KILL TONY - KILL TONY #187

Episode Date: December 27, 2016

Maz Jobrani, Joe DeRosa, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Ali Macofsky, Vanessa Johnston, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 12/12/2016 Follow Tony: @TonyHinchcliffe Follow Yoni: @BestBarbecue To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/KILLTONYYouTube Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY If you like the show, tell people about it! You can text, email, post, or send this link: https://bit.ly/KILLTONY To check out the show live in Austin, TX, go to: https://killtonylive.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Don't forget to go to deathsquad.tv for everything Kill Tony, including all the video portions to all the different episodes and the tour dates. Click on tour dates and you'll see that not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store, we also do every first and third Friday, we're at the Ice House doing the secret show. And then every first Wednesday of the month,

we have the big secret show at the Comedy Store in the main room. This is the big one where we usually have secret guests like Sarah Silverman or Doug Stanoff and Joe Rogan and Bill Burr. This is always a huge event. The next one is January 4th and that's at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California. It usually sells out so get your tickets ASAP Rocky and that's always a lot of fun. Also, me and George are bringing Death Squad up north to San Jose Improv. That's December 30th. That's this Friday, December 30th.

Me and George and some secret guests are going to be up there at the San Jose Improv. So come on out. And also, don't forget to check out Kill Tony. We do it live all the time and we're doing a couple new ones live very soon. For all the information for that, why don't you just go to Tony Hinchcliffe's website, TonyHinchcliffe.com.

Not only does he have his tour dates, but he also has merchandise and all that stuff. Speaking of merchandise, if you want to help out Death Squad, the only way we pay the bills is if you buy a Death Squad t-shirt. So go to ShopSquad squad.tv we have a new hoodie a new death squad shirt some old shirts go to shop squad.tv and help us out and last but not least don't forget to go to ryan j e-belt's website ryanjebelt.com he's a house artist he draws every episode and makes prints and he has a poster for sale. It's a lot of cool shit, so check it out. RyanJEBelt.com.

All right, guys. Here's a brand-new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Ray Van. Coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 4. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Hi, everybody. Hello. Welcome. Another beautiful day.

Hello. Here we are. Monday night. Keep it going for Brian Redban, everybody. That's close enough. That's a terrible idea. Jamie Vernon on the HD camera. And Ryan J. Ebelts drawing tonight's episode, everybody. He's got a blank sheet of paper in front of.E. Belt's drawing tonight's episode everybody, he's got a blank sheet of paper in front of him and he's drawing tonight's episode as he does

every week, all Kill Tony prints are available at ryanjebelt.com he just had a cool article written about him from Jeff Tremaine's production company our friend Rick Kozik over there my friend and neighbor, put your hands together for him the camera guy, camera one for all your jackass movies that you've laughed at your entire lives,

yet some of you aren't clapping for that. It's pretty impressive almost. Real respectful of the art, these fucking comedians up in the gullet up there. Hello. That's right. Okay, so let's just jump into it, shall we? What do you think? Guests or band first?

Let's talk about our shows that are coming up. We're doing San Francisco Sketch Fest. That's up. We're doing San Francisco Sketch Fest. That's exciting. Kill Tony at San Francisco Sketch Fest. Kill Tony at Moon Tower just got announced. Austin, Texas 420. Shizzle Dizzle. There you go. That confirms

it. So we're doing those shows. Anything else? Going to be in Brea, California and that's December 23rd. And San Jose, December 30th with George Perez. Just think, if you uploaded the episodes on time, people would go to those shows.

It'd be almost incredible. That's why tonight I actually am wearing, you upload episodes so slowly now that I've decided to just start celebrating things three weeks ahead. So I'm wearing a new sweater that my friend got me. This is a Conor McGregor Christmas sweater that says, Merry Fookin' Christmas.

My friend Andy. Killing it. CAA. Some kind of gifts that my agents from CAA send me. Fucking pathetic losers. All right, so let's get into the show, shall we? Who do we want to bring up first? Let's do the band first.

Everybody loves the Kill Tony band. I know I do. There's been a lot of, you know, just exciting artistic boundaries being pushed with the band lately. That's a fun way of putting it, right? Boundaries have been being pushed lately with the band. Put your hands together for them.

It's the Kill Tony band, Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Jimenez. Here they come. Okie dokie. Wait a second. Let's stop it. You know what? Let's bring up tonight's guests.

Put your hands together for Maz Jabrani and Joe DeRosa, everybody. Here we go. Yeah. Boom. Maz Jabrani, Joe DeRosa. Here they are. Fuck yeah. You guys have both done the show before.

My mic volume is so low. I can hear me through my own actual ears right now. Fuck yeah. Tony Unplugged. Hi guys. Welcome back to the show. Happy holidays. Yeah. Here's fucking speakers. It's almost incredible. How are you, buddy? Good to see you. Live show. Good to see you guys. How's life? Welcome back.

We're in the back talking about how much is too much to drink. How much is not enough to drink. Like alcohol wise. Yeah. So we're trying to figure it out. The holidays kind of fog it up a bit because I feel like all the holidays want you to do is drink and eat, but you've got to live.

I had eggnog ice cream today for lunch. Is there liquor in there? No, it's just eggnog-flavored ice cream. I never had eggnog. What's it taste like? It's pretty good. It's sort of like banana, milky. And whiskey, what do they put in that? Yeah, whiskey. It's got to be whiskey, right?

There's some Kahlua or whatever. Oh, shit. That sounds good. See, this is the problem. Now I want to go buy some eggnog. I like how you clarified that when you said we were talking about how much to drink, you were like alcohol-wise as opposed to like water. Yeah, no. We're getting enough fluids, I think. But I mean, do you live alone, Tony?

Yep. I live alone. What's so funny about that? They're laughing at that. If you're home on a night... You don't drink a lot, though. Every single night of my life. Oh, you do?

Every single night. It's something that most people would never guess about me. You've found a soulmate. I have probably somewhere between two to, I don't know, five drinks a night probably. How old are you though? I'm 32, and I've been living this exact lifestyle for pretty much 10 years. In fact, right before tonight's episode, Brian and I had a one-on-one talk,

and I literally mentioned about how I never take a break. It's pretty interesting. What's your drink? I smoke more weed than probably, unless you're as close with Snoop Dogg as I am, probably anybody you know. Okay. What is your drink? Whiskey and Coke.

Crown Royal and Coke. There you go. So, because this is what I was saying to Maz. Like, last night I was home. I didn't have any shows. And I had to do some writing. And writing is not a fun thing to do. Nobody's excited to sit down in front of a computer for two hours or whatever it is.

So, I drank a bottle of wine. Yeah. There you go. And I had a great time. It made me it is. So I drank a bottle of wine. Yeah, there you go. I had a great time. It made me crazy productive. I wasn't shit-faced. It was four glasses. Why can't I do that every night? Edgar Allan Poe used to do, what did he do?

He did some sort of like fucking, what was it? Absinthe. Absinthe, there you go. We have an Edgar Allan Poe fan. Fuck yeah. You always know the funniest comedians are Edgar Allan Poe fans always. That's a thing.

But Redman shaking his head like you don't approve. I can't drink by myself. I don't ever. If I'm at home, I barely ever have a drink unless I have a couple girls I'm trying to black out with. I don't ever day drink, and I don't ever drink until pretty decently late at night. Helps me sleep. I don't day drink either unless it's like the 4th of July or some shit. It's weird with that shit, too. People are always like, Tony, you're not having a drink. It's like, nah, I just don't drink drink either unless it's like the 4th of July or some shit. It's weird with that shit too.

People are always like, Tony, you're not having a drink. It's like, no, I just don't drink during the day. It's something I don't do. Tons of pot. You would never guess how much pot I smoke. Before a big meeting, tons of pot. Before this, tons of pot. Everything.

Writing, tons of pot. I know how much pot you smoke. That's why I thought you didn't drink that much. I know. I do it all. I do it all. Because... I do it all. But I've never tried any other drug and I don't like to even take aspirin and shit. Really? Oh, well.

What do you do for headaches? I never get sick. Headaches? I swear to God I never get sick. I used to get headaches, but... You just ride out the headaches? You never get headaches? I don't get headaches anymore. Holy shit. It's a whole thing. I smoke enough pot and my body is just a purification system. Wow. Alright, so let's

bring up the band, shall we? You guys love bands, don't you? Talk about drinking. Pretty sure they weren't completely ready the last time I brought them up. Here they are, the Kill Tony band. Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Jimenez. Now, I have not

seen Westworld, I'm not going to lie. Resolve motor functions. What's going on? Analysis, Jeremiah. All right, Jesus, this is stupid. The mic is not on. There you go. God, this is the dumbest thing that they've ever done.

