KILL TONY - KILL TONY #218 (2017 SKANKFEST NYC)

Episode Date: July 2, 2017

Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J Gomez, Dave Smith, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 06/25/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. This is live from Skankfest. That was a lot of fun. We went down there and did Kill Tony for our first time in New York. They recorded this, and so I'm not sure how good the audio is, but I listened to a little bit of it and it sounded great.

If you want to go to see a live Kill Tony, go to DeathSquad.tv and click on Tour Dates for all the information of where we're at next. Not only do we do Kill Tony every Monday from the world-famous Comedy Store, but we're always going on the road and doing different shows. Also, Death Squad is going to Alaska this week, July 7th and 8th at Coots. and 8th at Coots. You can go to deathsquad.tv and click on tour dates or go to brownpapertickets.com and search for Death Squad or Red Band or

Kate Quigley because she'll be there with me. Death Squad Toronto is July 27th. That's with Sam Tripoli, Dean Del Rey and me. We're doing a bunch of different shows at the end of July. Go to thecornercomedy.com for all the information and tickets.

If you want to see Tony Hinchcliffe, he's about to go on this huge Monster Energy Drink Tour. You can go to TonyHinchcliffe.com and check that out. He has a bunch of tour dates coming up. Also, Ryan J. Ebelt is the house artist. He draws every episode.

He also drew the Kill Tony poster, which is available for sale at his website ryanjebelt.com And last but not least, there's a few hats left. Go to shopsquad.tv the official merchandise of the Death Squad universe. Alright, here's a brand new episode of Kill

Tony live from New York. Skank Fest 2017. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the 2017 Skank Fest. Get up for Tony Kent Hitchcliffe for Carol Toney. Hello, everybody! New York motherfucking city! Brian Redband is here, everybody. What's up, everyone? Welcome to the first ever Kill Tony in New York City.

Hey, that's me. Look at that picture that they made. That's silly. I'm all like, what are you guys going to think about this show? This is our first time ever being in New York City. Extremely long overdue. Welcome, everybody. We're in our fourth year of doing this show, and I don't know if you ever get a chance to listen to it or not, but we are the number one live podcast in the world. Hinchcliffe Monthly reports that we are the number one live podcast in the world.

Brian, I'm excited about tonight's show. We have so much fun stuff going on. For the podcast listeners, the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour is a tour that I get to do in the month of August. It's my first ever rock club and theater tour of my entire 10-year stand-up career, people. One of the stops is August 26th at a place they call the Gramercy Theater in New York City, New York. So I'm going to be popping off my new hour and that's going to be a lot of fun. So let's start the show

shall we? Every single week I have my funniest friends on the show here at Skankfest it's no different. Put your hands together for Dave Smith, Louis J. Gomez and Big J. Oakerson The Legion of

Skank Holy shit Big J. O'Kerson. The Legion of Death. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Here we go.

In the saddle again. Three of my favorite guests. We've all done this show together. Big J. Louis J. Dave Smith. Is this on? Is my mic on? Yeah.

These fucking mics are weird. Okay. Sorry. Just letting you guys in. Good start by Dave. Can we judge Dave? Yeah. This is weird.

I just did a special. I'm working out new material. Is this a microphone? Can I point out that they gave the fattest guy a broken fucking chair? It's a comedy show, Jay. We're trying to make funny happen. Oh, is this the Benny Hill hour? I must have missed that.

We're just going to be chasing each other through the doors through the creek of the cave? For you podcast listeners, by the way, Louis J is wearing an American flag cowboy hat. I've never seen anyone make the American flag look so goddamn Puerto Rican before. In my entire life. Build that wall. Build that wall.

The red, white, and brown over there. I'm fucking pumped. You guys have done this show literally tens of times amongst you we've all done it together we did it in Austin we've done it in LA we've done it everywhere you guys know how it goes we have a band and you guys are lucky enough to have part of the band

with you here tonight it's the Kill Tony band Jeremiah Watkins ladies and gentlemen what stand up on It's the Kill Tony band. Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen. What? Stand up on the spot. Is it Montreal this year? Gross battles, the wave.

The Kill Tony band. The goddamn comedy jam. I call him the article because he's a monster. Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, New York? Last time we did a road show with Jeremiah, I pulled a name out of the bucket of a young comic that was completely on mushrooms, and he

tried to attack Jeremiah. Jeremiah fended him off with jokes while defending his saxophone And then Big Jay bounced him My hero You can't Big Jay's fucking shitty Philly instincts

Will take over It's like God just talks to him And he's like Jay, you were supposed to be a bouncer This is your opportunity In a fair society You would be a bouncer. This is your opportunity. In a fair society, you would be a bouncer. Hey, man, get your hands off that pretty lady.

She should be a bouncer at a bar where Jeremiah is the hottest chick there. Roadhouse. So we are in it to win it. This is exciting. These road shows always have wild characters sign up for a chance to do 60 seconds on the stage. On these road ones, sometimes it's people that have waited to literally start at some of these shows.

You just never know what's going to happen. Sometimes it's insane people. I don't know how many of you listen to the show regularly, but this past episode we had the return of two old characters from Las Vegas named Uncle Ron and Ichabod. I mean, unbelievable.

They admitted to doing little bits of cocaine on the way there. They're zombies. I implore you to listen to that most recent episode with Moshe Kesher and Natasha Leggero. But you guys know how it works. I pull a name out of the bucket and someone that signed up earlier before the show performs 60 Seconds. You know your 60 Seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.

Aw, you can barely hear that. What does it sound like? There you go. That's how loud it can be. That means wrap it up then. Earl, you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Well, I guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What would be the. Chelsea or Hell's Kitchen is pretty gay now, too. Really? All right. Earl, you're going to bring out the angry Hell's Kitchen bear. Whoa. Oh, my God. Someone get that bear some cock. If it doesn't get a huge laugh Brian just keeps hitting buttons until it does So

That's how that works That's my podcast style You guys ready to start this motherfucker or what My hand is in the bucket My hand is in the bucket. My hand is in the bucket. And the first name that I pulled out, I always love one word names. Always a good sign in some way or another.

And that's how we're kicking it off. Put your hands together for Beecher. Beecher! Uninterrupted in uninterrupted 60 seconds. This place, by the way. Okay, here he is. Feature! All right.

Hey! I've been thinking a lot about sodomy. You know that at the... Oh, fuck. I wasn't ready for this. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about sodomy uh you know people have been doing something for a long time when the scientific name for it comes from the bible like that's an ancient practice grandpa's favorite and i was uh i was if you guys aren't familiar with the story uh there was a city in the bible named sodom it

was so dirty that they named butt sex after it, and then God destroyed it. So I was thinking about sodomy, and, uh, fuck. Uh, fuck, there's another part of this joke. God damn it. Wait, wait, I'm not done. I got ten seconds left? Twenty seconds. Twenty seconds. Alright, then I'll just take my time. Uh, oh, so I was thinking about it.

