KILL TONY - KILL TONY #183

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

Morgan Murphy, Annie Lederman, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 11/19/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Go to deathsquad.tv for everything Kill Tony, including all the videos.

You can just click on videos and see all the live shows that we do. And you can click on tour dates to see all the different shows we do not only do we do kill tony every monday at the world famous comedy store we have verbal violence on tuesday which is the roast battle and every first and third friday of the month we are at the ice house in pasadena california for the secret show so check us out at the Ice House. It's always a good time to use a bunch of comics,

and we're always trying out new material. It's like a workout room for us, and it's always fun. Speaking of secret shows, the first Wednesday of every month, we have the super secret show at the Comedy Store in the main room. This Wednesday, December 7th. It's a huge one. Not only do we have Joe Rogan on the show, Luis Gomez. Yeah, you know him.

He's going to be there. Dan St. Germain. Tony's going to be there. Josh Martin. Steven Randolph. George Perez. Myself and a bunch of other people and secret guests. Our last secret guest was Sarah Silverman.

So you always got to go to that. That's December 7th. You can go to the Comedy Store's website to get tickets. That's probably going to sell out. So here's your chance to get them before that happens. Also, just announcing right now, Death Squad is coming back to San Jose. We're doing two shows, December 30th. Me, George Perez, and special guest Butch Escobar is going to be there.

And that's at the San Jose Improv, December 30th. And then me and Tony, we're going to be at the Sketch Fest this year. Or next year, I guess. January. In San Francisco. So that's going to be a lot of fun. Also, check out shopsquad.tv. That's the official merchandise of Death Squad.

Everything we make, all the money, goes to doing this, Death Squad. Buying new stuff. Paying the bills. So check out ShopSquad.TV. We have two new shirts. We have a hoodie for wintertime. And a new Death Squad shirt. And the whole shirt's made out of sevens.

It's really cool. It's the original Death Squad shirt, redone. All made out of little teeny sevens it's really cool looking so get that it's on pre-order right now should be shipping in the next couple weeks go to shop squad dot tv also don't forget tony hinchcliffe has a website tony hinchcliffe.com for everything golden pony go there he's got his own merch he's got his tour dates he's all over the place so check that out. And of course, don't forget ryanjebelt.com. He's the house artist.

And he draws every episode. And then makes a print of it so you can buy it. So check out ryanjebelt.com. Alright guys, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Greg Van, coming to you live from Houston, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 4. Get up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Hello, Houston. Make some fucking noise.

Turn up my microphones immediately. Immediately, immediately. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Who's in control here? Good? No, it's terrible. It's so low. There's a whole speaker system here.

Louder, louder, louder, louder. Who's on it, baby? This is fucking rock and roll. Houston, make some noise. Yeah. Gotta do it, baby. I love it like this. This is fun.

Always an exciting different setup. Are you guys having fun at the Come and Take It Fest or what? There we go. You feel that? You feel that fucking energy of speaker power? Let's use it. As you see this glass vase, we have over nine souls that have signed up for the opportunity to do 60 Seconds. This is a very scared city of this show, I do believe, when it comes to it.

People just want to watch people crash and burn. So a great turnout. We love you. Make some noise again for the people watching via... I don't think we're streaming this. I think this might be the first ever double live Kill Tony exclusive

to only you. Our first ever non-streaming live. You guys are going to get this shit soon. It's called Wi-Fi. It's going to blow your mind. It's going to take your game to a whole other level, Houston. You're going to love it. You know what?

We've done a lot of these Kill Tonys on the road. It's always very low budget. And since adding a band to our repertoire, we have never gotten to have a band member of our show at one of these fun festivals that we do outside of our home club at the comedy store in Los Angeles but it just so turned out for you fans of the show the six of you in this room right now you are in for a special treat because one of the band members is here at the come and take it fest doing the goddamn comedy jam tonight you know him from the wave at the roast battle his hit show stand up on the spot so many other amazing things this is the

funniest and the coolest human being that I get to work with ever and he's here for you to be the band tonight it's Jeremiah Watkins ladies Oh, hey, everybody. How's it going? I don't know if I really got that intro. What was that supposed to be? Where's your hood at, Jeremiah? I don't know. Where'd it go?

Oh, that's adorable. Was that straight out of Compton or something? No, that was DMX, dog. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I love it.

Backstage, Jeremiah goes, well, I got to play this song. This is the only costume I have. And he pointed to his sweatshirt. 100% true. Because Tony's like, you got your intro for tonight, right? And I was like, yeah. Well, welcome to the show.

I'm glad that you're here. We're going to have fun tonight because I am also singing a song to close out this baby fucking, or I guess it's not the festival, but my trip to the festival because this is my last night. And we're going to sing a song at the goddamn Comedy Jam tonight live at this venue. I did sound check earlier, and I think you're in for a special treat if you stay late tonight.

Goddamn Comedy Jam is one of my favorite shows. It's where comedians just fucking rock and roll. Get to live your dreams. It's going into, what, season one on Comedy Central. So congratulations to live your dreams. Going into season one on Comedy Central. Congratulations to you on that. You guys ready to meet tonight's comedy guest? You guys like comedy? Remember that? The comedy

part? I always have two of the funniest comedians in the world. That's no different tonight. Guests that we've had on this show before, in fact, but here for you right now, Houston, Texas. Two of the best comedians in the world, Annie Letterman and Morgan Murphy. What? What the fuck?

Ah. Come on, Houston. Make some fucking noise. I don't understand what the point of having a... I just need a button from now on. Just one button that I can control that just has the next thing loaded into it. You have the comedic timing of fucking... I don't know.

I don't know. I can't even think of something. Stop it at the perfect time. The part of Power of Your Love where it just stops. While their backs are to the audience. I love it. Morgan, how are you? I'm all right.

I was doing awful for a while, and now I'm not awful. So that's nice. Yeah, it's been a rough week for the ladies, right? The whole Trump thing? Yeah, hopefully some of you guys, too. I promise you this, is that things are going to get better any day now. Mike Pence is out seeing Hamilton.

Actually, shout out to, it'd be a funny fake internet video to make as if we just pretended like Mike Pence came to this Kill Tony show in Houston, Texas. Anyway, we just want to thank Mike Pence and let you know that we love what you're doing. Jeremiah, you're doppelgangers in the audience. Look at that.

Wow. Oh, my God. We got the Hanson brothers. Dude, come up here and stand next to Jeremiah for a second. Get your ass up here. Hurry up. Get up here. Get up here.

How many times do I have to say it? Brothers. Guys, it's Jeremiah. This is here. Get up here. How many times do I have to say it? Brother. Guys, it's Jeremiah. This is like. Yeah. Wow. Look at this. All we need.

