KILL TONY - KILL TONY #201

Episode Date: March 28, 2017

Sam Tripoli, Fahim Anwar, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 03/13/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Not only does Kill Tony record every Monday at the Road Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, we're also going to be on the road. And we have an important important announcement uh our moon tower festival in austin was originally supposed to be on 4 21 april 21st it has been moved to april 22nd that's a saturday so austin texas moon tower festival us it's going to be on april 22nd it's at a venue called Speak Easy on Congress Avenue. You can go to the Moon Tower's website for more information and to get passes. And then on April 23rd, we are at The Secret Group in Houston.

And we are also doing a Kill Tony there. Two days in a row, Kill Tony. So Houston, it's going to be on the 23rd which is a sunday and that show starts i believe at eight o'clock and then after it we have a huge secret show and there's going to be a lot of secret guests including a very golden one that we can't talk about but that also has lewis j gomez you have jeremiah watkinskins from Kill Tony and everything else. You have me. You have Josh Martin, also from Kill Tony and Lucas Hurl. It's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of secret guests. So there's two shows on Sunday in Houston. So check it out. You can always go to death squad

dot TV and click on tour dates for more info. And if you live in Los Angeles, you're lucky, especially this week. We have two Death Squad secret shows. Not only do we have March 29th, which is a Wednesday, we have a secret show at the Laugh Factory. That's with Tom Green, Moshe Kasher, Brendan Walsh, Kate Quigley, Justin Martindale, a bunch of people. So that's this Wednesday at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. And then Thursday, we have another secret show. This time, we're at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. And then Thursday, we have another secret show. This time, we're

at our home base at the Comedy Store. And that has Steve-O, Steve Rinozzisi, Bobby Lee, Chris D'Elia, Kurt Metzger, George Perez. It's going to be a huge show. Tony Hinchcliffe's on it. You can always go to Death Squad and check out more information.

Don't forget to go to Tony's website.'s hands tony's website i almost called him tony winchcliffe tony henchcliffe's website tonyhenchcliffe.com there you have all his tour dates and his merch and everything else tony henchcliffe the golden pony and ryan j ebelt the house artist just released his second poster wow and this one's badass so check out the new desk the new Kill Tony poster by going to ryanjebelt.com and support an artist. All right, guys. Here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store Main Room for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hensclin!

What? Oh, my God! Hi, everybody. Welcome. It's a very light, thrifty crowd tonight. Make some noise one more time. Welcome. This is Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. The one and the only. Ryan J. Ebeld is drawing tonight's episode. We have a camera on a tripod.

Keep it going for tripods, everybody. Josh Martin is here, the human tripod. Josh Martin comic. Big Dick Martin. How's it going, Josh? How are you, buddy? He's okay, everyone. Can you feel the electricity in this room tonight?

It feels good in here. It all makes sense. We've got some big dates coming up. We're going to Texas. I'm bringing Kill Tony there to the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. May 21st, Jeremiah Watkins is coming with us. Josh Grumpy Pants Martin. Yeah.

We've got a bunch of people. And we're doing Houston two days later at the Secret Group, a really fucking cool venue that we just did like six months ago. We sold it out then. So great. And we're going to fill it up again. So get your tickets as fast as possible from – You can just go to DeathSquad.TV and click on Tour Dates.

We also have a secret show following the Houston show, and Luis J. Gomez is going to be our secret guest there. One of the secret guests? Yeah, we have another secret guest. We can't say who it is. Interesting. That's a top secret thing. I'm sorry.

What was that? You guys ready to start the show? Those are the things that we had to plug. I'm doing stand-up in whatever city you're in, too. TonyHinchcliffe.com for tour dates. I love comedy. We always have two of the funniest comedians in the world on every single episode. This week, truly

two of my favorite fucking comedians. Two guys that I work with pretty much every fucking night, and we crack each other up. Put your hands together for the great Sam Tripoli and Fahim Anwar. Oh, shit. Wait a second. What? Fuck yeah.

What? The brand newest special on CISO there's no business like show business. Fahim Anwar, ladies and gentlemen. With his double comedy album being released officially this Friday, you can preorder it now on iTunes or you can buy the physical copy

at SamTripley.com. It's called Diabolical. It's Sam Tripley, everybody. Also the first human being to ever take me on the road with him. I opened for Sam Tripley in La Jolla. Yes, you did excellent. 2007, I did like a three-minute spot. And he crushed.

Four times. And I taught you the way It's true Through comedy It's true, we're gonna have fun tonight You're welcome I'm pumped So these guys are here, let's bring up the band You guys know we have a band?

Yeah, I've heard about them Every single week We have a band They always do something different, a different theme. You never know what they're going to do. But they're a band. It's the Kill Tony Band. It's Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, and Joel Jimenez.

Reagan and Watkins, the Kill Tony Band. Uh-oh. Wow. Look at this! Holy shit! This is the fucking greatest! This is so awesome! It's the Beatles and Buddy Holly!

Buddy! Oh, I love it. It's James Queen. Oh, I don't know what that is. Oh, your leather jacket, like James Dean. Joel looks like a Mexican Oompa Loompa. This is always a fun reveal, getting to see you guys come out every month. If Trump's looking for me tonight, my name is Gringo Star.

Well played. You could tell he wrote that one on the drive over here. And then you have this chubby reservoir dog, Jeremiah Watkins. Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink's hot dog. It's Reservoir Pig. Gave himself a rim shot. Mr. Two's hot dog. Reservoir pig. Gave himself a rim shot. Mr. Two in the pink.

What happened to you guys' accents? Which one are you, dude? I'm Paul. I play the bass. Paul's not real. He died in an accident. It's a fake Paul. It's a fake Paul.

You fell for it. Stop trying to plug the tinfoil hat podcast. There you go. You got it in there. We won't need to do it again. We ask questions nobody wants answers to. Jeremiah, how does it feel to be one of the Beatles and to be working with Pat

obviously is Bill Nye the science guy. Young Bill Nye. Back in his coke and fucking days. Bill Nye the back in his coke and fucking days. Bill Nye the science boy. Like Rick Moranis. Ooh, alright. This is the part where we jump right into the show,

everybody. I have a bucket with over a bunch of names, a ton of names signed up tonight. We have a bucket full of fucking comedians' names. They signed up, or sometimes it's a human being that has never done stand-up before. Sometimes it's a crazy person that just signs up for any list that they see on Sunset Boulevard.

You never know what's going to happen. But if you get pulled out of the bucket, you get 60 seconds. You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. That's how it works. You guys ready to start this bitch up or what?

Who has more fun on a Monday than us? Guys, I need you to make some fucking noise right now. Welcome to the show. Fucking room. Sometimes you got to fucking spank them. Now you're going to clap again when I say the name Jeremiah Lefebure Oh hey

I thought that was your character Lefebure There he is Jeremiah Alright How's it going Voice might be a little off That's what happens when you treat the cough with cannabis All right. How's it going? Voice might be a little off.

That's what happens when you treat the cough with cannabis. I find the best, most comfortable spot. It sucks. You ever think you're going to kill something and come up and it doesn't happen? That's what's going on right now. Yeah, let's restart. Put your hands together again for Jeremiah Lefebvre, starting back from zero. Try it again.

Try it again. Try it again. There you go. Own it. Owning it. Move the mic stand. Out of the way. One more time for Jeremiah, everybody. Triple start.

All right, that's the last restart. So I smoke a lot of weed. Yeah. I find the most comfortable spot to do it is in the driver's seat of my car. I judge how son of a bitch how strong my weed is by

how much road rage I have. Dang it. Yeah. Thanks, Sam. That was fucking great. Kitty yet? Okay, there you go. Jeremiah Lefebvre. There you go. There's a lot that happened there. A lot that happened there,

Jeremiah. I'm not going to lie. Let's get into this. The catch with the main room is that all of a sudden they give us another happen there, Jeremiah. I'm not going to lie. Damon, the sound, the catch with the main room is that all of a sudden they give us another human being to operate sound that helps with the sound. And sometimes it clusters things up on a real live show. Damon, are you around?

Yeah, we need like super volume in this room, man. It seems super quiet in here. Can we get George Martin to the booth, please? It's super quiet. This is like you're trying to make it like... It's not your fault, dude. Anyway, it's, like, acoustically adorable what we're doing in here, Damon, but we need it to feel a little more rock and roll, if that makes sense.

Welcome to Kill Tony Unplugged. Yeah, this is acoustically adorable is how I would if I wrote a blog about how much I didn't like the show that I went to on this specific Monday, that's what I would say was acoustically adorable. Didn't really see what I meant. What's that?

Okay, thank you. So, Jeremiah, let's just talk. Let's pretend like that set never happened. Was that your first time on stage? That's the second time set never happened. Was that your first time on stage? That's the second time. Second time. Where was the first time? Was it the first set that you did that we restarted?

Yeah. It was like 30 seconds before that. How'd the first time go? About the same. As soon as I get up here, it's like. The same? You went up there at whatever mic that was, and there was a loud bass. Yeah, I was like, man, this thing isn't on. There was a huge bass amplifier that was...

Yeah, you had a lot of variables you had to deal with, so it's not very typical to have to go up like that. Where did you do the set? Where was that? It was in the belly room. Maybe if it was at UCB, it was alternative enough, you'd probably crush there, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, no.

Like, oh, he's so alternative, he didn't even talk. what show was it in the belly room was it this show yeah oh wow interesting so are you like trying to go up other places or you know I do you just do it for fun or like what is it like you just I know I've been well I was following around following it around for a while like I come and I'd watch and I try to like write stuff what try to, like, write stuff. What do you do for work? Right now, I make crepes. You look like you own Comet Ping Pong and part of Pizzagate.

Oh, jeez. I see what you're trying. I see what's going on here tonight, Sam. No, here's what I want to say to you, dude. Here's what I want to say to you. You obviously can't remember your act. Why don't you write it on your hand? Why don't you write it?

I mean, there's still people who have been doing it for years. You need to write it on your hand. At least bullet points. Don't write your whole fucking thing on your hand. Don't write it on your hand. I would have just ran off like all the sweat. Oh, my gosh. So where are you making crepes at?

We really never got to react off that. Crepes, like the French pastry type of? French pastry. They're like flat pancakes. They're the transgender of pancakes, right? What's a transgender? They are. How long have you been making crepes for?