We tried to come in at the wrong time. We were told that we were coming in second after the panel, but it ended up being first, and now the bid has gone on way too long. Resolve it, then. That's the stupidest thing ever. Tony, quit naysaying from the top

of the podcast! For those of you that had nothing to do with your lives so much that you've already watched Westworld. It's negative energy from the top of the show. We don't need that. We put a lot of heart and soul into these costumes. Really? And I don't appreciate you saying that at the top of the show. Yeah.

Yeah. Cowboy Jeremiah. You should have put a watch on your costume because I brought you up ten minutes ago, you doofballs. You were told we were going after the panel and I take that as gold. I love it. Okay, I'm just jealous because I haven't seen Westworld. I'm not going to lie.

So I have no idea what any of that means. It's exactly like this. Is it really? Perfect. Thank you. Spot on intro again from the band. I thought you guys were just a bunch of bunk-ass Steve Irwins when I saw you walking out. I don't think it's going to fit, Jeremiah.

There's cowboys who like beer and virtual reality. Is that what Westworld is? I haven't seen any of it. It's a strange show with great actors. Anthony Hopkins, Jeffrey Wright. Who else is in that? It pretty much explains Lost in a couple seasons. Yeah.

It's the guy from, I forget his name, the guy from It's Always Sunny is on it, that plays McPoyle, like the perverted guy that fucks his brother. Do you guys know who I'm talking about? I haven't seen the brother fucking yet. He's on Westworld? What episode is that? They haven't seen the brother fucking yet. He's on Westworld. What episode is that?

They don't show it much. Oh, okay. They just allude to the fact that he fucks his brother and sister. I don't remember. I haven't gotten it. I'm on like an episode three, I think. Oh, yeah. You've got to get deep.

It gets real gross as it goes along. I haven't seen it yet. Do you ever go pitch a show nowadays and go, I really need to kind of push the envelope because this guy's fucking his brother and sister in a show again I've not seen a single episode of Westworld and everything that's happening right now

it's always sunny in Philadelphia or Game of Thrones you know what show I love so much Kill Tony who's ready for that show huh let's do this. No brother fucking. You hear they're premiering a show called Kitty Fuckers on CBS?

What? Did you hear about this? No. It's a show called Kitty Fuckers. Okay. Now, if I were a network, I wouldn't green light that show. Was that a 60 Minutes thing or something? What is it?

Pat Reagan. I can't tell if you're serious. Is that Pizza Gate? That's Pizza Gate. All right. So, anyway. If we could stop the Westworld thing immediately. It's just absolutely the worst thing I've ever heard. It gets Brian to pick up his microphone, which I don't like at all.

So, if you guys could please fucking help me a little bit tonight. Please. It sounds like Tony's jealous he's not a part of something. I love that this show eventually, about two months ago, it started becoming about pissing me off continuously. It's a really fun game of let's just make Tony mad. Why make it a comedy?

Somebody tweeted piss off Tony tonight and it got a lot of retweets. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you were one of them. So you guys know how this show works. Over 40 comedians signed up for the chance to perform 60 seconds on stage and then become a guest on the show right after that 60 seconds.

We could talk about anything. Maybe what they talked about, maybe other things about their lives. Anything can happen. If you signed up, you get 60 seconds. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap it up then or else

you're going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood Bear. That's what that sounds like. You guys ready to start the show or what? This is where random shit happens. Yeah, man. They get an uninterrupted 60 seconds. Sometimes it's one of the top rising comedians in the world that nobody's seen 60 seconds Sometimes it's one of the top rising comedians In the world that nobody's seen before

Sometimes it's a crazy person that just Signs up for random things on the street Let's see what happens here Put your hands together for Chandler Watson Yeah, so I just figured out how much of an asshole I am. I was sitting out here on the patio about to sign up. I was drawing and a dude asked me if he could use my pen and I got pissed. That don't make sense.

You sitting by a sign up. Of course the motherfucker has to use your pen. I'm like, ah, I felt like saying sorry, but then again, I can't do it because it's like, niggas don't apologize. I just can't. And then I was saying it back, like back in the future. That's right. Back in the future. Yeah. What the fuck am I even saying? Fuck this shit. You doing all right, man? You doing good? I'm good now. Shit. But yo, I'm like a big fucking asshole. I can't help it. I used to make bets with chicks that I could fuck them back in the day. And if I was a rapist, it would have been really easy. It's like, yo, you remember that bet we made, chick?

Yeah, come up off that money. But it's like, I would do it anyway. It's not like I raped them, but it was like, I would forget about the pussy. And it was like, oh, shit, we fucked. You remember that 20 bucks, bitch? Yeah, you kinda owe me that It's just how it went I can't help that shit

Fuck yeah, Chandler Watson, everybody That was pretty awesome You broke 30 seconds in And just checked in on this random guy That's eating french fries in the front for a second And then you reset You got your footing back I've never seen the comedian

save his set with a rape joke. That's usually where it goes wrong. That was impressive. Yeah. That was interesting, Chandler. So it was the part... That was kind of shit. It was the part when you accidentally said

back in the future instead of back to the future and it fucked your world up immediately. Everything stopped. I did. Back in the future instead of back to the future, and it fucked your world up immediately. Everything stopped. I did. Back in the future? What am I talking about? How are you today, sir?

It was impressive. I felt like I had to acknowledge him. He's looking at me like, nigga, where are you going with this? That was the black version, was back in the future. Yeah, exactly. I liked, too, that you only had 60 seconds, yet you had the balls to riff at the top of it. It's like, I'm going to do some riffing

of what I experienced walking in, and then crowd work. Crowd work, yeah. And I don't even think he answered. He just moved right on. How are you? Anyway, what's up? This poor guy was excited to tell you

what kind of day he's been having. He said he was good, and then he asked me a question. Chandler, how long have you been on stand-up? Like, almost four years. Four years. Wow, fuck yeah. Chandler, what do you do for work? Just pretty much nothing, man.

I drive Lyft. It's like, that's how I make money. How much do you make doing Lyft? Not that much, but enough to do what I need to do so I can keep getting better. What is this Lyft you speak of? Uh-oh. We're going back in the future. The way they're talking is making me feel like I'm back in Oklahoma. I'm going to hear a nigger from your mouth with an ER. Whoa, there's that one. It's just how I feel.

It's just how I feel right now. I mean, the only person really saying that is you, Chandler, and you're saying it a lot. You're saying it a lot, especially for a guy named Chandler. We're getting – Did you guys bring him up to the Friends theme? Was that the Friends theme that you played? Was that Chandler's? That was Rancid.

Oh, okay. That was Ruby Soho by Rancid. Okay, I thought they were playing Friends for Chandler. Chandler, so no one told you life was going to be this way? No. So what do you mean by you drive Lyft enough to do what you have to do? I was like, well, I take photos. So it was like once I got enough gas.

What kind of photos have you taken? Just pretty much whatever gets in my eye. Like what's something cool you've taken a photo of lately? Pass that chick in the back of his lift before he hates it. I'm going to remember this one. Snap. I don't know. It's like, shit, sometimes I use shrooms.

I go take photos and stuff. 8LSD took photos of the city. Your job's a joke. You're broke. Your love lies beyond me. I don't know how it goes. There it is. It's amazing how loud

some things can be and others aren't. That's your new theme song. I feel so bad for the people that listen to this show with good headphones on. Like, loud. Isn't a photo when...

When a guy... Isn't a photo when a guy dresses up? How many times is Tony going to have to save this Westworld chick? Isn't a photo when you just go into a place in town and you stick with me, isn't a photo just a place where you go into town and you stand there with your six shooter and some guy goes underneath the black curtain and starts dealing himself?

There you go. I hate to bring it to you, but they had photographs back in Westworld time. Yeah. That's what I was reminding myself of. Oh, that's so great. So Chandler, what type of things are you into? Like what do you do when you're not driving Lyft or taking pictures?

What else? You have a girlfriend? I do. How long have you been dating her? About a year. About a year. What does she do? She's a massage therapist

Oh shit Where'd you meet her at? A show actually Wow you were performing? What does she think of the rape joke? I don't know if she's heard that one But I say some lewd shit She says lewd shit back

You said at one point during your set that N-words don't apologize. Is that true? Yeah, what was that all about? It just came out. I don't know. It's one of those things like a Freudian slip. I understand.

It happens to the best of us. Oh, man. That was good. That was good. If you guys ended the Westworld thing right now, then like you would have gone out on top. Just remember that as the show goes on. Chandler, wow. So she's a massage

therapist. You've been dating for a year. You have a place? I don't. You live with her? I live in my car out here. You live in your car. You live in the lift? Pretty much. Wow. You're lifting the life of a... Have you ever been sleeping and then someone knocks because they see the mustache?

No, it doesn't work like that. You ever get to try to sleep in the car as it rolls down the tracks and you get kicked out when you come to a crossing? Like when I cross the Mason-Dixon line? Like a car that's part of another train. No. Never. You guys are really committed to this. I like that.

