KILL TONY - KILL TONY #198

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

Steve-O, Rick Kosick, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 02/20/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. This episode is falling in the category of what the fuck happened to the audio. I am going to have to buy a new sound mixer after this episode because this is the second time this has happened recently. There's just a lot of interference, and I think the soundboard's just about to die.

So again, we are using backup audio on this episode uh and this is pro this will be the last time because i'm gonna have to get a new soundboard um so i apologize it's it's it's listenable but it's not the best um again i tried to clean it up and make make it sound better but uh hopefully in the future we won't have this problem anymore if you go to death squad TV and if you click on shop squad or if you just go to shop squad TV you can help us by because you know buying this equipment is expensive so if you wanted you could either donate or if you want to buy a shirt or something that helps us buy new stuff when this kind of thing happens we really appreciate it too because if it wasn't for you guys we wouldn't be doing this don't forget to check out Tony

Hinchcliffe's website Tony Hinchcliffe com for all his tour dates and his merch and everything he's all over the place and if you go to death squad TV and click on tour dates you'll see where we're at together. Kill Tony is all over the place. We're going to be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival on April 21st. And just announced April 23rd, which is a Sunday, we'll be in Houston. And we'll also be doing a Kill Tony there. So Kill Tony in Austin on 421 at the Moon Tower Festival.

And 423 will be in houston and in the houston one this is cool because we're going to pick out somebody you know like the best who we thought did the best of the night and they will be able to perform on the comedy show that's following kill tony on that sunday yes right we're gonna have a secret show after the kill tony um and so all the tickets can be found it's at the secret group in Houston it's a great place we've been there before so you can go to death squad TV and click on tour dates or just go to the secret groups website or the moon tower website also Ryan J e belt has a podcast or a website it's

Ryan J e belt comm there he has all his artwork. He draws every episode. And he has a new Kill Tony 2 poster coming out very soon. So check that out. And pretty much if you want to watch any episode, just go to deathsquad.tv and click on videos. It's a little backed up,

but we have all the videos there in Vimeo. Or you can go to deathsquad.live and check the rebroadcast on the Ustream page. All right, guys. Here's a brand-new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Guy. How are you doing? Congratulations to our brand-new episode of Kill Tony.

Here's Tony Hicks. Hey, everybody. Hello. Welcome to the show! We're here! The number one live podcast in the world. Holy shit, am I excited about tonight's episode. You know why? Because I fucking love comedy. Brian Redband's here, ladies and gentlemen. Hey! On the 1s and 2s and 7s. Great Jamie Vernon, powerful Jamie Vernon on the lovely HD camera. We love our new YouTube clips. We love them.

The HD. The great Ryan J. E. Belt is drawing tonight's episode live right in front of him. He's sitting right here. Look at this motherfucker. It's Hugh R. Tease. Staring right right now I'm trying to capture my essence time every drawing is different he drops every episode they're all available right to table calm with the official kill Tony poster the things over my living room so if you want to be a fucking winner like me grace lovely Tony's poster new ones coming soon because we have episode 200

coming up live in the main room March 2nd. Four years almost of Kill Tony. It's a long way to get to number one. I mean, we were there in a couple weeks, but, you know, the rest of you guys

would take a while if you started a podcast. I'm so excited about tonight's episode because I fucking love comedy and I love stand-up comedy too and I love doing it I don't love this part of the show where I have to mention where I'm going to

but I'm going to do it anyway Chicago, Illinois Iowa University, Calusa, California Madison, Wisconsin Kansas City and Dayton and Hartford just got added and we're doing, those are all stand-up dates you can get those dates if you live anywhere near that area

at TonyHinchcliffe.com but Kill Tony, the show that you're at right now is doing Moon Tower Moon Tower that's April 21st we're so excited that you say it at the same time alright that's the boring part of the show

you guys ready to meet tonight's guests or what? We're picking up the episode 200, ladies and gentlemen. This is my baby. I love comedy, I always have. It's what saves me from my deepest, darkest depression. And tonight's guests are so fucking special to me. It's their first time being guests on this show.

They have graced me with laughter for years. fucking special to me. It's their first time being guests on this show. They are, they have graced me with laughter for years. Two of my favorite characters from one of my favorite shows of all time, one of my favorite series of movies all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guests from Jackass. It's Steve-O and Rick Hosen, ladies and gentlemen. and Rick Cozick, ladies and gentlemen! Oh! Let's get it! Holy shit! Oh my god!

It's fucking going down! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! I'm so fucking pumped about this. I've always said my two favorite things in the history of comedy Jackass and South Park. It's that simple. It's that fucking lovely. Just pure. Fuck yeah.

Steve-O, I've never gotten a chance to tell you this before, but I wanted to tell you if you're live. You are part of my favorite Jackass sketch of all time. You're the guy in it. And it is from Jackass 2.5 called Miller Time. Yeah, the guy with the world's longest fingernails. They set it up and they didn't know what to do with this guy, right? And then he had bags over these big dirty nails. So he protected his nails. And they didn't know what prank they were going to do with him.

Yeah, he protected his nails in bags so they didn't break. But they still seemed filthy. And then it zooms in on him, he just goes, Miller time. And fucking pours it down his nails, and as it pans out, you just hear It's going down like a water slide. And it pans out and it's just floating in your mouth. What did that taste like?

You know, I never get to the point of tasting anything. It's just my imagination takes over. I recently had a meeting with a guy who owns this company called Recordsetter.com. It's like a big time official world record thing. And I said, man, I know for sure I found the world record for barfing on TV more than anybody else. TV and movies, nobody can touch me man. I'm professionally bulimic. What's beautiful to me is we've all seen it through the eye of Rick Kozik's work. Camera one for Jackass and of course that makes it so that since anytime anything would happen to you it always seemed to be a thousand times funnier because

you seem to be like the innocent guy just trying to get a job done and then all of a sudden you're vomiting everywhere. Well even with Steven throw up, it just kind of gets me going, so it's just like a contagious reaction. Do you think that I can legally edit together everything, like maybe for whatever? I don't see why not. I just want to edit every... Vomit scene together? I can't, like some of them really went on for quite a while. It's one continuous float. It would be like a 10 minute fucking video dude.

Really cool. Dude to that song, Maxillan. Well, you guys know the show. Steve-O, you've been doing stand-up. Yeah man. I first tried stand-up over 10 years ago now. Wow. And I've been touring consistently for over 6 years now.

Love that. And I have my first comedy special. It lives on Showtime. Oh, cool. What's it called? It's called Steve-O Guilty as Charged. Steve-O Guilty as Charged. Check that out on Showtime. Thank you. What do you guys want to do?

Jump into it? Start the show? I have a bucket full of comedians, ladies and gentlemen. Over 40 comedians that signed up. Oh, shit. How can I fucking forget? We have a band. We have a band.

We have a band. We have a band. We have a band. We have a band. We have a band. We have a band. We have a band.? Start the show? I have a bucket full of comedians, ladies and gentlemen. Over 40 comedians that signed up. Oh shit! How can I fucking forget? We have a band! How stoned did you get?

It's not about stoned. I'm just excited about tonight's show. But I'm pumped about this. I've never done that in a while. Hey, what's with the bucket of water down there? What's that? Oh shit, I don't know. I never know what the band's gonna do. They're a different character every single week. Put your hands together for them this week. It's the Kill Tony Band. Pat Regan, Jeremiah Watkins, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! I'm gonna have a paper towel connected to a glove on fire. This is how it goes. I haven't even heard this part of the song before. Oh my god, I'm so afraid of that. Jeremiah with the very tip of a glove on fire, lightly with paper towels, and was deathfully afraid the entire time. Jesus Christ.

