wow, aren't you adorable? We always love when Jeremiah shows off that gut of his. For those of you that don't know, it's one of the fun running jokes of the show. Sometimes it is exposed and it bounces when he laughs.

There it is right there. Perfect example for you if you're wondering what it looks like. Red man. What are you doing? You have pigtails tonight. You have pigtails and a pig front. Will you turn up this mic, Redman? I hate this audience tonight for some reason.

You guys are very unreactive to everything. Did you guys take a bus down from fucking Russia or something like that? Red Band, will you turn up this mic a little bit? Oh, shit. Jeremy. I got something to say. Uh-oh. Big announcement coming.

I keep going to different cities, and I'll have Death Squad fans come up to me, and they'll pull me aside. They're like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? They're like, hey, man, you're not really fat, all right? Tony's just giving you a hard time. And I'm like, you are my favorite. Yeah. To those people, I say, come see the live show.

Red Band, stop it with the pig noises. You heard my feelings. I dressed up as Miss Piggy a couple weeks ago. Now you bring it up back to pig sound effects. What are you supposed to be tonight? Is that a specific fighter? Yeah, I'm Ronda Rousey. Oh, I love that you go with a deeper voice for Ronda.

Yes. Oh, wow. I guess Ronda's never going to do this show. There you go. Took a few licks in one of the last UFC battles, and, you know, just training hard to get back into the octagon. And, Joel, who are you supposed to be? Raquel Pennington.

Oh, wow. Raquel Pennington, he said. Oh, wow. And Pat, how about you? Are you a specific fighter? Hello, Tony. I'm Johanna. Oh, wow.

It's Johanna. It's Johanna, but I like your style. Tony, I've been liking these Instagram interactions you've been having. I've got a little crush on you, Tony. I guess that's public now. Thanks, Johanna. It's true. I guess that's public now. Thanks, Joanna. It's true. I guess we have been communicating via Instagram.

Yes, a little bit here and a little bit there. For breaking news, I am very good friends with your current strawweight champion of the world, Joanna Janczyk. I hate this audience so much. Do you guys know what show you came to? Is this weird? What is it? Somebody say something. Guy with a beard, what do you think know what show you came to? Is this weird? What is it? Somebody say something. Guy with the beard.

What do you think the audience's problem is tonight? Was it Pat's pre-show warm-up? Hey, can you do that? That's how it feels. Can you do that sound effect again, Red Band? No, wrong one. Wrong one, Red Band. The one, the breaking news one.

Uh-oh. Breaking news, live at Kill Tony, the audience is doing the mannequin challenge, everybody. You are absolutely right. That is the exact one. That kind of pause break, you can't do the wah-wah sound effect whenever it gets an applause break, Red Band. Now you and I have some beef already.

It's back on. It is true. Red Band is a little trigger happy already tonight. I'm sick of your pick noises, Red Band. You're bop-a-bop. I've been back for 30 seconds. It's starting to weigh down on me a little bit. Oh, jeez.

See, you didn't need that one. Okay. All right, Red Band. I see how it's going to be tonight. All right. You guys are out of control. You guys ready to meet tonight's guests, huh? You guys like comedy guests?

Is that what it is? This might be the least rock and roll episode of Kill Tony that we've ever had. Comedians, you feel it? Shitty audience? Yeah. Anyway, you guys better fucking shape up. If you guys need to order shots of tequila, raise your hand right now.

Alright. This guy's got the right idea. He's eating a chocolate chip cookie in thongs right now. In what? Thongs. Flip flops? Oh, those kinds of thongs. I gotcha. Yeah, those are flip flops. Where are you visiting from, sir?

Orange County. Fuck yeah, the long trip. Like so many of our Kill Tony fan base. Awesome! Let's meet tonight's guests. Always two of the funniest comedians in the world on this show. This is two of our favorite returning guests.

Put your hands together for the great Kirk Fox and Brent Morin. Yeah. What? Well, you know what that means. They just got blacklisted. Wow. And the first time in Kill Tony history the guests have missed their spot. And there they are.

Kirk Fox and Brent Morin. Love it. Brent Morin. Kirk Fox. There they are. I love it. Sorry. Good to see everybody.

This is exciting. Wow. That's all I got. That was it. Is this on? This is on, right? It's on. This is exciting. Wow. That's all I got. That was it. Is this on? This is on, right? It's on, and it is lovely. Perfect.

It feels light. Sorry, I blew that awesome intro. That was a lot of energy. I didn't know what was happening. I just saw you playing the sax well, and I figured that's got to be an intro, and I missed it. How's that, Brian? Thank you, Brian. That's better.

Thank you. That's why my opening line fucking didn't hit. It was the volume. So welcome back to the show, guys. Kirk is coming in with beet juice. You got a little beet juice? I've been juicing. I feel strong about it.

It's beet juice. You know, when you drink beets, your pee and poop come out red. Yeah, I've already tried it. Fucking, it does. Very good. It's a combo platter. Just making sure that you know because I've done that before. I'm not drinking it for the health. It's for the fun. What do you think of this

group of UFC female fighters that I have on the show tonight? They look good, man. They seem to really believe in what they're selling. As you can tell, that UFC fighter... I don't know. It's short hair that would give me a lot of fear. That's a lot of fear back there. I mean, they're cut. They definitely

got a pack. Got the look down. As you could tell, the UFC fighter with the saxophone is currently fighting diabetes. And losing. Round five. deep in the octagon, which is also what you call his stomach.

Your own drummer is not helping your case right now. It's true. He's really just adding to it. Jeremiah's a sexy man. Yeah, it's true. What's left of him? What does that mean? I was like, no, that's just pain.

Wait, what? He's talking about what's left of you when you lose limbs in a few months from diabetes. Oh. They go gangrene. Well, sorry, Tony. I already have staph infection from going barefoot for this intro. Trying to just take this show to the next limit. Hashtag mannequin challenge. Hashtag

wake up, you idiots! I feel like they're visiting from somewhere or something. It's very bizarre. Maybe you guys just don't know how quiet an audience you are. Tony, I didn't know I'd be this close to a symbol. We're going to either have to move him or me What if we just move a whole drum set

Oh my god Is it too loud Kirk? I'll work through it but I'm aware of it I'm going to cater to you Kirk Look at that strength Can you play on that side? Better Thank you

Talk about a symbol of solidarity I you. Talk about a symbol of solidarity. Talk about a couple of... Fuck you. I was going to do a symbol wordplay, but then I saw that eat it, and I was like, I'll sit this one out. Let's start tonight's show,

shall we? You guys know how it works. Over 50 comedians signed up for the chance to do 60 seconds on this stage, and then they get interviewed by us afterwards about anything. Maybe we talk about what they talked about. Maybe we just ask some questions about their life. Is that a toenail or a pick? Well, for your podcast. I'm not sure.

Why did I pick up a toenail? Because it could have been his falling off when you say what do you think I wouldn't have asked it if I knew Kirk just follow through with whatever you're going to say finish it real quick didn't I

for you podcast listeners there was something on the ground there while I was giving the explanation of the show 60 seconds comedians you guys know how it works a lot of new names in the bucket tonight you know your 60 seconds is up when you giving the explanation of the show. 60 seconds, comedians. You guys know how it works. A lot of new names in the bucket tonight. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Okay, well we have volume on that, Brian.

It's like, how... It literally says meow on it, too. The joke isn't funny if you prove it parts that the sound could be better the entire show. It's one of those episodes, Tony. Why? Why can't it just be a good episode? Supermoon Trump Week.

Supermoon Trump Week is the excuse of the week from Red Band on why the show isn't as good as it possibly can be. Reason number two is the audience. You better wrap it up in your 60 seconds when you hear that kitty girl. She's gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Whoa, Jeremiah, get out of there. Come on.

Man. Here we go. You guys ready to start the fucking show or what? Make some noise. I know it's hard for you. I know it's exhausting for you. Monday night on the Sunset Strip. I know it's tough living.

I love that sax. Let's see if this is real. Put your hands together for C.J. Kelly. Let's see if this is real. My name is C.J. Kelly. I'm a son of a fisherman from the Florida Keys. And by fisherman, what I really mean is cocaine smuggler! Sorry, Dad, didn't mean to snitch on you, but that's just what us white people do.

Getting out of time. I grew up on a boat, 78-foot boat. People tell me all the time, oh, it must be nice. It must be nice growing up on a 78-foot boat. Listen, motherfucker, that's a fishing boat, okay? There's three bedrooms. You know how hard it is to build Legos in your living room when that shit's going like this? All right, times are tough.

Growing up in Florida, right? We just legalized it, actually, which is great. But growing up in Florida, weed is a huge crime. People in California are what I like to call weed privileged, okay? I didn't get to go to candy shops growing up and pick and choose what I wanted, all right? I went to a guy named Clarence who was 350 pounds with dreadlocks and gold teeth, and I got what I got. Even if it was oregano. Had to take that loss.

Damn, Clarence, that's some really good shit, man. Thanks for making me wait two hours In the hood in Miami There you go a minute from CJ Kelly CJ CJ How long have you been doing stand up comedy Tell the truth Be very careful what you say

Consistently not very long Bad answer try again Something better than not very long. I started doing comedy in Boston in 2012, but I took a couple hiatuses. Until today? Until today. Okay. So, all right, CJ, you really grew up on a boat?

I did. My parents are from Boston, and up until I was four years old, we used to go from Nantucket Island down to the Florida Keys. Wow. That's like fucking super white privilege shit. I don't ever say that because I'm like super white privilege.