Chandler. How long have you been living in your car again? Three weeks. Three weeks. Where'd you come from? Oklahoma City. What kind of car is this? It's a Focus. You were doing stand- from? Oklahoma City. What kind of car is this? It's a Focus.

You were doing stand-up in Oklahoma City? Your car is exactly what you're not able to do in life. What's that noise? You met your girlfriend three weeks ago here? No, she's in Oklahoma. I'm out here. Don't get an attitude. Like I'm not understanding a logical story.

Don't you get an attitude like you had a good night's sleep last night, sir. This is a lot of interesting answers. You guys see the Night Of? You know the Night Of where they're interrogating and shit? Because he said he's been doing it for four years. He's been with her for a year. And then he just dropped on us the three weeks in L.A. Yeah.

From Oklahoma City. Yeah. I'm like, I didn't even know, first of all, there was a comedy scene. Is there a stand-up scene out there that you've been doing it for four years? Yeah. It's actually getting better. But not good enough. I know a lot of comics from Oklahoma. The only difference is instead of crowd work, they do a thing called cow work.

Oh, my God. I can't believe that. Because I can't make got a legitimate laugh, and I cannot believe it did. But it was amazing that it did. I'll give you credit for that. Somehow, this is an extra good audience tonight. Does your bed smell like farts and assholes and shit like that? Whoa, there's Brian. There's his farts and assholes, everybody, if you're wondering.

Hey, has Brian's comedy grown in the past week? Nope. Not at all. Farts and assholes. If you're sleeping on something and somebody's sitting down the whole night. I know what you're getting at, Brian. Farts and assholes. We get it.

Your bed probably has it. It doesn't smell. No? No. Wait a minute. So three weeks ago, you turned to the girl and you go, I'm going for it. Do you always hold – I got to ask real quick. Do you always hold your hand like you're holding Paul Bearer's urn for The Undertaker while he's waiting? Do you always just summon the urn so that The Undertaker does his tombstone pile driver? That's what you're doing, right? It amps him up.

You know that that's like his final level. No matter how the match is going, if Paul Bearer stood outside of the ring and did that. Then I guess. We just gained five pro wrestling fans from me committing to that. Were you driving Lyft out there too? Is there Lyft out there or is that too liberal for Oklahoma City? Okay, there it is. You going to have a Christmas tree in your car or just an air freshener?

What did I just say? Air freshener. Didn't you listen to his set? He was threatening to not rape women in Oklahoma City. Craziest thing that's ever happened in your life, Chandler. Rape. It's only been three weeks. Right?

Were you driving this shit in Oklahoma City? I was in a blowjob for a trade for Taco Bell from a dude. He wanted me to buy him Taco Bell, and he would suck my dick. I told you not to tell anybody about that shit. Wait, he would buy you Taco Bell? That was too easy, too quick. And suck your dick. I'll buy you some Taco Bell if you let me suck your dick is what he said.

I'll buy you tacos. Buy me Taco Bell, and I'll play with your taco balls. Oh, come on. Get out of here. Put your fucking chimichanga in my mouth. Is that a chalupa? Just keep saying random food. You know the joke.

There's a snake in my mouth. What was your answer? Nope. Oh, my God. There's a snake in my mouth What was your answer? Nope Oh my god Sarah Meyer Walker This is something interesting Wow But my answer was no

I thought about it Because of mouth to mouth And nobody would have found out But I didn't do it Wait mouth to mouth Wow So wait He wanted to make out with you

Or he wanted to suck your dick? He wanted to suck my dick That's not mouth to mouth How's that? I said a mouth is a mouth Oh they said that's mouth to out with you or he wanted to suck your dick? He wanted to suck my dick. That's not mouth to mouth. How's that? I said a mouth is a mouth. Oh, I think he said that's mouth to mouth. I was like, I didn't know your dick reaped like your mouth. I didn't do it.

That's some solid gay logic right there. I'm okay with myself. I'm all right with me. Shit. I'm really starting to fall in love with this country character now. There's been a complete flip. I'm just going to keep updating love with this country character now. There's been a complete flip. I'm just going to keep updating you guys as it goes along. But now I'm starting to really love that guy over there.

All right. So you would have to buy him dinner and then Taco Bell and then he was going to give you a blowjob? Pretty much. Oh, so he said, if you buy me Taco Bell, I'll suck your dick. Yeah. Okay. Who knew Taco Bell was fucking that? You could get so much Taco Bell.

Yeah, it's crazy. You know? For the value of a street blowjob. Right. I mean, it's incredible. That's a lot of tacos. I didn't know that was the going rate these days. Fucking just.

Wow. If you live in your car, that's like 5% of a shower, so you should have taken it. How long... What the fuck? That's a pretty good theory, actually. That's our creator right there. He's a black man.

That's 10%. So you said that you thought about it for a second. If you had to guess how many seconds you thought about it, how many seconds would you guess? I hit like three potholes. Three potholes? That's like two seconds. My God, when you hit the potholes, did his teeth clench together?

Three potholes. My God, Chandler. All right, well, that's interesting. I'm glad I asked. Taco Bell for a blowjob. That's pretty Well, that's interesting. I'm glad I asked. Taco Bell for a blowjob. Wow. That's pretty classic. That's amazing.

I thought, like, okay, that's interesting. But was there any other fast food that you went by that he was like, all right, Jack in the Box, finger in your ass? No. No? Didn't get that one? He didn't go there? Man, I was thinking the same thing.

Quiz nose for anal. I was thinking the same thing. Do you talk about this on stage? I don't do it that much anymore because I got sick of telling it. You've only been here three weeks? You've only been lifting for three weeks. Your stories are fucked up, dude. We're about to find out that he's just a murderer any second.

By the way, talk about burying the fucking lead. He's up here like, ah, something weird happened outside. Guy asked me for a pin. Why the fuck would you not tell this story? I'm completely forgot about that. Hilarious. Got a lot of stories. I've lived a life. That's the sign-off. I guess it was hilarious. Got a lot of stories. I've lived a life.

I bet you do. I mean, I remember you as one of my favorite characters in the prison show Oz. So you were the best. You were in the wheelchair, right? Glad to see you're walking again. Chandler, anything else you want to say before you go? You're cool as fuck. You know, you're making the grind.

I guess, do you have a plan of work or want to say before you go? You're cool as fuck. You know you're making the grind. Do you have a plan of work or anything? What are you thinking? Applying anywhere? Just sticking with the lift? You're doing the Paul Bear thing again. I got my eye on it. Where'd you apply?

Where? Art stores because I paint. So I figured I'd get cheap supplies, paint, do comedy, take photos. He's an artist, man. Do you ever use... That's why he contemplated the blowjob for the taco, but he's an artist. Artists are like, this may lead to a painting of some sort.

He's a starving artist for blowjob. Well, there you go. One of the newest comedians in town, Chandler Watson, everybody. He's on Twitter at the underscore soul underscore rebel. The soul rebel. It's going to be a long drive home for him tonight. I'll let you guys all think about it.

It's because he lives in his car. It's not going to be a long drive at all, you fucking idiots. I keep telling him to stop bringing his work home with him, but he won't listen. His life will not take a backseat to the other things that he has going on. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Chris Phillips.

hands together for Chris Phillips. Looks like Chris Phillips got scared so his career is now fucked. Is that Chris? Okay. Put your hands together for Matt Duckett. What's up, everybody? Hi, Matt. I got to tell you, it's confusing. It's confusing being half black and looking like me. Because, like, you look at me, you don't go, oh, that's a half black dude. You look at me and you go,

that is the tallest Jew I have ever seen. It's confusing. Like, I had a white friend come up to me the other day. He was like, Matt, you're one of my best friends, man. I've known you for, like, eight years. I wanted to know if I could get permission from you to use the N-word. And I was like, dude, I don't think that's in my jurisdiction.

Like, I am black at an entry-level position. You're not going to call up your friend who's a janitor for the Lakers and ask for courtside seats. Like, you can't hook it up like that, you know? I had to ask permission to use the N-word growing up. I grew up in an all-white neighborhood, though, so I had to ask my dad. I asked my dad, he's like, no, Matt, you can't use that word. You're too light-skinned.

I was like, nigga, that's your fault. I asked my dad. He's like, no, Matt, you can't use that word. You're too light-skinned. I was like, nigga, that's your fault. Police officer pulled me over the other day. Police officer pulls me over. I rolled down my window. I'm like, oh, is there a problem, officer? And he looks at me and he goes, maybe. Thank you. That is funny as fuck, Matt.

There you go. That's great. You're talking about real shit. Talking about how you look, your real life, all that shit. And it's so true. I mean, you seem so white that even after you opened with talking about being half black, still 45 seconds in when you dropped the N-word, I was like, what is he thinking? Oh, there you go.