Jeremiah's Johnny Knoxville, right? Hey, welcome to Kill Tony. Patrick and Steve-O. I love it. What's up guys? We got Cruz Pockets on the drums. Ha ha! So great! Yes!

It looks like he's got a huge cog. Wow! What is that in there? I studied the movie. Attention, attention! Damn! Dickhouse production. He's got a little dickhouse down there. Oh, fuck, that's great.

Welcome to the show, band. How are you guys doing? You excited? Really pumped to be here. Me too. We got a bucket with over 40, 50-some comedians' names inside of it. They all signed up for the opportunity to do 60 seconds on this stage, and then we talked to them about anything in the world.

All of a sudden, you're a guest on a fucking podcast. You know your time's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Let's wrap it up then, or else you're gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. There's a duck in there, too. Fans, give it up for Josh Martin, everybody. He's sweeping.

Sweeping up the bottle. Sweeping up the bottle. Yeah. Make some noise. You guys ready to start tonight's show? We're about to meet somebody. Anyone that knew top rising comedians in the world could be a completely insane human that just randomly signs up for things on Sunset Boulevard.

Put your hands together for Jessica Mears. You choose a step or a hundred, but go up in a lump's size. I don't know, like... I got made fun of for not having boobs yet. It got to be so bad, even the fat kid in school started making fun of me. I walked by him under his breath, he goes, flat as my back. I spun around, I was like, no, I'm not flat as your back. Cause you're fat, and your back's got rolls on it. So I'm actually flatter than your back. Stupid.

But I will say guys, my biggest accomplishment in life to date is these titties. Because I paid cash for them. I can hold my head high and say, I'm not some kind of white trash person that has to finance fake titties. Because I'm the type of white trash person that doesn't have the credit to finance fake tits. I think that's good. There you go. How long have you had those tits? They'll be 300 times.

I want to know more about the tits. Oh my gosh. Somebody didn't jerk off today, huh? What did I tell you? You have to jerk off on Mondays. You come in blazing hot with sexual energy. Hey, how about more of those tits, huh? Tits, tits, tits, tits, tits.

Their birthday is June 2nd. So Jessica, when you were younger, the bullies would make fun of your flat chest? Yeah. That's not what I would make fun of first about you. That's a main subject. That wouldn't have been a thing. flat chest yeah that's not what I would make fun of first of all that's amazing to me that wouldn't have been the thing even if you had a flat chest there was a few targets that I would have before that

yeah I get that no I'm just playing with ya where you from? I'm from Jacksonville Florida I was up here last week I told you guys about my long face don't make fun of her for that she lives in an RV and she doesn't poop yeah oh shit now I remember you live in a 30 foot broken RV my long face. Don't make fun of her that much. She lives in an RV and she doesn't poop.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Now you're laughing. You live in a 30-foot broken RV. Yeah, I do. I do. Wow. That was the thing that stood out.

Now it's big tits. We never found out anything about the big tits before. I know. It's really weird that I was surprised. I guess I was like wearing a jacket and probably not standing up. Yeah, she fucked up last week. Yeah. Exactly. You gotta keep those things out. I better talk about my titties, cause nobody else is.

Welcome to Hollywoodland, kid. Use those things to your advantage. Hillary was flat chested. Where's she now? A hike somewhere. I made a rather popular series of videos throwing objects into women's tits. Yeah? Yeah. You'd be good.

Especially since he could use your long face as a backboard. That's awesome. I'm glad. Oh, wow. That's so mean. Oh, wow! Oh, wow! Oh, wow! What's the truth? There's a double entendre there. Double horse points.

Oh, he's... Oh, wow. Maybe let's try not to be quite so mean. laughter Wow. So, interesting, Jessica. The other thing was the fake tits. So when did you get those? Uh, 2014.

2014, so that's a newer purchase. What a year. Did you get them in Jacksonville or out here? I got them in Jacksonville. Oh yeah. 15 bucks per tit, right? I like how this is literally her sea material. Actually, double Ds. I should have worn something like that.

Actually, I didn't plan on doing T.J. He's just looking at me. Just what I felt in my heart, you know? Have you ever gotten a Mardi Gras? Steve-O and I, man. Steve-O is obsessed with throwing things at this chick is what we're figuring out. He really wants to throw something at her. I haven't.

Wait a minute, we didn't know what they do at Mardi Gras. I had to shake my titty. Did they go under the muscle or over the muscle? Did they go through the nipple or underneath the breast? Dr. Brian Redback. It's under the muscle and it's through my armpit. Armpit? Whoa! The old stink tip. Yeah. I don't want to start.

So you got him in Tampa. No, I got him in Jackson. like, um, like Jackson. Dr. Burt, is it okay to ask how much they cost? Uh, $5,000. Ooh, okay, that's a deal. They all cost $5,000. It's universal? Yeah.

If they get gummy bear, then it's a little more. What's gummy bear? Gummy bears actually, they feel like gummy. Like, they're, they feel more real. What do you say? Like a little bag of nickels or something like that? No, they're pretty good. I haven't had any complaints. Well, yeah, I mean, again, if someone was going to complain,

I'm sure it wouldn't be about the tent. Man, this is great. Yeah, this is great. It's a lot more fun than sitting up there in the darkness, isn't it? The first 23 seconds or so, you seemed super nervous. You didn't seem like you were ready to go up. Did you just walk in the door? Just to carry around those tits, Brian. I planned my joke right before you said my name. And then I got up here and I was like, what the fuck joke was I gonna do?

I was like, whatever, just do a joke, stupid! So that's what I did. It's great that, where was that, was that you, Brian, that noticed something other than her tits in the first 20 seconds? I couldn't have told you much so what's you have a broken RV but what was the next plan I feel like you told us we're going to do something with it yeah I did have a job last week now I got fired today

what did you get fired for it's really bullshit we know it wasn't your tits I bartend at major sporting events and music festivals and I was bartending at this golf tournament, and one of my guests, I was talking to him, told me I did comedy. He was like, oh, you should perform for us

in this suite up there. And I was like, I have to kind of bartend. That's what I'm here for. And he was like, whatever, we'll make it happen. And they walked off, and then an hour later, my boss came and said, you're going to go perform comedy up there because that's what the client wants,

and it's been approved by the PGA and shit. So I was like, okay, cool. But really they didn't want me to do it. And they told me to say that I couldn't do it because I decided against it. They didn't want it to reflect poorly on them or the catering company. But then I was like, I'm not some kind of pussy ass bitch right you wanted to do the gig so you followed through and did the gig and you went against what they were telling you well I was also like should I need to work the rest

of this week so I'm gonna not do it but I gave it to him. You signed it to him. Yeah. You did some material? What? You did some material? I gave him links to my shit. I was like, I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to start anything here. So, yeah, I'm fired anyway.

I don't know why the fuck I didn't do it, but I didn't. So, yeah, I just gave him some free stuff, and I said, book me for something else, please. To the golfers. Yeah. Because it's a bunch of rich golfers. Yeah. You could have performed that night and been able to buy a brand new 30-foot RV. Yeah.

That would have been something, man. Now I just have no job and need to figure out how to repair that shit. I live here now, though, so. The good thing is we're doing a huge money giveaway tonight for the first time. Oh, thank God! We decided earlier that whoever gets picked out first just gets an entire bunch of money. You could easily get money. I mean, you live in Los Angeles and you have those tips. I know, that's what I said! Wait, are you in charge of the music?

You just said the music? You just let them know that it was you. I'm like, I've been wasting the best years of my titties life. Did you draw muscles? Everybody threw in one dollar. You could probably get together, what, like a hundred bucks right now, and we could have Steve-O throw something at your tits. That's right. This is how friend, Michael.