All right. All right. Get out of here. I always, as an avid podcast listener, my favorite parts are always the don't they look alike segments when I'm driving in my car. Strangely enough, people do love that shit. Like, they use their imagination and everything.

Like, oh, he must have that weird Meg Ryan haircut. They're always just driving to work, imagining Jeremiah, his twin brother. Annie, you could almost be the third brother in that group. I could be the third one. You're not that far off. So what do you guys say we just jump into it? You're two of my favorite human beings. You've done this show before.

We talk to comedians. They do 60 seconds of stand-up. Sometimes it's somebody's first time ever doing stand-up. Sometimes it's somebody in that city trying to show off, trying to blow up on one 60 second spot on a show where that hundreds of thousands of people listen to, the smartest comedy fans in the world. And anything can happen. And then after the 60 seconds, comedians, if you don't know, your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Dear God almighty.

Four cues that you have to hit in an hour and a half long show. And it's just like. Oh, it played. Kitties don't always make noise. That's the sound kitties make sometimes. Maybe a little bit louder than nothing. That's what it sounds like. That makes sense that you would have to hear that so you know the

structure of the show. You got to wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry Houston Bear. Whoa. There he is. Yep, even more. No bear. Alright, and a mouse.

Wow, there he is. I like how people looked over there just All right. And a mouse. Wow. There he is. I like how people looked over there just because I did for a second. I just, there's nobody, there's not an actual. When the roar happened at once, I looked up at that sound booth and everybody else was like, what's that? Go to my truck and get my gun. There's a bear in here. So let's just jump right into it.

You guys ready to start Kill Tony live from Houston, Texas? I got a deep vase on this one. This is what they handed me. Some type of fucking like Lexington Steel used condom or something like that. My hand goes deep into it

and out of it I pull. Ashton Womack, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Ashton. I like the name. I like the name. This is a game of uninterrupted stage time. And we talk about anything in the world. Put your hands together for Ashton Womack, everybody.

Come on. Come on. Hey, how's it going, everybody? My name's Ashton, and I got a lisp. Sorry, front row. I think whoever invented the word lisp is an asshole because they put the S right in the middle of the word. Came back, I got a lisp.

Yeah, nigga. I knew when you said lisp. One time I was at AT&T. I was trying to get a new phone number. Lady was all happy. She's like, all right, here's your new phone number. It's 713-667-7787. I said, fuck no, it ain't.

You better throw some threes in that mug or a nine. You know how many words I can't say having a lisp? So I was reading this. So I was reading this. I saw a fact last week. My name is Ashton Womack. Thank you guys. Hilarious.

Ashton Womack. Coming in and killing it. And I like your style. You're different because I have no idea what you said throughout that entire thing. I thought you were saying about the way that you said it. I just heard the word like lift, lift, lift. And I was just like, this guy is the next Eddie Murphy right here. Without a doubt.

I thought he was talking about lift the whole time, like Uber. What were you saying? Was it lift or list? No, it's lift. I have a list. I work at a lift. This is some fucked up shit, man. I love it.

That's perfect. I'm going to, you know what? Thank you. Thank you, guys. You're only hurting my feelings more. Ashton, you live here in Houston? Yes, sir. Born and raised? Raised? I was born in Swampwater. That's where I was born.

That's where Robert Durst tried to dump his body at one point. This fucking guy. Unbelievable. This fucking guy thought that you could just put bodies, body parts, chopped up body parts in a trash bag and just literally push them out. He blew air in. This is how much of a billionaire crazy

fuck Robert Durst was. He's like, this must be how the ocean works. Goodbye body parts forever. I'm sure the currents go that way for sure, right? I was raised with money. I don't know which way the wah-wah goes. There should be like a plaque

there explaining what happened with Durst. I feel like murder is so popular. I'd go there, take a picture, have some ice cream. I could have a little selfie stand. Yeah. What's crazy is that like he noticed, I remember seeing something like he noticed

that they were coming back like pretty quickly and he was just sort of like, oh, fuck. So then all he did, it was the next day, I think, he showed up and the body parts were just like there. He's like, oh, shit. And so he just grabbed the one that he knew had the head in it. And it was just like, fuck it.

I wonder if he numbered them. Because they never got that guy's head. They got everything else. That Robert Durst shit was awesome. He was lucky that no other parts of your body are shaped like your head. He would have been confused. Like, oh, it's the other round thing. No, no, no.

There's only one. Is that a fucking fire skull? Could be a butt cheek. It's like a Christmas presents in the morning when you're a kid trying to hear what it is. Do you think he got like a smaller bag for the dick or do you think he like cut the whole torso off? Oh, you know what that sound means.

What? I got points for that one. It's like an at midnight thing. Oh. Alright, back to you Ashton. Sorry Ashton. What do you do for work? What do I do for work? what do I do? I install cable and I go to the club in my cable van if you ever see a nigga in the Comcast van

it grooves I hope my boss doesn't hear this please don't be a big podcast I'm just kidding you have like a truck with a ladder on it? two ladders actually and hear this, please don't be a big podcast. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You have a truck with a ladder on it? Two ladders, actually. Do you ever break them out at the club?

I do. I try to get girls to dance on it. You said that you wear your cable pants to the club. What kind of pants are cable pants? My cable pants, they're pretty. These pants, actually. These are the exact pants I work in. Pretty fly. There you go.

Everybody knows when you're rocking those Old Navy. God damn, this nigga's good. This nigga called it out exactly where I was. What's funny is you guys didn't laugh because you fucking thought it was hacky that I said Old Navy and then what the fuck just happened? It's like, this motherfucker's good. I know Old Navy pants when I see them. I know. Faded glory Walmart

jeans when I see them. Installing cable. Let me ask you something, Ashton, because you have charisma. You have a good look to you. You ever been installing some cable, you know, fucking little white lady hanging out. The husband's at work. You're just like, hey, what's up?

I'm just here to fucking, you know. I'm just getting, hey, what's up? It's me. My name's Ashton. And they're like, oh, my God, like Ashton Kutcher? Except I get to live my fantasies. And you're like, no, I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just here to, you know, bury some cables inside your walls.

No. I wish. I dream. I try. Like, I always enter the door dick first just to see. That's probably not frightening. No, but not yet. I'm waiting.

That's why I'm trying to stay there working strong. Anything crazy ever happen? No. Actually, I've only been there for like three months. Let me remind everybody that the company he works for is DirecTV. DirecTV. Absolutely. And now that we've said that, anything crazy ever happen? Oh, yeah. DirecTV. DirecTV. Absolutely. And now that we've said that, anything crazy ever happen?