Is there anything else scientific in the Bible? And there isn't, which means that ass-fucking is the most scientific thing about the Bible. Thank you. I just have one question. Yeah. Were you thinking about sodomy? Bro, you know it's not going great when you do a time check in a minute set. 40 seconds in.

And he put it out there, too. He goes, what do I got? About 10 seconds left. I just wish I had a giant buzzer in front of me. Not even close. 20 seconds. Stretch out the question. So, how much time...

The most interesting... I was thinking... The most... Ado me. You accidentally got a laugh in there at one point when you said the words, I'm going to take my time. Jeremiah Watkins. First off, he looks like he should be playing my saxophone. And he would go by the name Kenny Jihad. Jeremiah Watkins is here!

All right, all right. Okay, guys, that's enough. That's the most careless version of careless whisper I've ever heard. You know, Tony, Tony, you weren't here last night. I kind of have a little PTSD because we saw this guy's asshole in his dick last night. All right, for you podcast listeners

that all weren't there last night, let's talk about it. Yeah, hold on. Also, that just sounds a little weird because it sounds like we fucked him last night. Yeah. People don't know the context that there was a naked roast. Beecher, why do you look like you always only eat fruit? It's just the hair.

Where are you from? I'm from Connecticut. Yeah, Sandy Hook. Stop making noises. I know Beecher. Beecher's very funny. That was not. I don't know what happened.

Beecher's a funny comic book. I partied last night. I'm going to party today, soecher. Beecher's very funny. That was not. I don't know what happened. Beecher's a funny comic. I partied last night. I'm going to party today, so fuck it. Yeah, I like that. That's the give it up for the troops at Skank Fest. Go, Kane! I'll tell you one thing I do know, Tony, and you were not privy to this, is that Beecher's got a unreal fucking ass.

I mean, ass for days. And kind of a disappointing cock. I don't know much about him, but I do know this, is that if we put Louis J's hat on him and a pair of sunglasses, he's Mexican Slash. Sunglasses.

Puerto Rican Slash. Puerto Rican Slash Puerto Rican slash. There he is. Can we have found by chance worse, sucker? There you go. You found your new calling tonight, Beecher. You're slash at Times Square from now on. What was your favorite part of last night, Beecher?

I wasn't here. I flew in today. Fucking Zaxamaniac. He stapled himself. And I thought? I wasn't here. I flew in today. Fucking Zach's a maniac. He stapled himself. And I thought they were fake staples. I thought it was magic. And I went backstage, there was blood everywhere. I was like, those are real staples.

It looked so bad backstage. Like, I was just shit-faced drunk at the Naked Roast, and I walked back at one point, and I just saw my friend, Zach Amico, on the floor in a puddle of his own blood and Ari Shafir's piss. It's a long story. It's a long story.

Speaking of blood and piss, has that minute ever worked before that you did tonight? It's a technical 40 seconds. What do you do for work? I'm a stand-up comedian. I forget that people can make money on the East Coast doing this. In New England, you can make money.

Oh, that's cool. Beecher. I also like dog walk and cat sit. I'm a background actor. Why don't you just leave it? Leave it sexy. You don't have to add that in after five beats. Why don't you raise the microphone instead of getting that weird crouch every time you talk?

Who's been a Brazilian dancing karate? weird crouch every time. Who's been a Brazilian dancing karate? Beecher, do you always only drink beverages that match your shirt? Sweet Leaf. I'll give it a good plug.

Sweet Leaf, it's the best. It's a latte day. Is there something about being judged, though, in a weird way? Because you've been doing comedy forever, I've known you for a long time,

but kind of being judged this way in front of your peers? Because you've been doing comedy forever. I've known you for a long time. But kind of being judged this way in front of your peers is you don't do open mics really anymore. Is that why you completely failed in your attempt? I wasn't ready to go first. I had that bit. I was like, oh, that bit never works. Let me just give it to you guys. Give it to us.

Why would you do a bit that never works? I'll tell the audience. We're giving it back to you. Like concepts. Take it. Why would you do a bit that never works? I'll be honest. We're giving it back to you. Like, concept. Take it. We re-gifted his gift. I thought the concept was pretty funny in the joke, but then, you know. It was biblically sound.

Yeah. You know what? Checked out fact-wise. Yeah, if you do an anal sex joke, you're going to win Jay over 99% of the time. I am an easy target. Beecher, it's never easy to get the show kick-started, but you managed to do it here tonight. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, Beecher.

He's on Twitter at Beecher Comedy. B-E-E-C-H-E-R Comedy. All one word. See, in L.A., when you ask a comedian what they do for work, they have to tell you how they actually make their money. When they try that, I'm a stand-up comedian shit, I just go, what do you really do? And they're always like, Uber.

All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Josh Branham. Bran. Josh Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham.

Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham. Branham I'm in the shape of an... Oh, guys, I kind of just want to hear that song. Do we have to... Do we have to kill Tony right now?

All right, fine. I've been out on her forehead. Two, three, one. The years start coming and they don't start coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see.

So what's wrong with taking the back street? You never know if you don't go. You never shine if you don't glow. Hey now, you're an all-star. All right, ladies and gentlemen, Josh Branagh. Branagh, Branagh, Branagh. I got to say something. Everybody laughs and calls me Smash Mouth, and now look at you.

You found out they've loved you all along. Ladies and gentlemen, an uninterrupted 60 seconds from Josh Brano. I dropped my phone in the toilet the other day. Luckily, it landed right on top of my career. Barely got wet. I live with my girlfriend in a super tiny apartment. My office is a blanket I throw over my head. I don't know how I got a girlfriend. I don't have any game. I never had any game. I was so terrified about taking a girl's bra for the first time that I saved up money for six months and I bought a mannequin. And every day I would come home from school,

run into my room, I'd put a bra on that mannequin, and I would practice saying, yeah, you do it. Wow. Josh Branham, ladies and gentlemen. Look at that, Josh. They love you. That was fucking awesome. Thanks.

How long have you been on stand-up? 12 years. That's awesome. No, it's not. Ha, ha, ha. Josh, you have a resting facial expression that you do not want to hear good or bad news. Yeah, this all seems... Can we just go?

Seems like you were here for the minute and you just want to kill and get right out of here. Dude, I love everything about his 12 years in comedy vibe because it's just like his jokes are almost beyond doing this. He's just got the vibe that he's over it. I love how comedy just breaks your spirit. It's amazing. It's amazing.

Six years ago, if he just crushed like that on this big podcast, he'd have been like, man, things are going good for me in my career. Now he's like, fuck all of you. I don't care. He almost killed too hard. He's going, fuck it. I should have done this fucking show. What did I do here?

I fucking suck. I couldn't have gotten into this goddamn festival. I want to kill myself. It's amazing to watch someone get something after they would have enjoyed it. And I just, I like, that makes me happy as a person. Dude, that was fucking hilarious. You're the perfect style for that, too,

because you're so quick into the first punch. And that blanket thing as your office was so funny, man. Great job. I don't know what I said. And also just 12 years. I mean, it shows through that. What do you do for fun and stuff? Now you're just a guest on a podcast.