Welcome to the dude den at the Comedy School. Well, Jessica, it was nice to meet you again. Alright, cool, nice to meet you too. There she goes, just in there. These guys can read the computer. Yeah, baby. Yeah, they were, right? They were nice.

I guess you learn something new every week when you come back. You know, last week, she had an RV. This week, we learned about her big tits. Yeah, 30-foot RV. Double D-Nets. Ooh, I can already tell

this is a new name. Put your hands together for Mosher, ladies and gentlemen. I'm the guy that left a 10-year relationship on Christmas while her twin sister got engaged to. And why did I do it? Why did I do it? I did it for more than love. I did it for something you could reach out and grab a hold of. A big set of natural tits. Problem is this chick just wants to fuck. All she does is want to fuck. I can't even work so I bring her to the doctor. He tells me OCD This OCD is not that curable though. Obsessive cock disorder. I gotta stay at home and fuck her non-stop I said doc I can't do it. I work on the road I don't stay at home all I do is work on the road. Doc says what's your address? I'll give her the fucking medicine

Doc you're killing me That's right. My name is Moshe. Many of you may be Jewish out there, but I'm not an ally. I'm sorry, I'm not Jewish. But don't worry, I'm not German, and I'm not out here to fool you. All right, Jews, don't worry.

Just a kid from Queens, trying to make the big leagues. All right, worked four years in the minor leagues, worked one big league spring training game. That was it. Not a player. Fucking umpire. What is going on?

Oh shit. Give it up for Blandrew Dice Clay, ladies and gentlemen. Joel Jimenez all the way from the back. Spot on. Jewish, Italian. That's a good one. But I know that's what's funny about the Dice thing is that he is a Jew. I mean, that's the Italian thing.

Hey, the tits humor was at least topical. That's why I decided to start with it. Most sure. You are a... I give the tits humor a 32 C. There's a confidence that you have, which is an asset. Thank you. Yeah, you've got confidence.

It's Queen's confidence yeah i've been all around america though i work in front of crowds calling ball professionally so you really are an umpire yeah i spent years in the minor leagues trying to make the big leagues now i just talk a real job all i do is talk a real job travel around america i don't stay in hotels not motels i roll around my car sleep in it fucking Rotel, baby Just like you're talking to us right now like how you just did it Did you were saying that you were an umpire before but it was almost like I'm listening This guy that we're talking to right now like yeah, I was an umpire working my way up It's so much more genuine and actually got a laugh and it was something that you said earlier that didn't get a laugh

But it just goes to show how different it is when you're not fucking doing it. Hey I know you thought I was Jewish right? It looks like you don't need to do that. That's constructive. Yeah your queens is gonna show no matter what. You don't need to be like, oh you see the wacky Italian guy? How long have you been doing stand-up? Uh, well, I've been doing comedy, writing and shit, but haven't been doing it in front of people until I got released about last year. So within a year.

I did a release from The Miley Ball, so... You got cut from comedy and shit? Is that how they fire you? You probably thought your job was safe. You're out of here. Strike three! Stupid. I'm a hockey organ. So I started going up in Queens and I did a bringer in New York City and stuff like that.

A lot of people don't know this, I don't ever talk about it much, but when I was younger, I umpired Little League Baseball. Me too, dude. Yeah, cool gig. They pay you up front, each coach gives you like 20 bucks each, you get 40 bucks for a fucking hour, you have fun, you put the fucking mask on and you're in a zone. Let's hear, let's say, where were you, home plate? Yeah, sure. Okay, so let's say you're in it, right? Fucking fastball right down the middle. Let's hear your strike one.

That's a good one. How about two? What do you think of two? I go like this. Two! Oh, that's great. That's a beautiful two. All right.

That was Brian. There's no folks in this office. No. He's on sports. No, but, on sports... No, no. Alright, here we go, the big banger, Strike 3. Comes in there... Ooh, I see why they're fired. I see why they're fired.

Best shit I ever heard though... Strike 3, you need a pop pop on this one. Best shit I ever heard though. You need a pop pop. Best shit I ever heard though while working. Was some dude in some hick ass town going Hey Blue, hey Blue! I think you left your cell phone out here! Two missed calls! Ahhh.

That's not an original. Nooooo! Touchdown, bro. If they're not safe, do you like pull out their heart like Indiana Jones style? Jesus Christ. I'm gonna blow steam over there. I got a call from a couple weeks ago, very lucky to do that, very blessed. Downstairs he's talking about the open mic in the original room and the historical potluck.

Yup, that's where I started. In May it'll be ten years from me doing it. Yeah, it doesn't matter what, you'll never catch up to me. So when have you been going for work since getting fired from being an umpire? Well, that's what I'm saying, dug a real job. Worked whatever ball comes my way. Right now, I'm currently hiding out in Phoenix. Because I don't stop there. And I'm here, you know, I'm coming here for this.

You know there's a corporate bartending place that's currently hiring. I'm a bartender, I steal the money. Oh, okay, well there you go. It goes from stealing second to stealing cash. How long have you been wearing the amber from Jurassic Park as a necklace? Do you know what this is? Do you know what this is or not? Someone at RIP to recover that before this movie ends?

Shout it. Anybody know what shout it is? It's a fucking restaurant in Queens, best maple syrup. It cataclysmized this. It's high concentrated marijuana. High concentrated marijuana. It looks like you had a super life threatening injury to your neck. What happened then? Don't shoot it back though my friends. Don't shoot it back? You could get a scare.

Oh, so we get a tumor and they cut it out? Yeah, but it was benign. You bet your ass I shot it in the balls. Benign it is. You bet I used it was benign. You bet your ass I shot a step Paul's benign innings. You bet I used to. Look at that discolour, looks like you got it cut out in Jacksonville. Did you do the armpit for that? I got one more to go. No! What are you fucking talking about? One more to go? What is this, McDonald's?

What do you say? Get another 20 seconds. He said a 25, 30, 35, 40! Any human words never work on the show. We've said it a thousand times. Even the awesome doesn't really work. I think your criticism was so constructive. He's like, now armed with this advice, I'm ready to really crush. And so he wants to do another joke. Alright, do a joke.

I think it's pointing demeanor. How many of y'all ever killed anybody with your car drinking and driving? Shit, bro, I'm gonna stay away from you. I don't. I don't drink and drive. When I do my murder, I like my shit premeditated. Unrelatable. Okay, do one more. Alright, ready? This fucking Caitlyn Jenner, this Caitlyn Jenner, Bruce Jenner could have been the Statue of Liberty of its culture, except it picked the wrong first name. If it would have picked the name trans, it would have been the fucking capital of the fucking transgender fucking world, baby.

You call it trans? You just said transgender. Why would you steal shit if you were a bartender? I don't know, I'm not a big drinker. You gotta do something. You steal drinks, you steal the money, right? Hey, give him three more. I did enjoy the last two more than the first. Oh shit, he's looking at the list. Oh shit, I got this little bus ticket from Queens. I read my jokes there. Very lucky ticket.

A lot of bus. A lot of bus. Usher, what's your love life like? Well I got a big set of tips on now. I'm with this girl that I love pretty much. Love pretty much? Isn't that the most beautiful Valentine's Day card you can imagine? Love pretty much. Yeah, I love her pretty much. She, uh, pretty much, she, you know, is my muse for going up.

A lot of my good jokes come from her. And so you were with her sister before. No, I had to get out of that. I am a villain back there. I'm a bad dude. A villain back where? Back in Queens where I left that table. All my friends, they're all connected.