Oh, yeah. DirecTV. One of two songs. One of two songs Jeremiah knows on saxophone. Oh, yeah, man. You know a lot of crazy shit happens at DirecTV, dog. A lot of nothing's happened, man. Really? Did you ever cold call a woman and you're like, A lot of crazy shit happens at DirecTV, dawg. A lot of nothing's happened, man.

Did you ever cold call a woman and you're like, do you want to switch from disc to cable? Holy shit. Nigga, I didn't even know you had a microphone. What the fuck? What the fuck? I was like, who was talking? Oh, my good God.

That was one of the great moments in Kill Tony history. He just looked at me like David Blaine. Like, I just didn't imagine. Ouch! Yeah! If it was David Blaine, I'd be off this stage. How's this white boy protecting his voice over here? No, nigga, I'm dressed like David Blaine. What are you talking about?

Oh, shit. So, Ashton, I mean, you're very funny. How long have you been in stand-up for? Three years. Three years. All here in Houston. Well, I mean, I started when I was 16, but I didn't take it. I did it when I was 16 for like three months, stopped, went to college,

and then did it intensely for the past three years here. What did you study in college? Media productions, and it's ironic that I work in cable. I already know. But, yeah, that's where I work. What kind of productions? Media productions and it's ironic that I work in cable. I already know. Yeah, that's where I work. What kind of productions? Media. What did you want to do? I actually want to

make sketches. I do it on the side now to my own stuff, but I want to make sketches right and, you know, television. You just said the word sketches with no lisp whatsoever. Sketches. Because I'm a fucking liar He nailed it You should be proud of yourself

I try, I work hard on my comedy It would be funny if you were lying if the lisp joke was the first joke you ever wrote And you had to stick with the lisp For the rest of comedy That's who I am now I've been living this life for 26 years It's just my first joke. I didn't realize it was going to take away

the rest of my eternity. Yeah, very... Am I not supposed to say anything yet? Do you say, like, you go, and then I go, or is it like I just, like, wing it and I'm like... You can do whatever you want. Oh, I just thought he was really... He's earnest.

I thought... He's like, you can do whatever you want. Oh, I just thought he was really, he's Ernest. Is that, I thought, I thought you were so, he's like Ernest goes to jail. You're one of my, honestly, you're one of my favorite people I've seen at this show. I'm going to say that.

Yeah. How about that? I'll say that too. There wasn't anything like, girl, I'm too black to blush. Don't do this to me. No,

I really like, this is actually the first time she's ever been a guest on the show. It's not true. So you're the first person. I've been here. on the show it's not true you're the first person I've been here I feel like it was just very like

effortless and I love the phone number bit and I think you're adorable and you're like funny and sweet

and nice thank you so much I really appreciate that I appreciate the compliments I'm seriously gonna take it to heart and now work harder I appreciate that

well I need some free channels I need some free channels. And you got it for real. Murphy is in the house. You got it. Annie Letterman. Fox Sports is expanding. And I'm...

Go ahead, Annie. You got it. Annie, what do you think about Ashton? I love the look. I love the casual. We've got a little linen on top. We've got like the you look like you have nurse pants on.

I love it. You look like a helper. You're next to Jeremiah, so you look wonderful. Now wait a minute, motherfucker. Oh, shit. He's about to do the whip and the nae nae. Yeah, do it. Ashton, it was nice to meet you. There he goes. Ashton Womack, everybody. Getting us kick-started. Ashton, it was nice to meet you. There he goes. Ashton Womack, everybody.

Getting us kick-started. Ashton Womack. Ashton Womack. Let's go back into this creepy vessel. This dirty glass submarine. Can you fix a lisp?

Is there a reason why? If you try hard enough. Yeah. All right. That's not true. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Here we go. You guys ready for this or what?

Houston, you having fun? It's time to meet another soul. Uninterrupted for 60 seconds, it's Tanya Nascimento. All right. So I use this form of birth control called the NuvaRing. It's really great. It's this little plastic ring, and you put it in your vagina, and then you forget about it for like three weeks, sometimes longer. And I love it because I'll have sex with a new guy,

and he'll be like, what's that? And I get to be like, surprise, I'm made of plastic. I'm actually a sexy mannequin. You had no idea. I was at the airport recently and I was going through like the x-ray machine. And I was wondering if the TSA agent could see my tampon. Because I haven't seen it in weeks. This guy on the internet the other day said that the only difference between being creepy and being romantic is whether someone likes

you back or not. And I don't think that's true because like I don't care how hot a guy is. If he writes his name with blood on my car, I'm always going to find that romantic. No matter what. Tanya Nascimento. There you go, everybody. Put your hands together for Tanya. How's it going? Pretty good.

How long have you been doing stand-up? Almost five years. Almost five years. Here in Houston? I'm from Austin. Whoa. Super cool. Austin. Love it. Ladies, Tanya Nascimento. Austin, Texas.

Five years. First impressions. What are you thinking? I like the tampon joke. I thought it was shocking. Toxic shocking. Any letter. Inspired by Tony Hedgecliff himself. I thought you were really cute. That's a shitty thing

to say. Sorry. I thought the other guy was cute too. What? Oh, nothing. Forget it. What were you going to say? Nothing. Oh, Jesus. I'm too high for this. Me too. I think I am too. We smoked.

I thought you, I think, like. Are you here? I think your delivery is, like, really great. Like, really, like, I'm, like, want to keep listening. I feel like, and I feel like, like, I would just, like, I don't know, like, writing-wise, like, I wouldn't do two something stuck in your vagina jokes in a row. Unless you're going to commit to, like, 45 minutes of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 45 minutes of it. And then definitely do that.

But, like, I would just, like, sit with jokes sometimes and, like, and, like, really just, like, sit with the writing a little bit more like just i don't know like crafting the punch lines because it's like you i want to keep listening to you and you have like a stage presence and like a a pace and like a mellow tone that's like very soothing and awesome and uh and like sometimes i felt like the punch lines were going to go elsewhere but uh but yeah i mean that's it i would say that like you have the thing that is the hardest to get for a lot of people which is like you're entertaining to watch and listen to so congratulations thank you is that what you do in a longer set like really short

quick jokes and change direction pretty much yeah oh that's cool uh how much time do you think you have total if you had to guess like maybe 15 15 minutes. 15 minutes. What do you do for work? Well, I'm unemployed right now, but I used to work at Planned Parenthood. And they fired you? Huh? They fired you for voting for Trump? Yeah. What happened?