We're not judging you or anything. I watch a lot of sports, and I hate a lot of people. Ooh. What kind of people do you hate the most? Oh, everyone that's going further than me. Ah. Oh, shit. Not really.

What's your least favorite race? Great question. Big chuckle he gave on that one. I'm going to go with Melungeon. Ooh, what are they? You don't want to know? They're just the worst. Whoa, whoa, Brian, whoa.

Brian's dealing with a hangover. Wow. I caught him periscoping at 6 a.m. today, by the way. I was at the Jacksonville airport, and this motherfucker's still awake. All right. Josh, how long have you been with your girlfriend? Seven years. God damn, that's a long time.

Stop it. Stop it. Ryan. You did it again, Ryan. And she is a seagull. I should have mentioned that. Did you meet your girlfriend doing comedy like after a show? No.

How did you meet her? She was in graduate school. What, you were creeping out in dorms? What were you doing? Okay, what does that mean? You were out pedophiling and she's in graduate school? I was waiting outside of the college for the best looking girl in graduate school. Are you queer?

He's going to make her listen to that. Does she hate or love your comedy career? She loves my comedy. She hates my career. That sounds about right. That's chicks for you. You guys like fight about that a lot? Is that a thing?

What's a lot? Does she ever say to you, it's not a job because you don't make fucking money? Not exactly. Is Jay just feeding her new things to say to you? I feel like he's trying to break me down emotionally on stage. I'm trying to connect with you. Not you, Jay.

Not you, Jay. Not you, Jay. Shut up, Jay. Not you, Jay. Shut up, man. It's not your fault, Josh. It's not your fault. Yeah. Industry's been putting cigarettes out on my back. Is your chick, like, the breadwinner?

Does she, like, make more money than you, and that's, like, a thing? Oh, yeah. What does she do? She works at Wonder Bread. She's a... The breadwinner. Double breadwinner joke

for those of you that missed it. If your thing is like, if your thing is that your career's not going the way you like, I mean, look, you're writing really funny jokes, so for the comedy industry,

you're going about this all wrong. You should, like, can you be transgender? That could maybe, that could help. Sure. If you could do that, I think I could get you a TV thing.

If you could write your resume as good as you write your jokes, we'd be killing it right now. That's probably true. What does she do for work? Did we get an answer? She's a professor. Ooh.

Professor of what? Does she have to compete for that job in some sort of a weird podcast tournament? Or did she just come up and teach for one minute while other more experienced teachers judge her teaching? Yeah, yeah. And another teacher plays monkey sound effects. This is, Tony, if you're law a little bit, that's Lewis's business model.

Start a business and then make people compete to work for your business. For free. I actually happen to know this for a fact because I learned about the battle of interns today on my ride getting picked up from an intern. A Stankfest intern. From the airport to the hotel. I'm like, yeah, you know, we were having a great talk and this and that, and we're getting near the hotel.

And I'm like, yeah, and if you're ever in LA, just hit me up. You have my number. I'll show you the comedy store. She's like, yeah, well, if you really think I'm cool, you'll let Louis J know that I really want to win the battle of interns. And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm cool. You'll let Louis J. know that I really want to win the battle of interns. And I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, what the fuck is the battle of interns? Tony was like, can we stop for a Starbucks? He was like, oh, Louis, get mad if we come back. Uh-uh. I'm not explaining to that crazy motherfucker that your ass wanted coffee I'll go back out

oh my god is Steve Harvey competing in the internal Olympics you think all blacks sound alike yes that wasn't a Steve Harvey

and yes with that said though I want to say because I don't want to screw over and she's awesome Alexandria does get my vote. She's a New York film student.

Alex is fucking dope. And in my opinion, way overqualified to be your intern. That is true. Yes. Listen. That's very true. She is perfectly qualified, okay? Her mission was to pick up Tony and brief him on the intern Olympic situation, and she did it, okay?

By the way, she's been killing it in the intern olympics is she in the room right now events is she in the room of course not she's fucking working yep as she should be my vote goes for mike harrington uh he was actually getting us drinks last night the whole night like do you want any more drinks that's not actually good he were periscoping at 6 a.m yeah you absolutely killed it I mean it sort of busts the show when someone comes in to make their big break on it

like their tonight show set or something like that but you fucking did it that's unbelievable and anything else you want to say or plug or anything yeah book me oh okay by the way I'm pretty sure I just did there he goes Josh Branham everybody he's on twitter at comicjosh Book me. Oh, okay. By the way, I'm pretty sure I just did.

There he goes, Josh Branham, everybody. He's on Twitter at Comic Josh. Follow him. Wow, Comic Josh. That's crazy. He's the actual at Comic Josh. Like, he got that first. He's been doing comedy for 12 years, Tony.

I know, that's what I'm saying. That itself is a pretty good credit. 12 years, you would go, oh, this Twitter's gonna change my career. He got at Josh. You guys having fun out there? I pulled another name out of the bucket. Put your hands

together for Byron Sadiq. Here he comes, Byron Sadiq, ladies and gentlemen. No one thought that was coming to the stage. Make some noise one more time for Byron Sadiq. All right, guys. I'm fat. You know, my problem is I love food too much. Like, I eat dessert every night as a reward for not killing myself.

Like, leave the gun, take the cannoli. That's what Clemenza meant. Like, I wish, like, food addiction sucks. Like, I wish I had a cooler addiction, like something sexier. Like, I wish I was addicted to heroin. Because if you tell people you're addicted to food, people just think you're fat. You tell people you're addicted to heroin, people think you play guitar. And that's way cooler. Like, yeah, I'm addicted to food.

Shut up, fatty. I'm addicted to heroin. Oh,, fatty. I'm addicted to heroin. Oh, my band's practicing Saturday. You want to jam with us? We actually need another guitarist because our last one OD'd on heroin. And plus, heroin addicts are all skinny, too. Like, they got those nice heroin abs.

Like, I don't know what it is. Like, heroin addicts are all, like, 90s grunge singers. Like, they're gorgeous. All right, guys, thank you. Byron Sadiq. what it is. Heroin acts are all 90s grunge singers. They're gorgeous. Alright, guys. Byron Sadiq. Hello, Byron.

What's up, Tony? How are you? You're one of the funniest 12-year-old versions of Andre the Giant we've ever had on the show. Let me start off by telling you that. It looks like him and Beecher are both sleeper cell terrorists. I'm Iraqi, so there's very little truth to that. It looks like him and Beecher are both sleeper cell terrorists. I'm Iraqi, so there's very little truth to that. You're Iraqi?

Yeah, my family's from Iraq. Don't say that about yourself. I don't care. Your family's from Iraq? Were you from Iraq or just your family? Like, my mom, dad, everyone. I was born here, though.

Oh, you were born here. Okay. It's going pretty good, right? Things are okay in Iraq. It's not too bad. It's bad, you know. Whoa, whoa. Calm down. in Iraq. It's not too bad. It's bad. You know. Whoa, whoa. Calm down.

I mean, there's genocide, but when is there not genocide? You know what I mean? You go back there to visit a lot? Yeah. No. At a certain point, do you think, like, I've lived in a really noisy apartment, and then I get used to the noise. Yeah.