But that seems super duper white privilege to me. Like, oh, here we go. Tony is going to flip the fuck out. Tony has lost it. Unbelievable. I mean, it's unbelievable. This is the beginning of the end for Tony.

It's a big, crazy show. Now, CJ, can I ask you a question? Absolutely. Now, I kind of liked what you were talking about, but the fact that you were this character you created that you thought was funny, you should just be telling the jokes... As myself.

As yourself. That way, if we're not laughing at you, you know it's you. So what I'm saying is your shit's good, but you came out doing all this, and it took us all away from whatever you're talking about. Your story's interesting. But just believe that you're interesting enough as yourself

instead of whatever the fuck you were doing. How long have you been in L.A.? About a year. About a year. What do you do for work? I'm a waiter. Where are you a waiter at? A place called Lucille's Barbecue.

Oh, nice. Where's that at? There's a couple of them. I work in I'm a waiter. Where are you a waiter at? A place called Lucille's Barbecue. Where's that at? There's a couple of them. I work in West Covina. Oh, wow. Fancy. So do you live in West Covina? Yes, I live in West Covina. So that's a long drive, man. Yeah, I don't have a car either. He takes the boat. Yeah, I take the boat.

From West Covina. When's the last time you and your family still go on this boat trip? No, I got more bits about that. You guys ever go on the boat trip and end up bringing black people with you to take care of your house? Not quite. What the fuck just happened there? What was that? I think I just had a...

What is that? When a ghost jumps inside of you? I totally blame that joke on the ghost. You ever have black guys come with you? I like the idea of a ghost who doesn't know what the word possessed means. Who jumped inside

your body. It's like this person thing just jumped inside my soul. Let's leave him without the ability to think of the word that just happened to him. You ever think a bunch of black guys on your boat? Like, what? CJ, you come from

a family that has a... Was your dad really a drug dealer? You know, I'm not going to say. There we go. The answer is yes. His dad really a drug dealer. He said his dad was a cocaine dealer. Wow.

Smuggler. Whitey Bulger? Not quite. Not quite, but worked with Whitey. He got Christmas cards from his mother, though, growing up. I'm a little turned on. You got Christmas cards from Whitey Bulger's? Your dad did?

My dad did. You got Christmas cards from Whitey Bulger's mother? Allegedly? My dad did. Christmas cards from Whitey Bulger's mother? Allegedly. Allegedly. Nice. Cover it up with drums. These are all jokes. Their Christmas card, they've all got huge bulges in the picture. It's like

Merry Christmas from the Bulgers and they've got giant mounds. Okay, Whitey Bulger murdered a lot. I don't think he knows who Whitey is. Yeah, exactly. He's a boss. I watched a documentary about I don't think he knows who Whitey is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's a Boston. I watched a documentary about him. That's a good doc. Yeah. I was born in Boston, though, so.

Right. And then you went from Boston to here a year ago. Yes. What did you do for work when you were in Boston? I worked for a timeshare company, so I got to work at Fenway, the Garden, Gillette Stadium. It's kind of shitty work, you know what I mean? The perks are great. Allegedly, you got to go to the games. The money was good. All free games, yeah. Nice. What's kind of shitty work. You know what I mean? The perks are great. You got to go to the games.

All free games. What's your love life like? I have a girlfriend. You met her out here? I did. At Lucille's? Not quite. Dive Bar. What's your name? She's a little heavy. You doing it?

It's a whistle on the play. Hold on a second. That means we have to review something. Did you just say she was a little heavy? She's a whistle on the play Hold on a second That means we have to review something Did you just say she was a little heavy? No, but is that how you describe her? To your friends? Very smart, heavy She makes a lot of money Maybe that's the one you should say no comment about

You have the most beautiful eyes You're heavy as shit And I love you She likes long walks on the beach, and she needs them. This is CJ. If heavy is... Pig is out of control tonight. I like CJ.

I like the honesty. Yeah, me too. If heavy is the first word you use to describe her, what's your second word to describe this girl you've been dating a year? Connected. Heavy. Mexican. Nice. Wow.

In your face, Joe Jimenez! The first time I met this beautiful, heavy Mexican woman. That should be your opener. You know, I'm dating a fat Mexican. Just get it out there. Conversational. Yeah, absolutely. You should just dance in your racism

and not mask it with that cartoon you came out as. Thank you. Because that's what's funny to me. This guy I'd watch for a minute before I arrested him. Thank you. Is she here? I'm poor. Thank you. You have holes in your shoes.

Is she here? I'm poor. I'm not very rich. Okay, so heavy Mexican. How about a third word to describe this, the love of your life? Beautiful. Oh, yeah. I should have had that one.

That's right. Take her. I think you might want to shuffle the deck a little bit, CJ. And we're back. She's heavy, Mexican, horrible, terrible, the worst. Beautiful. Beautiful. Just an emotional roller coaster for that one.

He loves me, but I feel like shit. Brian tried to force something in there. How many times have you got her pregnant? Do you wear a condom? No, we don't. It's just the sperm can't get in there. Or is it one of those, because the first word was heavy, so is it one of those situations where it's like she didn't know she was pregnant type of...

That's how it works with fat chicks. They don't find out they're pregnant. Is she here tonight? It's like, what the fuck? She has two kids that are sick. Does she have a car? She does have a car. So she's got that going for her.

Exactly. In her defense, though, it's a Flintstone car where she has to run at the bottom. No, she'd be skinny then. What do you think would happen if she got pregnant now did you cover the mic like any of us gave a fuck what you were going to say like it was Would she care? Would she care? Would she care? Maybe. Why do you keep covering up the mic?

I don't know. It's freaking me out, though. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. We're the only podcast that has subtitles, by the way. So you're fucked. You're fucked regardless. That is a great slogan, by the way. The only podcast with subtitles. That's got to be like a t-shirt or something.

Just kidding. We don't make t-shirts for this show. Brian is having way too much fun. Way too much fun. He just hits a button every time somebody's done saying anything. Hee-haw! I'm like, what? CJ. Have you been doing stand-up a lot in town since you've been redoing it?

Yeah, I've been trying to, you know. Just either I take an Uber or the bus or get rides for my friends. At West Covina, it's tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got cheap rent? Yeah, it's cheap. It's cheap. We got Chatterbox out there, too, which is all right.

You got Chowderbox? Chowderbox. They got an open mic out there. It's pretty good. Chowderbox. Chowderbox got Chowderbox out there too. You've got Chowderbox? Chowderbox. They've got an open mic out there. Chowderbox. Chowderbox. It's Chowderbox up in Boston. Chowderbox. In West Covina, there's a club, huh?

Chowderbox is like a yeast infection. Oh, that's Brian. When you do what you do good, there's nobody better. If not, it will be soon, Brian. You just keep fucking. Alright, CJ, any parting words? Anything else for CJ, guys? No, just thank you very much, guys.

Thanks for having me. CJ, just be yourself, man. You're close. All right, thank you. Hell yeah. There he goes, CJ Cowley, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Funny.

Loving that sack. For some reason, I want to meet his girlfriend Oh you're just like he described you Except for that last part Told me all about you She better not be here That is the end of that She's just in the back She's like,

Por que? Oh, bueno. Oh, I love you, Jeremiah. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Chris Wilmoth. Hell yeah. From deep in the back Chris Wilmoth everybody come on I'm broke like like super broke. Today this homeless lady came up to me,

asked me for a dollar. I was just like, it's really not in the budget. And like, honestly, I'm from Pennsylvania. I don't feel that bad for homeless people out here. Like, it's November and it's perfect sleeping weather. Like, I share a garage with another dude and I sleep on a futon homeless lady by my house twin mattress with a box spring sleeps under a bridge looks like a really really cozy situation i don't know my my sex life is getting like really really pathetic like i have to plan my jerk off sessions like my friends like my married friends when they

would talk about like scheduled sex i really like that's so pathetic and now it's like yeah i totally understand like fuck yeah i asked will moth there you go welcome to the show chris what's up i was on it one other time you were it was the doug benson episode though so that's probably why you probably don't remember yeah uh so chris where are you from uh pennsylvania right what part erie. We talked about that. Yes, we did. Very good. I remember now. Do you really live in a garage? Yes, I do.

There's so many. You could just talk about that for 15 minutes. Oh, yeah, I know. If somebody knocks on your door, you'd be like, press a button. You can't slam a garage door. That's a real thing. You can't slam a garage door. That's a good point.

It's weird you don't have a good sex life living in a garage on a futon with roommates. Yeah, and my roommate is gorgeous. Guy? Girl? Light-skinned, black dude. Whoa. Oh, shit. I like the honesty. At least he's not fat. I can't bring women around him.

That's all I'm saying. See, he taught you the art of fucking in a garage. He knows how to do it. I mean, I've heard it. You can't bring women home to a garage because it's such small quarters that your baller-ass roommate will steal the girl from you. That's what you're saying.