You just started the party. If Obama were as light as you, maybe they would have let him do some shit. I would have won every fucking state. I would have won every single one. You are by far one of the funniest fifth graders that we've ever had on this show, Matt. Of all time. How old are you? 22. Wow. What are you? 22. Wow.

Yeah. What are you doing right now? I'm a first year law student at UCLA. First year. See, you got to get your life together, Chandler Watson. Matt, you could easily fall asleep in your car and you choose not to. First year law student. What kind of law do you want to get into?

I don't. It's for the folks, you know. It was a good excuse to get down to L.A. You got tough parents. Where did you come from? I live in a bunch of different states, but I'm mainly from the Bay Area. Where in the Bay? I'm from Marin.

Where are you from? I'm from Marin. Marin, yeah. Yeah, I'm from Danville. All right, there you go. Jason Kidd is from those parts. Yep, yep. There you go.

Jason Kidd is also ambiguous. He's half black, half white. I don't know if you guys heard my Western friend over there's analysis on the Bay Area. What did you say? One of the most dangerous areas I've ever been to. We don't go around them parts. So you're 22, studying law. Where at? UCLA.

UCLA. Man, that's so cool. Jesus. Yeah, and you're really funny, man. You're going to come to a fork in the road and have to make a decision. Oh, no. I mean, I've already, like, I know, like, I'm going to get my degree and dick around for two years, pay off my loans, and then jump in. Gotcha.

Matt, let me ask you this. Your parents are in the Bay Area. What do they do? My dad works human resources, and my mom's just at home. Who's he working human resources for? He's the VP of human resources for the entire UC system. And he's the black one? Black University, California.

Yeah, man. He is the black one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's cool. And your mom just lays at home and just fucking recovers from getting slammed by that giant black... You see this dick coming.

You see jokes. It's what he does. She's had bed rest for the past 22 years. It's been... There you go. Ever since you came out of her at that height exactly uh well that's interesting matt so that's fun how long you been in la now uh i've been here since august since school started so your first year yeah yeah yeah what's what's the like it

no i fucking hate it i actually just got done today with the eight hour take home final i finished it at like four and like, just drove down here. Dude, I was at UCLA. I swear to God, I got undergrad, poli-sci, and then I came to UCLA to get my Ph.D. in political science. Nice. And I dropped out the first year. Get the fuck out. You know?

Paying those loans, that bullshit, is not worth it. Very quietly planning. Someone just, like, email UCLA and say I said something anti-Semitic here. And just do me a solid. No, just get out. I'm serious. I'm not kidding. If you're old enough, you're 22, you can do whatever you want.

Your dad is the fucking human resources. If it doesn't work out, he can get you a job in the UC system. What's your love life like down on the campus? How's that going? I actually met my girlfriend at UCSB. We've been dating for almost 11 months now. So, yeah, she's down here now. She works like PR.

So, yeah, it's good. Oh, that's cool. She's white. All right, geez. Just a small town girl. There's some things that are. Living in a lonely world. Let me ask you something, Matt. What would you say is the blackest

thing about you? Is there something you do at home or something when you're like, fuck, I really am black? I was recruited for basketball in high school. I was going to say, he looks like he's good at basketball. Well, that's what it is now. It will be dropping out of school.

Nice. Joe DeRosa. Playing hoop is really the blackest thing that I do. Yeah. Really? What's second blackest? Second blackest? Why are you asking about his cock, man?

What the fuck? No, it's not that. Where are you going with this shit? It's not that. I mean, basketball is an easy one. You look like every fucking doofy basketball player. We know that. Yeah, no. You have a one. You look like every fucking doofy basketball player. We know that. You have a mouthpiece and a face

guard and shit sometimes? You ever break your nose and wear one of those? I wasn't a face guard guy. I was a goggles guy like Kareem. I knew there was fucking something. I was on to something there. Are you a shooting guard? What do you do? When I was getting recruited, I was a 3 and D type

player. Were you always funny with all the guys? What made you get into stand-up yeah man um wait are you jj reddick what's happening right now tony he looks like a ray j romano joel jimenez for those of you listening to the podcast and don't know what just happened joel jimenez the drummer got up from his stool to get that joke in. I love that one. Ray J. Romano. He kind of sounds like Ray Romano. It is really good. Can you say, hey, Ma? Hey, Ma. That's it.

Hey, Ma. Wow. Fucking. Good call. Yeah, he's right. Wow, Maz. You nailed that shit. He assisted it right there.

That's amazing. No, no. I'm pretty goddamn white. I'm not going to lie to you nailed that shit. He assisted it right there. That's amazing. No, no, I'm pretty goddamn white. I'm not going to lie to you guys. Wow, that's fun. Dude, get out. I can't tell you enough. Get out of the grad school.

It's just dead. You hear that, Dad? What's the craziest thing that you and your 11-month-long relationship girlfriend have done in the bedroom? Nothing weird. Not really. I had an ex who was black and she wanted to do a master-slave role play. What?

Yeah. Didn't go for it, but she insisted that I tie her up. You didn't go for it? No! Jeez. Give me this chick's number. Hello? Let's do this. Was your white mother disappointed when she heard about that?

You had a chance. You had a chance. Wow. I wouldn't have done that either. I hear you, dude. It's too out there. I'm just kidding, guys. Jesus, I wouldn't have done that either. I hear you, dude. It's too out there. I'm just kidding, guys. Jesus.

I wouldn't actually do that. What do you got to make? You got to make her pick cotton or something? How does that work? I don't know. I was just like, nah. Is that how it works? Did you ever go down on her and get cotton mouth?

All right. You've reached your maximum limits on that. We had a talk a couple weeks ago. Maximum 12 years a slave. Wow. That's interesting. Why'd you guys break up? Oh, she was fucking nuts. She was nuts? She figured... She wanted voting

rights. She ran away. Oh my god. It's so great It's the fucking greatest shit in the world That's why I ask those goofy questions You fucking baffoons Yeah listen you baffoons What else Matt? Anything else you want to say before you go?

Little known fact about Tony Hinchcliffe. He calls them baffoons. Yeah. This is the second time in the last year he's said this on the podcast, and it makes me more joyous every time he says it. I know. It makes me happy, too. I like it that way.

It's a funnier way of saying it. Fucking baff. It's almost like a goat. You know a word I like? Oh, no. Please don't? No, please don't. Please don't. Sarsaparilla. Very good.

Very good. Yeah, this is super fun. Thanks for having me. You guys both have actually done the show that I ran down at UCSB, so it's cool running into you guys. Oh, yeah, man. Look at that. That was a fun show.

That is a fun show. I just heard all the podcast listeners vomit at once. They don't give a fuck. They know how great Maz and Joe DeRosa is. I forgot that was you, man. You got to book Tony. Hello, you got to book this guy. That's clearly I'm just jealous that I haven't gotten to do your UCSB show.

I can hook up the guy who books. I'm just kidding, Matt. I'm doing really good. I know. I can hook up the guy who books in now. I'm just kidding, Matt. I'm doing really good. I know. I cast it in that, I hoped. I love you, Matt. If you're actually serious, I will. There he goes. Matt Duckett, everybody.

He's on Twitter at MattRDuckett. D-U-K-E-T-T. We're having fun so far. I like tonight's episode. I'm into this one. You know how many other people drop out that shouldn't drop out? You know what I'm saying? Like the people that you see that are like, I dropped out.

I'm going for you. Like, ah, you should have stayed in. Right, totally. This kid should drop out, man. Yeah. A lot of great people dropped out. So many famous comics were our law school dropouts, too. Yeah, Geraldo.

Geraldo, Demetri Martin. There's a lot of them. Yeah. Judd Apatow dropped out of school. There you go. Alma mater. There you go. How do you know that if you live in the past? Well, Tony, that's an interesting question.

Luckily for us all, I pulled another name out of the bucket, so let's just move along. I pulled out the name that says Sean Wokey fucking Doki. Sean White, everybody. Sean White. Here we go. Alright. No Sean White. He's out snowboarding again. He is? Wow, where are you getting these references from?

Oh, this looks interesting as fuck. How about Bobcoff and Gronkowski? Yeah. We have a problem. There are two names, right? I'm alone. So, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do now. Because Henning, say that name again.

Bobkov and Gronkowski. Okay, Bobkov is me. Say that name again. Bob Koff and Gronkowski. Okay, Bob Koff is me. Gronkowski is his second name. First name is Henning. He's a director, actor, producer.

Also a result of a rape. He's German. And he's a complete lunatic. And I really want you to see him. He's on the way. So I would like to ask whether it's possible for maybe postpone this. And once he's here, we come. I have just arrived. All right. here we go.

So that was the 60 seconds that you're normally allotted. Hi, sorry, Gronkowski here. I seem to be running very late. My apologies. Is it possible for us to get one more minute of your time? Is this Gronkowski? No. But we can pretend.