Do you think people in Iraq, like, there's bombs going off, and they just, like, roll over? Whatever. What if it's fucking Tuesdayuesday i don't know i mean like i talked to my like my my aunt my uncle just came like 10 years ago they lived through like the war and all that shit my uncle was kidnapped long story but um like they're they seem pretty cool about they're like they're surprisingly even keeled like there's no my family died and stuff. People were kidnapped. Anyway, long story. How much more interesting your uncle being kidnapped is than whatever you're about to tell us? Watch my mom get shot in the face right next to me.

It's a whole other thing. Yeah, it's a whole other thing. So I'm getting Dr. Pepper out of the vending machine. Yeah. But to answer your question, though, like, I mean, it's like it's just it's been bad for so long. I think people are just like kind of used to it. And it's like we're like they're just happy to be in america so like if you're in america it's like all right we're just here we just want to be here we're safe yeah see skanks that's a little message how lucky you have it that's right it's like

bitching about the party until you get into the party you're like it's pretty cool outside you're like this fucking rich assholes up there partying and you get in and you're like this party rocks Byron how long have you been doing stand up about six years six years Jesus everybody's been doing it

so long out here it's weird because you were half as good as the last guy I'll tell you anything I can get man thank you

force of truth activated Dave's doing math jokes like Dimitri Martin I'll tell you anything I can get, man. Thank you. Force of truth activated. Dave's doing math jokes like Demetri Martin. Dave starts drawing pictures. Byron, do you always dress like that? Yeah, I always wear black. I love this. There's like a New York thing where you all sort of dress like umpires sometimes. It's all just very mellow, just like chill.

Like you could referee something at any point or bounce someone if you really want to. Yep. Bust some tables if it's necessary. Or be a stagehand. Yeah. Yeah. I just – I always like wearing black and, you know, so it's just whatever. Byron, do people ever come up to you and get you confused for Gore Burger?

Who's that? It's a new show on Comedy Central. Byron, when you were singing for Nine Inch Nails, did you... Something. Byron, has anybody ever walked up to you and just took those sweet tresses of hair and put it behind your ear gently? Yes.

Because I want to. Byron, I feel like there's something compelling about you that we're not quite getting at. Yeah, he skipped over everything. It's too long of a story. The too long of a story. Yeah, why would your uncle be in kidnap? Oh, long story short, he was in Iraq.

He was kidnapped in Baghdad. He was dressed really slutty and asking for it? No, because they kidnapped him. No, he was Christian, so some Muslims kidnapped him. And they held him ransom for 60 grand, and my family paid it, and he got out. Really? Yeah. All right, we've all seen the movie Taken, okay?

Byron's like, I have a special set of skills. Not stand-up comedy. All right. Give me back my uncle! Byron, what's... Give me back my joke book! What's something weird or something, you know, sort of a secret that you have that you do

that you don't really want people to know about that you might actually... I kidnapped my own uncle. Fine. Fine. You got me, Tony. Got 60 grand spent on a Tempur-Pedic mattress. I used to do... I used to be in a mixed martial arts fighter.

You used to be in a mixed martial arts fighter? You used to be inside of the butt of a mixed. All right. Can we have a high kickoff? I don't kick good. I'm wearing, like, tight jeans, man. Take off the jeans.

Take off the jeans. Whoa. I was kidding, but okay. I was making a joke, but the crowd kept chanting. She wants me to, but that's weird. I'll be honest. I want to see your high kick, but I do feel like I have to tell you, the last guy I saw take his clothes off at Skank Fest

got a big cup of piss thrown in his face. I heard about that. I'd be careful. I was going to just tell you to beat the shit out of Lewis, but forget it. How long ago were you doing MMA? Your head's shaped like an octagon. Thank you. I've been doing MMA for like five years and jiu-jitsu for about nine years.

Whoa. So you're like a nerd on the outside, but then you just fuck people up if they try to cheat in Dungeons and Dragons or something like that. I mean, you know, actually, I've never played Dungeons & Dragons before, but I do like nerdy shit. I killed a guy once. Long story. So I worked at Walmart.

When you say you're into a bunch of nerdy shit, what do you mean? I mean, I like nerdy video games. I love Final Fantasy and stuff like that. I used to watch some anime, but not so much anymore. And, like, I think comedy

is the nerdiest thing I do now. Do you ever jerk off to anime? Not really. I was never super into that stuff. Not really.

What does that mean? I don't, like, a couple, I've done it a couple times, but it's not, like, He's not gonna come to it. Like, he'll do, like, some of the mid... He'll use it to get him hard,

but that's just a fluffer. Do you play Call of Duty? No, I'm not big into first person shooters. Too close to home? You're like, wait. We're the soldiers? No! My uncle's a character in this video. He just shoots his uncle. I don't think that's the right race, Brian.

It's not the wrong continent. Or the right continent. What's the wristband on your wrist? What's that from? This? Yeah. They gave it to me. Oh, for this? Yeah.

Oh, okay. That makes sense. And also used to be a bass player for Creed. Oh, no. I hate Creed. I'm offended by that. I can't stand Creed. That's whenever I get punched in the face.

No, not Creed. Byron guy drew funny lines. My hand's messed up. I can't hit nobody. You have a girlfriend, Byron? No. Now? Nope.

When's the last date you went on? That MMA dude? About two months ago. Where'd you go two months ago? I think we went to the Met. The what? The Met, the Metropolitan Museum. Oh.

Yeah. Where'd you know that it went wrong? Do people call at that? Yeah, people call here. All right, just wanted to make sure. I mean, it's not like... That would be awesome if this guy just made up the match. He just came up with that.

You know, I took her to the Yankees. What? Yankee Stadium. It's a thing. I shorten things sometimes. It's an Iraqi thing. We started with our names. We continue with other places.

Yeah, more or less. Where did you know the date at the Met started going wrong? Where did you know that it wasn't going to happen? I mean, it didn't go wrong, actually. It was all right. Oh, how did it end? Nothing.

We just hung out the whole night. It was cool. That's like if you say I had an audition and you didn't get it and you went, I think it went okay. Like, no, it didn't.

You didn't fuck her, you said, right? Yeah. So the date didn't go good. You never fucked her, ever? No. So the date didn't go good. You never fucked her ever? No. Oh, that's a terrible date? How did it actually end?

Did you walk her home? I think so, yeah. No, you didn't. You think so, yeah? I mean, it was... Why are you lying to us? Is this like the anime Not Really that I got earlier? No, because I'm trying to think, do we go in the Uber?

Did she go in an Uber home or did like take the train? There was never a date. Yeah. I don't even think this guy's from Iraq. Is that what you whispered to your wife? He pulls off his mask. It's that old man. It's the guy from Crete.

Byron, it was nice to meet you. Likewise. There you go. Byron Sadiq, everybody. He's on Twitter. Byron, it was nice to meet you. Likewise. There you go. Byron Sadiq, everybody. He's on Twitter at Byron Sadiq. You can follow him there. You can see him at the Met or the Yank. See him performing at the Creek.