How did you lose your job at Planned Parenthood? Well, they're like really strict, and I had to be watched a lot, and I didn't like it, so I kind of quit. She's smuggling bits with her vagina. I was way too cool with the patients. I was just like, let's talk about your abortion. I was just way too

laissez-faire, I guess. Stop donating money to Planned Parenthood. They fired this poor young lady, okay? Do you really believe this? You gave too many high fives. You were doing your best! This is what it was! Good job! You were doing your best This is what it was You were doing your bits at work weren't you

Is that what it was You gotta be a waitress How long did you work at Planned Parenthood Almost a year Do you really have a NuvaRing in right now No I actually have the M plan Were you like when the woman would come in for the abortions Would you tell them your NuvaRing joke

And be like don't you wish? Yeah. Don't you wish? You'd heard me last week. What are some of the things? Come to the show. What's the craziest thing that you ever saw at the Planned Parenthood? True love.

It's a loving place, Jeremiah. Jeremiah. Jeremiah Watkins. Anything stand out to you there? Like anybody ever have like, I don't know, anybody ever come in with like, you know, I don't know, something stuck in there. I don't know. Oh, yeah. A baby stuck in their uterus.

Well, we have like a lot of people who would like literally lose their tampons. I got a baby stuck in my uterus? We had a lot of people who would literally lose their tampons. I got a baby stuck in my uterus. What's that called again? People go to Planned Parenthood because they have tampons stuck in their uterus. That's what my money's been going to for four years. I thought I was helping women decide when they want it. Don't turn on me. How much Plan B did you steal?

Do you have a whole closet? I mean if you want some you know after the show I might have something for you in my trunk Save them girl Sell them out of your

fucking trunk We need you Red Band will snort a Plan B off a key in the back I'll definitely do that I hate nuber rings

They're the worst Have you ever fucked a girl with a nuber rings they're the worst like have you ever fucked a girl with a nuber ring in oh god don't you hate it gross they let you fuck them

and there's a fucking thing that won't get them pregnant I won't even be a dad either so gross of her Jesus god damn go ahead let's hear it

Annie taking some of that Hillary lost anger out on Brian right now. My goodness. Get ready for it to keep coming. I just always thought that was the worst form of birth control because you could feel it.

This is the part where Brian makes me feel it. We have to shove it up our pussies, Brian! For three weeks! We have a fucking weird ring! Looks like the Lance Armstrong thing. Pussies, Brian! For three weeks! We have a fucking weird ring! Alright, you gotta stop that. Looks like the Lance Armstrong thing, but... I think we should take a picture of Annie Letterman and make

a poster, and then the caption just says this is what feminism looks like. I mean... A newber ring. I think it looks like you too, Jeremiah. You don't believe in equality? It just means equality, motherfucker, and you look like a woman anyway. Annie, you seem very...

Yeah, I have bigger tits than you. Ooh, cool. Let's talk about it. You seem to have some sort of feeling that my body should look a certain way. Oh my god. Like you own it. Almost like you own my body and you want to maybe take my rights away, but whatever. I should be

fine with it. They're threatening to take our rights away. But whatever. I should be fine with it. There's no need to take our rights away. Will somebody please bomb this Planned Parenthood right now? Not a good direction for old apathetic Murphy in the middle over here. Goodbye. That's good. Tanya, what are you doing? Tanya.

Oh, dear God. Tanya oh dear god well you have any crazy like skills or talents or anything like that you ever like yo-yo while that's not a good thing to ask someone who just came on stage to show their skills and talents oh my god can we please vote again for another president I'm not good at drawing blood. Oh my God.

Can we please vote again for another president? I'm not going to be able to go four years like this. She just did her scales. Newbering! What I said had nothing to do with feminism. I just am a woman and I said it. I know. I'm just doing this whole wacky thing.

I'm really good at drawing blood said it. I know. I'm just doing this whole wacky thing. She said something cool. Oh, what'd she say? I'm really good at drawing blood. Whoa. You know what? I love having my blood drawn. I look at it. I get fascinated by it. I feel like I would be good at it if I... You should try it.

You should get a DevoCup. Yeah. Not to bring it back, but... No, I want to like... I feel like I'd be good at surgery. Like, I have this fascination. I feel like I'd be good at surgery. Like I have this fascination. I feel like I'd be very good at like, I can get that out of your heart. You were good at operation.

Yeah. Like, just like, can I get a precision? It doesn't gross you out to watch the. No, I love it. I was very excited. I used to live with an aunt and uncle and the uncle, my uncle had a, he was a surgeon and I would like watch his surgery videos. Wow. Oh, his homemade surgery videos? Yeah.

I used to watch my parents' homemade videos. What makes you so good at drawing blood, Tanya? What do you think it is? Do you have a knack for what? I'm really good at finding a vein. Yeah. That's a big part of it. I love it. Use a little butterfly.

A little butterfly one. I can do a butterfly part of it. I love it. Use a little butterfly. A little butterfly one. I can do a butterfly too. Yeah. I don't know. You don't see any, do you? Let's see. Can you see the veins on people with ridiculously high blood pressure? Yeah, one right there.

How many days does he have to live? Oh, she found it. Wow. She's good. You're so good. It sucks because they usually can't find the vein, so I'm the guy where they put the needle in, and they just have to move it around and go,

nope, didn't work. It takes you like 20 times. Do you try to find your vein yourself a lot? What? What? Tanya, what's your love life like? You got a boyfriend? I do have a boyfriend.

Oh, my God. How long have you guys been dating? A year. What does he do? He works at like a yearbook photography. Holy shit. Yes. Holy shit.

He's the one that you pick whether you want the lasers or the. Wow. Do you guys ever sneak into the studio And make love in the weird glamour shots Do you like next to like lettermen I might now that sounds like a good idea Next to like letterman jackets And stuff Does he do

Finally we're cool Does he do comedy Yes Have you been doing it longer than him No He's been doing it longer than you Weird Is it competitive No Have you been doing it longer than him? No. He's been doing it longer than you? Yeah. Weird.

Yeah. Is it competitive? No. Ooh! No with five O's and a question mark. She's like, no, because I'm doing better than him. Welcome to the... What was that, Jeremiah? Never mind.

All right, Tanya. Very funny. Very nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Good job. There she goes, Tanya Nascimento. Tanya does tweets on Twitter. Ashton Womack was nice guy WA on Twitter.

Back to the dirty vessel we go. The Houston vase. Put your hands together for George Brito Brito Hi everybody so I do not like taking pictures for obvious reasons, especially with my family, because every picture I take with them

always end up looking like the ghost that's been haunting the rest of the family for the last 15 years. Later they realize I wasn't there when the picture was taken. Fucking horrible. But I'm a nice guy. Like, I don't want to seem like an asshole,

so I'm going to start carrying around a bag of dog shit everywhere I go. This bag of dog shit everywhere. That way, if somebody sees me, they'll think, well, at least he picks up his dog shit. Seems like a nice guy. And really, what could be more polite than following around somebody for, like, a few blocks

and waiting for their dog to go, and then right before they pick it up, you're like, no, no, no, man, I got this. I got a date tonight. I want to give off a good impression. That's how I'd have to do it. I don't have a dog. But I do have contacts. Went to the eye doctor today, and they told me I shouldn't wear them so much when I sleep,

but it's the only way I can see in my nightmares. I mean, I think they're nightmares. That's why I need them. It's so hard to tell sometimes. Is that a minute? George. Brito, minute? George Brito? Am I saying that right? What? George Brito?