So you left all that in Queens. and you brought the sister with you no no this is the regular chick I know what kind of what's their nationality Oh shocker Italian do you only hook up with Italians? No, I was an Irish, I like it. How long have you been in LA? I've been in LA two, three days, not even. I roll in with talent, work some baseball, then I dip out, I come here, come here for my name on a list I go back to Phoenix yeah when you go back I'll go back tonight I got a game there tomorrow do you ever talk to Brody training starts next week you ever see Brody Stevens when you're when you're very Brody I have never seen it but I heard you played pitch for ASU yeah he's going to talk to him about he'll'll be there Wednesday. He'll be there Wednesday? Yeah.

Oh, there you go. I'll look for him on the town. Hey, how did you know you needed to get a surgery? How did you get to the chewing tobacco? Did you feel it? Did you feel it a lot? No, no, I gotta thank my mom for that when she caught it. You know your mom, she just knows you.

She's like, what the fuck is that? What did it look like? What did it look like? It was just a screw. Nothing. She just knew. It was just a little thing. You know what I mean? Did it have like a look, like a mark?

No, I tried to play it off, you know, that's nothing, stop! Get outta here! Get outta here! Get outta here! I'm gonna slap you across the face! Thank you so much for this boss tomorrow. That's the best, the best. Fucking best, huh?

Any words of wisdom for Moshe, right? Do you have any mics up there in Phoenix right now? In Phoenix right now, we got Devil's Advocate, Tempe Tavern, a few spots. Monday to Wednesday. Devil's Advocate, you know, I only go to the ones that have cool names. Back to the tumor, was it like they... cool names today did they like do a biopsy and determine this and then he's like I'll call you so it's not That's good. Benign. One guy with cancer signaling very bad. So if I was not benign, I was malignant? No. That shit was benign.

What's benign? You can't rock out with a dune in your fucking ass. I thought benign was like no one. I wouldn't be here with a girl right now if I had this thing coming out like this. So it was bad? They said benign and I no. I wouldn't be here with a girl all the way now if I had this thing coming out like this. So it was bad? They said benign and I was like fucking bingo. You say your mom just knew but you couldn't see it so it just had no look at all?

It just looked like your normal rosy apples. I think it was like a lump. In Queens, you don't really go to a doctor. You go to your fuckin' mom. She looks at you. If something looks a little off, she fuckin' talks. It's just a fuckin' thing we do. We don't fuckin' know doctors in Queens.

We just get all the fuckin' doctors. You ever been in a fight? What's any good fight story? I don't know which voice I'm doing right now. Any good fight store. I'm not talking about a fight. Keep right there, still. You fight when you're in junior high school.

People still fight nowadays? I'm not in a fight club. You're in a fight club, you don't talk about it. I'm not here to talk or not fight. That means I have very pretty eyes. Will Mosher, there you goes. Fun to meet you. Very good. Have fun. Thanks. See you again.

There he goes, Mosher. Will, where's the drive? We'll see. He came out swinging. Yeah, and now he's going back home. Alright, I pulled another name out of the bucket. You guys having fun tonight? Happy Monday to you all. Here we are. More fun than just nails for the World of Amanda. Put your hands together, uninterrupted 60 seconds for Andrea Gazella.

Yeah! Woo! Baby, I'm a girl, but right here I'm a star. Baby, I'm a girl, but right here I'm a star. Oh, any signs over back there? Nope. Nope. You're out!

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Do you see the signs on the back there? Nope. You're out! I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Darren Danos. Earlier today, I smoked a blunt with a pregnant person. You guys noticed I didn't say woman because I'm gender neutral. But I've never hit a woman in my life. Ever. But that doesn't mean I'll pay another woman to hit that bitch for me. Mainly dykes. I got in an argument with a dyke earlier because I told her that I eat pussy better than a lesbian. Like look at these lips. Like I told him that I eat pussy better than a lesbian.

Like, look at these lips. Like, I stick my lips inside the pussy, talk inside the pussy. I might even record my next album inside the pussy. But don't think like I'm stupid enough to just like use my lips. Like, I also use my tongue, I use my fingers, but last but not least, I use my heart.

Shut the fuck up. And that's my time, guys. Fuck yeah, Darren David. Luckiest Kill Tony bucket guy ever. Yeah, you've been getting up a lot lately. I love tonight. I love that you're actually dressed like an umpire. Darren, that's interesting.

You actually said that you put your lips in the pussy. You squeeze your lips into the pussy? Is that an actual thing? And then you stick your tongue out through that? How are you able to keep, how much facial force are you pushing in to keep your lips in the pussy while your tongue is also in the pussy. I can't physically figure that out. Unless you're eating a gigantic fucking pussy. It is. It's a huge pussy. You're shaking your head yes. I like big pussy, man. I like big pussy. You like big, sloppy, meaty pussies.

Meaty, yeah. Yeah. Air pong. That sound. You can be able to sit down, put on a bib, right? Some crackers. How old are you? I'm 26, man.

26? Yeah. Where do you stand on eating ass? Oh, man. It was an accident once. There you go. It's interesting to me that you're not into eating ass, though. It seems like you truly love eating pussy.

Oh, boy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. I'm not into eating pussy. you're not into eating ass though. It seems like you truly love eating pussy.

Do it, do it, do it, do it. Look at those little baby butt cheeks. It's like the butt cheeks of a baby child or something. They're little like... It's like a baby child or something like a baby but can you tell me how you hate ass by accident? when she's like laying on her back and like you go

like down front like down and up and you go a little bit too far down what was your reaction? like I was like in my head I was like what the fuck but I didn't want to let her know that I did something I didn't want to do. And by the time you realize it, we know the way you eat. Your lips are inside of her butthole. You're about to do your special fucking, you know, end of independence day fucking...

Fucking tongue comes through the lips. I picture him drunk down there and just trying to cry out his lips. And Ty's like, Who's that? Who's that? This pussy tastes like shit. Can you demonstrate how you would eat pussy? Yeah, like... Let's see it. Show me.

Okay, my tongue... Oh, wow! That's how I really eat pussy. Like, just, like, my lips, because, like, girls used to come up to me, like, oh, I bet you eat pussy good with those lips. So I was, like, I wanted to make a joke about it, and then, like, as I was making a joke about it, a lot of the women were getting, like, upset.

Like, you don't eat pussy with your lips. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Wait, so, first of all, you have women blatantly just walking up i bet you eat my pussy good with those lips and then you're like what is your name i've never met you before usually they're like ratchet so like yeah ratchet a good girl A girl from the streets. I think the older you get, you start liking shit ass, and it's only because you trust that they've learned how to wipe their butt better. Like girls in their 20s, mid-20s to 30s. They're like, eh, eh, eh.

Scratching their butthole for the rest of their life because they didn't get that proper, you know, multiple. That's actually what George Michael's fake was actually about. It's actually true that people in their 30s, those were like, people in their 30s, So Darren, you showed us your powerful tongue movement. Can you show us what Those were like... Even in my third...

So Darren, you showed us your powerful tongue movement. Can you show us what it looks like when you do the lip-tongue thing? Is that what that was? I don't really do it, but when I act it out, I'm like... Don't be afraid to throw a little motorboat in there. Bye Peter. I love that you said that you, one of the parts of your set that I absolutely loved was when you were talking about how you love eating pussy so much, you said that you might record your next album. Next time, let's see if you can. You might record your next album inside the pussy.

Have you released a comedy album before? Yeah, I had someone's pussy before. What? Yeah, someone's pussy. I released it. It's this venue called The Pussy and I recorded my album inside the pussy. Wow. It's a riff.

