KILL TONY - KILL TONY #200

Episode Date: March 19, 2017

Dave Atell, Ron White, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 03/06/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony 200 episodes. Wow. If you want to see Kill Tony live, this is the time to do it. We have a bunch of shows that are coming to you on the road, and you can always go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates to find out all the different shows. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store, and that's a free show, do we do Kill Tony every Monday at the World Famous Comedy Store? And that's a free

show. You could also see us in Houston and Austin coming next month. April 21st Kill Tony will be at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. That's Friday, April 21st. And then two days later, we're going to be in Houston

doing the same thing. Kill Tony Houston. That's a Sunday, April 23rd. And that's at the Secret Group. That really cool thing. Kill Tony Houston. That's a Sunday, April 23rd. And that's at the Secret Group, that really cool new comedy club in Houston. And then right after we do Kill Tony, at 10 o'clock, April 23rd, we're doing a secret show.

Now, this is a really cool show. And I wish I could tell you who the secret guest is. But I can't because he has a contract, because he's going to be in Houston later, but who are we there with in Houston? Who does Kill Tony with me? Well, I can't say who it is, but if you want to come to that show, that's going to be fun.

So that's going to be with Luis J. Gomez, Jeremiah Watkins, Josh Martin, and Lucas Hurl, and me. And then we have that secret guest that you should figure out pretty easily. And we might even have some more secret guests because there's a lot of comics that are going to be in Houston and Austin. So you never know who I'm going to pull out of the hat. So check that out. Again, that's April 21st for Austin, Kill Tony, April 23rd, Houston, and April 23rd, Secret Show. So make it a night, Sunday.

Just go to both shows. Come on. Also, if you live in Los Angeles, you're in luck because we have so many shows coming up for Death Squad. Not only do we have Death Squad Ice House every first and third Friday at the Ice House Comedy Club in Pasadena. We also have the Death Squad Secret Show in the main room of the Comedy Store. The next one is March 30th. And we also have been doing shows at the laugh factory every second and fourth week so we have one coming up on march 29th and that's at the laugh factory all this can be found by going to

death squad.tv and clicking on tour dates don't forget to go to tony hinchcliffe's website he's all over the place he's been on the road every week almost so you go to tonyhenchcliffe.com and check out his tour dates and his merchandise and all that fun stuff. And Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. He also has a new Kill Tony poster about to be released. So check him out, RyanJEbelt.com for all his art and prints. And last but not least, don't forget to go to ShopSquad.tv for the official death squad merchandise or if you just

want to donate to us check out shop squad.tv all right guys here's a brand new episode of kill tony number 200 Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live for episode 200 of Kill Tony. Here's Tony Hitchclap! Wow, hello, good evening. Welcome to the number one live podcast in the world, episode 200. Make some fucking noise. Holy shit. This show's fucking crazy.

We're going to have so much fun tonight. Brian Redband's here to my left, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, what's up, guys? We have the great Ryan J. Ebelt drawing tonight's episode. He has a blank sheet of paper in front of him. While you lazy asses sit there and enjoy the show, he's literally drawing a special drawing of tonight's episode live as it happens. Those are all available at ryanjubelt.com.

So is the official Kill Tony poster. Special shout-out to the powerful Jamie Vernon on the HD camera in the back. And to the great Mitzi Shore. Not quite spoken enough for having this amazing building. Put your hands together for the Comedy Store being our happy home. June, it'll be four years. That's 52 weeks a year. This is episode 200 of Kill Tony.

This show is also going to be in both Austin, Texas on April 21st. And Houston on April 23rd, which is a Sunday. So we're having two shows. And the Houston show, I have a secret show going on there. And we're also, as some people are doing, which is a Sunday. So we're having two shows, and the Houston show, I have a secret show going on there. And we're also, some people are doing stand-up comedy there at that show in Houston. Other than that, we're touring. Check out our websites, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Who's ready to start tonight's motherfucking show, huh? Let's jump right into it. I'm going to bring up your two guests for tonight, your two secret, not-so-secret-anymore-kill-Tony guests. Every single episode, I up your two guests for tonight. Your two secret, not so secret anymore Kill Tony guests. Every single episode, I always have two of the funniest people, two of my funniest friends in the world as guests on this show. This week is no different. Put your hands together

for the great Dave Attell and Ron White. Yeah! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Yee-hoo! The great Ron White. The all-powerful Dave Attell.

Welcome, my friend. We got some number one tequila, which we have already indulged in. That's Ron's amazing fucking tequila. Thank you. Ron, this is your first time on the show. Welcome to Kill Tony. I thought I was going to be a contestant. I've got a solid 60 seconds that nobody's heard.

I put my money on Ron right now. Go ahead. Is this a competition, Tony? Laringa. Laringa. You can bet on anything. I'm going to definitely bet on this one. Thank you.

First of all, I was on the 100th episode. Yes, we get you every 100 episodes. I love it. And I didn't think it would go this long, but how about a hand for Tony and the crew? I really didn't. We wouldn't have made it this long had you not been on episode 100.

I thought by this time it would be some kind of house-flipping tutorial on YouTube. I also have that coming out in a couple weeks. That is on YouTube on my page. You guys ready to keep it going? We have a band. We have a band, and we've had a band, and I'm going to bring them up. Every single week they do something special and different.

I never know what they're going to do, some wacky entrance. Put your hands together for the Kill Tony band. Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Jimenez. Yes. Oh, boy. Pat Reagan. Oh, boy. Yeah, a little special recorded SNL intro. Wow.

I love that. This band is hot. It is. I didn't know Tom Petty had a daughter. Jeremiah. Jeremiah. Hey, what is this guy scribbling about over there? What's happening? That guy there is...

Is he sending out a raven? Is this Game of Thrones? Is that what it is? He draws every episode. That's Ryan J.E. Belt. Oh, that's weird. Does that ever get you laid? I draw comedy shows?

Does that ever get you laid? I draw comedy shows? Ron, what do you think? You know what? I think it's going to get him laid if he keeps on doing it. I find him interesting and engaging, and I just wonder what's going on over there. Wow. Give it up for Tequila, everybody.

Bonus points for Ryan J. Ebel. So let's just get in tonight's show. This is the first time ever, I do believe, in which over 70 comedians signed up for the chance. This is, make some fucking noise, comedians. Holy shit. Unbelievable. People signed up for the,

we only get through so many, but they signed up for the opportunity to do 60 seconds uninterrupted on this very stage, on this very show. You know your time is up. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the

Angry West Hollywood Bear. That's what it sounds like. You don't want to hear that. What is that? That means you ran the light. You go a few seconds too long. I should have known that. I had no idea what I was getting into. Ron has listened to every episode of this podcast.

That's not true. Oh, I stay up late at night listening to this. So let's just get into it. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Anything can happen. How do you feel, Jeremiah? Are you good over there? I can happen. How do you feel, Jeremiah? Are you good over there? I feel great. You know, our intro is the best of the band.

You're going to be seeing some characters from past episodes sprinkled throughout this episode. Oh! That's why it's a little underwhelming at the top, but just hold on tight. I like that. That was smooth. We have a lot of favorite characters that these guys do. Reagan and Watkins has been one of the great evolutions of this show.

Nice. Wow, the first person I pulled out of the bucket was the first person I ever met here at the Comedy Store. We were both signing up for the open mic outside when I met him, and here he is, first out of the bucket. Eddie Whitehead Jr. Eddie! Eddie. There you go. He's thinner than I remember.

Yeah, I'm free, free ballin'. Wow, that's what you wanted to get in there? Wait, how did he do How did he do What he wasn't here No he wasn't here You have to be present to win There's no winners and losers

This is like a new level of voter fraud It's not a competition Eddie is a homeless guy So he missed his spot I guess his homelessness Has nothing to, so he missed his spot. I guess his homelessness has nothing to do with him missing his spot. I just wanted to let you know he's a homeless guy. I wonder what Eddie Whitehead Sr. thinks. Very disappointed.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands, this looks like a new name, put your hands together for Kelsey Lane. Kelsey. Here she comes. It's a real human being. This way, this way, this way. Nice. Come on, make some noise for Kelsey Lane, everybody. Here we go.

Thanks, guys. I'm going to sing a song tonight. It's for all the chauvinistic, misogynistic men out there who view women as less than equal, who view them as sexual objects. The song's for you.

Stop! Thank you so much. It was my only song that was a minute or less, so. That's good. You still have 34 seconds left. Are you, is that everything? Actually, it was 42 seconds.

My girlfriend just broke up with me. I miss her like I miss my hymen. It hurts at first, but I'm glad she's gone in the long run. Yeah. You're gay? You have 20 more seconds. I smoke cigarettes because I'm an organ donor

and I just want them to know that they're getting this shit used. Ten more. Okay, I think that's enough. Kelsey Lane, ladies and gentlemen. There you go. Interesting. That was awful. Well, Brian,

you really wasted everybody's time. All these 70s people here that actually tried. The 70s people? All these elderly people. Kelsey, what's the story? How long have you been in stand-up? About a year and a half.