Why do I feel like you don't really know what's going on here and someone sent you to kill me, like some internet troll or something like that, and you accidentally signed up for the show thinking that you had to do it to get into the room? You seem very antsy and it's scary energy that I'm feeling. And I don't know if it's

real or fake. You got me fooled right now. I can't tell if it's real or fake. I can't tell if when he said the rape thing that was supposed to be funny or not. Are you calling Gronkowski? Oh my God, this is a moment. Hennig. Oh, he's on his way.

We in car now. You should perform. Just get here quick. We need 20 minutes. We need 20 minutes. Your act is 20 minutes long, and you're just throwing it together. Meet me at store.

We do it tonight. Tonight we do the takeover, but we need 20 minutes. We need 20 minutes to be able to do what we're going to do. Make sure you sign up for our show, which gives us 20 minutes. I love that you

just left your phone over here. I'm scared to death of you right now. I'm not even really kidding. It's sort of amazing. It's sort of unbelievable. Are you really from Russia? I'm not from Russia kidding. It's sort of amazing. It's sort of unbelievable. Are you really from Russia? I'm not from Russia. What are you?

I was born in Czechoslovakia. Are you serious? How long have you been in Los Angeles? I go back and forth two years. I have businesses there, too. It's called a spy, Tony. The worst spy ever just signs up for live podcasts. It appears as though my partner has not shown up.

Have you recently hacked Hillary Clinton's emails? What is your business back home? Czechoslovakia. Czech. I have a production company. Porn, right? Porn? Tell the truth.

Well, the hat says it all. Strip club. Strip club veteran. Yeah. Is your production company a porn production company? No, but we did shoot porn too. Very cool. Yeah.

I'm sure the sci-fi movie you guys shot is where you made your real money though. Imagine, just imagine this for a second. Imagine you have a successful porn production company here in the States, and then somebody goes, you should go to Czechoslovakia and start doing open mics. I'd be like, go fuck yourself.

I'm going to stay here with my porn money. This is what made you come over. I'm not saying you shouldn't have. I'm just saying... I've done stand-up too. In Czech? For five years. In Czech for five years. Pretty successfully. But now you're here, you want to try to...

Yeah, but now everybody knows me. They know I'm crazy. That's fucking awesome. By the way, they've all seen us be crazy before. Is your real name Bobkov? My real name is David. He's about to drop this accent any second. I fucking know it.

And by Czechoslovakia, I mean Chicago. I can just feel it coming. Come on, man. Come clean. In Czechoslovakia, they call me Bobcat Goldthwait. Bobcat Goldthwait. Show us your Czech ID. In Czechoslovakia, you need to check yourself.

What do you think? I check yourself before you check. What do you think? I check yourself before you check. What do you think? You are like saying I'm not like telling the truth or something. No, you're okay. Bob Koff. Bob Koff. Can I call you Bob Koff still?

Yes. Bob Koff. I'd like to see your check ID. I feel like this is a character. I feel like you're Andy Kaufman. Hi. It feels very Andy Kaufman, right? Look, look, look.

Pull up your phone. Put the Kosovo in Google. You'll see. Hi. Put that word in? Pull up your phone, put the Koza Bobkov in Google, you'll see. Hi. Google on your phone, Google strip club veteran. It will come up. He is veteran of strip club. Koza Bobkov?

K-O-Z-A Bobkov. Hilarious. Spell it again. K-O-Z-A Bobkov. Bobkov. So who's... Wait a minute. Best of luck with Bobkov,. So who's... So, wait a minute. Best of luck with Bobcuff, by the way. I will not spell it out.

So, wait a minute. Now that you're here, who's... B-O-B. Go fuck yourself. Put image, image. It came up? Who's running... That's the one thing that you were able to...

That's his dick on top of a girl's face. Gotcha, okay. Do we have any other information on Koza Bobcuff? Who's running the porn business now that you were able to... That's his dick on top of a girl's face. Gotcha. Do we have any other information on Kozabop? Who's running the porn business now that you're here? Oh, shit. What's with the blue dick picture? Well, we wanted to do, you know, Avatar. Avatar. So I took the picture.

Wait a second. This guy's a fucking superstar. Bobcoff. Yeah, you're famous over there. I'm not joking. Is Gronkowski... Yes. Superstar. Bobcoff. Yeah, you're famous over there. I'm not joking. Is Gronkowski? Yes.

Is Gronkowski just a head with a blonde wig on? A mannequin head? Is that what Gronkowski is? No, no, no. Because there's pictures of you performing with... Yeah, but this was like five years ago. There's actually pictures of you on stage doing comedy with no clothes on. Yes, that's how I started. But like...

Yes, that's how I started. But like... Yes, that is what this show is all about. So many script flips here. I hated the Westworld. Now I love it. Bob Topps scared the death out of me. Now I think he may be the greatest person ever pulled out of the bucket. That is how I started.

This guy is a superstar in Czech, and he came to L.A. to make it, and someone told him he got to go to the Kill Tony show. I mean, you started naked, and you still have no material. So let's try to figure this out. Gronkowski's a real guy. Yes, he's on the way.

Where's he at? Maybe if we start this right now, there may be five minutes. How about this? Let's move on, and you hang out out there. Wait for Gronkowski. Maybe if we stretch this for another five minutes. How about this? How about this? Let's move on, and you hang out out there. Wait for Gronkowski. When he gets here, just have a... No, no, no.

You'll know he's here. I'll tell you. No, no, no. You can't just... Bobcoff. Bobcoff, no. My kind of man. I'm about to die, guys.

This can't be some funny thing where, hey, let's kill him live. It'll be so cool. It's the name of the show. I've been thinking about that shit lately. These people are scary on the internet, man. I'm very concerned. Have you ever killed anybody?

No. Oh. There's someone named Corey is calling you. Is that Gronkowski? Exactly. I mean, just absolutely unbearable. Sure, answer it. Where's Gronkowski from? Is he also Czech?

He is. I am German. Put him on speakerphone. Corey. Do your act. Corey. Yeah, yeah. What's up, David?

Oh, okay. Okay, are you with Henning? I told you it's both of them. Yes, yeah. I'm with Henning, and we're about five minutes away. Okay, put him on the phone. All right. Well, hang on. He's minutes away. Okay, put him on the phone. All right. Well, hang on.

He's driving, though. Put it on speaker, dumbass. Just put it on speaker. Hang on one second. I'm on a stage. Put it on speaker. They don't believe me that the handing is real. We need a proof.

David? Fucking great. David? Yes. Handing. Yes. I have this phone on the speaker, and you are talking next to the microphone the whole room is listening

so, these people don't believe you are real and you are on the way so please tell them something that they know you are real and you are on the way I want to be on stage with you too ok Henning I wanted the people to see my face I want to be on stage with you, dude. Okay.

Penny, how... Wait, this is epic. I want to see my face. Jesus Christ. Okay, continue. Sorry? Hey, I can't really hear you, bro. Okay. But I'm really disappointed, man.

I hate all the people in that room. Tell them. What is going on? Okay, how far are you laughing i will come and beat the first one up when i come on stage the first one who's laughing what's he what i don't know how far are you i think it's three minutes man actually was seven on the navigation system but then i told to tell you we're in three minutes but it's three minutes. It actually was seven on the navigation system, but then I told Corey to tell you we're there in three minutes, but it's actually five, I guess. All right.

Hey, Bobcoff, next question. What's he wearing so that when Josh on the patio sees him, he can just bring him straight through? I just have my fake ID. I don't know how to get in, but maybe it will work. All right. Beep. Henny.

Bobcob. Looks like you're on your own, buddy. He's 28. Oh, okay. Well, cool. Check, please. That was insane. No, he's just joking.

He knew he's on the mic, you know. So he's on the way. Yeah, he'll be here in five minutes. So what do you say? We bring somebody else up and then we'll come right back to Bob Koff and Gronkowski and we'll let you start from the beginning. Is that cool? That's what I said in the beginning. Suddenly he's a

sympathetic guy. He really did say that. I love it. I'm sort of scared of what's going to happen, but we're going to bring you back up in a minute. We're going to bring up Bob Koff and Gronkowski again. Thank you, Tony. There he goes. We're going to see you in a minute. That's why we're the number one live podcast in the world, if you're wondering.

If you've ever wondered, wow, how do I get the number one live podcast in the world? You never will. I pulled another name out of the bucket. It's Ben Bazune. Sure is. So I don't believe in calling things white. I think it's played out. It's easy.

But the concept of going to an escape room for fun is the whitest shit I've ever heard of. Like I didn't even know they existed until I saw friends on Instagram putting up pictures of themselves posing so proudly like they just got back from war you know they just posed like I successfully escaped the room and I've never seen anyone in one of these pictures that wasn't white and I've actually never been to an escape room before but my my parents have. They actually spent 30 years in one.