They said I can't even tell. See it through. How long is it? How long is it? How long is it? Keep it going. 30 minutes, man. Wow, look at that horse. We learned a lot about you.

This guy's tongue like a horse over here. This guy's tongue like a horse over here. Is there a difference between eating a... Have you noticed a definitive difference between eating a normal pussy to a ratchet pussy? Is that something that stands out to you at all? It's kind of beat it up a little bit more. Beat it up? Damn, you added extra letters that you had to. I do that sometimes, like with Hurt, Hurt-it-it. It's gotta really hurt to be able to use that though.

Weirdest pussy you ever had, what was that like, what was your reaction to it? It looked like a Mike Tyson's punch-out character. I think it wasn't weird, but it was just like,'d never seen a pierced clip before at the time so I was like what the fuck? Did you steal whatever gem was there? No, I didn't. It was like a twig. Did you do a trick with your tongue where you tied the cherry knot, you know what I mean? Where you just like undid the pierced thing, put it in your pocket for whatever reason. I don't know who has like, diamond studded pussy rings or something like that.

It must be like a high-end girl. Oh, I don't know. That's just ratchet pussy. That's just like, did you lick the ranch on her? Whatever, I don't know. Anything else for Darren guys? Any other thoughts for Darren? I'd say just keep going man. Keep going, you're doing great. Thanks man, I appreciate that.

Darren Davis, there he goes. He's on Twitter at King Beat City. I'm just gonna pull that out of the bucket for the end of it. Alright, alright. Darren Tavis, there he goes. He's on Twitter at King Beat City. You guys are so ridiculous with that one song that you somehow try to read over and over again. You've seen this guy a great many times since the beginning of this show. He just got pulled out of the bucket right here. Put your hands together for Tim Greer. Let's go! What up?

Celebrating my 30th birthday. I'm thankful I have kids. I just realized I want ugly kids. I do. I want kids so ugly if they come out gay, I get it. Like, son, you know what's first? I'm starting to date women with kids. Most of the bitches I date have their kids tatted on them. Like, there's one chick I'm fucking with, her kids are tatted on her lower back.

It's very awkward coming with kids. I just don't know what's fun to do. That was funny, I enjoyed it. My name is Tim Grier. Thank you. Seriously, please, for the moment, God. One, two, three, four. No. One, two, three, four. Do you know the time is still going right now?

Yeah, here it is. That's a minute right now. So is that a true story? Yeah. It's true so you can come down to kids. I've come down to girl's dead father because she had it all over her chest. And after they moved it, I made it look like he was eating it and she was like, stop, that's disrespectful. I didn't know it was her dead dad, I thought it was just a guy's face.

Oh, I'm a Red fan. Tim, that was a fun set. You didn't do your full minute. But that was fun. We've known you as a comedian in LA for how long now? Five years. Five years. How's life? You're a grinder, you do a lot of spots everywhere, we all know that. We see you around a lot. Anything interesting going on? It's his birthday. He's been telling us this for two weeks. He's actually one of those guys that says, it's my birthday week. I'm celebrating my birthday Yeah, he's Kanye blessed

Okay, mister I didn't even finish a minute. Wow, it's jackass versus black ass. Awesome! Awesome! What do you do for work, Tim? How do you make money? I make background work. Background work? Well, you sort of are right now. You're proven. It's not as background as it sounds. More like blackground work, am I right?

Oh, come on! Wait a second. Ooooooooh! I don't think Knoxville would be able to do a Tony Hinge clip impression. Alright, Tim, let's talk about it. Uh, you can actually survive off of background work? Yeah. Crashing on couches?

Yeah. How long have you been doing that for? The whole time, right? I don't know. No. I had a bit at one point. It is weird. Sometimes I remember going back and forth. Sometimes it was better than sometimes it was just... I feel like it's the quality of couch that matters.

Like, I've upgraded couches. That's so important. How much is your quality of background? Four or five days a week. He looks like the guy that trapped R. Kelly in the closet. He might be the nigga he came came out the closet with you. Oh, hey Tim, stick it over here. When you do your background work and they like hire you for the day or whatever, do you just leave halfway through?

Like you did your 60 second set, do you want to do like 34 out of 60 there? Like can we look for, can we see, can we see you in the background of something for half as long as you were supposed to be? People notice this OJ like juror or anything like that. What can we find you in? I do a lot of the Carmichael show. Audience? Oh shit, you got a background.

Well that's not background work. Well it is, it's in the background. Oh no, that got a background. Well, that's not background work. Well, it is. It's in a background. Oh, no, no, that's a different thing. Wow. The only thing sadder than the answer being background work is finding out that it's back, back, back, back, background work. It's watching background workers. Watching background workers being like,

man, I wish I had been John. Wow. All right, so you're the audience for the Carmichael show. We can hear your laugh there. Where else can we hear your laugh? I laugh when I'm drunk. What? I laugh when I'm drunk.

Oh, here we go. He means movie theaters. I laugh loud when I'm drunk, I don't know. Oh, here we go. He means movie theaters. I don't trust a man in a thong. I take that personally. That might be the funniest butt I've ever seen. It's so funny.

It's weird because it's not like it's a flat butt. There are butt cheeks, but they're like super rounded and tiny. They're like two little cupcakes. He's like that new American Donald. Looks like he sat on two cupcakes. Alright, so Tim, this is an interesting thing that I always remember from back in the days, like, you know, hooking up with chicks and being, I remember surfing on couches and having busted-ass air mattresses and I've always said, you know, if you get like a five back to an air

mattress that's like getting a nine in a bed, you know what I mean? It's hard, it's a hard sell. That actually brings up, that actually brings up a question of mine. What's your favorite U2 song to have sex to? Mine's where the streets have no name. One time, one time, this girl, right, she wasn't really into it, you know? Like I was trying to kind of make the moves, but she wasn't feeling it.

And my new song that night was, With or Without You. Steve-O sets it up, and Steve-O sets it up and Steve-O spikes it. Yeah, Jack Top, you know? What is YouTube? Is it techno? What is YouTube? That's a band? It's a website that you watch videos on.

No, no, no. So Tim, my question is this. You ever get a hot chick back to her couch and then when they're like, hey, what do you say we go to your bedroom? And you're like, this is my baby. Has that ever happened to you? No, I don't give a fuck which is what house it's in.

Wow, is that true? That sounds like a dope rap song. The shizzle-dizzle. The big house, the little chisel. Is it true? Houses? I mean an apartment would probably do, right? What is on your rider, exactly? Two bedroom, two and a half bath,

light song. I don't care, we and a half bath, Lysol? I don't care, we should have a box, I don't know. Anyone ever recognize your laugh from the Carmichael show? Hey, are you that one guy amongst the hundreds that's... I mean, I do have that laugh though. Ah ha ha! That's my laugh. Wait, that's not an NBC laugh. It's a black show.

That's a an NBC laugh. It's a black show! That's a scary clown laugh. One insane human. Can we hear your laugh one more time? No? You took it? Alright. What do you guys think about Tim Greer? Anything else for Tim? He's got a little baby.

What would you consider that? A man bun at the back of that thing? What would you consider that? Some kind of like super top belly button type of thing? Stylish. It is, right? You could tie a kite to that. Tie a piece of string to that and perhaps a young child's falling out tooth. Then he could do his lap, and the tooth comes right out. Yeah.

You ever, uh, you ever get involved in a gang? Gang? Whoa! I see what you did there. Where are you from originally? Dallas. Dallas. How long material do you have? Like, How long would you say you're comfortable with? 35-40. 35-40? Why do you only do 30 seconds though?