Brito. Brito. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I think it's, that was an amazing, how about one more time for George, ladies and gentlemen? That was fucking awesome. That was fucking awesome. That was very awesome. And I think that it's very fitting that on a show in which I have, you know, an all-female panel, that Pocahontas would come in and give such an amazing performance.

You're rock and roll, man. What ethnicity are you? Guess. Pocahontas. She just whispered in my ear. You're so funny. Why wouldn't you just say it into a mic and kill? Because she knows that you want it.

That's how cold-blooded of a killer Morgan is. Joka Hontas, you fucking idiot. I'm not good at telling the roast things. I like to give them to other people, and then they have to apologize. You look like a goth casino owner. Yes. Yes, definitely.

I happen to think you're very beautiful. I didn't mean to laugh. I wasn't joking. I do. I just thought they were going to make fun of me. He's not going to give you free chips. You look like when you're not driving a small Uber X that you're the king of Houston parkour. I feel like you could jump from where you are to anywhere right now and do a backflip in the air while killing an audience.

I think you're going to be one of the top parkour comedians in the world one day. Do you own a sword? You're looking around like I might actually be correct on this. Do you actually know parkour now? He's doing the shifty eye where you're like, does he have a sword? I was about to get so fucking pumped. The first time in Kill Tony history,

we bring you live parkour. Best podcast ever. That's the kind of crazy shit that does happen on this show, though. Not exactly parkour, but other weird stuff. What are you into, George? It seems like you could do so many things. I got you.

Stand-up comedy, right? No, I got you. And you're totally unbelievable at it, but I'm just intrigued by your look. What was the answer to ethnicity? I said guess. You know what I think he looks like? I already am guessing, George. I just asked you.

No, I'm... You know what I think he looks like, Tony? Wait, oh, Jesus. What, Jeremiah? I think he looks like his family, his own generations of hot topics. No, my parents are Mexican, so You're hiding in that Native American hair? Caliente Topicas

His last name is Burrito, of course he's Mexican Yeah, you get it from the name? My fake name? Oh, is your name fake? He's whispering He's saying be quiet George, so what do you do for work? I'm a cook Oh, is your name fake? He's whispering. He's saying be quiet. George, so what do you do for work?

I'm a cook. A cook. Oh, you got to wear a hairnet, huh? Yeah. Can you imagine getting that long of a hair and you're fucking – he's got hair down to his balls, dude. At that point, it's your fault. You missed that hair. That is some really long hair.

God damn. I mean, you might be Mexican, but you could totally be, like, real Native American. You could get, like, free hair. Tony's just made you Native American. You can't get you. If there's a hair in someone's food, you can't even get out of it, though. It's my mic, like, how? I know.

It's pretty obvious who it is. There's no denying that it's you. It's not like Sofia Vergara is working back there as well. I would just own it. Whose hair is this? And I put my hair out. Who what? I just pull hair off and keep eating.

Anybody else? Fuck yeah. Oh, if I don't, yeah, if I just pretend I didn't see it, I'm fine. I pull my chest hair out and put it on the food to get free meals. Oh, gray pubic hair. That's so gross. Yeah, there's a pubic hair in my food, sir. I know I ate half of it.

So, George, how long have you been in stand-up? Almost three years. Almost what? Almost three years. Three years. Fuck yeah, that's about when you were done being the lead singer for Mars Volta, so that makes sense. Hmm. What are you into?

You have a girlfriend? He does look Native American though, right? Very much so. It's weird. Mexicans look different out where we live. You're more like a Tex-Mex, right? My parents are from deep down Mexico. They're in the part where people get their heads cut off and shit.

That's weird. He does look Native American. Whenever you ask him how long he had been doing stand-up, I thought he was going to say, I've been doing stand-up for many moons. Ooh! Oh, God, how I love Jeremiah Watkins. You are unbelievable. The not laughing when we're making fun of you

is so scary, by the way. It's so scary. Him not taking the joke and just gazing into our eyes and then shifting them back and forth where he's like, bitch, I will bring a fucking longer jacket next time, and I will blow your fucking brains out. I know you're not Native American, but if you ever move to L.A.,

prepare to pretend to be one for the next 10 to 15 years on TV. I feel like, George, I feel like you're like the reason why maybe and also maybe it's why you go by a fake name. But I feel like you're the school shooter that got away. No, man. No, man, I'm not white. What? I'm not white. What? I'm not white.

Yes! So many white people clapping right now. You fucking get over yourselves. It's you two. Look at this new hate of the white man. Since Trump has taken office.

It's reverse. I'm telling you. I thought you were great, and I love that holding dog poop joke so that people think you're good. But that's a really fucking great joke. Yeah, you're freaky good. How much time do you think you have altogether?

Maybe 10. Wow. What's your comedy influences? Because it almost seemed like a Steve Martin kind of style that you have. And like Matt and Jeff Hardy. Yeah, them too. I don't know. I don't listen to much of Steve Martin, but I do like Don Marrera.

Don Marrera, yeah. Don Marrera is a good one. I like how scared you were to say that. I don't like Nate. You're like, what if they don't agree? I don't like him. In my village, we did not learn from any comedians. I learned from the animals.

We made smoke signals to other villages in the form of jokes. Do you have a pet coyote? LOL. What? Jeremiah Watkins. Oh, my God. So, George, what do your parents do for work?

What do they do? Let me ask your Indian version. They kill white men some of your favorite Indian music from Brian Redman by the way he hasn't smiled at me once oh yeah he really is Indian He hasn't smiled at me once. Yeah. He really is Indian.

I feel like he's going to transform into a werewolf, like a Twilight character. I went in, I killed, I got away. You were really good. If you can, next Friday come to the Ice House in Pasadena, California. Yeah, sure. If you can make it out to the Ice House in Pasadena next California. Yeah, sure. If you can make it out to the Ice House

in Pasadena next Friday, you have a spot waiting for you. Yeah, I'll make plans. If not, just tweet at Brian sometime if you do end up in L.A. If you ever come to L.A., the spot's there for you. I really enjoyed it.

There you go. George Brito, everybody. George Brito. Go that way. Sure. There he go. George Brito, everybody. George Brito. Go that way. Sure. There he goes. There he goes with the beautiful locks. Gorgeous.