Where at? All over. Just in LA. All over town Oh, just in L.A. All over. All over town, yeah, but just in Los Angeles. Yeah, all over. Heard of it, Tony? Oh, I remember this character.

This was the marching women. This was the marching women from a couple months ago. What are they called? Feminists, right? Yeah. Yeah. And this is what I'm going to say like Kelsey did in her song about you attacking her.

Stop. Stop. Wow. Alright. Interesting. So the two women I hang out with to make me look better. Shut up, you bitch. Kelsey, over here, over here.

What do you do for work? How do you make a living? I have my own live streaming web show during the day. Wait, wait, wait. What was that? Yeah, he asked what you do for work. Cam girl. Yeah, I know.

It sounds like I'm a camgirl when I describe it like that, but it's sonicbox.com. What's Sonicbox? That was degrading to women, that song, Red Band. You insinuated that she's a stripper, and all of us women don't appreciate it. And then at night, I await tables at Flappers. Flappers.

Brian Redband on the ones and twos. Somehow Flappers did sound crazier than live streaming on Sonic Box during the day. Wow. Waitressing at Flappers. I mean, wow.

So you're watching some of the worst types of comedians just go up while waiting tables. That sounds like double nightmares. You know Flappers has a Burbank Comedy Festival and comedians, you can apply.

It's $50. It doesn't mean you're going to be on the show. Really? It's just randomized? That sounds great. And there's also a Kickstarter to help them build a bathroom. Brian, there's a whole show going on over here, Brian. Welcome back. It's a big laugh on the She's My Cherry Pie

and then he gets a little wacky with everything. The question is, Red Man, what did flappers do to you? Oh, there you go. Kelsey, do you normally perform with a guitar? Yeah, typically. And do you normally do songs and stuff? Yeah.

Original or parody? Original. Original, like the one you just sang? Yes. That was really good. How long is one of your songs? Short. I mean, I know,

but wasn't there like a song you could have got to the chorus and then just tripped it right there? I don't... I mean, yeah, I guess. But I was like, it's only going to be a minute, so it took me like three minutes long.

Yeah, but you did 13 seconds. Yeah, it was really short. Honestly, I thought it might have been longer. I don't know. That's what we always think, girl. One of our favorite characters ever. Feminist Jeremiah Watkins. Wait, what was the character's name?

It's Daisy. It's good to see your friend again, the great Alanis Morissette. She hasn't showered since last time either. Wow. Looks more like Howard Stern, really, this time. It's almost impressive. Or Samara from The Ring.

Interesting. So, Kelsey... Can I just say one thing? We're one comic in and they already have wigs on their head. So, talk about shooting your load early. I mean, I can't wait until the 69th comic. What's going to happen? You would know, wouldn't you?

I sure would. I love it. Can I say something, Kelsey? I like that you did the guitar because it's like I sure would. I love it. Can I say something, Kelsey? I like that you do the guitar because it's like a double threat. I think that's the way to go. But what do you lean towards more, the songs or the jokes? I do both. I usually open with a song, do my stand-up jokes, and then end with a song.

That's cool. All in 13 seconds. Always in 13- second increments do you have any like special skills or talents or hobbies or anything like that she plays the guitar dude I don't know does she I mean what we saw was

not even a 19 can you really play or you can't yes let's hear something you want to hear one of my songs not the whole song just like the fact that you can play we don't want to hear one of my songs? Not the whole song, just the fact that you can play. We don't want to hear your shine on crazy diamond, your 14 minute. Because that 13 second thing, that was like you're waiting for the pot to get there,

and then it gets there, and then it's like, let's smoke them up hot. That was like it. So let's just like a touch, a taste. Do you know Love is a Battlefield? No, an original. Do an original. Just play the thing that you think is going to impress us the most in the shortest period of time. Perfect.

That was great. This is a chorus to one of my songs about being bisexual. I'm half gay. I'm not gay enough to be gay. I'm not straight enough to be straight. But I'm not gay enough to have my own parade. I'm half gay. Fuck yeah.

That's great. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. You can get both of those songs on bi-tunes. You're really bisexual? Yes. Are you like 50-50? Do you lean more towards...

How does that work? 50-50, yeah. 50-50. It's always like a coin with you bisexuals, right? Oh, really? Is it, Tony Hinchcliffe? It has to be one way or the other? It can't just be 37% and 63%, huh?

Huh? Do you find yourself, just out of curiosity, do you find yourself always rotating the two? Do you usually go like, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl? Like day of the week? Kelsey, you don't have to answer that, okay? Does the girls like your music and the guys don't? Does it depend on the moon?

Wow, Red Band. Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? And really, really, really, really, really, really. All right. All right. We get it. Save it for your blog. Available at really, really, really.com. Wow. Interesting.

So, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl. I didn't get an answer out of that. Is there a rotation? I think it depends on Who's around I guess You been on like a streak lately at all Or you know anything like that Well I just got out of a relationship with a female

How long did that last Six months Did she break up or you I knew it That is just mean Wow that's mean That may have been one of the meanest things I've ever seen done on this show. I knew it.

Wow. Red band. I mean, we all did sort of know it, though, in his defense. Like, it makes total sense. There was some guilt, though. Did you see his face? He was like. When you go down on her, would you just do it for 13 seconds?

And then be like, you totally came, right? Because. Anyway. Well, the way that I do it, it wouldn't have to be longer. Is that true? Wow. What's your special technique? Can you teach us something here tonight?

Do you put down the guitar? What do you do? Oh, no, no. Do you know what guitar does to women? No, no, no. Do you know what guitar does to women? No, no, no. Huh. This is good. Yeah.

It's interesting. We'll talk later. I'll give you some tips. All right. Perfect. I think we should give her a hand, guys. What do you think? Give her a hand.

Yeah, there she goes. Kelsey Lane, everybody. Tony. We just met Kelsey Lane. She's on Twitter at It's Kelsey Lane. Perfect. She stretched that into seven minutes, everybody. We just met Kelsey Lane. She's on Twitter at It's Kelsey Lane. She stretched that into seven minutes, everybody. Seven minutes of straight stand-up comedy.

Can I ask the artist guy for a second? How do you draw an awkward pause like we just saw? It's true. Alright, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Sam Lopez. Here it comes. Sam.

Sam. I have a rape fetish. I have a rape fetish I haven't told my boyfriend because then it wouldn't be authentic I think he knows I've raped him five times this week I think he knows what's up I think he knows

we're very much in love I'm trying not to have babies I can't go on the pill because the hormones they mess with my head. He can't wear condoms because he's black. It's just life is hard, you know? Like, what are we doing? Life is difficult.

I've been cooking for my man because I don't want him to leave me. You know, that's what you got to do, ladies, if you don't want your man to run away. You know, they can't leave you do, ladies, if you don't want your man to run away. You know, they can't leave you if they're addicted to meth, right? It's like... You know? It's like, I got you! I'm your trap queen.

He's not going anywhere. That wasn't a minute. Oh, cool. Wow, look at that. Oh, my goodness. That wasn't a minute Wow look at that Sam Lopez How long have you been doing stand up It was a year this week That was great

Good job Sam This is your first time on this show Yeah That's awesome You've only been doing it a year And and you already have a Cosby sweater. I know. It makes me feel unstoppable. Nice one, Sam.

You really do have a rape fetish, after all. Where are you from, Sam? I'm from Baltimore. Nice. You just visiting L.A.? No, I live here now. Oh, cool. What do you do for? No, I live here now. What do you do for a living?

I'm currently unemployed. What's the last job that you had? I was a barista. In Baltimore? No, here. Don't be shy. I was a barista here. Don't be shy. The last person was a waitress at Flapper.

So a barista sounds like a dream job at this point. Thank you. Where were you barista-ing at? I was barista-ing downtown at Le Pan Cotidien. I probably shouldn't say that out loud. I don't know. Why? I just quit.

Oh. Oh. There you go. You know, I used to be a barista years ago. In fact, I met Dave Attell when I was baristing at Starbucks about nine years ago. I wouldn't call being a barista at Starbucks really fucking being a barista. Yeah. Barista.

I don't think so, dude. When I first saw you, I thought you were a male prostitute. I didn't know. That's true. I mean, I was wearing a Starbucks apron. Breaking news, I'm a dirty hooker. Live on the Sunset Strip. Sam, you've got some good jokes.

You're a joke writer, huh? You like that? I try. That's cool. Yeah? I try. No, no, I think you're doing great. Thank you.