Because I don't want to hear that stupid sound you play when you run over 60 seconds. Well you hear a cat first. Meow. It's not a good pussy. Oh, you just think of the first thing that pops in your head. Alright, Tim. You just think of the first thing that pops in your head. Duh. Alright, Tim. Well. Is Josh Martin in here? Yeah.

I think we need... What? Why? Who asks that? Why? Go. What do you want? I want a beer.

There you go. Whoever sees Josh next, tell them that I'll text him that one. Boy, we made that way too big of a thing. It will never, ever need to be again. I'll wrap it up. Josh also did background work for the Carmichael show. Fun fact. Not everything has to be funny, you fucks. Alright, Tim, we're going to move on.

It was good to see you again. Very funny stuff. Very good. Only 35 seconds. All the comedy is 60 seconds. Imagine if it was just 35 seconds. Not one premature ejaculation joke to go with that. True. I was trying to think of, when I said the gang related thing because I was gonna wire in something about him laughing like a crypt keeper. I figured I'd mention half joke since I'll never be able to use it again. Pulled yet another name out of the bucket.

Put your hands together for Kevin Mac! Fuck yeah! Give me a slam! Do do do! Fuck yeah! In my ass! Apparently I'm catfishing the gay community. Was at Starbucks the other day and this little gay guy taps me on the shoulder and he goes, You're a fucking asshole, you know turn around i go yeah i know that but how the fuck do you know that

because we met on grinder we've been talking for weeks you got what you wanted from me and then you disappeared and i said well what did i get you said you needed a thousand dollars to stay in your apartment so i spent you a thousand000 through PayPal, and as soon as you got it, you disappeared. I said, I'm sorry you got catfished. That's terrible. But more importantly, you sent a stranger $1,000 through PayPal? He goes, yes. So I'm on Grindr now. I think it's made a great second source of income. I think it's made a great second source of income. What I'm saying is I suck dicks for money, people.

Look at this face. That's it. There you go. Thank you, Chris. Is that true? Is that really true? No, I've never sucked a dick. But I did let a gay guy blow me once. What was that? I did let a gay guy blow me once. What was that? I did let a gay guy blow me once. Is that true? How much did you get paid for that?

I didn't get paid, I just did it for the experience. Really? I was like, nah, I was 17. Why do you want to know the age of that? Because it could have been last week or it could have been in high school, it could have been in college, it could have been tomorrow. Let me ask you this. Did you notice a difference having a guy suck your dick compared to a chick? Did the guy put his lips around it and then try to put his tongue out? Did he have his eyes closed or was one eye open like a pot mind?

He was the only gay kid in our high school. and I was the only well no let me correct you you were the only other gay kid one time a dude sucked my dick and I was totally underwhelmed I was like man you would what, this time the dude sucks my dick. And I was totally underwhelmed. I was like, man. You would expect a dude to do a much better job. Exactly. Work a little harder. I mean, you would know what you're working with. Yeah. I mean, they should do like a man job. Like if a man was building a house, they would do it more aggressively than a woman.

I think what it is though is they have tits and vaginas and butts and stuff so like it's not that good of a thing but then you have all this other stuff to play with when guys don't you just have the dick suck. Dick great dude. But it's easier to do it than a dick suck. That makes no sense. You know guys don't have any, it's not like a dick and balls for the gay guy to be into if they're getting a butt job. There's nothing. If I don't it, then it doesn't exist. It didn't last long enough for me to really give him a fair shot.

Like, as soon as his lips touched my dick, I didn't even think about that. Like, as soon as his lips got on my dick, I was like, I'm not gonna work out. Wait, really? Is that is that you made it all the way to lips on tip you wait for white flag you pulled your dick out you saw him go down his lips hit the dick and right then you're like, fuck this shit. That's some fucking young tantrum masturbation. But wait, in my defense, in my defense, I wasn't hard.

Talk about dick tease. It's a double dick tease. I really am. Hey, Steve-o, did you finish when the guy sucked your dick? Oh yeah. There was more to the story. I didn't know it was a dude. I did not know it was a dude. I was told it was a person who was hermaphrodite and I was assured that they had a surgical operation to remove the male parts leaving nothing but chick, right? So I went for it, you know, it seemed a little weird, you know.

Then I was talking to Dr. Drew on Loveline, I told him, and he said, Dude, Steve-o, there's no such thing as a hermaphrodite. What happened was a dude sucked your dick. Yeah. And that's when I was so confused because I was like, fuck. You would expect a dude to do a much better job. Yeah.

And by the way, to answer your question, Steve-O doesn't actually cum. His dick just aggressively pukes. That's what it sounds like. And then Rip'sick does the same. It's season. Fucking Tony Hinchcliffe. Great. I love you.

Kevin Mack, you are somewhat likable, but extremely douchey. I mean, I really cut off. I mean, I know this. You're aware of this. That's why I wore the NASA shirt. I was like, maybe the nerds will accept me. You have a new haircut. I feel like that is very, very, very...

They just stopped trusting you. Like, you're a great fucking call for catfishing on Grindr. I mean, right? Like, that part of the story's true, huh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, fuck, if I was gay, I'd fucking... I'd be so stoked. I thought we just clarified that you ARE gay.

He needs Dr. Drew to come in and tell him that it's true. I feel like your drinking smell's somehow gonna throw up on me. What's your heart? Thank you. I need it. I need all the blessing I need on my heart. When you told the guy, uh, stop now, his lips touch your dick, you're like, I can't do this what did he say he said the first words out of his mouth were really yeah really yeah really all right so I should add to this story you already came problem with the timeline here it's very OJ this one side says that right when the lips touch he stopped them.

I bet another side says seven and a half minutes go by. So you... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hey man, I'm not into this. I'm sorry. Try the butt. Yeah. Hey, I'm not kidding or anything.

I can't do this blow job thing. Bend over. Give me that mayonnaise right now. Pull my hair out. You know I'm an actor because of the other time I was on here. And also because of the haircut, it's very Pulp Fiction. Uma Thurman's character. All of this happened backstage of a school play.

Oh yeah, well no, that's where every guy gets his dicks on. That's not a very uncommon thing. I was like, I do theater, am I gay? And then I realized that I'm not gay, I just do theater. It's time for gym! Worst intermission ever! Come on and play Bill! Hey, hey, Johnny Knoxville, I'm getting kinda thirsty could you hook me up? Hey, I'm getting kinda thirsty, Johnny Knoxville, could you hook me up?

What is that connected to? It's butt! It's going to his ass. It really is in his butt. Wow. Go backwards. On with the show! Did you talk about it again? Oh yeah.

I can't fish the gay community. I don't know if you need to do, maybe I'm wrong about this, I don't know if you need to do this. Did you talk about it again? Oh, yeah. I catfish the gay community. I don't know if you need to do... Maybe I'm wrong about this. I don't know if you need to do the gay voice to talk about whatever you're talking about. Yeah. I don't really know.

I like the gay voice. He's really good at doing the gay voice. He's very believable. It does come off a little bit kind of mean-spirited. Exactly. And it's an interesting thing where you can probably, I would try it both ways. Putting back dick. I already did that a little more ago. How long after the gay guy sucked dick, did you beat him up?

That's a real question. To be fair, he was also playing a female character in the play. So he was like dressed in drag when this happened. You're just trying to make this all less gay. Well, Steve-O made me feel better about it when he was like, yeah, I got my dick sucked by a dude, and then he was like, but I thought it was a girl. So I'm like, fuck, I'm the only one on stage. Welcome to being catfished. Who's catfished now? I mean, he was backstage, he wasn't even drunk, dude.