Look at that hair. I wonder if they would drag in the poop when he's picking it up. Say that again? If his hair would drag in the poop. Jeremiah has decided to do a... Hold on. Wait a second, everybody. Jeremiah has just gone into a song during a live talk.

Very good. Jeremiah is on fire right now, guys. If this was fucking NBA jams, that's what would be happening. He is on fire. Oh, yeah. There you go. You guys ready to go back to the bucket, meet another fucking Houston person?

We've had real comedians so far. I'm waiting for a crazy person. Aren't we all? Put your hands together for Rich Chappell. chapel. Hello, everybody. I had a gay friend of mine tell me the other day that he thought if I was gay, I'd be a chicken queen. And I said, you gay guys and your lingo, thanks, man. What the hell is a chicken queen? And he said, a chicken queen is a gay man who seeks out underage boys. First off, Raul, go fuck yourself.

Second thing, why is that called a chicken queen? Couldn't you think of a more appropriate term? like, I don't know, a Catholic priest? A scout leader? A red band? But third thing, this heinous act of which you speak, it's a pretty gross thing to accuse somebody of. And just to set the record straight, I would never be gay. Thanks, guys. Wow.

There you go. Rich Chappell representing the Trump University. In closing, I would just like to take a moment. That's fair. I would never be gay. I don't know, Rich. I think there's some people that would turn you in a fucking heartbeat Come out to West Hollywood where we live

I just feel like his beard's trimmed up enough You know Yeah I mean you definitely take care of yourself You have a nice Look how soft his hands are You're well lotioned Yes Let's see who has a bigger hand

Hold up her hands Let's do that Wow your hands are so big You got soft hands You guys Rich that was an interesting thing Maybe I like I feel like maybe I

I don't know Daydreamed through half of it But What was the phrase that you used for People looking for younger gay guys? Chicken. Chicken queen. Chicken queen?

Chicken queen. I've never heard that before. You know, I just say, like, I love learning a new word in the set. That's a good thing. I mean, it's really just two old words smushed together. That might just be something that you think that's a thing thing, or your friend just made it up? No, I looked it online after he told me because I had no idea what he was saying.

Mr. Homophobic that would never be gay just so happened to Google Chicken Queen after he hung out with his friend. My oh my, how we're getting more information by the absolute millisecond. You did, huh? How long was that trip on the internet, huh? It was very quick. I bet. Chicken Queen. I bet you came on.

Super quick. Chicken Queen. Why'd you have to Google images? So dirty and wrong, I just came everywhere. Just at the text. First one's just some animated chicken with a crown on it. Oh, God, it's so hot. Rich, what's your story? How come you think you'd never be gay?

Oh, never say never. I'll try anything once. Okay, so you just came out. This is incredible. By the way, didn't I specifically say I think he's much gayer than I think? Quick turn. Oh, I mean, I didn't say ever say I think he's much gayer than I think? Quick turn. There it is. Oh, I mean, I didn't say ever.

I'm just jumps under the table. What do you do for work, Rich? I'm a graduate student right now. Why'd you laugh so hard at that? What was that? Why'd you laugh at the you work so hard question? No, I didn't. Or what do you work?

He looks like a guy who'd be bullied. Like, he'd say, say, you're gay. He's like, no, I'm not. I'll suck your dick to prove it. Totally. That's the exact vibe that began for me. What do you do for work? I'm a graduate student.

That's a career? How old are you? 31. Graduate student. What are you studying? Genetics. Look at his beautiful skin. What is it? Jizz?

What do you use? I've heard that before. It's good for your skin. Four skin? That's what he told me anyway. What is your favorite category of porn, though, if you had to choose one? Right. Ebony. Ebony. Wow. I like that. Wow. Look at that.

He likes those big dicks. Yes. Man, bingo. I walked right into that one. Take that, Trump. So, Rich, are you single right now? No, I'm married. You're married? What's that like? How long have you been married for? Five years. You have kids?

Wait, is it legal in Texas? I didn't know it was legal in Texas. I like how you're doing your sick married guy hide the ring thing. I don't wear it on my finger. Oh, you don't? I'll wear it around my Do you guys not like that? Well, it gets trapped in their buttholes. Rich. I'm just going to keep setting us up for these home runs

let's just keep it going guys let's run the triangle offense Rich let's talk about are there any hobbies or anything like that any skills or talents that you have I do have one skill I can make a mouse fall asleep in my hand

oh god you pretend it's a ball sack caress it I do have one skill. I can make a mouse fall asleep in my hand. Oh, God. Oh, really? You pretend it's a ball sack and caress it. Only a male underage mice? Mouse is the word for one mice, right? What do you do again? I was so busy trying to think of a gay joke, but now I'm going back and I'm like,

what the fuck did he just say? I can coax a mouse to sleep. So it doesn't scratch up the asshole. He has a technique that he puts it to sleep and it slides it in. The thing is, when you put it up Richard Gere's asshole, it actually coaxes it to sleep, the sphincter. Oh, there he is. We have him calling in right now.

If you ever bring up this show again, I'll go, oh, the night that I forgot the word for one mice. So close. That was the funniest thing you've ever done, Roy. Did you guys see that? Did everybody see that? Oh, my God. That was epic. Maybe we should always have you on the comedian side.

Well, maybe not. All right. Why don't you wear your ring? Because it tears up my hands when I play. Because he likes to put it on his necklace so that the guy behind can have something to hold on to and be like, oh, it's so dirty what we're doing. You married gay fuck. You super married gay guy.

It tears up your beautiful hands? Yeah, like when I white live. Jerk off a dude? When you're at the gym. So wait, what do you do with a mouse? Say that again. He could put a mouse to sleep just by holding it. By what?

You do your stand up for the mouse? Leave stink dick alone. Anyway. Rich, what's the... It seems like the theme of what we've found out about you is that you're secretly gay. You're super... There's something

somewhat homophobic that came across during your set, and then what did we find out? You're super gay. You're married. You don't have any kids. Do you think your wife knows that you're gay? I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm gay. Why do you think she thinks that?

What happened? Anything specific? I call her Bob accidentally. Yeah. She sees your text. Over your shoulder, she sees you've been texting Bob emoticons. This is his ringtone. It's raining men.

Brian Redband. There he is. On the spot. Somebody just said like, no. He plays that every episode, you doof ball. On the spot. Somebody just said no. He plays that every episode, you doof ball. On the spot. No, it's in an iPad. Load it up.

All right. Rich, anything else? Any questions? How long have you been doing stand-up? Did we ask you that? This is my fifth time. On stage. Wow, look at that. Somebody

to reward you, one of the audience members is going to let you suck their dick tonight. It's going to be awesome. You're going to get so much dick the more you do this. So good. It's good to be, you know. It's good to be funny. Might. It's good to be funny.