That's what I'm saying. Does he hear you when you come home when the garage door opens? What's that? Doesn't he hear you when you come home when the garage door opens? Doesn't he hear you when you come home with the garage door opening? Oh. Well, there's like a side door. It's all one

room, so he hears it. Are there cars in there or no? Are there cars in there also or no? No. There's a car. Just trying to get the picture. Has he ever stolen a girl from you? At some point in the night, you bring a girl back there, and then all of a sudden she's just on the other side of the room

fucking some other guy? That seems like it'd be pretty terrible. If I was ever in the situation where I actually brought a girl back, then that probably would happen. You can't even afford alcohol, though. Do you just turn the car on and wait a bit when you have a date over? Let's get our buzz on baby just just wait baby just wait to you baby just oh baby just meet me at meet me at 9 p.m

baby at the group meet me at 9 p.m baby no fuck you red band let me finish let me finish let me finish let me finish i'm finishing i'm'm finishing. You wait. You wait. You're like, baby, meet me at 9 p.m. The access code is 9245. And stop when your head hits the hanging tennis ball. I was positive that it was not going to pay off but then it was very impressive you really

I thought I was watching a guy have a stroke it was I really had anxiety that was amazing commitment but anything that ends with a tennis ball I'm into it shut up I'm not done my brain did go through there's a part of the machine with a tennis ball. Fuck it, I'm into it. I mean, really good. Just go. No, shut up. I'm not done.

My brain did go through. There's a part of the machine where I do start trying to think of everything. You know, you try to think of everything that you think of in a garage and I totally forgot about the hilarious

tennis ball on a string. But Pat did not. Full focus. That's my boy, Patty Ringer. Is there a house there? Is it a garage for a house? Two houses on the property. Is there a washer and dryer in there? I there? Is it a garage for a house? Two houses on the property.

Is there a washer and dryer in there? There's a washer and dryer in the actual house. In the guest garage? They let us use it. This garage has a guest garage. How about the bathroom? What's the bathroom?

There's a toilet. And then there's a one foot by one foot-one-foot shower. Is this in West Covina by any chance? East L.A. One foot? East L.A. Wait, East L.A.?

Are you sure it's not a house? One foot-by-one-foot shower. Do you have to stand on one foot at a time while you're in the shower? Man, Pat with it again. You could never fail like that. I don't know. You know I have a different sense of humor. How long have you lived in this garage?

Moved there it's been like two months. Two months. Where'd you live before that? Simi Valley. Whoa. West Covina style. Yeah. Alright. We know what you do for work yet? I can't say that Valley. Whoa. West Carolina style. Yeah. All right. What do you, we know what you do for work yet?

Uh, I can't say that. Cause last time I was on this show, I said that. And, uh, my, my opinions don't, don't line up with

cut it off before you have to pay for it. What's the name of the company? What's the name of the company? Microsoft. Shit. It's called Nazi America. You're working for a company that allows you to live comfortably in a garage. Yeah, exactly.

Are you really worried about taking this job that live comfortably in a garage. Yeah, exactly. I can't. Are you really worried about taking this job that keeps you in a garage? I mean. Comfortably with one roommate in a garage, by the way. My roommate was. Fuck, if I lose this job, I'll be fucking living in the doghouse. Exactly. That's the real thing. Fuck, I was in the

house until I said something shitty. Now I'm in the garage. Fuck, by next week I'll be in the doghouse. I'm not making anybody doing this shit. I'm going to work this job. I'm not making anybody doing this shit. I'm going to work this job. I'm going to save up and I'm one day going to have a shower that's two feet by two feet. Life's going to be good. So you have a black roommate when he's one foot when he's one foot in

The way you said black was something about the way you said black. Light skin. Like Drake. Well, it doesn't matter either way. The way you said black was something about the way you said black. Light-skinned. Like Drake. Well, it doesn't matter either way. What? I don't get this whole light-skinned thing.

What does that mean? Have you ever seen Drake? Good point. All right, fair enough. No, no, I don't get it. I'm sticking by the story. All right. The ones that are taking over the world. That's why the drummers sometimes never speak.

If it wasn't for the cops. What does he do? He works at the same place that I work at. You guys work at the same place? He got me this job. Is that a startup company that hasn't actually started yet? Apple started in a garage. And then they moved out of it though, right?

Apple was started in a garage. That's what every lazy guy who lives in a garage says. Apple was started in a garage. That means I can make it too. So is my Hyundai. It started in a garage. Chris, any weird hobbies or things that you're good at or something like that?

No. No, that's why I'm doing this. I'm trying to... Nothing else at all? I mean, you're good at keeping secrets, man. Your boss, when he fucking... Yeah, yeah. I like your cadence on stage, though.

Can you tell us? I like his cadence on stage though I like his cadence on stage it is true you have great delivery thank you for finally giving me some feedback oh whatever don't don't don't he wants it baloney

nothing worse than when you comedians come on and say how can we be honest with you when you're keeping secrets from us? Where's that breaking news button when you need it? Yeah, exactly. Instead he played the racial... This just in, Kill Tony gave some actual

feedback. When did it become the feedback show? What do you mean feedback? And also, everything we say, we're talking about your world and they're laughing So you're getting A shit load of feedback Yeah

How many garage jokes You have 15 minutes On garage humor Dude the tennis ball bit You close with that You open with Yeah It's true

That whole thing Is a lot funnier I mean you know I don't know why People take compliments I live in a garage My last roommate Got run over

It's just fucking There's a lot of good shit. You have good delivery. Finally. Thank you. I was dying up here without feedback. Good God, Chris. Now tell us where you work. What's the company rhyme with?

Hurry up and answer. It rhymes with Troost Mobile. Sure-izon. Oh. Horizon. Wow. What does the company rhyme with? Hurry up and answer. It rhymes with Truist Mobile. Truisen. Oh, wow. You're really... This just in. Someone's really bad at rhyming. Truisen? Truisen.

No. Did you get in trouble last time you were on? I did. Someone talked to you. Well, this crazy woman emailed the set to my PR department. Whoa. So she was listening live, and she's like,

we can hear you now. Are you fucking serious? Well, you did just call her a crazy woman, so she'll be back. Yeah. Chris, we're going to need you to sprint over to HR. Nice. I like that.

How bitchy is that Verizon guy on the Sprint Network now doing those commercials? It's like, hey, such a little bit. Like, I hate that. No, I support it. Take that money. What a traitor. Did that lady, did she say anything about your set? No. Nothing at all. Did that lady, did she say anything about your set? No.

Nothing at all. No feedback? No feedback whatsoever. Come on. Come on. Ridiculous. When you have America's strongest and biggest network,

you don't care about your employees having fun on their days off. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about at all. I don't know.

Wow. I don't work what you're talking about at all. I don't know. I don't work for that. Am I right? I just wanted to get the company name out of you so that they have that. Obviously, we've reached our stop on this elevator. You're going to get out, Chris. There he goes. Chris

Wilmot. Good job, Chris. Fun times. There he goes. Chris Wilmot. Good job, Chris. Fun times. There he goes. He's on Twitter at TheRealBrock. I don't know why he's TheRealBrock. Why would you be TheRealBrock? That's not even your name. TheRealBrock on Twitter. Chris Wilmot. But he's

TheRealBrock. This looks like a fake name. How about Ben Bizune? Ben Bizuna. Ben Bizuna. Bizuna. Here we go. No?

Nope. Here he comes. Is that a real human? Ben Bizuna, everybody. Ben Bizuna. Oh, I know him. You guys ready for some urban comedy? I'm just playing.

My voice sounds like this. I've always wondered why I sound like Chappelle doing an impression of a white person. And I realized it's because of my parents. Most people learn to speak from their parents. They kind of sound like their parents. But my parents are African, and when they talk, they sound really African.

So at a young age, I made a conscious choice. I was like, not going to sound like you foreigners. And instead, I learned to talk from watching children's television. So that's why I sound exactly like Arthur the Aardvark. Just like, hey, DW, I just sound like that. Like, I'm not even trying. Multiple people throughout my life have felt the need to come up to me

and tell me I sound white. Like, they'll come up to me and say, Ben, you are hands down the whitest black dude I know. Like, they might as well be saying, like, props on your whiteness, bro. Like, it's a compliment? It's not. It's like a really shitty thing to say. You're calling me the most opposite

of what I physically am? That'd be like if I went up to a girl, and I was like, Jenny... Oh, finish it. All right, finish it. Ben, finish it. That'd be like if I went up to a girl, and I was like, Jenny, you are hands down the manliest woman I know. All right, Ben, I love that set.

Very good. Good job. Ben, bazoona? Am I saying that right? Bazoona? Bazoona. Nice. I'm loving that set.

I was so hoping that the first words out of your mouth were going to be, I am the captain now. Like whatever that line is, right? Everybody, half the people, oh, there. He's from the country right next to me. I'm Ethiopian. He's Somalian. I love Ethiopian stuff.

I live right next to it. A king, a king. I live next to Little Ethiopia. They got good food. It's true. Yawn, N-A-A-N. I love Ethiopian stuff. They just fucking eat everything with their hands.

It's amazing. You live next to the rapper Lil Ethiopia. Ben, that's cool. Were you born in Ethiopia? I was born here, but my parents were born there. Oh, very cool. Wow. How old are you?

I'm 26. Awesome. That's fun. How long have you been on stand-up? Like six, seven years. Ben's one of the funniest young comedians. Yeah, Ben's fun. How long have you been on stand-up? Like six, seven years. Ben's one of the funniest young comedians. Yeah, Ben's fun. I've seen him before. He's good. I love Ben

Bizzuna. I will say that publicly. I love Patty Regan, too. Yeah, how much do you love? By how much Pat knows you and loves you, I'm guessing you live in the Los Feliz area? No, I live in Culver City. I used to live over there. He used to live in a garage

with a guy named Chris as a light-skinned black guy. True, true, that was me. How do you make your money, Ben? I do Postmates right now. Oh, hell yeah. I also will edit things for people. Postmates is the food delivery one, right? Yeah, that's where if you have a shitty car, you can like Uber

and they don't have to see your car, so you can just use it the same way as like an Uber. But like, it can be other things too. Like sometimes it's food, but they can, like one time I bought stuff from American Eagle for somebody. Like it can be any store. Wow. You never used it? No.