That's super in. I was like bordering on black duck. I was 17. 17? Wow, that's older than we thought you were. You know how old the play was? I do. It was Noises Off. It's like a British comedy. Yeah. Noises Off. That's fitting, right? Shh. I don't know what that means.

As I was taking a bite, you had a... Sounds like you had a Hamill-ton of gay sex. Fuck yeah. He was really... sex he was really more every time I come on this show I really want to hook up with the Broadway I rather like a brother so I say some shit that's gonna get me fucked at Rose Battle. No, it's gonna get your dick sucked by a dude. I thought it was a production of Into the Dudes.

Into the Woods with dudes. I swear to you he was not. It was a very smart play joke. If you're gonna call me gay, you should at least come up with good quips. I wanted to see cats, but there was too much pussy. Take that, take that, bitch.

That's how it's played. Dude, this guy knows all my references. He is gay. It was also in the hit play Romeo and Romeo. We beat at Midnight's ass in any of this. We're just, this is what we riff for fun. They have a staff of writers over there, by the way.

Not live whatsoever, edited high and tight. Why hasn't anybody come up with like, Les Misster yet, or something like that? Because it was that funny? Alright Kevin we spent way too much time with you. Great stories though. Way to be honest and fun stuff. You guys want to do something super fun and then get back to the bucket in a minute? How many of you are diehard Kill Tony fans in this show? You know I am. Huge fucking fan.

Huge, huge fan of this show I am. And a very special thing is we've always had regulars on this show that perform a brand new 60 Seconds every single week. Our regular Allie Makovsky went to New York City for a few months, and now, guess what? She is back. And she's here right now. Put your hands together for the great Allie McCoskey. I love the deafening

silence. She's back. Everyone's like, fuck, I just want another bucket spot. I've been sleeping with this guy, which was a disaster. It was Valentine's Day, and my dad bought my It was Valentine's Day and my dad bought my dog a Valentine's Day gift and the guy that I'm fucking didn't even buy me McDonald's.

I tweeted that. The guy I'm fucking saw the tweet and he was like, hey, we should just be friends. I don't want to be a dick, but I can't believe I'm just the guy you're fucking. I was like, what else are you? You're not even the guy who buys me McDonald's Thank you guys so much I always fake orgasms because I don't know when else sex is supposed to stop. That's it. Boom. I like the costume.

Keeping something from real life. And you carried it into a whole thing there. The tweet, you came back. The orgasm thing, is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a crazy statistic that says there's an insane percentage of women that just can't orgasm can you orgasm I have a bit about that which connects well with that thing but I just ended with that that's always cool you have fun in New York I had a great time in New York a lot of spots yeah yeah I

did a lot of open legs did some shows was great. I'm excited to be back though. You go to Queens and see the guy's mom? Yeah. She's gonna get a slice of your... She'll check your phone. So was this guy skateboarding your date? Yeah! Well I wasn't dating... This is before. I have a thing. It's a thing. Oh, you have a thing for skater boys? Yeah, I do. I feel like I'm trapped in a skater boy's body so I just fuck them to live through them.

Like, vicariously. Also, my boy's body so I just fuck them to live through them like vicariously. Awesome! Also my cousin's here so this is kinda weird. Stink 182. So that's an interesting thing. When you were in New York we noticed you became absolutely famous. You were on Good Morning America and so many other things, because you were right in front of the camera when Shia LaBeouf got arrested. You had this possessed look in your eyes, staring right down camera.

You were on every television across America taking up half the screen. It was like, he will not divide us. He will not divide us. He will not divide us. We were so scared for you. Oh, you shouldn't have been scared. That's so great. Because that's the only thing Donald Trump actually does is divide everybody.

Yeah. And he's totally dividing you by you even saying that he's not dividing you. It was just fun. I don't care. It was just a good time. I wasn't working out there. I was just doing stand I don't care. Like, it was just a good time. I didn't, you know, I wasn't working out there. I was just doing stand-up at night, so it was fun to go there. I met a bunch of cool people. But yeah, it was crazy having it, like, blow up and being there when

it blew up, because I was on the train, and I'm standing, and I'm wearing that, like, orange beanie that was in the video, and I just see this old couple looking at their phone, and they're looking at me, and they're looking at me and they're looking at their phone and the husband's like look at that's the girl and then the wife goes Shia LaBeouf I was like no and then my mom was freaking out because I was on Wendy Williams I am Shia LaBeouf I'm a transformer yeah my mom was freaking out she's like should I tell Wendy Williams that that's you in the video? And I was like, no, mom. This isn't what I want to be known for. I was just going there to pass time.

You were here with your mom just a few weeks ago? Yeah. Right, yeah, I saw that. Yeah, I saw you. You were with, is that where you met this new guy that wouldn't buy you McDonald's? No. And he will not divide us? No, I met him on a different trip to New York.

Ooh. Yeah. Now, but you were out there a lot, because the one, after, you know, I was a little concerned with the he will not divide us thing. I checked in with you, I think we texted. Yeah, yeah, we texted. Yeah, everything was good. Everything was okay, blah, blah, blah, blah, because you just totally seemed like you had

joined a cult. No, not yet. I really want to, though. It's just what it looked like. I'm not saying that you're like you had joined a cult. No, not yet. I really want to, though. It's just what it looked like. I'm not saying that you're, like, weak-minded or anything. I'm just saying it looked... I mean, you were just in fucking character. Like, you were almost like that girl from The Ring

that, like, crawls out of a TV. I'm like, oh, my God. Were you saying, she will not divide us? Yeah. Oh, that's... It's how she was saying it, with no spirit. What's it...

She will not divide us. She will not spirit. Because she did not divide us. She did not divide us. She did not divide us. She is a bunch of other people that are little parts of the family. She will not divide us. Of course not. Yeah, he was there. And then I just happened to be like, I happened to be there every time that something blew up around him.

You were not camera shy at all. No, so then everyone was like, are you just living there? And I was like, no, I just happen to be there at these. Did Shia LaBeouf buy you McDonald's? He bought me coffee. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Nice guy. So you had sex with Shia LaBeouf. Yeah. He bought her the coffee after that. I don't know. We totally lost eye contact when she said that. Oh yeah? I'm very, I study body language and shit. Do you, I have a question for you, Stuart. Sure, go change the subject.

Do you get angry at David Blaine for barfing up Goldfish and you're like, bro, I did that? I got angry at him for not barfing it up, I think. Right? He killed it. He killed it. That's what it was. I'm not angry at him. I think he's great.

Okay, good. I love David Blaine. So you guys are even Stevens then? Yeah. But it did seem kind of cruel. That's one trick I'm not super into. So yeah, I can say yes. My answer is yes.

I love it. Well, what else happened crazy in New York Valley? Anything else? Where else are you in life? In life, I'm it. Well what else happened crazy in New York Valley? Anything else? Where else are you in life? Um, in life I'm good. I'm um, yeah I don't know. I'm fine. You just got back today. I just got back today, yeah. And they, so when I got on the plane they were like, they were like, uh, oh the left engine is leaking. So that either means nothing or we'll check back in and then five minutes later...

When that happened were you all like, this will not divide us it happen? Were you all like this will not divide us? This will not divide us? This will not divide us? No. No, keep going on. It's in the past, baby. Oh yeah it is, I love it. Kelly, this guy you were fucking, did he have a benign or malignant tumor on his leg?

What a thing, what a banana. Oh my god, I'm so sick of that. There's gotta be three other buttons you can hit. You name a succession. How long have you been playing this? How many years have you been playing this saxophone? That's our new song, dude. Years, right? Very good, there you go.