A little over a year. It's my wife's family's restaurant. Ah. Is it called Crepes of Wrath? I'm so glad we gave Joel his own mic. We gave Joel, for those of you that follow the show extremely closely, one of the gifts that we gave away on 200, a cool thing that we did is

we added a microphone to the entire show which they said couldn't possibly be done and Joel Jimenez after many episodes on the show got his own mic and he chose to really kick it off with the first one for those of you counting Creeps of Wrath was

the when the mic wasn't loud enough, were you like, Yoko, oh no. Yeah, the entire time. Oh my God. Maybe we should start and think about this. We have two pun people on stage. Can we just lose the volume on Joel's mic? No, I'm kidding.

So Jeremiah, how old are you? 33. 33. Are there other dreams that you're going out And sort of half quarter chasing? Yeah, you know, sometimes Like what? Crepe, you know, that's pretty fun

You're really into this crepe thing? No Don't tell us the jokes But what were some of the premises You were ready to release on this crowd That you just shit the bed with? What was it? Well, it was mostly like I was going to try to stay with driving high.

Driving high? Then where? Because that's only one joke. Yeah, and they talk about people in crosswalks, like a crosswalk knows no, there's no. You can't even remember the premise. A crosswalk knows no what? Knows no what?

Knows no... What is the joke, man? Damn it! If you're really serious about this, you just need to take a couple weeks. Go every single night. Do three open mics a night. See if it gets better.

Because it might not get better. It doesn't sound like he's serious about it at all, though. It's hard because I feel like I'm funny. And it's really hard to... How long ago was your last spot? My last spot was here. When? It was a while ago.

What's a while ago? Like a year. You've got to get up more than once a year. You're averaging 60 seconds a year. I figured I'd probably step up my game a little bit. Actually, it was 20 seconds, but...

Oh, man. Whoa. Well, that's cool. What else are you into? Well, for a dude who does it once a year, that wasn't that bad. Yeah, you know, a lot of the problem is the mic. Oh, it's the mic? You couldn't even remember the joke now.

That was it. It wasn't the words that weren't coming out of your mouth. It was the fucking microphone. You should have said, help, I need somebody. Yeah. Motherfucking double J. Joel Jimenez. He's going to die early.

To get better, you need to start writing eight days a week. Eight days a week. Eight days a week. Eight days. I like being welcomed to park somewhere. On the other hand, I don't like when signs say no parking. What? That's my boy, Patty Reagan.

Was his mic messing up too? Oh, God. Suddenly you don't look so bad. Thank you. He just saved you, bro. Oh, shit. I would say

your goal should get up. You should do this next week. Don't give him goals. He won't remember them. Yeah, I am married, but it's... Go do stand-up, dude. Go do stand-up. This guy's like Jim Brewer, fully baked.

Oh, my God. How would Paul McCartney make it? Are you going to play this for the rest of the kitchen staff back at the restaurant? Yeah, I'm going to be like, hey, guys, this is what happens when you chase your dreams. Hold on a second. Are you going to dub this in Spanish so they know what the fuck you're not saying? I'll just say O at the end. Okay.

Jeremiah, tell us something interesting about you. Is there some special skill that you have without saying the fucking word crepe? Is there anything in your life that you're proud of, that you can do, that you're into? Anything? Yeah, I got in a fist fight with a chick recently. What?

Hold on, your special skill is hitting women? I didn't hit her, I blocked her. You opened with that. That's your first joke. Yeah, that's true. I beat bitches. I need to relax a little bit. How did that go down?

This guy's bonkers. Is that a Beatles reference? What was that? A natural reaction. Never heard of one. Was this like a girlfriend? No. It was just some lady?

Some random. Where at? Well, it wasn't, I mean, she was a bum, so I mean, it's all right. Oh, that makes it okay? Where'd that happen at? At the car wash. I was washing my car. You were washing your car?

Had you beat a homeless lady? No, well, I was about to like. You ran out of quarters? Yeah, I was, well, I had to change quarters. That's where she caught me. I had to change quarters. You were actually doing better when you weren't talking. That's amazing.

Right? You hit homeless chicks? That's just weird. Keep going. I blocked her. You blocked her. So she came right at you. She came across the street from the gas station.

I'm like, oh, man, this is not going to be good. She was yelling mad. Did you make eye contact with her? No, I was in my car, and I saw her coming across, and she was yelling at everybody at the car wash. I'm like, ooh, shit, I'm just going to finish smoking a little bit. Then I'm like, man, I got to go get changed. How much weed do you really smoke?

Not that much. Not that much? Your Twitter handle is Blazed Geek. Shout out to Ustream. Oh, I know this guy. To Ustream. I know him, too. Very active Twitter user.

You're the only stoner that gets violent and hits chicks, by the way. No, I didn't hit her. I blocked her. And then what happened? So I was changing. Then how is that a fight? It wasn't. Well, I had to make it interesting.

Jesus. Jeremiah. You should have just let it be. I was getting changed. And then she goes, Philip. She yelled at me, Philip, that better not be you. And I'm like, sorry. Once again, my boy, Paddy Reagan.

And then she came over at me, and she just threw punches. All right, Jeremiah, I'm trying to figure out something interesting about you, but we've gone way past the time that I can allot to talk with you any longer. Any other, you guys have any thoughts about Jeremiah? Where's the crate place? Any other, you guys have any thoughts about Jeremiah or anything? Where's the Crate Place? Correct! Should I plug that?

Should I plug that? I'm very curious, where is it? That's Hollywood Island. Hollywood Island. Wow! Hollywood Island. And what is it really called? The French Crate.

It took you a while. The French Crate? Like damn, should I say it? Like I'm not gonna. Why not? The more I find out it sort of sounds basic as fuck. Hollywood Island is a pretty shady cross street. You're gonna fight on stage.

Triple time. Oh that happens all the time. Triple time. Triple time. Triple time. The French crepe? Should I say it? The more I find out, it sort of sounds basic as fuck. Hollywood Highland is a pretty shady cross-street. Oh, that happens all the time. Put your hands together for Jeremiah Lefebvre, everybody. He's on Suicide Watch. Just kidding. Go buy a crepe from him at Hollywood Highland. The French crepe.

As if there was ever any other kind of crepe. Oh. Highland. The French crepe. As if there was ever any other kind of crepe. This should be the crepe podcast of record where more crepes talk happen here than anywhere else. I actually ate crepes today. Really? That's not a lie, yeah. Is that true? Crepes and eggs, yeah.

And a dirty choy latte. It was delicious. Alright, I pulled another name out of the bucket. really? that's not a lie is that true? crepes and eggs and a dirty choy latte it's delicious alright I pulled another name out of the bucket whoa put your hands together come on let's get

I thought I was allergic to that joke this is so ridiculous put your hands together for Ray Easter, everybody. Coming from the back. Come on, one more time for Ray Easter, everyone. Thank you.

All right. Well, I'll introduce myself. My name is Ray Easter. That is my real last name. It's not a stage name. I think I would have picked something better if I had one. You know, it was like really tough growing up with that last name in school because you get made fun of a lot. Like I remember I used to get called names in class like Easter Bunny. Yeah. Easter Basket, Pussy.

Those were only the names my teachers came up with, though, unfortunately. But it's fucking rough being homeschooled, you know? Thank you. Thank you. I like telling that joke, and usually people will come up to me after the show, and they're like, oh, no, were you really homeschooled? I'm like, no, but I was a pussy, though. So it's a little bit of truth in every joke.

I get this question asked a lot, though. Oh, is that your favorite holiday? No, go fuck yourself. It's not. But I will tell you my least favorite holiday, though, and that is Halloween. I'll explain why. Or I won't. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Explain why. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Hold on. You got to explain why. Explain why. Explain why.

Explain why. All right. I was like one of the only black kids in like an all-white neighborhood. So every Halloween I had a very limited choice of costume options. I remember one year I went up to one of my white friends and I was like, hey white friend, I'm thinking about going

to Superman this year. He was like, what? Man, you can't go with Superman, dude. Superman wasn't black. There you go, there you go. Yeah, that's why it's 60 seconds. Ray you go. There you go. Yeah, that's a... Yeah, that's why it's 60 seconds. Ray, let's talk about it.

You called yourself a pussy a couple times. Do you really think you're a pussy? What was the end of that last joke? I'm kind of curious. I was going to say he wasn't real. That's good. Thank you. Oh, okay.

The bear was warranted. Is that bear a power top or a hungry bottom bear? It's the West Hollywood fucking bear backing bear? Is that what it is? Bear back. It's a bear back bear? Well, Tony, you know what the bear actually growl actually translates to? It actually translates to help stop forest fires. Is this a choice?

These are interesting jokes. I thought you were funny, dude. I like how you open it. You do have a little too much. You say too much to explain the opening, but it was good jokes, man. A lot of misdirection in one minute, I would say. I like the reveals. So, Ray, how long have you been on stand-up?

About four years. Where are you from? D.C. How long have you been in L.A.? About seven months, eight months. What do you do for work? Drive for Postmates. I like that. Unemployed.

That's great. Did you get a lot of white girlfriends in high school being the only black guy? A couple Yeah I had to think about it for a little bit Do you ever get hungry and sneak some of the food out of the dishes? Like just take a little out of one area and then push some of it over and stuff like that? Yeah

If I was driving food around, I would eat so much fucking food. Actually, I forgot some people's, I don't know, some side or whatever, and I just fucking ate it. I had this driver recently tell me that when he's so hungry, he'll just reach in there and grab fries and he'll do all that shit. That sucks. Grab one or two, they won't forget. Baby, you can't drive my car.

Have you really shoehorned a Beatles joke in there? Anyone famous that you've delivered to? No. Anything get weird when you deliver? Like you show up and it's just a gimp or something answers the door? I wish. Nothing interesting? I can talk about it.

Nothing interesting. What did you do back in D.C.? I drove armored trucks. Wow. Just for fun? Just for fun. Were you delivering food in armored trucks back then? Yeah, so people's food is pretty safe out here.

Most secure food delivery service in Washington, D.C. No, no, no. It was a company called Dunbar. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We know about them. Yeah.

The high school? Did any heists or anything happen when you were working at Armored Truck? I've been followed before. Ooh. What happened then? You called the police? Just called the police. It was pretty cool.