Might be me. Haven't decided yet. You want to be one of the last ones? The last women to suck his dick? Oh, I was going to let him suck mine. Oh, okay. You should. Rich, we're going to fly through. We're going to get to other people.

That was fun, man. Good to meet you. There you go. Keep doing a bunch of spots and just fucking knock it out. Take all that pent-up gay energy and put it into doing stand-up. Either that or just get a divorce and fuck dudes. You know, one or the other.

Alright, we're flying through it. Put your hands together for... Okay, we're on now. I think we might be getting a little bit closer here. Put your hands together for... Okay, we're on now. I think we might be getting a little bit closer here. Put your hands together for Theodore, me, Taylor. I'm excited about this. All right, that's disappointing. Theodore. All right. How's disappointing. Theodore.

All right. How about Michael Vargas, ladies and gentlemen? Michael Vargas. Michael Vargas. What's up? Yes, this will make you glad. Stop playing, stop praying. You won't be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be. What's up? How's everybody doing? Hey, you think if Beyonce ever gets super fat, they'll start calling her Beyonce?

Hey, you think it's super hard for dyslexic people to do 69s? They just end up with butts on necks. It's not fun for anybody. You think it's possible to be claustrophobic and closet gay? You think a woman's ever had so many abortions, she's earned the nickname Sandy Hook? Guys, relax.

That was like fucking four years ago. I want to start a restaurant slash whorehouse and call it brothels. We only serve soup. Yeah, can I get the rim job and the chicken noodle? Thanks. Man, I hate when people say no homo. It's fucking stupid.

You shouldn't have to do that for like complimenting your buddy's shirt. You don't have to do it for anything else. You're never like, oh, that's a cute puppy, you know, Beastie. Hey, congratulations on the birth of your first child. No pedo. I'm sorry for your loss. No necro.

Michael Vargas, ladies and gentlemen. Michael, you've done this show before, correct? Yeah, I did the one in Austin in December. Well, there you go. Do you know Billy Bonnell at all? Yeah, you told me that last time. You said I look like a Mexican Billy Bonnell. Yeah, you look like him if he fucked the guy that eats all the hamburgers.

What's his name? The Hamburglar? The hamburger guy that just made millions of dollars eating a bunch of shitty shit. Man vs. Food? No. Guy Fieri? No. By the way, why did you say that like an Italian waiter?

Brian Redbeard? Guy Fieri? I'll have a Guy Fieri on a fettuccine. That's how he said it the first time. I guess I'm the only one that heard it. So you've done this show before. What do you do for work again?

I work in a warehouse. Drive a forklift and shit. Sounds like some Breaking Bad shit. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Do they let you get this high to drive the forklift? They don't know. I hope they don't know. You have pretty red shoes on.

Thanks. And beautiful eyes. Thank you very much. Oh, God, that wedding ring. It's making me so horny. Well, Michael, I mean, like so many people tonight, we're plowing through a lot of comedians. You have great jokes.

You're fucking killing it. Thank you very much. This is your second time on the show. Anything else for Michael, guys? There you go. A bunch of people just heard you on a podcast kill. Michael Vargas. Let's keep flying through it. Thank you. Appreciate it. He's on podcast kill. Michael Vargas. Let's keep flying through it.

Thank you. Appreciate it. He's on Twitter at MikeyAV87. Let's fly through it. Let's see what can possibly happen here. Put your hands together for Jake Walker, ladies and gentlemen. Jake Walker. Jake Walker. Jake Walker.

Please tell me that's Jake Walker. Jake Walker, ladies and gentlemen. Somebody, fuck yeah, it's going down. I think he's got it. Ha, ha, ha. Put your fucking hands together right now for Jay Walker. All right. Wow, good looking crowd.

So I'm Jake Walker. Jake like Snake. Walker like Luke Skye. And I'm blind. So I still see a little bit. I'm not what you call in the blind world a total. But my ex informs me that in the asshole world, I definitely am a total. I've leveled up there.

I recently quit smoking out January. 35 years of Marble Rebs, I started vaping, sucking the robo-dick. I switched from the pen and I noticed something rather disturbing.

It's not that my new robo-dick is heftier and black, but from the pin and I noticed something rather disturbing. And it's not that my new RoboDick is heftier in black, but it's, I was waving it around and it kind of looks like a gun and I think we can all agree. Oh, well, could even get a white guy shot, I think, right? Fuck yeah, Jake Walker, everybody. There you go. Welcome to the show, Jake.

Thank you, sir. That was awesome. How long have you been on stand-up? Now. This is my maiden voice. This is your first time on stage. What? What?

Yeah. First time? Jake Walker. Breaking news. Jake Walker just did stand-up for the first time. Scared the audience thinking there's a gun. Probably not the best

to do the whole gun thing. Because you probably did freak out a handful of people. We saw their faces. They were freaked out. That really ruins the whole comedy part. Well, what would be really funny is if one of his buddies one day was like, let's fuck with Jake and pull out the vape pen and put a real gun in his pocket.

And then one night it just is a real gun. Just, oh my God! Jake, I loved everything. Like, is stand-up something you've always wanted to do? Oh, I've always loved it. I mean, I grew up, you know, spending all the old vinyl, Richard Pryor, Franklin Ajayi, you know. Always listening to comedy when we were kids, you know, from 10 on. We just memorized them and riffed together with them.

So it's always been a part of my life. Yeah, that's important. It's important not to turn a blind eye to comedy. I was waiting for it. So that's incredible, man. What's, like, were you born that way? No. I used to have excellent vision, in fact.

It's hereditary degenerative retinal disorder. Wow. Weren't you guys scared he was going to say, but I smoke too much weed or something like that? Oh, no! I was so scared. I masturbated so many times. I just kept jerking my dick off, and then I lost it. Once he found out what a chicken queen was,

it was all over after that. The same night. Jake, what's your, I mean, what's that been like? Mind me asking, how old were you when it started to really go down? I noticed when I was in the army, I was in Anak, which is kind of... Wow, you were in the army.

All of a sudden, he's on the Iraqi side just firing off at Americans. He's like, uh, have we checked that Jake guy's vision lately? We lost four more soldiers today. It was Jake. He thought he was smoking his vape pen. Oh, shit.

I just started noticing that I couldn't see things that other people could. My dad had it. My grandma had it. So it's been something I knew was coming. Do you have siblings that don't have it? I'm the only one of four. So it's getting reduced in my family. Are you fucking kidding me?

You're the only one out of all four kids? Yeah. That's a good thing though. I mean it's getting less and less in our family. Oh to love your own family like that. That is so beautiful. I was like you must be pissed. No Christmas presents for them. You're like, I'm just really happy they have the ability to see.