Those are some great jokes, man. And is it a boyfriend true or is this an old boyfriend? No, it's true. Really? How long have you two been together? How strong is the relationship? We've been together a year and we've lived together since like the second week. So it's not going good.

So your entire career you've been with this guy? Yeah, the whole time. Is he supportive or he doesn't get it? He's also a comic. Oh, he is. Oh, this is going to last. Anyway. 100%.

Interesting. Are you funnier? Moved in after two weeks. Yeah, we were both homeless before. Are you funnier than him? No, he's way funnier than me. Has he been doing comedy the same amount of time? He's been doing comedy like six years.

So he writes everything for you? He writes everything for me. Wait, because she's a woman? Really, Red Band? I'm with you on that one, Feminist Jeremiah. I'm with you. That was inappropriate. Oh, Daisy.

Interesting. So that's fun, Sam. What else are you into? What do you do when you're not doing stand-up? I like to roller skate. Roller skate? Wow. You're unemployed as fuck. That's like a ballsy thing to do

when you don't have a job. I mean, when you're strapping on roller skates and, you know, sending a lace around your ankle that one time, really tightening it up. Yeah, that's the correct. Yeah. That's ice skate music right there. Or wait, no. Where do you roller skate?

Outdoors or an actual? I haven't been roller skating in a long time. I was home and I did a bunch of roller skating when I was there. At a rink or outdoors? Oh, at a rink. Wow. Yeah. Never in public.

Oh, no. I like to roller skate. I don't have roller blades right now. Or I would be all over LA. Roller blades aren't the same. Roller blades aren't the same. You know, the weird leg things. I would dress like this.

It's very roller skate attire. Do you want the cartoonists to draw you with roller skates on? Yes, please. That's how I want to be remembered. Forget my jokes. Since this is kind of a dead part of the show, I was wondering

if Danny could turn up the bassist's bass guitar. Because it's off right now. There you go. I think you did awesome. That was really cool. Dead part now. When I was doing comedy a year into comedy, I couldn't figure out jokes yet.

That's really cool that you basically know how to do it. I think it's only going to get way better. Congratulations. That's great. Absolutely. Thanks. Ron, any words for... Any parting words for Sam? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep being true to your nature,

which it looks like that's what you're doing. So that's a big key to the whole fucking deal. So congratulations. I think you're doing well. There you go. Sam Lopez, everybody. You met her here on Kill Tony. She's on Instagram at the best Sam Lopez.

All one word. All one word. All one word. Tony, did we cut that too short for you? Was there another sweater joke you wanted to get to? No, no. It was just that one that I did. Oh, there you go. Looks like Brian had that sound effect ready to go.

The word won. I pulled another name out of the way. You guys having fun or what? Huh? I think they're fans. This is the fan base, man. This is your fans. This is it. People love a good free show.

Is it free? Yeah. Fuck yeah. I love it. Give it up for Groupon everybody, huh? Come on. We really wouldn't need Groupon if it was free. But I pulled a name out of it. This is what I thought this was going to be like. I thought it was just going to be me and you at a table,

and you're going, so, Ron, tell us all about comedy. No. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, get to chill, and we'll just watch and have fun. I'm in. I'm in. I'm totally fucking in. Put your hands together for your next comedian doing an uninterrupted... I'm just not going to say anything mean to anybody. I just started doing stand-up. Jesus Christ. No, but that's Tony's kink.

You're like, shit, right? That's what I get off on. I can't... Tony's dream is to take a shit on a unicorn. That's his... I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands together for Darren Eisner. Darren. I don't see any movement.

Okay. Excuse me. Tony, this music is offensive to women. I think bitches is used as a compliment from some cultures. Bad bitches, I think, is a good thing. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Raphael Molina. Wow.

Here he comes from deep in the back. It's a long walk. This way. Rafael Molina. I like this guy already. All right. Thank you, guys. Thanks.

Yeah. Everywhere I go, people look at me and wonder, right, is that a Mexican or a terrorist? I wish I worked for ISIS. That means I would work for the United States government. Wow. It's a job with benefits. Hell yeah. But I'm neither of those.

I'm a proud American. All right? I'm neither of those. I'm a proud American. All right, I'm the only one. USA, baby. I know I'm an American because I love to overindulge, and whenever I need anything done around my house, I pay Mexicans to do it. I have great uncles.

Screw Angie's list. She's expensive. My uncles are affordable, and they're cool. They'll do any job for $20 and a 30-pack of Bud Light. Best thing about it is that before the job's done, they share the Bud Light, so work turns into a party. Fuck yeah. I don't think we're ever going to finish that wall Mr. Trump Fuck yeah Rafael Molina ladies and gentlemen

That was great That was fun Nice one Magical I feel like you just appeared when Ron Popped the top off this bottle of tequila That was delicious You're the genie that comes out of a tequila bottle.

Hey, what's up? You want some wishies? Tony, I don't know what it is, but I like something about this guy. Joel Jimenez, eating for his own kind. What just happened over there? Well, it was good to see you, Tony Whoa Someone called ICE

When did we get an engine on the stage? The old timey You guys are from the past, right? From Westworld Oh, yeah That's not that How long have you been doing comedy, man? Four years And how long have you been doing comedy, man?

Four years. And how long have you been growing that beard? Half a year. That's weird. I've never seen a Latino guy with that kind of a beard, dude. Yeah, right? Are you sure? Yeah.

No, yeah. Pretty sure, man. From Mexico. Family's Mexican. Did you grow the beard just for that terrorist joke? It's been killing it everywhere. You look like the guy in the Western who shows you the wrong way to the gold mine. Don't go through

Apache territory. You gotta love this crowd. They give just enough. Thank you, guys. It was great. So, dude, you're an L.A. guy, right? No, Texas. Oh, what part? Ron's from Texas.

Yeah, El Paso. Oh, there you go. Ron, that's a coach. I was just there not very long ago, and it was dusty, dusty, dusty. But, you know, my in-laws are all from Mexico, and El Paso, I know, is very, very close to Mexico. Yeah, hell yeah, man. You were the first comic I ever saw live in El Paso. Me?

Yeah. Wow. That's pretty fucking dope, man. Well, I think you're going to go a long way, son. Were you in the show, or were you out in the lot? What were you doing there? It was before I even did comedy, man. I was just watching. It was amazing. Were you in the show or were you out in the lot? What were you doing there? It was before I even did comedy, man.

I was just watching. It was amazing. He was at the border watching with binoculars. I already made it through, bro. Is it hard doing comedy when you're also one of the relief pitchers for the Mets? Could be tough. I don't get that reference, but I understand why it's funny. Raphael, what do you do for a living? Whoa, look who became a host.

Hey, Tony. What's wrong? I've been doing it the whole time. Just letting everybody get their kill shots in. What do you do for work? Right now, I have a shitty job with telemarketing. I hate myself, too. For what?

What are you telemarketing for? What's the calls that you're making? I am a bullshit-ass construction company. Oh, nice. Wow. Even in the telemarketing business, you're so Mexican that you're still doing construction work. That's incredible. That's inappropriate. Dude, Mexican telemarketing.

Building houses and shit. Let me tell you something. I've been doing this stand-up for 30 years and to get to start off in a town like El Paso, Texas and to get on this stage is a big fucking accomplishment, dude. It's not like being born here.

It's not like being born into it. Fuck no, it isn't. That was awesome. Thank you. Thank you, baby. And I'd like for you to taste my tequila right here. It's called Number One Tequila. Wow, look at that. Look at Salud Comedy Store. Too many more, man.

Wow. There you go. Now it's a show. Fuck yeah. A lot of people don't know this, but Raphael has been up until this point was sober for the last 10 years. Yeah, fuck it. Throw it off the wall, man. Tonight's the night. I love it.

Anything else, Raphael? Oh, shit. Thank you guys very much, man. I hope I do more of this shit, man. I love comedy, dude. It's what I want to eat out for, so thank you guys very much. There you go. Raphael Molina. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. There he for. So thank you guys very much. There you go. Rafael Molina. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

There he goes. Rafael's a good guy. Rafael Molina. What a lovely day. Very cool. Doggy. In the front row, we should say that if you listen to Kill Tony San Francisco. One of my favorite episodes of all time.

And she did so great on there. The great Dana, everybody Kill Tony San Francisco. One of my favorite episodes of all time. And she did so great on there. The great Dana, everybody, from the San Francisco episode. Fuck yeah. This woman is terrifying. She's got a lot of energy. She's a real wackadoodle. Just relax, Dana. I don't know why Red Band would give you that shout out.

Because he loves starting fires, this guy. All right. You know what, Ron? Let me ask you something. Every time somebody's on for the first time, I always ask them a question. Was there ever anything you did when you very first started stand-up comedy that you can't believe you did or just went terribly wrong?