Yeah, like, I think someone's following me. I'm on, like, whatever street. They give you a gun? Or how's that work? Yeah, you get a gun. Yeah. What kind of bullet? Do They give you a gun? Or how does that work? Yeah, you get a gun. What kind of bullet? Do you ever take the gun and shoot somebody with it?

Have you ever shot anyone? Have you ever taken the gun and just fired off randomly? That's a good question. Ray, do you leave a girl back in D.C.? Are you single? No, yeah. You leave a bird back in D.C.? Do I what? What is going on over there?

Grab that microphone. Oh my god. Were you in love? This is like the Beatles with autism right now. Last relationship you've been in, Ray, what was that like? Not forced. Actually, you know what in, Ray, what was that like? Not forced.

Actually, you know what? No, I was in a relationship. It was all right, but it lasted for like three months because I was moving out here. The three-month curse. Yeah. Ray, do you have any other special skills or talents or hobbies that you do?

Absolutely not. Wow, this is the most boring fucking people here. I know. What do you do? I've. Wow, these are the most boring fucking people here. It's mind-blowing. What do you do? I ask homeless, insane people these same questions. Smoke weed. The answers we get are incredible.

Tonight, it's just one of those fun things. Ray, I loved it. Let's keep moving on. Ray Easter, everybody. He's on Twitter. Ray Easter Comedy. A couple little Rule of Three misdirects in there, then a long one

Harry Potter's comedy tonight is on fire would you agree Harry Potter is killing it tonight shout out to Voldemort I love it Harry Potter's what we call girls in other regions in

Liverpool autistic Beatles they're coming to your house they're gonna and other regions in Liverpool. Autistic Beatles. They're coming to your house. They're going to gross you out. They're Autistic Beatles. I pulled another name out of the bucket. This looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Devante Cordova. What's up, guys?

Yes. Nice. Despite my demeanor, I actually grew up listening to hip-hop, you guys. Big hip-hop fan. I grew up listening to gangster rap, especially. I grew up listening to N.W.A. Familiar? Nice.

N.W.A. is a gangster rap group from the 90s. N.W.A. is an acronym that we all know stands for Niggas With Attitude, which I thought we were going to say together, you guys. Anyway, I think it kind of shows that N.W.A. is the first gangster rap group ever. Because the name's not gangsta at all. Like, niggas with attitude.

Aww. Like, one time I had attitude, you guys. And I got grounded. You know what I mean? Not scary for some gangstas. It's just the last part that throws me off. Because the first two parts are so powerful all by themselves, right? Niggas.

Oh, shit. Okay, I'm listening. You got my attention. Niggas with. What do these niggas have? Can they throw it? I'm scared, right? Just change that last part.

Anything to work, right? Fuck yeah. Devante Cordova. Awesome. 60 seconds. You said the N-word 73 times. That is a brand new Kill Tony record.

These days it would be NWA inwards with auto-tune. Jesus Christ. Almost. Oh, Jesus Christ. See, it's working. Eventually he's going to start crushing with it.

Because it's funny. I love it. So, Devante, are you even black, by the way? Yeah, for the most part. Black Beatles in the city. All right. I like that one.

What's your full ethnicity? Because Cordova seems... I'm black and Mexican. Black and Mexican. I do think it was black and yellow. You open with, despite my demeanor, and we have no idea what your demeanor is. That's true. That's true. You should just get right into it, dude.

Yeah, you don't need that. Half black, half Mexican, and you said the N-word 74 times. I'm 75% black. I would love to see your Mexican edition of racist, you know, racial, like, you know, getting to make fun of yourself.

Anyway, what was the point? NWA. How old are you? 24. 24. It's so interesting. NWA is still a big thing. I know the movie just came out, but it's just interesting. He came up to NWA. We were playing Dope Man.

Did you have that joke already lined up? Did your nipples just get hard thinking about it? This is my moment. This is the time. How long have you been doing stand-up? Six years. Shout out to nipples.

Six years? Yeah. Wow. That's fun. Is that good? Yeah, that's great. That's great to start that early. Cool.

Is that your best bit? I think so. Where did you start? I think it's the first one. What have you been doing? I started in San Diego. Did you start it in think it's the first one. So what have you been doing for six years? Did you start at Urban Outfitters? Oh, my God.

Did you say Cincinnati? San Diego. San Diego. I was telling jokes to the... Big difference. Almost the same. How long were you there? I'm still there, actually.

I just came up to do the mics up here. Yeah, it's a good move. Where's the hood of San Diego Where is that Where's the bad streets where you don't want to go At like around noon It's like where I'm from actually Southeast San Diego

What's the hood Most hood thing you've ever seen go on In San Diego what is the hood shit Mexicans crossing the border In San Diego there's gangster Asians The people don't know border. The hood. In San Diego, there's gangster Asians that people don't know about. It's like really gangster Asians. The baddest guys in San Diego,

the bad guys are Asians. They're Asians. They're Asian gangs. That's their theme music. Yeah. The big gangsters are Asians. Asian, yeah. And they all have rat tails.

This is what they... I think you guys are talking about... Do you just see dojos fighting each other? Pretty much, yeah. It's like Shaolin versus Kung Fu.

It's very choreographed. Yeah. They don't have colors. They just have symbols that represent each other. Huh. I see what you did. My God.

You set us up for that. I wanted crack in San Diego. Where would I go get crack did. My God. You set us up for that. If I wanted crack in San Diego, where would I go get crack in San Diego? You could just call me. You could just call you. On Yin Yang Street.

You could walk down the sidewalk. Oh my God. Is that true? Do you really, have you ever done crack? No. I have.

Crazy. Really? Have you? Smoked it once. Was it right before we started doing this show tonight? Yep

The whole time you smoke crack All you're thinking is Fuck I'm smoking crack That's all you think That makes a lot of sense Devante Craziest drug you've ever done? It's Dante. White pussy, am I right?

Yeah, there you go. I've done acid a few times. A lot, actually. So have we. You ever heard the album Magical Mystery Tour? What'd you do when you were on acid? Where were you? I was at Balboa Park.

It's like a big sort of like monument in San Diego. And it's just like a bunch of museums and shit. Just walked around, looked at some art, and touched some flowers. That is so San Diego ghetto urban right there. We dropped some drugs, and we went to an art fair. It was a nice pop-up shop. Man, we started gangbanging

and we wrote unicycles. Crepes all day. Crepes all day. What do you do for work? I work at the comedy store in San Diego. I'll be there this weekend. Oh, see you soon, man. How long have you worked there?

He doesn't sound excited. How long have you worked there? Two years now. Oh, that's great. You get up there a lot? Yeah, yeah. We do three nights a week here. I know the guys here do like one night a week.

One night, three minutes. We do like eight minutes three times down there. So it's a lot of stage time. It's good to come up here every once in a while. Oh. And embarrass myself. Thanks for slumming it up here. Yeah.

And La Jolla is a very, very nice place, right? Yeah. It's very nice. So, I mean, you're really dealing with an interesting crowd. Do you talk about the NWA while doing a set of La Jolla? I do. I always feel weird doing that bit because it sometimes makes old white people uncomfortable, but it's not so much about the

N-word as it is the whole idea. Well, it is about the N-word because if I did that joke, they'd set this place on fire. But I still open with it. It goes well. Here's the thing about La Jolla. It's all rich people who really want to act like ghetto trash.

Have you ever noticed that? They love to act like ghetto trash have you ever noticed that they love to act like they're from a trailer park when they all just came from they rolled up in the rolls and they're fucking from rich money but they love to get sloppy drunk like they just went to a NASCAR race and it's just it's like chill the fuck out bourgeois trash you know what I'm saying

no poor people want to look rich and rich people want to look poor you know you bombed when he's my backup I know I just saying? Nope. Poor people want to look rich and rich people want to look poor. You know you bombed when he's my backup. I know I just... Totally. You took all that tension that you built and just made it funny. Yeah.

Thank you for saving me. Dante. Anything else? For me? Yeah. Anything you've ever wanted to say out loud? I'm a big fan of everybody up here. Oh, thank you. I take back everything I said. Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah. That kind of ass kissing might get you sports in La Jolla, but here it's a different story, mate. It's almost like the Lord of the Rings DVD broke right there and it just slowly came out. Sam, you're out of control.

You're doing the exact same thing he's doing over and over again. I don't think either one of you are realizing it. There's a whole thing going on here. That's what we planned. The show runs either way. Yeah, I'd like to hear from Fahim, not Sam. Coming straight from Paul McCartney himself.

It's not the real Paul McCartney. He died. Wow. All right. Okay. Let's just... Let's restart the show. Should we start from the beginning?

Should I come back out again? What do you guys think? Start over? Hour and a half? You guys ready to go? Nothing's getting played. Now Sam's already in post-war mode. I can already hear the argument starting.

Everything's okay. Let's just all relax and breathe, and everything's fine. Dante Cordova, there you go. We're going to get rid of you, Dante. You go back down to La Jolla where life is good. Everything's okay. I'm literally trying to control two experimental professionals right now. Everybody's riffing.

Everybody's having fun. You guys having fun, live audience? Yes. You guys gotta get see-saw. Watch Fahim's new one-hour special. I'm hilarious, guys. Yeah. He actually talks in it.

Alright. Here we go. This is going to be a comedian. They're going to do 60 seconds, and we're going to talk to them about anything in the world afterwards. This is episode 201 of the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony. Meow.

Put your hands together for Josh Michaels. Alright, this is going to be very mediocre, but we'll get through it. A lot of people talk about smoking weed. I don't like to smoke so much weed. I like to drink. I think it's because I live with my brother who's like a movie stereotype stoner. And he does shit when he's high. It freaks me out, okay? The other day he came home and he was mad.

He was furious. Because he had gone to a fast food restaurant to get something to eat and didn't realize until he got all the way home that his order was wrong. To be fair, that's happened to all of us. That's happened to me. It's happened to you. But you have to be high as fuck for that shit to happen to you at Subway.

The place where they fucking make the food in front of you. 2017 hasn't been great for Josh. I still use my ex-girlfriend's Netflix account. But I only use it to add shit to her watch list or her queue

that I know she's gonna fucking love. She's gonna really love it. She's gonna love it. And I don't do it to be nice. I don't do it to be nice. I do it so that when she's on the couch with her new boyfriend, she's like, who added Stranger Things to my queue? From behind the curtains, I can be

like, me. It's always been me. Fuck yeah, Josh Michaels, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, Josh. How's it going? Good, man. How are you? You are one of, by far, the top ten funniest lesbians that we've ever had on the show, first of all.