You want your Christmas present? Go hard, he gave you your Christmas present. Wherever the fuck you are, I'm pissed. Is there any operation you can get to fix it or get an eye transplant? No, I've actually had LASIK for the lens. It's retinal, so it's totally genetic. I mean, I'm sure one day there will be a cure, but there's nothing.

The TV screen is the retina. It's like the TV screen. The little dots burn out, and there's just nothing you can do. Wow. And when you say you can see a little, like you just see shapes or you see just very dim of it? He said he saw assholes. Is that what that joke was? Gun barrel. You can only see buttholes? Tiny pins.

You can only see buttholes. And I see about five degrees. Most people see about 190. So when I'm looking straight at something I can, I mean I can read a book without glasses. Ah. But I just feel a little bit. I feel cheated.

Don't you feel cheated? Yeah. I can read a book. I mean, I have no idea who you are, but I can read a book. Do you just follow like one, like you follow like a line? I'm fascinated. Now I'm just fascinated by it. Oh, pardon me?

Do you like follow like, can you see a page or do you follow like a line at a time, you know? Well, it's kind of hard to explain. It kind of focuses. I want to think it's real bad. I'm glad you Panama'd that for me. It's like looking down two of those tubes that come inside a toilet paper roll or a paper towel. Something like that. It's a dot.

Did you say you had a wife? I have not. I've been engaged a few times. Been engaged a few times. But no, not married. Couldn't see it through? No kids. Never wanted to see it through.

Dude, absolutely. Absolutely. It's not times. But no, not married, Couldn't see it through? No kids. Never wanted kids. Dude, absolutely, absolutely. It's not easy. You know, love is blind. Do you not want kids because you're afraid you would give them, do you not want children?

Is that what you said? No, but I did actually have a girlfriend who had RP in her family and we couldn't, definitely we had to not reproduce because of that. Because they would go blind?

She had RP in her family, so we would probably have early-onset kids that would have just been totally blind all the time. So you'd have to marry a wolf in the trade. Awesome. Yeah, you don't want that. Did you meet each other in, like, a blind group? No, she didn't have a...

You just found each other? Because your sense of smell was so good, you could smell each other's pheromones. Andrew, where are you? Andrew, are you here? Youngblood? How long do we have in the show? What time did we start exactly? Does anybody know?

We had an hour after we started. I think nobody paid attention to exactly when we started. What's that? Was that Andrew? Andrew? 820. So yeah, we're good right now. We're right about there. Want to do one last one?

Yeah, maybe we could do something crazy. Jake, anything else on your bucket? Is this a thing that you just started doing, trying to do things that you've never done before? Or is it like this show in particular? Have you listened to this before? Oh, I'm a total super fan. I watch Joe Rogan all the time.

I watch Kill Tony. I just discovered it back in August, so I'm still back-minging all the stuff. I haven't even discovered it yet, so congratulations. I've never listened to this podcast. You should check it out. They've both been on twice before. Wow, well, that's so cool. So all of life is like a podcast to you?

That's so crazy. I'm high. That is like a podcast to you. That's so crazy. I'm high. That's actually an interesting way of looking at it. So are you like Daredevil now where your other senses are heightened? Yeah, that's a good question. Because I remember I saw you. He's like, I can read books, you guys. I'm not that blind.

Remember when I told you that? Yeah, are your senses heightened? They don't get better. You just pay attention to them more. Right. You do rely on other things a little more. Have you had some mishaps with that cane?

Ever fallen into a train track? Tips break off. Uneven sidewalks are my bane. You ever hit someone's leg or something and they get mad? Pardon? Do you ever hit someone's leg and they get mad or something like that? Usually not. It's more like you're the asshole. Yeah.

Yeah, Annie Letterman. Do people ever see you with your cane and not notice that you're... I thought he hated his brothers. I didn't know. Do people ever see you with your cane and not notice that you're blind and they just think that you're a pimp? No. Actually, most people are real cool.

I travel a whole lot. I'm retired, so I just have a lot of leisure time. People at the airport are always coming up, want to help with my bags. I just feel like you're faking it for attention, to be honest. You look not blind at all? I do ham it up when it comes to first class upgrades. Have you ever thought about getting in the rap game

and calling yourself two canes? Oh, my God. You would two ladder to go on a tour. I'm too old to get rap jokes. Well, Jake. I thought you were great from beginning to end you were unbelievable tonight

you should look at this as a huge victory one of the all time great first performances in this show's history it's a crazy dream come true it really is there he goes Jake Walker he just winked at me

for the final most exciting part of this show we're going to watch Jake Walker. He just winked at me. For the final, most exciting part of this show, we're going to watch Jake Walker leave the stage. Going to end this show with a fucking bang, ba-bang, bang, ba-bang. We'll be in Walker's by the time he gets off this stage. Don't. Come on, guys. Really? Really? It's not like you were with me this whole podcast,

but really end like this? Guys, let's see how loud we can make it one more time for Jake Walker, everybody. Pretty cool. It was good. For the rest of you that signed up for the show, lucky you. You got to watch a show

for free. Congratulations. Unfortunately, we ran out of time. We have a hard out, so we did the time. We have a hard out. We did the show. Anything you guys want to promote or anything like that? Anything coming up? TonyHinchcliffe.com for me. 2017 tour dates. I have the rest of... Houston, this is my last stop

of basically a year-long tour. I'm done. Busiest year of my life. No one else I'd rather close it out with than Houston. Catch me at the goddamn Comedy Jam singing my heart out tonight with Jeremiah Watkins. Come to the Punchline Philly Thanksgiving weekend. Philadelphia. Annie Letterman is with you Thanksgiving weekend.

Morgan Murphy. I'll be in bed till 2020. Let's do it. The great. How about Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen? Hey, hit me up on social media. I'm at Jeremiah's stand up on social media. Just hit me up.

Just say what's up. Hit me up, guys. I'm at 310278. And then watch Roast Battle in January on Comedy Central. We're coming back. He's got his hands in everything. So many spinning plates. One of my favorite people. Brian Redman and I are going to be

at San Francisco Sketch Fest January 2017. Go there. Kill Tony is going to be there is what I'm saying. That's a big deal for you, San Francisco. Alright, live audience. Houston, we did it. Thank you so much. Good night. -♪ Miss, I'm your miss, stop, my sister, your sister My mother's your mother, father's your father

It all started when I kissed her I missed her, dig It was love at first sight Yo, do better when it started I ain't brokenhearted, but, babe I need some time, some time alone with the crew Yeah, to do the stupid things that we're used to do Upon ditch, she slapped me with the fire pan

Y'all, this is love, not gonna leave it My baby got sawed Thank you.