Yeah, I did. I had a sweatshirt made that said Bob's Burger Gym, and it had a guy lifting weights, and it had hamburgers on the weights. And I really was so convinced that that was an integral part of my comedy routine that I wore it well into the summer. And it was in Texas, and it was hot. And then finally the other more experienced comics go, Ron, the sweatshirt. You don't even do a joke about it.

Why don't you change clothes and move on to the next part of your career? And so, yeah, that's something I remember. Do you still have that shirt, or do you have a picture of it? You should reprint those. I have a tattoo of it on my dick. I'll see it later, huh? Bring the tequila. I pulled another name out of the bucket.

Put your hands together for Mike Diaz. Mike Diaz, everyone. Don't you know? Don't you know? Jesus. Big fan of conspiracy theories. My favorite conspiracy theory right now is that Hillary Clinton and her Democratic Party are all pedophiles. Now, it bums me out that it's just a theory because, I mean, think about it, dude.

Like, Socrates, right? Homer. These are all people who fucked boys. And I think that there's knowledge in the boy pussy that's untapped right now. It's untapped knowledge in the boy pussy. And I don't know. I'm going to have to

start doing research. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. But some people have been saying, you know, they've been telling me, is it, maybe it's just, maybe it's old boy pussy. Maybe new boy pussy's just not the same, right? And if that's the case, then I want to know why my uncle is the smartest man I know right now. I used to have really long hair and never mind

finish it you used to have really long hair my mom always told me to do 100 strokes before bed every night and after a couple years I finally got through all 100 strokes without finishing thank you Mike Diaz ladies and gentlemen got through all 100 strokes without finishing. So, thank you. There you go.

Mike Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. Tony, can I say something real quick? This boy is damn disgusting. Yeah, there's something. That was a very creepy set. You remind me of a guy that would be a school shooter, but you would jerk off the kids before shooting up the school. Yeah, that's the proper music for that.

I didn't think I'd want to say something shitty or somebody just start doing stand-up, but I've changed my mind. Perfect. You suck, dude. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

I don't think that's fair. I don't think it's fair at all. I think it's hard in a minute to lay down a conspiracy theory without the help of ecstasy, but I think you should have started with the hair joke first and then gotten into your big bit. I did the joke. I was doing it too fast,

so it should have been a minute, but then I did it a little too quick. I understand. Well, I mean, I don't know. I think if it had been slower, it would have been worse. Wow. Thank you, Ron. That is not a good.

Mike Diaz, how long have you been doing stand-up? I think now is like eight months. Eight months. And where are you from? A little, like, northeast of here. Northeast of here. Northeast of here? Yeah, like two hours away. It's still Southern California.

What's it called? Apple Valley. No one's probably there. Apple Valley? I know it very well. Oh, really? Yeah. Tell me about it.

That's where Slenderman summers. Am I right or no? That's why you've got a summer house up there. So you came down here to be a comic, huh? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. There you go. Did you ever perform in Apple Valley?

I did a couple of shows before I moved out here, yeah. Each shows? You should have done three. You know what? But let me say this in all seriousness. Doing stand-up for eight months is the same as doing it for one day. I mean, that's a brand-new comedian out here with balls enough to come out here and try some different fucking humor.

And so I'm just busting on your chops trying to get a laugh myself. But for eight months in the fucking business, you're out here doing punchlines, dude. So way to go. Good on you, good on you, good on you. Do you believe in Pizzagate? I'm on the fence right now.

Why? You look like you deliver Pizzagate. Yeah. How do you get all these conspiracy theories? How do you do it? Like, on the web or just? The web, mostly, yeah, Joe Rogan's podcast. Joe Rogan does not believe in Pizzagate.

Well, I don't believe it. He talks about conspiracies. Yeah. So, I mean, that's what I hear about. Do you believe in chemtrails and all that stuff? No. Do you believe in Tower 7? Okay, Brian, that's enough. Jesus. Do you believe in God, boy?

That's a good question. Do you? I think you were kicked out of Apple Cove or whatever the fuck town you were for being a heretic. Okay. You look like the bouncer out were for being a heretic. Okay. You look like the bouncer at a Barnes & Noble to me. Sorry for throwing a hard punchline here, Tony. Go ahead. How old are you?

21. Take it back to Sam. 21, wow. 21. What do you do for work? Drive for Lyft. You drive Lyft? Yeah.

Anything interesting ever happen in your car? What kind of car do you have? Yaris. Yaris. Oh my god. Wait, you're a driver? Really? You dress like that now? Fuck no. You gotta wear a suit, right? No, for Lyft you don't. Let's ask the biggest fan.

Would you get in a car with this guy or no? Yeah. Yeah, she would. I have a 4.8, so I mean... 4.8's good, yeah. Wow. This is like a reenactment of a broken home right now. All right.

You'll get to pick. Anything crazy ever happen in your car? No, not really. People have asked me for drugs. That's about it. Interesting. We've talked to you about this before, haven't we? Yeah. Yeah.

Who gives a fuck? That's interesting. Because you sort of look like Mario. I can picture you driving because you look like Wario on Mario Kart a little bit. I'm way fatter. I'll take Luigi, but I don't know about Luigi. Luigi, the gay one? You pretty much have the exact hat as Wario.

Luigi. interesting choice. The Robin of his time. What a nerd bashing. I consider myself more of a Robin. You guys should spin an EpiPen and see what happens. Good job, dude. It's Paul. Welcome to the show.

It doesn't get said enough. There he goes, Mike Diaz. Good job, dude. It's balls to come up here. Welcome to the show. Yeah, it doesn't go said enough. Exactly. There he goes, Mike Diaz. It doesn't get said enough that the people that sign up for this show are ballsier than anybody. No tequila shot, but still, you know, I thought you did a great job. So the eight months. Tough but fair. Eight months. Eight months in.

Crazy. It's like he's jogging at eight months old. All right. We've seen this name before. Very rare. I pulled a new name out of the bucket. The name is Ramsey Badaway.

Ramsey Badaway. Here. Jesus. Good God. That's a Craigslist name if I've ever heard one. I mean, really. Are these real names?

Yeah. Yeah. How about Mikey McKernan? Oh, Mikey. Ooh, the crowd. We got a pop on this one. What does that mean? The crowd goes wild for Mikey McKernan.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Mikey McKernan. I look like a guy who smokes all his friends' weed. My friend's like, yeah, Mikey, he's OG. Out of ganja, bro. Ha, ha. I don't like it when people ask me annoying questions. I think the most annoying question is, do you have any hidden talents? Yeah.

I know how to make paint dry faster. All right, some of you guys are not into dry humor. Bo-ha-ha. Comics, you ever written a bad joke? And then you try to cross it out and you run out of ink? And then you're like, wow, I'm going to have to convince myself it's a good joke. And then you suck at comedy. It's great to be here.

Thank you. Powerful Mikey McKernan. I loved that. Huh? Right? Shedhead is strong. That was fun. You are one of the funniest young Vietnam veterans

we've ever had on the show. That was a good time. Really, really impressive. You're an interesting guy. How long have you been doing stand-up? It's going to be nine years, March 21st. Yeah, awesome. That's right around the corner.

Nine years. Do you do anything cool in the nine years? To be honest, being on this show. That's great. Being on the main room. Can I give you guys one of my stickers, how I promote my comedy? Yeah.

It says Mikey McCurran and it's not funny for those who didn't laugh. You can't have one. I actually had Mikey on the Death Squad show after his last performance. Thank you. That was fucking amazing. He killed it on there, too. How much are they? I give them out for free.

Ron, you want one? There's your problem, dude. You need a better business model. This is what my parents told me. It's like a really bad episode of Shark Tank. I just give them away, dude. I don't know why I'm broke living in my mom's basement. I had stickers and T-shirts before I was doing stand-up,

and it was time. What do you do for a living? Work at Bubba Gump's. Nice. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, we talked about this last time. You play Lieutenant Dan? No, I didn't.

That was a good Halloween costume one year. You just went around in a wheelchair? Yeah, well, I work at CityWalk, and I dress up as Halloween costume one year. You just went around in a wheelchair? Yeah. Well, I work at CityWalk, and I dressed up as Kenny G one year. And there's a guy up there who does a saxophone, and everybody didn't get Kenny G, and they thought I was him. Thank you, guys. You look more like a...

Oh, are you guys going to go? Sorry. You look like the kind of guy who knows everything about the Wonderland murders. I've never seen that movie. I don't watch porn. That's ten years in. You don't. You're definitely a crowd favorite.

Can I hit that? Is that too much to ask? Yeah, you're right. Coffee's for closers dude do you uh thank you Ron nice now it's a show

dreams coming true on Kill Tony 200 hi mom oh you think that's true on Kill Tony 200. Hi, Mom. Oh, you think that's what she's going to be disappointed in? Nice one, Tony. What else do you do? You seem like such a cool character.