Alright. Okay, okay. Two songs, bitch. Tuck, chuck, tuck, chuck. Two songs, bitch. Oh, I love it. Well, we're very happy that you're back. Anything else for Ally, guys? She's a cold-blooded assassin. She kills with a new 60 seconds every single week. She's great. You're on your way.

How's your longer sets been going? Like your ten minutes? Longer sets have been good, because now it's like the small, like how I closed with the short thing, it's all kind of going together and I'm putting... It really is, I don't think it really gets said enough on this show, I don't know if it really ever gets said, but I mean if you can kill in 60 seconds you can do absolutely anything. String it together, I mean, and a lot of people complain when they come to the comedy store about three minute long sets but yeah you can count in six seconds I mean there's no conclusive proof that you can do a host of jobs engineer being one of them

Jesus So You get a little A little more A little more alt every week It's true Alright well There you go Welcome back to town

Give her a big round of applause Your regular staff. Give it up for Alex and Kosti. Again, good to see you. She's going to be one of the best comedians in the world. Shizzle Dizzle. I pulled yet another name out of the bucket. You guys want to do this one last time?

One more crazy. Previews go to Kevin Lee. Here we go. Kevin Lee. Plot all you want. I'll make more. I'm from Indiana and so is my personality. I'm from Indiana and so is my personality.

I was thinking about this. Anyone in here ever get a DUI? Any couple? Anyone in here ever have an IUD? I was thinking those two things are a lot alike, right? You get them when you're 16, right? You can't remember the second part of this joke. And they have a lot of the same letters.

So, I was also thinking about this. Anyone in here ever get HIV? Anyone in here ever get HIV? Anyone in here ever watch VH1? They're kind of like the same thing, right? They're big in the 80s. Freddie Mercury's all over it. If you have any other questions, contact your cable provider. All right. Yeah, it's fun!

Was there really a part that you forgot about the first one? Yeah. What was it? D-U-I-I-U-D. You get them when you're 16. They both take place inside you. I'm curious as to what it was, because it seemed like... Kevin's a genius. Yeah, it seems like it.

We hang out a lot. We write stuff together. He's been on the show, right? He's been with you. Kevin's awesome. Yeah, we know Kevin. He came out firing like a little anxious. The gate.

Yeah. Yeah, he did very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it did very good. Hey, anybody in here go to the DMV? You know, it's a lot like smoking DMT. You communicate with, like, the most indecipherable being of all time. You're gonna get nauseous. And if something goes wrong, you have to beg your friends to drive you around for three months. No, stop playing that god damn song!

You're so stupid. You're fired! What is that? Alright, well Kevin let's get into it. You have a quirky personality, I can tell. You're very like, oh, you know, I like that. How long have you been doing stand-up? Like a cool decade. Yeah, I love it. I feel like I've seen you around a lot more. That makes sense. What do you do for work?

I'm unemployed, surprisingly. Oh my god, stop. What are the odds? What was the last job you had? If Red Band tells you to stop something annoying, it's bad. It's really bad. It's your fault for bringing it up now. No it's not, we're just doing it. You know what, it's Rick Kosick's fault.

That's Rick's fault. I like it, keep playing it. Mr. Nice Guy. Hey, anyone in here ever see UFOs? Yeah. And anyone in here ever watch UFC? I was thinking they're a lot alike. They're both shaped like octagons.

Joe Rogan believes in both of them. If you have any other questions, contact your cable provider. Did you just write that right then? No. You just couldn't get to it. So in the 60 seconds thing, you didn't do that one. That's crazy. What the fuck was the point in the indiana part i don't know man

that's where i'm from ice break what part of indiana indianapolis right near the middle i think with your cool style i don't think you need ice break ever i i mean i i'm a fan of that of good writing and silly shit. I'm not a fan of ice breaking. I knew you when you came up and it was like, I have a personality thing. It's quirky. I get it. You're so fucking smart and cool

and experienced that I would just stay in that pocket. If you got into that and then were able to even jump in. It may have saved you the eight seconds necessary to squeeze out the UFC thing. It would have been right on the line and I probably would have, you know, stopped the bear after the cat

because you would have been killing with momentum. You know what I mean? It's just an example. Overall, I'm just saying I'm a fan and it's hilarious. I don't know if it's true. It changed the opening joke, that personality joke, because he usually says, I'm from Indiana and so is my haircut.

That's true. It is. So I changed that opening joke. Very good. Pat, not only his friend, but also his attorney, manager, publicist, marketing director. And Pat,

if you were worried about yourself as much as you worried about Kevin, you would have probably had a lot better of an episode tonight. I'm sorry. I was kidding. I'm sorry, guys. Don't do that to my voice. you worried about Kevin, you would have probably had a lot better of an episode tonight. I was kidding. I'm sorry, guys. Don't do that to my boys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Pat. You were great. Kevin, I love you. That was a great set. We're going to end this show.

Thanks a lot. Great work. Here's my favorite K.R.E. Daly. K-L-E-E. Daly. Kevin Mac is the K-Night official. Wow. Look at him drawing from Ryan Shadybelt. I'm getting shot out of a cannon. Rick's got a camera and Steve-O is lighting the cannon with Red Band on top.

What the hell, they're with horns. Ryan Shadybelt's a beast. All those prints are available at RyanShadybelt.com. Powerful Jamie Vernon is the powerful hoodie that I just wore out in Canada and Portland and a bunch of fun places. You guys are so much fun. Steve-O, where are you touring next? Where are you up to? Tell these demonic, amazing comedy fans so they can come see you. I'll be at SideSquitters in Tampa all this weekend. And, uh, fuck, where's the place in North Carolina?

Charlotte, North Carolina next weekend goodnight Charlie's goodnight Tampa this weekend Charlotte next weekend Rick you're still working cameras for some of my favorite things on the WWE network you write an amazing amazing magazine article what's that?

I work on Gorilla Flicks website but I recently shot the second season of King of the Road to summer on Hulu. Check it all out. Follow Rick Kozik. R-I-C-K K-O-S-I-K What's your social media? Check out his new ping pong video. He has two of them. And the latest one is amazing. He just throws these balls into these girls

cleavage. It's amazing. Joel Jimenez is on Twitter at MostlySorry. Absolutely unbelievable work tonight. Good job, man. Yeah, good job. And the cutest little man butt I've ever seen. That butt was made for comedy. Look at this funny thing one last time.

The old turtle dog. Oh! You're making it cute. Jeremiah Watkins, if you reach out to him, he'll actually respond. It's true. Add Jeremiah to stand-up on Twitter, reaganwatkins.com for a new video that we have out, and come see Stand Up On The Spot live

here at the Comedy Store. Great show. I love that show. And check me out at SideSplitters in Tampa. Peace, everybody. And make sure you download Bad Chat on absolutely everything. Review it, because you're gonna absolutely love it.

Pat Reagan. And also check out're going to absolutely love it. Pat Reagan. And also check out Reagan & Watkins on YouTube. What's that YouTube account with your new video? ReaganandWatkins.com. Love it. That's the Kiltoni band. This has been Kiltoni. Thank you, live audience.

See you guys. Thank you. Thank you. With my full capability And now I'm living in correctional facilities Cause some don't agree with how I do this I get straight and meditate like a Buddhist I'm trying to figure my behavior is hereditary But my technique is very necessary Blame it on IQ Because he said it get funky

When you got a subject and a predicate Add it on a dope beat And it'll make you faint Some sucker just tickle me Choo choo choo choo choo choo I hate this one You know what? I'm gonna kiss her, They chew, chew, chew, chew, chew, chew I hate this one You know what? I'm gonna kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her

I'm gonna sing this song for you I'm gonna sing this song for you Amen. you you