Let me tell you that. Out of the top ten lesbians that have performed on this, you're one of them. Josh, I love your style. Is that true about the ex-girlfriend? You really have her Netflix account? Yeah, super true. How recent's that breakup?

It's been like a year. How long were you guys together? For like a year. That's a pretty funny premise, but actually giving examples of the titles would probably be good. Instead of being in the house, maybe you could save that for later but like actually putting shit in there because I used to do the same thing but it was on accident

I was just adding really stupid shit maybe the titles are ways of insulting her like a lot of rape movies or something or you could start like romantic things and then just fast forward through them

and make her think that maybe you're thinking about her and like maybe you've got your shit together. Why'd you guys break up? I don't know. You cheated on her with another woman? Was it your hats? I'm not a good boyfriend. Yeah, that's my hat.

She cheated on you with another woman? No, no, no. With another woman, yeah. Yeah. Was it because they wouldn't let you two get married? Does your girlfriend live with a new boyfriend or anything like that? See, that's perfect. Now you could add gay movies, like Brokeback Mountain.

Like Brokeback Mountain 2. And then she's going to think that her new boyfriend's a gay man, and she's going to want to go back to her lesbian lover. We were meant to be. Well, you know what they say. Maybe she'll come back because they never forget how to ride a dyke. It's like the Buddy Holly that we wished died in a plane crash. Subway joke was good.

I think you could get to it quicker, though. Yeah, it's a little much. I'd say throw it all out. It sucks. It's all boring. Fair. That's very fair. It's boring.

It's just boring. Comedy's boring. A million comedians should quit dude I can see you got it You got it You just gotta fine tune what you're saying So we specifically know what you're doing And add the punches to them But you have it

You could go really far If you just really focused what you were saying Thank you How long have you been doing it? Two years Where are you from? Covina What do you do for work?

I work at a fucking Chili's. A Chili's? Wow. We all know you. I'm 27. Yeah, dude. We all work shit jobs. Yeah, I work at a Chili's. You don't want a good job right now and it's all working out. You're not going to want to go fucking do stand-up. Yeah, but it sounds like a joke. I mean, I've never actually met anybody that actually

works at a Chili's. I've only heard jokes about that from hanging out with comedians for the last 10 years. You actually work at a Chili's? Yeah. How long have you worked at a Chili's and what is only heard jokes about that from hanging out with comedians for the last ten years. You actually work at a Chili's? Yeah. How long have you worked at a Chili's and what is your exact role there? I'm a server. I've worked there for two years, a year and a half. Wow, that's a lot of fucking Chili's, man.

I mean, everything you own smells like Chili's, right? It's fucking gross. What's the best thing on the menu? What do you recommend? Look, man, if you're trying to get some fucking... Diarrhea. Then I've got some recommendations for you. Tony, this guy...

Baby, baby, baby, baby. We stepped on it at the same time. Baby back ribs. He wants his baby back, baby back, baby back. I want my baby back. Of course, you had the longest version of the joke. He wants his baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back ribs. Like, do you hate Applebee's?

Nah, I mean, it's fine. You wouldn't fight them if you saw one right here? I don't care about my job. Blood in, blood out? No, no, no. I don't care. I don't care enough about Chili's. You really don't care?

I mean, they pay me, but I don't care. Choose a side, man. Grow a pad. Choose a side, man. Grow a pad. Choose a side. I love it. You really don't care about Applebee's? Yeah. You really don't have any pride.

If there was a comedian that came up after you, right? And we're like, there you go. There goes Josh Michaels. And this kid comes up, and he fucking shreds. And we're like, what do you do for work? And he goes, I work at motherfucking Applebee's. You would be like, motherfucker.

There's no way, right? It would bother you a little bit. Maybe. If that was the situation, maybe a little bit. That's what I had to say to get it out of him. So there is something there. I mean, is Applebee's the number one competition, or is it Olive Garden, or what's going on?

TGI Fridays? Yeah, it's TGI Fridays. Fuckers at TGIF. I don't know. I don't know. More drunk people? I don't know. What's the hierarchy?

Is it like TGIF Fridays, and then? Yeah, did you work your way all the way up the TGIF line to be able to get into a? No, I used to work at a Korean barbecue before I worked at Chili's. Oh. Wow. Jeez, you could walk the walk. Hey, man. I'm telling you. Wow. You could walk the walk. Now you talk the talk.

Josh, interesting. What is the location of your Chili's? It's in Covina. It's in Covina. That's an interesting market, right? If you had to break down the racial demographics of the people that eat it. 100% Mexicans.

100%. So you've seen. 100%. 100%. There's no gang banging Asians around there or anything? No. No ponytails. Dude, we're going to Chili's.

Applebee's is for the white people. Is all the waiters and waitresses also Latino? No, we actually have like a pretty diverse staff. We have like a... Oh, good, good. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool.

Thank God. It's like a Verizon wireless commercial in there, huh? It's pretty great, yeah. You have a diverse staff. So you get up in Covina? That's where you...

Where do you do stand-up? Yeah, mostly Covina. I come out here, other OC places. What are the spots like in Covina to do stand-up? Not like great,

not bad. I don't know. It's all... Like bar shows? Yeah, like bar stuff. Mostly, yeah. There's like other places. I don't know. It's all the same. It's not fun sometimes. Wow, I'm going to be honest. I totally wasn't paying attention to the show just then. That's never actually

happened before where I have lost track of... I was the only... Did your girlfriend like your comedy? Did she ever see you do comedy? Is that why she broke up? Probably. It's weird because we used to live together and stuff and then I would start coming out here and she thought I was just getting

fucked up every night, which I totally was. You're a waiter because you go out and drink every night. All waiters do is drink and do cocaine after shifts. Is that what you do? Do you have any coke on you? I mean, uh... Jesus. They obviously don't drug test the chilies, you know. I'm just a chili head up in here.

Oh, is that what you call yourself? That's what they call themselves, but I don't identify as a chili head. Do you do anything... You're a waiter, and you've been doing it two years. Do you do anything funny at the table? No, I don't. Tell the truth, Josh.

It took us four minutes to get that you'd fuck up an Applebee's guy. All right, let's act like you come to the table, and do you have a joke or any kind of humor? Come on. No, no. Oh, man. Yeah. Here we are, babe.

Another night at Chili's. Oh, jeez. Here comes the waiter. Oh, look at this young lady. Here we go. Oh, God. Here we go. Oh. Here we go. Oh, God.

Here we go. Am I supposed to... Hi. Can I get an iced tea, please? He didn't even say hello, babe. Jeez, you're out of control. I mean, jeez, this is the real problem with you. You know what I mean? I finally take you out to get a good meal. You're yelling at this poor kid.

He's not even at our table yet. I'm thirsty, ma'am. Can I get an iced tea? I'm going to greet you right now. I'm going to say, hey. Wait, wait, wait. Is that what you say? Hey, I'm coming up. I'm about to say hello. Here we go. Hello. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just to let you know,

I'm about to... We're about to interact. Here it goes. Hey, how you guys doing tonight? All right, exactly. We're sitting down. This is the weirdest. This is not going to be entertaining at all, but I go and say hey, welcome to Chili's. Do you say that? I want you to fucking do it

without any of the goddamn setup. Wow, this is going to be awkward. Hello. None of that. Just pretend. This is an acting role right now. It's a live super audition. Okay, and what we're doing is we're shooting a fucking Chili's commercial. I would like to see this guy at an improv show. I'm about to do an improv.

Hi, how are you? Oh, my God. Okay, all right, so we just sit down. We just got done making out. Okay. Man. He's sitting on my hand. I can't right, so we just sit down. We just got done making out. Oh, okay. Man. He's sitting on my hand. All right.

Oh, I can't wait to order some ribs and a lemonade. This is going to be great. Hey, welcome to Chili's. Hey, I'm about to approach you. You've been doing this job for two years, and this is the best you got right now? I'm decent at it. Welcome to Chili's. My name is Josh.

I'll be taking care of you. Welcome to where? Cheers? Where's Cheers all of a sudden? I'm here for the whole restaurant. The lady said Chili's. I think you have to warm up a little bit more, Josh. Do you have any specials? We have our signature margaritas.

If you'd like to... Did somebody say margaritas, if you'd like to. Did somebody say margarita? You really do look like every kid who sold newspapers in the 1920s right here, don't you? I'm trying to go for that look. That's the look I'm going for. Hey, it's me. Hey, guys.

Get your newspapers here. Have you seen the new paper boy, Chili Johnson? Negro runs faster. Chili McAppleby. Where's my newspaper? I'll have a margarita. Oh, yeah. And we're back in the scene.

How about you guys? What do you guys want to drink from this fucking schmuck? Do coke. Do you do a lot of coke? Yeah, do I do a lot of... Not so much anymore, but yeah. What do you mean, not today? Oh, definitely not today. But you have done it before.

You know. Maybe yesterday. Yeah. No, definitely not yesterday. Oh, very good. That's a Beatles reference, everybody. You're all asleep. We rim Oh, very good. That's a Beatles reference, everybody. Powerful children. You're all asleep. We rim our glasses with cocaine at Chili's. We rim our margaritas with cocaine.

Oh, Jesus. I'll have one of those. Anything crazy ever go down while you've been waiting tables? Just like homeless people come in sometimes. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, and then they order food and then pay for it. Because it's fucking Chili's, dude. Well, we know a guy named Jeremiah

will come fight those homeless people if you need him to. When I used to be a waiter at Hulu Hands and a customer pissed me off, sometimes I'd rub their steak on my dick and stuff. You ever do anything like that? Rub your steak on the dick. So you would put butter and salt and pepper. Yes.

Do you think about these things when you do it? No. Red Band's life inspired the movie Waiting. You saw that, Paul McCartney? You watched fucking Waiting? That's a great movie if you're a waiter. Big fan of Ryan Reynolds.

What's the rudest patron's been to you, like that story? They're all fucking rude. None of them are nice. Give us a good example. Anyone ever call you the N-word or anything like that? I get a lot of the N-word. I get a lot of...