Right now, I'm actually getting in with some guys on Instagram who run the Jumbotron at the Honda Center for the Anaheim Ducks game. I am a whore for being on the Jumbotron at hockey games. Oh, I bet you're great on that. What are some of your moves? I wear a jersey and I put my arm... I wish I fucking had the jersey. I put my hands up in the jersey like this

and it makes me look very intimidating. Wow. Tony, is this boy what y'all call retarded these days? What's something we would be surprised to know about you? For some reason, I feel like there's something, like you're like a public notary or something like that or uh do you still have a day job man or no uh waiting tables yeah yeah no um what do you do there are you the saucier sling shrimp oh yeah do do forrest gump trivia that's here one as we you one last time. Let's do a new one. Let's play Forrest Gump trivia.

That was the best one. Should I just tell it again? Yeah. All right, what two drugs did we see Jenny take in the movie? Just shout them out. We see her take Coke. Acid. Now, when she was feeling suicidal, what was she on?

A ledge. acid now when she was feeling suicidal what was she on a ledge that was mikey hitting that rim shot by the way if you're wondering he turned around for that podcast listeners kills with the families that's so fun mikey what's your love life like uh four years last weekend with my girlfriend no that's that's a different one. Oh, Josh. Fuck, yeah. You slinging that shrimp to her, too?

Yeah. She likes that size. Four years. What does she do? She's a student. That's it. What is she studying? Anthropology.

What grade? Wow. That's a... Yeah, we got a future. You guys are good for each other since you attract cockroaches. School's out, everybody. Mikey, interesting. Anything else? I mean, you seem like such a character.

I feel like I could talk to you forever. No, yeah, that's it. Oh, that's it? Perfect. I'm pretty interesting. The most interesting man. No, I really like talking about hockey with a lot of people. You know, when you talk about things you fucking love other than stand-up tragedy.

That's why I got such a good response from the homies over there. You love hockey. Yeah, I grew up playing ice hockey in Southern California my whole life. Do you still ice skate? When I can, but I don't play hockey anymore. When you move around in these towns, you don't have much space. I just cannot picture you skating backwards.

Maybe with a knife in your hand or something like that, I can picture you skating. No, I use the blade. Oh, exactly. That'd be your move. Yeah, if I can do those roundhouse kicks on the ice. Some guy just got it. Adam McQuaid

just got a skate in the neck. 25 stitches. Still went back in the game. Wow. Yeah, they're... Will Ferrell was in that movie, right? It's such a... It's... 25 stitches. It's such a It's 25 stitches

It's such an intense sport That you almost forget that they skate backwards All the time And they lie about being hurt Who do you think you more like? Ben or Jerry? Who do you think? Jerry His real name is Gerald

Is it really? Well right Jerry's short for something. You seem like the kind of guy who has a lot of information about shit that never gets you laid. Like that kind of like. Talk to my girlfriend. I battle all the time. You what all the time?

Try to battle for. Trivia. Oh. You don't get laid as much as you'd like to? No. You don't ever come home from Bubba Gump smelling like someone that just came home from working from Bubba Gump? No, we don't live together,

fortunately. Oh, you don't? No. You live by yourself? No, I got two other roommates. Comedians? No, they went to CalArts trying to be actors.

No, they're good actors. I shouldn't say that. Yeah, they are. They have roommates. They're fucking Academy Award winning actors. Well, Mikey, you absolutely killed it. Thank you guys so much.

Good night. There he goes, Mikey McKernan. He's on Twitter at Mikey McKernan. M-I-K-E-Y-M-C-K-E-R-N-A-N. Mikey McKernan. Huh? What? Who?

Huh? Huh? I love that shit. When it's done right, when timing is good, that fucking shit's funny, right? Okie dokie. Hey, what's that character? I don't recognize... Oh, shit!

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America and the, uh, former Secretary of State. Wow, what a loser title she gets, huh? Thank you so much. Okay, here they are, ladies and gentlemen. Trump and Hillary.

It's an honor to be here, Tony, on your 200th episode. Just great, great, great. It's going to be a huge episode, huge ratings. David Tell, Ron White, love these guys. Wow. Thank you. Donald White, love these guys. Wow. Thank you. Donald, welcome to the show. How's things been going?

I'm surprised. I read a thing the other day that you've been golfing so many times. I'm surprised that you were able to fit it in your schedule with so much shit going on. Man, Hillary's really let herself go, right? I mean, she really took that loss hard. Hillary's always looked this disgusting, Tony. Wow. Well, I'm excited about things.

What is that thing that you guys are playing? Is that some presidential thing that I don't know about? Yes. Okie dokie. Wow. Oh, shit. Here we go. Thick, black, magic barker.

Always an indicator of something exciting to come. With musical notes next to the name, I present to you, so perfect for episode 200, one of our favorites, the great Aphrodite!

Holy shit! Donald Trump, you might want to turn away. Hey, I know he's gonna be and dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Hi. You know, I want to congratulate you on your 200th episode.

This is what I want to talk about is that, you know, God is really wrong. God is wrong. Everybody says God is good, but God is wrong, let me tell you. Look at all this. I can't even get a job. Nobody thinks I can type. They look at my chest and they look at my ass and they go, next. Nobody believes it. You know, I saw this one lady, she ran up

here and when her name got called, I can't run up steps, my ass will pull me right back down. You know, I treasure things like that. When I see people running, I go, oh God, look at that. You know, any chance that I can do that, the world will probably stop, and everybody will fall in the same hole with me with the big ass and everything. Ladies, don't go get the big ass. You don't know the problems that you're going to have. I can't go anywhere. I'm 61 years old, and people are running up, goosing my ass.

That's the last thing I thought would happen when I'm 61, almost 62 years old. People come up and go, is that real? What the fuck do they think it is? So how many black women do you see running around here like that? Fuck yeah, Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Hey.

Fuck yes. What is that sound? Why are you hitting that? It's a goose. Somebody was goosing her ass. All the time. Even the women are goosing my ass. I'm like, what is going on? It's called grabbing by the pussy, Tony. It's real. Get over it.

Shit. Man, it really is something special. For you podcast listeners, the only way I could really describe this ass is it looks like somebody who's worn a diaper and kept it on for two months without changing it. Just let it get filled all the way. Looks like it has two months of shit hanging off the back of it. No, this is real ass. 100% USD motherfucking ass.

It's a pretty good description, right? Two months worth of poop load? I mean, it is an amazing ass. Even your ass has two Afro puffs. It won't fit in the office chair. They tried. I had to have two fucking seats, man. Who's't fit in the office chair. They tried. I had to have two fucking seats, man. Who's got the poopy diapers?

Two seats. On what? The Greyhound? No. Yeah, that too. They overcharged me on every damn thing because of my ass.

You know what we should do is get Mikey back up here and do a 70s drug deal. Listen, player. He couldn't afford me. Get out of here, snowflake. He couldn't afford me, baby. I'm a one-time-o, okay?

One motherfucking time. 70s drug deal. I'm from the 70s. What were you doing in the 70s, Aphrodite? What were you up to back then? Oh, man, having a great time with music, because music was real back then. Not in this lip-syncing shit, you know.

They would kill you in the hood. You come up there fucking around on stage if you want to. Black people don't play that shit. See, the white people give you a nice golf clap and shit. Not the black people. They gonna kick your ass. You fuck up their song, they gonna kick your ass. If you lip-sync, they kill you?

They would kill you back in the day. They would fucking kill you, serious. There's a pit bull, look out. And they wouldn't just boo you. They would throw eggs, tomatoes, and potatoes at your ass. Is that why they killed Tupac and Biggie? I don't know, man. They probably got hit with some hard cornbread or some shit like that.

I don't know. Donald Trump, what do you think about this situation? Killing white people, it's one of my big issues with the blacks. Oh, wow. All right, all right, all right. CNN is going to be reporting that. They're going. Oh, wow. CNN is going to be reporting that. They're going to fuck Donald up. Donald's going to get fucked up. He's going to slip on some

hot chicken wings or something. Somebody's going to fuck him up. Watch. What'd you say? I said somebody's going to fuck Donald Trump up. Somebody's going to fuck him up. Somebody's going to fuck him up with some hot chicken wings. One of the brothers is going to get to him. Watch and see. What do you mean? You can get chicken wings in Trump Tower. People don't like you mean? You can get chicken wings in Trump Tower.

People don't like that dude, man. Beautiful chicken wings in Trump Tower. The finest chicken wings for the black state. They're going to burn your ass up with some hot chicken wings, motherfucker. Aphrodite, Aphrodite, over here. What do you mean they're going to fuck him up with chicken wings? I specifically have to know what the fuck you mean when you say that. Because they want the brother back in the house.

That's not how it works, Aphrodite. If something happens, Aphrodite is so... Aphrodite is literally so black that she is under... I faded to black. Y'all can't see me. See? I faded on you. Wow. That was impressive.