At the Creek. Not here in actual Creek. You know what, Jeremiah? I'm going to have you play this next person while Brian's iPad recharges. You ready for this? Jeremiah is going to bring up the next comedian musically. Put your hands together for KC Aurora.

Boom. KC Aurora Awesome name Here he is KC Aurora everybody Thank you So I saw this documentary about a couple That smoked meth for the first time They smoked meth, got really high

And then ran out of their car in negative 20 degree weather And then froze to death Real tragic shit And the lesson I took from that was this. Meth is a summer drug. I saw this other documentary about this guy who shot up an Amish school full of kids. Yeah. The only glimpse of modern technology those kids got... ...were bullets whizzing to their tiny bearded faces. You want to know what the real tragedy behind the Amherst school shooting is?

You can't scrub blood out of unfinished wood floors. That's my top. Thank you. Wow! Wow! I think we're learning something about New York real quick. These motherfuckers are here to destroy.

There's no fucking around. Casey Aurora. Hello. I like this guy, Tony. He wild, man. Casey Aurora. Fucking hello. Hi.

How long have you been doing stand-up? Should be eight years in September. Eight years. Should it be? Yeah, it should be. It's interesting to see you performing in a black box since I'm used to you

at a white castle. Let me say that up front. I have to get some horrible version of that joke out. Right. I had one of those too. Of course.

All right. Casey, so you do this for a living? Yes. That's how people do it here. That's so confusing. Yeah, not well. I'm sure he doesn't, like, fucking live by himself.

How do you guys afford places by doing this, though? Because there's 4,000 other comics looking for a place to share with eight people. Right. Yeah. That's true. I can't tell whether you're talking about the lineups or the apartments. Both. It's all the same.

And you have to sign up for both way early. Yeah. I'll also say like Casey like a lot of these guys I've known a lot of these guys a while they're all guys that are working the clubs

this isn't I don't think it's the typical open mic level guys that you're getting at the store a lot these guys are all you know I've worked

with Casey a bunch he's a fucking killer he's a monster he's actually booked at the festival but yeah great shit dude did you go dark

just because it's Skank Fest? Because those are some fucking dark jokes. Yeah, that's why I don't get a chance to tell those jokes very often. I was like, this would be perfect for this crowd. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Dude, I love, not only, look, it was hilarious shit. I also have known Casey for a long time. It was a hilarious comic.

That was hilarious. And the fact that you, it just really means something to me that you know our audience that well. That you would be like, you know what these people would be into? The murder of children. I think. That's what will get these guys going. And it tore down the roof. Like, I mean, they loved it.

You were right. That's the only thing I should. I love. I got to say, dude. And I think what I hate about comedy today is it's missing so much. I love comedy with balls. And that's really ballsy, funny shit. So, great job.

Thank you. Casey. That was fantastic. How many times you got to hear it over and over again? I don't know. What's your. What's your ethnicity? Indian.

Hundred percent. Hundred percent. Yeah. Fan of Jinder Mahal. Who's that was for four people in the room that know who that is. It's worth it to me. I have a pro wrestling podcast. Don't worry about it. Casey Aurora. That was for four people in the room that know who that is. It's worth it to me. I have a pro wrestling podcast.

Don't worry about it. KC Aurora. So you've been doing stand-up for, you said, seven? It'll be eight in September. Right. Right. What is your Indian parents like? Do they support you doing this?

My dad's dead, so I don't really. Perfect. Party. Party. Live your dreams. Live your dreams. Live your dreams. And my mom. When the dad's away,

the mice will play. How did your dad die? He was crushed by an elephant. Right. I love you asking. He was trying to pray to him. How did he die? Fell off the top of a train? No, it was...

I just got that. to pray to him? How did he die? Fell off the top of a train? No, it was... I was going to get... Maybe. Wow, Brian Redband just went on a fucking solo and killed me. Dude, Redband had three sound effects loaded for that scenario. Yeah, he has a folder. In case Indian father dies. Train, car crash. Brian's face lit up when he started going there. I didn't think I'd be able to use this.

I've been waiting four years to open this folder. Casey Aurora sounds like such an awesome, it sounds like the name of a new female pop singer that's taking the world by storm. What's that short for? Kunal Chand

Aurora. Holy shit. We get why you changed it. That is spicy. What's the most Indian thing about you? His face. His face. Like that you notice.

Lewis won. Very good, Lewis. I do cook Indian food. Do your neighbors hate you? It's spicy. Not often, so no. They don't tell it to his face. You have a girlfriend?

Yeah. Indian girlfriend? No, white. Fuck yeah, dude. Shit. Good for you. Remember when they asked if you were Indian And you said 100% Change those numbers for your kids Get that bitch down to 80

Right You still count his blood as being more than the white blood Everybody knows non-white blood Infects the entire white host How long have you been with a white girl? It's been three years. Yes, man. One week. Have you ever been with an Indian girl?

No, never. Wow. Only white women for you. I mean, it's different races. I've tried. It just never worked out. You've been with a black woman? Yeah. All I do is wee, wee, wee no matter what. Red band. Redband. Redband is on fire right now for some reason.

How do you have that? Did you know I was going to ask him that? I felt it coming. It's another folder when Indian guy dates black woman. That is spicy. Does your white girlfriend like your Indian food? Yeah, she loves it. Are you a fan of Steph Curry based on principle?

I mean, three-point shots are three-point shots. You know what I mean? So, yeah. I mean, three-point shots are three-point shots. You know what I mean? So, yeah. I will say, KC, he's very attractive for an Indian. Usually when you see an Indian guy, you're like, no fucking way.

But I see KC getting some hot puss. I've said many times, KC, Indian 10. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Again, that's... White six. Which is six million rupees. You're still doing math jokes if you think about it. Killing it.

I rely heavily on math jokes if you really break me down. I'm basically just a Lewis voice in math jokes. That's all I got. It's a lot of smoke and mirrors. So are you able to live off the money off of who wants to be a millionaire? The slumdog millionaire. Yeah, that's what we wanted to say. You really got to get the reference right for that joke.

I thought you were saying he was so smart he won who wants to be a millionaire. I'm pretty sure Regis hosted that. Casey, it was fun to meet you. Great stuff up here. Great set. There he goes. He's on Twitter. Casey Aurora Views. Casey A-R K-C-A-R-O-R-A-V-I-E-W-S.

Trying to fly through as many of these names as we can. I will say this. There's been no insane people yet, and I sort of miss that. Yeah. It's quality. Everybody's here to just bust out into the scene. Are we just listening to funny, struggling comics tell their jokes? Like, I want to see a crackhead or something.

Right, exactly. None of these guys are going to punch Jeremiah. Normally there's just a good old completely insane person every once in a while. All right, let's keep our fingers crossed. Put your hands together for Diego Lopez. There he is. Diego Lopez. I'm good.