It was called the country of Ethiopia. Very hard difficulty on this escape room. Famine, lack of education, communist dictators, but my dad said it was all worth it for the Instagram pic.

Thank you. Ben Bazuna. Am I saying that right? Bazuna? Bazuna. Bazuna? Bazuna. Bazuna. I love it. You were just on the show very recently, right? I was on the one in the main room, yeah. One in the main room

last week? Week before? I was like three weeks ago. Gotcha. What did we find out about you again? I drive for Postmates and I look like the dude from I Am the Captain Now. Right, yep. That is right. Now I remember. That is what I said. Glad you got that out of the way.

Yeah. All right. I have a thought on your joke. Oh, yeah. It's a tremendous premise, and I think that you should get to the biting part more quickly and don't apologize at the top of it. It's ridiculous that white people

lock themselves in rooms to escape from. I have more to it but I don't know. You explain escape room. I'm out of touch. It's one of those rooms where you go in and there's a bunch of clues you try to work together to get through the room and escape a room.

It's like riddles and you put magnets on top of it. But there's also an impending, what the fuck am I trying to say? You can fail. Doom impending. You can fail and they create a sense of impending doom if you fail. They're like, the marked ones are on their way back. You better figure this out before they get here. And, you know, you should definitely explain just a quick little, like, tease of what it is.

Yeah, a little header on the top. The concept of an escape room is basically that. No, we – He just did that. Not right now. I'm saying that when you do the joke again. I'm not going to do the joke, but I just have a good observation. What the fuck was that?

It's that piece of plastic that Jeremiah broke off that gun. But, yeah, no, but the meat of that joke is... Sorry, I'm causing problems again. The meat of that joke is, go fuck yourself. My parents lived in a fucking communist country where there was starvation. Yeah. So I think that's the... Get to that.

That's a good joke, man. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. You definitely need to wire in exactly that you you know, you're from a place where people are trying to escape from, you know, regularly. And it's happening currently with Syria and other places. So only white people then do what you were saying.

Maybe you can, like, find parallels with other suffering that white people try to. Don't nerd them to death. I mean. I mean. I'm just trying to say that there's other shit that I think we do in a privileged country that a lot of people, you know, there's the obvious one, which is like people like going like, oh, no, I'm not eating gluten or whatever. And people are fucking like starving to death, right? Right. Yeah.

One person's on board with that. Working at Postmates, you're delivering food to different places, right? Yeah, food and whatever else. What's some weird deliveries that you've had to make? I mean, it's mostly food, alcohol. Taco Bell for a blowjob? Yeah, I know. What would you do?

You ever meet that guy? He's out there. There's a little bit of irony in an Ethiopian delivering food to people right there. I know. I'm tempted to send it back home. There you go. That's a bit. Do that.

That's a bit. Yeah. Right? Come on. You've got to keep. There you go. That's a bit. Do that. That's a bit. Yeah. Right? Come on. You got to keep it real, man. That's a bit. People can feel the truth. How's Ethiopia doing these days?

It's doing horrible. Still? Oh, geez. Why don't we hear about that shit anymore? Nobody even wants to talk about Ethiopia. Because nobody cares. Did you see the Olympic marathon? No, I didn't.

The dude who came in second was an Ethiopian guy, and he came across with his hands and an X to, like, protest. He came across with his hands and an X to protest all these people from an ethnic minority that are being killed, and immediately he was not recognized by the Ethiopian government, couldn't go back to Ethiopia, Had to just stay in Brazil. It was crazy. Wow. Really?

Yeah, yeah. He had to stay in Brazil? They didn't even recognize him as a silver medal. Sounds like a pretty awesome punishment when you're forced to go back to Ethiopia. You really fucked up this time. You want to stay in Brazil and fuck women with big asses. Yeah.

I hope you like beautiful women and nice climate. And no flies. That's all the tragedy. You put that joke through that filter. And don't apologize. Don't be like, sorry, I don't hate on white people. It just gets a big laugh. But there's also comedy in this poor guy coming through with the ex.

And us in America having no idea. They're like, is he saluting Malcolm X? What the fuck is it? We don't know. I didn't even know Ethiopia was doing badly anymore. I think a lot of people were thinking he was doing the weekend symbol. That's like what he does. Is that what the weekend does?

Yeah. Who's a fan of the weekend? What a hip dude. A little Ben. How does Ethiopia feel about Donald Trump? Is he going to help you or not? They got their own shit to deal with. They're like like everything's fucked

here we don't got time to worry about you i just like to say for the record i've been at a tough spot coming up here following bonobo yeah jacob crocker hey man hey door guy can you go can you go check the front patio for bob koff and gronkowski is bob koff still here okay yeah just make sure that they get in okay. If only just for a few minutes. Tell the management or whoever. I don't know what type of shady passport he's trying to show, but I just at least want

to give them a shot. You know, Martin and Lewis performed here, and now so have Gronkowski and Brokowski, whatever. And David Bobcoff. Bobcoff and Gronkowski. Man. I'm sorry, Ben, but I have Bobcoff and Gronkowski. Man, I'm sorry, Ben, but I have Bob Koff and Gronkowski on my mind right now. They got overshadowed by German Nancy.

You guys look like a white and black of the same person. Wow. Wow. That's very... I wish Eric Griffin was here so I could say the same thing about you. Oh, nice. Joe and I, last time you were on, we had this little mini roast-off

that I loved. And then everybody was writing and being like, fuck him. He's a dude. They're so silly. These people are so funny on the fucking internet. Nobody realizes how close we all are. It's just, you really got him. Fuck that guy. Never have him back.

You fucking idiot. We're sending laughing emoticons to each other about the shit that they think we were fighting about. Go ahead. Yeah, you do look like Ben's photo negative. That is a true thing. How do you know what a negative is? Because we had that, as you established earlier. They didn't have negatives yet. They had gunpowder cameras. Don't you question

me, mister. I'll pull my six-shooter on you right now. Your six-shooter. He's trying to turn a negative into a positive. You know what else they didn't have? Being an ass about it. You know what else they didn't have back then? Saxophones. Really? You know the history of saxophones?

They didn't have fucking saxophones in the old west. How the fuck do you know that shit? I don't know. They might have had. There was one black guy back then. This show is out of control. Ben, craziest, goofiest thing, fucking craziest shit you've ever seen in your life.

Go. Let me see. One time in Atlanta, there was this homeless dude on the street, and he was like, I'll make music for for money and we were like okay and then it was so sad he got on his back and he started doing like armpit fart noises but with his leg and he just like did him as fast as he could and it was so crazy i love that

that's louis louis louis fart strong out of? Out of all your years in Ethiopia, the craziest thing you've ever seen was a guy make fart noises with his knee. In Atlanta. In Atlanta. Paul Clay says, well, you know, Tony, I'm Ethiopian, so I have to tell you. It's one time in Atlanta. I was born here. I've only been there once.

Oh, he's born here. Oh, no, I know. I was just being silly. I like how Red Band used to be a homeless man in Atlanta. There you go. Did you know that George Michael of Wham, who they just played, sang in Live Aid

for Ethiopia? No, I didn't know that. Weird connection right there, ladies and gentlemen. Just recently? No, in fucking 80s. Remember when Bob Geldof pushed? Remember that shit? You're saying they did another Live Aid. Nobody knows Ethiopia's having a hard time. George Michael also said he'd suck

a guy's dick. Ben, you've gotten up twice in the past few weeks. Congratulations on that. It was good to see you again. Another new minute from Ben Bezuna, everybody. Wire in that Ethiopia stuff to the escape room. Hold on. Wait a second. Now, immediately put your hands together for Bob Coffin Gronkowski, ladies and gentlemen. to the escape room. Hold on. Wait a second. Now immediately

put your hands together for Bob Coffin-Gronkowski, ladies and gentlemen. He is confident. Okay. This is Henning. So I'll let him talk or you can ask him a couple questions. No, no, no. Do your act. Hello, hello, hello.

How are you doing hier in Deutschland? Was, wollt ihr irgendwas wissen? Stellt mir doch irgendwelche Fragen. Oh, Englisch, Englisch. Ja, mein Name ist Henning, hallo. Ich habe diesen Mann getroffen. Er ist ein wirklich guter Mann. Er ist sehr sensitiv.

Er weint jeden Tag. Er's a really nice guy. He's very sensitive. He's crying every day. He's not scary. Only when you want to buy a car from him, then he will definitely rip you off. Do you need a second mic? Yeah, maybe. I do don't want to talk. No, no, him, right there. Okay, okay, I told him about you that you're a result of a rape. Yeah, that's not true.