I don't know what just happened. Wow. I don't even need to say anything on that one. That's right, man. You shouldn't be in the office, dude. You fucked up. Now, wouldn't it be cool if you also work at Bubba Gump? I mean, do you or don't? Oh, man.

They would love what I do. I can cook pretty good, though. She's got some of that Bubba dump. You know what I mean? Oh, shit. See, I would drop it like it's hot. I bet you would. I bet you would drop it like it's literally. That's right. Your jokes were strong. Please drop it like it's not. You took you would. I bet you would drop it like it's literally.

Your jokes were strong, and you took the stage, man. I love it. You really did. This was your stage. That's very cool. Come pay some respects, sweetheart. I love you so much. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. I can't sit on your ass. Oh, no. Wait. Oh, shit. What's about to happen here? Oh, my God. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Oh, he too little, he too little. He too little. He too little. He too little. And there he goes. That was the total eclipse of Dave Attell right there. Dave Attell is still with us.

He too little. I think I'm pregnant. I don't know what happened. I just want you to know that I already had this erection before we started this. It's great. Man, I'd like to join again. Wow. Thank you very much.

I appreciate it. But my catheter fell out. I know something poked the shit out of me. I'm used to the big dicks. You know, I can't go for that secondhand shit, man. That's interesting. So you have, like, full feeling. You have full sensation of your butt cheeks.

Yeah, it's real. It's beautiful. If we tested, like, full feeling. You have full sensation of your butt cheeks. Yeah, it's real. It's beautiful. If we tested, like, with needles, you would feel every little bit. I keep telling y'all, I work out. I really work out a lot. I'm one of these fat people that works out. See, y'all been thinking too long. I believe it.

Fat people don't work out. It's a beautiful booty. I'll show you one of my exercises. See? Here you go. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. See, I work out, and I eat fried chicken when I'm done.

See? It looks like you're giving directions with your ass. That's right. That's right. We talk about that ghetto GPS thing, right? And sending signals with your nose. That's quite a rock right there. That's right, baby.

Only grown folks can handle all this. I don't know. No boys allowed. Wow, we need subtitles so badly for you. I said, motherfucker, I said it. That's the voice I hear every time a black person opens their mouth. Oh, my God. President Trump.

I've been talking shit about black people, man. President Trump. I'm going to whoop your ass as soon as the revolution starts, man. I'm going to whoop your ass real good. Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, what do you think about the way President Trump is talking to Aphrodite? Aphrodite, hold on a second. I wish you had a goddamn mute button. Hillary, Hillary.

Don't we all, Tony? Does Hillary not even speak anymore? She's a loser. She's a fat, idiot loser. She doesn't deserve to talk anymore, Tony. She lost to the greatest man on earth in a fair and square. Wow.

Oh my God. Any rebuttal, you dumb bitch? Wow. It's so heated in here. Damn. I almost can't believe that that's the same guy that was the feminist earlier. That's what I thought. Trump 2020.

All right. Crooked Hillary. Wow. Crooked Hillary. He's an Afro real bad. All right. Aphrodite. Has there been anything else that's happened in your real life recently that's worth mentioning? Anything interesting happen?

Did you do that big performance? No, not yet. Not yet. We did the New Year's Eve. We did the Ford Theater. But now we're working on the tour material because this group is known by. Why don't you give these people another 10 second example of what your singing is like? Just get into it.

There you go. Aphrodite. Oh, hey. Working real hard on 11, baby. Oh, it's going to be real good tonight with you. Oh, yeah. Come on, darling. Give it to me right now.

Oh, yeah. Come on now. It's good enough. Oh. Wow. Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. There she goes. Aphrodite.

Put your hands together for the great Aphrodite. That was a little freestyle. That was a little freestyle. The great Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. Even I can admit the blacks are talented. That was beautiful. Wow, President Trump. Joel, what are you when they're Hillary and Trump?

I'm just Mexican. That's why he's far away from me As far as possible, Tony Not even acknowledging his presence He's just behind me Like a cockroach Too real Breaking news Joel Jimenez has a microphone

For the first time ever We just noticed that We thought it was worth mentioning. Yeah! Look at that. Powerful upgrades on episode 200. I just noticed Pat and Jeremiah looking over and noticing it at the same time.

Competitively. Pat's still not ready. Well, we don't have our own microphone. How come we have to share a microphone? Well, Joel's been knocking it out of the park lately. I mean, the one episode he has a microphone, he hasn't said shit, but... I'm trying to play, you know, my parts when it happens.

He's got beats. He's a team player. Love him. What was that, Trump? He's a team player. You gotta love him. Absolutely. Despite the skin color, you gotta love him. All right, let's love them. Absolutely. Despite the skin color, you gotta love them. Alright. Let's pull out another name.

Put your hands together for Michael D'Angelo. Oh shit. Kill Tony. Guess what, guys? Today is my little sister's 18th birthday. Fuck yeah. Yeah, man. She's got Down syndrome, so she doesn't have a lot of friends. And when my buddy came to pick me up to come down here tonight, he brought flowers. I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing?

He's like, these aren't for you, dude. I was like, oh. And he came in, he gave them to her. She was so fucking happy. And then he drove us both down here. And now I'm pretty sure they're fucking in the parking lot. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. He was so nervous. I was like, relax, man.

She's down. Plastic surgery is getting out of hand. Saw a girl with no nose today no nose yeah like everything was okay like everything was just cool total cunt too i walked up to her tried to ask her like where'd you get your work done she was like i was like wow you're a bitch let that one sink in my seven-year-old niece shot herself in the head. She didn't die, though. I just think it's funny because she used to hate vegetables, but now...

Boom. Michael D'Angelo. Pure evil. Look at you. Hello. Yeah, really. Tony, he's one of your guys, man. Yeah, I know, right? He's part of the minion. Michael, how long have you been doing stand-up? About three years.

Wow. Your seven-year-old niece shot herself in the head. At least she didn't have to have you for an uncle anymore. Whoa. No, she's still alive. She didn't die. She didn't die. Is that really true?

No. No. None of that's true. You don't have a sister? No. No shit. That was real. Really?

Really? No. No. Oh, no. Okay, well. All right. Gotcha. No. So, like, Okay, well, all right. Gotcha. So, like, how long have you been doing it again?

Three years. Where are you from? Vegas. Vegas. Dude, nice, dude. Oh, wow. The Fred Durst, right? Yeah, dude.

Awesome. I like this dude because he's a douchebag just like us. So you're just visiting from Vegas? Yeah, just visiting, spending time out here at the comedy store, man, at Mecca. That's where you started, right? Vegas? Yes. That's a hard town to start in, man. Yeah.

It's a hard town to... That's why, yeah, it's a lot of... Real divy out there. Yeah. Real hard to grow. Definitely. Do you come to LA often? I try to come out here once a week. What do you do for work in Vegas?

Debt collector. Really? Oh, nice. Wow. Dude, that's not chill, bro. Like, what kind of debts are you collecting? Big ones. For, like, what?

Yeah. A lot of people don't like me to, like, talk about for what exactly, but it's usually under Like what kind of debts are you collecting? Big ones For like what? Yeah A lot of people don't like me to like talk about for what exactly But it's usually under the table stuff That's some interesting shit Do you ever go open the door I'll tell that Down Syndrome joke? Open No no but I did collect a debt from a guy with Down Syndrome And he was not fucking happy

They're really strong, dude. Dude, hell yeah they are. Eyesight is fucking perfect contrary to... What are some more types of terrible people that you like to make fun of? Contrary to what? Dude, he just learned what the word contrary

means. Yeah. I like his act because it had a lot to do about family. And I think... Yes. How long have you been debt collecting for? Is that what you wanted to be when you grew up? No, no, no. I did not want to be a debt collector.

What did you want to be? What was your main thing? At what age, man? Doesn't everybody like that? Let's say high school. Dude, I used to want to be a vag collector. Then I grew up. What did you want to be when you grew up and you were a little kid?

I don't remember. You don't remember? No, I don't remember. I don't remember? No, I don't remember. I don't think I was thinking about that kind of shit. I didn't think I'd live this long, you know? Wow. That's poetic, bro. Why is that? Why do you think

you weren't going to live that long? It's a rough life, man. Is that true? You want to talk about any of it? Sure. Like what? What was rough about your life? How'd you get that scar? Come on, tell us. That's what we want to know. Thank God. I couldn't wait for somebody to ask.

It's actually a birthmark. Wow. I thought you were a fencer. I thought you were an Olympic fencer. No, I'm just kidding. That's fucking badass. No, it's not a birthmark. What is it?

It's a scar. Your mom changed her mind. You got cut in the face, you know? You know those old school straight razors? The fucking old cowboy looking barbershop? Yeah, man. Big fucking neon yellow handle. Who do?