Is that true? No, no. I don't know. They just... What? No, they're just rude. They're demanding. They think they're at a fucking five-star restaurant.

They're at Chili's in Covina. What's the biggest tip you ever got in Covina? It's like not good. It's like maybe $10, $15. I don't know. What check? Maybe like a $100 and something check. The biggest tip you got is $10?

$15 maybe, yeah. Are you serious? Why are you still there, dude? Fuck Chili's. Stop doing the Coke. Start selling the Coke, bro. I don't do that much cocaine. I know I referenced it.

You should start. That job sucks, bro. Check Applebee's out or something. I'm going to go to Applebee's. If you're getting 15% or less on $100 or more tip, you're fucking, something's not right. Or you're the worst waiter in the room. No, I'm pretty good.

I'm pretty good. Sounds like a hot day's night. Thank you! That is so funny. Damn right. Joel Jimenez is on fire right now. There goes Josh Michaels, everybody. Fun times. There he goes.

Go out to Kavina. Go get yourself some baby back ribs, everybody. You can get baby back ribs. You can get fucking crepes from some of these people. You can get Postmates delivered to you. It's a very food food-esque episode.

Fun, because Red Band and I both ate right before the show. Which is a rare thing. Speaking of eating, you'll recognize this last name. Put your hands together for Charlie Winfrey, everybody. Here you go. Charlie Winfrey. Hey, gang. Good to see everybody. This is what I look like. People are real nice around

here. This lady said to me the other day, she goes, you know, you look anywhere from 20 to 40 years old. I go, yikes, you didn't even really fucking guess, did you? That's a demographic, for God's sakes. I don't take care of myself, right? I don't look good for my age. I'm 26. I'm aging with whatever the opposite of grace is. I did a lot of acid.

This is what happens when you burn the candle from the middle. I did a lot of acid. This is what happens when you burn the candle from the middle. My back hurt, so I went to a doctor and found out I had chlamydia. Anybody else? Hey, come on. Who's had chlamydia? Anybody?

It's a good time. Got the test and then got the results. And she called me and she goes, you know, I got your results. Everything's fine. I go, sweet. She goes, but the chlamydia came back positive. And I go, then everything's not fine! But we live in the future. Two pills, it's gone. I'm ready for something else, right? And if you don't know shit about STDs,

chlamydia sounds bad, but if you compare drugs to STDs, chlamydia's like weed, you know? Sometimes you have it, sometimes your friend has it. All right, thanks, everybody. Charlie Winfrey. Fuck yeah. It's way better. How are you, Charlie? Good, buddy. How long have you been doing stand-up?

Seven years. You're a funny guy. Everything's funny about you. Where are you from? St. Louis. That's cool. How long are you in L.A. for? I got here in November. And you just moved here? Yeah. How old are you? 26. That's awesome. Wow. What do you just moved here? Yeah. How old are you? 26. That's awesome. Yeah. Wow.

What do you do for work? I drive Lyft. Goddamn. You ever think about Postmates? Like, what's the... I actually do it just for walking around, because I need to exercise, and, you know, you get paid, like, $4 to walk a mile or so, you know? It's pretty good. It's funny, because it's like you're a funny guy, but you also seem like the youngest devil's

reject. You know what I mean? It seems like you're the guy that tends to the people that they tie up in the basement. I'm going to go get more bodies. Feed them once every 12 hours. I am fascinated by cannibalism. Wow. All right.

So I'm fucking nailing it right now. What is it about cannibalism that fascinates you? I just think it's cool. What is it about cannibalism that fascinates you? I just think it's cool, you know? I love it. Giggle. It takes a lot of effort to eat somebody, you know? It's a whole person for God's sake. It's a very, very tough flush, by the way.

If you were going to eat somebody, where would you start? The ass. You know, I've actually started, I've already, I started eating a lot of, like, tongue meat. Like, there's this burrito truck, I get the lingua burrito. The tongues are killer, so I think I'd lot of tongue meat. There's a burrito truck. I get the lingua burrito. The tongues are killer, so I think I'd start with the tongue. It's a powerful thing to eat first.

Just adorable. You're just adorable. Thanks, Guy. You're welcome, Guy. Do you ever think about eating someone when you're driving them in your lift? Do you ever look in the mirror and you're just like, this could be the one? No, but I'm always ready for it. Speaking of this, if I ever killed somebody, that's how I'd get rid of the body.

I'd eat it. You would eat it? You want any mints? What's your current living situation? I live in Koreatown. That's where I'm at. I used to visit the park. I mean, they eat cats and dogs.

You eat people. It's all work stuff. Do you ever go down on a girl a little bit too much? No. I actually haven't gone down on a girl in a long time because my last old lady didn't like it. Really? Do you throw A1 sauce on pussy when you eat it? Do you do that?

No, is that a thing? The fact that your girl does not like it when you go down meaning you're doing something completely wrong. Wow, this lady just went crazy. Do you do that? No, is that a thing? All right, the fact that your girl does not like it when you go down, meaning you're doing something completely wrong, right? Wow, this lady just went crazy. By the look of your teeth, you probably teeth it. You're the only guy to teeth a pussy. That's what you do.

She was wicked self-conscious about her vagina. Wicked self-conscious. Also, her dick kept getting in the way. Yeah, right. What was she self-conscious about about it? Her chlamydia? Okay, everybody. What was it exactly? I don't know.

No, you fucking know. You still with her? No. When a girl doesn't want you to get down on her, she has an STD that she doesn't want you to see. No, Brian, no. That's you in your life. No, we gave her the chlamydia.

Are you sure you gave it to her? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I gave it to her in the grace period where I didn't think I had anything. Like, I was pretty confident, and we hooked up. What's that grace period? And I had to call her, like, whenever I got the call. It was three days.

Oh, so you timed it? Three days? Now I can fuck? Is that what you did? No, no, no. I did it because it was an Asian chick, and I wanted her to touch my dick. Because I didn't think I had anything wrong. And Asians can't get chlamydia? Were they magical? No, no, no. I did it because it was an Asian chick, and I wanted her to touch my dick. Because I didn't think I had anything wrong. And Asians can't get chlamydia?

Were they magical? No, no, no. It was the doctor. It was an Asian doctor. Hey, lad. Yes, sir? Asian chicks are pretty cool. I agree.

Jesus. Are you John Lennon? God damn it. Charlie. Charlie over here. Hey, Charlie. What was the symptoms of chlamydia? Oh, I don't know.

Twist and shouting. I got it before I had it. There's a whole other show going on. I got it before, like, taken care of, before I had any symptoms. Because I legitimately went in because my back hurt. And then she asked if I wanted an STD screen. What's wrong with your back? I'm just lazy.

Hold on. You look so weird. She just threw an STD fucking test in. You're like, oh, my back hurts. Why don't we just test and see if that dick is beat up, too? Yeah, something's not right about this. It's so sad you guys couldn't come together. I'll see you guys.

I'm out of here. No, stay, Joel. Please stay. Murdering back there. Ringo's going rogue. He's a real star after all. No, it's not like a clinic or whatever, and I said, let me get an STD screen. How recent

was this? Oh, this, I don't know, like three years ago. This was a while ago. You know what I thought would have been funny is when you said that the lady told you that you look like you could be between 20 and 40, I thought you could say something like,

geez lady, that's almost a big enough like you could be between 20 and 40. I thought you could say something like, geez lady, that's almost a big enough window for me to jump out of right now because you just hurt my feelings. Like that. It's been a rough night for everybody. Oh wow, you're waiting for the one, huh? Rambly McRambled nuts over there.

Oh, looks like everyone's struggling tonight. Swing and a miss for all of us. Jesus. The fucking band that plays as the Titanic sinks over here. What's your favorite category of porn? I like gangbangs, though. Gangbangs.

See, you don't hesitate with that. What is it about the gangbang that you like so much? I like that the girl's such a dirty whore. God damn it. You just want to eat a woman. You're going to murder and eat a woman, aren't you? No. I thought you were going to say you like the friendship.

You know what? It's funny you say that. Whenever they do in the same hole, I am inspired by the teamwork. They're doing it for the scene, but they're basically fucking each other's ding-dongs. Ding-dongs? There's been a couple times where you've turned into a small child during this set.

Once when you said you wanted the Asian girl to touch your wiener and then the ding-dongs are rubbing up against one another. You definitely got molested at some point. Did you? You look like you did. Did I? Yeah. What the fuck?

Do you have a new molesting sound effect? Wow. 2017. Charlie Winfrey. What do your parents do? My mom works for a cleaning manufacturing company, Reckon Benkezer. You're aware of it?

My dad does construction. What kind of construction? Windows. Wow. Constructs windows? No, he puts windows in, takes windows out. He works for a company. He's a peeping Tom. Craziest lift that you've ever had? Another real crazy, but I picked up

this wacky old broad. A real wackadoodle, huh? lift that you've ever had? Another real crazy, but I picked up this wacky old broad. Ah, a real wackadoodle, huh? This wacky old broad. I was driving her to jury duty, and she said that she was a psychic, and I said, shouldn't that disqualify you? And she justified that psychics are real, but not

real enough to disqualify you from a jury of your peers. Cool story, bro. Yeah, hey, you. You asked. Alright, well, Charlie, I mean, it was nice to meet you, dude. Yeah, same, buddy. Do you have any special

is there anything else that you do? Like any special skills or anything like that? Poker? You play drums? Really? We've got a challenger. Oh, we've been here before. It's happened once before. Should we have the great Mexican drum off?

Is that what it's called? Jeremiah, help me with this a little bit, right? Yes. How does it work again? Basically, the challenger goes first on the drum kit, then Joel gets to do a rebuttal, and then we see who's better, and one of them dies.

Charlie, do you think you're down for this? You ready to challenge Joel and the great Mexican drum off? I don't know if it's going to be done. Ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Winfrey! That's right. He's getting my uniform, Reddy. Here you go.

Going first, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Charlie Winfrey. Little drum solo for you. ¶¶ I mean, do you have like a wrap it up thing? Wait, wait, there he is, Joel Jimenez! Hey, who's the autistic kid on stage? All right, cool. Yet another person challenging his throne. Put your hands together for the rebuttal from the great.

You know him. You love him. It's Joel Jimenez with his dick out with a black tube sock around his dick for some reason he only does the Mexican drum off with a tube sock on his dick. For some reason, he only does the Mexican drum off with a tube sock on his dick.