It's a good thing. Who's buying stuff from American Eagle? I don't know. Who does? I need some cargo shorts. 2001? I'm guessing the guy that took boat trips from Boston to Florida every year with his family. I'm in an emergency situation. I need a blue hoodie.

Do you have giant hoodies? Yeah. We have a very serious issue. We're over here watching the Friends Marathon. Do you have giant hoodies? Yeah. We have a very serious issue. We're over here watching the Friends Marathon. Have you ever delivered something that you thought people urgently needed?

I mean, the most like that thing I've delivered is probably someone was sick and they had me go to CVS and get them like... To get them American Eagle shorts? Yes. It was like Sudafed and like soup and other shit you get when you have a cold. What about the opposite? Anyone

like shit? You're like, you don't need that. Yeah, American Eagle. Like, yeah, probably the American Eagle or like just someone at like the middle of the day getting liquor. That's when I'm like, it's the middle of the day getting liquor. That's when I'm like, it's the middle of the day, dude. Don't judge him.

Maybe they were getting liquor. Maybe he's celebrating. Maybe they're planning ahead. I don't know. That's true. Brent, why are you so sensitive about this? I don't want to talk about it. Ben said he wouldn't talk about it. I mean, I'm sorry.

I was watching Friends. What goes better with Friends than cargo shorts and vodka? Yeah. What kind of liquor was it? I got fucked up and took some weird turns. Fuck. I'm so bad with names of liquor. It was some type of rum.

Captain Morgan? Yes, the most popular. Trash people. It's a sorority party? Super trash. Where was this? What area was this? Yeah, where do you have to deliver it to?

What was the area? That went to a garage for sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Captain Morgan's during the day. It was like someplace in Westwood. It was college kids. When you dropped it off to them, did you go, I am the captain now?

You loved it. Super right there. He looks like the fucking guy from the movie. He's handsome. No offense to the other guy. I mean, you sound nothing like him, but you can do that voice. That guy's working. I'm Nick Captain now.

That's actually not bad. It kind of made it less funny. That just was a good impression. So you're working at Postmates. You're a comedian. What's your living situation like? Right now, I live in Culver City in a house with like four other comedians. Oh, nice. I was talking about

this yesterday with somebody. I had a flashback to it. There was a little while where I slept on a hammock. There was a little while I thought that was the wise investment at one point. We were at one of those Sam's Club things and I had like, I don't know, I think it was, I mean this is when I very first started.

And I thought that for some reason I was like just high enough to be shopping and I was like, instead of getting like a nice air mattress or something like that, this hammock is like baller as fuck. I literally did it. And then I had to unpack it, put it together and then you can't

sleep in a hammock at all. You can't have sex in a hammock unless the girl's ending up in the attic. It's like a slingshot. I've never really understood sleeping in hammocks. It's like sleeping in a rope trap. It's horrible. Yeah, exactly. I felt like

a crab or something like that. Yeah. And I also slept on a beanbag for a little while, which is crazy. I spent a month or two on a fucking beanbag when another person had to take the couch in the living room at an all-comedy den like that. Are you a cartoon character? At one point in life, I was. I thought I was going to say a real-world cast member.

Yeah. I mean, sort of. It really was. There was a period in time where there was like five comedians in a two-bedroom apartment. There was one time where there was four comedians in a two-bedroom apartment. There was one time where there was four of us in a studio. Yeah. A movie studio?

And then I became what I am now. Did you have curtains up to separate everyone? Or was it just like... Ben, why are you asking me questions? Because I'm curious. What was it? Do you have curtains up in there

to like separate or was it just like nothing? Like everyone could see each other? No, it was nothing. But the good thing was is that we were all starting to work a bit so none of us were ever there at the same time. Okay. Hey Tony, how hard was it to do that as a comedian? Live in a studio with three

other people. Charlie Rose over there. Are any of them still there? Are you the only one that made it out? One of them is still doing stand-up. Tony, when you look back at that point in your life, do you reflect and you're like, wow, I've grown so much as a person, a comedian, and a realtor? Well, the thing was

is that I think I was as great as I am now back then, but other people just hadn't noticed it. Do you miss some of those days? Do you miss that time of your life, Tony? Do you think back to the handmaid? I do. I remember the first thing that I ever wrote on on

all of TV was the roast of our new president of the United States of America, Donald Trump. And it was my fault because if you look, if you look, the quality of the roast dramatically started increasing on that roast. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe not. And, uh, and, uh, he became president. Coincidence, maybe not. And he became president.

What the fuck was my point? Oh, I remember watching that. I saw that for the first time. I was on the top bunk of a bunk bed in that apartment. And it was on the TV at the end of the thing. Crazy shit. I was on a fucking bunk bed when the Trump row stared. Tony, would you ever switch from the top bunk to the bottom bunk

just to get spicy? I see what you guys are doing now and I'm rotating us out of it. For a while, I enjoyed it because a lot of the listeners of the podcast don't get to ever really find out that much about me. But at this point, I'm going to change it around. Look what you brought out of the show, Ben.

I'm so happy to learn more about you. I mean, we don't know anything. Man, Ben is a really likable black guy. He really is. Are you like one of the Obamas or something like that? I mean, I would love to marry Malia. I think that would be like a life goal. It would be so great.

You're white enough. You have a chance. I feel like if I married Malia, I would change my last name to Obama. I would say hers. Well, that's the kind of hope and change that I think the Obamas are into

or something like that. Alright, Ben. That's what the Obamas are into or something. Anything else All right, Ben. Nothing Obamas are into or something. Anything else for Ben, guys? Any thoughts for Ben Kirk? He's great. He's funny, man. He's got an infectious smile. You want to love him. Nothing can stop you. Just keep writing and be yourself.

I mean, there's nothing to attack. You're still black enough where I'm not going to attack you. You killed it tonight and you're going to absolutely kill it at every diversity showcase that you have for the rest of your life. That's the hope. Is that a different one?

There he goes. Ben, can you say your last name so that I always say it right? It's Bazuna. Bazuna. Rhymes with tuna. Ben Bazuna. They'll change that. They'll change that last name. Give you something a little catchier. Future Ben Obama, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. That's got a good

ring to it. Ben Obama. Loving that sax, dude. That's great. Jeremiah's lost three pounds since the start of the show. Jeremiah looks good. Thanks, Patty. You guys back each other up a lot.

It's called teamwork, Tony. It's called a duo. It's called friendship. Heard of it? Yeah. Now, Red Bands, you got your back with the gay music. There you go. Yeah. No, I know. I know how it works. This lady's leaving forever.

I pulled a name out of the bucket, and this has really good handwriting, which is an interesting thing. You don't see that very often on this show. Put your hands together for Jud Zumwalt. I'm done with science.

I think scientists discovered everything there is, and now they're just making things up. They said that cows in different areas of the country have different accents, as if cows in the valley are like, um, mill? I don't think any of those kids in the magic school bus had their parents sign a

permission slip. What's that? Your teacher wants to shrink you down and insert you into one of your classmates? You're homeschooled now. Y'all, I never understood the Charlotte's Web. They saw that web and they were like,

oh, look at that. That's some pig. That's a some pig right there. It's a terrific pig. Look at that pig. What about the spider that can write in English? I think that Don't Wake Daddy the board game probably has a pretty dark origin.

Wow. A very good minute. Wait, Tony, can I say one thing? You sound like Ben should have. Thanks, Kirk. You got it, man. Hey, Tony. Yeah.

Doesn't he look like he was unfrozen from a block of ice? Thanks, Jere Bear. Wow, what are you, Judd? Why do I feel like you've ordered American Eagle off Postmates before? Man, I knew I recognized him. Wow, I mean, you're just the coolest, huh? Thanks, man. You would have no problem getting laid no matter how many roommates you have in any kind of garage.

You just fucking open up the side of the house and fuck everything inside. Tony, last time I was here, you asked me a question. You were like, how many girls did you stop fucking to come here tonight? Oh, yeah. That's a good question. Wait, take a moment to laugh at that like the last audience did. How many girls did you stop fucking to be here tonight? Tony, I got home and my girl was like, well, how many was it?

Wow. I got you in serious trouble. I left you. Fuck, she must be extra mad tonight because you left the house with her haircut. Where's my hair tie? I actually did borrow this hair tie from her, Brian. What did you say? He borrowed the hair tie.

I ran out. Judd Zumwalt. There's a baker's dozen around that head. Looks like somebody scalped Anna Kendrick. Remember that tennis ball on a rope joke from earlier? So Judd, let's get into it. What do you do for work?

I'm a dishwasher. Let me tell you this. Wow. I just got the hair for it. I'm just doing this comedy thing until that dishwashing gig takes off. Where do you wash dishes? Clio Hotel.

Or Redberry Hotel, the Clio restaurant. Nice. That sounds nice. Sounds like you're going to wash dishes. Yeah. Can I plug something? I got a movie coming out. Oh.

You do? Yeah. You can plug it at the end. Let's get back to the dishes. Sorry. I just did the dishes thing. Don't think we're going to forget about the dishes. All right.

Cool. Let's talk about the dishes. Now, did you work up to that? No. That is... Dude, I don't talk to anybody all day because I don't speak Spanish. Wow.