Tell us more. We need more to this. Man, black people are fucking fast hands, dude. Wow. I mean, I still like them and shit. I'm just saying. I had a rock in my hand. I was like, man, I'm going to hit this guy with this rock.

But I'm already like a slow white dude, you know? You need to have speed in your hands when you fight a black guy. I didn't. in my hand. I was like, man, I'm going to hit this guy with this rock. But I'm already a slow white dude. You need to have speed in your hands when you fight a black guy. I didn't. They're quick. Brian. I didn't know. They're fucking fast, man. If you fought a black guy, you know what I'm talking about.

Dude. Where did... Have you guys fought a black guy before? It's fucking amazing. It's freaking like, dude. It's like... Dude, it's freaking rough. They're freaking fast. Dude, their genetics are better than ours, dude.

They're freaking fast. Dude, their genetics are better than ours, dude. They're freaking fat. Have you seen the NBA? Where did this happen at? Where did this rock versus – where did this literal game of rock, paper, scissors happen? I was actually – believe it or not, I was the one in the wrong. How weird, right? Sweeney Todd's Barbershop, dude. No, I was the one in the wrong, so I want to say where.

I never saw the guy again. He never saw me again. I bit his top lip off, so. Fuck. Must have been a big bite. Hell yeah, bro! Well, that's the downside of Tinder. Yeah, you know.

Tony, any of these easy ones you want to jump in or no? Like one of those cute guys with the cleft palate. This guy's the coolest

fucking guy yet. You're the best. Honestly. Tell us some more interesting shit about you. My mom did a lot of heroin. My mom would have made Ray Charles look like a blind piano player.

Yeah. Dope, dude. Were you born on a craps table? No, I was born underwater, though. Is that true? At some hospital where they born people underwater. You know what I'm saying.

You know what I'm talking about. Have you heard of Oceans of Fun? It's a theme park, dude. This guy's great. You ever been arrested, Michael? I've been put in handcuffs a lot. I've actually never been taken in. Yeah, dude, because we're freaking white, dude.

It's funny, actually. I had a lot of black friends growing up, and they were like, man, always, like every time, like cops would never take me in, but all my black friends would go to jail. That's crazy. Yeah, that's freaking dope, dude. That's wild. Storytelling, man. This is the real deal, Tony.

This is the guy, man. He's the one. Well, there you go. I'll do it, man. No, Tony This is the guy, man He's the one Well, there you go I'll do it, man No, he's got the fucking stories He's got that score This guy's fucking awesome I'm trying

What's your favorite category in porn? Oh, choke fuck Oh, God Of course I knew it I knew it Yeah, dude Are you talking about BJF

Or just regular JF? What's BJF? Oh, so Black choke fucking? Wait, what did regular JF? What's BJF? Oh, so what? Black choke fucking? Wait, what did you say? What's BJF? Never mind. Nothing.

Michael. All right. Well, that's fun. You single? No, no. I'm engaged. No way. Yeah, I'm fucking stupid.

Wow. Fuck yeah. Dude, that's the most lovely thing I've ever heard. Yeah, you're a brutally handsome guy. He's a good looking guy. Good looking guy. You're in good shape. Do you live on that pirate ship

in Vegas? No, they don't even have that anymore. They got rid of it. Yeah, there's no more pirate ship. Hey, when you proposed, did you get down on one knee and you're like, hey, will you marry me or whatever, you dumb bitch? I did actually. And she was like

a little note to sell for anybody that's going to propose. Find out what kind of ring she wants because she was like, like a little note to self for anybody that's going to propose. Find out what kind of ring she wants because she fucking did not like it. Now she's like, oh, no, I really, you know, I think it's good and shit. I was like, oh, that's...

Dude, women are fickle creatures, bro. Yeah. Fucked up. Well, Michael, it was very funny. Thank you. Very fun stuff. There he goes. Michael D'Angelo, ladies and gentlemen. That was great, man. it was very funny. Thank you. Very fun stuff. There he goes. Michael D'Angelo, ladies and gentlemen.

That was very good. On this show, we have a comedian that writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. She holds down the single, solitary, regular position on this show, giving away it all, doing one of the hardest things in all of comedy going public with a minute of material every single week not out of the bucket but regularly you know her you love her put your hands together for the great

Allie Makovsky ladies and gentlemen what a treat. Oh, God, this is nerve-wracking. I feel good. I Google a lot, and I'm never really happy with the results I get. When I was younger, I Googled how to tell if I was bisexual, and the Google results would always come up, if you're Googling this, you probably are.

Nowadays, I Google how to tell if I've came or come. And Google is telling me, if you're Googling this, you probably haven't. I was recently with a guy and I was hooking up with him. You know, we were fucking. Thank you. And it felt like I was about to shit.

And I was like, is this what coming is supposed to feel like? But I didn't want to push it because I was like either way, this is a lose lose. Oh man. Okay. Was that the end of it?

You want to keep going? There's like just one short part after. I can't tell if I'm in a shit. It's a lose lose. I had to Google I have acne and I had to Google, I have acne, and I had to Google what color shirt goes with acne.

Turns out any low-cut top. But then, but then I had to Google what does vaginal herpes look like? But I don't know if it's my acne just migrating south. Okay, that was it. Damn, Allie Makovsky throwing in a minute and 40 seconds.

Making it look easy. Just working it out. Doing what she does. That was a roller coaster. You're a cold-blooded assassin. That was a roller coaster. Tony, I was here on the 100th. Weren't you here also?

Didn't you do the 100th? Was I here on the 100th? I don't think so. I don't think I was here on the 100th. No, man. You were really good. Really good. Great jokes.

That means a lot. That sounds sarcastic, but I'm being serious. No, no. I loved it. It was great. Wow. Okay. Yeah, that was hilarious.

That acne low-cut top thing especially. So great. Thanks. Before this, I was freaking out. There was like three different jokes. I was asking all my friends in the back, I was like, how do I make this herpes thing work? And everyone was like, I got nothing.

A good herpes joke, it never goes away. It's always right there. Especially if it's vaginal herpes joke, it never goes away. It's always right there. Especially if it's vaginal herpes. Once you have a good herpes joke, you hold on to it forever. Or you give it to somebody else and they, alright, forget it. This isn't going anywhere.

Oh, shit. Hey, guys. Tony, did you know I was from New Orleans? Josh Martin, Tony Hinchcliffe, and Brian Redband are joining us. It's great to be here with the greatest comedian in the world, Tony Hinchcliffe. There you go. And me, Tony Hinchcliffe. There you go. And me. Tony Hinchcliffe. There you go. Tony on

Tony. Why do I get that wig? What is it? Is that what my hair looks like? Like a teen wolf without the mask? It's pretty close. Oh, okay, Brian. Not much of a budget on this show, dude. You're gonna get what you get.

Close your eyes and pretend with us if you will. Something that looks a little bit more like you, but we can't afford to make it happen. I love it. Let's get back to Ali Makovsky, one of the biggest up-and-comers in the world. The strength of a thousand warriors.

One of the best comedians built and bred here on Kill Tony. Okie dokie. Let's move on. That is balls of steel to do it like a minute every week. That's really cool. Yeah, it's like the best and the worst, you know? Are you sick of it yet?

No, I'm not sick of it. It's just stressful because it's like when we have guests like this, I don't, you know, it's like I don't want to do a new shitty minute. I want to like do the hits, you know? You did. You were the only person person pretty much in the show's history to do a minute and 40 seconds like it was nothing while doing a full 60 seconds every single week. So whatever that is. A minute and 40?

Was there problems in the kitchen? Why was she? What? They played the cat. She hit the minute and she just kept going. I thought she had a stretch. There was a problem or something. She hit the minute and she just kept going.

I thought she had a stretch. There was a problem or something. We met in the back and you did mention that you don't drink. Yeah. So you do this without drinking. Yeah. That's my point. And Allie, what did you do before you were a comic?

Before I was a comedian, I was in school. And then I dropped out to be here. And I don't know. I think it's fine. Except I think if I did stay in college, I wouldn't talk about my pussy so much. You know?

You kind of look like... Wow, look at Red Band hitting the sound effects over there straight from his cell phone. Red Band, let Ali get back to it. The audio's horrible on this podcast. Wow, that is so true, me. I could not agree with me anymore. Ali, oh, Josh.

Here's someone to make it work. Come on, Josh. Ali, it's pretty... Oh, Josh. Here's someone to make it work. Come on, Josh. Allie, it's pretty amazing, Allie. Like every single one of your, I don't remember like a really bad set you've ever had. Like I think you pretty much killed it every single week. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, it's very impressive.