That was his cue. Is that just true? That's just true? Is that what you just said? No, no, no. Wow, this has become... Alright, so there's another new minute from Bob Cobb and Gronkowski. Bob Cobb being

the first guy in three and a half years of doing this show that's ever gotten two minutes and so this is what we were waiting for this is Gronkowski Gronkowski are you wearing lipstick well the thing is he's flying

back to Germany on Wednesday which is in two days sounds like he's by the sound of the beginning of his act sounds like he's flying back to Germany on Wednesday, which is in two days. Sounds like he's, by the sound of the beginning of his act, sounds like he's pretty ready to be there. What? I couldn't understand. Was this, like, a lesbian voice talking to me? Oh, shit. You got me.

You burned me. You burned me there. I brought my porn actress, by the way. Can you come here, Janaína, show your tits for a second? Porn actress. Is that true? You guys came with a porn actress, by the way. Can you come here, Janaína, show your tits for a second? Porn actress. Is that true? You guys came with a porn actress? Jolila? Yeah, she's already 21.

Her name is Jolila? On fake ID. What do you do for work, Gronkowski? I sold some shares of my company and just spend money now. Wow, what was your company? Did he just come here? It's called Group Gronkowski. Group Gronkowski. What do they do?

We shoot porn. Like, actually. By the way, earlier when I guessed that they were shooting porn, he really beat around the bush. There she is. There she is. Show your schlong. He's my actor.

His anaconda is incredible. And this is like, stand up, stand up, stand up. That guy's a porn star? Little Toddy. Little Toddy. What the fuck? I have no idea what the fuck is happening right now. I know, I know.

But I hope I don't get in trouble for it at any point. Did this just become a three-person act? Tony. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Is this? Gang bangs. Can I ask a question?

Everybody settle down. Everybody take a breath. I'm going to give it to Joe DeRosa. Here we go. Can I ask a question? Yes. Is this your comedy act? No.

I still don't understand what the fuck is happening. Me neither, but I sort of love it. It's sort of killing. Just do one of your bits. I want to see one of your bits. I want to see one of your bits. Do you have a bit? You guys are just having the time of your lives in the porn industry. No, because I started and you didn't believe me anything.

Like when I say my sister is a whore, I mean, everybody thinks like, why am I talking so bad about my sister? But what I say is true. Like my sister fucked most of my friends and my sister like the thing that entertains the most everybody is that she can suck the yellow color of a banana so well if you have a sister like this then guys i'm about to start my fourth podcast with uh with gronkowski and Bobcoff via satellite forever.

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you idiots. I got an idea. We gotta go to Czech and do comedy. It seems easy as shit. Yeah. My girlfriend, whore, I serious. Seriously though, she

fucked my friends. She did. She really wants to leave the stage She's sad now Is she from Germany too? Where's she from? Where are you from? Can we talk to you for a second?

She might be able to solve this whole thing Who the fuck are these guys? My guess is that She doesn't even really know these two. She took a UCB course last week and is just rolling with everything. Sure, I'll play the porn star. Are you American?

What's your name? No, I'm not. But I have a green card. What country are you from? It wasn't a deporting... Well, if you already have one, then you can go. Where are you from? Germany and Brazil.

So you came with this guy? Sort of. I came to visit him. This is the weirdest shit. And you're a porn actor? No. What do you do? Mic recams.

Different type of acting. Like what? Like regular acting. Yeah, but sexy acting. Sexy, regular. Soft porn. We call that soft porn. If you do not name your next hour sexy acting, fuck you.

Oh, my God. The thing is, he just showed a movie in Germany. It's about the youth in Berlin. You know the movie Kids? Yeah. So it's kind of like this, but in 2016 in Berlin. She's the main actress. You like to be pooped on.

You know what? I'm going to do something really crazy right now. I'm just going to improvise this. Why don't you guys just stay on the stage? Stay on the back of the stage, right? Okay? Is that okay? Go back.

Bobkov, go back. And then you guys just stay there and don't do anything crazy. You'll just be part of the set for the rest of the show. Is that okay? Is that cool with you guys? You are permanent. Because we have to keep moving on. Yeah, but we have to get paid for this.

No, you're definitely not getting paid at all. This is how Tom Cruise got his start, actually. I want you three to be there right now when I bring up the other greatest threesome of comedians in the world. I present to you the Verzi Triplets, ladies and gentlemen. ... ... ...

... ... ... ... Hello, we are comedic triplets. Hello. Yes. We come from Moscow. Yeah, we didn't have the best relationship with our dad.

No, not at all. He only wanted one kid, not a fucking litter of children. Yeah. Our birth was like a Trojan horse. Our parents thought they were getting one special gift, and then a whole bunch of men came falling out. It was a party. Yeah.

We're just different than my dad. My dad is a blue collar, hands-on guy, and we're not, clearly. When my dad was 24, he built his own house. We're 24, and we still live in that house. It's great. It's very comfortable. Ugh. Yeah. Thank you so much in that house. It's great. Comfortable. Yeah.

Thank you so much in the back. You know, my proudest moment with my dad was when I graduated college. He said, Sean, I'm so proud of you. Except my name's Alex, so, yeah. It hurts a little bit. Still my proudest moment. Our dad's favorite child was our dog, Rocky. She was named

after our relationship with our father. There you go. The Versi triplets. There you go. Thanks for bringing a picture of me. You guys have a lot of respect for me, and I like that.

This is hanging on our mantle at our house. I love that. That's perfect. I actually have a bunch of pictures of me, and I like that. This is hanging on our mantle at our house. I love that. That's perfect. I actually have a bunch of pictures of me hanging up at my place, too. Not even kidding. These guys are the cleanest, best-showered comedians I've seen in my entire life. They are, right? Fantastic.

Proud of you guys. Thank you, man. Yeah. We shower together. Okay, there they go. The Verzi triplets, ladies and gentlemen. That's it. Another new minute from the Verzi. Give the microphone to Bobcoff. Give it to share it together. Okay, there they go. The Verzi triplets, ladies and gentlemen. That's it. Another new minute from the Verzi.

Give the microphone to Bob Koff. Give it to Bob Koff. Bob Koff, what did you think of those three guys? I want to hear your thoughts on the Verzi triplets. I mean, you know, from the back, I mean, what could I tell? I've seen them before. How do you think they would do if they performed where you're from in Czechoslovakia? It's

way harder to perform there. You remember when you had this guy from Mongolia? It was in the main room. I was there. Imagine you are somewhere where people don't know what stand-up is. Here people come, they are ready to laugh because they are familiar with the concept. How about the

three of them in a porn in Czechoslovakia? Can you do that? That would work great. I'm thinking here, bro. But it would work all around the world because there is perverts everywhere. Fantastic. Henik Gronkowski.

No, I was just thinking about casting them into a porn and wanted to ask Janaína if she would be ready to do that. Yeah, let's do it. Would you take on

the Verzi triplets? Is that a thing that you would do? I mean, this was three brothers, right? Is this allowed here in America? Oh, wait a second. Oh, the Verzi triplets. Full commitment.

There you go. Ole, ole. There they go. Young improvisers, the Verzi triplets, rolling with the joke. 50 bucks each, I would say. It's like if the Marx Brothers raped women. Yeah, does anybody... This is getting really dark. It's like if the Marx Brothers raped women.

This is getting really dark. Yeah, does anybody feel bad on the inside about what's happening right now? The Versi triplet just walked in wiping his mouth off as if he just sucked one of his brother's dicks, by the way. I don't think he knows what happens when you hook up with a girl. And he didn't even have to buy him a Taco Bell. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'll tell you this, Bob Koff-Gronkowski and whatever this fucking little Bond villain

beauty fucking evil fucking, you have just dead cold amazing eyes. It's incredible. Hey, buddy. Josh. Josh. Made it 90 minutes into the podcast. Did you just ask for a red wine?

How much longer are you guys in town for? Wednesday. Thursday. Thursday. And how about you? Let me guess. Friday? You wacky fucking triplets.

Hey. Me. Wait, so what are you doing? That's the name of the next porno. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. We fuck three days in a row. Does this translate as human trafficking in all languages?

I love it. We'll see you guys after the show. There they go. Bob Koff, Engronkowski, and the evil German beauty. There she goes. I can't believe you're fucking that guy. If that's real, I'm going to fucking kill myself

after tonight's show. I think it's real. I'm going to fucking kill myself after tonight's show. I think it's real. Oh, it's real. Oh, this fucking world kills me. That dude's sexy. He looks like Leonardo from the beach. Exactly.