Somehow that's more racist than that exorcism that happened to me earlier. I'm not talking to him because I don't like him. I'm just... I feel like, yeah, you wash your dishes in slow motion I'm not talking to him because I don't like him. I feel like, yeah, you wash your dishes in slow motion and the bubbles are getting on you and you're tossing your hair. You wash your dishes in a car in an 80s music video. Do you wash your dishes at home or do you not bring your work home with you?

I do. Do you have to wear a hairnet dish washing? No. No? They don't care. It's part of your contract. I'm not touching the food. You get that fucking hair net. They've got me in the very back. Nobody can see me. Is there one plate that comes back the most?

That's what I don't talk to. It's like he's coming every time. How many dishes has he washed? One dish. No, it's just non-stop. It's just kind of dishes all night. Wow. This one's done.

We're closed. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. But, you know, we'll see what happens. I mean, do you actually wash them or do you put them in a machine? What do you do? We've got to know what you're doing in there. This is fucking interesting.

It's a giant machine. What's your favorite dishwashing soap? It's Dove. You seem like a Don guy. I'm a Don guy. Really? Wow, I nailed it. No, I don't use the soap. You don't even use soap?

That's how good you are? I don't have to wash the machine. I'm actually one of the worst dishwashers in the history of civilization. No, the machine is preloaded. Chloe at the Redberry Hotel. I don't even use water. I don't use soap.

If you eat at the Redberry, you're dying. I just kind of look at it and it's done. Your dishes are clean. I got crabs for my tuna. Now, is this washing dishes temporary or something you want to just ride to the end? I hope it's temporary.

You could be one of the best in the world. I could be. When you say you don't use soap, what do you mean? No, no, no. The soap's already in the machine. I'm not like... So you load the machine. Yeah, yeah.

It's just a big machine and I'm filling up pallets with dishes. That's like a robot job, right, guys? That's like a job. Does anyone else have a robot job where in three years you know for sure an Armatron has your job? Yeah. It got a little quiet. I think some people have that job. Sorry, robots.

Do you get tips? No. You don't? No, I have a terrible job. How long have you worked there? Oh, we know that. Just four months. Four months.

What did you do before that? I used to be a PA and a second AD on movies. Oh, nice. That's how shitty being a second AD is. If you're like, fuck it, I'd rather go wash dishes. Yeah, it just made me so miserable. It's something I'm doing in between so I can find something. I used to wash dishes when I was younger, and it was just like I could listen to music.

So it was more of just like this. I just did this. You were listening to music back then? On my CD Walkman. Oh, my God. I listened to the Kill Tony podcast. Take me home tonight. My first job was washing dishes.

So you have to get up on like a house. For real. One night I was like, yeah, I was 16. I said, I need a job in washing dishes at a Chinese restaurant in my neighborhood. After three or four plates, I was like, I'm out. I lasted a couple months. The fact that you've done it four months tells me a lot about your character.

I need to work. You have to get up on a house and do you use Windex or something for a direct TV dish? Are they different? Are they different dishes? You've got to stop it. Do you use wind?

We got to get that dye out of your hair. That dye's gotten to your brain. I have a different sense of humor. That's what he says when things don't work. That was a quality satellite dish. It's funny, Tony. I agree. I agree completely.

Judd, so you're washing dishes. How long have you had this girlfriend for? Just four months now. It's about the same time as dish washing. Did you meet her at work? It was just a great day. No, I didn't meet her. She has a great job.

She works for UCLA. Oh, nice. She works for UCLA. Dishwasher. Dishwasher, yeah. She was eating at the hotel. She goes, I'm sorry, nice. She works for UCLA. Dishwasher. Dishwasher, yeah. She was eating at the hotel. She goes, I'm sorry, who washed this dish? And then you go to UCLA, they actually use soap.

Is that real? You see my work? Just the plates breaking in the background as they make passionate love. Only at the Redberry Hotel. Judd, what are your parents like? I only have my dad. My mom passed away, but my dad was

military. He was kind of strict dad. How old were you when you killed your mom? Christ, dude. What if it happened yesterday? What if it did happen, though? Let's find out. She just wouldn't clean the kitchen, so it's a real live show. Do the fucking dishes.

I'll kill you. That's the last thing you heard. That's why you're washing dishes now. This is the part where we find out more about Judd. All right. Judd, I think you're going to do just fine. Thanks. There you go.

Just save it. Judd. Oh, boy. Okay. I don't think anybody wants to talk about the mom thing, including you. Your dad's a military guy. Yeah, he's retired now. Okay.

What branch of the military? Army. Is he tough on you? Is he like, cut your damn hair, boy! No, no, he thinks it's cool. He never wanted me to be in the army, though. He just, like, do what you want to do. You want to do the wash dishes? You certainly are doing what

you want to do. I love washing dishes, Daddy. Daddy, when I grow up, I want to wash dishes. He's in his comedian dream. He thinks it's cool. Do you eat pussy? What the fuck? Are you kidding me?

What if that wasn't a Charlie Rose interview where he just asks all those questions and goes, so do you eat pussy? That's his entire diet. Look at this guy. He gets all of his vitamins and nutrients from eating pussy. You're dressed like a female fighter. Tony, you know you're good looking

if you're washing dishes and you're still fucking. Oh, totally. This guy's no problems at all. Everybody else is like, oh, I live in a half a garage. No, you don't have any swagger like Judd Zumwalt. Judd Zumwalt.

Dishes, no soap. I don't give a fuck. Your local attorney. I'm not going to fucking clean these things. I'll load them like a freight train. Conveniently at the Redberry Hotel. Just right from work. I could be washing dishes at any hotel in America.

I chose the fucking Redberry. Because it's close. Just walk across the street and start fucking doing dishes. They got the best pussy. I feel like right before he exits his house every day, there's a hand-carved sign that says, eat pussy, wash dishes. That he just kisses.

Have you ever found anything on a plate, like a piece of jewelry or something? No, a piece of jewelry. You know what? People stick their gum to the plate, and that's kind of my biggest pet peeve. Don't do that to you. That's just...

That's the worst. It's nice to you that's just that's like that's the worst that's the that's when he gets really he comes out he comes out to the main restaurant who the fuck who's eating gum who puts gum on a plate and then it was your girlfriend like i did it there's just one thing that snaps him. Are there situations where you do what Brent does? Yeah, you have to do that. I keep it up while I'm at work. Well, they make you keep it up while you're at work. When do you put it down?

When do you let your hair down? It just screws off. Normally all the time. It was just a little too knotted up right now. I just came from work. Do you think it's coming? all the time. It was just a little too knotted up right now to wear it on. I just came from work. Do you think it's coming? You're going to cut your hair off? Every time I see you, you always have your hair up.

It's like you don't even like your hair anymore. I wore it down on Halloween. I have a question. Why do you hate your hair so much? Hi. Welcome to Catty Questions with Red Band. It's the Red Band's the newest podcast. What?

You're going to cut your hair? You must really hate yourself and your hair if you keep it up all the time. What's going on with that? It's like such pretty hair, but it feels like you hate it. Like you don't even wear it like how beautiful it is. Okay, settle down. What the fuck is that? In front of Brian, he tries to drown it out with sound effects.

Judd's also a filmmaker. Judd, you're a filmmaker also. So you wash dishes, make movies. You're fucking living it. Oh, yeah, of course. What's the name of the movie that you're in? Is it Superman Bun? It's called President's Day.

Oh, the Mark Wahlberg movie? Hopefully it's as entertaining as the holiday. That wasn't President's Day, is it? It's Patriot's Day. It's really funny. You know, the slasher films that are based on holidays like Black Christmas, blah, blah, blah. I've never heard of them. Black Christmas, is that a Tyler Perry

movie? That's Madea. Or as Chris says, light-skinned Christmas. Wow. But it's... I mean, poor guy. Listen, man, I have to go back to work, so I just want to get this movie out of here.

We're like, hee-haw, hee-haw. Yeah, it's a comedy. So all these dead presidents of the United States come back to life, and they hunt down the stereotypical kids in the cabins. Does it take place in a kitchen? Yeah. Of all the dead presidents,

who do you play? George Wash the dishes? Got him. Nice. Got him. That's quick. Quick on the feet. You guys groan. You guys groan like you've heard a George Wash, a president wash dishes joke before. Oh, George Wash the dishes.

Tony had that one in his pocket. For a score. Didn't think of that in a moment for us. Tony. You're fucking groans. I knew I hated you. Tony. I want next Monday's audience right now. Tony.

Andrew. You got so pissed it was like you found a piece of gum under your chin. Okay, I'm talking. Andrew, I keep getting poked on Facebook That doesn't make any sense It's supposed to be Andrew Jackson Tony you have a different sense of humor Andrew poke

It's James K. Polk James K. I keep getting poked on Facebook James K. Polk is in the movie too He's just washing dishes reading books Fuck it It's good man Eric Myers is in it. Matthew Broussard plays the young JFK. Who do you play? I was almost Lincoln.

Kirk was almost Lincoln. Then I read it and said, what the fuck am I doing? Holy shit. He's got to watch an Oscar movie. He's not. I played the jock douchebag. Wow. Wow.

Awesome. Wait a minute. Wasn't Patriot State, isn't it the movie you were in? The Patriot. The Patriot. There we go. He was in The Patriot. Mel Gibson was a dishwasher. Just tie that together.

Anti-Semite dishwasher. Like I said, Pat has a different sense of humor. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Fuck the mainstream. Fuck the mainstream. Fuck the mainstream. Fuck the mainstream. You're all being brainwashed.