Powerful Joel Jimenez. One more time. Killing it. There goes Charlie Winfrey, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at Charlie Winfrey. I feel bad. When he left, he goes, you got good chops, man. Seriously.

And now I feel awful. But I'm naked. And what are you going to do? It was good. He was a little bit jazzy. He didn't really wrap it up. Better than I expected. Better than the last guy I murdered.

It's true. It's true. I don't know if he would have gotten on that seat if it was reversed. Right. Yeah, exactly. This is two weeks in a row with the tube sock. Yeah, I mean, he was good, but I'm the George Best. Do you know what I'm saying?

Another Beatles reference. He was the drummer before Ringo, if you guys need to figure that out. His name is Pete Best. Yeah, it was Pete Best. Pete Best, George Best, whatever. Let's move on. I'm going to pull another name out of the bucket. Who's having fun here tonight?

It's Monday night. Who has more fun than us? Live at the Comedy Store. Alright. Looks like an interesting name. Put your hands together for Seth Rowe Crowe. Let's go! Oh my. Hey everybody.

I'm going to stand up here for this joke because it's a little edgy. Do you guys like M&M's? I really like M&M's. One of my favorite M&M's is Mickey Mouse. Oh, boy. Sorry. Didn't mean to slip you a Mickey. That was a Cosby joke I guess you could say that joke was a little off color

Maybe even a little dark I don't normally tell dark jokes Because I don't want to be racist Because I don't even like NASCAR All they ever do is drive around in circles And all I do is talk in circles. You should hear me talk to women. I'm like, you have nice ellipses.

Are you ovulating? And then I always face my spheres and ask for pie because pie solves problems with circles. But I never, ever ask for pudding or jello. Because that's sure to ruin your career. The roof is in the pudding! Seth Rowe

Crow. This is your first time on the show. Welcome Seth Rowe. I'm just going to burn this show. I'm just going to catch this whole thing on fire. So Seth Rowe, let's talk about it. Yeah.

How long have you been doing this whole thing for? It was complicated. Stand up four or five years, the cloud thing, since I moved to L.A. about nine weeks ago. Now why do you think nine weeks ago, after establishing comedy for four or five years somewhere else, you came to LA. Do you think maybe you panicked a little bit?

And maybe you think you might regret this one day? Or you see Seth Rowe Crowe, the clown nose thing? I like it. I like it a lot. That was a human being back then. It sounded like a nice guy booing. He jogs like this. I've seen him run up and down Hollywood Boulevard

shirt off, nose on, talks like this the whole time. There is no way you don't touch children. There is no way. I don't touch children. Yeah, you do dude. You got creeper vibe, homeboy.

How old are you, Seth Rowe, bro? I'm 28 years old. Why do you say it so sad like that? Because he touches children, man. Because he's disappointed his parents even more than you can imagine. Yeah, what was it like telling your parents you were a clown? The first thing I ever did when I was little was be a clown. My daddy named me Seth Rowe. Well, my name's was be a clown. My daddy named me Seth Rowe.

Well, my name's Seth Crow, but my daddy named me Seth Rowe as a nickname, so I just kind of took it on, you know. Nobody asked about that. How do you make money, Seth Rowe Crow? Well, this is... I was hoping something would come out of this interview. That's funny.

See, that's from the four years of doing comedy as a human being, that thing that you just did, being able to riff like that. So what were you talking about, like, stand-up-wise before the clown nose? And also, when do you get to talk normally? When I take the nose off. How often do you

do that? I'll do it after the show. Where? Out there. You do it out there, but I've seen you hanging out outside with the nose off. Yeah, I hit it real hard on Monday nights because. I really love actually that you wear a nose because then I definitely know to never talk to you. Right. It's always made it crystal clear to me. Like, oh, that guy is definitely too crazy for me to ever be friends with.

I could never take you out in public or to a big event or anything like that. Like, you know, and introduce you to important people? It's a shame. We get along, Tony. Why won't you just give him a chance? You own a van. I don't. There's candy in that van, isn't there? I walk everywhere.

Do you also work at Chili's? Work at Chili's? What's the real answer? How do you make money? I lived in Chicago for five years and did fine dining. Do you also work at Chili's? Work at Chili's? What's the real answer? How do you make money? I really did. So I lived in Chicago for five years. I did fine dining, and I moved out here. Every single person in some way. I guess there was a Lyft driver.

There was one guy that just did Lyft, and that was Charlie. But everybody's been with food the whole time. I don't have a job right now. So I've been here about three months living off funny money. Well, I'll stop clowning around and have a job right now. So I've been here about three months living off Funny Buddy. Well, stop clowning around and get a job. Oh, my God. Joel Jimenez. Just a glimmer of light

in a dark, dark world. Seth Rowe Crowe. That's interesting. Love life. What are we talking about here? Someone break your heart about nine weeks ago? No. I'm a serial monogamist usually, but I've been trying to work on myself.

What do you mean by that? Well, I... What have you been doing? I moved here. So I really try to focus on my career, you know? It's very hard to take that seriously. Try not to think too much about the ladies. She's out there.

She's out there. One chick tonight is going to fuck you out of mercy. You know what I'm saying? That's great. I've learned comedians don't like clowns very much. Of course not. Hold on. Who likes clowns very much. Of course not. Hold on. Who likes clowns very much?

Clowns. Can you take off the nose and maybe just do your normal voice and try one of your clown jokes in a normal voice? I don't know. Is Seth Rowe the clown and Seth is the boy? I have dignity. Oh, my God. Did you know Amazon sells guns?

If you're going to end my time, I'll take my nose off. If we end... If you'd rather talk to Seth, I'll talk as Seth. I don't actually know about that. Okay. Because I'm not convinced that I would want to talk to the guy that would commit to Seth Rowe for as long as you have.

It almost scares me and makes me not want to know what the other guy's like. But I sort of do have somewhat of a theory that you're missing the tip of your nose completely and that that's a cover up and you just have some like gaping open infected hole. That's what I like to picture in my demented brain.

Hey Seth Rowe, fuck them. Just, you know, people gang up on you when they detect weakness and it's a human thing. It's like we're in the playground, you know what I mean? And this is just kind of like they're all dickheads. They're not very smart. He started doing the accent halfway through that, by the way. Yeah, but I'm being truthful. You know, it's a very mean-spirited world,

and when people detect any bit of weakness, they're quick to jump on it. And you heard someone say, you'll burn them. And it's like that's just idiotic. So just phase that out of your head and live your fucking life. What just happened? Well, the reason I wear the nose is because I'm a real vulnerable person and it helps me

be less vulnerable. When are you vulnerable? What do you mean exactly? I have a big old baby. What do you mean? Give us an example. Most recent time in which you were as big of a fucking baby that makes you so goddamn special you have to put a fucking nose on your face. I'm just kidding, guys. I don't know why I asked it like that. I like it.

This is just ugly. This is just ugliness. I don't like it. Comedy sucks anyways, and it's like everyone should quit comedy, but it just sucks. Did you hear my joke? Did you analyze it? That's really what I wanted to hear. Is that really what you wanted to hear?

I really wanted to know what you thought. What was it again? When you went to the edge. Oh, it was the bitty blobity the edge, and then you made the thing. Yeah. Well, so it goes like this. It goes, do you guys like M&M's? No, I know about that.

I know about that. I think you should do your whole set over again. I got a question. What types of things would the person without the nose talk about? Because, like, M&Ms, like that. Well, here's the thing is my jokes are kind of cerebral. So they are. They're silly pun jokes.

Keep going, Seth. They're thinkers, some of them. And so they are. And so whenever I tell them, it helps to do the cloud because it kind of fills in the glue. Like, they're real high, real low. They're putty, but they're also really heady, some of them. I understand completely what you're saying. All right, yeah.

Seth Rowe, how long are you going to... Hey, Seth Rowe, listen to this. Fuck comedians. They're all narcissistic, selfish, sort of Napoleonic people, and they come from an ugly place of needing people to adore them. And I'm not even defending you at this point.

I'm just speaking the truth of people ganging up on people on the show. I don't think anybody's ganging up on them. No, I don't think so. You felt a very bad energy in here. Literally, people booed. Somebody said, burn him. I mean, you know, it's pretty – I don't know.

Whatever. Tony, take your leather jacket. Say what you want to say. Why is it about a leather jacket? What does it have to do with that? Got weird in here. I sort of like – I mean, you know. You could only go up from cloud, you know.

People hate clowns. Wouldn't you agree, Pat? Yeah, I've always been terrified of clowns. Right. So like maybe if you were in the audience, maybe you would think it was funny to yell Burnham. He's like, we think he's crazy and literally I'm looking at Red Band's computer. He's zooming in on a gun. I thought somebody,

I think, you know, I think you're just, you might be being a little, you might be being a gun. I thought somebody... I think you're just... You might be being a little bit negative because I think I just heard somebody say that clown reminds me of Bo Burnham. And then you're like, oh, he said Burnham. And you turned it into a whole thing. Really? No, it went nowhere. And absolutely everybody

started daydreaming all at once about something that had nothing to do with the action. I don't think we got mean. I think we want you to do great. I think this is just you're hiding something and that's just me. And I'm not trying to be mean. You know, I bust my hump to get on this stage and I fucking

work really hard every day and I think you're a really nice guy. I just think you're hiding something with that nose. And if that's all I'm trying to do, I'm not trying to be mean. This is fucking three minutes, one minute on fucking stage and this is the world famous comedy knows. And that's all I'm trying to do. Not trying to be mean. This is fucking three minutes, one minute on fucking stage. And this is the world famous comedy store. And like everybody's dying to get up here. And you do this weird

thing and it's great. If it would have gone off great, we would be singing your praises. It just didn't. I don't know where the knives came out at. But you have a vibe of someone who touches children. That's all I'm saying. After that, it's fucking fine. We found out that you can literally buy guns off of Amazon during that set.

And they have frustration-free packaging for just a dollar or less. And you don't want to be frustrated while opening up your new Crossman Pneumatic Pump Air Rifle. 177 caliber. Anybody want to guess the price on that? $54.99. Holy shit.

Pretty good. Off of Amazon. I would like to see you one time. And I know what you're wondering. Is it prime? It's prime. Two-day delivery for your gun. So you order it?