I'm sorry. I'm not that crazy. I'm trying to be more responsible sexually. I've had to purchase an alarming amount of Plan B in my life. It's fine. I don't know who the marketing team behind Plan B is, but they're geniuses. Because Plan B costs $48,

and that's the perfect price for you to never learn your lesson. Fuck, I promised I wouldn't do this to myself again. It's a reasonable penalty to avoid a 12-year commitment. How long did your parents raise you for? I kind of topped out at 12. I love living in New York. I like collecting old photos of New York City, like turn of the century black and white photos. It's cool to see how people used to live here back then with like the cobblestone roads and the wagons. But every time I see one of those photos, I always wonder, were suits free back then?

Like everyone's in a suit, really? The kid selling newspapers is in a three-piece, yet every time I'm invited to a wedding, I have to call in favors. Yeah, can I borrow a blazer? Yes, I know I'm the best man. I'm also the worst adult. I'm sorry. I have no money. Thank you so much, guys.

My name's Diego Lopez. There you go. Exactly a minute. Diego. Wow. I think Jeremiah really liked you Diego Oh man dude Back at ya

You know Tony where no one's doing bad which is different than some kill Tonys what is consistently happening on this show is nobody looks like the race

their name would suggest Thank you so much Thank you so much Yeah but let me, that is a very good point, but let me say, me and Jay, we have a history of, you know, liking Spanish guys who are a little whiter than their name would make you think. White power, bro. There you go. Love it, love it.

He was like, Diego Lopez. I was like, cool, a drug dealer. Nice. Nice. Well, I said the thing about someone, you know, punching Jeremiah, and then they read the name, and I was like, well, this guy's obviously going to be violent. And then he came up, and I was like, this gentleman's not going to hurt anyone. I don't know if you saw, but he's got shitty cauliflower ears.

He does have cauliflower. Oh, good. We could have another, we could have a fight between you and the last guy. Yeah, yeah, Byron's great. He looks like a fucking Irish merchant marine. Look at his tattoos. Looks like young Popeye.

He's got stories from fucking Dub Dub 2. What's your story, Diego? You live here in New York? Yeah, I live here. Great, born here? No, I was born in New Jersey,

grew up in South Florida. Two of the worst. It all sort of makes sense now. So Diego's confirmed garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You are, all right. White basura.

What's the test? You have tattoos all over your arms. Which is the one you regret the most? The only one I regret is on my ribs because it's just really stupid. Let's see it. It's a big stupid painting. Wow, that is a big stupid painting. That's cool.

It's just not the style of it. I like Americana style. Can I see? I'm so sorry. Oh, nice. Awesome. I thought Jeremiah was going to play that song he played. It looks like somebody ripped some of his skin off and underneath

his skin is children's pajamas. He looks like he owns all seasons of Bananas in Pajamas on DVD. Oh, man. Hell yeah. Yes, sir. His whole thing is he's like a badass MMA fighter. He's got those fucking ears. But he's got that.

I would see the bottom of your pants and shoes. Yeah, baby. And I would fist fight you in a heartbeat. That's the point. That's the trap. I know. It really is. Why are you trying to trap people?

What is your problem? You have MMA ears and FAG pants. Yeah. Yeah. A real Conor Mcaffegger over here Diego, do you fight a lot? I mean, what's that? Yeah, I fought for a long time

I teach now, it's my job I teach MMA Oh, you teach it Yeah, it's cool Where do you teach? Williamsburg MMA It's in Williamsburg Come check it out

Oh, yeah I'm gonna sign up I teach MMA I wanna get beat the fuck up on a random day. It costs $5,000 a month. Very reasonable. I teach a lot of comics, too. That's the thing. Not jokes. No, no, no, no.

Crazy shit ever go down there? Anybody ever get angry and try to actually fight fight? At the gym? No. Once they go in there, they kind of have the idea like, okay, they're teaching this for a reason. So let me just be chill. So no, never, never in the gym itself. You ever like save a kid's life? Like, uh, I don't know any compelling story there at the gym or, uh, no, I teach kids as well. I mean, so it's cool when they come because they come because they usually get bullied and they come and train.

And then when, when you said you teach kids as well, you put your hand out to signify a specific height of a child. Yeah, like, oh, you know. That's a really, really short kid that you're talking about. Five-year-olds is when we start. I got him throwing a mean high kick, but it only really hits your knee. I teach two-year-olds jujitsu. Do you want to do a high kickoff? Against you?

Yeah. Sure. Oh, where's the fucking Iraqi kids? I'm wearing jeans. His jeans couldn't have been tighter than these jeans. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Kill Tony high kickoff.

We're going to kick him. first ever Kill Tony by kickoff. We're gonna kick him in the face. By the way, we have no idea what's happening or how this is gonna go. Whoa. And Jeremiah's about to do it. It bothers me just how

easily he threw that kick to my... He threw that the way I throw a jab. He just threw a head kick. If it was just a fight, it would be that easy I threw a jab. He just threw, like, a head kick. Jeremiah, are you going to... Like, if it was just, like, a fight, it would be that easy for him. Jeremiah. Just take my fucking head off. Are you keeping your saxophone on for your high kick?

Yes, I am. Wow! I'm real excited to see this. Oh, Jeremiah, I can tell from over here. Why do I feel like this is the next YouTube video of ours? Excuse me, Jeremiah. Oh! I feel like this is the next YouTube video of ours. It was higher. It was higher. A bad kick, but very high, yes.

He would kick the fuck out of your armpit. He'll get right up in there. Fuck out of here. Dude, if Jeremiah had just turned and shin kicked me in the face, that might have been the best way to win that competition. Just send you to the audience? A little part of me was like, I'd be mad, but as a comedian, I'd get it. Diego, anyone ever fuck with you in real life and find out the hard way that you're an MMA trainer?

Some people have shitty attitudes, and I definitely don't want to get arrested, so I just let them be the big... That's the good political answer if you're running for Senate or something like that, but in real life, is the situation, have you ever had to do the wrist grab thing and be like, you fucked up? Anything like that? No, I have been at shows where in the back of the room, drunk people are being rude to somebody and I'll just creep my way over

and make sure no one does anything, but no, not really. I just wouldn't give a fuck. If you creeped over, I'm like, get the fuck away from me, AIDS patient. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you and your gay pants up. Nothing against you. That's Lewis' standard response to anyone.

So don't take it personally. Wearing shorts. And you have a Mexican ginger standing over you. Your fucking cowboy hat in the gutter Diego A very fun performance We're going to try to fly through more people here We're running out of time

We have a hard out coming up He's on Twitter This Diego Lopez Please be a crazy person Please be a crazy person Please be a crazy person. Please be a crazy person. Please be a crazy person. Here we go. Seems like

another seven year vet of the comedy game. You know, it's just hard to make it out here in New York. We get a lot of spots but, you know, I mean, what do you want me to do? Put your hands together for Mike Abruzki. You guys know Mike, right?