Turn off your podcast and do something. This is the least mainstream show of all time. That doesn't work on this show. No, but this is America. This is America. This is like American Idol. This is America. Meat and potatoes. This is like American Idol. This is America. Meat and potatoes. Shithead.

Fuck the mainstream. Fuck the mainstream. Go do something. I don't want to turn around. I'm not going to acknowledge it. I don't blame you. So Judd, let me ask you something about your love life. Because you're a good looking guy.

Is there any tricks or anything like that that you do in bed that you think is like your own thing? Like something magical that you do? Like some you think is your own thing, like something magical that you do, like some kind of swab? I wash a dish. Yeah, is that one of your moves, the old dishwasher, the flat hand polish, the squeaky clean? No, I think I just stick to the basics.

Stick to the basics. You have a hose that you just rinse with? Yeah, my whole life is about dishes. I try to bring it into every aspect. I've never thought about it, but I'm considering fucking getting into the dish business. Hey, man, somebody just quit today. There's an opening. I might do it for a little while because there seems to be a lot of comedy in there.

There's a high turnover rate. Am I too tall to wash dishes? Do what? Am I too tall to wash dishes? Do what? Am I too tall to wash dishes? No. There's no height limit. The thing that you have to load it into is how hard do you have to

work on that? Is it high? Low? And is it a person or a machine you load them into? Is there someone lower than you on the totem pole? It's a giant machine you just lift up the cage. It's not like a. You just lift up the cage. Judd, hand me more dishes. It's not like a guy with a dish rack around his neck that just walks into a chamber room and they hit a button.

I feel like he gets in a big sink with the dishes and just sits there and then just drains it and it's all just clean. And he's just sitting there all naked and shit. I feel like I had a really good set and we're focused on the dishes. What is everybody's thing? No riffing with me about anything. It's because you had a good set.

If you have a good set, we've got to talk about something else. You want to talk about your great set? It was good. It was solid. Yeah, maybe they do. Maybe you need to compliment him a little bit more, Kirk. I don't think he needs it. I think he knows what he's got.

Judd Zumwalt. What kind of name is that? Lurk's job. Fuck it. Robot. I am Judd Zumwalt from the planet Zumwalt. I will wash your dishes. They assigned it to me with my dishwashing.

I came on a flying saucer that I washed myself. I think I'm hilarious. I don't know what to think about you guys. I don't need it. I know that the listeners are laughing. Okay, Judd,

we're done with you. There he goes. Judd Sumwalt, everybody. There he goes. He's a funnyalt, everybody. There he goes. He's a funny guy, washing dishes. If anybody needs a dishwasher, you can find Judd on Twitter at Judd Zumwalt, J-U-D-Z-U-M-W-A-L-T. He's also on Instagram with that. He made a point to write that in parentheses. Selfies.

And look out for President's Day, his movie that he was plugging. Yeah. Nice. Fuck yeah. And he was plugging. Yeah, fuck yeah. And he spelled his name great, right? He's got a lot going on. Great penmanship. All caps. He's got movies, comedy, penmanship.

He's spinning a lot of plates, you know what I mean? So stupid. He's bringing joy to the people. That's another detergent. Joy is another dish soap. Just keep it up here, you know what I mean? Right up there with the George. They got nothing!

Alright. Back to the bucket we got. Such a silly, stupid show. You guys having fun? Brent, Kirk? Yeah, I'm ecstatic. The drum's still close, but fucking... It's good to be here thank you man now we're talking no that's all right it was just the it was just the tinnitus

it's all right it's you know you got so upset at the light skin thing I didn't want to tell you anything well you know go ahead ahead. We're ready. Nothing. I mean, light-skinned is valued, and society is equal with beauty. I think that's what Joel's commenting on. Is this a Richard Linklater phone? Six people got that. That was so good.

They're going to cold open SNL with it next week. That fucking bullshit. That Kate McKinnon garbage. Anyway, I mean, it just wasn't... I don't know what happened there. Anyway.

Do you talk about it or not? Let's not. Tony, do you think that living in that studio apartment with three other guys affected your anger issues for later in life? No, no, I don't. He was always angry. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I mean, no. I don't think that affected anything. It's not really anger. You didn't think it was weird that that's your favorite show, so I guess the question would really be for you. They started that show with a cold open that wasn't comedy related at all. What do you think about that? I thought it was a bit much. It is a left wing show

but a lot of people felt that way though. So it's one of those kind of hard calls. A lot of people are kind of feeling like this is the worst thing that happens to the US since 9-11. On the other hand, there is the other half of the country who ended up voting him in.

So it's kind of hard to do that with a comedy show. More women voters voted for Trump than Hillary Clinton. You know why? Because they love getting their pussy grabbed. It's my boy Jeremiah Watkins. Jeremiah Watkins, guys. Let's get our regulars up here. Two regulars, and then we're going to go back to the bucket one last time to close the show,

and then we're done. Put your hands together for your first regular. Brand new 60 seconds every single week. That's not easy. We know her. We love her. Put your hands together for the great Vanessa Johnston, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, guys. No? Okay. When I was a kid, my mom used to make me sit at home all day alone

and listen to classical music. I was like, what are you trying to do, raise a villain? She succeeded. My favorite song is Beethoven's Symphony 7 in A major, part two. Anyone else? Just me? Okay. It's really hard decorating an evil lair, making it inviting yet terrifying. I like pastels.

This week's been crazy. I lost my voice from all the comments I've been writing on Facebook. Our country's so divided. We need to just stop and love each other, right? Yeah. This is why we aren't fucking

fixed. We're like you and Gus. Wow. Vanessa Johnston. That was very impressive. Another new minute. Very funny. Funny the whole way through.

And very cool stuff, too, that I think matches your style and voice. And it's one of the coolest things is, coolest things is getting to watch people grow into that. I mean, you guys have seen Vanessa before. She's one of my favorites. Oh, thank you. She's got a good brain. Yeah. And she plows through it.

She's good. She gets better each time. Yeah, I mean, that's all. And prettier. For some reason, she gets prettier each time. What does the fox say? It's a beep, beep. Jeremiah Watkins.

That's awesome. The villain stuff, Facebook comments, yeah, funny the whole way through. Incredible. Brent Morin. That was great. That was great. And in a minute, that was really strong and a great ending.

The audience didn't clap, so you called them out on it. It was perfect. That was my favorite moment. Yeah, you stayed in it the whole time. You're listening. You're reacting. You're not just going down a plan that you came in here with. You're making it its own independent thing,

and that's something that normally takes people years and years to do. But it's fun getting to watch you make quick adjustments on the fly every single week on Mondays. What was that Beethoven 7 reference that you did? I didn't really get that. What was that country voice? Well, the joke is that nobody else's favorite song would be that. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny.

Just prove the point of the joke. It's comedy, Brian. No, I didn't hear that part. Vanessa, that moment, though, where you were like, where you, where nobody clapped and then you were like, see, this is the problem where we're not uniting. That was like an honest laugh in there. And that was good.

Thanks, Pat. How's that for feedback, you garbage pails? Garbage pails. Pat and I have been going to therapy together. No one can stop. Okay, thank you. There you go. Another new minute from

Vanessa Johnston. And she called herself off. Twitter and Instagram, Vanessa Johnston. And she called herself off. Twitter and Instagram, Vanessa Johnston. You can do that. She said, I'm done. Yeah, she was done. She goes, all right, bye. I'm done with you guys.

Our regulars are killing it. Our other regular, very fun, always unbelievable. She's on Street Watch 2016 on an absolute killing spree. One of our favorite rising comedians in the world. You know her. You love her. 21 year old with years of experience. Allie Makovsky. That's all

the world. Hi. I'm not like other girls. I'm crazier. I was just in New York. It was a lot of fun. A lot of people talk about the difference

between New York and L.A. People are like, the weather, the people, the transportation. The main difference that I noticed was between New York and L.A. is the technique that they use to wax my asshole. For example, when I'm in L.A., just to show you guys, I'll just be laying on my back, crouched up like this,

and they just get in there, you know? And then when I'm in New York, I'm laying on my stomach. I'm doing most of the work, pulling my cheeks apart, and they're still getting in there. All I'm trying to say is like I like it both ways. I could live anywhere you know. I um I didn't think I didn't think that I had a type until I realized that every guy I've ever hooked up with has had a crippling energy drink addiction. They say Red Bull gives you wings,

but it gives me disappointment. I'm trying to figure out a tag for the last one. Perfect. Let's figure it out together. Okay, great. There you go. Ali Makovsky with a brand new minute. Killed.

Probably one of the bigger jokes of the night, that finishing part on that one. But what's the... Is that true about the crippling... Energy drink. Yeah, every guy that I've been with when I'm in their passenger seat, every time I open the door,

there's a large amount of empty energy drinks that they have to push aside. It's a trend. You've dated a lot of monsters. And so what'd you say? Patty's back. It's back on! Hey, looks like somebody has the same sense of humor

as the rest of us. So let's find her a tag. That's my boy Tony Inskill. I think that that's it. Sort of. You could figure out how to work a monster reference in there or something. Or what did you say? Red Bull's supposed to give you wings, but all it gives me is crabs. When I first wrote it, I was like, Red Bull gives you wings,

but it also makes you not come. Or like, Red Bull gives you wings, but it can't maintain your erection. I don't know. What were you just saying? I mean, Red Bull gives you wings, but all it gave me was crabs, something like that. Never had it, but I'm intrigued. It's good.