St. Patrick's Day special. That's an asshole gun. Most of my jokes are designed to be in the cloud. You're a good-looking dude. I've seen you run. You're in great shape. You don't need the nose. You don't need the nose.

Just do you, dude. What he's trying to say is it's not your fault. And I get the double joke, too, because I could tell that you're playing into it. So I know that your feelings aren't hurt at all and that you think it's a funny experiment to play the nose thing around comedians

and you think that that's going to be part of your story. And it is. But you have to ask yourself, you know, how long do you want that to be the beginning of your story? I was while a clown knows for nine months. It could be that. It could be a year. Well, can I tell you what I, so what I look. Because with the, if you're willing, here's what, let me quote one of my funniest friends in the world. There's a guy named Benji Aflalo, right? Brilliant guy, writer. He's got his own show that he's making. I started with him. He's a genius. One of the own show that he's making i started with him he's a genius one of the cool things that he says is you're only as good as your worst joke so what stands out

what he judges the hardest is somebody's worst joke right like you're like oh they did that you know what i mean and that's how everybody is they always remember the shitty shit so when you do the eminem and it's a thing into the mic Mouse, even though you're saving yourself around the corner, you're wasting people's, you know, thought, you know, thought energy and you're taking us on a path in which, you know, so even for that alone, you have to, if you're going to really do things like that, the M&M thing and it going into Mickey Mouse and taking a backdoor, even if that kills, you know sad thing is, and we sort of covered this earlier, Sam made a joke about it, but there's rooms where you will fucking decimate

doing this Seth Rowe Crow thing. And that's a goddamn sad shame. Because it's going to fuck you up, and it's going to keep you doing Seth Rowe Crow for much longer than you want it to. Either that, or an appearance like this, or something's going to break your soul, and you're going to fucking have to make Seth Rowe Crowe work.

Okay. It's one or the other, right? I mean, either you're going to turn into a beast or you're going to slowly wither away with a red nose on the top of your face. Can I say that I know that I don't always want to do this? I mean, your face looks like the tip of a

fucking microphone right now. You look like you have a want to do this. I mean, your face looks like the tip of a fucking microphone right now. You look like you have a microphone to a microphone. What I found difficult with the stand-up is getting three minutes. Can you have a feedback sound effect when he puts the... All right. What were you saying, Seth Rowe? What I just... The reason I did the clown is because

I wanted a vehicle to do compact, tight jokes. Like a clown car? Like, kind of. Boom! But my natural style is a lot more relaxed, but it's hard to get material in with that attitude. What's the name of the other guy? What's the name of the real you?

I'm Seth Bro. Wow. Holy shit. There he is. What the fuck? Wow. It's like fucking Teen Wolf. And all of a sudden, look how...

He also just got semi-hard right now. Look at that. What the fuck? Look at his boner. He just got a boner. Seth Rowe only has a boner. He's a fucking good-looking guy. Look at the swagger on this motherfucker.

You got a totally different vibe, right? Holy shit. Dude, now if you tip off the hat, you're in a suspender. You don't look like your fucking kids, man. Please tell me you know how to play the drums. This is going to be the greatest Mexican drum-off of all time. I can play the harmonica. Harmonica? He made me a'll fuck your girlfriend. This is going to be the greatest Mexican drum off of all time. I can play the harmonica.

Harmonica? He made me a pour over today. I think you should do this. That's fun when you're jogging. People are like, hey, who's that guy? Dude, yeah. You're a good looking dude. You should like.

I'm trying to get. So here's the deal. I've been here three months, almost nine weeks. Are you ready to give up three months in? No, I'm just trying to cut through as much red tape as possible. With a red nose. That's how you're going to cut through as much red tape as possible. With a red nose. That's how you're going to cut through the red tape? You cut through the red tape with a big pair of scissors?

That squirts? You know, it might work. You know, the comedy store is probably not the best for it. Like, the Comedy Magic Club might be for that. I was a runner-up on America's Got Talent. Oh, H-E-T. Now, anyway, that means nothing to us. We have no souls.

I'm just saying that's why I did it. But here's my point. But you were this or you were that? I was Cethro, yeah. The clown. Yeah. And you go runner up? That's crazy.

Are you touring off that? No, no, no. But I'm just saying, like, it worked for AGT, so I kept doing it. But you made it to second? I mean, I got it through all the way through the preliminaries. Wait, did it already air? No, no. So the way it works is you make it through second? I mean, I got it through all the way through the preliminaries. Wait, did it already air? No, no. So the way it works is you make it through the preliminaries,

and they're like, okay, we really liked you. We'll let you know. And then I got a phone call saying I was a runner-up. And so I'm not on the show, but I might be if somebody drops out. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes much more sense. Oh, yeah. You're a runner-up on the preliminaries.

Yes. Yeah. You can go around saying you're a runner-up whenever the preliminaries. Yes. Yeah. You can go around saying you're a runner-up whenever you're not That was just totally different. I thought you were like one of the most amazing

nights of this show I've ever been on. I'm just gonna say, I thought you were like Taylor Williamson and shit. I'm just gonna say, I like this good-looking, likable guy

more than the clown. Yeah. I like this better. And if you took off your suspenders, untucked your white shirt, and did like a minute of normal material. He would book you at the ice house on Friday night. Yeah, you'd have a spot at the ice house this week. And if you took off your suspenders, untucked your white shirt, and did like a minute of normal material.

He would book you at the Ice House on Friday night. Yeah, you'd have a spot at the Ice House this week. Wow, look at that. I was just kidding, but there you go. Let me ask you something, Seth. Sure, sure. So you did the clown for the AGT. When was that audition?

Nine weeks ago. Six, seven weeks ago. You moved here pretty much timing it around that. No, I was on a whim that I did that. Did you work out the clown thing in, where are you from? Chicago. Chicago. So I did street performing in Chicago, did a lot of improv. For how long? Four or five years. Right. The clown. For a year in Chicago, I did the clown on the streets. What were you doing before on the street? Nothing on the street. I studied improv in Chicago.

Oh, cool. What, Second City? IO, Second City, and Annoyance. This man is an enigma. It really is an interesting thing. What's Seth Rose's love life like? I don't understand that pussified clown that I was talking to earlier. Are there chicks who love The Clown? It really is an interesting thing. So what's Seth Rowe's love life like?

Seth Rowe? That pussified clown that I was talking to earlier. Are there chicks who love the clown? No, no. If chicks like the clown, I don't like them usually. But he does love balls on his face. You hear that? He called you gay Seth, last time you had a girlfriend? Last year

Name was Megan, art therapist Saved my life Hold on, what therapist? Art therapist What do you mean art therapist. Save my life. Hold on. What therapist? Art therapist. What do you mean art therapist? She was a therapist who worked with people doing art. Art.

Was she also a dog psychic too? Was she? Very specific. Art therapist. That's so weird. It's such a... How is art therapy different than regular therapy? It's just you do the art And then she comes around and talks to you about it

And it's a catalyst To be able to talk about your issues And people pay for this? Oh yeah, you can make good money doing it Holy fuck What am I doing with my life? What's your living situation? I'm living with an ex-girlfriend

How's that gone? Does she know about it? my life. What's your living situation? I'm living with an ex- girlfriend. Ooh. How's that going? Does she know about it? Yeah, when I moved in, she had a boyfriend. She's kind of like my sister at this point, so it's not so... So you used to fuck your sister, is how you say it? Basically, yeah. I knew you were creepy, dude. I knew it. Best lay of my life.

Ha ha! Hmm. Alright. Do your parents... are you close with your parents? Yeah, pretty close. Do they know you do the clown thing? Yeah, actually, they really like it because it's clean. Most of my jokes are really clean as a clown. But how about Seth Rowe?

You're saying he has dirty jokes? No, no, I'm saying Seth Rowe is the clown. Oh. Seth Crowe is not the clown. Oh, this is the worst thing ever. Seth Crowe, do you have Seth Crowe dirty jokes? This is an the clown. Oh, this is the worst thing ever. Seth Crow, do you have Seth Crow of Dirty Jokes? This is an elaborate storyline. It is.

If I were going to tell, like, my style as me is more of a storytelling style, so it takes a while, and that's why I developed a vehicle to tell faster material. Yeah, clown call. I was going to say yellow submarine, but that feels better. Okay. Well, I mean, Seth Crow. What was the question that I asked Seth Crow?

A black bird. What was it? A crow is a black bird. That is true. All right, Seth. Any parting words? It's interesting because with the nose on you seem so sad, but ever since you took

it off, it seems like you can't take this half smile off your face. It's just, I don't know. I do comedy because I want to make people happy. That's great. I mean, I guess we're just at a disadvantage. It's a fine line with comedy. Oh, that's what my question was. Does Seth Crow do dirty

jokes? Seth Crow is a lot more unfiltered than Seth Rowe. Would you mind giving us like 30 seconds of Seth Crow? So together you look like a camel crush and then at any moment you can go dirty. Can you do one Seth Crow joke for us?

Like I said, I'm more of a storyteller as Seth Crow. So it's hard for 30 seconds. joke for us? Like I said, I'm more of a storyteller as Seth Crow. It's hard for 30 seconds. Does that make sense? We're just going to keep moving on. There you go. Seth Rowe Crow. I've been wondering who he was. You see a guy wearing a red nose at the

comedy store. You always wonder. Now we know. That's Seth Rowe Crow. He's on Twitter at PoopTeaseUSA. We have a regular. We have a comedian that does a brand new minute every single week. She does not

have to sign up for the bucket because she has the old Kill Tony tradition of being a regular. Here with a brand new minute for you, one of our favorite comedians, someone who we think is extremely special and awesome. It's the great Allie Makovsky, ladies and gentlemen. I've never taken Xanax, but I think this is what it would feel like.

Okay, great. I tend to fuck guys who are like animals, you know. And I realize that it's because you're usually attracted to your first love, which happens to be my dog Sandy. I've never had my ass eaten out since. Good guy, Sandy. And I also noticed that, like, a lot of guys like to do doggy style with me. And I don't know why that is.