Mike Abruzki, everybody. Cool. Thank you. Hi. I don't like taking advice from people because it never really feels personal. Like, I hate that phrase phrase go with your gut because usually means like oh quit your job you don't like or ask someone out but if i went with my gut 100 of times when i saw cops i would always steal their gun it's all i think about every day

every time i see a cop i go into a full body panic. I go, oh, fuck. Am I going to steal their gun? Can they tell I'm going to steal their gun? Can you get arrested for thinking about stealing a cop's gun? But the thing is, that's the whole plan. I just steal the gun, and then I have it. I'm just the guy on the train like, well, I'm sorry. You can't arrest me if I walk out of the train and still have the gun. So just going to slide it through the door here, and I'll see you in jail.

I'm going to jail. Anyone else here ever feel like your life's just the first half of a DeVry commercial and it's never going to get to the second half? Killing it. Mike Abruzki did it again. How long have you been doing stand-up? Six years. Six years Six years What do you do for a living

I have like I run my own Dog walking business Dog walking business Dog walkers And MMA fighters Yeah dog walking Is like New York's

Uber for LA comedians Yeah it's like How every comic in LA Does Uber Everyone here Walks dogs usually Most of our young comics Are MMA fighting dogs.

I'm sorry, I have a small dog fighting ring, which is actually much more fun. And the really motivated comics just hang the dogs out of their Uber and drag them along the side of the car. It's two for one because you get paid for the Uber and walking the dog at the same time. Dude, one of my favorite things that a good joke can do in a stand-up comedian

is like make you, so like we all realized how much we've thought about taking a cop's gun before. Yeah. And you know what I mean? Like it's just that thing, like I've thought that so many times,

but I've never like, I've never heard anyone articulate that. That was just great. Yeah, it's a great point. And also, it hit me so hard that I was laughing. I started thinking like, fuck, dude,

I'm laughing at the thought of every time I see a cop's gun. And then you're hitting punch after punch after punch throughout it. So it just kept everyone going. It cascaded into a word orgy. It was one of my favorite jokes, period. I just love that fucking joke. It was incredible. It was really good.

Yeah, it was great. Big J? Is there any chance you could spin kick Dave's hand or attack Jeremiah? I feel like we're letting down Tony. He's my friend. I asked him to come here. Can you bite an audience member or something? Do you have any special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy and dog walking?

No, not really. Nothing at all? No hobbies? I mean, you talked about professional wrestling. I'm like a big wrestling fan. Oh, very cool. So, yeah, that's it. That's fun.

Cool, thank you. Who's your favorite wrestler? Are you from Texas? No, no, I'm from Long Island. Oh. Yeah, I just like this shirt, and I already got accosted twice by people from Philadelphia for it today. Ah. One of them was Big Jay.

Yeah. Not yet. Big Jay punched me in the back of the head while I was walking down the stairs. He didn't even see the front of the shirt. You're at the wrong festival, boy. And that's my haircut. I'm going to tell you what, Mike. You had another great set, another New York comedian,

another bet with another great set, but I'm going to try to keep flying through people here. Tony's so mad that the comics are killing. There he goes. Mike Abruski, everybody. He's on Twitter at Mike Abruski. M-I-K-E. Tony.

A-B-R-U-S-C-I. On Kill Tony, we don't have – yeah. Tony, you said first Kill Tony in New York, right? Yeah. This is what fucking happens when you come to New York, dude. We just have killers who will be failures for the rest of their lives, okay? I understand.

But they're beasts as comedians. I understand. Maybe it's just the random luck of the bucket or maybe next time we have to actually do... In L.A., we just put it out like on the sidewalk.

See, that's the difference. Here, I get the feeling like there was an email that got shot out to the local comedians like, please, we need your help. Meanwhile, if we just put a legal pad out front two hours before the show,

this shit would be bonkers. If the next name sounds funny, don't even call him up. It sort of sounds funny. I'm guessing he's been doing it four or five years. Rich Boss! Alright, let's give it a shot. If it's another comedy after his minute, we're just going to speed around

through it. How does that sound? And on to the next one. Put your hands together for Doyle Brand. I still express, yo, I don't smoke weed or sex. Ooh, this could be good. Come on, everybody. Make some noise for Doyle Brand. Don't be a man. Thank you, guys.

This is a great intro. I'm an only child. Yeah, sometimes when I tell people I'm an only child, they talk to me in that pity voice. They're like, oh, you're an only child? You must have been so lonely growing up without any brothers or sisters. I'm like, oh, you must have been so lonely growing up without any imaginary friends. It's true, though. I actually did. No, no.

I actually did. No, no. I did. I like that. I actually had an imaginary friend. When I was six, my best friend was my imaginary friend Amanda. Yeah, she was my puppy love. And yeah, she broke up with me.

She's like, I'm sorry, Doyle. It's not you. It's me. I'm like, bitch, I created you. What are you talking about? I am me oh by the way I'll give that at the end of that count as my hardest laugh

of the night by the way I don't know if that's a part of that joke feeling bad at the fact that it didn't get a laugh but if that was strategic you my friend are a genius he's like Amanda you're my imaginary friend why are, are a genius. He's like, Amanda, you're my imaginary friend. Why are you breaking up with me? She's like, your ex sucks.

I said we were going to speed round through it until we found a crazy person. Looks like we're spending the rest of the episode on you, Doyle. You're wearing a t-shirt that looks like you made it yourself. It has question marks on it. You're like some kind of gay Riddler or something. By the end of your set, I felt the emotions of your t-shirt.

That's awesome. Yeah, that's his merch. That's how the audience feels. Jeremiah. He looks like he starred in the production on Broadway, Riddler on the Roof. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. I like it. Oh, my God.

Oh, man, I was so confidently going off on Tony about New York talent. I was like, you're trying to find a crazy one. You guys are all crazy out here in New York with your fucking East Coast, West Coast wars, by the way. I don't really there's no there's nothing to it. It's just that this is what the show's sort of supposed to be. It's supposed to be sort of like a person. What's your story, Doyle? You tell me what you are. I can't even. There's plenty of shitty lunatics in this town, Tony.

Don't you worry. Let me guess. You've been doing it 13 years. You're from Long Island. No, go ahead, Doyle. No, no. How long have I been doing comedy? Is this your first time?

No. Oh, okie dokie. How long have you been doing it? About three years. This is the part where he goes, but I've been doing it all in LA. I'm like, no, damn it! That's actually true. I just moved here five months ago.

Oh! We're back! Wow. We are back. LA sucks! LA sucks! LA sucks. LA sucks. LA sucks. concrete. LA sucks.

The concrete jungle where dreams are made of. I'd take a fucking six hour flight to be told that. Assholes. And then there was Doyle.

Doyle, did you make that shirt yourself? I did. No, he bought that, Tony. He bought that at an underprivileged retard kindergarten class. I'm going to make a question mark for Doyle. His macaroni necklace broke on the way up. I'm a real man. I like to make things with my hands.

Yes, I did make this shirt. Wow. What else do you make with your hands? Other than people uncomfortable with the microphone. He said at the beginning of his set, he's like, I'm an only child. Because I killed my siblings. What else do I make?

Masks out of my siblings' skin. Doyle, what do you do for a living? I work in PR. PR? Yeah. I think you're thinking of PI, Brian. Oh my god. What type of PR department?