It's itchy, but it feels like you have friends. Yeah. Can you get crabs if you wax? Red wing. Maybe I can do a hot callback. No, they're just stronger. The crabs are stronger. That's how you get king crabs.

Because there's nothing to hold on to. You're dealing with a crab that can't latch on. Make them work for it. Yeah, make them earn you. Hard-working crabs. That's a weird one. How was New York? You did a lot of sets out there.

Yeah. Did you have a lot of fun? I had a lot of fun. The shows were great. The people were awesome. And, yeah, I enjoyed it. What was your favorite part? Did you take the subway? I did take the subway.

I visited the 9-11 hole. The 9-11 hole? I was just in New York this weekend too and I didn't notice the 9-11 hole. I thought they filled that. There's water in it. Now it's just 9 holes. We're back. And he has a different

sense of humor than the rest of us again. It changed. Wow, the 9-11 hole's hilarious. Thanks. Man, if you could tie that into Red Bull, you got something. I wanted to dive in. There's like no security there.

I feel like there should be more. Are you being serious? Where are you talking about? The World Trade Center. The hole. There's not a hole. There's a diving board there. Were you at the La Brea Tar Pits or something?

What are you talking about? Good old 9-11 hole. Is that where they waxed your asshole? You didn't see the 50-meter diving board? I was, yeah. That's the YMCA. Oh, my God, it's the 9-11 hole. Just do laps in there.

Just looking at a hole in Union Park. Oh, my God. It's even bigger than I thought it would be. It's quite a hole. Yeah, it was fun. I like New York. The 9-11 hole. The 9-11 hole.

Can you give me the cross streets of the 9-11 hole? Yeah, it's like it's off like Liberty and something else. It's like Liberty and Justice. Liberty and Justice. What if the 9-11 hole is what she called her butthole? You're going to need to wax the 9-11 hole real

quick for me. Just get in there. There's also no survivors. No survivors. A lot of debris. You'll never forget. Talk about dropping a tower, too. I keep pooping. Anyone else? You should dress up as

never mind. What was that about to be? Who were you about to suggest she dress up as? All right. Allie. He was about to plug our new punk band, Newfound Glory Hole. Newfound 9-11 Hole. Oh, boy.

Sometimes I'm like up here and I'm like, oh, I'm funny. And then I just keep going. And I'm like, no, I'm just proving myself wrong, you know? People love you. They don't immediately forget that you were funny a second ago. You're funny. That's all there is to it.

Don't jump in the hole. It's going to be okay. Looks like we've gotten ourselves into a real 9-11 hole here. It's really sad. They used a box cutter to trim your asshole. Okay. Does your butthole smell like death? And here we go.

There you go. Anything else for Allie, guys? There you go. Allie McCaffrey next week with another brand new minute. Let's go to the bucket one more time. Shall we? You guys ready for this? The bucket!

You've had no energy all night. Why not keep it going? Tourists just go to New York. I want to see the 9-11 hole. That could be a hot spot. We could just make that up. Come visit our 9-11 hole here. Ten bucks to peek at the hole.

Two dollar pretzels. All right. I want to dress up as Osama bin Laden and go to Hollywood Boulevard and try to take tourist photographs. You pick your nose when you're telling us this? Is anybody going to tell Pat that Osama bin Laden died a few years ago?

Yeah, and then the joke is then the SWAT team comes and kills me on Hollywood Boulevard while someone's taking a photograph with me. You really pictured that whole thing out. Yeah. All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket, guys. Put your hands together for Ken Jones. Ken Jones.

Pull another name out of the bucket, guys. Put your hands together for Ken Jones. All right. I'm going to pull another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Jihan Sabir. This is pretty impressive at this point. Very impressive. Jihan Sabir?

No? All right. How about... Elling Thorshine? A lot of these were just write-ins. I love this. Joakim Fieger? A lot of these were just write-ins. I love this. Joe Kim Feger? Is that him? Yeah, that's intense.

Joe Kim? Oh, shit. What's up, y'all? Are you Joe Kim? Stop it. This is not him. You're Joe Kim? Yeah.

I really hate... Can I just do my set now? Is it Josh? It's not. You got to go. You got to go. That's not him. That was a really bad idea.

You got to go. I tried. There he goes. How about Chris Conatzer? This is the most ridiculous episode of the show. What if that was really him though? He just kicked him off. Danny Williams.

them up Danny Williams that seems genuine Yeah. This is dope as fuck. Shit, I'm drunk. What did I do today? I tried to watch 12 Years a Slave today. Couldn't fucking do it. Because dude was just a slave for 12 years.

That's not that bad. Like, they didn't make a movie for the other guy, Always a Slave. That guy didn't get a movie. Can you imagine making a sequel, Always a Slave Part 2? Still slaving. Do I have time for another one? I don't even know.

You got 12 years. Keep going. All right. Meow. There you go. a minute from Danny Williams Now if I remember correctly Your first time on the show was Your first Oh god

Oh dear lord Your first time on the show was last week In which we woke you up. I took a no-wipe sheet. A no-wipe sheet. I took a no-wipe sheet. Pulled my pants up, that's it. It's a no-wipe, typically.

I like to see a little proof of the proof I took. Everybody, let's get turned around. And what I found made me take a second look. The turd was huge and smooth like a missile. Yet my butthole was spotless, clean as a whistle. Pat, your commitment is, I mean, it's reaching levels of... Oh, look how mad Tony's getting. It's so cool.

You're so mad. It's an old life shit. You could have played this in the half an hour that I let you play pre-show every single week. But meanwhile you're doing it well. Hundreds of thousands of people listen to the number one live podcast in the world.

It's an old life shit. Chances you take when you work with your creative friends. You know no live shit. Chances you take when you work with your creative friends. You know what I mean? Viewership. When you work with risk takers. It's part of the fun. It's part of having Trump as president. I like Danny's set a lot.

Yeah! What was it? I like this set. You did really good. Again, every time I see you, man, you're killing it. How come Jeremiah's allowed to go back to it and I'm not? That's so funny. What just happened right then?

Oh, by the way, I like this set. Tell your partner to stop playing music over the entire show, and then I'll get to how much we like this set. You don't think I was trying to call him out? He's sitting right next to you. Why not touch him on the arm like, hey, you've crossed the line. I did that.

Okay. Danny Williams, one of the funniest UberX drivers in the universe. Let's get into it, Danny. That set was unbelievable. How long have you been on stand-up? About four years. About four years.

You're so cool. Last week, you were sleeping in the back of the room, and you woke up, and your opening line was, shit, I was just asleep. That's right. You got last call last time, right? I killed so hard. He got last call last time.

And then this time, you came up, and you're just like, shit, I'm drunk. It's like the coolest kind of delivery. I feel like you can do anything. Just like... I just write into the material, too. I like that. It didn't feel like a joke.

Before you come up. No, I drank a Red Bull. You did? Oh, wow. But it woke me up too much, then I drank a bunch of whiskey. I had to tone that shit down. You had to tone down the Red Bull with some whiskey.

So you're on Red Bull and whiskey right now? I'm just mainly on whiskey. It does not seem like it at all. Mainly on whiskey? Yeah. It seems like you're on Red Bull and whiskey right now? I'm just mainly on whiskey. It does not seem like it at all. Mainly on whiskey? Yeah. It seems like you're on jazz and AM radio right now. Sweet baby.

Man, I am drunk. This next tune coming up from the... The Coaster is a little song called Down in Mexico. And you're going to go drive Uber X from here, right? No. I sell wheelchairs. I sell wheelchairs. You sell wheelchairs? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Hey, man, don't come at me that hard. The fuck? They said Uber X. I'm sorry I took what they said. The wheelchairs is better. I don't sell wheelchairs. I convince insurance companies that people need wheelchairs.

You convince me. I'll get one. You're the coolest fuck. How do you convince anyone to do anything but nap? Just say yo. Want a wheelchair? By the time you get to the point, they need a wheelchair.

Tony. You just told an insurance company, yo, this nigga can't walk. You got a good angle. Tells me something about insurance. That seems that that line would really work. Yeah. Jeremiah Watkins?

Doesn't it sound a little bit like you talk a little bit like in slow motion? I sell wheelchairs, man. For a living, I sell wheelchairs. Oh, man. Oh, shit, man. I think tomorrow Judd quits washing dishes and starts selling a little shirt. What's up, dawg? How you doing?

Oh. Danny, what's your love life like? Are you going to pull out? Too late. It's already three. Danny, what's your love life like? A lot of Tinder. A lot of Tinder.

He said a lot of Tinder. Put the lotion in the bath. I thought he said a lot of tender. I thought he was just tender. Good lover. A lot of tender love. Here, AM 1540.

How long does it take you to swipe right? That's what I was doing for the longest time here. I shouldn't have gone with the act out. What does a fox say? Now, how does that Tinder thing work for you? Do you have fun with it? Any bad shit ever happen?

I went to a sex dungeon like two weeks ago. You went to a sex dungeon? Yeah. How was it? It was a fat chick from Tinder. Fat chicks in a sex dungeon? I got beat by a 70-year-old trans woman.

You what? I got flogged by a 70-year-old trans woman. You should have just sold her a wheelchair. 70 years old, she didn't know what she was up against. You got flogged by a what? It's like a whipping, but it's really soft. Wait, was this... Was it food?