It's an incredible workload and it's fun that we have each other for these outlets. It's very cool. What do you get for that? Killing every week for how many weeks in a row? A really diabolical cool little fan base of Cool Kill Tony fans spread around the world. I sold out 10 shows in Australia and those people

all listen. They're listening to her do a new minute every week. You know what I mean? Ten shows sold out. Those peasants worship me as God. It's an audio podcast.

But, Allie, we absolutely love you. You killed it again. There you go. Allie McCoskey, ladies and gentlemen. Nice one. So, Ali McCoskey, ladies and gentlemen.

Nice one. What do you guys think? Go to the bucket one more time and wrap this thing up, huh? What do you guys think? One more comedian straight out of the bucket? Come on, guys. Be careful with the water. Okay. All right.

This should be interesting. Looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Jay Snow. Jay Snow. I feel like kids these days ain't shit. Shows like Scared Straight used to work for me. But nobody's afraid of jail anymore. I think they should change that show to Scared Straight Dayjobs.

Bring that same badass kid to the back of McDonald's and let the dude flipping the fries yell at him. What's up, motherfucker? You know where you at? McDonald's, nigga. What's up, nigga? I make $6.75 an hour. I can't buy shit with that. Is that what you want?

You like 30- minute lunch breaks? Because that's where you headed Holy shit Look at that Jesus fucking Christ Wow That may be one of the all time great fucking minutes Ever on this show

Chase Snow, welcome That was a minute with three applause breaks That was great That may be one of the all-time great fucking minutes ever on this show. Jay Snow, welcome. That was great. That was a minute with three applause breaks. That was great. Fucking believable. That's an applause break every 20 fucking seconds. I've never seen anything like it in my life.

And it had us all laughing very hard. That was perfect, man. Thank you. Jay Snow, how old are you? I'm 29. Wow. How long have you been in stand-up? Two years. Get the fuck out of here.

Two years. My God. That's crazy. I mean, it really is only one joke, but what a great fucking joke that is. No, it's a great joke. Thank you. I assume you have at least more of those, right? How long can you beat them up like that?

You just tore it up for fucking 60 seconds. How long can you do it? Yeah. How many of those do you think you have? I got a couple more. You want to hear? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean. I'm the one that brought it up.

I stopped giving money to homeless people that don't look homeless enough. It's like, if you got shoes on, struggle's not that real yet. One more? Sure. Why was it always that one kid in high school that was good at doing flips. It's like, I didn't learn this shit in my PE class. Where's that kid now, though?

It's not even Olympics. Just waiting for a barbecue to pop off or some shit. You're a fucking monster. That's a great bit. Where are you from? Thank you, thank you. Do you live here, Jason? You live here in L.A.? Yeah, I'm from Compton.

You played the right song. Oh, wow. I'm friends with Snoop Dogg. That's true. I am really good friends with Snoop Dogg. Black people love me! I was in the studio with my friend Snoop just this week. Thank you for mentioning that.

I would love to have you on the next Ice House, for sure. There you go. Oh, shit, yeah! Jay Snow going to the Ice House. Thank you. Hey, this is all incredible to me, Jay Snow. Especially your premises are extremely hilarious, and you just follow them through.

I mean, it's already funny from the beginning, and you just keep hitting it home. Thank you. It's so fucking diabolical for two years in. You seem like a real freak. I had you pegged for a 22-year-old that's been doing it for 10 years, and instead you're 29,

and you've been doing it for two years. Yeah, yeah. I'm a late bloomer. I didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do until like five years ago. What were you doing before that? Working bullshit day jobs. Wow. I worked security and then I started doing YouTube videos. Were you doing YouTube videos because you thought

it was so hilarious that you were hired to do security at a place? No, I did it because I thought I was funnier than the guys I saw doing it. You're right. That's exactly a lot of the reason why I moved here and started Stand Up Comedy. I saw my friends were all sitting in the living room

laughing at Dane Cook's special called Vicious Circle. And I said, this shit is, I'm leaving. I'm going to LA and I'm going to fucking do something. Thank you, this shit is, I'm leaving. I'm going to L.A. and I'm going to fucking do something. Thank you, Dane Cook, for being so God awful. Praise Jesus for Dane Cook.

Can we edit that part out of this? Perfect. Hey, Tony, sorry to interrupt, but I'm getting worried about Joel Jimenez. He hasn't been here in a long time. Oh, wow. Joel! Joel!

Oh, shit! This is another appearance of one of our all-time favorite characters of all time. It's the greatest hits! This was my greatest hit. Alright. Sorry. This is when this is when Joel Jimenez

dresses up his penis like Dave Attell. Exactly. He's got a little black ball cap at the top of it. He fit his balls in the sock too. It hurts, to be honest. Little tight. Now, last time that happened,

what was the deal with that again? Do you happen to be a drummer? Does anybody happen to be a drummer in here? I drum battled the guy and I slaughtered him in front of his family. That's what happened. Oh, that's right. I still still feel awful it keeps me up at night but you know I'm here again

you don't play the drums though do you Jason it could have gone either way honestly looking at you you probably maybe you're really good at drums wow Joel had a little trouble getting that line out I like to take my time with what I'm saying I want to make sure I convey myself in the proper context.

Let's rush through this fucking part right here. Turns out when Joel's asshole is pressed up against a leather stool. I'm happiest. Can we go for just one second? I just wanted to say something before it all got weird. I'm doing a show on Friday night at the Grove in Anaheim. You want to do 10 minutes right there? Wow!

That is awesome. Thank you. Thank you. What a way to close out a show, huh? You just saw something diabolical happen. As one of our new favorite comedians,

Jay Snow, will be opening up for the great Ron White this Friday during 10 minutes at the Grove in Anaheim. That's great. Hell yeah. That's great, Ron. This is how it happens. Jay Snow. Thank you, guys.

Taking it all back to that YouTube page at the end of it all. Gotta keep this shit happy, you know. Amazing performance. You fit in absolutely perfectly. It makes me so happy that I went to that bucket for a last time. The great Jay Snow, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at Jay Snow Pro. You saw him here.

Live audience, make some noise. We did it. That's episode 200 of Kill Tony. That's 300 hours of content on the internet. The number one live podcast in the world. Tonight's drawing from Ryan J Ebel. How about that? Look at that.

That's Dave Attell, Ron White, Tony Hitchcock, Brian Redman. How about that? Look at that. That's Dave Attell, Ron White, Tony Hitchcock, and Brian Redband. It happens that quick. Very nice. Anything else you guys want to plug? Grab that microphone real quick. Joel, anything you want to plug? Number one, tequila. This, I believe, to be the best

drink of liquor of any kind on the planet. If you go to taterstequila.com, we'll send it straight to your house. drink a liquor of any kind on the planet. If you go to taters tequila dot com we'll send it straight to your house. If you do that then I'll love you forever. I don't lie to you folks. I make a living by not lying to you people. This is amazing tequila. Give it a try.

The great Dave Attell ladies and gentlemen is here as well. Once again happy 200th to the fans of the podcast. You guys are awesome to help promote the new comics. Let the old comics have a word. And, of course, the band. And if you want to check me out, I'll probably be chain-smoking for the LaQuinta Inn on La Cienega.

Truly, three of my funniest friends in the world Take it over guys It's Reagan Watkins and Joel Jimenez everybody Hey guys Yeah Reach out to me on social media At Jeremiah Stand Up And if I can get serious for a second

I love Tony I love Redman I love everything that they do for the comedy community, so if you guys can just give them a round of applause. They do so much. Wow. Wow. And yeah, they're some of my best friends in the world, so I love you guys.

Yes, and we love you very much. Make sure you check out Pat Reagan's new album, Bad Chad. That's available on SoundCloud, iTunes, absolutely everything. Follow him on Twitter at Patty Reagan. Joel Jimenez. Hey, I'm mostly sorry. Hey, Bad Chad. That's available on SoundCloud, iTunes, absolutely everything. Follow him on Twitter at Patty Reagan. Joel Jimenez. Hey, I'm mostly sorry. Thanks again. Guys, this has been great. Episode 200.

Thanks for having me. Look at Joel Jimenez. Chris Dillon. Look at Joel Jimenez getting serious in his bare feet with his asshole hanging out. You got a bass player over there. Cutest butt in comedy. At Chroma Chris for our bass player on Instagram. Well, there you go.

Tony, here's for another 200, lover. Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen, and I have done 200 episodes of this podcast. From movie theaters in Toronto to its evolution from the belly room to sometimes in the main room because the comedy store won't give us the main room full time yet.

Comedy Store, Mitzi Shore, Joy Hinchcliffe. Thank you, guys. Thank you, live audience. Have a good night. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's okay, you should know that I'm here. And I'm outside, but I'm just here. I'm too pained from all I've heard, but I'm sure.

And I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you here. I don't care, I'm That's okay My will is good Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you. I'm not gonna cry. I miss you. I'm not gonna cry. I love you.

I'm not gonna cry. I killed you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.