Leonardo from the beach, right? Yeah, he is. Leonardo with lipstick. You're right. You guys, one more time for Bob Coffin Gronkowski, ladies and gentlemen. Come on. Those guys are like, came.com. On this show, we have two regulars that write and perform a brand new minute

every single week. That's pretty fucking cool. They don't come out of the bucket at all. They just write and perform a new minute every single week. Not easy to do. So here we go. Let's do it again. You know her as one of the regulars. Put your hands together for Vanessa Johnston, everybody. I didn't believe that sexism still existed until I

started reading YouTube comments I was watching a video of Amelia Earhart and this guy commented and wrote man this whore sucks at flying she should just do porn i was like wow that's what happens in your town doesn't have a planned parenthood

and i'm not even like feministy you know which sounds like a strong independent stripper but i i do believe that women have done a lot that we don't get credit for for example the first computer software and wifi were both invented by women this Indian guy is like fuck that the first paper bag was also

invented by a woman that one's less surprising because she was ugly there you go. 55 seconds of Vanessa Johnston. Great work. I love that song. I have a, do you know a... Sorry.

Joe DeRosa. Did you know... It's okay. You're unbelievable. Unbelievable. Did you know the cell phone was also invented by a woman? Parts of it, yeah. Yeah.

Wow, it's just an interesting... I just learned that. Yeah. When you says of it, yeah. Wow, it's just an interesting... I just learned that. When you say parts of it, what part of it? The touch tone, the Bluetooth. I wrote a whole list of all things. No, the first cordless phone in the 80s, that thing was invented by a woman. Oh, I didn't know that, but I know parts of it.

Tony, I thought Dolores had a great set. I love your feminacy. Is that what it was? Feminacy? That sounds like a strong independent stripper. That was brilliant. Thank you.

A lot of people didn't catch that. That was great. Yeah, good set. Funny shit. Thank you. Yeah, very fun. So that's fucking cool. Anything else crazy going on in life?

I mean, I don't know. I've been reading the comments on every, I went back and read every comment on every Kill Tony video ever. Oh, Jesus Christ. Please do not tell me what you saw. There's a reason why I'm able to maintain my confidence like I do, and it's because I don't do that shit. I live in a different time period,

and I can tell you that was a bad idea. Anything stand out to you more than anything else? Well, that's where the sexism stuff started. Like, some guy commented and wrote, Vanessa has the IQ of around room temperature. Well, you just realized that. I was like, that's a fucking good joke. Fuck you. That just sounds like a nice day.

YouTube comments are just... If it were... Bikram rooms are pretty hot. You've got to think about it that way. But room temperature is... Turn it around, baby. Turn those comments around. YouTube comment never... The reason I wasn't surprised when Trump won was because I've read YouTube comments. It's just

the worst fucking things. Horrible. Have you ever read a positive one? And it's usually a bunch of assholes who are sitting there doing nothing with their lives. And that's usually a bunch of assholes who are sitting there doing nothing with their lives, and that's why they feel like I think that they need therapy, and they just don't fucking do it, so then they just take it out on you, and then they come up

with something that they think is a funny line. I agree. I don't think they need therapy. I agree. That was very well said, and I need to spend more time with you. I've actually read the YouTube comments on this show, and I actually have never read anything negative about me. They're always complaining about this guy that they just call Faggot. Like, I don't know.

Hi, nice to meet you. My name's Faggot. They say stuff like Joe DeRosa showed me some, what are they called, YouTube comments? Anyway, he showed me some before the show. I read one that said, someone needs to tell that blonde faggot with the saxophone to shove it up his ass. I gave it a thumbs up. I love that.

Well, rock and roll. There you go. Another new minute from Vanessa Johnston, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes. Bop, bop, bop. Bop, bop, bop. Bop, bop, bop. Very good. Very good.

Very good. Very good. Okay. We get it. Jesus, what is it with you two lately? It's just unbelievable. I love that your character didn't know what YouTube comments were but knew how to give a thumbs up to one. I thought that was really great writing.

I like that quite a bit. We have one other regular. She writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. She just turned 21. She's been doing stand-up for a while. Put your hands together for the great Allie Makovsky, ladies and gentlemen. Hi.

I moved out of my dad's house a while back. But while I was living there, we had an open room that he rented out which doesn't make sense because he owned the house but he rented it out to his friend from the cigar shop he goes to and this guy, his name's John, he has a long beard no family, in his 50s and he loves Disneyland I had to share a bathroom with this guy

so I moved right out and then my dad rented my room out. What is my dad using this money on? The other guy he rented my room out to, I think his name's Brandon, he was homeless. He also met him at the cigar shop. Brandon likes to shape skateboards.

I think they figured it out, Brandon. My dad put down... Okay. You want to finish that or you want to finish there? Yeah. I just thought of this. My dad, he put down our dog. It was pretty sad because it's the first time that I've ever had my butthole licked.

Wow, Brian, you're right on that. Did you know she was? That was amazing. Had your dog put down. I don't... All right. I was gonna... I was gonna...

I literally just thought of it. I was gonna say it's so sad that my first... that the dog got put down, which was my first love that licked my asshole. Right. I got you.

It's not worth it. It wasn't worth going over, but I did it, you know? I liked your other two bits, though. Right. I got you. It's not worth it. It wasn't worth going over, but I did it, you know? I liked your other two bits, though. Thanks. The cigar store callback was very funny, and it really painted a picture, honestly, in my head. Not the dog licking my asshole? No. I was confused. I didn't

know. Me too. I was confused as well. A little bit of a setup issue, I'd say. I glanced over, and right before the punchline was like 25 seconds, you know what I mean? I think you just have to get straight in. Dad just rented... My dad just let some fucking... Maybe even throw Airbnb

in there at the top and sort of just to give it some tone of this current climate of people just renting out rooms and shit because that's sort of what that bit's really about, I think. Maybe call your dad a tycoon

maybe, perhaps. Oh my god. A descriptive word like that always helps. Piggybacking off of what my partner here just said, I like dead dogs. Wow. You guys also love beating dead

horses too, obviously. I like that dogs. Wow. You guys also love beating dead horses, too, obviously. I like that you're back in character now. You dropped out for a good ten minutes. Well, he took the hat off, the cute hat. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing it two years. She's got a great voice and delivery. Yeah, she's very unique.

Thank you. You do have a great voice. You have good jokes. You could trim some fat, but that's what everybody learns as they go. Come on. And the jokes. He's talking about the material, you pigs. He's not Grondowski over there.

That's just something you learn as you go. Yeah. But also, I don't think you should wear your backpack on stage. I agree with you. It was quick, yeah. But even if it's quick, it's just... You can put it there. It's millennial comedy.

It is. You think I'm just... It's millennial comedy. It is. You think I'm actually being serious? Millennial comedy. There's a guy who goes around with an iPhone charger around his neck. Yeah. Back in my day, women used to wear dresses. Can I... What is it?

When I walked in here, I was so confused at the people on stage. And then I realized the young Leo guy up here, I saw him last week. And when he came into the store, I was like, what's it like being so hot? And then he was like, I don't speak English. And I was like, you're even hotter. Right. And then he's here. Yeah, you like that guy.

He left. Is Gronkowski still here? Is Henneget Gronkowski? They walked out. You better go find him. Bobcoff is here. Bobcoff. Bobcoff's here, but I think Gronkowski's on the...

He's probably doing cocaine off of Sunset Boulevard right now. If I know Gronkowski. There she goes. Sally Makovsky did it again. Yeah. The artwork from Ryan J. Ebell. Look at that. Look what he did while you all sat there like a bunch of lazy asses just enjoying yourself.

He drew the episode live. Wow, that's a crazy one. It's like Mario. It's like Super Mario. What did that mean? Reagan and Watkins. There they are. Put your hands together for the band, everybody.

Patty Reagan. Jeremiah is funny. Hey, you can follow my shenanigans on social media, at Jeremiah Stand-Up. And also, any of you Kansas City folks, I'll be there Wednesday, December 28th for a show. All right. Okay.

Joel Jimenez is on Twitter at Mostly Sorry. Joe DeRosa and Maz Jabrani, what do you guys got? Well, my horror movie podcast is on the Fangoria Podcast Network and also on iTunes. It's called We'll See You in Hell. Please give it a listen. We cover horror, sci-fi, and fantasy, and it's funny, and it's like Siskel and Ebert except mean and we curse.

Maz Jabrani. What's your Twitter? Oh, Joe DeRosa Comedy on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you. I'm on Twitter at Maz Jobrani, Instagram at Maz Jobrani. My movie, Jimmy Vestwood, American Hero, I describe it as the Persian Pink Panther meets Borat.

Silly comedy on iTunes. Check it out. There you go. I'm Tony Henschliff. I'm going to Calgary, Dallas, Austin, San Fran, so many things. That's at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Thank you, live audience. See you guys.

Thank you. Have a good night, everybody. Take care. Thank you. We'll be right back. Still scared for my life So where is the party going on? It's no fair to make me stay alone Down in the lobby There's a couple left Have them by me around. I'm your best friend. I'm your superstar. Yeah, I'm down with the brown. Let's be super cool. You got a little bit left. What a special thing.

I'm your trophy boy. Get the fuck out my face.