Like their voice? Yeah. It's like a whipping, but nice and soft. Are you sure it was a whip and not just your hair hitting yourself? I want to purchase the audio book of Fifty Shades of Grey with his voice on it. Mr. Grey will see you now.

Chapter two. Two? We've been listening to this for three days. Brent Morin. What's funny is it probably wasn't even a sex dungeon. It was just this old lady's apartment. That dude's garage Next thing you know I have one Red Bull And I have to fucking start drinking

To get rid of the feeling of the Red Bull I'm shit faced getting all beat up I'm like fuck I think I left my Uber meter on Out front I think I'm supposed to be picking up people And then I fell asleep And then I had a Red Bull And then it happened

again. You always sort of trickle out of everything that you say, too, I've noticed. At the end, it's just sort of like... You have that cool thing going on. I will say, you make a room have to listen. Yeah. It's true. It's good.

That's important. That's a start. Hey, what happened with this trans woman in the flogging? Yeah, I mean seriously, what was she flogging you with? Nobody knows what a flogger is when he said it to me I acted like I knew I'd know I was like Oh, yeah. Yeah the flogger the fuck is a flogger I acted like I knew. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, the flogger.

The fuck is a flogger? Have you gotten flogged a lot? No, just that one time. Just that one time. It's like a whip, but with a bunch of whips. It's a whip with a bunch of whips. It's like my hair. Exactly.

It's very gentle, but yeah. So maybe it was your hair. Were you naked? No. You weren't naked for your flogging? No. Oh, then you didn't even really experience what it could have been. No. You weren't naked for your flogging? No. Then you didn't even really experience what it could have been. No, I don't know.

I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? Were you surprised when you got there and knew you were going to be flogged? It would be bad enough if my father knew I got flogged by a trans woman. It would be even worse if he knew I was buck naked when I did it. So I just took my shirt off. She was instructing me. She said, I'm going to show you how to... Did you just put on a leather vest

at some point and call yourself Flog the Bounty Hunter? I have the worst joke. It's so retarded. I have the worst joke, but what if she's like, she's like, you're like, my name's Kunta. She's like, you're like, my name's Kunta. She's like, your name's Toby.

It's a roots joke. I feel like I just got flogged. It's a roots joke. So, Danny, what was the point? Danny is the most. Owning it. Danny's tired, man. You are one chill motherfucker, Danny.

Hell yeah. So let's get this straight. You're getting basically whipped by... Was it a man-turned-woman or a woman-turned-man? And how insulting is it to ask that question that way? I don't know. It was like halfway in between. Wait, what?

She was like in the middle. She was in the middle. She was a work in progress. Do you know what a flogging is? It could have been a guy or it could have been a lady. Because we're about to find out. Really tasty. Did she flog you hard or soft?

That should tell you. It was a flogging by an old person. Wait, she was also old? I think it's best that he doesn't know. 70 or 80. 70 or 80. Oh. Transsexual.

Yeah. You may have been her last flog. 70 and 80. So it felt like an 80-year-old beating, I guess. Jesus Christ. How many individual flogs were they? Yeah. Oh, like, you look really excited.

Like, about 40. I think Danny's right, by the way. Pat's laughing at this. I think he's caught him on it, like, direct eye contact. So what's this flogging thing like? And you think she was closer to 70 or 80? Because I think I need her number. Where's the address?

Where was this dungeon? I think it was in Englewood or Compton. You don't even know where you went to get vlogged? It was a lot of planes, so it was close to the airport. There's big booty hoes vlogging each other. I don't know. I think they've got a party tomorrow, so we could go. It's next to the airport,

so they can't hear the screams. Somebody tape that. Please periscope that. Pat and Danny, go flogging. Who wouldn't watch that show? Dude, you guys gotta record that. We could sell that shit immediately. And you gotta sell them some wheelchairs.

You gotta work it. You gotta take your work there. You say that you got flogged by an 80-year-old tranny so casually that it leads me to believe that it's not even, that was just a couple weeks ago, that seems like it's not even one of the most wild things you've ever done, Danny. It's not. When you're that chilled, shit happens to you.

You just don't fight it. Yeah, exactly. That's beautiful. Good for you. Can we stick that in there? Yeah, fuck it. We're going to let you off the hook in a little bit. You'll pull it out eventually, maybe.

I'll fuck out. I don't care. I'll let you go in a little bit, Danny, but you're just so goddamn cool and interesting that I have a couple more questions. So what is something that even when you were in a situation where you're like, I can't believe I'm doing this?

When I get like eight hours of sleep. See, his shit's reversed. That's how crazy his life is. He does shit that you guys do every day and he's like, man, I can't believe I did that shit. Fucking just brush my teeth like a human being. Shit, I slept eight hours.

Wait till I tell my friends this. I'm going to get back to sucking this 80-year-old's cock. I'm so rested, I could suck so much cock. Eight hours. My goodness. So many wheelchairs that are about to be sold. What do you dream about? We'll let to be sold. What do you dream about? We'll let you go, but what do you dream about?

He dreams about sleep. He's probably right. Dude, all I want to do is just... What do I dream about? Superhuman speech. Danny, it just hit me that all of a sudden you're getting beat by an 80-year-old tranny and you sell wheelchairs for a living. Was this a deal gone wrong?

Was this like... Did you sell like a lemon of a wheelchair to somebody and they're like man this fucking wheel fell off you're about to get flogged. You better come down here by the airport

and get your flogging. I just pictured really little people doing that. I had to pay 20 bucks to get in. I think it broke even. Were there a lot of other guys

there getting flogged? Did you wait in line? There was no line You giving me shit? I love How he just killed it Suddenly that's a bad question Turns out the wait for 80 year old

Tranny floggings isn't that long I'm not sure You never know in those markets. It sounds like it's fucking appealing. It's kind of boring. They have a ton of rooms, and one room was some lady of flicky tits with a

knife. Flicky tits? Yeah. What'd you just say? Just flicky tits. That's what she does? I said... Just like this the whole night? Flicky tits with a knife. So where are you from? Just keep flicking my tits.

Okay. There's someone out there that specializes in flicking tits? This lady, she has like big Rambo knives. And she says she's really old too. Like everybody's. Did you go to an old folks' home? I think so. Did you just walk into an assisted living,

and they just said, you should sell them wheelchairs. The night got crazy. You sell a lot of wheelchairs. You're like, I'm going here. When he got there, they were all young, but he talked so slow. I was like...

That's my boy, Joel Menez, right there. Oh, Danny, I love that. I can understand every word that you say Man that sex party was crazy They probably told him to slow down They probably even told him to slow down You're talking too fast Alright Wow

So Danny Wow So Tinder's working out That's what we gathered Yeah turns out there's a lot of 80 year olds All right. Wow. So, Danny, wow. So, Tinder's working out. That's what we gathered. Yeah. Turns out there's a lot of 80-year-olds on Tinder. Wow, Danny, you are cool as fuck. You're a killer with your set.

How long have you been on stand-up? Four years. How many years is that in Danny? About nine. I love that even you are now realizing how funny your delivery is, that you're laughing at it at the end. I know it's stupid as fuck,

but it's just how I talk. Oh, man, you're going to work. Yeah. He can do an hour set, but it's going to take a week. Are you around December 2nd? I'd love to have you on the Ice House in Pasadena. Yeah, I'll be around.

Oh, shit. You see, kids? First ever comedian to take a wheelchair to Pasadena. Yeah, he might make it. But they're not going to tell you what they're going to do to you on stage. Probably a flogging. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Williams. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Williams.

There you go. Danny Williams. Great stuff, Danny. Well, we did it. That's another episode of the world's number one live podcast. That's Ryan J. Ebel's drawing of tonight. Look at that. Kirk Fox, Brent Morin. We're all in it.

Brian Redband. Patty Reagan and Jeremiah Watkins absolutely slaughtered tonight. Catch Jeremiah. Can you do a breaking news real quick? Catch Jeremiah with the Goddamn Comedy Jam at Houston and also in Houston

this Saturday when he joins Kill Tony live from in Houston this Saturday when he joins Kill Tony live from Houston, Texas. Jeremiah Watkins will be there already. One more reason if you live anywhere near Texas to go to Houston this weekend and come to the Come and Take It Comedy Festival. Pat Reagan's on Twitter at Patty Reagan.

Jeremiah, Pat. Yep, watch Eric. Add Jeremiah's on Twitter at Patty Reagan. Jeremiah. Pat. Yep. Watch Eric. Add Jeremiah's stand-up. Joel Amina's at Mostly Sorry. Pat, do you have any closing words, buddy? Fuck the mainstream. Fuck the mainstream, but also love the mainstream because he's a writer

for Eric Andre's show on Adult Swim. It's absolutely mainstream as it gets. It's also available on the internet without a cable subscription, which I think is really cool. Right, Pat? Adult Swim's the only channel that does that.

They give away their content on the internet because they're really smart. Joel Jimenez is on Twitter at MostlySorry. Kirk Fox, Brent Morin, anything else you guys want to promote? Where are you at this weekend, Brent? I'm in Philadelphia, the Philadelphia punchline. So come on out.

It's going to be fantastic. Yes, people in Philly. Kirk? Just golfing, just playing some golf. Live audience, make noise one more time. We did it. That's Kill Tony. Good night.

Thank you. We love you. Goodbye. Thank you, we love you, goodbye! What the fucks sake? What the fucks sake? What the fucks sake? The secret of the past Ancient mystery. Somewhere deep in the woods. I know you're hiding.

What is your sound? Will we ever know? Will all be a mystery? What do you see? I don't know.