That was so stupid. I'm going to make you wear Doyle's shirt after the show. Oh shit. He had him doing a PR Just another PR person out on the hunt to solve a crime. Ah! Now if I could just find

these punchlines. Oh, my God. Wow. PR. PR. What do you do for fun? Comedy Other than comedy

Love basketball Big basketball fan You play basketball? Yeah, love hiking Yeah How soon into walking onto the court Do you get beat up for wearing shirts like that? I hold my own out there

What's it supposed to signify? Podcast listeners It's a black t-shirt with blatantly green pool table felt question marks. Yeah. Clearly handmade. I'm a man of many questions. I have more questions than answers. I get that. Don't we all?

You do have a very interesting cadence about you. You seem like you were one of the characters in the movie Clue or something like that. Doyle killed nowhere. I might have done it. No, he's not even a suspect. His clue is like, seriously, stop harassing this guy already. Innocent American. Doyle, what made you make the move from L.A. to New York?

I just love the community here. I love the vibe. What do you love about it? People are just real and authentic. You just go out and talk to people sometimes. How many people have told you that? Yeah, talk to anybody. How many people have told you that they hate your shirt?

No one. People are not being real. Yeah, exactly. Phony ass New York. Hey, that shirt brings out your eyes. I'm wearing my shirt. I'm wearing my shirt. Hey, that shirt brings out your eyes. Burn the shirt! Burn the shirt! Burn the shirt!

Burn the shirt! You want to burn your shirt, Doyle? If we can burn that shirt, I'll get you a free Skankfest shirt right now. I'll burn it. Oh! All right. No, no, no. It's got to be on your body.

Can I put flame retardant on now? You put the retardant flame retardant. Is that how this works? That was quick. Yeah. Sunglasses and a crack torch. We can use all the names that we didn't get to tonight as kindling. That's all your hopes and dreams,

by the way, New York. That's a great metaphor for your career. Just burning my shirt. Well, we have run out of time. Are we going to burn this shirt? Where do we burn this shirt at? I don't know.

Out front? Let's not do a great white thing in here. Yeah, that's how... I don't think you can burn it in here. We'll hold this in the back of the room. We'll shoot Roman candles at it. Perfect. That's not dangerous

running all this fucking curtain, is it? Hold on one second. We do have to check. Rebecca, can we set inside fires? Because it's... It's skank fest. As long as we pick up our cups,

she says it's fine. I like how Big J is like a white trash chemist. Shoot some Roman candles in the bucket there. Light this shirt on fire. Does you handing us that bucket mean that from the production level of this thing

we can burn his shirt? Yeah. Well, alright. Here we go. We are going just over our scheduled time in order to burn a human being's shirt to close tonight's episode. I think the people from the next show will understand.

Until you met my drummer on a great tour bus. Yeah, you want some of the pieces of paper. I got there in the nick of time. Before he got his hands on me. Chris Fuss, thanks for helping out. While we're doing this, we might as well plug our stuff, guys. I have the Monster Energy Outbreak Tour in the month of August. Make some noise for the Legion of Skanks. They're here.

We did it. Hey, Jesse Berlinger, appreciate the help. It's lit. Oh, my God. It's amazing how well open micronames work for this. Hey, Steven Lewis, you're gay. It is lit on fire, by the way. You know what warms my heart, Tony,

is seeing Lewis of the Legion of Skanks lighting a bonfire. Boom. Taking off. What do you guys explain that to me? I don't get the reference. The shirt is perfectly on fire. Hey, Nick Anthony, your mom's a whore. All right.

We should probably put this out, right? What else are you guys plugging? Nick Anthony's mom. This is a... Much like this entire festival, this thing is really cool, but we probably shouldn't be doing it. Yeah, I agree. I'm gonna walk away, so it's Louis' fault.

Here, give me some... Hey, can we all make some noise like the shirt all burnt up at once? Great. Perfect. We did it. Kill Tony, New York City. We fucking did it. Make some noise one more time for Doyle Brand.

Doyle! The only semi-human half-comedian. What if Lewis right now was just like, dude, I know I promised you a shirt, but we're out. How much does New York City love Tony Hinchcliffe and Kill Tony?

Oh, wow, thank you. Tony fucking Hinchcliffe. Thank you, and congratulations and great, great work by all the comedians that were on the show tonight. You guys should all be very proud of yourselves. Extremely powerful performance by New York comedians tonight, including my three of my favorite New York friends, Big Jay Oakerson, Louis J. Gomez, and Dave Smith.

Jeremiah Watkins, you have so much stuff happening. Montreal, his own show. Stand up on the spot, everybody. When is that? Tell us more. That's July 25th and 26th at the Catacombs with our buddy Jeff Ross. Yeah. Yeah.

And if you guys like these Watkins shirts, I got a couple of larges backstage I'm selling. And follow me on social media at JeremiahStandUp. I love you guys. Anything you guys want to plug right now, push it. Guys, yeah, if you're in New York City, come check out the Roastmasters every Tuesday at the stand. It's the sister show to the famous roast battle show at the Comedy Store. Best comics in New York City battling each other. Myself, Big Jay is there every single week as a house judge.

Rich Voss is there every week as a house judge. So come check it out. If you use the promo code LOS, you get free tickets every Tuesday night, 1030 p.m. All hosted by the great Louis J. Gomez. Dave Smith. Yeah, let me just say, just as many of you know, I got a comedy special coming out this summer.

Dave Smith, Libertas. Go check that out. That's all. Thank you. So much fun doing this fucking show, Tony. I love it. Thank you.

Dave Smith, ladies and gentlemen. The great Big J. Oakerson. You can check all my stuff at Big J Comedy. I'm touring all over. You know that, buddy. We get to see each other. Yeah, I'll be at

Montreal Festival also with Jeremiah. By the way, Doyle Brand's Twitter handle is Doyle Brand. Yeah, my Monster Energy Outbreak Tour is the entire month of August. That's what it's called. I got it sponsored by Monster Energy Touring. How crazy is that? I don't think they know what I do for a living. But that's going all around the country the entire month of August

and even some September, so you podcast listeners please check out tourdatesattonyhingecliff.com Gramercy Theater is August 26th, guess who's gonna be there Jeremiah motherfucking Watkins is on that show doing pure stand-up Big Jay Oakerson's in town, he'll be doing

a guest spot August 26th we don't know what? yeah, your fly's down, plug it town. He'll be doing a guest spot August 26th. We don't know. What? Yeah, your fly's down. Plug it. I just want to give a quick thank you to all the sponsors on the festival. Cannabis.net, Death Wish Coffee, Via

Ridesharing App, Gridline Design, Ha the Musical, Fuck Up, The Gantry Loft, Guest Digital, Merch Pump.com, Ha the Musical. B-B-B-B-Bush the fuck up. For the longest credit. Begin to love. Gas Digital. Merchpump.com. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Thank you guys.

Appreciate everyone hooking us up. You guys are the fucking best. Especially Cannabis.net. Make some noise for Brian Redman. See you guys. New York, we love you. Thank you. Good night.

Good night. Gracias. Thank you.