I think it's because they don't want to see my face. It's just what I think it's because they don't want to see my face. It's just what I think. Because like acne's not hot you know. Fuck. Doggy style they don't want to see. Oh yeah I guess that. Oh yeah okay they don't want to see my face. Acne's not hot. I don't know if I have acne or herpes but whatever it is I think my pussy caught what to see my face. Acne's not hot. I don't know if I have acne or herpes, but whatever it is,

I think my pussy caught what's on my face. Oh my God. You are so fucking funny. I think my pussy caught what's on my face. Look at you. Just killing it again. How fun. Doggy style is an interesting thing.

Do you guys always do what I do and just basically spend half the time staring at the girl's butthole? No. I mean, what kind of buttholes are open up and like, what? I mean, you just like see a butthole the whole time. If you choose to, if you like lean back, you could see a butthole. It's adorable. It's like the cutest little fucking thing. I feel like you've never had sex from behind before

because if you're... No, Brian, when you look down, you see your slouchy stomach flopping over a girl. No one wants to hear sex from you. If you sit your ass down. Do you know what a butthole is? Yes, I know what a butthole is, Brian. That makes zero sense. When I do doggy style, I just like to think how long can I shove her face in this pillow before she dies? Wow.

That's an interesting one. Seems like a catch. There could be a tag when... Professional. Where, you know, all the guys want to do a doggy style. If you put a mirror up on your headrest and now they don't want to do doggy style anymore because they can see your reflection or something.

Maybe there's a take on that. They put a bag over that. You have a mirror on your headrest and they put a bag over it. Do they only do doggy style? Yeah, I feel like a lot of times they quickly are like, let's do doggy.

They're like, flip the bacon. Doggy style is better because they can't see you Snapchatting. That's why most guys. No, it's because it's the least amount of work, I think. Is it? It's literally the only position where most of the time the girl has to do a lot of the work. She has to fuck back.

Everywhere else I'm doing, I paid for dinner. And I'm doing the fucking two, you know? At least doggy style, it's fucking teamwork. You know what I'm doing, I paid for dinner. I did everything. And I'm doing the fucking two, you know? At least Doggy Sal, it's fucking teamwork. You know what I'm saying? You're on top. Sometimes I eat a sandwich with the girls back. I don't like

to do, I don't put much effort into fucking because I can't. Maybe that's why. Maybe. But because I can't come. You can't? Yeah, I can't come. You can't? Yeah, I can't come. We've talked about it. We're over it.

Anyways. I'm not. Someone said, uh. But so this most recent guy that I slept with, I was on top, and I think I was about to come, and I stopped myself because I was like like if I have to do work to come I don't want to do work. That is a horrible way to see life. Yeah that doesn't make any sense.

It's your orgasm. I know but I haven't had one. I don't know the greatness of it. Can I ask you when you play with yourself do you orgasm? Can you even make that happen? No. I mean it feels good but I don't like. It's not like what do you do it for? It feels good.

Because I need attention and validation. I'm working on myself. I respect that. How do you know when to stop masturbating if you don't come? Whenever I'm done. Whenever you just pass out from exhaustion. When the timer goes off, is that it? When I start telling myself to flip over

for doggy style. When your fingers get... That's great. Hey, take it and bake it. Allie, do you only use your fingers? Do you have any toys? Okay, so everyone knows I can't come, and so I got a vibrator,

and it just feels like I'm riding a motorcycle because my hand's just shaking. You are one of the laziest lovers I've ever heard in my life. You don't even want to jerk yourself off. It's so weird. But you're such a great natural comedy writer that

it almost makes me hope that you don't ever come because I'm like what if that's the thing that's like keeping you like just like this. You're like, what if that's the thing that's keeping you just like this? You're like this ultra... You're probably going to live forever. You've gotten five

of the biggest laughs that happened on the show so far tonight. Well, I mean... Nothing. Well, there you go. You mean everything. I know.

I don't know what I mean, honestly. It's my... So is it sizes? Dicks, maybe? Bigger dicks? Little dicks? Wider dicks?

The time that you almost came How about black guys the thought of maybe Raising a kid by yourself would that turn you on No that's more work So the time that you almost came What was going on was there something Racist bombing is funnier than regular bombing What

I said racist bombing is funnier than regular bombing I was just on top and I think the position I was in was just like hitting something. I talked about it last week. It felt like I was about to shit, and I was like, maybe this is what coming feels like. Taking a shit? No. You're probably just holding it in. And what did you do?

Like you stopped or you leaned forward or something? You know, yeah, I don't really remember. It's very quick for me to get out of the moment. Well, there you go. You might not be able to come, but you can go. There she goes, Ali Makovsky. With another killer minute. Absolute

assassin. I say a few years, she's going to be recognized as the top female stand-up comedian in the world. That can't come. I love her style. Absolute beast. It's a Morgan Murphy type feel to it, too.

We should have a come challenge, guys, so you can get her to... It's true. See what can happen. First person, whichever guy can make her come first gets the other 60-second regular spot on the show. I'd love to see that. Spot at the ice house. It might be another girl. Look at that.

What do you think? Let's end this fucking thing. Audience, are you happy with ending the show or do you want to do one more? Really? You guys really want that? This guy shrugged his shoulders there in the middle of the fucking beard, you asshole. You're not actually supposed to do that. That's what I'm going to see in my nightmares tonight.

I mean, we don't really have to. Fuck you, sir. Sure, this is one of the worst episodes out of 201 episodes of this show. Just the timing, the randomness of the people that came out of the bucket at the wrong time. I do think this is probably the worst. It's really the bucket. I'm going to get blamed for this. I can already tell I'm going to get blamed for this.

You keep saying that. All I've heard, this episode isn't done. I know how it's going to go. Who's going to blame you? I already know how it's going to go. Who's ever blamed you for anything? I'm going to get blamed for it. All right.

I mean, you're already blaming yourself. You guys want to go to the bucket one more time? How about you guys? Comedians? Look at Mystery Dan over there. This might turn into the worst idea ever. I wish it was Mystery Dan, but I pulled out another name. Let's see what... It's usually quite good But not tonight It's alright

Give us one more chance To make your pussies white tonight Wow, look at that. Reagan and Watkins. Make sure to get Pat Reagan's new album Bad Chad on iTunes. Reagan and Watkins on YouTube, right? I pulled another name out of the bucket.

Put your hands together for Michael D'Angelo. Hi. My cousin just joined the military and he's being a real cunt about it. He says, Michael, I bet you didn't know that the Medal of Honor has been given out 18 times since the towers went down on 9-11. I said, dude, no one knows that. No one cares. He said, yeah, you wouldn't know anything about that.

Because the Medal of Honor stands for strength, never faltering, and always standing your ground. I said, that's great, man. Maybe they'll build the next tower out of that. My sister's a burn victim and not the cool kind that got to go to Iraq. She, uh, did I tell a black joke? Relax, man. She, um, she, uh, she wasn't very nice to me as a kid. When it was just her and I, she would hold me down and beat me at staring contests. Would I kick her ass in the whistling contest? You can laugh, guys.

Sorry, she's got thick skin. What's up? Michael D'Angelo You got on last week right? Anything for Michael guys? Initial thoughts? Anything you want to talk about at all? Jesselnik? Yeah very Jesselnik-ish

You like him a lot That's cool Alright there he goes Michael D'Angelo ladies and gentlemen He was on last week We talked to him last week He's on Twitter at Cheshire Comic. Interesting bucket tonight.

We had fun. Fahim Anwar, ladies and gentlemen, has the newest special on CISO. He's one of my funniest friends in the world. He's an absolute beast. We go up every single night right next to each other side by side for like fucking literally... It's always like you and me.

It's crazy. Me than you. We probably both think it's more of the opposite because that's probably how it feels. to each other side by side for like fucking literally. It's always like you and me. It's crazy. You and me. We probably both think it's more of the opposite because that's probably how it feels. You're an absolute beast. I'm so proud of you. His debut special. You work your whole fucking life for a one hour special, you crazy people. This just came out this week. It's on CISO.

You can get it on Amazon. Add the little CISO extension. It's very easy. That's what I did. I fucking loved it. It's called There's No Business Like Show Business, and Fahim is an absolute killer. Make sure you see it, because then you're going to be in the know on stand-up comedy,

because this guy's going to be a fucking legend. Everybody loves you, dude. You're one of everybody's favorite comedians. Speaking of legends, the great black belt, samurai, super warrior, not getting blamed at all about anything for this show, the great Sam Tripoli, everybody. I've done this show like 90 times. I know.

I know. We love you. One weird show and suddenly I'm an asshole. Sometimes you have a little few more crack flashbacks than other nights. Sam, we love you. You have the brand new double album. Yeah, it's a double album called The Diabolical. The first hour is just me killing,

and the second hour is called Friday Night Late Show, and it's where the crowd is so wasted and shit-faced that I just bomb for an hour and I just go at them, so it's a lot of fun. Two discs. The Diabolical. This drawing from Ryan J. E discs. The Diabolical. This drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is out of

fucking control. Make sure you go up to him after the show and take an actual close look at it. The details are just mind-boggling. Look at Joel Jimenez at the top. Jeremiah Watkins. The great. Put your hands together for Jeremiah, everybody. I know. It's so much clapping

because it feels exhausting when you don't have energy. Pat Reagan, Joel Jimenez. Hey, reach out to me on social media, at JeremiahStandUp, and I'll hit you back, I promise. Pat Reagan has one of the newest albums on iTunes. He's literally my favorite comedian musician. Maybe I don't say it enough sometimes. I fucking love Pat Reagan. It's because of him that you even ever get to see

Jeremiah or Joel Jimenez. That's his band. He's the leader. He's the man. I love him. I love everything he does. He's great. He's on all the social media at Patty Reagan. Jolton Joel Jimenez with his microphone stole the show tonight. This episode was Joel Jimenez

and fucking Ali Makovsky. I'm mostly sorry. I love it. And that's tonight's episode. I'm Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redband. Make sure you get See So. Check out Fahim's special. Make sure you get Diabolical. TonyHinchcliffe.com for all your tour dates.

Kill Tony's coming to Austin and Houston. Brian Redband. We'll be drinking heavily out front. See ya. Coming to Austin and Houston, Brian Redband. We'll be drinking heavily out front, too. Tell me mistakes are part of being young. But I don't mind the wrong that's been done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. So sorry.

Please accept my apology. But love is blind. and I was too blind to see. Oh, yes, you tell me mistakes. Mistakes you you you you you you you you you you you you you